BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 207 - Lads On Tour!

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

Lads on tour! These lads chat strongest goths, tall leaders, donut loathing, Disney Asia presenters, correspondence from: Thomas Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's BudPod 207. 207. This is always the hardest and I've said heaven way too much. And there's nothing... 207, my pants are... ...enclevend. Enclevend is a new word I've made up.

What does it mean? It means creased. Enclevend. So it's like they have been... It's like a cleave. They've been end or done to in such a way that it creates the impression of cleaving. They've been cloven.

That's it. It appears as if grooves have been cleaved into the fabric. I've only just made the connection between that and cloven hoofed. Cleave, cloven. Ah. A hoof that's been cleaved in twain. What about a clover? But that would be

three. Could it be? No, but each leaf has a cleave in the middle, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Maybe that's it. But then where does that come from? The never-ending fund of etymology. Well, listeners, we are recording this on Monday the somethingth. 27th? 27th, yeah.

Yeah, we've just done the first week of Wang on Tour. Yes, we got back yesterday from Brighton. A fantastic show in Brighton. Really nice. Thank you to all who came to Brighton, but also all who came to Oxford and Yeovil. Yes. And?

Exeter. Exeter, where we started. It's been a beautiful time. It's been a tremendous time. Beautiful time, wonderful people. Yeah, really fun show. And Pierre has been doing the opening

set on the first half yep my job to get down there with my clamps it's been great cries everyone open

few pod buds in the writing audience yesterday some kojis yeah hello to anyone who was too afraid to koji

as well yeah I'm sure there were some but it's been brilliant fun travelling around who was too afraid to Koji as well. Yeah. Um, I'm sure there were some, but it's been brilliant fun traveling around back on tour again. It's been a while. Seeing this, these wonderful set to dial.

And soon, um, we've got Cambridge this week, Cambridge, Nottingham, Durham, Glasgow, up the country in a straight line. Basically Glasgow. There week, Cambridge, Nottingham, Durham, Glasgow. Up the country in a straight line, basically.

Glasgow. There's still a few tickets left for Cambridge, Nottingham and Durham, although not many left. But if you're around, do check out those dates on my website. Glasgow is far from sold out. It's in the biggest room I've done in Glasgow and it's too big. It's so big.

It's so big. So if you live in Glasgow and you're around this Sunday, please do come to the show at the King's Theatre. Big room. Big. I wonder if... Yeah, Scotland's media is so separate, more than people in England think.

You know? Yes, yes, yes, yes. They've got so many of their own great comedy shows and stuff. It is a separate but similar culture. Yeah. Like Still Game and all that, you know? Yeah, it's a great show. Comedy and stuff.

Limmy. Yeah. So come along, Glasgow. We'll try to learn some local slang we've got a bit of it from limmy weans weans um that's about it really that's about it weans is the main thing you need to know and whether or not they've been turned against you well when i when i was when i lived with ian sterling i would say things like raj and barry and things like that did you start to say juice

instead of oh it's a pop pop the soft drinks yeah coke yeah get some juice yeah that's the weirdest one to me the idea of just calling all of it juice yeah all soft drinks juice yeah i mean it's not a great indication of a nation's diet i I don't think. But charming nonetheless. Yeah. Well, Scotland has a new leader. Yes, Hamza Youssef. Hamza Youssef. Yes.

The UK and Scotland have gone double British-Asian. That's true. Yeah, I didn't clock that. Has Scotland had a non-white First Minister before? Never. Ever. Wow. Ever.

Wow, gosh. I don't even know who it was before Salmond. So Mark Drayford in Wales is the only white leader in Britain. He is the filling. He's a token white first minister. He's the filling of a sandwich of diversity. He's the mayonnaise. Gosh, how about that yeah i mean come on wales and hey look i i'm i'm no fan of the conservative government i'm no fan of the snp but it says a lot about where our country is especially in relation to our

our neighbors who try and claim that they're the liberal ones because of Brexit. Though, you know, it's amazing. It's amazing to have the leader of Scotland and of the United Kingdom as Asian men. I do think the UK

is the most successful multicultural country in Western Europe. Big claim. What other country would have such diversity at the top level? Not just prime minister, but cabinet level, first minister of Scotland.

It's true. And not flip the fuck out about it. Yeah. People like to talk about Scandinavia in these terms, but I mean, they've got strong social welfare systems, but... Yeah, that doesn't mean that they...

