BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 212 - Fun Eating Guys

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

The lads are back from tour before more tour! We discuss glutton fun, hay fever bum injections, more horrible online ad placement, correspondence from Suzanne (spectrum stuff) and Rhys (spam ads) Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 2-1-2. 2-1-2. Glue, gum, glue. Glue, gum, glue. Glue, gum, glue. That's hard to say. Glue, gum, glue. Glue, gum, glue.

Yeah. It's sticky. It's a sticky episode, baby. The stickiest episode yet. Glue, gum, glue. Guh and gluh are... Maybe they're my tongue twister sounds Really? Yeah

Gus glugged a glue gun goo Gus glugged a glass of goo glum glue Why are you so good at gluhs? I have a very limber tongue It can go all sorts of ways It can go sideways I have a very limber tongue. It can go all sorts of ways. It goes sideways. And up and down.

Yeah. I can't do any of the tongue sculptures, though. You know, people can roll their tongue into... Yeah, there you are. You're doing it there. I cannot. I can do the little tube one. Yeah yeah i can't do those i can't nothing but the gloves are your expertise okay so if we were in some sort of tongue heist yeah i'd be the rolling guy you'd be the gluh guy yeah right those would be our strengths yeah yeah yeah it's yeah i think it's quite rare

not me don't mean to blow my trumpet it's quite rare not to be able to do them i don't know but yeah i'm proud of that you're proud of not being able to do yeah because it's really tongue things because it's rare because it's rare yeah wow that is the ultimate like market-based valuation of well it's like it's like blue eyes right blue eyes are actually a lack pigment, but they're rarer and considered more valuable because they're rarer. But they are, in fact, a lack of something. Yes.

Are they more valuable? I think they're more... Yeah, I would say blue eyes are considered more valuable than, say, brown eyes. Maybe. They're more fetishized. Yes, this is what I'm talking about. Yeah.

So you want your unrollable tongue to become more fetishised Yes, this is what I'm talking about So you want your unrollable tongue To become a more fetishised Yes Was that one of Goebbels' signs of Übermensch The blue eyes, the flat unrollable tongue One of the things

The Nazis were keen on If you can roll your tongue you're not pure Yeah, that's right It is weird one of the things the Nazis were keen on. If you can roll your tongue, you're not pure. Yeah, that's right. It is weird, isn't it, how none of the senior Nazis fit their own description of the ideal person. They all hated themselves. The whole body just won't be pure.

You know? We are only ever days away from seeing that tweet in the wild. Yeah, yeah. That the senior Nazis. The real, the Nazis can't be blamed. They had body dysmorphia. Or even, never mind can't be blamed, just like speculating wildly on the body dysmorphic problems

of high-ranking fascists. I mean, it's probably already happened. Yeah. Awful awful the internet is a terrible place i i can't wait for the tweet that tries to say that uh the nazis um uh superiors were themselves victims of white supremacist beauty standards yes it's hard to know if that will come from a hard left or hard right uh publication that's why it's so exciting the air that's why we live in such exciting times the ultimate horseshoe article the article that turns the horseshoe into an iron ring leaps the barriers

between the two um we've been on tour buddy boy we've been on tour on the road I've been on my Wang and Their Baby stand up tour Pierre's been doing the opening spot it's been it's been a delight people have been real cool last weekend we were at where were we at we were at Sheffield

we were in Leicester we were in Machynlleth you were in Machynlleth I was in Machynlleth. You were in Machynlleth. Or I was in Machynlleth. I had to miss out on my rural Welsh adventure evening because there was simply no logistically feasible way of getting back in time to be on the old

Frank Skinner radio show on Saturday mornings. There was also no place for you because it was a festival show. It's true. No timing. Only one hour. Only Wang. Excuse me for these adjustment noises for anyone driving. Who thinks their car is falling to bits.

Only Wang. It's been good. Been bumping into Pod Buds on the road. Yeah. We've been eating big breakfasts together. Huge breakfasts. Omelettes overflowing. I've been eating breakfast like... Have you ever seen that thing that goes around about Hunter S. Thompson's breakfast?

No. It's a list from Rolling Stone, maybe a profile or something, about what Hunter S. Thompson has for breakfast. Hunter X. Thompson. Hunter X. Thompson. Yes. That would be a great item on a menu for like an insane big american themed um themed dish but it's always like oh a key lime pie and an omelet and sausages and bacon it's like an insane

list and it's and it's like also like whiskey and cocaine and all kinds of stuff for breakfast yeah yeah yeah but the point is that it's not what he takes in for breakfast it's what he has okay he doesn't have it all he was a famously thin athletic guy right so everyone was like wow what a kooky kook and it's like yeah he didn't have it he was obsessed with choice okay he could have a tiny bit of key lime pie if he wanted yeah he demanded or ideally he would have it there this sounds like a man after my own heart to be honest you're a little choice boy as well but i but more than that i hate waste so i would not be able to do that what if there was a way of it being all fridged and then used again yes really yes i would do that yes all right what if then i'm then i'm

one board what if there was a man in a shawl called the breakfast beggar okay who was always there ready to receive anything that didn't get and. And he'd just eat the rest? He'd scurry off with it. Okay. Is he a decent guy? For a breakfast beggar? Yeah. Sure, you know.

