BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 221 - Make Yourself Your Own Medieval Monarch

Episode Date: July 5, 2023

The lads go deep on self-help, Tim Robbins and more. They also discuss AI generated Gino Di Campo spam from Jonny, Ben explains tea and coffee tat and Robin sends us atheist shirt options.November’s Leicester Square show!https://www.leicestersquaretheatre.com/pierre-novellie-why-cant-i-just-enjoy-things/ Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 221. 221, poo-poo fun. That is basically this podcast. What is anything else 221? It's a confusing way of saying a football score. Do you, hon. Very empowering. Do you, hon.

You've got to do you, Pierre. do you hon you gotta do you Pierre that's empowering Phil when is your brightly coloured lifestyle book coming out it's going to come out in for Christmas just in time for the January blues

just in time to remind everybody to get their SAD lamps out and remember that they are their own. They are the authors of their own life. That's good. Okay.

They are their own fiancé. They are their own.. They are their own who is the male equivalent? Jordan Peterson. Be your own bloody Mr. Peterson. Has that point ever been made that Jordan Peterson is

just the male Beyonce? Oh, that would be a good controversial clickbait column if you were.'s not i mean this is the kind of thing we normally say for the bonus part this spicy kind of rhetoric but i mean is there so much difference yeah maybe he doesn't sing but isn't he there to tell men that they're fine just the way they are and isn't beyonce there to tell women that they're fine just the way they are well well well haven't we spotted a surprising parallel

they both sell out stadiums they both sell out stadiums they um what else they're both no i think that might be it they both only eat steak bianca got put into a Serbian coma for a bit. It's how she came up with Renaissance. Came up with it in the coma. Imagine the queues. Picture yourself, Phil. Shut your eyes.

Imagine the queues for the Peterson stadium gig. If you've ever queued up for a stadium, you know it can take quite a while to get into your seats. There's big queues at the bar and you overhear snatches of conversation here and there. You notice how everyone else who likes the same thing as you, how do they look? When we went to go see John Mulaney, you could be like, like oh this is quite a few of London's Americans are here London's Americans

yeah London's Americans British people who wish they were American or actual Americans living in London and also the fake and all the British people who wish they were American and lots of stand ups but now I imagine the equivalent for Peterson what would

with the cue smell of links africa oh i think it'd be a lot of um neckbeards um anime t-shirts i think also full suits with waistcoats oh yes yes yes yes yes a couple of trilbies yeah now we're talking evenly spread between the suits and the and the and the neckbeards yeah yeah yeah no i'm feeling it i'm feeling it what are they buying at the bar i reckon they're buying whiskey yeah i was just gonna say or like yeah they're saying vodka on the rocks they're saying vodka on the rocks but they kind of don't mean it oh man horrible no queue for the ladies at that show now um yeah i i think now how about beyonce supported by jordan peterson jordan peterson's doing the opening spot opening for beyonce

i think it'd be amazing oh man he he spends his set He's just doing one of his lectures, but doing the lecture, he... He constructs an enormous clay penis in the middle of the stage. He's slapping on clay. Whap, whap, whap. And he rides it wearing a sequined cowboy hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then when Beyonce comes on, she smashes it with a big hammer and all the ladies cheer because that's the day we've won the imagery battle I think that would be pretty good and Jordan Peterson's there

it's a bloody shame you see how the modern feminine attempts to overpower the bloody phalluses of traditional and then he goes all medieval sometimes the phalluses of bloody good medieval spirit fun wait am i what sometimes go some of his quotes go really off piece that i don't understand his terminology. Have you seen his diagrams? Some people were posting his diagrams on Twitter.

Diagrams describing what? Well, that's a good question. There'll be like a blob labeled modern spiritual and then another blob labeled traditional spiritual and then like an arrow between them labeled, you know, the psychic mundane. And then like in arrow between them labeled you know the psychic mundane and then like in the background a dragon labeled um feminist tyranny or whatever like it's mad like you should go what is this what is this diagram yeah they're like impressionistic sort of youngian doodles he's gotten lost down his

own rabbit hole he's just he succeeded in something though because when i look at his diagrams i feel stupid and like i should do more reading to understand them oh dear do you not just go well this is the ramblings of a madman uh they the words and the concepts are too meaty for me to entirely tear my eyes away if a single blob was labeled jfk assassination i could ignore it right yeah yeah and i could go okay yeah um oh uh quickly while i remember thank you to the pod buds who came to bristol to the last minute gig in bristol by the time this is out they'll have come to some gigs in brighton and maybe leeds as well thank you guys um and also phil so i don't say that the end of the podcast where people are already um climbing out of the bath right

