BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 208 - CarPod!

Episode Date: April 5, 2023

The lads are LITERALLY on the road! Paul the Tour is driving. Phil has finally seen Elvis, does Phil have a tone? The car speaks, would you rather fight an AI or a Bug Civ? Correspondence from James, Luqman, Helena/Soph/Joe Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 208. 208, driving, but we're not late. Because we're on tour, we're in a car. We're being driven by tour manager Paul, and Paul is always on time. It's true. He's not always there when you call, but he's always on time. on time. It's true. He's not always there when you call, but he's always on time.

For clarity, we are literally in a car driving from Durham to Glasgow on tour. So when we say we're on the road, we are literally on the road. It's literally on the road. It's CarPod, the first episode of CarPod. CarPod. We can make some of that Top Gear money. Yeah. The car

has four wheels. It goes in a straight line. It does. This one is a beauty, this model of car. It goes forward and backward. It does, yeah. If you turn the wheel, the wheels on the ground turn in the same direction. Yes, and that means you can turn instead of just going in a straight line forever.

And gradually, if you think about it, leaving planet Earth. I think theoretically you could leave planet Earth in this car. So good. I give it five wheels out of five. Yeah, five wheels out of five. You have to have a spare. Very nice. Well, we had a lovely hotel breakfast.

There were omelets involved. Yes, we got omelets. We got... Cool bicycle. Motorbike just went bust. Cool Hell's Angel just went by. Yes, we've got omelettes. We've got... Cool bicycle. Motorbike just went bust. Cool Hell's Angel just went by. God, this is dynamic. This is fun.

This is the future of podcasting, I think. Yeah, being driven around. I feel like a war correspondent or something. I feel like we're doing some sort of pirate radio thing where we're broadcasting, but we're having to drive so that they can't triangulate where we are. To stay out of the law. We have to keep changing jurisdictions. Yeah, the law doesn't want you to hear a podcast about we're in international waters yeah i can see that we're peaking a bit which is strange because we shouldn't be that in quality yeah there we go okay uh will that be fine yes i've now, Phil. Yeah. You finally saw Elvis.

Should we talk about it on the main part or should we? Well, this is the main part. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we should. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I guess it's a popular enough film, right? Also, I can't keep in my feelings about Elvis anymore.

Yeah, we need to talk about Elvis. So I finally watched the movie Elvis, released um last year and baz lerman baz lerman and you'd think he'd have calmed down in his old age but if anything he's only got more cocaine in his style it's what a crazy bad movie elvis by baz lerman is. I love Elvis and that movie gave me a headache. The number of cuts, you weren't kidding about the roulette wheels turning into the wheels of his car, turning into his eyes, turning into the moon, turning into a pizza. Every fucking transition is like the editor is submitting a project to his

A-level film editing class. And as a show's teacher, he can do all of it. Yeah, it's a very every effect in PowerPoint film. Yes, it gave me a headache. This is how I summed up the movie Elvis to you, Pierre. It's like watching a two and a half hour

long trailer for the movie Elvis. Yes, yes, is like watching a two and a half hour long trailer for the movie Elvis. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I love that. There isn't a single shot that's longer than five seconds. There isn't a single scene longer than 20 seconds. It's like a perfume advert. It's so sporadic and nonsensical.

That's perfect because it is like a perfume advert as well, in the sense that the narrator, the colonel, is often in a sort of insanely obviously green-screened, like, netherworld. Yes. Like a sort of, he's inside a metaphorical casino, even though he's on his deathbed, sort of going, oh, Elvis,

I remember when I first told you. And he, but he's sort of, he's green-screened ased as obviously as like YouTubers are. Also, I've just realized this. Yeah, so this narrator is this crazy colonel manager of Elvis. Yeah. The crazy Dutch voice. And it sort of comes back to him in this netherworld dreamscape-y casino.

Yeah. But then at the end of the movie and the title cards it says that he was he ended up roaming the casinos of las vegas until his dying days yes and you go oh so you could have just had him in a casino yes that's a good point you could have just showed him reminiscing mumbling while he was senile in the 90s because it's not a metaphor reminiscing, mumbling while he was senile in the 90s. Because it's not a metaphor. No.

If he literally did end up just wandering casinos, is it? You could have just had him in present day wandering casinos. Yeah. Narrating. It was also when he was old and sick, we had Tom Hanks in a fat suit in an old suit kind of thing. So they were like, okay, not only do you now have to look all fat, you have to look fat and old on top of the fat, even though you're old under the fat.

So now we need you to kind of, like there was a lot of layers of deception going on with Hanks. Yeah. Yeah, it's bad. Austin Butler is a good Elvis, it has to be said. Excellent Elvis. The best bits in the movie is when he's just reenacting some of the classic Elvis concerts. Yeah. And it great he sings it great he dances great he moves

just like him he's really really good yeah but those scenes are maybe 0.2 percent of the movie my my you know my my other podcast slash radio colleague Frank Skinner who is an Elvis obsessive ah has done documentaries about Elvis right owns owns one of his shirts, I think. He owns one of Elvis' shirts? Yeah, yeah. I think so, yeah. He was saying that when Austin Butler was being Elvis, it was shot for shot the same as all the most famous concerts.

