BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 136 - Hun, see this!

Episode Date: November 3, 2021

Phil Wang and Pierre Novellie chat verbs, Gordon Brown, climate pledges and the Tour de France Deliveroo team as well as some Bond nonsense and correspondence/tat of great worth (return of the tat whisperer) Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Si vous faites vos achats tout en travaillant, en mangeant ou même en écoutant ce balado, alors vous connaissez et aimez l'excitation du magasinage. Mais avez-vous ce frisson d'obtenir le meilleur deal? Les membres de Rakuten, eux, oui. Ils magasinent les marques qu'ils aiment et font d'importantes économies, en plus des remises en argent. Et vous pouvez aussi commencer à gagner des remises en argent dans vos magasins préférés, comme Old Navy, Best Buy et Expedia, et même cumuler les ventes et les remises en argent dans vos magasins préférés comme Old Navy, Best Buy et Expedia. Et même cumulez les ventes et les remises en argent.

C'est facile à utiliser et vous obtenez vos remises par PayPal ou par chèque. L'idée est simple. Les magasins paient Rakuten pour leur envoyer des gens magasinés. Et Rakuten partage l'argent avec vous sous forme de remise. Téléchargez l'application gratuite Rakuten et ne manquez jamais un bon deal. Ou allez sur rakuten.ca pour en avoir plus pour votre argent. C'est R-A-K-U-T-E-N. It's Budpod 136.

136. Hun, see this. It's someone who's newly married who's just seen uh a reduced

a deal on cheap uh kitchen roll hun see this an offer for a city break to prague

yeah hun see this would you be uh An offer for a city break to Prague. Yeah. Hon, see this. Would you be a little perturbed if someone said to you, hey, Pierre, see this, instead of, hey, Pierre, look at this. Because, like, hey, see this. That's correct, but it's a bit off. You know what's weird is that it's actually,

it sounds a lot more correct if you say it as a question. Like, hey, you see this? Oh then it works but yeah whereas you can't do look at this as a question hey you look at this you look at this hey you look at this now yeah that's quite a sinister sort of request hey you look at this you look at this or yeah and your family doesn't get hurt you look at this now it's also weird like if someone was offering you a taste of something a bite of something like to try it out if you said hey hey try this you'd be like oh okay whereas if someone said, hey, hey, try this, you'd be like, oh, okay. Whereas if someone said, hey, eat this. You'd be like, oh, why?

Eat this. Why? Try this. Okay. It's true. That's weird. Yeah, that's true. Hey, try this.

Ooh, exciting. Hey, eat this. It's poisoned. It's poisoned. Yeah, or like, you'd only say eat this if it's like you have to take this pill before we go into space which we're about to do by the way

quick eat this or you're about to machine gun a gang yeah or like a biker gang eat this you're about to take a pill that renders you immune to the effects of the poison gas that's about to be released.

Eat this. Yeah. Quick, eat this. Even then you say, take this. Quick, take this! Take this. No, I think you have to be clear. You'd have to be clear that it has to be put in your mouth.

Yeah, if Morpheus had offered Neo the pill to come out the Matrix and said, hey, try this like it was a little piece of baklava don't be a a blue baklava cock pierre now i've i need to get red baklava I need to get Red Baklava Matrix is a Greek word isn't it

like matrices matrix or is that a Latin word maybe it's Latin I'd be funny to watch I'd watch Greek Matrix that would be a funny remake I don't know enough about Greek people modern Greek culture to to flourish this

parody I guess excuse me, I guess Neo's like dodging plates that someone's throwing that's good, I like that it's Matrix meets my big fat Greek yeah

my big fat Greek wedding. Yeah, my big fat Greek Matrix. He's called Neopheles. Nice. Something like that. Yeah, I think this has legs. Let's sell it to Hollywood. Or rather, Grollywood.

I've just spilled a drop of my drink on my phone screen. And it's like, I've got no absorbent paper here, but I've got so many envelopes. And I've tried to wipe it with an envelope, and it just... You know when you think all paper is a bit absorbent? But this literally won't take any. It's just moving it around the screen. It's like, I thought paper could absorb...

Why do you have so many envelopes? Are you like Ringo Starr and you have to reply to every fan letter? I'm currently at my office desk, which is literally just a desk in an empty cavernous room. Yes, yes, like you're a more kind of paperwork-minded version of the Punisher, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I'm Q in James Bond and I've had to hastily relocate to a new safe house. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah. Yeah.

Did you do that thing where you think, I'm going to set up a home office, and then you just buy all the things that a home office would have needed in the 70s? I'll get paper clips. I've got to clip this paper. Sorry to any pod buds, if you can hear my fax machine starting up later on. It's a really big one.

Yeah. What were you talking about? A load of bullshit, really, Phil. A load of apps. Well, speaking of Q, I saw the new James Bond. Yeah? I thought it was good. Yeah.

I enjoyed it. I thought it was a fun rollick. I thought the Lady character, Leia Sado's character was a bit wet. Yeah. I feel like they kind of feel they can have their cake and eat it with the Lady characters and James Bond these days because they know they have to oh yeah we gotta get phoebe waller bridge on and she's gonna you know um twitter proof our script and there is one there is um the lovely anna de armas's character um she i mean that she just they might as well just have put a watermark over her scenes

going phoebe waller bridge did this because they just she just gets to her mission at the end of her mission with bond he goes that was very good and he goes you were excellent and they go thank you nice to meet you hopefully work again in a professional capacity and that's it and you're like i think i think waller bridge did that but that. But then with Lea Seydoux's character, she's so fucking wet. She's like, James, please. James! But then maybe twice in the movie, he's in danger. And then the gunshot comes out of nowhere.

