BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 222 - Stamps Galore

Episode Date: July 12, 2023

The lads talk stamps, weird I Think You Should Leave phrasing being in your head (the sweetest thing), spies, Pierre is topless and Phil is going to America, correspondence from Jayne and Johann Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 2-2-2! 2-2-2! Ho-ho-ho! Wow! This is a big one. 2-2-2, poo-poo-poo. All for you, you, you, Bud Buds. Very nice.

Mm-hmm. I mean, this happens but once a century of episodes. The treble. Yeah, the treble. And once a lifetime of just this exact number. Yes. But then you could say that of every number. And I do in my heart.

And I do. Are you pleased? do you like the symmetry? or kind of nice pattern of 2-2-2? does it feel nice to look at? I quite like it I like it it's not quite as neat as ending on a 0 or a 5

for me but I like 2 as a number it's a lady it's female we've gone through the genders of the numbers yes two is female yes two is a lady it's very it's a very graceful number two two two it looks like hello ladies yeah two three yeah three swans in procession i'm doffing my cap saying hello ladies as they swim by yeah Yeah, I think that's right. Well, I mean, oh, before I forget,

thank you to the pod buds who were at my very overheated and sweaty and rambly preview in Battersea last night. And I say last night because we are recording this early because Phil is going to America. Yes, I've got a last minute job going to America. Yes, I've got a last minute job going to America tomorrow. I'm leaving

a hundred plane. I do know when I'll be back again next week. I think sometime. Yeah, I'm going to America. It's a shock job. Yeah, a shock job's come out of the blue.

A wild job appears. Yes, yes. You were walking in the long grass of entertainment. Yeah. And a wild job appeared. And the screen went, and you had to throw your CV at it. Yeah, so we've got to record this a few days early before i go out there uh i've been flying so much recently pierre yeah and and you know what and because of brexit part

in in large part i'm i'm now starting to worry about a problem i've never worried about in my passport before of running out of pages to physically put stamps in whoa i'm running out of pages i've i mean that's i've got like 10 i've got 10 pages left really that's that's not that many how many pages does a passport have i think 40 no not that many oh really but mine has about i mean mine is about 30 maybe 20 30 how whimsical do you think so i've got i've got 10 full completely blank pages left um and and their patches here and there really annoyingly i came back from france recently and the idiot guy who stamped me on the way back into the england side put the chop like so the the eu has these sort of rectangular chops and he put the

chop like right in the middle sideways yeah when he could have put it on turned it 90 degrees and put into a corner and left me space for another one no he did maximum he's like he just double parked he fucking like parked over the line but now and so you can have more than one set of stamps per page though can Can't you? I don't think they can. Well, I think it depends on the country. The EU, they will not overlap. You go to Asia. I looked at my Asian stamps and they're just all over each other.

Well, yeah, because I was going to say this. South Africa has got an equally whimsical idea about stamps. So they just go, fuck it. Well, I don't know. There's one with a date on. Who gives a shit? Fuck it. Just stamp it in.

Yeah. I think it's mainly the eu stamps because one it takes up a quarter of the page and they and you have you get two per trip one in one in one out and and and we didn't have this before brexit i wonder if our next passports are going to have more pages because because of brexit we we lose half a page every trip we make to the eu oh right yeah well i've never had this problem before i've never had this concern before and i looked up what happens when you run a page is you have to get a new passport that is infuriating why are stamps that hard to fake what do you mean are they so secure do are

we are we needing stamps i have i have always this. You go into a country and you get a stamp and then they write by hand the little date you came in. Yeah. And they hand it back to you and you think, well, I think you can do that. That doesn't seem... There's no glowy sticker. In Japan, they have like a QR sticker

that they put next to the stamp. Well, there you go. That's Japan all over. Yeah, that's Japan. Whereas, what is the EU? I mean, what? They did they look at it yeah that's heinrich's writing i ask him if he remembers you the eu stamps also very basic they're quite handsome they're very basic but just thick black lines and so very basic drawing of a plane and then the date and that's it and like the name of the oh yeah the little shitty plane yeah i just think really we've got iris scanners and we have a fucking little potato stamp that

