BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 200 - Double century!

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

The lads have hit 200 episodes and discuss medieval battles and SICK moves, Pierre's horrible news compulsion, Phil is basically asleep, bad shoesCorrespondence from Jennie, sass and sassy tat, sketch is knight's templar sick moves Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 200! 200! Poo Fun Buds! Two Poo Fun Buds! Yeah. We're Poo Fun Buds. Poo Bun Bread. Holy crap, we did it. We did it.

We finally did it. Everyone, everyone said that it wasn't possible, and that we shouldn't, and that it would be bad if we did it. And now we've proved one of those things wrong you decide one down two to go 200 i mean that's that's a lot it's also weird to finally say it's bud pod number whatever with a number that isn't one of the other many numbers i know i know it's very it's Bud Pod number whatever with a number that isn't one of the other many numbers.

I know. I know. It's very it's very special to hit 100. There aren't many of them. There aren't many hundreds. They only come along every now and then. Yeah, there's only a handful of numbers. Hundreds that scientists have found. Unless we start getting silly and start

I've always been against saying 1100 oh interesting yeah 1200 1300 i don't like you say 1100 i'd rather say that because i feel like once we're in the thousands it's time to stop pretending we're in the reassuring land of hundreds it feels like people are trying to downplay how much of something there is yeah i like to say if someone says how much of something there is. Yeah. I like to say, if someone says, how much have you paid for that? I like to go, maybe I've said this before, a quarter of a thousand pounds. It makes it sound like a lot more.

That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.25 thousand pounds. Yeah, that's good. A quarter of a, it costs a quarter of a thousand pounds. I feel like the something hundreds is for dates ah yes the 1100s the 1200s yeah 1800s 1900s because we think in centuries we think in centuries uh here at this podcast i don't know we think i don't know how you do it out there but in

this podcast you we think in centuries young lady i like the idea that we're presenting bud pod is like some kind of like time capsule event horizon podcast like in like we think in centuries this will be funny oh like we think of like a 90 year investment horizon yes yes yes um apologies if you can hear any sort of hammering It's just Pierre's neighbours celebrating 200 episodes Yeah He's going well done boys on the wall Well done guys I assume that's why he's banging on my wall

And in honour of us he's left all those milk bottles outside And months of newspapers To give us some reading material and a refreshment Yeah Yeah 200 newspapers yeah for us to give us some reading material and the refreshment yeah yeah yeah 200 um we're both very sleepy we're both the first thing we said to each other when we saw each other today um because we've just been recording these uh podcasts straight we have not rest we're not rested until 200 were done and it's really taken a toll yeah we were lying about the backlog it's just because they're from the past every episode's from way in the past like phil and i've both been dead for months we predicted covid we actually recorded all that beforehand yeah in fact just

you know do you ever have like a negative news story that you get a bit obsessed with even though it's bad for you yeah the list trust was mine oh like uh which element which is the whole her whole premiership the whole premiership i kind of loved it i love what the the the financial crisis that she oh okay no i mean more like a one-off bad like a murder or something oh okay you're just like what the it makes you so confused and like what the fuck that you can't Oh, okay. No, I mean more like a one-off bad, like a murder or something. Oh, okay. That you're just like, what the fuck? It makes you so confused. They're like, what the fuck? That you can't stop. Do you have any of that?

No. I have that with whenever, every now and then they'll do that story where, well, they all do that story. Every now and then a thing will happen which will be covered. Yeah. It's not a play. The MSM will. The MSM will. Will do a story. will do a story to a story about where it's like they find

someone in their house after like four years oh yeah we talked about one ages ago on this about the lady and her tv was still on uh-huh and everyone was just like well she's like she's watching tv so i guess you can't hear us oh yeah and what i hated the most was the thought about tv being on for yeah that made you itch. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I won't go into it because it's not like the point of the podcast. We're anti-murder and probably anti-death stories generally,

but definitely anti-murder. We're anti-murder. But another one of those happened, and I just couldn't stop reading about it because it's just... Oh, another... Another person who no one had seen or talked to and just been dead for like three years in their flat was it a man or woman it's a lady lady yeah yeah very sad but it's one of those things where like i couldn't stop reading about it

even though i hate it yeah i see i see i see it's like tonguing an ulcer. Yeah. To paraphrase, I can't remember his name, the guy who wrote Fight Club. Chuck Palahniuk. Is it that? Or was it Paulanik? Oh. I've only ever heard Palahniuk. But Paulanik is one of the nominees.

It's a difficult name to even remember how it looks. But that guy, Chucky P. Chucky P. I've got to find out now. Yeah. That's a difficult name to even remember how it looks. But that guy, Chucky P. Chucky P. I've got to find out now. Yeah. Chucky P coined that phrase. I've just seen that Lewis Goodall follows me on Twitter. Oh, yeah?

