BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 142 - Weep Side Story

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

Phil Wang and Pierre Novellie chat the new West Side Story, wee Columbians, mermaid vaginas, The Holiday and Paul McCartney slamming people. Correspondence includes some beef satire, tat social snafus. Sketch: West Side Story modern remix. Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod142. Oh my cron, Pierre. It's Budpod142. Oh my cron indeed. Bum for who? That's when a waiter turns up at your table with a big rump steak. Bum for who? Excuse my growling stomach there as you described a bum steak.

That's how instantaneous your hunger response is. Especially to beef and bum. Yeah, even the mention of a rump steak and... Your stomach wakes up. You can definitely go for a very expensive Sunday roast at Beef and Bum. That's somewhere in East London. Yeah, but you have to... Everyone has to choose either you get beef or you get bum.

Yeah. Yeah, and they're both the same price, both 20 quid. Yeah, and as you come in, there's a bunch of people leaving going like, Oh my God, we'll have to come back next time so we can try the bum. Did you get the bum or the beef? you got the bum yeah I got the beef how's the bum? oh really?

god I have to come again because yeah the beef is good it's good it's good but make sure the bum sounds interesting

make sure when you go you go with someone who's willing to swap a bit of their bum for your beef because otherwise you'll have to go twice but that's no bad thing bum for who yes quite

right I'll tell you for who Phil it bums for thee yes for whom does the bum toll it tolls for all the pod buds in the land. It does, it does. And Omicron is here from the motherland, my motherland, South Africa. We're very good at producing frightening things.

Yes, but is it not that South Africa's sort of fallen for a similar trap that the UK was in early on, in that they were merely the first to identify this new strain, right? They've sort of been punished a little for their vigilance. And because of South Africa's sort of very leading work in HIV, AIDS treatment and sort of study, and I think genetic medicine as well were quite good. Yeah, we're just very fast at sequencing and identifying stuff.

So we are being punished for that. Who knows how long Omicron's been around or where it was originally from. But it's here now, baby. It's here now. Because wasn't it like Botswana where it was first detected? Yes. And I think the main reason it's not being called like Botswana where it's first detected yes and I think the main reason it's not being called the Botswana variant is because of how many people are frightened of trying to say

Botswana out loud having seen it written down also of all the African countries South Africa is the one that's most politically open to criticism yes yeah people kind of know a couple of things about South Africa so they can say stuff with confidence and they know where it is because it's in the name. You know, it's very appealing to talk about because they could sort of go, well, I'll tell you what it is about that place. It's rugby, the Mandela, Trevor Noah. So and it's in the South. So think about that. And everyone sort of goes, oh, you seem pretty on the ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's rugby, racism, and Chenin Blanc.

Whereas you bust in on one of these people and say, drop me some sweet knowledge about Botswana. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh boy. It's a bloodbath. I just watched through my window, Pierre, I just watched a cat chase a pigeon on some trestles because I have moved outwards, Pierre.

I've moved down south, Pierre, where wildlife booms. The place teems with wildlife down south, Pierre, where wildlife booms. The place teems with wildlife down south. You're in idyllic suburbia now. That kind of scene playing out your window. Is there kids hitting a hoop with a stick down the lane? Is that suburbia? Is that more like...

That's of inner city industrial revolution. That's true. Yeah, playing kick the can that's true you should be seeing i guess a kid on a tricycle oh no no a gang of like stranger things kids solving a mystery well pierre speaking of a gang of kids yesterday last night in fact i went to the imax in waterloo to watch the new west side Story by Steven Spielberg. Yeah, a new West Side Story. And when you said that you were going to go watch that,

I thought you meant like a production of it. I didn't realize, I didn't even know there was a film. Well, this is the problem. No one is aware of it. It's really stuck under the radar. I'm a bit, I'm a real West Side Story head and it did pass me by. I knew there was one coming, but I didn't know it was out.

It was only our friend Julian told me, and I was like, oh gosh, is it out? And then I just booked tickets. But I have to say, Pierre, utterly sensational. I was a big fan of the original. I'm a big West Side Story freak. I don't really like musicals, but West Side Story, in my teens, I was obsessed, obsessed with West Side Story.

