BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 130 - HolPod

Episode Date: September 8, 2021

The boys talk last words, the queen, holidays, Slytherin, email and info security, robots and cars Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 130 or 130. 130, fun and dirty. That's us. 130, the best time for lunch? One, yeah, because you know... Well, because you know, well, 2.30 is the best time to get your dentist appointment. 2.30.

So 1.30, yeah, 1.30 is when best time to get your dentist appointment. 2.30. So 1.30. Yeah, 1.30 is when you're good for lunch because you're hungry. One is hungry. One is hurting with hunger. 1.30. 1.30 is when the queen goes to hospital. Your Majesty, what's wrong? 1.30.

1.30. One hurty. Oh, my God. Get her into the ICU, Sam. Please. What were Her Majesty's final words to the nation? It was all just stuff about the country. Just really try and cover that up. One hurty. One hurty.

One hurty. Yeah. You want some good last words. You don't want to say one hurty. I wonder... I wonder what the Queen's last words will be. Or rather, I wonder what the reported last words of the

Queen will be. You know what I mean? I don't believe a single famous set of last words i just don't i don't believe it unless there were enough of it completely neutral witnesses there like an accountant or a lawyer signed off on it and yeah i want cameras and in the age of phone cameras we should be i think and i don't care people think it's tasteless we should be filming everyone's last moments just to be sure what their final words were i don't care if people think it's tasteless. We should be filming everyone's last moments just to be sure what their final words were. I don't believe all this fucking Oscar Wilde. Oh, I'm better to be fashionably late than never to have arrived at all.

I don't know whatever he fucking said when he died. But I don't believe it. Some of us are dying looking at the stars. Yeah, some nonsense. Some absolute nonsense. Yeah, I want to know what the Queen's Yeah, some nonsense. Yeah. Some absolute nonsense. Yeah, I want to know what the Queen's real final words are. I think, yeah, it's tough, isn't it? Because if you're disoriented, then they could just be gibberish.

And then people will feel like that's not as worth passing on. Whereas if it's something like, I did my duty. That's what you want, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I did my duty would be good. I did my duty would be good. Yeah.

Where's it going? Where's that mango gone? Just like some mad fucking fever dream delirium, shout out I mean that's You don't want that engraved on a plaque do you I really hope The Queen's final words are Don't let your dreams

Live you, live your dreams Live, laugh, love That would Throw the PR into a crisis Pop, fist, love. That would throw the PR into a crisis. Pop, fizz, clink. I'm just glad that I'm dying at wine o'clock. That's funny. Some official portrait with Popfizz Clink Engraved in a brass plate underneath Speaking of the best that Britain has to offer

You're currently on holiday in Cornwall I am Listeners, I'm recording this I'm in a kind of... I don't know how to say it. It's a kind of... Imagine a sort of stone hut

with one wall missing with a kind of dining table in it. Like they've kind of... Like a stable? It looks a bit like a small stable. It's sort of so you can have food outdoors on a kind of patio. Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes. But it's made from bricks.

It's not like a lean-to made of sticks and a kind of thatched roof or something like some tropical beach. It's a sturdy Cornish building of some kind. Yeah, I'm in Cornwall, and it's very hot and sunny and uh that's why i'm assuming that there's you may you may hear gusts of wind or holiday style shouts of joy from yeah you you sound like um adam buxton on his intro bits yeah yeah i just don't have the same charm or dog which is it's tough i am i wish i were there i i want to send you a postcard saying i wish i were there has anyone done a postcard from a war yeah instead of i was there i'm going to send you a postcard from home saying i wish i was there. I was originally before.

Listeners start to think I wasn't invited to this staycation. I was. Yeah. And then work came up. Phil's on tour, baby. He always does. On tour, little bits here and there. It won't let up.

And, you know, Wang won't be getting work forever and cornwall well i was gonna say cornwall will wait but with current global warming rates maybe maybe maybe it won't um hey but i'd love to when i finally have the time pierre i'd love to see the place where you guys are staying underwater on a scuba diving trip. Yeah, like haunting footage like the Titanic when they found it. It's a stable. It's just you there

floating up against the roof of the stable. Ah, wow, there he is. Still with my headphones in. Ha ha ha! Blah blah blah! With that kind of eerie music as you see sort of my face is covered in like uh horrible little little jellies but i've become a reef yeah you yeah you look like um captain barbosa or whatever. Yeah. The octopus captain.

