BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 134 - Malden Maldenssalt

Episode Date: October 20, 2021

The boys (Phil Wang, Pierre Novellie) talk thorium energy, hot lamb juice, food as danger, Phil's Brighton tour date and correspondence includes prank tea and cramp spaff Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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4. 1, 3, 4. Give me more. We will. Of Bud Pod. It's a kind of wonky arrangement of numbers, isn't it? One, three, four. It makes your eye sort of go,

goo. Yeah, I know. I think because your mind is looking for the two. It's looking for the two, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. You're looking at one, three, four and you're like, there's something wrong here. There's something missing. Your mind's looking for the two. You're running up and, 3, 4 and you're like there's something wrong here There's something missing Your mind's looking for the 2 You're running up and down the wooden stairs

Throwing open cupboard doors Where's the 2 you cry But the house is silent You're interrogating 3 like Batman Where is he Well 2 is a she of course As we've covered many episodes ago Where is he? Well two is a she of course As we've covered many episodes ago Where is she?

Yes two is a gal Two three and four are gals The lucky one Is the only fella In that mix Yeah I think that's true Also apologies to any listeners who can hear Another round outside of what I like to call

London's mysteriously constant drilling. Yeah, there's always construction noises in London and I just think, I'm sorry, I thought we already had buildings. You know what I mean? Buildings as far as I can see, and what's this? The sound of more building? But they're already there! buildings as far as I can see and what's this

the sound of more building but they're already there I you wouldn't expect a chef to come over to your pizza at your table and be like well here's the oven

let's put the pizza back in I wouldn't expect that ever no you'd be surprised if that happened I'd be appalled what I don't understand

is whether or not it's good. So there's a thing I do, Phil, now because I used to get annoyed about stuff. And what I do now, Phil, is I make up a story in my head about why it's not annoying. Uh-huh, yeah. You're tricking yourself. So so someone is like uh sat next

to me on on a train and they're they're absolutely you know open mouth chewing their way through a sack of grapes or something yeah i can make a hemp sack of loose sack of loose grapes like you can buy from any grape vendor on any train station platform in this country I will make up in my head like oh maybe he's got like a deviated septum you know like his nose is all fucked up

so he has to chew with his mouth open otherwise he can't breathe what an unlucky man I'll think instead of what an awful piece of shit so i've got this like so your your misophonia is so bad you've had to invent a fictional world for yourself oh it's where everyone has a legitimate reason to be eating with their mouths open yeah it's um i do it with everything i just make up a little story you're basically russell crowe in a beautiful mind you've gone mad yeah i've gone with their mouths open. Yeah, I do it with everything. I just make up a little story.

You're basically Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind. You've gone mad. Yeah, I've gone insane in an attempt... Yeah, and you're... Right. In an attempt... And you're seeing the world

as more... Like, your life is going better than it is. Well, it's in an attempt to not be as angry a person or as irritated. I suppose irritated is a better word than angry. But in order to be a less a person or is irritated so it's irritated is better word than angry but in

order to be a less irritated person i just make up like an alternative scenario i'm not saying it's definitely why but i'm thinking well you don't know ah perhaps and is this a thing is this a technique you've developed yourself or is it an established form of treatment? A wizard whispered it to me through a wall in a dungeon. No, I think I don't know, actually. I don't know if I stumbled across this on some bullshit subreddit or if I've made this up myself or some sort of therapy-based source. It could be anything. Yeah, maybe.

I don't know. But regarding the drilling noises, maybe it's good? Is it good for a city to be constantly building? Does that mean that we're in a good city instead of a decaying one? Hmm. But it must be decaying in order to require all that repair, right?

It's a sign of a healthy economy. Or is it just a sign of a healthy construction industry I think it might be that yeah which is one of the possible signs of a healthy economy but not necessarily it's the largest industry well it's the largest section

of the British economy is construction followed by services right yeah that sounds right given that everything here is fucking old and needs to constantly be like tinkered with instead of just knocked down. Yeah, sometimes I think, you know what Britain could have done with a good old bombing in the Second World War? I mean, I knew we were bombed, but compared to Japan and Germany, nothing. And look at their trains, you know what I mean? That's true. If the Germans had been better at hitting train tracks

instead of major population centers, maybe we'd have better trains. That's true. I mean, in the north, they still have those fucking diesel trains. It's pretty outrageous. They're not even electrified. Oh, shit.

Have you ever got one of those trains that goes from the right-hand side of the north to the left-hand side? So you sort of like York to Manchester. Transpennine. Oh, the Transpennineine but you know how it's like oh those diesel boys yeah it's like two carriages and there's like like this insane engine like smoke coming out yeah it's like a sort of uh it's a the kind of train a snobby southerner would imagine still is in use in the north. Yeah.

One that literally chugs out black smoke. A big industrial smoke-chugging train full of happy northerners openly chatting to each other even though they're strangers. Yeah. Awful, awful, awful, awful all around. I still remember the transition of going from the kind of slightly chatting to strangers in public to not doing it at all when I moved from the northern half of this country to the south.

Yeah, yeah. I felt the cultural shift, Phil. I felt it. I'm so proud. I'm so, you know, I don't think I can really call myself a southerner because I've only been here since I was 16. But if there's one thing I'm proud of regionally, it is our reticence to talk to strangers.

