BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 227 - Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been An Anime Fan?

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

The lads talk anime, wrestling, the cinematic career of Triple H, correspondence from David and his touching, perspective-giving fart moment, Jordan's Tales Of A Washroom Service Technician feat. Japanese surprise man, Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 227. 227. Poo-poo heaven. Yeah, poo-poo heaven. That's the alternative name for our podcast. It is the subtitle to our podcast. It's the sort of Burmese. It's like when it's translated, know like into japanese cinema or whatever they

translate the titles oh yeah yeah right yeah yeah when when when when bud pod is transported to japan it's called poopoo heaven it's poopoo heaven because yeah because bud pod had some unfortunate associations in the local culture uh harder to pronounce so yeah poopoo heaven the distributor we let we let we let the local distributors in each country choose the name if there's a problem we trust them we we trust these guys are you um um are you were you ever have you are you or have you ever ever have you been a member of the communist party a fan of anime which i think is the same thing actually yeah they are quite linked on they um yes i well i mean not not look when i say i was a fan we're we're talking here on the internet phil where the standards for being a fan of anime are high.

These are some high standards. I was a perfectly standard civilian fan of my generation. E.g. it's Pokemon, it's Dragon Ball Z, it's the standard, the big ones. Nothing too crazy. I've seen some ghibli films it's all pretty pretty bog standard i haven't i haven't got some very niche series that i love or um i'm trying to think i think that's it i think that's it dragon ball is is definitely japanese isn't it yeah yeah yeah oh yeah so it is for some reason I always thought it was Chinese. Is it because he has a kanji symbol on his back?

Yeah, and the dress looks quite Chinese to me. It looks quite Chinese to me. But I never watched it. I never liked anime. I don't know. You like Gundam. I liked having the robots. I liked making the robots.

I never watched any Gundam. Did you not? You didn't watch Gundam. And I had Tamiya cars. I never watched any Gundam. Did you not? You didn't watch Gundam? And I had Tamiya cars. I never watched... I think there was a Tamiya anime. Pokemon I never got into. I thought Pokemon was fucking weird from the start.

What was weird about it? Pokemon and Harry Potter were these phenomena that I always really avoided. What did you watch then? What were you addicted to? What was taking over your little brain and warping it into a paste? Batman, the animated series. I think. Did I watch the animated series?

I think so. As much Batman as I could put into my eyes, pretty much. Okay. And then wrestling yes maybe that's your anime yeah wrestling was my anime wrestling was my my pokemon that would be a good poster a good t-shirt for you wrestling was my anime i suppose it's closer to pokemon really because it's like i you know brockless and i choose you yeah the rock whatever yeah exactly yeah yeah trying to train up your undertaker pokemon to take on the triple h pokemon or something yeah like yesterday um yesterday To relax, I watched a video of The Undertaker and Mick Foley now watching their classic 1998 Hell in a Cell match.

That is one of the maddest uses of your time, I can imagine. No, it's not! It was really nice! It was actually really nice. It was just like watching two old actors. It was like that nice. It was just like watching two old actors. It was like that. It really was. I remember you always very good with the chair. Honestly, it was stuff like that.

They did say things like that. It's special because The Undertaker has always been, I think what's known in wrestling circles as K-Fab, he's always been in character. He never, ever gave interviews out of or i think he never gave interviews at all and apparently people spotted him just like flying on a plane he'd still be like the undertaker yeah he'd still be frightening and he's only now sort of talking about the undertaker as someone who isn't the undertaker yeah well because i uh the the comedian the stand-up tom segura yeah talked about um going to the

undertaker's house and and him being really nice and him being really unsettled by how like friendly and happy and nice the undertaker was and i guess that makes sense but to me it was so strange it was like hearing a grown man say about sarian mckellen i went to gandalf's house and he was just not a normal guy. Gandalf had a toaster and then Gandalf made me some toast. I was just like, you're an adult. What the hell are you talking about? Of course he was nice.

He's a very rich performer. He's a friendly man. Sure. But I guess that makes sense because I didn't know until you said just now about his level of dedication to frowning and staring. Yeah. Even in public. Okay.