And it's like, oh, it's Lea Seydoux. Maybe this damsel isn't in such... Maybe this damsel can look after her own self. But then they straight away forget that. And she's back to, James, please. It's a franchise that's unsure. Huh? Yeah.

It's a franchise that is sort of in flux, I guess. Politically speaking. It's one of those things where you do sort of wonder if you guess yeah politically speaking it's it's one of those things where like you do sort of wonder if you're in charge of the james bond franchise are you trying to appeal to people who never liked it anyway you know like are you putting are you putting a a hand knitted pussy hat on a NASCAR. It's like, well, the people,

all the people who would appreciate that gesture aren't interested. It's not going to help with the problem of NASCAR and NASCAR fans. You know what I mean? Yes. Yes. But James Bond, they need to start appealing to millennials and younger right because their traditional fan base is dying literally well

they but they my point more is like they the people who were huge bond fans were always like almost entirely like male like people who like action films. I mean, that's inherently what it is. It's not like there was ever a time where an entire generation thought that it was a marvelous... Like, do you know any women who are into Bond? The ones I know who even seen a few,

it's always because like their dad would put them on at Christmas. Right, yeah. No, that's a good point. It it's like but then i don't know any women pierre that's true well it's a difficult question for me to answer well you've sworn uh to not speak to another woman until after your big fight what i can say is none of my japanese love pillows like bond that's a small sample but that but it's pretty damning. Are you saying that none of those holograms you're in love with have seen James Bond? No, my hollow bride won't watch one with me.

She won't watch any with me. Not even Casino Royale. The Bond franchise is so repellent and boring to most women that even the holographic ones can we put something else on just like a bored robot but it was fun i was surprised to enjoy bond because in my mind james bond is very boring and i always put off watching it and then I watched I watched uh No Time to Die I was like oh this is pretty fun actually and then last night on my own like I was divorced I watched uh Spectre because I hadn't actually seen that one in Bridges

the Gap I just watched Spectre on my own for two and a half hours and it was also fun I was like oh these are quite fun, actually. I think because I think Quantum of Solace was so bad that it's taking a lot to override that perception I have of them. Maybe it's just because we're in our 30s now, so we just have to like Bond. Hmm, yeah.

I think... I don't like to think I'm... I don't say i'm in my 30s because i'm i'm only 31 okay i think you have to be in 32 you have to have you have to have uh numerous 30s on the about before you're in your 30s you know okay i mean you think you you kind of think well you got to have both feet in that in that uh grave grave yeah yeah that's fair okay yeah I accept that um yeah I don't know I just I always think like this that if I come fine with them making bond you know not a misogynist racist evil whatever like whatever the the political stuff is but if you try and just add in a load of stuff to appeal to a demographic that by and large and it's not

insulting like it's it's it's to their credit is not taken in by this quite silly franchise like i like it but i don't like it's not you know i mean mean, Ian Fleming, when he was writing them, when he was alive, was, like, happy to admit that it was stuff for, like, young men to read on trains when they were bored and sort of make them excited and a bit horny. You know, he's basically... Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He knew what he was up to. He was an absolute money-making machine. He was popping out bonds left and right. Yeah. to he was an absolute money making machine he was popping out bonds left and right it was the Mrs. Brown's boys of its day Phil Mrs. Bond Mrs. Bond Mrs. Bond's boys Mrs. Bond's boys

no toime to doy that's how it would be spelled on the... Nice. On the poster. Because it was da movie, wasn't it, with Mrs. Brown? Did you watch Mrs. Brown da movie? No, I've not even watched Mrs. Brown da brown the tv show what i think i watched like a second um before vomiting instantly and having to turn it off um i've watched the whole episode phil

you watched a full episode yeah You watched a full episode? Yeah. And what did you think? It was... It was mostly what I thought it would be, but I wasn't aware of just how much looking at the camera and kind of being on... Almost like they were on a stage set

rather than being filmed for TV, it would be. Right, so it's a bit like Fleabag, really. Yeah, I would say yes, I would say in a way that it's the original Fleabag, yes. It is the original Fleabag, it's true. And now Bond is the new Fleabag. Fleabond.

Fleabond. That's quite a fun way into the interior monologue of James Bond. You'd have to just look at the camera and go, I don't actually want a martini. I'm quite tired, but I feel like I should... One thing I will say, though, is that by no time to die, Daniel Craig is far too old he is too old inspector he

gets with leo ceddo and you're like all right yeah yeah yeah okay i can see this yeah maybe it's a bit i think a couple of her friends would have something to say about it but it's fine and then in no time to, it's like who is this geriatric murderer and his carer? Come on, but he's shredded at least. He is shredded, but

but the lines in his face, Pierre, he's getting like the he's getting those like thin like I don't know how you even describe them the tent ropes on his neck

you know the the crow's feet around the Craig's feet around his eyes Daniel Craig's more like he's getting Daniel Craig he just he just looks too old he's only and it's really weird when they start kissing when they suck you when they start

kissing you're like you sound like you sound like you're from california daniel cragg or chelsea or chelsea cragg um yeah he's very craggly isn't he but he was craggly when he was Or Chelsea. Or Chelsea. Craig. Daniel Craig. Yeah, he's very craggly, isn't he? But he was craggly when he was young, I think. He pre-cragged. That's true. That's true. He's always cragged. But now his craggles have craggles.

