BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 164 - Back From Holiday!

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

The boys are back in town! They chat flights, holidays, Phil's aussie and american adventures and much much more. Correspondence from Jack about mummy poos Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 164. 164, we're back for more. We're back, baby. We're back, we're back. And 164 are very satisfying. 164 is a satisfying number. They're like three family members. One, six and four.

One is the patriarch and six is the matriarch and four is a fun cousin. Yep. Yeah. I'm happy with that. Um, have you noticed my accent's different, Pierre? I did notice that you, well, when you came in, you had that cowboy hat on. Yeah. But there was, there was a cowboy hat hat but it had corks on that's right

because i've been to australia and america and they only sell that hat on the flight between yeah the two countries yes yeah yeah and as the air has people start coming and bringing out those hats to buy they're like posing really sexually with it like yeah and everyone's clapping and like everyone in the chairs, they're nudging each other like, this is what we're here for. Well, you wouldn't get this on any other flight. You know, you can hear people say that.

Some people take the flight just to get the hat. Yes, yeah, yeah. They just fly straight back. Yeah. Yes, I'm back from my seemingly endless travels through the Commonwealth. How manyingly endless travels Through the Commonwealth How many weeks away? Five?

Six or seven Is right I've been away for so long now Britain is literally a different place It's hot now I've come back and Britain's hot So much has changed What have you done?

We found the heating we turned it on um have you have you sort of just had good weather then this whole time prudemush yeah well melbourne is my perfect weather which is like quite cool at all times yeah but but never freezing um at least it wasn't ours there and then i went to america and uh the last place i was in america was california which is hot and hot every day sunny every day it's kind of eerie it's weird as a british person going to a place where it's just it doesn't feel physically possible like the weather is just the same every day every day and there's no rain is that why they the film industry moved there because they were just like it never rains there's no cloud it's the same weather we can just film oh that might be a reason one reason i heard

was um and it's told a story told to me by uh excellent comedian and friend john hastings oh yes shout out to hastings canadian sensation john hastings and he said that when the movie makers the first movie makers wanted to start movie making, they just wanted to get as far away from Thomas Edison as physically possible because he had the licenses on the cameras, which he wanted. And they were like,

we don't want to pay for this. So they just physically got away from him. Oh, wow. Apparently Edison wanted to, this is what John was saying, Edison wanted to create a sort of hollywood in new jersey new jersey on the east coast um but then all these movie makers like we ain't paying you've nothing and they just took the cameras and they kept going west until the sea wouldn't let them go any further and they built this movie town in the desert that became the city of angels crazy cowboys yeah venturing west

my word i heard they set it up there because they're all the cameras are just already there terrifying over a hundred years before anyone knew what they were they just found them like stonehenge yeah or like those big um those big black monoliths in 2001 i was thinking that i was thinking that's the sound coming from them and orson welles dancing around yeah it's yeah all the actors from the golden age of hollywood just yeah leaping and like throwing monroe throwing director's chairs at each other and stuff humphrey bogart he's like beating his chest yeah yeah that's what i was like um uh yeah so i saw la for the first time in my life in hollywood

was la as filthy and crowded as they say well ho, Hollywood itself is a fucking dump. It's gross. This is interesting. The Hollywood Walk of Fame smells like piss the entire way. Really? Every single one. Katherine Hepburn's star smells like urine. All of them smell like urine. Wow.

It smells disgusting. Tinseltown. The big famous Chinese cinema. Man's Chinese Theater? Yeah, that's it. And outside they've got all these handprints and footprints

yeah it's not arranged in any pleasing fashion it just looks like a construction site gone wrong because it's literally just people like

drawing in wet cement and all these blocks are all misshaped and mismatched and they're just kind of scattered about and it's all it's all gross

I always thought it was like a much more formalized thing no i thought it was as well i thought there'd be i thought there'd be like a whole area and they planned out and there's a map and like maybe a walkway of yeah and like a grading of acts like directors on this corner yeah actors and or like some chronological order nope just all over the place just mad chaos yeah yeah come on la it's it's it's yeah it's kind of a very american of like well i mean los angeles is an especially hodgepodge city because yeah it was just improvised there's no planning it doesn't make sense as a city yeah um it's just lots of

little towns just kind of fighting next to each other and you've got to go on the freeway to go down to the next bit of town. And it's bizarre. And all the buildings are so short. All the buildings are like two stories high. At most, yeah. And so the city just has to go laterally. Yeah, when you see those pictures of LA

from like the only hill nearby or whatever and it's this like harrowing it looks like something from blade runner right but if blade runner had nothing no none of the cool like center bit where it's like electro skyscrapers full of neon it's just like this endless like shacks yeah it's like a very short shanghai like this skyline goes on forever but it's all knee height. I did walk up to the Griffiths Observatory, that's uphill. There's a version of it in Grand Theft Auto V. Knee height, of course, is a part of Shanghai.

