BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 139 - Lost-In-The-Desert-Music.mp3

Episode Date: November 24, 2021

Phil Wang and Pierre Novellie (the buds) chat (the pod) about desert music, blonde people being from Australia, TVs, terrorism, porn auters, high fantasy and Michael Moore Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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kiano It's BudPod one three nine. BudPod one three nine.

I don't think I have anything for one three nine. One three nine and we're feeling fine. I'm trying to I want to

I'm trying to see if I can rhyme all the syllables honey pine 139 honey pine is an endangered tree I just made up oh yeah it could be a horrible

sort of nickname. Honey pine. Yeah, yeah. People think you're about to say honey pie. Oh, honey pine. Yeah. And you go, ugh, right at the end. Everyone sort of goes, wait, what?

Oh, honey pine. Excuse me, honey pine. Oh, honey pie. Excuse me, honey pie. No. Everything's normal until no. No. And people go, did he say honey pie or honey pine? And then he's so confident, people start going, is it honey pine?

Because I know you can't Get a honey pie Yeah oh gosh I didn't even think about that What a honey pie would be Now I'm doubting it What is that some crust filled with honey That's no pie that's gloop That's disgusting that's crust and gloop

That's crust and gloop Which were two of the greatest comedians Of the 1930s Wonderful hilarious men But not a dessert which were two of the greatest comedians of the 1930s. Wonderful, hilarious men, but not a dessert. No. Tall, thin, serious, crust, and big, fat, silly, round gloop. Crust and gloop.

They would be that way around. Crust is definitely the straight man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the name like crust, I i mean that's dickensian really yeah yeah yeah and every time that every time gloop messes up he goes gloop sorry crust yeah and uh who could forget their iconic uh black and white slapstick films of Krust and Gloop Roller Rink Birthday The Roller Rink Birthday yeah that was a great one

Day Out at the Sawmill yeah washing a very high window for some reason having never operated a window cleaning company before. Yes, yes, yes. And slipping on a banana peel that wasn't composted in time to be of use in the war effort. That was a later one.

You know what I think about sometimes is how lucky you and I are that the microphone was invented because without it, to be a comedian, you had to put yourself... You had to put your life at risk every time. You had to nearly fall off an actual clock tower or have a house fall on you or get hit on the head 15 times times by a real ladder yeah before the invention

of plastic so it was like it would be a heavy like wood wood ladder yeah they were like this is as light as we can make this prop i mean like charlie chaplin was like an acrobat he's like an athlete basically he got any do you think people got annoyed at how much he earned and they said nurses should be paid chaplains wages like young footballers it's true though at best Phil we would be

in music halls just absolutely bellowing yeah really screaming we'd have to have like small uh stages and we'd have to project and kind of puff our chests up like cartoons from that era big puffy chests um and to be fair this is genuinely quite a good something i thought of it's It makes quite a difference. The range of humor you can use when you can't... Like, it's so limited if you can't whisper or speak quietly or vary your tone. Yes, that's right.

It all has to be like, Well, what did you say? I said he can put a cigar Where his Bum don't shine Yeah exactly And everyone's like oh And you've got to do another joke in exactly that energy Yeah just constantly like

Any jokes Or reported speech have to be sort of The voice of a large Bank manager Yeah it's true you don't think about that you know without the microphone stand up wouldn't exist you wouldn't be able to do

quiet little bits little whispering bits creepy little whispering jokes do you think you could do Yeah? Yeah? Creepy little whispering jokes. Do you think you could do an entirely whisper show? Did our friend and colleague and fine comedian Jack Barry do that?

A whisper show? I swear I remember him doing some sort of ACMS. That's a night. ASMR thing. You're right, he did. He a night. ASMR thing. You're right, he did. He did do an ASMR show. You're right. He did? Yeah, like online, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He filmed himself

doing a sort of whispered... Yeah, search Jack Barry ASMR if you want to figure out what I'm talking about because I only half remember it myself. It was before this ghastly war. I think it was during the ghastly war Wasn't it? Or wasn't it a lockdown project?