The music is still ahead of its time and why why as a teen were you obsessed with it was it the clicking of the fingers it's just the quality of the music I mean the intervals are so interesting you know it's like all these really minor notes, all these blue notes everywhere. It's like nothing you've ever heard. It's completely unique. The songs, the lyrics are great. Also, it really suited, because I was really into my singing, and Tony's songs are like a tenors, in the tenors range,

and they're very beautiful songs, and they suited my range. Oh, I see, I see, I see. Okay, so it was accessible in that sense. Yeah. Also, I'm a fan of street violence. Yep, that's true. But in a safe way. And clicking is about as safe as a gangbang can be. Yes.

Now, I was going to ask, is this some kind of true to the original remake or are we talking gritty reimagining? It's a pretty true to the original remake, but they've updated it. Yeah, they've made, I dare say, Pierre, they took all the good things about the original

and they've kept it and they fixed all the problems. I think it might be a better movie. What? Really? Yeah. What have they fixed? Everyone's got mobile phones now. Yep, that's right. Tonight is sung on

TikTok and sent that's how Maria, they do a duet, Tony and Maria duet over TikTok. And Riff is killed how they do Tony Maria duet over TikTok. And Riff is killed by fake news. He's killed in the capital

riots, isn't he? That's right. And I Feel Pretty has the additional line but not only in the heteronormative cis hetero system it's really good, it's really beautiful they fixed some of the pacing problems like in the original you know all those great classic movies, Pierre, that were

made maybe pre-1965. You go back and watch and they're just so boring. They're like three hours long and you could cut a half of it out. And it just slowed down by all these conversations that don't seem to be about anything. It really could be wrapped up in about a minute yes this has got spielberg is just taken to this he just spielberg if i was a story and just added pace and it never gets boring they swapped around some of the songs they've given the songs to different people and it really works oh oh it's so good it's so beautiful i cried the whole way through you're just weeping i was weeping the second the new

maria comes on and she's sensational you were weeping i can i can really get going if if a movie gets me and because where's that story so emotionally loaded for me and it's so nostalgic for me yeah the songs mean so much to me you've built them yeah you've built up a real deposit in the old bank haven't you yeah to watch it like redone like that but redone so well i was too much for me to handle i was like shivering i was a wreck i was shivering and crying the whole way through it was yeah it was it was fantastic and it was a funny feeling to be like freaking out to that extent in an IMAX of all places yeah just I mean it's especially overwhelming because

the screen is the size of the sky so it's like you can't escape your feels oh that's true yeah everywhere you look you're just being induced to weep even more I was going to say apologies for anyone else who can hear what I describe

Phil as your swallow dotwav sound effect. Did I just swallow? Did I just do that? Just before, yeah, we had a little sip. But it's just the fact that you swallow the way that like when Popeye eats spinach in a cartoon. Like I imagine you like swallowing some tea and then you do a big like bicep and then it says tea on your bicep. Just loads of all the tannins making me stronger. Yeah, they just fade in.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, hard to avoid the crying in the IMAX, as you say, because you're in front of a kind of skyscraper of emotional stimuli. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a movie of the year for me. I couldn't believe it. And late in the game. I was just like that the whole way through. Oh, my God, oh, my God.

Oh, man. Late in the year as well to clinch that title. I know. Like, yeah, 90th minute goal from Spielberg. What was it up to that point? Oh man, late in the year as well to clinch that title I know, like yeah 90th minute goal from Spielberg What was it up to that point? Well, just the other day and it's not my top movie of the year

but the other day I watched at home with my girlfriend The Lighthouse Have you seen that? With Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe? I have not. Yeah, it's always on the list, but I'm never... I can't quite find a time when I have

the time and I'm in the mood for it. It's good. It's good. I think you'll like it. It's really fucking weird. But it's... And it's like black and white. It's shot on film. It's really beautiful. And it's just all these really incredible and disturbing tableaus it's very surreal it's very mysterious and it's just about two guys slowly going crazy together

on this tiny island off the coast of new england and they've just been charged to look after this lighthouse it sounds good. It's perfect lockdown viewing for sure because it would have mapped onto a lot of our lockdown experiences probably. Yeah, well, good thing there's a new lockdown coming, almost certainly, that we can all enjoy the lighthouse in. Do you think it'll be full fat lockdown? I think they'll dress it up as something else

where they'll just go, oh, it just so happens that each individual area and industry has to do these following things. And you'll sort of go, right, okay. Do you think they'll hold off until right after Christmas and then basically January's cancelled?

