BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 123 - We Won It!

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

The boys discuss the Neanderthal video and the often-stolen treasures of the British Museum, the football game and the Italians being Slytherin, hooliganism, London Bridge and much much more. Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 1, 2, 3! 1, 2, 3! 1, 2, 3! Just like that! 1, 2, 3! Have you seen that clip? Is this like some Sesame Street shit? No, it was some BBC documentary, I think, about Neanderthal man.

Oh, yeah! Yeah, that one. And this expert tries to figure out from the fossils of like neanderthal's throats what they would have sounded like and they they hire in like a choral singer like a singer like a tenor or something and they just piece by piece try to put together this voice and he's just saying one two three and the lady's like and a bit higher one two three and a bit like and it's an actor with like long hair yeah yeah and he and he's taking it really seriously and she's like can you pinch the back of the neck one two three and but he's got

like this serious voice on face on the whole time it's so funny it's so funny one two three the the two clips that are great is that one with the is that one and there's the one of the pharaoh because they got the pharaoh's larynx okay it's like an ancient egyptian mummy or maybe he was a high priest or something and they go we've reconstructed the larynx and we're going to like shoot like through the like a through with like a 3d printer or something or and we're going to shoot through with a 3D printer or something and we're going to shoot air through it. They're going to make his voice happen again and he just goes Oh!

It's just like Oh! Which of course it is. It's so stupid. But you're expecting it to be like, hello, I am in Hotep. But it's not just Oh! So dumb. it to be like hello i am in hope in hotep but it's not just so dumb it's just ridiculous and you sort of think well why would you why would that help us understand anything

what has anyone learned just now from this and there's this great clip from like i think some bbc radio show like a serious radio station like i think it was radio 4 or something and there's um they've gotten hold of i think the earliest known audio recording yeah or someone's singing it right and because you're recording so bad it's like and the lady the newsreaders just starts a lot just starts pissing herself and she can't stop and she can't get a hold of herself and she she just goes i'm sorry and there's just this awkward silence and then the continuity reader comes on and goes it is nine o'clock it's it's it's so funny it's great and

she's trying to do news reports on some awful tragedy as well. So what a difficult thing, man. I love that clip. Yeah, Cladaloon. Oh, boy. It's good stuff. Speaking of Egyptians, I went to the Met Gallery here. You went to the Met Gallery? Yeah. You went to the Met Gallery. Yeah, and there's some... I mean, there's a full Egyptian temple in there

that they took brick, like stone by stone, from south of Egypt, and they built a whole room for it in the Met Gallery, and they just built it in there. What? Yeah, the scale of this place is ridiculous. I couldn't believe it. Why don't they get all the British Museum-style shit?

This is what I'm thinking. So you're the new imperialist. Why don't you get all this, hmm, if England really wanted to come home, maybe the marble should go home to Spain. Shut up. Shut up. We want it. We want it.

We want it. Alright? If you deserve to have it, you would have it. We have it. Okay? Unbelievable. The Elgin Marbles weren't stolen. They were bought. They were bought from the Ottomans.

If you have the money to pay for them back, we'll give them back. Okay? Stole them. Give me a break. But speaking of... We want it. We want it. I really like that as a phrase. Why don't you go over to a star footballer's house and go to their trophy cabinet and say,

Give that back. You say, Give that back. What will the footballer say? They'll say, No, I want it! I want it! And that's what Britain says. We want it!

Not you! I like the idea of you saying this as the director of the British Museum. Just pouring sweat, clothes all, like, askew. On the Today programme, do you have anything to say to these accusations of Theft? We want it We want it You can hear like things being smashed in the studio

What is your opinion on the repatriation of The Elgin Marbles We want it We want it We want it Right It's annoying that like Well The thing that annoys me about it

Is that first of all The British Museum can't do anything It has to be an act of parliament So stop hassling a museum It's full of nerds, they can't cope Stop bullying nerds Yeah, go bully politicians They can cope, it's full of nerds they can't cope yeah stop bullying nerds yeah go bully politicians they can cope it's all that they do stop giving them noogies in the name of social justice yeah stop trying to wedgie the elgin marbles back to greece um i mean because there's also like

there's also like a sense of proportion within the British Museum. So I think something like returning the Elgin Marbles, it's like, I don't think so. We want it. But something like this sacred artifact, we literally just shot some Pacific Islanders and just took their most precious thing on the island. Yeah, okay.

I think, give that back. But there's a spectrum. Well, that's what I was going to say. The Elgin Marbles is something where it was like, it was purchased, they weren't being cared for, Greece was under the control of another empire that we later helped free Greece from. There's, you know, blah, blah, blah, all the big debate.

And annoyingly, if you're going to have the campaign, don't choose the most complex, tedious example e.g the elgin marbles yeah like choose an example like you say like for example um there's a big campaign to get all the benin bronzes back to west africa yeah and no one in the uk has heard of the benin bronzes no one cares what they are no one one goes to see them. The British Museum would not miss them. They are in a cupboard so it doesn't matter if you give them back. Are they not even on display?

