BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 186 - Short King Rishi

Episode Date: October 26, 2022

The lads react semi-live to the coronation of King Rishi! Correspondence from Georgina regarding fan fun and toilet joy and budpod speaker mishapsPierre's show: https://sohotheatre.com/shows/pierre-novellie-why-cant-i-just-enjoy-things/Wang's tour: https://www.philwang.co.uk/home#live Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It is Budpod186. 186? Yeah. 186. Tory party, make your picks. Very nice. We are live podding during the final moments of the race to get on the ballot for Tory Party leader and Prime Minister of these United Kingdoms. It's very exciting.

It's between Rishi Sunak and Penny Mordant. Penny is far behind. She says she's got a lot of MPs back in her. They each need 100 to get on the ballot to go to the members' vote, Tory party members, the biggest fucking lunatics in the country who seem intent on destroying the nation that they apparently love.

I don't know why. And the Tory party seems intent on giving them a vote on everything. But it looks like hopefully it won't come to that and Rishi will just be the only one with over 100

MP nominations and will just become Prime Minister this afternoon. Pierre, dare we? Dare we, Stan stan a short king? And people are surprised to find out how short he is, because he looks tall. He's thin, and he dresses well. It's one of my biases, Pierre.

It's a halo effect. He's handsome. He's well-dressed. Ego in our minds. He must be tall, but he's not. He's handsome, he's well-dressed Ego in our minds He must be tall, but he's not He's small He's a little mathematical man He's a little finance man

He's itty-bitty Rishi Itty-bitty dishy Rishi He's an itty-bitty dish He wouldn't be out of place In a tapas restaurant, Pierre Because he's a little dish We should clarify the reason that we're saying that penny morden's in the running is because we're recording half an hour before

we find out if she actually has the mps or not she might not she might not it's looking pretty desperate yeah she's she's she's lifting up sofa cushions looking for MPs under there. Of course, last night, Boris Johnson pulled out of a leadership race. He cut short his holiday in Bermuda to attend. Very funny. Very funny to abandon a family holiday in Bermuda to make one last go at stroking your ego and destroying the country further and find that you don't actually have enough support to do it and so now he's come back from holiday for nothing it's good stuff I bet Carrie is thrilled yes I think on the long list

of things she could be annoyed at him about this is probably the worst after all the really bad stuff that's the top 20 yes oh this is i mean but part of my thinking when he was almost maybe going to do it was surely carrie's not going to let him do this surely not surely she's had enough i think if boris was the kind of person who could take into account what his wife wanted he would not be Boris Johnson but isn't the whole thing about Carrie like she's like the one who can actually

can actually hold his reins a little I mean maybe until she's not god knows but anyway very very funny and though it's unlikely to be the end of the last major thing Boris Johnson does in British politics, hopefully it is, because he deserves to go out

not with a bang, but a whimper. And Lord knows he likes a bang. Yes, yes. Well, we saw the temporary return of sort of jokes like a final season of the UK, with jokes about Boris Johnson pulling out. Yes, first time ever Boris Johnson has pulled out of anything.

Except he hasn't. Except he's pulled out of a Tory leadership contest before, hasn't he? So it's not even the first time he's pulled out of a Tory leadership contest. Can we do... Know your stuff. Be as obsessed with this as I am, please. Can we please do better when it comes to making fun of Boris Johnson and maybe focusing less on

cum and hair? Those seem to be the two areas of humour people go for. He cums a lot and his hair's weird. Yes, we know. Yeah. To be fair, those are his two most defining characteristics. Hair and cum. But there is more

to the man, too. Don't forget how evil he is, for example. Don't forget his many, many lies and his evil deeds. His lies and how violent he is. Yes, and crude and stupid in so many ways. So all around bad egg, all around a bad egg. I was so thrilled. It was such an alien feeling

to open up a BBC News notification and go, yes! I can't remember the last time that happened, but it happened last night when I saw that he was not running. Yeah. And still he got a dangerous amount of support. I mean, my God, the team

was there ready, but next time. But the interesting thing is the people who did publicly back him have now kind of screwed themselves because they've outed themselves as people dumb, careeristic, and gullible enough to back him again this time. So now everyone knows who those people are. The whole thing is a real interesting case in game theory, right? It's literally the prisoner's dilemma of, you know, if I back Boris and he wins, then I've got a good job.

If I back Boris and he doesn't, then I'm in the shit. I don't know, though, because the membership like Boris and loads of people in the party do, so I don't think it'll be held against them. I don't think loads of people in the party do, so I don't think it'll be held against them. I don't think loads of people in the party do anymore. I think they know that he's toxic. I think they know that he's... No, they did the poll.

