BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 235 - Techno Nightmare, Funky Dream

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

The lads talk hotel techno noise nightmares in Bristol, being on tour, the sheer neediness of Funk, tat sent in by Jack, Phil saw an aggressive t-shirt on the tube, BAZZ gets in touch with some tat and the lads discuss studying in studiesSee us on tour! Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. It's Budpod 235. 235. A poopy life poopy life we're living a poopy life we're living a poopy life on the podcast um poopy life that's right taking a little break possible way yes in the good way taking a break from being on tour around the world it Black brackets British Isles. This is the first time we've simultaneously. Been on different tours.

It's never happened before. Never. Bud Pod history. Thank you to all the Pod Buds. Who came to Birmingham. And then they came to Bristol. And then they came last night to Exeter. Yes.

What a trip. Great trip. Thanks to the Pod Buds who came to. to Exeter. Yes, what a trip. Great trip. Thanks to the PodBuds who came too. Salisbury. Yeah. Amazing show in Salisbury. Such a good show. Cambridge.

So many great people turned out in Cambridge. So thanks to PodBuds who came to that. This week I'm in a few places, including Bradford. It's a big old room in Bradford. I don't know why I'm in such a big room in Bradford, but I am. So please come to Bradford

if you're anywhere in England. Here's an interesting fact. Well, actually, I'll tell you. There's a thing I meant to tell you about from tour this will this will grind your gears okay while it was happening to me i thought phil would be so upset if he was here okay great i was in the ibis hotel is it an ibis or an ibis it's an ibis yeah okay is that what is that what's going to come back here is he saying it this instead um Ibis? Yeah, no, yeah. They wouldn't let me get my room key if I didn't admit it was Ibis.

No, it was Ibis. I was at the Ibis in Bristol. Ah. And there was some sort of rave going on or something. In the hotel? Well. On the roof. Well. So I got off the train at bristol and i saw people you know when it's like

even for bristol you go there must be a party happening even oh right it's like there's so much commotion and noise it's not just the general hubbub of lively bristol there must be a yeah but the way people are dressed oh okay you know when you see someone you go but that's a costume for a thing yeah because it's not like it's not like at 3 p.m on a saturday no one wears a corset but it feels like these three women in corsets with their with their bing bongs out the big mom the what the bing bongs the bing bongs out yeah they had their bing bongs out the big mom the what the bing bongs the bing bongs out yeah they had their bing bongs out okay of whatever that means to you they were out okay whichever bit you think is the bing bong it was out it was out i don't need to i don't need to worry about not being

able to guarantee you that whatever bit you imagine it was out and they had like cowboy hats on and shit and then there were guys with like dreadlocks and kind of crazy you know and it's like a grubby hoodie but you can tell it's expensive or prestigious in some way right okay and they were all like in a group and they all got off and walked in the same direction towards the sort of industrial statey bits industrial like the cool sort of old worn out brick buildings bits yeah like like you come out the train station you don't go into the town center you go even further out oh yeah yeah yeah you turn left at the bottom of the hill yeah so i was like okay that's there's something happening okay and then the more i walked around bristol the more i saw more people in like i saw a girl who had put on elf ears oh but like like but like good ones like prosthetic ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was dressed like a character.

Oh. Was there a Comic-Con or something going on? No, but she was in a group of other more musical rave people going in the same direction. All these weirdos all going towards these buildings. What the hell is going on? Yeah. I hope you did that.

I hope you grabbed one of them and said, what the hell is going on here? I picked her up by her steampunk. By her ears, by her elf ears. Yeah, and I said, listen here, elf. Mark me well. What foul magics do you wreak upon this innocent port? I went to my hotel and I did two shows in the day,

4.30 show, 7.30 show. All great. And then I went back to the hotel and I had something that you can only really enjoy in life if you're a stand-up comedian or a private detective

or a sort of creep creepy murderer a lone whiskey a lone pint in the hotel bar ah you did it

you did it I did it well done he did it everybody I did it for maximum points you need to do that while listening to the song Guitar Man.

How does that go? You're asking. I hate it when I have to try and do songs for you. Guitar man, he's got a big guitar. He hits the bad guys with it. Big box. This. This one. Who's it by? box. Oh. This. This one. Who's it by?

Bread. Okay. It's a kind of song about like a lonely kind of like steel country kind of lonely guitar man. Okay.

Right. Yeah. Going from town to town. It's the mood. Yeah. And rave people were coming in and out of the bar. Of the Ibis.

And I could hear that it was nearby. Okay. The rave. Yeah. And I could see the bar. Of the Ibis? And I could hear that it was nearby. Okay. The rave. And I could see the lights in the sky, the big searchlights. Oh, yeah. So I thought, oh. Batman.

Batman's going to come and take out the rave. You don't have a permit for this. You don't have a permit. Please be considerate to our neighbors. Holding the elf lady upside down off the fucking top of a tower. Where's the DJ? We're not racing.

Exactly. And I thought, oh, this must be, it must be a thing put on by someone big enough to attract people from out of town, hence the train, hence them staying in this hotel. Again, I thought, maybe this will all be fine. I got to hear pounding techno

coming from one or both of the rooms next door to me from 1 a.m. through till about half past five in the morning. The hotel room? Yeah. Did you complain?

Did you call? I tried. And I ended up standing in the middle of my hotel room? Yeah. Did you complain? Did you call? I tried. And I ended up standing in the middle of my hotel room looking around going, where's my little phone? Oh, no.

