BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 17 - BudPork!

Episode Date: June 19, 2019

BudPork! It’s an extra meaty pod this week! Phil Wang and Pierre Novellie talk about how Generation Z don’t be fuckin’, Jimmy Sa-Phil, Love Island’s Territorial Waters, Clinton the Satyr, Johnny Vegas’ Chernobyl, Boris Johnson’s Glowing Bellend, the risks of tidying your room, Jordan Peterson’s beef shits, why is everyone’s hero an old man? The lucrative incel market. Phil nearly had a heart attack watching “Booksmart, Shape Of Water’s sinister undertones and a LOT OF CORRESPONDENCE! In which we announce a CREST CONTEST! Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, it's episode 17, like in that song that Homer Simpson sings when he's drinking a beer in a flashback. Or in the Beatles song that goes, she was just 17, you know what I mean. Oh, is that a song? Is that a Beatles song? That's creepy. Yeah, it's very creepy. The Beatles are cancelled. But they're too good for us to cancel So we let them slide I think the sheer number of songs Once you go back through the 60s, 70s and 80s

About fucking teenagers It's high It's very high And also Actual Occurrence is a fucking teenager Yeah Or was it Kiss? Christine, 16 I'm from school

It's horrible. It's actively like... I guess people were also dying earlier, so... I think you have to adjust for that. Sure. Right? By half a year. It'll get to the point where, unless you're 25,

it'd be creepy for you to have sex. I reckon. Do you reckon we'll have all these virginal... They say Generation Z are having the least sex of anyone ever. That's one beneath us, right? Yeah. Because ours was leading the polls for the sexless generation. We were the least sexy generation.

Millennials. Yeah. That's whom we are. Who? Him. We. Anyway. Who we are.

Who we are. Who we are. Yeah. That's who we are. We're the millennials. Underneath us, Gen Z. Currently 18 to 22, I believe. we are who we are yeah uh that's who we are we're the millennials underneath us gen z currently 18 to 22 i believe maybe 16 to 22 i'm not sure but they ain't fucking yeah they ain't fucking film they're getting drones to do it they're just rubbing instagrams and snapchatting nude memes to each other, etc.

Yeah. I mean, it makes sense. I mean, they're more addictive. The distractions of today are probably more addictive and accessible than sex. I mean, to have sex, to get that release, there's so much work and time that that can that might have to go into it but then they should have all these time-saving apps right like tinder and all that but then maybe

they're too ironic and meme based to to use tinder to get laid well and what's in self-propagating problem because they're a more sexist generation it takes longer to get to sex yes Yes, it's a spiral, isn't it? It's a negative feedback loop. No, it's a positive feedback loop to a negative effect because positive feedback loops are unstable. Very nice. Thank you.

And we're talking about fucking, so it doesn't count as being about science. That's why I'm sexist, talking about feedback loops in every possible circumstance. That's Phil's'm sexist, talking about feedback loops in every possible circumstance. That's Phil's opener. Yeah. When he goes up to a lady in a bar in his Hawaiian shirt.

Hey, how's your feedback loop? Is it positive or negative? Are you a positive feedback loop? Because you're making me unstable. Does that work? Yeah, I think so. Or, are you a positive feedback loop? You seem unstable.

Yeah, that's fine. That's quite good. It would work if positive feedback loop? You seem unstable. Yeah, that's fun. That's quite good. It'd work if you were maybe in a mental institute. Yes, yes. I think that'd be funny. I think the nurses would be like, oh, Phil.

Yeah, we'll let you fuck any patient you like. That's what they'll say. You'll be the, ah, Jimmy Savile. Jimmy Sav-Phil. That doesn't really work. That would be a very funny Edinburgh show title for you to have with a show that's not relevant. Jimmy Sav-Phil. Jimmy Sav-Phil. That doesn't really work. That would be a very funny Edinburgh show title for you to have with a show that's not relevant.

Jimmy Taffil. Jimmy Taffil. It would be so needlessly... Oh, God, why has Phil done this? I guess he's got to justify it in the show, I guess. It's very provocative. I can't wait to see at the end of the show how it's relevant to anything. It's just not

so my parents are weird you guys seen this new cheese they have now? just for an hour and everyone just leaves feeling upset that you never referenced the fact that your show is called Jimmy Savville the poster is just my tombstone that's been smashed with a sledgehammer

and it's like a broken wang on the ground. And it's your... your hand is punching through the earth. And it's holding a microphone. He's back. Oh man. That would be horrible and hilarious. Yeah. Oh hey, I brought you a gift! What? A jift hilarious Oh hey I brought you a gift What? A gift? I did some cooking

And I made some Char siu Listener Phil is opening a Tupperware container With a tinfoil wrapped lump in it Now it is cold But that's fine it's supposed to be cold a char siu so now it's a honey roast pork that's and i'm i was about to say i'm correct to

saying that char siu is is isn't that the name of the bun though is it a bun or is it the pork itself the char siu is a pork and then char siu bao bao is the bun so that'd be oh wow Oh wow. Oh wow. It smells delish listeners. My word. That's fucking great man. Yeah. If you want you can even, if you break off the end that's like the sweet-y kind of... The sauciest bit. This end? Yeah. The pointy end? Yeah the pointy end. If you get a bit of that gristle.

How do you describe the shape to the listener? Uh... Ooh. Is it nice? Yeah. It's three days marinated that whoa yeah i think about one day too long i think the uh spices have gone in too deep is that possible uh for spices to be too deep well i think i think it's got too much of the chinese five spice to it the colors penetrated a good centimeter into the meat yeah yeah, yeah. It's great. Is this a meat podcast? Because I would like that very much. I've also brought it so that we can call this

episode Bud Pork. Yes, please. But yeah, just slice that up and you can throw that onto just dishes for a bit of protein. Yeah, nice. You have it cold. Enjoy! Thank you, man. All I've given Phil thus far is a mug of tea.

A humble mug of tea. It's okay. I'll steal something on the way out. That's great, man. Did you cook it in the oven? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How did you get that nice char to it? The char suey has a great char.

