BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 159 - Fat Car and Ham

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

Phil Wang and Pierre Novellie chat reverent humour and fat cars, galleries of filth and the RAF becoming pod buds Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 159. 159 having an Aussie time. Hello from down under. Yes, I'm beaming all the way to Pierre in London from Melbourne in Australia via the sky, via space. Melbourne and Australia via the sky via space my voice is hurtling up into space Pierre and bouncing off a big

floating baby's head and flying back down to you I was going to say bouncing at the speed of light but it's not is it speed of sound no no no sound is far too slow for this kind of response it is speed of sound? No. No, no. Sound is far too slow for this kind of response.

It is speed of light, isn't it? Is it not... Are there not EM waves that are being sent up? Ooh. Electromagnetic waves are the speed of light. Are they? They should be the speed of light. Yeah.

Well, that explains why you're sounding so crisp. Crisp. A crisper than a cold melbourne lager and of course there's a crucial part of the satellite uh slash giant baby's head floating in space that alters your audio so you no longer sound like you're recording upside down yes yeah yeah well actually if people are on this side of the equator speak the other way around everyone actually speaks backwards here

speech flows in the opposite direction this side of the equator yes that's right which is why if you ever meet an Australian off the plane fresh off the plane and you say how was the flight

they go yeah it was fine thank you they sound like they're in reverse it's been great here in Australia people have been coming to the shows a lot of pod buds have been coming I did an extra show, a comedy spelling bee, and met not just a pod bud PA, but a Patreon pod bud.

A founding farter in the queue. So thanks so much for founding our farts and for being a pod bud. It's my first spelling bee in a while yes i i yeah yeah i did i did i didn't i didn't win i did all i did all right but a couple of the rounds were i would say contorted by comic effect into flat out unfairness in sort of a Taskmaster style that doesn't sound fair were there some insane words? well my first word, the first round was

the more straight laced spelling bee format but my word was vinaigrette, Pia can you spell vinaigrette? ooh v-I-N E G

R-E-T-T-E That Pierre is wrong Is it Vinigrette It's Vinigrette Yeah V-I-N-A-I G-R-E-T-T-E I went straight for Vinigret

I went V-I-N-I-G-R-E-T-T-E But it's Vinaygret Vinay And I said this on the night Pierre The way I spelt it gave me Vinayregret Do you get that? That's the kind of quality you can expect from the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. That's why they gotta fly you out there.

They can't grow that kind of skill here in Australia. They gotta ship it over. Oh, man. So that was the one that fucked you up? Or did it get even worse after that? It got even worse. The host, the brilliant Guy Montgomery, I mean, to give you a taste,

there was a round where he, the day preceding the show, asked his stepdaughter how to spell certain words. And we, as contestants, had to tell him how she misspelt those words. Ooh. So like the word is doctor, and you have to try and guess

how a six-year-old girl would spell doctor. Right, I see, I see. Okay, that's pretty good pretty good also i had no idea that he had a stepdaughter well done guy yes um uh it was fun show fun uh fun fun time i'm having a fun time here at the melbourne international comedy festival uh the The rest of the shows are sold out. Thank you so much for getting them ticks, Aussie pod buds. I'm here till Saturday

and then I'm off to America on Sunday. Just checking up on all the colonies, Pierre. Yeah, seeing how they're doing. I guess you can look at New Zealand as you fly over. Yeah, maybe from afar afar i just got back today pierre from tasmania oh of the devil fame i went of the devil fame i went to tasmania for a quick couple of days um to go to the museum of Old and New Art, a.k.a. Mona, in the city of Hobart in Tasmania.

Have you heard of this art gallery? I have not, and I have heard of Hobart, and I didn't know that Hobart would have a museum of new or old art. It has one of both, Pierre. Now, Mona was built by this eccentric, to say the least, multi-multi-multi-millionaire called David Walsh. That's such a rich guy name. It is David Walsh.

He put millions and millions of dollars into building an underground museum of art. So you get on this ferry from Hobart, an underground museum of art. So you get on this ferry from Hobart and this ferry, special motor ferry, drives you over, ships you over across the bay and you approach what looks like a

villain's lair or like a thunderbird's headquarters. Like sort of a concrete-y bunkery. Yeah, very bunkery. And you step off the ferry and you walk up and then you enter the museum and you just start descending the spiral staircase it goes into the rock and the museum's built underground into the in the earth oh and you get out and it's just the walls are just the rock that's just been you know carved into and then you work your way up from the bottom

of this underground art gallery. And you work your way up. And it's all sort of wacky, funky, out there art. If you go on the website, there are a couple of F words on the website. Yeah. You know, they say, read the bloody terms and conditions if you can't be

fucked that kind of thing oh wacky so there's a lot of sexy art there's an adult only section there's lots of weird stuff uh um there and it's all very eccentric. And my favorite piece was... It's this Porsche, a red Porsche, that's fat. So it's a Porsche. I'm going to WhatsApp you a picture I took of it now. I love it so much. It's actually my phone wallpaper. Fat red Porsche?

