BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 198 - Loco in Acropopo

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

Wang's a b-day boy in Greece, plumbing issues abound, cocktail judging, Paddington's real accent, Jonathan's gap year prank war, sketch is Great British Shake Off Host Off Host Off Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod198. 198. I am great because it was my birthday. Yes. Two days ago was my birthday. I'm an older boy now. I'm wiser. I'm stronger.

I'm faster. I'm smaller. I'm so tiny now. I can fit into small crevices. Because that's part of getting old. Becoming like a sort of crab. Yeah, that's right. Or a salamander.

Or an octopus. And just slink through tiny gaps. I am now 33, Pierre. My Jesus year. This is it. Yes. This is the year I finally start preaching

and get executed by the state. Or cancelled by Twitter. Yeah, it's a modern crucifixion. In many ways, it's a modern crucifixion. In many ways, it's worse. In many ways, it's less civilized. It's worse. Yeah, that's the kind of language that accompanies a bad online comic of people all looking at their phones

and walking off a cliff. That makes you think genre. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, a sort of newspaper-style cartoon where a kid who's too old for nappies is wearing a nappy looking at an iPad. Yeah. A big classroom where all the kids are wearing nappies and looking at iPads.

And there's a teacher at the front dressed as like a teacher from the Victorian era, like the Beano, with like a mortarboard and a cape. And he's shrugging at the viewer like, like this is what kids are like what are you gonna do and then and then you can see out the window that's a really beautiful day and a lot of like animals running around and there's a big lovely tree yeah yeah there's a confused rugby coach that no one's playing on there's a sports coach shrugging everyone's shrugging everyone's shrugging they're all shrugging at the youth but anyway the youth is ever more a community i am not allowed to be a part of pierre i'm slowly sneaking away from it but i had a fun birthday nonetheless i went to athens in greece for the. You went to go see the Oracle. I went to go see the Oracle

to hear her advice on my upcoming battle with the Persians. Yeah. Let's see what she has to say. It turns out I should funnel them into a narrow passage where their great numbers will count for nothing. Yeah, unusually specific advice from the oracle this time. Very specific. least for only when the final olive drops in may shall uh the salt return to ithaca yeah but she was just like you want to channel them into a narrow tunnel i think she's had enough after millennia of people misinterpreting her enigmatic advice,

she's now just telling it straight. Yeah, she starts every prophecy now with, so apparently I wasn't being clear before. So yes, I got some really good advice about battle formations and shield overlapping techniques but also I got to have some time with some friends. Unfortunately, Pierre, you weren't able to join

I could not You were too busy being a wireless man on the wireless That's right, me and Frank Skinner and Emily Dean on Absolute Radio My commitment which isn't itself a podcast, but does spawn a podcast.

From your head, like Athena from the skull of Zeus. Yes, this is it. This is what you've been picking up on the ground in Greece. It was great. It was really good. I've never been to Greece before at all, and I've always been a great lover of the Greek myths and of Homer homer and the iliad and the odyssey and all this sort of thing so it's really great assassin's creed i did think a lot of the time when i was there

it's like assassin's creed odyssey and because assassin's creed are really good at their research there are bits where you go oh i've run up here like i've run up the steps to the parthenon before yeah this all looks right it's mad isn't it it's crackers like when they made the egypt one they they had a secret chamber in a pyramid that hadn't been like officially announced yet or something or or they'd guessed at it and then a couple of months later, these Egyptologists found the secret chamber in the pyramid, but Assassin's Creed already had it. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pretty crazy. They really do put the effort in. Is that why I saw that archaeologist on the news with that glowing set of armor? Yeah. He looked like he had plus 10 health, plus 20 maybe? Yeah. He was just punching all the other archaeologists and defeating them. He was defeating them all.

The DLC archaeologist. We got a tour up the Acropolis. Or as I kept singing, we're going local up in Acropopo. I sang that all day. Yes, good. Okay. In the heat.