It's a honey glaze. And so naturally... Yeah, it's just... Every five minutes you just glaze it up again and it just caramelises. It's very nice. And the marinade has some honey in it as well. Damn. I'd put that on your counter so I'm not just staring at some... Yeah, I would just stare at it the whole time. I'd get distracted. I'm like a dog in that

respect. But yeah, so Gen Z don't be fucking. They don't be fucking no Gen Z don't be fucking. They don't be fucking no more. Gen Millennials just roast and pork all day. That's right. Instead of porking people.

Roast and porks instead of porking. Fucking roasts. A nice gal named Rosa. A dancing lady. It's the name of a dancer, isn't it? A flamenca. Her name was Rosa. Yeah, it works or rosa parks she's not a dancer or um a civil rights vanguard of the civil rights movement yeah her name was rosa she stayed on the bus and she would never get up no matter how

i don't know. That is a hard and delicate thing to improvise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's top difficulty improv. That's the kind of thing I wouldn't attempt live. That would be difficult live, yeah. At any of the improv. You're an improv boy.

I've done some improv classes. I wouldn't say I'm an improv boy. It's the most North American thing you've done. I'd say. Not true. I've gone some improv classes. I wouldn't say I'm an improv boy. It's the most North American thing you've done. I'd say. Not true. I've gone to prom. Oh, of course. I've gone to prom.

But that's spreading. I've been to North America. That's true. Yeah, no, yeah. Britain now has proms, doesn't it? It's strange because a lot of schools essentially have proms, but they've renamed... Oh, excuse me. It's all that pork you ate.

It's all that pork I ate. Listen, I just deep-th throated the whole thing like a goose it was horrible um so like where i grew up all the schools had like end of year graduation parties but no one wanted to call it a prom so they would all call it like ah the summer dance or like the may the may ball or the june ball or they'd give it like an English name but like there was still that element of like the solstice fate you feel

bad letting go of all this tradition and you feel bad letting the American one win yeah exactly have we seen that many films that we have that feel the need to fucking like are we going to start wearing all little jackets with letters on? It was before the British had discovered

that kind of specific brand of irony. Yes. I mean, the British have always been sarcastic, I guess, but that sort of hipster irony of taking something cheap and American and being allowed to enjoy that face value whilst not losing face by pretending that you're making fun of it.

Yes, yes. I feel like prom has an element of that. Prom is like... And Halloween certainly did, when Halloween became a thing here. Yeah, and Halloween is a bit like a ball pit, an adult ball pit. Like, God, imagine if we all just got in the ball pit

and bought expensive cocktails. And it's like, yeah, that's a... You can do that. It's like, yeah, imagine if we all just got in the ball pit and bought expensive cocktails. And it's like, yeah, that's a... You can do that. It's like, yeah, imagine if you know, what kind of people are we going to see at the ball pit? You. You're going to see you at the ball pit. It's like that Mitchell and Webb sketch about people who watch The Apprentice

ironically. I don't remember that sketch. They do a whole thing and it's like it seems like, and they basically predict like, it's when they're pitching the show and they're like oh a lot of people are probably going to try and watch this ironically and then David Mitchell's character goes and remind me how those ironic viewing figures show up

on the stats just the same just the same and it's really sinister yeah I mean that's what Love Island is now yeah yeah yeah watching it to see who's going to freak out first I don't watch it but if I had to watch it I would be watching it like a horror movie okay

who's gonna break because it's like psychological pressure isn't it it's dressed up as fun in the sun but it seems to me to just be like it's like torture, mental torture it seems to me to be the same as a house where every now and then there were loads of doors and windows that had like flaps and every now and then there were loads of doors and windows

that had flaps and every now and then someone would just go just out of the flap. And just like no one can ever fully relax. Yeah, it's a form of... There's got to be something in the Geneva Convention that rubs up Love Island and Big Brother. It doesn't seem okay, does it?

It doesn't seem completely legal. I think that's why they have to do it in international waters. Yeah. I would love an episode where they go, this is the guy who owns Love Island. And it's like Dr. Moreau or whatever. You know, or like a sort of kingpin figure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Big fat guy, white suit. Welcome to the island. White suit. How have you been enjoying my island I trust hospitality has been to your liking like a peacock

turns up holding a tray of cocktails yeah quiet Geoffrey then the camera that's normally

on all the love island people pans upwards and there's just bamboo guard towers and yeah yeah yeah it's quite fortified.

You suddenly can hear the sirens. It's the Chinese Navy. They say these are their waters but I'll die before I let them take the Love Island. That would be funny. To see how the Love Islanders cope with an international maritime territory dispute. That'd be funny. To see how the Love Islanders cope with an international maritime territory dispute. That'd be good.

Yeah. Yeah, would they be able to hold the fort? How deep is the concrete on the villa? Can it withstand offshore bombardment? Where are the hidden gun emplacements? In the hot tub? I reckon the hot tub. I think they're in the

kissing room. I don't know enough about that. Well, there is a kissing room. Is there? Yeah. That's how easy it is to make this stuff up. Yeah. What do they eat on the Love Island? Each other! Whoever is found to be the least

lovely gets eaten. Oh my god. It's a dog-eat-dog island. Yeah. I have more respect for that then. I finished Japanese Love Island. Terrace House. We finished the series.

It's a year long. Oh my god. So you start around Christmas and you end around Christmas and is is there an episode a week or a day I think episode a week

okay we blissed it a little okay yeah episode a week no actually not episode a day thank god for that and one couple

survived one couple survived. One couple succeeded. One... Did not survive. One, they had to harakiri themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they did not find love in time. Yeah, and that's a great dishonor.

Yeah. Yeah. Why aren't there... I mean, maybe there are, but why don't any Japanese shows end with a seppuku I guess maybe it would be like a snake eating its own tail

so the only thing more dishonorable than having to get to the point where you need to commit seppuku is to have to commit seppuku on TV like it should be in private and like a noble thing right so then it's like you'd have to do it again from beyond the grave on TV. Like, it should be in private and like a noble thing, right? So then it's like, you'd have to do it again from beyond the grave to cover up the fact that you did it on TV.