Oh no, I mean in January, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, it's poop pants time it's just I was saying to you before it's like a kind of World War 2 thing where like you start to get a feeling for what it would be like just to have the same enemy for years

but he keeps wearing different hats this is like if Hitler just kept changing his mustache yeah yeah yeah. And every time he changed his moustache, it made him more powerful. Or it's just different shapes, yeah. They just kept fiddling with the swastika. Rebranding.

Obsessed with rebranding. Hitler through our front line because we don't recognise him because he's got a different moustache on. Yeah. Yeah, now it's purple and people sort of go is that i mean it can't be yeah just just that psychological feeling of having uh an enemy who you you have no easy perception of but they're affecting your daily life and they're they're sort of around and you're you're winning but it's not over yet that's that's the

that's what i mean as opposed to you know that level of suffering or whatever else but just sort of going oh you know all that stuff that's normal well it's not normal now and it's because of x and you go oh yeah and you sort of want to shake your fist at x and go ah you suck and then but there's nothing you can really do about it you just have to go oh okay yeah yeah I mean am I being naive here or is it good that Omicron is like has got so many

mutations to it because if it's a really really effective variant then hopefully that's put off further new variants for a while. If it's really tough one to beat, if it's a really tough one for new variants to beat, then maybe it'll mean a little stability. What do you think? Right. So you're saying like Omicron is like Coca-Cola and it just smashes everything else out of the market. And then once you beat Coca-Cola, that's it.

Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah and you're not going to be coca-cola for a while that's that's my hope yeah and i guess what like so your immunity is quite strong because you've defeated such a powerful omicron like a powerful variant well it's more that there won't be much space left for new variants to take over because it'd be very hard for them to to to beat omicron's transmissibility yes yes yes i i mean you know i mean look it sounds true and i like the sound of it i'm not an epidemiologist but i like the sound of it and at this point i'll take it one omicron please i'll take it. One Omicron, please. I'll take it.

Sounds good to me. You've sold me on this idea. Let's do it. Let's go for it. This Christmas, West Side Story The Modern Remaster Sent her a dick pic and it got her hot Aubergine emoji, aubergine emoji Cheeky cat face, winky smiley guy Panting red face, aubergine emoji

Sexting, I've just started sexting Some girl called Maria or something. Tonight, tonight, can't get an Uber tonight. I guess I'll just have to get the bus. Tonight, tonight, not even bald tonight. bus tonight tonight not even bald tonight I just walk

and hope I don't get robbed I want to stay at an Airbnb, I want to stay at an Airbnb, but there aren't any that look good to me, I want to stay at an Airbnb, but there aren't any that look good to me. I want to stay at an Airbnb. Going to hotels is so nice. Oh, but they are such a high price.

What is much better is to stay in somebody's loft, which is smelly. West Side Story as Stephen Sondheim would have hated yes as we record this we're is Nicholas Sturgeon he's going to do a Scottish special announcement? Is that right, as we record this?

Oh, probably. She loves doing an announcement. She does love an announcement. Real head girl vibe. She loves to call an assembly. Loves it. How tall is she? She always seems very short

But maybe it's just because I think she has the haircut of a short woman Yes, let me google Is Nicola Sturgeon wee? Just how wee is Nicola? She's pretty wee I've been given it in metres Which I cannot And call me imperial in metres, which I cannot, and call me imperialist if you want,

I cannot make any sense of. I can translate it for you. 1.63 metres. 5 foot 4, baby. 5 foot 4, that is small. She is still taller than Shakira, which is something to consider. That's something to think about.

I beg your pardon? Shakira is 5 feet taller than Shakira, which is something to consider. I beg your pardon? Shakira is five feet tall, Pierre. She's five feet tall? Yeah. Five feet tall? Really? 1.57 metres. That is insane.

Do you feel embarrassed? I feel embarrassed because those hips were lying the whole time. The hips weren't lying. The legs and torso were. Right. Okay. God, she is wee. She's more wee than Nicola.

She's a wee Colombian. Jesus. A wee Colombiana, for sure. She's the wee than Nicola. She's a wee Colombian. Jesus, what a... A wee Colombiana, for sure. She's the weest Colombian. That could be a heartwarming kid's book, couldn't it? The weest Colombian. Yeah, right, yeah. It's, um...