That's pretty cool. Wait, who's that again? He's a third guy on News Agents. Oh! Maybe you can get on there and tell them some of your news. Guys, I've got some news for you okay chuck palenik pronounce pronounce maybe give me one pronunciation here we go here we go how to pronounce palenik yeah thank thank god whoever makes this these channels have you seen those like parody ones yeah they're very funny they're really good yes pollinick pollinick you're right you're right but then see because i think it's a hungarian name

i don't know but i bet you that's not how it's pronounced in the original in the same way that there's that that guy in u.s politics who's called like i'm mr boehner and it's his name his name is mr bona there's no two ways around it's spelt bona his name is mr bona Boner. There's no two ways around it. It's spelt Boner. His name is Mr. Boner. But you can't be called Congressman or Senator Boner in America. You'd have to resign. So he's like,

no, it's pronounced Boehner and everyone around the world who speaks German or can read is like, nope. No, that's not true. So if your surname was just cunt face

and just like, it's pronounced case. It's not. Kuntfache. Kuntfache? Kuntfache. Of the, true so if your surname was just cunt face and just like it's pronounced case and it's not of the of the connecticut confaches the confaches came over from sicily and we're found an important part of this nation's story and then yes yes mr can't face right this way yeah anyway um yes so he he coined the phrase i think maybe in fight club something about an ulcer you can't stop tonguing yeah maybe that's just the movie i don't know but that's that's what these stories are for me i just can't stop going i don't have those i kind of want to not think about them there was there's a story on bbc news about uh i don't fucking bird flu

it's like the scientist, it's pretty bad. And I just went, nope! And I changed it down. I've had enough. I'm not going to take on anymore. That's admirable. But then again, that's a larger issue. You're almost saying I'm not going to follow this potentially

continuing issue. You're talking about a small, one-off tragic story. What you might call a piece of news. Right, I see what you mean. No, I really, I don't care. But only a few of them get through

the care net. Yeah, but I'm aware that many many stories like them happen as well that we just never take notice of. Yeah, maybe. What is it about these stories of people dying alone that so transfixes you? It's the fact that it's possible.

Because all we hear about is like, oh, it's more surveilled than any nation on earth. Like in the UK, it's just like nothing but CCTV and government programs and fucking your phone tracking you and the police have your bum print on file. I guess your home is the one place for now government programs and fucking your phone tracking you and the police have your bum print on file and then I guess your home is the one place for now Where the state can't watch you where there is no CCTV sure but this person was on all sorts of lists and things and then people just

Gave up. They just went uh, well, I know yeah It was loads of people's job to know where this person was and what they're up to It was loads of people's job to know where this person was and what they were up to. Yeah, I suppose I'd like to know what happened when she hadn't paid her council tax for months. They just cut off all the services. So she's just there in the dark. Through letters, yeah. So they're just like, well, they're not paying it. They send you a cease and desist.

It's all done through post. So some guy's like, well, I sent them the three warnings. Now I turn off the thing right yeah yeah yeah so that's it and everyone just kind of goes okay and yeah it just seems crazy that it's possible i do i do i do do that i do perform this thought experience sometimes if i if i just died suddenly alone at home who would be the first person to find out? Yeah, well, Ian. Ian, who I live with, yeah. It's a pretty easy one. But if Ian was away, gigging. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, the thing is, if someone doesn't reply to a text of yours, you just forget about it and you don't text them anymore. You don't go, oh God, I hope they're all right, and you go around.

But also, even if that would be the right instinct and oneness situation, you can't live like that. Yeah. Because you go insane. No. That would be what it would be like to live with a severe anxiety disorder. I can't think of... I guess eventually you, because we have to keep in touch for things like this,

eventually you'd be like, where are you? Phil, come on. Yeah, come on. We need to... Come on. I've got this email about shit Off there Knock at your door

Phil There's an email about poo You gotta see this Microphones bundled under my arm Phil I hope his TV's not still on Yeah I think you'd then look in and see that I don't know

A mainstream upbeat Reality TV show was on And you go oh Phil's dead He's died Or I'd look in and I'd be like Today the outdoor temperature's about 14 or 15 but the heating is on full blast. And Strictly's on.

He's dead in that seat. And Strictly's on. Phil's dead. He's dead. I just see like your hair in an armchair, you know, like from the back. Oh, yeah. He's dead in that chair. He's watching an upbeat reality show.

He's dead he's watching the great british cobble off as all the best cobblers in britain compete to make artisanal shoes is he watching something earnest oh my god he's dead just ringing ringing around i'm my my friend phil he's watching something i can see something sincere on tv through the window it's got to be bad and the police just will be there right away. With that ramming thing. Oh, the weird little battering ram. Yeah.

That thing's sick. I want one of them. You want a little battering ram? I'd love a little British police battering ram. I feel like whenever I see them smashing a door with that battering ram, I always just think, that doesn't look like enough of a battering ram. And yet, Phil? Every time. It's just like a little, it looks like look like enough of a battering ram. And yet, Phil? Every time.