But it's not in private, because traditionally you get someone to stand behind you and chop your head off and chop down your guts. Yes, yes. Maybe they could have like a competition, and whatever viewer wins gets to cut the guy's head off at the end.

Yeah, or like just Noel Edmonds with a big samurai A competition. And if the viewer, whatever viewer wins gets to cut the guy's head off at the end. Yeah. Or like just Noel Edmonds with a big samurai sword. Yeah. Yeah. I think it'll suit him. Roasting some honey pork for Pierre before the podcast.

Okay. It looks like it's just about done. Ah! Honey to perfection. My friend Pierre will definitely enjoy this and appreciate it. And I'm sure we'll make him very happy. Oh, God. Well, that's the pork on the floor.

No, it's fine. I'll just pick that up. I really need to hoover this part of the kitchen more. That's a lot of hair. What is the hair? I don't cut my hair in here. Boch. Oh, well.

I'm sure I'll be fine if I pull that off. I'll just stick to the honey. I'll be able to find it. Gonna bring my friend Pierre some pork. Oh, have you been watching Chernobyl? No, Chernobyl. It's good. Everyone.

Imagine if that happened. Did you see that article in The Sun? No. Chernobyl is based on a chilling true story. Yeah, yeah, you may not know this, but Chernobyl, yeah. It's actually based on a chilling true story. The weirdest thing about The Sun not know this, but Chernobyl, yeah, is actually based on a Chernobyl. The weirdest thing about The Sun is that it writes articles like that, and

we know people who work at The Sun, or did for a bit, and they're all Oxbridge graduates that we're aware of. Oh yeah, The Sun is staffed by very clever people who have decided to use their powers for evil. The Elite. That's all it is, yeah. It's a newspaper run literally by The Elite. you have to be very

smart to know how to play people that well apparently it used to be more like like the people who'd like work up from being like well i left school at 14 and i i i didn't know what to do so i started working as a t-boy at the regional paper and then they started to let me write uh you know articles without a byline and then when i was, they gave me a byline and I would do local sports. Like they build up, you know. And I can't remember who it was, but one of the sort of editors of the Sun from the last 30 years or 40 years

was like one of these like figures. Like work myself up from nothing. You know, proper Alan Sugar types. Yeah. But these days it's just like, you know, portfolio from Trinity College, Oxford. Lots of nice stuff published in the tab. Yeah.

And just straight in there. Yeah. But like, do people know? And if they know, do they care? I mean, I guess if the person reading an article doesn't know that Chernobyl existed,

they're, they're so far beyond caring who edits the paper. I mean, they're just being baffled by recent history. I still don't really understand the psychology of of a sun reader i mean i'll be sitting on a bus and see a perfectly nice lady next to me and then she pulls out a copy of the sun it's like what there was a they gave out copies of the sun the engineering department in cambridge really yeah you go into the like staff room and there's every and there's a bunch of papers and there's a son with a topless lady on page three.

And this is in one of the foremost engineering departments in the world. Is that because the engineering department was like 90% dudes and if you have a high enough ratio of dudes, a tit magazine just appears through magic. These dweebs aren't the kind of guys who would

happily look at some tits in public. That's true, isn't it? That's something we do in private. On our laptops. Yes. That's weird. Sometimes, yeah, you'll see someone with a copy of a paper like that and you'll go, what are you getting from that? I don't really understand it.

But then, like, I don't know. I'm going to... Here's an article that I could pitch. Oh, yeah? Did you know Bill Clinton was a real man because by now they probably think Bill Clinton was a figure of myth and mischief oh just like a joke figure

a character that came out of jokes like a satyr, like a goat legged man yeah yeah yeah who's famous for being powerful but always undone by how horny he is like a little Jack Hornet. Yeah, that's what his nickname was. Little Bill Hornet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, he was a real president. Yeah, this is it. I'm going to write in the article. He was in charge of a country called America in a time called the 90s. And people reading it will go, whoa. And they'll be like,

when Chernobyl was real? I can tell Chernobyl, by the way, is a very good TV show because of how many memes it has spawned within weeks of it even airing. Oh, right. The internet is abuzz with reaction to Chernobyl.

I need to watch them all so I can enjoy the memes. Is it good, though? It's very good. It's really good. Although they're pretty much all played by English actors. Yes. So like the chief engineer in Pripyat

is this really husky northern guy. Johnny Vegas? Yeah, he sounds like... Fuck fucking hell. Monkey, you blew the call. Monkey, there's uranium-235 everywhere! Monkey, they're melting people's fucking faces! What will the Central Committee do now?

I've got to report to us! Sack him off, Batliss! Or Comrade will have my head! I'll sack him off, Batliss! Oh, Comrade will have my head! Yeah, he's the funniest guy to have in there. He's just really, really husky. But it's really fantastic.

And it leaves you going... I think it takes a lot of skill. I was really... I was really I did not expect it To have any effect Because it's about something that I know happened Yeah You're not surprised Yeah but there are elements of the story That do shock you

That obviously I didn't know about And the way they portrayed yourself fucking horrible yeah and how dangerous it was like it was the fallout was the equivalent of like 48 Hiroshima bombs a day Jesus just wow fuck me this insane and the windows just was carrying it to like Sweden and Germany fuck it's one of the worst places for something like that

to happen is a country governed by a regime that it's starting point is it's impossible for us to make a mistake like I don't know the details of Chernobyl but I know enough about communist regimes to go I don't know the details of Chernobyl but I know enough about communist regimes to go I don't know if they got a mayor Culper out the door

straight away I assume a lot of I assume at some point a man with a big hat and a moustache just went let the children go they do not need to know that they're being smothered with ash or whatever.

Well, yeah. I mean, they tried to lock down the city. Sure. Keep everyone near the poison. That's good. That's a smart plan. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

It's... If Chernobyl doesn't turn you away from Corbyn's labor, nothing will. That's all I have to say. God. Yeah, that could be something in the Telegraph. Yeah, absolutely. They'd be very pleased to pay for that column, I think. Corbyn wants to return us to the 70s and one event in the 80s.