Something like 80% of the British Museum stock is not on display at any one time. It's huge stores. Yeah. Something like that where it's incredibly important and whatever country it is, their government keeps going on about it and it's way incredibly important and like whatever country it is their government keeps going on about it and that's way more important like everyone everyone who goes to

the british museum wants to see the elgin marbles no no one aside from historians and maybe people of west african origin or descent could point to where benin used to be on a map so whatever we like we everyone who everyone in the uk likes the elga marbles and wants to go see them all the other stuff like you say a pacific island uh you know i mean sacred altar or something yeah yeah i mean i didn't even know that benin didn't exist anymore i yeah i know when when did that happen who what no one told me why didn't anyone tell me you see that's what it happened on the same day as the final so yeah they really messed up their scheduling there that's classic mistake yeah it's a terrible day to release an announcement

like that well the kingdom of benin is well we've touched on it pierre we've touched on it with the light touch of of of a um of a luke shaw um the the football finals the euro finals well let's let's touch on it with the the savage touch of of an Italian racist yanking a man's neck. Yeah, I mean, that was... If that had happened on FIFA, that would be an instant red card, and I wouldn't even have gotten mad at the PlayStation. You know what I mean? It would be a red card in rugby.

Yeah, crazy. If it's a red card in rugby It should be a red in football I don't know I mean he garroted him like Tony Soprano He literally like Agent 47'd Sack her onto the ground Yeah, I've only ever seen that move happen before

When I've been hiding In a cupboard or on a bench In Assassin's Creed And you just leap out and Half fucking kill someone onto the floor I've been hiding in a cupboard or on a bench in Assassin's Creed. And you just leap out and half fucking kill someone onto the floor. Well, Assassin's Creed 2 is Italian. He's Italian. So maybe Chiellini is descended from... What's his name?

What's the Italian assassin's name? Ezio. Ezio! Ezio. Wait, hang on. I need to make sure I get my The Italians I dislike right Cialini Was Cialini the one who blamed

Cialini he's the captain He's the one who took Saka down No I know But is he the one who blamed His mate For getting racist So one of the Italian players And I don't know if it's him or not like a year or two ago his his fellow teammate was getting a lot of racist abuse like at club level from a bunch of albanians i

think and or a bunch of no maybe they were just italian fascists because there's a few italian clubs where the fans are like almost entirely fascist. Anyway, the guy like swore back at the crowd and when he was asked for comment, the Italian player was like, well, you know, the blame is 50-50. Oh, he trumped it. He trumped it. Yeah, he trumped it.

He was like, well, you know, you shouldn't get annoyed at the huge racism. There's good people on both sides or bad people on both sides. Bonucci. It was Bonucci. It wasn't Cialini. Bonucci.

That's a Kate Bush song, right? Bonucci, Bonucci. It was Bonucci. It wasn't Cialini. Bonucci. That's a Kate Bush song, right? Bonucci, Bonucci. Yeah. He's saying, yeah, he said Keane. Yeah, it was Juventus teammate Keane. He said he could have done it differently and the blame is 50-50. What a fucking

cunt. Well, that's europe for you we like to think we're in a big old racist country in england but you should try europe have you tried europe wow especially well i mean i was about to say especially eastern europe and i just remembered you know italy and france and yeah yeah then you remember all the ones like right on britain's doorstep yeah the ones that have the ones that elect actual fascists yes yeah yeah i mean okay no ciolini has taken a stand against racism at some point so he's all right it's it's who the who the fuck was the one I just said? Bucani? Bonucci. Bonucci? Yeah. It was Bonucci being a cunt.

Yeah, Paul Bonucci. Cialini was being nicer. But still, still, what a piece of shit. I just, the reason I never, I always found it very difficult to get into football in the first place is the extent to which the way to win is to is to be is to behave like that is to be unsportsmanlike and to just push your luck

yeah i said paul benucci just now i don't know why i don't i well i think i think i think i kept getting i couldn't figure out what the name was. Well, I mean, my name is Italian, and even I can't figure these guys out. But I get annoyed because it's like... I just can't get as easily on board with a game that just rewards sort of rat-like behavior. Yeah. It's like, hey, you're not supposed to foul anyone,

but we're just going to let you and if you do then you better not do it twice you better make sure one of your 10 other teammates does it i mean you've got to hand it to the talent team for being able to so expertly spread 20 yellow cards among each other so that nobody got to yeah exactly yeah it's i'm not saying it's not a skill i'm saying it's a skill in a version of the game that i dislike and i'm not interested in watching because it's it's it's like sort of going well obviously it's against the rules but in a weird way we're going to let you do it a hundred times

yeah um i'm gonna play you at chess and you only get one chance to just take one of my pieces And throw it away And after that You better not do it again And I think I think if the team If the team in general has already got Five yellow cards

The next one like The next one's for the team Like the next red card is like... Yeah, yeah. It's for the whole team. This is for all of you. It should be cumulative, yeah. Imagine if they all just got sent off at once

and it was just the Inventor versus the Keeper. 70-0. Yeah. Yeah, I thought it was gross and i mean look like they were very they were very good at other bits of the football but they were also very good at the bits where they yeah they were also very good at the bits where they behaved like fucking little rats in my opinion i feel like it's a it's a different game out there like i think it gets more and more like that as you move eastwards across Europe to Italy.