you can make in arts and crafts i think it's mad that we have to carry this fucking physical passport around still in this day and age and if you lose it you're fucked yeah you're completely screwed yeah that is odd um i read that it's becoming really hard to be a spy because facial recognition is so good that even if you get your secret spy passport where you're like hello i'm alan jones i work at tech co-op uh the the iris scanner the facial recognition scanners they just go no you're this guy they just know who you are they just immediately yeah identify you they find your fucking facebook page yeah it's funny love um spy tech also can make spying harder as well as easier yeah i guess and now the they think the future is going to be people just if you're a

spy you're just yourself like the russians well i i i as in people know who you are they know you're there and they just kind of put up with you being around yeah but also even if you're not like official via the embassy you're you're spying but you're not spying under an alias you are just a hockey player you are just uh who you are they don't it's like well why are we giving you a fake name they don't know who you are anyway you're just some guy yes but isn't it the case that countries are are basically aware of the foreign spies in the country anyway so like when those are registered those are registered poisoning the british government just went okay russian spies you have to go home now well no they you you you well yeah they i mean that is what actually happened but they quote unquote

expelled 20 diplomats right so but those quote unquote diplomats were basically spies they were spies but they were officially registered as like the seventh cultural attache for ballet you know whatever so but so what i'm asking is the british does the british government know that they're spies actually yes just tolerates them uh yes or or it's more useful when you figure out which because the embassy will have like 500 employees right there'll be loads more diplomats than those guys right so you have to figure out which ones are spies and then i guess follow them and once you figure out which ones are spies it's more useful to follow them and learn what they're up to than it is to just immediately kick them out and start the stupid game all over again so when they said

when they picked one out then they were like i don't know vlad come on we know we know you're get out of here was vlad like what what? Was Vlad embarrassed this whole time? Yeah, he was like, hey, I like working in the cultural... You check. I've been to the ballet. I've been to the Shakespeare's Globe. You are making a big mistake, Your Majesty. I like England's culture a lot.

Yeah, exactly. They would have done a bit of that. Just look at these tickets from the National. The other night it pulls up and all these top secret files just fall out of his pockets. All with the red top secret letters on them. Or just...

Yeah, exactly. They have stuff from National Opera here. Just take all radioactive substances clattering onto the floor oh it's a medicine for me don't look at this yeah exactly but russia is unusual in the sense that they also send uh uh god what do they call them it's basically they send people who are who are not officially spies and don't work for the embassy they they they're deep cover right okay so skripal we only got skripal back from russia because skripal was working for the uk in russia as a russian he was one of ours right an agent

yeah he got caught he got stuck in the prison and then we got him back slash the americans got him back because there was that crazy story where they found 10 russians working under like 30 year 20 year 10 year long deep cover in america the fbi caught 10 of them and they were like dentists and stuff and this is in the noughties? Yeah. Right. And they just arrested them all in a huge raid and swapped them for Skripal and a couple of other guys. Oh. Because they were like, hey, we've got 10 of your really secret boys.

Right, right. Give us back some of our secret boys. Yeah, although our secret boys were never as secret as like, we're going to train you how to be a spy and then you have to be a dentist for 15 years and sort of wow so they were working dentists and like they were real people with part of the community with real people real jobs real social security numbers often via dead uh or stillborn canadians wow yeah they did proper full identity theft and there was like hi families and stuff huh families yeah yeah in some cases

yeah just like hi i'm richard johnson and then just suddenly in their basement they got to go do a full call with the the fucking svr or gur whatever in russia crazy man oh man that's what that's the plot of the tv show the americans which is quite good and rapidly becomes quite stupid after about two series um but yeah the russians russians have been doing that for decades they love that shit very expensive very expensive very theatrical yeah very very theatrical people really people like to paint the Russians as dour not realists as such but dour nihilists

I'd say they're excitable nihilists they have a real sense of theatre as well well that's what they call deception in war maskirovka is masquerade like disguise. Yeah, they're very theatrical, excitable nihilists, I think.

Yeah, yeah. They're still quite nihilistic at the bottom of it. Like in their literature, it's very often just like, what can you do but live and then die? And you go, ah, lovely. Another lovely read.

Yeah, proof if ever needed that a country's weather does inform its character. And history. Overall vibe. And overall vibe. What were we talking about oh yeah stamps on the passport now I'm like now I've never been like precious about the real estate of my passport

before yeah I've never even noticed which to me they'd open the passport and they just go to a bit and they put it in a stamp and it just enters like an infinite void yes maybe it's just the first time I've paid attention to my password but

i'm running out of space man well but maybe it's because of the eu i think because i've been going to the eu recently i'm getting nervous and they're so like litigious about making up space and maybe they're they're like pranking all brits by just like taking up as much space as they can i think there's definitely an element of that just sort sort of going like, well, you wanted this, so fuck you. You love stamps. I'm going to stamp across the middle of the page. Great.