And when a northerner says, oh, down south, no one talks to one another. Like a single tear of pride just rolls down my cheek. And I go, you're damn right we don't. You look like one of those propaganda paintings of communists staring into the sunset, you know? Yeah, I'm puffing my chest up and i got my hands on my hips and got this big burly chest and an angular face an angular face and like a one of those uh the hats with uh ear flaps

we don't have we don't have as good uh i will say this though i was going to say we don't have as good propaganda uh these days slash in this country but the coronavirus period had some pretty good propaganda yeah i mean yeah yeah yeah i mean what was it hands face space was like yellow and red yellow and black like stripes like it's a crime scene yeah yeah yeah it all got a bit V for Vendetta for a moment yeah

yes yes it did very airstrip one stay home a good citizen avoids the virus a great citizen stays home and never gets the virus. Citizen 734MZ, you are past your curfew. And then like a big spotlight.

And it's a bald, what's her face? What's the actor in V for Vendetta Oh It's not Keira Knightley is it No It's American She's Padme And in Black Swan

Oh it's This is going to bug me I swear the act of saying what's that actor's name Makes the listener forget the person's name. Yeah, apart from all the people yelling at us now. Natalie Portman. Natalie Portman. Shaved Natalie Portman.

Running through the streets. You've got to hand it to communist propaganda. It had a real look. And what was amazing, one I've never really understood, and there might be a perfectly simple historical reason for this, which you'll tell me, is how consistent communist propaganda and communist aesthetic was

from Russia all the way through to China, through basically North Korea, like, the look is the same. Why is the look the same? Well, it's a style. It's called socialist realism. Yeah, okay. And so were there people literally coming over from Russia

or going to China being like, so you draw the lines at this angle and you use this font? Well, they certainly, they would say like, this is like the best kind of propaganda because it's, so part of the style comes from the fact

that you need to, it needs to make sense to illiterate peasants, right? Ah. So if it's too abstract, like early on in communist Russia, Soviet Russia, you had some actually, some pretty cool abstract stuff

in world war ii and then after world war ii they were really like they really hated like abstract art like they they were kind of a little nazi-ish about sort of decadent abstract weird art they were quite if you wanted to get ahead in life you wanted them those hyper realistic paintings of ruddy cheeked farmers who were absolutely shredded. That's what you wanted. And they had government departments. They had a house style, I suppose you could say. Yeah, you're trying to appeal

to Joe Vasilev on the street. That's right. Just your average Vasily. The irony, there's a good article somewhere online do your own googling because i'm too lazy everyone um about how maybe it was john gray in one of his books anyway the point is he said that if it was him he was saying that socialist realism is kind of ironic because it wasn't really it could it could either be socialist or realism in terms of

like depicting what russia was of depicting what Russia was actually like or what China was actually like because it would so often be focused on what socialism would be like, right? Like sort of flying cars and these beautiful buildings. It was very rarely a hyper-realistic painting of a university-educated commissar

begging a beet farmer to, you know, show him where the hoard of beets was that didn't actually exist. Yeah. Very rarely actually about what was going on on the ground. Yeah. But it does all look exactly the same. Yeah. Yeah.

Got to hand it to him. Maybe you should start doing tour posters in that format, maybe. Yeah, I think that might be cool I think that might be cool get a commission a real painter to do it and then you have the

amazing poster and you have a painting for your house oh yes my my my house of the bare walls

the house of bare walls you're you're empty echoing Mrs. Havisham I have put a couple of things up I was saying to you It's like in a video game where you have a base

And between missions when you come back to the base You notice more stuff has been set up Or like your Assassin's Creed team Have been putting up Unpacking more boxes and putting up more computers While you've been out on your missions It's like that Every time I come back to my my house there's a couple more bits you know i put up well you um you completed the jungle mission and now there's like a big mask in the corner

and then if you scroll the cursor over it it's like a kind of really like stupid summary of like a few who knew that deep in the jungle there was a temple full of blah blah blah but i guess in the end justice won out there'll be a stupid summary of your mission i can walk if i walk next to it i can press interact and yeah and you keep doing it accidentally because you're trying to chase an npc around the room and talk to them about the next mission press interact and i just go well that was a crazy day well that was a crack god damn it well that was a crazy i'm trying to make some breakfast yeah yeah or you click it and go hmm i wonder if i could wear them up hmm

or the the really passive-aggressive video games where eventually it comes up and goes, you are bored of looking at the mask. Yeah, some games don't let you do it forever. Yeah. Sometimes they'll just take away the option of interacting and they'll just go, no, you've had enough. Yeah, you're done with the mask for today.

Oh, okay. Fucking hell. Oh, last night, Pierre, was my final tour show in Brighton. And you were there? And you were there? And you were there? And you were there, Pierre?

I was there, yeah. It was a lovely show in Brighton Theatre Royal. I want to thank everyone for coming. And I want to thank... I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for coming to all the tour shows. It was lovely and nice to finally get it done. And thanks for holding on to your tickets for two years!