That's why people said that if it went to the members, he would win. Oh, the members, yeah, exactly. No, no, no. But I think the Tory party now, anyone sensible in the Tory party is not thinking about what the members want because there's a general election coming in at least january 2025 sure but if you're an mp and you

know that your district is like full of boris lunatics then you need those guys to be activists for you you actually need them so you it'd be good for you to say that you want boris back yeah yeah but um i mean, Boris's approval with the members is the highest it will be among any group in the country, and it's still at about... I mean, it's high. It'll be about 60, what, 60, 70% or something like that? Oh, look, it's not like a...

But if we're talking in terms of just completely... Well, if we're talking in the terms that the Tories are, which is completely internal, navel-gazing, self-obsessed psychodrama, then, you know. Imagine if Rishi can't pass a budget. Imagine if he can't pass the Halloween budget and then he collapses and then Boris comes back

again from presumably another holiday somewhere nice. Fucking hell. But, well, I think the important thing to remember is that now that it's between rishi sunak and penny mordant we have the choice of two absolute slamming hotties and that is something this country can be proud of yeah it's rare for the british politics uh british political system to produce anyone that doesn't look a bit odd.

Yeah. Whereas Rishi and Penny are... They make me do cartoon wolf eyes. Both of them. Any time I see a picture of Rishi Sunak or Penny Morden, I do big cartoon wolf eyes. They bounce out of my head

and I leap off the ground for a bit. And you have to hit yourself in the head with that big medicinal hammer. Yeah, they both fit though. I think they're both really fair. There's an argument. Yeah. Yeah? Well, there's an argument I've heard said before that um because of how often this

happens that the next prime minister is just chosen by the country's maddest fuckers in the form of the tory party membership that if you if no matter what your views are like even if you are like a card-carrying communist you should just join the tory party because you'll get more input into who's running the country than even just voting every election this is it and i have considered joining the um joining the conservative party in the last few years just so that i can pick the prime minister which seems to be something the tory party members get to do once every three months but at the same time you have to you know you have to come to peace with the fact that you're donating funds to the Tory party. That's true. That's true.

That's how they get you. It'd be funny if just like enough mad, madly left-wing by their standards people just joined. I mean, how would that affect all the stump speeches? They wouldn't know what to do. They'd be like... Well, yeah, but I mean, the Tory party are at least cunning enough to instill a rule that you have to be a member for three months or six months before you are allowed to cast a vote. Whereas what the Labour Party did when Jeremy Corbyn ran for Labour leader the first time was there was no minimum time at all. So you could join the Labour Party and vote for Jeremy Corbyn straight away, which is something that a lot of right-wing people did to fuck the Labour Party. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of a thing like a bunch of Tories bought a Labour membership and voted for Jeremy Corbyn and then quit. Oh my god. But then you just need a bit of organisation. I don't know. I just

want an election, Phil. That's all I want. My kingdom for an election. For who will run my kingdom. Yes, exactly. Exactly. But instead, we're going to sit around and wait for all the 90-year-olds to agree that Rishi Sunak is going to do the best by their pension funds. It just feels like it's been austerity since we graduated uni, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. And the development from that austerity is apparently a worse austerity.

Yeah, austerity has gone so well for the last decade that everything's still on fire and we need to have more badness. Yeah, but it's Brexit, you know that's brexit brexit is when when the country voted for brexit it voted for more austerity it voted to be poor and it voted um to be an international laughingstock for a generation at least how how soon how soon can we undo it how soon soon after you have announced to your entire school that you are going to make a functioning pair of wings and then you jump off the school roof and you smash your bones, how soon do you announce to the school that you're abandoning Project Eagle.

Well, I think you have to wait until enough of the students graduate and leave the school, if you catch my analogy, Pierre. They go to the big university of life in the sky. Yeah. They go to the big UC of life in the sky yeah they go to the big ucas form in the sky yeah um and well are they still doing polls on how many how much of the country still actually fucking wants brexit surely at this point most of the country wants doesn't want it anymore you'd think so but then i think it's like there's astonishing graphs about how immigration everyone got really friendly towards immigration the two years after brexit because it was like they'd busted their big hate nut and right interesting in their relief they'd gone no we like immigrants now that we can be sure that they deserve it which is not the case because it was still operating on the same rules it was just a completely emotional outburst um but then maybe i

don't know like would people then go oh no we can't go back to that because then blah would start happening again and then like for blah insert something bad here but maybe if we went back we could say because half the stuff that made brexity people Brexity and gave the Daily Mail fuel and the sun was policies that the UK didn't have to follow anyway. We could have just not. Yeah. We should do what the French do and just make up the rules as you go and pay a fine every now and then. I mean, why not? I don't know.