Okay. You've never... He scurries away back to his cavern, though. You're not sure if he's eating at all. Hmm. And he doesn't seem any better each time I see him. He doesn't seem to...

He seems like he's survived. Right. He lives in the woods in a cavern. Yeah. I mean, yeah, sure. seem to he seems like he's survived right from he lives in the woods in a cabin yeah i mean yeah you have to presume that he's eating it he definitely wants it a lot yeah he's definitely really pleased to get it from him i'd like to know what well i'd like to know that he's not doing anything untoward in that cabin you're going to be a hundred percent on you're already fucking the omelets yeah or like uh he's kidnapping people like feeding his captives with him yeah do you want him to go unfed by the captives yeah i know it's tough it's it's it's a moral dilemma for sure

the breakfast beggars breakfast beggar i think i will yeah i'll take it with the breakfast breakfast beggar okay yeah because i can only i can only i can only worry about my own sphere of influence that's what i was hoping you'd say yes that's the philosophical lesson of the breakfast beggar the philis the philosophical lesson of the breakfast beggar is that you you can only go on what you can know oh yeah only what you only what you know. Where you can ensure. And what we know, the limited amount we know, is that there is a breakfast beggar. Yes. He's really happy to have the food.

Yes. And he seems to be... Surviving between... Surviving between you giving it... Bouts of breakfast. Between breakfast bouts. Exactly. Yeah, okay.

But yeah, I get annoyed whenever I see people using that list and being like, wow, I would be sick halfway through this breakfast. Because that's not the point. Right, right, right. And I always thought like he can't be eating it. It must be something to do with his obsession with like choice and like America. It's about choice and having everything you want. And waste.

And the waste is fine because you're doing so well. Yeah. Or whatever, as a nation, as a person. And then I read, it's on the shelves over here somewhere, the jokes over, Ralphph stedman's account of what the cartoonist is all for fear and loathing yeah of what it was actually like to have to work with a fucking guy and it's really worth reading because it it shows you the not fun side of working with a crazy drug addict i would i would have thought it's mostly not fun but it's never comes up all right everyone's always like wow you know he's so crazy and you go yeah and and they go yeah great guy and you go but it must have been horrible at

one point like he's got to have a hangover at some point right well i mean reading fear and loathing i did not i did not envy any really any of it i mean i envy that sort of the glamour i couldn't believe how much money magazines used to have. Oh, insane, yeah. Crazy. Yeah, so like he's there for what? Esquire or Vanity Fair? Rolling Stone

was his normal one but maybe he was sent out there. Yeah, it could have been Vanity Fair actually. Yeah, but they had like money to put these people up in nice hotels

and get them nice cars and rent them nice cars and like they just phone if they need something they just phone into the office and it would be sorted. Yeah. It's crazy.

The idea of a magazine with that kind of money now. It's the same as Google. All the money that magazines used to have is just in Google now. Right, because they were the advertisers. All the advert money. Yeah.

All the advert money upstream from our local press and our magazines is just behind an enormous money dam labeled Google and Facebook. And that's why their employees have free cafeterias.

Yeah. Et cetera, et cetera. Yeah, it's crazy. I've eaten at the Google cafeteria in Kings Cross. It's nice. It's free. You get what you like.

And it's a culinary trip around the world, Pierre, every day. It's a whole floor of this. I can't imagine how fat the breakfast beggars are at the google campus yeah and all the breakfast beggars have got like uh bluetooth earpieces and uh those like uh motorized unicycle thingies and they'd be called

booglers or something so like because every google google is weirdly cutesy for a huge multi-billion pound company. The Google Boogers. Like, I know people... When people start off there, they're called Nooglers, because they're new Googlers. That's gross. And I think dogs are called Dooglers.

Gross. Dogs are called Dooglers. Yeah, gross. I think the breakfast... Tick, gross. The breakfast burglar would be a Boogler. For Boogfest? The Boogfest Booglers?

The Boogfest Boogler. Yeah. Oh, my God. I mean, I always knew, like the guys who work at Disney are imagineers. Yeah, I don't like that. It's all very just like cult. Sinister, cutesy, yeah.

