BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 194 - Haw Haw Haw

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

The lads ignorantly chat football, context and more. Correspondence from Tom, Dev and David Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 194. 194! Ho ho ho! It's Christmas time, sort of. That's good. In a few days. That's like Posh Father Christmas. Ho ho ho!

Ha ha ha! Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Ho ho! Ho? Ho! I think it'd be like ho. Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Oh my god! Ho ho ho, ho. I think it'd be like ho. Ho, ho, ho.

Ho, ho, ho. Oh my God. Ho, ho, ho. Murray, Murray Christmas? Ho, ho, ho. And to all the good nor. When did posh London ladies become... Because I associate now with Australia.

This is it. Well, I think there was in the noughties... Well, first came the... It's upswing, it's called. The ending sentences. Ending sentences. Like, they're a question. Yeah, talking like this at the time?

Yeah, that was a valley girl thing. California thing. But I think it originated in australia so the valley girls and then and then it hits uh the uk and maybe i guess it became a cool way to speak speak yeah for a while and i think that maybe maybe the australian influence came in through that yeah because it invites validation doesn't it because you're you're you're creating a sort of darren brown question and everything you say so the other person has to go yeah yeah yeah right and it's uh i suppose it the appeal is that it sounds like you aren't putting much effort in

or you're not really interested in what's going on, or that you sort of have more important things to think about and more important places to be. Or that you're sort of... Which is like vocal fry, right? They're kind of like... I'm poor. Yeah.

I think it's a British version of that, right? No. It's that, but the question thing as well is also like, I'm socially forcing you to agree with what I'm saying about Susan. It just feels like she's been a real bitch recently, and you're making the other person go, uh-huh, uh-huh, yes. You're correct. You're right about that.

Well done. Right, yeah. You're compelling people to agree with you just to keep the conversation going. Yeah, out of sheer fear that you'll go... It just feels like sometimes popcorn's not the right treat and then you won't say anything and then they'll

just stop talking. Yes, this is the last Bud Pod before the Christmas time. Mistletoe is fine but yes this is the last pod, bud pod before the Christmas time mistletoe is fine drinking wine, have a nice time yeah that's right

as the old Christmas carol goes yeah don't forget pickle stored in brine pickle stored in brine eating lots of limes A sour Christmas A sour tangy Christmas An acidic Christmas Are you going back to the island?

I will return to my island home But not yet Not yet Soon Will you return on a longboat? And there's horns going as you approach the shore.

When I go back to the island for Christmas, it's the opening scene from The Norseman. Yes. Basically. People running through muddy semi-streets. Yeah. Little children running People running through muddy Semi streets Yeah Little children running

Giddily to meet you at the shore He's coming He's coming And you're stood on the helm The helm? Not the bow, the stern of the ship Yes I wish it was like that As opposed to just a prop plane

By prop plane you mean like Not a real plane, a sort of fake plane they use in movies Oh no it's a real plane but it's filled with Sort of like rubber chickens and Whoopie cushions It's a very silly flight, it's with silly airlines Thank you for flying with silly air um

wah the life jackets are under your seat and then they take one up and it's like a like it does a fart and and when the propellers start up they go whacka whacka whacka whacka whack it whack it whack it whack it yeah and if the air stewards the stewards come

up and down the aisle with a trolley and they go nuts and you go sure and they go they hand it to you but they go you're nuts like you're crazy that's a fun joke for them are you returning Phil to the historic town of Bath or are you returning further phil to the historic town of bath or are you are you returning further afield

to east asia i'm i'm going back to malaysia for the first time since covid i'm going to borneo lovely um which i was about to say you know leaving this island for a smaller island but of course borneo is a much bigger island it's the third largest island in the world is that right yeah because it goes greenland oh um what's i think the biggest is greenland and second is is it new guinea or guinea could be i can't remember now and then third is um third is borneo because you you see borneo on a map but it's always next to the rest of Malaysia so it never looks that big. Yeah. It's also very close to Australia so it looks tiny.

That's a big island. Borneo size. I don't want to fat shame Borneo. It's twice the size of Germany. What the fuck Is it really?

