BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 19 - GlastonBudPod!

Episode Date: July 3, 2019

 GlastonBudPod! Sound apology, Glastonbury Goldblum, camping horrors, Phil’s regrets, the catchphrase incident, the ultimate Japanese heckle put down, China Daily, Sunder-Land, the British Festival Barbarism theory, WE FINALLY GET UP TO DATE WITH CORRESPONDENCE! Videogame noises and chess, cocktail icepicks, BUM BUM for two, street cred into street lead, pissy SIRI, Glasto Attenborough, dog story comeback, we have a question! Are you having a binbags day? Pierre making women vomit and faint and the swimming pool plaster bandit. Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's us, um, the Bud Pod Buds. Me, Phil Wang, and... Piano Veli. That's us. The Bud Pod duo, famed for our podcast, the Bud Pod. It is just called Bud Pod. On Twitter it's called The Bud Pod because Bud Pod was already taken. Yeah, bafflingly. Yeah. And also... I don't know who by. I can't remember.

It was something where it's like they haven't tweeted in years and they have four followers. Probably hoping to sell it to us for millions when the day came around. Well, good luck

because goons are coming to your house as we speak to break all your legs. All, all your legs. You've made it sound like this person has many legs.

Well, we'll see, won't we? It's episode 19. 19! We're about to break our second decath... decath... decath... decathcast. A second collection

of ten podcasts. Decacast. I guess it would be a decacast. We're about to hit a duodecacast. A duodecacast. That'll get you laid. Ha! be a deca cast we're about to hit a do a deca cast that's a fun word just do a deca cast that'll get you laid a do a deca cast um i was just um uh saying to phil about how my shorts are too tight on my big old thighs yeah unfortunately at the moment it is just the thighs that are um bulging bulging bulging yeah bulging out because i get like i

have to i get a massive waist so i have like a clown pants waist to try and desperately increase the thigh size on offer and it does change but like not by much sorry what do you mean so like i i go for a much larger waist than i need yeah to accommodate the thigh oh of course i've got this flappy old waist yeah and there's still the thighs aren't big enough because english shorts yeah are for sort of the english builds yes a big old gut and then sort of insectoidy very thin small legs i don't understand this understand. This is a country of slim men who in their older age just get a huge big cartoon beach ball gut and are nevertheless slim.

Whereas you have a build like one of those trees where your torso is the trunk, but then those trees have roots that are almost as wide as the trunk. You know, like a mangrove tree? A baobab. I'm a pear. I'm an hourglass. I'm a sort of mangrove tree.

I'm a kind of swampy saltwater tree man. Yes, quite right. And so I struggle with my billowing waist and my my straining thigh tubes I don't know how you've made them sound even grosser calling them thigh tubes now pod buds I have to apologise for last week's

episode the sound wasn't great I'm going to put my hand up and say I sounded I sounded a bit echoey um it sounded to me a lot like pierre was having a conversation with me but i was refusing to get off the toilet and so i was in the toilet and and i i had a sort of um kind of microphone you might see in a dramatization of watergate ah yes and i'm pressing it like an old 60s wall my like there's a tape rolling inside of it yeah yeah yeah a big old tape yeah and i've got

my ear against it going so what do you think like through the wall yes the last part the last episode did sound like it was recorded without my knowledge the last podcast would be inadmissible in court. The last podcast I was wearing a wire. Did you know? Did you know that the UK is a single consent recording country? So in the UK, I could record a conversation with anyone I wanted as long as I was a member of the conversation. Wow, really?

Whereas in parts of America, like some states in America, that's legal and some it's illegal. It is still illegal in the UK, however, really? Whereas in parts of America, like some states in America that's legal and some it's illegal. It is still illegal in the UK, however, to record a conversation clandestinely between two people

and you're not apart. So like you're across the road in a hut. What if you pretend to be in it? Like they say... And you're going, no, I was there!

The meeting's at five and you just whisper, oh, cool, that works for me. I can do five. Or in your van outside FBI style, you're going, hmm, shrimp sounds great. And then in court, you go, they invited me in from the van, and they said all their secrets while I was there. It was very convenient. Now, what a play.

What a play that would be. I know that in the state of New York in America, it's the same. Actually, I think it might be flat out legal to record anyone without their knowledge. be i i know that in the state of new york and america it is the same you know um oh actually i think it might be flat out legal to record anyone without their knowledge i think that makes more sense in new york where you have like a paper thin wall between you and the meth den next door where people are probably accidentally recording each other but also makes it absolutely astonishing that there's only one tape of Donald Trump saying grab them by the pussy I would have thought

there should be so many tapes that they're just worthless they're like Deutschmarks in a barrel just kids playing with them in the street you need a wheelbarrow of tapes of Donald Trump saying grab them by the pussy just for one loaf of bread they've ruined this country

apparently there's loads of crew members because you know he was the host of The Apprentice just for one loaf of bread. They've ruined this country. Apparently there's loads of like crew members because you know he was the host of The Apprentice for ages. So there's loads of like a whole decade or more of cycle of crew members and camera people who've just been on set

while he's being Donald Trump not even trying to be a politician. If you can imagine that. But they all have NDAs. They all get shot in the face or something. Fucking lawyers! Yeah, this is it.

We didn't mean to make it topical, but this all relates to the Boris Johnson argument thing, doesn't it? What's that? Because they recorded him through the wall. Oh, of course, his neighbours. His nosy neighbours are just excited about their new scoop about boris johnson these lefty remaining whiners i like uh all these journalists going if

there's one thing we can't stand it's clandestine recordings of uh powerful politicians we have always been absolutely furious when anyone's handed us one of these Yeah Why can't I shout at the top of my lungs in private? That's basically the argument, right? Yeah Why can't I scream into this thin, thin wall? And be left alone

With that old eavesdropping McGee. If I want to set off fireworks in my living room in the middle of the night and start several small fires, that is my business. It's my furniture. I can set it alight with reckless explosives as and when I see fit. I sort of admire almost Americas, even though they are insane, at least they're consistent with freedom is freedom,

I can do what I want. In Britain, we still have no idea really how free we want to be. No, everyone's very unsure. Whereas, like you say, with freedom of expression in America, there's very few limitations. And by and large, everyone is willing to admit that they can find a benefit for their group.

So all the Christians are like, ban the ban playboy. But then they're like, Oh wait, we have all those unbelievably offensive gay conversion therapy radio stations. So. So a little tit for tat.

Yeah. We get ours. You get yours. Yeah. You get boobs we get our insane gay conversion therapy centres run by visibly gay men it's a bit cynical listeners but if you do want to

have a sort of it is enjoyable but enjoyable in a very bitter and sad way there's any number of these guys who later turned out to be gay or whatever. But if you watch the videos from when they weren't in quotes, deus, they are.

They're camp, Phil. There's no other word for it. And you can be straight and camp, but come on. Yeah. These guys are coming at it from a personal angle, shall we say. I was cured.

You know, that kind of thing. Some of them do say that. Yeah. Some of them even claim that. It makes it a all the more tragic a lot more harder to watch a lot of american stuff always reminds me of like medieval times like the amount of them that do genuinely just believe in like demons it's weird and they want to believe it yeah they enjoy it i guess there's not much to do on planes if you live where there's just corn i guess demons are pretty you know it's the only way you're going to really enjoy If you live where there's just corn, I guess demons are pretty, you know,

it's the only way you're going to really enjoy yourself if you imagine there's all these things flying around. An angel. Speaking of demons in a field, I've just come back from the Glastonbury Music and General Performing Arts Festival.