All right. Is that what they do? Seem to be, especially with the agricultural stuff. Oh right, is that what they do? Seem to be, especially with the agricultural stuff You know what French farmers are like Parking a tractor on the highway and burning a load of barrels And whatever Those fucking frogs

But I mean I don't think it will, it's very unlikely It will go to the members at all today It would be interesting i'd love if it didn't because even if it did and it was just rishi on the ballot do they still get to vote no oh no no no if it's only one if it's if it's only rishi he becomes pm they don't go to a vote this only goes to vote if there's more than one uh nominee if if only if there's more than one person who's got 100 mps backing them so if it's just rishi he becomes prime minister yeah yeah well it'll only go to the

members if if penny mordant gets 100 well i say thank god but i mean penny mordant is is is a much more sensible and center center bound person than rishi. So in reality, I should be praying that she's on it and praying that the members somehow choose her. Yeah, but I think there's more... I mean, the thing now is trust in Britain as a financially sensible country. And I think because Rishi Sunak is a known asset in that regard, he'll probably be a little better for the markets

and all that sort of thing. And also we want someone who is sensible that we don't descend into utter hell over the next two years, but also are popular enough that Labour win the next general election. Yeah, I think... I think would be that popular.

Would be too popular. Yeah, I think that's true because rishi sunak gave us lots of you know lovely money to help us all not die of starvation from covid times but equally he's like very very pro austerity and anti helping people out with money yeah and and pro brexit um oh god yes he is but and also now now he can't buy everyone's Favour because there's no money left to give out So yeah it'll be interesting Yep oh god

Well you know In other news about Disappointing outcomes for some people We have a shocking We have a shocking secret To share with you listeners We Are going to do We have a shocking secret to share with you listeners. We are going to do a Bud Pod Live,

but before you cheer and jump out of your seat and run to the window and ask the boy in the street what day this is, before you do all that, 11th of February, 2023, we advertised Bud Pod Live exclusively to patrons, and it sold out just from the Patreon. Yes, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. We're sorry if you didn't manage to get a ticket. But, I mean, it's a great advert for being on the Patreon because you find out about these things first.

Yeah, it's true. But the headline is, we finally overcame the naysayers, a.k.a. me, and decided to do a Bud Pod live. Just to stick it to the man, and that man being me. I said it would never happen. And by God, I've proved myself wrong. And I hope I learn from that. The repressive dictatorship of Phil Wang has been overthrown and replaced with the generous, open-handed God Emperor of Phil Wang. I'm eating humble pie that I have baked myself and I'm feeding myself.

And that you like. And that I like. However, fear not, listeners. Because this event sold out basically in two days, three days, e.g. the advance notice period the Patreon subscribers got, we will be looking into doing another one in london as a result because it took us by surprise how much how much hunger vicious hunger there was clearly but also keep in mind that we will as because we've promised promised that we will have to announce it to the

patrons first i'm starting to realize that our patrons are basically like a Tory party membership and they have an outweighed influence on the Budpod but if you sign up to our Patreon you find out about these things first and you get first dibs on tickets to any live Budpods we do but worry not if you missed out on this one

we will book in another live Budpod at some point. Yes. And in theory, if we can do it close enough to the February one, the patrons will be so sated that they won't need to come see another one. And you guys will get a better shot. Yes. Or maybe they'll be so disgusted They won't want to come see another one

Either way, you're quids in That's right, and if you are feeling Like in the new year You would like to experience Bud Pod Vibes Live, do not forget For the love of God That I'm doing my Edinburgh Fringe show Why Can't I Just Enjoy Things

From the 30th of January to the 4th of February Yes, go go go Go go go Soho Theatre, downstairs a fringe show why can't i just enjoy things from the 30th of january to the 4th of february yes go go go go go go soho theater downstairs cabaret seating small tables bar downstairs but also upstairs depending good time also just reminder that if you live in uk or ireland the republic of ireland or northern ireland, please get on my website because I'm going on tour there in spring. I'm coming to you whether you live in England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland, or the Republic of Ireland. Thank you. And depending on what date you see Phil,

you might see a familiar face before you see Phil. It's true. It's Boris Johnson. He's got another gig. Boris is opening for me. Boris Johnson is opening for me. I'm very excited to have Boris Johnson opening for me on my tour. I think he's learnt from his mistakes.

I think he's a new man. I think what you're going to see is that Boris Johnson Ivo is known very responsible thoughtful and funny man Is there a particular date that you and Boris are looking

forward to Phil? I'm looking forward to them all really, some of the rooms are quite big they're big even for as big a personality as me and boris johnson um yeah so it'd be interesting to see if we can fill those rooms out but i for for prudent reasons I'm equally excited about every single city I'm going to. Ah. Exactly the same. Yeah.

