BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 215 - Greatus Podcastus

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

EDINBURGH! June 4th! https://event.bookitbee.com/44385/live-special-double-bill-taping-pierre-novellie-anAnd the June silly lady video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XsV_JaFUPkThe lads talk caesars and tsars, Camilla, Correspondence from Phil and his summer camp "streaking", Alison tells us we can't eat marbles, Matty "Czechs" our facts Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca It's Bud Pod 215. 215! 215? Is it 215? Mmm. Um, 215 215, is it 215? hmm 215 who's this queen?

I'm pointing at me oh not Camilla, your rightful queen oh yeah, I guess she's my rightful queen now old Cam yeah, it's gross, isn't it? why is it gross? because I want one at a time king or queen oh right but um

is she is there like a qualifier when when the monarch is not in charge because why wasn't why was prince philip never the right so so if the queen's in charge their husband stays a prince but if a prince becomes a king, their wife becomes a queen? I'm not sure because, I mean, it could have been on the cards. It was on the cards. I haven't watched enough of The Crown, but it was definitely on the cards

for Prince Philip to also be a king. He could have been. But they decided he would be a prince consort. Right. And then Camilla was going to be a queen consort, and then the consort bit got dropped. So she nailed it. Well, good for her.

I have a lot of respect for old Cam Cam. I have to say. Oh, yeah? She's the Greg of the Royal Family Universe. At the beginning, you're like, this person isn't getting anywhere. This is just some weirdo creep on the edge of what's going on. She's a cousin Greg of the Royal Family. That's so perfect.

I got a lot of respect for the hustle you gotta admire the hustle she's cousin greg um and i guess kate is tom wamsgans yeah right right and and Meghan Markle and Meghan and Harry I mean they're Connor and Willa

aren't they? Meghan and Harry are Connor and Willa yeah yeah yeah yeah oh god of course maybe this is what they did when they wrote Succession Jesse Armstrong read like a lot of books about you know the roman empire and royal families and all all dynasties dynasties yeah and warring warring royal families and that sort of thing so yeah i guess there's a lot of that kind of dynamic in there oh man um would you ever want to be a minor prince um a prince of the miners

with a diamond pickaxe yes yes that sounds pretty cool yeah a big golden helmet with a bejeweled candle lamp on the front i would honestly love any i'll take any royal honor if it's going i'll take it i don't give a fuck yeah give it to me i don't care i don't care i'd love people like oh i would i would turn down my ob i'm like give it to me then i'll take it i don't care give me like it's a spare side of fries yeah don't send it back i i want to i just want to add, I come from a professional academic family. Even though I don't work in the professional world, I still like letters at the end of my name.

I don't care. Give it to me. Give me. Give me that. Give me them letters. Give me. I'll take them. MBE, OBE, CBE.

I don't care. Yeah. Give me. But I guess... These are your extra chips Just hand them over Don't waste them Yeah

But I guess if you're a minor royal You don't get that Do you get anything in your name if you're a minor royal? The Duke of Sunning They give themselves awards all the time They give themselves awards all the time Commander of the commander of the order of the thistle or whatever you know you get all that oh yeah like protector of the hills

and yeah champion of the woodland creatures and you'd be an honorary colonel of some regiments and stuff yeah i'd like i'd like um a game of Thrones-style knighthood, like, you know, the Pork Knight or something like that. Oh, like one of those sort of nicknames. Yeah. Yeah, I'd love that sort of thing. Fame for how much pork he eats. He's the Pork Knight. Yeah. I guess, yeah, the Pork Knight would be a guy, that would be the nickname of a guy who is a knight, but he became a knight through giving the king lots of money that he made from being a really successful pig farmer.

So the nickname would be like a kind of allusion to the fact that he's not originally of the gentry, the Pork Knight. Yes, right. That would be their way of trying to undercut him for not being noble even though he'd be wealthy yeah gotcha

would you like to be a minor royal I don't know really they still get a good slice of the old free stuff what do they get do they get? Do they get land? Well, they'll definitely get land.

