BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 211 - Rules For Downloading My Podcast

Episode Date: April 26, 2023

The lads chat weird ads, Diane Abbott and Dominic Raab being in trouble, the genius of teenage humour, martial arts and meta. Correspondence from Charlie, Dave is pooent (fluent), Sketch is Cuba Style Escape Room Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 2-1-1. 2-1-1. Zoo-hun-fun. Zoo-hun-fun. Zoo-hun-fun is what happens when a Hindu goes to a zoo. Yeah, zoo-hun-fun. Some zoo-hun-fun. It also sounds like the name of a sort of a strategist from the

middle kingdom yeah yeah um zuhan fun i guess it's kind of like if you were walking along the great wall of china right after it was built and the Huns are trying to get in. It'd be like a Hun zoo because you're just looking down on the angry Mongolians. Oh, yeah. Well, also, the Chinese were so sure that their divine empire was the center of the world

and the most advanced, and often it was, that they would have thought of the Great Wall of China as fencing in the rest of the world. Oh, yes. Yeah yeah as a zoo yeah we're not walling ourselves in we're just creating a kind of circular zoo that we're in the middle of that was always my favorite south park episode back when i was watching south park as a teenager

yeah it was um yes it was a shitty shitty shitty walk shitty walk the yeah the chinese take away in south park and he built did he build a great wall to keep oh mongolians mongolians kept attacking they kept attacking he built the wall to keep them out because they kept attacking his business in some way yeah yeah yeah

and so he built a wall to keep them out and they would show up like on horses with like armor from the period going, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, and a kind of mob. Yeah, and they'd attack the wall like in Age of Empires. Ting, ting, ting, ting. Clanking a sword against a piece of rock. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, Phil, at some point someone's, well, I don't know. South Park is kind of immune to that sort of thing, aren't they? I was going to say, at some point you's well, I don't know, South Park is kind of immune to that sort of thing, aren't they? I was going to say at some point you'll have to defend that episode on some kind of discussion point podcast or radio show but maybe not I think South Park has sort of dodged

the censorious times we've been through The key is to be so horrific and so powerful that people just can't it's like attacking a mountain you just can't win but apparently um book of mormon which they also wrote they they have like they have edited it since the original version they have softened it apparently this is what i hear people are saying i've heard that about the uk production oh interesting snowflake island is it is that where we live sounds like it i am

i do i went to go see it when it was quite new in town and i do remember feeling because if you're a stand-up even when you're in a crowd you can feel kind of what the crowd is doing your creepy little sixth sense is still there yes and when the guy explained that he was called general butt fucking naked which is there's a real guy's name and a real general is it yeah it's all real that's the thing it's like they but i could feel the crowd go no they think that that's what an african general would call himself and it's all real. That's the thing. But I could feel the crowd go, oh, they think that that's what an African general would call himself. And it's like, no, no, that was a real guy. Wow, that was a real guy called General Buttfucking Naked. General Buttfucking Naked.

And I think he did, the whole thing is that he did in the end convert to Mormonism, I believe. Wow. Or they tried to get him. But the point is that it wasn't like them going, oh, we'll make up some offensive. It's like, no, no, he's a real guy give him a little look turn off safe search and type in general general butt fucking naked yeah here here's a wikipedia entry for general butt naked they've gone for okay they're censoring themselves now joshua milton blah, better known by his nom de guerre, general butt naked, is a Liberian evangelical preacher. There you go.

Wow. So it was fucking his middle name then. I guess he was emphasizing his own. That's funny. Phil fucking Wang, you know. Yeah, that's nice. But then I realized. Butt naked.

I realized on the way out, they had little posters in the lobby in the bar explaining the realness of it. Oh, really? Really? They're supposed to say, this is a real guy. Yeah, but not just about him,

about other stuff to do with Mormonism and things. Because I think they just thought, you know what? The British public are so unaware of Mormonism and so unaware of a lot of the subjects of this. I mean mean there's a whole funny song about um how one of the african people dreams of living in salt lake city which is sort of widely regarded as a boring dump yeah but that's only funny if you have an opinion on salt

lake city right right so did they keep that out of the british version no that was still in it but it didn't get very many laughs. No. Because people were like, well, we can't tell if this is ironic or not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I can imagine them editing it even just for cultural reasons of just like, well, the

only Americans really know what this is. And the cast will be complaining, I imagine, being like, no one's laughing at my funny jokes. I would hate to be in charge of a load of difficult jokes because i think people would complain wouldn't they if if you had to deliver them yeah i am yeah i went to see it pretty early on and i really enjoyed it i thought it was really funny but then again i am an edgelord you're an edgelord always shitposting on those forums were you ever on a forum?

yeah WWF really? yeah chatrooms they were called then chatrooms were you posting in threads or were you in a chat room?

