BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 147 - Hoops!

Episode Date: January 19, 2022

Phil Wang and Pierre Novellie chat ugly cars, hoops (Ronald's quantum hoop) brain teats, ringo caveman, correspondence from Shaun, Shona, double Lewis (TikTok demon possession) and slapstick audience weirdness at The Play That Goes Wrong Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 147. 147, come for Slevin. Come over to my house and we'll watch Lucky Number Slevin. Do you remember that movie? Whoa, what a blast from the past. That movie was one of the arbitrarily selected movies to be popular in my year at school. Oh, maybe we've had this conversation i think so we've we've talked about we've talked about the movie before a long time ago in some

capacity but but i think i remember you saying it was also like one of those movies that gets passed around the boys at a boarding school yes yeah and it's sort of vaguely actiony and there's kind of gangster good twist yeah very good twist there's a twist there's the lovely lucy liu yes it's it's got everything a a blossoming boy needs blossoming indeed um apologies for any traffic noises that anyone picked up there uh my i live on a dead-end road, Phil, which isn't a song I'm about to sing. It's just true.

Well, maybe this road needs to get off its ass, stop smoking weed, and do something with its life. Get a job, road. It just lies there all day. It's a dead-end road, but that doesn't stop random motorbike people and people in ugly cars from driving down it at incredible speeds yeah the ugly cars are you know what actually ugly cars

are a scourge of britain i don't know about you but did you have this shock when you move to the uk of how ugly the and small the cars were um they're definitely uh i think we're both from countries that have much more of a kind of wide american car highway sort of vibe to them a lot more sort of yeah there's a lot more like land rover style vehicles where we're from because they're occasionally necessary because the roads do flood yeah a lot of the cars especially in any town in the uk are like little bars of soap were covered in dust they were so astonished how ugly british cars were and not like british made cars like cars that british people buy and drive yeah and I've always I think that's always been between a barrier between me and the car culture here whereas you and I both

know people especially comedians who are sort of car people in quite a practical way mostly but they still know a lot about cars but to me if you're going to be a car person you want one of those like square fronted American muscle cars or like uh italian for like a special looking car but like i've watching someone rhapsodize about a car that looks like a kind of smooth shoe yeah yeah without a heel yeah just a big smooth shoe and they're like look at that and you go it looks like a shoe yeah it's so awful it's so baffling when i moved to the uk as you know as a 17 year old and you're in the midst of like car obsession even if you don't really give a shit about cars because you're on that precipice of adulthood where you you are you are allowed to get a driver's license yeah you for a year you are you become obsessed with cars and boys would talk about their cars like they were bugatti varans yeah but when they were like

a clio hatchback and i'd be like can you can you see the car that i see and they're like oh mate look at this what and they'd go get them souped up and they'd race them. Have you not noticed this car has not got the aerodynamic design intended for racing? Do you understand? And maybe only I understand, Harry, because I just got into Cambridge for engineering. But do you understand the kind of wake, the turbulent drag wake left behind by a flat back? What kind of drag do you think that is going to affect on your car? Quite a big one, actually.

So you think this car's appropriate for racing? Yeah, I could not understand it. It's hundreds of different types of car that are all designed to travel under four miles a day to some shops and to a school yeah yeah yeah it's for kids kids in the in the middle and dogs in the back yeah and everyone's talking about it as if it's like different types of fucking han solo. As if there's a chance that maybe this time you could drive the Renault Clio through the highlands like in that advert. And it's like, no, you can't. What?

I love a car advert that is for a car that is completely indistinguishable from any other car on the road. You know when it's like a fucking, some fucking hatchback will drive around like a city street and like a handsome mixed race guy will have his head turned and watch his car drive by and like nod and smile like,

whoa, look at that. How has that guy picked that car out of a sea of identical cars? nod and smile like whoa look at that how has that guy picked that car out of out of a sea of identical cars it's exactly the same i couldn't identify that car if it was the car that killed someone in front of me in a hit and run the fucking reno spunk turn heads and come on their faces. And all the people in the ads are like, wow, what car is that, the spunk?