Yeah. He's craggle rock. Yeah. There's crags and then hills. But yeah, he's way too old. He's way... This should be his last because he looks fine

for a lot of it but there are a couple of shots when the light hits his face it's like a close up in Spongebob it's like oh jeez all the lines and the pause suddenly his face is more high def and he's like like he's done that the old that he's turned old on on the face app thing he's like oh jesus christ that's not okay they never um they never discuss uh popular culture do they in bond film so you

never get to see people miss each other's references. Yeah, that's true, actually. Yeah, Leo Sato never asks Bond what music he's into. Yeah. No one's ever had to explain a meme to Bond. Yeah. Yeah. A meme. It's's funny isn't it because what world does he live in really because he doesn't like he interacts with brands but because he knows about like he wants you know to drink bollinger or

whatever it is but he doesn't like know about anything else he doesn't want what he doesn't watch movies or listen to music he's he's just sort of either asleep in a in a he's asleep in a resort where the bed is got sort of netting on it yeah yeah or he's sad in a bar or he's running at full sprint those are the three things he does yeah yeah across the, across the rooftop. Yep. You never see James Bond just sort of turn on the radio of his magic car just to see what's on. And they're playing

you know, I don't know the fucking kinks and he's like tapping the steering wheel or something. Nothing seems to get to him artistically, does it? No, you're right. He doesn't really appreciate anything except the art of a woman's body.

That's the only thing he needs to care about. Is that more male? Is that like a macho thing to just be like, I don't consume any media. I am something. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, considering how bold the books are the books i mean these books were written at a time where you know most men thought colors were gay you know there wasn't very much there wasn't very much uh freedom of expression for the uh for the quintessential

masculine man. Yes. You're watching your car. It's the kind of people who describe the Beatles as mop-tops. Look at these mop-topped teens. They need a good haircut, said James Bond. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

So much of him is still like fossilized his DNA is from World War II completely I was thinking about like the brands and the cars

and there's a bit in which one is it I think it's In No Time To Die where there's you know there's a car chase and he's driving like

a Toyota Hilux or something and he's running away from all these goons in Land Rovers. And all the brands are very visible. Toyota, Land Rover. Or maybe the Range Rovers. Toyota, Range Rover.

And I'm like, ah, these companies must have paid a lot to be in there. And then he starts defeating the Range Rovers with his Hilux. And he bangs into them, and they flip over, and they crash, and they crash and they smash and I'm like, oh, would Range Rover be happy with them destroying their cars? Or like showing their cars being defeated

by a Toyota? Do you think there's like subscription levels to the sponsorship in James Bond? Like if you pay enough your car will win the fight and will not get a scratch. Like medium range,

entry level subscription, you get your face on the movie, but your car will get flipped and run into a tree. Yeah. Do you think that they go to the car manufacturers and go, all right,

one of you is going to be the shit car but still in the film one of you is going to not even be in the film one of you you know like it's an auction right yeah bidding war or just saying to toyota if you pay double we'll make you the car that wins and they go oh and they do it it's amazing do you remember what a big deal it was where Daniel where James Bond Daniel Craig James Bond drank a beer oh right

because it was the first time he had he drunk anything other than martini and champagne yeah like

up till Daniel Craig James Bond was kind of like too fancy to drink beer oh god he drinks a bunch in these he's like he's like. He drinks a bunch in these.

He's like a dad at a barbecue in these movies. Yes. He's in shorts with beers, just kind of loitering. Imagine being too posh to drink beer. That's like royal family levels of, oh, a lager. beer that's like royal family levels of oh a lager there's a moment in inspector where he wakes up in the middle of the night in his hotel room and uh because there's a noise and he goes over to check something and he takes a swig of his beer and all i could think of was oh that beer's warm by now that's all i I could think of. I was like, ugh, he drinks warm beer.

Yeah. That's not very gourmet of you, James. He wears Omega Watchers and drives Aston Martins and he drinks warm beer. I don't think so, Sam Mendes. Try again. Better luck next time. Essayez encore, mais comme la prochaine fois. Eux, oui. Ils magasinent les marques qu'ils aiment et font d'importantes économies, en plus des remises en argent. Et vous pouvez aussi commencer à gagner des remises en argent dans vos magasins préférés,

comme Old Navy, Best Buy et Expedia, et même cumuler les ventes et les remises en argent. C'est facile à utiliser et vous obtenez vos remises par PayPal ou par chèque. L'idée est simple. Les magasins paient Rakuten pour leur envoyer des gens magasinés. Et Rakuten partage l'argent avec vous sous forme de remise. Téléchargez l'application gratuite Rakuten et ne manquez jamais un bon deal. Ou allez sur rakuten.ca pour en avoir plus pour votre argent. C'est R-A-K-U-T-E-N. I'm still chuckling at the idea of Twitter-proofing a script. I really like that.

It's sort of... Yeah. It's like I can picture someone just riveting a load of blue metal onto a piece of paper. Oh, right, the Twitter blue, like a border around it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just putting it in okay yeah yeah then like patting your hands like that should do it that should hold it bolting on drag proof glass dunk dunk Dunk proof steal. Can't get dragged onto this. This is reply repellent.

I'd like to see them quote tweet this. A while ago, I remember someone saying... They sent us something. Anyway, in the context of whatever they sent us, they were saying, oh, they'd heard us talk about Twitter on Budpod, so they'd joined so that they could tweet at us. And I thought, oh, no. Oh, no. I feel terrible.