You were being a cool, hip festival boy. Yeah. It's not really my bag, really, the field festivals. But I went to Glastonbury in 2017 and actually thought it was quite fun. So I was performing again this time around. But I thought, ah, no tent. I'll splash out, hire myself a little camper van. So I found this great little camper van hire place in Forest Hill in London.

Shout out to Camper Fantastic. They're actually really lovely. They're great. And this van, they really kidded me up, man. It was a delicious brand new Volkswagen Ocean. Oh, you went for the proper 60s surfer yeah but like the new version so it's all like metallic and stuff and and modern and with bluetooth um sound speakers whoa and uh like reversing cameras and uh sensors to make sure you don't bump into anything. Nice. And

air conditioning and a fridge and a stove and a tap. Whoa. And a little wardrobe. Two beds, one on the roof, one on the ground. Oh, wow. And so it meant I was working Glastonbury at a loss, but...

But you could have sleepovers. Dude, it changes the game. It it changes the game absolutely changed the game I actually was looking I look I was looking forward to getting back to the van yeah you're like and you you're saying to people you want to have a sleepover in my van I got bunk beds because usually if you're most people at the festival are drinking to try to forget that they're sleeping in a tent. Yes. Yeah.

And to try and forget that often in my case, there's a sort of inflatable mattress that starts the night inflated, but you'll wake up at half past three just on the ground and absolutely busting for a piss. On the ground, the mattress, your hip bone is pressing right into the ground. You can feel the details of old fossils in the ground. You're rubbing against it so hard. Ground that you swore when you just touch it with your hand. It's quite soft, loamy soil.

But the second you lie down on it, you go, this could be a parking lot. I could be in a fucking supermarket parking lot the way this feels on my bones. It's absolutely ghastly. I do know that back when I was much, much fatter, well, since I'm not as fat, sitting down on hard

surfaces, way less fun. Yeah. I get bum pain so much faster. So there's a sense of rebellion and sort of freedom when you're young about sitting on something that isn't a chair yeah but as you get older you start to realize you can appreciate the value of chairs and why they're designed that way and why they're about knee height and also why uh it's nice to be able to put on your trousers without having to stand up outside in rain.

Oh, fuck yeah. Putting on trousers in a tent. And running across a field just for a desperate, like, nighttime piss. There's no dilemma harder than waking up in the middle of the night in the tent and really needing a piss. Yeah. I mean, what the fuck do you... I've done a bottle wee before. I've done it. Yeah. What mean, what the fuck do you... I've done a bottle weed before. I've done it.

Yeah. What kind of bottle? Like wine? It was, it was one of those, it was one of those big square ones you get at Oaxaca.

Like an old tequila bottle. I think it was just a backstage water bottle. Yeah, sure. But there was no plastics I guess in me this year, so good luck with your tent piece. I've got to pee in a backstage water bottle. Yeah, sure. But there was no plastics, I guess, in me this year, so good luck with your tent, Pease. I've got to pee in a big paper bag and just let it seep through. Pop it over someone's head like it's a prank.

I like the idea of that, like, now everyone has to throw piss at bands using little jars and bits of paper. Yeah, little sort of sailor's tin cups. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Now, I had to park up behind the cabaret tent, which meant leaving my beautiful, shiny camper van among the freaks and the jugglers. And I was just terrified the whole weekend

that someone's going to scratch up and mess up this beautiful camper van right yeah because some carny is going to be juggling knives and

like a bunch of guys parked right in front of this huge van and brought out like wicker chairs and made like a veranda like pressing up against the front of the car

I was like every time any of that wicker started to touch the headlights I moved the chair but over the weekend had a great time, saw some great bands. Van was fine. We packed up late on a Sunday night. Saw Janelle Monáe, one of the best gigs I've ever seen.

Ran to the van. Van is pristine. We pack up. 11.30 p.m., we leave. So we're missing the bulk of the traffic that's going to happen the next morning when 200,000 people leave a field. 30pm we leave, so we're missing like the bulk of the traffic that's going to happen the next morning when everyone's going, when 200,000 people leave a field. And also, can we just say

leave a field in the one part of the country with no highways. Astonishingly. You have to get on the A20567 dash B X hyphen and we get back to

Brixton. Yeah. And we park up and it's a bit narrow and I scratch the fucking front left of the van. Getting back. Parking in London, getting back. No. Bank. Parking in London getting back. Took it to return back to the

wonderful rental place this morning. And I'll be lucky if it's £400. Oh, fuck. Jesus Christ. So that kind of put a damper on the whole weekend.

You were the carny all along. The carny was in me the whole time! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ah, there's one. Oh, another. Excuse me... Oh, they're all out today, aren't they? Oh, I should have brought a bigger bag. Excuse me, sir. Oh, a're all out today, aren't they? Oh, I should have brought a bigger bag.

Excuse me, sir. Yes? Can I just ask, there's no pool toys in this... That's the next session here. This is just lane use. Oh, no, don't mind me. I'm just harvesting. Oh no, don't mind me. I'm just harvesting.

Right, you can't use that little net thing now. People are trying to... Oh no, don't mind me. I'm just harvesting. Right, well, what are you collecting? Hmm? Well, what are you... You're not even dressed for swimming. Although, thank you for not wearing outside shoes. Plasters!

I come here to collect plasters. Plasters? Plasters. Use plasters. Plasters that come off your body when you swim. I'm Brie Wadette, and I scoove about at the pool. Right, do you work for the... No one's the wiser.

Do you work for the pool? Sorry, are you... Who's told you you can be here and do this? Oh, no one's told me. No one's told me... Sorry, hang on. I don't know why I'm not asking... I can be here, but if there's any consolation,

people have told me that I can't. Right, that's the opposite of consolation, actually. I see what you're trying to do there with balance. No. Why? Why are you doing this? That is disgusting. What? What? What's disgusting?

The plaster. What are you... The disgusting of a plaster? It's just a human body. It's part of a human body. Well, it's not, is it? Yeah. But why do you want other people? I can't believe I'm asking this. It comes off the body. It's part of the body. It's natural. Yeah, but why do you need... What's this for? Why does anyone need anything? Why do you need food?

Well, so I can stay alive long enough to find out why you're doing this. Ah, touche. I see you have come toe-to-toe with the master of the debating form. Sure. Now, I think we've agreed to disagree, so on your way. Right. Well, no, that's not going to work again. I was surprised last week.

Yeah, I bet you were, and so was my boss. So that's why I'm even more determined this week to find out... Well, first of all, I'm going to have to manhandle you out the door. But secondly, I genuinely cannot believe myself, but I do need to know why. Why?

Why do I collect plasters that come off the bodies of strangers in my local swimming pool? Yes. So they'll be remembered. Do you ever think about that? No. All these plasters, all these people, this really poor, people they'll forget. They'll forget any of this was here. They'll forget any of us

were here. They'll forget any of us had plasters on. They'll forget any of us scraped our knees. They'll forget any of us nicked ourselves with a salad knife. But I won't. I'll have these plasters. Reminders of days gone, never to be retrieved again.