I was in a chat room, I think. Oh, okay. I must have been like 10 to 13 and I just go in the WWF chat room. And then I just go... So it'd be like this main room and then I just go, anyone want to chat?

I just type in, anyone want to chat? I'd just type in, anyone want to chat? And then someone would go, yeah, sure. And then we'd go off and have a private chat about who our favorite wrestlers were. About wrestling? Yeah. Yeah, it was odd. I once got kicked out because I just came on and said, hi, everyone. It's me, Stone Cold Steve Austin.

And then someone said, you shouldn't do that, man. And I said, why? I am. And someone said, you can't do that. I said, yeah, I can, but I'm Stone Cold. And then he just went, the admin has booted you from the chat. There's nothing funnier than something like that when you're a kid hi everyone it's me stone cold hi everyone it's me stone cold wanna chat there's nothing funnier than that shit and in fact that means that that makes it even

clearer to me why you laughed so much i sent you that great article by um in the in the intelligencer about facebook's meta oh yeah it's a really good article i tweeted it funny i might retweet it it's so so funny just search intelligence uh whatever that means meta really really funny you know i actually emailed the new york times to try and find out who the guy was is is new york magazine same as new york times uh new york magazine i clicked on contact or whatever but the writer the writer's name is on it yeah but the writer's name is the equivalent of john smith oh shit really it's like the irish version of john smith he says he's from dublin in the piece but i was like, that's no use. And if you search like John Smith Dublin,

there is an author, but there's also some other journalists in finance or could be another guy. It's completely unclear. And I just, I really wanted to, he's not on social media at all, but I just really wanted to explain. Just to be clear, this article, there's this Irish writer who has moved to the US.

He finds himself quite lonely. Yeah. And so he just joins the metaverse just to see how it's going. Yeah. And it's crazy. It's so funny. It's very funny. The kind of characters that are actually on there and actually use it regularly are...

Well, there's some tragedy in it, but a lot of the time they're just oddballs or a bit pathetic. Yeah, he's answering the question, who's on there now yeah yeah well which is amazing to me i thought metaverse was hadn't been launched yet that's the impact it's had i thought it was still in development that i didn't even know it happened it's so funny to me that mark zuckerberg has spent i mean how many billion on making a bad version of second life how much is zuckerberg because second life already exists yeah yeah he's got a new idea yeah and he's gonna make he's gonna be like i'm gonna make a shit version of that and it's gonna be worse graphics and there'll be less to do even after i've spent way over the budget of a video game yeah of a to make a bad almost video game yeah that's how much can you imagine how good a video

game be meta meta has spent this is from the guardian meta has spent phenomenal sums of money on the metaverse since the project was announced including so this is just including more than 100 billion dollars on research and development off how do you spend 100 billion dollars on research and development and still come up with an answer that's completely wrong how do you can you imagine how incredible call of duty would be if they spent one billion on it I mean what are the game budgets at this point

it must be in the in the tens or maybe a hundred million yeah it's a movie budget isn't it it's like Hollywood movie budget yeah exactly whereas

imagine spending if you'd spent a hundred billion on a video game I want it to simulate my own death. Like I want to be able to see dirt under my fingernails in the game. And then I turn off the game and the dirt's under my fingernails in real life. And what he's done is he's made...

There's a natural gunshot wound in your shoulder. And you're like, wow. And you're just fingering it. Yeah, wow. Whereas what he's done is he's made something that looks less realistic graphically than we tennis they had a special announcement to tell everyone they they'd made legs they'd added legs remember now with it's like something out of um 30 rock now with Rock now with legs amazing so embarrassing

it's a really funny piece it's so good I guess we should say thank you to all that we've encountered some pod buds on the tour Phil we have, tour's been going well and Pierre has been opening the show

and smashing it, of course. Cracking it open. And we've had a lot of Kojis, which is nice. We had a drive by Koji. Oh, yes. Shout out to... I mean, we can probably find the name because he tweeted us afterwards. I'll paint the picture while you find it.