Good god Three times bigger than the UK You've got to start dropping that on stage People will lose their nut Do you think? Yeah because I think when you say you're from Borneo People are imagining like a desert island from a newspaper cartoon With you and an orangutan on it

Yeah I was right yes New Guinea is the second largest Damn desert island from a newspaper cartoon with you and an orangutan on it. Yeah. I was right. Yes. New Guinea is the second largest. Damn. And Borneo's got the bronze, baby. And then there's Madagascar. And then, it's an island called Baffin. The largest island in Canada.

Located in the northern bit of Canada. And Sumatra is sixth. I'm astonished, though, because, like... Yeah, I'm absolutely astonished. That's so big. Yeah, Great Britain is only ninth biggest island in the world. Top ten, baby? Yeah, we made it.

We made it. What do you... Well, My two homes Are both in the top 10 Largest islands in the world Look at me Island man Phil what are you most looking forward to about

A very bonny Christmas I'm looking forward to the food as always And seeing my family I guess Yawn. But I haven't seen them since the before times. The last time I saw them, there were no masks. There were no vaccines. And there was no lockdown culture.

This is what I'm interested to see is, you know, what's different about it. Because you know how after COVID COVID even the countries that have gone back to normal everywhere still has this subtle like COVID fingerprint right on everything the leftovers

mask signs the leftover keep your distance stickers on the floor and so everywhere still has this sort of dull din of covid still in the background and i've never i've not been to malaysia with that in the background yes i've seen it like that well is it not i mean i would presume it's stricter still uh they were stricter for longer

than we were but now I don't think there are any rules now I think they finally dropped the rules but they did have them for a long time are you going to fly in a mask? oh I don't know if there are oh gosh that's a good question I don't know if it's a requirement

but would you choose to or would you just go fuck it fly in a mask?. I don't know if it's a requirement. But would you choose to, or would you just go, fuck it? Fly in a mask? No. Yeah. I saw a thing, you know, it's not, the air circulation in planes is actually pretty good. So I don't think you're actually in particular danger.

And if the person next to you has it, I don't think a mask is going to help, really. Yeah, that's true. You're on there for like 13 hours or whatever. mask is going to help really. Yeah, that's true. You're on there for like 13 hours or whatever. Yeah, so it'll be, it's a long flight. Not so looking forward to it. It's sooner than I thought. It's on a Wednesday. Yeah, man. When this comes out. I'm going to be in the sky for like

20 hours. Yeah. When you guys are listening to this. Today, when you hear this. Yeah, when you hear this. Phil is in a tube of farts being fired towards Asia. Fart tube in the sky, carrying lots of gals and guys. Pooping in the sky and farting too. You're sharing a plane with food and poo.

It's true. That's very nice. It's true. Beautiful Christmas travelling song. That could be the new driving home for Christmas. Pooping home for Christmas.

And I'll see those stinky faces. But what are you going to eat on a hot, jungly Christmas day? Well, mum has always made a full, like, British Christmas dinner. So she'll get a turkey. We'll make snails, as I may have said before, because of our French side, where we start with snails. And turkey and bacon

and all the normal stuff, but like made in hot, humid climate. Oh, God. It feels a bit mad, actually, now we look back on it. It'll feel fucking mad. But that'll be on Christmas Day, and mum will miraculously put that together

for 30 fucking people, or however big my Malaysian family is. And then the next day, we're having like a Chinese-style potluck, I could sleep with that together for 30 fucking people or however big my Malaysian family is. And then the next day, we're having like a Chinese-style potluck where all the aunties are bringing over like trays of battered prawns and stir-fried veg and rice and noodles. Yeah.

But now... Yeah. Do your Malaysian family find the Christmas Day meal to be mental as well? Is it like an insane? They're just like, what is this combination of things? The first time mum made it for everyone, they were like, what the fuck is this? And they just sort of pushed it around the tray.

Especially like the older generation were like, just sort of politely like, snails, is it? Oh, with butter? Okay. And like trifle, they were were like what the fuck is it's uh what it's an egg and it's like an egg and a cake and it's wet it goes it goes back to your wet wet wet yeah but what about the chicken and gravy and potatoes though yeah they thought that was weird i think like having everything separated because asian food is like rice and noodles and you put the protein and the sauce on top and it all becomes part of a big sort of pot mess but to keep but like the whole thing about roses are they're all separate

right they're all yeah they all have their own territories on the plate and you the only meat in your mouth um so i think that took a while to get used to but especially because of my generation my cousins and stuff because they weren't as used to a particular type of eating when we started they they got into it really enthusiastically and they love the snails and they love the trifle and then then eventually the whole family really got into it. But it was an uphill struggle for mum in those early years. I'm sure. Were your cousins being like a reversal of the stereotype in the West where they're like, oh my God, it's just like this authentic English food.