I'm sending it to you now. It's actually my phone wallpaper. Fat Red Porsche? I'm sending it to you now. It's a Fat Red Porsche. I'm sending you... I'm WhatsApping you two pictures now. Listeners, Phil has just sent me a photograph of his Fat Red Porsche. Oh, I've seen this. It's like a Porsche, but it's been inflated.

Yeah, it's inflated. And it's just called Fat Car. The name of the piece is Fat Car. And the whole thing is bulging, but it's like it's inflated. And it's just called Fat Car. The name of the piece is Fat Car. And the whole thing is bulging, but it's like it's fat. So the flesh of the car is drooping over the headlights. You can't really see the license plate because the fat of the car is drooping over.

It's a body positive car. I love it so much. I love it so much. I love Fat Car so much. My whole life now is Fat Car. I'm obsessed with fat car. I've got a, I've got a,

I've got a, I've, I, I, I, my head's full of fat car. I just love fat car. Yeah.

I haven't seen a car this fat since, um, whenever it was when Jimmy Carr put on like one kilogram and did all those interviews about being worried about his face looking big. Um, Ooh, it's really cool. I love it so much. and did all those interviews about being worried about his face looking big. Ooh, it's really cool. I love it so much. Would you drive fat cars? There's so much going on.

There is a real chassis in fat car, but I don't think you can drive fat car. Take my fat car for a spin. That's a fun, sexy thing to say. There's a crazy wacky day in Tasmania Yeah I like the idea of climbing into a mountain bunker Just to look at paintings of filth

Yeah, filth and fat cars Filth and fat cars God Guys, David Walsh wants an underground bunker Filled with filth and a fat car Can we get that built for him please It was It was very cool

I'm back now in Melbourne What was the most transgressive thing In the adults only section or were you too frightened To go in There's this painting of like a guy holding his, he's lying on the ground he's holding his dick and giving a middle finger to the painter as it were

and then next to him there's a guy on his knees as a kangaroo licks out his asshole. Is it called the spirit of Australia? Because I would respect the hell out of that. It was the most Australian thing I've ever seen. It was pretty good. Pretty out there, Pierre.

Pretty, I would say, irreverent. I'd say it was irreverent. Oh, it's certainly not reverent If it was on Netflix It would easily get in the irreverent Comedy section I'm obsessed with the use of the word irreverent In the irreverent comedy section of Netflix

Are there any Reverent comedies do you think? I mean Father Ted but even Father Ted is irreverent it's pretty on the face of it it's reverent as hell what's reverent you dig in Phil

and you quickly discover it's irreverent is it possible to make a reverent joke can you make a reverent joke I'm going to look up the definition of irreverent to make sure that I... Okay, so irreverent. Showing a lack of respect for people or things that are generally taken seriously.

Right, right. So it's kind of asking, does Christian comedy exist? Yeah, that was my first thought. And then my first thought was Jim Gaffigan. Yes, but he Yeah But he's irreverent about the other elements of life Well he's irreverent about He's irreverent about par exemplar

Subway sandwiches But then they don't normally get respect Exactly this is it So can you make A respectful joke About something that is normally respected Oh god So reverent

Is described as feeling or showing Deep and solemn respect So can you make a solemn respectful joke About e.g. the queen or the government The queen is so graceful she makes Grace Kelly look like a wild

boar is that reverent? I guess that's reverent to the queen and then irreverent to Grace Kelly that's it isn't it the irreverence has to appear somewhere else it's like a waterbed effect of reverence you push down on one bitence has to appear somewhere else. It's like a waterbed effect of reverence.

Yes, the waterbed effect. You push down on one bit and it pops up somewhere else. I really like that. I would listen to an album called The Waterbed Effect of Reverence. And it would be a very synth-heavy, quite abstract album, and I'd love it. bothered michelle obama is so uh so uh classy she makes me smile but then that's not a joke that's very reverent but it wasn't a joke do you know what i mean i thought that the delay on the m there of smile was you trying to think of something and then nope no no michelle obama is she makes me smile but that but that's not a joke that's not a joke. That's not a joke.