You'll probably more easily be able to get into various schools and institutions. It's probably a lot easier to get a job in, say, finance, because then some bank can say, you'll never guess who's working here. There's a lot of prestige attached to wherever you go if you're even remotely not a fuckwit right okay okay maybe maybe they they've cut down on giving them quite as much money as they did so it's not as cool as it used to be no no but i'll take it i still take

it i'll take anything just give it to me have you ever considered doing like a kind of victorian style fraud and just claiming to be sort of a sultan's nephew or something no do you mind it's never i i don't think you can really get away with that anymore. Record keeping is quite good these days. Yeah. Also, I'm not the right ethnicity for any royal family. Even in Malaysia, I'm the wrong ethnicity for every royal family. But the honkies don't know. Oh, right.

Oh, right. So come over here. So I come over here in satin robes and something on my head. It doesn't even have to be accurate or whatever. Just something on my head. It's a leaf. It doesn't even matter. Right. Yeah.

Say I'm the Prince of Penang. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. I'd like that.

That's good. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. I'd like that. That's good. Yeah. And then you just embroider it with random bits of sort of half true trivia about the Sultan of Brunei or like equivalent and claim it for yourself.

And then I think you're onto a good one. The best thing is to, if you want to defraud, say, elderly American widows, is to be an aristocrat, but from a country where it's been destroyed ah like it's like i would be the duke of burgundy like like an anastasia vibe say i'm totally yeah so you go oh i would i would have been the duke of burgundy oh i would i would have been uh so and so von something or other of prussia or something where it's it's destroyed it's blurry enough that you you know i went down a wikipedia rabbit hole the other day trying to find out who would be the czar if they got a czar again oh okay in russia

in russia so you're right yeah did they not kill all of them? Well, no, because, I mean, Queen Victoria was the Tsar's cousin. King Thingy, rather, not Queen Victoria. But they're all related. Right. Oh, right, yeah. So I was like, well, who would that be if they did decide? Because there's some crazy, like, monarchist far-right weirdos in Russia. Right.

And they do want to restore the Tsar. And so I thought, well, who would they pick? And there's like four candidates all kind of competing. As in they're fighting it out now. Well, they all claim that they're the real one, obviously. The real Sim Shady. Through various lines. Yeah.

I think they're all American, though. Well, they're born in America yeah I think they're all American though well they're born in America I think is Tsar just like a Russian word for king does it just mean king or does it mean like oh is it from Caesar is Tsar actually from Caesar I think it's from Caesar it's more

imperial than just a king it's a bit higher up there I'm gonna look that up right now because i remember my mind being blown when i found out that caesar and kaiser were the same word yeah kaiser yeah it's from caesar yeah which means emperor in the medieval sense of the term but then caesar was like a surname wasn't it or something it was like oh well that's Roman names your honorific came

at the end not your surname and ancient Roman names this is honorific honorific that's what they say when they give you your OBE the king jumps and does like a freeze frame punch in the air honorific you get ignited by like uh a kind of wreck it ralph style character

um yeah so julius caesar's name was gaius julius caesar gaius gaius gaius so the family he was born into was the julia family yes so julius i think was his family name i see and that's the word rom total war you pick the red guys they're the julii i think that's what it is that's the word I'm looking for When you play Rome Total War You pick the red guys They're the Julii I think that's what it is That's what it is Caesar is a cognomen Cognomen? Yeah

Beware the cognomen The third name They're covered in gears Yeah The cognomen are coming on time. It's the third name of a citizen of ancient Rome. The third? Roman naming conventions.

This is what I want. Oh, okay. Like, the names work differently. Just like your Chinese name doesn't work the same as your Western name, right? Yeah. Surname, generation name. Individual name. Yeah.