Thanks a lot, Gardenoor. Oh, God. I'm going to stamp one massive stamp for every point of inflation you have above the European economic area. And it's not like these are people that you feel comfortable making requests to. No, they're in a big high cubicle.

They're wearing an outfit that, if it's not a police uniform, is pretending to be a police uniform. They got badges and shit. They got a stern face. And the last thing you feel the confidence to do is, so could you just tuck that one into just the corner there? Could you just try and keep, yeah, just could you just scooch that over? Yeah, thank you.

Man. They just press a red button and you get beaten with sticks. Maybe if you asked in fluent French, they would do it. Oof. Because then they'd be like, well, at least he's learned. I mean, not in Paris. They hate it when you speak French. Yeah.

Yeah, the capitals hate it. I tried to speak German in Berlin once. I was like, haben du eine? And she's just like, What do you want? Did you say Haben du? Haben ich? Haben dich? Haben sie.

I would have said Haben sie. I had dealing good for that. You're being very formal. Haben sie is formal. Formal and plural. It's one of those oh yeah i forgot fuck i forgot about the formal plural yeah it's like i guess it's what the royals have here the we and all that right yeah one thinks this and one thinks that yeah it's quite odd i've never quite gotten

to the bottom of that that why the royals do that i tell you here's a here's an incredibly unspicy take is do you in german yeah do is is informal singular so happen do is not right no it's hast to do yeah oh so how are your harbin is plural yeah or formal both plural and formal you have brackets plural brackets formal god damn it. Every time I think, I want to learn a language. It's not that hard. And then it's like, this is the version for when it's formal and plural.

I'm like, fuck it. English is enough. I know enough. Well, you've got Malay. I've got Malay and I've got a bit Mandarin. And since after my last French trip, I think I do, because I have French ancestry, I feel like I should learn some French. And I do like speaking the few French words I know. And I think it is a nice language.

So I might try French. When are you going to practice, Pierre? When do you get to practice? In Paris, they hate it when you even try to speak French. But then they're annoyed that English people don't speak French. And they need to pick a team. Yep. As ever, I recommend just going to Bordeaux.

It's hot-friendly Paris. It's much better. I don't want hot... D'oh! Where's cold-friendly Paris? That's an interesting question. Yeah. Bristol?

Where's cold-friendly Paris? Somewhere in the Alps, maybe. I don't know. Grenoble? Or just like rural... Some part of rural Franceance they're very nice out in the country yeah i think so in my limited experience they're pretty cheery cheerful um yeah there's um i i was in um i was in burgundy last weekend um for a friend's birthday

and on one day we went to um a little Well, first of all, we visited the village where they filmed Chocolat. Do you remember Chocolat? I remember. With Johnny Depp. I remember it because, I don't know if you have this, there are some films I've never seen

that are massively engraved upon my mind because I found the promotional campaign for them so agonizingly irritating. Yes. And Chocolat is one of those yeah i think i think i'm similar i think i probably watched more trailers of chocolate than actual chocolate whenever my mom put it on i also have the title of the film the sweetest thing stuck in my head with that intonation because of a particular advert for it that was just constant I remember

that's a triumph of marketing that's in your head now today still because someone earned millions of dollars back in the day that's how they got to that point those are going to be my final words to my fucking loved ones and my deathbed because of some guy on blow in some boardroom being your husband

and your father and your grandfather has truly been the sweetest thing. Everyone looks like kind of happy but upset and confused. And the nurse has to be like, um, right at the end thing. The human brain is very, um, they have to try and cover it up. She's pressing the button to turn the boop sound off, but it doesn't work. Oh, that's funny. It should really have stopped by now. And then the grandkids are being let out.

Why did he say it like that? Why did he say it like that, mummy? I don't know It's just something that happens sometimes What's the point of this thing? Sudden burst of energy before the end as well What a horrible way to die I sit fully upright

The sweetest thing And then collapse backwards Dying with a sudden flare right at the end Is such a horrible way to die That's horrid You want to slip away Not sort of burp your way into the afterlife Sort of jazz hands your way into the afterlife. Sort of jazz hands your way into death.