No favorite children? No. Non-public, anyway. We are four minutes away from finding out, Phil, if Rish Sunak is the first ever non-white prime minister. Yeah, that'd be quite something, eh? The first ever non-Christian prime minister as well. Oh, God.

Excuse me. God. Yes, that is something. That's how Pierre reacts to the news now. If he's really surprised, he'll sneeze. I sneeze. I react to any diversity milestones by sneezing, like some terrible biological racist.

Yes, that's true. I had not even considered that, because in my head, so many British politicians are basically atheists anyway. Yeah, yeah. Even, like, David Cameron and johnson both said the same weird um analogy for when they got asked if they were christian as well they like literally word for word said the same thing what did they say they said their christian faith was like a um a radio

station that you're trying to like you're tuned into when you're driving through the Cotswolds. Okay. Through all the valleys. So like sometimes that you can hear it and sometimes it goes away. Like it fades in and out, but it's kind of always there. Yeah, that's a decent analogy, I suppose. Yeah, but creepy that they both used it word for word exactly the same. But didn't Boris just copy David Cameron? Yeah, but even that's creepy because no one ever said oh you're copying me or whatever it's more like it feels more like a strategic almost like something they learned at

ethan just to go well say this if anyone asks there's something eerie about it because there's copying and then there's copying something like a phrase to be copied is one thing but an entire paragraph that's about your spiritual outlook on the world, that's creepy. Yeah, that does feel prepared and agreed upon. It feels like someone's gone. Practice. Say it's like a radio station that keeps fading in and out

when you're driving through. What's somewhere that conservatives love? The Cotswolds. Yes, bang on. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah, first non-white prime minister, first non-Christian prime minister, first Hindu prime minister.

At least I saw on Twitter that he's Hindu. Yeah, I mean, it's interesting that, I mean, I guess it's not quite the significant milestone it would be had Rishi Sunak been elected by the public. That milestone is probably yet to come.

I mean, it is yet to come. But still, it's very notable that we very likely have a first non-white Prime Minister. Then we will have had that we'll very likely have a first non-white prime minister, then we will have had female prime ministers and a non-white prime minister. Your turn, America.

Yeah, they got there ahead of us with non-white, but no ladies so far. No ladies, no ladies. Oh, I'm just Googling it. Rishi Sunak will potentially be named Prime Minister on Diwali. It is Diwali today. Yeah. I grew up knowing it as Di-Pavali.

In Malaysia, Diwali was always called Di-Pavali. Really? I don't know why it's something... It's a different dialect. It must be, yeah. Di- the Pavali. Really? I don't know why it's something... It's a different dialect. It must be, yeah. Pavali. Okay. Yes, it says he is Hindu, actually.

Because sometimes it's like... Wasn't there someone... A British Asian who was like, yeah, but no. Like they just sort of said, yeah, nothing really. Was that Priti Patel? What?

It was another one of the Tories. It was one of the current. Describing the content of her heart. Yeah, there's nothing in there, really. Yeah, just, you know, it's like knocking on a big hollow wooden chest. Oh, shit, Penny Mordant's withdrawn.

You're joking. Yep. Penny Mordant has withdrawn Dishy Rishy The short king Is Prime Minister of the UK looks like We now have two kings

King Charles and a short king Yeah Penny Mordant's withdrawn What is her statement Our party is our membership Boo Whether we are elected representatives, activists, fundraisers or supporters, we all have a stake in who our leader is. Where are you seeing this?

These unprecedented times. This is Penny Mordaunt. She's just put out this statement. On Twitter? Yeah. Penny Mordaunt. Keep going. These unprecedented times. Yeah, we know, Penny.

Despite the compressed timetable for the leadership contest, it is clear that colleagues feel we need certainty today. They have taken this decision in good faith for the good of the country, like they always do. Members should know that this proposition has been fairly and thoroughly tested by the agreed 1922 process. As a result, we have now chosen our next Prime Minister. This decision

is an historic one and shows once again the diversity and talent of our party. Does that mean, is that an allusion to him being Indian? Rishi has my full support. I am proud of the campaign we ran and grateful to all those. What campaign? It was two days. I am proud of the campaign

we ran and grateful to all those across all sides of our party who gave me their backing all five of them we all owe it to the country to each other and to rishi to unite and work together for the good of the nation there is much work to be done yeah we owe it all to the country to each other and to rishi to yeah that's odd isn't it we it to Rishi. He's not my fucking uncle. She's phrased that like Rishi's notably gone through a bit of a rough time lately. Yeah. Everyone be nice to Rishi, okay? He's only just become Prime Minister, okay? Very funny to lose to Liz Truss and then for her to just shit the bed so violently that you get the job anyway also this i i fucking hate this this pretending to to be stepping aside for the

sake of unity in the country when is simply because you didn't get enough backing. Yeah, sort of go like, I will nobly surrender my empty gun that has no bullets. Pound latest. It's funny to see. Imagine being Boris Johnson and knowing that when you fly back to your country to try and save it, the currency crashes. Yeah, the chart of the value of the pound follows the descent of his plane into Gatwick.