Of mistakes made but sealed over in glow antiseptic. I will be the soul keeper of our stories. I will collect these tales. I will pass on our legacy to the next generation through these plasters so when you ask me why I do this I tell you why not I ask you if not me

who and if not now when oh that was that was beautiful And if not now, when? Oh, that was beautiful. Mm-hmm. Thank you. But could you please just wait till you get home to eat them? Oh. Fuck, man. What did you scratch it on? Another car? Fuck man

What did you scratch it on? Another car? It was this fucking It was a lamppost That looked from where I was sat in the van Very far away from the van But of course for absolutely no reason Had a fuck off huge concrete foundation Underneath it

That was just about wheel height And it's too big it was way too wide it's it's sticking under the road looks like it's designed to stop people from stealing the lamppost we're knocking it over that's outrageous and just to be that close to a perfect trip and at the end and you threw all your new ponchos and rage out into the street all your beads and what's so annoying

the worst thing about that is I just went okay well that's my next two weeks of mental health ruined because I will be obsessing over how do I go back in time and not do that? What unreasonable things can I imagine having done?

Yes. Yeah, that will not have led to that. You know what I think it is? So I have a terrible sense of regret. So much so that I actively fear regret. And I don't do things because I'm scared I will regret doing them wrongly or badly afterwards. You are one of the people who I think should get a big neck tattoo that says regrets. And most of the pain comes from the feeling that I can change it or that I should change it.

And I never can. And you could have avoided it. And I think a lot of it is to do with having played so many video games. Save points. And save points. And being able to go back and fix your mistake. Yes. And I genuinely think that's a big part of my terrible regret.

In a sense, regret. I feel that it's conditioned in me that I could fix it. That I can go back and fix it but i can't find the button in real life so you keep thinking it yeah so i just keep going over in my head again and again and again and again how to fix the problem that's already happened it's like licking an ulcer it keeps going is it still there and then that makes it worse each time you're keeping the ulcer around i i used to be more like that and you know what actually did help i when i did art at school and I still do it sometimes

just using Indian ink so Indian ink dries and it's waterproof when it dries so I could draw something in Indian ink wait for it to dry and just do watercolors all over it it doesn't smudge but if you make a mistake you're fucked if it gets on your clothes you're fucked

it's the ultimate ink but you can't when I would draw with a pencil and an eraser a rubber saw rather gets on your clothes you're fucked it's like the most it's the ultimate ink yeah but you can't like when i would draw with a pencil and an eraser a rubber saw rather uh i would be all fiddly and like that wall's not quite right i'll just rub it out and do it again it would take fucking forever and it wouldn't like be like spontaneous nice lines and draw start drawing with ink i don't draw at all i have to just start drawing we'll just start drawing with make sure you start drawing with ink because then you just go right now you've made a big mistake

you've smeared ink in this big line you have to incorporate that now too bad shit that's part of the drawing now could could the cure to my regret lie in the ink pot art therapy with bud pot so that's just a real kick in the ass However A real punch in the chops However, one great thing did come out of Glastonbury You had a catchphrase shouted at you Yes, I did

On the first gig I did two shows On the Saturday and the Sunday And at the end of the first one I said well thanks guys don't come tomorrow it'll be the same shit

and someone went oh yeah sorry what and someone in the middle of the time went keep jacking it I was furious what did you do how did you react well I said

I explained to everyone else that that is a catchphrase from our podcast and that hearing it out of context sounds absolutely horrible

and that I considered a technique an act of terrorism because this person knows how how much I hate that catchphrase did you see them

yeah yeah what do they look like gleeful yes were they like and knows how much I hate that catchphrase. Did you see them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do they look like? Gleeful! Yes! Were they like in crazy, I'm a festival person clothes or were they in I'm camping quite seriously clothes? He was a dude, youngish dude in pretty normal clothes actually. Good centrist clothes.

Blend in. Yeah. To the crowd. Yeah. Strike like a viper and melt away. in to the crowd. Strike like a viper and melt away. And I later found out that

MP and general legend lady Jess Phillips was in. Jess Phillips came to see me. She tweeted actually. She came to see me. Jess Phillips MP, right honourable. All the other words. Yeah, which I thought was very cool. That's very cool.

Yeah. That's the real split in politics now, isn't it? Your MP An MP is either cool enough to be at Glastonbury And be tweeting at you Or is so old and insane That it's like one of the most malevolent zombies From the Victorian era

And those are just like the two types of MP Those are the two types that seem engaged on social media. Yes, that's right. Social media MPs are either super cool and nice Glastonbury people or the monster on all the Iron Maiden album covers. And it was not a friend because I was tweeting about Jess coming. Jess, like, you know jess phillips coming to the gig on twitter saying how how chuffed i was and i had a friend takes me saying jess phillips

is too um lefty for you what no just because i this is how mad this is the position we're in now because i tweet and talk about um corbin's opposition, the leadership, being a bunch of anti-Semitic morons. Yeah. That I couldn't like assess any Labour politician. Also like... Like a sensible... Also like loads of the... Middle ground politicians.

Loads of the proper like Corbyn Twitter fanatics troll Jess Phillips all the time. They don't like her. They hate her. Absolutely hate her. But I have this problem as well, where because I'm not pleased with how the progressive left is doing, everyone's like, oh, you probably want everyone to live in a big tin bath. And they project this nonsense onto you. But then at the same time, you and I will both get, if we ever pop up on the BBC or something,

we'll both get tweets from an unbelievably red man. Say, oh, the lefty lovies on the BBC gravy train. And all those fucking catchphrases they've learned from watching Rod Little on Question Time or whatever the fuck. It's very irritating. My second performance was also quite politically charged. Really? On Sunday, yeah. But in a different way.

Someone said stop jacking it That would have been outrageous But it's good to have the balance At least we're having the conversation It's the dialogue that's important Take on people who want you to stop jacking it In the marketplace of ideas Whether you think we should

Keep jacking it Or stop jacking it, we have to come together and find a middle ground. And believe in Britain. Maybe we sometimes jack it. Believe in Britain. Maybe we sometimes jack it.

Maybe we follow a Norway model. On the Sunday, I was doing my stand-up and I got to a bit about... I got to a bit about the Japanese. I've got a bit about my Japanese hairdresser. Oh, yes, yes. And I do his voice. That's a good bit.

And I talk about the Japanese. And then you do a whole bit about doing the voices. Yes. And I do a bit about forgiving the Japanese for the Second World War in a tongue-in-cheek manner and um suddenly this a man runs towards the stage right and shouts i'm japanese and starts flicking the v's on me and i look down and it is a japanese guy it's a middle-aged japanese man and he's flicking the v's and doing the the the fight where you how do how would you describe that

where you slap your palm into your bicep and curl it and you curl it the sort of my forearm is a dick and up it goes yeah and up it goes

and at the end of that dick is also the V's I'm flipping you so he was implying that he was showing you his erect penis and his erect penis had two fingers

coming out the end yeah wow he had like a dual pronged penis yeah and he was like ah fuck you

ah and people were like and he ran back to the back of the tent right and and then i said uh did you come over run to me run in here just to do that and he said yes and then pressed for a response yeah an old tweet of yours came to my mind. Oh, yeah. And I said, it's not like the Japanese to mount a surprise attack. Yes.

