BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 197 - Garlic Naan?!

Episode Date: January 18, 2023

BUDPOD LIVE! 14th March!Tickets:https://lsttickets.leicestersquaretheatre.com/ticketbooth/shows/873632982Pierre's Soho Show: https://sohotheatre.com/shows/pierre-novellie-why-cant-i-just-enjoy-things/Phil's tour: www.philwang.co.ukThe boys discuss naan and garlic, body hair, wrestling training, goose bumps, wrestling, MBEsSketch is alan crumb professor of relaxing meditationCorrespondence from: Rish the Big Pilot Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod197 197 I like my bread leavened What is leavened bread? I don't know what leaven is Leavening is where it gets all the yeast it rises

Okay so leavened bread is bread with yeast It's been allowed to it proofs doesn't it? Okay, so leavened bread is bread with yeast. It's been allowed to sort of, you know, it proofs, doesn't it? It sort of puffs up before you bake it. Yes. And unleavened bread doesn't have that process. Yeah, because when the... So it's like flatter usually, denser.

Yeah, when the Israelites fled in the Bible, they had to eat unleavened bread because there was no time to prove it. Or they had to make unleavened bread because there was no time to prove it or they had to make unleavened bread for their supplies and doesn't have is the word does it have its roots in levant like the levant i think it might be just leavened as in like levity is like upward high spirits right like raising raised spirits right okay okay are there Raising. Raised spirits. Oh, right. Okay. Okay. Are there good examples of unleavened bread? Is a pitta unleavened? I think so, surely. All those flatbreads.

Like, a naan is an unleavened bread, isn't it? Yeah. Surely. Let's see. Varieties. And this is a deep cut. This is a deep cut, Phil. But remember, we had an episode where we discovered that

every name of a type of bread sounded like a fart yep so let's see if the types of unleavened bread list follows this pattern okay you ready okay

so abud abud abud Okay, so Arbood Arbood Arbood Arbood Arbood Arbood Arbood

Arbood Arbood Arbood Arbood Arbood Arbood Sounds like a fart With an AR

So an American Arbood Arbood A ripper A ripper Yeah, for sure A ripper Is definitely a way to describe a fart

Bannock Bannock Yeah Bannock What it is Is there's a fart. Bannock. Bannock. Yeah. Bannock. What it is, is there's a lot of B sounds in bread. Yeah. Bread names. Those are very percussive.

They're very percussive words, usually, to do with bread. Yeah, well, matzo. Matzo. Matzo. Oh, matzo, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Roti? Yeah. yeah yeah yeah roti yeah how do you make roti

I think it's still tracked naan naan naan I think naan naan's not on the list though oh interesting okay

it's undercover leavened is naan unleavened here we go what a question to ask Google naan I thought the answer was saying nah but it's saying saying none like it's not unleavened none no no none oh none is leavened flatbread there you go there you go a sneaky leavened none is a sneaky leavened um do you feel as feel, Phil, that when you get a garlic naan, it's fine, but it's not that garlicky.

Ah, I think it's probably a case of garlic being dumbed down for British palates, maybe, over the decades. Do you think? Because it's less garlicky than garlic bread. Not to be all Peter Kay about this, Phil. Interesting. Interesting.

Garlic naan? Garlic naan? What's wrong with playing naan? Peter Bombay. That's that. that's that that's that um um yeah right okay maybe because there's already so much garlic in the food but then there's garlic in italian food when i order garlic bread at an italian-y sort of place philip often i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna say that it's positively swimming yeah it's garlic as hell and it's all the better for it. Yeah.

I suppose, because a naan has to find space inside for the garlic. Garlic bread, you can just smother it on top, and technically you can have it like a tower of garlic baton. Yeah, it's butted. But a naan has to fit inside. I've never been able to do the keema naan. I just think that's over... It's just like overkill.

Meat in the bread. A naan bread filled with minced meat. It feels like something a corrupt earl would eat in the medieval times. Like stuffing something into something that doesn't need stuffing. That feels very evil. Yeah. That feels very evil. Yeah, it's sort of like... It's the escalation between macaroni as a side dish

and stuffed pasta as a side dish. Right, all right, so macaroni as a side dish. Or, yes, you wouldn't have as of steak and the side of cheesy ravioli. That would be... Yeah. That would be too much. That wouldavioli. That would be... That would be too much. That would be insane.

