BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 224 - Do more!

Episode Date: July 26, 2023

The lads discuss algorithms, baldness, columnists, Phil being really nasty, Kyra's tat and lesbian honey, Pierre is off on safari and Phil is on a secret mission Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 2-2-4. 2-2-4, you do more. Not just you do you. This is the next step. You do more. You do more. You should do more. You should do more.

It's a counter to you do you. Yeah. Going down a line of soldiers standing at attention. You do you. You do you. You do more. You do you. You do you. You do more. You do you. You do more.

Or like supermodels or something. Right, yeah. So America's Great Night Next... What? America's Great Night Model. Next supermodel. America's Got Drag. Whatever that's one. Drag Idol. It'd be funny if all of the

rhetoric around, you know, you are enough you do you yeah just treat yourself self-care yeah if that all just morphed overnight into strive do more well i mean you are not ready there is an interesting crossover between the people who proclaim you are enough and fans of sort of brutal reality competition shows. Yeah, where no one's enough. Like RuPaul. The whole point is that no one's enough. People fail all the time. They need to work harder.

They need to do better. Yeah. Shows where the whole format is heavily structured bullying. And in a way, it's gaslighting, isn't it? It is. It is gaslighting. We live in a way, it's gaslighting, isn't it? It is. It is gaslighting. But we live in a gaslight culture. Yeah?

Yeah? We live in a gaslight culture. I like it. That is getting published. Gaslight, the gaslight culture. We live in a gaslight culture. Oh, great. I'm seeing that.

And the thing is, that could go on almost any broadsheet. I think any broadsheet would take this. It's got something for everyone. That's true. If they were feeling a bit more fruity and online, the Telegraph would definitely take it. Yes, because it's sort of attacking people who accuse others of gaslighting

by saying it's all gaslighting. Yes. Whereas the Guardian are into it because it acknowledges the existence of gaslighting at all. And you could be like, we're told that everything's fine, but there's not enough funding for these crucial services. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe a minister of gaslighting needs to be created or something. Yeah. That's good. And the times, you just, yeah, again, the times are like it because you're, so you're, what's the word, using the language

against itself in a way. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this could play anywhere. And if you wrote it for the eye, you wouldn't have to write it because it's unreadable. It'd just be like, that's a really good title for people to click on

before they are bombarded by the sort of insane adverts that we've analysed on this part. Yeah, you just show the sort of insane adverts that we've analyzed on this part yeah you just show the editor the eye a few nice colors and you do whatever you want give them some a pack of haribo star mix you send them the pitch we live in a gaslight culture and they go hmm and then you send them an email filled with a gifs and like spam adverts and then and the and the same title in the middle of all that. And they go, now we're cooking.

They're rubbing their hands. You send them an AI ad you've made up which goes, this editor turned down an article from a writer he didn't know. What happened next made him

call the police. Oh no, why didn't that happen to me? And it's a picture of Gene Wilder when he's in Willy Wonka, but on set. So he's not like, it's not a screenshot from the movie. It's a picture of him on set. So it makes you go, wait, is that the editor? I've never seen this side of him. I've never seen the picture of him having the makeup put on when he's dressed like...

Is the story about Willy Wonka? And you click it, it's just an ad for illegal diet pills anyway. Yeah, we live in a gasite culture. That's true. I can just say that's true without needing to check because of the elastic qualities. This is what you get with one of my articles it's something for everybody it's elastic it's elastic it can mean whatever you want it to mean it can it can support whichever position you want it to support

yeah you're you're like a sort of cursed uh orb people see whatever they want in your shiny surface that's. That's right. That's where the money's at. Now, while talking of online madness, I don't know. There are two things happening to me. Oh no. Because of algorithms. What's happening to me? I cannot convince. I don't know if I've talked to you about this on Budpod.

I don't think I have. Or maybe at all. I cannot convince my own Instagram that I have hair. Oh, yeah. No, you have told me about this. It wasn't on Budpod, was it? I don't think so. My Instagram is certain that I am bald. Yeah.