Yeah, it's about someone who's moved from Medellin to Aberdeen it's good because they rhyme as well yeah from cocaine to heroin how will little Shakira acclimatize from uppers to downers how will she do it yeah and and and she's short

so this is a kind of up down thing you could play with um from cartels to castles that's in there nice very nice yeah the weirdest Colombian a kind of from Escobar to Edinburgh. Yes. Nice. Um, what I like is that like, you know, a lot of kids books have themes that they are kind of always the same, uh, you know, be nice. Don't bully people.

It's okay to be different and so on. And they're dressed up as like old school stuff, like the ugly duckling, or they are, uh, slightly newer stuff. Like there'll be like oh the only the only you know it'll be something more niche or completely imaginary that only dragon without

a blue face whatever the fuck it is what i like about this the we s columbian is that it involves so many factors that are confusing or not of interest to children yes yes yes it would be so much to expect children to relate or be interested in what it's like to be from columbia and move to scotland yeah yeah so many questions yeah and they just go wait where and and where and why like just the potential natural audience for this is in the single figures, I'd say. Yeah, like,

Mom, what is a drug meal? The weest Colombian. I mean, Scotland's a pretty wee country, isn't it? A wee country? As in the height of its peoples? Yeah, I'm not sure. I've been in a Scottish nightclub and it's been a pretty...

pretty small... Which is surprising because they have presumably quite a lot of Scandinavian blood, really. Yeah, and the Highlanders maybe are... As tall as their lands! Hmm. Hmm.

I found the Highland Scots were the tallest and heaviest of the European peoples until the middle of the 19th century. I don't know if that can be true. How would you even measure that? How would you know? How would you know? How would you know? But yes, West Side Story 2021

is my pick, folks. See it, well, unless you don't feel safe. I went to the IMAX, which, in Waterloo, and there were, I'm not kidding, maybe 12 of us in the whole IMAX. In the big Waterloo one? Yep, yep'm not kidding, maybe 12 of us in the whole IMAX. In the big Waterloo one?

Yep, yep, yep, yep. 12? Yeah, this movie is not making money baby. That's not even enough for one finger-clicking gang, is it? You could hear a pin drop and a finger click. Yeah. Did that make it even more

kind of noticeable that you were having like a transcendental experience well no because you know there was there was no one sat next to me who i didn't know uh you know so there were no strangers close enough to notice me sobbing which is actually good that's how big the im is, is that you could be in there having what sounds like an ayahuasca trip and they just are so far away. Yeah, I mean, I was still nervous early because obviously everyone like book seats down the middle. So we're sort of in a human centipede

sort of line down the middle of the cinema. A COVID centipede. Yeah, really not making the most of all the space coughing coughing into each other's bumholes yes of a chain of coughs and so that made me a little nervous um but but it's so big and cavernous i think it was probably quite safe but if you get a chance to yeah the new west story is just sensational i i loved it so much. Nice. Very nice. Gosh. The lighthouse did make me so happy, but it was fascinating.

Yeah, it would have been funny for you to be crying and joyous throughout the lighthouse. Yeah. You do get to see in the lighthouse a mermaid's vagina, Pierre. What? Yes, yes. Now he's interested. Hold on.

Now Pierre's ears have perked up. When's it back on at the IMAX? That's all I want to know. There's a big, the biggest mermaid vagina you've ever seen, Pierre. It's incredible. And I'm so glad to see it because in sort of law, especially sort of sailor law,

mermaids have always been suggested as like a sort of sexual temptation yes right they're they're they're a manifestation of of essentially the horniest men in the world who haven't seen a human woman for years because they've been at sea yes and and they're so horny they they would fuck happily something that was half-fish. And I'd always wondered, right, but how are you fucking this thing that's half-fish? I don't really see an entry point. Well, the lighthouse provides an answer, and then some, Pierre. With a big mermaid vagina on the screen, I'm just crying and shaking,

just like you in West Side Story. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's just how I imagined it. the vagina's on the screen, I'm just like crying and shaking, just like you in West Side Story. Yeah. It's beautiful. It's just how I imagined it. I loved the giant mermaid vagina when I was a teenager, and now that it's back and remastered, I just can't believe they've redone it so perfectly. They've got rid

of all the flaws, and they've kept the good bits. Oh, man. Well, if you want uh listeners to get an idea of how a mermaid might have a vagina but you don't want to watch the lighthouse just google um inspiration for the starbucks logo of course yeah yeah those little those little bits in the logo are the is the mermaid holding apart her sexy mermaid legs yes of course she's like pulling it she's pulling it up isn't she she's doing sort of splaying herself yeah she's doing her sort of legs behind the head for you though yeah that's so horny for coffee she is yeah well starbucks the name starbucks is from um moby dick isn't it It's the name of one of the captains. I think so, yeah. That's a funny...