It was exact, to the point where you couldn't tell if they were cutting between the real thing or if... Yeah, that's good. So all that stuff is perfect. And if there had been more of that, that would have been great. But there was a lot of Tom Hanks in a fat suit smash cutting in between maybe three different decades sometimes. There was some leaping around. There's so much leaping around.

There's leaping around across decades within the same scenes that there was leaping around between, in the timescale, like minutes. Yeah. And so you just get so confused and tired. Elvis seemed to spend most of his time watching the news of people being shot. Yeah, because he lived through a lot of high-profile assassinations. Yeah. And the movie wants to imply that he was... Afraid of that.

Viscerally, well, more than he was viscerally moved by every single one. Yeah, he would always watch and very slowly remove a massive pair of gold sunglasses. I didn't even get the impression that he developed a phobia of assassination. Did he? When he was running around, remember he kicked open his own door with his.44 revolver. Oh, yeah. Hey, no one's going to kill Elvis. You know, these people think they're going to be the guy who killed Elvis.

And he's like all sweaty. Right. And the lady he's been banging is like, Elvis, what's going on? Yeah. He's like, you shut up. You going to assassinate me? I'm going to take some more medicine.

And he's taking loads of pills and stuff. All his drugs were prescribed. Oh, yeah. I don't doubt it. But he was really anti-illegal drugs. Interesting. There's an account of some girl's... That's American microcosm.

Totally, yeah. Some lady admitting to him that she'd smoked some weed or something. He's like, why would you do a thing like that? Like, he's really upset at her while he's popping, like, Quaaludes and Vicodin

and fucking meth, basically, to speed. Oh, my doctor gave it to me. So it's medicine. It's a crazy old movie that somehow also manages to avoid a lot of the interesting stuff about Elvis. We never really saw him get fat. We never really, apart from the sweaty montage with the guns

where he did shoot some TVs, which is what you want. You never saw him go too crazy. They shy away from, you know, one of the main controversies about Elvis was, you know, did he sort of essentially steal black American culture, repackage it, and become a multimillionaire from it? I thought they leaned into that a thousand percent. No, no.

It was very sympathetic to him. They were all his friends. Oh, I see what you mean. I thought you meant they tried to cover it up. Oh, no, no, no, no. But they skirt around it. The implication is that he was doing everyone a favor, right? Wasn't it?

No, I thought it was more that it was like a joyously shared thing. Yes, yes, yes. Maybe it was, but it just, yeah. I respected the fact that they made a big deal of the colonel being like, yeah, but this guy's white, so that's great. Yeah, yeah. And you go, that's good. If they wanted to hide it, they could have just not

put that in. I suppose that's true. So that was nice. But yeah, I mean, they did make it out to be like, this is my friend, Baby King, and they're all hanging out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And stuff. Yeah. Instead of going, I don't know if that happened, but... I thought that we would see Nixon. What did Nixon...

Elvis was, like, friendly with Nixon. He went and met Nixon. I would have thought Nixon would be very anti-Elvis. No, Elvis... The thing in the movie about him only going in the army for national service because he wanted to... That's not true. He just did his national service. Yeah, right.

Yes, it wasn't like a PR stunt. No. And also he was in the airborne, which is quite an elite... Was Elvis a good soldier? Yeah. Was he? Yeah, he was in the airborne in Germany and stuff. Did he kill anybody was he yeah he was in the Airborne in Germany and stuff did he kill anybody no he was in um did Elvis kill anybody but like Elvis is right wing man

right of course completely anti-illegal drugs anti-hippie yeah all his songs are just about love in America yeah yeah yeah I mean Nixon loved him one of I would say the most beautiful Elvis song which isn't his song originally but I think he does the best rendition is an American trilogy

which is like a medley of songs of the south basically glorifying the south you know in Dixieland

where I was born early Lord won't frost him on I mean glory glory hallelujah I mean it's basically about how great the south is and how great Dixieland where I was born, early Lord, one frosty morn. I mean, glory, glory, hallelujah. I mean, it's basically about how great the South is and how great Dixie is and how romantic Cotton is. And it took me a while when I sang that song a lot when I was a teenager.

I thought it was so beautiful. And then I learned a bit more history. I was like, oh, I probably can't sing this song in a concert or anything. But it is beautiful. But, yeah, I mean, he's full on, on like Dixie, Southern Glory, the South. He's not full on the South will rise again, but the South might rise again. Yeah. He was in that era where like the idea was that these goddamn hippies were the ones who went around killing people like JFK.

Yeah. Yeah. The hippies were dangerous and Charles Manson and all that. Manson, yeah, exactly. There's a great photo of Elvis in full Vegas, and Charles Manson and all that. Manson, yeah, exactly. There's a great photo of Elvis in full Vegas, like rhinestone cape and all that shit, shaking hands with Nixon. Oh, great.