Okay, yeah. So the first name is your personal name. Your sort of clan. And then your cognomen. And then you could have an agnomen and then an extra thing. Because then you get like a fourth name if you did something fucking cool. Oh, nice. Yeah, because that's where you get like Scipio Africanus

because he conquered the province of Africa. Ah, cool. We should have some of that now. What would your Admonem, what was it called? Admonem. Admonemen. Admonemen, I think. Admonemen. What would that be from the things you've achieved? ad what admanem what was it called ad apanem admaneman admaneman i think admaneman

well that'd be from the things you've achieved uh from what i've achieved yeah uh pieris novellius gigas from doing gigs comodus yeah nice comedic comedicus we'd you and i would both be so and so so and so comedicus and then and then i don't know your best review five stars right well what would that be quint quint quint astro astrum asterisk quintessence i don't know that's quite a cool name actually quintessence quintessence that's cool i think that would be a cool thing to clench your fist and say when you get a five star Quintastrous Mine would be Philippus

Wang is 100% complete with Arkham Knight on the PS4 All secrets found us. Ah, yeah, yeah. What would mine be? Pieris Nivellius has played every Call of Duty-us.

I don't know. All our achievements are just video game achievements. At the end of the day, Philip, am I right? I gave up on call of duty when it stopped being a history game it became basically just a sport yeah it's a sport full of lasers now and i equally am not that pleased with it as a result it irritates me um i i found something really funny on Twitter the other day. I need to find this, Phil,

because there is a name of like a pouch of official documents from the medieval times, like the royal official documents. But the people inventing the names didn't know the right Latin for it, so they made it up, and it's literally called like bag of secrets. Well, this is one for a particular pouch or a type of pouch from the medieval age um and it's like a particular pouch it is bagger to secret is

why is it bagger to secret is so it's b-a-g-a bugger and then it's dare Like D-E And then secret is Like secrets with an I Bagger the secret is It's a good old bag of the secrets Well if it isn't Bagger the secrets It's like something you could order at McDonald's Yeah a Big Mac and then a bag of the secrets

I just have a bag of secrets It's like Place your fries for a bag of the secrets. What is a bag of secrets? It's like... You don't place your fries for a bag of secrets? It's slightly Jamaican-y. A bag of secrets. A bag of secrets. A bag of secrets. Or maybe like cartoon Italian.

A bag of secrets. Yeah. So in English medieval government, the bag of secrets was a store of secret documents it originated as a leather sack which the collection later outgrew its name is a medieval latin attempt at bag of secrets which more correctly would have been sacra secretorum sacra secretorum is cool yeah sacro secretorum bag of the secrets It would be so embarrassing You're the king of England and you have to go

So and so says that In my father's reign There was an assassination attempt On the Duke of Beaufort Well we'll see what the bag of secrets has to say about that Get me the bag of secrets Are you sure about that? Quickly give me the bag of secrets Are you sure about that? Quickly, give me the bag of secrets

Now Brother Francis You've always claimed that you definitely passed Latin At monk school You're sure that the Latin for bag Is bugger You're sure about that Because that doesn't seem to be the case for any other word

where we put it in Latin. You're sure this is just the bugger secrets? Yes. Well, we have no way of checking anything. Oh, man. Oh, man, Philip. Oh, I have a special plea. A a special plea i was wondering when you're going to deliver your plea for the day yes that's right i'm cowering clutching the bag of secrets

and a special plea yeah for any listeners in or near edinburgh on the 4th of july me and friend of ours and friend of the pod Garrett Millerick are recording our specials because you know Phil I've got that YouTube special that all the listeners have definitely seen quiet ones full free stand up special

I'm doing it again I'm giving you all a load of comedy for free eventually it'll be released around Christmas time I think but it's being filmed on the 4th of July in Edinburgh and we need to pack the room out with A load of comedy for free, eventually. It'll be released around Christmas time, I think. But it's being filmed on the 4th of July in Edinburgh, and we need to pack the room out with awesome people from the Church of Naughty Boys and Girls. Yes. Ideally.