And there's like a special way you have to eat it, you know? Yeah, so we go to this amazing supper club. It's like this white lady just in her house yes yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's potatoes that she's like

peeled herself you know yeah yeah so like it's a yeah so I mean in the same way that sort of

Asian food has become less alien here yeah that way that Asian food has become less alien here that kind of western food has become less alien there over time yeah I think you can track it on a graph as my personal excitement

when I see a Wagamama yes it's on the floor now it doesn't even register I mean it's amazing we've got to the floor now it doesn't even register yeah it really is i mean it's amazing we've got to a point now in british culture where british people white british people who've only ever lived in the uk go i don't really like wagamamas it's not it's not very authentic it's not very good yeah and like we've got to that we've got to that point in what

10 years or something it's it's quite extraordinary if that i mean when i see a wagon mama's now it's like seeing a tk max same feeling yeah oh there's a bunch of stuff in there that's probably not very good it'll do the job but uh yeah if i feel like a missed opportunity afterwards yeah i'm not rushing in like uh the kid from home alone when he's in New York or something. I'm not delighted. Have you seen those posts? I think they're Instagram posts by Jack Grealish, the English super substitute. He's a huge Home Alone fan

and he's been going around New York because England's been kicked out of the World Cup. He's gone on holiday to New York and he's just taking photos of places that were featured in Home Alone 2 and he's so excited Yeah, I saw that It's sort of the childlike delight

I mean, how old is he? Because with the footballers they're either sort of 18 or surprisingly old it seems Yeah, yeah Oh, they're like 39 and they look 86 or something.

Yeah, they've run all their youth out of their body somehow. Jack Grealish, I mean, he looks like a little boy. He's got that Keira Knightley headband. Oh, yeah. Because he's only ever brought on as a substitute late in the game to sort of inject a little energy. Yeah. It's like someone's given his son a little go

come on guys did you watch the final last night shame shamefully i did shamefully i did you did there you go there you go isn't it is i hate to say a spectacular game it was so fun it was very it was like a game uh written by the game of thrones people yeah i mean it was france were basically absent for the first what 60 minutes and argentina was just two nil up yeah they were just walking away with it and then france got two goals in like a minute and a half of each other. Yeah, I mean, for the first chunk, like you say, France was smoking. They were making little croissants.

They were protesting, burning tractors and stuff. And then, yeah, they showed up. And then they showed up. And yeah, they showed up hard. It was so exciting. Fucking hell. But I'm glad Argentina won. Spoil won spoilers i'm glad argentina won are you yeah i am because it's nice because it's little little messy's last world cup that's true and

compassionate to win yeah although they were diving man they were diving they made france look like england they played so England. They did. They did. Oh, they did. I don't know. I was sort of like, well, the French are annoying, but Messi's old. But France didn't invade us recently. But the Argentinians didn't knock us out. That was my thinking.

Right. But what about the Falklands? How does that factor in? That's what I mean. That's what I said. France hasn't invaded us recently, but Argentina has. Soalklands? How does that factor in? That's what I mean. That's what I said. France hasn't invaded us recently, but Argentina has. Right, okay, I see. And their football fans are a bunch of lunatic fascists often as well.

Which ones? Argentina. Is it? Yeah, they had a lot of ultra-football hooligan gangs that were used as paramilitaries. It was a fascist country for a long time, Argentina. There's a reason they have so many German surnames. German surnames and, I found this out,

Scottish surnames because a lot of Scots went over and one of the players for Argentina is called McAllister. It's so weird. And he's brilliant. And he looks Scottish. He looks really Scottish. A lot of the... And he's brilliant. Yeah. And he looks Scottish. He looks really Scottish. A lot of the South American states had very pivotal Scottish or Irish

sort of people in the independence movements and stuff or in big landowners. So you'll find this guy who looks like the most South American guy ever with a sort of fantastic mustache and he owns a cattle ranch and he's called like Jose Rodriguez de Cabera de Mc ranch, and he's called like,

Jose Rodriguez de Caber de McEwen. And you're like, what? What the hell? Yeah. I generally did a double take when he said, McAllister. What? What do you think, Phil, of Twitter, especially African Twitter,

sometimes likes to refer to the French team as an African team? Yeah, well, I mean, it is striking. Not just that how many players in the French team are black, but how many have African surnames. Yes. Yeah, I mean, it's a very, very black team. Well, it's difficult, isn't it? Because, say, Mbappé was born and raised in Paris.