It looks exactly like every other fucking piece of shit Renault on the road. It looked like bars of soap and they drive around. And every now and then in the advert, they'll try and make it like, okay, so the car looks like every car. But in this advert, it's canary yellow. And as it drives past things, they kind of explode into color or something. A burst of flowers comes out of everyone's pants. And they're like, whoa.

And a guy drops a load of lemons and they all turn into lemon trees. And whoa. It's like a perfume advert. They're trying to take a product that has no business being advertised and just zhuzh it up with meaningless uh special effects that's what reminded me of um the first time in my life where i realized companies could lie in adverts or the adverts were not literally true yeah it was an advert for mcdonald's and ronald mcdonald back before he was exiled for some unknown reason you haven't seen ronald

mcdonald for decades now but back when he's been cancelled yeah yeah yeah yeah they got him before the the cancelled crowd could get to him i don don't know what the company found on his hard drive, but it's bad. And in this advert, he had this hula hoop, and he'd pick up the hula hoop and pull it down over himself, so he'd go through it. But as he pulled it over himself, he would disappear into the hula hoop as if it was a portal.

So he'd come down over his body, and his top half would disappear into the hula hoop as if it was a portal so you know it'd come down over his body and and his top half would disappear into the hula hoop right okay you know and and it leaving the space like a clear space if you you know and when i saw this advert i was like holy shit what this is at mcdonald's they have these at mcdonald's and i McDonald's and I every time we went to McDonald's we didn't go much but when on the odd occasion we went to McDonald's I would search I would fucking scour the place for one of

these hula hoops and I'm like where is it I'd be going up to the guys behind the counter grabbing by the cuff of their neck hey where is it? And it infuriated me that I could never find these magic hoops. And also that this technology existed and it was exclusive to McDonald's.

It made me so, so angry until eventually I sort of cottoned on that it was a fiction and that adverts on TV for real products could have in them fictional elements. And so the idea that you were sat there going, the quantum tube, it's been invented by Ronald. Ronald's been funding science with his burger money this whole time and he's just gleefully mocking the international community on this advert making himself

disappear into the multiverse with a little tube maybe that's where he went that's where he went. That's where he went. That's why we haven't seen Ronald McDonald for so long. He's lost. He's lost in the multiverse. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you know, it's because he's one of the many, many villains that Spider-Man had to fight. You know, he's one of the Avengers' most terrible kids kids he's like thanos he's got a big a big glove covered in jewels big red glove and he snaps it and half of the world gets uh obese yeah he's got chicken nuggets in the knuckles yeah yeah and he snaps his fingers and everyone slowly gets really fat

in the same way that they kind of melt away. And it's like Tom Holland or Spider-Man getting really fat saying, I don't feel so good, Mr. Stark. As he's getting really obese. It's funny as a kid where you sort of go, but they're lying on television.

And we just have to sit here and take it. They can't keep getting away with this. It does feel outrageous. I mean, I remember when I was a kid and my parents explaining to me that like I was reading some magazine and it had one of those like cardboard flyer things like jammed in the middle of the magazine which was like you you have won amazing prize or like you could have won a million pounds or one of these things yeah it's this whole thing but it was very phrased as if like you've pretty much done it yeah yeah yeah i remember those yeah and i just remember saying to my parents but how is this allowed yeah they can say something like this and not mean it and

it's so believable at that age as well because when you're a child you have a sort of unique childhood it's kind of like an egotism because your world is so small you you make up such a large proportion of it yeah you that it it is very believable that you would win a competition like this yeah and and you just sort of think like well they can't just say it though yeah they can't just say it and not pay up. Yeah, and also you think to yourself, well, if they put one of these in every magazine saying you've won, then there would be millions of incredibly furious people

because you assume that everyone's also angry that they're being lied to. Whereas in reality what happens is no one pays any attention apart from a few pensioners who get scammed. Yeah. But you sort of think like but surely any company that does this would be faced with some sort of angry mob that's the circle of

life you're born and you become a child and you are fooled by magazine scams and you become an adult and then you're not fooled anymore and then you become old and then you're fooled again yeah yeah that's good yeah that's the circle of life yes and now the trouble is that now the magazines are online and made of electricity and it's it's a whole new level of fooling the pensioners fool the pensioners fool them fool the pensioner sounds like um a sort of old card game you know i, I remember going around to my grandma's for tea, Phil, and we'd have tea and shortbread and play gin rummy and fool the pensioner. Well, speaking of fooling pensioners, we should do a correspondence special.