I don't like it. I don't like it. But the... Anyway, tell us what you think, Podbuds, about unnecessarily naming people associated with institutions. Tell us what you think about corporatist cults. but yeah ralph stedman is worth reading it because he pointed he said that like the one of the things that really irritated him about about huntress thompson was that he

would pick at things oh yeah i hate watching people pick at food he's a food picker so like and it's like oh and for huntress thompson and the same little thing that goes around the internet breakfast was from like 11 a.m. to like 5 p.m. And you go, yeah, because he was sitting and reading newspapers and picking. Not because he was like the fat guy from that Monty Python sketch and just inhaling big sausages and key lime pie. Yeah. And blow and wild turkey whiskey. What do you think is this fascination with the sort of Henryry the eighth figure of this yeah this insatiable eater

i think it's in fact i read a really interesting one of them daniel lavery who wrote it talking about how the most popular cartoon characters fit this like medieval requirement that we have for like the big fat good time guy homer sim. Oh, yeah. Homer Simpson. Fun. Glutton. Yes. Wimpy. Wimpy from Popeye.

Fun. Glutton. Fred Flintstone. Fred Flintstone. Desperate Dan. Yes. Big Pies. Garfield.

Garfield. Ned Flanders. Lame. Self-restraint. Religion. Discipline. Yes. Ripped. Ripped in the end. Yeah. They made him ripped very amusingly. Yeah. Ned Flanders, lame, self-restraint, religion, discipline. Yes, ripped.

Ripped in the end. They made him ripped very amusingly. Yeah. So blessed is he. But yeah, just this thing of like people, do you think it's also related to like mukbang? Like the people on YouTube who just eat vast amounts and get really, really fat for people's enjoyment? Part of us wants to live through them.

Yeah, it's a symbol of prosperity, I guess. Right? Our lizard brain still associates it with having no worries and no difficulties in life. Yeah. Swimming in abundance. Joseph

Grimaldi, who I have a book about up there. Why does that name ring a bell? Grimaldi C I have a book about up there What does that name ring about? Grimaldi Cemetery near King's Cross and Grimaldi I think it's called Grimaldi Day The Clown Service in Dalston Clowns Church Clowns Church? Yeah, yeah, yeah

It's a church and it's taken over by clowns All the clowns who've died and they have a clown service I've been to it, it's very famous They're all dressed as clowns and it's a whole thing yeah um grimaldi uh invented uh panto and clowning basically so like white face colorful clothes that's him that's an actual guy right okay okay okay that's white face but he mentioned panto he helped to start panto he was one of the guys who's helped start i think the first ever panto mother goose oh mother goose um pantos rather used to have clowning in there used to be comedic intervals of clowning

and then gradually the panto bit grew and the clowning bit disappeared right and was the panto bit always comic itself yeah but also sort of moralistic and yeah but one of his first characters were like jokes that he would do it was that he'd be in what they called slap and motley so makeup white face paint and the motley clothes motley as in the the patchy the patchwork yeah various and multi-colored or multi-varietal clothes slap and motley and he would eat big strings of sausages like miming them right like through a trick it would look like he would like like a cartoon to swallow loads of sausages And be like oh yum And everyone was like yeah

Laughing and stuff That's what we want Scooby doo and scooby snacks Joey Tribbiani Fun Sir Fun eats a lot Sir Fun eats a lot It's true

We should eat more If we want people to think we one people yeah every american's family sitcom pretty much yeah there's got to be a gluttonous character yes we like a glutton there's got to be and well and and uh um falstaff from shakespeare i'm not familiar he's the the big sort of clowny Is he a sergeant or something? He's got some sort of position of minor authority But he's constantly just like Drinking loads of beer and having Big sausages and eating

Big and fat and jolly Father Christmas Sandy, Sandy Claw Big fat Sandy Claw What was that thing of that Father christmas thing on the train and you you wanted to get off the train oh no this was um when i was a kid and we were we were visiting from malaysia we were in stoke and we went to get on like a christmas train ride yeah santa wasn't on it but um but um it was it was just right after the mad cow disease had become a thing.

That's what it was, yeah. And I knew that mince pies had mince meat in them, which I thought was beef. Yeah. And I was... You knew British beef was to be feared. Yeah, and so we turned up on this train and we were invited into the cockpit.

I don't know what the train's cockpit is called. The driver room uh the front the driver front bit of the train and and they're like come on kids and the kids jumped on in and the driver's like this lever makes us go faster this lever makes us stop and while and i was like oh cool and while he's explaining all this one of the elves um a gal came over and said mince pie for you dave and she passed up this mince pie to him he said oh lovely and i thought he was going to eat a mince pie full of mad cow beef and go insane and kill us all so i then the second he took he accepted the mince pie let me down let me off this train let me off get him off get me off get me off and the lady had to like grab me grab me by the armpits and lift me up and put me down and i ran away it's one of

my favorite stories ever it's so funny to me the idea how old would you have been um 17 18 i must have been not eight maybe yeah seven or eight something like that and then yeah just watching him go oh lovely like slow motion and you're just going oh my god like your face just falling as though you'd seen him just like eat a radioactive control rod or something yeah you'd seen him just down a load of whiskey and start twirling a gun around his fingers and like lurching and just thinking oh we're all gonna die i honestly thought he's just gonna instantly turn into a monster it's so funny like the hulk just and then somehow kill everyone with a trade. These little demon pies that people still unaccountably eat. They go, yeah, it happens.