I swear I remember Seeing him Do some of it live Like a whip A work in progress A work in progress He wasn't pressuring MPs To vote a particular way

No, well Not directly Or with any huge success. We'd have legalized weed by now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was his other big show with his weed suit, which is an amazing thing that I still kind of can't believe you can buy. It's a suit just covered in cannabis leaf print. Yeah. I guess imagery of drugs is not illegal

No no no No although I'm sure Well it should be I'm going to do Do you think you could get a tailored suit just covered in the ISIS flag Someone would come to your house surely Well there's a podcast called uh red scare and they made uh it's two gals and they made a t-shirt to sell that is red scare but accompanied by an isis flag but it's like over a pink

background and they got a lot of like these they're like really daily mail style these disgusting but i don't think i don't think it's illegal i think like some platforms might not want you to sell it or would not agree to sell it and some would yeah so wait it's it's the same as the isis flag but it's the pink instead of black yeah pink and maybe it says like red scare in a font That looks like Arabic But it's actually Oh oh oh oh I get you I see Very punk if I may say

Very punk Very punk Yeah Well we're not punk here Phil We're the only anti-murder podcast and proud of it Yeah I mean that is as far as We're willing to push the boat really Being openly anti-murder podcast and proud of it yeah i mean that is as far as we're willing to push the boat really being openly anti-murder and we don't care about the hate mail that we get

and we get a lot we get the number of murderers who write in yeah like when you when you hear pierre reading out um correspondence you from time to time you hear like a pause in a speech as he's looking he's he's just having to skip through all the the hate mail from prisons yeah it's true i'm scrolling through because i can see i just look at the email addresses and i can see you know at at san quentin at broadmoor it's just murderer murderer murderer It's just murder email. Do prisoners get email addresses? With like an at?

At prison.co.uk Are they allowed? I guess it would just be dangerous. I guess they're the only people these days who still get letters. Right. Surely they're allowed computers. I mean, surely there is like an internet cafe bit. I guess... There must be. I don, like, surely there is, like, an internet cafe bit. I guess...

There must be. I don't know. Yeah, maybe, but then... I don't know. I know they're allowed other stuff, but maybe they're too worried that they could... Because they're not allowed mobiles,

are they? Hmm. Probably in Denmark. Probably in Scandinavia. Or in Norway. They probably... They probably just get the latest iPhone for free, along with some crack. Probably get a colour iPhone. Full colour iPhone.

Yeah, it's so funny when you see Daily Mail stuff where they're like, oh, prisoners are treated too nicely because they get colour TVs. And it's like, what? Find me a black and white TV it'll be more expensive or like um whenever they always go on about like oh people on benefits have flat screen tvs as if that's not the only type of tv available now yeah yeah i'm 15 years you can yeah and you can get like it's and you can get like you can get a TV now that in 2003 would have cost you

15,000 pounds and now it's like 400 pounds or something every time I look up TVs I'm like what I'm going to up by 5 they're always cheaper than you think they're going to be this is one of the few things in life that is cheaper than you think is going to be big fancy tv big fancy tv uh i would say most tvs you can buy now have a better resolution than the projector in the movie theater i was in last night phil oh why were you in there

we're stealing popcorn um i just love the noise the seats make when they flip up i was just doing that that is good flicker the floof yeah exactly exactly what i'm going to guess what you saw. You went to see... You went to see... Fahrenheit 9-11. It was time for some truth, Phil. Time for some truth. Of everything I thought you were going to say, I could never have guessed you were gonna say michael moore's seminal

that's just come out right yes yeah yeah do you know do you know what's really funny about michael moore is that he was kind of like apoplectic and completely like indignant with shock and fury at George W. Bush. So presumably when Donald Trump was elected, his head just burst like a big balloon and he had to sit down for four years. What's interesting is that Michael Moore,

when Michael Moore came out, we were like, whoa, this guy hates George W. Bush, and he's willing to say it. And now, because of social media and Twitter and stuff, like, Michael Moore is like vanilla ice cream, and we're all eating, like, Thai sweet chili sorbet with a base of Sichuan peppers and spikes. And we're just like, we can't even taste Michael Moore anymore.

No, God, no. Yeah, you're right. Like at the time, everyone was just like, this guy was disrespectful to a senator. I mean, what? And he's sort of fat and loud. And he's got a kind of unconventional hat. He made a whole movie about how gun laws in America are too lax.