Exactly. Yeah, you look at Sweden. One of their main parties is one that was set up by an SS veteran. What, really? Yeah. Oh, my God. This is the thing. People go, oh, they're so great.

And you go, really? Have you looked into any of these guys? Do you know what those tattoos mean? Wow. Yeah, and then you've got Geert Wilders in the Netherlands and Marine Le Pen. People in France are like, I don't want to work until I'm 63 so much that I will vote for a Nazi if she promises not to. Every French election is, don't make us vote for the Nazi. We'll do it.

We'll do it. We'll do it. I'll heil. If you try and raise the pension age, I swear to God, I will stomp my feet and I'll heil. We will do it We'll do it We'll do it I'll heil If you try and raise the pension age I swear to god I will stomp my feet And I'll heil We will do it

You know that I'll scream and scream Until I get what I want It's not Veruca Salt It's like another comedy character I'll scream and scream Until I get what I want No I don't know what that is

A spoiled little kid With ribbons in their hair Right right right That but like I'll heil and I'll heil Until you And I'll blow this house down Until you let me retire.

Yeah, Paris is on fire. Yeah. They had to cancel a visit from the king, which is very 1700s. Yeah, the king wouldn't go. He's like, this is a really good indication for my kind.

Yeah, the last time this sort of thing happened it was bad for kings. Bad for kings in France. How tall is Prince Charles? Is he a short king? Oh, literally a short king. I'm going to look this up. Please look it up while I noisily address my microphone. If you're listening to this while you're driving, this is not a mechanical

error with your car, okay? In my head he's tall, but is that our old friend? Halo effect. Is that our old friend, Monkey Brain, saying that man in charge must be tall? Oh, he's decent. 5'10". Okay. Bang down the middle.

The UK is 5'8", average for males? Give it a look. Give it a look. I'm going to say 5'9". Wow. UK. Now, at least half of our listeners will be absolutely wrapped at this point yeah yeah okay man average height now you phil are a surprise tallie

the average is five for ten oh wow so he's a king of the people wow average king average king he's an average king um you're a surprise tallie, Phil. People can't stop talking about how surprised they are how tall you are. It will never end. Every time people meet me in person, they go, wow, you're a lot taller than I think. I get told that about you when people see photos of us standing next to each other. Like the photos from Lesotho. Yeah.

People are like, wait, what? And I was like, yeah. Yeah. And I wrote about this in my book. I think it is in no small part because i'm asian yeah you can see that people are just like wow i didn't expect you to be tall because of your glasses you could see them worry because presumably at that point they've not met you either how do you mean like when they say i'm tall because they've seen a

photo of me next to you no they've met me oh okay so they've met me but and they know that we do a podcast but they don't they they've never seen us in the same room as it were i see i say i see yeah but i like watching honkies panic when they tell you that they're surprised that you're tall and then they try and think of a way to say why and then they just don't i don't think it even occurs to them though that's why they think that i don't know maybe not but i think it does on an unconscious level that's definitely why yeah it's also because as a stand-up you're usually the only person on stage or you're on a panel and you're sat down so people really have no clue how tall you are yeah like richard osmond people are surprised but they're surprised because

he's massive he's even taller than you already know he's tall but he's even tall greg davies is like that i know greg is big but still every every time I see him in real life, I'm like, fuck. His forearm is like a leg. Oh, he's a big old leg. He's not just tall, he's big. Yeah. He's like a giant. Yeah.

In the mythical sense. Yeah, he's really enormous. I find it, and I'm saying this as a big guy, I find it funny when a big guy has delicate knowledge. What's delicate knowledge? Delicate knowledge or delicate skills. What is that? Like, when you look at Greg, he's such a big giant man that you just think, well, you mainly push over people's huts.

Yeah. You know, you attack villagers and stuff. You're a berserker. You're a berserker. You're brought to the forefront of the army to frighten the you know And then it's when someone that massive Like quotes a poem Do you see what I mean

Right but Greg doesn't I don't think Greg does that sort of thing Well he's got a career in the fucking arts He was a drama teacher But among the arts it is One of the more aggressive Sure but we can all be the tallest dwarf. But the most aggressive form of performing art and spoken word, sure.