I guess it was a demon pie. That was it, yeah. I was trying to remember what illness it was that you feared would transform this figure. In my head, the guy is dressed as Father Christmas. That's why I asked. Right, right, right. No, he wasn't. He wasn't.

Because he dressed as a kind of comedically old-timey train engineer. I think he was just wearing normal clothes, but maybe with a Santa hat or with some tinsel around his neck. Sure, a small nod to the season. Yeah, a single indicator of the time of the year. Speaking of which, Phil, it's normally hay fever o'clock for me, but since my bum injection, no hay fever. Pierre has... Well, very little.

Pierre has had a magic potion put inside his badonkadonk, and now he don't have no hay fever no more. That's right. I've had a potion put into my butox. Why does it have to be in your ass? I don't know.

There's some injections that just have to be... I've always wondered this. In your sort of flank, like you're a horse. Yeah, because I thought the whole point of the blood system is that it goes everywhere. So you just have to put it in somewhere, don't you? Well, it was a kind of mild steroid of some kind. And I know that bodybuilders always get those terrible sores on their ass from injecting steroids in their ass so maybe it's a steroids thing hmm does it does it diffuse does it spread faster because your your legs are bigger they

have more capillaries in them or yeah or like it goes everywhere because it's in your main trunks in your pipes it's all connected yeah but maybe maybe not enough i don't get it maybe it absorbs maybe if there's an absorbent element to it so you want it to be absorbed in the core and not in like one limb no hay fever on my hand but then you know you get you get the covid vaccine in your arm and it goes everywhere yeah but that seems to be that isn't it that they carry the data back to your thing that makes blood cells and then it starts making white blood cells? Then it starts making them with that knowledge already in? Well, no.

Because you're constantly replacing your... The vaccine is fake virus. Yeah, or dead virus. Yeah, or dead virus. Yeah. And the white blood cells kill that and learn from that. But you're always making new white blood cells. Yeah.

So I think the new ones kind of almost come back with that knowledge, don't they? Or do they hang around for ages? We don't know any of the answers to this. There are Dr. Podbuds right now pulling their hair out. Oh, a lot of very highly qualified people have just put their smartphones into a body of water. Yeah. Oh, God. Yes, that's true.

But yeah, it's working, though, is the point. I've had to take a... Because surely it should just go straight in your nose if it's a fever. The medicine should go, like, just a needle up in your nostril. Maybe it's just for people who are afraid of needles, so they just go...

Gotcha. Gosh, maybe. And they sneak up on you hmm it was it a part was it especially big needle because you're a psychopath who watches the needle go in i watch it go this must have been hard if it was on your ass were you able to watch i was quite coquettish watching it go in yeah so you did it you actually blend over and you had a look at it go in honestly yeah that's insane man that is i think the most disturbing thing you do. Yeah, I'm inclined to agree. I hate it. I really hate it.

I had my blood taken recently. Yeah? And, yeah, I had to look away. I had to, like, think about something else. The feeling, I don't mind the feeling at all, but I don't want to see it go in. What I don't like is when they go, sharp scratch?

Yeah. And then I'm waiting for it. Right, right, right. So I would rather know when it's going to happen. Because there's the cleaning ritual and the fiddling yeah and if i'm looking away then it's just like hey i hope you enjoy a period of the unknown yeah and then a sharp pain and rather know exactly when i was talking to um a friend who who whose wife um they just had their first baby via caesarean section.

And when they do caesarean section, the mum is conscious but anesthetized from what? The waist down? Chest down? Body. Yeah, body. Yeah, that's not gonna start buzzing is it i don't think so okay nope nice sorry about that guys just adjusting uh yeah so so she's awake and they've got the curtain um across her chest or just under her neck so she can't see below it.

And they were just chatting. So just to keep her mind off it, they were chatting away. And they were like wondering when it was going to start. And they were laughing about, you know, a friend who did something silly. And then the surgeon, midwife, whatever, just went, oh, there's your baby. And they didn't even. Oh, yeah. Imagine that.

Like a magic trick. They didn't even know they'd started and already... Whoop, here's your baby. What's this in your ear? It's your newborn child. That's... I would feel... Would I feel hard done by?

I know what you mean. Where's the magic? Yeah, where's the build-up? Where's the sense of occasion? If you had a card trick, no matter how amazing the card trick was, you'd still feel disappointed if the guy was like choose a card okay shuffling it look at the window it's in the window it's a foray of clubs okay next card trick you'd be like all right just slow down let me enjoy it this might not be any fun for you, sir, anymore, but this is my first time having my mind blown.

