BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 183 - Mon Ami!

Episode Date: October 5, 2022

Wang and Novellie chat "woke" and Trussonomics, smashing cakes, the Oxbridge brand, correspondence and tat from Graham, Ian and Florence Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

it's bud pod 183 183 um mon ami mon ami 183 that's that's my friend right mon ami yes yeah yes so i mean that is bud pod in a in in a french in french phrase is mon ami the french version is called mon ami yeah yeah yeah yeah pod pod ami oh no you're right you're ami the french version is called mon ami yeah yeah yeah yeah pod pod dummy oh no you're right you're right the french version would be mon ami with an exclamation mark that's the french title of bud pod that's a fun because it always has to be so similar but then a bit different and with an exclamation that's a fun name i think that's just the the bud pod logo with sort of berries and cigarettes mon ami how impossibly tedious do you think it would be to listen to an episode of this podcast where we're both sort of going oh yeah well it's nice to speak to you philippe like doing that kind

of thing for like like doing an accent we're just doing like a silly french accent for like a one off parody episode called mon ami that would wear thin that would wear thin within a what a minute yeah or would follow that the peaks and troughs of an extended comic idea where it's funny at first i think it's very unfunny and then it gets funny again because it's been going on so long and then people lose patience with it once more and then it gets funny again towards the end it'd probably be like that but i think spread over an hour it would it would be a net negative experience yeah and also i think you're right about that the sort Stuart Lee arc of it, but also the meta-joke would become our own struggle to maintain the accent

while reacting to things organically or reading correspondence. Yeah. Do you have any French heritage? I forget. Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you do, yeah, yeah. How do I? It's an oft, yeah. Yeah, you do, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Huguenot. How do I? It's an oft-untouched

element of this podcast, is that we're both actually French. It's true, yeah. Are you Huguenot as well, aren't you? Or are you not? No. I'm not entirely sure what that means. Then probably not. I wouldn't know how to track

it. No, my french side is from is recently from france so my grandmother was french and she was catholic oh was she um uh yeah yeah i'm gonna say yeah but i don't know okay because Huguenot is like a sort of 1600s protestant right basically to oversimplify it

yeah most that's the reason why South Africa is full of French names yeah is the the old Hugues Hugues if true hugues if true that's hugues if true i can't remember the last time i saw huge if true used sincerely yeah it's the euphemism treadmill of

the social media things become ironic so quickly now things that so so quickly that actually in the end the majority of a phrase or a meme's lifespan online is ironic do you ever think about that the the genuine portion of a phrase's life cycle online that is earnest is a tiny tiny minority of the time it spends alive, really. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. It's almost like that's just the act of its birth and it'll spend the rest of its life being toured around irony circuses.

I mean, think about woke. For how long did the word woke evoke its initially intended effect? Probably... Or like have it probably three months yeah well for however long black people were using it before we started using it but there was a period where it well i mean black people have been using it since like the 70s well that's it yeah so it was it was fine it was fine till till white people on twitter got hold of it and then yeah probably three months maybe maybe six i mean you should say black americans black americans yes that's right we're falling foul of the thing we ourselves hate so much which is speaking as if we and everyone in

the world is american that's right that's right but i mean yeah so woke was earnest for all of three months and then since then has become a word word almost to avoid even if you are on that side. Well, it's become a cipher for political correctness that is devoid of legislative authority. Yes, yes, yes. It had the exact same life cycle political correctness did but even shorter. And I wonder what the next one will be, what we'll take over. Because obviously we need a word that represents this thing. And we have to regenerate a new word, like a new doctor, every decade or so, it seems. I wonder what the next one will be.

What would we call... Well, I guess, what do we sincerely call someone who just tries to say, you know, call someone the right thing in a social situation? Yeah. Yes, but that isn't the full... Do-gooder. It doesn't carry the full meaning. Do-gooder.