That makes a bit more sense then. Yeah. It would be different if you went to like Triple H's house. Triple H is, you know, a great heel. One of the great heels of the WWE. And if he was nice, that wouldn't be so weird because, you know, you've seen him speak as a normal man with long hair and a big nose yeah he's you know he's a guy he's presumably done some sort of slightly uh um rednecky public advocacy advocacy work well that's interesting i wonder what his politics are i mean there tends to be a lot of Republicanism in professional wrestling. I distinctly remember after Scott Steiner yelling on,

I think it was on an episode of Raw, yelling, fuck France and fuck the Dixie Chicks. Because both... They opposed the Iraq War. Yeah, because both opposed the Iraq War. I just thought it was funny to hear a grown man go, fuck France and fuck the Dixie chicks

fuck France I mean it's so insane looking back to that 2003 vibe it makes so little sense yeah how true was that story that they changed the name of french fries to freedom fries

some places did do it but it was like a kind of news outlet, kind of free PR for the diner kind of thing, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That must have lasted, what, like three months for even the craziest of people before they just went right back to calling them just... Also, people always just said fries,

didn't they? Even in America, were people really... Yeah, that's what I thought we always thought, fries. Were people really that wedded to calling them French fries was that really uh so important um so have you looked it up is triple h an insane gun nut or what oh that's what I was looking at triple h triple h politics this is this is where my life is at right now yeah this is how you relax i mean i make fun of you but i download academic pdfs about archaeology and read those so yeah yeah sometimes okay triple h appears to be a republican or at least a supportive son-in-law because he's married

to stephanie mcmahon um he's the daughter of vince mcmahon oh the boss's daughter yeah yeah that's a big thing sexy he's married to the boss's daughter and he's now he's now high up in in um running the wwe sure he is sure he is that's how it works pedigreed his way to the top yeah i when i picture a wwe wrestler doing a speech as themselves in favor of a cause it's not uh refugee housing put it that way no very rarely i don't know whoa triple h was was in a was in a movie in 2011 called the chaperone oh you got a movie everyone gets a movie called the something at some point okay i have to i have to show you I have to show you the poster for The Chaperone, Triple H's 2011 movie.

I've got to get WhatsApp up on here. That's right, a little peek behind the curtain, listener. I get WhatsApp up on my desktop. Phil's one of those people that has desktop WhatsApp. I'm a desktop WhatsApp guy. Texting real quick because I'm fly. I text real quick because I got a keyboard to hand. Yeah.

I'm a desktop WhatsApp guy. Sending links to you on the fly. And I don't have to put it onto my phone first. Having WhatsApp on my desktop would feel like just constantly having a kind of mobile phone game in the corner of my vision. It would feel so distracting, so counterproductive. Okay, I've just texted you the post of the chaperone message from phil

but what could it be wow would you describe it for the listener the post of the chaperone with okay 2011 all right um okay the lettering says paul levesque and then for clarity triple h is the chaperone um now triple h is making a face which would match perfectly the voice pierre used for the chaperone the chaperone triple h has folded his tremendous arms they're big arms but he somehow managed arms, but he somehow managed to fold them. He somehow managed to fold. It's like he's managed to fold a cow. Just really big.

Meat on meat. So he's folded his big, big arms, and he's doing a sort of Pixar slightly... He looks like he's trying to raise a single eyebrow, but he can't. That's what he looks like. Yeah, right, right, right. And he's sort of looking at the camera as if to go,

can you believe this? This is my life dreamworks pose yeah yeah yeah folded arms here i am and then so he's in the foreground but i got problems that kind of yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna get us out of the aquarium and it's to be a loose parody of a heist film yeah or prison break and we'll have followed suspiciously soon after a very similar pixar movie yes exactly um called sea world anyway uh so he's in the background is the front of a big school bus big yellow american school bus um and it's being driven by the character who i presume is his daughter or his his charge he'll be the person he's chaperoning it'll be the it'll be the chaperone the chaperone um which is like supervised pepperoni um chaperone pizza so this this girl who is sort of

she looks like a teenager but she's probably like 21 um classic american film thing. And she's wearing a sort of red vest, kind of a little sort of a down south kind of dress clothing. And she's looking at a bullet hole in the windshield. She's driving it for some reason, which is like things have already gone wrong for the chaperone. By the looks of it, driving it into Triple H, who has his back to her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's a bullet hole in the windshield

and she's looking up at it like, what? How did I end up here yeah. And there's a bullet hole in the windshield, and she's looking up at it like, what? How did I end up here? Oh, there's a bullet shooting. And the title of the chaperone is on the front of the bus where normally it says, you know, school or the destination above the windshield. But what's this? What's this?

Hold on. Because, listener, on top of the bus like lying on top of the bus like they're trying to sneak along the top of the bus trying to hold on to the bus yeah they're holding on whoa and i have to say phil has sent me a very pixelated image but yeah i didn't realize how small this file was yeah it's about 26 kilobytes file but on top of the bus are i'll just say it they look like the two burglars the wet bandits from home alone that's clearly what they've gone for they just go very much we're going to use them again one is short and sort of kind of tubby looking with what i think is a little hat the other one is taller and has a sort of brown beard and hair. And they're both holding up pistols in their right hand.