He made a whole movie. He thinks America's run he thinks America's Being run badly And we were like whoa who is this guy And now it's like Alright company Man Michael Moore He did a whole movie

About that freak High school massacre You'd have to do a movie once every three days Now wouldn't you in America isn't that the stat Yeah I mean There's a mass shooting like every week or something So if you were going to be Michael Moore now It would have to be like a kind of constantly rolling

Netflix series Yeah Yeah Seriesers would be like we'd be like, we'd be the good housewives of Orange County at this point, like season 15

or something of Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine still bowling. I guess that's what it would be called. Bowling for Columbine more pins strike

to, I don't know. Yeah, or they do all the extra interview series where it's like bowling for Columbine after bowling beers or something where they all sit around and talk about the niceties of the latest school shooting

yeah but I will say Phil I went to go see Dune Dune that was going to be my serious guess I want to watch Dune people love the worms people keep saying the worms in Dune are great the worms are cool

it's visually stunning which is annoying I just went to a place that was showing dune i didn't plan it as much as i should have um and that's my fault but this projector was not amazing it wasn't an amazing screen it was still cool but then um do you know how sometimes before movies now they play a whole sequence of cool ultra HD images to illustrate how good their stuff is? Oh, yeah. And at the View Cinema, it says the whole thing about like, this is not a cinema.

It's a racetrack, an opera house. And it's like, and a car goes past. And then it's like an opera singer going, and then it's like zooming in on his beard. Whoa. And musical notes turn into like 3D balls that bounce on a speaker and all that shit. They might as well just play a video of the CEO of Vue going, stop watching movies at home!

But it was such a mistake in this case, because it was just like, I remembered how much better that same video is at different screens. So I was ah i could kind of see grain on this oh right so they've shot themselves in the foot now you have like a working anthology you have like a collection of this of these of these of these tests across various screens so now you know when one is not up to scratch yeah yeah exactly and so i think i didn't i mean i still thought that visually dune was like astonishing i do recommend seeing it it uh but i did i knew i was getting screwed out of some of the the cool bits of course it must have been hard um

it's very desert based from what i am aware of dune. It must have been hard differentiating between sand and just sort of pixels. Yeah, it's not set in the desert at all. It's set in a skate park. It's supposed to be solid concrete, but it just looked like sand. And it's very desert-y, and there is quite a bit of sort of, as I said with, I think i discussed the did i discuss

on bud pod seeing the prince of egypt in the west end oh no i don't even mention that i didn't even want to see the prince of egypt yeah and it's but there's a lot of that kind of like music where you're lost in a desert and it's going like just sort of general sort of desert noise you know how was how was the Prince of Egypt on the West End that was good I saw that a little while a month or two ago

a month I should see more theatre I should go and see something like that I will I remember I remember seeing the Dreamworks animation

yeah of that film a while back and it was like I just remember it being like very like the songs were like probably like won't you of that film a while back. And I was like... I just remember it being very pop. The songs were probably like...

We're in Egypt. He's the pharaoh. It was really R&B. Usually, in those sort of animated musicals, they sing the songs of norm... The normal, so fun, musical Disney-style songs. And then right songs of norm, like the normals of fun musical Disney style songs. And then right at the end in the credits, they have Christina Aguilera doing like a poppy version.

Yeah. Of like, the circle of life. But in the actual movie, it's just the circle of life. Woo hoo, yeah. Cause I'm the actor singing it. Woo hoo, have a good time.

But in the Prince of Egypt it was all straight away. Oh, Egypt is a big old country and I'm gonna run it real good. Yeah! And it's just the whole way through. And I find it really took me out of it.

It's like, this is too modern feeling. I don't believe that I'm in Egypt. Also, the characters... I don't think that I'm in Egypt. Also, like the characters, I don't think I've ever seen like Egyptian characters whitewashed in an animation. You know, it's like, it's bad enough when it's in real life and they've cast, what's his fucking name?

Batman. What's Batman's name? Christian Bale? Christian Bale. They name? Christian Bale? Christian Bale. They've cast Christian Bale as an Egyptian pharaoh. And you're like, oh, come on, dude. Don't get an Egyptian guy. And the director's like, well, we needed a big name.

With an animation, you could have drawn them any color. And you still drew them a bit white. I'm looking up the animated movie now, and they sort of look Spanish. Right. Let me have a look. Prince of Egypt. I suppose we also... Yeah, it's difficult, isn't it? of Egypt. I suppose we also like... Yeah, it's difficult, isn't it?

Because what is the ethnicity of the ancient Egyptians? Oh, no, yeah. Mayor Culper, put my hands up. They are tan. I think what I'm thinking about is I've confused my memory of these faces with the people in El Dorado, City

of Gold, which I think was also a DreamWorks animation in which, I guess, what should have been Spanish conquistador types looked particularly blonde. You mean one of the main

characters? Because that's one I've actually seen. El Dorado City of Gold. The animated movie. Yeah. The road to El Dorado. Here we go. Yes, there's a very... Oh, no, but no.

