BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 132 - Richard Lines

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

The boys are back! They chat dick lines, hunting nazis and James Bond (no spoilers!) Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Confident driving starts at Midas with top quality tires and expert services from our techs. Stop by Midas on Queenston Road today to buy three tires and get the fourth free. Plus, you can pay over time instead of all up front, so you can embrace every season, every climate, and every road with confidence. Buy three tires, get one free. Shop tires at Midas.com It's Budpod. I don't even know. What is it now? What is it now? Oh, gosh. Maybe

well, seeing as we've missed two weeks now, maybe we've missed so long we have to just restart and this is Budpod 1 again. Oh, God. We're just an hour in minus numbers. I think we're Budpod 1. Have we done 1-3-1? Yeah, this is 1-3-2, I can see.

This is 1-3-2. Okay. Yeah, this is 1-3-2. 1-3-2. Sorry to you. Yeah, two. Sorry to you. Yeah, sorry. We missed two weeks on the trot there just because, well, life kind of takes over sometimes. And Bud Pod Record Day comes along and we're both like, oh, no, I'm in Spain. Or I'm fixing London's water supply.

We just find ourselves, I don't know, in random places doing random things. Well, you're a busy boy with secret projects. I've got secret projects. I've also got my tour. I have my tour, which I'm finally finishing. I've got one more show in Brighton on the 18th of this month. So if you live in the Brighton area, please come along to my Brighton show on the 18th of this month. So if you live in the Brighton area, please come along to my Brighton show on the 18th. But yeah, aside from that, it is done.

Dunsy's the tour. How are you going to celebrate when you do Brighton? I'm going to splash out on a train ride back home. You're not going to stop over some vegan shoes. Yeah. I'm going to buy a pair of cruelty-free boots and a hemp phone and I'm going to sponsor a goose

and all other Brighton-y things. You're going to be seen on the Brighton to London Victoria late night train fast service wearing a pair of pleather thigh highs. What are thigh highs? Thigh highs. Oh, thigh highs. Yeah. Those like insane boots where there's a point where it's like, just make them pants with shoes. They're that high.

They're that long. They're kind of pants with shoes now. Yeah, these boots go so high, you've just made trousers from the opposite end. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly and and and crucially that's the least the the less important end because the the the the anus and genitals are completely visible with these thigh highs which could be an advantage depending on the context the anus and genitals that's a that's a that's a fun way of saying scientific way well it's a fun way of saying

ladies and gentlemen do you think if you anus and genitals please calm down anus and genitals do you think if you said that quickly enough people wouldn't notice they'd go hmm and they wouldn't catch it

anus and genitals please welcome to the stage People wouldn't notice. They'd go, hmm? And they wouldn't catch it. Anus and genitals, please welcome to the stage. Yeah, I don't think they would catch it. I think it would be like three minutes and someone would go, wait, did he say anus and genitals? The person who noticed would be like the person in a horror movie. They'd lean over to someone and go, he said anus and genitals. And the other person would go, what? So he said anus and genitals. They'd go, what? When? And they'd go over to someone and go he said anus and genitals and the other person would go what what so he said anus and genitals they go what when and they go never mind and they just the acts on that could be fun like a fun little prank a fun little joke just for you inside your

own mind that has no those are the noblest pranks of all, Phil. The ones that don't need to be... You just set them free into the night. You don't ever see... You don't get to see the outcome. They exist for their own sake. Yes, that's like the truest form of art. You don't care about audience or appeal or the financial side.

You've made it and it's there now. And that's it. You wash your hands of it. That's there now and that's it you wash your hands of it that's why there are some jokes that i just tell directly into the bins i walk around town i just whisper into a bin a joke and i never tell anyone else i think the finest jokes are the jokes comedians tell between themselves and it's like the kind of wine that that brew like vintners or whatever keep back for their family that's genuinely how i think of it i remember reading that in a marketing seller yeah the estate seller i remember reading it in a marketing campaign for some pear cider

and it claimed i have no idea how true this is that like oh cider families would have a big orchard full of apples and then there'd be like a little mini orchard or a corner of the orchard would have pear trees. And the pear cider would be like for the family, like special, like just in-house treat. Yeah. And that's jokes comedians tell to each other. And they all never see the light of day. They're trapped in hundreds of WhatsApp groups up and down the country. Oh, if WhatsApp groups could talk,

we'd all be in jail. Carl Donnelly has a joke about that, about every man would have to leave the country. It's true. That's where the real comedy is right now though whatsapp groups isn't that a sad indictment of our of our society they're like the late the the the open all night coffee shops of 50s new york they're just all in whatsapp groups Oh, boy. Apologies if I'm sounding roomy to anyone,

because I'm in a room. I'm in a new room, because I've moved house. That's right. The current room in this current house is empty. There's nothing. And so there's nothing to block the sound waves, and they just bounce off the walls. It's kind of depressing, actually. Do you feel a bit like the Punisher

or someone who has to live on the run? I feel a bit like... Yeah, I feel a bit like I'm in Breaking Bad and about to dissolve a body in acid. It feels like I've just found some abandoned house to get rid of my enemies. Yeah, like Dexter, you put the fucking tarpaulins down and stuff. Yeah, yeah. You could totally hear me go, as I'm talking to you, just, sorry about that.