Yeah, can jokes exist without irreverence? If you did that joke on stage, I would fucking shit laughing. If you stood in front of a big crowd of people having a not opening joke, like you've already made them laugh, so they're expecting something, and just went, Michelle Obama is so classy.

She makes me smile i would lose my mind that little delay as you can hear the whole audience thinking wait does that what is that what as they try and take the puzzle piece smile and Michelle Obama and classy to kind of smush them together I got these don't fit um

what about a joke like um uh the prime minister's doing so well he should live at number one Downing Street I The Prime Minister's doing so well, he should live at number one Downing Street. See, I find that funny, but is it only because I understand that you're taking the make? That you're being sarcastic and hence irreverent about the office of Prime Minister?

I suppose that the trouble comes when... Am I implying the sarcasm or are you inferring it? Because I can't control what you infer. I can influence it, but I can't stop you. I can't stop you. I would like to watch an hour at the fringe of reverent comedy. I would like that. Interesting. Yeah, maybe I think you have then written a reverent joke.

The Prime Minister is doing such a good job, he should be at number one down the street yeah it's the sort of joke that you would you would tell in a dictatorship isn't it yeah yeah the problem is then though the only yeah you'd have the only people who would laugh at that at face value are mentally ill. Which normally is not a big barrier in comedy. But in this case, I think it's because there's so few people who are mentally ill in that perfect way. Yeah. And if the movie Joker taught us anything, it's that the truly mentally ill can't actually do comedy, though they think they can for a certain period of time.

Yes. comedy though they think they can for a certain period of time yes but what they can do is sort of transcendent a sort of transcendent punk wisdom and yeah uh what's the word of the philosophy that nothing matters oh um like nihilistic nihilistic yes a sort of nihilistic. Nihilistic, yes. A sort of nihilistic punk wisdom. Yeah. But you can't do stand-up. You are bad at stand-up. Yeah, you're bad at stand-up. But you're very good at saying the sort of thing

that you might find carved into the lid of a desk at school. You're very good at realising that you live in a society yeah i think the entire first draft of joker was written on a school desk in a with a with a compass it's a piece of movie trivia for you there um yeah reverend yeah that's hard i yeah i think it's gonna have to be like do you know what phil i'm'm going to just search Christian jokes. Oh, nice. Okay.

Yeah, I'm going to look up reverent comedy. Putting the ha in hallelujah. Yes, please. Oh, great. We've got 45 clean Christian jokes for faith-filled fun. Oh, fantastic. Wow, wow, wow. Well, thank you very much, Kelsey Pelzer.

What a name, Kelsey Pelzer. Kelsey Pelzer. That's a churchy name. Okay, will you tell us a reverent joke? Absolutely, I will. Oh, they're very Bible reference heavy. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. Okay, they're very Bible reference heavy. Oh, okay. Oh, wow.

Okay, this will be interesting. Okay, so. Fortunately, I read through I just finished reading the New Testament this morning. It's what I read on holiday to Tasmania, so these should land hard with me. Really? The New Testament? No, I'm kidding.

I thought, because to be honest, Phil, you've been reading around all sorts of surprising things lately and I thought, you know what? That's actually conceivable. It actually is something I should just read at some point. It's quite short. I should just read the... Well, shorter than the Old Testament.

These are quite Old Testament-y. They're more pun-able. There's a few puns. Pierre, I will read the Old Testament. These are quite Old Testament-y. They're more punnable. There's a few puns. Pierre, I will read the New Testament because, get this, Pierre, I've been meaning to read more fiction recently. Uh-oh. Did you hear that?

It's Bud Pod with Piano Valley and Ricky Gervais. Oh. Oh, did that offend you? Have I offended you? Sorry, Pierre Sorry if we lose some patrons from this, Pierre But, um I consider the Bible a great piece of fiction, actually Um, are you sure this Bible's in the right part of the bookshop

perhaps I'll just give it a little move to the old I think it goes between Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone and the Prison of Azkaban don't you seeing as it's fantasy about a magic boy oh fucking hell

how did we od on atheism was so necessary at one point but then the trouble is we live in the uk well i didn't i grew up well and you didn't either when I was in Malaysia I felt like I was the only atheist in the world well where we're from it's it should we should be saying

what we just said but not sarcastically and we'd actually be quite edgy whereas in the UK it's just kicking a dead horse and sort of a bit cringe

yeah that's what is so baffling about the way Ricky Gervais will yeah it's like he thinks it's 2003 or something and he lives in the Bible Belt. It's because he's gone over to America

and he's seen what it's like over there. And I remember reading people's reactions to finding out that Tim Minchin was touring in their bit of America, like Midwest, you know, Bible bits. Yeah. And it was such an interesting thing because they were all saying, like,

you don't understand. I live in, like, you know, Bibli-dunk, bumfuck nowhere, where everyone, like, you go to work and if you go to a new job, people are like, so what church did you go to? Like, it's so Jesus-y and so religious.