Yes. And fool these pensioners, i. i.e us into thinking we're catching up on correspondence yes let's dive in to the enormous pile of logs that we have to chop let's do it yes correspondence Emails, phone calls, talking to us, your sister, and keep us up to date. To who we are, to who we will. Correspondence. Okay, quick little one here from Louis.

Louis, you is my best friend. Very nice. So Louis is basically, he says says praise redacted and he's well he sent us some tat Phil let's be honest he sent us some tat let's cut to the tat he says

most of the tat he sees is stupid but bland and then he saw this enough said keep jacking it with all the gusto you can Lewis and it's

it's hanging on a piece of twine Phil yeah as is tradition barnyard twat tat it's hanging on a piece of twine, Phil. Yeah. As is tradition. Barnyard twat. It's a sort of rounded off square hanging from a piece of twine. I'm not sure. And I'll just say it

because there's no real way of obscuring this through a guessing game. It just says brains are the new tits. Oh, wow. That's it? That's it. Brains are the new tits oh wow that's it brains are the new tits where are you going to hang that brains are the new tits they're full of milk

and I have them and I have them if you get them out in public, it causes a disturbance. Yeah, maybe this hat's right, actually. Maybe it's okay in the end. I wonder if you can have a nipple on your brain. Squeeze out the thoughts. Yeah, maybe that could be like a nice metaphor

for being like a teacher. Please, suckle at my brain, teat. Children, children! Now, Mr. Novelli, we've been getting a lot of complaints from parents. Apparently you've been asking the children to suckle at your teat. Suckle at my brain, teat?

I'm not some sort of freak. It'd be funny if they were like, the children's exam results are exemplary, but the parents hate your metaphors. We're only willing to let the metaphors slide because of the exam results, to be honest, and even then, just barely. Well, please just play with your reason penises and come to

a reasonable consensus if you'd just let me tickle your forgiveness balls for even a moment for just a moment Sean gets in touch sean when were you born yesterday i don't know i like that thank you uh he says hey pnp praise redacted but well earned uh i'm not a founding father but i found your podcast this last month and i'm now fully caught up um oh wow that's astonishing astonishing

work it always feels like people are admitting something to me that i should be like on health grounds advising them not to do but i'm glad that he's done it yeah yeah it's very much like oh you shouldn't have drunk that all at once uh so have someone you you trust to stay with you for a bit yeah because it's something that we've made it feels like someone said god thank you for sending around that huge lasagna i ate it all in 10 minutes i should go wow thank you but also really and oh no but good but uh-oh but as long as you're happy but watch out thank you but also really and oh no but good but uh-oh but as long as you're happy but watch out thank you yeah thank you sean for walking down our our ear lasagna

so sean says uh he wants it he he wants a definition for tat he he says he was chatting with a friend and he's talked about and his friend talked about how his girlfriend put up a framed picture that said, it's wine o'clock somewhere. And I replied in kind, classic tat. And he was confused as to my meaning. Classic tat. Classic tat.

I hope he did double finger guns. Or like an Italian chef nice symbol. Yes, chef's kiss, classic tat i hope he did double finger guns or like an italian chef nice simple yes chef's kiss imagine framing its wine o'clock somewhere extraordinary yeah imagine imagine still finding novelty in that imagine seeing that going what wow what wine isn't a time but it can be time for wine really tickled about it good lord and so his friend couldn't quite understand what yeah i meant by tat yes and i think from later context sean is based in america so it might not be American slang.

He said can we get a definitive definition on Tad to explain to the pod duds what we mean. Pod duds. I like that. Sassy old Sean. That is very good. These yanks, they do have the occasional way with words.

You must give them that. Pod duds. Definition for Tad. They have their Hemingways among them. You must give them that. Pod duds. Definition for tat. They have their Hemingways among them. A definition for tat. It's a hard one. It's trying to define irony. Trying to define tat.