I hate that sound. I hate the sound of stepping on some crinkly plastic. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. It's so unnatural. My brain just goes, this shouldn't be here. This shouldn't exist. Sometimes when I hold a plastic bottle as well, I go, this shouldn't exist.

Really? I didn't know this at all yeah sometimes so wait so maybe i'm a hippie does it give you a reaction like like it like an involuntary reaction or is it like an abstract very sort of thought-based thing that's happening um i guess that i think it's an involuntary sort of animal thing. Yeah. Of like this isn't right. What foul magic is this?

But you've been moving house actually that's another, between the house and the secret projects that's another reason why Budpods have been a little more erratic than erotic. Yes. It's usually yeah, usually Bud Pod is erotic. It just gives you a full-on stiffy or the lady equivalent. But recently it's just been erratic.

The opposite of erotic. Unless you're into erratic movements. Do you reckon that's a kink anyone has? So erratic, like 28 Days Later zombie-style movements? What, like a kind of a sort of sexual rhythm that has absolutely no sort of consistency to it? Yeah.

And it's accompanied by... Well, now we're straying into the question of if there's such a thing as a zombie fetish, and I'm sure there is. For sure. There's got to be. Yeah. Yeah, in a zombie fet fetish when you suck someone off

you suck them off you put your suck right off you're proposing a zombie movie where you become a zombie if you let a zombie fuck you instead of bite you yeah that's right and that's the only way you can become

a zombie I think we've just come out we're always coming up with great movie ideas here and I think we've just come up with our first great porn. Porn or like it would be sort of pornographic and harrowing. It would be a harrowing satire of some kind. Like the original zombie movies were meant to be.

Yes, of course. The original what's the one set in? The of the dead was about like consumerism wasn't it all these zombies still bearing down on a shopping mall yeah well even night of the living dead in black and white was about um the zombies were created by sort of radioactive rays from space and it was through sort of the space race and the cold war the nuclear threat there's sort of elements of that to it the paranoia and and and death of its time what would the name of our zombie porno be called um

so what do i do with the waking dead maybe like brain. Getting brain? Yeah, or just brain. Instead of brains. Oh, brain. Yeah, that's nice. That's good. That kind of works. I think it's a bit too subtle.

Yeah, it's quite subtle. Shambling, shamble, shambling. They lurch. There's nothing much sexy in this. I want cum in there i want like slut i don't want the word slut in there at some point what about like um you uh uh what about like something about how like uh they're gonna really eat your ass that's the tagline yeah that's written in like that kind of... That font in red in that font that looks like it's been painted with a big brush. Yeah, yeah, and it's like dripping a bit. They'll really eat your ass.

They'll eat your ass for real. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The walking head. Walking head, that's pretty good. What, Pawn of the Dead? Pawn of the Dead, yeah, of course. Of course uh what porn of the dead porn of the dead yeah of course oh yeah very good very good very good porn of the dead and then yeah you could do yeah within it you can have porno versions of obviously sean of the dead as well yep yep that's the the funny the spoof of our porn will be made yeah and if we get enough

funding then we could maybe even get the actual cast of shaun of the dead to fuck each other on film god that'd be so expensive can you imagine imagine how much did i score imagine imagine if you had all of their like phone numbers or their agents numbers right so you could like it's not not going to happen, but you would just be able to put the feelers out there and go, okay, but how much? And they'd go, no, no, no, no. And you'd go, no, no, no, seriously, seriously. There must be a number. There must be, come on.

Just say to them, like, let's just say that I've got some investors from, you know, the Gulf. Money is no object. How much? And, and, and reassure them and say, we're still, we're still going to hire Edgar Wright to direct it.

Don't worry. It'll still be quirky. And, and like, and send wells and like funny. Yeah. It'll all be, God,

it's gotta, there's, there's gotta be a number, but yeah, it would It'll all be... God. It's gotta... There's gotta be a number, but yeah, it would be... It would be expensive. Well, Simon Pegg's a big... He's a proper star now. Yeah, superstar. He's in James Bond and shit, yeah. Was he?

