BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 168 - How Much Do Things Cost?

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

North Korean CCTV and face ID, Ottomans, cameos and all sorts. Correspondence from Beth the seagull victim, Holly the sculptor and her acronym tat Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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These pics are late But also that says Pics are late Or I'm just aon. These pics are late. These pics are late. But also that says pics are late. Or I'm just a sort of... These pics are late. Oh, right, yeah. Two critiques of photos in one. That's right. Both the old and new world of photojournalism in that.

These pics are late. And also, these pics are late. We need them sharper. We need a higher res yeah enhance zoom in and enhance do you do you remember the feeling of betrayal when you first discovered the zoom in and enhance thing on tv cop shows were completely made up oh man i mean the the mixture there zoom in enhance the mixture of like how people think that because you can zoom in and enhance a little bit on film if you have a very specialized film like good film because of like the pixels there are like light photons so they are smaller i think but it doesn't enhance right it's just easier to zoom in it doesn't turn into a lot of squares but yeah you're going you went on like

photoshop or even paint or whatever and you're like these are just blocks that's i can't tell a terrorist's face and like zoom in and enhance i mean maybe if you're peter jackson and you have nine months and uh like a full committed studio yeah i'm in a team of a team of digital video artists to go in and sort of kind of guess what the missing pixels would be like oh yeah i mean we can all guess like you zoom in on the suspect's face on the airport cctv and it's like uh well he some of the pixels across the middle of his face are quite dark so i guess he has a beard or a mustache i don't know i mean you know like this isn't this is a question for you oh we we probably will get to a place if not probably already are at a place where ai could

do a version of zooming in and hard say there's a murky photo of you doing something suspicious yeah it's too blurry they zoom in and use an ai to sort of fill in the gaps that's true would that be would that be admissible in court because you'd have to have yeah it's still the ai kind of guessing what the gaps are between the pixels right well they already had some of the um some facial identification stuff thrown out uh or like not good for court because like in court you can just prove that like um do you remember there was that sort of mini scandal where like the the face unlocker thing would just work on any asian oh yeah i think i'm gonna google it to make sure i haven't had some sort of racist dream Oh yeah, I think I vaguely remember this.

Hang on, I'm going to Google it to make sure I haven't had some sort of racist dream. And then everyone was just like, oh, we didn't train the AI on anything other than like Jim and Stephen's face in like Silicon Valley. That is so funny. That's hilarious yeah chinese i chinese users claim iphone x recognition can't tell them apart 2017 and black and asian faces generally are much more often misidentified by face technology and it just wasn't trained on black and Asian facial structures or something. I think so. Well, that's the problem with everyone saying like, oh, you know, technology will get rid of racism because the computer said it, not a person.

And people are racist and the computer's not. But the trouble is the input into the computer's brain is from the biased society. so it will reflect the people who programmed it in the sense that yeah they'll just train it on not enough uh non-white faces in this case or um face recognition algorithms yes yeah the poorest accuracy consistently found in subjects who are female black and 18 to 30 in a big study okay yeah i mean that really so paints a picture but then silicon valley is quite asian i mean asian american but yeah pretty asian so that that is surprising yeah that is odd isn't it but um yeah i guess like the trouble with if you try to make it stand up in court the sorry i'm talking about the the ai zoom in and enhance yeah because there is an algorithm that can guess what pixels are missing and make something look better.

Someone invented that. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, you'd be able to call into the court as a witness, like the guy who invented it or a representative of the company, and you'd make them explain it, and then you could demonstrate their errors live and stuff. You probably wouldn't want that to happen if you were the company ideally well it depends what you've made it for i'm always surprised by how crap cctv is often it's like cameras aren't really good now what the hell are you doing yeah it's strange when when there's like when you're on the news and it's cctv footage shows the moment a man was attacked with a and it's just like it looks like fucking minecraft and it's like these black and white blocks and there's like a frame per minute yeah and it's just it's like dude there were better cameras on phones 15 years ago yeah if not 20 i mean