Yeah, well, Cornwall waits for no man, Phil. So yeah, we all had to do it without you, unfortunately. But it's very, yeah, I really was so skeptical. But I'll tell you what I've been doing, Phil, that made me feel like a man slash dad. I've been scrubbing a grill. Wow, great. And I'll miss this as well pierre in his element some some people phil yeah either the people who own this place or a series of guests have not taken the neighborly approach to cleaning the BBQ from the charcoal and gunk and grease from whatever they cooked on it.

And it takes, and I have to say this, and you know I don't like jingoistic nationalist sentiment, but it takes a South African to show up and say enough is enough, get me the oven cleaner. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I do this not just for me, but for the barbecuers

and briars who come after me yeah the catch the phrase for the slogan for BBQ should be BBQ clean please you every BBQ

should have that sticker clean please you when you BBQ. Clean please you. Fucking hell. Amazing things happen, Phil, when men light barbecues that they know they will never cook on? What do you mean?

I'm trying to paraphrase that acorns thing. Acorns thing? Great things happen when men plant trees they know they shall never sit in the shade of. Ah, I've not heard that before. Yeah, that's about planning for the future, for your next generations

unselfishly. Yeah, yeah, we need to apply that thinking to BBQs. So was it a big cleaning operation? I soaked it in a big bucket for a bit, the two bits of grill, and I cleaned out the old ash and coal, which was all still in there. So hopefully it'll work. That's today's holiday project. Fire, fire and meat.

Fire, fire. When you light the barbecue for the first time, she just starts screaming fire until everyone runs out. This is how I was trained. So what's on the menu? Well, so you'll never believe this, Phil. So we arrived on a Sundayay and on a sunday in the middle of nowhere in cornwall it's weirdly difficult to get authentic south african buddha

no idea why totally weird so i mean there are bits and pieces around the place but like long drives away and they're not always open and anyway is a is it a beef sausage a yes you've got a bura it's a farmer's farmer's sausage oh like burr yeah burr burr of horse yeah and it's a very particular type of thing um and i managed phil at the last minute i quickly went and i bought some in central lond London and I froze it and then in my luggage I surrounded it with sort of ice packs and things. I was like a kind of frozen sausage smuggler.

Wow. Like it was a like it was a kidney. Yeah. I had one of those like vests on and like my everything was in high vis. One of those like red coolers. Yeah. I came here by motorbike, yeah.

It's actually the fastest way. I brought the sausages. Quick, quick, quick, quick. So I did feel a bit... I felt a bit insane on a kind of train, just nervously glancing up at my luggage occasionally and thinking, I hope the sausages haven't melted. But that's probably a perfect thawing time, isn't it?

Yes, although you shouldn't really let it thaw and refreeze. So I had to keep it frozen enough that I could jam it in the freezer on arrival. Yeah, but once you're there, you can pop this right in the fridge and you're okay for a couple of days. Oh yeah, but we're only eating them today, so it needed a couple of days preservation. But yeah, if we were cooking on arrival, that would have been bang on.

Yeah, quite right. Yeah, but so hopefully some Buddha verse, I didn't get quite enough, so I bought some other meats and I've said to everyone, if you want meats, there's going to be a big fire, so if you want meats on that fire, you bring them sweet meats. You go for it.

Fantastic. Oh, man. I feel sick to my stomach to miss this. Well, you know, there will be brides in the future, Phil, and we will create a kind of South African-Malaysian fusion. Yeah, that'd be good, actually.

Yes, that would be good. That'd get us into the food blogs for a week. That's right. You and I, Phil, we're both becoming, as we get older, finer and finer meatsmen, I'd say. There's marinating. There's sauteing. There's brining.

I've started brining. There's brining. Brining has changed the game. Literally, it's a pheasant. It'll make it saltier but brining is great it just and what i did the other day was i i was like i want some chicken thighs but you you know how you can only buy chicken thighs in packets of 35 and so i bought like this tub of chicken thighs and i was like i can't eat all these thighs now so i brined them all over like two days or something and then um and then i just roasted

them all i brined them in sort of like cross-cultural you know sort of seasonings that can be western orients and so just like salt pepper yeah a bay leaf and then i just roast them all in one go And then I put them in the fridge And then I just had all this Cooked meat ready to go, ready to throw into things Just ready to throw into noodles or pasta Or like a rice dish or whatever

It's great Changed the game Browning changes the game, marinating Dare we say dry rub, all of the above All of the above all of the above I'm going to be BBQing my absolute knockers off BBQing

see he doing that's me pointing at you as I clean the grill see please please clean you see he do the bbq people like phil's got has a stroke yeah phil phil's been standing downwind from the barbecue

the monoxide's got him somehow even in the open air oh gosh gosh gosh. Is this the first holiday pod? A half-holiday pod? Maybe. Because we've done remote pods before, but there's always been an element of work. This is the first time one of us has been on pure leisure. Leisure.