Yeah. Oh, wait. No, I'm thinking of Mission Impossible. That's what I'm thinking of. I was gonna say, yeah. I just saw the new James Bond and he wasn't in there. Is it good? I've heard it's good, the new James Bond and he wasn't in there is it good I've heard it's good the new James Bond

it's good it's worth seeing definitely nice it's definitely worth seeing yeah it's um it's interesting

I won't say anything else about it but it's definitely worth seeing yeah it's a good old Bond film oh nice I've never I've never ever liked Bond

I've never got it I've never ever got it what Bonds have you seen I've seen uh Casino the one I've never ever liked Bond I've never got it I've never ever got it What Bonds have you seen? I've seen Casino The one I've liked the most Is Casino Royale Yeah

The You know the first Of the Daniel Craig ones And I think I like The Pierce Brosnan ones Maybe I think they were fine But

The rest I just find so Boring They're so boring and hard to follow. But what about, like, the ones between Casino Royale and now? Awful. Quantum of Somerset, not a clue. Not a clue what could happen in Quantum of Somerset. I quite like Skyfall. No, I'll

give you that. I like Skyfall. I thought Skyfall was good. I think it's quite good that Daniel Craig is stopping, not just because he's fucking old. Yeah. The trouble is, what people go like... That's another name for a zombie movie? Fucking old?

Fucking old, yeah. Yeah. Assuming, no, but then... Yeah, assuming these are old zombies. Pushing up daisies, open brackets with my zombie cock. Yeah, yeah. Close brackets. So it's good Daniel Craig is stopping because he's basically zombie now.

Well, he's... He's a zombie walking out of the sea in trunks. Yeah, yeah, he's older. But so he's older than Sean Connery was when he was, like, in quotes, too old or whoever. Really? Yeah, Daniel Craig's, like, one of the oldest Bonds. Maybe the oldest. I don't know.

Gosh. But. More than like. More than Roger Moore. More than. What was the guy who only did like one with the dark hair? Daltrey? Yeah.

No, Lazenby. Daltrey did two, I think. Oh, okay. Dalton. Timothy Dalton did two. Dalton. No, but the point too, I think. Oh, okay. Dalton. Timothy Dalton did too. Dalton. No, but the point is that I don't think that's valid because they're going like, oh, do you remember when so-and-so in the 70s had to be Bond and he was all fat and swollen and blah, blah, blah.

And it's like, yeah, but Daniel Craig is absolutely fucking shredded. Yeah. He's like 53 and he's absolutely shredded. So the critique doesn't stand. He doesn't look like he's 53. He looks like he's just won an Ironman. We see him a bit nudey in the film. Not like nude nude, but a bit nudey.

He's in incredible shape. He's got those lines that go down to your dick. Really? He's got dick lines? He's got dick lines and square tits. He's got a dick V and square tits at 53 Of course he's James Bond I mean he's going to have like Fucking special You know berries flown in

From the darkest Amazon To boost his immunity You name it he's got Daniel these are ab berries You must eat them The ancient Aztecs believed That you could get dick lines By eating these berries

Yeah all these like old Aztec Drawings and paintings and stuff Where it's like an Aztec guy Going oh I'm pointing at his Dick V He's pointing like an amazing dick V And then there's loads of other Aztec guy going, oh, I'm pointing at his dick V. He's pointing at an amazing dick V, and then there's loads of other Aztec figures around it, kind of gesturing to it with their hands,

like people in a dance in a musical, like, look at this. And in the bushes of these berries surrounding it. Yeah. And that's why anthropologists are like, ah, this means that it was these berries. Have you seen Daniel Craig introducing The Weeknd on SNL? Oh, of course.

There's a Twitter account that just tweets it every Friday. If you haven't seen this, Podbuds, I don't know why it's so good about it, but it's Daniel Craig introducing The introducing the weekend as in the singer the weekend on saturday night live and the way he introduces it he goes ladies and gentlemen the weekend like that and it's so funny because i it's like it's like you can't decide is Is he saying it weird? Basically, he's over-egging it. He says, the weekend, like that's shaking his head

as if he can't believe the weekend's there. But not only that, he's exhausted. He's exhausted by his own disbelief that the weekend is about to perform. Yeah. Yeah, it's like meeting God. But it's also like, I don't think he knows who The Weeknd is. And he's trying too hard to make it look like he's a big Weeknd fan.

Yeah, well, like he's been told. He said to someone, who's The Weeknd? And they went, The Weeknd's huge. You don't know who The Weeknd is? Of course I do. Yeah, of course. And he went, oh, I'm 50, so I'd better really, you know. I've been told this man.

He's like, the man at the shop said it was the best album. It's that vibe. We should have talked to Stuart Laws about this, guest of the pod, friend of the pod. We should have talked to Stuart Laws about this, guest of the pod, friend of the pod. Because he could talk for hours about the finer points of the intonation and physicality of Daniel Craig saying, ladies and gentlemen, the weekend. He's obsessed with it.

So is Alex Healy, comedian, friend of the pod. Oh, I've got to talk to him about it. It's got a lot of fans out there, just that one clip. And it's like three seconds long. Mm-hmm. Ladies and gentlemen. The Twitter account that just tweets it every Friday afternoon. It's got a lot of followers.

It's got like 465,000 followers. Yes. For just doing that. Just doing that. It's crazy. And people love it. Yeah. It might be...

