BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 161 - BonusPod Holiday Special 1!

Episode Date: April 27, 2022

Hello Buds! Pierre and Phil are on holiday so here is a peek behind the Patreon curtain! It's our NYE correspondence special: Phil and Pierre read out some golden memories and content from Dandy Andy! As well as some NYE regrets from Jaroslaw! Featuring Pierre and Phil crying laughing over a new version of Tiny Tim Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod Special Episode 161. Hello, Pod Buds. It's old Perry Nimbles here. Phil is conquering America at the moment, one tub of pills at a time. And, uncharacteristically, I, a man who does not go on holiday, and has probably gone on two or three holidays in about 10 years,

am actually going on holiday soon to, in theory, enjoy it. I'm sure I will. I'm sure. I'm certain I will. I'm mocking my own negativity. Anyway, we have decided, Phil and I, that instead of giving you good people nothing for free, we will instead give you something for free.

To wit, we are going to give you guys some of the stuff from behind the bonus pod curtain, both as a way of pleasing you by offering you a hit of your favorite drug, Bud Pod, and as a way of enticing you further behind the curtain and thus deeper into the sort of semi-cult we have established here. So the first thing this week is a little taste of something that not even every patron gets. Only the top two of the three tiers in the closed society we've created access these. So level one, pod pod bud level patrons listening you are also being given a little treat here because this is one of the monthly correspondent specials it's from uh the 31st of december last year new year's eve and uh it's very fun and uh we recorded it with me at home on the isle of man and Phil at his family home. And it's good fun, so I hope you guys enjoy it.

This is the plan, by the way, this week, next week, and the week after. So we've got three weeks where, because of just sheer international talent, normal schedule is not feasible. So forgive us. But please accept these little nuggets on our behalf okay bye it is the monthly correspondence special for the vips phil of the vips the vvips The VIPs, Phil Of the VIPs The VVIPs The VVIPs The VVIPs

The very best of the best You are the founding fighters You are the tat whisperers Well, here is your Just Reward The first ever monthly extra correspondence special And you've been sending us your correspondence Just reward the first ever monthly extra correspondence special. And you've been sending us your correspondence, and we will be processing it.

As per the agreement, me lord. Yes, this is the agreement that Pierre and I signed our lives away for, and we're going to uphold our ends of the deal. That's right. We signed our lives away to Sir Alan Patreon himself in blood. We're in the pocket of Big Patreon. We're in the pocket of Big Patreon. We are in all of your collective enormous pocket. And we couldn't be happier.

We're literally in your pockets too. If you listen on your phone. Yes, that's true. Sneaky little pod buds hiding out in your phone. Yes, that's true. Sneaky little pod buds hiding out in the phone. Yes, that's right. And so, as a result, we have

a special one of our very own VIPs. We've got Andy got in touch. Andy! How dandy To hear from you Andy Our first ever premier correspondent A special correspondent

Dandy is a nice And rarely used adjective Dandy Yeah it is it's one of the great lost words The lost words Andy says Dear Plop and P So this is him referencing The lost words And he says Dear Plop and P So this is him referencing

First he's messaging us on Patreon and then he's referring to an old email He's trying to bump it up He's bumping it up Okay Having Corresponded previously by email and therefore Thrown my message aimlessly into the

abyss of scatological chat and spam that is your inbox I've decided this time to message via Patreon yeah great great great I was going to hold out to see if my original correspondence drew your attention by natural means however a recent mention of a golden toilet being the route to Patreon content

content was a link with my original message that I couldn't ignore okay so it's like's like a coincidence, I think he's saying. As such, I'm ashamedly messaging to flag this link like some god-awful parent pointing out their child's artwork on the fridge. Very nice. Look, look, I did it all myself. I did it all myself. For reference, my initial email was an embarrassingly long email sent on the 9th of July titled, An Analfology.

Nice. Within that, within that, ah, deep inside, within that, under the Canterpooey Tales section, good lord. Wow, there's a section. Yes, sub-reference B. You will see Stoolie 3,

the story of the stolen golden toilet. As you have now incriminated Budpod as being in possession of said toilet, I thought I'd give you the heads up. Thank you for the ongoing repulsion and laughs. Keep on jacking or jilling it, Andy. Ah, yes, yes, yes. I have to say equal opportunities

in our jacking or jilling it. If you like jilling it, go for it. Yeah. That's what we say here at BudPod. Jill away. Jill all the way. Jing jill all the way. Jing jill all the way.