The idea of them being able to go to like it's so jesus-y and so religious the idea of them being able to go to like whatever the nearest big venue is and actually watch someone fuck with with religion on stage was like this huge um salve to them and i thought god that's interesting and also terrifying yeah yeah yeah but it's fun it's good that there was open enough to go and check it out but yeah yeah i mean they're short i mean like to go in somewhere like you know to go into deepest alabama and go guys there's no reason to believe this any more than there's a reason to believe in a big dumpling monster in the sky um yeah but but then to to go on you know to TV and the internet and social media and go

maybe God isn't real. It's like, yeah, we know. We know. We know. I remember reading a review of a new American act at the Fringe and she did a big rant about what she thought gay marriage was obviously

the right thing to have. And then the reviewer was saying that like oh she got annoyed because there was no like you know whooping clapping or whatever and then she interpreted the silence of the crowd as like dissent right yeah it's like well you homophobic fuckers you know and everyone's just sitting there like we're at like the the world's biggest arts festival in Europe What do you think we think about this? Yeah, in the specific country Within the kingdom That prides itself on being especially progressive

Yeah, and also This is a country where our version of the Republican Party Are the ones who introduced gay marriage. Yeah. Like the conservatives. I mean, you've talked about, you know, sharing a stage with a very famous American comedian who. Yes. Who literally could not find audience participation because they needed someone who believed in God.

because they needed someone who believed in god yes she had a whole routine about finding a very sort of uh believing in god sort of like bro figure i think and it just couldn't work it was it was such a disaster because the whole audience was sort of going well this is central london so yeah no not really we don't really know what you mean it was fascinating yeah so phil i will say that i'm gagging to hear these reverent jokes i'm gagging to hear them look i've scanned through them and there's a there's a couple that i like in the same way that i liked your smile joke okay but a lot of them are verging on the sort of thing you say seconds before you die. In a coma. Just gibberish.

So which one would you like to hear first? An actual good one or a my brain is dying one? I think I'd like to hear a good one first. Okay, it's not a high bar. So, okay, this one's all right. What kind of car would Jesus drive? What kind of car would Jesus drive? Yeah. A crossfire.

Ooh, that's good, but it's irreverent, isn't it? Because it's about his death. That is irreverent. Ah, even when I'm trying to be reverent, I can't help but be irreverent. Take a photo of me with a crown of thorns on my head and a microphone made of the cat-o'-nine-tails that they used to whip Jesus

and then put some duct tape over my mouth Because what I'm saying can't be believed Okay so It's not a crossword What car does Jesus drive What is the car A Chrysler Okay

Chrysler Yes I feel that's neither reverent Nor irreverent Okay Yeah Chrysler Yes I feel that's neither reverent nor irreverent Yeah Is that reverent? It's a Well it's a pun isn't it? I guess

A Chrysler What car would Jesus drive? A Chrysler Okay yeah Yeah it works I mean it works It's a bit Christmas crackery But I suppose it would be

That's a Christian joke technically Christmas cracker joke This Oh yeah It's a bit Christmas crackery, but I suppose it would be. That's a Christian joke, technically. Christmas cracker joke. This, um... Oh, yeah. There's a lot of puns. This one makes me laugh because it's so abrupt. What's loved... So this is a really...

The setup's not great. What's loved by Noah? Right. What is loved by Noah? Already the grammar's gone a bit odd. What is loved by Noah? Already the grammar's gone a bit odd. What is loved by Noah and also most meat eaters?

Wow. Oh, yeah. Two animals of every kind. That's good. But the answer is what's loved by Noah and also most meat eaters? Ham. Ham. Oh Oh his son

Oh I thought his wife was Ham It's a horrible name for a woman Ham Ham's a boy's name isn't it This is my daughter Ham Ham is a boy's name A lady can't have a salty name A lady should have a sweet name She should be called No Ham is the boy's name. A lady can't have a salty name. A lady should have a sweet name.