Don't even splay my legs till I've had my coffee. Don't even splay my fish tail. Don't even insert yourself into my fish vagina until I've had my

pike roast. What's it called? Pike point roast. That's the in-house Oh. Good knowledge. Me sitting in the IMAX looking at a seven meter tall mermaid pussy saying

I want to see this on the BBC. I'd like to see the BBC try and cover this a fat chance the MSM is being very quiet about this you point

you stand up in the IMX and point and say find me a single national newspaper that's covered this I say pointing with one hand and unbuckling my trousers with the other everyone around me goes yeah I don't know all nodding yeah he's right he's right

just nodding like a question time audience yeah they're all nodding because they're like well in fairness it's not in the paper he's right I mean he is not technically he's right it's not on the news today what other good films have there been this year

I enjoyed Bond I thought that was fun we've been through there yeah we did we've reviewed Bond we reviewed Dune I enjoyed Bond. I thought that was fun. We've been through there. Yeah, we've reviewed Bond. We reviewed Dune. Oh, yeah, I've still not seen Dune. It's only on the small cinema screens now. I miss my Dune chance.

Yeah, it's long. It's a long boy. Actually, speaking of very, very long boys, I re-watched now classic rom-com The Holiday the other day oh fucking hell I couldn't get through it I don't think I've ever been able to get through it

it's like torture there are very few movies out there which really feel like waterboarding but The Holiday is one of them it feels like it was intentionally devised to be a challenge it's about seven years long it's so long it's longer than most holidays there's a few moments in it where stuff is happening where you just think

i just live with these people now I just live with these people now Oh I live with Jack Black I live with him and that's why we're having sushi together for reasons I cannot we're just sort of catching up I don't know I don't seem to have any real direction in this Yeah you want to get that mermaid vagina sashimi

by the way The mermaid what? The mermaid vagina sashimi by the way the mermaid what the mermaid vagina sashimi is sashimi no i'm just trying to make a call back with the sushi and the mermaid vagina i'm just trying to make sure that you say you're being that specific about which type of sushi it is technically yeah sashimi just means without rice right you could probably have a mermaid vagina nigiri. I think that'd be quite nice. It would fit the shape nicely, actually.

California roll? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah. Is that your pickup line for The Mermaid? Just going on about how much you love sashimi. Are you part fish? Because, you know, I love sashimi. Are you part fish? Because, you know, I love sashimi. I think the holiday would be really spiced up if at some point Jack Black had to try and forego an enormous mermaid pussy.

Yeah, it would have added some intrigue to it. A dreadful slog of a movie. Did you watch the whole thing? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Really? Why? What possessed you to do that?

It was on. Really? Well, it's like... I mean, I wasn't, you know, wrapped. Jack Black is the kind of character who would be like, Yeah, like sashimi. Yeah. Like, while he's trying to...

Fuck him up, mate. He's doing little songs. Yeah. Gosh, what is the plot, roughly? And please be rough. Two lonely women swap houses and one lives in a super mansion in LA,

and one lives in a postcard from England. It's Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz, correct? Yes, that's right, isn't it? Yeah. I don't know, you watched it for five hours. Yeah, I know, but it becomes like... It's like trying to remember everyone from primary school. but you know it becomes like it's like trying to remember everyone from primary school

they swap homes because they have thumbs down men in their life and they find the nice men in the other house yeah okay the men are thumbs down emoji Phil Jude Law turns up at

Cameron Diaz's place yes and he's the sad English lady's brother Jude Law turns up at Cameron Diaz's place. Yes. And he's the sad English lady's brother. Right. And Kate Winslet makes do with Jack Black because English people just have to accept less. Yes. English people are just dumpy by nature,

so they need a dumpy American. Yes. She makes do with him, and she also spends a great deal of her time not even really making do with him, but just doing a kind of brief spell of physical rehab with a pensioner that she's met. What?