Leisure. I'm wearing shorts and I'm going to play squash. Leisure. I'm wearing shorts and I'm going to play squash leisure actual purest leisure it is leisure yeah you're right actually because

because I was in Denmark for one and you were in America and Australia, but it was all for gigs, man. Yeah, all wake, wake, wake. We don't take, like, if you don't count stag dues and stuff I've done with my family, I've been on holiday officially like two or three times in eight or nine years. Well, this is it. And this is why I feel so especially gutted to miss out on this

because it's really rare. It's really rare. Because when you're self-employed, you're like work well okay work i'll put in work because otherwise i won't have work yeah work more work more we don't get like days off every year where you just have to take them so yeah you're getting work yeah you're compelled to be a holiday boy yeah yeah this is it and also like um also just it just it's that thing where if you book a holiday and, like, literally sometimes the next day someone will be like, would you like a million pounds for selling one joke?

And you're like, well, yeah. Some amazing offer will come through, some brilliant thing, and you have to just cancel everything again. Yeah. And look, I mean, look, we're not hard done by it because for work, you and I get to go to places like Copenhagen and Australia and Vienna and interesting places not that you're on holiday

you still gotta do a shitload of public speaking but it's better than being trapped indoors doing spreadsheet entry or something that actually makes your mind revolt but yeah I think this has to be the first holiday pod, doesn't it?

Really? Yeah, and also your first holiday in like years? Yeah, well, the holidays I have been on in this whole time have come in a sort of burst over the last three years, I think. So yeah, I'm learning. I'm learning that holidays are necessary that, um, holidays are unnecessary. He's learning.

My God. My God, he's learning. He's relaxing. This should have taken ten years for him to learn how to relax, and he's doing it in three days. Like, um, Planet of the Apes. The apes start playing tennis and engaging in acts of leisure. My God, they're

learning how to enjoy their free time. Laziness. Sorry about last week, PodBuds. Well, not sorry, because you're not meant to apologize or explain. Yes, true. But, yeah, there was no PodBuds last week, true. But, yeah, there was no Bud Pod last week

because it was just one of those, the planets aligned in a bad way and both of us just were chocker for all the days we could have recorded on. I've explained now, which again is flying in the face of don't apologise, don't explain. Well, it was a terrible thing because you were chocker and I couldn't go back to my flat because um my girlfriend got i was on a stag do listeners gosh

this is are you are you now ever not on leisure i'm lazy i'm the king of leisure decadence leisure um i went on a stag do And while I was away My girlfriend got some COVID Some light dusting of COVID Oh And so I couldn't go home So I didn't have access to my laptop or my microphone

I was staying in a friend's flat That happened to be empty Which was good luck for me So I had to come straight on holiday with my stag dood luggage. Gosh. Yeah, so it's been an absolute week of chaos. Is she alright? Yeah,

she's started to pass lateral flows and things, so I think she's actually over it. It was a very light dusting of COVID, thank God. And she's double jabbed as well, it's just that she didn't have full immunity, whereas I am fully immune. Triple jabbed, once by God's just that she didn't have full immunity. Whereas I am fully immune. Triple jabbed. Once by God, once by the state, second by the state.

Moderna, too, as well. Niche. Yeah, that is niche. I've only met a few other Modernas. We should all start doing some shout-outs for each other and stuff. Because it is rare. Modernas are rare. Modernas are real rare.

We're either the Gryffindor or the Slytherin. Yeah. You're the sort of... Yeah. You're not the Hufflepuff. Wait, Hufflepuff... Is that a Pokemon? No, no. Hufflepuff is a house, yeah.

Although, I mean, Jigglypuff is a Pokemon. Jigglypuff is a Pokemon, yeah. You're close. Yeah. Yeah. What... What house are you in, Phil? I don't know if I've ever asked you that. Have you taken that mad test?

No, because I want to be sure it was an official one. Was there an official one? I've long been told that the UN-recognized official one, basically, is Pottermore. I think it's Pottermore.com? Something like that? Well, I can do it now. Yeah, do it now. I know my result already. I took it like three times

to be sure. Okay, Discover Your Hogwarts. This is so off-brand for me. I've never cared about Harry Potter. At all. Yeah, but you're getting it live. Okay, so this is live for the first in podcast history.

Oh, look at this, Pierre. Ravenclaw has notable members including Luna Lovegood, Gilderoy Lockhart, and Phileas Flitwick. Well, say no more. Fuck's sake. I hate this already. Okay, um... Hogwarts sorting, that looks about right. Okay. Hogwarts sorting.