Apparently it's an Italian thing. All the commentators were going, oh yes, watch out. All their league is like, this is what it's all about over there. All they get to practice doing all year round is slowing down games and diving and strategic fouling and whatever there's some there was someone on

the radio before the final was saying there's like a name for it in italy which is like oh cunning like they see it clever which is considered close it is is considered a highly scholarly pursuit in italy to dive yeah yeah yeah you can take a master's in it yeah it's it'll be a professor del diving del divo el divo that's what that's what the divo is the el divo was opera singers so skilled that they could have been as skilled as football divers that's how good they are but like your own football league having a complimentary noun for almost cheating is the closest i've come to a bunch of

people admitting to being the baddies yeah like what a what a what a slytherin trait to have i guess that's how i i saw the ital Italian team, as Slytherin. Yeah, they definitely were Slytherin. They're clever, but they're horrible and sort of sneaky. It doesn't help that Chiellini, their captain, literally looks like Waluigi. Yeah, it's... I was expecting coins to fly out of saka when he took him down and for saka to go to go transparent for a bit but i mean yeah and the penalties were heartbreaking. And also, it's very depressing that, like,

the second anyone non-white missed a penalty, I thought, oh, the racists will be after them. And, like, did you see all the footage of how the fans were behaving in and around the stadium and in Leicester Square? Oh, unbelievable, those videos. I was like, I felt, I had been feeling quite sad that I wasn't in London foron for the final and then i saw the videos on the morning of the final and i was like thank god also i was able to go to a bar

in new york a mere two hours early and i was too early there was no one there when really yeah whereas in london people had to start queuing at what like 8 a.m to get into the pub or something oh i know people who were doing a 12-hour pub shift just to get the table yeah yeah nuts i mean really nuts yeah some of the videos like on twitter are horrifying but some of the videos i've been sent on whatsapp are even more horrifying really really really gross. Really gross. Really? Like what? Someone sent me a video of... It was like three or four guys building a tower out of their exposed anuses and ball bags. What?

Like lying on top of each other. Like in a porno. Like in a porno. Like in a porno. And then someone putting their face underneath that and drinking beer sluiced through all three ass cracks. No, no, no. Yeah.

No. Yeah. Yeah, no. A brown fountain. A brown... A poopy luge. A poopy luge. No, that's...

Yeah. How is that... How... In what way is that sort of impressive? Like, what's the impressive bit that you'd be able to do something very disgusting? Who's the guy who volunteers? Yeah, what's he saying?

I'm never sick. How do you come up with the idea? They must have seen a similar image on the internet and gone, wait, that could be some kind of disgusting sluice for beer. Did it go in with a... I mean, this is very similar to a boobs vodka. Yes. Yes.

This is the sort of football lad equivalent of vodka boob dips. So maybe we can sell brown luge beer already canned so you don't have to stack the anuses yourself you know how you can buy jd and coke in a can so you don't have to do it yourself yeah well yeah so this is like this is a brown luge beer in a can it's already it's already been poured over the anuses of eight lads um yeah so you don't have to and it's it's called ass beer but ass the two s's are like there's that german b that's an s yeah yep yep yep and beer is spelled b-i-e-r ass beer a stein of ass beer wow well i mean the stuff I saw was relatively tame then

I saw the stuff that was on twitter of like the guy just doing a big old slug of cocaine just I didn't see that one as a crowd cheered him on people went oh

as he dipped his key into a bag of cocaine and everyone yeah like in the middle of a park, like he was elevated. Jesus Christ. And the guy with his little willy out before the match The guy flapping his little dick around? Yeah. Outside of PC World. The guy

who looked like, the guy who looked so much like any generic white English guy that he might as well have been an NPC. Yeah. But you know what, Pierre? He was one of the, facially,

like the least distinctive person I've ever seen. Oh, yeah. If he came into the room right now, I'd be like, hello, stranger. Who are you? I would have no idea who you are.

Yeah, yeah. He's like pure NPC face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the face you start with. But, I mean, why are the English so feral? I mean, maybe that is why we won it. Maybe that's how we won it in the first place. Is that we have these feral animals at England's beck and call. The Scots were pretty feral.

They were the ones doing water slide slides on mud puddles in the road while it was raining. Oh, yeah, all right, when they were down in London. Yeah, yeah, and they fucked up Leicester Square as well. That's the other thing is all the litter and stuff. I mean... Yeah. You know what I'd respect?

People drinking ass beer and doing huge slugs of coke and then tidying up after themselves. Yeah, after they do all that, they become like Japanese fans and they just get out these bin bags and pickers and they just pick up on it. Just an English football hooligan with sickle down his front, Just an English football hooligan. Sickle down his front.