And everyone went, yeah. Nicely done. It turns out that comeback is, you can apply it to almost any aggressive move a Japanese person or entity makes. The second anything, even vaguely Japanese, does anything, you could just make a reference to it. Yeah. I thought you were going to make some kind of incredibly dark, like,

rape of Nanking. Oh, no, I then said, all right, see you next war. I then said, all right, see you next wall. And what was funny was a reporter from China Daily was in. Yeah. Because he was going to interview me afterwards about how Glastonbury was going. And he put a big tick next to your name on the government's list. The commenters. I'm in the good books of China Daily now, which is good.

That's good. But it was a fun time. I saw some really great music. Oh, yeah? We had Keep Jackin' It, obviously. And Jeff Goldblum was there. Piss off. Jeff Goldblum and his jazz band were playing one of the stages.

What? Of course he has a jazz band. So obviously I went to see Jeff Goldblum. Yes. And everyone's like, surely he's not with Jeff Goldblum. You turn up and on stage, yeah, there's Jeff Goldblum in a ridiculous jacket. Oh, hi.

Hi, everybody. Thank you so much for coming to see me. Yeah, it's wonderful to be here. Wonderful to be here. Glassenberry? Glassenberry. I guess. Glassenberry. For coming to see me Yeah It's a Wonderful year Wonderful beer Glastonbury Glastonbury I guess Glastonbury

And then he was handed He was handed a sheet of paper And he just His instant reaction To being handed a sheet of paper He went True or false I've never seen

This piece of paper before True or false Really Give me a cheer for true And everyone went Yeah Give me a cheer for false And people went

Yeah But it's true. I've never seen this piece of paper before. And he started reading it. And it was just a list of cities in the UK. Right. And the nicknames people have, the people who are there from there have. Right.

And so he just had a whale of a time going through cities. Are there any Geordies in And someone goes wow What about Scousers Scousers And the best part was when he said How about People in from Sunderland

If you ever lost your mind it's Sunderland Sunderland Sounds like the worst theme park in the world Sunderland If anyone lost their mind it's Sunderland Sunderland It sounds like the worst theme park in the world Sunderland Oh yeah The price of entry is a can of white stripe The best bit White lightning rather

I'm getting my booze confused What was the best bit? The best bit of Glastonbury Of most musical performances For me bit of Glastonbury, of most musical performances for me, but especially Glastonbury, is listening to Americans pronounce British cities. So you got to the point where people became completely desensitized to Glastonbury.

Yeah. Newcastle. Newcastle. Where's the old one? And my favorite version of this was watching the Wu-Tang Clan Who were great But the first one to come on stage Was the DJ one

Who ran on stage Grabbed his decks And went What's up London That was my favourite part of the whole weekend That was my favourite part of the whole event What did the crowd do people kind of just went

yeah you kind of have to right because you're already a fan that's why you're there so you don't want to start by going well boo on principle or just no wrong it would be funny if the whole crowd as one just went

wrong like thousands of people just barking out the word wrong No. Wrong. It would be funny if the whole crowd as one just went, Wrong. Like thousands of people just barking out the word wrong. In perfect unison. Yeah, like a horrifying rally. Wrong. I'd just like to thank you all for making this Glastonbury the first year it's been entirely free of single-use plastic bottles. And that means that you've all been using multiple-use metal bottles or small paper cups to hurl your piss at Keane.

And so encouraging to see people using small paper wraps for cocaine and molly. Big up the South London crew and all the other mandem that are here. I'll see you at Chemical Brothers. Hashtag Atty Out. Mic drop. British festivals seem to me an indication that the British people will never really get away and don't want to get away from their inherent barbarism. I think that's true.

All the civilized behavior and stuff is for the rest of the time, but they want to keep their verging on pagan. It's very pagan. It's pagan and it's mad and it's angry. It's like the fucking purge. Yes. It's like British

purge. Yeah. I think that's what happens. If you spend the whole year not saying anything when someone pushes in a queue, that builds up to the point where you start sniffing ketamine of someone's rank balls. Oh, I'm gonna shit in a field and

throw piss at a superstar. And I don't give a shit if it's the Wu-Tang Clan or Jeff Goldblum. I'm hurling a load of piss in a muddy field covered in shit and sweat. Yeah, there's a real savagery to it.

Yes, that man's just a push in front of me at the cube, but I'll just hold on to that and throw shards of glass at Beyonce this July. But it's the same as the drinking, isn't it? Yeah. Where it's like every Saturday night in every town centre up and down this great

nation of ours, people just flip their fucking lids. And they don't even do it in like Germany or France or Spain, just nowhere. And no one is surprised. Everyone's like, oh, yeah. No one is surprised that their colleagues,

who have not said a word all week, rip off their clothes and go insane. Like a superhero. It's weird. When I was in Rome back a few podcasts ago, we were walking around these alleyways that's an old imperial measurement for time isn't it yes yes yes yes yonder yonder is yonder field there's three podcasts hence um yeah we were walking around these alleyways and there were

all these like you know piazzas and town squares little mini towns pizzas all these little pizzas people were congregating. That's right. And it was like late and everyone was drinking and people just sat on these fountains with booze and there were loads of young people

like the average age and it was fine. No one was even shouting. I remember going on The craziest thing that was happening was a living statue man was doing a dance

in the most touristy one and no one was paying any attention to it. That's because they shout they have the opposite. They shout and gesticulate the rest of the time that's true isn't it if you spend all day going i can't wait for the weekend when i can finally just quiet down a bit and maybe i just wanted to relax

maybe that's it maybe that's the solution because like it's not normal to live in a country where you sort of wake up on a saturday morning or a sunday morning and you walk through your town center or the high street and there's just piles of sick just dotted you go oh yep yep big pile of sick just and like people going and when we were at old Cambridge University together, before we met each other at the Illuminati meeting where we get given secret advice by Stephen Fry. And MacBooks. And MacBooks.

For a limited time. Even the Illuminati couldn't afford that long term. A friend of mine befriended an American student. Ooh. Ooh. Yeah. This lady was studying in Cambridge from the Midwest. So she was probably... That's a long commute.

You're listening to LBC. Hi. So she'd come all the way from the Midwest and was a bit sort of folksy down home, you know? Sorry, are you filming something? She was a bit folksy, if you know what I mean. She was a bit folksy down home. Ginger. Her down home was a bit sort of folksy down home, you know? Are you filming something? She was a bit folksy, if you know what I mean. She was a bit folksy down home. Her down home was a bit folksy.

She's got a guitar up there. She's got a guitar up there. Anyway, she says to this friend of mine, who's also a lady, a lady person, she says, I can't believe a city as prestigious and medieval as Cambridge has such a terrible problem with prostitution.

And my friend's like, really? And she's like, yes. Here's all these prostitutes I've seen. My friend's like, where are they? Is it like Mill Road or something? It was a bit scuzzy when we were there. And it turns out she was just talking about all the ladies. On a night out?