Well, there's a thing. And Alex Horne is called Little Alex Horne on Taskmaster. Alex is a tall guy. He's 6'4"? Yeah, he's a tall dude. Yeah? But he looks tiny next to Greg. Something interesting I found out,

and this happens with our friend Matt, who is very tall and taller than me. Matt is tall. When I am with Matt, I become very childish in a sort of giddy way. And when I'm next to Greg, I become childish in a sort of frightened way. And it's because, I think,

this is some armchair psychology. I think it's because the last time anyone was taller than me was when I was a child. I think this is right, yeah. It's very rare that I meet someone taller than me. So I get a bit childish. It's a thrill. It feels great. On the very few occasions in my life where I've been stood

next to one, two or even three people as tall or taller than me, I've sort of thought, this is what it would be like to be a kind of slightly below average height, underest guy i still remember the glee in your face when you we had a party when we're students in edinburgh and tom davis yes turned up big tom the enormous tom davis ah and i was your eyes lit up oh man yeah completely i genuinely when it comes to that stuff and height, my instincts are the instincts of an orc.

Genuinely, he came in and I was like, oh, a leader. We've got a new leader. The king has returned. It's when Lionheart returns and Robin Hood. Yeah. Foldy, roldy, ray, like I'm dancing around, pointing at the guy who's six foot five

King John your reign is over lamentable evil no I was delighted because it means that like because when I'm standing in a crowd or a group especially at like a house party and you're all in the living room crowded in you are just like this weird

lighthouse man and like while people are talking to you you have to either stoop down to hear them because it's so loud or you just stand up straight and hear nothing and just kind of scan for threats like your security the stooping is one of the downsides of being tall yeah whereas when when tom was there i was just like this is great if i'm ever bored of stooping i could just look at this guy yeah he's right over there like a lighthouse on the other side of the bay yeah ah yeah you could each light fires on the tops of your heads as like beacons to get gondor yeah to come yeah no i was delighted but that's why like i also find tom really funny and interesting to talk

to because whenever he'll say something like like i say delicate knowledge yes because in my head these guys should all just be playing rugby and fighting in a big trench yeah i mean that's what nature made them for yeah and i include myself in that to an extent so i that's why i understand that it's weird when some for some people when i oh yes, you know, sometimes I've just been reading The Wasteland by T.S. Eliot. They're like, yeah, I paint. You see people paint? Well, with the blood of your enemies.

There's a line that Frankie Boyle said about Dara O'Brien once in one of his books, which is that Dara O'Brien has built such a massive fucking Irish farmer. Yeah. Because he's like he's like six four yeah with like a massive head and shoulders like he's big and he says something like he looks like he should be carrying a pig under each arm yes but he's got the what was the phrasing was something like but he's got the sparkling witty mind of a french courtesan and i thought that's exactly it. That's what's funny. The contrast is itself very funny. Yeah.

Yeah. This enormous agricultural person just being like, well, I think you'll find. Yeah. That's great. And really loving video games and physics. Yeah. Physics. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Totally. I think that's funny. Yeah. Now, you and I were talking about when people are dressed as Goths. We saw some Goths in Brighton. Or some Gothic people walking around.

Oh, yes. There were Goths in Brighton. They're still there. They're surviving. Yep. There are Goths remaining. They live in Brighton. There's a few breeding pairs left in the wild.

And they do always come in pairs. They do come in pairs. Yeah. I've never seen a mixed, like, Goth- non-goth couple, I don't think. No. Yeah. That would be funny. A guy dressed like Ned Flanders and then someone dressed like sort of 1980s like new romantics,

sort of the cure kind of goth. I mean, they're kind of bigoted in a way. They don't marry outside of the community. They don't like to mix. No. The goths. No. They don't marry outside of the community. They don't like to mix. No. The Goths. No. They'll mix with adjacent vibes.

Skater. Rocker. Yeah, rocker, skater. Metalhead. There has to be a... Whoever they're with has to have a chain somewhere. They've got to be wearing a non-standard jacket. Yeah. And not blue jacket yeah and not blue jeans

and not blue jeans ideally yes and ideally something stitched a badge stitched into some part of their their outfit visible tattoos would help the only time that blue jeans are getting tolerated if is if we're getting pretty bikiker-y on the upper half. Yeah. It's counterculture, but in a more supplicant way. Yes.

Yes. Not supplicant. I don't mean something. What do I mean? Low status. Low status. Yes. Low status, anti-establishment. Okay. Yeah. Whereas the Hells Asians... The Hells Asians, yeah. Low status Yes Low status Anti-establishment Okay Whereas like The Hells Asians The Hells Asians

The Hells Asians Yeah The Hells Angels You can start that The Hells Asians The Hells Angels Are high status Anti-establishment

That's true They're Come and get us Anti-establishment Yeah Whereas Goths are Leave us alone Anti-establishment Yeah But they'res are leave us alone anti-establishment.