Still, every time I bald advert, and I don't mean an advert for being bald. Like, if you tried this, you can feel the wind. I mean, like, you know, it's normal to start losing your hair. Like, do you need testosterone pills? Your hair's falling out, isn't it? Do you like wigs? It's constant. Every time I see one, I go, this ad's not relevant to me,

which is a pretty strong way of going like... Pretty strong message. You're helping them. Unless Instagram is going, oh, it's not relevant because of how many other bald treatments you've already bought. Yes, I see. Yeah. No, not relevant to me. Tried this one. Still bald. Every advert

I get is for baldness. Not relevant for me. I'm even bolder than this guy. This guy's actually less bald than me. I need a more powerful solution than the one he says works for him. Because he's working with a lot more base hair than I am. Instagram is certain that i'm bald

yeah and i cannot convince my and what are they trying to are they selling you like the pills are they selling you that weird shaver head shaver thing i've used to get a lot more of the shaver yeah these days it's all weird pills and like treatments right ill-defined treatments um every now and then some testosterone pills as well i think just because instagram can tell that i'm in my 30s and sometimes i'm sad right and i'm and i'm a male and so they've gone okay he's he's he's not full peterson this is well this could also be the medical industrial complex at work, because apparently high testosterone can be a cause of baldness. But this is what I thought.

So I thought, well, you can't... Is it like the Matrix? Neo saying one pill cures baldness. One pill will make you bolder than ever. You choose wisely. Like inside of you, there are two wolves. One is bald and one is... Would you like to be a hairy beater or bald alpha?

That's a tough choice to make. It's a tough choice. This is another great article from Elastic Wang. The incredible Elastic Wang. Yeah. Hairy beater or bald alpha. Wang decides. That would be almost like a kind of slightly internet brain Adrian Child's column.

Oh, yeah. How do his columns go normally? I'm not a bald alpha. So why does my Instagram think that I'm a hairy? There's always a lot of so why does. I think that i'm a hairy there's always a lot of so why does um i think adrian charles is a genius and i mean that unironically oh really i think he's great i think to be able to write columns like that you have to have such a it's it's such a knack for it yeah he's really distilled what it is about and he's about that about those columns that

intrigue people who like them yes and he's one of the most if you talk to him he's one of the most open people to talk to

he's just so honest about what he thinks have you met him yeah I've done his question time sort of accompanying radio show

thing a couple of times oh nice he's really nice and he's very just like well I don't know about that but I sort of feel like maybe that is true but I'm open to persuade like he's very just like, well, I don't know about that, but I sort of feel like maybe that is true.

But I'm open to persuade. Like, he's such a... Reasonable man. Yeah, but his reasonableness is like... Apparently, you can purify water to the point that it's actually poisonous. Wow. Yeah, if it's just H2O, there's no minerals or...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's approaching that level of reasonableness where it's so profound that it's almost it's almost hard to grasp how he can possibly be so unbiased in his natural also how he feelings yeah sort of like how do you decide to do anything yeah he's so ready to go well i could i could just not eat that but how do you decide sensei do you know sensei sensei please you know you can also superheat pure water like very very pure water can be heated to beyond,

I think can be heated to beyond 100 degrees Celsius without evaporating. And then the second you introduce an impurity to it, it just explodes. Oh, what a complicated bomb that would be. Yeah, hard to maintain. But the, yeah, so my Instagram thinks I'm bald is the thing. It does also offer me

testosterone supplements like you say so we are at a matrix my instagram thinks i'm some weird pervert who needs earplugs i don't know why i got that idea like just a real perv who needs earplugs all right instagram whatever you say weird that it would be such a good routine for you on stage Oh yeah I'm just a perv in his earplugs Like you finally distilled who you are Being in your 30s is all about Figuring out who you are I like looking at ladies and blocking out them shouting at me

I just want to see Angry faces All the porn None of the noise Angry faces. All the porn. None of the noise. None of the bloody racket. I like the idea of you watching porn and there's all sorts of sex noises happening and you're going, shush.

I'm trying to watch the porn. This is the quiet carriage for porn. This is the quiet carriage for porn. This is the quiet page. So that's one of my algorithm problems at the moment. I don't like feeding the algorithm. I don't like telling it what adverts are relevant to me. I spend so much time turning off cookies. Every time I want a page,

I'll go through the whole list, unticking legitimate interest. I'll spend five minutes. And then I'll look at other people when it happens to them and just accept all straight away I'm like what are you doing?

yeah yeah yeah what are you doing? like as you're at someone's house chatting to them they're just going oh yeah so then me and Mary were thinking of going to and then the doorbell just rings

and there's a tramp just there and they just open the door and they go yeah and so anyway oh sorry yeah come right in yeah so the yeah and you just go

wait no don't let him in don't let him in we're just opening the door without looking through the eye hole asking who it is just yeah they never stop looking at you while they're talking yeah so i just whoever's there just can come in yeah but i resent it because this is one of the few algorithms i've fed i've gone out of my way you're going out of the way to tell instagram no instagram yeah not bald yeah actually yeah try again try again try and sell me some awful awful shit again and it's just gone no you are you are bald actually you are bald you haven't realized it yet you are bald you're bald on the inside it's like uh do you know that spooky thing about how you they can predict people's pregnancy through some of their searches or like which stage of