I went on a hike, as the Americans call them. Can you explain that? Because every TV show, especially set in LA, Phil, people are hiking left and right. A hike is a walk that lasts longer than six minutes. Really? That's what it feels like. It's like we're going hiking,

and all that's happened is you've walked up what could be technically described as an incline. Yeah. And you've changed. That's the main thing. You've put on outdoor clothes. Like felt boots. and yeah walking boots like this camel camel sort of brown it's more about the outfit than the duration of the walk yeah and you eat trail mix which is just m&ms and bits of bark or something i eat bombay mix on my you have me going you have i'm the only

person who eats bombay mix you have a ziploc bag of a ziploc liter bag of bombay mix and a camelback filled a camelback filled with lager it's a it's a pub hike it's what you do um yeah that's what it seems like is that it's like uh they i mean i've been to america a couple of times and no one walks anywhere so maybe that's why they see it as a hike because it's just like 500 meters just up a one of the only hills yep near la yep it's true i mean i think probably new yorkers walk are like yeah high on the walking scale as far as america is concerned but in uh in la people do not walk at all you get a an uber everywhere and there's no

because there's no public transport either really they can use and not get murdered on so you have to get an uber everywhere are the ubers just like other people in the arts uh well what's funny about um uh ubers in america is you know here in london you get an uber and you you know who's not going to turn up and you know the car yeah it's a first generation immigrant from the global south yes in a prius every single time single time every single time someone from the global south yeah prius you know you get if if If it's a quiet time You might accidentally get one of the Uber execs Stepping down the chain But in America

It can be anything I did it as a joke on my last show And I kind of wish I'd done it longer It's all up for grams Any type of person Any vehicle, you never know Really? It could be a mother of three in

in a jeep a little boy in a pickup truck tricycle a clown on a tricycle a witch in one of those pumpy things that they have on the railways with the hands it's anyone what a tiny hispanic lady in a hummer it could be anything really yeah yeah that's it's fucking mad it's very strange because it really i think out there it really did start out as this ride sharing thing it's someone who just happens to have a car and has some okay has some free time they'll just jump on they just they can make 30 quid yeah something like that so they like okay so that so in la uber looks like what would happen if people actually embraced its corporate message yeah anyone well or actually embraced the the fake the the fake title of ride sharing which is what uber started out calling

itself yeah ride sharing app in the same way that you're sharing yeah i'm sharing this ride with a cab driver we're going to my house hope he likes that yeah this restaurant is sharing its dinner with you for a price it's like what are you talking about i'd sharing me me and me and this guy ronald mcdonald share food with each other in that i go to his place of business and i give him money and in exchange i receive the food and he doesn't eat. But it does feel a bit more like that though because it's just it's just any

Because it's so free for all. That's mad. If I ordered an Uber and it said Mildred's on her way and it was just like a lady like a white English lady

in her sort of 40s in a sort of pantsuit I wouldn't get in. Genuinely. I'd be like, why is this? Why is this a trap? Or it's like a hidden camera thing.

Or like, are you doing an experiment? Yeah. Is this research for something? The, the one, one, a person,

one guy, we got an Uber with in, um, in Irvine, California. Irvine. He was in an electric car and he's very proud of this electric car.

He's chatting with us the whole way, the whole trip about the price of electric cars and how this one is a bit different from the Tesla and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he started, oh, this is funny. I asked, because I wanted to know if it came with any sort of subsidies. Because here, if you have an electric car, a hybrid car,

it's free road tax. Yeah. And I had free parking in London for ages. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a hybrid car. And I said, do you get any tax break? And then he said, wait, do you have road tax here? And he was like, no, no, we don't have road tax.

No, we wouldn't, we'd never accept it. It's too much. We already pay. And he said this with a straight face, Pierre. He said, we already pay 11.9% income tax.

And I was like, hmm? Is that federal or state? We just said tax. Yeah. I don't know if it's, maybe it must have been state. Yeah. 11.9 percent

and we're not saying is that we're not paying any more and me and uh our friend julian who was in the car we just kind of looked at each other like like giving this others knowing look um and i i wanted to laugh yeah out loud at him not wanting to pay 11.9% tax. So I didn't even tell him what we pay in tax here and we pay road tax on top. Anyway, then we got to the place and I looked over and he had a taser gun. He had a taser?

He had a taser gun, like in a holster. And I thought, this guy likes electricity. A lot. It's like Electro from the Marvel Cinematic Universe. He's the boss of the electric Pokemon gym. He's the gym leader of the electric one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have the Pikachu hat on.

Yeah, it's how he trains Pikachu. How he tortures Pikachu. He gets to do what he wants. Ash Ketchum is on his way. On the Uber app. Would you like to tip Ash Ketchum is on his way. On the Uber app. Would you like to tip Ash Ketchum? Yeah. He's too old to be a part of my adventure now.

It seemed to be that area of the country where people are into sustainability but are also anti-tax and pro-weapons. Yeah, it's a heady brew. A lot of that bit of California. It's kind of red California. Red California, yeah. Where they go, yeah, you can...

I'm going to buy an AR-15 to guard my solar panels. Get those kids off my solar panels. That there's renewable. That there's renewable. You can pry my tidal energy generator out of my cold, dead hands. Green billies Just here sitting on the front porch

Looking out at my wind farm Chewing on But instead of like a piece of straw It's like a tiny winter Like a little model winter Spinning and it's powering a vape That he's vaping a vape that he's vaping. And if he says, where are you all headed?