Her neighbor, who is played by Eli Wallach, who's the... Wallach. Who's the ugly from Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Oh, okay. Is just like a sort of sad old guy who's like once a Hollywood legend of writing. And she sort of convinces him to go to an awards ceremony held in his honor and kind of helps him walk up and down stairs and swim in a pool for a bit okay okay so her holiday is she has to work as a carer and and try to become attracted to jack blank yes she her her task is to live in la right and be a carer for a pensioner for as long as it takes for her to want to go out with Jack Black

it's like a it's a kind of purgatory thing like you're not leaving this job caring for this pensioner until you marry Jack Black whereas the American lady gets to just bang Jude Law and live in a kind of mansion almost immediately,

even though she already lives in a mansion in LA and is already rich. Great. Yeah. It's real rich to riches stuff. Yes. Yes, and bafflingly, the British lady character, she just works for the Telegraph,

and they're happy to have that on the screen. Oh, really? Did it say the Telegraph? It just says the Te lady character, she just works for the Telegraph and they're happy to have that on the screen. Oh, really? They just say the Telegraph? It just says the Telegraph and she seems to just tangibly work for the Telegraph. Quite hard. It must have been an American production company because otherwise it would have known

it's quite hard to make someone who works for the Telegraph a sympathetic character. Yeah, I mean, I'd say so, but they're sort of going, oh, she's the saddest lady who works at the Telegraph, and you sort of go, oh, alright. Why wouldn't you just make up the Daily Schmutz or whatever?

It doesn't... It seems like a choice that they've made. I don't really know why. It is bizarre. I wonder if they gave them some money or something. In a movie of fairly eccentric choices, it's one of the ones that I, yeah, I did.

I don't like a movie that has both a reference to The Telegraph and Jack Black in it. That's wrong. It's like orange juice and pizza. It's like, what? This isn't right. Yes, that's a real like worlds colliding. It's like when you find out that um

uh you know one of those history facts that two people that you didn't think were alive at the same time were yeah or like cambridge university existed when the aztecs were still around and you're like oh really no that doesn't seem right yeah it makes your mind go black the telegraph that would be a very funny celebrity columnist choice yeah um well speaking of the holiday it's time for us to take a holiday in the stories of our pod buds it's true the correspondents correspondents Correspondence. Correspondence. Twitters. Emails. Phone calligraphy. Twitters. Your sister.

Keep a straight eye. Twitters. Ring letters. Correspondence. Sent from their LA mansions to our quaint English cottages. Exactly, yeah. We're swapping we're swapping our humdrum English emails

with their glamorous LA lifestyles I'm trying to sound like a British person in an American romcom we have a lovely message from Tom. Tom! Bang the drum for Tom.

Bang the drum for Tom. He says, hey, Prince and Philip. Parum-pum-pum, Tom. Very nice. Can you hear him? Parum-pum-pum, Tom. He gives an email today he sends

an email in he sends an email in thank you Tom says hey Prince and Philip which is nice I like that and the. Which is nice. I like that. And the subject line is, become the beef.

And I don't know if you remember our rambling about that. Oh, yeah, it's supposed to become the beef. What was that in reference to? Something about... It was in reference to some correspondence we got about maybe someone snapping and eating beef or the veganism or something, or you have to be the beef

right yeah something like that kind of seen the world yeah he says following on from your become the beef waffling i thought you might be interested in this work by the outs now this is quite a long um description interested in this work by the outstanding anti-capitalist artist Darren Cullen, aka Spelling Mistakes Cost Lives. Right. Okay, there's a lot to take in there. The anti-capitalist artist, who is called

Darren McCullen, his... No, not McCullen, just Cullen. Darren Cullen. Yeah. His, what, his pseudonym? His Instagram name is... What costs lives? Spelling mistakes cost lives? His website seems to be, yeah, spelling mistakes cost lives. Okay.

Yes, and it seems to be... I'm just clicking on the link. His highlights include creating a miniature Daily Mail parody newspaper, a museum of neoliberalism, and an advert for Action Man battlefield casualties featuring Matt Beria and a fake army recruitment campaign. The thing that has inspired Tom to tell us this is that the slogan is Army Be the Meat in the parody campaign. Okay, okay. Although I do immediately take against anything that claims to be making fun of neoliberalism because no one seems to be able to tell me what neoliberalism is or if they do

whatever they tell me is in direct contradiction to the last thing I got told by someone else yeah it's the same thing as like late stage capitalism it sounds impressive to say but no one knows what you mean and you probably don't know what you mean I googled when that term first getting thrown around, and it was around World War I.