But it was really fun. Pierre opened the show last night and he had to explain away a white bandage on his head it looked like you'd been gassed in the Somme

and the medic had slipped and put the bandage on the wrong like just a few inches too high you looked like you were coming back from some battle you'd been conscripted into. I think I looked a bit like someone playing like Injured Man in a school play. Yeah, because the bandage,

like it's rectangular, but perfectly, I have to say, perfectly in the center of your forehead. Yeah, it doesn't look, like if I was a skeptical, you know, employer or something, I'd be like, well, you can't. No injury is that exactly in the middle of anyone's face. It has to be fake. Yes. Although the injury is not in the middle of my face. And I amused Phil's audience by claiming that it was my new forehead swastika tattoo

which was fun. Yes, that's right Phil, head injury had to be explained away I sprayed lamb juice in my own face which I

said last night is not a euphemism I'm about to spray lamb juice. No, that's horrible Which I said last night is not a euphemism. I'm about to spray lamb juice. No, that's horrible. Oh, God. It's disgusting. Why would it be lamb juice? You threw your dick to the lamb.

Sometimes I call my penis the shank. The shank is good. Yeah. The leg, the shoulder I call my penis the lamb Because people say Jesus Christ when they see it That kind of works But then there's no need to start going on about Lamb juice, that's horrible

Yeah that's gross, but you actually mean lamb juice You burnt yourself with lamb juice I mean Juice of a lamb Yes You sprayed your forehead with lamb juice Like you were being baptised In the church of lamb

Like you were a baby Getting baptised So what I was doing Was I was slow roasting A leg of lamb and it was a big old boy I was doing Was I was slow roasting a leg of lamb And it was a big old boy I was in the supermarket Phil And I didn't even go to the meat aisle Phil

I went straight to the butcher Straight to the sauce Buddy I need you to head back in there and get me something custom Have you ever heard of a leg of lamb? I couldn't help but notice that you In the aisles you sell half legs to half men. I demand a whole leg.

A haunch, if you will. So I went to the counter and I said, listen up, butch. Give me that two and a half kilogram leg over there. Wow. And they wrapped it up and handed it over. And then when you're cooking it, slow cooking it, it's got to be in a pot with a lid, Phil, in the oven. And halfway up its surface, whatever, with water and all the herbs and things that you put in with the water to create the right the the lamb liquor the stock so half submerged half submerged and then

flip that bitch every hour right okay gotta flip them so i took out the bitch and uh just as i was trying to flip the bitch with two spoons the big old heavy lamb leg boy just tumbled back into the... Well, it kind of slipped under the spoon because it was all wet with juices. And the spoon slipped. So I want you to imagine, Phil, that the spoon, I'm holding it overarm with the concave facing towards me because I'm trying to spoon the lamb towards me to flip it. Right, like you're playing lacrosse with a spoon.

Yes, yeah, but I'm using two spoons. So the left hand has got the underspoon, as it were. Okay, so you're a dual-wielding lacrosse player. Yes. Yeah, okay. Yeah, and as I'm trying to flip this thing towards me to roll it, the spoon slips and twangs, and like Dennis the Menace spoon catapults boiling lamb juice right into my face.

Wow, yeah. And was there like hot fat in there as well? There was hot fat. There was bits of garlic and ginger. Well, hot fat. That sounds like, ooh. Well, hot fat. Garlic and ginger.

We all remember that particular jazz trio phil hot fat garlic and ginger well it sounds like this was a delicious injury at the very least your face must have tasted very good even if it wasn't a lot of pain oh my my my forehead has never been um has never been more well layered in flavor but that that sounds really horrible and you're saying last night like it was that level of pain where you didn't even swear yeah it was it was a moment of like complete silence as i just checked to see if i'd blinded myself. That quiet panic, when you realise you've done something really bad to yourself. It's just a quiet, white

heart panic. Like your brain isn't even giving energy to saying anything because you're just trying to figure out what's happened, what the level of damage is, what the solution is. Yeah, it's terrifying. I immediately in like silent horror what the solution is yeah it's terrifying I I immediately in

in like silent like horror just got all the ice cubes out and then I remembered that you're not supposed to put ice cubes on burns and I was like

oh oh really this bowl of ice cubes yeah why yeah because you can get like freezer burn as well like it's going to be

from one extreme to the other double burn holy shit yeah it should be cold water not ice water when you when you first splashed that hot land juice freezer burn as well. Like it's going to be from one extreme to the other. Double burn. Holy shit. Yeah. It should be cold water, not, not ice water. When you,

when you first splashed that hot land juice on your forehead, was it that kind of hot where at first it doesn't feel like hot. Like for the first split second, it feels almost like cold. It's just like this kind of blank, like blank feeling. Yeah. Like a blank feeling.

And it's like your body's going, okay, something's happening here, time to decide what it is. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It was basically my body going, something big's going down in forehead town. We're not sure if it's hot or cold yet, but more as we get it.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And then as the pain hits, you go... Yeah. Instead of even swearing. And then I Captain America'd the boiling hot lid across the fucking room. And then later, while I was still... I was turning down hobs because I was boiling stuff as well on the hobs.