fucking hell like they're using is it is it a sorry go no so they're using like a slightly worse camera that like remember that game boy gimmick where you can sort of make your face out of pixels on a game boy right yeah is it a storage thing is it there's so much footage being taken they just cannot practically have more than one frame per minute on on these cameras i mean you'd think so but like even if they filmed in like 640p or something like that given that you can now get like terabyte thumb drives are we is it really that much of an issue is it not just like admin not been up have they just not been

updated for like 30 years but then they're so obsessed with cctv it seems like something yeah the uk is the uk is covered in cctv because it's the only way you can force the police to investigate any crime is to go we literally have video of it happening and even then they might be like well well well video you know and they'll shrug um yeah you'd think it is it is very hard to get away with murder in this country i would say impossible i mean we have more the big statistic is always that we have more cameras per square whatever than, than North Korea, which doesn't take into account how little money for cameras North Korea has. It also doesn't take into account how we don't know anything about North Korea, for certain.

Also, you don't need cameras if you live in a society where, if you don't snitch on your neighbor when they misbehave, we're going to kill your whole family. So, it's much better doesn't you don't really need cameras in a society where everyone is just too physically weak for malnutrition to do anything yes yeah you go like what do we need a camera to make sure that they're all desperately harvesting what little rice there is in the field we know that that's where they are because there's nothing else to do yeah but the uk's do you know what it is it's like if they had tried to replace all the cctv on buses it would have to be some sort of government contract and they'd end up getting scammed by some private camera installation company like covid proved that there'd be like

100 billion pounds for the new cameras and everyone would just go okay and then it would take 12 years and then oh yeah it would just hell. It is quite humbling to have a government who is also regularly taken in by cowboy builders. You know what I mean? Even the government isn't safe from cowboy builders. That's a good point, actually. It just shows you how hard it is to know how much things should cost and how long they should take.

Yeah, I had a locksmith come um over yesterday to to look at one of these locks in my house as it was kind of messing up and he sort of jiggled about for 15 minutes and it's a bit better it's not completely fixed it's a bit better yeah and at the end i was like okay how much do i owe you and And he said, uh, 95 pounds. And I was just like, I guess that's correct. I have no idea. Is that how much a locksmith for half an hour costs?

Maybe. I don't even know. I don't know how much shit is meant to cost. None of, no one knows how much it costs. What should it cost for a guy to come over and touch your locks how do you quantify how do you quantify the value in that it's basically impossible because you go well i know i'm paying for like fuel of his little moped or whatever yes and i

guess time that he could have been doing something else or like on the clock okay uh 30 pounds for jiggling. But something else we could have been doing at the time was just touching someone else's lock. So what is the lost value there? It's so impossible. If I have to call someone out for something and it's something really dumb, if I have to call someone out for something and it's something really dumb, yeah,

then I always think of the amount of money that I get charged as, uh, uh, uh, like learn your lesson, dummy. Fine. Yeah. I do the same kind of,

I like, if it turns out that you just forgot to turn it off and on again, but it still costs 95 pounds and you just go, okay, that's my tax for being stupid. I'll not, I'll try not to pay that tax again. Try to remember to turn things off and on again but it still cost 95 pounds and you just go okay that's my tax for being stupid i'll not i'll try not to pay that tax again try to remember to turn things off and on yeah yeah i think that's the only mentally healthy way of thinking about it otherwise i mean i've only recently um it's something you told me once which has been very valuable

every time i feel like i've spent on something or spent money on something that didn't matter in the end. Basically, every time I wasted money on anything, I used to really beat myself up. And you said, I think you said something to the effect of waste is just a matter of life. And you have to factor into every budget waste. And just waste will happen. Yeah. And I think about that now and i just go okay that came out of the waste budget oh great do you have money i have money set

aside for waste and sometimes sometimes money without beyond my control sometimes money comes out of the waste budget and that's okay yeah sometimes i bought travel insurance and my journey didn't get cancelled and i didn't get uh malaria yeah so yeah i i bought i bought travel insurance recently for my long trip to australia america and i'm genuinely a bit annoyed that nothing happened to me that's exactly it you go like well i could have at least shattered a toe come on i bought the insurance i want to scam the insurance people that would be a good idea for a dodgy business you're like a dodgy doctor somewhere that people go on holiday with insurance right and you agree

like a tourist comes to you and you agree to tell the insurance company that you've broken your toe or like you've got some kind of like unidentifiable thing and then the insurance company has to pay you the dodgy doctor lots of money to help the tourist in the middle of the jungle or wherever it is that you are and then you just split it with the tourist so you both make money oh wait is this a thing that's existed a thing you've come up with I don't know I just thought of it now It's got to exist though I think it's another good premise I think we've got another good movie on our hands