And you go, oh, we're just going up to Joshua Tree. It's good wind up there. Mighty fine wind to be taken up there. He's got all these opinions on the quality of soil, quality of wind and sunlight and stuff. Yeah, it's a very strange mixture, but maybe that works with a certain flavor of libertarianism, I suppose. Yeah.

But it is odd where you sort of want to say to people, hey, you know how there's like armies of tramps, right? Oh, yeah. Just everywhere. I've never seen homelessness like it it and it's throughout throughout america it's just but pictures of it look like world war z yeah yeah it's just tense i've never been in a country and certainly not not a developed western country with asm like if you if you drive past a bridge or an overpass there will be tents under it yeah and tents of people who've been living there for long term yeah yeah

yeah or just on the just on the pavement just outside and people pay them no heed there's what by well i guess no one walks anywhere yeah there's that there's that as well um maybe that's why the hikes are so short because the tents have all been bought can't go camping people will assume you're a tramp yeah there's a there's a tent shortage in los angeles for sure but yeah it's it's it's appalling i've never i've never seen i've never seen homelessness or mental illness like it um i've never seen as many mentally ill people just out on the street screaming at the top of their voice just screaming and people just walk on the other side i've never i've never um experienced so many people just talking out loud to themselves really oh yes you go out for a walk and they'll you walk past at least three people who are just talking to themselves mumbling to

themselves i always thought because like that that is a sort of stock occurrence in like futurama or the simpsons or whatever. And I never realized it was daily observational for the American audience watching that comedy. Well, I know if you play Grand Theft Auto and you walk around and all these NPCs just going, oh, well, I'll show him. Hey, watch it. And you go, this is heightened for a video game.

Nope, it isn't. It really is not. Really? Yeah. Well, it isn't. It really is not. Really? Yeah. Well, I'll use him. Like characters in a cartoon. Yeah. What the fuck, America?

Yeah, because there are no resources to look after these people. No one's interested in helping them, so they just live on the street. What do you think is the American equivalent for people who come here? Is it see they actually see someone in tweed cycling yeah they're just like wow that actually happens and it's like yeah sometimes you will sometimes you could see that a friend of mine just come over from america to she's she's got a job in london

she's got a gig in london she's staying it's her first time ever to london and she was first put up in the langham hotel next to the bbc and then now she's in a flat in knightsbridge whoa i was like you're getting the london experience americans think london is like you've you've basically gone to london london land florida yeah yeah it's like if you got to stay in an Airbnb in the Statue of Liberty's fucking head. That's something I really enjoyed, by the way. In the bonus pods you were narrating for the last couple of weeks, all the places I've been trapped.

It's so weird that you were right every single time. I don't know how you knew. Well, I've got Find My iPhone, but for your phone. I just like to keep an eye on you where was I? I was trapped in the crown in the statue of liberty for a bit you were trapped in the crown and you set a fire in the lamp bit to get people's attention but everyone just liked it

yeah everyone just took photos and just thought it was part of the act thought it was cool where were you trapped? when you were in the midwest you were trapped in snow or something or like snow had trapped you in some way right not sure like in a sort of fargo-esque yeah you were trapped in a kind of a yeah oh yeah yeah i kept thinking you're going to say i was in a wood chipper like in fargo what was the midwest like um in yeah interesting i mean um after new york it's nice to be in so wide open spaces and it's a bit

little quiet and fewer crazy people walking around uh but it's also less happening yeah it's less happening i went to the mall of America which is the largest mall in America and that's a big contest to win yeah is the music like there was no music it was quite underwhelming really

it's such a big building that you don't realise you're there until you've turned up you know what I mean you're just driving past concrete for a bit and it's like here you are oh they're all this the last 15 minutes of concrete i've been driving past have been the building was the wall was the ball yeah oh fuck and so it's like the pentagon of the death star like you don't you have to be quite far away to see it yeah yeah yeah oh i see when you turn up it's just a wall and a door go, oh, I've been looking at it the whole time. It was the background.

I didn't realize I was going shopping in the horizon. Yeah. And you go in and it's just, well, it's like it says on the tin. It's just a mall that goes on for longer than you're used to. There's a theme park inside of it. There are roller coasters in it. That's how big it is. So this is the one place where people do walk a long way yeah it's the i mean america they actually have mall walking don't they yeah you know tv they have all these like pensioners

with their elbows all up yeah we're going on a mall walk the one place that you can walk pretty much yeah oh my god i mean to a brit British or European person, you go to the Mall of America and it's just like, at one point I realise oh, this is just a small town they've put a roof over. Oh fuck. That's basically it. It's a town they've put a roof over. A roofed town.

A roofed town. They've roofed a town. Come see the amazing Roofed Town. A town where everywhere has a roof. Even the outside. Welcome to the 1967 World's Fair. Home of the Roofed Town. In the future, everyone will live in a town that has a roof. Scientists say that one day we'll be able to roof the globe.

The Pope has to come out and say that it's an offense unto god to roof the earth from god's eyes and things we mustn't footage of him on a balcony waving around and then like the voice of a interpretation we mustn't roof the world just like really in a neutral tone he's gesturing quite a bit yeah we mustn't roof the world. The sky is a window into God and his existence. Roofing the world would be a bad idea. You can tell when they're not quite capturing the translation either. Yeah, yeah. They're definitely missing stuff here.