In the heat. Well, I guess it wouldn't be that hot. And you saw the Parthenon. And we went to the Parthenon Museum they have next to the Acropolis, where they have all the marbles that they kept. And they've built a beautiful display on the top floor of their museum where they're basically recreating the layout of the freezers and the metopes and the pediments and it was a beautiful museum how many did they keep do they have quite a lot

or do we have quite a lot pierre they have more than you think they have more than you think and this is part of the reason and this is bud pod exclusive pierre and i know people don't say this very much these days but i've changed my mind. Ooh! I've changed my mind about the Elgin Marbles. I think they should be placed in the Acropolis Museum in Athens with the rest. Ah, you want to fill in the gaps. This is it, yes. Classic autist.

You knew exactly what my main objective was. It's not that I think they should be in greece because they're greek but i saw all these gaps and because you and i went to the british museum a week before to see what we have i knew all the pieces are filled in the gaps and it was so frustrating not to just be able to just click them in just and i suppose also you were looking at a more accurate representation of like a simulation of what it would be like so a better hole for the gaps and they put in these very white sort of recreations to fill in the gaps where the pieces are in the british museum and they're all very passive aggressive notes they all say um temporarily unavailable the very sassy oh that's funny yeah is this there's not a guy taking

around saying uh and and this is where we would put uh this one if we had it like jabbing his finger at all the British people in the group with his umbrella. And my main justification for this is my completionism. Yes. I think all the pieces should be together and they might as well be next to the parthenon in the acropolis because it's just the most completest version it's just the most completest arrangement yeah i think that's right i mean it was interesting when we went to the to the bm to look at them because i think i think my mind changed because of 3D printing technology. Because I thought, well, I don't own this.

I don't care if it's an original Picasso, as it were. I just want to look at the rock, right? I just want to see what it looks like. And if we had a 3D printed version made of plastic or concrete or whatever you want i could fucking lick it or whatever i do whatever i want oh i see so you think the british museum should have replicas that we can just go fucking crazy with yeah it wouldn't matter like they could just the british museum should scan them which you can do with that kind of scanning radar, whatever it is, like perfect imaging. You could sell that.

People could have a Parthenon marble as part of a display in their garden. Yes, this is true. This is true. But then is it worth having that in a museum? Is it worth having replicas in a museum when they just get rid of the gallery altogether? But they've already got a replica of the Rosetta Stone.

That's much easier to go look at because everyone's crowding around the real thing just because it of the gallery altogether. But they've already got a replica of the Rosetta Stone. That's much easier to go look at because everyone's crowding around the real thing just because it's the real thing. Yes. And they'd have to have something about ancient Greece. It's not like they're going to go, well, we've given those rocks back. Take it all down, boys.

And all these ancient Greek professors are being thrown in a big bin. But the thing with the Rosetta Stone is they do also have the rosetta stone but a lot of the purpose of the british museum is they have the actual thing so to have a display that is purely a simulacrum i think would start to drift it would drift the purpose of the British Museum away from what it is. I suppose so. I mean... And soon it'll just be an escape room, Pierre, because everything ends up in an escape room.

In central London. Yeah, it's just going to be an ancient themed escape room in the middle of London. But as long as it was themed so accurately, I'd be like like that sounds sick that sounds great as long as it's like it's the pedantic accuracy that won me over the potential for pedantry whereas but in the olden days they'd be like oh we have a plaster cast and he'd be like well i don't know about that could be right anything could have gone wrong it's dangerous to cast things out of plaster you can fuck up the original oh okay okay okay i see what you mean whereas now they just go this

is down to the fucking atom a perfect replica of this interesting thing like when i was going and looking at them i was interested in in in the artistry and and how it looked and why it looked the way it looked and as long as i could be confident it was a 100 accurate replica i didn't care if it was the original oh i did i i think there's definitely there's a definite value loss if it isn't yeah i suppose but there's no educational loss. No, but I think that's a very... But the purpose of the museum is not just education. It's about Marvel, right? It's about...