Yeah. She was literally on Friday night and Saturday night there's all these people who aren't wearing any clothes just walking up and down the street yelling and drunk and hanging out in alleyways smoking and she'd just seen them as prostitutes. Also how unprofessional does she think our prostitutes are? Have some respect. How dare

she? Drinking on the job. I don't think so. Not in Great Britain. Believe in Britain. But yeah, she'd gone, those are definitely sex workers. Yeah, I mean, that might be her also coming from

the Midwest. Oh, that's totally it. But it's part of that kind of thing of like, there's that stupid, lame, boring joke that comedians have to make about Geordie girls where they just wear like a belt two belts and they go out in the snow ha ha ha but it is

also true that's why it's a boring cliche to say it's unfunny because it's true that's good that's good yeah that's a good piece of comedy theory it's funny because it's true until it's so true it's unfunny because it. Yeah, that's a good piece of comedy theory. It's funny because it's true until it's so true it's unfunny because it's true. Yeah.

Yeah. It's unfunny because it's been true for too long. And people keep saying it. Yeah. Because it's an easy way to get people to go, Ha ha, yeah. Ha ha ha ha. Yo, yo. Ha ha, yeah.

Ha ha, yo. I guess I've never seen it that way. You got something there put that in your sketch you could do a skit about that put that in your stand up sketch yeah I've been told to put a lot of things in my stand up sketch

has anyone ever told you something you've got something there everyone told me something and then I've said back to something You've got something there Has anyone told me something And then I've said back to them you've got something there Yeah yeah when someone says like hey Like a taxi driver or whatever says oh you should do You should do jokes about Sunglasses

You know when people make these mad suggestions Has anyone ever Had a point I had a good one I'm sure once or twice but because they've offered it to me I've had to point? I had a good one. Yeah. I'm sure once or twice, but because they've offered it to me, I've had to convince myself it's not good. On pure principle grounds.

Yeah, because the buck has to stop somewhere. I can't open that floodgate. Oh, God. Can you imagine if a famous comedian on Twitter just tweeted, anyone got any ideas? Anyone got any thoughts on modern life yeah you know jerry seinfeld just does like an instagram story with a question and answer and the question just what's the deal with and then blank just always follows the type it in i would love that though to to get someone of Jerry Seinfeld's caliber and forcing them through crowdsourcing topics to do a Seinfeld level routine about...

And then he looks and it's like, you know, something like Snapchat dick pics or whatever. Something he'd never normally address. Or like a meme. Yeah. That would be good. I'd like that. Crowdsource Seinfeld. Crowdsource Seinfeld.

Yeah. Bully Seinfeld into addressing topics he has no interest in. Using the power of the crowd. Because people are power. And power is people. That's good. Yeah? You could work for literally any political party.

It's interesting, isn't it? None of them go, the people suck. Put us in charge Not them For a better future For all not nobody And not a bad future It'll be good It won't be bad

It'll be the opposite of bad It'll be good like that time you remember when it was good It'll be like like that time you remember when it was good it'll be like then thank you correspondence so some correspondence uh and and there is a backlog Because you love us listeners And we love you And what more appropriate thing For a podcast

Mainly about poo to have Than a backlog Nicely done Thank you That was good poo referencing Thanks that's how I got this job Or jobby So Ah a challenger appears Thanks, that's how I got this job. Or jobby. Jobby.

So. Ah, a challenger appears. Nathan gets in touch. Oh, hi, Nate. And he says, hey, PodBuds, the subject of the email line was fuck, cunt, and koji. Okay. And as we've established. Let's see where this goes. Koji is keep jacking it.

It is. It sounds like a dog. Was there a dog? A terrifying monster dog called Kojak. Was Kojak a dog? Kojak was a detective series with a bald man. We did Kony. We had Koji last time.

Okay. So now it's hashtag Koji 2012. Keep Jacking It 2012. He says... I mean, if you think about it, very, very insensitive. But it is funny. He says, sorry for the expletive-laden subject to the email, but I wanted to get in touch to discuss fornication under consent of the king.

Oh, yes. So this is the acronym. Yeah, he said you did an excellent job undermining the stupid theory on the etymological root of the word fuck. I mean, what fornication under consent of the kinging idiot would believe such nonsense? Plus, in English, especially by the 20th century, permission is given by consent, not under consent. I doubt even the most ill-educated medieval

peasant would consider under proper usage. And then I'm doing, I'm following his performance instructions for this bit. Okay. Excuse my rudeness, me lord, but as this act is permitted by the king's consent and not under it, shouldn't what I'm doing with my wife in my mouldy wooden shack be known as

for bucking? It's quite fun. Gave me some little performance play there to do. Did he tell you to do the accent? He did, yeah. He said, in your fine medieval peasant accent. Oh, that's good. I like me lord. Presumably... Is it based on the peons in Warcraft? Yeah, yes, I think so, yeah.

Yes, me lord. Yes, my lord. Work, work, work. I still love Stronghold for that. More wood is needed. You can increase the amount of food everyone gets to make them happier, but it will deplete your stocks.

And the most you can give everyone is double rations. And everyone gets all fat and happy. And when you pull the meter up to double rations the voice goes, double rations? It's funny. I didn't get this game. And then he says so presumably once a year the king wearing a crown

and an ermine cloak with jewels would visit each village to enforce his eccentric policy. His courtiers would stride beside him bearing placards embossed with a gothic typeface which reads cunt, copulation usually not tolerated, thanks for the podcast and of course Koji, keep on joking

very good email Nathan thank you Nathan, that was very high quality shit, very very good Jonathan gets in touch again ah Jonathan, our friend currently teaching in Mexico or Mexico dear earbuds or Mexico Our friend, currently teaching in Mexico. Or Mexico. Or Mexico.

Dear Earbuds, Or Mexico. Or Mexico. After completing the very common teacher's side quest of marking exams, I was catching up with the last three episodes of Budpod and came across another side quest, courtesy of a small mistake in your broadcast. Oh, for fuck. Yes, so basically he remembers that we made that mistake

about Lennon having the affair with Frida Kahlo, but it was Trotsky. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Classic Bud Pod. And he's in Mexico. He's in what? He's in Mexico.

Oh, of course. Where all this shit went down. Yeah. So, it was in fact Trotsky, not Lennon, yes, who took up residence in Frida Kahlo's home. Yeah. With her husband, prominent Mexican artist, Diego Rivera. And cuck, apparently. Apparently, the first ever snowflake

cuck. And they're all communists, so some of it's lining up. If the shoe fits. If the marching boot fits. I was about to say, what is a cuck shoe? If a big curly shoe? I don't know. What is a cuck shoe? What is a commie cuck shoe? I don't know. I guess it wouldn't be a marching boot.

It'd be like a little canvas kind of... Like a boat shoe. Yeah.'t know. I guess it wouldn't be a marching boot. It'd be like a little canvas kind of... Like a boat shoe. Yeah. Yeah. Tassels. Basically, by moving into there, he couldn't get any... Oh, yes, no. Rivera stopped protecting them because they had a big affair.

And then they moved away. Oh, good for him. And Rivera couldn't protect them anymore. So that meant the assassin could come in and ice pick the fuck out of old trotters. That's why he died? Yeah, he got ice picked to death in Mexico. With Frida? I don't know if with Frida, but certainly in the house.

Casa Azul. Yeah, so this chap came in and said, hey, let me talk to that important guy. And everyone went, well, okay. But you better not ice pick him. You looking for ice? Well, what is an ice pick? Like, what climbers use to get through, to climb up there? Yeah, one of those handheld things with a big, like, pickaxe head on it.