So it's been late for a while. Late-stage capitalism, yeah. Very late. It just feels like people go, any minute now, and just... Shit keeps rolling on. Well, that's interesting yeah um i don't know it's it's um it's almost feels like a lot of satire from the pre-trump days just feels quaint now doesn't it yeah like so many uh media outlets like the daily mail or fox news have gone full mental that any art that sort of goes did you know these guys were pretty mental or look how mental these guys are

you always just end up sort of going well yeah I was a big fan of that period of people tweeting links to Daily Mail front pages going stop reading the Daily Mail but sharing

just expanding the Daily Mail's audience for them for free yeah and linking to the sun and people saying this is an outrageous story But sharing, just expanding the Daily Mail's audience for them for free. Yeah, and linking to The Sun and people saying, this is an outrageous story. You go, well, I won't know unless I click it, so don't do that. Just don't do it. So, we have an email From Lorcan

Lorcan L-O-R-K-I-N Lorcan L-O-R-C-A-N Lorcan Lorcan I think it's a Scottish name It's a very good name Yeah Lorcan Yeah nice Very cool. It's a very good name. Yeah.

Hulken Lorcan. Yeah. Nice. Lorcan says, good day, Buddington Poos. Currently catching up on the pod, but enjoying your steaming hot takes on events that seem like distant nightmares when listening sometime later. Yep, that's about right.

After being recommended by my brother, your dulcet tones have been the soundtrack to my luck down 2.0. No notable scat stories, but very recently I was ambushed by some wild tat in the tall grass. Lovely. It was super effective.

That's what he says. Yeah. The incident occurred during a visit to my girlfriend's house for a night of drinks and games with her family. Lovely. Lovely. We've been together for two years now, so my confidence in wisecracking with her parents and siblings

has increased measurably. Very true. Locke and used wisecracking with her parents and siblings has increased measurably. Very true. Locan used wisecrack. It was effective. The late-night conversation turned to a topic which particularly piqued my interest. Tat. Oh, great. Perfect.

At this point, we were many a drink drink in and i remember stating that i couldn't stand those wall decals with your bog standard tatty sentences on e.g live laugh love the conversation staggered onto something else and my girlfriend's mom exited to refresh the communal bowl of savory snacks um now i've been in this house a number of times and i thought i'd taken in all forms of decoration in the living room slash kitchen. Oh, how wrong I was. The mother returned with a plaque emblazoned with the triple L itself.

Oh, no. In all its cursed, curvy calligraphy. So she's bursting back in with a pack of twiglets going, you mean like this? And thrusting it right into everyone's face. Like a crucifix. Like she's trying to ward off an evil spirit. You must live, laugh, and love.

You must live, laugh, and love. Your tat has no power here He says I was speechless, kicking myself for not seeing this earlier Classic case of foot in mouth Luckily the moment passed without too much embarrassment But still, one of those scenes playing on repeat Before bed some nights

Yeah, that's um yeah that can be embarrassing when you go off and you really go off on one about something and realize the person you're talking to is really into that something yeah just um yeah really really really slamming something and then they sort of shift their weight and reveal that that they've got that thing on their t-shirt or something. I also wanted to draw your attention to some tat I encountered while falling down the rabbit hole that is Jim Browning's YouTube channel. He's a

scam baiter, so he baits the scammers. This is an example of a check attained by scammers from an unsuspecting victim. So I'm just looking at it, and it is... It is a check from Security National Bank, and it says Live Laugh Love on it. Oh, great. On a check.

Wait, wait, wait. But this is a prank check sent to the scammers? Or a real one? Well, he said obtained from a victim, so I think it might be real. But it's written in what? Under the name? Is Live, Laugh, Love? Or the amount? No, no, no. It's just like on there. You know you can get designs and pictures and checks.

It's just on there. Oh, fuck. Oh, gosh. Gross. Maybe that person deserved to be scammed. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know that doesn't sound good, but... Well, Phil, if they like a tat like live laugh love maybe they've already been scammed once yeah um lorkin says a small side note here

for the last three years the accent of one of my university lecturers has evaded my recognition and frustrated me to all ends ph Phil, your Italian Cockney accent may have given me one of the most profound eureka moments of my young adult life. Oh, amazing. Did you guess I thought he was an Italian London guy? She was trying to teach you. She was trying to do your teaching like a lecture, right?