But they're still surviving in Brighton despite the pressure of gentrification. They're sneaking around, breeding. A couple of goths have been built over, which was sad to see. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Goths that we remembered being there from years ago. Torn down.

Torn down. And are now a Rick Stein's restaurant. Very sad to see, but life moves on. But we were saying that it's difficult to imagine an athletic goth. Yes. They're either thin or big. Because we've known athletic nerds. Yes.

And they tend to do bouldering. Bouldering, acrobatics. Well, like one of those niche, very difficult sports, like hill running, fell running. Ultimate frisbee. Yes. It's active, but it's not good to watch. No. That's the nerd sport.

No, yeah. And to do well at it, it's sort of got some fiddly, slightly to watch. No. That's the nerd sport. No, yeah. And to do well at it, it's sort of got some fiddly, slightly nerd aspect. Yeah, yeah. But... I don't know what I'd do if I saw a goth with biceps.

Do you know what I mean? I'm upset just thinking about it. Yeah, then you sort of go, I think you're just a depressed biker. A goth with biceps is a depressed biker. Sting, the wrestler, is the only strong goth with biceps is a depressed biker Sting the wrestler Is the only strong goth I think Do you remember Sting?

No You don't know Sting? You'll recognise him Look up Sting Sting the wrestler He's a legend I don't know if he's a legend Hey come on

He is a legend What's good about him? Black and white He had some he was just very moody and had some great finishing moves oh they're kind of like um he looks like he looks like the crow yeah horror face guy or like what do you call it the metal bands have a name for it it's kind of like it is a kind of kissy kind of face paint, isn't it? No, it's got a name like Horror Face or Death Face. Right. It's like black metal from Norway. Right.

It's that shit. His finishing moves were sort of reverse DDT. That was really good. It's Sharpshooter. The Sharpshooter, but he uses his right leg instead of his left. And he put his leg through it. What was it called? What was the special name of Sting's Sharpshooter. The sharpshooter, but he used his right leg instead of his left. And he put his leg through it. What was it called? What was the special name of Sting's sharpshooter?

I do apologize. Well, actually, I don't apologize for how much more wrestling I talk about these days. Oh, Corpse Paint. That's what it's called. It's called Corpse Paint. The Scorpion Deathlock. The Scorpion Deathlock. The scorpion death lock. Okay, so he's the only strong goth.

But now, hang on. Was he sad? Yeah, he always looked very sad. But that was the corpse paint, right? Yeah. But was he going in the ring being like, what's the point in wrestling? I don't even like wrestling.

No. Or was he really like acidic goth, like Robert Smith from The Cure? Oh, yeah? You like wrestling? I was literally thinking of that guy. Yeah. Is that good?

Do you think this is fun? Do you think this is clever? Yeah. Robert Smith, but less Stuart Lee. Yeah. They're quite similar. They're very similar. They talk very similarly.

Yeah. Is that good, is it? Yeah. Although Robert Smith seems to talk in a more blokey way. Yeah. Right. Oh, right. Yeah. Sort of like that to talk in a more blokey way. Yeah, right. Oh, right, yeah. Sort of like that, as opposed to Stuart Lee,

who still has quite a formal... Like, he hates people saying things like mate. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, sure. I can imagine Robert Smith saying mate. Yeah. Yeah, but even him saying mate would feel a little sarcastic, I think. Yeah, but he'd be able to say it.

Sure. Oh yeah, mate. Yeah. But yeah, so Sting is the strongest goth, but he's getting old now. Who's going to take on the mantle of strongest goth? Strongest goth. Maybe it is Robert Smith. Yeah.

He's a big fella. Yeah. Gosh. That's what I mean. You have to be big or tiny. To be a got Smith. Yeah. He's a big fella. Yeah. Gosh. That's what I mean. You have to be big or tiny. To be a goth? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm saying. Imagine if I was a goth. It just, it wouldn't work at all. It'd be very funny. It'd be really funny if you became a goth now. Yeah.

I would love to see how our management pivoted it. I think they'd resist it first. I think they'd resist it first i think they resisted for a while oh i would love to have like that recordings of those meetings let's sit down meeting with me in full garb in full emo garb yeah but they're talking to you like concerned parents yeah now philip you've been acting out a lot recently. Dressing like this.

Being all surly in interviews. We only have your best interest at heart. Has there been a goth on Taskmaster? That would be a good thing to dress as. No fielding? Is he a goth? We may be. He's a bit whimsical.