It's a testament to Daniel Craig's range apparently he signed a deal with Netflix to do like seven more Knives Out films or something insane

really they're gonna make more some insane number maybe not seven but it's way more than just one more oh great yeah that was a really

good film Knives Out yeah I enjoyed it with his mad his mad accent that I thought it was pretty good it was a bit mad I Knives Out yeah I enjoyed it with his mad accent that I thought was pretty good it was a bit mad I thought it was funny I thought about this because he's in that with um Arma

the lovely Arma something what's her name she was going out with Ben Affleck for a bit oh uh fuck yeah and she's in James Bond the new Bond oh of course yeah I hadn't

I hadn't quite oh I hadn't clocked that yes of course very good because she's like she's the protagonist in Knives Out

yeah the sort of the nurse good guy and sort of a bit you know a bit cutesy and innocent

and then she's the sexy Bond girl in the latest Bond. But Daniel Craig is also acting in both of those movies. Is it weird, like, oh, we were sort of silly together in this movie, and in this movie we're sexy together? You know, I don't know.

I was thinking about that. Do you think it's, like, partially because they sort of go, like, do you think they ask him, like, who have you worked with who's a kind of sexy person who you like working with and he's like oh she was great and they go great. What do you think Daniel? Do you reckon?

Well I don't know. She's obviously physically attractive enough to be a Bond girl so someone who's physically attractive enough and also gets on with the main star has got to be a pretty big bonus to your cast ability. Ana de Ar armas the lovely ama de armas i'm a dharmas ama de armas if my surname was dharmas i would not call my daughter ama i'm throwing that out there maybe it's a stage name

uh you know there's a Malaysian Bond girl Malaysian Bond girl Back in the day Michelle Yeoh Which one? From when? Which Bond was she in? She was a

She was in One of the Brosnans Oh The one where he's kind of in Hong Kong quite a bit one of the Brosnans oh the one where he's kind of in Hong Kong quite a bit oh right in 1997 wow gosh it was two hours long

remember the day when movies were were long if they were two hours yeah I will say this about the Bond movie it does feel like every movie I see now feels like it's begging for a Netflix series because there's just not time no time to die yeah there's no time to die

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um but yeah just overall i think it's good that um daniel craig is stopping not because he's old because as i say he's in amazing shape although i'm sure it takes a toll on him now more than it did when he was you know 30 or whatever the fuck but they like every every movie that he was in had because they were trying to keep it good continuity, you know? So every Bond movie kind of has to... The plot has to at least half be about mopping up the last Bond movie. That's it. And that's what I'm worried about.

Because I don't know where we left off. I sort of remember the big plot point at the end of Skyfall. But aside from that, I don't remember all the stuff that happened between him and Eva Green. I never followed that really. Yeah, it's just read the wiki or something. But also the other thing is not just that it has to mop up the previous Bond stuff continuity-wise. It's also that, like, how long can you be rogue?

You know, like every single movie it's like, he's rogue, but he's coming back in to do something or he's in but he's gonna go rogue or he's not in or rogue but he's gonna have to choose between coming back or being rogue and at a certain point you've either just got to be at work or just not at work he's um he's working from home they should have done that this movie He's not gone rogue He's working from home Bond over Zoom Yeah

He's got a license to kill from home Yeah well he's just flying a drone He's flying a drone But the drone is wearing a tuxedo And holding like a martini On one of the wings He's flying a drone, but the drone is wearing a tuxedo. And holding, like, a martini on one of the wings. Also, to be fair, like, working from home, like, Zoom backgrounds and stuff, and everyone's in swivel chairs, that works for Bond villains.

That's true. I've been expecting you, Mr. Bond. I admitted you into the waiting room for this Zoom chat. But it's a good one, this new Bond. Yeah. How long is it? It's pretty fucking long. It doesn't feel that long, but it is long. How long was it? It's a good question.

It's more than two hours god that makes me angry but the trouble is that they're stuck in between a movie that's very like a, a bit thin and a Netflix series. Yeah. Netflix series have such an advantage because you can spend, like, 12 hours going, Ooh, this guy is pretty suspicious. Whereas in a movie, there has to be one scene where he kind of raises his eyebrow in a cafe. That's it.

That's all you have. Yeah, the movie's going, is this guy suspicious? Yes, he is. Okay, chase, chase, chase, chase, chase, chase, chase. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Oh, I wonder if the tension... Instead of slowly building up sexual tension

between two characters, it has to just be like, hello, I'm Bond, James Bond. Hello, nice to touch my breasts. Okay, and then immediately... I don't think i've ever believed a romance in a movie ever like not not one that begins in the movie because it's not enough time and and especially like if it's an if it's an action movie and the hero he meets a little gal

they they have two interactions and then he will literally say i love love you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just go, fuck off. I'd like a movie where... No, you don't. You love the idea of her, Ryan Reynolds. You don't... Love is a commitment, not a feeling. I was told this once when I was a kid. We had...