I was like, turn down the fire before you deal with anything else. Get rid of all the fire. And then as I was turning off all the fire, then I was like, oh, get the lid. I have to put the thing back in. Get the lid. And I just picked up the lid and then it almost burnt my fingertips really badly. Oh, fucking hell. Because of course the lid was hot, Philip.

Yeah, because it's been in the oven. Putting a whole pot in the oven is fucking terrifying because you when you're boiling it on the stove you're like okay i've got a good idea the bottom of the pot is gonna be very hot and then it's sort of getting cooler and cooler along up the sides and the handles are fine and the lid is fine but when it's been in the oven you take it out it looks the same you can't it doesn't look. It isn't glowing like in a cartoon. But it's so hot. It's all equally hot. It's insane. And every time

a lot of the limitations of my cookery, Phil, has just been the fear of what if I put a pot in the oven? It will explode. Because the idea of going like, okay, get something that's quite reactive and will boil and release steam,

and then seal it nice and tight and put it in a hot sealed box. Oh, like a bomb. Like an improvised explosive. Oh, you mean like a bomb, like a bomb would be. Like something from the Hurt Locker. Can you... Whenever I hurt myself like that in the kitchen, Oh, you mean like a bomb? Like a bomb would be? Like something from the Hurt Locker. Whenever I hurt myself like that in the kitchen,

I just think, imagine if I had kids as well. Like, can you imagine if you're making this stuff and you've got tiny idiots running around who are your legal obligation to keep safe. And you just have these glowing white hot things that they want to smack off the counter at any opportunity. There's nothing and also the stuff that is

boiling hot napalm is the food that they want to eat. It would be different if it was like a glowing boiling hot spike made of homework or something that they hated. But it's not. It's delicious food, Phil. Oh, yeah, isn't it? The life-giving food that they want for a period is life-threatening, so dangerous, like a bomb, as you say.

And you have to handle it like it's nuclear waste. It's, yeah, I've always thought... Also, like, it took me a while to get used to... It was only when I moved to London in 2013, really, that I'd ever had gas hobs. Yeah, you're saying. It's all electricity in South Africa and in my house where I grew up on the

Isle of Man as well. And the idea that you would go like, we have a constant flowing supply of explosive gas into every house. It's fucking mad to me still. Well, not this year, Pierre. Don't even read the news.

If you say goodbye to that, Pierre, no worries these days. The house I've moved into is an induction hob. Ooh. Yeah, which is like electrical, but fancier. It's like Star Trek electrical. It induces, hence the word induction, it induces the heat in the

pan itself by, I think by alternating magnetic alternating a magnetic field so it gets a current moving in the metal and that, you know. As we all know, Pierre, from I squared R. Or is it IR squared?

That's the heat power. If you have a current going through a resistive metal. But anyway, I was really worried about it. I was like, oh, no, induction. That's so lame. And then the second I moved here, the gas prices quadrupled. Oh, yeah. Good timing. Maybe someone upstairs is looking after old Wang.

It's quite cool, the induction. It's kind of like magic. It's so counterintuitive for a monkey brain that is only now getting to grips with the idea of fire yes yes yeah where they go well now this is fire that appears inside itself magically yeah in the thing you're heating yeah yeah yeah yeah it's it's pretty cool it's pretty cool that is nuts i mean that's the main reason why people like gas normally is that it's like a quarter or half the price of electricity so it is cheaper but now maybe we're just going to become a full electric country uh yeah yeah i'm talking to someone who's like don't even bother trying to get it replaced because in a few years the government might even like say no no more gas hops or like yeah that sounds impossible to achieve they're already doing it with boilers oh really you can't have a you can't get a gas yeah they

you can but it has to be like a combi oh yeah okay okay because and i know this because i have an enormous ancient gas boiler and i i'm aware that that is not something that one can have done to one's house anymore it's certainly not like a new manufactured one i don't think they make them anymore i don't know it's um it's a hell of a yeah i mean i guess you do that because of stuff being replaced right and then eventually you just go it's like when they turned off... When they changed FM radio or they said you can't pick up your pension at the post office anymore.

It's a big societal shift to a more efficient system and you just have to try and kill as few old people as possible by doing it. I get you. I get you. So they'll just be like, no more gas. And they'll be like, there will be, Philil a fucking leaflet every week constant tv adverts bus stations like gas is being cut off your gas is being cut off

brackets but don't worry ours is too or something like that and still it'll do that for like five years. And still, the day after they cut it off, there'll be an article in a red-top newspaper about nanas freezing to death. Yeah. Gransicles. God, I wish energy was free. From time to time, Pierre, I just go, I wish there was an endless energy.

I just... Imagine. Do you ever... I honestly fantasize about an unlimited source of renewable energy being discovered or invented. You mean the sun? Well, even that's not unlimited.