pregnancy they're at that they're pregnant at all oh right right right so like some subtle subtle searches not just not like just pram am i pregnant no no yeah like searches and information and cookies like they'll start getting like ads for baby stuff and then go what i don't have a baby and then they find out they're pregnant oh shit right wow that well yeah well apparently not with your me or is it is it maybe it is a couple of months away from realizing you're gonna do a baldness test in the bathroom i'm gonna pee on a stick it's bald and i look in the mirror and i'm immediately fully bald just perfectly the hair hasn't even fallen off anywhere it's just gone just an egg my god yeah a little blue circle for bald. And wavy lines for hair.

The other problem, algorithmically, I have at the moment is I can't stop looking at my Twitter for you page because it's like a car crash I can't look away from. Yeah, and so the for you page is not the people you're following. It's the sort of feeds that twitter has decided yeah it wants you to see or that you want to see yeah twitter's algorithm is like at this point it's it's like before elon musk took over and fired all the coders the algorithm was like one of the robots from alien the sophisticated british accent Neat hair Butler-esque Quite like a butler, yeah

Good morning, Captain I thought you might like to read this article about The Indian economy Thank you, Twitter Of course Yeah Now, imagine if that robot butler had been hit by a car Yeah

But insisted on And had like malware Continue to work Please, sir I've made you your favorite petrol and cornflakes like an insane butler robot screaming at you and insisting you want to read yeah about insisting that you want to see a it's my birthday today tweet with one favorite from someone with 10 followers who no one you know follows. Incredible. You just go, why have I seen this?

Why do I know that it is Muffmeister69's birthday? Why do I know that? And Twitter's also trying to turn me into a sort of Nazi. Oh, yeah. Well, not a proper Nazi, but I sent this screenshot to some friends because you know sometimes the most devastating critique of who you are can be someone, you know, saying, oh, I thought you'd like that. Oh yeah.

And you go, oh no. Yeah. You thought I'd like that. That means you think I'm like that. Yeah. An insurance CD or a Matt Haig book. And you go, oh, well, fuck it. Yeah.

Matt Haig. Yeah. I thought you'd really get a lot out of this. I like the horse, the boy and the fucking thing. The horse, the owl, the, well, fuck it. Yeah, Matt Haig, yeah. I thought you'd really get a lot out of this. Or like the horse, the boy, and the fucking thing. The horse, the owl, the boy, and the badger. Oh, good. You think I've been kicked in the head by a donkey. You think I'm a simpleton from a rural community.

You think I'm a village idiot. You think I've never had a thought, don't you? You think that this will make me... cheer me up, make me happier. And I'm not saying you're not correct in that I'd like to be cheered up, but you think this will work. You think I'll be moved by a sentence like, when I grow up, I want to be kind.

Something that Ricky Gervais would make Derek say in order to get away with doing Derek some more. No, sir. Exactly. I actually like full on called Afterlife a piece of shit on Radio 4 and they put it out. Really? Yeah, I did Room 101 with Paul Merton

and I was talking about, I'm always a bit disappointed when people reveal they don't like spicy food because i say it's equivalent to them using the cry laughing emoji or being moved by afterlife they've basically said oh i'm simpler than you think yeah and they put it out i was astonished oh. Well, this one maybe I did. I'm simpler than you think is a devastating thing to say in any delivery other than Robert Downey Jr. trying to be a bit sassy. Right. I'm simpler than you think. I'm simpler than you think.

Heartbreaking. Well, Twitter did that to me. Okay. breaking well twitter did that to me okay twitter said i think that you are a dog whistle racism boomer because it showed me two tweets in my for you page whereas you're a millennial i'm a young millennial i'm a racism dog dog whistle millennial thank you very much thank you yeah very different flavor of racial prejudice for the millennials so um one is a tweet from a page called i love nostalgia oh great i heart nostalgia great and the tweet is just do you remember milk at school oh my god and it's a

black and white photo of loads of little kids eating drinking milk it's like a parody of one of those posts yeah do you remember milk at school it's just a picture of girls drinking milk at school did they stop milk at school okay it's impossible to get milk thatcher did you used to get free milk free milk so they're saying were you a child Were you a child before Thatcher was in power, I guess. Right. But then would you not say there's a left-wing sentiment to that? That implication.

Yes. Yes. But I think... That detail's been lost. What really matters here is nostalgia. What matters here is remembering. Yes. Just not doing is remembering. Yes. Just not doing or thinking. Yeah.