Otherwise, I'll be filming it in front of various, I don't know, probably Americans who've come to see the tattoo and have come to see me by mistake. Yeah, yeah. They might whoop. They might give you a whoop. Although there'll be one thing when the bagpipes start. Yeah, there'll be wooing,

but then I'll make a reference to anything that's not American and I'll lose them completely. Yeah. Yeah, and I'll get down. Yeah, so any Edinburghian or Scottish church of boys and church of girls what um any any scottish congregation of the church of dirty little boys and dirty little girls yeah go cp on fourth of july did you say june june june fourth you said july the first time oh fuck my life yeah june yeah it's june it. Yeah. It's June. It's really soon.

It's June. It's really soon. That's how you can remember. It's me and Garrett. We're doing a sick, we're doing a 4.30 like showing thing. Um, and recording one each. And then we're doing like a 7.31 and doing one each. Oh gosh, it's next Sunday.

All in one day, next Sunday. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. YouTube, YouTube, YouTube. Okay, and it's at the Monkey Barrel in Edinburgh. Monkey Barrel in Edinburgh. Lots of fun. On the 4th of July.

June. June. Now I'm confused. 4th of June. 4th of June. June. fourth of june fourth of june june that was like that was like a fucking uh uh like black and white comedy there july june and then i switch around and i think or like a proper infomercial sorry what was the name again i hate those ads june june june june june june june june june June, June, June, June, June, June, June, June. What's that from? It's that lady who's like, who forgets the words to a song from a musical about June.

And instead of asking for the lyrics, she just goes, June, June, June, June, June. That's right. Was that a viral video? Yeah, it was. June is busting out all over. June is busting out all over. June is busting out all over. And she just forgets the words. She goes, because it's June, June,

June, June, June, June, June. We were all saying that to each other. Was it on tour? Yeah. Yeah, fuck. Oh, god damn it, man. Was it an incredibly loud, abrasive advert popping up? Okay, so here she goes. I think she's about to forget the lyrics here.

Yeah, she just goes, June, June, June. Yeah, she just goes, June, June, June. And she's like in front of a live audience and she's walking through them in the park. And she's meant to be fun and getting them engaged. And she's going... That's the worst, is when it's like someone singing a song. They don't know the words to in a group, but they're the only one singing. Like you can cover it in a nightclub.

But if you're the only one singing, you're like, you better not look at me that way. You better not. It's just agony. And when you really are going for that like big like broadway sound and it's just like it's just like such a terrible contrast between like a full sparkly like and then just not knowing the words it's such a horrible yeah it's much worse than if it was just someone in their living room trying to sing along to something because they're not making any like visual claims

to know are they no and it's unbidden yeah we should have people were shouting that at her but what it would be better if this was unbidden a june june june we'll put a link in the description um but what was a bid and performance was uh my stand-up show at the south bank on friday yeah yeah thanks to everyone who came to the Royal Festival Hall There was two and a half thousand people in there

It was a ripper Yeah It was an explosion of fun It was real good, real fun I stood in front of an enormous organ Yeah And then I went backstage Whoa

It was a very grand concert hall Which I think made the dirtier jokes a bit less comfortable than they usually are because people are like do you think we're at assembly i think there's always a bit of that vibe he's talking about his willy but we're at assembly yeah that's right well it was um the you could see a lot more of the crowd. They were more lit because of the bounciness of the light from the stage. Yeah. Yeah, it was a light stage. People like to laugh in the dark like bugs.

Exactly, yeah. No judgment. No judgment. Yes, exactly. No one knows what I'm laughing at in the dark. Oh, yes, I'm laughing at the Willy joke. But who could ever say it was I who laughed? For I am just but one laugh among hundreds.