Yeah. I've always thought about that, that medicine has a sense of theatre about it. Literally. Yeah, even though it's a pretty pure science. Do you think different medical practitioners, professionals, have a sense of theatre about them and they appreciate

the way they reveal that the hearing device works. Yeah. Here's your baby, Hada. Do you think there's some midwives who have a certain panache when they reveal the baby? Yes, they hold it the way that all of the animated furniture holds up platters in Beauty and the Beast.

Platters? Platters, you know, big silver trays, serving dishes. Okay, okay. That kind of flourish of... All right. You know, those illustrations of French waiters. Yes. Like they're reaching for God in that painting.

Yes, exactly. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. And maybe the baby is on a big dish. I'd love my baby to be presented to me on a dish with a kosh. Yeah, exactly. Is it kosh or klosh? Klosh.

Over the top. Swoink. There you are. Swoink. And it's also, it's got the lettuce around it. Like in a cartoon. Yeah, that'd be funny. I used to know a guy who would make sandwiches for himself

that looked like sandwiches from a Pixar film. Oh, great. Like an olive and a toothpick down the middle maybe he even did do that once but I mean that just that perfect like white very very plain white bread that's thicker than you'd think yeah a big lettuce leaf a big slice of tomato yeah you know like it's all just these like obvious like visu vision visible from the side ingredients sure a whole fish i remember watching cartoons on skin like sandwiches would have whole fishes in them yeah i think god better

get ready for adult life where you have whole fishes in there you have to chew a fish's skull when you want a sandwich yeah yeah yeah yeah and always like um higher quality ham in cartoons it's always sliced from an actual ham it's never just a pink square yeah yeah it's from an actual gammon with a leg bone yeah totally imagine the decadence of it all um here's a question for you phil i need to throw away a pan how do i throw away a pan oh How do I throw away a pan? Oh, it's your... You like that pan. It doesn't non-stick anymore. Oh, no.

You said this was the stickiest episode. And by God... What? Here you go. Glue gum glue. The pan's gone glue gum glue. The pan is glue gum... God.

The pan is... The pan is glue gum glue now. So, yes. Yes, I don't know. How do you get rid of a pan? Is it legal? Yeah, it doesn't feel right putting something like that in a bin, does it? But at the same time, it seems beyond recycling.

It would feel as mad as, like, binning a laptop. I'm going to look up, really, how do you get rid of pans? How do you dispose of a pan? How do you dispose of pan? How do you dispose of a pan? How do you dispose of a pan? How do you dispose of a pan? Go to the woods and kill him and hang him up by his goat legs, I suppose. Nice. Pots and pans can't be recycled from home.

But if they're in good condition, you can donate them to charity or pass them on using platforms like Oleo, Freecycle or Gumtree, to name just a few. If they're beyond use recycle them at your local household waste recycling center but i think that that's next door the recycling center yeah it's literally there that's great yeah but i can't you there's no like foot traffic so as in you don't know if you can actually go in there no i know you can't they don't want people walking there with a load of shit right you'll have to make like an appointment i think so but for one pan you're gonna have to knock like build up unusable pans i'm gonna have to really cook a lot of glue gum glue and get some sticky stuff

ready yeah some gloop yeah i'm gonna have to make a lot of glazed things. Glue gum goo glaze? Yeah. What else fucks up pans? Oh. Oh. Like just scouring it with... Steel wool.

Steel wool. Mm-hmm. And metal utensils. Oh, God. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's a solid metal spatula. Yeah.

Terrifying thing to see. Yeah. Unless everything's a solid metal spatula yeah terrifying thing to see yeah unless everything else is solid metal like those um skillet perverts oh yeah on the internet um how much time do you have left in two minutes for this episode, just before correspondence. Oh, okay, okay. Sure, sure, sure. In that case, I think you should just... Wear it as a hat. Wear it as a hat?

Wear it as a hat. It's a good neck exercise. Don Quixote helmet? Yeah. Use it to carry... I mean, it's pretty solid. We're looking at it now. It's a pretty solid deep pan.

I never know how many... How deep my eggs are going to go. How deep are your eggs? How deep are your eggs? Speaking of eggs and things that we lay and therefore things that we create, also please do come see me 15th of June, Leicester Square Theatre. Yes.

It will be your last chance to see of june leicester square theater yes it would be your last chance to see that show extra square theater legs the square theater yeah last chance to see that show in london um ever and it's the show that i did at soho theater that sold out that i talked about on here and it's the show i did last Edinburgh Fringe. It's not new. If you've seen the one at Soho then that's the same one. Basically. But it's in Leicester Square Theatre And this is the one you're taking on tour

in the autumn? The one on tour will be a mixture. Oh okay. Of the old and the new show because one follows necessarily from the other. Nice. So if you are thinking oh I'll just see autumn it won't be this anyway okay um and see phil on tour yes and i might wear the pan if we sell out less the square theater for my show i'll wear the pan this is it guys if we sell pierre out he will have to wear a

pan on his head during the whole show like Like a breakfast beggar. Like a breakfast beggar of old. You know you want to see that. I like the breakfast beggar character. Yeah, he's grown on me. I like him a lot. Over this last half hour. We should do some correspondence. Yes, let's talk to them.