It's just like a little, it looks like a little length of piping. I know. Yeah. In my head, a battering ram is still a big log with like leather ropes tying it to it. You know, like an Age of Empires battering ram. Yeah, and sort of some attempt made at carving a sort of ram's head at the end. Absolutely. And a big, really fat, bald guy with leather cross belts across his chest playing a bomb bomb like a big drum like um helms deep yes exactly

that's what i want yeah whereas instead it's just like one policeman just going there's a little bit of pipe. Do you ever think soldiers in medieval times, when there was a big battering ram, or they were swinging a big old sword, or they fired an arrow and got someone in between the eyes, do you ever just thought, this is sick?

You think? Do you reckon the Knights of the Holy Sepulchre ever just went, we look fucking sick? Or they just looked at their clothes and they're like, this rules actually they're like this rules actually People are going to do drawings of this forever If I got to dress up like the Knights of St. John For work I'd be like this rocks This is sick I look so cool

I've got shiny armor on I've got shiny armor and black and a big white cross on me I'm feeling indestructible They must have a bit But I don't know how they would have thought the thought. Like how they would have worded it. Yeah, to themselves. Like would they have said,

I feel like a righteous arm of the Lord. Because they wouldn't say like, this is sick. No, but yeah. But what I'm thinking is the equivalent of this is sick. Nothing higher than that. No, like I am fulfilling a duty i am finding i i'm i'm getting closer to god none of that just just a sort of base this is this rocks this is cool that's why that's why i'm interested in them because they didn't have it wasn't really

an easily equivalent concept of like cool or fashionable because fashion is for who, you know? So I wonder how they would have rationalized the feeling because they would have felt it. Yeah, they would have because I feel it just naturally. So is that... This thrill of being fucking wicked about something cool, you know, or seeing something cool. But then is it, I guess it's like, well, they just think of it as pride, but it's too in the moment for pride. You're proud later. Yeah.

In the moment, you're just like, meow, like a guitar solo. Yeah. This is rules. Yeah. I guess it's just adrenaline when I'm describing, right? Yeah, positive adrenaline, I guess, if you make it. Is it positive and negative adrenaline? Hmm.

I feel like negative adrenaline. Is that blue adrenaline and red adrenaline? positive and negative adrenaline hmm i feel like negative like i have blue adrenaline and red blue and red adrenaline i do think of them as different you know because i feel like you get one when you're bombing on stage and when you're doing really well it's true that's true they do feel like different flavors of soft drink you are right so there's the adrenaline of like oh my god i survived the arrow storm and then there's the adrenaline of, this is the head of the enemy king. Yeah, right. As you hold it aloft. Yeah. Yeah.

They do feel different. Sick. Sick. This is sick. Said Achilles. Achilles, he would have thought it was sick. If Achilles didn't feel that he was sick. Yeah. Who amongst us?

Patroclus? Was that his friend? No. I think so. His sexy friend. Sexy friend is Patroclus. Yeah. I guess Patroclus probably thought it was sick.

Yeah, but if you're backflipping around and fucking shooting arrows through people's visors and stuff. Yeah. Or if you're part of the Mongol horde and you're doing that sort of circular horse formation they did with firing arrows backwards. Yes, yeah. It must have felt sick.

It must have felt sick. Anyone from the 1350-1360 Mongol horde, email in. Yeah, please do. And let us know. Anyone from Temujin's horde or the Golden Yeah, please do. And let us know. Anyone from Temujin's horde or the Golden Horde or the Khanates that followed,

we'd love to hear. We'd love to hear how sick it felt. Because it must have. I reckon it felt really sick to be one of the Crusader Knights. Sick. Their outfits were so sick. And they were like

Doing it for God It must have Anytime anyone fired a trebuchet Yeah If you had the access to the big lever That must have Look at it go The flaming rock or whatever the fuck it is

Big boulder, rotten cow Whip That's right and and and like the the gap of what would the word be of sort of scale and drama was so much greater than between something like a trebuchet and everyday medieval life well this is it as opposed to us if one of us find a trebuchet now we'd be that's cool but it's on a par with being in a jet plane you'd be like wow am i on a stag do yeah yeah yeah but back then it was either that or like throwing piss out of a window and getting cholera well and you're like you're like crappy like plowed didn't even necessarily have like a metal bit on it yeah you people impressed by roads and then suddenly you're operating a machine as big

as a building that's hurling a giant rock miles bigger than any building where you're from unless you're from a city as well bigger than a building as big as a church the biggest thing you've ever seen and it moves this is a fling something into the sky you might as well be putting stars in the sky. He's pointing at it going, this machine is as big as God's house and it fires boulders into the sky at my enemies. Yeah, I mean, you'd throw up in your hat, wouldn't you? You'd just be sick from fear. Yeah.

And awe. That would be wonderful. That's what it must have been, what it's like to come face to face with gunpowder. You've never seen an explosion, ever. You've seen fire, but it's never gone bang. Yeah, that must have been brilliant.