um that's what i was in the bath that's what i always imagine we plug things at the end instead of hidden in the middle that people are climbing out of a bath and they just barely hear it over like the of like the plug doesn't that presume that people are timing their baths to our podcast i mean i've always presumed that um yes okay so because so many of you guys came to see me at Leicester Square Theatre, which is very kind. We managed to sell that out. Biggest gig I've ever done on my own. We are doing another one. Same show.

Why can't I just enjoy things? 23rd of November. Oh, excellent. At the Leicester Square Theatre again. Yeah, baby. We're going to try and shoot for the moon again so that's the 23rd of November Thursday 7 o'clock in London's

Leicester Square I'll put a link in the description right now as should you dear listener if you are close enough to Leicester Square Theatre yes ideally living on it with those feral troops of breakdancers and statues

um phil i have a quick another question about your empowering book oh yeah what is the clipart style illustration on the front or what's talk me through the graphic design that's what sells books phil shareable covers yeah okay okay okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. The graphic design is... Yeah. It's a sky, and the sun is behind two clouds, but the two clouds are parting just enough that you can see some light shining down through.

And then there's a shaft of sunlight coming down the middle of the page yeah and there's uh there's two fists pushing up into the sunlight towards the cloud as if as if they're going to break the clouds up further and expose more sunlight And one fist is doing the peace sign, and the other fist is doing your middle finger, baby. Whoa. Yeah, that's right, because to symbolize inner peace, but also fuck people who get in your way and don't understand you.

Fuck them. You have to treat everyone with peace and love and harmony, but if anyone doesn't understand you even for a second, fuck them. Fuck them. They're toxic and they're standing in your way. love and harmony but if anyone doesn't understand you even for a second fuck them fuck them this they're toxic and they're standing in your way but also hashtag be kind but also fuck the haters they don't know anything only you know you yeah so that and with those two fists you'll break open the clouds in your sky and expose your sun to shine on your truth i think that's good because what you've done there is you've absolutely hit upon the yin and yang of self-help yes yes being nice and also being horrible yep being compassionate and ruthless. Ruthless in service to yourself and your own gratification.

Yeah. They sort of want you to be, all self-help is training you to be is a middle ages monarch. You know. Middle ages monarch. Yeah. Yeah. Distribute bacon at Christmas tide to the peasants. Kiss their foreheads to cure them of scrofula

but if they cross ye behead them make sure no one forgets who's the king yeah I think that's it I think that's going to be my self-help book that will be released in summer for beach time reading

well you know that I saw a poster for the guy is it tim robbins tim robbins tony robbins uh tim robbins is i think you should leave isn't it that's tim robbins son maybe it's tony robbins who is like yeah tony robbins yeah self-help speaker and he was huge in like the late 90s um early noughties oh okay and he's but he's got big old teeth he's like a tony robbins with two b's tony robbins oh gosh oh what a frightening looking man well he's only frightening because of how self-actualized he is, Pierre. All right? Oh, fuck.

He's 63 years old. Holy shit. But anyway, he's back on the scene, back on the circuit. Do you know what he looks like? Sorry? He looks like a Japanese ghost. Ah, yes. I'm looking at a photo of him smiling very wide,

and he looks like the Giants from Attack on Titan. looks like the giants from Attack on Titan with the sinewy fucking yeah the sinewy cheek muscles and the the rictus unnerving grin that's exactly what I was thinking of sort of anime monster face yeah he looks like that's it he looks like Attack on Titan Jesus Christ

but I was when I saw that I was was like, wow, really? Because I sort of can't imagine. I mean, look, self-help is a huge industry now. But like live self-help, I thought it was a very 90s thing. Because self-help, why would you consume it publicly when it's so easy to consume it privately now? Through social media, through books, through social media through books through yeah you know their

apps through you know podcasts why would you expose yourself in a way by going because it must be an embarrassing thing to be spotted at right a self-help talk must be an embarrassing thing to be spotted at but they're all there and i've been in the audience of coldplay but they're not no one's worried about being spotted by the people they fear there because they fear the people who do not need self-help. It's like saying it's embarrassing