And the idea of calling a bunch of black people who were born and raised in a European country Africans is normally the preserve of white racists. Right, yeah. So it's a bit... I found it slightly jarring to see a bunch of africans being like no they want an alice and you go oh you guys wouldn't like to meet the westerners

who agree with you so yeah right so africans on african twitter they're sort of trying to claim french success as sort of partly their success because of how many yes yeah well they're sort of tongue-in-cheek saying like oh like when morocco or whatever gets knocked out just they're tweeting a picture of the french team being like oh there's still one african team in play right which you know it's funny i think if it's off tongue and it's quite funny it's yeah it's sort of tongue and it's funny but it's the sort of thing that you could also like very easily find on nick griffin's twitter it's true isn't it yeah that is funny so you go oh well is it oh it's so the context is like i've

never seen context be more vital for a sentiment i it is yeah the context is different and also the the intention is different because when when a nick griffin figure says something like that the the insinuation is the french team is african and they should so they shouldn't be there yeah and he wants to create shame yeah whereas the african the africans are on board are like oh look at how well these african this african these african descent players in france are doing oh yes i mean the insinuation is different isn't it yeah it's um but yeah like you say this yeah it is striking i mean i yeah maybe that i don't know i found myself 51 kind of rooting for france just because i find i don't know i always found argentina quite an annoying country for no reason i love their beef though yeah all the all

the diving is bad i mean you can when if whenever an argentinian player got like clipped gently you could hear the scream like through the tv yeah i don't even know what mic what mic is even picking that up the screen mic but you can hear the yeah they've all got lapel mics like they're being interviewed but i mean it got to the point where argentina was they were they were falling over so much they ended up like messing up their own runs because like someone would get slightly clipped and scream and fall to the ground. When me and Messi would pick up the ball and start an amazing run. But then because the last guy had screamed so much,

the referee blew the whistle and stopped, stopped the play. And so they ended up like almost damaging their own chances. That's what I, that's what I don't like about football is that there's a game within a game that tends to be more effective than football. But I used to really hate it, but

now I kind of appreciate it for what it is, because it's kind of like poker, right? It's the bluffing element of football, is the diving, and the trying to get fouled. And, you know, there's almost an art to it. Like, the first penalty that Argentina got, the commentators were saying,

it was Di Maria who was taken down by, I think, Dembele, and the commentary team was saying it was a really soft challenge. He didn't really do enough to bring him down, but it was right that Dembele got punished for being so silly in that context because you know that you're doing something slight will probably get you a penalty yeah and so like there's you like you say this is game within a game but now i kind of appreciate that now i kind of like enjoy it as as the psychological layer of football. Yeah, I guess so. But I would be more in favor of it

if they all admitted that's what's going on as opposed to like really with a straight face being like, no, very dangerous. Wow, very dangerous, guys. And it's like, well... But the commentators don't. The commentators don't pretend. The commentators go, oh, come on.

At one point, one actually went, oh, come on. Which is quite good. But then I think that's what I disliked I kind of disliked that as well Because that's also dishonest because they're going Oh come on as if it's not an incredibly key part of the game They should be going Good on you what a cheeky little idiot

That's more honest You know Very funny throughout the whole match Ali McCoy Only ever referred to Lionel Messi as the Wii man. Did you hear that? No, what? You got brilliant stuff from the Wii fella there the whole way through.

He only ever referred to him as the Wii fella. Is he Wii? I think he's 5'6", 5'7", I think. Really? Lionel Messi. He is really short, yeah. Lionel Messi? Yeah, really short, yeah. Lionel Messi? Yeah, his nickname is The Little Genius.