Eyes wild from cocaine grinding his jaw. Just picking up tins very carefully, putting them in a big bag. Just frothing at the mouth and saying to his mates, Leave her as you found her. Leave nothing but footprints. Leave nothing but footprints Take nothing but memories And the videos of like The security just being Like

It was like Les Mis At Wembley All these louts just like Breaking the ranks of the security. World War Z. They should have deployed the army. I mean, if there's any group where you go, well,

okay, we've deployed security, but we really have to ask ourselves, does the security, A, want it more than they do And B. Have the ability to beat them up Yeah

Yeah In the video I saw there was like One of the security guys was kind of He was just trying to like leg sweep people As they ran past He was just like hacking at their shins And they stumble a bit but they just keep running It was honestly like watching animals it was like yeah that was fucking insane and then

i don't know what to do people what there's what there is to be done about the um social order problem in the uk it's it's uniquely british and particularly english and i don't know what... And unique. It's like nowhere else in the developed world is like this. I don't know, man. In Italy, they have those fan groups that go around with little knives stabbing each other in the ass. Yeah, I said the developed world, Pierre.

Slam! Slam! Not the ex-developed. slam slam not the not the x developed not for the people who let it slip from their grasp um um and i i hear i sometimes hear about um nfl stuff being quite nasty and violent in the states or i guess in canada when hockey teams win or lose they seem to burn all the cars in a big pile. They go a bit French. It feels a lot more common in England and a lot more regular and a lot more sort of accepted. It's definitely more accepted.

Do you think it's funny? In France, they won't ever behave like that unless someone suggests that you can't retire at 55. And then in the UK, we'll let the government just ass fuck us constantly. But the second that there's some sport on, those urges come out. Yeah, we'll actively vote for the government

to penetrate us in the bum. But the second our team of not even english players of of our team of spanish millionaires lose we will we will destroy the place that we live in we have to go there on the weekend to shop and we will fight other english people and for nothing yeah as opposed to for you know workers rights or uh job security anything like that anything like that we'll stay home but when it comes to that game we like for you fucking forget it do we even like it this one i was i think when i watched like an enormous fully tattered up bald man without a shirt on and watching a game of football is he enjoying it

maybe it's just a day out or whatever i was i was having a chat to um a friend of mine and he was saying for a lot of these guys that must be the only time in their lives that they're allowed to dress up in costumes and be exuberant. They can have fun with their friends and sing songs and be happy and jump around.

It has to be through the lens. I'm dressed as a crusader. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I don't know. I think I'm just a crusader. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, it's... I don't know. I mean, I think they enjoy it, but then, like,

comedian and fellow podcast... Comedians and fellow podcasters, John Robbins and Ellis James, with whom, according to iTunes statistics, we share many fans, many PCDs, do listen to us. those guys were chatting one day and i've talked to john in private about this last time i saw him about how when so many people watch football like what like you say are they enjoying it it's all just rage and sorrow um which i definitely felt after the final because i'd finally i'd finally let football into

my heart phil and it's it's it it stung me it stung me yeah i saw you you bought a shirt i bought a shirt on the internet from some guy some website um i was into it i was into it i wanted the team to win and i think a lot of fellow um liberal metropolitan elites were into it i was into it i wanted the team to win and i think a lot of fellow um liberal metropolitan elites were into it because of the nature of the team that's right that's right it's perceived civilizing influence on both the nation and the fans i think it's it's it's been utterly fascinating um and and and yeah people talk about this team being historic an historic team and and it is for me mainly how much it has engaged the middle class and the liberal material elite and the and very online people and that it you know it feels like it's being wrested from

those people traditionally considered to be football devotees. And I say good. We won it. We'll win it. We won it. With our multiracial, multicultural, liberal,

elite, metropolitan values. We won it. We took the one thing you liked. We won it. We took it. We took the one thing that meant anything to you. We took it. And we ruined it for you.

We made it nice. Yeah. We made it nice. Yeah. We made it nicer. I mean, Gareth Southgate looks like the type of man these skinheads would beat up on a bus for no reason. Oh, totally, yeah. And then they were doing all those, like, they were replaying all the old interviews

with Gareth Southgate from when he was a little football boy himself in the 90s, and they were making jokes about, oh he's he's got all his o levels and things like oh he's a big nerd and it's those are the same people who are now like i was talking i was talking with a friend about how like all these people who look at objectively the English football team's second best result in football since World War II. And because they don't like how it ended, they now, oh, Gareth Southgate's a bad manager. That team's a bad team. Yeah. And it's like, well, how could it possibly be a bad team?

What do you want? Peak end rule, Pierre. Hate to bring up old Mr. Kahneman again. Peak end. It's a peak end rule. Yeah. People can only remember, especially those with cocaine-addled memory spans. People can only remember how things end a lot of the time,

and the most significant point within the event. So I guess on balance, they come off negative if they can't remember the good bit. Yeah, it's brain worms again. It's old friend brain worms old jimmy brain worms old jimmy brain worms but yeah it is it's also i guess the first time that this it's not the first time there's been a multiracial team but it's the first time that everyone on the team and the manager have all addressed social issues and and the the rebuttal if some people are like oh why can't they just play football though why do they have to go on about racism and it's like look if there is one group of people who are frequently racism adjacent it's footballers yeah it's not like they're bakers

if there's one group of people who for their job two times a week have to gather in an enormous circle like in the center of like thousands of racists for their job they have to go they have to stand in the middle thousands of racists gather around them and watch them and judge them every week yeah if your if your job has to be done surrounded by a greek chorus of racists screaming at you while you do your job they have those greek chorus masks which are like the smiling one and the frowning one and And if they score, if they can see, they just swap the masks over. Yeah. Yeah.