But just going, I remember. Yeah. And the families, the pictures of people they always use are sort of white to a sort of Norman Rockwell quality. Right? It's a very sort of idealized kind of... Yeah. It's never explicitly pointed out that everyone in these nostalgia pics are white yeah yeah but there is a corollary have you seen that

how many racist accounts tweet just pictures of like an inner city primary school and they go like this is what the whole country is like now right so yeah you're right it's the nice side of that coin yes so do you remember milk at school right i see that and obviously i react like i've seen a gaping anus wow wow look at that i straighten up my bow tie and i lick my eyebrows, finger, you know, I smooth them over. Whoa! Good morning, madam! That's what I say. Hot tamale! So I have that. I see that tweet and I recoil.

Yeah. And the next tweet under it is one of those fucking, those fucking, like, fascism-adism adjacent architecture twitter accounts have you seen these wow no so it's either called stuff like cultural tutor or culture critic or or return return to tradition oh boy and they do like they'll just post like saint peter's basilica or canterbury cathedral, you know, imperial era western buildings, and go, how can we return to this?

Yeah. Brackets. Without the blacks and the Asians. That's always the implication. Yeah, and they seem to be missing the point that these buildings are still there. We haven't lost them. We don't need to build them again.

They're already there. Also, yeah, so it's like, the next street under is is culture critic whatever that means and it's just inevitably a picture of like michelangelo's david right you go right so that's culture to you that's like the first thing you think that's how you'd sum up culture in a bugs bunny cartoon it's so embarrassing to be like well i'm a critic of culture you know like um michelangelo's david lisa i love the mona lisa i love michelangelo's david i like any i like any culture that you could identify from an emoji

of it it's so obvious oh do you like any of the um sort of the golden age of Chinese watercolour. No, no, no. No. I like the Mona Lisa. I like Michelangelo's David. Yeah, and the tweet is, how do we go back to being a society that builds things like this? Woof. And it's a picture of,

I think it is, St. Peter's Basilica or the Vatican. I'm not sure. Might be St. Paul's. But I don't think St. Paul's has that much Latin in it, does it? I think it's St. Peter's Basilica because it's massive. St. Peter's Basilica is in Rome.

Rome. It's not where the Sistine Chapel is. The Sistine Chapel is in a different bit of the Vatican But it's that big complex In the Vatican? Yeah Oh What is the big hill thing?

The big church But it's in the Vatican? Yes Okay There's a complex in the Vatican It's where all the Pope comes out on his balcony I believe so Although I don't know if the balcony is off the Basilica.

You know the Vatican is just like a building, right? Yeah, it's part of the building. But the point is, it's not about, isn't this a nice building? It's how do we go back to being a society that builds things like this? E.g., what, theocratic? I mean, it's unclear. But it's all about vague. You know, it used to be.

Yeah. That it was like this. How do we do that again? What steps do you think are necessary? And how harshly? Yes, yes. You can't help but feel like the author has an idea what the answer is.

Yeah, exactly. How do you think, what do you think the fastest way of dealing with these homeless people is? And when I say fastest, I want you to tell me the fastest way. Like, it's like that. Yeah. I'm going to see if I can find a... But the point is, Phil, is that that's a, do you remember milk? And how do we get rid of all the non-whites

so we can build St. Peter's Basilica again? Those are the two tweets I saw in a row on my For You page. Because that's what you want. Twitter's trying to turn me into a Nazi. The algorithm knows. The internet's trying to turn you into a bald Nazi. The internet is sure.

They have shaved heads. Ah, maybe that's where it comes from fucking hell yeah i'm looking at twitter's just told instagram skinhead and instagram has misinterpreted it because it's more innocent yeah as oh he's bald culture critic is the it went massively viral for tweeting a picture of... I'm not sure what statue it is. It's this one. It looks like some sort of sexual assault, so it's Greek myth. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I see. Is that Poseidon? I'm not sure. Like a Greek god and a nymph or something. But the caption is, a 23-year-old sculpted this. Right. What's your excuse? Oh, yeah.

Well, Phil? I'm not good at sculpture, personally. Yeah. It's also hard to come by giant blocks of marble these days. It's pretty difficult. Also, I haven't been trained in sculpture by a master of sculpture since I was, what, eight? Nine? Yeah.

Fourteen years? I think that was the last time you were trained by a master of sculpture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we fell out. Different artistic vision. I just kept sculpting dick and balls. But it's what was inside the marble. Yeah.

You know, that was my excuse. what was inside the marble. Yeah. You know, that was my excuse. Yeah, it's just lots and lots of tweets about the old world, no more modern architecture. What type of plinth and column do you like? It's just a bit gross.