Yes, I know what you mean. Well, a few billion years, you know. Yeah, I guess, yeah. I guess I won't... I do agree, though. I do that as well, because I'm also a normal, relatable guy. Yeah, just imagine if they figured out cold fusion,

then you could just do anything. Just constant, just lights If they figured out cold fusion Then you could just do anything Just constant lights and machines Always going Can you imagine the geopolitical consequences We wouldn't have to Any country with oil We wouldn't have to listen to the Saudis about anything ever fucking again Everyone would just

Everyone in Saudi Arabia Every non-Saudi would be like Bye, fuck you And all the Saudis would go go, like, every non-Saudi would be like, bye, fuck you, and all the Saudis would go, but remember us, remember us, and we'd just leave them. They'd have to start selling oil to hipsters, like, oh, it's like an older

cool way of heating stuff, remember, fossil fuel, retro, cool. I guess, like, Saudi Arabian, well, like, the Gulf, generally, cool. I guess the Saudi Arabian, well, like the Gulf generally would just return to being what it was before where the only industry was like a kind of mid-stop on the spice trade,

pearl diving and exporting the few crops that grow around the edge. Yeah. Just back to nothing again really imagine god be quite a thing i mean i think that i think the last couple of administrations have been trying to pivot away from oil i think they're going to see the writing on the wall but yeah yeah anyway also also infinite energy but one of the reasons that we don't turn salt water into fresh water is because it uses electrolysis,

and it uses an insanely expensive amount of energy. It's just not worth it. If you had infinite energy, you could just have an infinite supply of fresh water anywhere in the world. Oh, yeah. Just from the fucking sea. Man. I want infinite energy.

Get on it it boffins santa baby hurry down give me energy for free I've been an awful good boy santa baby endless sustainable energy tonight

I'm working on that song for this Christmas. It's Wang's number one to raise money for cold fusion scientists. Just two billion pounds a month could fund a plasma fusion experimental dome. There's a significant step Just two billion pounds a month Could fund a plasma fusion Experimental dome

They made There's a significant step made in the fusion Wasn't there a couple of months back? Yeah they keep getting better and better At heating Superheating plasma Is that what's required? Yeah I think so

Something to do with plasma It's always like a big news article every time they get like 0.0 times 0.01 times you know to the power minus

a million more energy yeah from something so big steps in theory but they always joke that cold fusion is one of those

technologies that's always a few years like seven years away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, hopefully. Or do you know if we just get really into safe, like thorium based nuclear power, then

it'd be fine. Thorium? Why do you know so much about nuclear power? I've been researching this because there was an interesting article about, let's find a chinese thorium um yes that's right so thorium is a it's like it's not as nuclear it's not as radioactive as uranium and plutonium like you can't make weapons out of it um but it does work like they had working thorium reactors in the 60s

But it just wasn't as good So here we go Scientists are excited I love that when an article opens with that Scientists are excited You just imagine all these people in white coats Just jumping up and down in a lab I imagine someone already fully dressed as a scientist

waking up in bed and jumping out and going, yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Science! Like in American movies where kids in those little pajamas wake up on christmas morning they run downstairs

woohoo yes snow day yeah just a house full of little scientists all full of joy so scientists are anyway yeah scientists are excited phil um about an experimental nuclear reactor using thorium as fuel which is about to begin tests in china um although it's been tried before experts say china is the first to have a shot at commercializing the technology like good communists the reactor is unusual in that it has molten salt circulating inside it instead of water. Molten salt as a coolant? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, man. Molten salt. Molten salt, dirty like sun. It's texture like sun. What's a rhyme for thorium? Yeah, yeah, yeah It cools down

The Thorium Ah, missed a beat, god damn it It's hard trying to scam Our Thorium It cools down My lovely Thorium They'll do Okay, so it's molten like

Maldon sea salt Wait, is it molten salt or Maldon salt? Because that's a lovely salt Well, it could be Molten Maldon salt Okay I am not loyal to anything As much as I am to Maldon sea salt flakes I didn't know you could make salt better

But Anyway, this is free publicity now. We really should reach out. Delicious, delicious, delicious still sodium... What is it? Sodium oxide? No. Sodium nitrate? Sodium nitrate? Isn't that like a poison?

Isn't that cyanide? Isn't it just sodium? Sodium chloride. Sodium nitrate? Isn't that like a poison? Isn't that cyanide? Isn't it just sodium? Sodium chloride. Sodium chloride. This is a science-y episode. I quite like this. It is. We're bloody QI over here. Oh, Professor Brian Cox will be on to whisper at you in a bit. Hehehe.

We could be one of those patronising radio for science. on to whisper at you in a bit. We could be one of those patronizing radio for science. Salt? But that's molten. Well, that's the kind of, whoa! Like that sort of voice. So it has molten, I was going to say molten molten salt sounds like a Norwegian writer.

Another I was going to say, Molten Maldensalt sounds like a Norwegian writer. Another chilling thriller from Molten Maldensalt. And long-listed for the Booker Prize, the chilling, surreal horror by Molten Maldensalt. Surreal horror by Malt and Maldon Salt. So it has the potential to produce nuclear energy that is relatively safe and cheap, whilst also generating a much smaller amount of long-lived radioactive waste than conventional reactors. And they're doing it in the Gobi Desert, Phil. Gobi.

Gobi. Only good things happen in the desert. That's right. And thorium is much more plentiful than uranium, and it is weakly radioactive, silvery metal found in rocks, and it has little current industrial use. It's a waste product of the rare earth mining industry in China, so it's very attractive. Ooh, yum, yum, yum.