And their left hand, they're holding up as if to say, whoa, there, chaperone. Slow down, Triple H as the chaperone. Yeah, so Triple H is clearly, I think it's her dad. Because I can make out, even with the insane pixelation, the sort of motto or funny slogan of the film is, her dad did time, dot, dot, dot. Now he wants quality time. Nice. Well, you're not far off.

So the synopsis of The Chaperone from D11 is, Ray, who's presumably Triple H, Ray quits his job as a driver to a group of robbers and decides to become a good parent to his daughter Sure But his old partners try to convince him to be a part of their last heist

Uh huh Now, there's some incredible numbers going on here You wanna guess Make a guess at the Rotten Tomatoes score I'm going to guess 18% it didn't do that badly 29% oh okay

alright because you know Triple H I suppose now the budget of the movie you know the amount of money spent on the movie 8.2 million dollars that is a very cheap film that's a cheap movie but would you

like to guess that is would you like to guess what with a budget of 8.2 million dollars what the chaperone starring triple h took in at the box office well globally nine million dollars $9 million. I don't think I've ever seen this before. $30,000 US dollars. Whoa! Oh my god! So essentially, it made zero money. It cost $8 million, it cost, and it made $30,000. Woof!

Woof! $30,000. $30,000. $30,000. $30,000 at the box office. God damn. For context, in its opening weekend, Oppenheimer took $80 million. 80? Yeah.

I can't remember. In a weekend. So $30,000, right? Let's say that a ticket was what, $15? Yep. a weekend so a thirty thousand dollars right let's say that a ticket was what fifteen dollars yep yeah like two thousand people saw that oh my god dude that's that's fewer people than would see one of our like tours yeah yeah i just thought gosh that's a man no and that's fine because he's like the he's up there with the biggest stars in wwe up there with the rock but the rock is the highest grossing movie star in history yes but now okay what is going on there phil you know more about these men than i do i know about the

rock from his movies and so on i vaguely remember him raising his eyebrow successfully is that it is this because triple h clearly can't raise an eyebrow well the rock was always like extraordinarily charismatic and always a usually a face i.e a good guy triple h was a fantastic heel i.e a bad guy so it's basically always a heel um and he everything the rock did was part of the show from his catchphrases to his eyebrows to even how he sort of took hits he takes hits which is called selling in wrestling he sells so flamboyantly like he throws himself all over the place he's a ham basically and he also got in early you know on the on the wrestlers being in hollywood movies game he played the scorpion king

in um the mummy yeah way early on when people thought it was kind of lame people kind of made fun of him for it people like he'd come back and fans would shout you sold out people just make like there's a stone cold would like in character by the ring make fun of how bad scorpion king was really yeah yeah yeah oh wow i had no idea but rude man but also tongue-in-cheek yeah but they um but he got in early and he just kind of kept at it. And then I guess it was the Need for Speed series that then really propelled The Rock as an action man. You mean Fast and Furious? Yeah. Oh, sorry.

Fast and Furious. What's Need for Speed again? Is that a video game? It was a video game. I think they made a movie. Yeah. i think they made a couple of movies okay so then some they get stuck in fast and furious okay but yeah triple h just fucking hell shat the bed yeah which is weird because nothing about the formula is any different to any of these other ones yeah but just pure execution.

I wonder if it was a tax write-off, like a producer's style. It just needed to lose money. I mean, it looks like it. If it wasn't, they fucked up. Poor Triple H. Poor Triple H. But he'll do all right.

And his muscles and his giant arms. With his big old muscles. Also, like, you can tell from Posa, he's clearly seven times the strength of either the actual criminals. Yeah. And he's the driver. Yeah, they go, okay, you definitely need to stay in the car. You'll just get in the way out there when we're trying to hurt people.

We'll be too worried about you while we're hurting people and they try to hurt us. We don't think you can look after yourself. You stay in the car where it's safe. We need to intimidate the security of the place we're robbing. If it's a bank,

if it's a mobster card game that we're knocking over, we need everyone in there to be too afraid to move or never mind reach for a gun. So you, what with being a seven-foot-tall monster, man, you have to stay in the car. They're going to be definitely not afraid of you, the most giant strong man they've ever seen in their life and we definitely will need a quick getaway and so we'll need a driver who is sort of

nimble and whose arms are of such a size that he can move them swiftly from steering wheel to gear change and back again and handbrake So we need someone whose arms are very mobile. They're not going to sort of rub against his chest or bump into the rest of the car. We think you have those live arms. We need someone who definitely won't have to completely push the driver's chair all the way back just to fit in the car, thus depriving us of a seat in the back of the car.