So, I'm trying to I'm trying to find It's quite It's quite an email Good lord I'll give it a go I'll give it a go Phil It's quite an email. Good lord. I'll give it a go. I'll give it a go, Phil. Andy deserves this much. That's all we ask.

Yeah. Dandy Andy. So Dandy Andy apologizes for the length of the email. However, he explains why he's written a thesis. He says, I'm a piss-torian. I was ashamedly late to the Bud Pod party, having picked it up following a recommendation heard on another podcast. Yes, you guessed it.

A lady's talking about crime one. Ah, that must have been the one that High was on. Surely. It's a fun pod. Oh, I was. Yeah, that's right. I was on one. Drunk Women Solve Crimes was the one I was on.

Maybe it's that one. However, as mentioned by others previously, I share the inability to dive mid-season on anything, and I have to go back to episode one. I guess it's to avoid the media equivalent of having to say, what's that? Yeah, very good. What's this?

What's this? What's this? Accordingly, I started at the start, the origin, the source, those heady days where discussions did not inevitably end in the toilet. Yeah. Although, to be fair, some did even before Bud Pugate. It wasn't until an enormous five episodes in did the poo thing become the overwhelming theme of the podcast. Yes, yes.

And this is nice because he's referencing some stuff that i genuinely i'm really struggling to struggling to remember as he says it's fair to say i fell in love indeed i firmly believe episode six contains some of the funniest unscripted exchanges hashtag conspiracy denier that have ever graced my ears e.g the chat about greeting a pirate bus driver and the waving train driver nearly made me crash my car greeting a pirate bus driver and the waving train driver nearly made me crash my car. Oh, gosh.

This must have been when I was up north or somewhere and I got off the train and the train driver waved me by as the train pulled off. That's right. I remember that. And I was astonished. That's so weird.

I can't remember the pirate thing. The pirate bus driver. I think it was saying like yar to the bus driver as you get on and off or something. I can't remember that. I have to go back and listen to these. Granted, the top spot has more recently been contended by the, quote, eyepatch-wearing Scottish boat driver. Quote, there's been another disturbance in the

cellar. I don't remember that. Wow, this is like this is like someone's written a parody of a podcast of a chat podcast. But Phil, this is what I've been saying to you all these years. We just drop these gems by the roadside, you know.

And he says... And Dandy Andy scrambles to collect them and put them in his sack. And he says, and hot off the press, Forsythe and the Falklands skit. Oh, now this brings a clearer bell. That was yours, wasn't it? Bruce Forsythe

out in the Falklands. Yeah, and then in the quotes, in the brackets, he says El Chin Grande, Señor Forsythe! Oh, was it? Yeah, he was enormous. Oh, that's it! That's it! That's it! Forsythe as a sort of Doctor Manhattan style super weapon

that the British used in the Battle of the Falklands. So he's huge and he had this enormous chin and he was stomping Battle of the Falklands. So he's huge and he had this enormous chin. He's stomping all over the Falklands. That's right. It's good stuff. I can see. Nice. Good to see you.

Oh, no. Nice to see you. To see you. And then lasers come out of his eyes. What also became evident from early on was your appreciation and respect for correspondence. However, I figured there was little point in emailing you as soon as the first thoughts came to mind. I thought this would be futile because, one, if you did read anything out of mine, I wouldn't hear it for months. Yes.

Two, suggestions I might have made may well be said by others, making it redundant. It's possible. It's possible. As such, like a nerd and procrastinator, I decided to log things to send you to the point where I finally caught up. Today is that day. Wow. A little note on the notes app. Yeah.

Find below a repoussetry of tap tales and thoughts for you to peruse. Do with it what you will. Very nice. Wow. A little note on the notes app. Yeah. Find below a repoussetry of tap tales and thoughts for you to peruse. Do with it what you will. Very nice. Wow. The Dandy Andy diaries. The diaries of Dandy Andy and not Prince Andrew. Those diaries are... Forbidden.