Do-gooder. Progressive. But even that's... Even you just saying do-gooder then made me start to get really annoyed with do-gooder. It doesn't carry the full meaning. Do-gooder. Do-gooder. Progressive. But even that's, even you just saying do-gooder then made me start to get really annoyed with do-gooders. That's how quick the euphemism treadmill is already. I was already in my head going,

fucking do-gooders, I think they're so much better than everyone. Is it progressives? Because that's currently the sincere thing you don't say the woke anymore. Only people who hate them say that. So whereas people who are progressive can refer to the progressive wing or a progressive maybe that's the next one like oh you progressives maybe that'll be it but i feel like progressive

now is such an old term it almost feels like new like equivalent to neoliberal or centrist, to me, progressive. Yeah. It's been in the vernacular for too long and it's sort of taken on too many different possible meanings. The problem with woke, as tired as a word as it is now, you still do know exactly who you mean when you say it.

People know exactly who you're referring to. Also, I think it has which is a shame it had the impact it had use it because it didn't have any other meanings where it's like progressive like if you use that as to insult you then you have to kind of be also tacitly saying to people i hate the idea of progress whereas even the mad right wingers like to think they represent progress exactly exactly that's it yeah so i mean brexiteers think they're progressive the idea of progress is insane but they think it's it'll be pro they want to progress into a big bin where no one has any money or electricity um yes that well that's right and whereas like woke was almost like it was so far outside the vernacular and and meanings of of the people who hate it so

much now that it could just as easily have just been like gloopity bloop like it could it was just like a sound to them so yeah we need a new word that is is such an outsider that its impact is all the more powerful in the minds of these people um it i was yeah it'll be interesting to see which which group it comes from yeah i was just i just saw earlier this very interesting thing that um in korea the term leeds era has become widely used leads to refer to someone's like golden age and leeds era and i think it apparently i only like read the headline but it looks like it came down through Korean football fans referring to the golden era of Leeds United.

What? And they started using it as a term to refer to someone's golden age, but now it's a broadly used term in Korea, someone's Leeds era. Really? Isn't that crackers? That's fucking... Unless I've filled in too many gaps there.

Football is fucking mad in its scope of popularity and power. Yeah. It's so mad. I was going to say, whenever you hear a lot of people saying woke or progressive, what they want to say is something that they've been stopped from saying since the 90s, which is they just want to call everyone a pussy you can hear that they want to go these pussies they they just want to go for that these trying to be all fucking nice to each other fucking pussies that's what they want to say yeah and it's a snowflake a snowflake oh yeah

quite well snowflake was basically about as close as people got to just saying outright pussies yeah yeah that's what they want for some reason them being told you can't say pussies for some reason that's stuck it's weird that it's stuck because they want to say all the other bad words yeah why is that the one they listen to it's really strange isn't it because like they say almost everything else they want to say but then it's so rare these days to hear even like a mega bro dude dude man of of the right just go out and out these people are a bunch of pussies it would almost seem laughable i guess the challenge is to find a word that you can level against your opponent without that they can't instantly dismiss. Yeah, that's true. Out of rudeness.

So if they started calling them pussies, the progressive left, to use the term, could say, oh, look at them being misogynistic or whatever. And so they can dismiss out of hand the right's criticism. So the right has had to find a word that in itself cannot be dismissed, but whose meaning gets at what they mean. Also, I guess because calling someone a pussy doesn't imply any philosophy on their part specifically. Yeah. Whereas woke or snowflake does. And as you say, therefore has to be specifically. Yeah. Whereas woke or snowflake does.

And as you say, therefore has to be addressed. Yeah. Whereas, yeah, I guess it's not as powerful if you're just doing the verbal insult equivalent of just going, but I hate them. Very funny. In last week, some right-wing commentators in the UK have tried to label the financial markets woke for crashing,

following Liz Truss' and Kwezi Kwarteng's crazy mini-budget. It didn't make any sense because they just go, it's good that they have let the same... The logic was so strange because they were like oh these woke currency traders these these woke like city boys are just ruining everything in the budget and everything in the budget was great especially the bit where we removed the limits on the bonuses of those same guys yeah so it's like half the budget was just devoted to letting those guys run fucking hog

wild and then we're going to complain that they ran hog wild with an open goal that we gave them these hedge fund libtards don't believe in Britain Inc these fucking snowflake bleeding heart Patrick Batemans very very funny that they've had to U-turn on the 45p tax rate cut

literally hours after Liz Truss has said on many many different programs and radio shows and TV clips that she would never U-turn on it very funny very embarrassing to be British, every day

you think it can't be more embarrassing to be British on the global stage, it is what is it, is there a there must be a German word for if someone hands you a birthday cake or a vase and you just immediately plop it onto the floor what are you saying that's what uh yeah what would they call that um baton baton uh Batten... Batten... Gato...