It'd be funny if in real life if you saw a really big muscly guy like that you weren't intimidated like they they come in and they rob a mafia card game and because they know so much about fitness all the mafia guys are like i'm not afraid of you you have you only eat uh chicken breast oh hello broccoli boy yeah there's an old billy brown rice over here billy brown rice and the guys are like triple h is like shit they know they know they know get out of here go poach an egg yeah you gotta you gotta condition your fucking forearms there like they're just really laying into him these big fat guys now now on the rest of tomatoes i was also then but then suggested you may also like and a a john cena movie which has an even lower 20 rating and this has now given

me an idea for the worst movie marathon of all time. We should do that. We should do a professional wrestler movie marathon. It should be called Muscle Man Movies, where all the movies have muscle men in it. Everyone seems to be pretending they aren't muscle men. That's a key requirement of the film. Is that they're muscle men? They're incongruous muscle men.

Yes. No one seems to be interested in the fact that they've got basically an Olympic level bodybuilder as a friend. And this would open up basically all of Arnold Schwarzenegger's... Yeah. They can be like a little treat because they're actually good. Yeah, they can be like a little treat because they're actually good. Although interesting to hear that Cena had a bad one because he's so good as Mr. Justice or whatever the fuck it is lately. Oh, in Suicide Squad.

Yeah, and the TV series. Have you seen the TV series? I've not seen the TV series. It's excellent. Really? Wow. I was amazed how good that movie was. The second Suicide Squad movie. The movie was sick.

I couldn't believe it. It was so good. And the TV series is great. Highly recommended. What's he called again? Peacemaker. Peacemaker. Peacemaker.

There we go. He's so funny. He's really, really funny. He's too muscly to be that funny. Yeah, he is very funny. But he's, yeah, I don't think he's actually considered that good a wrestler he was a bodybuilder before he was professional wrestling and a lot of times these

absolutely stacked guys are not very good wrestlers just because they can't really move very well oh yeah because they could just do poses they can't kind of leap around yeah and also like literally the muscles just kind of get in the way they're just a bit stiff a bit heavy well they it's that joke about having biceps so big you can't comb your hair i said yeah that's interesting because like i if you look at pictures of the rock back when he was a wrestler he just kind of looks like quite a big bloke it's like yeah yeah he's way bigger now weirdly way bigger now back then it's like wow his arms are perfectly smooth but i guess they're quite big like a sort of ham yeah he didn't even have abs there's no definition at all yeah yeah he's

obviously still very big and strong but like now he looks like an insane like anime anatomy drawing of a muscly guy yeah back then it was just like he's the biggest guy we could find who was free and nearby well he comes from a big wrestling family there's a whole there's this huge family tree that of wd wrestlers and professional wrestlers it's such a look is just one of these guys such a fucking carny it really is it really is they're basically a circus who travel yeah maybe stand-ups it is quite something the biggest movie star in the world is polynesian i mean that's quite something that is crazy yeah yeah that is crazy i don't think anyone expected that no no because it was will smith for a while before he went poopy yeah poopy and loopy he went a bit poopy a bit loopy um yeah will smith was the highest grossing

movie star of all time you're right until yeah until the rock yeah until the rock took it over because will smith made that weird i'm definitely not a scientologist movie with his son yeah and that tanked um oh god yeah there's an amazing bit in that that the trailer for that movie that me and my sisters would always quote to each other um and it was will smith and his son jayden when he's still quite young playing his son in the movie and they're like astronauts that and they're exploring distant worlds and then i think the spaceship there's a crash in one and they have to survive on this crash lands and essentially alien planet

a jungle yeah yeah that's right and like and he says to his son when his son is panicking he says hey take a knee and his son just quietens down this is like solemnly takes his knee and they both take a knee and they discuss it but the way he just goes take a knee and his son just instantly sort of just kind of like a little robot yeah take a knee is funny because that's an american football thing isn't it it is yeah i mean i guess that became the protest that um what's his name keselnik case keselnik keselnik the american football player started kapanik kapanik i don't know kesson kapanik yeah but the american names are very difficult yeah um yes of course yeah

taking it's such a strange americanism take the take the knee we wouldn't say that here would we well they because take a knee was just like a kind of halftime thing like like huddle yeah right and then it became oh and then became the knee because that was specifically this one demonstration but it also coincided with taking the knee being like a game of thrones thing as well like take the need to like be loyal to the dragon lady yeah yeah it was a sign of acquiescence to someone yeah so then it's all these weird like synchronicity bits of culture lining up at once and you wonder it's not like it it's in an old english phrase did it actually come from like medieval times did not that i'm aware of the knee did you just say that you would knee but before you're kneeled before

the king or whatever but like you wouldn't it wasn't it's not a phrase i'm aware of put it that way i'm just trying to figure out the the sort of grammatical mechanics of it take so how did they end up using take take the knee take a knee take a knee take a seat i guess it's like take a seat yeah it's a similar formulation of that then to that yeah take a seat you take a knee what's like genuflection i suppose do a little kneel if you're a catholic you know right i reckon this is my theory on the origins of take a knee. It was in football, as you say, in halftime, they use it to rest. American football. American football.