to be at Comic-Con. It's like, yeah, but it's a safe space. It's only for Comic-Con people. Right, okay, okay, okay. I get you. It's Comic-Con for indefinable internal sadness. I guess it's like being

bumping into a colleague at the sex club it's embarrassing but neither of you is going to tell are they yeah it's mutually assured destruction as you as you unzip your face mask to say how are the kids i'm just looking him up now he's he's done that classic i love finding this out. It's a classic sign of the American dream, Phil, changing a slightly frightening surname. Oh, wow. Okay, so he's known as Tony Robbins, and his real name is? Mahavorich. He's Croatian. Wow. Well, you can really see the link from Mahavorich to Robbins. That's quite the mishearing at staten island

mahabarich okay so he's croatian listen he's one of those people here oh he's also got the other thing i love about famous self-help people weird food yeah we're talking about the beef diet yeah yeah robbins is on wikipedia robbins was a vegan for 12 years and then he added fish to his diet while eating a fish heavy diet he developed mercury poisoning and nearly died really whoa that's a lot of fish that's a lot of fish to be eating to get full-on mercury poisoning like your chinese emperor there was a chinese emperor who got mercury poisoning because his his doctor kept feeding him oh no was it lead no there's mercury mercury tablets yeah it was mercury yeah his diet now consists of mostly vegetables with a small amount of animal protein so back to normal then yeah right me and two veg basically he went he spent all he spent all that time to basically land

all that time to basically land on the diet of my grandfather yeah yeah yeah he's been 12 years of veganism and a mercury poisoning session just to get back to a little bit of protein and and he's gonna tell me how to look after myself this is the guy this is the guy has it all figured out you're there he mercury poisoned himself into eating a normal diet this is the guy this is the guy has it all figured out you're there he mercury poisoned himself into eating a normal diet this is the guy you're standing up in a stadium you nearly died a fish fish nearly killed this man and he's gonna get him out get him out get him out and i'm being dragged away it wasn't even live fish the fish wasn't it's not like the fish attacked him he just ate the fish willingly you've gone you've gone completely limp and they're dragging you like with your feet out

splayed down the aisle and you're just going why don't you want me here tim you're gonna crack up with the thermometer and have a little drink everyone's gonna boo people are booing but they look worried you've gotten through to them and have a little drink. Damn. Everyone's going, boo. People are booing, but they look worried. You've gotten through to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're unsure. They're going to Google it when they get home

and they'll be disappointed. The king's clothes aren't fully invisible yet, but they're going transparent. Like Marty McFly in that photo. They're sheer. They're quite sexy. Okay, so, Phil. Let's do some special...

Maybe let's do some special tat whispering with this guy's quotes. Oh, very good. Okay, okay. Are these on his website? Or are these collected on famousquotes.org or something? So... Yeah, sorry. Go on.

No, no. Go, go, go. I was just going to say the name of the website. No, just under books, there's a stream of books. How many books has this guy written on the same subject? Yeah, this is the thing. I think if you have too many books and too many quotes, I don't believe in the integrity of your product. Yeah, yeah. I don't believe in the integrity of your product. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like you could have got it all into one book.

If someone says to me, I've written four novels, I'm very impressed. Whereas if someone says to me, I've written a hundred novels, I just think those are all shit. Yeah, exactly, exactly. It's shallow and wide or narrow but deep, I think, with books. I just think those are all shit yeah exactly exactly it's shallow and wide or narrow but deep

I think with books okay so just quickly a quick scan of his book titles oh nice okay and some of these might sound like I've repeated myself but I promise I haven't Anthony Robbins you've gone here Awaken the giant within

Next There is Attack on Titan Of course Tony Robbins, Unshakeable Your Guide to Financial Freedom Tony Robbins, Unleash the Power Within Not to be mistaken with Awakening the Giant Within

Okay, so once the giant within is awake he still doesn't have his power only he hasn't got his power yet he's just awake you know what it's like when you've just woken up you're not your best yeah the giant's a bit woozy the giant needs his coffee don't even talk to me until i've unleashed the power within so you got to read awaken the giant within first and then you read unleash the power within and then unless you want that giant shaking all over the place you better read unshakable okay then fourth book tony robbins life force life force and okay just like the sea just life force pretty vague allows me to talk about

anything i suppose um next one unlimited power that's quite the step up from life life force he's getting into his dark magician phase there isn't he do it do it and then next book tony robbins this is the second in his, I guess, maybe a series on money. Money, master the game. Seven simple steps to financial freedom. Presumably the last step is having to go back on tour. 20 years after you were relevant. Yeah, yeah.