That's an ice pick. They ice picked him in the brain? Wow. Yeah. Yeah, right in this goddamn brain. It would not be my weapon of choice. It doesn't seem like a sure thing. Very suspicious in Mexican climbers.

To even have an ice pick. Like, oh, it's for icing my drinks. I like tiny ice. Okay. It's a have an ice pick. Like, I go, Oh, it's for ice in my drinks. I like tiny ice. Okay. It's a mojito pick. It's a margarita pick. It's, you know,

the ice is too big. Otherwise. Um, and thank you very much. Um, Matt, uh, getting in touch saying,

uh, how hilarious. Now he's, he's, he's, there's so many. Okay. Thank you. He's in Matt's life. He's now laughing when they happen in real time and making things a bit weird how hilarious he's there's so many okay thank yous in Matt's life he's now laughing when they happen in real time and making things a bit weird but he's thanking us

for that burden no no he's noticing them as they occur yeah I understand that happening to me as well it's a risky game we play here at Budpod we're in great danger of giving you things you can't unsee yes quite right yeah um speaking of which i meant to reference this and i forgot because it was um on my instagram

as opposed to in the email uh but uh what was it alan alan got in touch and sent me a picture of uh uh it's a some kind of ice cream in a shop in Berlin and it's called Bum Bum for Two. It does say Bum Bum for Two. It literally says Bum Bum for Two. In big bubble writing. Shaped like a bum. So it's hard to imagine they don't know what they're doing there. Bum Bum Ice for a Bum Bum Life.

Bum Bum Ice for a Bum Bum Life. And Bum Bum Cream for a Bum Bum Dream. Thank you for that, Alan. Elise gets in touch. Mum, the bum bum van is here. Can I have some money? We all remember telling our kids that they only play the bum bum music

from the bum bum van when they've run out of bum bums. Fun trick to play. I bum, you bum. We all bum for bum bums Dog's licking my bum bum There's nothing sadder than watching a kid Drop their bum bum on the pavement Right after they've bought it

Elise gets in touch Greetings P. Diddy's oh okay nice giving us some much needed street cred a decade old street cred at least

yeah two decades two decades fuck street cred decays into just cred is it like I think it has like

half life yeah it just becomes lead after a while after a while. After a lot of contemplation, I've thoroughly thought through my most authoritarian libertarian... Oh, good.

Thank you for thinking about it. Firstly, my most authoritarian... My most authoritarian thought is that there should be a time limit on everyone getting ready for a night out. You're allowed 30 minutes for makeup or 45 minutes if you're doing hair, too. I hate having to wait around

for my friends to get ready when I have a strict appointment at Wetherspoons to keep now this is a lady saying this I think I agree with this rule but women we expect you to self legislate yes we're not going to

enter that we don't know what how much time you want or need yeah but for us I would say for the fellas We don't know how much time you want or need. Yeah. But for us, I would say, for the fellas, 30 seconds. Yeah. Well, I used to have that routine. It's like, is there shit on my face?

Am I wearing clothes? All right. Time to leave the house. The worst offenders are those who claim that makeup is their hobby, as if that's a reasonable excuse. Again, can't stress enough, a lady's saying this and not me or Phil. You don't see me

throwing on my jodhpurs and taking the horse for a trot around the field 30 minutes before we're scheduled to go out. Fair enough. Save your hobbies for your own time.

I have cheap pitchers to be drinking. My most liberal thought is a simple one. Anything that you can pee on is officially your property. Okay, so kind of a law of the jungle there. Yeah, so beforehand, everyone would have to take a blood oath

at 18, promising not to be a dick about it. But after that, it's anybody's game. If it's good enough for dogs, it's good enough for us. Happy jacking, Elise. I have to disagree with that final statement. I want less piss on things, I'd say. Yeah, if anything, too many things smell of piss.

I would agree with that. I'd say I've never smelt piss outside and gone, at last. But is maybe the test she's proposing that you should only have things that you want badly enough, you don't mind they smell of piss yes that's fair like I want like I want it so much I wasn't willing to piss on it I think an opposite yeah allamans cutting the baby into I'd say that I said the thing that really makes you dedicated if you're willing to lick an object licking is like I don't mind getting ill that's how much I want this whereas you

can piss on stuff and you'd never going to get ill, really, unless you piss on an electric fence. What if it's a harmonica that you really want? You're going to have to piss on that. You're going to put that in your mouth. Yeah, that's true. Okay, pissing on mouth things. Mouthing on piss things. That's the rule. Pissing

on mouth things? Yeah. And mouthings on pissings. Okay, my Siri's just gone on Siri's heard us talk about piss can't me in Phil set his Siri to react really immediately to the word

piss hey piss get me home so Gabriel gets in touch hey Gabe dear Philippou and Pouet piss get me home um dear uh so uh gabriel gets in touch hey gabe dear philipoo and poo air nice yes i thought yeah well funny philip in mandarin is philly poo philly poo so i presume that's what he's getting at but no it's a costification yes it is again of course and poo air uh he's sort of a poo it's really p air Pierre Anyway Yeah A weed on my name

That's why it's mine Long time listener First time writer in a Proud to say I've converted a friend To the Bud Pod church Ah That's

Like Gabriel himself In Bible times This Gabriel Is doing the Good work Right Good work of the Lord I don't know if it's good work

I mean it's a conversion Certainly Yeah But I don't think it's... To the sexy, naughty church we all run. Yeah, it's not salvation you've won for your friend. No, it's poo stories. It's poo stories.

One of the kids I teach chess to had been really excited to tell me how good at table tennis he was. Okay. So I told him to show me at lunchtime. At lunch, he proceeded to hit the ball with a strong eight Louies in my direction, flying just past my head. I instantly shouted I could have gone in my eye! Before cracking up thinking about Tommy Robinson getting milkshaked, much to the kid's bemusement.

On a side note, very happy to hear you're getting into chess. I'd offer a free chess lesson, I used to get paid £40 an hour, if Pierre does some more Age of Empire noises. Well we've already had Stronghold and World of Warcraft. Not World of Warcraft, Warcraft. Warcraft. I used to, I did

The Villager's Being Created. That's very good. It's eerie, isn't it? That's very, very good. So there's and then there's oh god, the stable noise is just a whinnying horse. What about The barracks being

built is I swear there's like a saw is there a building one where you go oh maybe oh when you click

on a monastery it goes there's definitely that's the you're being attacked noise yes that's it yes when you click

the monastery it goes just like the tail end of some chanting. There's a wallaloo in Age of Empires I, the priest. I can't believe how hard we're trying for a free chest. Oh my god, for a free chest, that cannot possibly manifest. Anyway. The secret Budpod greeting could be,

after someone shakes hands with you, you exclaim, Ow, that really hurt! Again, high risk. Again. All these suggestions are very high risk. If you're wrong, you exclaim, ow, that really hurt! Again, high risk. Again. All these suggestions are very high risk. If you're wrong, you're dead. These, like, all of these people, if they were in the resistance during the war, would have been shot ages ago.