And lots of tweets tagging elon musk complaining complaining about oh not enough people are seeing my tweets you know please help me daddy twitter shit well i'm sorry i'm sorry this has been happening to you it must be very traumatic it must be making you sort of question your own online behaviors. What is it that's giving... I don't think it's a coincidence that the tweets I'm seeing more and more of like that are the kind of tweets that Elon Musk himself likes. Like he thinks those are good. Those are his views. Yeah. he's got that insane like ancient

rome also space sort of mindset yeah i'm gonna look up i love nostalgia i i see that kind of thing you usually retweeted by someone i follow on the right, I follow from, remember that time where everyone was like, you got to expand your bubble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follow people from all sides of the argument. And so I've held on to that. But all that means now really is that I just see retweets for nature is weird

and like weird architecture, things like that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Just someone going like, wow, weird architecture things like that yeah yeah yeah there's just someone going like wow isn't this uh sort of uh imperial building from the british empire fantastic which is devoid of context and you go yeah yeah yeah it's a nice building i've come on i love nostalgia there's also a sort of sister Genre to this Which is like pictures of

Marilyn Monroe And like This is what beauty used to be And like are you talking about the curviness Or This is what Hollywood used to be Or this is what stars used to look like They were on drugs

And they were sad more than now they were having a horrible life and we liked it um okay so i love nostalgia to be fair whose mom had a knife like this my mom still has that carving knife okay what kind of... It's like electric... Electric carving knife. Wow, yeah. Really?

Yeah. I've only ever seen those on TV shows. Yeah, we've still got one of those. It was very exciting. Maybe this is the account for me. Maybe I've misjudged it. Well, it looks like the thin end of the wedge has made entry. You just start hearing me going like,

yeah, some of this stuff's pretty good. It'd be so funny if your descent into the alt-right started with an electric carving knife we used to be a society that could build things like this pointing out this shitty electric carving knife I'm this old it's gay electrics

80s cartoons are the best it's moved on all theics. 80s cartoons are the best. It's moved on. Oh, here we go. All the nostalgia's 80s cartoons now. There's a picture of some silver things I don't recognize, but the caption is if you know what these are, you're old as dirt. Wow. That's aggressive. This is

getting a bit insulting now. Usually it's about lionizing the past. Oh no, some of this nostalgia is like ghostbusters and like nokia phones they're coming for us phil yeah this is something quite recent this is the generation above us yeah yeah yeah this is 10 years above us yeah this shit is on its way for us yeah soon it's going to be like who remembers rugrats oh no oh no this is me now i remember them as you just eat a gun i um i find uh have you ever seen those posts where it's like

it's saturday night your friends are over you're playing video games and you've rented a movie and you don't have to get up for school and it's summer because it's summer you can stay up as long as you want like it's the it's the best day of your life and you don't even know it oh yeah you're because you're a kid yeah that's it there's nothing more pathetic to me than those posts i hate that you've not had a better day in your life than that you've never had a better day since you were 11 you haven't had a better day since you gained sort of independence freedom and money you've never been to the pub you've never been on holiday like a nice holiday go to the pub go to the pub you've never seen a good movie you can never have a nice dinner the rhythm is so consistent the way you say those sentences

there's something really horrible about it Consistent, the way you say those sentences. There's something really horrible about it. It's horrid. Yeah, but it's like, you know, you just go to the cinema and then just get, like, battered with your friends. Yeah. Get a sports massage. I don't know.

I feel like someone posting that needs to... It's an intervention. They're failures. They're failures. They're losers. And that's why they're online making memes. I mean, it all explains itself. Bill calls out the meme community as a bunch of fucking losers and failures.

Well, you're going to be seeing some pretty rude memes about yourself. I think, right, if you're making memes and they're not even funny, you're a loser. I think if you're making nostalgia memes about yourself. I think, right, if you're making memes and they're not even funny, you're a loser. I think if you're making nostalgia memes. Absolutely. If you're making memes that are trying to evoke a feeling other than just like,

ha ha ha, stupid, then you're a loser. I like harsh film. I don't even think what I'm saying is harsh that's what's funny about it you're not even trying to be harsh that's the harshest type of guy there is yeah I can be pretty harsh

I would like you to set up some sort of how not to be a loser show I think a friend once told me do more you do more a friend once told me that um you can be really nasty sometimes and i genuinely felt great about it really yeah you were like yes a little bit i was like well really i felt like it felt like

i've been working out like i felt the same the same, like squeezing my nastiness muscles. Some of my nastiness muscles have really gotten through. Yeah. Like, they've really popped. Yeah. These are really popping. But the friend said it and, you know, they were upset. I was like, thank you.