And then the sort of a racist one, which is covered in swastikas or something. Yeah. If there's one group of people who have a workplace right and need to address racists and racism, it is footballers. I mean, fucking hell. Yeah. yes racists and racism it is footballers i mean fucking hell yeah as women our life stages come with unique risk factors like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause causing the risk of heart disease to go up know your risks visit heartandstroke.ca But yeah, I mean, hopefully...

Well, we've got the harrowing World Cup in Qatar to look forward to. I was thinking about that, and I'm like... I mean, how are English players going to survive? There's no... People are like, well, we're going to do well in the World Cup. I don't think we are. It'll just be too hot. It's going to be far too hot.

You know they air-condition the outdoors in Qatar? No. It makes me sick. When they've got, like, shopping high streets, they've got, like, little, like, cold water mist sprayer air-con things, like, outside above the windows of the shop so you can window shop.

Oh my God. People should not be living there. It is hubris. It is against God's will. Ugh. It's... Reading about Qatar's air-conditioned pavements is the closest I've felt to being like a medieval peasant

saying, It is not right. It is an affront unto the Lord. Like an Amish person pointing at a car. Sin, sin! Pierre the Luddite is a good, is a fun character. Yes, I'm very rarely a Luddite,

but God help me, the Qataris, they found a way to turn me into a Luddite. As if they said, you'll never have to charge this toothbrush. It's got uranium in it. That should be the new crusades in the Middle East. Just like, stop air conditioning your pavements. Well, then the British Museum would be full of pavement air conditioners.

We want it. We want it We want it We want it Yeah give back the Yeah give Give back Everything except the stuff we bought Fine Fine

Yeah But like Do you think Yeah Do you think, yeah, do you think they would get to the point where it's just the Elgin Marbles left and everyone's just going, we bought it. We bought it. We bought it. Well, I mean, I don't

know. I'm conflicted about the Qatar thing because after this England team being such nice lads and Gareth Southgate being, being like the nation's sort of empathetic dad I really want them to win the World Cup and I want to watch them but it

is being held in a boiling hot slave state why isn't your considering actually going over no no no I just mean watching in general engaging with it it's still like it's still like the World Cup brought to you by slavery

yeah yeah I don't know I wonder if they'll be taking the knee there for slavery literal current slavery they'll be taking the knee

for people who are still busy finishing off some of the air conditioners. Yeah. With their passports confiscated and all that. It's just, ugh. What? How? Yeah, I mean... How was... It's not the FA.

Is it? Who organizes the World Cup? FIFA, isn't it? FIFA, FIFA. Yeah, what incentive do they have to give to Qatar? Did they just get a big old bag of oil? Apparently it's been... I mean, hang on.

I'm going to look this up before I say it, because I'm going to... Put it this way. I'm going to search... I'm just going to search FIFA Qatar bribe. Because there was some sort of big inquiry there have been numerous allegations of bribery yes corruption controversies well that's quite a big section of the wikipedia the fbi at least was investigated. What do they get? Yeah, because they pay... It was alleged that a firm linked to the Qatari campaign

paid the committee member, Jack Warner, and his family $2 million. The Sunday Times published a claim to have documents which allegedly proved that Ben Hammond had paid more than $5 million to football officials to support the bid. Everyone is denying it. Oh dear. Yeah. It doesn't look good. Mm-hmm.

It doesn't look amazing. According to leaked documents obtained by the Sunday Times, Qatari state-run television channel Al Jazeera secretly offered $400 million to FIFA for broadcasting rights just 21 days before FIFA announced that Qatar will host the World Cup. Interesting. Intro. Hey, look, they're just getting the order in early.

That's all. They're just being very organized. They were saying, hey, hey, wherever it gets put on, wherever it gets put on, we'd like to broadcast it for this insane amount of money.

Wherever it goes. Still, it'd be interesting to see if Gareth Southgate is able to keep his vest on in that heat. it'll be interesting to see if Gareth Southgate is able to keep his vest on in that heat He'll be wearing only the vest There's no way, you could just have to wear only the vest and just be Winnie the Pooing it

the whole rest of the time like we were saying last week Speaking of heat Winnie the Pooing it the whole rest of the time, like we were saying last week. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, speaking of heat, the heat wave here has subsided somewhat. It's been raining. There's been a storm come up from Florida, which has been a saving grace, to be frank. Is it washing the filth off those corrupt streets?

Yeah. Tire mark on burst bladder what was the line oh um oh yes like tire marks on burst stomach we we the joker the japanese and watchmen are our three reference points every single week on the show. Someone else must have done the whole rain washing the streets clean thing, surely. Yeah, yeah. It feels owned by Rorschach and Watchmen, but it seems obvious enough that it's been done before. It's got to be some kind of 1930s film noir shit.