Another good movie slash scam For you know our retirement Instead of Captain Kurt It's a sort of Dr. Kurt situation In the jungle Yeah yeah yeah And then the insurance company would eventually be like, wow, you really are the man to go to with mystery fever,

and it would be a problem. But, you know, a little bit of easy way to get cash, I guess, cash injection. I mean, there are easier ways to get cash. It's needlessly complicated, but still. Yeah. You could always um that's that's that's the the my benchmark for how easy is it to make cash out of something is how close to the like i think the easiest way to make cash is like any um any any sort of like weird favor or like weird sexual favor or something like that.

Not that it's like easy in terms of like safety or anything else like that. But I just mean in terms of like, I've like a guy offering you 20 quid to like touch your bum. You know what I mean? Right. That's the easiest way to make cash

because it feels like you go, well, I've already got a human body and he's got the money and now I have the money there was no like product other than me an even easier way for him to pay you 20 pounds for him to just say your butt yes that's even easier yes okay yeah non-contact uh sauciness or even just robbery i guess but then robbery is not easy because it comes with like you know he might report you and the police come after you. Yes, that's true. Robbery's difficult, yeah. Robbery's hard. I wouldn't want to be a robber, Phil.

I don't have the stomach for it. Nah, not in this economy. I mean, the petrol alone. Getaway cars. They've got to be electric now. Bank robbers switching to an electric getaway car because they're like what i'll have to rob a bank just to get there i'll get thanks to a couple of pod buds who came to my uh what's a work in progress show last night

at abc in kennington oh lovely yes we should we should clarify we're actually recording this on thursday the 9th of june because i'm going to be don la france en france um next week so we're doing this uh early so yes that was last night has pierre has transformed from a man who has never taken a holiday to a man who from my perspective only takes holidays now it's it's a harrowing change in my life. It's what happens when your girlfriend is a normal person with a normal amount of holiday days to use up a year from a sort of proper actual job. That's what I need.

That's what I need. I need a partner with a select number. I need some fucking structure in my life. That's what I need. Well, that's it. It's a sort of enforced structure because, you know... Because it turns out when you can take a holiday anytime you never take a holiday no no no and it's it's very hard to take a holiday when you're freelance because like i remember going on a holiday once and then like on on like the the the on the way to the holiday

getting texts from bookers being like uh last minute drop out a gig tonight in london like 200 pounds and just thinking like well that's in my head i was like well that's um minus 200 pounds though yeah i mean when you go on holiday there's always a time where you yeah you're getting an email saying phil we've had a drop out the gig is outside of your house um and it's 3 000 pounds can you do it it's literally outside,000. Can you do it? It's literally outside your... We'll go in your house, actually. You don't even have to come out of your house. Yeah.

We're actually knocking on your door right now as we send this email. Phil! Phil! Fine, £5,000. Phil! Phil! Phil! Phil! You name your price, Phil! Madonna's out out here just some insane gig offer and you just have to go i'm i'm in croatia looking at the game of throven's castle

yeah when you freelance every holiday comes at an opportunity cost. Yeah. Doesn't it? Yeah. And if you're as bad with money, regret. Exactly. If you're as prone to regret and worry about regret as I am, opportunity cost is a frightening thing. Yes. And even if you, you know, I'm not as bad with the regret as you are,

but then I will also then think like well this holiday has to be proportionately more worth it now then I'd better get another two to four hundred quids worth of enjoyment out of this Croatian port or whatever it is to me that's every holiday every time

someone says they're going on holiday in my head they're going to that bit of Croatia where they film a game of thrones that's so funny. That's so specific. I've seen everyone we know has done it. Ask anyone. They all seem to have gone to Dubrovnik or Split or wherever it is.

Is Dubrovnik in Croatia? I thought Dubrovnik was in a different country. I think, is Dubrovnik in Estonia? Could it be? Southern Croatia. Oh, fuck. Well, good for you.