What? Really? What did you say? What did you do to earn that? I'll have to tell you in private. Okay, all right. I can't do it. That's really funny, though.

I'm really nasty sometimes. Oh, I suppose. I suppose sometimes I do my best. I could be a lot worse, you know, if I really tried. Well, thank you. Thank you. I'm trying. I've got to be better about just accepting compliments.

That's a funny point when you're trying to be, when someone gives you a compliment and you're trying to be humble about it, but then there's always a point where you start to feel the compliment slipping away, so you try and bring it back. Well, of course, thank you. I have been working on it.

It's a very generous tip. I would like to keep the money. I would like to keep the money, please, actually. What? No, me? Oh, really? No, I think I look the same. But no, I have been working out a little bit. No, you're all right.

You're all right. It's important to acknowledge hard work. You sort of feel a slip in a way. Well, speaking of slipping away. Let's slip away into a private correspondence email booth yes correspondence correspondence Correspondence Well, this one isn't private because we're on, this is a regular episode No, that's true, what do I mean?

The back room or Yeah, side room A booth A big booth for everyone to come sit in An open booth The king of chairs in my opinion, the booth Oh, Speaking of booth Did I say on this podcast

That when I was in DC last week I saw the hat Lincoln was wearing when he was shot Yeah? Yeah This is what everyone was like I also went up to him like Is there a bullet in it? But no he wasn't shot in the head

Because he survived They took him across the road and he died there But he was shot in the back of the neck survived. They took him across the road and he died there. I thought he was shot in the back of the neck or something. Right. But I'm thinking, if I'm an assassin and I get up right, right up there to the target, I'm shooting him in the head. Why are you fucking around with any other bit?

Yeah. It's like a big old hat. Was he worried that he'd just shoot straight through the hat? Because it's such a big hat. he was worried it would get slapped thick They say he hides a lot of his head in his hat And you never know where in the hat it is What's the name of Lincoln's assassin John Wilkes Booth

John Wilkes Booth That's why it had Booth in the head Oh of course right John Wilkes Booth And then Kennedy was Oswald Ozzy Lee was Oswald? Ozzy?

Oz? Lee Harvey Oswald. Lee Harvey Oswald. Yeah, who himself was then killed by Jack Robey. Why do these guys both have like three part names? Same with serial killers. They have three part names? John Wayne Gacy. Oh.

There's a lot more. The joke is that if you have three part names, you're in a lot of trouble in America. Wow, that's so weird. Yeah, it's odd. Why is that if you have three-part names, you're in a lot of trouble in America. Wow, that's so weird. Yeah, it's odd. Why is that? They like a middle name, the Americans, and they like saying they're someone the third. Yeah. They're odd with their names.

They've got to fill the class gap. Yeah, and I guess there's too many John Wayne. John Gacy or John Wayne or Lee Oswald. Who's the first? Who's squatting in the library book deposit shooting correspondence into our brains? Yeah. Kyra. Kyra?

Yeah. Wow. K-Y-R-H. K-Y-R-A. Kyra. Wyja writes us today. Well, Kyra Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger Wiger

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Winger Winger Winger Winger Winger Winger Winger myself he almost did it again today kaira kaira kaira kaira kaira i moved to no kaira girls from london say that as well though yeah it's weird girls from london and australians it's like being put through a distorter like synth yeah it's like being put through a distorter, like synth. Yeah, yeah. No. No. It's like something from fucking... Apex Twin or something.

Anyway. Cora says, I moved to regional Victoria, the Thailand of the time vortex, that was locked down COVID. Oh, fuck, yeah. And what a vortex in Victoria. Oh, my Lord. Most locked down city in the world, Melbourne. Yeah. It's like something from an 80s action movie, fuck, yeah. And what a vortex in Victoria. Oh, my lord. Most locked down city in the world, Melbourne. Yeah. It's like something from an 80s action movie.

Escape from Melbourne. After living in the brunch capital of the world, Melbourne, for many years, it was following this move that I discovered your wonderful blend of intellectual musings and poopy offerings. I binged until I became a pastorian. Doctors do not recommend. One of the most unexpected joys

of country life has been the sheer amount of tat i have observed in the wild of course love tat out in the country there's a lot of tat um why is that why what do you think the connection is between the country and the town i guess it suits the overall look because it's always often is sort of rustically designed and planky. Yeah, it's harder to justify buying a burnt on wood home sweet home plaque if you live in a flat near some crackheads.