She should be called, no, ham is the sun. You're right. You're right, Phil. You're absolutely right. It is a sun. It's the sun. Well, well, well, Pierre. Well, I think it's pretty clear who among us is the more reverent comedian.

It's a sun. You're right. If it was sweet, if it had been honey roast ham, it would have been his wife. Yeah, that's right. Ham. I just like any joke where the punchline is just someone going ham. Ham. Ham.

Ham. Just really straight, just neutral faced ham. Ham. Listeners, try that at home. It's very fun drop your face so it's as complete as blank as it is when you're staring into the mirror during a haircut and just say ham it's a lot of fun um it is it's really fun old ham it's like fat car's like fat car. It doesn't get old. It doesn't get old. Ham and fat car.

I love fat car. All I can think about is fat. All that matters in my life now is fat car. Oh, man. I hope you make enough in your life that one day you can buy and drive fat car. Yes. Everything is fat car. Or just have it in your life that one day you can buy and drive fat car yes everything a fat car or just have it in your living room that you can sort of hug and kiss it in the mornings i want to touch fat car and the thing is you weren't allowed to touch any of the artworks and fat car was looks it was so tempting to touch because it looks so fat you couldn't touch fat car you couldn't touch fat car you couldn't anything. And you wanted to squeeze Fat Car to see if it could be squeezed.

Yes, yes. Even the chairs are fat on Fat Car. Really? Look at those photos. The chairs are all... Yeah, look at the photos. The chairs are all fat. What?

It's all like flowing out of itself. Oh, shit. Fat Car's got fat chairs. Yeah, all of it's fat. It's so good. Oh, my God. I love Fat Car. So do you want to hear some of the gibberish ones yes um gibberish reverent jokes yeah yeah yeah okay which one is the worst one this one is insane uh what did david have in common with Hamilton Whoa

Okay They're trying to be cool here What did David Have in common with Hamilton David which David is this Biblical David Biblical David He wanted to be in the room where it happened.

Yeah, well, you've got the right sort of idea. He wasn't going to throw away his open bracket sling close brackets shot. Oh, because David slays the giant with a slingshot. Yeah, Goliath with the Philistine. Goliath. Oh, Goliath, David, yeah. Slingshot. Yes, yes. yeah goliath with the the the philistine goliath oh goliath david yeah he doesn't get yes yes it's it's it yeah it makes it makes a kind of sense mad it's not a joke yeah it's not you can't save a pun that doesn't work by putting it more information in brackets that's insane

yeah yeah okay can we have another gibberish one please i quite like the gibberish ones yeah okay what okay it's a long old setup what did the classmate say when asked why they kept walking next to the same person at school wow i think there's a better way of phrasing that i think if someone begins a sentence with, what did the classmate say? Yeah, that's strange. What? A classmate cannot exist in isolation.

Yeah. A classmate cannot be the first subject in a sentence. Yeah. Strictly speaking, the second figure in this story is the classmate of the protagonist who we're introduced to at the start of the sentence. But anyway, what did the classmate say to the person they walk around with? No, that would be better.

What did the classmate say when asked why they kept walking next to the same person at school? Already my nose is bleeding. Okay. And I'm trying to think of what sort of biblical reference could fit into this. I don't even know quite what the answer means. So I think you might be on a hiding to nothing here. Oh, okay. to nothing here oh okay when asked why they said joseph and this technicolor dream coat yeah see i would guess it would be something to do with like the footprints in the sand or

something you know yeah that's what i was thinking about yeah but it's not it just says what do the classmates say when asked why they kept walking next to the same person at school. Quote, I was told I'm supposed to walk by faith. Right, so the person's name is Faith. But is that a thing? Walk by faith? I don't even know the original sentence. I've never heard that. No, it's walk with faith. Walk with faith, yeah.

With faith. To have faith, yeah. To walk with faith walk with faith with faith walk with have faith yeah to hold yeah to walk with faith maybe it's an american walk by faith walk by faith walk by faith that doesn't make yeah that doesn't make any sense um yeah yeah these aren't these aren't good yeah do you think it's unfair to have to tell these jokes in a church where everyone is obliged to be so kind that they have to laugh? People have to... Yeah.