I am but one worm among a pile of filth wriggling in pleasure. Yeah, and Pierre was on at the beginning so it was a real Bud Pod treat for any Pod Buds in it was a grand old night it was a lot of fun and I found out that my new red

velvety jacket thing was even hotter than the last one so let's enjoy that when we see me um yeah it was great i mean how how did you find it in terms of the fact that like it did it feel weird that it wasn't like the end of the tour that you do something like that and then you actually still have to kind of keep going it's not the last mission of the video right yeah no i yeah it did feel quite final but i think it good as not the end of the tour because i find that tours festival runs any any sort of stretch of time where you're doing the same show again

and again the last show is always to the performer a bit of an anti-climax it's never the big blowout so i think having this at the end would have been would maybe go, oh no, it's going to have last show syndrome. It's going to be an anti-climax. So I think I actually quite like having it in the middle. So you mean an anti-climax in terms of the vibe

of the way the actual show itself happens as opposed to just in your mind? I think just in your mind. Oh, okay. Because when you do an Edinburgh run you expect the last night to be like way we did it but it's you know it's a subject to um regression to the mean as any date in the calendar so you know the last these all mutually exclusive events these shows so there's no reason why the last one would be particularly good. The last night of my Edinburgh run last year was so shit. It was genuinely so odd.

It was like a lot of the audience had come sarcastically. Yeah, it's always like that. And it was just a bit like, why is this happening now? Why on the last day? It's Sunday. Are we all not... Is everyone hungover? The last show always sucks yeah yeah i and then you feel crazy and then you think maybe if i cut that sunday and just end it on the saturday and then the saturday will suck so you

cut to the friday before you know it you just don't go at all yeah um but you're continuing the tour this week in dorking on Thursday and Warwick on Friday. I think there's still some tickets left. Warwick. So if you're neither Dorking or Warwick this week, do come along. Yes, indeed. And will you be in Warwick Castle? Warwick Arts Centre, which might be sneakily in coventry or something is there's like

there's a lot of overlap in between warwick and coventry yeah that is on the uni campus which is probably quite close it is close to coventry yeah about a 20 minute taxi from coventry station i know this because i performed there for a non-tour reason the other day and i got a google maps to the venue and it sent me through um i would say the wild genuinely really like it genuinely it sent me down tracks that it wouldn't be safe to ride a bike down yeah this is something that uh well as in just but in terms of terrain unsafe like a muddy plank across a babbling brook in the woods like and then at one point kind of a path but really just an open field wow it was like i was in the witcher it was like the the areas you walk around in a in a massive fantasy game yeah that's how unmarked it was.

And it was some kind of preserved woodland near the campus, but I was just like, thank God I didn't wear nice shoes. Yeah, Google cares not for comfort. It cares only for time. The irony is that as Google has gone, oh, well, yeah, we've only got some roads, don't we? We don't have nearly enough footpaths and funny little alleyways.

But as they add them, it makes the quality of some of their on-foot journeys much worse. Because Google should have always ignored the muddy path through the woods over the babbling brook. Right, yes. Yeah. It should never really have been on there it's not really relevant to travel yeah um i would say so that's my advice for your warwick gig phil okay don't walk don't walk there from the station through the woods don't walk through the cursed wood

yeah beware you brave comedian when you venture to Warwick Walk not through the fen Also next week I'm in Wales So any Welsh pod buds I'm in Swansea and Cardiff next weekend Come along to them Swansea and Cardiff Both a lot of fun to gig at

And quite wild going out towns Thanks to the uni and the football clubs Big party town Big party town A lot of fun to gig at and quite wild going out towns, thanks to the uni and the football clubs, I think. Big party town. Big party town. Last time I was in Swansea, it was when the Swansea football men, whatever they are, were doing very well and they had some quite expensive players.

And as a result, Swansea had upped its town centre game over the a few years and so walking in from the station you'd go past like a derelict building with peeling paint saying like miners union meeting house with all the windows boarded up and like waste ground and oh my god and then you get into the center and there's like a bmw showroom and like a steel and glass high-end wine bar yeah this is swansea yeah yeah swansea yeah yeah this is pre-covid though this is a while ago yeah the cardiff city center is also like really um spangly and nice yeah well you know what else is spangly and nice. Yeah, well, you know what else is spangly and nice, Phil? Is it shiny correspondence? Yes!