He's a whimsical goth. He's an honorary goth. Yeah. But it would be funny if someone... Because John Kearns was on. Yeah. And is now on tour. Yeah. But he wasn't on stage as a comedian.

He wears a wig and teeth. Yeah. But he wasn't doing that in Taskmaster. No. But it would be funny if a comedian who was themselves on stage dressed as a goth just for Taskmaster. Full makeup. Not in the tasks in the studio. All of it. All of it. Okay. of a comedian who was themselves on stage dressed as a goth just for taskmaster full makeup not in the tasks in the studio for all of it all of it okay black wig white face it'd be such a waste

it would be so funny comedian because because if you're a comedian you've sort of given up on the whole that that the idea that happiness is uh not to be desired undesirable jack d with face paint on yeah yeah could have been a goth comedian yeah andrew o'neill ah they're kind of a goth right. But it's a bit more metal than that. But Jack D, Jack D done up like Robert Smith. Yeah, that would work. I'd love that. Yeah. Yeah, Jack D in like a mesh, you know, like a sexy vest. Vest top, yeah.

The fishnet. Yes. The fishnet vest. Yeah, yeah, but all frowny and sort of middle-aged. That'd be good. It'd be interesting Can Gothcom work Can Gothcom work We on tour

We were discussing the merits of the various Service station takeaways Oh yeah Well on the way to Which one was it Was it on the way to Oxford No on the way to which one was it was on the way to oxford um no on the way to yeovil we stopped at a pizza express pizza express in the service station a service station sit down restaurant i had one of the heaviest pasta dishes of my life it looked heavy it was

heavy it was just it was basically a bowl of cheese with some pasta in it somewhere. That's what you want. Gosh, it was tasty, but it was... Happy, I wanted to sleep all day. The game for us and for Paul, the tour manager, is to try and figure out what foods you can have. Yeah. I've already told Paul...

At what time? No consecutive days of KFC. Don't let me do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've warned him the way that a very old rock star would warn the tour manager. Clear out the minibar. Yeah. Don't let any of these people, the following people backstage.

Yeah. Because they'll try and get me to drink. Yeah, yeah. And it's like that for me, but withc zinger zinger meals it's hard enough with me doing my kfc routine yeah you have okay we both mentioned kfc in our routines which i think is very telling yeah you could see our eyes glaze over those points i think what would be the i look Keighley Ivor Graham great comedians

friends of the podcast yes their love of those massive cardboard boxes of Krispy Kremes I don't understand that sickens me

yeah it sickens me we're not we're salt boys you and me you and me are salt boys big bowl of salt yeah give us a hot bowl of salt

and we're happy I want some boiling hot salts sometimes I think oh yeah a little glazed donut would be quite nice actually. One. And then that's me done for the season. One. Plain.

Glazed. There's just a glazed sweet ones. Yeah. Yeah. Lovely. Just the round ones. Yeah. Well, the filling is, I'm out.

Yeah. I hate it as well when it's not only is there a filling but the filling is more than one thing the filling is raspberry and vanilla oh no it doesn't happen there's some complex fillings available out there and I don't like it when they have little fruit topping

because it just dries out in the cabinet and then you have this sort of mummified cranberry fruity scab it's a fruity scab. It's a fruity scab. It's a fruit that's crossed the picket line. To work on the Krispy Kreme.

It's a fruit that's going to get its legs broken. It doesn't fucking watch it. And when they go, oh, there's chocolate filling. And you go, no, there's not. There's not. Or the donut would cost seven pounds. What you mean is There is some gloop That has been chocolate flavoured in there

There's some sub-Nutella gloop Yeah, it's not even as good as Nutella It's kind of custody It's incredibly sweet Don't lie to me Even the chocolate on the ones that are coated It's never good It's like, it's the chocolate That's been distilled from chocolate-flavored vapes.

Yeah, it's got that kind of, I guess it's chocolate. Like Tesco Cola. I guess it's cola. Yeah, so just plain glazed ring. And as for the donuts I like. We had a guy abandon an autograph pursuit. Oh, yeah. This is a guy waiting for an autograph after the Brighton show.

And I guess we just took too long. But we didn't take that long. I've never known an autograph hunter to just give up. I mean obviously if the person's left they give up but if they've been told yeah they'll be out in a bit. Are they called hunters? Yeah. He's going home hungry. Unless he's

prolonged the hunt. Unless he's still hunting. Maybe this is too easy. Yeah he was like a noble hunter. He was like, there's no sport in this. I'll try to get the autograph in some really difficult situation where you're already driving away. I'll pick up the trail tomorrow.