Yeah, I feel. We did a bad thing, Pierre. I felt bad. I mean, like, they might get the too online disease and it will ruin their brain. Yeah, I don't know. They could have been happy, Pierre. They could have been happy were it not for us.

Yeah, we really opened the door to some misery there, I think. If you're still listening, if you've still survived since whenever that was, I apologize. Don't sign up to anything. don't sign up to anything I now think of when I think of social media I think of that Aesop's fable I think it's an Aesop fable

of the monkey and the jar and the jar full of sweets you know because when I started on Instagram I was like I'll just get on Instagram I'll post a couple of pics and stuff and now because of my work and because of things i have to promote and get people trying to tell people to come to gigs and stuff i can't come off it i can't come off it i didn't have to join

it but now i can't come off it yeah and it's the main reason why i will not join tiktok because i can't you know the temptation to go i'll join tiktok have a look around and if it's not for me i'll get off yeah you can't get off and i i feel like it's like that fable with the monkey in the jar of sweets. And he puts his hand into the jar and he grabs a fistful of sweets. But because his fist can't get through the hole in the jar, his hand is stuck in the jar. And all he needs to do is let go of the sweets and his hand will fit back through the lid the opening in the jar but he won't let go and his hand is stuck in the jar and that's what joining a social media platform is like it's putting your hand in a jar of sweets pierre you can't get them

you can't get your hand back out unless you let go of those retweets but you can't those resweets you can't you can't let go of the re-sweets it's a fistful of re-sweets and you need them do you think um do you think like people who are like retweeted and praised quite often on twitter are just like they're building up a real need for constant reassurance or compliments. Like little drops of serotonin. Yeah. And if they deleted it... Especially the ones where all their retweets are just like socially righteous dunks.

Yeah. Completely inconsequential, but socially righteous dunks. About this is the world we live inks. Yeah. Completely inconsequential, but socially righteous dunks about this is the world we live in now. Yeah. You know, bullshit, meaningless, worthless horse shit like that. And it gets thousands and thousands of retweets, and they must feel so good.

They must feel so relevant and clever and kind. And of the moment. But it's addictive. Yeah, and of the moment and present present in our world and but if they deleted it whether if they were just like walking around the house would they just need to just sort of stand in their living room and go well it's so it's come to this in this country. And then like just saying out loud alone in the living room. Yeah. Or like hoping that someone would hear through the open window and sort of go.

Yeah. And he just drops his toast on the ground and goes. So this is the UK in the 21st century, is it? It. Yeah. He drops his toast on the floor better side down and he says just another day on prison island or whatever hey Pierre did you see speaking of prison

prison island a whole bunch of delegates and leaders have flown in a private jet to Glasgow to fight climate change have you seen that? yeah pretty good stuff

apart from Putin and Xi Jinping of course they're too busy smoking in the back of a bus. The other naughty boys is the naughty boys haven't turned up. That's it. Yeah. But yeah, people have people have traveled to a place Phil in planes. I guess they I guess I had a little choice. There's not the

way to get to Prison Island. Disease Island, whatever you want to call it. I will say, thanks to coverage of the Glasgow climate thing, I've heard the word pledge about a million times more than I normally do. Big week for the word pledge. Yes, it's rare to see the word pledge so much outside of a house cleaning situation yeah but he wouldn't it's again it's another one of those words where if someone used it casually it would make them sound like an insane robot

i i wish i wish that the news agreed that instead of pledge, they have to use the phrase pinky promise. Yeah. So the Prime Minister of India has pinky promised to be carbon neutral by 2070. Yeah. A hundred world leaders have pinky promised today to end deforestation by 2035.

It is a significant pinky promise in the history of environmental, I don't know what you call it, solution pinky promises. President Joe Biden has sworn a gazillion times to move away from coal. No takebacks. Double no take-backs times infinity. The most strongly worded no take-back we've ever heard from any US administration. Yeah. It would be weird if you were in a pub and someone was,

if I buy a round now, do you pledge to buy me a beer next do you pledge to pay me back for this what's mad is that boris johnson boris johnson is a central leading figure of this fight absolutely vital international effort. In this in that Blair and Brown documentary they depicted during the financial crisis when Gordon Brown, and I wasn't aware of the significance and gravity of this, but Gordon Brown

almost single-handedly brought the world together, brought the leaders of the world together to commit to sort of essentially like quantitative easing right and um committing to um like in cash injections into their economy to get because he's like this is how we get out of it and he basically saved the world yeah on his own and now with the climate crisis we have boris john. It's like in your group of friends, the liability, the one who eats fertilizer on a dare

and gets the most drunk the most quickly every party, has been tasked with running a pub quiz. And you're like, I don't think he should be doing this or they've or they've got like who should organize the stag do and they go the guy who would be the worst on the stag do should organize it yeah the guy the guy who's going to try and de-pants one of the airport staff. Yeah. A total liability.