You're definitely simplifying. There's a word in Italian that doesn't exist in English that he's had to come to a compromise with. Yeah, it's got seven syllables and he's just had to replace it with, like, bad. Yeah, he's had to come to a compromise with it. Yeah, it's got seven syllables, and he's just had to replace it with, like, bad. It's a shame, because it's the Pope. He's definitely saying something a bit complicated. Wait, is he Uruguayan, the current Pope?

Where's he from? Argentinian. He's Argentinian. Yes. I knew it was one of them. That's why he's always eating those big steaks. Yeah. When the smoke coming out of the Vatican goes red,

it means stop bringing the Pope meat. Is that a Tunisian reference? I don't know. Maybe. It says Brazilian restaurants, doesn't it? Yeah, it's Brazilian restaurants where you have like a piece of card. A meat flag. A meat flag that's red on one side and green on the other.

And if you want more meat, you put it on green. And they just, without asking. Without asking, they just bring you meat. They will shave meat off a sword onto your plate. Those are so many of my favorite things in one sentence yeah shave swords meat protein and weaponry protein and weaponry that's not a bad name for a for a restaurant or maybe a shop the kind of shop that that guy with a taser would go to do you know joe rogan would do an advert for protein and weaponry oh yeah absolutely fucking hell those are his two ad revenue streams protein and weaponry yeah this

this podcast is brought to you by protein weaponry go to proteinweaponry.com slash budpod yeah yeah yeah you get 10 off your first order of protein bars or five percent off your first longbow. I guess you can use weaponry to get protein through hunting. That's true. They're very linked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. They're strange bedfellows, protein and weaponry.

So, yeah, what else? I mean, I was away for such a long time. You were gone for a long time, and I'm sure the Podbuds are glad to have us. And, honestly, of course, thank you to everyone who came to the shows, both in Melbourne and across America. A lot of Podbuds in America. Yes. A couple of Kojis shouted at me.

We're glad you tolerate us being sort of anthropologically baffled and critical of where you live. Do keep the Koji shouting to a minimum. I appreciate it, but, like, if there's a show going on i don't really have time to say thank you to you and then explain uh to everyone else i think it's only a problem in america though yeah there's been a couple of koji shout outs here i mean really yeah i mean i think at the end if one of us has finished the show we go thank you for coming maybe during the applause or booing throw out

Koji then but yeah but I would ask that your much appreciated support for the show doesn't hinder the rhythms of stand up about which I am very particular i'm like one of our made up i mean real jazz musicians who we named from time to time in that it's also about

the jokes you don't tell yeah it's about the pauses as well it's i haven't had any koji shouting i've had it when i've said one of those faces yeah you're very shoutable at face yeah but i've had it where if i've said oh oh, I do a podcast or whatever, if I've mentioned it, then I'll get it. Right, okay, okay, okay. Maybe like once ever, but mostly it's just people either messaging me afterwards or coming up to me afterwards going, I was going to shout Koji, but I didn't know when.

Yeah, a lot of people say that as well, which is very sweet. Which is also appreciated. Yeah. We had a lot of pod buds um who came out so i really appreciate that um one uh one fan came to the san francisco show and had on her knuckles koji sort of fake tattooed onto no which is nice that's great yeah um and thank well yeah thank you to any of the pod buds who've been coming to see shows and thank you in particular we're going to post this on twitter and instagram but um thank you

in particular to jenny who i saw at the bristol comedy festival who mocked up for us an actual bottle of lucky kentucky that's incredible um and it's it looks awesome we're gonna post um pictures of it etc but it's so it looks it's beautiful it really looks like a it's on a proper like tennessee whiskey bottle well yeah it's like a bourbon looking bottle yeah and it's got uh a label on it that says lucky kentucky and and there's like little descriptions and blurbs and like there's a little secret joke we'll see you'll see We'll post pictures of every flank of it. Who was it that sent in? Jenny.

I never know how much to say of someone's Instagram. Her Instagram is public. Well, Jenny will do. She's a freelance designer slash maker. Props, puppets, painting, sewing, sets. Ah, well, that makes sense. So maybe it would be good to say? Good for business?

We'll tag her. Yeah, if it's a public Instagram account. Yeah, Jenny Simmons. Yeah, so thanks, Jenny. It's beautiful. I've always wanted some Lucky Kentucky merch. Well, the listeners do get it. Oh, yes yes of course

but then on the Patreon but an actual bottle of Lucky Kentucky it's so cool I mean yes and thank you to any of the other there were other pod buds who came to see me at the Bristol Comedy Festival and thank you for that

that was much appreciated very high stage. It's in a music venue. Oh, okay, okay. So I was very high up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're tall already, so your head was very, very far from everyone.

I think I was mostly in shadow. I think it was a bit like when the bad guy from Inspector Gadget would try and do stand-up. Or when someone has to meet someone in a warehouse or the docks and they don't yeah and the show wants to hold back their identity for a bit longer yes exactly yeah yeah yeah yeah it was very much like that all you could see was the glow of a cigarette yeah but it was a nice nice gig bristol comedy festival very fun if you

haven't if you didn't go see it, go check it out next year when presumably it will be on. Yes. On the subject of comedy festivals, by the way, we're both at the Edinburgh Festival. Yes. Coming up this August, the first sort of full festival since the old Pan Pan.