Well, buried probably at this point somewhere. Missing. Tat slash cringe slogans and wackaging. Over the years, I've spotted a few items that I think fulfill the above genres and are worth sharing. Some highlights are... Number one, nauseating cafe. Nauseating cafe? Yeah, I attached a photo...

What cafe called nauseating cafe? Huh? This isn't the actual name of a cafe, is it? No, no, Yeah, I attached a photo. This isn't the actual name of a cafe. No, no, no. It's his description. Okay. So it's a photo of a cafe that's popped up on his commute. He says it's called the Rosemary. Ah. Oh, Phil. There's a very good restaurant in

South London called the Rosemary. It's a Hungarian restaurant. Highly recommended. Weirdly, it's separated. I imagine this is... Rose and Mary are on two separate lines. Okay, yeah. That's not the same place. Rosemary. Rosemary. So, Phil, see if you can guess this, because I can't imagine

you will. Okay, guess. Okay, yeah. So, it's healthy eating for a good blank blank. Healthy eating for a good happy life. Nope. It's way weirder than that. Healthy eating for a good little man. A good little man. I think I'd prefer that

So I'll give you a clue This rhymes The final word rhymes Good healthy eating for Healthy eating for a good Blank Healthy eating for a good dandy andy.

No, no, sorry. The final word rhymes with eating. Oh. So it's healthy eating for a good bub beeping. Healthy eating for a good violent beating. You've got

beating. Wow. Healthy eating for a good egg beating. Oh, that would be nice if it was like an egg-themed place, yeah? So this, it's mad. It's healthy eating for a good heart beating. Wow, what? What does that mean?

Healthy eating for a good that mean? Healthy eating For a good heart beating Healthy eating for a good heart beating Do they beat you up After you finish your meal? Your heart will If you eat healthily Your heart will beat gooder

Oh heart beating Heart beating yeah Oh I thought you said hard beating And then they threaten you For a good heart beating I thought that's what you meant Oh for a good heart beating Well yeah that's alright

I mean yeah it's good for your heart That's what they're saying Healthy eating for a good heart beating That's very like I had to write a poem for school and I just wrote the sentence I wanted to write and then had to make it rhyme next it sounds to me like a description

of one of those like clean eating people on Instagram by a 12th century witch the 12th century witch. The 12th century witch. Healthy eating for a good heart beating. Yeah.

Yeah. As she scrolls through smoothie recipes. I'm going to read out... So he sent us another horrible wall tat sign, and I'm going to read this out as if it's one sentence, Phil. Okay. And obviously, there's about 700 fonts here. So it's going to be a little difficult to read.

So here's what this wall poster says. It's a very long, thin wall. It looks like a Chinese scroll. It's like a long rectangle. That's the shape of it. It says, Help others laugh at yourself.

Be confident. Hope, dream, believe. Enjoy life, love. Treasure each and every moment. Encourage, learn new things. Give generously. Sing, dance, say please and thank you. Be happy, be silly.

Share, forgive. Say your prayers. Always do your best. Sing, dance. Say please and thank you. Be happy. Be silly. Share. Forgive. Say your prayers. Always do your best. Say your prayers. Say your prayers. It's hidden in there. Say your prayers. Say your prayers like a fucking A-caster. Say your prayers.

And then written on Costa Coffee Shop like toasty cardboard bag thing. Caution, contents may cause happiness. No, no, no, no. Awful, awful, awful, awful. Disgusting.

Throw it away. Sue them. Really, really disgusting. Awful contents may cause happiness. Well, they haven't. Contents might., exterior has caused anger Verging on Just

Yeah, verging on boycott worthy So that is That is some of the That is the tat So the cantapooey tales That Andy referenced in his main message Let's see Let's see what

He said number Three Let's see what... He said number three. Number three. Number three. Oh, yes. Well, it's the golden toilet stolen from Blenheim Palace. Okay. So this was...

Oh, right. So this is a real story. Oh, yes. We went to Blenheim Palace and there was a golden toilet there that was at some point... Solid gold toilet in Blenheim Palace as a piece of art and someone nicked it. Yeah. Which is... Impressive thing to do. It's hard to hide a golden toilet.