That's a terrible nickname. You don't want that. You don't want to be late for dinner and someone goes, Will The Little Genius be joining us? Fucking hell, that's an awful nickname 5'7 apparently 5'7 Gosh, yeah

He's small, but it's also why he's called the little Is he Little Maradona? Or the New Maradona? Because Maradona was small too Was he? The wee men They're both these very short, very stable Men, very hard to push

over because they're centre of gravity, Solo. Oh, that makes sense. Yes. Little, like, there's wibbly-wobbly things. You punch them and they just come back up again. Oh. Wow. Okay. I've just

clicked on... I'm already in a wiki hole thanks to Messi, he used to play for a sports club called Club Atletico Newell's Old Boys Newell's Old Boys Yes, it was founded in 1903 and is named after Isaac Newell from Kent, one of the pioneers

of Argentine football No way! That's so weird Old boys Actually calling them old boys Newell's old boys Muy bueno Gosh, incredible Man oh man

South America's weird, man Also, the British Empire is so expansive Even in the places you don't associate with it Oh, it turns out there's this whole British legacy. Yeah just sending people around the world to start football clubs for the boys.

The old boys. The old boys. It got to the point where you could go to the top of the most remote monastery in Tibet and there'd be someone there called, like, William Cartwright's fucking Butterfly Collection Club. And you go, what really? Even here?

And they go, yeah, even here. So what do you think, Pierre? Has Qatar's sports washing campaign worked? I think it's made it harder for us to criticise anything they do, and that's pretty good, isn't it, for them? Do you think? Because any time anyone from any of the competing countries says, could you kill fewer slaves, please? They'll just go, you weren't saying that when you were drinking martinis in the guest box,

and we'll all have to go, no. weren't saying that when you were drinking martinis in the in the in the guest box and we'll all have to go no but have have has the west made enough of a noise during and before the world cup to say no we condemned it then and we condemn it now no because they haven't done it officially in any serious way because that would have endangered the tournament so they've they i think katars katars played a blinder to be fair, at the end of the day. It's brilliant play from Qatar. Qatar forced a nil-nil draw in a way or whatever where it gets you more points than,

as many points as if you won at home, however that fucking thing works. Yeah. In think they so they haven't like nailed it but they've definitely won out of it they've definitely done well because yeah they've just completely tied everyone into their to their bullshit yeah not that we not not that we had any fucking ability to stop them from really doing anything before anyway, apart from just stopping buying oil and gas from them, which we won't do, because we don't want to buy it from Russia, so they've smashed it. Unless, Pierre, and this is very pertinent news for the pro-nuclear podcast,

have you seen the nuclear fusion breakthroughs in the last week? I have. One big breakthrough. Yet more breakthroughs. Yes. Also I got a message from a pod bud Pierre who works in nuclear fusion research. No.

And has invited us to come and have a look. Oh yes please. Oh my god. We could touch the plasma. Yes. and has invited us to come and have a look. Oh, yes, please. Oh, my God. We could touch the plasma. Yes. Put our fingers in it. Get superpowers.

But, yes, very exciting. For the first time, in case you don't know, for the first time, the nuclear fusion, I don't know, process has released more energy than it has required to get going not to get going not very much sorry well because they had to put loads of energy into the lasers yeah the lasers so yeah you get nuclear fusion to fuse by just pointing like hundreds of lasers

at this small pellet of is it what is it tr it, tritium or something? I don't know. And for the first time, the amount of energy that's come out afterwards has been more than the amount of energy they use on the lasers. Enough to boil a kettle, apparently. Something like that. Although I think the amount of energy that the whole experiment required was still more than they got out. Really?

Yeah, well, just because of the amount of energy it takes to make the lasers happen. Or something. There's some step to it where we're still... It's that joke about fusion where... I guess when you scale up. We're always 30 years away. Haha, there's the old joke about fusion.