It's the same shape. As the plane lands, the pound just sinks. Yeah, the pound's at its strongest when the plane is trying to fly directly into the sun but yeah i mean yeah how about that our first non-white well our first indian heritage prime minister on diwali that's quite something that's quite the coincidence it's also like i always knew that the first time that we had a non-white prime minister it would be a tory yeah i mean this is a thing in it and you i mean you can make like arguments for well you know the conservative party

is the one that really uh is open to all as long as you share the same values but also it's just a it's just a numbers game the odds are the conservative party is in charge so odds are if there is going to be a female a female prime minister or a prime minister of color it's going to be under a Tory government government just because they are usually in charge but maybe maybe I'm being generous to labor there maybe labor does does have a problem but anyway we have our first pmoc we have a pmoc we have a first pmoc you finally have a pmoc yeah how about that um gosh yes and if it was penny mordant we could have had a pm pm yes that was a that was her slogan, her campaign slogan.

P.m. for p.m. A p.m. for a p.m. It's time for a p.m. squared. Do you think she's going to get a cool job now that she said a nice thing? I don't know. Has she left it too late? She dropped

out at the deadline. I don't think that counts. She dropped out at the deadline. I don't think that counts. She dropped out at the deadline of 2 p.m. She dropped out the minute she had to. Very noble. Yeah. Very noble from Penny.

I don't know. I don't know. We need an election, please. We desperately need an election But they're not going to do it, no time soon And they're going to say It's for the sake of stability But it's because they would be trounced

Yeah But that would be so funny To go for an election and for them to get down to like Like a Lib Dem number of MPs that would be so funny according to one poll

was it last week the SNP would become the opposition party if we had a general election oh my god isn't that crazy well then it would just do you think then that the uk would just degenerate into like a sort of should we exist or not election battle constantly well yeah exactly i mean if the s&p was the opposition party it would just be

the government and then the opposition party who just who wants to be in a different country that would be a first surely yeah well you just have to stand up every day and just gesture around the room and go i don't think any of this should even be happening uh yeah yeah we're just standing up and saying i don't want to be here uh but yeah cool here we go first ever non-white prime minister i mean that's something do you think they'll become a thing at all do you think um this is the this is the issue that the progressive left will always have which is that diversity is not always progressive at least not by their standards

so isn't, yeah I wonder if there'll be any sort of celebration from the traditional left of having a first non-white prime minister they wanted so badly to have their Obama moment Pierre

so badly can you their Obama moment, Pierre. So badly. Can you think about that? I mean, and the British left will never have that now. No, that's true. That's gone forever, isn't it? I hadn't thought about that. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, God, yeah. No chance, literally. Oh, man. Yes, that's true. I don't think we'll see any celebration. I mean, there was that Labour MP who had to get suspended for a bit or in trouble or something for saying that Kwasi Kwarteng was like, what did she say? He's only technically

black or something? Yeah. Superficially black, I think she said. Yeah, it's not great stuff. Not useful. But again, and this is where Kiyosutama is good. Just instantly she was ejected from the party, I think. Oh, no, suspended. Instantly suspended.

So yeah, but this is a problem that the far left has. They're so obsessed with race that they sometimes go full 180 and say some real racist shit under the guise of being progressive because apparently they decide what a black person thinks or what a non-white person thinks. Yeah. Yes. Yes, I can't wait to see the hot, hot takes

from people with twitter brain disease yeah yeah i reckon there'll be a couple of things like putting aside politics we have we should take a moment to appreciate where the country's got to a place where we have a non-white prime minister i guess if i was um a propagandist yes you know yeah trying to get hot takes on shit i would say well it's a good thing it didn't go to the uh the members because of they are racist and they would have said no yeah i mean i i i don think... I think that's pretty likely. I reckon if we do go to the members, pretty more than would have won.

I mean, that's not based on very much, but that's my inkling. It's your vibe check. Mm-hmm. I think that's it. I think that's fair. Well, we'll see. But how momentous.

It's finally happened. The UK has gone... Well, how many... We'd had... Thanks to Liz Truss, and I was already forgetting her name. Ha ha ha ha. Three female prime ministers.