It's me! But anyway, as I was saying. Yeah, it's Chocolat. Oh, it's Chocolat. That's right. And that was fine. It was okay. But we also went to this town.

We went to like just a... And the French, rural France has been really good. The little French towns have been really good the little french towns have been really good at preserving the way they look yeah they're very they're very they've really been honored all those mayors and stuff also they were never bombed properly in the world war ii because you know they didn't exactly but whatever the towns still look fantastic and maybe maybe that was worth it who knows um and we went into uh this lovely little market in the town in burgundy and one of the stalls was just this old guy with a fridge and bottles of chablis and he and he'd asked for a glass of chablis from you know down the road or you know a couple of a couple of miles down the

road and they pull out a chilled bottle of shabli and pour you a little glass of shabli and it's a one euro for a glass of of ice cold shabli in the middle of this market and then the next stall you can buy some eggs i got some rotisserie chicken and there's a vietnamese stall um because of that connection but then there's just fresh fruit and it was like this is nice and then i saw that that guy who i only ever see in rural france in the market just a fucking big french guy with a big fucking nose and he's just sitting and he's just drinking wine and he's fucking massive. Yeah. I've never seen him in a city ever. The gourmand. Yeah.

Yeah. He's a pig farmer. He looks like a pig farmer. And he's just wearing like, he's wearing a button down shirt, but it's thin as hell. It's thin as hell, this button down checkered shirt. You've never seen this shirt so so thin but he's there and he's got his belly out and he's just drinking a glass of wine at 11 30 a.m oh it's fantastic some people some guys especially i think women less so for some reason but some guys you

look at them and you just go if you're not french i will eat my fucking hat you are the frenchest looking fucking guy yeah you've got such a french head on you yeah absolutely people think a french looking guy oh he's got like a black and white striped jumper he's wearing a beret he's got a twiddly little mustache no it's just a big fucking big old fat guy in his 60s thin thin button-up shirt and he sat on a stool in a market drinking a chablis it's gerald that's a french guy is gerald de pardieu yeah plus plus yeah yeah yeah this guy was big but it was very cool it was very cool and I was very jealous of my friends who could speak French and were speaking French to the locals and buying stuff in French.

I thought that was really neat. Let's start a little French gang. Oh, we're going to a French club. Yeah. How proficient are you? I can have a chat. Wow. I can wander around and have a chat.

I had to... Our manager, I guess, Julien. Julien. He's not French, but he can speak it. Very fluently. Very fluently. And also Laura, who is an 800-pound gorilla who's producing my special, my old one and my new one,

who is is french french french i had to disabuse laura yeah i had to disabuse them phil of the notion that i actually could speak french properly because i've managed to trick them through um alcohol into thinking that i could speak french a lot better than i can right and alcohol and one incident where um they were talking about horror movies took a french for beginners language course yeah yeah that incident rolled on for months they were talking in french or we were talking about horror movies or something and julian couldn't remember what a werewolf was in french and i knew what it was. Wow. They say

when you know the word for werewolf, you've mastered the language. Abraham Lincoln said that. Why did you know the... What is the French word for werewolf? En loup-garou. En loup-garou. Garou, yeah. So it's like a wolf.

Garou is like... What is garou, actually? G-A-R-O-U. It's not just like Wolf of the Moon or something. What is Garou? Let's find out. Garou in English. It's a shame that it's the name of an anime character.

It's also what Richard Nixon says in Futurama. Garou. Richard Nixon,urama. Garou. Richard Nixon, the head. Garou. Oh, Garou on its own is werewolf as well. That's strange. But also Le Garou. Oh, weird.

Le Garou, Garou. Le Garou, Garou. Interesting. Inherited from Middle French Garou, Old French Garoule or Garvoile. So it's Warou, werewolf, andwolf and garou so the words become a guh interesting oh oh werewolf okay so if you use it it can be used as a suffix to create a where something so there's there's garou which implies lugaru but you if you said lapin it would be a were-rabbit ah that's good oh cool but we that's very strange

etymology anyway i don't know how i knew that i can't i can't actually remember but yes and this and this tidbit gave the illusion that you were a more fluent french speaker than than you are yeah because people sort of go, well, logically, he must have learned every word in order of usefulness up until the word werewolf. Exactly. Which is not how it works. He's watching like

indie French horror movies. Yeah, yeah. In the original French. This guy can recite by heart the Twilight series in French. He's a very learned man. Le Garou de Paris. Is that the werewolf of Paris?