And also, like, they're going to each other, laugh at the reverent jokes, or he'll have to start doing irreverent ones. Yeah. You're going to force him... You're going to push him towards a reverent comedy if you don't laugh at his reverent comedy yeah you'd better you'd better really you'd better really endorse this or it's gonna kick off um yeah then the rest is like real ned flanders shit what type of boats do believers want to go on discipleship and worship but yeah i'm glad someone's committed

these to megabytes on the internet yeah thank god for this website i'd have nothing to say to ned flanders oh there's a thing i wanted to talk about actually um keep your ears peeled listeners if you can peel an ear um me and phil are going to be doing some adverts soon for no one other than the old royal force of air all raf all raf and adal um yeah the raf absolutely um we got the offer through the the wing commander rang us up he said we need your help not enough people in the RAF love love shitting stories we want some

pod buds in I was interested I agreed to it pretty easily as well did you I think Phil because it's quite easy I've got friends in the RAF and they seem to be having a jolly old time yeah yeah yeah and well yeah I think there's always uh there's always a temptation to uh to sort of avoid anything military when you're in the arts but I find I really honestly feel and and this will

come as no surprise to people who listen to this program but i think there is a kind of an insincerity and hypocrisy to enjoying the peaceful and wealthy life of a powerful country without acknowledging the role that various arms of the military play in that. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Especially these days where the main cool thing the RAF are doing at the moment is flying supplies and weapons for Ukraine to Poland so that it can be transferred.

I mean, look, if it was 2000... Man, like people... Like the pacifist types we know. Well, all you go, armies, are you going to send... Are you destroying our weapons? Blah, blah, blah. And then Ukraine happens

and they're like, why aren't we destroying everything? Why are we sending over huge missiles? Give them all our guns and planes. And it's like, wait, I thought you were against weapons. Which one is it? Well, really, the worst pacifist we know will be like, oh, the most pacifist thing is to let Vladimir Putin

murder everyone he wants to. That'll be nice. Anyway, off to bed I go. They really are out there. They really do exist. Yeah, man. And yeah, look look if it was like 2003 then it would probably be harder to do military ads it would feel like we were being pro

iraq war or something but i mean those days are gone and right now it's all all hands on deck i'd say also like i mean i don't know if did you have any friends from uni who ended up in the RAF I've got a guy from school I know who's in the RAF and a guy from my year at uni and they're both doing very fancy stuff I did engineering with a guy who was sponsored

by the RAF to study engineering at Cambridge I think if he didn't go into it if he's not go into it, if he's not still into it, he did work with the RF straight after Cambridge, yeah, with engineering. Yeah, I like, yeah.

That was the same with my school friend. He wasn't at uni with me, but he got the sponsorship thing. Yeah, I like him, Phil. That's why we're going to sell our souls. We didrc as well we're the podcast of the establishment there are enough establishment podcasts we're the only establishment with the opposite to the joe rogan podcast we go no just listen to the powers that be and don't have any doubts about who should be in control of the world. Look, guys. Look.

Pay all the tax you legally owe. Join the Air Force. Okay? And sing the bloody national anthem. Sing it. Do up your tie and sing it. Look, it is a cohesive position. We're pro-military intervention,

and we're anti-murder. Okay? Murder is a civil crime. Yeah, it's a delicate line to toe, but Bud Pod toes it elegantly we are on that louis line and it's actually a pretty thick louis line if you read up on your thomas aquinas and your and your military theory and theory of morality and all the rest of it but by god you gotta you gotta pay that pay as much tax as you are legally obliged to. No more than that. We're not crazy.

Join the Air Force and don't murder anyone. And to fulfill Bud Pod's remit as a podcast that is essentially about a bullet coming out of an ass asshole, next week we will be doing adverts for Armitage Shanks. Yes. Which does sound like a good name

for an RAF officer. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hell of a which does sound like a good name for an RAF officer. Hell of a mustache on that Captain Shanks. Now, before we do some correspondence, Phil, in fact, no, no, no. Actually, technically, I can make this correspondence. Technically, I can. I have a hell of a story for you.

So let's go switch into correspondence mode. Okay, into correspondence mode okay into correspondence correspondence okay so phil for context right i was handed a so hello to the pod buds who saw me at the quote unquote preview at the phoenix arts club in central london me and jacob hawley uh last week um and there were a few uh pod buds and patrons uh in there and correspondence too so hello hello hello including wine will wine will was there ah wine will um and I got the chance to thank Wine Will For his delicious wine That he has sent us

Yes I can't wait to get home and sup sup sup him Oh Phil I've got your wine Tall glass of Tall drink of Will Tall drink of Will I've got yours on my shelf and I gaze upon it Hungrily Now that I had my bottle of the red I've got yours on my shelf and I gaze upon it hungrily now that I had my

bottle of the red. I look at yours. I hope you're keeping it at a good temperature, Pierre. Oh, I'm keeping it at a good temperature, Phil. Don't you worry. It's Symington. Symington wines,

which I recommend. Not a paid endorsement, merely a bribed with booze endorsement. A boo bribed. Wine Will was there to witness this, and I had the chance to have a chat with him over a drink afterwards, and we chatted about this. So, Phil, as you know, sometimes in central London, audience members don't want to watch comedy.