In the White House, like posing with him and stuff. It's really funny. Great. Because it doesn't visually make sense until you dig a bit into both of them. He's like the only celebrity who was willing to go out with Richard Nixon. Yeah. Yeah. But, I mean, they, yeah, there's lots of stuff they left out or smoothed over. They did sort of address the origins of, they had, well, B.B. King was in there quite a lot,

and Sister, not Rose something, Sister Rose, something like that. She's the one who invented, basically, rock and roll with, like, the electric guitar and stuff. It was the lady who was in the club. Right, yeah like that. She's the one who invented basically rock and roll with the electric guitar and stuff. It was the lady who was in the club. Right, yeah, yeah. She was a nun. Right, okay. And I think Little Richard was in it. Yes.

The young Little Richard, a little Little Richard. Double Little Squared, Little Richard Squared. Little Squared Richard, yeah. Yeah? But no, it's like, Baz Luhrmann films are like 300 with the amount of fucking green screen and CGI right yeah yeah yeah it's just there isn't

too many of the scenes felt like there was no real background I know that the colonel was from the Netherlands and I know he probably had a mad voice and Tom Hanks is probably doing a wonderful job but it is a risk to make the guy with the nuttiest fucking voice in the whole story the narrator. So that even when he's not in a scene,

you still have this man saying, so Elvis went to Germany. Yeah. And to her home. Yeah, it's not nice. It's like Dracula narrating the story of Elvis. It's not nice. No.

It's a bad film. And I watched it with someone who loves it, a friend of mine who's watched it with someone who loves it. A friend of mine who's watched it. When we watched it together, it was her sixth time watching Elvis. What? Sixth. Who's this? Do I know this person? I don't want to say because I think it's technically

slander if I name her. Sixth time watching Elvis? Yeah, she'd watched it five times all in the cinema. And then the sixth time with me on TV. So she just can't get enough of like, Colonel wants me to sell bobbleheads. And then arguing over badges and things.

She just loved it so much. She was mouthing along to some of the lines. That's insane. Okay, yeah. And then at the end, she was very, you know that tension that you have at the end of a movie you've recommended to someone and you don't know if they've enjoyed it or not.

So she had that kind of tension when the movie ended. And I just caught up and I said, well, that was really bad. That was really, really bad. No, you broke her heart. And she said, no! But, I mean, I can lie. It's just technically just a very bad movie, and it's hard to follow, and it's tiring and exhausting,

and you have no sense of time and place. They loved it that much. Yeah. Yeah, so obviously it's got fans. Oh, sure. Hey, sure it's got fans. But it's a sad story. I, yeah, I don't know.

Now, you're currently doing a bit of stand-up where you say you want to die like Elvis at 42 on the toilet. Yes. After watching, oh, that's something they missed out. Dying on the toilet. Yeah, they didn't show him dying on the toilet. Well, they sort of ended with the colonel saying, like, oh, some people say it was the prescription drugs that killed Elvis. But no, it was love. And I was watching it like...

That was so dumb. That's right. Yeah, I was watching it like, I'm pretty sure it was the prescription drugs. I don't know about that. I'm pretty sure it was prescription drugs and the deep fried banana sandwiches. That he was getting flown in. Yeah. I don't know if we can completely rule out the massive amphetamine abuse.

I think he also had a favorite dish. He literally called shit on a stick. Yeah. Think about this. It was like a piece of meat on a stick dipped in molasses or something. Yeah, he had some wacky dishes. It was deep fried peanut butter and banana and bacon sandwiches, I think. Yeah, that was his favorite.

With jelly? Or maybe jelly in there as well? Jelly. Yeah, that was his favorite. With jelly, or maybe jelly in there as well. Jelly. Yeah, it just... Yeah, what killed him was love. It's the dumbest fucking line I think I've ever... Oh, man. That sort of thing.

What do scriptwriters think love is? What do they think love is? Do they think love can just mean anything that your plot needs? Basically. Oh, what is it? We got a beep. It means this podcast is good. Yeah, the car likes it.

The car has given the podcast a tick. It's like Knight Rider. The car likes it. We should probably... We'll probably have to record a spoilers warning at the start of this podcast. Well, that Elvis dies. From love. No, but like what they have in the movie.

The scenes that they do and don't have in the movie. No, I don't know. I don't know. Okay. What if that's spoilers? Fine. Because there's no surprises in the movie. That's true.

That is true. There are zero surprises. Is that itself a surprise? No. That's true. That is true. There are zero surprises. Is that itself a surprise? No. Nah. I think if you're a huge Elvis fan and you haven't seen it by now, you're not a huge Elvis fan. Well, that's on you.

That's on you, baby. If you haven't seen Elvis, that's on you. How many shows do I need to put on? Fun to talk like that. Fun to go, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Do you think

you need a weird voice to be maximally famous? I think it helps to have an identifiable voice. I don't think either of us have that identifiable voice. I think you do. I don't think either of us have that identifiable voice. I think you do.