Gato... Gato smashin'. Gato... Gato smashin' furukdishness. Like, the cake smashing madness. Yeah.

Just to... Just to hand the economy... Hand the economy to Liz Truss across the quarter and go, well, here you go. You've won. Now you're in charge of this, the economy. And then to just take it and go, wow, smash.

Like, immediately. In my head, they're smashing it into the floor in one fluid motion. They're not even stopping to look at the object. They're just going, wow. Like, their hands just move in an arc. Instantly instantly into the floor not even thinking for a moment about it there's a bit in a northman where the main guy that he's a berserker and he's charging at this town and someone on the wall throws a javelin at him and before it even gets him he grabs it out there and just throws it back I imagine them doing it in that similar kind of motion of Liz Truss and Quasi Cartoon

where they throw in the economy and they just spin around in one movement just smash it into the floor and then celebrate exactly, completely fluid you know if you were accepting a cake in a cake holder

you'd put your palms flat and your thumbs out right? as you take it just not stopping the motion of receiving like a cake in a sort of cake holder. You'd kind of put your palms flat and your thumbs out, right? Yeah. Like as you take it, just not stopping the motion of receiving, just letting it be received into the ground. Plop. Also, Kwasi Kwarteng

crashing the national economy, crashing the currency, and then immediately going to a we love crashing the national economy, crashing the currency and then immediately going to a we love crashing the national currency party oh yeah, so what was his party? he was at a party he went to a champagne reception filled with

people who short the pound immediately now you and I I hate to use a cultural reference I've only just learnt but it is like Dr Evil and the other henchmen laughing in Austin Powers

genuinely a party of people who short the pound all laughing and clapping while you enter as the guest of honor like it's proper al capone stuff that's so bad isn't it it's insane and also like you and i are naturally skeptical of of accusations of corruption in the uk because you and i are both from countries that are flagrantly corrupt um yeah in a very powerful sort of developing world way where it's like the UK's corruption such as it is

is generally pretty minor slash reserved for upper echelons, da, da, da. But even I have to admit that for no reason tanking the pound and then going to a big champagne party organized by people who you've just made billionaires seems pretty bad. But the state and quality of British politics of late

is now such that it's now no longer possible to tell what is corrupt and what is just incompetent. I almost would rather Quasi- Quartain did this out of corruption because then that would at least show he's got some kind of working thought process or some ability to plan or some organizational acumen. But what is much more likely is that he genuinely thought this would be a good idea. And that's worse, I think. Yeah, in the same way that if you ran a shop

and someone behind the till just kept forgetting to charge anyone any money for anything from the shop, in terms of rating their intelligence, it would be better if they were just giving their friends free stuff than if they were so stupid that they forgot that things cost money. Yes, exactly. that's exactly it yeah i think we're more i think this government is more stupid than corrupt yeah although it might be it's probably a bit corrupt too someone made i think they're more dumb than anything someone made the good point on twitter that Kwasi Kwarteng and Liz Truss have never spent any time in opposition.