That looks about right. Yeah. Log into your account. Not a chance. Not a chance. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, PodBuds. I will not give any more personal details.

Let alone a company of wizards they will not know yeah I'm going to do this just from the descriptions then actually does it say does it describe them at all okay so Gryffindor the rhyme is

you might belong in Gryffindor where dwell the brave at heart their daring nerve and chivalry set Gryffindor, the rhyme is, you might belong in Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart. Their daring nerve and chivalry set Gryffindors apart. Okay. I'm quite risk-averse. You know this about me. I'm a risk-averse man. You hate regret.

I'm terrified of regret. That doesn't sound very Gryffindorian to me. Hufflepuff. You might belong in Hufflepuff, where they are just and loyal. Those patient Hufflepuffs are true and unafraid to toil. This is starting to

sound a little more like our friend Phil Wang, I have to say. We're getting there. I've never seen someone less afraid of toil. Yeah, I'm relatively unafraid of toil. I'm less afraid of toil than I'm of regret. That of toil i'm less afraid of toil than i would regret that's for sure yeah that's absolutely true yeah okay so so hufflepuff is the current of the the the leader for me i think ravenclaw or yet in wise old ravenclaw if you've already mind

where those of wit and learning will always find their kind oh hello oh hello those of wit and learning i like the sound of that i was i was a studious young man i was academically successful hmm okay maybe okay so it's between have a fun rain closet oh you're slithering these are they're just like out and out evil isn't it oh okay or perhaps in slithering you'll make your real friends those cunning folk use any means to achieve their ends okay so essentially if you're put in Slytherin you're a little cunt you're a little bastard yeah yeah you're a dirty little bastard it's the Bullingdon club basically is it perhaps perhaps Slytherin could be your choice at the front

a house you join if you're a little cunt. You see all the students kind of murmuring like, oh, that doesn't sound... What the fuck? Yeah, why do they even have this Slytherin house in there? Why are they enabling their most evil students? It's like putting minor offenders into jail

where they can just learn from more hardened criminals like why are you building your own the school takes its charter that seriously that it has to cater for everyone to be educated even the openly evil his name is Severus Snape

For god's sake Draco Malfoy for god's sake Yeah all the characters that she put in that house Were called like Dracula Mussolini Or whatever Okay for me it's between Ravenclaw And Hufflepuff I'mclaw and Hufflepuff I'm leaning away from Hufflepuff

Just because They sound a bit like walkovers They sound a bit like doormats They're just and loyal They sound like little bitches basically That's the reading between the lines of this poem Go to Hufflepuff If you're a little bitch

But you can still learn to become a witch or whatever. If someone says about you, God, he's very loyal and God, he works hard. Why don't I? What are you trying to call me, a little bitch? I just get all peshy. Joe Peshy in Goodfellas about it. Do I work hard for you?

Well, work hard like a bitch? I, work hard in like a bitch? I'm loyal to you like a dog? I'm like a dog to you? That scene is amazing, isn't it? It's so good. It's so horrible as well. It makes you realize that these guys would not be actually very fun to hang out with. Yeah, it's really good.

But yeah, so Ravenclaw. Sorry. Sorry. Can I say that in 2021? Can I put myself um Ravenclaw sorry sorry can I say that in this in 2021 can I put myself in Ravenclaw I think so learning will always find their kind I'm sure it's quite a Ravenclaw thing to do thank you I don't know what the entrance exam for Ravenclaw is but I will do the past papers that's right I mean I I can tell you my test result phil oh yeah i took it three times just to be sure i'm afraid it's slytherin wow no i'm an evil character you're a little oh you're a big cunt you're the biggest cunt in slytherin what do you think were the deciding questions or your deciding answers for that? I think a lot of the questions that are

they're designed to make you go I'm brave and loyal and cruel. So they're fucking with you. Yeah, well they're quite wet questions. They're quite sort of like you'd rather like even if it meant

losing, you'd still never tell a lie or something like that. It's all a bit wet. It's a bit soggy. Yeah, that's lame. And I'm imagining some wizard battle and I'm like, no, I'll lie then. I don't want to get wizarded to death. I'll lie. So are you trying to say that Slytherin is the realist's house? Slytherin is Henry Kissinger's house. It's very pragmatic international politics.

We'll let China in. Although Kissinger is much more of a Hufflepuff name, really. You'll kiss your little bum in Hufflepuff. Yeah, but typical of young adult fiction to have a house for kind of bland dweebs, a house for nerds, a house for the heroes, and a house for the villains. Nice and neat.