Like thunder in a pipe, and now you're dead. There's got to be some maybe i'll distract myself from being productive by trying to look up testimonials about this stuff of course there must be just there are some testimonials about the awe-inspiring this or that yeah there's a cool bit in it's called the book of the book of the wars between the gales and the gal the gales and the gal guidel guidel or i can't remember how to pronounce it but basically a big book of the wars between the gaelic people and the foreigner gaelic people who which is which gaelic people island yeah foreigner gales uh like norse hiberno nor-Norse. So they were Vikings or Norse,

but they were born and raised in Ireland. Because you know, all Irish cities really started as Viking forts. Okay. That's why they, like Dublin, Wexford Swords, I think Cork as well, Limerick. Okay. So for ages, there were loads of people

who spoke like Norse or some version of Norse Gaelic mishmash and who were like that culturally. Yeah version of norse gaelic mishmash and who would like that like that culturally yeah but they were from ireland okay okay so there's a book about that okay a war between them big war and there's a really great description of um what it's like to watch people in chain mail just be like immune oh yes to being chopped at that's what i want yeah and it's it said that in there's two sides where like one side was more like norse gaelic people but the other side had some as mercenaries and they had could afford chain mail and they just fought through everyone else who was

just wearing fucking wool until they hit each other in the middle oh wow and they said uh it's something along the lines of um the sparks flying from metal hitting their chainmail made it look as though everyone participating was on fire. Wow. That's sick. That's sick. That's what I want to hear. That's what I want to hear. Imagine just being like, you left your hut and you're like, I've got a spear.

Wow. The most expensive thing I've ever owned. And you try and stab this like giant bearded guy. And it just goes like twang and does some sparks. And you're like, what? Eh? this like giant bearded guy and it just goes like twang and does some sparks and you're like and then they just go and just chop you in half from like your fucking head to your balls so unfair when i read that i was like sick wow that's unfair oh man yeah oh yeah would you say that over the course of history the vast majority of battles have been grossly unbalanced and the only ones that we really know one about are the ones that

are kind of close like when most battles like come here you oh no they're far more technology superior to us and it was over in like half an hour i i did think this about um i remember reading or seeing on a documentary about like uh wars of the roses yeah 1400s because you know they've got that like really like the armor the plate armor is just like your whole body um it's not like a breastplate yeah and like a little flappy bit on your elbow all right it's like a full single piece suit of armor right everything's covered oh yeah okay you know what i mean yeah yeah like the most advanced foot soldiers you get in total war but this is not pre-plate armor or it is plate during yeah it's plate okay right okay yeah yeah but like when someone's a full knight what you and i would

call like they've got the fucking toe cap bits okay you know what i mean yeah there's not a bit of them that isn't like in a tin yeah apparently at that point it was just so impossible to fucking get anyone because what are you stabbing it's just there's no way for it to go in it's like trying to fillet a crab or something so that's why they started using just like hammers and maces and things oh you're trying to crush them and just like knock them out knock them out yeah or just like crush the helmet with the head in it. Because you're not cutting anything with slashing. So it was basically just hammering away at each other's tin shells

until you just got knackered and had to go and at least have a drink and a piss and a lie down. Because it really was like you were trying to eat a lobster or a crab. Yeah, just like, why won't you be dead? And then doing the same thing. And everyone's wearing like 40 kilograms of fucking metal it'd be funny to try and like if they also had so those huge crab cracker things that kind of like squeezy yeah yeah yeah so you just try and wrap one drink one side around the guy some guy like you fight normally with like with these swords just

like basically using them as like banging on each other and then eventually everyone's like like bring that forward and then everyone oh no and then yeah then eventually everyone's like, like, bring them forward! And then everyone goes, oh no. And then a bunch of little squires carrying those nutcrackers run jogging into the fray. Yeah. Make room.

But yeah, you can be so armored that there's just like nothing you can do unless you can slip the blade like in the neck gap or in the armpit. Yeah. So you're just basically knocking on each other's little... It's like Zorb football. You're just running into each other, basically.

I remember hearing that apparently, I don't know, it's not my area, but Bosworth Field, like Wars of the Roses, a lot of the sections of the line were a bit like that. Just passionate. So heavily armoured. like wars of the roses a lot of the sections of the line were a bit like that just passionate so heavily armored sir gregory you are a knight a knight's templar honor bound to protect pilgrims on their way to and from the holy land to provide safety and sanctuary. But never forget, Sir Gregory,

never forget that you also swore to wear that sick armor and cool hat. Maybe one of those helmets with the... It's got wings. A winged hat with a head on the hat of a deer

or a lion and the tunic with a big cross on. That's sick as hell. As heaven. As heaven. Sorry about that. And don't forget that when you defend pilgrims from attack by robbers, pagans, heathens, to try and work some sick moves in there. Christ is most pleased by sick moves.