Maybe I've whitewashed my own memory. There's one main character in it who looks very blonde. Yeah, but that's... He's from Europe. Yeah, but he looks like he's... Icelandic. He's from Europe. Yeah, but he looks like he's... Icelandic. Yeah, but they're a blonde Spanish people.

Okay. Okay, Pierre. Apologist. I'll write a white supremacy apologist, Pierre Nivelle. I like how you said that I was suggesting that there could be planets with kind of Mercury seas. Like a completely unprovable okay maybe it could be when i was a kid for like three three years i thought all blonde people came from australia what and i thought yeah I thought only Australia could make blonde people and I remember so clearly watching

No Doubt and seeing Gwen Stefani in a No Doubt video noticing that she was blonde and just clear as anything in my head going oh she's Australian I didn't realise No Doubt was an Australian band. Really?

Yeah, yeah. For ages I thought all blonde people came from Australia. That's like the belief of a sort of ancient spice merchant. Yes. The logic of one. Obviously there would have been no blonde people in ancient Australia, but you you know what i mean right like well of course frogs come from the sky um but and it's suffice to say i take back my uh my attempt and cancellation of the prince of egypt they are they do look uh middle eastern now that i've googled them

certainly middle eastern enough that doesn't mean the cast is because it could be full of They do look Middle Eastern now that I've Googled them. Certainly Middle Eastern enough. That doesn't mean the cast is, because it could be full of white people going, wobbling their throats. Oh, for certain. Yeah. For certain.

But that's, you know, I think that's one you're going to have to accept. Yes. 1998. Yeah, old. Phil, you'll be glad to hear the West End version. The songs are just as wobbly, and there are even more songs just as wobbly too.

I don't like wobbly songs. I will say this, kind of at the start of... There's a bit at the start of The Prince of Egypt where there's a bunch of the Greek chorus bit at the start of the Prince of Egypt where there's a bunch of like the kind of Greek chorus bit of the cast kind of pretending to be the sand you know like they're dressed in all

scrubbly clothes and kind of ooh we're the desert wind or whatever and I do remember thinking at that moment the effects better be better than this this better this better go beyond groups of people pretending to be stuff and did it or was that it did yeah it did okay but i did have a moment of thinking i hope this isn't the peak of the effects but some of the effects are amazing they've got some amazing stuff yeah

um but there is there is there is yep uh like dune a bit where they're kind of lost in the desert and a voice kind of goes just sort of wailing oh yeah yeah and i always want to know if it's actually like a word that they're saying, or if it's a language, or if it's just a general lament. I've always wondered that. Like in Gladiator, when she goes, Is that just like nonsense poetry? Or is she going,

He's a gladiator stabbing some guys. He's the best fighter, but he's gonna die. He's a gladiator, Russell Crowe is nice. Yeah, well that's... Or is it just noise? Or is it just like the equivalent of a song from the 20th century? Someone going... Yeah, is it someone going,

Lost in the desert! Like, just yelling. Oh no! Just yelling, oh no, the word desert. We'll have to fly to Egypt and just, like, sing it in the street and see what response we get. Just walking around Cairo. Oh, oh, oh. People going, there are children here! it in the street and see what response we get just walking around Cairo oh people going

there are children here or people suddenly going oh god sorry I thought I was lost in the desert for a second eh we got it right yeah maybe it's just the word thirsty really elongated could be

yeah I recommend Dune but I recommend getting it spending the time and money and research on a big old screen IMAX whatever something like that if there's sand in it Pierre wants you to see it it's I give it, Pierre wants you to see it.

It's... I give it nine sands out of ten. Great. That's great. Nine grains of sand out of ten. Okay. Had you read the books? The Dune books? No. I literally remember, in a similar way to you,

have this sense memory of thinking that someone was Australian. These memories that stick with you. I distinctly remember when I stopped being able to read very in-depth fantasy or high sci-fi stuff. Yeah. I remember picking up a book that, i was super into it i read loads of it growing up i was absolutely a super fan and i picked up a book that should have ticked all the boxes and i looked and it was one of those sci-fi or fantasy books where the first three pages are

just like maps of the worlds discussed and like glossary glossary of the peoples of this land and it was all as it has to be made up names right yeah and i just thought i can't i can't be bothered and it like worried me at the time i was like am i am i like stupid and now that i can't make myself remember this stuff or but i just remember, I don't know all the countries in the world. Yeah. Yeah, this is... I mean, that's my contention with fantasy

and learning about fantasy lands. It's like, I don't know... I don't know all the countries in Europe. I can't remember a couple. I feel like I should learn those first before I learn Middle Earth. You know what I mean? Yeah, and you sort of think,

I don't necessarily know much about a country where I probably... There's like a daily risk I could meet someone from there. Never mind the fucking elf people. And it can get really detailed, because if you really go in for those this, like two inch thick fantasy books, it's like, uh, you have to remember it to lend weight and detail in the plot.