Since the war. Since the old Pan's Labyrinth. Since the old Pan's labyrinth. Since the old coronavirus pandemic. And I'm there for a week. I think 15th to 21st of August. Please come on down to the show. Very nice. It's the new show. It's not Filly Filly Wang Wang. It's the show. It's the next one.

It's a new one. Barand New. Barand New. Barand New. What venue? I am at Assembly at George Square. One of them theatres there. Ex-en-trique. Yeah, pushing the boat.

Very nice. I'll be at the Monkey Barrel for almost the whole month. A couple of breaks to go to a couple of weddings. Oh yeah. In the middle of the month. That's the tricky thing about August. Well, for people with friends, is that they have weddings to go to. Yeah, you can't live in a different town for a month

and ignore every other part of your life as easily. But yes, I'll be at Monkey Barrel for the whole month, so if you just go to the Monkey Barrel website or the Fringe website or whatever, I've posted the link, and I'm there 6.10 p.m., Monkey Barrel 1. That's a very Edinburgh Fringe time at 6.10pm. Monkey Bar 1. That's a very Edinburgh fringe time. 6.10. I think I'm at 9.30, which is getting into the late spot. That's getting...

9.30 is fringe 10.30. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So get in and get... I'd like people who want to be there in advance to be there.

You know what I mean? I don't... Yeah, so please get tickets. Because I don't want people... I don't like drunk... I don't want lads turning up on a Saturday night having decided on a whim to come. Yeah, they are not always,

but often not great audience members. Yeah, not always. But I want pod buds. I want nerdy people. Yep. I want people who like comedy and understand the social conventions of... Public behavior.

Yeah, public behavior and going to see a performance, a live performance. They're my heroes. They're the dream boats. From time to time you you have a group of lads and it's the nicest thing there's a group of lads you look through the curtain before the show starts and they're all like and you're like oh fuck no fuck can we get them out even though they've not actually technically done anything yeah they haven't done anything yet

and i want you to evict them from this room and then you get on stage and they're the best yeah and they're really nice they're getting everything they get everything they're paying attention and you're like what is your how did you how did your life how are you able to do both of these things sometimes it doesn't rarely this is usually a comedian's instincts are right usually you get i've got to a point now where i can look at and go they're going to be difficult they're going to be difficult yeah and i am correct 86 percent of the time. Definitely, yeah. You get to the point where... And it's something that when you try and tell that to people who don't do this,

they don't believe you. Because they go, well, why would that work? And you just go, look, you just... Doing this hundreds and hundreds of times. And because it's not just an experience you're doing hundreds of times, like frying an egg. It's so full of adrenaline and fear that it imprints in

your mind much more profoundly right of course yeah it's much more memorable yeah these are all important survival yeah and you feel sometimes like one of those detectives or any face that didn't laugh like i see them when i close my eyes they're part of me now so they're really in there and you just go and you go won't laugh won't laugh that she's gonna heckle yeah also being a kind of i sort of i'm i believe more than i would have were i not a stand-up i believe more in sort of like you know myers-briggs personality tests like there are i i'm completely convinced there are a set number of personality types in the world yeah and because we are able to identify

you can we can identify personality types from watching someone yeah in an audience yeah for a couple of minutes

we know we kind of know straight away how they're going to behave for the rest of the night especially yeah watching them

in relation to anyone else and you go but like definitely broad brushstrokes there's like 12 audience members

what do you mean types oh right yeah like you know you know like But definitely broad brushstrokes, there's like 12 audience members. What do you mean? Types. Oh, right. Like, you know, like in sort of early video games. So it would just be like just 12 types of NPC. Oh, right, right, right. Or like pick character.

Well, you know when you're on the battlefield and you can be a medic? Yeah, yeah. What are those categories called? So it's like medic, assault medic, assault, sniper support engineer yeah it's like that who do you want to play as?

yeah yeah yeah you can play as like like I would say heavy mage I would say... Heavy. Heavy, yeah. Mage. I would say, I was going to say liability.

That's a good character class for audience members. Liability. Yeah. I would say liability solo is almost always a lady. Liability solo. I think when men are liabilities They are five of them The liability as a group Yeah

Whereas generally If a lady is a liability She's Just happens to have had the most White wine Yeah Of the night Of her group

Yeah And you can always tell her as well Mm-hmm She also is usually a whooper She's a whooper Even in the Even in England Even in England She'll whoop up Yeah She's a whooper. She's a whooper. Even in England.