Our school, for some reason, all the kids kids in Malaysia in my school in Sabah we were yeah taken into the hills it's starting to sound a bit dodgy but we were we were taken into the hills

into the mountains into like into like a lodge up on a on a mountain somewhere right and we had sort of sort of like

one-on-one sessions with not one-on-one sessions but like you were taught how to make love group sessions with the right one-on-one sessions, but like group sessions with... You were taught how to make love. The right way. Sorry, Phil, is this the plot of Red Sparrow?

And I remember we had a teacher who'd come, he'd come from, I think, I think it was Nigeria. It was a Nigerian guy who came in and taught bits of drama and stuff in the school and he took on this uh this sort of lesson where he's talking to the boys i think it's one of those where they split the boys and the girls and he's talking to the boys about like relationships at school and like having crushes on people and how i think there was there was uh an epidemic at the time of um boys saying they were in love with girls or like they loved the girls or something right and he was like love is not a feeling love is a commitment and i don't know that always stuck with me

and i think there was so there's actually something quite right about that i think it like a it definitely sounds good enough to to be like that would have stuck with me for sure that's a pretty especially if it was in the mountains um stuff you're told by a nigerian guy in the in the borneo mountains you'd assume there was some something to it yeah it would be weird if a nigerian guy took you into the the mountains of borneo just to go oh no nothing no just wanted to hang out yeah just go lefty loosey righty tighty okay back down the mountain we go just to go just to say don't eat yellow snow and then slap you and then back down the mountain in a completely snowless country i think i think love is um well a lot of a lot of love is a choice right like that you hear that from people where they say you wake up every morning and and and work on work on it like it's not like

some natural self self-creating feeling yeah not forever like you've got to be committed to someone and take it seriously and put the work in and all that i think that's true i i have this problem with people who who talk about being happy as if it's like an achievable constant state yeah yeah yeah but that's like trying to be on mdma all the time i think it's just not like you might even if you achieve it it not viable. And it's not even necessarily appropriate. And it's not even a necessarily good thing. I was listening to something recently about... I listen to a lot of Radio 4 at the moment.

And I think it was the start of the week. It's a really good show. And they're talking about life through the first person. And how our ideas... And how emotions go in and out of fashion in a weird way over the centuries. And sadness didn't used to be something that had to be avoided at all costs. Sadness used to have value.

It meant that you were experiencing life, that you were processing your experiences and that you were being a human person living in the moment. So it had value. It wasn't like something that had to stop as soon as possible. Whereas now, sadness is like, if you're sad, you must be doing something wrong. There must be something wrong and you have to change it.

And if it's not you doing something wrong, then there must be something society is doing wrong. You have to change that. Whereas back in the day people used to accept sadness as a part of the human condition yeah it's it's seeing it as now that that would have been good up in the mountains too to hear that that would have been helpful especially from nick robinson if you've been taken into the bornean mountains by a nigerian teacher and then he's done ladies and gentlemen mr nick robinson ladies and gentlemen the weekend now that would have been amazing if the weekend had been um in the mountain ranges and he'd he'd

said to you love is it love is a choice you make every day. And then left. No singing. He'd say, love is a choice you make every day. Also, I'm from Canada, not America. Is that true? Is The Weeknd Canadian? I think like all the most famous Americans, he is Canadian, yeah. He's one of the sneaky Canadians.

He's one of the sneaky Canucks. I'm searching The Weeknd. He's one of the sneaky Canadians. He's one of the sneaky Canucks. Ah. I'm searching the weekend. Riding in on a truck hidden under a giant maple leaf. A truck full of easily affordable medication. Yes, yes. Yeah, he's Canadian, yes. He's from Toronto, one of the main bits of Canada. And he is our age, which is terrifying.

Oh, no. I hate it when that happens. Oh, no. Not you, The Weeknd. Now, I think if he didn't become super famous and successful, everyone would agree that The Weeknd was a terrible name for a person. Yeah. All band names are shit until you're successful.

Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Imagine saying, like, our band is called The Who, and they'd be like, okay, ha-ha, but... Okay, what is it really, though? Yeah. Or even, like, The Beatles. You said it got, like, what, like, bugs?

What? It's like, no, we've replaced beat as in the beat of a drum. It's like, oh, so it's a stupid pun. Yeah, you're right. It's a pun on a bug that doesn't even, irrelevant. What does that have to do with, do you dress as beetles, the bug? No. It's not a bug. Are your songs about insects? No.

Yeah. What's that, does the bug play, like, does the bug make a noise that's like a drum in nature? Like a woodpecker? No. No, it's not relevant. No, but it's just beetles spelled with a beat, like a beat like a drum in nature? Like a woodpecker? No. It's not relevant. No, but it's just Beatles spelt with a beat like a beat of a drum.

Yeah. And then obviously they were quite good so people went yeah, they called the Beatles. They called the Beatles, man. I guess although the 50s and 60s

were a good it was a good time for puns. Yeah, they'd only just been invented, hadn't they? Yeah. It was the miniskirt the contraceptive pill and puns. That's they'd only just been invented, hadn't they? Yeah. It was the miniskirt, the contraceptive pill, and puns. That's right. That's right. And all you had to do, like in Bond films,

is say a pun and you could have sex with a Swedish model before exploding. I wish I was alive in the 60s sometimes. It must have been so good to be famous in the 60s and 70s where you could do what? where there were no repercussions for anything. Yeah. Nothing at all.