I don't think I do. I think I have a voice that actually the British hate, which is sort of hard to pin down mid-Atlantic voice. That's accent, though. Right. But your voice and the way you vary it and stuff. Okay, maybe. When you're on stage, especially.

Maybe. Is it unique? The car's talking to us. What would you like to do? The car's kind of Siri function. What would you like to do, Phil? It has an activation word that we've still yet to figure out

because it's come on randomly. Like the Manchurian candidate. So it doesn't matter what we're talking about. What word are we saying? The other day it came on and it said, what can I do for... Sorry. And we saying that's... The other day it came on and it said, what can I do for... Sorry. And just interrupted itself.

Like it had realized it was talking out of turn. What can I do for... Sorry. And then it shut up again. It's like, oh God, that's awkward. You said that it sounded like it had walked in on us all naked. Yeah. What can I do to...

Sorry. Shut the door again. i should have knocked yeah really weird but i um but i think on stage you've got um on stage you vary your voice and tone a lot yes in a particular way and also sometimes you say things in a more Malaysian-English way. Yeah, sometimes there's a line in my stand-up in the show currently where I go, Why? What happened? Who hurt you? Yeah, who hurt you?

Yeah, I really like that. I really like as well, I don't know if it's Malaysian-English but it's just sort of something different, the intonation of, he's sick, he's crazy, this guy. He's crazy, this guy. Yeah. What happened actually with a bit of my comedy accent is a combination of Malaysian and sort of Jewish American. That kind of Seinfeld-y kind of.

Yeah. Because there's a lot of similarities with the Malaysian and that Larry David kind of exasperation. Yes, yes. Sort of hand gestures and stuff. Yeah. And ending a sentence on sort of a suspension, a suspended note. Going up, yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

But I think, yeah, maybe I should start just doing stand-up in Elvis' voice. Well, currently, yes, that'd be good. From South Africa. I grew up on the Isle of Man. Don't worry about that. People would go, what is happening? Grew up on the Isle of Man. Grew up on the Isle of Man.

Have you ever been to the Isle of Man? It's quite a place. Things like that? That'd be good, yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. What? Oh uh oh my god look at that we've just driven past a guy in one of those like uh speed like low to the ground speed racer cars yes of old school uh racing car shape but you can tell it's new yeah yeah yeah yeah like the kind of race cars that

would have been on the cover of a sort of adventure book in the 50s sort of cigar shapes yes yes or in sort of an enameled poster kind of decoration that the kind of enamel they have for tax for metal tat but yeah it's got an old-school French race car. Yeah, shiny paint on thin metal. That's it. Stamped poster. That's it.

Yes. We're currently driving from Durham up to Glasgow. Yeah. And it's beautiful. All these rolling hills and some race cars. Gorse bushes. The kind of towns where every house and the pub is on the same road and you drive past them all.

Yeah. People throw eggs. Yeah, they throw eggs. Get out! They're scared by the car. How is it moving? And the car's saying, what can I do to help you? They're going, ah, it talks to us! Sorry. Sorry.

Don't mind me. It can apologize. Ah. It's got a perception of social mores. Ah. Yeah. It seems to have a moral code. It's aware when it's overstepped a social boundary.

Kill it. Yeah. Maybe one day if we want to take a break we should let chat GPT write Budpod

that would be interesting I don't think because none of our podcasts exist in text form this is it

right so clear this up for me chat GPT's input is entirely text based as far as

I'm aware yeah so when someone says like write something in the voice of Joe Rogan what it's actually having to pick up on is like in the voice of Joe Rogan, what it's actually having to

pick up on is written down interviews of Joe Rogan. Yeah, and quotes from Joe Rogan. Yeah, right. Okay, good. That's what I had suspected. Which, if you're famous enough or prolific enough, works. But, um... Yes. You know, for us, I don't know, it would probably end up summarizing

the tweets about or from the account, you know? Right, right. And obviously no robot could ever capture the majesty of this podcast. That would be insane. No, thank God. And that's why the AI revolution will never take us. No, we'll be the last stand.

Yes, we'll be the Alamo in the war against the AI creatives. And I've seen Terminator and it seems like the best thing to wear when you're fighting against advanced robots is leather jackets. Yes. A lot of black leather jackets.

They can't see leather jackets. No. Because it is an organic material. Yeah, they go, that is a cow. That is cow skin. Cow is not dangerous. Yeah. Cow is friend. Cow is friend dangerous Yeah Cow is friend

Cow is friend Yeah The cows and the AIs will work together What a team up That's why it's important We just went past a sign For a place called Snod's Edge That's the kind of

That's the part of the country we're in right now We're in the RPG adventure part of the country Things are called things like Snod's Edge. We're in Elder Scrolls country. Yeah. That's where you go to learn how to make potions. Snod's Edge.

Here's a question. Would you rather the world was taken over by an advanced AI of our own making or an alien species? An alien species? Yeah.