They want somewhere to drink. in central London, audience members don't want to watch comedy. They want somewhere to drink. And audience members will pay the ticket price as a sort of cover charge to just have a bar to drink in. Okay, I see. And after

Mr. Jakob Hawley left, he did his preview and he left because he's got a young kid at home. In the interval i saw four i would say they looked about 12 but they were probably 18 so four 12 year olds come down the stairs right two guys two girls and they had they talked to the doorman who's selling tickets for too long 12 year olds well they look 12 they're 18 oh i see i see i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry so these four 12 year olds um yeah they talk to the ticket guy for too long and the ticket guy's

kind of gesturing with his hand as if to go no well there's a show on so i can tell they want to they thought the bar would be open right yeah and then eventually the manager of the bar goes over and they have a chat and they get let in and And I said to the tech guy, can you check if they've bought tickets? Because if they haven't, then they're just going to drink and they don't care. But if they've bought tickets, then I'm kind of forced to see them as potentially legitimate customers, right? Yeah. Yeah. So the guy comes back and goes, no, no, they bought tickets.

So I think, okay, well, there's only like a 10% chance that they actually want to see a show. But I kind of have to take that chance now. So whatever then for the first 20 minutes it was fine and then they just started talking um the one of the girls in particular just sat with her back to the stage and they both had they had like two bottles of wine um yeah it was grim so anyway i i addressed them directly and i literally described what had happened to them. They were distracting the rest of the audience, so I had to. And I just described, I was like,

you guys thought that this bar was cool and open, but it's not cool or open really because I'm here trying out new material. And I saw you have the big debate and I know what happened. You think, okay, we'll pay this and it just means we can sit and talk anyway in the bar. And you can't because it's not piano, it's me

and I can address you directly. Blah, blah, blah. Eventually, it got to the point where the manager of the bar was saying stuff to them and the audience got annoyed and the two girls stormed out and one of them swore at the manager of the bar and it was all very dramatic.

They stomped up the stairs, right? Yeah. So, end of the show. It all gets derailed or at least the show it all gets derailed or at least the latter half gets totally derailed and then the two guys the manager comes back and apologizes and he says sorry I thought it would be okay

and he says the two guys are very apologetic and embarrassed and they kept shushing the girls and telling them to behave and the girls wouldn't and the two guys said they only met the girls today. What? Isn't that weird?

What? They kept saying, we only met them today. So. Okay. Then the two guys come back while I'm talking to some pod buds. This is after the show? Yes, after the show. I get a free beer, and I'm talking to one of the pod buds,

or actually one or two of them, and there's two guys, like the fucking 18-year-olds who look about 12, come back, and one of them, Phil, he's very apologetic, and he hands me a letter. Huh?

So it's technically correspondence. A letter of apology? Yeah. Like in the old days. Yeah, well, I say a letter. It's written on a long piece of blank receipt paper. Or like a long McDonald's one. Yes, like a long thin receipt, yeah, but with his letter on it.

So it's like a little scroll. Like you'd unfurl it like you're at the Imperial Palace, but a miniature Imperial Palace. Like he was a very apologetic page boy or an emissary he was apologizing to the to xerxes from 300 i am a merciful god um so so this weird kid comes up to me and is sort of is very sorry and saying we only met them today we didn't think they'd he said something like we didn't think they'd be like that which is very funny and i said don't worry don't worry don't worry and he handed me the letter and he buggered off and i saw it on the receipt paper so i look at this receipt paper thing and written on it

in like mad felt tip like it's he's he's written it with a big felt tip pen. Oof, that's not much space to work with. Felt tip on a receipt. Yeah. Well, it's a long receipt. I mean, we're talking... This thing is about as long as a ruler. Okay.

Yeah, well, I mean, how long is a ruler, Pierre? 30 centimeters, 12 inches. Okay. This is as long as a piece of string phil for goodness sake and it's written like the font like it's not good handwriting is the point it's like he's written it with a fist okay so here's the letter in felt tip pen on a receipt it starts hello sir wow yeah that's how much older i seemed than him hello he's probably written it he's probably written it that big so you can read it yeah he probably thinks the font size on your iphone is like the maximum i've still got my keyboard clicks on. Hello, sir. My name is Louis.