Yeah. Me, Phil, and Paul the Tour, which is what we call Paul the Tour manager because he's Welsh. Paul the Tour. Me, Phil, and Paul the Tour are walking down one of York's medieval streets. And as we're walking on a Sunday, I think, a slow day, maybe a Saturday,

traffic's moving past us. And suddenly... Well, it's Saturday. It's Saturdayurday a voice yells out from a white van and it's not about my tits or phil it's a lovely man with a fantastic beard who is like the traffic hasn't has kind of stopped but only for a bit like it was a real and he just really rapidly explained i'm a pod button i listen to bud and I think it's great code you have a selfie. It was very good information. Pod Bud Jono. Jono.

Shout out to Jono. Shout out to Jono who shouted out at us from a white van. Yeah. And you're saying straight after, we said to each other straight after that that was not the interaction we had first expected when a man in a white van shouted at us on the street. We all turned and went, oh, what is it?

Or like, did someone drop something in the road? Or is there like a parking? What's going on? It felt like an emergency. And then he managed to take the selfie quickly through the window. It was fucking great. It was a drive by Koji. The selfie is on the Bud,

I think the Bud pod account retweeted it it's um it's a very cute photo look phil if you and i were rappers and jono had a grudge against us we'd be dead that's how good of a drive by it was it was that yeah so we've been Plenty of Podbuds on the road. Roadbuds. Roadbuds. Like roadbuds. It's been a grand old tour. And we're still going. Yep. This week.

And Machynlleth in Wales on Friday. Leicester on Saturday. Sheffield on Sunday. There might be some tickets left. There's definitely tickets left for Sheffield on Sunday There might be some tickets left There's definitely tickets left for Sheffield It's a big room I know that room from Frank Skinner Big old boy

It's a big old boy Exciting though Sheffield's a very nice town It's great, it's a real cool city Sheffield Every time I go to Sheffield I'm like This is a cool city This is cool this is cool why don't more people talk about this place there's the bristle of the north that's what i say it's the bristle of the north there's so many places in the uk

where if you were a young cool hipster it would be sick to live it's just that there's not enough stuff for you to do there i think yeah employment wisement-wise, maybe. I don't know why. But people just don't move there. In the same way they move to London. No, that's why we need to level up here. It's leveling up. It's the leveling up agenda. £1.50 to every borough in the north.

And hopefully they use that £1.50 to somehow electrify their trains, which are still not electrified, which is insane. On politics news, Dominic Raab has gone. We have a new deputy prime minister. Oh, yeah. Somehow they got rid of politics' angriest man. I mean, yeah. politics is angriest man i mean yeah he even when he's trying to pretend to be a nice chill guy he he simmers he simmers with rage he's got that jack nicholson and yeah of like oh well i'm just enjoying my breakfast and you're like there's never been a more furious man than this yeah he

looks like he's about to shout you can't handle the truth at any point genuinely yeah and he's got that massive forehead vein oof and then someone goes no no not dominic he loves martial arts and you go okay yeah is he a black belt or something and yeah he's very highly qualified he was a boxer as well you know like all the calmest people we know dominic robb martial arts do you think he skipped all of the classes in martial arts about being zen and controlling your your feelings he competed in karate for 17 years winning two british southern region titles yeah gosh karate black belt oof but i did a little bit of karate and there is an element of control your rage and meditate and stuff and i think he must have just skipped those well i think i think martial arts is very much like the police some people join it to to add peace to the world and some people join it just for an excuse to to enact

violence and i think maybe dominic rob might fall into the second category i think so he reminds me of um the son of my karate teacher at school when i was a little kid i was like 11 or 12 and his son was like 15 or 16 and competed right and was like in all the contests and da da da and he had the most terrifying sort of dead eyes like i found it the kid the son oh yeah i found him really frightening and the teacher was quite sort of animated in that kind of like uh like in like that he had that kind of simmering anger that like a kind of bad policeman would have like it's under control but he's like uh okay okay kids you know that's like like yeah i'm sick of talking to these fat dorks and his son was like i remember they told us a story of how the son won about on points he won some big prize on points because he managed to hold it together

and block the other guy scoring points even though he had two or three broken ribs oh from a kick and he managed to style it out with broken ribs until the timer ran out and then he won on points because he'd done enough good stuff before wow this kid's like 15 yeah some kids are nuts and you're just like what the we were all like jesus cry i'm 11 you know it's very weird those kids who was it's about into our teenage years were already very committed to something or like yeah or acted as if they already found their calling or behaved as an adult. The gymnasts? Yeah, or the grown-up ones. Have I told this story before about the kid Andrew in my boarding school in Brunei?