What kind of aliens though? Sort of bug-like. An alien species? Yeah. What kind of aliens, though? Sort of bug-like. Bug-like? Bug-like. What's their attitude to us? They want to... Well, both the AI and the bug aliens want to enslave us. That's what I was driving at.

Okay, so we're being enslaved no matter what. Well, they're going to try. Oh, I see. They're going to try. Oh, that's what I was driving at. Okay, so we're being enslaved no matter what. Well, they're going to try. Oh, I see. They're going to try. Oh, I see. Which we'd rather fight off. Because if it's aliens, I reckon the fight is tougher. But if it's AI, you feel stupid because you made it.

You feel silly. It's more embarrassing fighting an AI of your own making. Which is, by the way, the story of 75% of Iron Man movies. I don't know why they haven't got bored of that story. They do seem to keep going, you know how we made that AI? Yeah. It's bad again. It's bad.

Oh, right. So there would have been no problem here if it weren't for the protagonist. Yeah. Can you fight it with quips and a kind of gun arm? And a sort of casual filming style where people talk over each other yeah will that take them down or is it love yeah love beats them let me guess is it love well is it love and quips fart fart fart fart yes embarrassing it is embarrassing but i think maybe i don't know i think you can kind of beat AI. You just need to blow up one nuclear weapon, right?

And you'd fry the electronics of everything within range of the EMP. But that's everywhere. They'd have to nuke everywhere. No, I'm sure. But you just need a little base where all their technology is fried and the AI can't really go there. Oh, I see. Right. Are you telling me to imagine

an advanced level of robotics that doesn't exist? Yes. Oh, okay. Because AI now, it would be like, well, I live on a hill, so... Yeah, I know. You can't get me. There's just no fucking charging points near this hill.

Yeah. Okay, so you're saying Terminator. Skynet. Yeah, robots. Skeleton robots, very strong. Robots, yes. But not like fantasy level strong. I think Terminator is like fantasy level strength.

Oh, it's made of liquid mercury. Come off it. It's like you could imagine the machine existing Being built now It's kind of like the Boston Dynamics The robot dogs Okay The bug aliens I think maybe

They are outwittable Yes And the AI I think maybe You could trick Because I saw a thing About the AI, I think maybe you could trick. Yes, okay. Because I saw a thing about the AI where they put like a kind of sort of a defense AI into like a machine gun on like a roundabout, like a kind of defense robot thing. A machine gun? Yeah, well, like a robot with a machine gun.

You know what I mean? Like a defense thing. Where? They're testing out. Yeah, Boston Dynamics are one of these companies. Oh, okay. So they put this thing and it's like

if it sees a human shape it shoots at it. Okay. Like a border defense gun. Oh, right, okay, okay. In their own testing grounds. They didn't go out and find a roundabout

and just put this... No, they did it in New York. They did it to see if it could kill as many civilians as possible. No, they were testing it out. Well, that's why I'm surprised. No.

Also, there are no roundabouts in America. In some places they've got a couple. Interesting. Maybe I'm surprised. No. Also, there are no roundabouts in America. In some places, they've got a couple. Interesting. Maybe in New England. Yeah. Anyway, the point, Phil, is that this thing was incredibly good at detecting humans and shooting at them in the simulations. Right.

So they got a bunch of Marines and said, sneak up on this thing. It's got 360-degree vision, thermal, you name it. Great. And two Marines managed to sneak up to it and touch it, which is the goal. Yeah. Just under a cardboard box, like Solid Snake. Oh, sick. Because the AI is like, well, that's a box.

Great. That's not a person. Great. Yeah, but the box is slowly fucking moving towards you and giggling. Right. And the AI is like, yeah, that's fine, though, because it's a box. Good. So I think AI is easier to trick than you think.

We've got some time left. Yeah, we've got some time left yeah we've got some time yet phew and another uh guys did it they got up to it and touched it dressed as trees uh-huh okay great that's a tree you know excellent so this is a relief this is good to hear this is what I'm saying is that I'm trying to decide between this sort of outwitting AI kind of thing where it's like oh on a technicality I beat the AI because of its programming. Yeah. Or it turns out the bugs can't get the flu, you know, the war of the worlds.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. As in the bugs, if the bugs get the flu, they die straight away. Yeah. Or it turns out they're allergic to like... Love. Yeah, love.

Or, you know, bark or something. That's quite accessible here on Earth. Yeah, great. Great, great. So I'm trying to figure out which of those two is more likely. Yeah, love. Or, you know, bark or something. That's quite accessible here on Earth. Yeah, great, great, great. So I'm trying to figure out which of those two is more likely. Yeah. I think I'd want to fight off the bugs, actually. Yeah? Because I don't think I could bear the...

I've just got an iPad, Pierre, and I don't think I could shoot it. I can't shoot it. You're such an engineer that you'd rather fight a load of massively advanced bugs than hurt a really impressive piece of technology. Honestly, I'd rather shoot a bunch of people. You know how people say we don't deserve dogs? I think that about machines and computers. We don't deserve dogs. I think that about machines and computers. We don't deserve silicon.