Oh, interesting. Yeah, it's just been an absolute win-a-thon for them. Because their minds are completely untrained by adversity. They've just, like in terms of political adversity, I mean, I'm sure they have their problems in their lives, such as crashing the economy. But they've just arrived in office sort of just like ha ha now we're going to do all our ideas and it's like well you better you can't you mustn't

and i guess sort of being a shadow chancellor and shadow whatever in being the shadow cabinet is a kind of a dress rehearsal right totally you actually you get a lot of the same briefings yeah that's an interesting point it might have been Stephen Bush the man for whom where all the good opinions come from very clever guy Kate Millay

was it his mother's Kate Millay is it yeah did not know this. I'm going to look this up right now. I'm delighted to hear that. I mean, it's almost too perfect that a political commentator

we both really like has sort of both our cultural origins together in one man. Oh, yes, please. Yeah, that would be fucking great. That would make all the sense. That would imply some eerie sort of um long-term cultural vibe that you can that you and i can both like pick up on or something that would be fascinating um oh maybe maybe that's right

oh man yeah i hope that's right because i do like that idea um yeah but like quasi-quarting i mean he's another good argument for the fact that like you know you you and i uh we try not to mention it very much because it's the uk and you're not supposed to but you know you and i are oxford graduates you and i are uh at least on paper smart people um and he's paper on paper not all of my papers in my first year but some of the papers on some papers I was quite clever yeah

exactly and so quasi-quatting you know is he Cambridge or Oxford? He's Oxbridge anyway like double quasi-quatting, Trinity College that's right double first like

double university challenge winner published historian you name it yeah and this guy immediately got a hold of the economy and cake plopped it onto the floor there is something i've noticed about prodigies that they really are successes in adulted yeah product people who like really crush at school or university and who are always touted as being the next great whatever whatever they're they almost never are i mean the closest i can think of is gordon brown who was like a genius at university but even he didn't really you know fulfill his promise as a prime minister no he kind of pooped that one a bit as well yeah yeah prodigies never actually make good they're kind of like child stars in hollywood they they burn out and they um they don't actually end

up realizing their promise it's it seems to be people who come second that do the best in life, I found. Yeah, I think that's right. I mean, you and I both saw at Cambridge, not to turn this into the did you know we went to Cambridge podcast, but plenty of those. But I mean, did you notice as I did how many people certainly in first year had,

in some cases, full-on breakdowns, but like such a high level of stress because they came from, they were like big fish, small pond. Yeah, well, I mean, I've said on this podcast, I almost quit after my first term. I was one of those people until I made a change. My brain changed after the first term and I was able to, you know, I got much better. That's right. It was, yeah, not yeah not uncommon yeah it freaks people out i was very lucky to to often score second or third on like whatever an essay or something like not if i think if you win all the time then it breaks something in your brain and you end up going but i'm the winner yeah yeah oh yes right right so you're drawing yes so this draws back to um liz truss and was he wanting yeah they're just i think they put their

hands on their hips and look at the at the big negative red number next to footsie 100 and just go but we're the winners we win things our ideas are clever aren't they and then you know they look in the corridor there's no one there aren't they I mean there's this extraordinary clip of Laura

Kunzberg asking Liz Trust how many people voted for this as in the budget and then there's this sort of there's this pause, there's this like office, the office level pause of generally like three or

four seconds and Liz Truss just goes sorry what do you mean? It's so funny it's so funny it's so good, The timing is like perfect. Like that dead... She's become like... I don't know if any other prime minister I can remember

has provided so much dead air. Like, I don't... No one draws out a pause like Liz Truss. She's like a one-woman Harold Pinter play. It's just pauses. Just so many big theatrical pauses. I'm starting to wonder if she read somewhere or was told that silence can actually be really powerful. Silence is a really powerful negotiation tool.

And maybe she's taken that to heart but forgotten that she also needs ideas at the end of the silence. Yeah, she thinks silence implies confidence, She's taken that to heart, but forgotten that she also needs ideas at the end of the silence. Yeah. She thinks, so silencing implies confidence, but then she also just doesn't have an answer. So it's like double bad.

Like it would have been much better in that case if she'd gone, what do you mean? Yeah. That would have seemed stronger than really thinking for four seconds and then just being like, nope, I don't know.

It's so dumb. Do you think she's going to be prime minister for much longer? Well, they've abandoned it now because even Michael Gove in public was like, well, obviously I'm going to vote against it. Yeah, but it's only the 45p cut they've U-turned on.