Well, I suppose, but I think that's where it shifts from history and academia and understanding humanity to just bog standard tourism. Well, but it is part tourism. I mean, the British Museum is part museum, but mainly it's a collection, really. The British Museum is a collection and you don't collect replicas. But the trouble is that I i i think they can have the replicas for someone who's interested in that but they've got so much stuff underneath that they never display oh yeah i'm so i'm i'm just saying i don't think there's any point in doing a replica

display of the path in the marbles in in the british museum that's all i'm saying i think they should repurpose the room i think they should put other shit in there because like you say there's so much stuff that is in is in storage i think they should have replicas and then either bring them out every now and then or i don't know have a move it to a back room or whatever because i think i think it it's still it's still worth it maybe they can make it a better reproduction if they just did a full scale reproduction scan the ones in greece that'd be very funny if the british museum returns the ilgan marbles and then builds a full scale 3d printed perfect replica of the full Parthenon. And do it as it would have been so it's actually better.

Yes. Yes, with lit braziers inside and an enormous statue to Athena. Yes. There can only be one winner. Out of all our celebrity guests, our celebrity contestants, who will take the final incredible prize?

You're all here to compete for one of the biggest privileges in this line of work, yeah? Because from all of you, right, we've gathered you all together, you're going to host a new show. If you win, where you get to pick the new hosts for the next Great British show. Yeah? So all of you are a bunch of celebrity hosts. We've got Paul Hollywood, Matt Lucas, Mel and Sue, Greg Davies,

the other one, Alan Sugar, yeah? Anton Deck, you're all here and we're going to make you host things to see who the best hosts are right, if you win you get to host the competition that will find the next hosts for the great, which one is it now?

the Great British it's not that is it,? The Great British? It's not that, is it? That's a Halloween special. Cocktails. Right, it's cocktails. We've decided. You'll host the Great British cocktail off. Shake off.

Shake off. Right, that's it. Shake off. Because you can shake a cocktail. Done. Right. Get hosting. Yeah? You've got 10 minutes left to host and the winner will host that i've explained it good luck uh good luck hosts okay 10 minutes

left to host 10 minutes left to host everybody plus if it was replicas we could see what they look like painted oh well this was the other amazing part of the Acropolis Museum. So I didn't know this, but before the Parthenon, there was the pre-Parthenon. It's like a thinner, more runny version of the Parthenon. But you can still get pregnant from it, Pierre, so you have to be careful. You can still praise Zeus from it, Pierre, so you have to be careful. You can still praise Zeus from it. You better watch out. It was bigger than the Parthenon.

And it's still under construction when... It was even bigger. It was even bigger. But it was under construction when the Persians attacked. And so it was never finished. And then when the Persians stopped attacking they built the normal Parthenon they gave up on the pre-Parthenon

but the pre-Parthenon all the statues that came off of it were buried under the soil on the Acropolis which protected the paint so they have all these pre-Parthenon sculptures which are even older than the Parthenon sculptures,

and they have paint left on them. There are snakes with, like, coloured scales and priestesses with coloured red hair. It's amazing. And this paint has been on there for 2,500, 3,000 years. Wow. And are the colours, like, incredibly gaudy? Because I had read that they must have

been at a time but they're they're sort of muted and faded that now they're very tasteful they're obviously muted now but i mean you can still see the the choices that were made where it's like i don't know why it wouldn't go purple red purple like well purple would have been very expensive and basically impossible to find right but um there's a lot of red and blue and some green uh yeah i it wouldn't it would have been gauche for sure yeah it's still very cool to see all this that's the main thing pierre about being there being walking around the path and in the same place it's been for two and a half thousand years all the shit that's happened and those rocks were in that place in that position just sat there all the sunrises and

sunsets it's seen all the rain that was that's washed off it all the wind that's blown through it all the time of the things you've seen the world wars the industrial revolution the start of islam the start of christianity start of what judaism it's all those things happen and those rocks were stood there that roof was standing crazy it's i couldn't get over it i could not get i think i think it's the oldest thing i've ever seen i can't think of what all the it's how old is stonehenge uh it's Bronze Age so it certainly is in the running So is Stonehenge older than the Parthenon?