Yeah. Yeah. Three FPMs. And now... What did you say? A P... A PMOC. A PMOC. Prime minister. Oh did you say a P a PMOC a PMOC

PMOC hello yes a PMOC we finally have our own PMOC well also wasn't wasn't Liz Truss the first Prime Minister

not to have gone to private school or to have gone to um is that right surely just the first Tory Prime Minister not to oh

yeah yeah yeah she can't have been the first one ever that would be insane right the first Tory Prime Minister not to. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She can't have been the first one ever. That would be insane. Right, yeah, first Tory. We'd have heard nothing but facts that no Prime Minister has ever been to state school. Because I think John Major went to state school. Oh, but he was a Tory Prime Minister.

Do you go to a grammar? Oh, hang on. This is going to bug me. We've got to clear this up. It's a disgrace in any case, Pierre. It is a disgrace. I think we've still not taken stock of just how weird Liz Truss was.

She's just a flat-out weird person. We never got the chance to see the full extent of how deeply unsettling she is. Yeah. Liz Truss has claimed she's the first Prime Minister to have attended comprehensive school. What does that mean? What is comprehensive school again? Comprehensive is a state school

that isn't selective in any way. It's just like local school. Oh, I see. And like a lot of schools that were grammars, but state schools became comps or are still grammars, depending on where in the country you are. But you have to pass the test to get in. Well, I'm afraid she's not a great advert

for comprehensive schools. As uncomfortable as that is. Well, her dad is a professor of mathematics so what the hell does he think well you know how kids rebel yeah so if you she's rebelled by being shit at maths if it's a state funded place like a grammar

then like John Major State School Margaret Thatcher State School, James Callaghan State School Harold Wilson State School, Edward Heath State School okay fair enough But I think those are all grammars and very selective And you know property market You just buy a house next door and blah blah blah Right gotcha gotcha gotcha

Well there we have it Our first P mark And I'll say it He He's fuckable. There. I said it. Let's draw a line under it and move on like grown-ups.

We should probably do some a tiny bit of correspondence. We have a couple minutes left. We'll do a blob of correspondence from a little dab. Just dab some correspondence. Open a couple minutes left we'll do a blob of correspondence from a little dab yeah just dab some correspondence yeah a little open a little bottle of correspondence and sniff it and put it back in our coat like in a a dodgy a dodgy cop in a film let's do it yeah Correspondence

Okay We have a message from Georgina Georgina Have you seen her? She's here She's here so you keep your eyes peeled Wait is this old?

Is this Old correspondence? Oh I wish people wouldn't Oh no Maybe this is not I mean it is all old correspondence because of our awful pace But No I don't think I have read this

Let's see see if it sounds familiar as I read it, Phil Georgina says Dear Poustage and Peekaging No, I think I would have remembered that Yeah, I think we'd remember that First of all, I need to apologise to Pierre For my fiancé and me Accosting him after one of his shows at the Camden Fringe

Spurred on by a significant volume of low-quality merlot, I felt that my praise for the show and the podcast should not be redacted, but spilled over you in a tumbler of delighted verbal diarrhea. Oh, that's nice. I think I remember this. We need to catch up with our correspondents somehow, but, you know, that's always been the case.

Twas ever thus. You were very nice and modestly accepting my compliments. I'm not sure if you're aware, but when we both told you that we were piss-tourians, my partner then got into a conversation with the brilliant Alex Keeley, who had misheard and asked him what kind of historians we are.

I do remember this, yeah. I remember Alex going, you're historians. I was like, no, no. It was about piss. Poor Alec. Yeah, that must have been a real anticlimax when he found out. Yeah.

She says, I think he was disappointed to learn that rather than being scholars of modern European history or ancient civilizations, we are in fact just people who have heard an inordinate number of stories about people shitting themselves in every way imaginable I've recommended the podcast to lots of people, thank you Thank you I am an obstetrician

and gynecologist Obzengaini Obz and Gyne. Obz and Gyne. Now there's a cop duo, Obz and Gyne. Obz and Gyne. Sergeant Obz and Detective Gyne. That's cool. They call us Obz and Gyne because we're always looking into cunts.

Nice. That's what he'd say to the mafia boss to kind of unnerve him and kind of be a cool, tough guy. And then Gain, he pops his head around and goes, plus we always deliver. Yes. Yes.

Very nice. And the magnifying glass is also a speculum that can just open people's orifices. Nice. I'm an obstetrician and gynecologist. So as you can imagine, the people I work with have fairly strong stomachs regarding. Orifices. Yeah.