Let's listen to them. What do they have to say? As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks.

Visit heartandstroke.ca Ring letters, emails, phone calls, your sister, correspondence correspondence okay we have an email from how do they sign off suzanne suzanne what's the

plan um dapnp nice Suzanne what's the plan Dear PNP Nice Your discussion of Spectrum issues and the unnecessary use Of how are you Oh yeah Right

Reminded me of my 15 year old son Ah Similarly a high functioningfunctioning spectrum inhabitant who also learned to talk early with no developmental problems whatsoever. He has, however, had to learn social codes that others seem to absorb automatically. Yes, yes. Yes, it all sounds very familiar. This has meant that How Are You is his opening gambit at every opportunity,

sometimes several times within one text conversation oh in my head i want to respond i am fine the same as i was two minutes ago yeah he hasn't quite learned that it's a form of social grease rather than a genuine inquiry yeah right so what's happening is he's like he's not he's not receiving a satisfactory answer to... Or just thinking better add some more grease. Or just thinking, did I ask it enough? Yeah. If something doesn't make sense to you, then its application won't make sense either.

Yes, that makes sense. Therefore, my automatically reciprocated question elicits the usual endless teenage complaints of tiredness, annoying teacher's boredom, and his anticipation of the latest elden ring dlc i need to teach him that fine thanks is all that's really needed illogical now i'm stuck between agreeing that the whole irritating unnecessary opener should be abolished and approving of it as an easily learned if overused trope of social interaction for those with autism yes that is a bind he reminds me very much of pierre an easily learned, if overused, trope of social interaction for those with autism. Yes, that is a bind.

He reminds me very much of Pierre, an interest in war and weaponry. Ask him about the trebuchet. I like this boy. And a deep knowledge of Anglo-Saxon and Norse and Celtic history. That's my degree. Wow. This guy. This guy sounds like a young you.

He's a young me. Wow. That's a great Simpsons joke. They've got Woody Allen allen there right writing uh fortune cookie camp uh messages oh yeah and there's a guy he's like a young me and woody allen's like are you kidding young me was a hack compared to this guy i don't understand chinese fortune cookies isn't like the great writer of them he's referencing was called young me oh oh i see yeah yeah don't overthink it

weird to think that woody allen was in the simpsons but then they let elon musk in anyway we have not yet discussed jacking it and i hope it remains that way he loudly announces every time he is going for a poo and we get a post-toilet analysis so he's surely a future pod part gosh i mean this sounds so much like pierre i don't loudly announce poos i whisper it into the ear of passing waiters i don't loudly i've never seen you so defensive about something no i would never loudly announce if anything i slink away like an elephant finding a place to pass away deep in the jungle. His father is also on the spectrum,

and given the history of autism terminology, it will forever be known to us as Nazi burgers. Nazi burgers, Asperger's. Yeah, yeah. Nazi burgers is funny. I did a jokes only a neurodivergent person can tell thing for Channel 4 online. Oh, yeah. And they cut my favorite joke,

which was you can't say Asperger's anymore because of its historical and fascist associations that people deem it offensive so I propose we rename it Mugabe Syndrome Wow, why didn't they put that in? I know, why didn't they put that in? It certainly would have

driven engagement. Mugabe syndrome. Yeah, I would love to say to people, I've got Mugabe syndrome. Do you remember Mugabe's moustache? Was it a bit Hitler-esque? Very. Yes. But it was only in the dip.

In the, what is this called, the plenarum or something? The flerum, plenum. Something like that. Yeah. It was only in there though. Between the top lip and the nose. A little groove. It was like he was worried about shaving it.

Right. Right. They might nick himself. It was just in there. Little one. Thin one. An odd man. I think quite an odd guy actually.

Now I think about it. Sorry if there are any Zanu PF members listening. What's Zanu PF? His political party. Oh. What does PF stand for? People's Front, I think. Yeah.

Typical. Yeah, a front is never a good... They're never a good sign when your government's called something but something front. If you have to tell me that you're the people something and I'm in the people, I worry.

Because I should really have heard of it already. Yeah. If it's for me. It's for that reason I don't trust, I never trusted the village people. Zanu VPF. Zanu Village People's Front. You know, revolutionary dock worker.

Aside from the Native American chieftain, they're all jobs that are typically associated with sort of revolution. Right, right, yes. The workers of the world unite. Construction worker. Unionize, heavily unionize the village people. Sailor.