Yeah, I guess it's also more, it's a little more lonely in the country. So you need your house to literally talk to you. You need the wall to be your friend. Yeah. That's true. Tat in the wild. My neighbours have a wooden sign hanging outside next to

their front door that reads in swirly-whirly cursive, This is us. Our life. Our story. Our home. No! Wow. What a thing to have on the outside

for anyone can see. I would feel like that would be a little overbearing on the way in to an exhibit about Neolithic peoples. This is us. This is our life. Our life, our story, our home. You go, wow, they really did live here and they discovered bronze you're right it is overbearing on the way into an exhibit about

life in the home yeah about like literally that subject this is how we lived we were like you once i know okay i know like i'm kind of emotionally affected by it, but don't say it. Chill out, mate. This leads to my favourite country offering, car tat in the form of bumper stickers and window decals. Australia very like America in that respect. Oh, yeah, right. I present to you a curation, ranging from mild to may this

person be cursed with explosive diarrhoea for the rest of their life. You're never going to get this one, so i'm just going to say it okay you don't know jack if you don't lawn bowl jack's just a guy at the club yeah if you don't go to lawn balls club you'll never meet him i'm jack i'm driving the car I need more friends You don't know Jack You don't know lawn Lawn bowling is fun I like the idea

Of that level of like Dick out Sports Aussie But with lawn balls Lawn balls Not Aussie rules Not cricket

Not rugby league Lawn balls You don't know Jack if you don't lawn bowl. Get your fucking rig out on the lawn bowl pitch. So this one in swirly-wirly cursive. Let's see if you can guess this. Okay. Is this on a car?

Yeah. Okay. Your blank attracts your blank. And they rhyme. Your blank attracts your blank. Your life attracts your blank. And they rhyme. Your blank attracts your blank. Your life attracts your wife. Oh, that would be good. That would be...

Yeah. I mean, you've got the right idea. Right. Less specific than wife. And an unusual word. Oh, your dick attracts your chick. Oh. Another good one.

Is this to do with the car? Is it like your... No. Okay. The first word is one that people our age and younger use quite a lot, actually, to describe a general sense. Oh, your vibe attracts your...

Your vibe attractsracts your Ride? No, vaguer than, not wife, not one person Right, your vibe Attracts your Vibe Your vibe It's your babe

Your vibe attracts your Gosh And it's ibe ibe tribe yeah your vibe attracts your tribe your vibe attracts followed by an enormous swastika yeah it's true for that guy i've got a twitter account about statues he's gonna love to be fair he wouldn't i wonder what the nazis think of all that stuff about like oh we michelangelo's david but then michelangelo incredibly gay right right right you go well what do you think about that then anyway i think they just plaster

over all that yeah and he'd hate that plaster yeah marble only yeah um oh this is a good one Mask Or muzzle Nice I took me a second to realise it was even anything to do with Covid nutters I thought immediately I was like dog? Dog mask?

Why would a dog have a mask? A muzzle As in like Well we would have brought down the government But we were too muffled. We could have overthrown the government. What? What?

I joined in with a revolution if only I could hear. The one thing about those people is like, the idea that the government used COVID as an excuse to do things they'd always wanted. Yeah. To put a little mask. Just put a little bit of fabric on your face. Yeah. And then to stop. Crucially, and then to just

not do that anymore yeah when it's possible when they were comfortable with it they just go okay we the we the Illuminati

just needed you to wear a little mask just for a bit for a bit just we just wanted to see if you'd do it yeah yeah

it was a big laugh here at Illuminati HQ yeah we all had a real it was Chuck it was a big laugh here at illuminati hq yeah we all had a real child it was chuck it was his idea you don't know chuck if you're not in illuminati um and then uh back off the bitch bites oh what was that in reference to the vehicle yeah just just honking like until they pull over and then running to knocking on the window

pointing pointing at her mouth no knocking knocking knocking the window goes down it's great so are you the bitch or is it like a dog in the car? I need to know It's very unclear The sticker Your sticker Sticker Stick on your car

The bitch bites Which bitch? Are you the bitch? Louder than your mum last night Wow What's that? It must be to do with a bike It's a bit aggressive

Or one of those cars where like A bogan has removed the muffler. Right, yeah. And it just looks like any hatchback. But it goes... It's going the same speed as everyone else. It sounds horrible. And it's just doing 30 in a school zone.

Is that good? Does it make it a good car? Do you feel fast? Are you a fast boy? Finally, the most insane, repulsive, and nonsensical of what I've witnessed, this trio of tat was plastered across the rear window of a huge four-wheel drive ute. Ute. A ute is what they call a pickup. Big old pickup truck.