But at one point, on one day, it got so hot that some power cables in Brooklyn caught fire. Like, they just burst into flames. What? Yeah. What? Just the wires were hanging there, and they just went, vroom, like that. Like in a SpongeBob cartoon, they just went, vroom.

And so all of Williamsburg lost power for an afternoon and when this happened i was having lunch with my friend in restaurant and suddenly my our phones just all started going off they just go like these crazy alarm noise comes from my phone like wow wow and i'm so i freak out wow because and i look and it's like there's a yellow that yellow warning sign with an exclamation mark it's like emergency warning turn off everything in your house and it's like just telling and so everyone in new york got that got this alert on their phone to turn things off in the house which i didn't know they could do and apparently this is a regular thing here you're the the state government can just send you alerts on your phone you that you've never signed up to i see i've i've heard references

to this in in american media where they're like oh i got an i got an amber yeah so an amber alert is when um a child goes missing and that's one the other day and then everyone's told about this child that's gone missing which is yeah helpful i suppose like um but i i've had i've got a few of them now and they're really alarming they're really unpleasant people here are quite used to them now but it's the kind of thing that would never wash in the uk and i like people talk about americans as being obsessed with their personal freedoms but i think in the uk people are a lot more obsessed with their privacy and yeah i was about to say like that would like you say they would never yeah there's no way there's no way that the government could just send you things onto your phone like that i mean it's funny because the americans would like, you saying a guy could just come to your house

and take away your guns? And it's like, yes, but they also can't just send us alerts whenever they feel like it. Although I guess they sent us some COVID stuff, the NHS. Yeah. But that was the NHS.

That's the NHS. And that's the, yeah, that is different. It's not just Boris Johnson going, turn off your kettles. You know, that would be annoying yeah what would you know but it was if it's boris johnson it would be stuff that we don't have turn off your auger well you can't those things are on all the time you can't turn them well you can turn them you can't well they yeah you look you could i've already i've already betrayed a damning knowledge

of how an argo works so i'm not going to go down this route any longer yeah well i was about to as well so we're both part of the oh yeah we're both part of we're about to really fancy oven problem yeah we're about to really put holes in our working class blue collar. I don't even know what color collar I'm supposed to have. That's how middle class I am. But I don't know if you remember, a couple of years ago in Hawaii, everyone got an alert on their phone that a nuclear missile was on its way. Do you remember that?

Yes, I remember that now. Yeah, someone made a mistake. And so everyone in Hawaii thought the world was ending. Fucking hell, yeah. And they had all those interviews afterwards with people saying, what did you do? Oh, man. What an opportunity for your own mistakes.

Yeah. Yeah. Everyone just went, yeah. what an opportunity for your own mistakes yeah everyone just went yeah what is your what is your purge activity what are you doing if you think the world is ending and is it a defense in court to say that you thought that you were about to get nuked

your honor I believed I was about to get nuked and that Honor, I believed I was about to get nuked. And that's why I stacked up all those men on top of one another and poured a glass of beer down their anuses and drank it at the bottom. I thought the world was ending. Well, it's the reason I did it. I don't know.

I can't speak for those men. I'd never met them before. Oh, man. ever met them before oh man yeah i i uh i like i like um i like the idea of that yeah just see what happens just tell do an experiment pick a city tell them and you and you is coming i wonder what mistake was made i mean what a bad day at work for that fucking guy. The guy who sent out the nuclear missile warning. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah. They sent out the kind of clarification like within 20 minutes,

but that's long enough for mischief. There is a tension here in America. Like there's just an air of tension. And I don't know if it's post 911 or if it's a strange manifestation of the American sense of exceptionalism, that everyone is after us. Yeah, the most important thing the world is after us, that there's this real tension about everything and like the alerts you get on your

phone and the drum drum dramatism of everything. Everyone's the police obviously are always so on edge because anyone could have a gun. And there is like, there is a sense of freedom, I guess, here, and being a very wealthy and powerful country, but

there's a real tension at all times. And I think I've heard Americans even say this before, but you go to the uk and suddenly it's like you can kind of drop your shoulders a bit you can just kind of go i guess i mean it's probably also very new york right because they just they've they've had multiple terror attacks even since 9 11 yeah um that's true but yeah even in l London, you can just sort of walk around because you can be 99.9% recurring sure that some guy didn't get a machine gun from Walmart and is about to use it on a load of children at a school. Yeah.