It's a clear choice between someone accidentally setting off a nuclear reactor and covering it up for sort of communist reasons, or Boris Johnson accidentally setting off a nuclear reactor because he tried to have sex with it. But at least there's an honesty to trying to fuck a nuclear reactor. That's what I like. He'd lie about his nuclear babies. That's true. He'd go to a high court battle to deny he had a nuclear daughter Why is this girl glowing?

I don't see any connection Between a glowing girl And a glowing mybellen Having a big E.T.'s finger Glowing at the tip I think it's a conjecture Conjecture and piffle puffle okay

getting ready to leave the flat for recording a bud pod with some pork for Pierre I really hope he lets me call it bud pork today I need to go to the toilet I'll just go before I yeah I I'll just go before I leave. I'll use the toilet before I leave. Save some time. I'll bring the pork in with me just

to make sure it doesn't fall on the floor again. Ahhhh. Okay, now I just need to flush it. I've got the pork in my flushing hand. Just swap that over to my pork holding hand and... Oh, God. That's not... Mmm, that's not good. Well, if anything, the toilet water's actually washed all the hairs off. So this is better? Yeah, it's better. Dry that off. If you don't mind,'re mine pork's pork okay in the bag it goes off to bud pod

so uh uh phil something that you and i have got planned at some point yeah in that in that kind of anxious way where you haven't set a day for it but it's always looming is the need to sort out our bedrooms yes yeah my bedroom um the configuration i saw us i've swapped switched between two essential configurations of my bed over the five years i've lived there and it's time to go back to the the other one you're going back to original Coke. Yeah. The classic. And I just need to get rid of some like I've got a TV and a desk in there and an office chair

that I never ever use and they're just taking up space. And it's just too much. I just need some space. Just get the shit out of here. Yeah. That sounds quite dramatic. What are you going to do with the TV?

Set it on gumtree or something. Yeah. Why don't you dangerously bolt it to the ceiling? Right above my bed. Right above your head, yeah. And you can lie down watching TV like a vampire. Perfectly

flat. But, yeah, what's dangerous, though, is that people think that we're big Jordan Peterson fans. That is a danger. With room tidying, it's one of his favourite topics. It's like his rule one in 12 Rules for Life. Tidy your room.

Tidy your room. Tidy your room. He's like a Kermit before puberty, basically. Tidy your room. Hey! It's your real bloody heart.

I know it's bloody heart. But that's what's weird isn't it because he's Canadian he speaks Canadian English which he's got loads of British bits in I didn't know Canadians said bloody that much really? I thought that was specifically him

I don't know about that much but they do say better bloody prepare yourself what if Kermit had a kind of you better stop it you You better tidy your rooms. You'll never get your own Muppet Show. Is he a small man? Is he a wee

man? Is that why his voice is so high? He's quite tall, isn't he? I think he is tall. I've seen a photo of him next to Donald Trump Jr. They're all hanging out having what I can only imagine is an incredible chat. Maybe that's what happens to your voice if you

only eat beef for no good medical reason. He remains obsessed with this idea that he can only eat beef. I've heard that but as with all things on the internet now it's so hard to discern satire from reality. It's true. He says it all the time.

Beef? Beef. And he can't have it with any sauce. He just has to have beef. What? No sauce. He can't have carbohydrates or like... I don't know what vegetables he's allowed. He's the slow poo-er. Oh, man, can you imagine those shits?

But he says he's completely fixed his... The illnesses that he used to have before he ate pure beef all the time. It's insane. Okay, the only scenario in which I would be interested, really, to hear about someone switching to an almost all-meat diet is if they were, genetically, Inuit. Because they've adapted to that. Because it's like, hey, you're going to grow some veggies in the fucking arctic it's like no

I'm going to have to spend 8 to 10 months of the year eating meat from fish meat from seals blubber just whatever I can kill but I imagine eating a lot of fish is a thousand times better than eating

steak every day that's true that's true but um yeah that's okay that's another thing to add to because when he popped up jordan peterson in my head is in a similar category to jeremy corbyn okay because in the initial two three weeks when i started hearing about them yeah i was like, oh, okay. When those Labour MPs nominated Jeremy Corbyn, they were like, we need to broaden the field of ideology and diversify the ideology of this leadership contest. I was like, that sounds great. And then I was like, this guy seems cool. I've never heard of him.

And then the same with Jordan Peterson. He pops up, he goes, goes there's this guy and he's a very highly qualified psychologist or psychiatrist I don't remember which one he is psychologist psychologist and he's he's focusing on the mental health

of young men and I was like oh cool and he thinks everyone should tidy their room I was like that's a fair point I have a

I have a nicer time when I have an ordered room and then it's like and you should only eat beef and he's very upset about birth control like what the fuck are you saying anything about birth control. Like, what the fuck? Are you saying anything about birth control?

Oh, buddy, boy. That's the... Oh, he's obsessed. John Peterson? Yeah. What's he saying about birth control? He's very upset about birth control. That people use birth control? Yeah, well, the pill. Like, bodily autonomy for women is a thing that he's said lots of quite naughty things about.

Really? I've not seen that. Well, in fairness, it's very's very difficult again to discern the beef from the pill from the room tidying yeah yeah sure he says a lot of stuff he said a lot of weird immigration stuff as well the thing is when he started out um the first kathy newman interview oh my god she really embarrasses herself yeah Yeah. And... I think she's said that now. Like, even she is like, oh yeah, I've completely fucked that. Yeah.

Because it's so famous now. Yeah, and there's no two ways about it. She made a fool of herself. He got... Whereas, by contrast, I think... Who's the Aussie comedian who's in America now? Jim Jefferies. Yeah, do you see Jim Jefferies completely skewered him?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the right for a hotel not to have gay guests. Yeah. Yeah. And he just completely, just with the logic of a child. Yeah, he just says, what if they refused them entry because they were black? Yeah.

And John Pearson goes, oh yeah, i hadn't really thought of that also like the first argument you think of he's not a nutritionist he's not a sociologist he's not a historian he's not he has never studied you know politics or also we here get a little bit carried away with titled professor because it means something different in most america as it does here you have to be a professor you'll be like 70 or something Well in the UK professor is a

position and in America it's a title It's like saying mister You could not have your PhD and just be a lecturer and you're a professor in North America So you could be fucking, hi I'm Professor Jimson I'm 24.