You think that about the ordering screens in McDonald's and like smart toasters. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually told this story on the Adam Buxton podcast. When I moved house, I was very depressed and sad. Yes. Until I unboxed my kettle, my coffee maker, and my toaster. Yeah.

And I genuinely felt like the gang was back together. Honestly. Really? Yeah, it made me feel so much better to get them out. My friends are here again. Yeah, really.

Honestly, I felt like in a fucking toy story. My blue lit friends. Oh no, I never, I don't buy anything with blue, a blue LED light. Oh, do you not?

No. What do you go for? Solid shiny metal? As in anything that has a solid blue light for the whole time it's on, I think it's horrible. It's disgusting. So what do you go for? Enameled or chrome solid? I like them De'Longhi type-y, we're pretending we're in Fallout style.

Oh, okay. Enamel metal style-y things, you know? And the lights are all either neutral crystal LED or amber or red or yellow or white. Yes. Yes. No blue. You don't buy kitchenware that makes you feel like you're in a near-future sci-fi. Yeah, no, thank you.

Black Mirror. Yeah. No Black Mirror kettles for you. No bleep-bloop kettles, no. No. No bleep-bloops. Okay, well, I've got a laptop on my lap, which I guess is where it should be.

I've got a microphone in my hand, and we'll try and do some correspondence. Correspondence! Bring letters, emails, phone calligraphy to me, Jack, your sister and keep us free to me, Jack, your sister Correspondence!

It's quite the sight here, listener Pierre has a laptop on his lap as God intended he's holding the microphone with his hand as God intended and he's got his microphone with his hand, as God intended. And he's got his mobile phone in his hand, as God intended. A place for everything and everything in his place. Yeah, it does feel illegal.

What we're doing, yeah. Yeah. I mean, Butterpot has always felt a bit illegal. You do look like the hacker character. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in, yeah, in a thriller movie. I've somehow managed to hack a safe that has no digital element. So dumb.

Stupid. Also, like, there's a progress bar. On the big progress bar, when it finishes, it says, Hacking complete. Yeah, yeah, access granted. Thank God they had that progress bar. It would have been really hard to know when my hacking, yeah. Access granted. If I'd only had that progress bar, it would have been really hard to know when my hacking was done. So stupid.

Every hacking scene in a film should just be a guy putting on a voice and ringing every low-level person in a company. He's going, I forgot my password. Can I use your account? Oh, please. Susan's so angry with me, I can't ask her again. That would be the hacking. Yeah.

Anyway. Just wearing down people who work in a call center. That's real hacking. Yeah, wearing down human-level security. Oh, no, that's patron correspondence. Oh, ah, ah, ah. No, no, no, not quite. Ah, ah, ah, pooh, pooh. No, ah, ah, ah. No, no, no. Not quite. Poo-poo-la. Ah, ah, ah.

Poo-poo. We have a message from James. James. Don't be lames. Tell us your correspondence. You better not be lames, James. Okay.

James says, Dear Defilcate and DePierre. Okay, I know Defilcate's Deficatecate and DePierre Okay, I know Defilcate, Steffecate, what's DePierre? DePierre D-E-R and then Pierre Derriere? Must be Derriere

Derriere Okay I've been really enjoying the pod's perspective of international Britishisms, as I'm a Chinese British myself and grew up in Indonesia I've been really enjoying the pod's perspective of international Britishisms, as I'm a Chinese British myself. Oh! And grew up in Indonesia. Hello, brother.

In Indonesia. What's he building in there? Like a parallel world Phil Wang. Yes, that is like, yeah, because Indonesia's the other sort of big country in the region. Indonesian Wang. Gosh, can it be? Can it be? Could it happen?

Which, what would be different? Between us? Yeah. I reckon he doesn't have glasses, but he does have braces. Interesting. Yeah. The glasses of the mouth. The glasses of the mouth.

He says, but alas, I can't grow a goatee either. Further praise redacted, but I thought you would offer up a tat phenomenon for you to enjoy. Back in 2021, swathes of American live-laugh lovers are going mad over the intensely mediocre homewares designed by Ray Dunn, to the point that suppliers

are being told not to reveal when new shipments are arriving. Right. Is this a story? This is an old story. Ray Dunn, to the point that suppliers are being told not to reveal when new shipments are arriving. Wow. Right. Is this a story he's linked to? This is an old story. Ray Dunn. Yeah.

This is a designer, Ray Dunn. So this is a story called Girls Just Want to Have Dunn. How Ray Dunn is Causing Women to Fight and Get into Debt Over Mugs. Whoa. Beg pardon. Wow. What's so good about these mugs? I don't know.

There's a viral TikToks about them and stuff. And what's what's on them? What's it about? Oh, it's all just says things like trick or treat and marshmallow and whatever. Just like just words of what gulp, sip, dick, the holes. That is gross. Yuck. But that's like level one tat.