There's still a lot more. It's also not much of a U-turn, at least in the sense that they're delaying it or whatever, and it wouldn't have been voted on soon anyway. I don't know. I mean, we kept thinking that eventually Tory MPs would get sick of Boris openly sticking his cock into the law and sort of rubbing his bum on the Queen's face. And it took them, like, forever. But that's because they couldn't decide

whether or not it was worth losing his celebrity, his appeal, his popularity. None of which Liz Truss has. That's true. The polling numbers were actually still good, kind of. And it was the local elections that did him in. Yeah, she's toxic as hell. And look, if you'd asked me back when I thought the world made sense,

I would say she's gone in like a month. But now that we live in like clown universe or whatever, at some point during COVID, our Earth switched places with the clown Earth. But the Tory party is going to have to replace someone before the 2024 election. Because if it's still this trust, Starmer has it in the bag, surely. It would be very because if it's still this trust it's dharma has it in the bag surely be very funny if it's still this trust it would be hilarious if it's still

this trust she's so and we're all we'll be laughing about it around our our bin fires rubbing our hands for warmth going so funny the Liz trusts doing big laughs pass me that rat kebab because it's just so funny I have to celebrate with a delicious bit of spiced rodent we'd be laughing like really big laughs that show you that we only have one tooth left in our mouth

one big tooth ah ha ha you know what I mean One big tooth. Ah, ha, ha. You know what? I mean, they're really... There's a special type of mad idiocy. Because these people are all Oxbridge graduates. And they kind of... They seem...

They're intelligent. I don't think they're not intelligent. But I think they're smart. Maybe like a robot is smart. You know, like you can get a robot that builds cars right that's very smart but if you've got the car building robot and then just like pointed at a kid with a broken arm you know it's not a doctor it's not qualified it'll probably do more harm than good even though it's really smart it's it's they're really undermining the brand as well phil the oxbridge brand yeah yes i think that's the greatest crime really

that's the worst thing they've done it's gonna it's gonna as a brand it's gonna become associated with being a fucking maniac and just screwing up interviews and things, which is valid, but it's a shame. It's a shame for us. We won't be able to trade off it in even the minor ways in which we've been able to trade off it so far. No. No, we won't. Eventually. no we won't eventually maybe they'll get to the point where the Oxbridge brand is so

damaged by this Tory government that we become the underdog and then and so we get to enjoy that okay so like you know Phil and Pierre they're both

stand-up comedians. They both have a cult podcast. And all this despite having gone to Cambridge University, a place that produces some of the worst chancellors this country's ever seen. A place that produces... And yet they were able to overcome that to become big players in the comedy podcast environment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

People start saying, Phil and Pierre are professional stand-up comedians who have a cult podcast, but they went to Cambridge. It'll be but. And people will go, oh, my God, wow. And they go, what, that place that produces everyone who fucks the whole country up constantly? And they go, yeah, yeah, yeah. To be fair, Oxford has the numbers. Yeah.

But Kwasi Kwarteng has really, in one fell swoop, done a lot to catch up just with one guy. He's worth at least five or six bad Oxford chancellors. Yeah. To tank the pound to the point where it's almost on parity with the dollar.

That's astonishing. That's great stuff. Yeah, really extraordinary. We're back up now, though. Yeah, it's back up I know no more evil champagne parties I guess yeah gosh I hope those guys

made those deals in time yeah I hope they sold in time oh I won't be able to sleep I hope those guys shorting the pounds were sold in time I hope that as you say I hope that collection of people who sit around a long table in a Bond film managed to

manage to make their money I hope all those guys with like eye patches and like fucking smocks on whatever they wear what would you call Dr. Evil's jacket? A smock? A tunic?

Oh, it's sort of like a Mao kind of workman's jacket, isn't it? It's like a worker's kind of jacket, isn't it? Yeah. It's based on those communist, Stalin-esque kind of jackets, isn't it? It seems to be. It certainly seems to be. But then it's like an interesting thing, because Goldfinger wore that as well.

Right. You know, it is from the James Bond things, and it's interesting that they sort of went, oh, bad people sort of, ah, fuck it, they dress like a North Korean leader. All right. Yeah, yeah.