This is the real World Cup The Parthenon is thought to be older than Stonehenge Really? The Parthenon is also older than the pyramids. That's surprising. I thought the pyramids were older. I think it depends which ones. What do we mean by

Parthenon? The Parthenon is that set of I suppose it's tough because like you said, there was a pre-site and... Wait. This is too old. The Parthenon's not this old.

I think people... Yes, this isn't correct. This Parthenon comes right off. This isn't correct at all. Look, we're getting into the weeds here. So Stonehenge is, yeah, 3000 to 2000 BC, I think. Yeah, that's older than the Parthenon. Okay, so Stonehenge is the oldest building I've ever seen.

Can you call it a building? Yeah, it's been built. That's right. It was built built that's right it was built that's right by good proper british builders pierre proper british builder proper british building yes okay so parthenon 500 BC? That's right. Yeah, 500 BC. There we go. Yes, okay. So Stonehenge is, you know, about two and a half thousand years older than that.

Bronze Age, very old and mysterious. Oogly boogly. Oogly boogly. Hang on, Phil. Oogly, very oogly boogly. That's what I said. That's what I say whenever I see anything from the Bronze Age, because it's so mysterious.

The Iron Age, you know where a man... A man knows where he is with iron. But with bronze, I don't know. A lot of creepy shit from that era. That doesn't make a lot of sense. Phil, what I want to know. What were your impressions of Greece, the modern nation you'd never been? Oh, my impressions of Greece, the modern nation you'd never been?

Oh, my impressions of Greece, the modern nation. Was it just Italy with lamb? I liked the Greeks. The food is good. The wine is good. It's all a little more, it's a little rougher, I guess. It's all a little more it's a little rougher I guess it's just a little rougher but very easy going I thought

yeah I guess I didn't really have all that much enough real experience with Athens in a modern city to know for sure although on the final it's always seemed very chaotic to me. It is kind of chaotic, yeah.

I mean, what does strike you is that it's not as economically strong as the rest of Europe. And you kind of think, oh God, is this where britain's heading are all great empires destined to end up like this eventually yeah uh but on the whole i thought it was pretty chill the people were nice the food was good on the final night pierre my friend elsa and i we went to this bar which was one of the 50 best

bars in the world. There's this ranking of the 50 best bars in the world and we went to one which had a Negroni that in 2019 was one best cocktail in the world. It was pretty good. What? Yeah, best cocktail in the world. And then we looked up

the 50 best bars in the world and three including that one were in Athens. Really? And we went to all of them. So we went to all three bars in Athens that were the best in the world. I've never done that before. I've never been to three of the 50 best bars in the world

in a single night. It was really fun. In the last one, there was a drag Greek Orthodox priest DJing. That was fun he was great but he wasn't a real priest well he was a priest of the beats and that's all that mattered to me

he was a priest of rhythm in the church of sound I've realised I think male to male drag is my favorite genre of drag oh okay interesting okay so there's a guy dressed up as a guy but in the drag but with crazy makeup on yeah yeah yeah yeah and i suppose sort of i guess what i guess i guess element of drag is sort of making fun of authority in some way right or suppose sort of i guess what i guess i guess an element of drag is sort of making fun of authority in some way right or being sort of um anti-establishment in some way so i guess you'd have to choose you'd have to choose a man who in some way is of a higher authority than you

and so he chose a greek orthodox priest interesting okay and were there any jokes or was it just sick uh sick beats it was just like beats and then got a photo with him after had a little chat used to live in camberwell he was nice that's amazing but now hang on this negroni phil oh yeah it was just fine this is one of the this is the best cocktail in the world it was really good, it was called an Aegean Negroni it was like fluorescent blue because they used some blue curacao or something and a single cube of ice

and a single leaf placed on the cube it was very very nice, it was perfectly balanced that's the thing about Negroni, it can be too sweet or too bitter, whatever. This was perfectly balanced. But they had another drink, which was a gimlet. It was a Greek salad gimlet.