And they're killing each other over it. People stand around like vultures and even get into fights over Ray Dunn mugs that cost about $9. Wow. Wow. God damn. Yeah, it must have been some weird TikTok trend. Yeah, James says the piranha consumer frenzy of affordably priced tat is gently amusing in the face of all the actual horror in the headlines lately. I hope this tickles your A-car.

A-car. Acha. Pickle. Oh! Ah, tickle your pickle. Very good. Tickles my Acha. A little cryptic crossword there for me. Sneaky, sneaky James. That's Malay, or in James' case, Indonesian,

for pickle, Acha. Indonesia. Indonesia. Well, thanks for for pickle achar. Indonesia. Well, thanks for writing in, brother. Yeah. Always good to hear. Okay, well, we actually have some more stuff about your homeland, Philip. Oh, how about this? It is from this message, Lukman.

Lukman's gotten in touch before, I think. Oh, Lukman, yes. I remember Lookman. What great luck, man. What great luck, man. And the subject line is de correspondence. De correspondence. Okay. Like

Mrs. Bransworth's de movie. Dear Chirrut and Birrit. Oh, there, I guess. So that's Chir Birit Is Malay For diarrhea Is it? Yeah Chirit Birit Okay so it's

Dear Daya and Ria Yeah pretty much That's what it's been said Chirit and Birit After having attended Budpod Live recently Your chat about Michelle Yeoh's

Recent wins Has brought two Malaysian habits to mind That I believe Both of you will enjoy Okay Number one. Malaysians, alongside their love of

kuti... Oh, chuti. Yeah, it's a holiday as we talked about. Of course, the day off. Chuti. Alongside their love of chuti, also are completely incapable of not claiming someone successful, no matter how tenuous their link to Malaysia may be. Excellent examples of this

are the outrageous claim that Bruce Lee was in fact a Malaysian. Wow, I've not heard this one. Whose real name was Badruddin. Come on. Badruddin B. Rusli. Oh, that's silly. They're just fucking around.

And that the Team GB swimmer Ben Proud has roots in Malaysia because he went to school there. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, that's fair enough. Number two, Malaysians love sticking a D in front of any word. Detat, if you will. Yes, yeah, yeah. So this is to make a restaurant or something sound more fancy.

One of my favorite places to eat, and one of the places that got me my fattest as a child, was a place in KK where I grew up called J&R De Corner. Just D apostrophe corner. De Corner. De Corner. Really? Yeah, lots of shops would just throw a D at the start or something.

Well, his example here that he sent is derbs for herbs. Well, is this a shop sign, is it? Yeah, buy one, get one sale for derbs activewear. Act now while supplies last. Derbs. Derbs. Derbs. And he's included a screenshot of restaurants here.

We've got the Chowkit restaurant. Yep. The cafe. Yep. Classic. Very Malaysian. The Tandoor. The Tandoor.

Brilliant. The Kenyang. The Kenyang. Oh, Kenyang is Malay for fall. Okay. Satisfied. Oh. And the list goes on.

Thank you for your excellent podcast, the Podbuds. Teruskan Melanchap. I'll keep on jacking it. Well, that's great. Well, Teruskan Melanchap to you, look, man. Melanchap, I've not actually heard the word Melanchap before. There must be jacking it. Yeah.

P.S. Some tat from an ex-girlfriend's mum that is slightly closer to our frigid shores. So let's see if you can whisper this, Phil. from an ex-girlfriend's mum that is slightly closer to our frigid shores. So let's see if you can whisper this, Phil. Let's see if you can de-whisper this. De-whisper this de-tut. Decipher is already fancy. Decipher? Yeah. Yeah. It's already a D. Yeah. De-decipher. It comes fancy, de-decipher.

Blank is to the body what laughter is to the blank? Blank is to the body what laughter is to the blank? Laughter is to the soul? You've got that. Blank is to the body. Is it alcohol? No.

Okay, blank is... Food? No. Cake. You're in the wrong room of the house, I'll say. Oh dear. Blank is to the body what laughter is to the soul. Sleep.

Sex. No. Kissing. This is still tat on a wall. Yeah, okay. Mum tat too. Outside the kitchen. TV. Where else? wall. Yeah, okay. Mum tattoo. In a different room, outside the kitchen. TV, where I was driving, toilet, washing.

Laughter is to the soul. Sunshine. No, no, no. It's very much something relating to a room. Gosh. In the house. You've said the room. Bed.

No. Oh, no. Bathing, baths. Bathing Baths Yeah Baths No But you You're getting it

Pooping No What? I'm so confused Okay to be fair It's not an abstract noun It's an object It's tangible

Oh Whereas laughter is intangible Soap? Yes Soap What As our souls. Yes! Soap. What? I don't think I can.