Like Lord of the Rings does it sometimes, but some of them are much worse offenders where there'll be like, well, this shall be as bloody as the siege of Greg North. And you're like, I don't, I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is.

I don't have enough contextual knowledge to understand what this character is saying. Like, having to construct a whole new world of taboos from nothing. And social mores. Yeah, all of that. And you just go, well, I have to learn how to be a whole human again, kind of. Also, there's a terrible danger that reading too much sci-fi

will make you one of those guys who refers to women as females. Which is a fate worse than death. You don't want to become... You don't have read about so many different humanoid species that you refer to women in the real world as females females there's a lot of that around now is there well like online i mean it's not like this a big sign in the road saying it no i'm yeah but i mean exactly exactly exactly but i don't remember it happening so much like like and i'm talking about internet nerds i don't

remember it happening so much like i think it would about internet nerds. I don't remember it happening so much. I think it would have seemed even weirder like 15 years ago, whereas now it's also like females are like this and this female. It's such a weird descriptor to use. It makes you sound like a fucking alien. It's so odd. Yeah, like a zoologist. Yeah, it's so disconcerting.

But I could never get into those thick books. I think mainly because I was very lazy and not a good reader. And unless it was Dan Brown, I wasn't interested. When I've read Dan Brown, I was like, at last, an author who cuts off the fat. Just gets me to the story, baby. Yeah, just the man is in the building. Tell me more. What would you do?

It would be quite disconcerting, wouldn't it if that we knew a lady who who was like uh i see there are quite a few quite a few males in the room yeah i've never ever heard a woman but to men as males males that would be weird that would make me feel like if she was planning some sort of yeah like an experiment or yeah nails yeah science language shouldn't creep into daily language because you make yourself sound like you have a lair i remember watching like a trailer for I think it was

was it a Louis Theroux documentary where he was like he was going deep diving into the porn industry and he's like shadowing this pornographer who's got this camera he's holding his camera and he's pointing it at like a guy fucking a lady

and he's going real close onto the dick going into the vag and and Louis Theroux is like so what do you you're making a movie and he's like and put up for the part was like yes yes I'm making a movie and you're clearly getting close in there on that sort of vagina, aren't you? And the pornographer's like, yes, yes, yes. Well, that's what the viewers want. And Louis Theroux is like, why do you think a movie like this would appeal to people?

And the pornographer goes, for masturbatory purposes, I'm afraid. And I was so struck by that. Firstly, by the use of masturbatory purposes. I don't even know if masturbatory is a word. For masturbatory purposes, I'm afraid. And then secondly, I was like, why are you afraid? Aren't you... When you're aware from day one, when you started this job,

that was the sole purpose of pornography? It's because it's like... He's so numb to it right that he's reached a higher plane where it's not even about jacking off anymore

right he's like he's like an aristocrat hundreds of years ago where people he's saying like people come to the theatre, yes, but it's to drink, I'm afraid. And to throw things. Maybe he was accusing himself as a filmmaker

of being ostentatious and self-obsessed. I'm being a bit masturbatory about this or this is a bit onanistic of me you would never trust a guy you would never trust a guy who is A a pornographer and B introduced himself by saying

I make onanistic media for masturbatory purposes you'd be like oh you're like the devil in a short story why would you say it like that if you weren't just the devil in a moralistic short story maybe i'm wrong phil and maybe it's not that he was so jaded it's that he's still so he's absolutely raw to the scandal of it all and he's he's just there filming this you know visceral close-up and just going he's still ashamed even after all these years that it still has this kind of naughtiness to him maybe that's why he loves what he what he does you know yeah yeah i mean i guess that's the way to do it if you're making porn like to still find it hot after all those years i mean that's a dream i guess yeah do it do it for the love

if you do something you love for a job you never work a day in your life etc which as comedians we can both testify is a lie it is a lie there are still emails even your passion requires mount like 10 000 emails a day to do to live to live your dream is mainly emails you could get a job as a fucking ice cream tester and you'd still have to pass a yearly health insurance physical to make sure you don't have diabetes yet yep you still have to fill in a google doodle with all the other ice cream tasters about who can taste ice cream on what day

nut allergy liability insurance sure oh and the effect of the covid pandemic on the ice cream tasting industry? Forget about it. Forget about it. All those tongues.