Glitter in the envelopes as an act of spite. That's pretty spangly. Glitter should... Oh, maybe this is my... This should be a hot take for the bonus part, but I'm going to give it here. Glitter should be illegal. is my this should be a hot take for the bonus part but i'm gonna give it here glitter should be illegal yeah i think glitter should be fucking illegal

i think we should go full like chewing gum in singapore on glitter not allowed it's not worth it it is weird that you're allowed to just make make a a dust that exists to be thrown yeah and that's impossible to clean it's both impossible to miss and impossible to clean like it's not like it gets everywhere but you can't see it the whole point is that you can see it but you can't get rid of it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah And it's not a natural thing. It won't decay, I don't think. Yuck. Is it a microplastic, technically? Yeah, are we just handing out sachets of microplastic to just go, yeah, and throw it into like a bird's fucking face?

Yeah, yeah. Like the fucking gas from the Riddler. Not the Riddler, the Scarecrow. Oh, yeah, the Nightmare Gas. Like the microplastic equivalent of just pepper spraying a turtle or a fish. Well, anyway, let's see if there's any glitter in our

correspondence. Ring letters, emails, phone calls, your sister will never forget. Ring letters, correspondence. A correspondence. Correspondence A correspondence from Eagleta Everywhere

Eagleta Everywhere, that's right This is from Phil Ah, Phil If you will And you better And you better And you must Hello Anaphylaxis and Pierre

Robin Syndrome Oh what's anaphylaxis What's that? It's not breathing isn't it Anaphylaxis Oh no it's Potentially fatal allergic reaction oh that's right and what was yours pierre robin syndrome is a rare congenital birth defect of the cleft palate and jaw okay well it's nice to have our names associated with such pleasant things very nice yeah he says i'm writing my

final poo based story oh final why yeah before he hangs up his pen before he hangs up his anus no more pooing for me yeah you can perfectly just place it on the hook i guess yeah above the fireplace thanks to your father and grandfather's anus about an absolutely mortifying time i had working in a summer camp in ontario and canada oh ontario that's the capital right that's ottawa i can never remember ot No, no one can As a teen in the mid 2000s I was raised on a diet of bad teen comedies

That stated that the wildest possible time You could have Was being a Brit in North America I.e. American Pie and Love Actually Yes, Love Actually Classic one I guess you could describe it He's not saying this, I'm saying this

You could describe it as Occidentalism what is that so orientalism is the idea that the orient the east is naturally full of magical possibilities and things that we don't have like genies yeah so i guess you could say it's occidentalist to say that in america you it's always every night is a bunch of teenagers like cheerleaders getting their tits out at a party in the woods kind of thing occidental is to do with america is through the west oh like oriental means east i see yeah you know i didn't for years i had no idea love actually had a porn star love um storyline yeah it's got a porn star storyline in it does it yeah there's a with martin freeman oh that kind of i haven't seen it in in like maybe even two decades i

don't even know how long yeah martin freeman is a porn star i think so yeah huh weird yeah he keeps looking at the camera all awkwardly like in the office I think so, yeah. Huh. Weird. Yeah. He keeps looking at the camera all awkwardly, like in the office. Mid-ejaculation. As Phil continues, importantly, the message of most of these movies was that you would have numerous hijinks, but ultimately fall in love by the end.

As a lovelorn idiot stuck in rainy Manchester, I felt that this nirvana of sun and partying was the best option to sort out my frankly tragic personal life. I can see that. He's there in Manchester saying, I'm sick of Oasis. I want to fall in love in America. of Oasis. I want to fall in love

in America. I'm just picturing Liam Gallagher, really. Like a really frowny guy in a big coat with that haircut. Yeah, but real romantic. Yeah, but really romantic, yeah. So I guess more like the Smiths or something.