Backflips. If they shoot an arrow at you, if you could chop it with your sword as it comes at you, that would please Christ. It would please Christ for you to say something cool after you behead a robber. After you behead a robber, you could say, I've robbed you out. That's quite good. I'm spitballing here.

It's up to you. You're the knight. I'm just consecrating your quest. But Christ loves this kind of thing. Trust me on that. That's my area. So you should listen. And you need to do some sick stuff.

And when you come back from the Holy Land, from there and back again, I want you to come tell me all the sick stuff you've done. Okay? I really want to hear about it. I'm so sleepy. Last night, I woke up this morning. You know, sometimes you wake up and you go, wait, what the? And then it's like your body's going,

oh, sorry, I forgot to rest. Sorry, I knew I was meant to do something. And you're like, I feel as tired as I was when I got in bed. But it's like, sorry, that's my bad. Sorry, I completely meant to do something. I feel as tired as I was when I got in bed. Sorry, that's my bad. I'm sorry. So I completely forgot to rest. Like, like if rest was like a Christmas turkey, like you're supposed to put it in at 5am. Ah, you know, and then it's like 3pm on Christmas Day. And you're like, Oh, no, like, it's way too

late. Yeah, way too late to put to do it it's like my body did the whole unconscious part but then just forgot to do the sort of active rest and recovery bit of sleep i am getting a new mattress to try and fight this sort of thing yeah i i got a new pillow and i got a mattress topper oh i got i had very i had a very fancy pillow that was a bit hard. And I was like, this isn't comfortable. And I got a cheaper pillow, which is much more comfortable and is a fraction of the price.

So it might be that I just got the wrong pillows. And then my mattress is a bit hard so I just got a topper to put on top to make it more squishy. And it seems to be alright now. I'm going the other way. You need to go harder. Yeah. I go back and forth. At first it was too soft. And now my my butt's like this is too hard because i'm such a heavy bitch yeah yeah i'm so heavy sink in too much my ass creates this fucking like

valley beveled valley and so if i'm sleeping on my side or or on either side yeah i'm i'm if you looked at me in profile i'd be making a sort of chevron like a v shape and it's like oh i wonder why my back my lower back hurts and it's like because you've been sleeping in a fucking mental like ditch yeah you've been sleeping at an angle you can't sleep in a ditch at an angle it's gonna fuck your back are you a side sleeper or a back sleeper side always yeah me always side i was like what kind of vampire fuckers are sleeping on their backs yeah well you sleep on your backs because there's no room in the coffin to roll over that's the only scenario oh i was at i was at john lewis looking for a pillow and they all said like ideal for back

sleepers ideal for side sleepers ideal for back and side sleepers and the one was ideal for back and front sleepers i mean like front sleepers don't encourage this what are you doing what kind of people go oh i'm a front sleeper i just love to when i'm tired i go in my bedroom and i just pretend like i've been shot execution style yeah well yeah exactly i sleep like i'm about to have a chalk outline drawn around me fucking maniacs it cannot be good for you yeah front i love to smush my dick and balls and face all my breathing all my all my holes that i need for air all my breathing holes but don't worry my anus is exposed. My anus can breathe. Yeah, like a snorkel.

I could just breathe in and out through my fucking ass. Like a backwards whale or something. Yeah. That's what I do. That's how I sleep. Yeah, and my chest is nice and compressed, like nowhere to sort of... Yeah, that's right. Insane.

It can't be good for you. I was genuinely annoyed with John Lewis. My thought was, don't encourage them. Don't imply that's's right. Insane. That can't be good for you. I was genuinely annoyed with John Lewis. My thought was, don't encourage them. Don't imply that's all right. Like you'd seen a big pillow saying, ideal for smoking in bed. Yeah, yeah. No!

Yeah, don't normalize this. These people are sick. Nice and dense for smothering your elderly relatives. No, no! Just trying to scrub it off the label. Front sleepers? We're accepting that now, are we? That's no good. It's the only thing I want to phone into LBC with.

Be like, you know we've got front sleepers these days. The only thing is front sleepers. Apparently that's alright now. Yeah, exactly. John Lewis should be ashamed. It's a disgrace. It's a disgrace. They should be ashamed of themselves. Everyone should be ashamed It's a disgrace It's a disgrace They should be ashamed of themselves Everyone should be ashamed of the disgrace

It's always these like A words Ashamed of the disgrace It's disgusting Yeah It's disgusting How ashamed you should be Of this disgrace That's me as an audience member

On Question Time It's disgusting The banker's lefty lovies Ramona's Brexiters That Harry and Paul sketch The bankers the bonuses The bankers the bonuses It's disgusting actually

Paul Whitehouse We're just clapping Why don't the government just admit They got it wrong That and Lemmy's Yes or no It's a simple question Is it ever okay to kill somebody

Yes or no Yes or no You can't? Yes or no? Obviously it's more complicated. Yes or no? You can't answer. Yes or no? But it's like the idea of being on the verge of tears demanding the answer is really funny to me. Yes or no?