Oh, there's werewolf in London. It's an American werewolf in Paris, isn't it? American? Ah, so what would that be? So it would be un garou américain en Paris. En Paris. Yeah. It's nice.

Sometimes it's hard to get... Sometimes you get confused between and so on, like in or on. Yeah. It's sneaky little shit. Yeah, their prepositions are tough. I think it's sneaky little shit. Like, I think you're supposed to say

instead of in the world. It's on the world. On the world. Yeah, yeah yeah he's the greatest on the world yeah there's there's a bit in the later series of i think you should leave yeah where he goes for a moment i thought there was monsters on the world and it's become a bit of a memed line it's so funny it sounds so funny in english it's so strange yeah for a second i thought there were monsters on the world the phrasing the phrasing in that show is so disgusting and weird yeah are you sure about that you're sure about that that's why it's it's all just sort of just only slightly wrong but you still you buy enough for you to understand still do you see that article

by that lady saying um every time there's a new series i think you should leave it destroys my boyfriend's mind no yeah it's good it's uh i'm gonna save that for later yeah it's just about how like he talks like fucking tim robinson for at least two months after every series comes out and it ruins her life because his brain is just mush tim robinson broke my boyfriend's brain great yeah um yeah gq article because the phrasing is so weird and like that bit where he talks about his son killing a gorilla he says oh yes you know the gorilla he and he says he eats a hat as part of his trick and what i hate about that sentence so much and i'm so obsessed with it is okay so his trick isn't eating a hat right also let's ignore for a moment the sheer impracticability of a gorilla's frequent trick being eating an entire hat that someone throws him presumably

right that's that's insane they would die so that maybe this gorilla keeps making bets about things he keeps losing yeah yeah yeah he's uh he's uh called skeptical the gorilla but he yeah he eats a hat as part of his trick first of all no he doesn't eat a hat secondly it's not a trick to eat a hat thirdly it's not even his trick it's a part of his trick there are layers to this it's such a horrible sentence to throw out and i don't know how you said it right like that well yeah i think i've said that i've met um i know one of the writers on on i think you should leave and when i asked him about it's like so how much of it is improvised he said none of it is improvised it's all written down word for word is written

those weird ass phrases are written it's it's baffling so much more frightening to learn that that someone sat and wrote down i think i just slept with clap clap clap frankenstein's chick and the clapping and the horrible body movements and the screaming. It's sort of like, yeah, it's quite nightmarish. It is, it is. But have you made the point or someone else made the point

that it's quite autistic? It's very appealing to autistic people, the weird adjustments of language and the strange use of language in it. The strange phraseology. I agree with that. Maybe Fern said that to you. Maybe.

I don't know. I do agree with that though because the weird use of language definitely sticks in my head more than normal language. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. And it's like a really chewy piece of chewing gum or something where i can't stop chewing that sentence in my head like he eats a hat as part of his trick

it just but you know the other side the other side of the coin is fucking um together we joy we remember together we joy yeah from the apparel advert because it's a fucking horrible sentence that isn't correct but it's it makes just enough sense that we can remember it and we're so angry stays in our mind and maybe that's good marketing i think we remember it because of how autistic or autistic adjacent we are and it's like we remember it the same way we remember when someone put a cigarette out on our arm you can look at the little round bit where you were burned and go, okay, yeah, I remember that.

I hated that. That's what I think of Aperol Spritz's advertising campaign. It's like someone is putting a cigarette out on the arm of my mind. Well, speaking of putting a cigarette out on the arm of your mind, let's read some correspondence.

Yeah, that's right. Let's read some correspondence. Yeah, that's right. Let's put some lit cigarettes right into our ears. Ring letters. Keep emails. Phone calligraphies. Your sister will never forget. Correspondence.

By the way, I've still not mentioned that Pierre is currently topless. I'm looking at him through the face, Sammy, and he's not got that Pierre is currently topless. Yes. I'm looking at him through the face, Sammy, and he's not got a shirt on. He's just got headphones on. It's pretty sexy. I just noticed that this visual has been lost on the listener. Yeah. Maybe so far people have been listening and going,

it sounds a lot sexier and hairier than normal, but I don't know why it sounds like that. Why is Pierre's voice so fleshy today? I don't know why it sounds like that. Why is Pierre's voice so fleshy today? I don't know. But it's a very hot day in London today. It's so oppressively hot. Okay. We've got a message from Jane.