He was very proper. He dressed like a Mormon and he was very proper. And he'd make a point. He looked like an adult, even though he was the same age as everyone else. He felt bigger and taller. He's Australian, but like quite posh australian and he'd say very erudite things and um i remember one history class um they were they're talking about censorship state censorship and then he put his hand up and he said well it's a lot like in in in japan

you know they they they leave out um in the Japan textbooks, they leave out stories of the Second World War because the modern population can't really be trusted to handle facing that kind of legacy. And he said he made this very like erudite and like long point. Yeah. And at the end, the students just stood up and started applauding that's the funniest burn you could do but then on one, he's so proper this guy Andrew, we did our Duke of Edinburgh

we did our Duke of Edinburgh like practice trip and we had to like run a walk along a beach and then we had to camp overnight and my friend Nick was in the tent with with andrew and in and the next morning when it came to the rest of us sort of panicked and afraid and he said almost out of breath he said andrew sleeps with his arms crossed and we were like what he sleeps with his arms crossed he lies down flat on his back and he crosses his arms and he goes to sleep this kid this guy is so proper he would just lie down and cross his arms like he was listening to you make a point and he just fell asleep with his arms crossed. Just the full Dracula.

I love that. I love, man. There's a level of funniness that I think is, you're blessed with when you're 14 for a year and then it goes away. Yeah, like boys at like 14, 15 are so funny. They're really funny and they're really good at undermining things.

Yeah, and you expect, you think they'd get funnier, but most of the time they don't. They become kind of adults. I mean, Ivan who was the funniest kid really in our year, I think. Well, he was really funny, really sarky

in my year in doing GCSEs. And I met him again recently in Melbourne. And he still has that sort of sharpness to him, but he's just a grown-up now with a wife and kid. Yeah, it's weird. I don't think boys are ever as funny as they are at 14, 15, 16. Before the world weighs them down. Yeah, I don't know what it is maybe they've been they've been around long enough that they kind of get how things are going but

also there's so many new experiences that they're still sort of excited by things and they're observant of things and they make funny observations on things because they're sort of fresh maybe it's the last time that you can be sort of chaotic because you are still a child it's right before you turn 16 yeah and you're not sort of trying to get into university yeah you haven't been given the transformative potion of sixth form

to be like okay the shit stops now you know it's time to think about when you're in your 20s maybe that's it and you're in your 20s. Maybe that's it. And you're still sort of chaotic and weird. But you're smart enough to make a very funny, to do a very funny thing like standing up and applauding

after someone's made a long point. It's so funny. Like you're in a film about the UN. That's great. it really is funny welcome to mysterious danny's cuban style escape room uh i am uh yo soy danny Danny, the jefe of the escape room. Can you work out how to fucking, I don't know. Can you work out how to put out this cigar, right, before your time runs out, however long it takes this cigar to burn down to a nub, in my mouth here, right, you've got to solve these fucking Cuban

themed mysteries, right, so there's a bit where you've got to guess the weight of some sugar cane, there's a bit where you've got to do a salsa dance a pattern on a floor press the shoe marks in the right order um there's a bit where you've got a fight you gotta fight off a representative of United Fruit from mounting a counter-coup and plunging your nation back into corporatist slavery of a kind. So there's that. And there's a bit where you've got to pin the beret on Che Guevara.

There you go. Good luck. You've got however long it takes this cigar to burn out. There you go. Good luck. You've got however long it takes this cigar to burn out. But in other British political news, and in a sort of another sense of Groundhog Day politically, a Labour MP has said something anti-Semitic once again.

And been suspended once again. and been suspended once again and been suspended once again this time it's uh diane abbott i mean although talk about saying the quiet part out loud a very short turnaround for an apology oh incredibly quick the suspension was announced after the no no no no no no letter, no, no, no letter came out. Yeah. Where it was very slapstick, almost. So what happened, for those of you who have lives, unlike us, Diane Abbott wrote...

I mean, what a weird way to self-own. I mean, she sent a letter into The Observer in response to a piece by the writer Tomiwa Owolade, in which he says that racism, that Jewish people, travellers and... Irish. The Irish have also been victims of racism in Britain. Yeah, he was analyzing a statistical report that said that these three groups actually report slightly more assaults, which includes verbal assaults, than some groups the way you would expect it more, like Afro-Caribbean or African, one of the two. Yeah. One was higher, one was lower. in as a response to the observer saying

well no, what Jewish people and Irish people and travellers have been subject to is prejudice not racism and although the two are often confused for each other, they're not actually the same. And then she goes on to say

examples, she says Jewish people were not transported across the Atlantic as slaves and Jewish people were not made to sit at the back of the bus. In Jim Crow America. Jim Crow America and were not, were allowed to vote in apartheid South Africa. Yeah. then points out that it's quite telling that in order to make a point she's taken examples from outside of britain which is exactly his point that we don't talk about racism in britain as its own thing we always have to especially the left has to the far left has to go to

well not not just outside of britain but one example there was from the 1870s and one was from at latest the 1980s. So she's not even talking about now. Right, yeah. So she's talking about foreign and between 40 and 150 years ago. It is also so meaningless to say that racism doesn't exist for this group because racism happened to another group, happened to another group. The equivalent of saying, oh, racism against black people doesn't exist because the Holocaust wasn't about black people. You're just going to pick an occasion of racism and say anyone who wasn't involved in this occasion of racism doesn't face racism.