Good for you. Yeah, it is Croatia. Well, good for you. Oh, it used to be called Ragusa. I got Uzbekistan in Worldle yesterday and I'm very pleased with myself. Yeah. What a wacky shape. I got Uzbekistan in Worldall yesterday Did you get that one? Yeah What a wacky shape

Uzbekistan, yeah It's got a completely straight border one side and then the shape of a peninsula Oh, insane I was trying to think, there's no jutting peninsula in Africa, because generally a very, very straight border means colonialism means Africa

Well, that's what I had in my head I guess guess it is your advice but then i guess it can also mean one of the stands it can also mean soviet union fiddling yeah right yes exactly i actually looked it up and none of the borders of those places were supposed to be international borders they're all supposed to be internal ussr borders uh right so like the borders were the borders were drawn up not as country borders necessarily but more sort of like what's the easiest version of this to sort of administrate or like what balances this out so provincial they're like probably yeah more more autonomous than that but like basically the ussr collapsed and suddenly it was like oh shit this is actually a border now as opposed to Yeah, more autonomous than that But basically the USSR collapsed And suddenly it was like, oh shit, this is actually a border now

As opposed to a, in quotes, border So it's quite interesting Interesting to me, article on the Uzbekistan-Kazakhstan border Very long border Interesting to me A very Pierre article to be interested in the history of the Uzbekistan

was it the Kazakhstan border yes yeah yeah yeah what does Stan mean as a suffix Stan it's sort of land of isn't it in what language like a sort of a Turkish kind of language like what language would that be?

I think Turkic, yeah. Stan's suffix. Persian. Persian. Place. Place where anything abounds. A place abounding in. There you go.

So the place of many of, you know, Afghanistan, of many Afghans. Oh. That's one way to name a country yeah what's that place called well the place with a lot of afghans in it well i think you found your name buddy oh wow i guess i did also it's much easier than drawing a border just be like am i still in afghanistan do you see any afghans well i see loads see loads of them. Well, guess what, buddy? You're there. Oh, cool. The Persian name for England is Engelistan.

Oh, good. I like that. I can hazard a guess at what that means. I can figure out Engelistan. Sure I can. Serbia? Serbia? Serbistan. Poland is Lachistan. Why is that?

Lachistan. Yeah, what's that about? That can't be right. Land of the Latkas? Those potato dumplings. Oh, yes, yes. Maybe that's it. Pork sausage stand.

Cabbage stand. Pickled cabbage stand. Cabbage stand. That's like something Nigel Farage would call somewhere in Eastern Europe. People coming over from places like Kabadgetan or wherever. Have you seen a humiliating video? Oh, yeah, go on, go on. The story originated from the fact...

Which story? The story... I'm just on a... It's an urban legend. Oh, hang on. Oh, it's because it was the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth and it might be like a Lithuanian thing or something like that. What?

The reason it's called Lekistan. Lekistan with an H. Lekistan. Oh. I don't know. I'll have to figure this out. This is going to be my whole fucking day now. This is going to be my whole day day now this is going to be my whole

day now lehistan is an archaic work for poland and turkish which in modern turkish is known as polonia well that makes more sense okay anyway i'll i'll get back to you that's my whole day now i'll get back to you um that's my whole day um have you seen this human on the subject of nigel farage it's an embarrassing video of Nigel Farage being interviewed, I think, on Irish news or on an Irish news program. And he's going on about, I think, Irish nationalism. Right. From a very gung-ho British perspective or imperial British perspective.

And then they just play this. And this is why you shouldn't do cameos. They play a cameo that he's done wishing someone a happy birthday, giving them a cheers with a pint and saying up the rah. Yes. Which is, it turns out,

is a catchphrase in support of the IRA. Yes, up the raw. And they play that video and then cut back to him and there's like a cartoonish drop of his face. He goes, he genuinely goes like ugh. And it's like, why are you doing cameos?