It's a fuck off. Whereas my department has a chair, a title, which is the Elrington and Bosworth Professor of Anglo-Saxon History. And they hand that down like a crown. Okay. You have to be like the motherfucker of Anglo-Saxon history for like 40 years.

And then, like you say, when you're like 70, they put this... I'm imagining it as a crown made of reindeer bones and jewels. Yeah, so everyone in the UK got excited because they thought he was more of a professor. And now we know people, not like well, but through comedy,

who've become like his disciples and gone mad yeah but they must have absolutely sparkling bedrooms what is it about being a sort of no-nonsense um right leaning commentator that is sort of like the ark of the covenant like you open it and you just go mad you're yeah your face will melt off. What is it about the era we're living in? Right? We live in an era where like the refrain is everyone being worried about like, oh, these,

these old guys have fucked up everything. And then like everyone's hero is like Corbin Sanders, Trump, Peterson. That's true. Yeah. And they're all white guys with gray hair and suits who, who are like very Who speak very formally

Apart from Donald Trump And like are very Sort of old school In their own ways Because fundamentally we all yearn For the expertise Of age of age. Okay, London's famous underground tube network.

Going to take me to my friend Pierre's house to record Bud Pork. Hope people don't mind that I'm talking out loud about my plans today. Oh, fuck the dog! Oh, fuck the dog. Oh, fuck the dog.

No, not again. Is that... Excuse me, is that just you? This... Yeah, yeah, good knowledge. All right, can I have a little lick of it, please? Just to keep my spirits up when I'm... You know, obviously I'm very tired going around telling people about fucking that dog. Well, no, it's just I'm actually on...

Just a little lick. No, I have to that I'm actually on... Just a little lick. No, I have to give this to my friend. Just a little lick of it. A little fucking lick of it, mate. If anything, I shouldn't just be holding it out open to the air like this. No, it's already got tube air on it. A bit of rats or whatever. I can have a little...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, sure. It won't matter. It's quite sweet, isn't it? Yeah, it's a honey glaze. I'm going to give it a little suck. No, you just said lick. Don't suck. No, a little...

Yes, I think you might have overdone it with the five spice, but... Well, you know. To each their own, anyway. Be lucky. I fucked a dog! God, everyone's a critic. I fucked a dog! Even people who fucked a dog! God, everyone's a critic. I fucked a dog! Even people who fucked a dog.

Point is, listeners, we really just want to tidy our rooms. We have no interest in only eating beef. I have no interest in seeing how my body reacts to that, because I'm gonna put I'm gonna push all my chips across the green felt of the table onto the square of the roulette wheel that says farting

yeah i mean i'm gonna bet on that if you look at jordan peterson now his skin is not a good color it's really not and he's got to tidy your room a really elegant mirror to his initial interview with Kathy Newman is his more recent interview with Helen Lewis where she kind of she embarrasses him and he comes across as a

rather thick lunatic I've seen clips from that he seems like he comes across like Nixon yeah yeah yeah sweaty and a bit mad and exhausted and he doesn't really make any sense and it's kind of sad really

it's like you watch and you go okay that's the end of him you'd think but then I think he's going to be like he's going to be like Bin Laden he'll retreat with his most dedicated followers to the mountains and continue the fight from there it's like the more He's going to be like Bin Laden. He'll retreat with his most dedicated followers to the mountains. Continue the fight from there.

It's a wanker though. It's like the more... If all you know about him is that he thinks there's a crisis of mental health in young men and everyone should have tidy bedrooms, then he sounds infinitely reasonable. But then the more you read of things he's said, the more you go, Oh no, he's gone mad. Have you seen how he describes like concepts in history a great dragon whose sword was it's like stuff from the bible yeah yeah he applies bible stories to everything yeah that's that's a bad sign that's a red flag although i think there's some value in

in in appreciating the lessons of old stories. And there must be a reason they've survived. But the problem is that he could also use Harry Potter. He could use any story. It doesn't matter. But it's only the Bible. But it's because the stories have survived so long that he thinks gives them extra credence.

I mean, if Harry Potter's still around in 2,000 years, I think you'd have a point. Yeah, but the, one of the, they've, we say, oh,

they've survived for so long, but let's say Harry Potter survives for 2,000 years, but it's infinitely changed from what it is now. No one in 2,000 years will know that. Right,

sure. So that's also like a, like he's not understanding the logic of manuscript transmission because he's not qualified. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. But, yeah, but the essence of those stories has always been the same. Yes, but the trouble is that he always starts with one of these points that's intellectually very appealing. And then he goes, and that's why Jesus should be in school!

And you go, oh no! It was a trick! It was another trick from old Beefy Peterson. Old Jordan Beeferson. He used his energy from steaks To put Christ back into Christmas Can you imagine if I brought him

A lump of Honey roast pork Get that poison away from me It's got the puke of bees Bees are the Communists of the animal world Now he sounds like an old Prospector There's gold, gold in the bible are the communists of the animal world. Now he sounds like an old prospector.

There's gold. Gold in the Bible. There's gold in Lonely Sad Man, it turns out. Oh boy. He's worth millions now. Is it? He's speaking to us. It's sold out stadiums.

Oh yeah. Can you imagine the crowd? You could spend a whole day just profiling the crowd. I don't think it would take all day. I think you spot a pattern pretty quick. Yeah, that's true. But I mean, he has a point. I think that people laugh at him for trying to help pretty lonely guys.

He has value. Oh yeah. pretty lonely guys. He's like the... He has value. Oh, yeah. Look, the incel kind of movement is the tip of an iceberg. And that whole thing needs to be melted in this analogy? I don't know.