Never mind terrorists. I mean, you've got enough like just the school shootings alone are insane. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's yeah. alone are insane yeah yeah that's yeah that's maybe the only place you can go to drop the tension in america is like you know some middle of nowhere midwest but then if you go too far south then it's the racial tension now you're tense again yeah it's tension all the way down

have you have you spoken to any police i would sound as british as i could if i had to speak to an american policeman um no the closest i've come to was um you know um coming into the airport and you know where they point at you and go aliens yeah and just handing over my passport i called him i called him sir i was so If footage ever emerges Of how Obsequious I was Is that the word? Of how unctuous

And slimy and warm I'm finished If footage of me Arriving at JFK ever emerges I'm finished because I was so nice And so like Thank you You want me to stand here of course ever emerges, I'm finished because I was so nice and so like thank you alright, you want me to stand here? Of course

I'm done if that ever comes out You leaned in and gave his badge a little kiss just as you left, thank you, thank you thank you Just offered him your wallet, please, no please, I

I've no use, no, please, I... I've no use for it, please. Yeah. I've always thought, you know, it's such a shame that everyone's first experience of a country is its airport. Yeah. There should be a fix for that. To be fair if you land in the uk being immediately introduced to like a costa wh smith and people drinking in the morning and a q a big q and a q i mean it's all pretty bang on so far

it is like the tutorial level of united kingdom the game yeah press f to have a pint with your fry up yeah if you had a tutorial level for the uk if you skip the q the screen just goes red and she goes you died yeah yeah with a little a little uh quote from someone british comes up let's churchill quotes or whatever or just quotes from british sitcoms like oh betty just fades in there was there was a game a while back that came off right off the after grand theft auto 3 which was set in london what was called? It was a free-roaming crime sim. Yes. I remember the one you mean.

It was called The Firm or something like that. I can't remember what it was. And you could drive around London and you were this gangster in London, but in modern times. And you would heal by leaning on a wall. That was the most insane thing about it.

If you'd been shot a bunch of times you have to find a wall and your character would just just lean against the wall and then his bullet wound would heal i mean i mean i know the nhs is good pierre but it's not quite it's not quite that good also i imagine that there were problems with like you had to find a leanable wall oh yeah you had to find a flat wall so if you were out in the open you would die because you couldn't find a wall I like

if there was a tutorial mission that would be you know how when you play them in first person shooters it's always voiced by like a kind of drill sergeant guy yeah you'd have to have it like with a proper like get a fucking pint in it's your round select your wallet with a cursor the getaway i've just looked it up the getaway was what it's called the getaway but was there a thing where like there was a wall that wasn't leanable on so it was like this is like nothing happened you just died because it

wasn't the leaning wall or could it be any wall um any like perfect you had to be a perfectly flat wall like a long one so it couldn't it could have been like nelson's column because it's not flush so if you got if you got the nelson's column you'd die because it wasn't flush enough the most the most english criminal death just dying at the base of Nelson's Column. In a leaning posture. Yeah. I always resented the few times I've been to the States where the people in the airport call everyone aliens.

They just love to be dramatic here. Everyone is dramatic. Everyone wants to be in the movies. Have you watched any of the news? The news is always very dramatic. Yeah. Everything's out to fucking kill you and your enemies are meters away and

Yep. Yep. It's all very dramatic. It's I mean, I guess it's the result of Hollywood's domination of the film industry. If everyone in the most dramatic films ever made are all American, you grow up American thinking,

well, I guess all the dramatic stuff happens to us. Yeah, maybe that's it. You sort of feel very filmic in everything that you do. Exactly. Whereas in the UK, at most, we feel like we're in a charming black comedy. I've always thought that on the few occasions where I've watched an action movie or similar, thriller, whatever, where it's actually set in the UK, or even a version of the UK. So, for example, like V for Vendetta, where everyone is British.

It's infinitely more affecting. And I always thought... As an immersive. Because it's so much more... Yeah, immersive, affecting, everything. It's all much more... Yeah, immersive, affecting, everything. It's all much more, more, more, more. And so I always think like, oh, right, because when I watch things like most films,

which are all American, it's like with a layer of detachment, like I'm watching through a piece of cloth. Yeah. Because it's like, well, it's America. Yeah, bang, bang. Hey, get out of here, Commissioner. You're the DA.

Just things that are not even words in my daily life. Whereas if you're American, movies must be incredible. It's just constantly like, that could be happening now down the road. Your head must be exploding constantly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Just watching your own landmarks being

punched to bits by a Godzilla over and over again. You know the little... Blow your mind. Even in London, one of the greatest cities on Earth, I would say the greatest city on Earth, the centre of

the world's history, I would say, for the last century, maybe. World history has flowed through London for centuries now. And still, when Thor is stood next to the Gherkin, there's this little fizzle of, ooh, that's us, in the cinema. That doesn't happen in New York. That doesn't happen here.

That's us. Ooh, that's us. Oh, you mean the capital city of one of the most powerful nations in history Oh that's us Oh they came here That doesn't happen in the States That doesn't happen in New York That's the level of imperial decline for you though

Yeah There would have been no thrills at all If it was in the When was the British Empire last powerful I guess 1947? Yeah. Yeah. Ish?