You have to sanitize the ice cream before you put it in your mouth. Yeah. Horrible. You think professional ice cream tasters are going to get a sympathetic hearing in the press? Try the other one. Try the other one. What does that phrase mean? Pull the other one. Pull the other one. does that phrase mean pull the other one pull the other one like pull my leg is are you implying that you're you're someone's pulling your leg yeah you're

pulling my leg and also the full phrase i've heard is pull the other one it's got bells on right that's too involved pull the other one it's got bells on. Is that Morris dancing as a reference? Yeah, Morris dancers come up with that phrase. The only meme to bleed out into wider society from Morris dancing. I wonder, do you think the Morris dancing can't be where shake a stick out comes from, can it? Do you think that Morris dancing can't be where shake a stick out comes from, can it? Pierre, all our proverbs are from Morris dancing.

I say as I slowly put a hand on your shoulder. Yeah, and as you put the hand, as you lift your hand to put it on my shoulder, I notice that there's a handkerchief poking out of your cuff. And I realize they've gotten to you and you just hear like oh no if you want to imagine the future phil imagine a human face being morris danced on forever um anyone listening outside the UK Or even really outside England

Do look up Morris Dancing And enjoy Yeah it is essentially Hmm It looks like a rain dance But by middle aged White guys In full white

cricket whites, essentially, but with bells around their knees like they're Bert and Mary Poppins and symbols on their elbows. Yeah. I suppose it would retain some of its kind of Wicker Man

creepiness if you saw Morris Dancing being done like exclusively by like um very sort of um like farm hands you know like very athletic young men right yeah then it would look like what it is which is some kind of creepy spring fertility witchcraft stuff it would look like something from midsummer if it was being done by young people yes exactly but as you say if it was done by the physically fit it'd be very intimidating yeah yeah fortunately it isn't no very rarely um but it still retains a bit of its spooky charm is that a sign of a society that's moved far from its traditions

phil where all the traditional stuff is just done by middle-aged enthusiasts and sort of oddball teens yeah i mean even even back in the day i feel like it would have been the elders who are they are the ones they're the only ones old enough to know our ancient ways and i reckon like back in the day, you weren't considered ready for an actual Morris performance until you were like 48, even though you've been studying it for 30 years. You still had to mainly clean the older men's bells until you earned the right to don them in public,

like a samurai or a high-end sushi chef. Yeah, okay, I see. see yes i see what you're saying jiro dreams of morris dancing i don't know if you ever saw that documentary just from the second he wakes up the bells the sticks he's that he's into it he's there god yeah maybe that's it. Maybe you're right. And there's like big arguments between sort of very, very long gray bearded men in cloaks. He's not ready. Yeah, they all look like Merlin.

If Morris dancing like just disappeared, would you feel sad? Would you feel sad? Would you feel sad if one day the news went, the final Morris dancer has died and there's no record of how to do it. Thus spells the end of the Morris dancing tradition. Would you be like, oh, no. I think I would be. Yeah. I think I would be Yeah I think I would be

Because Yeah I think I would Because you know At least I was keeping them Off the streets I'm always I always think it's a bit sad Whenever

That happens Like Because I'm never sure If you lose something like that I'm never certain If it's being replaced By anything Right

Yeah So if they were like Oh yeah Morris dancing's gone But If you lose something like that, I'm never certain if it's being replaced by anything. Right, yeah. So if they were like, oh, yeah, Morris dancing is gone, but there's this other culturally uniting. I mean, not that Morris dancing is now culturally uniting, but, you know, there's this other like interesting, quirky local tradition that loads of people are doing. And it's new, but it's been going on for maybe 10 years. It's not. It's always replaced by kind of nothing and that's what worries me they'll just be replaced by like crypto just more people will be doing cryptocurrency yeah it's it's replaced by cyber bullying that's the new Morris dancing. In 400 years, people will ceremoniously post rude things on each other's walls

with kind of antique kit. Like old typewriters. They've got it a bit wrong. Yeah, yeah. They haven't understood it and they're actually putting it on each other's walls. They go through the village saying, you're fat or whatever on each other's actual walls

yeah it's become murky with time no one can quite remember how it began it's a rite of passage in the old days yeah yeah that fits yeah I wish I was engaged in some sort of cultural like tradition I don't think I have engaged in some sort of cultural tradition. I don't think I have anything really that sort of ties me back across the generations.