Well, there's a reason that that's such an old saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard to hide a golden toilet. Yeah. These wisdoms don't come out of nowhere you you when your grandparents say things to you like it's hard to hide a golden toilet when you're young you mock them yeah you go oh shut up man what a ridiculous thing to say and then you grow up and you try to hide a golden toilet and you go gosh that old bat was right so he said oh my god Andy this is an amazing thing you've sent us there's a thing that's underneath the phrase recurring

discussions most authoritarian thought car horns should be limited like fuel oh yeah it's like ammo you should only get so many rounds to fire Yeah and he says replenishing your horn quota Or I'm going to say horn juice

Because that's fun to say Is exceedingly expensive And you have to fill in a non-user friendly form On a government website Explaining why you need more horn allowance The government website of Thailand Would just crash horn allowance. The government website of Thailand would just crash. It would be like a

cyber attack. Most libertarian thought, he says theatre, cinema and stadium seats should be height adjustable so everyone has a good view Yeah yeah Yes yeah that is libertarian Because you might impact the person behind you Yeah

Yes and fuck em Yeah fuck em This is your libertarian thought That's true Most uncool cool thing. A guitarist smashing their guitar at the end of a gig. Hmm. That is uncool. It's cool because it's reckless.

It's uncool because it's wasteful. Yes. And we need to conserve the planet and its materials. Yes. He says it's driven from passion and provides a spectacle, but at the end of the day, they've destroyed an expensive piece of kit that could have been given away or auctioned for charity.

Very true. Depending on the gig. Most cool, uncool thing, falconry. Gosh, I think that's absolutely spot on. That's bang on. I think that's absolutely spot on, yeah. It's so lame, but also like, you've got a falcon on your arm. You can control.

And it's got a cool little helmet. It's got a cool helmet. It's got like little eye masks because it's too powerful and you need to contain it. It's looking power. It's more looking power. Yes. Yeah, it is quite cool. That is cool. Makes you feel like

like what was That is cool Makes you feel like What was What was the sort of Genghis Khan character in Game of Thrones Karl Drogo Makes you feel like Karl Drogo Or the bad guy from Mulan

Lu Shang Very cool And as Andy points out If someone said they spent their weekend at the local bird centre You wouldn't put them on the favourable side of the Louis line No, you wouldn't And yet And yet

And yet He goes on Disgusting flavours in medicinal products He says why is there an aniseed gaviscon And why is it the most readily available Because people love licorice Because people are mad Yeah he says why would you want to be reminded of the sambuca

From the night before which is probably the Reason you need the gaviscon in the first place It's a fucking good point Very good point Very good point This is a Rum and coke flavoured Rennies Finally

Paracetamol that tastes of fags And ball sweat Finally Yeah Oh Finally Yeah Oh Andy is a doctor There's so much here You know Andy I might save this

Like To go back to Yeah it's too much For one go we're going to be too full It's a rich meal you've given us like an enormous, you know when you get those huge trays of baklava. We can't take this all at once from Dr. Dandy Andy. He's prescribed us a course of correspondence

that we'll have to take over a few weeks. That's it. And we can't stop because that will mean that there are just more correspondence immune bugs out there. We've really got to stick to it. I'd like it if we got loads of doctor listeners because

I would feel prestigious and they also have quite a good sense of humor, the medics, don't they? Medics and have quite a good sense of humour, the medics, don't they? Medics and engineers have a good like real gallows humour I've found. Yes, yes. I think the more you work in the

real world, the darker your sense of humour is. Yes, I think that's got to be it. You know what I mean? I would like that, yeah. Very nice. Dr. Andy, thank you. We're going to return to that, I think, in future to be it. I would like that, yeah. Very nice. Dr. Andy, thank you. We're going to return to that, I think, in future because it is a delicious banquet of references and charm. Good Lord.