Yeah, and the trail is just googling your turn. He's returned to his nest in London. But I think he'll be out in East Anglia soon at the Cambridge gig. He has to feed again,

so he'll be out again soon. Turn to his nest to digest these gigs, these laughs, for a few days. But he'll have to feed again within the week. No, not within the...

Before the week is out, that's what they say. Yeah, very strange. Normally they're the most persistent people on earth those guys and i i admire the autograph hunter because it's it's retro it's not you know because now it's a selfie yeah which is fine but it's um what i'd like to know is when people take a selfie with someone they recognize from something do they look look at it again? I guess maybe they show someone once. They text it to one group. I would show.

I've shown more than a few people my picture I took with Adam Buxton in 2015. That's true. And I've shown more than one person my picture of Russell Peters. Yeah. That is true. And Adam Buxton, to be fair yeah i posted it i posted it for love for the affection for e affection for e affection affection from the wires electronic affection yeah i've shown a few people that but you're right you only

you don't really you probably shouldn't look at it too much. Do you have any autographs? Never mind selfies. Do I have any autographs? Yes, I have a framed autograph that's in Bath in my teenage bedroom. Oh, yeah? That I got in my childhood from...

Mickey Mouse? No, from two presenters of Disney Channel Asia. Oh, wow. Jen and Azura. I think her name is Azura. And I sent in at a one... I was a winner on the Tarzan competition or something. The what?

Tarzan. When Disney's Tarzan came out. The Disney Channel in Asia, Southeast Asia. Right. It was kind of like an The Disney channel in Asia, Southeast Asia. Right. It was kind of like an SMTV kind of thing, you know. They were hosting with bits between just playing you an episode of The Little Mermaid or whatever. Right, right. But they were the hosts and there'd be competitions if a big new Disney movie came out to promote the movie.

And there was one about Tarzan. And I think you had to send like a joke about Tarzan or a little story about Tarzan. I can't remember. But I sent one in and I was one about Tarzan. I think you had to send a joke about Tarzan or a little story about Tarzan. I can't remember. But I sent one in and I was one of the winners. So I got some Tarzan merch and I got a little postcard saying, Congratulations, Phil.

Enjoy the prizes. Signed, Jen and Azura. And I still have it. I got some questions. Okay. Was it a joke? I think so. It was something about Tarzan being smelly and dirty or something.

Because he didn't wash and he was in the jungle. Dear Disney Channel, Tarzan is smelly and dirty. Yours sincerely. What was the merch? I look forward to my prize. I think it was a soundtrack on CD, the Phil Collins soundtrack. Which is a good decent prize those are good songs

on that movie yeah maybe a t-shirt sure that's it Tarzan stinks whatever happened to those presenters

that's my other question Jen I think Jen ended up doing a bit of modeling he was a handsome guy maybe I think kept presenting

Azura well I looked at my friend the Malaysian comedian Jason Leong did like a corporate something with azura oh really i was like oh my god azura and she's like a mother now and stuff i was like oh wow really time flies and it was just yesterday you were telling her how much tarzan stinks i know and now she's a mum. Azura, that's it. She's lovely. Where is she now? Where is she now? Specifically.

Oh, there she is. So that's her then and now. Oh, okay. She's very, very sweet. Very high energy. I was not expecting her to have such big curly hair like from the 80s. It's a humid country. Yeah.

It's a very humid country. That's true. that's true to be fair everyone's got perms that's true you grew up around constant perms i don't know what jen's up to now jen i mean shout out if you guys anyone out there remembers jen and azura from the disney channel southeast asia there's got to be someone who does who's i mean and you know i i'm just gonna guess here phil the people listening who do remember them probably more initially your fans than mine yeah are there yeah um yeah quite possibly i would be very amused to find that i had a fan from southeast asia or Asia or Malaysia that was a fan of me first. And then you. Gosh, here he is.

He's a guy. Well, he's just like, he's middle-aged. Well, not middle-aged, but getting there. He's just a fun guy. He's got 1,500 Instagram followers. That doesn't seem like enough. Jen, he's now marketing content creator and presenter. Ex-Disney Channel Asia.