That would be offensive. I'm never offended, and I'd be offended. Yeah, I know what you mean about the keema naan. Also, it's never like filled with the same nice stuff that's in, say, a samosa. It's sort of... It's got something in it, but it's hard to really be sure what it is. Mm-hmm. I go playing every time baby i let them i let the noun speak for itself i think it is it's it's a

conduit for the other tastier foods yeah it's it's it's a dippy it's a blank canvas it's a blank canvas pierre yes for the artistry of the source to be wrought upon it you need a blank canvas for true beauty to be achieved leonardo da vinci never started off with an an easel covered in minced lamb it would have ruined the vesuvian man. It would have made him look blumpy. Vesuvian nan. Vesuvian nan. Nan. Nan. Although it would have been very Italian of him to start with a blank canvas smothered in garlic butter.

Yes, that would have made more sense. And that's why all those old drawings are so yellow. Do you know that apparently part of the reason Mona Lisa is so enigmatic is that she doesn't have any eyebrows. Really? And a lot of our expressions are made with our eyebrows. The Mona Lisa, she doesn't have eyebrows, so it's quite hard to tell

what her expression is. Oh. So we need a sort of Mr. Bean figure to come and draw them on. Yes. So we need a sort of Mr. Bean figure to come and draw them on Yes Yeah To improve her It is weird I'm looking at her now

Yeah she doesn't have eyebrows Which is something you don't really notice Did you know Philip That because of the noughties trend for completely removing your fucking eyebrows Till they were really painfully thin People just don't have eyebrows now quite more often. Well, I mean,

they haven't grown back? They don't grow back all the time. Yeah, I can imagine. You can really damage them. If you pluck them out, they stay plucked, my friend, in many cases. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, don't do that.

I used to have a monobrow. Did you? Monobrow hairs growing. Yeah. Well, not bad, but just a few hairs and I'd be plucking them. I'd pluck them out of my monobrow bit

and my dad saw me once. He's like, what are you doing? And I said, I'm just getting rid of the hairs between my eyebrows. And he said, why?

It looks nice. And that was the day. that was the day I learned not to take grooming advice or any aesthetic advice from my father, who thinks a monobrow is debonair. It's so much more efficient to just have one. Screamline the process. streamline the process do you think he actually thought it looked nice so he was just thinking his thinking was like the thing you say is is the supportive thing regardless of merit oh absolutely not definitely the first he would never he would never say something just to be supportive i think i think must just come from it must just be a chinesey thing yeah there's there is this sort of seam in chinese especially male grooming culture where more is better a long thumbnail you

know a long fingernail um a bit of hair grown somewhere even hair sprouting out of a mole is considered characterful you know i think there's and there's also with a lot of chinese people um a hesitance hesitancy about sort of intervening with the body um which on so which underlines a lot of chinese traditional medicine you don't you don't want anything sort of too that really is too effective, like Western Benson. Yeah, it's too dramatic. Yes, exactly. Well, this is so, okay. But does it come back?

Do you have to repeatedly intervene? With my monobrow? No, I haven't tended to that particular garden for many years. And no, it seems to have stayed. So I suppose hairs in that area of the face you know they are they don't always grow back they've got no staying power yeah i do have like one or two do you have these eyebrow hairs that just keep growing and growing and it's like they haven't got the memo from everyone else it's like dude were you were

you adopted i didn't you know it's like i didn't know a hair could look adopted but when the very long hair sprouts out the eyebrow it looks like which which is the bird that pretends to be a different bird and and it gets fed by ah yes yeah do you think the cuckoo of hairs it's like um the i do have some of those hairs i know the ones you mean they i i knew that they were becoming more of an issue when my barber started asking me more often if i wanted them to be trimmed and i had to sort of genuinely seriously assess this request or this idea your eyebrows you do have good full bushy eyebrows yeah well this is the thing and then i remember um it was probably

after a lot of lockdown in a row i was like oh damn i can actually like i can feel the long ones i look like uh i'm starting to look like um sort of character actor or something with these fucking eyebrows and i actually thought you know what that that old persian guy was right the it is it's necessary it's necessary It needs to be done. I'm a flaming stick in the ear guy now too, Phil. Oh, lovely. Lovely. I mean, these are things I can only ever dream of.