It felt like what she was trying to point out in the first paragraph before it really went off the rails. Because when it went off the rails because when it went off the rails was she compared the prejudice that jewish people face to the prejudice that gingers face and you go okay that's just to put it mildly rude um let's just call it rude uh but in the first bit it felt like she was making some sort of pedantic point about how it's only racism if there's if your skin is definitely a different color. Yeah. But the trouble is that the Nazis did treat the Jews as a race.

If you were Jewish in Nazi Germany and said, no, no, no, not me, fellas. I'm an atheist. Yeah. They weren't delighted to hear that. They wouldn't be like, oh, all right. Oh, okay. That's fine.

Goes this way. Would you like a Christopher Hitchens novel? He's written some good articles you can enjoy and say say anyone else want to be an atheist you know they had racial charts they had lineage obsessions they were obsessed with the purity of blood to an extent it ignores the fact that race is a construct and that loads of spanish people who are european whites are actually darker than some Hispanics in America because race depends on the country you're in and it's

Barack Obama is not black in South Africa he's mixed race yeah I'm in Malaysia I'm white and I'm Asian here you're Asian here and in Malaysia you're a big old honky always handing out cheese

And not dancing Yeah it's a very She wrote a very very dumb letter And a very very dumb apology Because the apology said I'm very sorry this was Her exact phrasing was The errors arose in an early draft

She tried to say that this letter She sent in herself that was published in observer was an accidentally sent first draft yeah and before she was able to edit out i don't know her opinions is that what she wanted to edit out in the second draft what yeah in my first draft of my you know as stand-ups phil you and i will go through many many many versions of different routines before the show is ready. And what I find in the first draft of my stand-up is that it's the opposite of everything I think. It's definitely the opposite. My whole routine where I talk about how I hate baked beans,

that was originally a routine about how I love baked beans. And's just needed that that particular kink needed working out also the phrasing of the errors arose is so do you think like chicken shit it's so if she didn't write down these errors they just kind of bubbled up to the surface she's being investigated now and do you think the areas will have arose legitimately or maybe this is be a clever thing to do. Do you think a staffer's going to get it in the neck? A staffer? Yeah, as in, like, someone else writes my letters. I dictate them over the phone, you know? Well, no, she's already taken the hit,

so I think the ship for passing the buck has sailed. Well, how has she taken the hit? She says they arose. She didn't say she wrote it. Oh, sorry. But I mean, she's been suspended now. Yeah, suspended pending an investigation. Yeah.

Well, maybe the investigation finds out that they let Oh, I see. They let forgetful Larry draft the letter. And the second he sent it, forgetful Larry went, Oh, the Holocaust. Oh, no, I forgot. Shit. That's not like gingers at all. the letter and the second he sent it forgetful larry went oh the holocaust oh no i forgot shit that's not yeah gingers at all i i i think if dan abbott didn't have so much so much priors in this particular field then um then people might be more willing to believe a story like that yeah i think what the most astonishing thing about the story is just how

inevitable it has felt this whole time oh you think it was they just can't help themselves the Labour left cannot help themselves they can't do it yeah the letter didn't need to be written absolutely not it was so voluntary

she's free to think that the Holocaust was the same as being a ginger at school but she really shouldn't write a letter. I mean, is she what she's saying? Like, I don't know. What is she saying at best? At best, she's saying the Holocaust wasn't because they were visibly a different color. But in some cases, that was one of the things they used as a guide.

And it didn't matter because that's how they treated them as a race anyway. It's such a thin, pedantic, puritanical argument that basically it turns racism into colorism. Exactly, yeah. And racism is much more than colorism. Yes, yes, yes. Because there are racial differences between people who otherwise look the same or have a similar skin tone yeah i mean rwanda for goodness sake mm-hmm um yeah well i'm on have i got news for you this week so that should be interesting

well phil i don't think you have a thing to worry about because when have you ever got on have i gotten used to you and made a joke about a pro corbin uh uh thing and well corbin himself you you attacked the man you attacked christ himself not one of his followers and it's fair to say that the supporters of jc's well they weren't happy that which was worse in terms of people's reaction and trolling and nastiness generally was it the hashtag be kind uh corbin people or was it the hashtag be kind dog lovers from the chernobyl from the chernobyl joke the dog lovers were very intense and they came out quickly.