Even though like he's obsessed with gold, all right, no, fine. Strange. Very strange. Speaking of gold, shall we look at some correspondence Very nice We shall Thank you

Correspondence Gold Gold from our members Gold to create a partnering world. Correspondence. Gold. Gold from our members. Gold emails. They're the stuff. The stuff we'd like to read. But we never read. Gold emails. read goals emails

but we never read that's good man but we never read what was it goldfinger something about his web of sin oh I don't know it stay away from his web of sin or something like that but then it can't be that because the next line is

but don't go in it always made me laugh don't go in it's a very funny lyric to me don't go in don't go in! Don't go in! What's your favourite Bond theme? It's a good question.

It's a good question. I don't know you know Well mine Mine I think mine might be Garbage The world is not enough Which I really like The world is not enough It's a good

It's a good song I think that one That might be my favourite Live and let die And they're cool band garbage Live and let die and they're cool band garbage live and let die live and let die yeah yeah of course that's just an actual banger actual good song was a recent for the movie I think it

was yeah I think it was they sort of went we've you can never guess who we've got you know in terms of being like a crap bond theme that nevertheless was stuck in my head for about a decade um i will say i guess i'll die another day that was in my head for about 10 years yeah that's stupid because i watched it as a kid madonna prancing around in north korean prison very strange um so i think this is... I think I've got the right era of emails here.

Excuse me. We have a message from Graham. Graham. He's not Liam. Oh, very nice. That's very good. Thank you. Because he listens to Bud. Yeah. It's very nice. That's very good. Thank you. So it's called. He listens to Bud.

Yeah. It's called Tat on My Travels. And Graham says, good morning, Phil Gilberry and P. I don't get it. P. P. Phil Gilberry and P. Oh, Phil Gilberry, like a dingleberry.

Yeah, I guess so I guess so As in like a little bit of poop on your butt A little bit of poop And in your case, P as in urine Pia, like a person who pees One who pees I suppose that's right, one who pees

Dingleberries, a very funny way of describing I am the one who pees. Dingleberries, a very funny way of describing it. I am the one who pees. That's our version of Breaking Bad. I'm the one who pees. Kicking in a toilet door while someone's shitting. Stay out of my territory. Friend of the podcast, excellent comedian, excellent guy all around. Johnny Leonard used to refer to dingleberries as men

in the rigging. Wow, yeah. How funny is that? I don't think it's a problem that people other than animals have very much, to be honest. You mean animals other than people? Yes, I suppose I do mean that, don't I? The most dangerous animal of all, man!

Yeah, I don't know how long and lustrous your bum hair has to be to just catch fucking shits in it. It's awful. It's such a design flaw. Who would have... Who okayed this? Who greenlit this design? I like the idea of you pointing at a sort of

big hairy bum hole going, Who greenlit this? I like the idea of you pointing at a sort of big hairy bum holding. Who greenlit this? Like wearing a hard hat like you're on a tour as a politician of a factory. Yeah. Big gloves on. Who did this?

Yeah, just pointing at the bum hairs going, well, this is your problem right there. Just going, oh, you've had the cowboys in. What is it, Steve? What are you finding? Hair around the bum hole. Yeah. I thought so. Thought as much. So he says, long time listener, first time mailer.

Ah, welcome. He's a first. Ah, welcome. Welcome. He's a first time Norman Mailer. Who is Norman Mailer? An author? The name's just in my head. Who is Norman Mailer? An American author, I think.

Now I have to find out. There can't be a delay. Yes, American novelist. There we are. Very good. The Naked and the Dead. Oh, that's right okay he says joined your listenership in the farting 40s insert praise redacted here thank you i assume he means around episode 40s probably yes yes yes probably not the 1940s no um i started listening in the 40s