You and the Turkish man, you know, you are lucky enough to have a surplus of body hair and facial hair. I'm so nervous about plucking any hair because I have so few that I feel very protective. You know like a couple who didn't think they could have a kid and then finally, right at the end, she gets

pregnant and it's an only kid and they're so protective about this kid and they ruin his life. That's how I feel about a hair that grows anywhere else but my head i'm like oh oh no guess that you precious precious miracle hair miracle hair i'll look after you i get very protective you won't let the hair go on any school trips yeah it's too sunny outside hair stay inside stay inside yeah but then you know it's too sunny outside hair

stay inside yeah but then you know it's the grass the hair is always hairier on the other side of the brow Phil right the hair is always greener on the other head

yes because you don't have to deal with having a hairy back and i mean i'm being a little hypocritical here because in a sense despite having one i do not have to deal with it either because i'm not obliged to have it dealt with but i sort of every even this morning i looked in the mirror and i thought hmm how close am i to being a sort of dog man yeah yeah how close am i to traveling circus situation here am i am i at the stage now where it's not so much giving me a pat on the back as stroking my back like a dog man.

Hi, I'm Alan Crum, Professor of Relaxing at the Meditation Academy. This is a free sample of our meditation app, so why not just close your eyes and give it a try. That's it. Now that your eyes are closed, take a deep breath in for a count of three. And out. Repeat this as I continue to speak. Just relax and try and picture yourself lying on a sunny beach somewhere,

hundreds of miles from the thousands and thousands of deadly bees that swarm in and out of hives all over South America and Africa. Not to mention the hornets. You ever seen those? Sometimes they can get really... There's one in Japan. That's the size of a squirrel, really. And they can keep stinging you.

Whereas when a bee stings you, there are tiny hooks on its stinger. And as it tries to un-sting you, it rips out its own guts. Keep breathing. Think about the sand, its heart under your fingers, the soothing waves lapping gently at the shore. There's no reason at all to think about the billions of crawling insects that cover the face of the earth. And what's worse, that without them,

all life on earth would perish. We need them. That's the worst thing about them. Do you know that we get goosebumps if it's from back when we were hairier right um and you when you were cold the you had your hairs would stand up to provide a thicker layer of air but our bodies haven't realized yet that we've shed all that body hair and idiots but but the goosebumps still still are still there and apparently apparently also when you're like challenged or excited happens as well and that was back when it would when we were hairier would

make the hair stand on end and make us look so bigger and scarier yeah um well but you probably still have that. More than me, anyway. Yeah, maybe. How much warmer do you think I am? You do sweat more than me. It's true. We've measured it. Yeah. We've strapped the both of us up in sort of upside-down crucifixes

and a bucket at the bottom. Yeah. Yes, yeah. Yeah, maybe that's right right maybe that's one of my i do know that if on the very rare occasions where i would clean shave my face and i would shower or drink water or go for a swim my face would be so cold so my face is definitely warmer than it would be otherwise um i thought you got goosebumps um phil when it meant that a goose was looking at you.

Right, I mean, it could. You could sense. If a goose was threatening you. Well, no, it could be like Jason Bourne on a skyscraper. What do you mean? Like it could be looking at you from a distance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, okay, okay.

Geese are so dangerous, your body knows when a goose is looking at you from a distance yeah yeah right okay okay yeah geese are geese are so dangerous your body knows when a goose is looking at you oh speaking of which today i was on the bus um somewhere and on the top deck front as i was trying to be yeah and i saw a friend walk past um uh and i was like it's's Hannah. It's Hannah. And I got my phone out and I took a photo of her and she was like picking her nose. No. And I snapped it just in time for her to like be picking her nose

in Deptford with no clue anyone was watching her. And there's no better feeling, Pierre. Do you get to do this much? Of sending someone a shock photo of themselves when they didn't realise that you were watching them. I love it so much. It's my favourite thing to do. I never feel more powerful than

when I've taken a photo of a friend who doesn't know I'm there. Does it give you an insight? Does it give you an insight into the thrill of perhaps a sniper or an obsessive stalker? Oh, certainly of a sort of perverted voyeur, yes. I think I've done that a couple of times when, like, I don't know,

I've seen a friend in a pub or something like that. But you did something very different here, Phil. You caught them in flagrante, nose picking wise it was complete chance i just my only objective was to get my phone out and get a picture before the bus moved on and the second i managed to snap that snap that pic she just gave her her nose a bit big with her with a palm there um and she looked sort of monstrous just for a moment and that was wonderful to be monstrous just for a moment is great is that the caption is that the caption you sent with it yeah monstrous dot dot dot just for a moment just for a moment

well phil you're you I mean, this is the thing You've got that journalistic instinct That's it, yeah I'm a real soft shoe No, that's the detective, isn't it? A gumshoe, a soft shoe is a dance That's a dance, yeah You're a real dancing journalist