It's so embarrassing. I mean, why are you doing cameos? It's so embarrassing. I mean, sorry, you remind me of that. It's so funny because, I mean, did he not know? Like, if you're on cameo, if you're on cameo and someone says, oh, would you mind saying scroobledy-doobledy? Then you go, well, obviously the first thing I'm doing is Googling scroobledy-doobledy then you go well obviously the first thing i'm doing is googling scroobledy-doobledy to see if it's a niche racial slur or whatever like you don't

just say it you're fucking idiot and nigel hit uh nigel farage cameo cost 75 pounds it's not much is it it's not much and i thought nigel farage cameo costs £75. It's not much, is it? It's not much, and I thought Nigel Farage was very wealthy. I guess it's sort of an irresistible combo cameo, isn't it? Because it's ego and just easy money. But it's a form of ego that's so incredibly stupid and shallow. Yes. I mean, I guess, case in point.

Yes. But it just seems such a dumb thing to do. There's the comedian Aaron Chen, Australian comedian Aaron Chen, who is I mean, he's a genius.

There was a period where Cameo was messaging people, comedians on Instagram and asking them to join Cameo. To start a cameo and um i just ignore them when they send me those messages but they'd sent aaron a few and in the end aaron what aaron did was he used cameo to pay some celebrity like skateboarder or something to say to Cameo, Aaron Chen is not interested in starting a Cameo. It's very, very funny.

Some skate stunt guy just going, reading it out really dutifully. Or some athlete or something. It's just such a perfect idea. It's one of those ideas where as a comedian you go fuck of course that's just perfect it is mad though isn't it i mean i guess it's that funny thing between like wealth and perceived wealth i mean faraj you sort of think faraj must have money but then you go what is he you never know if someone's had like a weird divorce or i

don't know their mortgage is all fucked up or like like you and i know because that that people don't get paid what you think because we talk to people who assume that like you see those tweets that comedians get from um morons on twitter who just like uh oh last year you were on qi once it's not enjoying your millions are you it's like people with no grasp of economics whatsoever the idea that like the second you're on a show you're just like some sort of like you know ottoman billionaire or something as opposed to sweating desperately through your pre-approved shirt going oh is this funny

and getting about a thousand quid it's a good amount of money but for something that you could do once a year once you know that's what surprises people about stuff like mock the week is that you just get like a thousand quid yeah crazy yeah you do mock the week once and then afterwards everyone's like all right

at a turk sorry you're not happy with your palaces at a turk has to be my favorite name for a turkish person it's the most encouraging name for a turkish person yeah just someone who's just very good at being Turkish. Atta Turk. Atta Turk. Hey, I just... Me and an army of mounted archers have just taken over an Eastern Roman Empire city.

Atta Turk. There you go. You and I, of course, are personally acquainted with an Ottoman. Ah, yes. The comedian Naziz Manilu. Yep, Naziz Manilu, the comedian who sort of looks and sounds very English. In fact, I say he sounds like the most English man ever. Very posh English, like very funny.

But he is an Osmanoglu. He is a, whatever it was, 28th in line to the Ottoman throne, should it still exist. So that's pretty cool. He's a cool guy for an Ottoman. he's the nicest Ottoman I've ever met. He's not bad for an Ottoman. Okay? He's not bad for an Ottoman.

That's another thing Farage would say. It is also very, and it's always been entertaining to me, the idea of an Ottoman just at the Edinburgh Fringe. In the flat chair. You know? That was always very funny. All we need now is a comedian who's a hapsburg just like an enormous enormous like tall thin completely chinless austrian

he always looks like he's he's um posing for like a portrait looks like he's he's um posing for like a portrait yeah yeah still dressed like that like sort of sort of eight early 1800s sort of uh yeah big coat covered in buttons lots of observational stuff about hungarians um that's a funny idea for this you could do do yeah you'd have a whole Edinburgh Fringe show it'd be called like the old monarchies or something and you can have like

Naz could compare it and we'd just get the descendants of every other like the guy who would be the king of France the guy who would be the king of Italy

like they're all still around yeah yeah yeah of course just figure just find one of them who's interested in gigging and put together this crazy lineup. The only gig where the audience has to bow

as the comedian comes on stage. And they have to come on like, you know in those American gigs where a comedian comes on stage and if it's like a Def Jam show or whatever, there's a burst of hip hop. Or if it's like a sort of more like generic, like, as they come on. You have that, but it's just like harpsichord music. Like as they sort of come on.