Get on Oprah somehow, step four. Ah, and then finally, Anthony Robbins, Tony Robbins,bins giant steps so giant is a theme here peter that keeps coming up and maybe maybe he is actually an attack on titan giant in disguise as an american self-help speaker yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i think that there's a genuine risk of that he likes bigness it's very american big big man big teeth big shows big words power big power big unleashing giant very big jaw very heavy big jaw this guy okay so the british equivalent would be very about small changes you can make to slightly improve your life would be the british approach yeah i think so i think that very much is those are all our clickbait sort of

well not clickbait but our listicles are very much like small things you can do to yeah to have a small impact on your life that's a very british article conceivable changes to so as to wobble but ultimately not change your direction um okay shall shall i try and whisper some of tony robbins quotes yes so you're totally right about where i've gone for these i haven't i've gone away from the source because i think he's going to curate his top 10 so i've gone straight to quote fancy.com we need yeah we need an independent adjudicator here an independent coll Now, bearing in mind what I said before about my suspicions if you claim to have written a hundred novels, this is

an article or page on QuoteFancy.com that's called the Top 500 Tony Robbins Quotes. That's too many quotes to have in total, let alone the top. Those are the best. I would assume that you're running out of gas around the quote 300 if you were the buddha you know what i mean that's a lot for someone who claims to be a mortal man

i don't know if i know 500 quotes from from christ uh i don't think I know 500 quotes period combined I don't think I know 500 quotes okay so now bearing in mind all of these quotes are supposed to be you know powerful inspiring blah blah blah blah right yeah okay okay so this is the top one

so where what goes what flows. Ooh. Where what goes, what flows. Yeah. Where ambition goes, success flows. Ooh, I mean, you're obviously in the right area.

That's very much the correct, excuse me, vibe. Where penis goes, you're obviously in the right area that's very much the correct um excuse me vibe um where where penis goes urine flows i i that was that was my next guess where where where strength goes where power goes where power goes. Where focus goes, results flow. Focus! Focus! You got it! Focus, yes! You got it. Where focus goes, result...

No, it's flows, isn't it? Where focus goes... Get a bit vague. Get a bit woo-woo. Okay. Where focus goes... Actualization flows. More basic woo-woo than happiness flows more more woo more woo actualize um more vague um good flows what a wonder flows um joy flows and it is a word for something tangible and useful, but not in this context. Money flows.

Wealth flows. No, no, no. More abstract. More abstract than wealth, but tangible. What flows in a lot of woo-woo stuff? Energy. Yeah, you got it. Oh, where focus goes, energy flows.

Yeah. Well, I mean, he's not wrong. He's talking about government policy, I think. Well, he's also just talking about the basic laws of mechanics. You point, you know, energy moves in a direction

and you point in that direction or go in that direction. He's not wrong. We're focusing on this chat right now, Pierre, and our energy's flowing in abundance cascading out of our mouths i think being not wrong is the most important thing in this business yes and you would expect at least that much from the top quote on famous quotes dot biz i think even if tony robbins had done all this stuff he'd done the first seven books all the best-selling stuff if at any point he'd said anything provably wrong like um uh broccoli makes you molest your grandparents or just something mad

he would immediately people would have used it to destroy all of his other vague sentences right so you think it's very much uh so you think when when you're a self-help speaker like this every quote is a card and your house of cards you're building and uh yeah it needs to be like astrology it needs to just be applicable to whoever happens to oh my mic moved um applicable to whoever happens to end up reading it you need to look at it and go that's me yeah what's quote number two

oh god I don't think you'll ever guess this it is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped okay yes it is in your moments of that's pretty much correct any flow chart will show you that

when you decide things and then do them that the end result is the thing that you decided yep yes yes a equals a changing your life changes the course of your life yeah deciding to do something is the first step to doing something yes yes again not wrong this is his genius he is not wrong i'm gonna try and scroll down to get to some of the uh what you might call the yeah what's number 500 yeah yes now we're talking now is it just like me wear shirt. Is it just... Me wear shirt for fancy dinner. Me wear t-shirt at home dinner. Is it just watch out for mercury? Wear tie around neck, go business talk.