What's a sort of 1950s American slang term for a journalist? A hack? Yeah, a hack A snoop or something? I mean Snoop That's more of a spy

Yeah, hang on Hack Slang for journalist I don't know what you mean A newshound Newshound News hound Yeah I'm a real news hound A reporter, star reporter

You say things like Xtree Xtree Xtree Xtree read all about it The price of Bums are up Oh no The cost of bum crisis is's cost of bum crisis The cost of bum The cost of bum crisis

Phil can you tell us where you're on the bus to Oh well I am partaking In this year's The Wrestling As part of the Just for Laughs festival in London And I've been Rece some wrestling training today, Pierre. I had my first session of professional wrestling training.

Day one of wrestling school. You've got to walk in and use a steel chair to hit the biggest guy there. Yeah, they weren't happy about that. They were like, what the hell are you doing? Yeah, he's in hospital now. Shouldn't have used an armchair, really. No, but it's a good character arc for you. Yeah.

It was really fun just to get to, like, get throwing myself around. It's kind of, it's a teenage dream. I loved wrestling so much as a teenager. And it's funny that now I feel more sort of gingerly

about doing these moves, whereas in the past, when I was encouraged not to do them, I was trying to do them on anyone who would let me. Yeah. And now I'm like, oh, just be careful. Oh, sorry. Oh, my neck. Oh.

There's a lot of neck stuff. One of the instructors said, we like to think of our neck as an extra limb, and I thought, we are different people. I can't imagine being so confident with my neck i just think of it as another arm yeah you don't um you don't go well i was busy uh um holding the phone and making an omelet so i just use my neck to shut the door but i realized that's why all these professional wrestlers they all have such huge neck muscles yeah I thought, why do they focus so much on their neck? They don't need their neck.

But so much of the fundamental wrestling technique in professional wrestling is about keeping your head safe and curling up and falling right and rolling. And that's all to do with keeping your neck up, your head up and curling your neck. And so they just build these huge necks. curling your neck and so they just build these huge necks yeah they all very much have like these big like thimble heads like they're wearing a bin

yes it just goes straight into their shoulders yeah you look like Brock Lesnar who? Brock Lesnar you don't know who Brock Lesnar is? I don't know wrestling at all my friend this is a different world but Really? No, no. But you were a...

How do I say this? Schlubby loser as well. Why didn't... I thought that's what we were all into. No, see, in my milieu, in primary school at least, it was the kind of slightly edgy kids who were super into wrestling

and kind of almost everyone. It was the the kind of slightly edgy kids who were super into wrestling and kind of almost everyone it was the majority's joy huh really yeah yeah i how funny i just even as a child couldn't get over the fact that it was so tangibly not real and i know that's not the point and it's a performance and blah blah blah and it still requires great skill but I was so confused as a kid because I was just like but there is real one there's boxing as well if you like fighting wait till you see real fighting real fighting sucks

that's not what professional wrestling is about we watch professional wrestling because it's good because it's narratively satisfying in a way that boxing rarely is and Greco-Roman wrestling certainly isn't. And I didn't realize until my adulthood just how camp it is. Professional wrestling is so camp.

And it's just so high energy and silly and goofy. And I think what it was is the closest to seeing real life superheroes i think that's why a lot of sort of dweeby boys like it yeah maybe that's i don't know superhero stories basically yeah i suppose so good and evil and you know the right and wrong and righteous and cheating and uh you know the good goody two-shoes and the heels oh it's brilliant yeah i think i just found

it to discern who was supposed to be good or bad because it was all just like kind of kind of just giant dudes and speedos just sort of going oh yeah a lot and i could never quite of watching wrestling is when they sort of cuss. They have to cuss each other out. But because it's like pre-Watershed and has to go on TV and is aimed at sort of kids as well, they can't swear. Yeah. So, I mean, that's why The Rock had to come up with like Candy Ass and Jabroni.

And I remember someone being called an egomaniac, and that was the end of the, that's like they were building up to, you're an egomaniac. And I was like, I never even heard the word egomaniac before, but it must be pretty bad, because I thought they were going to say cunt.

That's the energy that they were building up with. They're building up with cunt energy, but they said egomaniac. Egomaniac, here on the crazy wrestling show I mean ass was the worst they could say so so all these supposedly

ferocious macho men who didn't care what anyone thought and didn't care about the rules and who would never say a four-letter word. Yeah, they're just there, you're a real picklehead.