Yeah. How would you define tat? A lack of irony. Tat. Maybe tat is. Is it a sort of uniform attempt at uniqueness yes that's nice it's a it's a uniform attempt at uniqueness and it i suppose it must take the form of sloganeering. Okay, yeah, yeah, nicely, yes.

Sloganeering is a very important part of it. There's a cheek to it. There has to be an element of cheek. Yes, I would... Yeah, it's like the humour... But an uncharming, but ultimately uncharming cheek. Yeah. It's an uncharming, try uncharming uh try hard cheekiness yes yes yes yes and trying to sort of paint it's it's kitsch it's it's it's whimsical kitsch sort of mottos yeah yeah whimsical kitsch but ultimately cliched it's got to be cliched yeah

and and it's it's because it's not always objects i guess it's on t-shirts and mugs as well not one you know like clothing i mean it's like clothing and objects but signs so ultimately it comes down to the fact that it's words right so it's words on things yes yes yes yes un uh um yeah cheeky unfunny slogans i mean like i i think if you just say like a sign like a sign saying live laugh love the laugh, love is the Iliad of tat. It's a platonic tat. It's, yeah, it's the first tat. Live, laugh, love. It's the one that started it all off.

It's the Don Quixote of tat. Yeah. Live, laugh, love is the tat equivalent of that kind of long monkey kind of holding a spear. Yeah, it's the first of its kind. It's Lucy. Yes. Yeah.

The missing link. As a tangent, do you know why Lucy, the mixing link uh skeleton primate lady was named lucy uh i don't in in the camp where the archaeologists were we were digging in the site on the radio when they discovered her was playing lucy in the sky of diamonds really by the beatles yeah oh that's nicer than I I assumed it was just some thing like I'll name it after my daughter or something

or like that's quite a good random that'll be shit that'll be shit Pierre that would suck I don't want to hear about someone's daughter I want to hear about the Beatles

it'd be funny if they called it Ringo Ringo the the ape man well of course ape man is sung by the kinks um i think ringo already has two sort of neanderthalic an aesthetic that it for it would get confusing yes that's true that's true he does look a bit like um the rest of the beatles found him in a big ice cube he does talked him to play drums in their band caveman beetle beetle caveman caveman beetle caveman beetle simple bang bosh lucy skyward diamond

lucy sky diamond lucy sky diamond Lucy Sky Diamond Lucy Sky Diamond I think that's as close as we're going to get to a definition though whimsical what was it though the definition was about two minutes long whimsical unfunny slogans on objects

I like it whimsical unfunny slogans yes good good good I think that's a good working definition for now. Because it does have to be unfunny. If it's funny, it's not tat. I think I agree with that, yes. But it's very rare.

I can't even think of anything that would qualify for that vanishingly small subcategory. Yeah, yeah. It would have to be pretty unique stuff. And then you would go, no, no, that's just a funny sign. No, no. Credit where credit's due. That is a funny sign. Whoever's done that sign has nailed it. However, over time, enough reproductions of that sign will turn it to tat, like nuclear decay. That's right. That's right that's right all roads lead to tat

I'm afraid the greatest art in the world can become tat through repetition yes yes yes

yes little statues of David everywhere yeah but thank you for that mental exercise. Yeah, very nice.

And Sean says, I'd be remiss if I didn't share a scatological tale of my own making. Growing up in America in a hyper basketball-focused town. Oh. America. I love that idea. A town that's obsessed with b-ball. Yeah, and having to grow up and thinking like god

nothing's worth anything in this town if it's not on the court does sean live in a musical did he grow up in a musical about basketball because it sounds a lot like it sean lives in a musical about basketball called hoops hoops exclamation mark hoops exclamation mark and then the caption underneath is something like it's about no one went to shoot and no one went to boot and no one to toot yeah yeah yeah no one to shoot and no one went to toot yes Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one to shoot and no one went to do.

Yes. It's hoops! Hoops! That's the opening number. Everyone on the bus go, hoops, hoops, hoops, hoops, hoops. And they're hula hooping with nets on the bottom. Yes, lovely stuff.