Now people are like, people should be held to account. Not if you're the people. No, you wouldn't want that if you're the famous rock star. Oh, it must have been so great. But also like, there were only three TV channels. So you're just like, well, I was in one sitcom and then I was absolutely sorted for life i bought a village yeah exactly yeah yeah for obscure tax reasons in the 70s i am a feudal french lord i was in one episode of

only fools and horses and now i own the town of salisbury that's it yeah it's it's insane they go oh it was the lowest rated episode of that sitcom so only 10 million people saw it gosh what do you think gosh what do you think? Gorsh. What do you think? It's funny, isn't it, to think back to those days and like... I always wonder about all the shit we don't know, like all the Jimmy Savile stuff's come out and all the other stuff, but then there's got to be more, doesn't there? Yeah, there's definitely a couple of guys out there in sort of faded bell-b bell bottoms just sweating in their armchair every day

but do they feel do you think they feel like um ex-nazis like that bit from um like when magneto kills a bunch of nazis in that bar yeah yeah yeah definitely like it's like they're they maybe if you were like a horrible sex fiend in entertainment in the past you now feel like a Nazi war criminal living in South America in like the mid 70s when the Israelis were going around assassinating them

oh did the Israelis do that? yeah they did it well they kidnapped Thingy eichmann and held him on trial in israel and hanged him there wow pretty sure whoa that's dramatic but understandable that's funny i i just started listening today to i've been listening so much radio for um on bbc sounds and um there's a great radio for series called nuremberg oh Oh, nice. And it's about the hunt and the trial of the

Nazi top brass right after the end of the Second World War. It's dramatized, but it's dramatized quite well. I mean, there are some ridiculous American accents in it. It's quite obvious, I think, well, it's quite obvious all the actors are British. They're like, Sarge, you might want to come in here.

And it's like, come on, man. Just hire some Americans. Back in my hometown of Boise, Idaho, we didn't talk... But yeah, it's so dramatic. I didn't realize that

Henrik Himmler was captured. Like, he was captured. And when the British doctor was, like, looking, you know, checking his person, looking through his hair and all that. Yeah. And opened up his mouth. And he saw, like, this glint of a cyanide pill in the back row of his teeth. And he was like, he's got one. And Himmler was just like, and just pulled his head away

and just thought it was dead in 15 minutes. It's just, it's so... Rad seems like an insensitive word, but it's fucking rad. It's just so dramatic. Well, it's the real deal. I mean, the stakes don't get higher than trying to fucking pin down Himmler and hang the little prick, you know? Yeah, like tracing these guys down. And some of them were just really loose, like the guy who'd made Hitler Chancellor.

Chancellor? That's the word, isn't it? He didn't even bother running. He was just like, when they found him, he was just sat in his country estate. Just going, oh, hello, come sit down. Like, some of them were just like, whatever, it's happening.

Some of them like drove right up to the Americans, like, here I am. But then some were just like running through the Alps and shit. And there's one, like, American operative who's like this Harvard educated guy, and he pretended to be a lost

hiker and he's like hey I'm lost he's like wearing lederhosen and stuff and then when the Nazi let him in he's like you're under arrest it's just so dramatic and it's kind of those stories where you watch movies and you go oh this would never happen this is good but it never

happened but like in the second law it it kind of did. Oh, if you can think of something, the only time when you're watching a movie about anything like that, where you say, oh, this would never happen, is if it involves magic lasers or robots or whatever. Otherwise, it's probably happened.

I mean, just think about when Jamal Khashoggi got sawed into pieces in an embassy in a foreign country. happened i mean just think about that when like jamal kashoggi got sawed into pieces in a embassy in a foreign country yeah that's nuts they didn't even wait to get the bot they did the yeah they got rid of the evidence there in at the scene of the crime and they recorded it why did they record it it was some audio recording of it got leaked or something or maybe there was a bug in the room i don't know yeah dude yeah i mean definitely definitely look into um any of the movies about like the the the odessa network and and all the little like the little spider webs and rat tunnels that the the nazis used to escape to sort of south america or a couple of guys who were quite high up in the ss ended up living in ireland um but then then you reach the the murky territory

of okay but they weren't convicted of war crimes but they were in the ss so that's when you go well can you just show up and assassinate them then kind of in my opinion go for it yeah yeah i'm not gonna be like hey hey come on leave him alone hey that's that's unfair i'm not gonna i'm i'm gonna look the other way you know yeah no it's actually amazing like um well never mind that and also like all the crazy US and Soviet fighting over German atomic scientists, missile scientists. Yeah, of course. The guy who designed the V2 helped with Apollo 11, right? Yeah, von Braun.