But then they stopped. The Corbynites, it's been a long tail. And I still occasionally get a tweet saying, with an attachment of some story about something terrible Boris Johnson did, going, hope you're happy.

Your guy here. I'm like, I didn't vote for voice johnson you fucking idiot yeah well they just go you know uh everything bad is everyone's fault who didn't vote for my favorite person yeah and uh when all of these people but the most extraordinary thing is how many how few people are coming out and supporting dan abbott i mean even even owen jones has condemned it even john landsman of momentum has condemned it yeah that's when you know you're fucked up yeah if you look if you look into the

back of the room and landsman's there tutting you go uh-oh uh-oh fuck um i guess that as well like well all of these people who are tagging yourself or anyone who is anti-corbin or at least anti his faults uh always go oh your boy oh i hope you're happy well all of them are openly saying they're going to join the greens and not vote for kia starmer so if rishi sunak wins the next election will they be glad will they be glad to be tagged in the same asinine no pierre because voting for sir keith is the same as voting for a conservative government as as we all know as we all know yeah i think this and this is now a continuation and i think in the last bonus spot i said

my my memoir at the end of my life will be called politically vindicated because of what's happening to the smp and literally over the weekend, Diane Abbott does this. Man, oh man. It's going to be a long memoir. Do you think the letter, you said it felt inevitable, that it's obviously the kind of thing that Keir Starmer, to an extent, is very pleased with, because it does just enable him to get rid of his enemies, right?

Obviously, I don't think he's morally pleased with it, but it could be strategically quite useful. Do you think the whole time the labor right we're just going like this like when someone's down in a fight yeah i think for sure they just spent a year going you know like uh like a rugby team yeah yeah yeah no for sure i think the new year's coming i don't know i guess the challenge now would be winning hackney is hackney east or just hackney her constituency just hackney i believe hackney yeah she she's been it's similar to jeremy corbin she's been mp for hackney for however many decades or a long time long long long time but can can they win can they win it without without

her i guess it's the calculation but maybe the investigation will be fine because that has happened before all right yeah there was the other labor mp who went on a how not to be an anti-semite course and passed and did a big apology and got let back in and so fine that's right i'd accept that she did she did apologize sharpish oh man i mean to apologize before you're in trouble that's you go and send oh no and just immediately within 10 hours or whatever it was just go shit shit shit shit shit oh man yeah because the suspension announcement was hours and hours after the the rapid or sort of 9 a.m public uh screenshot apology yeah before breakfast oh my god yeah well yeah yeah i i you know investigate then okay

like the other mp who who did basically a very similar thing go on the course very sorry maybe it's all fine maybe maybe it's all fine and in a way that would be like a greater victory for for Starmer maybe because it just becomes

clear how much more disciplined this Labour Party is and how much more professional it is now and that you know we have a course for this and and we're still a team and it's all working and chill out the procedure has been followed there is a procedure at all blah blah blah get off the fuck get off fucking twitter get off like stop like being so into American social politics. We have our own problems. And using that language here.

We have our own problems. We have our own problems. Pay attention to how race works in the UK. I mean. British racial tension for British people. Speaking of racial tensions, shall we read some correspondence? Yeah, let's do it. Oh boy, oh boy.

Ring letters, emails, phone calls, your sister will never forget. Let me find the ring letters. Correspondence. Correspondence. I wonder if we get any, like... Because I remember, and I mentioned this on the podcast, you remember when Budpod and me both got followed by a kind of really old-school Celtic nationalist Twitter account.

Oh, yeah. And it was covered in swirly Celtic imagery and stuff about Druids, all of which is ahistorical. Very sane stuff. Very, very sane stuff that is normal. And I was like okay, this guy's not going to like the whole podcast.

Either I make fun of Druids at some point or it's just the stuff where we make fun of the SNP and are tacitly, if not openly, unionist and i was like all right set my watch because i couldn't remember the first episode where we made fun of it and then sure enough i'm very disappointed okay mute mute mute mute mute um okay so this is patreon but i think

i i think it still counts if we come to it on on the main pod okay yeah and it relates to something that we discussed on the main pod so that feels right okay it's from charlie charlie fields of barley Right. Okay. It's from Charlie. Charlie.