The people I work with have fairly strong stomachs and jokes regarding bodily fluids are commonplace. One person I haven't yet been able to recommend the podcast to, however, is my five-year-old niece. Yes. Ah. Well, not too late. No. I don't know if podcasts have an age advising certificate,

but I suspect her ears are a little too young for Budpod just yet. However, as this story shows, I think she'll be a podbud in the future. Hmm. Hmm. I like the idea that a large chunk of our most dedicated listeners are like graphic designers and medical professionals Yes, yes, I think it reflects very well on us and on the cerebral nature of our poo chat

Definitely An aesthetic nature of our poo chat Definitely An aesthetic nature Yes the aesthetic nature High quality So the story is I recently had my family over to my New house including the ever growing cohort Of children that my sisters have been busy

Producing over the last few years The nation owes you A great debt The oldest Of which are my five-year-old niece Jess And my four-year-old nephew Seb I was retrieving something from upstairs And could hear them playing in the next room Where they stumbled upon an as-yet unopened door

Secret door What do you think is in there? Said Jess in a stage whisper i don't know said seb with trepidation maybe unicorns or treasure although i did see a ghost earlier so he might live in there are these children trying to prove that they're children to someone are they trying to to prove to anyone listening that they're children are they not children and are they aliens in disguise as children undercover cops it's obs and gini of course undercover as kids yeah try not to blow the cover yeah

it'd be so hard to explain to a kid what you meant if you if you said to a kid while they were talking this gibberish god you're being such a classic kid right now. Great work. Yeah. It's true. They've not developed their meta capabilities. No, no. I don't know if Sid said with trepidation, maybe unicorns or treasure, although I did see a ghost earlier

so he might live in there, which is good logic from Seb, I think. Osso's so casually dropped that he's seen a ghost. Although, to be fair, I did see a ghost earlier, so he might be there. Yeah. They're not even scared. Yeah. Like you saw a bird.

Let's have a look, exclaimed Jess, barely containing her excitement at the possibilities that lay ahead. Jess is by far the bravest of all the cousins, and takes her role as pack leader very seriously. Ah, yes. Good for Jess. I heard the sound of an opening door

and then a cry from Jess. It's the toilet! It's the toilet! Followed by delighted screams and the sound of small feet running inside onto the tiled floor. What? They do sound like Bud Pod listeners.

Yeah. Why are they so excited by the toilet? I passed the door of the bathroom a few seconds later to see Jess pointing at the toilet in fits of giggles, shouting to Seb, People do poos in there. She was doubled over with laughter while Seb stood next to her, looking between her and the toilet with a bemused expression. That's so funny.

Wow. Wow. Yeah, I mean, well, Seb's jaded. He's's seen a ghost today so yeah he's already seen the ghost he's expecting a lot more out of this i mean he was starting at unicorn so for it to just be the place where people poop his opening bit of a was unicorn that's true i spoke to my sister about the, and she exasperatedly explained that to Jessica, farts and poos are the funniest thing imaginable. Oh, good girl. Good girl, Jess.

Wise. Wise beyond her years. A clever child. Out of the mouths of babes. Yes. Apparently, she brags quite frequently to her parents when she does a big poo or a particularly smelly fart. Yep. Wow. What a legend, Jess.

Yeah. She's going to be a lot of... She's going to be a real fun, fun gal. Party lady. Party lady. Party farty lady. Party toilet woman. That's a costume, Halloween costume.

Yeah. Party toilet woman. Party toilet woman that's a costume halloween yeah party toilet woman party toilet woman um she brags and she has taken to calling her farts barnaby for no reason that her parents can explain barnaby that's funny that's funny e.g i did a barnaby earlier that smelled of eggs. Oh my god, wow. Gosh, she's hardcore even for us. Yeah, she's already using slightly abstract language. That's good. A Barnaby. Yeah.

I wonder where she's gone there from. Midsomer murders? No. I can only imagine what her three-year-old sister is going to be subjected to as they grow up together. As I say, when she is old enough, I think I may cement my reputation as favorite aunt by introducing her to this podcast and a whole world of poo-related comedy. God, I don't know how many episodes there will be to catch up on then.

I think by then we'll be in the Library of Congress, won't we? Stored as a historical artifact. BBC Archives. think by then we'll be in the library of congress won't be stored as a historical artifact archives just like cinema the cafe there'll be cafe footage of us black and white slightly juddery talking about shit and piss yeah comedians young comedians in 70 years will just be like i mean when you look back at the way that they talked about poo it's the reason that we have channel poo today toilet hour I mean all the greats really started

from there yeah things you couldn't imagine the comedy landscape without are only here because Phil and Pierre she continues I will need to warn Jess to be careful of where she listens are only here because Phil and Pierre. She continues, I will need to warn Jess to be careful of where she listens to the podcast, however, as I learned to my own detriment

recently. I was getting an Uber home from work after a particularly busy day. I'm a grumpy and cynical millennial, therefore I do not like making small talk with anyone. And I also detest listening to the sound of awful that fucking hellfire that is LBC. Hear, hear.