And they managed somehow to simulate the taste of a Greek salad in a drink. What? What? Yeah. So it was tangy. It tasted a bit like green pepper. There's a bit of olive oil in it. And they'd coated the glass with yeast

so it tasted like you're having a bit of bread with it it was so good it was amazing willie woncopolis the greek chocolate yes woncopolupos yeah yeah oh my god i always wonder how they judge these things because like if let's say i'm the judge for the cocktail awards of the whole world yeah i presumably live in america um or maybe france and you almost certainly wear suspenders and a trilby i wear suspenders and a trilby and you and you complain about women um not liking nice guys yeah yeah you're always saying that women don't like nice guys and they like and they like their cocktails too sweet yeah um but do you just fly to athens and get battered for what a fucking month i guess i guess they must get like a tip-off after as to which bars

are good i mean it's clearly not a perfect process because the second bar we went to was fine it was fine and i was like this this bar is meant to be better than what millions upon millions of bars in the world it was fine there's a tip-off from a tramp, like a mad alcoholic. This is a good one. I got to text the awards. Who's doing the tipping? And after a while, do you just fly? Do you just go, well, I'm really tired from my flight, so I've got to go have seven Negronis now. I hope some of them are memorable.

Oh, fuck. Yeah, and I don't really know how you... Surely there's a point in the night where drinks are nicest depending on how much alcohol you've had. So there's really a benefit of where your bar is placed in this judge's schedule, right? You would have to plot the scores on a sort of curvature graph to account for that.

Ah, yeah, maybe a logarithmic scale or something. Exactly, yeah. So the bars in the middle get a handicap of most satisfying, and the bars at the end are just completely unreliable. The final bar, Pierre, had had a again a gimlet cocktail yeah with which had gin they'd infused themselves with blue cheese it was blue cheese infused gin that was my that was my um first reaction to and then i tasted it and it was one of them it was maybe the nicest cocktail i ever had in my life it was one of them it was maybe the nicest cocktail i

ever had in my life it was so good did it was it just poured into your mouth through someone's feet yeah someone's got to ours our body parts lewis drink idea i'm afraid yeah well what was the cocktail good um it's like just filled with like just jacob's crackers yeah yeah i was dunking crackers in it uh at uh i instead of sipping it i'd stick a knife into it and scoop some out and then wipe it on my tongue but no it's a really good trip it was great to see the old world because i thought this is my jesus year i should i should sort of i don't have to go full ancient world well this is the ancient world i'd have to go full middle east but i'll fly towards the middle east and and see something really old yeah you'll you'll do um saint paul among the ephesians or something some one of the bits of

the bible where they go and tell the greeks that jesus was a cool guy oh yeah but whenever they say the greeks they actually mean parts of modern turkey they don't mean greece they just mean all the greeks that lived in turkey the anatolian and so on. Right, yeah, there was a lot of there was a lot, there was quite blurry lines there back in the day between them Turks and them Greeks. Yeah, well the Turks just weren't there at that point.

They hadn't quite arrived. That's why every year whenever sort of like the very worst kind of like Twitter sort of, and i'm saying this as a remainer the very worst kind of twitter remainer type person will be like oh saint george's day you mean that turkish bloke and he wasn't turkish he was an anatolian greek so they just you know doesn't make any sense what they're saying it's not historically accurate if

you're going to try and smugly do it i mean if you're really assuming that the person was a racist who you're taunting in your own mind then they should be just as annoyed about a greek i suppose but they're very annoying like that about paddington bear that's become the new st george i don't know if you're aware. But people are like, oh, you love Paddington? Well, wait till you find out he was an immigrant from Peru. Well, our country sure

is welcoming to immigrants when they're cute bears with marmalade. But when they're people, it's like, shut up, man. Shut up. It's a cartoon. Shut up. Yeah. Like like you're just the other side of the coin of those serial killers who are leaving marmalade sandwiches jammed onto the gates at buckingham palace because a different person had died also people always forget that paddington's

from peru people aren't thinking about that because they made his voice English. If he came out with a Peruvian accent... He's incredibly English. If Paddington had a Peruvian accent in his cartoons, he wouldn't be successful in the UK, a country with basically zero Latin Americans. He wouldn't be successful at all. So it isn't like people are aware.