Fields of Barley. That's good. Walking through fields of barley with Charlie. Charlie, the wind that shakes the barley. Ah, yes. Let's hear that wind. Haunting Irish Independence War film. Yeah, I remember watching that movie. Hi, sharteologists.

Sharteologists. Like archaeologists, I guess watching that movie. Hi, sharteologists. Sharteologists. Like archaeologists, I guess. Archaeologists, yeah. I sent a Patreon message. Is this news, tat, and could Phil whisper it? So it's like these sort of weird pop-up news stories and click-baity ads

that we discussed. Yeah, great. This has new a new segment for us these yeah this horrible sort of quasi ai generated pop-up ads yeah pop-up ads i'll say the ones that i've been sending you on the on the page as well so horrible horrible okay so here's one um charlie says could phil whisper it but they're so odd i don't know if could you i'll try i'll try okay so this one is if you are 45 years old this blank blank is a must have no install this no install this app this one crazy app no think uh more like our childhoods blank blank yeah this more like our childhoods what for anyone over 45 was it if you are over 45 if you are 45 years old that's that's even more specific if you are 45

years old this blank blank is a must-have no install this blank blank is a must-have um this video game console strategic game strategic game yeah it's a it's got some artwork of like beautiful medieval fictional town and like a ship. And the game in the lower left corner is called Forge of Empires. Oh my God. Yuck. Terrible. Yeah, the game clickbait ads are always like, this game will ruin your life.

Yeah. And that's meant to be appealing. Don't click this zombie game okay if you have a family and chores and obligations to your wider community don't download this game oh my god if you've taken on the burden of caring for an elderly relative at home don't download this game if your days are numbered if you've only got a certain number of months to live don't download this game

I think this is just an actual news headline but it is appearing as a sort of pop up Brazilian goalkeeper who ordered girlfriend to be fed to dogs signs for new club feels like it's not the main story no i think that's a real that one doesn't quite work because kind of all the details are there yeah the ideal sort of clickbait um new story is what um you know blank did something normal yeah what blank then discovered made blank throw up or something yeah exactly you know here's a good one from it's like a daily mail bullshit link

what does your snot color mean what the color of your snot says about your health and it's got a graphic of the six types of snot. Very medieval doctor. Clear, white, yellow, green, red, black. I think I know what red means. I'm having a nosebleed. Yeah, red is pretty negative. Black just means you live in London. Yeah, okay, so this one just says, surprising things

forbidden by the Bible. And there's a picture of Kanye West. No hip-hop matthew no um oh yeah and the other two are just are basically just actual news stories really um but well i'll go through some of the crazy ones that we found in in nature since you're the one you've sent me yeah yeah we found some good ones we found some nice ones um this next message is from dave Dave. Dave, you knave.

Ooh. I like that. Dear P-HairSoSmelly and Phil. I've been obsessed with overcooked profanitizing since episode four, question mark, when you span extinction rebellion into something beautiful like sex stink bum pee smelly on and how does dave describe this technique what did you call it overcooked profanitizing yes that's very good i like really nice yeah profanitizing or or poo fanny uh tizing poo fanny yeah yeah yeah so he sent us a sentence about some tat

in that style okay i whiz p shited poo find piss chat bum face boob mum cat piss I was excited delighted you done that find piss chat chat yeah is the word tat

of course bum face boob mum cat piss from facebook marketplace yeah on facebook marketplace yeah Of course. Bum face boob mum kit piss. From Facebook Marketplace. Yeah, on Facebook Marketplace. Yeah. What a time-consuming and pathetic way to talk. Oh, embarrassing. This is our equivalent of pig Latin.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Piss Latin. Piss Shatten. Piss Shatten. God, he is a type of brain worms we speak piss shatten we're puent being pathetic is funny that's what the 15 year olds know you said being pathetic is funny. That's what the 15-year-olds know. You said being pathetic is funny?

Yeah. It is funny. It is funny. So Dave found this on the Bogner, Littlehampton, Chichester selling page. Fucking hell. Is that a real place? It looks like it.

Bogner, Littlehampton. Bogner hyphen Littlehampton hyphen Chichester. So it's the tri-area. Tri-town area. God damn. God damn Chichester So it's the tri area Tri town area God damn okay And it's a plaque And the plaque is entitled Rules for dating my daughter

Okay great So this isn't going to be creepy at all Yeah yeah great Number one fuck her good You better have sex with her right Yeah or like it'll be like those kind of threats where it's like if you don't if you don't kiss her on the cheek i'll fuck your bum and suck your dick and you go this dad seems confused about his dad seems a bit too involved in his daughters his dad seems like he thinks about this a lot.