Yeah. Cop. Yeah. I think you've decoded it. Anyway, I used to worry this is the sincere bit I used to worry that the odd smart

funny weird little library boy would not find his place in the world he's too clever to get school support but too idiosyncratic to fit into the

hellscape of secondary school yeah tough they only give you the support if you're failing right right right right

it's all about the grades baby yeah yeah however the more I see successful neurodivergent people in the world They only give you the support if you're failing. Right, right, right, right. It's all about the grades, baby. Yeah. Yeah. However, the more I see successful neurodivergent people in the world, the more hopeful I feel. I should have praise redacted that bit, but never mind. Pierre, can you please read it in a funny voice

if the sincerity is uncomfortable? Okay. What's my funniest voice, do you think? You could do Marjorie. Yeah. Yeah. You could do Marjorie Yeah You could do Elvis Yeah, hang on, okay However, the more I see successful

Neurodivergent people in the world The more hopeful I feel That was good Pro-neurodivergence Elvis. Yeah. I think that's what he'd be for his whole life. Do you think?

Yeah. Elvis comes out as what? ADHD? Maybe that's why he likes so much medication. He did. He's looking for Ritalin.

He just had some Ritalin. Yeah. I reckon he'd come out as ADHD for sure. Yeah. That's the sexy one though It's sexier than autism That's for damn sure It is

That's for damn sure It's high energy It means you're fine ADHD It's more charismatic Yeah It implies if anything too much sociability Yeah I have a much more amusing story of a blocked toilet

And subsequently shitting into an Ocado plastic bag bit of sophistication there but that can wait anyway hope you're well cheers boys thanks Suzanne very nice message from Suzanne there yes and yes interesting

it's interesting isn't it you're never sure if talking about this stuff has a positive effect you're often told it is but you're often told it by people whose job is to talk about it so you sort of go well it's not like i don't think i'm it's not that i think that they're corrupt and have a vested interest but of course they'd think it is what i mean yes yes yes i know i think i think there's nothing more important than flexibility said said the gymnastics teacher. And you go, okay, but your life is this, so... Yeah, that's right. I think there is value to it,

to hearing other people think the way you do and that you aren't, you know, strange. Yeah, I think it's different from... Because I do find it a bit obnoxious the way popular mental health talks about, say, depression, where it's like, we need to talk about it, it's okay to cry, and it's just all a bit performative, and it's to do with, you know,

a mental imbalance that should be tended to by a professional, whereas being sort of autistic on the spectrum is just a way of living. It's just a way of being. Well, it's a neurotype. Yes. Yeah, it's a lens

as opposed to a... There's no pill for it, I'm afraid. I'm just looking, because we've got this from Rhys, and amazingly, he did send... Rhys has sent us, maybe by pure coincidence, the very pregnant horse advert thing.

He sent it four days after that episode came out. Oh, the fake click horse keeps i'll read it out horse keeps hugging pregnant woman when doctor looks at ultrasound he calls the police i hate this i hate it's so grim but he sent us some ones that we didn't uh say so he says on the topic of what is essentially the tat of digital marketing of the digital marketing world here are some i saved a few months back i always had the feeling this town has one the town that they're referring to in the adverts has one vet who doesn't quite understand reproduction and one increasingly exasperated police officer koji so the other ones he sent

us is um this is a similar one this is interesting tiger refuses to stand up okay refuses yeah no shakes his head no tiger refuses to stand up when vet sees ultrasound he calls the police what is vet as the police on speed dial that's what Rhys is saying all these professionals don't understand

reproduction there's a bunch of small tigers and the tiger is horrible they're squirming this tiger has swallowed some small tigers please officer put the tiger in tiger jail please the tiger's only we only have one tiger and those who's going four three and one so that's a good one and the tiger is obese the one in the picture oh yuck it's like bloated a bloated tiger maybe pregnant but i don't know and then um another classic that we've seen before bowels colon yeah pun not intended nice bowels colon a simple trick to empty them completely

now we talked about it when it was just like a picture of some bananas with some some gloop on them or something Oh yeah There's always some new mystery food That will sort out a health problem And it always looks fucking weird And upsetting Well what are these?

This looks like uncooked White intestine sausages Like what is that? Oh yuck So what they've gone for there's sort of in sausages that look like bowels so they're trying to make trying to combine the two elements of the story into a single image it seems and you go wait are those the bowels or are those what you eat or is that the trick is that the trick i hate these pictures i hate them they

really they really the robot or whoever is really good at picking a perfectly disconcerting image it's it's interesting because like the story the headline promises something great but the image is always something quite gross yeah is it trying to like is it a tough two-pronged attack on the human sense of curiosity yes and you're sort of going of both hope and freak show yeah there's a cure for something but also demons are real yeah

I'm trying to find the screenshots that I sent you guys you and Paul who's Paul the tour Paul the wonderful tour manager who we call Paul the tour here it is why is that wobbling ah because i wobbled mine oh dear um boy brackets 10 oh god yeah i like this one boy 10 as if people are going boy well how old is the how old are boys how am i supposed to know how old boys are? Boy, 10. Oh. Boy, 10, thinks he saves, in quotes, dog. Oh no, yeah.