Yes, please. Morium thorium. Thank you very much. Yum, yum, yum. Yes, please. Maureum thorium. Thank you very much. Let's have some Maureum. Yes, yes. I think maybe it'll be it. Maybe it's not cost effective because it's more expensive to extract than uranium

at the moment. But the Chinese have loads of it anyway. Well, hopefully this will be it. Hmm. Boreum. Maybe this will be it, Phil. We'll have to ignore China's other disgraceful behavior because they've got all this sweet, sweet energy.

But they need energy, boy. They can't use coal forever because coal comes from Australia and the Australians hate them. Oh, is that right? Yeah, China's been fucking with Australian wine and stuff as well. Yeah. Yeah. because coal comes from Australia and the Australians hate them. Oh, is that right? Yeah, China's been fucking with Australian wine and stuff as well. Yeah. Yeah.

You could buy more Australian wine in solidarity, Phil. That's a good excuse. You can buy more Australian wine what? In solidarity. Oh, yes, of course. I already do. I just didn't know it. Yeah, if you needed an excuse to just stock up on sweet booze.

Shall we, for once in our fucking lives, do some correspondence? Yes! Yes! Tell me their words. If you make your purchases while working, eating, or even listening to this balado, Dites-moi ces mots. économies en plus des remises en argent. Et vous pouvez aussi commencer à gagner des remises en argent dans vos magasins préférés comme Old Navy, Best Buy et Expedia, et même cumuler les ventes et les remises en argent. C'est facile à utiliser et vous obtenez vos remises par PayPal ou par chèque. L'idée est simple, les magasins paient Rakuten pour leur envoyer des gens magasinés, et Rakuten partage l'argent avec vous sous forme de remise. Téléchargez l'application gratuite Rakuten et ne manquez jamais un bon deal.

Ou allez sur rakuten.ca pour en avoir plus pour votre argent. C'est R-A-K-U-T-E-N. I'm Tomi Jackson, your sister in chemistry. I'm Tomi Jackson, your sister in chemistry. Correspondence. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. Someone called Miss Georgia has signed us up for something called Yesterday's Farmhouse.

Georgia, Georgia, farmhouse. What, as in like, she just put us on a mailing list? I think so, yeah, just the ways to decorate your farmhouse. Farmtat? Did they have farmtat? Yes, maybe that's why.

Maybe that's why. Maybe that's why. Maybe that's why. Fun email from Mike. Mike! Yikes! It's Mike's. He says, Hi, Poo and Pee. Classic. Yep. Good old stuff.

Phil's early wanking story. I'm very new to the pod. Oh, you're going to have to narrow it down there, Mike. He literally says, If he doesn't remember, it's when he met a friend of Ivo Graham in his flat. Oh, yes, yes. After just having a wank, and he didn't remember, it's when he met a friend of Ivo Graham in his flat. Oh, yes, yes. After just having a wank. And he didn't want to shake the guy's hand.

The guy reached his hand out and said, hi, I'm Jim. And I just looked at his hand and went, yeah, okay. I mean, I did the right thing. It would have been funny if I just went, Hi, Jim! And just shook his hand. And then wouldn't let go, smiling rigidly, eye contact. Like we were making some blood pact. You and I are brothers forever now, Jim. Bet you didn't think that would happen today.

We are bonded, you and I, forever. So he says, Mike says, the worst thing that happened to me was that I was milliseconds away from finishing and I suddenly got really bad cramp in my thigh. Horrible. To the point where I was screaming in pain.

Yikes. The spunk just went everywhere as I was grabbing my thigh and I was no longer in control of my penis this was in no way a pleasurable experience I'm not now suddenly into getting cramp whilst coming

oh that's bad luck what happens just as you're climaxing is just bad luck because once that horse is bolted you can't pull it back luck what happens just as you're um climaxing it's just bad luck because once once once that horse is bolted you can't pull it back and it just has to happen while whatever else is happening is happening yeah the idea of like having both hands on your thigh like an injured sailor while you're flailing dick just just sprays like a hose he said almost

it's like he says it was he says the spunk just went everywhere god as you grab your thigh and go ha

ha it's like the spunk knew the thigh was gonna cramp up and it's like we're getting out of here yeah that like the thigh was doing a distraction

so they could get away yes don't worry guys okay now go Like the thigh was doing a distraction So they could get away Yes Don't worry guys I'll distract him Hey Mike Go go go As all the As all the spunk escapes

They look back over their shoulder and the thigh just like Winks as Mike's grabbing it Like a dying hero the spunk escapes they look back over their shoulder and the thigh just like winks as Mike's grabbing it. Like a dying hero. Mike says probably the most pathetic moment of my life. If this hadn't happened I didn't even think it was possible or probable. Koji until you get cramp and stop. Mike. Thanks Mike.

That's a good Jack in it story. Thank you Mike. Oh someone signed us up to Match.com, I think. Stop signing us up, stuff. What is this? It's sort of a pretty Eurasian lady. Oh, I'm listening. Reply from Robert sent you a message

no he didn't on match.com no he didn't my recent inquiry with match hi Maria Maria stop signing us up to match

oh it was Maria you're no longer a match member your membership has been terminated whatever message Robert sent it must have been

pretty horrible your account has been terminated you can Robert sent it must have been pretty horrible Your account has been terminated You can't be on Match if you're under 18 Your account's been terminated What isn't happening Why are we getting someone's Match rejection email Why would someone Traffic themselves on Match using our email

Huh Interesting In case they got caught I suppose I guess but you know You're already breaking the law email. Huh. Interesting. In case they got caught I suppose. I guess but you know you're already breaking the law breaking the law. We were very

popular in match. We were. Well I mean nominally us. Right. Yes I'm sure we would be. Two nice guys.