The guy who's bought everyone shots at the airport Wetherspoons. Yeah, but it's... But the shots are like... That's too normal, I think, for a stag to do. The shots would be full of Tabasco or something. Something where it's just purely for being horrible. Yeah. normal I think for a stag to do. The shots would be like full of Tabasco or something. Something where it's like just purely for being horrible. Yeah,

it's just for pain, just pure pain. Just having a bad time. Yeah, it is weird for him to sort of stand up and go, and just kind of blather on about this and that in between, I don't know, presumably scuttling back to his room and just having his eighth or ninth wank of the day

in my head he's kind of just like constantly on the verge of just snapping and fucking whoever's nearest to him like a circus animal imagine it's funny isn't it that Gordonordon brown gordon brown is this like tragic uh grumpy economic hero and it's sort of like uh yeah this kind of uh central bank batman figure who sort of he saved gotham but the people of gotham they hate him for it yeah yeah yeah and they all ended up sort of

they all got angry with him for calling a clearly bigoted woman a bigoted woman we all knew she was also she was a bigoted woman it's clear to see yeah but he said it and we're all like, well, you're not meant to say it. I still remember her weird phrasing was about Eastern Europeans generally. She hadn't even narrowed it down to which country. Just general Eastern

Europeans. She was saying, where are they flocking from? That was her phrasing. Right. Where are they flocking from? It's classic animalisation. Right. Where are they flocking from? It's classic animalization. Animalization, Pierre. It's a classic giveaway. But also, like, where are they flocking from? It's like, well, you've just...

Where are they stampeding from? Where have they mated and reproduced? And where are they stampeding from and to? Also, just like, she's saying where they're flocking from, and it's like, well, you just called them Eastern Europeans. saying she's saying where they're flocking from and it's like well you just called them eastern europeans you know where they're flocking from broadly albeit in a very general sense you know yeah i'm looking up the transcript um of what she said you couldn't point to it on a map lady but you could point to it on a globe.

Yeah, you could brush your fingertips across a globe. I don't think it's happening. If any podbots aren't aware of this story we were talking about years ago, towards the end of Gordon Brown's tenure, was he actually on the campaign trail of the election he lost? That might have been it, right? And he was talking to some lady somewhere

and she started talking about Eastern European immigrants and he was still mic'd up in the car afterwards and he said, some bigoted woman. He referred to her as some bigoted woman. And at home I was like, yes, I was fist punching the air. And then she found out. And the news reporters told her, yes, I was fist punching the air. And then she found out and the news reporters told her because the crew was still there when they found out he'd said this in the car on the way back

and they just asked her on TV, he just called you a bigoted woman, what do you think of that? She was like, that's not very nice, the Scottish prick. No, she didn't say that. But that would have been narratively perfect. Yeah, there we go, That's what she says. You can't say anything about the immigrants because you're saying that you're, but all these Eastern

Europeans, what are coming in? Where are they flocking from? Yeah, there you go. Flocking from. It's so weird. It's just strange. It also paints a picture of flying Eastern Europeans. The word flock.

Yeah. They're flapping their wings over here. Eastern Europeans who are so hardworking that through sheer force of flap, they can fly. They're just that hardworking. Yeah, he gets in the car that was a disaster they should never have put me with that woman whose idea was that oh is this what he said afterwards

yeah yeah yeah oh god yeah the trouble is that she wasn't she wasn't bigoted enough to be described like that and get away with it you're right you're right you're right yeah yeah you're right if she if she had said uh oh where are they all coming from there's loads of them and they're bad but

like the fact that she's saying oh where are they all coming from and stuff you just sort of go well now it seems like she's asking a neutral question she's not she's clearly just like i don't know if you ever saw any of those interviews with people post brexit but they'll be like somewhere that where the entire high street and this must be very unnerving if you're just an old person who is completely at sea when it comes to any minorly even vaguely foreign accent but all the high streets have been revitalized and the only young people with kids and prams are all like eastern european and it's all polsky scleps up and down the high street. And they're still just like, I'd rather it was nothing in these run-down towns like Boston.

Yeah. All these places outside of the major urban centers. Outside of this bubble you and I live in. Well, to coin a phrase, they're like the Joker, Pierre. Here we go. They just want to watch the

world. It's about sending a message. It's not about the high streets. It's about sending a message as they set fire to a mountain of their own money brexit so far has been like a real monkey's poor wish just like huge vote for brexit in kent now they're full of car parks and lorries and turds

on the side of the road yeah huge. Huge vote for Brexit in Cornwall. Now all the fishing stuff's completely fucked up. Huge vote for Brexit in the North East. Everyone who went for it the most is being diddled by it the most, it seems. That's what I call social justice. That's my social justice, Pierre. Do you think it'll ever be finished?

Or is this the rest of our lives where people have to have arguments about fucking haddock quotas and queues of lorries and oh the shelves people going on about the shelves is this forever now yeah it'll just be slow negotiation and pissing about until we get back to something vaguely close to what we already had for free

that's all it'll be and it'll take ages. Yeah, and there'll be a few weird new things, like in ten years we'll kind of wake up and go, huh, all the lettuce is actually from Libya. That's interesting.

I swear it all used to be Spanish lettuce. Country of origin, Spain. Oh well. And that'll be it. That'll the one or like uh have this have you been there's a lot of belarusian lager in the shops isn't there something mad like that oh man that was like i remember at like peak peak lockdown and lockdown one you remember when pasta was gone? Oh, yeah. You remember when there was no pasta left? And, like, my supermarket started, like, bringing in, like,

like, brands of pasta you'd never seen in your life. It was like, yeah, it was like Lithuanian pasta. They made, I don't, what? Where is this? I didn't know they made pasta in Lithuania. It's going to be like that. Although I have quite liked, have you experienced many empty shelves?