You've got more than one language. Yeah, languages are good ones, sure. Yeah, language and I guess food and knowing, you know, being able to cook sort of some Malaysian food and some Chinese food and all that. You got yourself Chinese New Year? But I don't have any parade to take part in. I was very jealous of, like, especially Americans in all these small towns. They all have, like, their own parade.

And, like, Dad has played Germany Crockett for every year since 97 or whatever. And I just don't have anything like that. There's nothing there. They do have a lot of parades. They do have a lot of parades. I suppose it's because we're too busy and we're too urban, we're too deep into London

to do Penny for the Guy or something. Yeah. People still do do that, which is quite good what is the penny for the guy thing like people come around and collect pennies no you you you um i think you can go door to door but i think it's more traditional to sort of have one like in the high street or by the side of the road or near a shop or something and it's like you make like a like a you make an effigy of of guy forks that will later be burned yes yes of course and people give a penny for the guy i guess which is to kind of compensate you for your efforts i don't know it just became a thing that kids did

oh okay so it doesn'tetta Memorial Society It doesn't Go to the keep parliament's Cellar free of gunpowder Initiative Keep England plot free Plot free since 1683 baby We dream of a Britain

Where there are no plots A plot free we can beat plots. And all these sort of mawkish ads of people looking seriously into the camera going, plots, we're coming for you. Oh God. We're going to get you, plots. Time's up, plots. you plot times up

plots or yeah just people very seriously sort of saying how there's been an increase in plots

year on year in the United Kingdom sort of newsreader voice yeah although to be fair there probably is an increase in plots all the time sort of newsreader voice yeah although to be fair there probably is an increase in plots all the time there are a lot of plots

there are a lot of plots like the man well we never even discussed it the man who blew himself up in the car park Phil oh fuck in Liverpool yeah in um

have you seen the video yeah it's mad it's like the car explodes so soon after rolling in yeah so it rolls around and basically stops like perfectly stops in front of the entrance to it's a woman's hospital a maternity hospital right yeah it is yeah and and just goes bam like that but we've spoken about this before when you see an explosion in real life it's always dustier than you expect it to be. Because in movies, explosions are like fireballs.

But in real life, it's always like, poof! Yes, it's always just dust. And then, incredibly, the taxi driver just gets out after the explosion. Because at first, from all the reports, all the reports said, or the ones that gained most traction was, the taxi driver

noticed the guy had a bomb on him, he got out of the car locked the doors, ran away and then it exploded, which always sounded odd to me I was like, how did he manage to do that yeah, it made it sound like a kind of leap into the air like action film thing

yeah, but it blows up the guy blows up while the taxi driver's in in inside yeah and it's something to do comes on he's he's okay i'm like how how how strong is that sort of plastic covid shield between him and the backseat uh well, I think it was a black cab. Ah. Traditional vehicles, Phil. None of this Uber. Yeah, gosh. That's probably why he was saved.

Well, they think something went wrong with the explosive because the car just burnt for ages until it burnt out completely. So, I don't know. And they still still like the guy converted to Christianity but then he didn't and he said he was Syrian but he was Iraqi but his mum was Syrian it's just the most confusing

thing right yeah yeah yeah but that yeah I mean that's an example of one of those things where I always think like in the newspaper they always go, why didn't MI5 know about this? And it's like, why didn't MI5 know about a guy who lived alone in a flat and didn't talk to anyone, very gradually using fake identities to buy parts to things? Like, how much power do you want MI5 to have?

Because they could know about that, but they'd have to know about everything you're doing, too. That's right. have because they could know about that but they'd have to know about everything you're doing too that's right and also like you probably aren't aware of the many plots foiled by MI5 every day that you just never never find out about

I'm thinking more about plots now Phil than I have in a long time and there's got to be so many plots there are many plots there's so many plots everyone's a plot in these days everyone be a plotting these days. Everyone be a plotting. Can everyone just calm down on the plots? Can everyone stop plotting for a bit, please?

So I can catch up. Bitches be plotting. Bitches be plotting. Fellas be plotting too. Everyone's plotting. I love the idea of like a kind of exasperated Def Jam comedian, but it's just about the war on terror Just Bernie Mac

Really throwing his hands in the air In exasperation at Al-Qaeda I wish they'd call counter-terrorism Counter-plotting It'd be so much more fun What's your area of expertise? Plots, mainly plots Terrorism counter-plotting. See, yeah. It'd be so much more fun. What's your area of expertise? Plots.