Even in England, she'll whoop up. Yeah. She's a whooper. She can be a very good laugher, but she will turn on a sixpence. Yeah, and her good laughing is such that it actually puts everyone off because it's so manic and too loud. It's functionally a heckle. Yes, yeah. And it's harder to deal with than an actual heckle because you

can't say at a comedy gig as a comedian stop laughing or laugh differently. Laugh. Enjoy me differently. Enjoy different. That must be a slogan. Jabbing your finger in someone's face. Enjoy different. Yeah, that's a slogan

for my new comedy starter. Enjoy different. Shall we do some Corrie Spondance yes Correspondence I got sent a lovely bit of correspondence from From where are you? It's on my Instagram

Jack Jack, it's good to be back Sorry, I'm talking about myself, Jack But it's good to be back in the sense that Because you're back, you can hear from Jack Yes exactly Let's pick up the slack So interesting greeting

Dear Pierre Novelli And Sillet Bang Wait what's your one? It's Pierre Novelli This is my full name Is there no washing product that could work with Pierre? There's gotta be. There's gotta be...

Pierre Non-Bio. Pierre Non-Bio? Doesn't really work. Pierre Washing Up Liquid. There we go. There we go. Comedy is an art form. Pieriel. Pieriel form Pieriel Pieriel

Pieriel Novelli Pieriel Pieri Liquid Oh man Yeah God There's stuff in there We're running rings around you Jack

Pieri Liquid Dear Pieri Novelli and Sillit Bang Pistorian here After binging through the first 126 episodes I feel I must tell you something Oh wow Oh no what have you done My ex could not poop properly

Oh Yeah Some girls have that No pooping problem What's it called Is constipation more common in ladies Than men it feels like it is Some girls have that no-pooping problem. What's it called? Is constipation more common in ladies than men? It feels like it is.

Is it because of the societal pressure on women not to poop? I definitely know that more women than men have a massive issue with going for a shit just in public or in a public loo or at work or in the street or in front of a paying audience. For some reason, they have a yeah definitely it's definitely a stigmatized heavily stigmatized thing yeah we've got an email that i want to get to where the subject line is bud pot is a feminist text oh great and it's about the positive effect that we've had on on modern feminism in a scatological sense oh great great great we're opening poopy doorways yes we're open we're holding bumholes open what what what wave of feminism are we on

now because it's at least fourth it's fourth isn't it so i think but part feminism will be the fifth wave fifth wave yeah poo feminism feminism what about. What about daily tasks? Yeah. Open up necessities. Daily necessities. Things that you must do because you're human. So, yeah, I think it's definitely... It definitely... Women seem to have a thing of stigmatizing of it more. And I don't know.

Either men just have very low standards of what they expect to come out of their ass. Or women have a lot more IBS than men because so many women have IBS so you think the reason a lot of women can't poop is because they have too high standards of what comes out of their ass no that's not good enough

he's arrogant he's shit's not good enough they're going back inside until something of quality Designs to Poke its head out Something of merit No I think

Because like a lot of Either The same amount of Either the same Just two mouths On a sassy finger Waving thing At her own poop

Going uh uh You think you're good enough To come out of me Uh uh Back in you go Trying to make your Trying to make your poo Balance a book on its head

And stuff This poo's not been To finishing school no i mean like either right either as many men as women have ibs and we just don't hear about it uh-huh but i was thinking like oh maybe we don't hear about it because men are just like half the shits i do are like angry liquid Like men don't go to the doctor do they? No So they don't care about the shits Right so you think there might be all these constipated men out there Who are just not talking about it

Or IBS I mean Right men we need to talk Men we need to talk more about our anuses We need to talk more If anything We've been talking about our brains a lot recently So now let's go to the other end Yeah don't ignore your anus

So either Everyone has the same percentage of IBS And it's just a societal phenomenon Happening here Or there's something unlucky If you're a lady Add it to the pile I guess, of unlucky things

Yeah, join the queue Yeah, IBS I hope the queue's not too long well that's probably why he's not getting out no ibs is getting out oh right right right oh ibs is getting up yeah um anyway so yeah jack's ex was one of these afflicted ladies oh yes he says my ex could not poop properly yeah although not for any of the reasons we've just outlined. This is an exceptional... And that was a thorough list.

You'd think. Yeah, that was exhaustive. Almost exhaustive, but there's something we missed. Yeah. Right? No, not as in a colostomy bag or rectal bleeding. Not that. But she would poop into her hand.

No. Capital letters. Every time. No. hand. No. Capital letters. Every time. No. No. What? Every time I think we've heard every possible version of a poo story. I'm blown away by the variety of life.

There are more things in Bumholes and Toiletsville than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Yes? It's an infinite range of human experience out there it really is it really is that's why this even though this is quite recent correspondence when i when i saw it i thought this is good to come back to right okay she would poop into her hand every time. I find this hard to believe. I've heard of this as a thing. Upon arriving to the turd bucket...

The toilet? I think he means toilet. Okay, because at this point, I'm ready to believe she has a bucket. Actually, that's true. That's true. Given some of the stories we get, it's hard to spot metaphors.

I mean, we already have a poo knife, and we just go, yep. We now treat the phrase poo knife with the casual energy of someone saying, putting flowers in a vase. Yeah, of course you have a poo knife. You have a flower in a vase, you have a knife for your poop. When someone

says poo knife, we treat it like they've said USB charger. I've heard of it. Yeah, I know those around the house. Upon arriving to the turd bucket, toilet, we presume, she would, like you and I, straddle the porcelain in the regular seating position.

Okay. All normal so far. Or side saddle, because she's a lady. Or side saddle, yes, if she went to finishing school. I use a toilet side saddle. I do not. She straddles the porcel linen in a regular seating position.