Yeah. Where it's Africa, a bucky. A bucky. Yeah. Fuck off, we're full. the truck yeah just a truck yeah and it's a smiley face and it's just about um our family's too full like there's too many lovely family members in this truck um the the gall of saying fuck off we're full in australia i mean come on try a different angle you're the least full country in the world you're the least full country in the world and you're so racist towards non-whites

moving there they're the only people likely to do better than you at living in australia yes yeah because of the weather yeah so you should be like no we need we really need to up our melanin game yeah please bring melanin send quick send melanin fuck off we're full and then this one long

for a rear window I like to pull up next to a Prius so they can hear me destroy the environment. Oh, come on. Grow up. Okay, mate. Okay, very good. Alright. Time for bed. Just gently touch their shoulder.

Time for bed. We've all had a long day. You're tired. Yeah, we're all very tired. You've been driving broom broom all day, haven't you? Yeah. It's very hot today. It's very sunny. Yeah, we're all very tired You've been driving broom broom all day, haven't you? Yeah It's very hot today, very sunny Very hot, not good for you to be out in the broom broom Your head overheats, doesn't it?

Because there's no sack of water around your brain Also with those guys, so you do believe that climate change is real? Yeah, you know that it's real, but you're just like, I'm going to poo in the restaurant in the middle. Because it's more important to annoy people you find annoying than to preserve the earth, which you yourself believe is under threat.

Gibberish. And this one is the worst of all. Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians. Right, okay. So you go, okay, hang on. Okay, this is very... Hang on, buddy. We have some details we need filling in.

You're a guy. Yeah. That's gonna be the lesbians' first problem. And, I'll be honest their main problem throw you two where what pit yeah where they are congregating

the lesbian pit thirdly a lot of lesbians are vegan that's true. The honey is only going to make your chances worse. I like the idea that this guy's like, oh yeah, a lesbian.

It's a kind of... It's like a girl that's like a bee. Or a bear. Or a bear. A bee or a bear. A bee or a bear. But it's not a woman who likes other women. It's a woman who is so obsessed with honey that me, quite a sort of hairy bogan.

Yeah. She'll just be like, oh! And have to lick or eat me. When I'm thrown to her, of course, in her pit. You know, a lesbian. Do you mean bears? Ah, bears, yes. That's what I thought.

Okay, sorry, bears. Yeah, yeah, yes. That's what I thought. Okay, sorry, bears. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pit of bears. Yeah, that's a very perplexing one. You've got to drive this guy off the road and just say, none of it means anything. Are these stickers all on the same car? Yeah, this is all on the big...

No shit, I didn't realize that. This is all one four-wheel drive used. Wow. That's wild. Of course it's a one four-wheel drive ute. Wow. That's wild. Of course it's a big four-wheel drive ute, though. He's had to put those stickers on like Tetris. Bigoted Tetris. You say you're full, but what about honey-loving lesbians?

Ah, suddenly you've got space for them, huh? You fucking hypocrite. You honey-smothered hippo well now it's time phil to depart to the private um lesbian pit no no i can't do that uh beekeepers um an apiary is that where they have bees an apiary i'm guessing purely because a beekeeper is an apiarist well and so maybe an apiary is like an aviary okay yeah we're going to the private members apiary okay okay of the bonus pod all right oh and we should say actually um you know i'm at the fringe then me and phil are both on torin water and blah blah but also we are recording

all of these in advance a lot of these in advance on a particular day because i'm going on safari to try and find the rhino that killed my grandfather and then i'm going to the fringe yeah and phil's gonna be away i'm away so we need some advanced stuff because we we do you know we do our best to never, ever let you go without your fix. And we've been clear on that and we've been good on that for years now. We've been trying to be good dealers. I think we've been more consistent than a lot of news outlets. Yeah, for sure.

But I guess you may notice the next few episodes Won't be grounded In the present moment We just hope nothing monumental happens Yeah we'll look quite silly Why haven't they mentioned the mega volcano That's drowned everyone in magma It's a bit of a weird thing to omit Pierre's not addressing the allegations

That he's a rhino poacher In any of these He's being held at a Kenyan prison Yeah exactly Kenyan prison. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Kenyan mega prison. Yes, so beware that. And that's why this episode and the following,

I'm going to say two, at least we'll have a sort of rising vibe of hysteria. Yes, we'll get madder and madder. Yeah, come see us in all the places that we're going to. We will be going near you almost inevitably. So just check, for goodness sake. Please, please do. Please. By the way, see you next week.

Okay. Bye. Bye-bye.