I was with the rather rude girls who eventually walked out. Me and my good friend Finn stayed. Who's good friend? Good friend Finn. Yeah. So there's a comma, right? Me and my good friend Finn yeah so there's a comma right me and my good friend Finn stayed comma and while your comedy

wasn't for us comma we still enjoyed ourselves and we thank you for that wow isn't that amazing what a sort of what a what a weirdly informal and formal thing to do and we thank you for that

and we thank you for that long of the days of the coolest uncle pierre we found the most informal formal yes yes yes yes this is the most formal informal this is this maybe this is the most informal formal Louis line it's it's a letter that begins hello sir but it's written on a receipt and felt tip and it's still quite rude and polite at the same time

yeah with all the sort of the the the social panache of an 18-year-old who's still figuring out how to exist in an adult world. Yeah, absolutely. He has no idea of his unspoken social obligations. Yeah. And we thank you for that.

Please continue. Right? Or just in general. Yeah, just keep please continue full stop and then the next sentence for us and yourself what a weird bunch of kids and then he ends with

chillingly he ends with good luck and see you soon right your comedy is not for him Pierre but he'll see you again soon Good luck and see you soon Louis and Finn And then a kind of heart

Oh Louis his name is Louis So this is his own Louis line Oh fuck you're right of course Yeah A boy called Louis has brought us A new Louis line It's a sign It's a sign It's a sign

And we thank you for that Rather rude girls The handwriting is truly terrible But fair enough Louis and Finn Also how strange to have an embarrassing And awkward scenario like that And then to in your panic At being rude

Write a mad letter. Yeah. Yeah. But this is not that age where you're just so awkward. Did you have a period of, like, teenagehood where everyone, like, I swear, every time anyone broke up, they had to write the other a letter?

What? Really? Yeah. Or maybe that's just because I went to private school in Bath and everyone was basically in a Jane Austen novel. But I remember everyone wrote each other letters afterwards to put down their feelings onto paper because they just couldn't do it. That's mad. That sounds like something that happened once and then like you know when something just gets really catches on like a wildfire in one school

right right right maybe god that's an intense vibe maybe louis went there yeah is this p.a Is this our first ever Correspondence from someone who isn't a pod bud It kind of has to be Doesn't it Yeah surely it's our first In the wild correspondence from someone Outside the bud pod family

Yeah a wild correspondence It's our first Yeah it's our first missive from the outside world, Pierre, from the world beyond Bud Pod. A world beyond Bud Pod, contacted first by the brave explorers Louis and Finn.

Yes. God, very strange. I wonder what Finn symbolizes. Is Finn as in Finn in French for end. Is it the end of something? Maybe it's the end of the Louis line and the beginning of the most formal informal. The concept of the Louis line got in touch

and said your comedy is not for us. Gosh. Finn, we're leaving. Finn, this is Finn. Let's get out of here. Damn. Yeah, mystical, mystical could be were they chirps in these girls then?

they must have been if they met today and also they said we didn't think the girls would be like that they're at drama school and I thought, oh boys you've got a lot to learn so maybe they were and I think the girls maybe talked up the bar as a kind of exclusive cool place.

Right. Interesting. But that's bad from the bar manager, though, to sort of let him in. Yeah, he was very apologetic, but very naive. Yeah, but it's still like kind of obvious mistake. Yeah, I think... You wouldn't let even a normal...

You wouldn't let a ticket holder in 30 minutes after the show started. Oh, no, they came in before I started my show, but it was an hour after. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So Jacob Hawley did his preview interval, then my preview. So they came in in the interval.

Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. I get you, I get you. And me peeking from the corner and watching this kind of dangerous interaction with the guy on the door is what caused my concern in the first place. Yeah, before I started. Yeah. Yeah. Risky stuff. We

have time for... I don't think we do. No, we don't. We have to flee To the Patreon art bunker Yes Yes Sign up to our Patreon

And hop on the ferry to our secret Patreon Art bunker In the ground We will see you there guys I hope you enjoyed this week's episode, and good luck out there to Louis and Finn with chirpsing some different girls.

Yes. Some more polite girls who don't go to drama school. And from me, from me, Dan Under, g'day till next time. Ooh. All hail Fat Car.

All hail Fat Car.