Some money flat and soft some money round and hard that's from his money one of his money books and then he says um harder to make soft money worth more than hard money yeah um oh wow okay so the 500th one is is is quite it's just like a chunk of prose really oh dear okay so let's see the person who is motivated by necessity is interested in what's known and what's secure whoa whoa whoa whoa okay the person who is motivated by necessity is okay right does this on does this does this website understand that in order for a quote to be a quote it needs to be at least physically quotable yeah this is a bad tattoo okay so imagine this on your lower back. Okay, I've already forgotten it. The people who are motivated by necessity.

Yeah, the person, yeah. The person who's motivated by necessity, then I can't remember the rest already. Is interested. Is interested, yes. In what's known and what is secure. In what is known and what is secure. In what is known and what is secure. Okay. I guess that's like, oh,

I just need this, so I'm going to go with what I know. Right. But similarly, you can go, I want that. I will also go with what I know to get it. Well, so let's see if you

sorry I'm being unfair to Tony here we haven't finished his 500th best quote yet the person who is motivated by possibility okay you know how possibility can motivate you apparently I'm always

motivated by things that might happen so then you are equally interested in what's not known right okay sure okay he he wants to know so he i guess is the person who's motivated by possibility he wants to know what can evolve what opportunities might develop that's it right that's the quote i don't really know what it where it's going or it just seems like a chunk of text that someone's put in here i mean literally all it means is dare to dream that's all it is is live your dream but but but the flaw in that in that logic there is a person who's motivated by necessity. Well, by very definition,

necessity has to be satisfied because it's necessary. Yeah, like food and shelter. Food, shelter, water. You can't go to someone dying of thirst and like, well, if you only, if you instead thought about the possibility of becoming a CEO, instead of wasting all your time

about the necessity of a drink of water right now maybe you'd make something out of your fucking life also if you have a necessity like say water and you don't have any water you will do things that i have an unknown result in order to maybe get some water because if if you don't, you'll die, so you may as well gamble. Yeah, you'll crack open a bug, see if there's water in there. Crack open a sea urchin, drink that up. Dig for some roots. Chew on those, boys. It's also a quote that runs headfirst into,

I would say, more famous quote, that necessity is the mother of invention yes the one of his his fourth quote or something is um repetition is the mother of skill and it's just like oh great so i paid to hear this guy with a huge face say practice things repetition is the mother of skill i don't think tony robbins i think the key to self-help is to get all the best bits from the sort of what four major religions five and just kind of smush them in a big book and add in how to make money

Yeah And you're done You're done You're done Hey Tony you're done These two guys who talk about shit have discovered the fundamental irony of your work you're done Tony get out of here

okay oh wow okay so I'm now looking at his son Jirek Robbins I beg your pardon you're not going to believe it when you see this guy's face Pierre Jirek J-A-I-R-E-K Robbins

look this guy up you will scream so he's also a motivational speaker now there is an unsettling man wow yeah he's a very

unsettling man he's kind of he's kind of got his father's same rictus grin but with somehow less life what is it like to grow up and under the shadow of a man who talks in quotes like that you would never get any sympathy like dad i'm getting bullied at school and he'd The art of the possible is the science of yesterday. Also for me, I would say that there's no clearer sign of a scam than when the kid is doing the same thing. Yes, father-son business is another sign of dodgy scam bullshit.

If John... If Tony Robbins... shit if if john if john if um yeah yeah robbins if tony robbins was an actual good motivational speaker his son would not also be a motivational speaker he'd be doing something worthwhile he'd be a fucking astronaut yeah exactly i'd be the most motivated man in the world a first ever man in space with three gold medals in three different Olympic disciplines and a PhD in experimental quantum physics from MIT.

He's dead. He's just going around telling stuff his dad already said 30 years ago. Yeah, my dad always used to say that you should imagine something nice when you imagine things. Well, goodnight. Oof. Well, Phil, speaking of people who need help, we should read out some correspondence oh yeah desperately desperately need help yeah get gyrex on these poor souls please

correspondence Correspondence These days I got a lot of tits wet You got, oh I thought you said I've got a lot of tits wet As in you've made a lot of tits become wet Oh, like if I dip them in a sluice of vodka Like we've discussed