And as a joke, it started off as a little joke. Instead of saying take a seat, because that would be too comfortable, the coach would have a go, take a knee, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Instead of take a seat. Yeah, yeah. Don't sit down with your legs crossed like little children. Yeah. Take a knee. If you need a seat, Yeah, yeah. Don't sit down with your legs crossed like little children. Yeah, take a knee.

If you need a seat, take a knee. I reckon that's how it started. It's also how you sort of stop when you're like on a military patrol. You stop like that. Oh, yeah, when you're like going through the Vietnamese jungle or something. Yeah, you kneel down on one knee and you put your hand up. Yeah. So it's probably from that too

maybe there was a generation of american football players who had all been in the military and so it just kind of transferred over you do get a lot of military stuff transferring it over to civilian life when conscription is around you have a lot of military stuff transferring to civilian life when conscription is around right yes that makes every single adult male has been military trained. So when they say a military thing in society, everyone knows what they mean because they were also in the military at some point. Yeah, yeah. Although we've never had conscription here.

We have a lot of military. UK had conscription for ages. When? Up till 1959. Oh. National 1959. Oh. National Service. Right. Okay.

That's where we have loads of military phrases. Demob happy. Yeah. You know. Whole nine yards. That's from, apparently that's from machine guns. Yeah, it is from the belt. Loads and loads of military slang.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I had it is from the belt. Loads and loads of military slang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I had forgotten about the World Wars. You're always forgetting about the World Wars. I didn't know conscription continued afterwards. Yeah, well, National Service. Oh. Whatever you want to call it. But the point is that you had to do National Service in some form until the late 50s.

Yeah. I mean, Brian Blessed did national service. In fact, this is relevant because in the Malayan emergency, when the British military was out in Malaya, a lot of the soldiers fighting out there were national servicemen, e.g. conscripts. Oh. It wasn't all SAS guys or something. It was also just like, you know, Bill from down the road. Like, hey, guess what? This is the version of national service you're doing.

Oh, fuck. I have to actually go to Malaysia and shoot at communists. They didn't bring back many Malay words, though. No, no. They're more interested in Hindu words from the Raj or whatever. We should do some correspondence speaking of conscripts

speaking of Hindu words from the Raj let's read your words from the letters Letters. Letters. Emails. Phone numbers. Your sister. Keep a straight eye. Letters. Correspondence.

We have a message from David. David. David. Hey, kid. Hey, kid, David. Doopie doopie doo. Hello, buds. The title kid, David. Doopie doopie doo. Hello, buds. The title of the email is Fart Question.

Fart Question. Yeah. Okay. We hope we can help. A few years ago, I went on a family holiday, and after a long day of traveling, we decided to share a taxi into London from the airport. Okay.

Ooh la la. Bougie, bougie, bougie. We all packed in, parents, siblings, and spouses, and the driver was swerving a lot, braking and accelerating wildly. I hate that. It was one of those taxi trips where everyone is tired

and feeling a bit sick and no one attempts conversation. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I know it well. It was dark and close to midnight. Suddenly, my mum said that she needed to get out and asked the driver to stop.

He pulled over and she was sick into the gutter behind the car. It's incredibly British to prefer to wait till you needed to getter behind the car it's incredibly british to to to prefer to wait till you needed to get out of the car to be sick then to lean over and say sorry could you drive a little less erratically yes yes in that level of politeness of like i would rather make this the worst version um i was stood next to her i think i will, I'll interrupt the email a bit to say, I think electric vehicles are making car sickness a lot worse

because a lot of people who drive them have absolute fucking lead feet. Because there's no gradual acceleration. It's just... Oh, right. Yeah. It's just like it makes your body do the vomiting motion when people drive like that they've got no smoothness in them at all and nor do the vehicles some ubers drive so badly i'm like

you do this all the time yeah but it's because it's that basic functioning thing it's like if they if they chopped carrots with a spoon it's just like well it works i got the chopped carrots you just think yeah i guess i just know how they don't feel sick yeah i think it's passengers tend to feel sicker it's just passengers if you're driving you know why it's lurching it's because you're smushing your foot down on that pedal yeah some people are just awful drivers um yeah i was stood next to her i think i had got out so she could get to the door she stayed bent double waiting to see what else would come out instinctively i reached out to rub her back as my hand made contact with her back like the second i touched her she dry heaved and farted so as he touches her like like uh the green mile you know his hand starts glowing and

he touches her and she goes who is the lady's him his mom his mom great great great so he touches his mom's back and she goes immediately like a character from adventure time or something yeah exactly uh some background i have never heard or seen my mum fart or burp or be sick. She is a very... That's a fun thing to stand up and shout in a tavern. I have never seen my mother fart or burp or be sick. And everyone goes, hey!