Rules for dating my daughter. Rule number one. I'm everywhere. Oof. No. Number two. Understand. I don't like you. What? That's unreasonable as a starting point. Healthy. I don't like

you. I don't like you I don't like you I don't want her to be touched by anyone I want her to stay pure Pure daughter Rule number three You hurt her, I hurt you Furt Furt, furt, furt

Give it a rest Rule number four, be home 30 minutes early early from what from the time they said they'd be back from the dance except be home 30 minutes early be back by nine okay so 8 30 but then i'm coming back at 8 30 so eight but then i'll be coming back at eight so 7.30 Yeah and eventually you go I have to travel back in time Just to be on time with this guy If you lie to me I will find you Okay That's got nothing to do with the daughter

So that's a specific punishment for Just for lying Yeah if you lie to me I'll find you If you hurt her he will hurt you But he won't find you So if you hurt her and hide you're okay If you lie to him he will hurt you, but he won't find you. So if you hurt her and hide, you're okay. Yeah. If you lie to him, he'll only find you.

And then presumably just look at you for a bit, and then you're off the hook. He'll find you, and he'll give you a real look. He'll really like... You're only in trouble if you hurt her and lie to him. Yeah, if you hurt her... Only then will he find you and hurt you. Yeah, if you say to her... If you hurt her, and then you say you didn't.

Oh. Yeah, right. Right. Then you're in trouble. Yeah. This one, again, seems irrelevant to his daughter's safety and well-being. It just seems like a convenience thing.

Never honk. Never honk. Oh, right. So when he turns up to pick her up, don't beep. It says never honk. Dates ring the doorbell once. What if no one hears them?

But also, that's just you. You don't like hearing honks and more than one doorbell. Okay, what if this happens? The guy turns up to pick up his daughter. He doesn't honk the horn because he's read the rules. He goes up and presses ding-dong, but everyone's in the shower. He now can't bring the bell again yeah and the daughter doesn't know that he's turned up he then leaves standing her up hurting her feelings yeah and now he has to be hurt but he's only being hurt because he followed

the rules i did what you said weird yes and then he said he'll tell the dad i was here you didn't hear me then the dad thinks he's lying so he's now gonna find him and hurt him and why because he followed the rules this is kafka-esque yeah well it gets worse whatever you do to her i will do to you oh no so wait okay he hasn't thought this through If I buy her dinner you buy me dinner If you kiss my daughter Tenderly on the neck You better You better know that's coming to you

If you eat my daughter's ass I'm eating your ass Never honk You tell my daughter you love her Then I love you buddy You better know I love you And I'll find you I'll find you and I'll love you

Rule number eight, this is creepy She is my princess, not your conquest Oof This is horrible Princess is capitalized as well Not your conquest This guy just sits in an armchair And just thinks about it

Just thinks about his daughter His little princess daughter Never honk, he says Never honk at my daughter Under his breath, never honk Not even through the safety of a wall Can you honk at my daughter. Under his breath, never honk. Not even through the safety of a wall can you honk at my daughter. Rule number nine, keep your hands off her

or I will remove them. Right. As in remove them from his body. It's implied. It's implied. I mean, okay, but I also can't hurt your daughter's feelings so when she's like hold my

hand and i go no then she'll be sad and then you'll make me sad yeah yeah okay i'll let you whisper the last one okay number 10 i'll just be waiting here blanking my blank it's not really a rule it's just a statement stroking my daughter by the sounds of it i'll just be here i'll be drinking drinking my whiskey uh you're so close think more aggressive and needlessly toxic i'll just be waiting here Sharpening my knife Think America Polishing my gun Cleaning my gun

Ay caramba It's weird to me that this is being sold in Sort of small town England Very odd What gun lame, very nasty. What gun? What honking? Also, you know, these are always men who have terrible dads.

Yeah, yeah. They see the children as this sort of quasi-property that they're meant to protect. Yeah, it's rules written by someone who who believes in dowries in some way um well we've run out of normal time yeah uh but thanks so much time for listening do come on tour please come to my tour i'm on tour in the uk for a couple more months and then again in the autumn. So check out my website. Please come and see me.

15th of June, Leicester Square Theatre. And to Patreons, we will see you in the exclusive... Where am I? What? Dad's man cave. Okay, dad's house. Yeah, the exclusive

house of the dad of who you're dating. Of the girl you're dating. But if you're not a patron, we'll see you next week. Okay. Bye! Bye!