Ish. But I feel like if Italians saw a film that they went to Rome, they'd be like, yeah, obviously. Of course. It's Rome. But London, people are still like, ooh, hee-hee-hee, ooh-hoo. Oh, you came here Little old us

I guess things go to Rome Don't they because they often want to do Some sort of business with the Colosseum Yeah a bit of business A bit of business or they go to do A sort of comedy thing at the Leaning Tower of Pisa Whereas The comedy one

The comedy one It's the world's silliest Not as many of the buildings It's the world's silliest treasure It's the slapstick wonder of the world It's one of the Seven slapstick wonders of the world There's that big slippery

Wall in China A big section of it is slippery The Leaning Tower of Pisa One of the silly wonders of the world there's that big slippery wall in china a big section of it is slippery oh yeah um the leading tower of pisa the silly wonders of the world um oh that statue of the little boy pissing in belgium are there loads of statues of little boys pissing in the in europe no but there's it's called the mannequin piece it's the very famous right okay that's very silly

hmm oh that version of London Bridge that those Americans bought because they thought they were buying Tower Bridge what was this story a town in America got so much money that they bought London Bridge

for loads of money. Right. But they thought they were buying the iconic looking one, Tower Bridge. London Bridge at the time was just like a brick bridge. So the people... London Bridge, Arizona, is that it?

So the people they were buying it from... How were they able to just buy London Bridge? It's not owned by the Ottomans or anything. So, the purchaser, Robert P. McCulloch, was an entrepreneur and hoped that the bridge would bring interested tourists and retirement home. Ah, it's a popular rumour that he thought it was Tower Bridge, but is ardently denied by the man himself. No, I knew the whole time.

I wanted the plain one. I like plain. Apparently it was just for sale. I don't know. I don't know why it was for sale. Gosh, a bridge for sale. It was sold by the City of London in 1968. Peculiar.

Come get your bridges. Bridge for sale. But see, I would say that's a silly one That is silly It is silly to sell a bridge It's silly and it's in Lake Havasu City, Arizona I haven't even heard of it It is silly I'd love to see it though

The silly wonders of the world God Chalk them off your bucket list The silly wonders of the world We'll have to think of list The silly wonders of the world We'll have to think of some more silly wonders of the world Yes Tweet us some options Tweet us some silly wonders of the world

In Australia there is like A thing Where towns will Buy a big silly statue Or they build a big silly statue Of I think large is this specifically large fruit? So

a bunch of towns in like but fuck no way in Australia will build a big fruit for people to come to get tourists. And there's a bunch of towns in Australia that have big fruit. So I think collectively I would call them a silly wonder of towns in Australia that have big fruit so I think collectively

I would call them a silly wonder of the world Australia's giant fruit Australia's giant fruit circuit yes I think that's fair send us a tweet if you think you know about some big statue of a big bum or something I'm sure there is

one but yeah I think there's fewer buildings in London that are fun or silly for use in films yeah that's right that's true I mean the London Eye is silly if you need a big clock it's not as iconic

people in America don't know the London Eye they know Big Ben and maybe the Shard or something maybe they know Big Ben and they know go to the shard or something yeah maybe I mean they know Big Ben and they know Buckingham Palace they have two very unsilly things the shard is a sinister wonder of the world yeah it looks the most like it has a

demon king at the top yeah you can't go to the top floor of the shard unless you're above level 55 with power armor the lift won't open what are your plans for the rest of the day philium you're you're at almost at the start of your day my my afternoon is coming to an end here in muggy muggy London yeah it's been very wet, right?

It's wet but it's still just like grey and hot and wet. It's just sweaty. Worst of all worlds. Yucky. Blah, yeah. Today I will be preparing for the work that I have to do here

which is sort of tomorrow. And then I'm flying back on Thursday. Nice. Straight into quarantine. Oh, for how long? Well, I've got that test to release thing.

So, hopefully five days. Sick, yeah, nice. It'll be alright. And it's nice to have an excuse not to be able to do anything yes yes the sweet relief of lockdown one yeah how about you what are you doing this eve you're out to play football you started a five-a-side team are you well into it now me and the lads i'm gonna i'm gonna go set off a load of flares in a hospital waiting room um no i'm doing just sort of some some kind of light light diy and moving things around my flat

oh very manly yeah well and then i'm um what am i am i doing anything of any interest Not really I should probably I need to do some Yeah Moving things around rearranging stuff Some There comes a time Phil in your life where the things need to just get rearranged Hey It's called Feng Shui

I know it very well It's true yes It's called Wind Water baby That's called wind water, baby. That's what feng shui means. Wind water. If you have enough wind and water in your home, you need new windows and doors. Yeah.

I think I might have tried that as a joke once. It's like if you have water running through your house, you need to rearrange stuff. But that's the principle of it um oh sick okay maybe i will actually this is a really good i think he's malaysian or singaporean now like sort of pop feng shui um guy who's on tiktok or something and he just does these really neat little videos with little models of how to so he's like so you have a bookshelf uh a sofa and and a TV.

How do you arrange them in the room? And he'll show you what's the best way of arranging them. Might be worth looking at. Oh, cool. Interesting. Interesting. I will. Well, enjoy preparing for your work and enjoy your quarantine.

Thank you. It's coming home. And it is Phil. It's... That's right. I'm afraid it. It's... That's right. I'm afraid it's just Phil. That's right. That's right.

21 days of hurt. Yeah. And five days of quarantine. Yeah. All right. All right. Thanks very much, listeners. Enjoy.

And just remember... Enjoy. If you're British, we won it. We won it. Even if we you're British, we won it. We won it. Even if we lost the football, we won it. Bye.