The strength of the occasion has overwhelmed you. But I'm trying to go firm mattress now. Yeah. I'm a side boy. Well, I was recommending a firm mattress for old Billy Back. But then my Billy Back started hurting. But then it turned out it's because my pillow wasn't nice. I feel like...

I don't get the spine. It's like, what do you want? Just be a spine. Just be a spine. I don't ask much more of you. I lay you down every day for hours. A third of my life. You do nothing. You do nothing except wake up hurting.

I resent it. I resent how much I'm having to spin around in my ditch. Yeah. Because I sleep in my ditch. My body goes, we're a curve now. Ow. And then I have to wake up and go, time to curve the other way. Like I'm making a long bow from wood when i bought

my current mattress i went into the big shop the dreams and they sit you on like this measuring bed and there's like a big camera thing on top and it goes and it says turn to your side now it goes measuring your sleep profile and then apparently it gives the person who's walking you about the shop an indication of which mattresses you get like the jetsons yeah i imagine it's complete horseshit but it did feel good at the time and to be honest anything that that narrows down my options i'm on board i'm happy with even if it's like throwing bones even if it's nonsense i'll do it i think that's fair it's the one time i felt uh sympathy for people who are into crystals and astrology it's like yeah you just want to narrow down you don't even need to believe in this stuff just need some

reason not to consider the 5 000 beds and so i can just consider five fine great i don't care if that's true they They're unlucky. Okay. Yeah, yeah, fine, whatever. I remember hearing an urban legend about it. The phone match is in retrograde, whatever. Yeah, yeah. I remember hearing an urban legend about a guy who, you know, you get like 10,000 applications for a job and they just take 5,000 of them and just bin them.

Right. And they say, I don't want to hire anyone unlucky. Yes. That's quite a good artificial way of like you say just completely arbitrarily and unfairly in some ways absolutely just just deleting i don't know why i'm in a lucky mattress i did i did that with some shoes i bought some shoes online and they said take a photo of your foot was this a porn scam take a photo of your foot on like an a4 piece of paper using these instructions

and we can analyze it and for a proper size of like width as well. Because I've got big flappy feet. Oh, and A4 papers for scale. Yeah. Yeah. See, I was like,

this tracks. Yeah. Right. So I did it and they were like, you are size 12. And I was like, I knew that. Right, right that right but how reassuring at least

that works yeah so i bought the shoes that they said these are size 12 they arrived they were like clown shoes philip they were flippy flappy there was gaps at the end i could i could have made a sheet of paper just an a4 sheet of paper arrived this is big enough for your foot to stand on oh no yeah photographic photographic evidence that this piece of a4 sheet of paper arrived this is big enough for your foot to stand on oh no yeah photographic photographic evidence that this piece of a4 is big enough exactly what you wanted no i could have had a full extra set of toes that's how much room there was at the end of the shoe i had a whole second foot on my foot yeah wow but it said it said in it UK 12 That doesn't seem legal I know UK 12 has to be UK 12

I know And then I just had to sit there and be like Nothing can ever be easy That's what I said to myself Do you say that now? As I was walking around Knocking about in my massive shoes Nothing can ever be easy

As I stomp around my flap Like flip flops And then to return them knocking about in my massive shoes, flapping. Nothing can ever be easy as I stomp around my flat. Flap, flap, flap. Like flip-flops. And then to return them, I had to find like a secret locker that people come and pick them up. And the address was like different on different map apps.

Yeah. And it was next to the most depressing dentist I'd ever seen, it turned out. It's always weird when you drop something off in sort of a public locker. It's like, what am I, playing Hitman? What is this?

Yeah, Jason Bourne. Is this how I return my 11 passports and some Kruger ants? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just put them in this locker. Gross. Well, we should do

some correspondence. Yes. We found this correspondence in a locker, actually. Outside. Just outside Pierre's flat it's wine o'clock somewhere give me the coffee and no one gets hurt bless this mess I like two things pals and

prosecco and I'm all out of pals one prosecco two prosecco three prosecco floor if the wife asks I'm working keep calm and keep drinking tea cat attack If the wife asks, I'm working Keep calm and keep drinking tea Cat attack! Okay, some correspondence Yes

Excuse me, I need to do a very slight burp Thank you That was slight, well done Just keeping a class here, episode 200 Episode 200 Is this the 200th set of correspondence? We didn't have correspondence on the first episode, did we? That's a good point.

And we have had episodes without correspondents, so... Impossible to say. So it won't be the 200th. It'll be less than. We'd need someone to tot up how many emails we've read out for the 200. But sometimes we do like three. I'll be like 15 in total or something.

Yeah. Oh, God. We'll figure it out. We've got a plan. It's Jenny. From the block? Which block is this Jenny from? It's a good question, actually. I think she's from a British block.