Everyone bows. I'm in love with this idea. as they sort of come on everyone bows I'm in love with this idea I mean it sounds yeah this is right up your street this is perfect for you yeah absolutely you know what else is perfect for me Phil what?

correspondence that's what perfect correspondence yes perfect letters ambrosia ambrosia of the mind. To letters. E-mails. Phone numbers. To emails. Your sister.

Keep a straight eye. To who they are. Letters. Correspondence. Scrolling down my little e-mails. I'm scrolling to your words. Scroll, scroll. Keep scrolling, scrolling, scrolling to your words. Scroll, scroll. Keep scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling.

Keep scrolling, scrolling. Were you a Limp Bizkit boy? A little bit, yeah. Not enough to really get into it, but I liked all of it that I had. Were you a Limp Bizkit or a Little Bizkit? Just a Little Bizkit. Just a Little Bizkit. Let's just say I was just a little biscuit.

Oh, God. It's very hard to keep track of. Because I try and read all the emails, so I can't look at it by, like, which ones are new, you know? Mm. Keep rolling, rolling rolling rolling alright um okay

Beth gets in touch Beth um um I'm addicted to you like meth Very nice Thank you I thought you were going to say Beth don't do meth Should also work No yeah you shouldn't but I'm addicted to you

As if you were As if you were As if you were As if you were. As if you were. As if you were. As if you were. As if you were. Because Phil's losing his teeth over you. Beth says, hey, Budpods. New listener here, currently on episode 15 in Loving It.

Ah, welcome. Welcome. Welcome to the toilet. Welcome to the toilet Welcome to the toilet The highlight for me so far is Every bread sounding like a fart Ah, your classic That's a classic

How has no one noticed this before? It's a good question They're not as wrong in the head as us, I guess Listening to your stories made me think of an incident I had a few years back while I was on holiday in Cornwall The home of monstrous gulls. It's true. I would say that that's one of the many perils of a British seaside holiday.

Yes, gulls have just been fatted on pasties. Pasties and chips. Nutritious, protein-rich pasties. Pasties and chips. Nutritious, protein-rich pasties. Gulls the size of big cats. And cats the size of big gulls. She says, I was walking along the seafront wearing a lovely summer outfit when I felt a pain in my chest. Oh no. I stopped, as it felt like

someone had thrown a tennis ball at me with all their might, and sounded like it too. Huh. What, it just went, like that? Yeah, I guess it's that kind of like impact noise and then like, in your chest. Yeah, she does the tennis,

as if she's hitting it back. So it felt like someone had thrown a tennis ball at me with all they might, and it sounded like it too. I touched my chest. Nothing. I looked around for this object that someone had thrown, but nothing. I was so confused.

As are we. I then looked further down at myself into my top and down my cleavage. Lo and behold what looked like a ton of seagull shit had hit the top of my chest bounced down and exploded between my boobs. Like a bouncing bomb, like a World War II innovation.

A lot of R&D went into that, girl shit. A lot. Look, it's so difficult to get the shit to explode just as it goes in between the breasts. It's so difficult to get the shit to explode just as it goes in between the breasts. Yeah, they have to make use of the pressure differentials between the boobs. And a timed fuse. I mean, my word.

So she says... Do you know this? Birds explode. When birds go through by wind turbines, they explode. Not because they get hit by the blades, but because they enter a pocket of very, very low pressure. And the pressure inside them is so much larger in comparison to the pressure outside them,

this pocket behind the blades, that they just go, poof! You're kidding, really? Yeah, yeah. They just explode. That's astonishing. It's good stuff. A big, green bird popper.

Yeah. Pressure's very interesting, you know. It's mad how much we forget that it's just pressure, all these pressures just pushing on everything, air pressure. It's amazing. Don't get me started on pressure. Don't get Phil started on pressure. Don't get Phil started on pressure. His favorite song is Under Pressure.