Also, the whole whole joke the whole reason paddington has to be from peru is because no one in the uk knows fuck all about peru it wouldn't work if he was from germany because they'd go we have associations with that whereas it's like the perfect country to to use to kind of baffle children into accepting exotic otherness it's kind of like timbuktu i'm always i'm always astonished when i remember timbuktu is from in africa yes like africa it feels like i always assume it's like in from tibet or the himalayas or something yes or south america a lot of temples yeah yes yeah i love the idea timbuktu is in Mali oh alright

I love the idea of is it in Somalia or Ethiopia it's in Mali no no but there's a similar city with a name like that I can't remember you mean Ouagadougou no

Timbuktu maybe it is Timbuktu Timb just thinking of timbuktu timbuktu is in mali yeah yeah yeah i know i know but there's a similar uh city in either somalia or ethiopia that has a a name that sounds to me himalayan and i always picture himalayan country no no i can't remember i love the idea of paddington being like No, no, I can't remember. I love the idea of Paddington being like, Madam, my lady's very nice.

Yeah, his family wouldn't have adopted him if he spoke like that. They'd be like, sorry, I don't have anything. They would just keep walking. They'd be like, sorry, I don't have cash. Sorry, you know. But because he's like, hello. Oh, I was wondering if you might possibly

that's what makes him palatable to the British public yeah if he'd been like some sort of like a character from fucking San Andreas eh puto like some insane Mexican stereotype. Do you think they would have let a German bear live in...

I would like to live in your house! Yeah, he's creepier. The closest we get is Madeline. You know Madelineeline that little French girl that sometimes kids in England read about oh yeah yes what like with a little straw

boater hat or something that's it yeah and she's an orphan because that's something something horrible needs to have happened for a British child to be interested yeah it's the same way that British sitcoms work they have to be horrible everyone's life in a British

sitcom is just the worst it could be going it's so grim well speaking of grim lives we should read some correspondence I think that could be going. It's so grim. Well, speaking of grim lives, we should read some correspondence, I think. Grim fecal lives. Correspondence Oh this Well I can't believe I didn't mention this So yeah

In Greece The plumbing is so bad Yes I've heard You can't You can't flush toilet paper Insane You can't flush toilet paper insane you can't flush toilet paper every toilet in greece has a bin next to it and you wipe yourself and you put the tissue in the bin pierre unacceptable in the bin astonishing astonishing

i've i i i the relish with which i flush toilet paper on the plane home was i wanted to kiss the toilet it's like that's good to be back that's on a plane the plane's not the toilet on the plane is better than every toilet in greece i i was i was i was amazed by that everywhere you go public toilet restaurant restaurant there's a bin next to the toilet. You wipe your ass with tissue, then you open the bin. The most frightening experience of your life, by the way. Oh, opening the bin, just knowing it's full of... The bin is invariably stuffed with tissues.

Oh, God. Famed for their fluffiness, remember? Yeah. Famed for their fluffiness, remember? Yeah. Famed for their expansive properties. And then you just have to kind of find a little nook to place your shitty little bit of toilet paper in the whole while trying your absolute best not to touch anyone else's morsel of tissue paper.

It's astonishing. I've never had anything like this. Malaysia doesn't like this. You can flush the Lurol in Borneo, but you can't in the birthplace of Western civilization. It's extraordinary. What? I mean...