Jane. I've got Jane on the brain. Hello, Jane. Hi, gentlemen of pleasures and stinky treasures. Treasures. Treasure. Pleasure. It would be such a pleasure to unveil a treasure like you.

That's what he says to a debutante. What a pleasure to meet such a treasure. So Jane says, I arrived home from five weeks of traveling this week. Good Lord. That's a lot of traveling. What a commute. Straight to the typewriter to write this.

Suitcase down. Hat thrown to the side. Slip flopped off Phileas Fogg descending from your balloon into the garden of your own home I arrived home from five weeks I must quickly compose a missive passport to

take a note to the gentlemen of pleasure and stinky treasure to find the weirdest and most astounding piece of junk mail on my doormat that I have ever taken the time to read. With suitcases having barely left our hands and both of us very jet lagged, we spent the next five minutes trying to unpack this gem of an advert. So there's an image attached i think you have seen these before phil you've lived in london long enough it's one of those weird little business cards for basically a wizard a wizard uh or a shaman like a fortune teller or a psychic yeah

in this case spiritual healer well interestingly and i've never seen this before, in this case, it is a sheikh. A sheikh? I thought sheikh was like a minor royal in the Middle East. I think it means teacher or master, doesn't it? Oh. Because they would call bin Laden sheikh bin Laden. Oh, right. Okay.

I don't know what he was teaching them. How to be very quiet and not give away where you are. What is sheikh? Okay. A leader in an Islamic community or organization or an Arab leader, in particular the chief or head of a tribe, family, or village. Okay. Okay.

I got you. Chief. Big guy. Chief. Cool guy. Cool guy. Oh oh you could be a religious scholar okay so like clever guy or or we don't really have an equivalent do we have someone who it's sort of like no learning and religion and traditional power structure it's kind of an unusual i guess in in india they have the gurus you know i guess yeah then gurus aren't

aren't quite sort of quite royally no yeah well anyway this is um pro sheikh lamin i don't know if pro is professor or just professional okay a professional sheikh yeah it says 25 years experience yeah okay that's good um i'm going to do my best to pronounce the completely erratic capitalization okay i can tell your problem okay he can tell your problem and its solutions and help you solve it okay it's a hell of a thing to say i can i can tell your problem and find the solutions and help you solve it i can just yeah just the one problem yeah i can tell your problem and it's it's solutions and help you solve it if you are suffering from evil influences okay such as this podcast yes unknown diseases or illnesses either one yeah of the bum of the bum bad luck um bad luck um

more episodes of this podcast available uh career jobs marriage or relationship problems or relationship problems that's that's really has he said relationship problems twice yeah so it goes career jobs marriage or relationship problems or relationship problems or business investment or drinking problems or childless childless coups childless coups yeah i think it's meant to write couples Oh I thought for a second maybe it meant coups Like a childless coup Like all these childless people just like Storming the Capitol

Taking over Or enemy problems Enemy problems Hey what's wrong Phil I've just got real enemy problems right now My enemy's being a real bitch At the moment Hey, what's wrong? What's wrong, Phil? I've just got real enemy problems right now. My enemy's being a real bitch at the moment.

Now that's an I think you should leave line. That's maybe how they do it. That's such a fucking weird sentence. Oh, my enemy's being an asshole right now. You're right, that is an I think you should leave sentence. should leave yeah my enemy but also like someone being stressed about it like well they're your enemy don't you expect this from them and they go yeah but this is even for them my enemy won't leave me alone i'm just having some real problems with my enemy right now so enemy problems Winston Churchill be like

yeah Winston Churchill post Dunkirk be like problems with my enemy I've got some real issues with my enemy now or depression or maybe a loved one has left you or separated without any reason.

No reason at all. Yeah. All I did was tell her every day about my enemy and she just gets up and leaves. Does she not want to know about my enemy? And what a dick he's being?

Does she want my enemy to take her by surprise? Because that's what an enemy would do. All I did was go on all the time about my enemy. And I always plot against my enemy. And she took the kids and she left. Now she's my enemy. But I already have an enemy.

Oh my god, I got like two enemies now. I have a wife enemy and a not-wife enemy? Oh man. This sucks. We could get a writing job with this stuff. For the next series that I think you should leave. I think so. Now I've got a wife enemy? Are you kidding me? for the next series that I think you should leave. I think so. I think so.