Boy, 10, thinks he saves dog. When he sees what it is, he turns pale. I like it. And you've got a picture of like a dog, right? Yeah, it's like a white dog in some water looking up. Like it's been rescued from a rock pool. I mean, it looks like a dog. Yeah, and you're supposed to look at it and go, if that's not a white dog in some water looking up. Like it's been rescued from a rock pool. I mean, it looks like a dog. Yeah, and you're supposed to look at it and go,

if that's not a dog, what is it? Oh, God. It's like a horrible shaved bear or something. It makes your imagination... I'll say this for these guys. They make your imagination run wild. I do want to know what the story is now. I want to know.

Very few news stories describe past in the moment reactions of people yeah boy turns pale he turns pale well it's meant to be like a storytelling device so when i did the moth which is this sort of storytelling podcast from america they're always like the rule is you have to tell the story in present tense yeah so i'm 10 years old and i do my first performance of bully but and i think the idea is that it makes the listener more present and it's yeah this the it feels like the story's happening now and so you're more invested yeah but it was so unsettling to see a headline that says, when Charles sees what he's going to wear for the coronation, he can't stop smiling.

What? Why? And it's just the crown. And you go, okay. I mean, I clicked on it. And then the other one I sent you was, it's a picture of Lou Ferrigno, the original Hulk. Oh, yeah, from the TV show in the, what, the 70s? Yeah, 70s and 80s. With the kind of sad whistly tune at the end it was before

before cgi so it just had to be a big guy who they painted painted green yeah did he also play dr banner or did someone else play dr banner who turned into farragno oh i don't know i guess i think i don't know but it's a picture of him from that era Looking shredded And smiling And it says brackets images Close brackets Lou Ferrigno turned 71

Try not to throw up when you see him That's so mean Try not to throw up I mean how bad can he look That's the thing you just go throw up Click Presumably he's just an old man He looks like an old man

Who isn't in shape as he used to be They're targeting old people who Even know who Lufregno is And I guess even a Gen Zer would look And go throw up oh yuck i'm clicking this i hate these things they're really there's something evil about them and i'm not sure what it is they're the on for me they're the online equivalent of a neon sign saying girls girls girls yeah i mean the internet has that as well, but it isn't on otherwise,

you know, like mainstream websites. These pop-ups should not be on like news websites. They're even on like The Onion. Really? If you scroll down on The Onion, not loads of them, like not truly crazy ones, but fairly crazy ones.

Like I did screen grab some. I hate them. Here we go. Waitress uses sign to not eating child before man arrested wait what waitress uses sign so it's a cctv image of like a kid who's like not eating at a table yeah oh but and he's like shrouded he's got and he's like shrouded baseball hat on and he's wearing a dark shirt and you can't actually make out his face. Yeah. And it's a picture of a sad, harrowed looking waitress holding up a sign saying, do you need help? So it's implying kidnapping or something.

And then we've got the classic cardiologist, too much belly fat, do this before bed. Yeah. And it's that one we've seen before. It's like a textbook illustration of. Well, no, he's putting orange powder into a glass and stirring it. I've seen that one for bowels too. Which is it, internet? Heart or bowels? What's the one under plastic surgeon plastic surgeons furious this diy method removes dark spots like crazy like crazy this diy and but it's a woman brushing her nose with a

toothbrush and toothpaste and it's a woman who looks a bit like kim kardashian but it isn't yeah do this before bed and watch your belly shrink okay it's a woman who looks a bit like Kim Kardashian, but it isn't. Yeah. Do this before bed and watch your belly shrink. Okay. It's a glass bottle filled with pickles. Ugh. And belly fat removal without surgery in Wolverhampton. The price might surprise. At least there's some tempering expectations.

The price might surprise you. Unless you're already very well informed about belly fat in Wolverhampton. In which case, your guess is probably on point. Good as ours. Yeah. Well, thank you, Rhys. Thanks, Rhys. Oh, I didn't do a rhyme for Rhys.

Oh, yeah. Rhys, this one weird trick removes belly crease. Good stuff. Thanks. increase good stuff thanks um and before we go to the vip area it's been a tough week for for myself and for you as well and for a lot of us in comedy because we lost a good friend of ours adam brace who was my director for years yes a friend of mine as well obviously yes um died very suddenly um and very young very young a real a really tragic loss i've posted about it but i thought i'd say here because he was a listener he liked bud pod he would talk to talk to me about it and particular

sketches and things but yeah he was great so yeah um thanks adam we miss you man and uh you've gone too soon yeah much love to him and his family yeah yeah to to becca and nicky and everyone um okay guys thank you very much for listening and if we don't see you on tour we will see you next week yes yes on the patreon app bye