He loves pressure, this guy. It's like, I think in the 1700s, someone proved that our blood is pressurized. They put a glass syringe, they sort of put it into a horse's vein because the blood filled up the syringe, you know sort of put it into a horse's vein and like because the blood filled up the syringe you know proved yes right that it doesn't just dribble out of you it is under a certain amount of pressure pressure under pressure that was the original music video for that was

freddie mercury and david bowie injecting horses with syringes to watch their blood fill a tube yeah yeah that's right it's very controversial they're pointing at the blood the horse blood with syringes to watch their blood fill a tube. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Very controversial. They're pointing at the horse blood-filled tube and singing, It's the pressure of knowing what this world is about. And people just said, It doesn't make sense to anyone

who doesn't know about the horse. We've got to film something else. So Beth says what kind of seagull shits so much with such force no amount of baby wipes could save me and how funny was it that I was in the town of Lou a town that is another word for a toilet when I got chat on can't wait to listen to the rest

of the pod okay thank you oh wow thank you so much. What was the lady's name again? Beth. Beth. Thank you, Beth. Thank you, Beth. For your story of girl plops and breasts. Yes, yes.

It had everything. It had poop. It had boobs. It had cornwall. Everything a good story needs. It was close to the platonic ideal of one of our emails yeah um

so we get a message from holly holly um what folly have you to tell us of Holly says hi Budpooz I saw this made up

acronym tat on a Facebook group for pottery and it made me think of you aww that's sweet if I had a dime for every time someone said that if you're on a Facebook group for pottery and you're not thinking of me, I mean, who are you thinking of? Also, she says,

and this is a big claim, I think I might be a contender for most committed listener. Oh, okay. Explain. Holly has thrust the gauntlet into the faces of every other listener. She says, I've managed to somehow get through 95 episodes in three weeks.

That is a lot. That is more than... That's a lot. That's 1.3 a day? Is that right? Hadn't someone done like No, that's more than three. No.

Hasn't someone done the whole back catalog in like a week or something like that? Yeah. Well, they're in hospital now, you know. They're like the Joker, Phil. They're like an Arkham Asylum now. Yeah. They're on Shutter Island just in

a straight jacket. Bread! Bread is farts! Bread is farts! And all the nurses are like, shh, have to push him, restrain him on the bed. Bread is farts! It's Leonardo DiCaprio jabbing an unloaded revolver into people's faces going, She shot her pussy! You were there! Now, son, put the gun down. So, yes.

95 episodes in three weeks. I promise I'm not crazy. I'm just a sculptor. How cool is this? Now that's some tat. I'm not crazy. I'm just a sculptor. Now that is an AI-generated t-shirt if ever I heard one.

Very cool to be a sculptor. So cool. I wish I was a sculptor. You could just... Imagine that. I was sculpting the other day. What? Oh yeah, I'm a sculptor. Hmm? Oh yeah, I'm a sculptor.

Did I not say? Yeah. Oh, i've got all this clay under my fingernails oh why hmm oh i'm a sculptor that would be the sculpting noise is that sort of slightly dave chapelle hmm hmm oh i'm a sculptor did i not say I love that Dave Chappelle noise That little noise Oh Word Word Word Yeah I promise I'm not crazy

I'm just a sculptor Who spends all day Listening to podcasts While I work And I got hooked You may have filled The Adam and Joe Shaped hole in my heart

Wow There is no higher praise That is truly an honor my heart wow there is no higher praise truly an honor no higher praise there's no higher praise she says after i binged the entirety of the adam and joe show podcast i mean i grew up on that podcast suckling at its teat like a hungry piglet if you're on a if you're on a crossover do listen to me on the adam buxton podcast yes from a couple of weeks back i was on that. Do check it out. Yes, and Adam gave me a shout out, which is very kind of him. I haven't seen him in a very long time.

Yes, yes, yes. Lovely chat. As he said, Pierre, who I sort of know, which is true. Yeah, I mean, we all only sort of know each other. That's right. When we get down to it. When we get down to it. When we get down to it. She says, I may have to take a break soon

because my brain is being increasingly filled with poo thoughts. Is it influencing the sculptures? We go to her studio and it's just toilets. Or she just rolled lots of clay sausages. For some reason, I just, I rolled them into a sausage and then i just left it um ps will either of you be coming to bristol anytime soon always looking for live stand-up uh thank you for keeping my company while i try to turn my lockdown sculpting hobby into a business