Another brilliant idea from Budpod, the ideas factory. Another platinum coated idea popped out of the Budpod mind bum. So this is Sean growing up in a hyper basketball focused town. Those goddamn jocks. I went to watch the high school game with my father

as a seven yearyear-old. Gosh. Young for a father? This is rural America, Phil. Grew up fast in those basketball prairies. During the game, I felt a need to relieve myself in a moment of what I thought was going to manifest in standard flatulence that we

all experience. Standard. Classic garden variety flatulence, yep. In a large crowd that blanketed my young self in anonymity, I let it squeak through. Oh, no. To my chagrin, I realized. He let it squeak through. His hoop!

His hoop! It wasn't air. It's poop. This is the new Hamilton His hoop His hoop Bob Hoops hoops hoops Hoops hoops hoops, hoops. Hoops, hoops, hoops.

He let poop out through his hoop. Hoops. I'm imagining a lot of brass. A lot of trumpets. Like very sort of New Orleans carnival. Fucking hell. So he lets it squeeze through. of all fucking hell so he lets it he lets it squeeze through

here's hope he says to my chagrin we've had remiss and chagrin from Sean I'm loving it this is a 20th century great American novel shit, man. Yes.

It's a grand tradition he's tapping into. Sean Scott Fitzgerald over here. Nice. I realized my expectations of offensive air to the masses was immediately satiating my undergarments in a moistness that was not anticipated. Oh, no. The telltale moist.

That's what I'm getting for you. Father? Father, forgiveness, but I must ablute. Please, I'll return from the facilities soon presently but continue presently please do continue to enjoy the day's events what i found in my tighty whities was not dissimilar to salsa oh wow yeah wow i've never in all my years of bud pot in all the poop descriptions have i heard salsa yeah that's pretty bad that's maybe the worst that's awful there's something really off-putting about that because there's a lot packed into one word there and he even says speckled with red and green pepper fragments i mean no don't give kids spicy

food i suppose is the moral yeah they don't have that intestinal fortitude strength that yeah fortitude not like me with my man guts yeah you do you have not the stomach of a boy only a man can handle his tacos He says Try as hard as I might No effort, no amount of toilet paper To underwear could resolve this tragedy I approached my father and said

We must leave A seven year old saying this is so funny we must leave. A seven-year-old saying this is so funny. Terrifying. We must leave. We must leave. Or grabbing him like Jason Bourne. We gotta go. There's no time to explain.

I approached my father and said, we must leave. He replied, the game's still going on. And I could see a change. So American. Yeah, the game's still going on and i could see a change so american yeah the game's still going on the big high school game it's b-ball hoops it's hoops come on sean it's hoops this is a hoops town you know that and i could see a change in his demeanor as the as my soiled stench hit his nose and And he gave the affirmative of, yes, we must leave. I like that. We must leave.

But the game's still going on. Yes, we must leave. He ushered me through the nose-clenching crowd that was all too aware of my embarrassment and their nostril inconvenience. And while I was ashamed, I also realized that in that moment, for better or worse, I was a legend. Koji.

Thank you, Sean. That's a great story. That must have been some pungent stuff for everyone to smell it. Like, just... Yeah. Like, you know. For me, a boy.

For me, a boy. But with the hoop of a man. For a mere boy For a mere boy But with the hoop of a man He has a man's hoop What a hoop A whole sort of like Lin-Manuel Miranda style rap about how If you want to be a man You gotta get a hoop

You gotta get a hoop like a man Like a whole coming of age song issuing the challenge to the young main character get out of here kid this is for man hoops they slap the salsa out of his hand. Coming this summer, the Broadway hit is finally a major motion picture. The smash hit musical, Hoops. Hoops, do-do-do-do-do-do.

Hoops, do-do-do-do-do-do. Playing hoops, do-do-do-do-do. Oh, hoops. The smash hit musical about a basketball-obsessed town and the loose, loose anuses of its inhabitants is finally being made into a Hollywood film. You can finally enjoy on the big screen all your favourite hoops hit tunes. Like, hoops!