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Yeah. Well, that's fascinating. Well, you're a Ravenclaw now. I think I would have guessed that. Yes, but again, this is of... I've self-elected Ravenclaw. We will never know what my Pottermore decided house is because I just will...

I'm sorry, but I will not open another account online. I just won't do it. I will not add another vector for personal details to be stolen. Do you not have a junk email? Oh, shit, I do. Oh, yeah, I do. Can we really do this? Can we now do the actual test? At this point, is this bad bad content is what i'm asking

it might well maybe but then it would be also be very funny if you ended up also being slytherin okay okay here we go um fake email address poo poo at weewee.com sure yeah yeah yeah well i mean com password um don't sell my details um okay uh god maybe this will be the first all slither in podcast

well you know you can get a gold membership get fucked yeah you can get a gold membership come on you get a gold membership Come on guys You get a personalized Hogwarts house journal Up to 20% savings on everyday merchandise Jesus Exclusive and early access to buy collectibles

We're now just doing a free ad for Pottermore No wonder people hate JK Rowling Um Oh crap Oh god This is bad content at this point. Create your account. Okay, okay, here we go.

Poop, poo, at... I've already got a saved address called poopypants.account.com. Really? Poop, poo, at wee, wee. Apparently from something else I had to do, I guess. Dot com. Very high address. Poop, poo, at wee, wee.

I do enjoy selecting, like... I'm actually Dr. Poop Pants B enjoy selecting I'm actually Dr. Poopantsbumbumhead Thank you Did I tell you about The time it backfired? No Maybe, what was this? It rings a bell

I give a fake email address Sometimes for For hotel bookings If I'm on tour. Just because I can't be asking them, giving them all my details. And I was at this hotel on tour. I can't remember what time it was, out west somewhere I think. And I wanted the fact invoice for expenses. And so I said to the receptionist,

she was like, do you want me to print it, or shall I email it to you? And without thinking, I went, oh, just email it to me. And then she looked at her screen, and she said, okay, so that's to chinaboy69 at dimsum.com. And I was like, no, I was like, in the most straight voice you can imagine and i the second i heard her say china boy i was like oh no no no because i was there with my supporter with um yuriko katani who's doing the support slot and i was just so embarrassed

she was like oh yeah so that's uh china boy 69 was like no no no no no no no no fucking hell that's good man so that's go fuck yourself you stupid hotel at freejulianassange.com um

okay okay okay okay yeah it is it's worth it though for signing back in to say the wi-fi on a national train service for it to go welcome back dr pooh bum it's funny it's a lovely message to get when you're what is your date of birth wiz Wizards never lie about their age, which is a bit... Your old Pottermore one? I don't have an old... Oh my god, what's going on?

Wizards never lie about their age? Yeah, it was like threatening me not to lie about my age when I asked. What's that for? They don't want kids finding out too soon that they're in Slytherin. You're only six. You haven't developed evil either way yet Oh for fuck's sake they got me They got me I thought I was at the end of this

Creative account process And the screen now says Something should have magically materialized in your inbox We've sent an owl, sorry an email To poopyatpants.com And I'm like, great, great So now Fantastic

Well, you better call back that owl That owl's gonna die Trying to find poopyatpants.com All that, I went through all that Of course they outsmarted me They're wizards They're wizards, You fucked with Gandalf Do the wizards know each other?

Oh my god Well I'm now starting to feel Too stupid to be In How did I say I was in? Ravenclaw, yeah I'm not even smart enough to be in Ravenclaw.

It should say, we just tried to send an owl to poopyatpants.com You're in Hufflepuff. Congrats, you're in Hufflepuff. I hope you're happy now. You lied about your age. Do you reckon there is a poopyatpants.com? There's gotta be.

He's received so much fucking junk. who's received so much fucking junk he's a really distinguished professor and it's his private email and he sees no humour in it god that's fucking annoying

have you ever the other day I was in a shop Phil And I was buying A sketch pad As I want to do Who's a lucky lady No no it's for someone to draw me

Reclining on a chair I'm going to recline on a chair as long And I'm going to try and make sure I'm going to try and recline at such an angle That I've got at least one bollock up on a. That's how I find you when I go scuba diving in Cornwall Just floating in opposition just old old Old dick and balls like moving like sea anemones Drifting in the current, you know?

Yeah, I was buying a sketchpad, and then as I was buying it, the guy goes, would you like a scratch card? A free scratch card? Oh. And I said, and I kind of looked, and it was like a scratch card that was issued by the weird sort of shop.

Wait, their own in-house scratch card? Their own in-house scratch card. And you could win 250 quid. Whoa. Okay. Not bad. So I was like, free. And he was like, yeah.