It's the kind of thing I... If I'd taken one wrong choice at a fork in the road in my life, I would have ended up... When I see a fucking incel-y creepy

scraggly bearded dude I think I don't think ugh gross I think there but for the grace of God go I there but for like three crucial factors yeah there but for a couple of good A level results results go i like what good a-level results uh female friends or sisters uh and well one formative experience of your choice

and if you were if you were just enough moments of personal um value, if you were a lonely nerd in a way that didn't have moments of personal value you could have tumbled it down that well. Especially if you're like 14. Especially if you're growing up in, I mean, where all these guys sort of mainly

populated like Macedonia and like the Midwest. Midwest and Eastern Europe and you go well yeah they've got nothing to aspire to, nothing to do there, where would they get a sense of value from? I mean

it works the same way that like ISIS videos work where it's like you find people when they're like 13 which is when everyone feels like they don't belong anywhere apart from absolute sociopaths uh i.e people who really peak in high school early yeah maniacs and uh everyone and it just basically makes a video going the reason you don't fit is because of these special reasons that are only for you and you are the biggest victim really and you should be the in charge and everyone you lap

that shit up people lap that shit up in their 50s never mind when you're 13 that's the whole they're just like they'll pull all that delicious beef right into their face yeah man but then it's like Jordan Peterson is like the joker of lonely lonely young men

so in their desperation they turn to a man they didn't fully understand. Pretty soon, they all had beef farts and meat sweats and pristine bedrooms. Some men just want to watch the world tidy their bedrooms. Speaking of high school, have you seen the film Booksmart?

I saw it yesterday. Really? I saw it yesterday. Oh! I thought it was fantastic. Was that you seen the film Booksmart? I saw it yesterday Really? I saw it yesterday I thought it was fantastic Was that you in the dark? I saw it down the road I thought it was incredible It's so funny So sweet

It's a high school movie but there's no bad guys Yeah That's a very good point Everyone is very believable and ultimately decent by just trying to find their own way

yeah which sounds to me like when I say it out loud like saccharine horse shit yeah but it's done so well it's so good and it's like

it's like a less crass um super bad yeah I mean people are some people are saying that it's a female super bad but I think it's some people are saying that it's a female Superbad

but I think it's more than that I found it more relevant to me than Superbad oh way more because it had like Superbad didn't really

have emotions beyond I'm nervous to put my penis in someone's mouth which I guess is an emotion it's a feeling

yeah whereas like yeah Booksmart had actual emotions and like you say it had it it was one of the few movies about high school that underlines the fact that no one is like broadly speaking no one's really out to get you they're just out for themselves and that just makes you feel like they're out to get you if you're a persecuted dweeb. Whereas in reality, everyone's like... No spoilers, but when they arrive at a party and one of them is like,

I've always wanted to hang out with you guys. It's so nice to see you. Class of 19 forever. And it's like, yeah, that's what it's like. It really is, yeah. And in the main character, who's basically kind of me at school. Yeah, yeah. Like like there's a bit near the beginning type a personality and it's not really spoiler because it's sort of the premise

she discovers that all the sort of jocks and cool kids have also got into very good universities yeah which she um even though she's foregone the fun that they had in order for her to get into a good university and when they started telling her all the good universities they were going to, I genuinely almost had a heart attack. Really? Because that's like my worst fear. Really? That was my worst fear at school,

was that the cool kids who partied would also get into Cambridge. Thank Christ they didn't. And they didn't, thank goodness. That's so funny. But one of them who was sort of on the fence between those two groups got into Cambridge, but from Masters, which is not exactly the same thing.

And even that one, I was a bit annoyed. I was a little bit annoyed. You were like, do you know what I've sacrificed for this? Yeah, but that's what Masters is also a real thing. But if what happens to the main character in books might happen to me, I would have... I don't know what I would have done. I would have become an...

I would have become an incel, probably. Would you have just gone insane? Yeah, I would have gone... I would have lost my mind. Would you have not reacted in the same way and gone, I need to be a party boy now? No, I don't think you can make that change. It's so... you would have just gone

inwards yeah yeah yeah yeah i would have absolutely tortured myself that's so funny man did you have a little mantra you have worked hard oh yeah yeah it's so good though listeners you really must go see book smart it's i i think it's film of the year i think it's best film of the year. I think it's the best comedy, best film I've seen for a year at least. I have heard people go oh it's just super bad for girls. But I do think it's better than that. It has more heart. It's way better than that.

We went to go see The Shape of Water together as well. Oh no, that's a poop-ass movie. That's bin bags. That is pure bin bags. That is a load of bin bags full of sexy fish. It's one of those films that would not survive a gender swap. If there was a male janitor who kidnapped a fish lady who it was unclear whether or not they could consent and stole her from a facility and kept her in the bath and fucked her,

then that would be a horror movie, Philip about either bestiality at best or kidnapping and sexual assault at worst because the fish man ate a cat's head that's true and was like an animal

eating a cat's head and it's like, okay, this is not this is not endearing this is an animal you've made me and it's like okay this is not this is not endearing this is an animal you've made me think it's an animal because now it's gone and it's eaten a cat's head it hasn't gone in it's kind of I'm a fish

man but I'm a man like I'm like you way and gone ooh a pet what was it because she said eat my pussy and he misunderstood Because she said eat my pussy and he misunderstood Oh dear Good stuff Maybe it wasn't such a bad film after all Yeah

Correspondence That's right, it's correspondence And listeners, if you have emailed us Or twittered to us Or whatever Apologies for any kind of backlog Because We actually have a shockingly high amount of correspondence

And it's all pretty high It's very high quality. Yes. Thank you and sorry. And we don't want to rush through any of it. So to that end, Kenny says, G'day to you both, Pill and Fier. Ooh.

Ooh. Very classy. He says, I'd like to warn you, this is a poo-related anecdote. Oh, no. Bold and in italics. Well, then it has no place on our podcast. I happen to have many poo related anecdotes due to

the mercurial disposition of my stomach and the immaturity of my company that I kept in my youth. This one is similar to Phil's, but I'm not going to... He says a bunch of stuff about it, but I think that's spoilers. When I was in high school in Florida, and as we all know, Florida is where all the most mental things happen i know that from the internet i would

stay to poo it's the it's the poo state poo state go pooers i would spend a week it does look like a poo it's shaped like a poo isn't it yeah shaped like a long old poo drop falling out of a bird. It's America's dangler. That's what they call it. When I was in high school in Florida, I would spend a week each summer living on campus and rehearsing with the university's music department. With a university's music department, sorry. And while we were there, we formed all sorts of bonds that teen boys form at summer camps,

brackets non-sexual, purely voyeuristic. We also regularly partook in the no balls dare system. Basically, if you dare someone to do something by saying no balls, implying they're not a man if they don't do that childish thing, they have to do it. And some people do, in fact, face comeuppance for their no balls. Very childish, but we appreciate it and we understand. A few weeks after camp, one of my friends and I were texting

when he came to the decision, as one often does, to no-ball me. And he said, you have to post me your shit. What? Like, send it to him in the post? Yeah, mail me your shit. I, being a man of business and well-reputed for it, proceeded to defecate actively, I might add, for what it's worth, into a snack-sized Ziploc bag. Oh my god. And then placing that in a sandwich Ziploc bag.