Hoops! Do-do-do-do-do-do-do Hoops! Do-do-do-do-do-do Playing hoops! Do-do-do-do-do Sitting on our hoops! tunes. Like Hoops. The rousing slap that backboard. The beautiful ballad and sad song i love the squeak of his trainers i love the squeak of his trainers squeaking and squelching on the basketball court it's like the squeak of my heart. When I look at him I don't feel bored. And good luck not dancing to shiny shorts.

Shiny shorts, we wear shiny shorts. When we play basketball we love our tiny shiny shiny shorts Hoops! Get your tickets now Starring Emma Stone And the late Laurence Olivier A quick little sighting from Shona Shona, weing from Shona. Shona. We found Shona recently, right?

I think it might be a different one. I can't remember. Whoa! More than one Shona? That's when you know you've made it. That's right. Spotted this when I was out for a hike near Crianlarich, which I assume is in Scotland somewhere. Yeah, sounds like it. So this sign is quite something. The sign says, Phil,

it's one of those signs that's nailed to a post in the countryside. And it says, it says, please poo responsibly. Right. Which is a good message. Yeah yeah and on top of the sign so please be responsibly is in the middle it forms a dividing line yeah okay on the top of the sign is a is a sort of stick figure man silhouette that we'd all recognize squatting over and there's a some cartoon poo emoji silhouette kind of shooting out of his bum

yep however next to that which we can all understand as a simplistic representation of a shitting human is an incredibly detailed silhouette of a happy and excited interested dog you know when dogs go down on like their front paws like a yes fun time yeah the dog's doing that and its tail has wagging lines and on the silhouette of the dog they've given it a happy sticking out tongue and big cartoon eyes looking joyously at the poo like it's going to eat it yeah that's the implication i'm getting is that this dog is is so ready to eat some human poo and that seems to be why they're saying poo responsibly i don't i don't so is i is the dog here meant to be like a catch-all representation of nature and is it's of nature approving of the stick man's

responsible poo I think I think it is about dogs because I think it must just be one of those places where people let their dogs off the lead and then the dogs keep coming back having had an enormous poo lunch what's a poo lunch they're like eating their poo for lunch

from a human do they do that oh yeah they will yeah jesus and you love these animals do you i know but they make it they make it very difficult sometimes not all dogs will do this some breeds of dog are more civilized than others but some will absolutely put on a big bib with a poo emoji on and go to town. Oh, God. And then near the green tick underneath the please poo responsibly is a big circle labeled rock with stink lines coming from underneath.

I think we can all figure out that means poo and then put a rock on it. Right, okay. Or a silhouette of digging a hole for some poo so like do a little hole so it really is about keeping it away from those insatiable dogs it does seem to be that way yes although like i know people well i mean we we know better than anyone from this podcast how how much people are called or caught short but i i would i would just do my best i would just do my best to not need an enormous dump before a enormous hike but i suppose you can't always plan these things

i if i'm if i'm in need of a shit outdoors i probably don't have time to dig a hole it would be like uh an entrenchment under fire. I could dig a hole, but it would have to be after the shit, like I was hiding a body. And then I'd have to like, I'd have to, I'd have to do this shit under the ground

and dig a hole, find a spade, dig a hole, and then roll my shit up in an old rug yes and then i throw the rug into the hole do you mean and presumably you'd be doing all this uh at night lit only by the headlights of your own car yeah and like a single sort of a lamp lantern that i've laid down on the ground yes like an old night watchman. That's right, that's right.

Surrounded by mist. Yeah, absolutely. As opposed to doing it before you need the shit, like the guy from Saving Private Ryan desperately trying to dig into the sand with his helmet. Yes. Panicking and freaking out. Yeah. Gosh, yeah. yes panicking and freaking out um yeah gosh yeah i mean i might tweet that sign if i remember to if anyone cares enough to tweet about i want to see it then i'll tweet it but i think i've done

a great job describing it and it's i can't imagine what who printed it i can't imagine a council approving it with a straight face but maybe maybe they did. It sounds like a custom job, I reckon. We've got a lone sign maker. Yeah, you have to request a sign like that. Like a hard-bitten detective. We've got ourselves a rogue signer. And a quick

little thing to contemplate here from a different Lewis. Another two... What was the a quick little thing to contemplate here from a different Lewis. Another two What was the name of the last correspondent? The last one was Shona. Two Shonas. Two Lewis's.