But the commentators I've heard are saying like, maybe even 10, 20 years from now. Ah, hopefully. I mean, it would be fucking sick. You could just do anything you wanted. It would change everything. Yeah, it would just change everything. It'd be extraordinary. But I mean, yeah, but then, you know, for

the plants to come on board would actually take a long time, wouldn't it? Yeah, and it'll be like running the first coal fired plant, it'll be like the least efficient clunky fucking yeah but it's good news anyway it's good news

actually we need to go on this fusion field trip yes the boys go to to fusionville yeah the boys turn we can finally become dr manhattan yes yes yes we reference all the time on here pierre and phil were ordinary podcasting young men until they were bitten by a radioactive yeah we'll get these hours nuclear podcasters yeah great sick um um speaking of podcasters in this sense the podcast listeners we should read some correspondence christmas correspondence who's the last one it's lovely weather to send me a story about poo.

Ring letters. Keep the coolest emails. Phone calligraphies. Tweet decking. Your sister will manage to get five. Make fun of ring letters. Correspondence. Tom gets in touch

Tom I've gone through a lot of Tom rhymes Yeah You're the Don Tom The title of the email is My Big Fat Uncle My Big Fat Okay great title of the email is my big fat uncle my big fat okay great

yeah that's funny my big fat uncle me and my big fat uncle so he says dearest poop pants and Pierre so you're poop pants he says I recently listened to episode 140 So you're pooping. He says,

Oh, yeah. Gosh, I remember that. And he says, And it reminded me of a story about my big fat uncle. I hope, is he capitalizing big fat uncle In the subject line he is But to be fair not in the prose Okay okay I wish he was though

Tom continues My uncle was a big fat boy when I was younger Yeah He says by way of explanation Yeah One day at his job on a construction site, he had to climb up a long, tall ladder, and essentially, he slipped and fell.

Oof. Oh, no. Big fat fall. He fell onto the roof of the building that was under the ladder on his back, and he smashed through it. Wow. Yeah.

Presumably leaving a big round hole behind him, he says. Yeah, like a bug's bunny or something Yeah He then fell some more and landed on his back on the ground I like explaining going through a roof as then falling some more Yeah, well he fell, and then he fell some more He put a hole in the ceiling, and then he fell some more yeah his body was in a pure physics sense briefly halted but it still contained enough uh momentum as a as a sort of piece of mass

that then it fell some more it didn't he didn't stop falling once he pushed up once he went through the ceiling he fell some more he fell some more. He fell some more. Tom says, I don't know how high up he was, but he was high enough to gain the velocity needed to smash through a roof and then fall from a roof. So it must have been fairly high. Yeah. Anyway, he fell on his back and he broke one, capitalized one vertebrae and survived.

If it's one, is it a vertebra? It's a vertebra. A vertebronus. Vertebron. It's a vertebron, I think. Vertebron. He broke a single vertebron and survived. The doctor at the hospital later told him the shock of the fall was absorbed by his

big old mass, and that had he not been so large, he would definitely have died. But if he'd been so large, he would definitely have died. But if he'd been less large, he would have... His velocity would have been the same, but his momentum would have been less. Because momentum is mass times

velocity, and velocity is the same, no matter how big your mass is, because gravity, the acceleration is the same. But his momentum would, so the impact would have been less if he'd been smaller. So I don't think that's necessarily true. If he was lighter, he would have hit it with less energy.

That's true, but I guess it depends on if he was lighter around the back fat area. What you don't want is to remove the key kilograms of fat around the back But there's no fat directly over the spine, is there? Even a very fat person, the fat builds around the spine I don't know

I don't know There's still some cushioning, isn't there? When someone's really fat, there's fat over that spine, baby That's true, that's true Cut to 15 years later and he's just lost a thumb to diabetes bloody hell so being a big uncle oh big fat uncle so tom says so being a big boy isn't all sunshine and roses okay thank you tom no gosh okay that's the end of the story right fair enough man I didn't know you could lose a thumb to diabetes I thought diabetes was more of a foot thing

I guess it's just extremities, isn't it? Extremities, yeah But yeah, thumb is rare I've never heard of thumb before Sweet thumb He's got a case of sweet thumb Yeah, got to be the old sweet thumb there In Malay

diabetes I may have told you this before diabetes is sorry someone else was trying to call you oh really gunching manis which literally means sweet piss I remember that

that's Malay for diabetes could you say it as a swear word no there's no such thing there isn't a sort of sweet precursor in Malay exasperations

sweet piss I guess because the sweet thing comes from religious language in English aspirations um okay so you can't I guess because the sweet thing comes from religious language in English oh is it yeah well sweet Jesus you know because he's sweet and kind sweet Mary is it is it oh right

um so that makes sense that it wouldn't have it um sweet piss yeah that's good um so that makes sense that it wouldn't have it sweet pass yeah that's good we have an email by the way these emails are for Christmas time but a year ago so they're really appropriate but don't

think we're up to date listeners because we're not it's from our old friend Dev I don't think we're up to date, listeners, because we're not. It's from our old friend Dev. Dev. Grab a Bev this Christmas. Drink a Bev. Drink a Bev.