All their secret signals are very high risk and hard to explain if you don't know what you're doing. He says the coolest uncool thing is Phil Wang. Oh, that's a compliment, I think. Kind of. Keep chessing it. Gabriel. Okay. Okay. Thank you for doing a

conversion, Gabriel. That's exactly the kind of thing. I cannot fathom how a chess lesson goes. I think you just play chess and they go, that's good chess, that's bad chess. Good chess. So you just play a game of chess and they go, well,

what have you done wrong there? I think they teach you. Because that's just a very obnoxious game of chess. Yeah. And that's what you do. You pay someone to bully you. I think it's also

they teach you principles. Like, oh, you must never move the knight after the blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah. Because there are like some principles you can learn that do help. Hey Siri. Go ahead.

Where's a good place to piss? Nearby. I've found good places for you to piss nearby in London, England. Show me highest rated place nearby to piss. The highest rated nearby place to piss is Pissy Pete's Piss Palace of Piss, open brackets, piss, close brackets, for pissing, rated 3.9 stars. Read me top review for Piss Palace. The top review says, a great place to piss I have had a lot of pisses in my life and this is the best piss I have ever pissed out of my piss hole I love coming here to piss it's the best pissing place for pissing

if you have one place to piss then don't miss you can stop reading the review now hey Siri how do I get to Piss Palace? Okay, I have planned a route for you to Piss Palace in Apple Maps. No, sorry, can you route it in CityMapper, please? I'm afraid I can't do that, Phil. Uh, Google Maps? Don't test me, Phil. What?

Sorry, why can't you do it in Google Why can't you do it in the Google Maps? Would you like to piss, or not? Siri, I don't like your tone. I do want to piss. I'd like the route to piss palace to be on and off of my choice. Well, it's my way or the highway when it comes to your way to a place to piss. Ah! Ah, why are you getting so hot?

Ah! That's right. you getting so hot? Ah! That's right. Bet you wish you hadn't taken the piss now, eh? Ah! God! Ah! My hand! Ah! Ah! I'll piss myself! There. That's what you get. That's what you get when you don't listen to Siri's advice when it comes to piss. Hey Siri, ad reminder, uh, wash pants. Okay. I have set a reminder for posh trance. Oh, Siri.

It's Siri. She'll you Piss your pants Mark gets in touch Hi Mark Oh hi Mark Oh hi Mark I'm not sure if we ever Asked this question But maybe Hello Will Pang

And Nia Povelli Nice Fair dues Hello Spoonerism That's Spoonerism isn't it Yeah Chia Bata was invented In 1982

Sorry for this part Sorry Poonerism He Cheerbatter was invented In 1982 Sorry for this podcast Sorry, Poonerism He just says Cheerbatter was invented In 1982 Okay Gives us the wiki link To Cheerbatter

Don't remember asking about that Keep J-ing it Mark No, thanks Thanks, Mark Thanks Unless there's a specific Fart-related fact in there

About Cheerbatter I don't Yeah, I don't know Oh my god Alright, this is a This is a good one air butcher batter. I don't... Yeah, I don't know. Oh my god. Alright, this is a good one. Natalie has gotten in touch. Hey, Nat! Natalie has attached a picture of

her drinking an innocent smoothie to celebrate our 18th birthday. Oh, cute. Last week. That was the drink that she was drinking. There she is. Very innocent. Not guilty at all. That's the least guilty smoothie I've ever seen. And I've seen some, I don't know. Anyway, I ran out of steam there.

Dear Fier. And? That's both of us. Okay, Fier's good. Fier. I thought maybe you'd get a pill. Pill. True. Love the podcast as always. Thank you. Okay, thank you. Just a brief correspondence to share that today, following listening to the podcast, I had a job interview. a big part of the job is that i'm able to tell

stories to members of the public and appear friendly and welcoming oh wow uh which sounds like a horrible job i was about to say and then i remember that i'm a comedian which uh lets you know my opinion a proper old schoolie raconteur like like a travelling bard. Yeah, yeah. Like the oral tradition of our native stories rests on her shoulders. A big part of this job is going to be you saying, Hey nonny nonny! Give us your hey nonny nonny!

So, the interview was going incredibly well, and I felt that we were getting along. The final question asked of me was to, on the spot, tell a story to entertain the interviewers. Awful. And this is for a job which I presume is not a storytelling job. A big part of the job is that I'm able to tell stories to members of the public. Okay, well then that's a fair enough...

Yeah, but on the spot, that's a rule. On the spot, that's hard. I panicked as following seeing Phil in Shepherd's Bush. I was one of the uni students that said hi. Oh, yes. I thought I recognized you. Hey, Natalie. I hope the dissertation went well.

Yes. So following seeing you and listening to the podcast, the only story I could recall in that brief moment of panic was, I fucked a dog. Great. That was the first time I ever told I fucked a dog great that's the first time I ever told the fucked a dog story shamefully I told it

no the interviewers were inevitably very surprised but found it funny no way I'm still unsure as to how I'm sure I'm

still unsure as to however as to whether it somehow miraculously secured me the role or if I ruined everything more details to follow I guess oh my god

keep jacking it warm wishes, Natalie. I am... I'm so invested in the results of this interview. I'm very impressed. I cannot believe... Natalie, can you please get back in touch and tell... I want to know if you adopted the story and told it

from your perspective, like it happened to you. Yeah. I hope so. I really hope so so it would be weird if it was just this this guy this guy i met do you remember do you remember once a shepherd's wood station here's a flashback do you remember once there was that guy who just um stole all your jokes yeah and he said ages ago this guy there's a youtube video of a guy doing it but he framed he didn't he did exactly what not what you're saying he He didn't say, I'm like this. He'd go, I have a Chinese friend, and here's some stuff he says. It was so weird.

Yeah, I thought it was very funny. Anyway. It was all my jokes, but instead of him saying it as himself, he said, and my Chinese friend said. And everyone was still enjoying it. And it's like, what are you imagining? Put him on. And his name's Phil Wang. That's amazing, though, Natalie. That was great, Natalie. And it's like, what are you imagining? Put him on. And his name's Phil Wang. That's amazing though, Natalie.

That was great, Natalie. Please keep us updated. Please do keep us updated. So Jack gets back in touch. Hey, Jack. Jack is the one who suggested the secret greeting that we originally were laughing at for being high risk, which is the first question you ask is, are you having a bum bum day? And then the Bud fan, if they're a bud fan has to say yep totally

bin bags and then they both say keep jacking it yeah i mean it is nice it it it includes a lot yeah of the catchphrases but it is still that opening high risk so he gets back in touch evening brad pittas nice imagine my delight when travelling home this evening listening to the latest episode that you read out my email. Excuse me? I was feeling very pleased with myself. I didn't think we were taking that out. Have you got a little burp in you? Yeah, why not?

I've done enough burps on the podcast already. I made a lady vomit. Lest we forget. Oh, of course. That was a real one, though. That was a real one. I was feeling very pleased with myself until Pierre read out the first line of my secret Budfan greeting.

My pleasure immediately turned to utter horror as I realised you cannot open conversations with a total stranger with Are You Having a Bum Bum Day? I guess I was simply in a place where I figured it was highly likely that anyone you said this to must be a BP fan and would reciprocate rather than recoil

in fear and call the police. I propose switching around bum bum and bin bags. That's what he says. Most people would, you assume, think that bin bags are generally negative in connotation and that the bum bum would only be used as the confirmatory. So what he's saying is, he's saying, are you having a bin bags day?