One of my supermarkets is like, quite often, more often than not now, has got empty shelves. And I'm kind of like, good. Because I eat so much. Yeah. I go in and the supermarket's going,

you've had enough. And I'm like, you know what? Fair play, co-op. This is the only cure to the Western obesity crisis. Imagine if the obesity crisis in the UK is solved because of Brexit. Stopping a big lorry of ice cream at dover saying they they've had enough turn around those fuckers don't need any help turn this goddamn lorry around it's a death trap

i went to a supermarket at the height of lockdown one where the pasta had all run out but there was loads of pasta left but no one everyone else was too short to see it it was just on the top shelf oh great tall privilege although it was all it was all like moderately niche shapes but again like I love that though

because that is like proper that is proper like serengeti evolutionary advantage yes I mean that that though pierre because that that is like proper that is a proper like serengeti evolutionary advantage yes i mean that that is like it's so it's so sort of animalistically satisfying when you encounter something in modern life where you go i'm advantaged here because of a physical trait you know i mean i i i i'm eating tonight because I can literally see the fruits on the higher branches of the tree. Yeah, I could reach these leaves and they couldn't. That's true.

The physical trait thing never comes up, really, day to day. The wild pear will eat tonight because he can see the fusilli on the top shelf just eating it out of the bag like a horse crunching down the dry fusilli yeah just crunching it and intermittently looking

from left to right for predators and then returning to the bag. Yeah, maybe this is the solution, the supply chain diet. Yeah, yeah. You can't eat anything that has to come to you in a lorry that's the weird little diet rule in ladies magazines that are going to be promoting this i've um i i i tried out recently um you know these uh grocery delivery apps are becoming quite popular oh yes i've seen loads of them advertised.

There's been an absolute storm of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're really coming up. It's like when Uber started. Yeah. It's like all these deals and stuff. It's like, please, it's a good idea. We promise.

Oh, please, we need to show our shareholders this interest. Please. 80% off. 80% off. 80% off. We'll bring you one tube of toothpaste. Absolutely free. We don't care. But it's the most...

All these people on bicycles delivering stuff makes you feel at once like you're in the 21st century and 1930s Britain. Yeah. Everything's been delivered by bicycle. Yeah. By a boy on a bicycle. I'm getting all my groceries bicycle. Yeah. By a boy on a bicycle. I'm getting all my groceries

teleported to me by a guy on a bike, but he's wearing like a kind of movie from the 80s set in the future wristband that tells him where to go. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Like a magical digital ordering wristband. So it's kind of dystopian at the same time. The tone of the adverts...

It was amazing. Sorry, it was amazing getting these. it took like honestly just 20 minutes from ordering it on my phone to them delivering it like ending up on my doorstep um and it's the most lazy i think i've ever felt in my life oh and that's big that's a quite an accomplishment i was gonna say yeah it's like here's the shopping you could have done also yeah here's the shopping you could have done faster than you could ever have done it yeah like it's it's here faster than if you'd run through the supermarket like footage from the early part of a zombie apocalypse film just going just sweeping things into your basket

but i also thought we're sort of we're tending towards we're approaching i think full delivery traffic by which i, every vehicle on the road, I think we're going to hit like 80% of vehicles on the road are delivering something to someone. Because pretty soon they're moving us out of our cars. London's just expanded its ULES zone. They want us out of our cars. By the same time,

the number of delivery based services is going up so we're going to hit like it'll be like the minority report with all those cars on the floating highways but it's just delivery bicycles

cycling in the air like ET yeah yeah yeah yeah and then everyone's going to be like god all this traffic from delivery what if we all just put it in one place and you came and bought it and people go that's amazing wow it's arranged in shelves like some kind of book library but it's like a library of food that's right yeah yeah what and i just i walked here from my house and wow it has everything and you saw you you you you pick the bags up yourself instead of being handed them to you so you're cutting out the middleman you're cutting out the

bicycle boy yeah you're cutting out the middleman You're cutting out the bicycle boy You're cutting out the middleman It's straight From supermarket to consumer No longer will The nation be held hostage By these goddamn bicycle boy unions Yeah it's all going to Boomerang back isn't it in like a hundred years

Maybe yeah that's it's all gonna boomerang back isn't it in like a hundred years maybe yeah I always think like how fit are those guys because all they do is cycle around and bring people takeaways

it must be torturous they're just exercising while taking everyone food their their gooch

and scrotum must be glowing like the fucking rod in the Simpsons intro. From just friction. Just friction. Just constantly, constant cycling.

I mean, what the hell? I'm surprised the Deliveroo team don't win the fucking Tour de France every year. I think next time there's a big Tour de France, as a publicity stunt, Deliveroo should cycle water up to the athletes. Yeah. So they catch up with them and hand them water and say, thank you. And they just drop back. Yeah.

Or they like... I think I'd be good in advertising, Pierre. I think I'd be like a Don Draper figure. I think I can do adverts. It's so easy to make a good advert, I reckon. That bicycle ad, I think that would win adverts it's so easy to make a good advert I reckon that bicycle ad I think that would win me the advertising award definitely yeah

I think yeah I don't know why adverts aren't better because they are so expensive to make they cost hundreds of thousands of millions of pounds and mostly they're bad yeah yeah and then someone will do one that's sort of like witty enough that you watch it and you go oh that's pretty good and it'll be like we win all these awards and the that company will get like a 10 billion dollar contract

with some huge firm and you think, what? That's like a sketch. Adverts are just sketches. Yeah. We should get into it. Yeah. Or like Deliveroo should definitely enter a team anyway, because then they could just like,

if they won, they could like, they could, they could showboat by winning and like having the takeaway order of the people who come second ready for them. Wow, they won the race and with big green square backpacks on the whole time. Yeah, full of extra electronics. Shall we Read some correspondence Yes

Yes Deliver that to me To letters Emails Phone Toils To Correspondence

Let's do it, let's find it Okay, so Louis gets in touch Louis, Louis, Louis Nice Greetings Pierre and Phil. Have you had a Louis before? Because I think I've sung the Louis song before. I think so.