You can't treat having a shitty arse like having a runny nose, Phil. You can't say, I'm'm just gonna blow my ass and then i didn't even blow my nose because i was like it doesn't feel right to put these things together yeah yeah near the twain should meet yeah surf and turf yeah well a big bin full of bum wipes is the sort of thing you'd collect up for a juvenile prank it was very gross it was very gross um and that's something i won't i won't miss but no oh man you didn't see that in the Acropolis no

no yeah so that was a revelation I didn't know that I didn't know anywhere was like that no I've heard that and it's always put me off as you say a shocking a shocking

gap in a country full of people put me off. As you say, a shocking gap. In a country full of people who eat lamb every day. It's like, Jesus Christ, man. Lamb and yogurt every day. And you have to make a personal

collection of shitty toilet paper they like a challenge well speaking speaking of challenges phil we got an email from jonathan jonathan um what's wrong with them what's wrong with them jonathan that That's good. He says, hello, poo buds. Hello, Jonathan. I've been working my way through the podcast in the last few weeks of term and have managed to listen to 61 episodes in such a short time that Bin Bags Day, Bum Bum Life, and Koji have forced themselves into my vocabulary. Doctors do not recommend.

Physicians do not recommend, apart from Andy. Doctors do not recommend. Physicians do not recommend, apart from Andy. In fact, thank you for the kojis to the people who saw me in... I've immediately forgotten where I was. Where was I? They kojied your memory away. I've had my memory kojied to bits.

Yeah. Big Penny Social. Big Penny Social. way did they code my memory the flash yeah big penny social big penny social anyway they've all forced they went to my vocabulary which is dangerous when standing in front of a class of high schoolers because I'm a teacher in Australia ah yeah I'm a teacher how am I supposed to do work now I'm a teacher. How am I supposed to do work now? I'm saying bum bum life all the time. Yeah.

Bum bum life? Bum bum life. You having a bit of a beanbags day? What's a gilded cage? Class, what's a gilded cage class you project you've got to go home

and ask your parents if they know because I don't get it so he says I also must say my drives to and from school have become more enjoyable

and poo filled than I ever imagined they might so thank you for that. Wonderful. Pleasure. Pleasure. Pleasure.

I have a poo story that goes back to my gap year. Oh, fantastic. Let's hear it. Where do Australians go for the gap years? Australia? They should be bartenders in the uk traditionally ah right oh yeah of course because they get like was it two years or something or a year yeah yeah it's either something like that or just i don't know i guess just thailand right

um as a precursor i'm neither of the two main characters, but a bystander. Ah, in the story, I see. Yeah. During my gap year, I spent several months in a college-type location. Vague. Interesting. A college-type location. That's an off-brand university.

That's like a pirated university that hasn't bought the rights to university um we're a college based location we're a college type location that offered degree-like qualifications we're a college type location uh i spent several months on a college type location where skills and leadership were taught to those from different communities from around the world. Oh. It's like the ninjas that trained Batman. It's quite Illuminati-esque. Yeah. We've been gathered here to learn how to lead the world.

How to lead. Lead, you fellow man. Fear, love, to glory. During this time, we lived in dorms of four people, two sets of bunk beds per room. Okay. And naturally, as a large group of 18-something-year-olds, dumb ideas and pranks ran rampant, from corridor slip and slides, BB gun fights, to the infamous poo-in-a-bag trick. Oh, trick. I like a trick.

This prank started when one person from a neighbouring dorm decided it would be a good idea to place tea bags inside the shower head. Right. Okay, okay. So you screw off the shower head and put a tea bag in, so then the water comes out as tea. Yeah, that's quite funny. Yeah. Not so bad, but this continued back and forth between rooms for two weeks

in which a range of objects were found inside shower heads. Tea bags, tomatoes, Brussels sprouts, and meatballs. No, I don't like this move towards perishables. I really don't. Finally, one of the pranksters had had enough. he decided to end it once and for all and so he deposited his poo into a paper bag and sneakily went into the other dorm room and placed the bag of brown underneath the bottom bunk in the space below oh i thought it was going to be in the shower yeah i thought it was going in the shower i was sure it was going in the shower head

maybe that was just too much like biological warfare. Yeah. Anyway, when the other dorm group returned... I'm going to give people cholera. That's just going to make them blind. I'm going to blind people with my feces. Haha, I got you! Haha! When the other dorm group returned, they noticed a smell, but just assumed it was coming from the toilet that all four of them had to share,

so they sprayed the bathroom and left it. The next day, the smell was there, and much, much worse. The blame then fell onto one of the dorm members, as he was told he needs to shower, because it was fucking disgusting. I feel for that guy sometimes. If I recall correctly, he showered four times that day. Wow, imagine being so stinky so so definitely the smelly guy that people don't even think oh maybe he's one of the rest of us it's like no you haven't showered enough he's definitely you go back in and to be so smelly yourself that even you believe that and shower four times to get rid of your stink.