I started listening in the 40s. Hang on a minute. I had a lot of time. Budpod actually started as a way of relaying messages about the front back home. The poo chat only came later, but that's where the bullet chat started. Budpod was just a way to relay coded messages to the resistance. If the first email was about poo, it meant hold your positions. But if we did a first email about piss,

it meant that D-Day was coming. Oh, I've just got an email here, Phil, from Omaha Beach. Et cetera. I've just got an email here, Phil, from Omaha Beach, etc. Yeah, it says it's pee-poo minus five. So Graham says, I've just been on a road trip with my much better half and stopped at various roadside purveyors of tat. Excellent. I have attached a picture of something that made me laugh out loud very loudly

on completion of the first read my instant thought was of you fine gentlemen can't wait to hear phil try and work this one out love and hugs gram gram what do we got what we're working with it's i think what we got i think this is gonna stymie you you you know how much I hate to hear you stymied but I think it might yeah I hate being stymied so it's a kind of tile sort of panel poster thing

and the picture is not relevant it's just a sort of kettle thing and three cups of tea cups three tea cups and a kettle and the phrase is when friends meet hope has blank hope has blank blank wow so okay so it's nothing to do with the tea to be honest it has nothing to do with anything i think the reason he made it laugh

is because this is genuinely like it's not's not sincere tat. It is a joke. Because it is. It has to be a joke. So it's not really a fair challenge. And I'm happy to abandon it as a challenge on that basis. When friends meet, hope has blank.

Hope has blank blank. Yeah. When friends meet, hope has... Oh, hope has... Hope has... Oh, gone. Hope has gone home. That would be pretty good, actually.

No, it's weirder than that. So it's, when friends meet, hope has breath. So you go, right. Breath, okay. But then the last line's, when friends meet, hope has breath. So you go, right. Breath, okay. But then the last line is, when friends meet, hope has breath. Hope has viral load. Whoa, what? Yeah.

So it's COVID. It's a COVID joke. So either COVID or HIV AIDS. Hmm. But the reference to breath means probably COVID, yeah. Yes. Kind of an ironic covid tat a niche category but it doesn't make any sense

no it doesn't and I think I agree with Graham in the fact that what would make me laugh out loud in the shop is just the sudden appearance of the phrase viral load Jesus it's a great name for a heavy metal band viral load yes yes yes yes Jesus It's a great name for a heavy metal band Viral Road

Yes yes yes yes Yes They yeah a sort of short lived Meme based Metal band So that's from Graham We have some tats sent in as well from A man calling himself Chilton's

Ian Chilton's Ian. Chilton's Ian. Ah, of the Chiltonians. Yes. Not the, not the Hamptonians. No,

the Chiltonians. Um, Chiltonians sounds like one of those kind of sort of slightly, um, insufficient Star Trek, uh, races. Um, he says, dear cop, Slightly insufficient Star Trek races He says Dear Coprophil

Coprophil, yeah And Bumpy What's Coprophilia? Is it liking dead bodies? No, it's love of poo Coprophilia Necrophilia You're thinking of necrophilia

Coprophilia is love of poo I'm always thinking of necrophilia you're thinking of necrophilia coprophilia is love of poo i'm always thinking of necrophilia phil stop thinking about necrophilia for one second and try and focus that would be a funny thing to sort of phil hmm oh sorry I was just thinking about necrophilia. What was that? Huh? Ian says, The lovely mother of a dear Irish friend, both thankfully self-aware of what they did, sent me and my wife an apron that fails to make sense on so many levels,

much to discuss little reason for doing so, but one to stretch Mr. Wang, methinks. Methinks. Methinks mithinks yeah okay i wonder if i can get it yeah he says proudly a historian of your perfectly poopy pod praise redacted koji thank you chilton's ian thank you chilton ian um so it's a it's an apron phil yep With a sort of, I'm going to say a rural agricultural Irish scene sort of cartoonishly stitched onto the front. A rural agricultural

Irish scene, yes. Yes. I'm trying to think how to make this something that you guess. Oh, no, I know how to put this. No, I know what to make you guess. Okay guess. Oh, no, I know how to put this. No, I know what to make you guess. Okay, so visually, right, we're looking at a field of sheep, right? It's a field of sheep in the countryside.

There's a couple of chickens around, but they're not the main event. The main event is the sheep. Okay. And there is a sheep that is upside down. He also appears to be smoking a pipe. That's kind of relevant. But he's upside down, all four legs in the air, smoking a little pipe. Yeah.