And I go, okay. And he said, great. And what's your name? And I was like, and I sort of told him my name. And he was like, what's your name? And I was like, and I sort of told him my name, and he was like, and what's your email? I was like, what is this? What is this for? And he was like, what am I, postcode and stuff?

And he said, oh, it's in case you win. And I was like, and I just went, I don't want it anymore. And to his credit, he was like, okay, and just immediately removed it and sold me the sketchbook I was anticipating a debate but

he didn't give me the hard sell enough people have had their personal details stolen on some fucking account somewhere that people might get it it's so I think there should be hey I know I'm sort of captain legislation over here but I think there should be legislation against asking people for their details unnecessarily.

I don't think, if you don't need it, you should not be able to just pressure people for their address of their home and their personal phone number. There's got to be a point where it's like, I'm ordering a trinket from a nonsense website. You don't need my mobile number in case there's a problem with delivery on the day. You don't need that. It is problem delivery. Just throw it in the sea. I don't care.

Yeah, bin it. I'd rather the thing I wanted was in the bin than you could ring me. That's how much I don't want you to fucking ring me. Yeah, and I hate it when the mobile number Bit when you're filling out the form Has a little star next to it They're like we really do need this actually Yeah

But they won't let you complete the form It makes you go back up and in red writing it goes We need a mobile number I cannot stand that You don't need it The ones I hate the most are the forms where you put everything in And you hit submit and it goes And instead of showing you Where the problem was ones i hate the most are the forms where you put everything in and you hit submit and it goes bunk

and instead of showing you where the problem was it just goes there was a problem there was just a just a problem now find it find it scroll through this this three page long form and you find what you did wrong enormous visa form labyrinth I hate that shit it's like don't be lazy program in the fucking locator tell me what I did wrong tell me why it's wrong

I'm afraid somewhere in these woods is the answer to your question quickly now the rain's coming horrible and then you realize oh I typed in it was my email was at at gmail dot

coom fuck I was checking my phone number I was wondering if there was something wrong with where I lived and then you correct it and hit submit and it's like, your session has expired. Yeah. Boom.

That horrible noise. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Ugh. Instant rage trigger, that kind of noise. Boom.

Boom. Boom. As if it's saying, that's the noise your brain makes when it makes mistakes. Your stupid brain goes it's also like making fun of you like duh oh no you got it wrong did you that's not an email that's right

dung is computer for duh that's not how you spell dot com idiot That's not how you spell dot com. Idiot. Also, the unnerving sensation of getting one of those how many traffic lights are there things wrong. Yeah, and you start to go, am I a robot? Or when it makes you do seven in a row and you think,

are you just pleased that I'm good at these? How many of these do I have to do? It's something like, I read or let's be more realistic heard in a podcast that the capture things are also in part

to train AI to be able to themselves identify what a traffic light is. But what I don't understand is that if they don't know, if the thing that's asking me doesn't know, how is it checking that I've got them right?

Unless what it's doing, maybe that's what the multiple ones are for. It gets you to do some which it doesn't know the answer to and the one it does know the answer to and if you get that right that means that the others are probably right and they use those to train the machine. Or they make it compare your answers to a separate file of correct answers that aren't part of its brain? Right. answers that aren't part of its brain? Right.

In the same way that I can mark an exam if I have the answer sheet, even if I don't actually know the answers on the answer sheet. But if that answer sheet already exists somewhere, why aren't they just feeding the answer sheet into the AI to teach it? Because then it's not learning. It should be able to learn. To make it learn. Okay, okay, okay. And if there's one thing that robots need to learn, it's what traffic lights look like.

A terrifying thought. Well, it's just for driverless cars, isn't it? I wonder if that's all like Uber and Google cars and shit. That's painful. Fuck, I never realized it was. It's always like bicycles and traffic crossings, isn't it? Yeah, that's true. Of course it is.

Phil, you've done it. My boy. Have we cracked it? You've cracked it. My boy. Have we cracked it? You've cracked it. You get the factory. Don't you see? This is where Elon Musk gives you the Tesla car factory like Willy Wonka. Wow.

Well, you heard it here first, guys. The first true Bud Pod scoop. Holy shit. Because it's never like, which of these are bananas? It's always road stuff. Yeah. Whoa! How about that? I guess when I need to

start getting worried, it's like, who here is the Eurasian person? When we have to worry about the robots, it says which one of these is the Prime Minister? Which of these is the prime minister? Which of these is the prime minister? Which of these faces do you trust the most with your life? Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Who here holds the nuclear codes? Who knows the nuclear codes? Who? Where on this body... Which of these numbers appear in your pins? Yeah. Where on this body are you the most vulnerable to attack?