To believe it yourself is so bad. Yeah, that's so weird. It usually comes off by now. Sorry, guys. I thought you were giving another go. Sorry, guys. Usually after the second shower, I stop smelling like shit in a bag. Which is obviously a much worse thing to smell of than human sweat.

Eventually, the smell became so bad that all the dorm room members were required to move out to a different dorm for a night or two. The next day, the bag was found by one of the dorm members as he braved the smell to fetch some clothing. The stink has got in the clothes! The stink's got in! The stink's got in! Sausages! Sausages!

Upon realizing what it was, so this guy discovers the poo. Yeah. He beelined for the bathroom, collected some disposable gloves, and then snuck into the room of the poo depositor. Okay, okay.

Here we go. He opened the wardrobe of the perpetrator and the paper bag of now very dry shit. Ugh. And proceeded to spread it through all the socks and underwear drawer of the original Pua. Wait, how did he know

this person was the Pua? This is my question. Did he sign his work with a sort of debonair playing card or something? Yeah. Unclear. Hmm. But spread it all the way through those drawers, much like when you're spreading potting

mix around a new favorite plant all right that's what dusting you're like yeah sprinkling it's fair to say the prank war ended that day and the original prankster also needed a new set of clothes which on a gap year program was an expense he had not budgeted for right so the the shit spreading onto the socks and pants very much the hiroshima nagasaki of that particular war yeah the moment that everyone went okay all right this has gone a bit too far now we should probably stop now there's a guy You know what happened, Phil? That guy went to the Oracle. Ah. And he said, I want to end this prank war on my terms.

And here's my plan. Will this end the prank war? And the Oracle said, yes, it will end the prank war. You must sprinkle the soil of man onto clean linens. Only then will the shower heads be free of meat and tomatoes.

Well, that's it. Because the Oracle said the prank war will be ended by your shit like um thingy going to the oracle saying and the oracle saying i predict a great victory but not saying who's oh yes was it who was that xoxo's maybe yeah yeah maybe maybe i don't know i don't know maybe as a side note he also attaches a craft beer uh from his local bottle shop that's yuzu koji rice lager oh yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes because koji is a an ingredient in sake koji is an ingredient and a name which we get tweeted quite a lot ah beautiful name for a girl koji i think it's a guy's name there's a show someone in koji oh well you don't see the tweets this is the thing i'm gonna call my daughter koji in

thank you jonathan that was jonathan wasn't it yeah yeah thank you jonathan um i hope everything is going well down under and i don't just mean your ass thank you for that story i do pierre does i don't hey another antipodean news pierre um yes what's her what's her face um mrs honey from matilda uh oh yeah everyone's the world's the world's mrs honey jacinda Ardern. She, um... Yes. She quit. She up and quit. She's gone. Yeah.

She's gone. She says she's run out of fuel. She's knickered. She's knickered. She's absolutely fact. She's pooped. Well, we'll have to save our hot takes on Ardern for the VIP zone yes that's just a little taster there

so do sign up to the Patreon for a podcast like service for podcast type production yeah but until next time oh and get tickets to Budpod Live March 14th Budpod Live yep March 14th Leicester get tickets to Budpod Live. March 14th.

Budpod Live. Yeah. March 14th. Leicester Square Theatre, London. Budpod Live. Still some tickets left for my extra dates in Soho. Still tickets left for Phil's tour, probably. Yes.

Yes. Good. Okay. See you all soon. Much love. And send the marbles back to Athens. I'm sick of saying this. They want it. They want it.

They want it. They want it. They want it. All right, bye. Bye.