And he also appears to be, his feet are sort of like red oblong shapes, which implies kind of shoes or maybe slippers. Okay. And the other sheep are not wearing slippers. Okay. Yep. Yep. And the caption is... And there's a pun in the caption,

so double points if you get the pun. Time to... Time to blank... Blank, blank, blank. So four blanks. That's a lot of blanks. Four blanks. I can't... I don't think... I'm going to see if I can give you one of them

Without giving it away but I don't think I can Actually no Time to put your feet up Yes Yes Yes What's the pun Time to put your

Oh The pun Time to put your... Oh, the pun. Time to put your feet up. Can you do it for the dibby doubles? I mean, the only thing I can think of is U-E-W-E. You got it. Did I? You got it, baby.

Fucking hell, great work. Wow. Chilton's Ian promised us a wang stretching and it didn't deliver. Yeah, well, I was stretched but I pinged right back like a bow and arrow. It's the stretching that provides the force. Excellent work. Excellent work. Thanks, man. Thank you.

Excellent work. We'll end on this stuff that it's not really about guessing. From Florence, who's been in touch before. Florence, has you brought the machine? Nice. Is this from Florence and the machine? This is from both of us.

Maybe she signs off. It would be fun to be Florence from Florence and the Machine and introduce your whole band. It's like, I'm Florence and this is the machine. Isn't the machine another person in Florence and the Machine? I thought there was more than one, but I don't know. I think it might be one person who's called the machine, is a funny thing for that's i think a lady to be

called that is funny that is funny a lady in a sort of big floral dress like focusing her clothes hello i'm the machine oh what a tarantino character um it's like a character from a Guy Ritchie movie they call her the machine Florence says hey fellas, long time no pee very good just popping in again after all these eps

to share a piece of offensively low effort tat I saw on a friend's Instagram so the tat is it's hanging up on a hook this poster from a piece of string looks like it's about the size of an A4 and it's got a sort of like everything that's fashionable now

it's just two different shades of like light grey and sort of dark bluey gray flowers on top. Okay. Sort of floral gray flower on top of a kind of light gray. And the writing on it says in big capital letters across the top, BATHROOM. So it's probably on the outside of the door, right?

BATHROOM. Yeah. so it's probably on the outside of the door right bathroom and there's a little it's arranged as if it should be a poem but see if you can hear the problem with the poem so it's four lines it says bathroom and then the four lines are wash your hands brush your teeth hang your towel

floss your teeth I like the little break you give your teeth yeah yeah yeah well you hang up the towel you hang up a towel I can recover the the the as the the the thus far unmentioned towel wash your hand give your teeth a break wash your hands brush your teeth hang your towel floss your teeth

that is funny and then Florence's friend has shared it with the caption unbelievably frustrating which is very funny that is funny and Florence says the audacity of rhyming teeth with teeth yeah and she says anyway That is funny. And Florence says, the audacity of rhyming teeth with teeth. Yeah, yeah.

And she says, anyway, all the best, Koji and Peace be with you. Florence, formerly of the gay red shoes. Florence, formerly of the gay red shoes. Yes. What does that mean? It's a reference to previous correspondence. That's right. That's right. Someone shouted...

A man shouted, Red shoes, pussy muncher at her. Oh, yes. Do you remember that? I remember this. Yes, yes, yes. She listened to the story... Oh, wow. Episode 5 of Phil getting I remember this. Yes, yes, yes. She listened to the story. Oh, wow.

Episode five of Phil getting kissed at by a Polish man. Wow. God. Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Strange, strange moment. Red shoes.

Pussy muncher. From a construction worker. Thank you, Florence. Thanks, Florence. Hope you still got the red shoes. Yeah. and thank you everyone for listening we must now to the private bathroom the private bathroom of the bonus part that's right um if you are patreon do join us if you want what are you waiting for yes you get

merchandise as well as the uh psychological pleasure of knowing that you are contributing to this podcast in a way beyond patiently listening to an IKEA advert. Yes. But till next time. Bye bye. Bye.