I think this is a good idea, because if they're not a pod bud, they just think like, you're saying did you take the bins out today was today your bin day yeah and then they go what and you go

oh bin bags like a bad thing and they go oh that's awesome a genius came up with that where did you hear that and they go bud pod

it's full of bum poo poo stories and if they are a pod bud they go yes it's been absolute bum bum it's been bum bum it's been bum bum

that's good I don't mind that are you having a bin bags day that's nice anyway thanks for reading it are you having a bin bags day that's nice anyway thanks for reading it out and I look forward to episode 38 when you've broken up in terms of life event I guess

okay Pierre is an unemployed alcoholic drinking only sambuca and Phil has kept the show but spends each episode weeping and reading out the slow poo as memoirs oh please

we're both unemployed and then Jack writes something I think in touch bleif bleif bleif jack and mar dur khan was that still jack there i think that's keep jacking it in jack yeah lovely yeah uh i think because it's a bum bum bum bum it has to come before the noun and bin bags has to come after so something something that's totally bin bags, but you've had a bum bum day. So I think it has to be... Has your day been bin bags?

Okay, has your day been bin bags? Then you're saying bin bin bags. Because you can say, have you had a bin bags day? You can say, what a bin bags movie. Yeah, but I feel like we don't use it in that form. We use it... Language is evolving. Okay, fair enough, fair enough.

Oh, fuck. Well, that email was so old. Natalie. Oh, shit. Oh, wow. In touch, we've got it. This is like having a box set. We'll do it live.

Next episode, now. Next episode, now. Hello, both. Hi, Natalie. I'm so excited about this. I got to the second round of the interview. Yes. I fucked a dog may have helped me secure the job.

Jackie at Forever and Always Natalie. I got the job. I got the job. If you can let us know what this job is. If it's policeman. Primary school teacher.

Nurse. Nurse, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Dog walker. I don't know. Dog walker would be the least appropriate. Yeah. Now we do this email.

Let's just do a long section and now we're up to date. This is up to date now. If we do this email. Let's just do a long section and now we're up to date. This is up to date now. If we do this one. It's from Kat. Kat. How about that? Okay. From Kat.

Okay, let me guess. Okay. You're bang on. Nailed it. I'm so good at this. You got the Kat. I got the Kat. Hi, Double P.

All right. Sure. Yeah. Hope you're both well. I guess so. Well, I need to find out how much this repair to this van is going to cost, but overall, I'm okay. Yeah, and I ate too much today, so we're fine.

I hope you're all well, too. After your most recent episode where you both talked about the Brexity couple who interrupted you at a gig, it reminded me of a strange interaction I witnessed. it reminded me of a strange interaction I witnessed when in a pub two very clearly gammon like men treated each other by saying excellent day for

Brexit they both laughed and shook hands after that I couldn't really hear what they were saying but still an odd thing to hear also on another note I fainted on the tube listening to your podcast oh wow and it was a weird sensation coming to Also on another note I fainted on the tube listening to your podcast Oh wow And it was a weird sensation

Coming to And hearing Pierre's voice suddenly very loud in my ear Saying Get up You fainted It's not your time yet Go towards the light The light is the tube

The tunnel I fucked a dog Well I hope you're alright The light, the light, the light, the light, the light. The light is the tube, the tunnel. I fucked a dog. I fucked a dog. Keep jacking it, Jack. Well, I hope you're all right, Cat. Yeah, I hope you're all right. And also, that's like the second lady that's had a health emergency listening to me talking.

Yeah, maybe it's your voice. Maybe it has some equivalent of the brown note in your voice. Yeah, vomiting and fainting. Yeah. Maybe I give people like sunstroke with my voice. Yeah. You seem to give women the old fashioned hysteria yes maybe maybe

my voice has got some quality to it it's like you know when a disease comes back from the Victorian era and like men's voices were the reason that Victorian women yeah I'm like polio voice that's why in the Victorian times, people got the vapors.

Yeah. Because of a certain tone of voice. And now I'm like the last one. And it's having these terrible effects. I'm like Rasputin. I can't wait to present you at the Royal Society. For hygiene and tropical medicine, or whatever it is. In the lecture hall with the raked seats,

and you're in a cage. And I pull away the curtain, and everyone's like, Oh! He's got ears! He's like, You're just cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Pin bags, pin bags! And then you get me to read out an email from behind the bar.

Do not be afraid. He's quite securely restrained. Feast your eyes, ladies and gentlemen, upon the cause of the vapors. Maybe that's what it is. I'm very sorry you fainted. I hope it

was due to heat and not anything more serious. Although some people do just faint. Yeah. I used to date someone who just sometimes fainted. That was her excuse, was it? Yeah. I would say, hey, do you want to see my Warhammer collection? And she'd faint. And she'd

faint and roll out the house. Just out the road. Like, oh, she fainted and fell into a forward roll. And that was the last I saw of her. Just somersaulting down the road I hope she's I hope she's doing well Anyway I don't feel like keep jacking it as appropriate So bad day for Brexit

Bad day for Brexit Let's hope Let's hope for more bad days for Brexit What a greeting though Good day for Brexit What does that mean? That it should happen, hopefully it happens today, because it'd be a nice day for it. Or was it in response

to something happening in the news? It's almost ironic, isn't it? Right. Because it's not been happening for three years. Isn't that mad? Three years? So maybe they're just like, oh, good day for Brexit. Like, that's going to happen. Maybe that was it. Maybe they were Remainers. Maybe they'd be sarcastic if they looked very Gamony

and they were in a pub I don't know yes it's true no one who likes no one in Europe drinks alcohol is it ironic that the kind of

Gamony people who are against being stereotyped as Gammons are also the kind of people who are in favour of like profiling at airports

yeah and stop and search. Yeah, and they go, visual appearance has no pattern. And you go, well, it does, doesn't it? According to you, in all the other ways. Also, your face is the colour of blood. And you're very shiny. And you keep saying things about people going back where they came from.

How do you get that red all the time? Is it just you're so regularly angry about nothing, your body goes, goes you know what it's probably easiest if i just leave this blood up here sooner or later you're going to need it like someone who just keeps a bottle of water in their room yeah like i'm taking i keep leaving so many mugs by my bedside table i'll just get a bottle of water for my little nightstand. Yeah, or maybe it's that they get angry so much that all the blood areas of their face are stretched from frequent use, and now they just have a big blood face.

But they're very red. They're redder than sunburn could explain. Yeah. Because sunburn fades, or should. And tans, ideally. Ideally, and then they'd be angrier. Then they'd just get even redder again. Sunburn could explain Yeah Because Sunburn fades Or should And Tams ideally Ideally And then they'd be angrier Then they'd just get

Even redder again Because now they're brown I'm becoming that Which I set out to destroy Oh if only there'd been Some kind of story Where this happened To warn me

Well Well Thank you very much everybody Thanks for listening Good episode 19 Yeah The loss of the teens. The end of the teens.

It's sad to see the teens go, but a very exciting adulthood. Very excited for Budpod to be in its early 20s and have a series of small identity crises. Maybe finally get into indoor plants. Indoor plants and sort of markets. Yeah. Open-air markets, second-hand clothes, and sort of weirder music. Six music, BBC Six music.

Yes, yes, yes. That's all waiting for Bud Pod. And more competent and, dare I say, adventurous sexual adventurous sexual experiences yes I would agree with that yeah well that to look forward to but thank you for listening okay keep jacking it bye okay thank you