Two nice guys like us. Two sweet boys. Do you think we'd be more popular as a pair? As a sort of throuple pair? Right. Hmm. I think we'd lose a lot of the mainstream crowd who are just looking for a single person.

Yes. Or what do you think if it was two of us looking for two people for some reason but for some reason it only as a pair why would that happen I wonder what would what would make us do that I'm just scrolling through I'm just deleting all the spam from match.com. There really was a lot. Maybe you would have been matched with another podcast.

Maybe that, maybe, is there a podcast? Oh, what podcast would you like to match with? Hmm. I would like to match with hmm i would like to match with uh the joe rogan podcast oh experience no that's the only podcast i can think of at the moment for some reason well we would it would be good like just for general number of listeners like like we could

probably if he mentioned bud pod we could probably... If he mentioned Budpod, we could probably get 10 million listeners and then half a million would stay? Yeah. Yeah. Because they'd listen and at no point would we talk about how strong chimps are or anti-vax bullshit conspiracies. Does he... He must have more listeners than

CNN has viewers or some shit by now. Yeah, he's got so many like it's it's mad he's he's he's the jeff bezos elon musk of of bros a podcast yeah he's the genghis khan of bros do we have any emails that are that are not spam we do i'm just uh so that one from mike was actually from like four days ago i'm actually Do we have any emails that are not spam? We do. I'm just... So that one from Mike was actually from like four days ago. I'm actually...

So I was a bit naughty. Now I'm scrolling all the way back. Ah. So, a great and horrible email from Jane. Okay. The great and horrible. Jane the great and horrible. Yeah. It's calledotanic in its subject line

Okay Okay so it's a big ship Made of poo I'm guessing Well maybe Dear the Piddler And the Caped Poussader Very good I like that a lot It's Batman

It's Batman. Have you seen the new Batman trailer? I have, yeah. Duct tape sounds. Duct tape sounds? Right at the start it's the duct tape sounds. Or is that the old trailer? That's old. There's a new full one. Oh really? Oh fuck, I haven't seen it.

Oh, I like the look of it. I like the look of it. like the look of it Is it good? It looks cool It's just Robert Pattinson just looks Mental As Batman

He just looks like He's just crazy He's like screaming and shit It looks great I've always wanted to see a Batman That just like lost his mind But Okay I'm into that

There is a danger It's going to be just Too emo But Yeah Hopefully Hopefully they'll have but there is a danger it's going to be just too emo but hopefully they'll have got the balance right. The aesthetic looks really cool. I think they've actually taken a lot

from the Arkham games it looks like and it's quite comic book-y yeah I'm optimistic. There's a Selina Kyle storyline in it which I always kind of think

I just kind of think Catwoman doesn't work a lot of the time I just think it's like I don't believe that they're romantically interested in one another it just feels a bit naff

but maybe they'll make it work she's always stealing diamonds and then she still just lives in like a flat I never understand what the point is yeah she just kind of looks at them right she just lives in like a flat. I never understand what the point is.

Yeah, she just kind of looks at them, right? She just sits in her tiny one-bedroom apartment and just looks at the diamonds and goes, Ah, you've done it again. If only there was a practical use for all these jewels I have. If only there was an easier way to afford all the cat food I need for my many stinky cats. So, Dear The Riddle and The Capusator says, Jane, Jane says, I became a Bud Pod

Pistorian around the start of 2020. Great. Thank you. And after a strange experience listening to the Bud Poo episode during my first pandemic trip to Sainsbury's, recommended the pod to my boyfriend Tom and now he's a Pistorian too. Yes, another Tom. It will not shock you to learn he is in his early 30s. Yep.

Yep, yeah. It's the name of our generation. Tom. Matt. Alex, Tom, James and Matt. Alex, Tom, James and Matt. Oliver is the big name this year. The ONS popular baby names just came out.

Olivia and Oliver. Really? Yeah. The Olives are doing well. The Olivers are back. Yeah. Olivers are back. Gosh.

Okay. Interesting. The attached piece of pandemic tat popped up in an advert online and I thought I would share it with you. So I'll describe it to you, Phil. It is a pandemic face mask, and it says, will remove for something exclamation mark.

What do you think? Food. No, no, no, it's tat, remember? Oh, Prosecco. Close. Gin. Close. Wine. Closer with Prosecco close gin close wine closer with Prosecco wine I think fancy I think fancy champagne yeah thank you little fancier than Prosecco Yes yes yes Will remove for champagne Delightful

And completely contrary to the instructions From the governmental health department Yes that is not the guidance That is not the government guidance To remove for champagne Citizen 731 You have removed your mask for champagne Report to the re-education

lounge. I don't know why it's a lounge Lounge There's no need to be uncomfortable after all A lounge of re-education So Jane says After all, a lounge. A free education. So Jane says, I'm also writing to share Tom's poo story.