Throw their beers in the air. I've never seen or heard my mom fart or burp or be sick. She is a very in control person. Doesn't drink, never smoked, doesn't show vulnerability. Very put together. Doesn't show vom-nerability. Yes. Vom, as in vomit oh oh yeah you see you see that oh we've always had a slightly odd relationship all exacerbated by my father's sudden death

just before i turned 10 which is something that we never talk about um in that moment of being physically connected to her as she dry heave farted I was given a real gift oh great I was seeing and feeling my mother as a human yeah someone who needed help I'm reaching an age now where I can easily

see how I will need to physically assist my mom in the not too distant future but back then it was more of an epiphany back then we were all gonna live forever yeah yeah. Back then we were all going to live forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we're all getting to that point. Uh-huh. The pose we made together that night,

her burnt over and me rubbing her back, viewed from a distance, would cast me as the parent and her as the child. Mmm. Yeah, especially in silhouette. A Jesus and Madonna, maybe. Yes. A puking Jesus, A puking Jesus and

Madonna. How would that look in marble? A puking farting Jesus and Madonna. I'm sure he was a baby. He would have been puking and farting all the time. Yeah, constant. Constant. You won't see that on the BBC though. I won't see that on the BBC.

Just pointing at a sculpture of Jesus shitting and farting at the same time as a baby. You won't see that on the BBC though I won't see that on the BBC Just pointing at a sculpture of Jesus shitting and farting at the same time as a baby You won't see that on the BBC You won't It's true Am I wrong? Just pointing at a tramp wanking in an alleyway You won't see that on the BBC Well why would you? I don't know It's a point to get a tramp wanking in an alleyway. You might see that on the BBC.

Well, why would you? I don't know. I'm just saying you won't. I'm agreeing with you. I'm saying you won't. David says, my question to you is, has a fart or a poo ever brought you closer to someone? All my love, David.

That's a lovely email, David. Thank you so much for that. That is lovely. Thanks, David. Thanks so much for getting in touch and for sharing with us such an important personal moment. Such a beautiful personal moment. Really nice. I do know what David is talking about.

I had an ex-girlfriend who once on holiday, we'd had like a very vegetable heavy curry, like a spinachy thing. Yes. And she came out of the bathroom and gleefully said, it's green. Do you want to have a look? And I said no,

but I said no, but I also on some level thought, oh, wow, okay, this is a step up in our closeness now. Yeah, that's a promotion of a sort. The comedian, excellent comedian, friend of the podcast,

Sarah Barron, who is married. She's married to Jeff Lloyd. They slash she and her stand-up has a brilliant toilet intimacy story that I won't spoil, but go see her or ask her about it or I don't know. Maybe it's on YouTube somewhere. they have a great one

to do with getting married um yeah i'm trying to think i will say to counterpoint while you think that um at university once i got so drunk i vomited on my friend's feet while he was wearing sandals and i don't think that brought us any closer together no no no well i think i think i think you can work against you sometimes i think it depends why the vomiting or pooing is happening whereas food poisoning or something is sort of quite blameless right yeah i think if you're drunk that's not that's not very charming is it no because it's your own fault whereas if you some if it's happening to you you're blameless aren't you yeah um i'm trying to think it's always it's always very bonding when someone

the other person is is ill in some way and you yeah so you're looking after them. That's right. That's right, yeah. Yeah, that's always bonding. Are you still drawing a blank? I've had... But none of them stand out.

There is a sort of generic, like, it humanizes someone and you become closer due to sort of the increased intimacy of like, oh, it's okay for you to do that around me or whatever. But no, not... That's exactly what David's asking for you to do that around me or whatever but no no no that's exactly what david's asking for yeah yeah yeah but like the stories aren't like set on a mountaintop or an attempt like they're not exceptional they're just generic like yes yes that phenomenon but just in general nothing yeah well that's an answer david just david did just ask yeah yeah have you ever had this no i totally get it. I know what he's talking about.

But his had some real cinematic quality to it almost. That's clearly stuck with him. And poignancy. Poignancy, yes. Whereas mine has been pretty domestically standard stuff, really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, thanks, David. Yes, thank you very much. Also, how funny that it was

at the end of the trip at the end of the holiday that the tree ponding happened yeah yeah yeah at the last sort of minute of it we've got a message from oh hang on

oh it sent sort of updates some updates uh oh Oh, hang on. Oh, it sent sort of updates. Some updates. Oh, yes. Okay. It is from Jordan. Jordan, give me more than just your name. Ah, well, he has. Okay.