Now I've got a wife enemy? The enemy. What are you kidding me? I keep doing that horrible voice he does. I need to watch the series again. Yeah, me too. They're so good. The first two are so amazing.

And I never talk. That's in my head forever now as well. Oh, I don't know that one. The guy who keeps silent maybe that's coming your way if you haven't seen all of it yet i've seen all of it yeah the guy who does miming oh yeah and i never talk and people just come to the show screaming him into talking perfect uh get your lucky number slash lotto numbers i I can help your bring them back to you and help you if you suffer any problem, which you may have.

I can help bring your back to you. I can help your bring them back to you. Right. And help you suffer any problem. Right. Not solve, but he can help you suffer any problem. Not solve, but he can help you suffer. Suffer. Which you may have. So don't suffer in silence.

Suffer with me. Suffer with me. We'll talk about it. Tell me more about this enemy. And then here is a great sentence i admire sheikh laman for this this is a very good sentence because it means nothing but it sounds great it's it says all work guaranteed ah that's great how good is that all work guaranteed or your money so start suffering now

all work guaranteed and we'll start immediately call today for an appointment and then a mobile number all work guaranteed or your money paid that's clever stuff that's funny all work guaranteed so jane says is the sheikh a professor or simply a pro is there no end to his life approve improvement abilities how many times is it acceptable to use the word or in a sentence and how does he guarantee the services he is offering particularly when it comes to lottery numbers that's true yes because yeah because then what happens when your lottery numbers inevitably do not come up yeah what's he gonna say he'll just say all work guaranteed hope i'm not your enemy i did the work and i guaranteed only the work and i did the work of giving you some numbers to use

how frightening would it be if you went with this guy and he gave you some numbers and you're doing it kind of for a laugh and then you won 200 million euros? Oh, God. Now you've got this guy on your case. I hate that. Isn't that an awful idea? I hate that. Would you have to give him money, do you think?

I mean, if not, you've got a sheikh at your door. But it's not written anywhere on the card that he gets a share of your lottery winnings. No, true, but this is an unreasonable man. You'd be creating, you'd have to hire security. He also sounds very powerful. He sounds like a powerful enemy to have. Well, that's it. If he can get rid of enemies, he must be potentially one of

the biggest enemies. God. Yeah. And it sounds like he can predict the future and like the stock market. Phil, you don't want to make an enemy of someone who claims to be able to solve every problem every problem because then you're his problem and he'll solve you

yeah it's a frightening thought Jane has pinned this advert to her notice board in the hope to one day make sense of it I've left the mobile number uncovered in case either of you are in need of his unlimited skills kind Pugardsane thank you very much no yeah do save that number pierre because we laugh about

this now but uh there might come a day when i feel that all other options have been exhausted yeah yeah we'll squirrel that away we'll squirrel that away thank you'll squirrel that away. Thank you, Jane. We have a message from... Johan. Johan. I think we've had Johan before, right? Because I remember saying, Johan. I think so.

Johan, you're so fun. Maybe a different Johan. Dear Neodueli. Nice. That's good ne'er do well and absoluta fil kauf oh what does that mean he's put a little star next to it and i've scrolled down and it says there's no reason you should remember yourselves discussing phil's purchase of some kind of space age waste bin oh yeah there are a lot of german reviews on amazon but you read a german amazon review of it which i'm referencing here for its linguistic relevance is the bin lid still intact by the way people seem to identify it as a weak point and i've

been worried ever since oh well that's that's um that's well suspected the the the lid gave way yeah the lid did i had to get a new bin um so yeah the lid does weaken but joseph and joseph joseph joseph were very good about replacing it they gave me a new bin straight away and each bin comes with a 10 year guarantee wow 10 i mean that's too that's too long a guarantee that's too long 10 years is too long 10 years is for a bin guarantee it's too long for a fancy bin but it's a very reasonable guarantee for just a tub you fill up with crap which is what a bin is

which is what a bin is so okay so he continues greetings from Germany oh hello haben du any correspondence for us? Haben Sie ein bisschen Correspondenz für

What is us? I don't know actually Anyway Greetings from Germany Hallo, wie geht's? I'm a conservative historian Meaning I did not binge the episodes Quite as hard as the other listeners

Taking the occasional break To prolong the pleasure. Edging. Physicians shook their heads, but ultimately did nothing to dissuade me. Nice. Yeah, I think that's exactly what they conclude. Many laughs were heard. Well, it's not good, but if you have to, this is the healthiest way of doing it.