Werner von Braun. Yeah, yeah. America got to the moon because of the v2 the v2 rocket scientists it's pretty crazy yeah this is not a story in in this um in this nuremberg uh program uh where so the in there's this town in luxembourg where right after the second world war they took the allies predominantly the americans took over this uh hotel this grand old hotel and it turned it into into a prison for the captured Nazis. Yeah.

And especially like top brass. So they had, they didn't have him there. They had Goering there for a bit. Yeah. And one day, like this train turns up at the station of the town and all these skeletal withered people start sort of crawling out of it and they're the recently liberated prisoners from the concentration camps and Nazi concentration camps who finally come

home to their own their hometown their own village and they've they start like moving towards this hotel with the other villagers, because they know, someone's told them, all the Nazis that did this to them are in this hotel in their hometown, and there's this incredible moment where the Americans are lined up, and they hold up their guns at,

because they can't let anyone hurt these prisoners because they need to put them on trial. And so now they're standing down the only just liberated, emaciated prison of war camp victims. And they're about to shoot them to stop them getting at the Nazis who just did it. It's crackers. They didn't. They didn't in the end. and they're about to shoot them to stop them getting at the nazis who just did it it's it's

crackers they didn't they didn't in the end but like there was a moment where they might have done it was yeah it's insane sometimes pierre it's almost as if real life is stranger than fiction well then the nazis were they were imprisoned but it was it was a luxurious hotel so it was kind of a prison made of gold. Well, this is the thing. It wasn't that luxurious, apparently, this hotel, but some journalists who wanted in on the story weren't let in. And so they just started,

they made up the story that the Nazis were being put up in this really luxurious hotel and being treated like royalty. And then the Soviet press, a russian soviet press well right yeah the russian press um got hold of this and russian radio started playing this story because they were worried that the allies were going to make a deal yes with the germans and keep out and keep out stalin and stuff so they started going oh the americans are treating these nazis as like kings and so then this was a bit of a pr disaster and uh and and the americans

then had to give a tour of the hotel to journalists to show that the nazis were sleeping on mats and were being given only 15 000 1500 calories a day and all this sort of thing yeah it's very it's really good that is i i do know that the the british when the the high-rank the high ranking Nazi military generals and stuff that the British captured were put up in a kind of isolated country house and it was one of the first houses that was rigged like every single room was rigged entirely for sound

to record yeah and there were microphones in the lamps there were microphones in the chandeliers there were microphones hidden in the tied tables and the walls were like hollow with like people you know hiding in there listening recording like everything was recorded on tape the entire attic was just a recording studio and um they picked up a lot of intelligence and like they they wanted to hear what the generals said to each other about hitler's state of mind like gossip secrets things like that great and the old generals never thought for a second that they were being recorded and they about Hitler's state of mind, like gossip, secrets, things like that. Great.

And the old generals never thought for a second that they were being recorded and they were treated quite well and they were given lovely dinners with loads of booze so that they would just completely let rip with each other in private, smoking cigars or whatever, thinking like, yeah, the English are very hospitable, very good.

And secretly everything being fully transcribed. Yeah. That's just the power of good British hospitality. That's right. Yeah. That's why the British are so polite and reserved, because they think they're being recorded. Oh, that's good stuff.

Anyway, that's our history quota fulfilled for the episode. Yeah, well, we weren't doing Budpods when we heard about Norm Macdonald. Oh, gosh. Did we not? Did we not? I don't think so. Oh. Yeah.

Well, did we mention it? I don't know. Anyway, R.I.P. Still watching clips of him. R.I.P. Norm. One of the greats the greatest the funniest so good another sneaky

Canadian sneaky Canadian that's right there's so many something about the mixture of North American and British culture makes Canadians very funny yeah and he was amazing that if you if any pod buds don't know no mcdonald he's got a great netflix special on netflix called uh well funny enough uh hitler's dog something something something

something and hitler's dog gossip trickery and hitler's dog yeah that's it he got some trickery and hitler's dog and he's got some albums on Spotify as well. They're really good. It's a really funny description of stand-up he would use, which is describing it as gossip and trickery. Yeah. Yeah, he sort of just floated above the whole thing in a way. You couldn't really pin him down.

Yeah. As doing any really pin him down. Yeah. As doing any particular kind of thing. Yeah, it was just amazing. Phil, so Brighton on the 18th of October? Brighton on the 18th of October. The Brighton Theatre Royal on the 18th of October. Also, my book is still out. Can you believe it?

Have they not taken it away from you yet? They've not taken it away from anyone. They're not banging down people's doors. They're not kicking down people's homes and demanding them back. You can still buy my book, Sidesplitter, from any good bookshop. And if you go somewhere and they don't have it, then you have permission from Phil to say to them, this isn't a good bookshop.

This is no longer a good bookshop, for it lacks the best book. Side Splitter by Phil Wang. You can shout, and it's the nice family-run book owner's face. I thought this was a good bookshop. No, I think it's bad. Not a bad bookshop, as it appears to be. A bad one?