Yes, thank you for the good doctor. Yes, thank you. Wouldn't it be nice to just address everyone as Dr. Listener? Dr. Listener. Dr. Listener. Dr. Listener. So, another prestige email that we have

from... So, I have seen this name written down a few times, Phil, and I have always pronounced it as Yaroslav. You've seen that name written a lot of times, have you? I play a lot of historical games, Philip Yaroslav

Yes, it looks like Yaroslav But the L has a line through it How's it spelled? J-A-R-O Yeah Which I'm going for Yaroslav And then S-L with a cross through it A W slaw

Ah well This is an incredible coincidence I've just been reading a book in which A Polish man Describes his hometown of Lutz which is spelled with an L With a line through it And he says it's pronounced Wutz

So it's a W I've just got line through it and he says it's pronounced woods so it's a w yeah i've just called to the bottom and he says it he says i'd love to hear you guess but it's pronounced yaroslav yes yes yes i learned something from a book and i was able to apply it almost straight away oh my god oh this feels good the mightiest rarest of pleasures Pleasure Book pleasure Self education pleasure Autodidactic pleasures So

Yaroslav messages us And he says hello Piotr and Philip Very suave Harry, Peter and Hello Piotr and Philip Harry, Peter and Philip Piotr Piotr It's Polish right? That must be Polish

He says these are your names in Polish Ah He says I did send you this email in the past But now I can use my hard earned Zloty's I guess it must be zloty's. Does that L have a line to it? Yeah.

You bet it does. Oh, zloty's. Zloty's. To make you read it. Here's an appropriately awful and seasonally appropriate story about how I knew that 2020 was going to be a bum-bum year. Oh, no. Yeah. After the 2019-2020 New Year's party At our flat

We decided to walk One of our friends home On our way back I had a terrible Stomach ache Although I certainly Was no longer drunk

A mix of alcohol And crisps Started wreaking vengeance On my stomach And I felt the need For prompt Evacuation Very good

Being a seemingly civilized person. That's funny. Why are you seemingly civilized? I think there's something quite Polish about that. Until you get some crisps in him. That's funny. As in like that kind of humor. Being seemingly civilized.

Being a seemingly civilized person, I am 10 minutes away from home and refuse to leave my mark behind the bushes so conveniently placed by the beautiful secession era townhouses despite the fact that I was there with my significant other and two friends with words of empouragement

with nobody else around which would have made the cheeky sneaky poo even more convenient don't break my poo the cheeky sneaky poo even more convenient. Don't break my poo, my cheeky sneaky poo. I just don't think he'd understand. My cheeky

sneaky poo. By Billy Ray Cyrus. I don't want it to leave my ass. Do you know that's by Miley Cyrus' dad? That's Miley Cyrus' dad? That's Miley Cyrus' dad? Yeah, Billy Ray Cyrus.

Don't break my heart, my achy breaky heart. That's Miley Cyrus' dad. That's mad. Didn't she grow up on some kind of fucking Christmas tree farm or something? An achy breaky Christmas tree farm, innit? Yeah. Or am I thinking of someone else? I don't know. Everyone is someone's kid, turns out. Pierre, what have you learnt about life?

Well, it seems like everyone is someone else's kid. That's the main thing. Everyone is someone's kid. Everyone else is someone's fucking kid, aren't they, really? So, Yaroslav continues the pain however became so severe that I had trouble walking wow my apparent salvation

presented itself in the form of a construction site with a toy toy mobile toilet in front of it okay so like a sort of portal yes it was like a blue save point looming on the horizon of an incredibly shitty video game yeah yeah yeah that's that's perfect big brown arrow hovering above it pointing and rotating

like in a greek tragedy i didn't know yet that it's going to be the scene of one of the lowest points of my life. I ran towards it, leaving the group behind. It was not too comfortable, but it had to do. Everything would be perfect if not for one aspect. It was already full. It was full? Well, in the darkness of the night

I didn't notice that it's almost full to the brim With weeks of ones and twos Left behind from random passers-by And construction workers Yep, yep, knew it I knew it The matter leaving my behind That's funny

The matter leaving my behind Hit the surface funny. The matter leaving my behind hit the surface with such great force that it generated a splashback that completely drenched my bum cheeks. Wow! Oh, yikes! No! Oh, no! Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! Crappy Poos Smear! Crappy Poosmere Crappy Poosmere I mean that literally is a crappy poosmere That's a crappy poosmere To fire shit into a bubbling cauldron of shit and piss That's such force That just drenches you like a wave

Oh man Do you know what I've just realised Not the worst thing But you know what makes this worse? It would have been ice cold. Oh, yeah, that does make it worse. Isn't it funny that that's worse? That does make it worse. Why is that worse?