A lot of Lewis's. Louie. Yeah. Gone are the days of the many mats. We are now into the age of the Lewis. There's got to be some sort of statistical explanation for enjoying this podcast and the names that we see so often. But it is not for us to say.

Lewis says, hi, PP, which is good. Lewis says Hi PP Which is good He says I have a fun horror story About how the internet Is turning our brains to mush That made me realise

How doomed we all are I love this whole thing Yes I visited home this weekend And got to spend time With my adorable Seven year old nephew Sweet

Did he say things like we must cleave that's the kind of thing seven year olds are always saying according to this podcast he's sweet and funny but loves nothing more than watching YouTube, imitating TikTok dancers and playing Fortnite that's the kid of today p.m what can i say

as such he has rambling story child brain uh yeah we all know that we all had it we all did it yeah um he has rambling story child brain but instead of telling me an anecdote that goes nowhere he describes tiktok videos to me oh horrible frightening yeah it gets weirder man not only that but when he's trying to tell jokes of his own he tells them in the style of a forward-facing camera video oh what does that mean yeah so he says he tells him in the style of a forward-facing camera video oh what does that mean yeah so he says he tells him in the style of a forward-facing camera video with setup shots multiple characters and accompanying text annotations accompanying how does he do accompanying text annotations i guess he just stops and goes and then underneath here it would say guess what happened WTF or something you know and is he doing like

hard cuts and zooms is he like pushing his face into your face it sounds like he is so the full thing he says is

when he's trying to tell jokes of his own he tells them in the style of a forward facing camera video with set up shots multiple characters and accompanying

text annotations like an excruciating one man play how's he doing setup shots setup shots i guess he's he's talking through it like a really energetic uh childish director right pitching it to a producer yeah oh right right right like so first you see a cat climbing down a well. And then he'll play the cat. And he does that. And then it zooms in on the eyes.

And he's probably just acting it all out like some sort of maniac. Oh my lord. It's chilling stuff. Horrible. It would be funny if that's a normal thing for kids to do. But there's a kid who's become like that, but his parents are, like, completely not online, sort of religious. You'd think he was possessed by a demon.

Yeah. Just a couple of medieval Spanish peasants really mournfully taking this kid to a town priest. We don't know what to do, Father. He keeps flossing. He won't stop flossing. He tell us to like and subscribe. He keeps pointing down from his face to say, hit that like button. But there's no button,

it's just his voice. He pointed down at the ground. I look but there is no button. Please. Help us. He is possessed. He will point at various spots in the air as if there are text bubbles explaining what he is doing and why he is doing it and why he is making that sort of perplexed cartoonish expression. But there is no floating text. We have no idea what he is referring to he says he is prompted to do things by a robot voice but we don't hear him the robot

oh man okay i've completely so so hang on i'll just finish this lewis says i very much hope he goes out of this fast or i fear we will see future gen z open spots taking to the stage and opening with so i was watching this video on the internet koji lewis i mean we're already there i've seen other i've seen stand-up that's about yeah people see nonsense out there phil i have to i cannot believe i forgot this so the the gf and i uh uh decided to take her parents to see the play that goes wrong wow yeah a man on the inside i was on the inside uh the play that goes wrong so uh i saw it years and years ago before it became the massive massive massive success it is now and it's still good they've they've upgraded some of the slapstick

because they're in a fancy theater now should we explain what it is for someone who isn't ah yes so it's a it's a play that is uh um it's like a murder mystery play like a classic agatha christie i'm gathering you all in the study but it's a like deliberately bad like the acting is is bad and like they break character and the idea is that it's being put on by like a bad drama society of amateurs and it all goes wrong it's meta it's matter it's matter is all hell mark zuckerberg wrote it actually he did yeah he loves slapstick um mark he um he loves it he loves tumbling and dancing and slapstick and anything meta he'll make it yeah and there's some very advanced slapstick in it good good stuff advanced theatrical slapstick and uh but what happened was i was sat