Not many Louis. I wonder if it's the same Louis. Yeah. Loyal Louis. Loyal Louis. I shall despair. What was that? I don't remember. Anyone who hasn't heard it go back and find the episode where Phil does the tongue twister

that he makes up about Charlie Chunks or something. It still makes me laugh. Oh, God, yeah. Charlie Chunks. Yeah. And then you just broke down after a few more.

Charlie. What was I trying to do? Charlie Chunks chose a chapel to change his tune. I can't remember. Oh, yeah. We were just trying to come up with tongue twisters on the fly, weren't we? Yeah. Oof.

Louie loves listening to lovely... Louie loves listening to... To lovely... There's nothing... lovely lullabies L's quite easy that's pretty good so it's toilet roll tat

is the subject line okay says I shall dispense with the customary lavatorial introductions because as the attached content of this missive makes clear I'm quite literally shitting as I send this. And of course one can have too much of a good... Very nice.

Lavatorial Louie in the loo. Lavatorial Louie loves lying in the loo. Loves letting loose logs. Lovely, letting logs loose in the loo. Yeah, horrible. Just thought I would share a bit of toilet paper whackaging tat from down here in New Zealand. Oh, New Zealand.

We may have little of COVID, but alas, we have crappulous commercial cuntitudes are as prevalent here as anywhere else. Koji, if you've got them, boys. I like that, Louis. So, yeah. them boys i like that louis um so yeah uh it is the back of a toilet roll package phil the back of a toilet roll package okay yeah pack of six it's not on the roll itself

okay yeah that's on the big old bag um and there's an incredibly cheerful 3D toilet roll with little legs and arms and a face. And he's absolutely beaming and poking out from behind a random circle. Just a circle. And the circle says, softness and strength you can trust. Yeah. yeah and then there is a paragraph of absolute gibberish

and it's sort of as if the cheerful loo roll is kind of poking his head around a mad abstract logo circle and just sort of telling you this as you're shitting okay so he says my fans reckon... I'm going to say the words that are in bold

and in different colours, I'm going to say slightly louder. Okay. My fans reckon I'm a big softy. And they're right. With my thick embossed tissue I'm as soft and gentle as a cloud. While still being super strong and reliable.

I also stand strong on the important things, like protecting our environment, supporting our community, and providing jobs for Kiwis. our community and providing jobs for Kiwis. Yes, as in New Zealand is not hairy fruits. Yes, I think the cheerful toilet roll

is being economically nationalist there. I'm better than all these foreign toilet rolls. Yeah. Who might be soft and gentle as a cloud, but are they still super strong and I'm better than all these foreign toilet rolls. Yeah. Who are... They might be soft and gentle as a cloud, but are they still super strong and reliable,

like this guy? With my thick embossed tissue. That sounds like something you don't want to hear after an MRI. Ooh, yeah. There's some thick embossed tissue, which will have to be removed. I'm afraid there's some thick embossed tissue which will have to be removed. I'm afraid what we've found will create a lot of work for

Kiwis. What? Yeah, they sort of go what could possibly be happening? Oh my God. Oh wow, it's worse than I thought. This is... I'm going to have to go to New Zealand

and have some kind of specifically Kiwi surgery. Who knows? Okay, so... Let's see, who else? Return of the Tat Whisperer is the subject line of this one. Ooh, yes, I wonder if I can still Tat Whisper. I haven't Tat Whispered in a while. Yeah.

So it's from Megan. Megan, we beggin' for you to tell us your email megan says to my perfect pick of poopy political podcasters p masters philip pierre very nice that's a good tongue twister um that is good uh she says this was advertised to me recently as i surfed the world wide web um my inner monologue read it as Pierre hesitating to hear how Phil would complete each part. I now realize this means I quite possibly have a Bud Pod addiction problem,

but I also thought it would be great to hear the return of the tat whisperer. Yes, let's try it. Let's do it. Okay. It's quite a long piece of tat burned into planks of wood. Okay. So let's see if into planks of wood. Okay.

So let's see if we can make this work. Okay, so. Okay. Let me just warm up. Prosecco, prosecco. Okay. Okay. Okay, first.

So it's sort of short bursts of sentences. Okay, classic... So it's sort of short bursts of sentences. Okay, classic stuff. Yep. Life is what? Life is something. Life... Life... is...

Are these sentences connected to one another? Does it run from... Only by saccharine sentiment. Life is wonderful. Always close. Life is wondrous. No, you're closer with wonderful. Is it one word?

Yeah. Life is... Closer with? Yeah Life is Closer with wonder Life is wonder? No no life is beautiful Beautiful I almost did beautiful God damn it okay life is beautiful Life is beautiful

Collect what not what Collect friends not money Collect what, not what? Collect friends, not money. Oh, I mean, it's exactly the right sentiment. Oh, collect love, not things. Oh, it's not things is correct. Collect what, not things. Okay, okay. Collect memories.

Collect memories, not things. Oh, I'll give you that. That's moments. I'll give you that. Ah, moments. Okay what? Not things. Okay, okay. Collect memories. Collect memories, not things. Oh, I'll give you that. It's moments. I'll give you that. Ah, moments. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. Collect moments, not things.