I don't get a didgeridoo for that, I think. Soap is to the body what laughter is to the soul. Okay. Right. So they're saying that laughter has a cleansing effect. But really, this is the wrong way around. You say laughter is to the soul what soap is to the body. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, and also

you can't really schedule the body, of course. You can't really schedule the laughter in the same way as the soap. That's true. You also don't rub laughter all over you. No, you don't rub laughter

all over you. I've tried. We've both tried. It would really be good for our careers if it was possible. We have a massage from Helena. No, actually, looking at the from, it's Helena, Soph, and Joe. Helena,

Soph, and Joe. This is a three-hander correspondence. Yeah. Wow. The subject line is the tale of the traveling vomit. I like to think they is, The Tale of the Travelling Vomit. I like to think they're all sat together at the keyboard, all like a duet at the piano, but it's three of them at a laptop keyboard. Yeah, and they're typing with their heads kind of thrown back,

like they're in a musical. So. Hi, Will Fang and Nier Povelli. Lovely stuff. That's good. Another front sleeper here. No! They're all coming out of the woodwork now.

People who sleep on their front like they've been shot. With their smushed up noses. Yeah, with their pug face. All smushed. Spend the whole day having to, like, put your thumb in your mouth and blow to pop your face back out like in a cartoon. God, I didn't know so many psychopaths listened to this podcast, but okay. So, it's explained. Helena explains.

No, I sleep with my arms trapped under my torso. Insane. And my head turned to the side underneath a pillow. What? So the head is under the pillow? Like she's trying to block out some noise? Many men whom I have had romantic trysts with have woken up in the night

and thought I was dead. It's good to keep them on their toes. Yeah, I bet. Fuck me. Anyway, I dragged a couple of my friends Soph and Joe to Budpod Live 2 last week. Great. Thank you very much.

And not only have they now become Pistorians, but they have a story so majestically foul we had to share it. Oh, Lord. Here we go. It's 2010. Southampton University. Okay. We're in Jesters, the infamous club that was widely known to be the second worst

in the UK. Oh, interesting. We were just in Durham, which was meant to have the worst in Europe. Yeah, for a while. The official worst had recently burnt down, so things were looking up for this mighty establishment. Oh, there you go. The toilets in this club were a treasure trove of horrors.

Six feet below ground level, coffin depth. Always flooded, wet toilet paper smeared across every wall. In the woman's bathroom, there was a double toilet. Two toilets, one cubicle Two toilets, one cubicle What? Frequently populated by drunken strangers

Who had teamed up to empty their bowls together Oh my god, this is the worst thing I've ever heard in my life Oh my god, tour manager Paul is very upset by this Staring into each other's eyes, grunting Paul's swerving in the road, he's so upset by this Paul's gonna, yeah,. Paul's swerving in the road. He's so upset by this. Paul's going to stop the car. That is a viral video, yeah.

Two toilets, one cubicle. Horrible. That sounds even worse than two girls, one car. In the men's toilets, the guys would stack up all their empty glasses into a pyramid and try and piss into it like a champagne pyramid. A real Great Gatsby meets the piss goblin from Pierre's Edinburgh show. Yes.

My god. Wow. Wow. Men are very ingenious when it comes to being horrid. Yes. It's our main passion. I salute it. I paint you this picture so that you're grounded in the setting of what happened next. A drunken man lumbered off the

dance floor and towards the toilets, retching in a manner that could only mean danger was at hand. But alas, the men's toilets had a queue, and there was clearly no way he would last that long. In a state of panic, he opened his mouth and projectile vomited, his hot, sour

mouth full of sick smacking into one of the filthy bathroom walls with such force that it ricocheted back and hit him in the face. She's underlined that for emphasis. And rightly so. I think there's a kind of justice to that. Yeah, God's justice. Yeah.

Natural justice. Flabbergasted by his own power, he gave his face a brusque wipe with his sleeve and silently stumbled away. I hate England sometimes. I really hate England. I love it, but sometimes England makes it very hard. I sort of admire it, and I have the same rueful affection for this I have

as if I was returning to the Thunderdome. Yes! A place where blood means something! It's savage, but there's beauty in the savagery. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve and silently stumbled off to where we never knew. Will this be a story he will remember the next day? Will he one day gather his grandchildren around and give them a cautionary tale? Or was he so drunk he would simply forget it and the moment would be lost in the hazy mists of myth and legend? We will never know.

But we feel like we have fulfilled some kind of destiny in sharing it with the Church of Dirty Boys and Girls. Yes, thank you. And thank you for bringing two new disciples to the Church of Dirty Little Boys and Girls. Yes, yes. A horrible story. For me, actually, the most horrible part of the story is just hearing about the double toilet cubicle. Yeah, it's like in a horror movie where you only see the ghost's hand. It's much more scary for the lack of detail.

The unseen horror is scarier than the seen horror. Yeah, and that's definitely the case with the big toilet here, the double. Awful, awful, awful. The dibby dub. Well, I think that's the end of CarPod. That's the end of CarPod, and now it's time to get into the back of the stretch limo of the Patreon.

Yes. But thank you for listening. We'll talk to you again soon. Okay. Bye. Thank you. Tour Manager Paul says bye. Yeah.

Bye, everybody. Vroom, vroom. Vroom, vroom.