Yes No, no no no sadly no i've just got a slight line under my hairy man tits where the sweat has popped out into my t-shirt i've been doing push-ups for fun pierre you're a push-up boy now that's true um tell tell the listeners about that while i quickly try and find an email well listeners basically I've been doing pushups because I couldn't really do pushups very well before and I can do

them alright actually and a lot of the secret is just putting your feet a bit wider apart because then it's easier to balance and then you can really just shove them out I swear to god I swear to fucking god you'll get just shove them out i swear to god i swear to fucking god you'll get these push-ups out of you like nothing you spread those feet apart these push-ups

they'll just flow out of you they'll just flow out you forget about it you'll just be pushing and pushing and pushing are you forget about it one push-up two push-up three push-ups before you know it you've done five push-ups. I swear to God. Are you holding yourself up a bit with your quads? With my quads? As in, am I on my knees? When you have your feet out, like sometimes your quads, I had a friend who thought he could

plank for ages, but he just had engaged his quads. He wasn't, his bum wasn't low enough. Ah. Yeah, I think I'm doing it right. Who knows? But still, it's more than before and that's the point isn't that right tony robbins that's right ah towering over the building stepping on it with his rictus jit grin we got a message from robin phil robin what a coincidence we're talking about tony robbins yeah i'm here from robin phil robin what a coincidence we're talking about tony robbins yeah i'm here from robin

robin quit slobbing all over the correspondence and let us read it um hello phil phil of piss wang and pierre peering into the shit abyss novelli yeah okay yeah okay phil phil phil of shit phil of piss am i full of piss piss or full of shit you're full of piss yeah makes you sound like uh a knight fill of piss like a camera place called piss like a campground place called piss yeah piss could be a place in Hungary where the S's have got little lines through them or something yes

it's pronounced like pish pish excuse me excuse me Robin says I encountered a weird piece of potential tat in one of the banner ads on a local news website

okay so here is a banner ad do do do do do so it's lady tat Phil it's on a t-shirt or long-sleeved shirt okay I'll give you a clue um

it's vaguely atheistic, Tet. Okay. In a sort of quite arrogant, naughty way. Totally. Christopher Hitchens destroys Bishop. Yeah. Yeah. That YouTube video, yeah.

So in big letters, it says, I didn't come from your blank. And then in small letters underneath, it says, you came from my blank. Whoa. Okay. It's a lady's top. It's a top, and it's a lady's top. Yeah. I didn't come from

Your rib You're on fire You came from My womb My belly More sassy More sexy My vagina

Of course You came from my vagina take that your holiness and the pope just faints and explodes into a hundred doves and everyone goes we're free Robin says I'm really

struggling to imagine the target audience of this shirt and the checkmate style scenario you could point to it to crush your frothing opponent's biblical rhetoric yes that is difficult another thing i always want i always wonder with these t-shirts that they're actually they're always targeted to pretty specific kind of person really but they're worn all the time and so how much of the time are they actually pointing at the person i mean this requires her to be facing uh a man a misogynist and a christian well or someone who prescribes to one of the abrahamic religions not even that like a fundamental like a like a textual literalist yeah really believes in it, literally. Yeah.

All these three things at once. I'm not saying these guys don't exist, but all at once. I mean, maybe 1% of people who've seen that T-shirt deserve it. That's even a high percentage. In the UK, it is. Oh, man. Yeah, in the UK. Robin says, anyway, you came from my vagina.

Koji, praiseacted fair enough um uh we got a message from our friend johnny leonard oh wonderful good old friend of ours yes part um johnny has been sending me screenshots of i don't know if you've seen this phil it is ai rendered pictures of celebrities being sort of arrested by the police with a fake headline about them being arrested for discovering something shocking oh fantastic they are phenomenally unsettling will you send me one yes i will um i'll send you my favorite one this is the beginning of the end isn't it like

just fake news with fake images we're going to get a fake video soon that's going to be indistinguishable from so I've sent you my favorite one so so listeners if you haven't seen So I've sent you my favorite one. So.

So listeners, if you haven't seen these, they seem to be quite UK focused. It is always an auto-generated image of vaguely British or Australian looking police kind of grabbing a celebrity by both arms like they grab protesters. And the celebrity's face is semi-recognizable but also like a mask of pure fear and like horror and grief yeah the caption so the caption is um i okay i'll just reveal it now it amazed the celebrities i've seen so far have tended to be

like i saw one where it was bear grills and i thought okay well he was in the sas i guess he could discover something cool you know this one is tv italian chef gino de campo i have no idea what he is supposed to be able to discover but the caption is get ready for the overwhelming reality gino has unearthed this revelation is about to rock our world understanding and then it's it links to a fake website like food that's going to steal your data i don't know a tv chef this is so clearly targeted at people who stay at home watching tv TV chef. This is so clearly targeted at people who stay at home watching TV. How has

the TV chef and clear psychopath Gino De Campo stumbled What's he just doing? Was he just walking around London and he just hears like a weird noise in one of the buildings What is that?