Subject line, Wangan's Den. Oh, okay. Is Dev about to pitch a business idea to me? Kind of. So he says, hey, Pee and Poo. The other day I spotted Phil at a train station. Ah. So a year ago, Dev saw me at a train station.

I would have gone over to say Koji or say something about fucking a dog, but he seemed to be enjoying himself with a lady friend, and I thought it would be rude to disturb. Ah, thank you, thank you. Yeah. He makes it sound like you were shagging someone on the platform. What is he saying? Having fun with a lady friend? Enjoying himself with a lady friend.

Enjoying himself. Sounds very much like I'm wanking on a train platform, to be honest. Yeah, yeah. He's enjoying himself sounds very much like I'm wanking on a train platform to be honest he's enjoying himself it would be rude to interrupt by saying I fucked a dog to this man's face he says and also despair filled the potential embarrassment of explaining the dog thing

yes that's fair good caution the next day I saw Dragon's Den host Evan Davis walking his dog Next to the same train station A whippet and a rather fetching jumper Oh He would have a whippet and a jumper

Yeah So he says My question is Which Bud Pod thing do you think would be the biggest success on Dragon's Den? Lucky Kentucky Raw chicken boxing gloves A bag to carry shit around Or something else

That's a good That's a very good question Yeah Well we've come up with good Lucky Kentucky, raw chicken boxing gloves, a bag to carry shit around, or something else? That's a good... That's a very good question. Yeah. Well, we've come up with good movie ideas. Yes. But you wouldn't pitch that on Dragon's Den. Yeah, which is strange, actually, because they could invest in films, couldn't they?

I guess so, although it might be too expensive. Yeah, that's true. Anyway, but... Well, I mean, a while ago we came up with, remember the tit-dip vodka? Yes. Or like alcohol which has had like boobs in them. Yes, and all the tits are in a sluice. Yeah.

And the vodka just is channeled through them. And I think if you could come up with like a range of Celebrity Tit and dick Dipped liquors I think they would find And it would be expensive of course But I think they would find a captive audience

Yes like Some Cointreau that's been Poured over Tom Cruise's buttocks Yeah something like that I think that would That would be a good one to pitch to the dragons Yeah Celebrity body booze

Celebrity body booze Body booze What else would you call it You could call it celebrity juice That'd be quite fun Yes yes yes Celebrity juice Yeah

Oh you could call it sluice Like spelt like sluice But you pronounce it juice Or sluice juice Yeah sluice juice Yes we got John Travolta to lie down in a sluice juice yeah sluice juice yes we got John Travolta to lie down in a sluice and have all this creme de menthe poured over him yeah I mean

it's basically cameo isn't it I think celebs who have agreed to do cameo they do sluice juice because it doesn't take up that much of their time really and they'll get a lot of money for it Newcastle brown ale that's gone over Nigel Farage's foot Because it doesn't take up that much of their time, really. No. And they'll get a lot of money for it. Newcastle brown ale that's gone over Nigel Farage's foot. It wasn't brown when we poured it on him, but it's brown now.

It comes with one of his cameos. Drink a pint of freedom beer. It's had my foot in it. With his big Muppet mouth. He's got a very Muppety mouth. He With his big Muppet mouth. He's got a very Muppety mouth. He does have a Muppety mouth. There's a flappy Muppetiness to it. He does have an unnerving, flappy mouth.

Freedom flap. That's what he calls it. His own mouth. It's to blow all those dog whistles out of Pierre. Very nice. Thank you. Dev says, yeah, wishing you both a merry shitmas and a crappy poo smear. It's good stuff. It's the most wonderful time of the smear.