well i mean we're in bristol all the time certainly i am well funnily enough on the day this comes out this episode comes out on the 15th wednesday the 15th of june i'm going to be in bristol tomorrow as it were on the 16th of june i'm performing at the bristol comedy garden lovely uh so look that up bristol comedy garden 16th june i'm on with one hell of a lineup yeah i'm in bristol there all the time. There's great gigs in Bristol. You've got the comedy den. You've got a chops comedy. You've got the hen and chicken. The comedy

box. Comedy sneeze. Comedy sneeze. You've got the comedy box above the hen and chicken pub. You've got the wardrobe. You've got the tobacco factory. The old tobacco factory. Is that what it's called? The old. You must never You've got the tobacco factory. The old tobacco factory. Is that what it's called? The old? You must never go to the old tobacco factory.

There's even weird new materials here. Hey, come on, Pierre. Me and the guys are heading down the old tobacco factory. We're heading down the old tobacco factory. Going to throw some stones at the wall. You coming? Oh, Mr. Tobacco. Oh, Mrs. Novelli, let Pierre

come out. We're going down the old tobacco factory. A charming coming-of-age incident where someone dies falling in the old tobacco factory. Basically, there's fuckloads of gigs in Bristol. you just gotta be good at googling slash breed leaflets in cafes i guess um so here's the tat phil

it's yeah it's it's acronym it's it's inspirational acronym tat okay or i80 it's i80 oh no the acronym would be technically yet yet i hate i hate that i've learned this from um alan partridge yeah but it's only an acronym if you say it out loud like nasa yeah if it's if it's something like um fbi then that's an initialization. That's it, isn't it? Initialism, I think, isn't it? Initialism. Yeah.

Very annoying fact. It's a bit like when you learn the difference between less and fewer. People hate it. Yeah. Although less and fewer, I'm happy I know about less and fewer. Yes. But I really wish I didn't know about...

Acronym. Acronym and initialism. Well, Phil, this is your chance to guess some acronyms. Okay. So, this tat is long. It's unwieldy. First line. If you fail, never give up.

Because fail, F-A-I-L, it's done with dots now. Because fail means... Oh, gosh. Yeah. If you fail at something, never give up. Because fail means... Forever. Always. because fail means forever always

incredibly lovely I'm afraid this is too hard because fail means first attempt in learning do you know who's obsessed with these kind of inspirational First attempt in learning. Do you know who's obsessed with these kind of inspirational acronyms?

It's Gary Busey. Okay. Celebrity head injury victim Gary Busey is obsessed with them. That's why he went weird. He had a motorcycle accident and then he went really weird Right, gosh He's constantly saying acronyms To do with Christ and being nice Oh boy

I've just looked him up now End is not the end In fact, E-N-D means Okay, end is not the end E-N-D is Even now, there's more. That's pretty good. Even now, there's more.

So it's not the end, because there's more. It's not the end, because there's more coming. Grandma Caveman. It's not the end, there's more coming. End is not the end more common end is not the end because in fact END means effort never dies fucking hell

hey Phil would you like to watch the movie effort never dies starring Jason Statham effort never dies say something. Effort never dies. Effort never dies. And if you get no as an answer, Phil, remember that N-O means what? And if you get no as an answer,

it means not over. Not over. Yeah. I mean, the sentiment's right. It's next opportunity. Right, right, okay. Yeah, which isn't really what no means, but still, it's a nice thought. And then underneath, underlined, final bit,

it just says, change your mindset. Look, if you haven't got the gist of these, we'll spell it out for you. Change your mindset. Change your mindset, yeah. Constantly see the positive in things, even though they're hard, in an insane, letter-based way. I mean, the fundamental flaw in all these is that there is no significance to a word and what it could mean if it were an acronym.

a word and what it could mean if it were an an an acronym just because something could be an acronym of something does not does not confer any reason why it would it would it would exhibit the that quality so just because no stands for next opportunity doesn't mean it has any relation to the idea of there being another opportunity no it's it's lunacy it's lunacy um but pierre lunacy stands for um look under and then n is neath. Look, underneath all creation. Yes. Okay, so there you go. Underneath all creation.

Yes. That's very uplifting. I like that. Oh, the disappointment when you find out what an acronym means and you know they've used two letters for one word oh you think come on lads come on well

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