Your behavior makes me furious. They really are like playground insults when you go back and watch them now. Yeah, I don't know. I always associated it with a certain type of extremely rowdy kid in my primary school on the isle of man and then i remember when i came to uni i in i was shocked that so many you know of the sort of comedy dorks liked wrestling i was like really yeah there's a lot crossover comedy comic books wrestling it

I mean comedy and wrestling are very similar especially like live comedy stand-up and wrestling are very closely linked a lot of professional

wrestlers retire and try stand-up out and do stand-up for a bit oh right Mick Foley Ric Flair has done it Rowdy Roddy Piper

I think has done some because it's kind of the same skills, really. It's all mic skills and getting a crowd on side. Being able to fall down. And falling down. He's saying being an egomaniac and saying the word ass a lot. It does track. It's also a lot about building up your

own image only to be undermined right yeah a lot of comedy is about building something up and then you undermine it and a lot of wrestling is like this saturday i'm gonna and then you lose or whatever um it's all about setting up expectation and then and then subverting it right yeah so it's kind of the same the same thing do you have a signature move worked out i haven't got one yet thing is we have to work with what is realistic for me to do yeah um because the kind of moves that you take for granted watching professional wrestling is like oh body slam boring a clothesline lame do something difficult yeah you actually try them it's like oh fuck these are pretty hard actually these take weeks to to get down could you do like a kind of silly joke but i've been saying i've been saying

i'm gonna i'm gonna do the hurricane runner i'm gonna hurricane run everybody do you know the hurricane runner uh the name rings a bell from the dark it's a move usually usually um preserved for live um so uh what are the mexican wrestlers called luchadores luchadores yeah or like a lot of the female wrestlers would do it, where you get up on the person's shoulders, sit on the shoulders, and you flip backwards and you throw them over. It's not something that someone of my physicality could do. But I've been saying,

I've been telling everyone I'm doing the Hurricane Runner and I'm going to Hurricane Runner everybody. I'm going to Hurricane Runner the audience. I'm going to the audience, I'm going to Hurricane Runner everybody. Then you're going to go out into the street and Hurricane Runner the people on the bus. It's going to hurricanrana the audience I'm going to hurricanrana everybody Then you're going to go out into the street and hurricanrana the people on the bus It's going to be like Godzilla

When you're bigging yourself up are you going to mention your Kung Fu training? No I didn't mention it today It's embarrassing because I've forgotten most of it although we did do an arm hold today and you know i remembered my arm hold training my wrist lock training yeah um but i don't think it's particularly irrelevant to be honest my what it has been relevant is rolling i'm quite good i got quite good into rolling i can roll quite well. Just roll the whole time.

Just the holy roller. Yeah, it might be funny. I just roll. Yeah, and then they just get so dizzy watching me roll around, they just collapse, and then I pin them. Well, you roll under their legs. You're all over the place. It's like they're on a rolling ship.

Well, we should read some Corollispondence yes it's time to climb the ringside ropes of correspondence and dive onto the prone opponent of emails nice

yeah Yeah. Ring, letters, emails, phone calls, tweets, your sister, and your best friend. Let's make fun of ring letters. Correspondence. Wrestling, is it real? Is it real? Yes, it truly is. Wrestling is real. All the anger is real all the people aren't fake all the punching it hurts

all the bleeding is real all the shouting is real they really hate each other it's real real real that's right wrestling is real tell your kids I like all right wrestling is real tell your kids I like um all the shouting is

real like someone get wrestling is not even real and you go all the shouting's real well you think they're not really shouting up there you idiot you go to a live wrestling show you tell me they aren't really shouting you can't can you you can't yeah um so we have an email from rish rish yeah rish the dish is it our prime minister rish sunak that would be the

worst way to be under undercover it's it's sadly it's not but but his emails... Imagine Rishi Sunak turning up with a moustache. Is that Rishi Sunak? No, I'm Rish. I'm Rish. Kunas. Rishi who-nak? I don't know who Rishi Sunak is. I'm Rish. I think the Prime Minister's doing a great job, etc.