Surely you'd think warm is worse, but cold is worse. Yeah, just... Because it's been there for a while, I guess I said. Yeah, Yaroslav's turd cracking the ice on a fucking pond of shit. Yaroslav. If only you could have Yaroswerved that. But it wasn't to be.

No, there was almost no toilet paper and it was pitch black in there. Oh, man. Horrible. Like something from Saw. this is vile this is vile and it's incredible think how how often these things happen to be that's the incredible insight the bud pod has given me just how regularly these awful things happen to people and we're only seeing a tiny sample if we extrapolate. Yeah, if you extrapolate, everyone is shitting themselves in

construction site toilets on New Year's Eve. Like, how much is this happening out there? It really opens your eyes. We're like statistical modelers with COVID, where it's like, well, given that these are the reported cases. Yeah, we have to sit on the news,

but suspicions are that real numbers are much, much higher. Yeah. If it continues at this rate, everyone in the country will have been covered in a splash of shit by New Year. Yeah. I mean, the important number is how many people have to go to hospital covered in shit

yes there's only so many the NHS's laundry is under strain there's only so many big splashes of shit that we can clean up before we have to start turning people away and that's when you know that's when the bad stuff happens um

yariswef says when i left the toilet my girlfriend started laughing the way i opened the door of the mobile toilet looking dejected and traumatized was apparently almost cartoonish droopy the door yeah with a curt i'll tell you later We went home where I took the longest And most thorough shower of my life So did he just pull his pants back up Over the cold wet Construction site Shit and piss on it Like are his pants soaked

Everyone else is like ice Poop piss And you can feel it getting colder as he's walking through like is it going to freeze? Are there going to be like poosicles? Yeah, where it's like he's warming it up with his own body heat. Terrible. I hate it.

I hate New Year, Pierre. This is why I hate New Year's Eve. Should we release this on New Year's Eve to make New Year's Eve less shit for people? Yeah, yeah. We'll do it then, right at the end of the month, just when people are starting to lose faith in us. You might be isolating, but at least you don't have your ass covered in cold shit. Yeah, at least...

Except for the one pod bud who does at that moment, and they'll feel double awful, but that's just a risk we're going to have to take. Yeah, and at least you'll be listening to this covered in shit, thinking, God, it's like they know me. Yeah, I feel seen. I feel seen. And the splashback of turds, I feel seen as well on me. It makes it a little warmer. Jaroslaw signs off with, I'm going to give this a go.

He says it's Koji in Polish, right? Great. So the first word is N-I-E. So I'm going to go with NIE. NIE. It feels like the Slavic have a lot of NIE sounds. NIE.

So I'm going to go with NIE. NIE. Now the next word Is one of the most Polish looking words I've ever seen The first three letters Phil are P R Z Okay then So it's P R Z

I mean it is a very It's a very Bud Pod noise Sounds good. That sounds good. T-R-Z-E. Jesus Christ. T-R-Z-E. P-A-C with a little accent on it, which I think makes it a ch.

There's not enough vowels in these words. Trzepak. Прожестоватье. So, не прожестоватье трzepак, or трезепач. Трезепач.

God, that's difficult. Well, не трезескете запач to you too And to everyone That's what Tiny Tim says at the end of A Christmas Carol To us all

Right at the end of A Christmas Carol What do you think Tiny Tim? And his head just spins All the way around like the Exorcist. And he says, In a really deep voice. and even years later people are like it means what what That's so funny. Truly is a Merry Christmas.

Nie pridzietiewać, jedrydziewać. They just instinctively whack him on the head with a saucepan. They just silently slide him into the big turkey. It's the only way to hide him. Oh god.

Well, to everybody yes yes yara suave says uh praise redacted and ps i now realize it was probably a turdist that took me to the shittiest version of 2020 instead of a journey across time and space very good good reference very good very good yes lovely it's very good well thank you very much yara suave i hope you have a better new year's eve this year and a happy new year's eve to all of you guys let's hope next year is less of a bum bum year for us all yeah yeah um get your booster get your booster get the old jeeves and a wooster that's got any got any rhyming slang for the booster. Get your Jeeves.

Get your Jeeves, yeah. Get your Jeeves in you. And I'll see you in the new year or whenever you hear this. Bye-bye. I love you. Happy New Year. Bye-bye. Bye.