Mark the areas where you are most vulnerable to attack. Point... Select all the boxes with love in it please please which boxes contain love and there's a horrible mishmash of sort of wedding rings and baby photos and a tree and a dog and you're like, I don't...

That's funny. Oh, man. I'd never clocked that. There was always road stuff. That makes so much sense. Yeah. God damn Well I mean hopefully

Well we're running out of lorry drivers Phil That's the Covid slash Brexit Problem at the moment we need them robot lorries Well yeah That's the great thing about Brexit isn't it It's like we need to leave The European Union so that there are More jobs for British people.

And then we do it. And they're like, okay, all so many vacancies for lorry driving. And British people are like, nah. Well, yeah. And then they go, right, so you want British people to do it. So you're going to make the salary higher and there'll be time off. And they'll be like, no, no, no, none of that. Don't be silly.

No, we just hope that suddenly loads of people in Britain are as desperate and enticed by currency differentials as people from the poorest parts of Eastern Europe. We hope that's just going to happen. I guess it's a symptom of a country that currently identifies as 70% working class. Yeah, insane. Economically, definitely not And

That's the disparity that results in something like Brexit A bunch of people doing working class LARPing Then when the realities of Their choices come to fruition They're like nah I'm alright actually Yeah they go no I'm okay I'm a homeowner In their 60s so my pension pot's worth 8.8% a year.

70% working class. I could not believe that. 70%. And then did you see it contrasted with the percentage of actual manual jobs, factory jobs, things like that? It's like 8%. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Everybody's a martyr when you give them the chance. Yeah. everybody's a martyr when you give them the chance yeah yeah it's the equivalent of in america how everyone's fucking irish that's what we have here but it's working class yeah the uk my grandfather's uncle's uh corruptists dad was uh working class

that's how americans talk about being Irish or Italian my grandfather was born into a mining family but then became a doctor yeah so I've decided to inherit his tragic backstory it's a one the British treat the working class

being working class like with a fucking one drop rule yeah if you're not actually a genuine aristocrat then you're you can make your pitch yeah you just need one relative at some point in your ancestry to call yourself working class

I mean like I mean I couldn't I would by some people I swear by some people's standards I could call myself working class because my mother's parents were you could say, working class. But if someone like me told me they were working class, I'd punch me in the face, if that makes sense. Yeah. Well, I mean, do you remember when we were joking about how we've lost all our blue-collar credentials or whatever?

We were joking about that. Someone sent a tweet where they were like, oh like oh don't worry i don't think anyone mistook you for working class you guys and it's like yeah that was the joke we wouldn't even claim it yeah but it's such a british thing to claim it that they thought we were they couldn't possibly have thought we were being sincere i'd like to think maybe they were just taking part in the joke but fucking hell that was the joke i mean you and i are both from countries where it's still just like well why would you pretend to be worse off than you are being worse off is bad it's harder life is harder your parents work very hard well it goes back again to is that it's a christian tradition it's christian culture it's the meek shall inherit the earth it's harder for it's easier to for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle

than for a rich man to enter heaven. It's all Christian. I like the idea of someone shoving their way through a car. Out of my way, I'm the meekest. Nobody is as meek as me. Nobody's meeker than me. I'm the meekest. A lot of people are saying it. I love meek. We love meek as me. Nobody's meeker than me. I'm the meekest. A lot of

people are saying it. I love meek. We love meek. I've said I love meek a long time. A long time I've said I love meek. A lot of people are saying I'm the meekest. A lot of people are saying it. It's a Christian impulse.

You won't find it in the far east. I think some of it's genuinely uniquely British. It's the obsession impulse. You won't find it in the Far East. Well, I think some of it's genuinely uniquely British. It's the obsession with the underdog. Everyone wants to be the underdog because that's who gets all the affection. Whereas I think lots of countries, if you go, and coming up against everyone's favorite champion, Muhammad Ali or whatever, is just some guy.

Loads of countries are just like, we want Muhammad Ali to win because he's already the best. And we'd love that to continue Whereas in the UK It's like I want little Jimmy to rise up And obviously none of our own possessions They don't apply that to their own Maybe it's Dickens and little Timmy Oh fuck yeah maybe

Yeah Little kid on crutches I guess because Britain itself is the underdog in a way that did really well and that's it the success of the British nation and empire has

given people a sort of rose tinted perspective of what it means to be the underdog of what it means to be a small fish in a big pond as opposed to teaching them what happens when the underdog. Of what it means to be a small fish in a big pond. As opposed to teaching them what happens when the underdog becomes the overdog. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

It's just another empire. It's just another empire. It's just another something. Yeah. Well, we've cracked it. We've cracked it, everyone. We've cracked a lot today. We've cracked the self-driving car's sinister plot. Sinister plot?