Anyway, I signed on to be a staff member at a residential summer camp and despite being a moron i was put in charge of a cabin of 12 seven-year-olds with a death wish in ontario yeah so not even america yeah no you went to america's cousin sensible old canada having been promised a summer full of booze, sunbathing, and water skiing, frankly, I was slightly upset that in actual fact my days were mainly spent trying to persuade the

children that accidentally killing themselves by jumping off bunk beds would not be good. And that maybe clothes of any sort should be worn for at least some of the day. My last recourse to trying to meet the love of my life was the idiotic notion that girls like guys who are good

with kids, not thinking that given that we were working at a children's summer camp that half the staff would be at least ambivalent towards children. To show my willingness to be a guy who is great with kids, I would often carry the kids around on my shoulders because in the kids' opinion, walking was

other people's jobs. One such child took this laziness to another level, as apparently he didn't think wiping his arse effectively was worth much of his time. After sitting atop my shoulders and wiggling about, dancing along with the music at a Canada celebration, he decided he'd had enough and asked to be let down. My friend's nose suddenly started wrinkling

at the scent of shite, which suddenly filled the air. And with bloodhound precision, he honed in as the back of my... As the back... Ant? No, hang on, this is an oddly phrase. With bloodhound precision, he honed in on the back of my neck as the source. Right.

Of the stench. As my small friend had left a lovely offering as payment for allowing him to gaze at the world from on high. Despite numerous scrubbing and attempting to laugh it off, I was known as Pooneck for the rest of the summer, ultimately dampening

any attempt to meet the girl of my dreams. Hideo Kojima, Phil. nice yeah very nice the mad the mad genius responsible for metal gear solid yes yes and death stranding a fucking weird game that i did find that i did play throughout uh lockdown very a very lockdown game it really was you played a delivery man across a barren wasteland whilst and i did that whilst ordering deliveroo to be driven to me by delivery men over barren wasteland and all the delivery guys also had a kind of um

psychic baby on their chest oh i forgot about the psychic baby how could you forget about that that's like the weirdest bit of the whole game i forget about everything you have you played it um i have played it because my flatmate at the time had it i think and i played it a bit but i i didn't quite i couldn't quite gel with it I couldn't quite gel with it We've got a message from Allison saying Allison What a galison Hey pay

ear and feel Oh Kay and peel There's a Kay and peel sketch called You can't eat marbles Which is relevant to our discussion of how much we wanted to eat marbles and shiny rocks and things yeah yeah i mean you're the shiny rocks i was marbles yeah you are more marbles uh shiny rocks from aquariums i just wanted i wanted to own them but also eat them but also be them and also look

at them and feel them and have them in my mouth and also have them on a shelf is a plural of aquarium aquaria ooh shit maybe it's quite a latinate podcast oh yeah it is

aquarium plural aquarium plural is aquaria oh no or aquarium plural is aquaria oh no or aquariums is one of those both are accepted shut up give me something to lord over people

this is the house of technicalities you know the plural of octopus is octopuses people always think it's octopi it isn't it's cause octopuses are greek derived it's octopi. It isn't. It's because octopuses are a Greek derived word and octopi would be a Latin plural. I think. Octopuses are cool, man.

I like an octopus. They're smart. I love a kraken. That's my favourite of the mythical beasts, I think. Yeah. I love a kraken. Big smart squid. Huh?

Big smart squid. Big smart squid. although sometimes an octopus although I guess more normally a squid yeah they're normally pointy because there's something comical about the bubbly round head that means that for maximum fright it has to be a pointy squid head yeah yeah nice

you can go down a rabbit hole of googling enormous sea devil squids that have washed up in places in like the 1800s and freaked everybody out. Oh, is that where they got the idea? Oh no, there's always been a thing. Yeah. I love the idea of something enormous underwater.

It gives me a really pleasant little chill. I've always loved it. The idea of an enormous whale underwater. I go, yes, it's good. Or like a kraken. I just love the idea. Or like Loch Ness. I love the idea of some enormous sea dinosaurs that have somehow survived and are under there.

Have you looked up the bloop? No, what's that? It's a huge noise recorded near the Mariana Trench. I'm not sure what could have caused it. Yeah, it's right up your alley. Right up your strasser. Was like an animal noise. Well, what else?