Once I had folded it up... At least he's being kind of sanitary about it. There's a method to it. Yeah. Once I folded it up, I put it in an envelope and mailed it to him. This means that an envelope of my fecal matter had sat in the mailbox outside my parents' home in the Florida summer sun for hours. At which point a United States postal worker

collected my enveloped shit, presumably passing it along a series of transport centers along the state until eventually my friend's mailbox. He texted me a week later

frantically explaining his family had been on vacation and it had been days since they'd checked the mail. So it had been sitting in his hot mailbox for days. Just baking and poo. Like putting chicken and lemon in a Ziploc bag

and marinating it. Just hot marinating. Hot yoga. Pooed in hot yoga for a week. Stinking up the rest of their mail so it's a clinging to their post needless to say he admitted I do in fact have

balls and we haven't spoken since I have more where that came from as well as plenty of okay thank yous but that's just a savory appetizer what his friend did with it when he took it out,

just unzipped it, went, yep, there it is. Well done. And just framed it. What'd he do? He had to eat it. Really quickly. No, I don't know.

That's what Kenny should have said. Eat it or no balls. Oh my God. That would have raised the stakes harrowingly. My Lord. And he says, keep Jack in it. Okay.

Francais. A French twist. Oh, Francais. We have an email from Pixie. Who says, dear P. Giddies, I feel it is my duty to mention that the word pumpernickel actually translates to something like farting devil. Ah, yes. What does pumpernickel

actually mean? Pumpernickel? Yeah. It's a... Isn't it like a... Vegetable? No. What? It's a pumpkin. A pumpernickel... I'm gonna look it up. Yeah, look it up. Um, I learned this information from QI and I would trust the QI elves with my life. Um, I assume they haven't steered me

wrong. This works incredibly well. Pumpernickel bread! Mmm. Bread made of coarse rye flour. Yeah. This works incredibly well pumpernickel bread bread made of coarse rye flour yeah this works incredibly well on two levels given that it both sounds like a fart and actually means a fart at the same time of course wow perfect and the bread makes you fart triple oh my god oh my word pixie triple fart this is like the holy trinity of um bread fart oh my word um her uncool cool thing is coffee uh Specialty coffees. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. They taste great and look fun

and generally get you going. They're now too ubiquitous to be truly cool. That's true. I find myself wondering who I am every time I order an oat milk flat white after five other people who did the same thing. And yet I can't shake the feeling of utter smugness when I walk to work coffee in hand. Clearly being so important and busy that I

must have caffeine to quote quote get me through the day but of course not really one final aside Pierre was in the very first smoker I ever went to oh so smokers are comedy shows at the University of Cambridge they're like a scratch night you might call it an open mic night for dum dum

bum bums who think they're fun fun of which I was one and that was the first time you ever and that's the first time you ever... Of which I was one-one. And that's the first time I met you was right after that smoker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were dressed as Captain Birdseye. That's right. It was one of the lame jokes I did.

And you thought I was a PhD student because I had a beard. Yeah, big old beard. If I recall correctly, she says, you did a bit about being in a club and looking like a 40-year-old and feeling out of place. Oh, there you go, yeah. I always looked like someone's chaperoned. Yeah, that's true. Or like some students have come out

and their much older cousin has come to keep an eye on them. I think it was around 2009. Anyway, I remember laughing my head off and every time you mentioned, I proudly relate this fact to everyone with an earshot. You must stop doing that because people will be sick of it, I'm sure. But I'm very pleased to hear that.

I've since realized that no one outside of Cambridge knows what a smoker is, so it doesn't usually elicit much of a reaction. I'm sorry. Phil, just so you don't feel left out, my sister has a big crush on you. Yes! Which I believe coincided with your appearance on Taskmaster, although I can't for the life of me think why... Yeah, my old dick and balls were on real display there.

I think it really separated the wheat from the chaff with regards to fancy and old wang. Yeah, it was too easy to fancy you before. Right. Or it was like, you weren't like sexual marmite. And now you were like, okay, I'm going to basically show you, broadly speaking, dick and balls. Yeah, it's shit or get off the pot.

Yeah, this is what you're in for. Get in the chopper or stay here in goddamn Vietnam. We're going. Okay. That was it. Anyway. She says, maybe stop jacking it for a while as it must be quite sore by now.

Okay, thank you, Pixie. Thank you very much for that, Pixie. Thank you for being the first person to give us a break from jacking it. Let our raw, raw bells heal. Like Rudolph's nose by now. Because we do do it, guys. That's why I get so annoyed

when people sign off because we have to do it. We haven't been clear about that. We're not no balls. We're not no balls. We haven't been clear about that, have we? We're empty balls at this point.

We're almost no balls. We're almost no balls. It's like the last of the toothpaste at this point. We're having to roll our balls up yeah with the key is that the technique to get the toothpaste up yeah you get a key and then you roll it around with the key oh that's smart

not with your balls of course that would be an absolute fucking nightmare but that is smart let's see Jocelyn That would be an absolute fucking nightmare. But that is smart. Let's see. Jocelyn. Jocelyn gets in touch with an OK, thank you. A while ago, I had a job during which 95% of the time my supervisor would ignore me.