Yeah. And we have a message from david david um uh david craved some turkey and sprouts oh okay okay okay i crave it i crave it I crave it some turkey I'm trying to make it Christmasy okay yeah yeah so

this is actually strange as well because this is relevant even a year later it's quite spooky Dear Phil Wankle Engine and the Phantom Pier the Phantom Pier yeah

Wankle Engine I don't Wankle Engine I don't get it Wankle Engine I don't get it Wankle Engine I'll have to figure that out David says I've recently become an avid listener and I'm working my way through your back catalogue. Doctors do not recommend Love your work

Praise redacted David says am I your only Luxembourg listener Oh Well I was in Luxembourg Recently maybe it was David who Cogied Oh shit it could have been Because someone coged me at the end of my set

Maybe it was David He says are there other castle dwellers in your legion well maybe maybe maybe um and then david starts the next paragraph by saying now to the meat now that's very funny i like that that's that's when i say when dinner's ready to bring people in from the from the lounge that's what I say that's what I say when I'm about to have sex or as I go to the loo now to the meat

now to the meat call it literal confirmation bias I don't know but imagine my surprise when given a sandwich on a KLM flight listening to the pod. The flight was to Russia, but that's no longer allowed, David. Oh. It probably is allowed, but still. Yeah, it does date it.

So he's given a sandwich on this Dutch flight, right? Mm-hmm. So he says, given that the Dutch speak impeccable English, I can only assume they made some tiny grammar mistakes So we're going to open the image now, Phil Hang on, let's have a look And this is on the sandwich packaging, is it? Yeah, so this is on the packaging

So I'm just going to read it, Phil And see if you can tell the tiny grammar mistakes Like if I'll notice them? Yeah Okay and see if you can tell the tiny grammar mistakes. Like if I'll notice them? Yeah. Okay. So it's written in cursive, which might be the source of the errors.

Okay, I'll admit that. The cursive really doesn't help. Okay. Handcrafted sandwich. Huh? Yeah, go on. I don't know why people bother with cursive yeah it's very strange it's very strange handcrafted sandwich vegetarian selection homemade sandwiches are a typical dutch tradition i think that's a bit of a joke isn't it sandwiches oh where are we amsterdam oh homemade sandwiches as opposed to a robot in space making them.

The Dutch are really stretching to have a cuisine. Fuck's sake. They just don't, yeah. I mean, the food is literally named after an English earl. I don't think it's Dutch. Yeah. Homemade sandwiches are a typical Dutch tradition. Jaking one with you to Wangkon on a trip.

What? Jaking one with you to wank on. Yes. Is that the grammatical error? I have a feeling if I'm meant to spot the grammatical error, is that it? Yeah, so David is being tongue-in-cheek and says um given that the dutch speak impeccable english i can only assume they made some tiny grammar mistakes i believe it should read jaking one with you to wank on on a trip he says i can't stop reading it and i assume it's an onanistic cry from him cry for help from the. Keep jaking one with you and wank on on a

trip, David. So what's happened, Phil, is that the cursive has meant that they've mistaken... I think it is mistyped though, because the capital T is correct in some other places. So it should be taking one with you to work or on a trip.

Oh, okay, okay. But the cursive J and T and N and R are so similar that it does just say, jaking one with you to wank on on a trip. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

I do like to take a traditional Dutch sandwich with me just to wank on. The bread sucks up all that jizz there. Yeah. There with me just to wank on. The bread soaks up all that jizz there. Yeah. There's nothing better to wank on on a trip. There's nothing more Dutch than jaking a sandwich with you

to wank on on a trip. Traditional Dutch snack of sandwiches. God, yeah. Well, that's all the time. We've jaken up enough of your time, listeners. It's time to wank on over to... I mean, we could wank on and on, but we must jake off. We must go to the VIP area to jake off.

Yeah. Now, you might not hear from us until 2023, because we're on... We're taking a New Year's break. Yeah, we're taking a Chris Tingle Mingle break and we're off to our respective islands. But we'll see you in the New Year. If you're a Patreon, you will

of course have this Friday's bonus pod to listen to. And a correspondent special coming up. Yes. But if you're not a Patreon, become one. Maybe get someone a Patreon membership

for Christmas. The perfect Christmas gift. And we'll see you in the new year. Have a lovely Christmas time with the family eating and drinking or not and a good new year to you and yours

good new year bye merry christmas bye