Collect moments. I love this. It's so fun. Huh? Collect moments, not things. Moments, not things. Just live in a cave With your moments

Live in an empty barn With moments Eat moments Sleep on moments Live in a shack with your memories Feed your children with memories And moments Pay your bills with thoughts

and memories. Okay. This is a longer sentence. Be someone who makes blank blank feel like blank. Be someone

who makes blank blank feel like blank be someone who makes stupid losers feel like heroes be someone who makes I will say that the bit that says blank blank should really just be one word. It's actually like quite... It doesn't need to be written like this, but... Oh, okay. It could be one word, really, but they've used two where one will do. Ah. Be someone who makes everybody...

Yeah. Yeah. ...feel like someone. Yeah, everybody feel like somebody! Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Everybody feel like somebody. Yep, great, great, great.

For some reason they've written it as be someone who makes everybody else feel like somebody. Oh, that makes no sense at all everybody i guess everyone aside from you but that is the presumption if you say it makes everybody feel something yeah it's the presumption and also they're really missing a trick of being able to go be somebody who makes everybody feel like somebody if you said oh my my that frank's weird he makes everybody feel uncomfortable. You go, well, including himself. No, everybody else. He makes everybody else feel uncomfortable.

You'd assume that he didn't make himself. You wouldn't say, yeah, Frank makes everybody else feel like somebody, starting with him. Because he does it to himself first. So. as long as he does it to himself first so no beauty shines brighter than that of

what three words wow no beauty shines brighter than that of than that of love and kindness. Okay, I'll narrow it down for you. You got the right idea, though.

No beauty shines brighter than that of a blank blank. Oh. No beauty shines brighter than that of a beautiful soul. Oh, you're so close. No beauty shines brighter than that of a kind heart oh it's a good heart oh He's got it. Always believe that something what is going to what?

Always believe that something amazing is going to happen. Wonderful, but yes. Oh, okay. Always believe that something wonderful is going to happen. Always believe. Always. Always, always believe always always always always if you're in the middle of a forest fire

and you can't get out please believe that you must even then believe that something wonderful is going to happen yeah and collect the moment if you're in the vice-like grip of the jaws of a grizzly bear and you have no phone signal

and you're at the top of a mountain and no one can hear you scream, you must believe that something wonderful is about to happen. Just try to remember the moment. Try and be in the moment as this bear crushes your femur.

Yeah. Okay, so here's a don't count the blank but make the blanks count. Don't count the blanks Phil

but make the blanks count. Don't count the failures but make the failures count count don't count the failures but make the failures count that would be better than this that's actually a good piece of advice this is just oh of course

don't count the minutes make the minutes count give it it's days I'll give you that days yeah yeah

yeah I like minutes though that's ramping it up a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like an Asian parent, really. The minutes count. Every minute counts of the day. Don't count the minutes,

but if you do, count them correctly. Okay. Do what you blank and blank what you do. Do what you love and love what you do do what you love and love what you do yeah you got it yes this one is quite odd and possibly

possibly cancelable maybe maybe at an extreme end oh interesting life begins at the end of your blank blank big dick is that why it's cancelable begins at the end of your blank blank. Big dick. Is that why it's cancelable?

Life begins at the end of your blank blank. Blank blank. Cancelable. If you really pushed your interpretation of it. Right, right.

Okay, life begins at conception. Is that why? Life begins at the end of your conception. Ooh, this tatters, sir. That's taking a turn. Let me try this one more time. Life begins at the end of your... 40th birthday. Comfort zone.

I'm not sure. I'm going to have to... Oh, interesting. Interesting. Yeah, it's a bit... It's a bit harassing. Yeah. It's a bit...

It's a bit HR tribunal, this. Yeah. Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Life? I'm not comfortable with this. That means that life is beginning. That's what life's all about, baby. Read the sign.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone, he said as he accelerated to 30 over the speed limit and locked the door. Horrible. Do more of what makes you blank and blank do more of what makes you nervous and afraid happy and joyful but still yes

happy and joyful right okay so life begins at the end of your comfort zone but also do what makes you happy and joyful yeah yeah do everything in other words yeah the things that you're scared of the things that you're not scared of things you know make you happy the things you don't know yet might make you happy do everything stuff that you know makes you uncomfortable do that too imagine yeah imagine having to be told to do what more of what makes you happy and joyful i think for most people this feels good i guess i won't do this again yeah wait there's another way

god that was delicious oh well can't ever have pizza again in my life Delicious. Oh well. Can't ever have pizza again in my life. Have I got some news for you. Okay, the last two bits. Mistakes are proof that you are what? Stupid. Stupid. Mistakes are proof that you are trying yes okay and the final one you will never regret being what yourself oh it's close but think even stupider

you will never regret being you no No, it's think more, kind of. Again, you will never regret. What's the more hmm than yourself? Never regret being more. Never regret being more brilliant. It's pretty close. You will never regret being more brilliant. It's pretty close. You will never regret being kind.

Yeah, I don't regret letting that murderer into my house because he said he needed a glass of water. Yeah. I don't regret that. It's a happy, joyful moment where I was outside my comfort zone. Well, thank you for putting the Tat Whisperer back through his paces he's a bit rusty but

still pretty good there's still some life in the old dog yet Megan says may the Koji be with you P.S. where would you even begin with making everybody else Feel like somebody PPS I've definitely regretted being kind Yes

Exactly And because we're very behind on correspondence Looking forward to hopefully finally seeing Phil In September in Taunton So hopefully that she did Wow that is behind that is very behind and hopefully you did hopefully you did

and hopefully I put you out of your comfort zone with my material and that you found it joyful yes exactly well thanks for listening everybody we will talk to you next week enjoy have a good one goodbye listening, everybody. We'll talk to you next week. Enjoy.

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