Next, she would mummify her hand with Bob Ross. This is insane. I love the phrase mummify your hand. Do you think she rubbed her hand with sacred oils? Pulled her hand's brain out of its nose?

With a big hook? Wrapping it around, chanting So her hand is a big cartoon mummy, right? She's mummified her hand with bog roll Before placing it underneath the back passage Okay, yep A poop would fall onto her hand That's how it's phrased A poop would fall I'm hand That's how it's phrased

A poop would fall I'm not saying she's shitting Let's just say A poop Would fall onto her hand Who knows where it came from All I'm saying is that a poop appeared And it ends up in her hand

It fell on her mummified hand Okay so she came to her hand Like an ape Is what he's saying Right yeah Like a chimp A chimp with a mummified hand She wouldat to her hand like an ape, is what he's saying. Like a chimp. A chimp with a mummified hand. She would proceed to wrap it up.

So she'd mummify the poop. Yeah, but then... And put it in like a jar next to her hand like an offering for the afterlife. I'll have this shit in the next life. This poo will serve me beyond the black plains of whatever.

Who is the god of death? Anubis, wasn't it? Anubis, well done, yeah. Well, and obviously if you want to make it to the heaven bit, they weigh your turd on a big scale, and it needs to be lighter than a feather. Only the best get through. So I find this difficult because she's mummified her hand but that to me that implies that the the loo rolls kind of it's

wrapped around your hand so how are you detaching it enough to then wrap it shrouding the poo well i guess like you know how you pick up a dog poo you wrap the bag around your hand and you grab the dog with and you and then you kind of slip it off And maybe it's the same kind of... She's her own dog. She is her own dog. I once dated someone who was her own dog. That's what Jack could say from now on. She picks up after herself. She's very tidy.

She picks up after herself. Just don't interrogate me on what I mean by that. So she's A poo has fallen onto her hand Where from Is not important Okay Let's just say it's fallen onto her hand

Okay Poo's fallen onto her hand She would proceed to wrap it up And lower it into the water Like Moses What? Moses in his basket Among the reeds

Among Among the reeds It Among the reeds. Very Egyptian. Yeah, the whole thing's very Egyptian. Can I just say, Jack, your story about a girl you used to date who shits into her own hands, very Egyptian.

Very Old Testament, how this lady does her poop. Yeah. Very Old Testament. She would proceed to wrap it up and lower it into the water. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. The Enya playing. Yeah. She would proceed to ramp it up and lower it into the water. And you're playing.

Yeah. This process would be... Who can say where the poo goes? Where the day flows? Sail away, sail away. Like that kind of thing. Sail away. And who can... As she lowers it into the water. Like that kind of thing. Sail away. And the moon can't. As he slows into the water.

Very terrifying to watch this happen to Gregorian chant. Be a sodomine. This process would be repeated for the entire shit. So every piece, every single piece. Every piece gets its own little... This is insane. This is insane. We've heard some crazy things on here.

But this is the most insane, I think. This is sinister. This is more frightening than some of the more lurid stuff we've got because of the amount of control. It's quite Patrick Bateman-y. It's how Patrick Bateman would go for a dump. It's the regularity with which you must have to do this as well. Yeah, definitely.

And the level of control that she's demanding of her own bum. It's very Patrick Bateman. I wonder how Jack found out. Do you think he caught her once or did she sit him down before this gets much more serious, there's something I have to tell you. Did they live together? And he was just like,

we are going through a lot of loo roll. Yeah. Like a lot. Why are they all like, I go in the bathroom and there's just hand-shaped sort of casts of loo roll lying around. It's like these paper mache gloves everywhere.

Is there a, do you have a project? Do you teach kindergarten or something? What's going on? Is this arts and crafts? She would repeat this process for the entire shit. My God. He says, I don't know whether it was the fear of toilet water splashing onto her ass or whether she was channeling her inner raccoon from the previous Bud Pod story.

I think Jack sent us something about a raccoon from the previous Bud Pod story I think Jack sent us something about a raccoon right right right there was that raccoon that was like hungrily gathering up someone's shit

wasn't there right some story right okay anyway but it was fucking weird there we go yeah

Jack's right I think that's fair I always wondered what would happen if it were to be diarrhea but I never found out oh of course yeah what would happen if it were to be diarrhea, but I never found out. Oh, of course. Yeah. What would happen then?

Just chaos. Just have to cup her hand more or someone trying to wrap water. I think that's what Bruce Lee said, isn't it? You can't wrap, be like water, you can't wrap water. Be like

diarrhea. You can't wrap diarrhea be like water, you can't wrap water. Be like diarrhea. You can't wrap diarrhea in loo roll. That was what, he said that towards the end of his life. When his mind was going from all those concussions. Yes, Bruce. I never found out what happened if it was diarrhea. She did sometimes shower after shitting though. I would hope so so i hope she did

yeah i do it every time if i were her i need a shower just hearing that story i but i would say that she needs to shower the least because it's like she's wiping each time with like the most control you know what i mean yeah but most people don't touch their shit At all until they wipe Yeah but They're also shrouded and so on Like I don't think she needs to shower more than anyone else I think she needs to wash her hands more Yeah she needs to wash her hands But I think the showering thing is just to be like

To guarantee that I have a clean anus Oh yeah I think it's more control freakery about her She's literally anal. Wow, of course. She's literally anally retentive. This is like pure Freud.