Rish says, dear red-hot Philly Pierre-pers. Nice. Really good. job etc um rish says dear red hot philly pierpers nice really good that's a goodie he says uh i saw this billboard where recently knighted that's how old this is sir lewis hamilton was proclaiming i am a pilot so yeah that's why he's been knighted. Have you seen the billboard? Services to Bud Pod. The billboard, no. So he's advertising a big fancy watch and there's a lot of crossover between people who love Formula One

and people who love big, chunky, expensive watches. Oh, yes, there is. Why is that? I just think it's a personality type where it's like, I love machines. Shiny, expensive machines. So... Have I found it here the caption is looking this up once i dreamed to become the fastest driver today i am a driver of change i am a big pilot that's what it says

says i am here it is the big pilot i am a big pilot is that the name of the watch so bad yeah it looks like the name of the watch is the big pilot that's such a that's such a bad name bad such a bad copy i'm what does it mean to be a big pilot this is a prop this is such a bugbear of mine people mixing their metaphors with um words to do with size so massive is the worst one massive and massively this particularly british thing i'm massively for that or i heard someone saying um they'll be massively racing against each other yeah you can't massively race you can't you're mixing your metaphors you're driving me fucking crazy and like people like people who you expect better from journalists and stuff yeah we'll say i mean you said this is a massive

problem that's fine but you say um rishi sunak will be massively worried that you can't worry massively unless you're crazy you get maybe maybe they mean he's um he's stress eating i was just so yeah the worry is filling his body and he's just slowly inflating yeah instead of pushing people off the benches in the houses of commons people like oh what the oh no he's he's massively worrying also he's massively worrying also like um i always find it strange when you get someone who's like it's lewis hamilton right so he's he's english and it's the caption is in English, but it's written in English as a second language.

So it's, once I dreamed to become the fastest driver. To become. Once I dreamed of becoming. Right. I dreamed to become. It's like it was written by the guy Who sent him enough diamonds In a case to get him to do the advert It might as well start off

With my friend That's how That's how English second language is My friend Once I dreamed to become The fastest driver friend once i dream to become the fastest driver that would be a funny that's a funny idea like an english as a second language teacher just kind of now don't forget to say my friend everyone's your friend that's the thing to

remember is everyone's your friend today i am a driver of change what does that mean i am a big pilot yeah what is the change here this is always something that happens in advertising as well it's like be part of the revolution so what a slightly different style of trousers this is a revolution is it yeah no don't let anyone tell you what to do but you should wear this watch yeah what yeah yeah um it's like the world like messages that basically are the world will never be the same after this product and and it's they show you a watch that is indistinguishable from any other watch or like you watch an advert for a car and it's like in the adverts like a guy he's out with his family and his car drives past and he's like and he drops the shopping he drops the kid or whatever yeah because he's so amazed by this car and you look

at the car it's just some fucking hatchback it's like any fucking car on the roads in england like what what are you talking about it's what do you mean it's the same my friend this is the same What are you talking about? What do you mean? It's the same. My friend, this is the same. My friend, you dream to be making a new product. This is the same.

It's like, yeah, it's just, as you say, it's always just like, it's shaped like a bar of soap. It's blue and it's driving through a town. And inevitably, they only mention the thing that makes it different towards the end after they've talked about revolutions or whatever. And then they go, it's got Bluetooth. You go, oh, okay. Yeah, the revolutions are so subtle. The new elements of this old product are so subtle. This new model wasn't even necessary. No.

No, you've presumably only released it because everyone else's old models are full of crisp packets or something. I really don't get the watch thing. When I was younger, I was like, oh yeah, I must have a good watch.

When I was a teenager, I've always had a watch. Which it turns out marks me I was quite different from most people my generation. I've always had a watch. There's a photo my mother's unearthed of us like going to our first day of school.

I'm like seven or something. And I've got my little white shirt on and I've got my big backpack and my shorts, my blue shorts, and I'm walking with purpose to school. And I've got a watch. I've got like a leather strap watch on. I've always had a watch.

But now I'm like, it doesn't need to be expensive why who cares it's such a weird thing to care about a watch yeah and when you see them and it's so old oh it's got a it's got an altitudeometer and it costs 80 grand and you just go oh no that's my my gut reaction is, oh, no. You know, your phone can do all these things and more. Yeah. Your phone can do all of that. And I don't know if you knew this, but it also has access to all human knowledge.

Yeah, you could call in an airstrike with your phone easily even the apple watch it's like it's so good it's just like a tiny phone on your wrist and you go right so like a second phone cool can you imagine saying with a straight face and a kind of sexy look at my watch way, I am a big pilot. I'm a big pilot. I need this phone. I need this watch. I need an expensive watch.