Then every once in a while, he'd randomly pull me into a meeting room and berate me for an hour on how incompetent I was, which was not the feedback I had received from anyone with whom I had worked and oversaw me. Any attempts to defend myself were waved away as excuses, so I quickly learned to just stay quiet the entire time and then upon being released from these meetings would just turn to him and say, okay, thank you. I ended up quitting that job after

a few months. Keep up the great work, Jocelyn. That's horrible. Yeah. But I think you did the right thing I think that's correcto there's some people you just have to leave to explode or like leak the gases yeah that sounds like someone who has never had

any control or authority in any aspect of their life and some people are just, they go mad with power that they've invented. Which is impressive because I have sympathy with people who go mad with power that has been thrust upon them. Like a reluctant

king. But if you're just going I'm going to decide that I'm in charge of this and then you go mad. But that's good though. When I see someone who's gone mad with very little power I go okay thank god you're blowing this out here and not at some higher level of authority

that's true our friend Lulu gets in touch oh hi Lulu she got in touch a while ago and has been very angry I didn't read it out it's because we hate you Lulu yeah well truth's out there now she says her it was a whole

it was basically she sent us an email about the fact that she can't she's had to stop jacking it okay she's tried to keep jacking it in her personal life

I think it's inhabiting a character but maybe in her personal life oh okay okay okay I'm not sure I think she's been jacking it a lot yep but anyway

that was what the email was about loads of jacking it okay and she sent it during a time when we'd spoken far too much about jacking it a lot. But anyway, that was what the email was about. Loads of jacking it. And she sent it during a time when we'd spoken far too much about jacking it. So it slipped through the net. You can understand how that slipped past. She says, I can't believe you haven't read this out

after everything I jacked for you. It's hurt my feelings. It really hurt, actually. Hashtag Team Slowpoo. She's Team Slowpoo. So she's just throwing in as many uh as many running jokes in there as you can yeah to trick us yeah um so time for some twitter correspondence that we don't really do enough we reply on twitter yeah but um direct messages uh one from adam uh he's finished uh latest Bud Pod Binge, he says.

Oh, good on you, Adam. Most normal weird thing and weirdest normal thing from Adam. Okay. Most normal weird thing. The fact we just accept that pictures of cancerous lungs were visible in every supermarket and corner shop for ages. They still are, aren't they? Oh, but they have to have that big shield over there. No, they're like shielded from your delicate eyes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Most normal weird thing thing the taboo around men sitting down for a piss that's the most normal weird thing yeah so it's normal because it's quite common but it's weird because it's pointless sometimes after a long day he says you just want to rest also I bet you since the advent of mobile phones

yes regularity of male sit-downs has gone through the roof. Because that's why I sit down mainly now, so that I can have a lick of my phone. You can have some phone time. Yeah, and play chess with Pierre. That's right. We've started playing chess on an app.

We've started playing chess on an app. This is the beginning of the end. It's very addictive. It's addictive. I think it's good for me, though, because my presence of mind and attention are really not good at the moment, and I think chess will focus me a little.

Focus boy. Chess boy. But now I can... A Wii used to take me five seconds, and now it can take me 20 minutes if I get sucked into something. We're on a long Wii schedule now. Oh, so this is uh sent a while

ago sorry for the delay but it's very nice hey p bizzles says the beardy brewer okay uh just wanted to thank you for all the rambling you really helped me get through the monotony of the tedious repetition and routine i experience in my job in the local authority oh i won't forgive me for thinking you were a brewer i think maybe it's a spare time, brewer The bureaucracy doesn't seem quite so shameful After hearing grown men talk about poo-wee And close-call jizz handshakes Anyway, I'm getting married on Saturday Oh, congratulations, brewer

And I'm in the He's definitely married by now And I'm in the process of putting some final touches to my wedding speech I'm trying to resist the strange temptation to end my kind words With keep jacking it Perhaps if I say it in Latin it will seem insightful. What do you think? Anyway, best be off. Custodea

in jacking. Nice. Which is very good. That's a lovely family motto to have under your crest. Under your crest, yes. And the crest is a a raw cock rampant on a field azure

With Majez going out In a flood lease Yes yes yes yes Really one of the nerdiest things I ever spent an entire day doing Trying to learn all the weird Like old Anglo Norman Latin-y French

That they use to describe crests Because it's It's it's own special language. What do you mean? The names for certain elements of crests? So when you say... You know when a lion is facing sideways and it's going rar? Yeah.

That's a Leo rampant. Nice. And if you wanted to say a lion going rar... If you wanted to say a gold lion going rar on a blue field yeah you'd say uh a leo uh leo rampant or on a uh on a field azure wow yeah it's a whole thing yeah yeah and everything means something everything everything means uh something traditionally or there's like modern meanings as well uh should we offer a prize to a listener who designs our crests?

Oh yeah, sure. Please. You never know what kind of crazy talent to... Please design us a Budpod crest, and if you win, we will send you both of our shits in the post. And we'll make sure they're in the sun. I couldn't think of a more Budpod prize than actual

zip-locked feces fragments of shit oh my god we'll think of a cool thing maybe I'll send them a drawing or something yeah that'd be nice

I do funny drawings sometimes and I will send them a photo of me like winking and giving them thumbs up yes

ideally of you in the jumpsuit okay that'd be pretty good yeah alright sweet that's the prize great and that's the ideally of you in the jumpsuit okay that'd be pretty good yeah alright sweet that's the prize great

and that's the end of the episode yes thank you for listening once more thank you for listening everyone for episode 17 next week episode 18 should we have beers

while we do it because we're old enough ah yes that's a good idea because the pod would be old enough to drink okay okay so that'll be

our first boozy beer pod beer pod booze pod Because the pod would be odd enough to drink. If we come out and drink. Okay, okay, okay. So that'll be our first boozy... Beer pod. Beer pod. Booze pod. Bud booze. Bud pissed. Bud pissed.

Yes, okay. It is decided. It is decided. The pact is sealed. And you get yourself some beers as well while you listen. Get yourself some... You have the right to... Drink along.

You have the right to bear cans. We've established that. Of course, yeah. You have the right to bear cans We've established that Of course yeah You have the right to bear cans The Beastie Boys Fought for it Yeah absolutely So see you next week

For the drink along Bye bye bye Bye Okay bye Okay thank you Okay whatever