Mainly plots. Oh, you're like a gardener? No. No. Plots. Schemes. Masterminds. You know. But that was on Remembrance Sunday Wasn't it the guy

The failed car explosion Yes He blew himself up a minute before 11 o'clock So that seems like relevant But they're not sure It's still different It's a great ad for the taxi driver's skills Like spot on 11 o'clock

Oh yeah You don't get that with Uber You need someone with the knowledge It's a great ad for the taxi driver skills, like spot on 11 o'clock. Oh, yeah. You don't get that with Uber. You need someone with the knowledge. That's true. That's true. I was talking to some Americans the other day, and they'd never heard of the knowledge. So for any Americans listening, if you want to become a black cab driver for decades and decades, maybe even more, longer than that, I don't know Over a hundred years, something. You basically just have to do an exam.

It's basically a degree. It takes three years, four years, and you have to memorize every road in London. But at the end of that, you get to enjoy a long, fulfilling career of protesting Uber. Yes, it's true. It's true. And also,

as a bonus, you get an enlarged hippocampus i think yes big old hippo they did a study where they x-rayed taxi drivers brains after they'd done the knowledge and they're the area of their brain that deals with memories is actually you can you can see and then act like in an x-ray or something that you can see the difference. Amazing. Yeah. Baby got hippo. Yeah. I like big hippocampuses on a black cab guy.

You Uber drivers can't deny that when an Ian walks in with a pink sweaty face and in with a pink sweaty face and uh um and uncomfortable opinions about immigration in your face you get stung i think it's gonna catch on thank you thank you that could be i'm the new weird owl yes yeah you're the new weird al with

your with um god imagine imagine trying to be the new weird al in this i mean i guess everyone's doing it yeah it's funny i don't know how weird al has done it he's like he's a legend he's a genius a super, super nice guy too. And he changes the lyrics to songs to make them funny, which when anyone else does it is the lamest shit in the world. But when Weird Al does it, it's good. How does he do it? Was he just the first to get there? He was the first to get there and he looks weird

and he's got the accordions involved. That's interesting. Yeah. I went to see Weird they're live once what yeah i saw where they're live at the kentish town what's it called forum something forum yeah i think that's it it was great it was amazing he came on a segue for one song i think uh was it white and nerdy he came on on the segue it was amazing it was brilliant he's um he's he also never swears or does filthy parodies so it's he's completely locked into the jesusy market in

the states oh really yeah he's never done a song where it's just like total eclipse of the fart or It's all good clean fun I mean eat it Eat it Eat it Eat it Eat it If it gets cold reheat it I mean You wouldn't think how do I make this funny

I'll make it about food You'd go grosser than that wouldn't you I mean Michael Jackson you could go very gross But he made it About eating He unlocked wouldn't you make it about i mean michael jackson you could go very gross but he made it about eating he unlocked if you can unlock good clean fun and sell it to the american uh we don't like cuss words crowd you're going to be a fucking billionaire imagine him pitching that now the eat it parody of beat it by michael jackson if you're like okay so i've come up with a parody

of a michael jackson song and you're like oh yeah it's all the lyrics i'm gonna change the lyrics on michael jackson song to make it about something else and you're like okay i see where this is going and he's like it's going to be about overeating what yeah just silence in the boardroom. You know who Michael Jackson is, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a dancer-singer guy. I presume you mean overeating children? No, no, just hamburgers. No, no, just regular food, just hamburgers and cake.

The only sound is rain hitting the glass that kind of thing and people sort of shuffling papers for the next meeting well thanks for coming in Mr. Al it's Mr. Yankovic actually but thank you

please call me weird Mr. Yankovic actually But thank you Please call me weird Mr. Al is my father I might go listen to that now Actually Phil Eat it? Yeah Yeah it's good stuff You can't beat it

It's really good Yeah I might go listen to that What are you going to do now? I'm going to do a charity gig, actually. So maybe everyone has misjudged me. Maybe I'm actually all right. Yeah?

Where is it? At the Leicester Square. No. At the Comedy Store, I think. For our good friend and fellow comedian, Ivor Graham. Lovely. Sent him my best. The, Ivor Graham. Lovely. Send him my best. The MS Society.

Yes. Lovely. Lovely. Send him my love. And listeners, we will speak to you next week. Bye, everybody. Enjoy.