Yes. Lucian Freud would be sat there stroking his beard going, yeah, yes. Is her mum fit? You know?

Of course. She literally is anal. It's amazing the link between people being uptight And literally this sort of madness To do with the pooping habit Yeah Yeah

It's about control It's about control That's what's scary about it It's not chilled out at all Gosh And then Jack says Praise redacted but bud pod just helped me power through submitting my pissitation very nice oh great um which has included laughing

so loud and crying in a library due to the super poison story oh that's sort of you mixing all like soaps and potions it was that it's the guy who made super poison and poured it in his dad's lawnmower and it blew he tweeted me recently and he said remember I said I'd love the idea of people listening to Bud Pod in a workshop like hard working

guys what's his name super poison guy is in a workshop he listens to it I'll look it up it's funny to imagine a guy in like a welder's mask listening to in a workshop. He listens to it. He's making stuff. I'll look it up. Apologies. It's funny to imagine a guy in a welder's mask listening with sparks flying in front of his face.

Yeah, yeah. Like a 1980s building a tank A-team style montage. But it's us talking about mummifying dumps. And he shared super poison with all his friends. Thank you very much, that's very kind Perhaps one day I'll tell you about the time I got food poisoning from Subway

And had vomit and diarrhea in the middle of a perfectly legal Forest rave in North London Hearty Italian diarrhea Hearty Italian diarrhea No mayo But until then, Koji, Jack Thanks Jack I don't think Jack is the super poison

No, Jack can't be the super poison guy. He's laughing at it. Right. No. They'll be quite arrogant. I cried laughing listening to my own anecdote. I thought that was when the podcast really picked up actually. When I contributed. When I was involved. Let's see if I can find it. I'll scroll through.

But that's all the time we have guys. Thank you Jack for that. Thank you Jack and thank you for listening. Glad to be back um thank you for um powering through our little sabbatical there uh but both pierre and i are back we've not even heard about your your pierre went on his rare holly bobs oh very rare holly first long long out of Europe Holly Bobs as an adult. That's how rarely I go on Holly Bobs. Is that true? Yeah, if you don't count like Adelaide.

Oh my lord. For the festival. Gosh, wow. Yeah, I just don't go on holiday. Yeah, yeah. Well, well done on finally doing it. Thanks, man. I'm too relaxed.

I put my passport through the washing machine. What? Yeah. I was so relaxed when I got back from holiday, I immediately put my passport in the washing machine. That would make me scream scream What happened to it? Actually, you know what, it came out pretty good I mean they are designed to be pretty durable

It was inside very waterproofy Swimming shorts as well I'm getting a replacement still Because one bit's peeled What a pain I think I could blag it going somewhere but I don't want to risk it I put it through the washing machine going somewhere but I didn't want to risk it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put it through

the washing machine and just as I took out those shorts and felt them in the pocket I felt the familiar square shape. Yeah. I just went

I just said to my girlfriend I put my passport in the washing machine completely flat toneless and just like with a completely blank face. Like a translation

of the Pope. Yeah. The Pope is doing this thing Like he's acting out I put my passport in the washing machine It's such a funny thing for the Pope It got all wet now He's gesticulating And he's doing the actions of opening a washing machine

And finding his pants in there And he's holding it out still wet I can't leave the Vatican now I'm trapped't, I can't leave the Vatican now. I'm trapped in, I can't leave the Vatican. I technically can't even go down the road. I have to get, I have to apply for a new passport. And you'd think because I'm, you know, the Pope, that they could speed up the process, but.

What's the problem? What do people think I'm going to do? I have to go anywhere in a bubble shaped car regardless yeah my fucking passport the washing machine jesus christ sorry i didn't mean to say that yeah sorry oh my passport i mean my passport oh you know god damn it. Sorry. It's just... This is just like me. The guy listening to Translator is listening so hard. He looks just like a guy at the Nuremberg trials or the UN. This is literally the last thing I need.

I'm the Pope for fuck's sake. Sorry. Again, I'm just upset. Please forgive me. You should forgive people, by the way, just to get back on track. Yeah, I put it through the washing machine and I was eerily calm about it.

Because you know when you fuck up so big. When something really bad's happened, your body doesn't give you an opportunity to freak out. It's like, okay, we need to just compute and realize what's happened. You need to put a plan together for this disaster Yeah But basically we're both back

We're both back baby My passport is dry, Pierre's is wet And that's why we work as a team We cover all bases Let's just say he's got a pretty wet passport That's what people say about me Does Pierre travel a lot? Let's just say he has a pretty

let's just say his passport's not exactly dry um well luckily i don't need a passport phil to go to the patreon vip area yes yes no visa required on entry but you do have to leave in 90 days you got 90 days in the bonus pod before you need to... You just leave the country, come straight back, you get another 90 days. Yeah, that's fine, but you do have to do it. You do need to do it, yeah. Okay, well...

See you there. See you there and see you next week. Bye! Bye!