So the email is titled Tales of a Washroom Service Technician ah that was my favorite TV show as a kid yeah and scandalous novel good day Philip Horse Lover Wang

and Pierre Stone Man Novelli yeah those are just literal translations of our first names. Yes. Phil loves horses. I am a stone. Stone. I am a rock. Praise extraordinary renditioned.

Renditioned. I've taken away. I'm strapped to a chair. It's in a shipping crate in Egypt. Nice. Yeah. I am professionally bound in servitude to the will of the toilet guards or a washroom service technician as my bosses would say fair enough

this job involves me driving around the country to service the washroom facilities such as soap, sanitizers, hand dryers nappy and sanitary bins of various companies and institutions. Wow. Traveling around. Key worker. Gosh.

I hope they're nice institutions. Yeah, I'd love to hear the sort of blues song about this. And just riding the rails, replacing the soap. Checking the hand dryers are still going. Got them traveling hand dryer blues. An unfortunate career move as my schoolyard colleagues were often fond of converting my

proud Welsh last name Pew, meaning originally and imaginatively son of Hugh. Oh, Pew. Well, in Welsh it would have been Ap Hugh. Ap Hugh to you too. Yeah, but then it would have just become Pew over time. AP is like son of. Oh, wow. So it would have been like

Llywelyn Ap Hugh and then it just becomes Pew. So he says his schoolyard colleagues converted Pew into the more fun Pooh so you see my interest in contacting you because I am Mr. Pooh the Mr. Pooh

the very same we've heard so much about you we've been talking about you non-stop oh come come call me Jordan. My father was Mr. Pooh. Come with me and you'll be...

Mr. Pooh. Hmm. As you can imagine, this job has provided me with a plethora of unsanitary stories and tall toilet tales. However, upon discovering your poopy podcast back in the hazy days of episode one,

yes, I am a founding father. Wow. Fantastic. Mr. Pooh. Mr. Pooh's been with us. Of course Mr. Pooh was there at the beginning. From the start. Like Kaiser Soze. Mr. Pooh has always been there. Yeah.

Listening. Yes, I am a founding father. I reflected on my own poop related stories And found myself feeling the effects of PTSD Rather than humour As such I present to you a toilet related Rescue tale Wow Scoop

I'm trying to think of the theme of the rescuers, but that's just in terms. Oh, man. I would love the rescuers down under. Did you fancy the lady rescuer? Sure, sure. Of course. She was French.

She never wore trousers. Oh, a trouserless French woman. The dream. Never had it Naked from the waist down at all times What a dream Ah and rescuing rare birds Yes she had like a little

Mink hat I want to look her up now actually I thought you were going to say she had a little mink synergy Um The rescuers Oh Bianca Oh la, Bianca. Oh, la, la. Bianca.

Where you at, Bianca? Oh, yeah. Completely pantsless. Miss Bianca. She works as the Hungarian ambassador. She's supposed to be Hungarian. Okay. Well, look at her here she's wearing a little bow tie and a scarf

and nothing underneath nothing below that that's it that's all she's wearing but then another picture full coat decide decide what is she make your choice i cannot imagine the there's if i keep scrolling i'm going to see some sort of hand-drawn pornography i think i've already seen a pregnant one yep i've seen a pregnant one there she's pregnant uh yeah this is like do people on the internet like drawing their favorite characters pregnant what's that about gosh is that a thing i wouldn't know yeah no come on i sent you that pregnant sonic song oh fuck yeah pregnant sonic horrible okay i've only seen a pregnant one i mean considering what could be drawn about miss bianca from the rescuers a pregnant miss bianca is uh i think i've gotten

off lightly there and i'm continuing continuing to scroll because obviously on some level i do want to find something and they go to australia they go to australia and she fancies the kind of australian outback rodent a lot oh great yeah because the normal he's a he's he's all he's all cool he's a chad and uh normal rodent is an incel he's a little dweeb he's got a little hat on and he's got a jumper and he's lame dweeb. He's got a little hat on and he's got a jumper and he's lame. Yes, of course. Oh wow, and there's that fucking seagull.

So she's Belgian, Miss Bianca. What? I said she was the Hungarian ambassador. A Hungarian, sorry, sorry, sorry. Belgian. Hungarian ambassador so she's not even French. No, she's just putting on a sort of generic like, oh, I'm with her in a sexy mouse. Hungarian.

Anyway, so Mr. Pooh. sort of generic like oh i'm a furry and a sexy mouse hungarian voice anyway so mr poo mr poo yes sorry we got distracted by a sexy cartoon as we often do one day while attending a customer's premises name changed to protect the innocent i was working around the building's different individual toilets and I came across one that was locked. Okay. I thought nothing of this, as I'm sure you are both aware that everyone loves a poo at work. Yes, yeah.