Oh my god It sounds amazing I'm only going to look through the bloody window And the queen has only taken off her human suit And there's a lizard underneath And he instantly turns around Ah She's in a dead lizard queen

She's not a dead She's a lizard And the police are like Oh fuck why didn't we just keep that window closed and they run over and they grab him by they grab him by the arms and just at that moment

an off-duty photographer sees this happening and goes oh my god that's Gino De Campo she's in there she's a lizard they took the mask off

he's quick Charles here he's also and he just runs up and takes a photo of it. And then puts it online, puts his new story online. But then goes, actually, I'm going to put a paywall on this.

Because I think actually only people who can cough up the money deserve to know about the queen being a lizard. And the police were like, oh, I wish we could arrest him too. But for no reason we can't. Because he runs truthbiz.net ah oh well we'll just let him publish this story even though the mere discovery of it has caused us to publicly arrest a celebrity in riot gear um so i'm sure the story will end here so i've seen it with alan carr and step Fry as well. Oh, well, weirdly enough, my impressions of Alan Carr and Stephen Fry are the same as Gino De Campo.

Yeah. They sound the same to me. But just the idea that Alan Carr has unearthed a sort of paedophile ring and that QAnon people are like, only Alan Carr is the man I trust to tell me about if the elites are running a paedophile ring under Buckingham Palace. It's Alan Carr or G man I trust to tell me about if the elites are running a Peter Fowler ring under Buckingham Palace. It's Alan

Carr or Gino De Campo or Stephen Fry. Those are the people I trust to tell me about this. Or Bear Grylls, because he seems nice as well. Yeah, that's what a weird world we're heading into, man.

Really funny sort of thank god twitter's dying thank god twitter's dying please one less platform for this shit to be spread on it needs to die it needs to because it ceased to be useful so long ago um so oh and we've got a message literally just in now which I was hoping would happen from a friend of the pod producer all round extraordinary guy Ben Mumford

I don't know if you know Ben he's a friend of mine yeah yeah yeah I think you know him I can't remember so he says he reckons he's figured out that weird Turkish tat remember it was like if this is tea bring me coffee if this is coffee bring me tea I can't remember. So he says he reckons he's figured out that weird Turkish tat. Remember, it was like, if this is tea, bring me coffee. If this is coffee, bring me tea.

Oh, yes, yes. Yeah. So Ben says, I think it's someone after receiving a cup of something hot and brown saying, if this is your tea, I'll try your coffee. And if this is your coffee, I'll try your tea. Oh, that's a good theory. I mean, as good as any theory we've got at the moment yeah so it's like someone saying this is shit so i'd rather have the other thing right right right right bit sassy though a bit rude although that is how i feel on trains

when they offer me tea or coffee uh yeah so he adds on uh so they've tasted it and it's terrible and they're not even sure which one it is. I think that's right. Yeah, I think that's probably it. I think that's probably it. Well done, Ben. That makes more sense. Good work, Ben. Good work.

It looks like the tat has been, if not whispered, then understood. Dissected somehow. Yes. Hmm. Yes. Well, that's all the time we have. Watch out for Gino DeCampo's amazing reveal about a society that will rock our understanding.

Yeah, not only is his grandmother a bike, but the queen is a lizard. Yeah, well, if that was true, the queen would be a lizard. So, ah! Just got arrested by accident for making an analogy. so she got arrested by accident for making an analogy okay well okay right well then we are now off to the exclusive den of iniquity in the middle of london that has been stumbled upon yes that is the vip patreon

area this week yes and so if you're a patron we'll see you there on friday if not what the bloody hell are you doing get on that patreon but if you don't want to then we'll see you next week on this uh this the free pod um aside from that yes book for pierre's uh show alaska theater 23rd november and a reminder i'm going back on tour in the uk september and november september and october so go to my website to see if i'm coming near you okie dokie everybody thank you for listening bye much love to you all toodles bye