Oh, the other day I got in an Uber and he was blasting Alex Jones. No. It was just an Alex Jones show. Just crazy fucking Alex Jones shit. Really? And I was like, here we go. And I looked at how much time was left in the ride and it was one hour. No.

Yeah, Alex Jones. I've never met anyone who actually plays Alex Jones, let alone played it out loud in public. And he was just blasting it. And then, like, really late into the journey, he was like, so how's your day been?

And we started talking and he, from what I can gather, he believes that we, he kept talking about celestial beings. Oh, this sounds like David like territory. Yeah.

We were put here by celestial beings. And he said, we like early humans. We, we, we developed too quickly. We developed quickly than we should have. And that can only be explained because celestial beings came down and taught us how to govern.

And then I said, but systems of government have changed within the last, like, recent history. So what does... And he said, well, yeah, then they came down and they changed it. I mean, to go to your point about not engaging with these conversations,

I engaged with, like, the best of... What's it good what's called arguing good um faith yeah and i mean i knew he wasn't i was not going to convince him that it was not celestial beings but i still enjoyed chatting to him i enjoyed it but i was also relieved to get out of the car but yeah anyway yeah blasting alex jones never come across that before what did you hear anything particularly mental it was about covid it was about the vaccines yeah um i couldn't i tried my best to tune out to be honest, that's fair. It is difficult to argue with a man

for whom the answer to everything is the phrase celestial beings. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's my rent? Celestial beings took it, et cetera. Anyway, sorry, you need to... In order to avoid exactly that fate, she says,

I therefore decided to spend my journey home listening to the episode of Bud Pod that I had started that morning. Good choice. No, that's good. Nice. In the Uber. Yeah. Not wanting to seem rude, I politely told the driver that I needed to listen to something for work, so I wouldn't be able to talk for the remainder of the journey. I am so honored to be part of this particular lie because it's a lie I indulge in all the time. Of course he couldn't be annoyed about that,

she says. Yep. He turned down the radio as I put in my headphones and pressed play on my phone, excited to listen to my favorite podcast and put the stress of the day behind me. Oh, nice. Lovely. Immediately I knew something was wrong. Oh, nice. Lovely. Immediately I knew something was wrong.

Oh no. Instead of being played directly into my ears, Pierre's booming voice, hello, was suddenly projected out of my phone speaker at full volume. Yeah. Yeah. Oh no, it happens. As I fumbled with my phone to press pause, Pierre had just enough time to say

quote, there he was, with his pants around his ankles covered in vomit and shit. I mean, considering her line of work, that might have been for work. Yes, that's true. Yeah, that could easily be for work. Yeah, yeah. Although it would more likely have been i suppose if it's obstinate

yes unless a husband is talking about a husband who's yeah watching really bad losing his mind um with the sound of phil's laughter in the background uh she says i caught the eyes of the driver in the rearview mirror as i managed to reconnect my phone to my headphones, attempting and failing to look unfazed. I'm not sure to this day whether the driver thought that it was just a very inappropriate comment during a call or whether he rightly suspected I was lying

and discovered I actually live a bum-bum life and find poo and vomit hilarious. Either way, he was silent for the rest of the journey, aside from the courtesy, have a good evening, when he dropped me off. I was tempted to use, I'm a doctor, as an excuse. Or saying, okay, thank you. But instead I sloped off quietly

and gave him five stars and a tip for his silence. A tip for your silence boy like a jack the ripper escaping in a in a handsome cab that's funny a tip for your silence tip for your silence keep up the good work koji georgie thanks georgie. Absolutely thrilled once again with the prestigious nature of our listenership. And it's good to know

that even the good and the great doctors, the opposite specialists, are unwinding at the end of the day with Bud Pod. Yes. Yes, yes. The various PSs she attaches, there are wipe dispensers at her gym called Wipe Pod,

so she says that could be good merchandise. Oh, yeah. She's attached a wall of tat where she's found another version of the man cave rules, which are basically the same as the previous ones, but are written in a kind of more caveman-y way man controls all remotes things like that

repellent and she says I love the Netflix special incredible work also happy to hear I can perform a Chinese accent in public now thank you for the green light yeah yeah I mean still do be careful i won't always be around to tell everyone it's okay so yeah phil phil could you just tweet

your mobile number so people can ring you and they're in an argument about that um okay great well thank you very much for the correspondence. Thank you for listening, everybody. We will let you know when there are more live BudPod opportunities. But in the meantime, take the substitute drug of my Soho theater run and Phil's tour show, please. Yes, please, please, please. Until next time. See you soon. And I wonder who will be prime minister next week for bye bye