And the owner will be going, no, please, we can order it, please. And then you go, well, you'd better. That's a horrible intonation. Where do you learn that intonation? Well, you'd better. Well, you'd better. Or I'm going to think it is bad. What about you, Pierre?

What are you up to? I had basically a month off from being um uh bullied by uh my my romanian personal trainer my romanian friend in the gym uh now i'm back on being bullied phil i'm back on the bullet train great great great great i'm gonna get i'm gonna do that i'm to be the strongest podcaster. That's my dream. Yes, that would be a Guinness book record. That would be a Guinness record worth having. World's strongest podcaster. People will nudge each other when I'm in a bar and they'll say,

you see him? He's the strongest podcaster. You're just like crushing microphones with one hand yeah exactly and drinking like and you just pour all the bits in it into your mouth like it's a like it's a drink i wonder who the strongest podcaster is maybe it's joe rogan probably i was just thinking it must be joe rogan he's gone nuts but i guess all it takes is like for the guy who played the mountain in game of thrones to start a podcast so then he'd be the strongest right oh man if yeah

i mean yeah i would to be fair i would listen to a podcast just about if you look at what he has to eat every day it's amazing oh really it's like a full goat it's insane as you know it's like 20 eggs like it's insane it's insane like gaston in 20 eggs. It's insane. It's insane. Like Gaston in Beauty and the Beast. It's the bit where Gaston is just tumbling eggs into his mouth every day forever. I love that bit. I was like, I want to do that.

I loved eggs. I still love eggs. I would have loved to eat a bunch of eggs. Just like... Juggle them into my mouth. And they look like they go down so smooth in gaston's neck they do i used to eggs i used to be very jaded phil about chicken or turkey drumsticks hmm and it's like, right. As in you thought they weren't all that. I would watch a cartoon, and what I would see, Phil,

is I would see essentially a cartoon bone with a fantastic globe of meat on the end. Yeah, yeah. And, yep, that's right. You could suck off the whole thing like you're in Pawn of the Dead. Yes, exactly. You'd suck the whole thing right off. Off the bone.

Or you could chomp it off in two big tears and it was all meat and it was all wonderful looking. Yeah, that was brilliant. Yeah. And then you'd get a real chicken leg and it would have cold, wrinkly skin and it would have an extra weird mini bone in there

and there would be a gristly bit. Yeah. A mini bone. A mini, like, spiky bone. I didn't see the spiky bone on Aladdin when the genie had a bunch of chicken legs. Well, this is it.

This is it. When I was watching Gaston chewing that turkey leg, I didn't see him go, oh, and then very carefully pick out a small sharp bone. Also avoid the cartilage at the end. Or like, oh, is this bit meat is this meat or is this the little bit it's i always think it's like a kind of it's like a cartilage version of the end of a shoelace it's like that little tube isn't it well at the top i'm i'm struggling to think

what this bit is there's there's a sort of There's a sort of cartilage sort of cap. No, not like the knuckle. Okay. Not the knuckly bit. I mean, it's sort of like at the bottom as it tapers towards the base of the drumstick. If we have any vegan listeners, they're throwing up right now.

And they won't even be the first people that we've made throw up with our voices. There's been two so far. Yeah. Well, we used to be the brown podcast. We used to be the brown note. we've made throw up with our voices there's been two so far yeah well we well used to be we used to be the brown podcast we used to be the brown note we used to make people poo and now we're making them throw up um i had a very well we're already making people throw up that's right well oh um on a separate note i had a funny thought the other day for like um like if the if the brown note really properly existed right um a really like amazing and funny thing that you could do is uh film an enormous like a warehouse rave you know like a big crowd of people at a rave and then film them being played the brown

note under strobe lighting and just these little flashes of of people's sort of faces going oh god yeah yeah yeah and so you only see flashes of increasing amounts of poo on the dance floor yeah and flashes as people's faces sort of contort and they kind of double over so you don't have to just watch a room full of people go Oh god what's happening and then shit themselves You get these little glimpses of People looking around in confusion Like the red wedding The brown wedding

If I was very rich that's what I'd do That and porn of the dead Have you heard what Pierre's been up to recently since he won the lottery? Yeah, it's weird. He just made a zombie porno and then got all these ravers to shit themselves in this warehouse. I don't know. He's currently possibly facing 350 charges of minor assault. The judge isn't even sure how to classify playing the brown note to people.

It's going to make legal history. Well, another podcast done. Basically, some plugging was done. 18th in Brighton. That would be good. Yep. Some plugging. Some Nazi history.

Some Nazi history. Some Bond theorizing. We didn't actually talk about who we thought the next Bond should be. We'll save that for next episode. Just to whet your ears. Just to whet your ears. Just to whet your little ears. Just to get your ears absolutely soaking.

Soaking, dripping, just falling out the middle bit. Just gushing. Alright listeners, enjoy the incoming autumnal weather. Bye! Leaves are falling. Bye! Shop with Rakuten and you'll get it. What's it?

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