Making the most of your time there. You're leaving it out of the home. Uh-huh. I serviced the rest of the toilets and came back to this one at the end. It was still locked. I had been on site for over an hour at this point. Okay.

Okay, locked for an hour. Obviously, we have someone who likes being paid to poo too much here, I thought to myself. Yeah, because that's what it is. Doing the poo work, you like yeah you're being paid to enjoy yourself basically imagine how frightened you'd be if you had a knock on the door of your cubicle while you were shitting and outside knocking on the door it was mr poo come to check up on you how's it going what are you doing in there? It's Mr. Pooh. Hey, it's Mr. Pooh. How's it going in there? It's all going very well, Mr. Pooh.

It's all coming out. Just normal. Okay, well, see to it that it is. Yes, sir, Mr. Pooh. If anyone's going to have exacting standards, why don't you take a shit? It's Mr. Pooh. Put on pristine white gloves. Be like the critic from Ratatouille

frowning at you on the bog anyway I decided to knock on the door on the off chance the toilet had been locked off for maintenance for some other reason I heard a quiet noise on the other side I knocked again a meek help

was my reply. Oh god. That's horrible. Help. No. Help. Oh no, I don't like that. Oh. As you can imagine, he says, I was alarmed. I'm alarmed.

Help? How? Why? Me? Help was the only reply that came, no matter what question I asked. Wow. Okay, that's very horrifying. That's bad. I don't like this.

I stood there, stunned, motionless in the corridor. So he's like going, What's your name? Help. Help. You okay in there? What are you doing in there? Help.

Who's the president? Help. I stood there stunned, motionless in the corridor. A caretaker for the customer began walking down the corridor. Luckily for me, as I meant this... Oh, lucky for me, as this meant I no longer had to handle the situation solo. Between the two of us, we concluded that whoever lay beyond the door was in fact trapped and we would have to break the situation solo. Between the two of us, we concluded that whoever lay beyond the door was in fact trapped and we would have to break the door down.

We tried to explain to the person within that we would have to break the door inwards towards them, so this would mean they need to stand on the toilet to avoid injury. We waited a moment and then heard Okay. And then together the caretaker and I shoulder barged the door. It went on the first blow.

Oh, nice. Impressive. Yeah. And then we discovered the identity of our damsel in distress, or duke in poop, if you will. Okay, I want to hear a guess before I tell you. What? Is it a famous person? No, just the nature of who's in the loo what do you think oh all the all all that's been heard is help and then okay oh gosh i want to see if you get this right because i i don't think you will

well i don't think i will um was it the previous the cleaner oh stuck while cleaning oh i see no no no so they burst it oh yeah one more guess One more guess Yeah Bruce Willis In a sort of Die hard sort of escapade That went wrong In a vest stuck in the loo himself

No no So they slam in Hero style There standing on the toilet In a crouched position Covering his head Was a 60 something japanese businessman in a three-piece suit oh that was my next guess yeah he jumped off the toilet and

hugged both of his heroes frantically repeating with thumbs up okay thank you okay thank you before quickly rushing off down the corridor in a manner that many run towards the toilet. Poetic. I still reflect on this man's forward thinking. I could be wrong, however, from my small interaction with him. It appeared the three words of English he made sure he had locked in

before coming to our strange country was okay, thank you, and chillingly, help. So that's all the words he learned in advance. Okay, thank you. Okay, thank you, chillingly help ah so that's all the words he learned in advance okay thank you okay thank you and help wow proper okay thank you this tale has provided uh oh this tale has provided friends and family with laughter and questions for years so i thought i'd share it for you if i can search my archives for a non-horrific poo story in future i'll call upon you once more um thank you both for the podcast and a special thanks to pierre who helped me navigate the tube one night after

seeing him perform in teddington inexplicably in a cathedral last year all the best mr poo i remember that wow so you know what mr poo looks like you you know the face of poooh. Let's just say Mr. Pooh appears to each of us exactly as we need him to. Yes, I remember that. Gosh. Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, great. P.S.

I should be excommunicated from the Church of Dirty Little Boys and Girls for my absence of Koji. However. Oh, yes. And he sent us some toilet tat and it's that horrible poster of like different types of shit you know oh the Bristol scale

yeah it's the Bristol stool chart really gross google it if you if you're unfamiliar if you must thank you Mr Poo and thank you guys now it's time Phil to's time phil to go where to the vip cubicle yeah i think we have been in a public bathroom before yeah maybe um uh soap soap dispensing place like a supply cupboard okay okay all right all right all right let's try that okay um how exciting

yeah the supply cupboard i guess you bet the patrons can't wait for that one um but everyone else will see you next time see you next time much of love bye