next to a couple that both spoke to each other in English but they both sounded like very Spanish so I don't know what that was about and they were very drunk and really enjoying the play that goes wrong but enjoying it like Henry VIII would enjoy something like slapping the knee and eating a big turkey leg yeah so they were like really

lusciously eating nuts like really like really eating them oh that's the worst for you as well yeah and then and they were like laughing that kind of almost angry laugh of like really laughing like demons and then the weirdest thing was the woman was was just uh describing what was going on to herself in Glee. Okay. So she would just be like, to herself, or kind of to the man she was with,

she would be like, Oh no, the man, he has forgotten his shoes. But at that volume, loud. Well, enough for a lot of people to hear or just like the couple of the few people around her i'd say within like a three meter radius you're hearing it okay that's pretty loud yeah yeah like like like a confident conversational volume and just like saying what was going on like oh he has forgotten his lines saying what was going on like, oh, he has forgotten his lines.

And then whenever anyone did something very melodramatic, like bad acting, she would say to herself, oh, wow. And then a few times where they forgot the music and stuff, as part of the joke, and she would be like come on i wanted to turn and go what do you think you're watching but like say saying so come on like she accepts the premise and is taking part like she would take part in a pantomime yeah is she actually expecting a professionally done play and is confused as to why people are forgetting their lines yeah and and she was so engaged it was she was so i mean

they were both battered but she was so just like taken in by the mistakes like she was real oh you know yeah sort of go she has dropped the glass, like spilled the water. So loud. And like people did like a few times and Asha had to come over and be like, please be quiet. I am the audience that goes wrong. Yeah.

And it was like, she just couldn't believe that in the play that goes wrong, all this stuff was going wrong it was blowing her mind i remember when i i saw louis ck live years ago before all you know before all the drama and um and he was doing that bit that was like a famous the famous bit of his at the time that was uh what was it um of course but maybe you remember that bit yeah yeah where he'd be like of course children with nut allergies should be protected but maybe we let them all die and then there are no more nut

allergies in the world yeah and that was the premise of this bit and he keeps starting it by going of course and then saying something morally obvious before pulling the rug away and saying but maybe you know um and this couple sat in front of me well they could not believe this premise the guy was like no Louis C. Kidd would go like, of course kids with nut allergies should be protected. And this guy would be like, right, yeah, but where is he going? And he was articulating all these thoughts out loud. And then Louis C. Kidd would go,

but maybe we close our eyes and nut allergies are gone. And this guy would be like, whoa, you can't say that. Oh, my God, this guy's crazy. And then, like, it builds and builds and builds. And then, like, Stussy goes, of course, slavery was a terrible thing. And this guy just, he can't, he just explodes. He's like, no, he's trolling us.

And this guy starts saying out loud to his date and just to the general crowd around him. He's going, he's trolling us. He's trolling us. Oh my God. So he's just yelling. He's yelling to the audience. This comedian is joking.

This comedian is joking. That was exactly what he was doing. That was exactly what he was doing. Some people are sick, man. This comedian is joking. Oh, my God. He's joking. Oh, my God.

This guy's kidding around. Oh, oh my god i couldn't believe it i've never seen a person like that in real life before they must be like a video game npc yeah who's shocked no matter how many times you you hit them with a sword in the game whoa there's got to be like just a percentage of people who are just so sensitive to to watching something that they just react in this almost like perfect way that seems so unreal yeah and i was thinking like what is your day-to-day life like how does everything exist like at a surface value? It must be brilliant.

Is everything as it seems? Yeah, everything is as it seems, is it? Everything turns out to be exactly as you expected. There are no surprises in your everyday life that you come and see a show like this and you cannot compute that a man is saying things like this. Or just even like a meal deal free crisps like just freaking out

loving it loving life god well i hope you guys are loving life because now it's time for me and phil to go into the private theater yes of the bonus part the bonus part yeah you can you it's got a velvet road and rope in front of it and all you need to be let through the velvet rope is to subscribe to the patreon for very reasonable prices very reasonable considering that it's the private theater of the mind theater of dreams but thank you so much uh for the great respondents once again um see you in the bonus part bye