Oh, great. It was 2008 or so. Brrring, brrring. It was 2008 or so, and Tom was at university during what he describes as the bum-bum years. Oh, poor Tom. In the holidays, he would catch up with school friends while at home and had an ongoing prank war with his friend James. Lovely.

They would take it in turns to play an escalating series of pranks on each other. I never gone to pranks on each other. I never got into pranks myself. I do like to hear about good ones performed by people who like them, to people who like them, but

I never got into it myself. Yes, there's a good way of doing pranks, but it's difficult. It's a hard thing to do. One morning, Tom woke up at James' house following There's a good way of doing pranks, but it's difficult. It's a hard thing to do. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. One morning, Tom woke up at James' house following a night out, during which, in Tom's words, Tom had probably done something annoying.

Yeah. Which is very suspicious. That's the fear. Probably means he definitely did. Yeah, when you have a hangover and you have the fear, and you just think, I did something annoying last night, didn't I? He was the last to rise to the sound of some furtive giggling and general conspiratorial noises from his friends.

Not a nice way to wake up. On Tom's way back from the toilet, James announced that he had made Tom a cup of tea. Apparently this was out of character Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. and removed became clear. No longer weighed down by the teabag and disturbed by the movement of the mug, a small brown nugget emerged from the tea's surface. No!

Yes. Tom found himself inches from a poohberg, now bobbing innocently atop a contaminated brown lake. That's not a prank. That's just... That's just a fall of civilization. That's not... a prank. That's just... That's just a fall of civilization. That's not... A prank. Awful.

That's just... That's like assault. That's verging on a crime. That's indecency. Come on. How do you... How do you pop out a little poo in a mug? How do you stay friends with someone after they do something like that?

This is why... This is why i never got into pranks you pranked me you are an enemy now yeah i guess it would have to be like if someone did this to you out of nowhere you'd probably try and kill them with your bare hands but if it was escalating as they say then god yeah, yeah, yeah. It was an arms race, it was escalation, yeah. Brinksmanship, yeah. Brinksmanship, sure. With an okay thank you, the contents of the mug,

turd nugget and all, were hastily deposited down the sink. From that day on, if James was annoyed with someone, they were unceremoniously served their drink in the same mug. Keep up the good work, and please do keep jacking it, Jane. Ugh, yuck. Sometimes I'm glad I don't have friends Hearing stories like that

I go, I made the right decision Not to have friends Are you claiming to not have any friends? Well, I don't know Whenever I hear about people And how much time they spend with friends I go, I guess I don't have friends I just don't.

You know what I mean? And friends seem to be so central to so many people's lives. In a way they just aren't in mine. Or spending time with friends. People talk about, I spoke to my friends the other day. I was like, I saw a friend maybe three weeks ago. I think it's just different. I think you and I discussed this the other day.

Some people's definition of like, oh, that's my friend. It's someone who they've known for three months and who they don't know that well. Whereas some people, especially men of a certain generation, they go, I have two friends. Jimmy and my barber. And I don't see either of them. Jimmymy's dead you know it's that kind of thing so it just sort of depends i suppose i think my parents never had many friends i think maybe i get it from them whether your parents are both like uh batman style loners a little bit a little bit your parents stand aside silent sentinels atop a darkened city.

Yeah, together. Just stood next to each other on their own roof. Yeah. I don't know. I think, hmm. Yeah. Do they post Instagram captions going, standing silently like a sentinel atop a darkened city troubled by crime

with this one with this one I was really obsessed with that meme with this one I almost started a recurring joke on my Instagram because I did one picture with this ridiculous statue of a lion.

I just typed, you know, an amazing three years with this one. I should have kept going with it because I just find it's such a funny thing to say about something that's obviously not your partner. Yeah, just doing it with sort of a shoe or a desk, anything like that. Well, thank you.

What was the last writer's name? Jane. Thank you, Jane and Mike, for your revolting story. Thank you, Jane and Mike. And thank you, listeners. And thank you to the PodBuds who were in Brighton last night and the people from the gig last night who as a result are now listening. Yes, yes. If you're there.

Jane and Michael, by the way, are the names of the children in Mary Poppins. Jane and Michael Banks. I was thinking they were very much how to learn English names. Jane and Michael went to the supermarket. Michael found

a poo in the tea aisle. Yeah. Jane and Michael went to the supermarket. Michael found a poo in the tea aisle. Yeah. But yes, thanks very much, guys, and we'll see you next week. Have a good one, everybody. Much love. See you soon. Bye. Bye. Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada en plus des remises en argent. Et vous pouvez aussi commencer à gagner des remises en argent dans vos magasins préférés comme Old Navy, Best Buy et Expedia

et même cumuler les ventes et les remises en argent. C'est facile à utiliser et vous obtenez vos remises par PayPal ou par chèque. L'idée est simple. Les magasins paient Rakuten pour leur envoyer des gens magasinés et Rakuten partage l'argent avec vous sous forme de remise. Téléchargez l'application gratuite Rakuten et ne manquez jamais un bon deal. Ou allez sur rakuten.ca pour en avoir plus pour votre argent.

C'est R-A-K-U-T-E-N.