Yeah, Google the bloop. But Alison has just sent us basically says, I hope this email finds you in good health unencumbered by tiny beautiful glass orbs in your very bowels. And then has sent us the K&P You Can't Eat Marbles sketch which i'll watch a bit later and i hadn't heard of thank you allison yeah i thought i'd seen all the big uh k and p sketches

yeah but then they kept going after we we looked away we glanced away you know youtube key Yeah it's a good show And then Oh Oh Matty sorry the person's email Shorthand is just You know sometimes it summarizes the name of the person With the email not the email Oh yeah It just says me

The email's from what It's from Matty Matty Matty Or Watty Do you have to say it to us? Nice Hello Bumpu Brothers

Hello Big fan of the show obviously I may be the pod bud who has listened in the stupidest order Mixing between new, old, and random episodes. Ah, the Tarantino style. Yeah. But I've filled in most of my gaps and

have nearly caught up. I have 25 to 27, 30 to 50, and then 52 to 90 left to go. Wow. Crazy. You crazy little bitch. Unluckily for me, I have yet to have an outside of the home

brown emergency. That is unlucky. I'm praying for you. Yeah. Although a few near-misses seen off by quick thinking in public toilets, rest assured when the day comes, you will be the first to know. Thank you. Don't tell anyone until you've told us. Yeah.

Correction to make, please, regarding episode 14 at 48 minutes my czech girlfriend insists that the czech republic is in central europe and not eastern as ps stated and was most offended when i sent the clip to her ah it's true it's central europe we're only just you tell your girlfriend we're all still adjusting to the post-soviet union reality okay it's hard to accept former soviet states as middle europe i was born trying to adjust to the post-soviet world uh do you know this is a wild one in a similar vein to that that mexico is in north america it's true mexico's in north america is not even central america what i'm gary liniker once tweeted during a world cup is like mexico had played quite well

or something and um oh no i think he said on the tv show and um a sterling effort from the central american country there and i tweeted him saying, interesting Gary, actually Mexico is in North America. I expect your resignation immediately. But he didn't resign. That's weird. You asked him on Twitter and everything. I corrected him on Twitter and I said,

you have to resign now because you got Mexico wrong. Weird. That should have worked. Yeah. It's not a spoiler, but it is a line from the most recent episode of Succession that I want to quote. Yeah.

Or should I save it? There's a bit where the Madsen character says America's only been a democracy for 50 years. Yeah. And as the person's about to disagree, he goes, well, unless you don't count black people. Yeah, right, right. And I'm like, ooh! I practically did that finger-snapping,

like, roast battle thing. Oh, really? Yeah, well, I've heard that argument before, so I kind of gave it a sort of... I think if I've heard it before, it was in sixth form doing American history, but it was hearing it said so, like, bluntly by such an annoying character as mads did you do finger snaps i can't really do them but in my head i was doing them i'll do them for you oh god

yeah i mean listener that could be any but any sort of slapping of flesh but yeah i mean you know behind the scenes phil's actually gonna have to go to a foley studio after this and slap the his dick against one ball yeah weirdly that's how you do finger snaps in foley it only sounds right if it's a dick against the ball and has to be your own yeah and finger snaps over audio sound like a dick slapping a ball it's they swap anyway um matty has a most uncool cool thing park oh nice yeah yeah retro yeah parkour you essentially turn yourself into spider-man and have a very high level of physical performance but um everyone involved seems to be a nerd yeah yeah so they're the rip nerds you what. You feel like you should be bullying them, but you're too scared.

Like bouldering. Yeah, bouldering. Ripped nerds. Yeah. And he's attached a photo he took years ago in Hong Kong. Circus performers. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Ripped polyamorous nerds. He's attached a photo he took years ago in hong kong in a taxi he says i opted for a different taxi as i was not sure i could comply with the rules and there's a little sign sellotape to the dashboard that says in english and chinese no fart in car very good koji matty thank you matty thanks matty um and thank you all for your correspondence Thanks for listening And do Come on my tour

And if you're in Edinburgh do go see Pierre's recording on the 4th of June June June June June We'll put a link in the description Now it's time to go To the anti-farting taxi backseat of the bonus pod of the Patreon. Okay, nice.

Let's do that. All right. See you soon, everybody. Bye. Bye.