But I'm not sure. Has anyone on Twitter called themselves Jenny from the blockchain yet? I mean... Surely. If they haven't called themselves Jenny from the blockchain yet? I mean... Surely. If they haven't, there's been a rip in the simulation. Surely.

Jenny from the blockchain. Just. You're getting angry at something that won't even exist. Yeah. I'm annoyed about a reality that has just been made up by us. Jenny says...

The subject line is, Tats the way I like shit. Nice! Missing the ahas, though. Yeah. I like shit. So this is some tat. Okay.

Dear P&P Music Factory, with their hit, Things That Make You Go Poo. What is the name of the actual band? Things That Make You Go Poo is the song. But what's the name of the band? P&P Factory. C&C Music Factory. Nice.

Well, very good pun then. Well, it should have been P&P poosick ah poodick poodick poodick factory incomprehensible founding father first time emailer here i came across this piece of tat on my travels around sheffield the other day sheffield bristol of the north yeah love sheffield lovely very cool uh very cool that's her block yeah that's a block and i thought you would appreciate the mental image of a sassy well well i guess you can't do it i guess you can't whisper it now i've said sassy you can say sassy i've given you one of the three words there though oh oh well

i was not trying to do the other thing all right so i'll just it's a big pink sign okay and it says sassy blank blank yeah oh that's it you're gonna give me blank blank blank yeah wow okay no i don't know sassy blank blank i probably would have unblanked the middle word, but now you've got sassy blank blank. Oh, okay. Sassy and classy. No, you're thinking in the right sort of terms. I will say the middle word is a, I can't remember the grammatical term,

but it's not and. Okay. It's a bit more complex than and. Oh. So, I mean, this is, I think this might be too... Conjunction? Conjunction. Is that the word?

Sassy, of course. Sassy, of course. Sassy. That's a bit more like it. Sassy, of course. It's still a conjunction, I think. What's a conjunction? Something like and.

Oh, okay. But. Sassy. It is a conjunction i think what's a conjunction something like and okay but sassy it is a conjunction yeah okay or a preposition okay oh um or an adverb apparently sassy when okay now we're talking sassy when awake that this is you've got the right formula sassy sassy conditional or expressing like that kind of thing uh and then third yeah like okay sassy yeah sassy assuming yeah I mean yeah we're in that kind of realm considering sassy considering that would be a funny post I would laugh at that I think this is too open ended

sassy since and then a year birth birth sassy since birth. Birth. Sassy since birth. I don't think I get that one. So she says, I thought you would appreciate the mental image

of a sassy baby shimmying its way out of a vagina. Doing the finger wagging. Yeah. Snapping. Yeah, just coming out and being like, Oh, no, she didn't. Nice legs or something. She did not just give birth to me i don't like sass i've said it before i don't like sass i've never liked sass be rude

or don't yeah don't try and turn it into some kind of empowerment be rude and stick by your rudeness or don't be rude yeah don't be like oh'm going to be rude to you in a way that means you have to enjoy it. And yeah. Or you're not clever. But are we being hypocritical? Is that what banter is? I think sass, people only go like, wow, that's sassy when there is seen to be a truth that's being expressed. And a power dynamic that is being pushed against.

Yeah, or reinforced even. If it's social. I think a requirement of sass is that it is at least perceived to be punching up, as they say, right? I don't think you can be sassy down. I think you'd be sassy sideways, though, in these reality shows. You'd be sassy sideways. That's true.

That's true. Yeah. That's a good name for a kid's doll. Sassy sideways. Sassy sideways. They're all being sassy to each other, right? About their fucking sense of style and quality of their husbands and so on. but it's not banter in the sense that like it isn't it isn't intended to bring people closer together no banter is a rudeness that's actually intended to bring people

exactly yeah exactly the sass is rudeness intended to push people apart keep people apart and draw the lines draw the lines and say well you need to shut up actually because you have an ugly hat or whatever is the message here yeah that's true whereas like you say banter draws people together and also it necessarily involves accepting that like your own shit's coming up right right right sassy is meant to be the final word well actually yeah yeah that's that's good yeah this is good i think this is why i don't like it good modern et good modern etymology. Yeah. It's not etymology. But yes, I don't like it. But is that because we're men?

Are we just normal men? Innocent men? Are we just men being men? Is it toxic? Not to like sass? Is this a toxic male discourse podcast? Maybe. Is this what we are now?

Maybe the next 100 episodes is toxic male discourse. Change it to TMD. Welcome to toxic male discourse. I hope you enjoyed Bud Pod for 200 episodes. It's about to take a real handbrake turn. We're going from diarrhea to tidy your room. Yes. Tidy your room. Yes. Tidy your room!

Skid marks are a metaphor for the marks on society. I mean, it's bloody awful. It's bloody terrible how many skid marks there are on boys' bowls. Have some pride.