Why? Because I'm a big pilot. All the small pilots, they have cheaper watches. Because they're small. I'm a pretty big pilot. But I'm a big pilot. Rish says, I have no idea why he's saying he's a big pilot here can you decipher it well we've been trying we've been trying we've been trying our best we promise

he says um maybe some old guy tried to mess with his f1 car and he came over and said this haughtily i mean is it that the is it a tag heuer i'm a big pilot huh is it that the name of this model of watch is and it's not Tag Heuer some other watch is the name of the model pilot and the pilot so this design of watch is called the pilot and this is a bigger version

yeah and so it's the big pilot yeah but even then okay we need we need to figure out copy that goes with big pilot but then it's such a bad name why would you be a big pilot you could you could there's so many other words for for big massive massive film Gargantuan pilot Titanic pilot I don't know

Go like fake Latin Pilot Majoris Nice Pilot Magnum Ooh Yeah Pilot Grande Grande

Grand pilot, the grand pilot, that's nice I'll buy a watch called the grand pilot Yeah, no, big pilot Grand Pilot Grande. Grande. Grand Pilot. The Grand Pilot. That's nice. The Grand Pilot. I'll buy a watch called the Grand Pilot. Yeah, no, a Big Pilot. Big Pilot. This is a Big Pilot. This one, Big One.

Although Rich does point out, Sir Lewis Carl Davidson Hamilton MBE Hon Frang. Hon Frang? On F-R-E-N-G. Full title. It's some honours. I'm not sure which one. For England?

Honour for England. Honour for England. That's what it stands for. For England. Saying him being knighted makes sense when you think of him as riding on behalf of his kingdom in life-threatening tournaments. There you go. It's true.

Ah, of course he's basically a modern-day jouster, Pierre. Yeah. I'd love an MBE. I'd love an MBE. I'd love an MBE. People always talk about, oh, I turned down my MBE. Oh, people should turn down. I will take it. I will bite their hand off to take that MBE.

What kind of MBE do you want, though? What is it? MBE, OBE? Well, no, because it's... Or are there different types of MBE? No, but it's MBE for you want though? What is it? MBE, OBE? Well, no, because it's... Or are there different types of MBE? No, but it's MBE for services too, you know. Oh! Services to love.

That's what I want my MBE for. Services to love in. I think just services to like... Is there one for services to just being a chill, sensible guy? Yeah, I think so. But you have to be in the royal family for you to get medals for that sort of thing. I think that's what the queen used to say to the various relatives. You've been really chill this year, actually.

And she'd give them a big star. To be honest, the last couple of years, that would mark you out as a star in the royal family, just to be chill and not do anything mental. Yeah. We don't want you to go away from the royal family thinking the squeaky wheel gets the oil. OBE is order of the British Empire.

MBE is member of the British Empire. OBE is better in it. It goes member, order, commander. Member, order, commander. CBE. Oh, so that's the biggie boy, is it? CBE. Member, order, commander. CBE. Oh, so that's the biggie boy, is it? CBE. Yeah, CBE is difficult.

That's a high difficulty one to get. Who gets to be CBE? I'd love a CBE. Can you? Wait. What? No, surely not. Wait.

Oh, no. Oh, there's a picture here with um one of the public school white boy actors I can never remember his name um I can't even remember writing stuff right now

I took a couple of knocks to my head wrestling training earlier you know and I can't really I can't really think of things is that good is that a good sign

you've you've double suplexed the memories right out of your brain oh no Stephen Hawking Harold Pinter You've double suplexed the memories right out of your brain. Oh, no. Stephen Hawking, Harold Pinter, Hugh Laurie, CBE, Johnny Wilkinson, Helena Bonham Carter. Yeah.

I mean, of all those, Helena Bonham Carter feels... Wait, no. Johnny Wilkinson. Yeah, Johnny Wilkinson feels attainable because it was just one good kick, wasn't it, really? No. A CBE for one good kick. A CBE for one good kick. A CBE for one good kick. I don't think so.

Hugh Laurie. That's what House gets here, I guess. A CBE. Harold Pinter. Yeah. It's all those pauses. Stephen Hawking. Yeah, I guess that's fair enough for Stephen Hawking

to be a commander of the British Empire. To change how we think about time. OBEs. J.K. Rowling. David Beckham. Now, IBEs. J.K. Rowling. David Beckham. Now, I would have thought J.K. Rowling would get a CBE. Over, say, Harold Pinter or Hugh Laurie.

I mean, Harry Potter's pretty enormous. Yeah, but it's not about money. It's not about money, Phil. It's class. Class. The class system is immune to money. That's its only power. It's class. Class. The class system is immune to money. That's its only power. That's true.