I guess as long as you give up drinking, you can still smoke, because it's got to be one of them. Yeah. Many laughs were had, much praise has been redacted. Thank you. Regrettably, I don't have any poo stories pertaining to my own exit shoot. The few that I do have are pet-related, and one incident in particular still haunts me.

Oh, dear. Nachschung Geist.. Nach dem Geist. Nach dem Eingeist. We have two cats and two little dogs. And the latter... And the latter used to treat the former's litter box as a sort of snack bar for a while. Oh no, dogs are gross, man.

God's sake. Stubbornly ignoring the fact that the little encrusted sausages found within did not sit well with them at all. Dogs are mental. Fuck's sake. Perhaps unsurprisingly, cat food does not look any more appetizing after it's traversed

the stomachs of two species. Nor did we find the smell much improved when these redigested treasures were regurgitated right onto my girlfriend one night so the dogs vomited this back up just went back oh my god I'm angry, I'm actually angry this time

I'm not sure I'm angry with I think I'm just angry with the dog species with nature brown in poo and bum. Are all dogs the same genus? The same species? Ooh, they must be.

They must be. Which place is genus, anyway? Huh? Is genus the family? I think there's familiar, which is above or below genus okay well yeah so the dog is canis familiaris yeah canis familiaris so all domesticated dogs are the same species isn't that mad that is fucking crazy yeah it's psychotic um god that's crackers it's just like how all wine grapes well the vast majority of wine grapes are vinus

vinus fara vinus vinifera which are the it's the same species yeah it is crazy but then you see you know a picture of me standing next to a four foot one lady and you just go oh right yeah yeah that's true actually it was a good point but i mean it's not exactly a pug and labrador oh maybe it is i don't know but it's but they i mean different dog breeds do look like different animals oh yeah um so when this happened uh he says in hindsight i recognize that it's a classic okay thank you moment but then and there was too busy not adding a recent meal of my own to the mix to seize the opportunity for the tat portion of this delectable missive we remain in the culinary realm with a classic piece of kitchen tat. Excuse me.

It was spotted months ago and shall be presented in my mother tongue. Lest we forget that tat is an international phenomenon. I hope you, Pierre, can take a stab at reading the original before Phil divines the translation provided below. Apologies for the picture quality. We were talking about German already earlier this. Yeah, we were. Spooky. How funny.

But it's so surprising to me to find out that Germans have tat. We were talking about German already earlier. Yeah, we were. Spooky. How funny. But it's so surprising to me to find out that Germans have tat. It seems a very un-German thing to do. Yeah. But the Germans can be quite twee. They've got the little porcelain yodeling doll men. That's true. Little leather pants.

In the South, anyway. So this is the... It's an apron. And I'll read it to you in German. Okay. As a clue. Ich liebe es mit Wein zu kochen. Manchmal gebe ich ihn sogar ins Essen. One more time?

Ich liebe es mit Wein zu kochen. One more time. Yeah. Yeah. If living with wine is bad, then wanna be terrible so okay i'll do it uh so it's it's um i love blank with wine sometimes i even blanket in the blank i love blank with wine sometimes i love i've seen this tat in english blanket in the blank i love um with wine eating with wine close oh i i love cooking with wine sometimes i even put it in the food hey yeah Sehr gut, sehr gut. Felicitations. I don't know if that's congratulations. I don't know, I'm guessing.

Ich liebe es, mit Wein zu kochen. Manchmal gebe ich ihn sogar ins Essen. Danke, danke, of course. Ja. Und Wieter Wichten ist, wie Johann es so nennt. Für Schallschieben bedeutet es, es zu kochen. Danke schön, Johann. Danke schön, Johann. Und danke schön, PodBuds. Thanks for listening. means keep jacking it thank you dankeschön johan dankeschön uh johan and dankeschön pod buds yeah

um thanks for listening uh we must now go to the bavarian beer hall beer hall um the yeah the for part of for patrons yes the exclusive bavarian beer hall uh so if your patron will see you there on Friday. And everyone else will see you some other time. When I'm back from my trips. Yeah. With a full passport. Dripping with Stampin'

Oh god, I'm genuinely nervous. But until then, bye bye! Bye!