Eat more beef. Eat more beef. That I agree with. i really hate when jordan penis says and says bloody i hate it that's the worst thing he says of all the things he says actually is when he says bloody i'm like don't say it don't say our word but it's a canadian thing of uncanny valley where canadians can often be like they are really are like half american half british in a way they'll say mum and! I mean, I was bloody annoyed the other day when my mum was taking the piss.

And you're like, ha! Ha! It's so hard to kind of pass with an R in your head. Yeah. You go, right, right, right, Canada, fine. But it's so unexpected every time. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe that's the next 100 episodes. Yeah. We'll see. It's A fertile space We make a lot of money The manosphere Forget it Let's turn into the manosphere

We'll pivot towards the manosphere And We've got to choose what kind of toxicity We want to embrace though We've got soft boys We've got to choose what kind of toxicity we want to embrace, though. We've got soft boys. We've got steroid boys. We've got the whole UFC weed thing.

Yeah, we've got conspiracy boys. We've got the conspiracy boys. We've got the I wear a suit and tie and go to UKIP conferences sort of boys, like Trad. Traditional morals and, you know. Pickup artists. The PUAs are still around a little bit. A a little bit they've intersected dramatically with the UFC world have they? well look at what's his face in Romania

oh Andrew Tate yeah that guy he's got strong pickup artist energy but he's also a kickboxer as opposed to a guy who does loads of card tricks in a bar he's a man with a 15 year old boy's idea of what success is. Yeah, he's always on the verge of buying a rocket backpack.

I've got a jetpack. Where's your jetpack? I don't know, man. Can you really use your jetpack? Yeah, in my garden I got a rocket ship Yeah Has Jenny sent any more tags?

Sorry, yeah I'm not even sure if shimmying is a sassy thing to do As I'm extremely and terminally unsassy myself Good girl Good girl Good girl That's good toxic stuff yeah thank you

the pivot starts here the pivot starts now we talk about war sometimes like earlier that's good but we don't talk about war in a toxic way at all no maybe it's toxic to say that we think calling war sick is maybe a bit toxic

maybe but it's not enough to make any money. It's just enough to annoy people who are obsessed with war being the opposite of good ever. Yeah. And that's no good. That's no good. You've got to pick an extreme, anyway. This sign hints at sassiness being genetic, which would explain a lot. Maybe.

Hmm. Sassy since born. Yes. Yes. Sassiness is not a choice, guys. I'm afraid your child is sassy oh no please it can still live an extremely rude life um but i couldn't think of another movement that would be characteristically sassy apart from shimmying except maybe hair flipping but then

a small baby in capitals which would make me laugh a small baby wouldn't have enough hair to flip so you see the bind i'm in can a baby snap its fingers i don't think so no you can grab onto things yeah it could roll its eyes but that's just part of having no ability to hold up its neck it's rolling its whole head at you it could piss in your face yeah that's pretty sassy that's very sassy this kid's pissing in my face oh hold back on the sass kid hold back on the sass kid baby could probably twerk by accident it's just like when he's trying when baby's trying to stand this i'm going to do a little sort of a little like ash shake yeah that's a few months in though it's pretty sassy.

Maybe you get those diaries of babies where it's like they should be doing this by six months. By eight months, they should be getting a little sassy. They should be spilling the tea by seven months. If your child is not yassqueening by two years or 22 months in, then you should really consult her.

by two years or 22 months in, then you should really consult her. Koji in last year, she said, oh God, that's very out of date email. Very out of date. We're out of date. We're out of date. But we're out of my head when you send us mime tags. We're of time as well phil it's time to go out of time into the vi well we're almost out of time what we should say before we

end bud pod live at the leicester square theater is on sale still on sale there's still some tickets remaining for the 14th of march 14th of of March. The first Bud Bud Life solo. So quickly we put on another. Yeah. And so don't miss out on this one. 14th of March. The Valentine's Day of March. It's true.

The most romantic day after Valentine's Day. In March. In March. At the Leicester Square Theatre in London. So do get your tickets from... Venue website. Venue website. Yeah. Leicester Square Theatre website.

And while you're there why not buy tickets to my show which will also be at Leicester Square Theatre on the 15th of June ah hot summer

yes summer in the city I'm doing the show I've just I'm just by the time you hear this it will be ending at Soho Theatre

I'm doing that show again due to precedented demand demand of this scale has happened before which is why we've taken the step of organizing another gig you see previous people have also done under such circumstances yes on the evidence available to them commercially speaking sunday sunday sunday it's not sunday it's thursday i think anyway i don't know it's the 50th of fucking june it's not Sunday it's Thursday I think anyway I don't know it's the 15th of fucking June

it's the biggest gig I've ever tried to sell yes very exciting big big boy stuff big boy pants so so Leicester Square Theatre

is where it's happening if you like Pierre and if you like Bud Pod so check it out get some ticks I will be on tour again from March onward around the UK

and in Ireland for the first time so do check out see if I'm coming near you but otherwise if you're a Patreon see you on Friday if not see you next week

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