And do a little teaching in it. Yeah. He says, now every time I hear her voice in an online lecture or workshop, I can't help but burst out laughing. Hence why my headset is confirmed to be unplugged at the start of her sessions. Keep it up, guys.

Koji Lorcan. Your essays were all amazing, everybody. Well done. Your essays were all amazing, everybody. Well done. I absolutely loved the essay you wrote for me. Brilliant, I thought. So nice.

There's a bit of Borat in there, but everyone loves Borat, don't they, Phil? Everyone still loves Borat. Yes. Everyone still loves Borat. and will continue to forever. And a quick one from old Michael. Old

Michael. It's Michael. Michael says, hi turd buds. Yes. Thank you. And he says, saw this whilst scrolling social media. Thought of Doctor Who, thought of Doctor Po scrolling social media thought of dr who thought of dr poo then thought of you and it is a port-a-loo outside a construction site that has been labeled the turdice very good oh nice lovely bit of on-site banter and it doesn't hurt anyone it's clean

it's clean it's you know it's it's not politically incorrect or hurtful yeah it's just a bit of innocent fun yeah it's a bit of a laugh and if you work that hard phil you need a laugh yeah i think so i think that's absolutely true hard day's laugh for a hard day's work, I say. A hard day's laugh. Yeah. A well-earned hard day's laugh for a hard day's work, I say. Honest laugh for an honest day's work, I say. It's been a hard day's laugh,

and you've been joking like a dog. That's the other thing I've been enjoying it's on BBC Sounds Paul McCartney's Inside the Songs and in interviews with Paul McCartney where he just talks about like why he wrote some songs who they're about and Worth It just for an incredible moment where he actually

says fuck you John about John Lennon the dead John Lennon oh my god really that's great yeah Fuck You John, about John Lennon. The dead John Lennon. Oh my god. Really? That's great. Yeah, yeah. It's good stuff.

That's good. Spicy Beatles stuff. Yeah, in his old age he's becoming less and less just like, I just thought it was a really groovy tune to... Just being all sort of bland about it. I just thought it'd be nice to have a song about someone with that name. There's a great bit where he just starts shitting on John and Yoko's activist stage and

the shit they were saying and he's like it was just nonsense and he goes like, war is over no it's not! It's really good. Does he really? Yeah, yeah it's great, It's so good. I just thought it was crap.

The things they were saying was crap. It's really good. That is so funny. No, it's not. And he goes, if enough people want war to be over, it'll be over. Oh, I don't know if that's true. War's over. No, it's not.

Really good. That is incredible. I'm such a huge fan of that. I want that as my fucking ringtone. Oh my god. I once had a conversation with someone who said that they didn't think there'd be any wars If there weren't any armies Fantastic, fascinating

I'd love to get inside that head How does it work? How do you make yourself soup? How do you eat and put on your clothes If you have a brain like that? It's at that level of going Well I put up a sign that says no hippos and that's why there aren't any hippos in my house very very strange well war isn't over phil but

the podcast is ah unless of course you are a patron yes in which, this is only the beginning of your weekly delights. That's right. Your weekly pleasure. Pleasure. The pleasure continues. Go into the toilets of the nightclub. Find the toilet with something a little strange about its flusher. That's right. It's solid gold. Pull it.

Give it a tug. Watch as the cistern descends, revealing a spiral staircase. Yes. You're afraid of what lies beneath, but you can't look away. Follow the steps. Follow the sounds, but most importantly,

follow the smells. Light a flaming torch. Yes, there's one handily positioned next to the entrance. Yes, already on fire. It's already on fire. Who maintains that flame? Which is insane. Incredible, in a presumably sealed cave.

Insane to leave it there like that. But come on down where Pierre and I will be doing extra bonus patron content. That's right. But thank you very much for listening and Merry Christmas and you know what? Just like war, bonus patron content. That's right. That's right. That's right. But thank you very much for listening. And Merry Christmas.

And you know what? Just like war, if all of you eventually decide that something should be over, it will end. So for that reason, keep listening. Yes. Just say that COVID is over

and it will be. Yes. All right. Koji guys, have a good week. Bye-bye. Bye.