It feels like you shouldn't be able to be on Disney Channel for somewhere as big as Asia and then never live a normal life again. Well, I think they finished that job before Instagram became a thing. I suppose so. But you still think the nostalgia could get them. Well, we don't have that kind of,

we don't have that culture. We don't have the David Benson Phillips culture in Southeast Asia. It's one of the main ways that Southeast Asia is... Did I call him David Benson Phillips? Is Dave Benson Phillips? Yeah, Dave Benson Phillips. Did you call him David?

I called him David Benson Phillips. Because he's in trouble. David Benson Phillips. Did you call him David? I called him David Benson Phillips. Because he's in trouble. David Benson Phillips. That makes him sound more like a prime minister. Yeah, David Benson Phillips. Of course, Lord David Benson Phillips. I like the idea that that's one of the reasons why Southeast Asia is more deprived than the UK.

They just don't have this David Benson Phillips culture. No, they don't. They don't. Very few people at the elite universities in Singapore will be gunged in Freshers' Week. And more's the pity. Yeah, and when you look at the economy, you can see what the effect is had.

We should probably do some correspondence. Yes, we must. Yes, come. we should probably do some correspondence. Yes, we must. Yes, come. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors. Like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause,

causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca Ring rings. Keep emails. Email. Phone. Telegram. Visit heartandstroke.ca Give it to me Give it to me raw Give it to me hot Hot and raw Hot and raw Is that possible? It can be done If you put a steak in a volcano Just for a second

Well I guess Yeah Is the middle of the steak hot? No I guess you get it warm and raw Yeah Well if you superheated a piece of metal That's how you do a great steak anyway Charred on the outside

Pink in the middle Right I think Anyway It's from Thomas Thomas What you got From us

That's not from us It's from him High fill and pear That's good The fruit or two things? The fruit Okay It'd be funny if you said High fill and pear And looked at my crotch pear. That's good. The fruit or two things? The fruit. Okay.

It'd be funny if he said, hi, Phil, and pear, and looked at my crotch. My eyes are up here, Thomas. I only discovered the podcast a few weeks ago, but I've already gorged myself up to episode 50. Wow.

Physicians do not recommend. They do not, but well done. Well done, Thomas. At time of writing, you've just released 200. Okay, yes. Well, yeah, you won't hear your own words spoken back to you for hopefully some while now. Hopefully.

I love finding new stuff. My ears pricked up hearing P. Hare on Richard Herring, who also says Skellington. Yes, I think it might be why I said Skellington. Oh, did he say Skellington? I think so. It's just fun to say. When he mentioned about the podcast and its toiletry tone, poo is just funny, I hit play and never look back.

It's taken over my life. Oh, good. And I've been hounding friends and work colleagues to start listening, to save them from me farting out stories in their direction, like the I fucked a dog tube weirdo. Gosh, was that as early as the first 50 episodes? Mm-hmm. That was soon.

Don't worry, I won't stop until, at the very least, they lie to me about listening, just to shut me Wow. That was soon. Don't worry, I won't stop until at the very least they lie to me about listening just to shut me out. That's good. Yeah. I digress. I have a tale

about my first experience in a strip bar many years ago while I was still a student. Gosh, okay. I've never been to a strip bar. I have been to one. Really?

Yeah. It's weird. Did you enjoy it? Not really. It's not like real. Yeah, yeah this is it if you went to a crazy party and everyone stripped off you'd be like what a crazy party yeah but going to like the stripping off club where it's just if you pay enough money yeah you just go well i i know yeah that's my feeling is i know i know if i pay enough money things can happen to me or to others and for or to others that's not the mystery to me the mystery to me is wow this special event

made people go so crazy they got their bums out like if you went to a house party and people would jump skinny dipping in the pool or something you'd be like wow crazy and spontaneous whereas if it was like you can only come to the pool party if you strip off and cheer and jump

Naked at midnight You're like, ugh Anyway But we are listening to Thomas' strip club He says it's not a flashy city Center peppermint elephant affair But my small town podunk shithole Podunk?

What's podunk? American parody term For a fictional Midwestern nowhere town Oh It's like Poe Dunk Idaho Might even be a real place I won't say which town But will happily hint

At it only being notable For a buffoonish Ex-footballer Being caught in the woods Getting his willy out In a car park In an act of love Called dogging

Oh I don't think I know that story Me neither But we can google it My friend at the time talked me into going as it was the only place still open and serving beer

within a walking distance. Yes. This is how they get you. This is how you get started. See also casinos. Mm-hmm. We walk in and I'm immediately greeted

by an old school acquaintance who I never cared for. Essentially a bully, in brackets. It's funny. Essentially a bully. brackets Essentially a bully So it's more complicated than that actually But essentially

Essentially If you boil this down Long story short A bully A bully The easiest way we can explain This guy Who to my delight

Looked like total fucking shit That is always good When you see someone Who's from school You don't like doing badly Yeah It's great. Who'd look like total shit and he told me all about how often he's in here for special services.