A lot of people don't really have money. The second it's not immune to money, it might as well just be like, you know, fucking Disneyland. Now here, Frank Lampard has an OBE, but Steven Gerrard has an MBE. How have they come to that distinction? Frank Lampard is the posher.

Frank Lampard did used to get made fun of, didn't he, for being quite posh, especially amongst professional footballers. But maybe, but it's always some shit that we don't know. Like Frank Lampard then went and did a bunch of, I don't know, football outreach programs, you know. You're going to have to do something like that, Phil. Rob Brydon has an MBE. Okay, now we're getting to the clowns. The clown layer, yeah. Yeah, the clown layer of the cake.

I'd love it. Would you accept an OBE or an MBE? I think I would, yeah. I don't know. I'm slowly losing my Republican beliefs. Not out of any change in my thinking, but just out of exhaustion, really.

Yes, that's how we get you. I'm not Republican, I just kind of like the pomp. I know it's lame, but I like a certificate. I want to get a medal. Yeah, of course. I'd be lying if I said I didn't. Well, that's the other thing. You think, well well no one else is going to offer me a fucking certificate my my my case for the royal family and keeping the royals is that public life is to an extent

a play and there's no need to get rid of good characters. Okay. That's a more cogent argument than much of the tabloid press would have. Thank you. Big pilot. You're a big pilot for change. I'm a big pilot. Revolution watch. I'm big pilot.

I like Royal Family because they are big pilot for opening swimming centers. Big pilot. Oh, God. royal family because they are big pilot for opening swimming centers oh god well phil the time has come for us to um backflip into the the vip ring of the patreon yes okay yes um Yes, okay, yes. Oh, we need to announce. Oh, shit. Yes, we almost forgot. We need to announce, and patrons would have got an early announcement, but we are now announcing to all our wonderful pod buds that we have, much to my chagrin,

put on a second Bud Pod Live. The first sold out so quickly and only to patrons that we put on this second show at the Leicester Square Theatre it's gone on sale now it's a bigger room and it's on sale now it's a bigger room the link is in the description of this podcast guys and we've been tweeting it

Bud Pod Live part 2 it's 14th of March isn't it 14th of March Valentine's Day if Valentine's Dayth of March, isn't it? 14th of March. Valentine's Day. If Valentine's Day was in March. Yeah. Leicester Square Theatre.

It'll be a really fun time. It's a great theatre, Leicester Square Theatre. I've done many a show there, but never with Pierre. No. That'll be interesting. Yeah. And we're all going to hang out afterwards, aren't we? And we're all going to hang out afterwards, aren't we? And we're all going to get pints and smell each other's butts like dogs.

Yeah, we're going to barricade the theater and kill each other one by one. That's one of my favorite lines from Batman Begins is when Bruce Wayne approaches the mob boss who killed his parents. And the mob boss who killed his parents. And the mob boss is like, Your father, he begged. He begged for his life.

Like a dog. I always think of that. When I hear the word dog, I just think, like a dog. Especially because it's an English actor doing this accent. Like a dog. Like a dog. Who's the English actor? Let me see, let me see. Is it Maroney

that he plays? Yeah. What are the crime families in Batman? The Maroney's and the Falcone's. I don't think he's the Falcone. Maybe he's Falcone. Maybe he is. Yes, he is.

Carmine Falconei and it's played by who did falconi do oh god tom wilkinson hey i don't know who that is who is that if you well while phil looks at if you look him up you'll you'll he's one of those english actors where you're like who the fuck oh yeah I've seen him in every day of my life since birth. He's one of those English actors, you know. I've never heard that name before. He's like, oh, yes, he lives in my veins. Well, while I'm looking him up, guys,

there's also tickets left for the Extra Dates at my Soho Theatre run. 6th, 7th, 8th of February. Yes, get those tickets too. Soho Theatre, early Feb, a few table things. Oh, this guy was in the Full Monty. Err. Weird.

And also my tour, a couple of dates have already sold out, but a couple of dates have not. Especially but a couple of dates have not especially Glasgow whatever the opposite of sold out is that's what Glasgow is if you're in Glasgow do check out my tour date there

please yes okay yeah please so we've got Budpod Live 14th of March Soho Theatre Extra Dates Phil's Tour Brackets Glasgow yes but also Please. So we've got Bud Pod Live, 14th of March. Soho Theatre, Extra Dates. Phil's Tour, brackets, Glasgow. Yes, but also other places. And other places that are nearer to you than Glasgow, potentially.

Potentially. All right. But otherwise, see you guys next week or this Friday if you're cool. Bye. Bye.