To teach it the highway code. And we've uncovered the real reasoning behind the British Empire and the British obsession with being working class. Yeah. Yeah. And, and also,

uh, well, I mean, this, this, this is, you know, as far as we know,

a middle-class Slytherin podcast. That's anti-murder. The anti-murder, the only, oh, and still, and I can't believe I'm saying this, it's still the only outspokenly anti-murder the only oh and still and I can't believe I'm saying this

still the only outspokenly anti-murder podcast it's 2021 if I was on question time I'd be saying it's disgusting

it's disgusting actually are you anti-murder yes or no yes or no that Lemmy sketch is so funny iturder, yes or no? Yes or no? That Lemmy sketch is so funny. It's so funny. Yes or no?

It's more complicated than that. Yes? Yes or no? Yes or no? It's a simple question, yes or no? Well, is it ever right to kill anyone, yes or no? Well, I mean, it's really funny. Well, you know, we stand alone leading the anti-murder charge,

but hopefully people will come around, Phil. It's about education. It's about teaching people that murdering can be bad. It really is. Oh, also, doing a half-assed Scottish accent has just reminded me, to any Scottish listeners, I have added two dates of my current tour in Scotland.

This month! I'm in Glasgow on the 25th at the Glasgow Pavilion and at the Edinburgh King's Theatre on the 26th. So please, if you're in Glasgow, Edinburgh, or there in Vyrons, please come on the 25th and 26th of September.

Please do. And I would like to say a big thank you to all the pod buds who came to the special recordings that me and Garrett Millerick did. Ah, yes. How was that? It looked good from the snippets. Really good, man. It was really fun. I saw a snippet of something you said, which I've not heard you say before, about

the KFC Mighty Bucket for One. Yeah, man. What do you say about it? It's a whole bit, but basically the Colonel's genius for marketing is in his phrasing. Well, it's just like the first sentence of it. Mighty Bucket for One.

Which is a horrible phrase. Which of course is a revolting phrase. It's just really got me As is a boneless banquet Horrible floppy banquet Disgusting Yeah so I think we've spoken about it before

About like a boneless banquet It sounds like an insult That it's an uninteresting banquet This is a rather boneless banquet It's a banquet of cowards or something. Truly your feast, my liege, would be a boneless banquet without me. But all the Podbuds who came were absolute gems. And after the gig, especially on the Friday, I met some lovely boys.

Good boys. Fine chapsaps good shouting out bit of kojis here and there from people which is very welcome of course pod buds are exclusively fine people I find we've got a good crowd I think it's comedy people it's comedy people who aren't

bored by the occasional rant about politics or class structure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They enjoy the formless goop that we serve. Which is, I think, another meal at KFC. Boneless goop. The Colonel's formless goop.

The Colonel's southern fried formless goop. And for a limited time only, piri-piri Formless Goop. And for a limited time only, Piri Piri Formless Goop. Grilled Formless Goop for the health conscious. Try Formless Goop in a wrap. Well, it's been a lovely holiday, Pod I'm going to go try and find an authentic local pasty Oh, lovely

Go clot some cream Are you guys going to get some seafood? The seafood in Cornwall is I've had a lot of seafood around the world I think maybe the best seafood in the world i think maybe the best seafood in the world i mean the best lobster i've ever had in the world is that was that is quite something we're i'm me and uh me and uh well yeah there's some seafood plans yeah for uh two days

from now for shellfish you can't do much better than uk s i think oysters crab and lobster swell swell swell swell swell high praise high praise I'm gonna try and expand my seafood palette I've got a limited seafood palette I'm gonna try and expand it yes you should grill some lobster baby grill some I think I just

don't have the experience I think it's just the same but quicker oh maybe god yeah maybe fuck well we'll see we'll see we'll see but I think it's just the same, but quicker. Oh, maybe. God, yeah, maybe. Fuck. Well, we'll see. We'll see, we'll see. But, um... And we'll see you on tour.

Find the tour dates, everyone. Go see Wayne. Yes, come to my tour now. Especially in Scotland. Because, um... Well, go to my website. The dates are on there. But in Scotland, it's the 25th and 26th of this month.

September. And the book's filled? The book? Oh, the book is out next week, next Thursday. Next week, baby. Side splitter. Please pre-order it. All right.

Right. Thanks for tuning in, listeners. Thanks, guys. Bye-bye. Bye.