What? Go rim. Why would you offer that information up? They're proud of it, these people. They think it's cool. Oh, yeah. I get it. Oof.

They think it makes them powerful. I bet he'd say, like, some of the ladies, you know, gave him dance without charging. Because they like him. Yeah. After getting away from him, a poor lady in her 40s walks up to me and asks me if I'd be interested

in a bed dance for 20 pounds. And I could follow her behind that curtain up yonder for this special treat. 20 pounds. When I politely declined her offer, she screamed in my face like Arthur Shelby. Ugh. And in the same accent. Is that a guy from...

I don't know who Arthur Shelby is. Isn't Arthur Shelby from... Fucking Peaky Blinders? Oh, okay. Okay, is that helping us with the location? So it's Midlands. So it's the Midlands. Well, fuck off then!

That's what she screamed in his face Ugh No madam Madam please Madam please This is a place of business A place of work A place of art

I said okay thank you And off we fucked So that's his stripper story Okay yeah Horrible That's rough The poo poo tale starts off like any other normal working day Okay It's just funny Not the weekend Yeah. Horrible. That's rough. The poo-poo tale starts off like any other normal working day. Okay.

It's just funny. Not the weekend. I was booked in with a nice lady and her elderly mother to view a one-bedroom flat. Oh, okay. A start agent, perhaps, Thomas says. Okay. English wasn't the mother's first language, but they were polite and amicable. As we were about to exit the property, the bathroom located right next to the front door,

the daughter asked if her mother could use the facilities. Okay. Not a request out of the ordinary, and like the pro I am, I had already checked the water was switched on from my own professional pee-pee past digressions on viewings. Say that again. It's not unusual. Yeah. And he's a pro.

Yeah. So he'd already checked there was water. Okay. Because in the past, he'd pissed in waterless toilets. Okay. And there was no water. And there was no way to flush the pee away. Yeah. So he'd already checked there was water. Okay. Because in the past he'd pissed in waterless toilets. Okay. And there was no water. And there's no way to flush the pee away. Yeah, fair enough.

Very conscientious. Thomas is a pro. Yeah. But before I could even answer, the old lady had scuttled off like a rat up a soil pipe into the delightful family bathroom with electric shower, bath, and bidet. Like I said, I'm a pro. Myself and the daughter continued to politely chat by the front door. All was well, until the pissy seconds turned into poo-poo minutes.

Seconds turned to minutes. Piss turned to poo. Yeah. I like that a lot. And we could hear her dear mother struggling away, struggling away like Harry having apocalyptic diarrhea in Dumb and Dumber. Oh, yeah. Just this awful scene.

However, what I found most unnerving was the daughter not batting an eyelid while we talked about the local area and transport links. Her eyes dark and lifeless like a shark. Hearing her own mum shitting through an eye of a needle. After what seemed like a lifetime, the toilet flushed, the door swung open, and the warm, thick air blasting my nose.

Oh no. Bloody hell. On that, they said their goodbyes, and I and my nose was left to absorb what had just happened to me. The mother didn't take the flat in the end, it was all for nothing.

Not for her, it wasn't for nothing. No. For her, it avoided a trip to hospital. This email ended up taking a few weeks to complete With work and a toddler to look after I'm now up to episode 75 I'm obsessed Wow

Mid email change Yeah that's a first That's a first That's like something from a film I'm now 60 years old What is this a Richard Linklater movie? Braze Redacted, Koji, Tom Pistorian, and Spiritual Founding Father. If you like the above, I'll send in my seminal fecal story, my Magnus Pupus.

Magnus Pupus. Very excellent email. Thanks so much, Thomas, and thank you for joining the fold. Thank you for climbing into our folds. But we must now go now. We must now away to the estate agent viewing

in the sky. Yes, the bonus the bonus pod realm. The bonus pods. Once again I am on tour just started on tour UK and Ireland

that includes Dublin and Belfast FYI. So do go on filmwang.co.uk for tickets. And if you would please come on the 15th of June to see me in Leicester Square Theatre in London, I would love that. That would be wonderful.

But until next time, Friday or next week, love you a lot. Bye-bye. Bye.