There was no phone. It's an iBiz. They don't have a little phone. I found a laminated piece of paper that had some tat on it about how phones

were so 2000 and late. No! Or something like that. Like some little joke about, oh, we got rid of our old phones. Oh, aren't they grubby? That's the worst thing at all of all, being cutesy about the lack of an amenity.

Boring old toilet paper. You wouldn't want any of that. Fucking cunts. And so instead on the laminate piece of paper was a mobile number. I could text the official ibis mobile number and say for the love of god send your incredibly bored looking security man up here to knock on a door or something and they said they would do that i didn't really detect any dip in volume as a result of any security actions and what was weird was that when i stuck

my head in the corridor, it was almost impossible to hear any of the techno. Right. The insulation out into the corridor, fantastic. Beautiful. Between the fucking rooms, bad. Insane. Yeah.

For about an hour, well, not an hour, that would be crazy, but for an appreciable length of time, 10 to 30 minutes, one of the two rooms blasting techno was also joined by like quite elaborate fucking sounds what really yeah but i couldn't at one point i thought is this in the music is it kind of was it the time sometimes yeah but i thought what and it was just like being trapped in a German porn film. That sounds horrible. So were you awake the whole time? For a lot of it, yeah.

I managed to snatch a few hours of sleep. And then I got woken up at five again by, like, boys running in the corridor and, like, laughing and dicking around in the corridor. And I was like, I can either just, like, kind of fight my way back to sleep or I can fight a load of boys in a corridor. And I thought, I'll just go to sleep or i can fight a load of boys yeah in a corridor yeah and i thought i'll just go to sleep people have pigs people are such pigs yeah i i was but then i thought of course like this is the cheapest hotel for crusties who love raving near the rave sign on a sat was on a saturday yeah oh you were near the rave place. On a Saturday night. Oh, no.

Yeah. But why weren't they at the rave? Clearly, they were raving from 5 p.m., and so by the time it got to 1 a.m., they were all raved out, and it was time to go have a smaller rave in their room. And have rave sex. And have at least a bit of rave sex for some of them. Have some high-tempo sex. What I found weird was that the sex then the room that was full of like the giggling boys yeah and slamming doors and like

you know that laugh of like the drunk english idiot that was the same room that the lady fucking noises had been coming from. So I was like, Oh, it's like Snow White and the seven dwarfs in there. We were hanging out. Did they run in? Did they like walk in on someone having sex?

And that was why they were going. No, because it was like hours of difference. Wow. So was the, like, was this guy like, well,

obviously from one to one 30, roughly I'll sleep with my girlfriend slash rave lady and then I'll invite the boys around and we'll giggle and play pranks just stand in a circle giggling so yeah it was not ideal there was like a lot of it where I kept thinking

Phil would hate this so much well did you not hate it would we not hate it the same amount I did hate it but I think you would have hated it even more it's so a combination of everything you hate most it's the injustice of it and the arrogance yeah I couldn't

I couldn't ever claim that I was as I couldn't ever claim that I was suffering as much as you would have suffered you were like my Christ. I could use you to give me perspective. Well, this is nothing compared to how much Phil would be hating this. I've told two children to be quiet in business class on the flight once.

I was trying to sleep. I love Phil when Phil is a tycoon. Cruel tycoon. And there's just these kids running around in dark plane time. No, you can't run around in dark plane time. You can't run around in dark plane time. Dark plane. When you're in a plane, you become a chicken.

When they turn the lights off, you just tip your head. And you have to try your sleep. You go to sleep. Yeah, lay an egg. Yeah, when the lights come on, they feed you through a tube, and then you lay a little egg, and the pilot comes back, and he picks it up, and he blows your bum hands off it. And he takes it to the market.

Passenger eggs. Yeah. Fresh. Delicious, fresh, organic passenger eggs. Fresh from the New York to to london red eye um but these kids are running around going and i go excuse i talk to them like adults i don't know why i was like excuse me can you be quiet please i'm trying to get some sleep and like they just they do the thing where kids have been admonished by

an adult who isn't their parent yeah they just kind of look at you they're just very confused they're like what are the rules i? Yeah, what are the rules? Do I have to do that? And then they'd sort of be a bit quiet for a bit, and then they'd pick up again. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Running around. Yeah.

Be quiet. I'm trying to sleep. And then they'd be quiet. Come on, come here. And all I thought was, where are the parents? Where were the parents? I think they're just asleep.

Back in economy. I think they'd, no, yeah. They're very rich kids. They paid for the flight yeah um i think i think the parents is that classic thing of yeah i think you get to a certain level of wealth as a parent and you go now my kids are everyone's problem i guess yeah well you go, I'm so detached from giving my kids boundaries that I'm going to have seven G&Ts before takeoff. Uh-huh. And just like put myself in the airline,

the closest thing an airline can offer to an induced coma for like medical safety. As I get my children used to business class. Oh, man. Are you kidding me? Oh, man. Those you kidding me? Oh, man. Those kids' lives are over. They will never ever deal with the fucking cattle class ever again.

They haven't done what I've done to get out there. They haven't done 10 minutes of stand-up. Have they? I don't think so. What have they done to earn their seat? Nothing. They haven't even done a tied five they couldn't even riff if you ask them to um yes so yeah that was something that happened uh on tour that i thought you would hate yeah that's horrible yeah just make just you telling me that i was like war gaming it to myself it's like yeah i go down i have to go down to the reception i banged on the walls did you nothing techno was too loud this is it this is how they

protect themselves yeah did you go down to the was there a person in at reception in the lobby i i didn't bother i'm there in my pants in my bed at 1am i thought am i getting dressed to formally register my well if you go down in a bathing... What is it? A dressing gown. It makes it look so much more urgent. Yeah, that's true. It makes it look so much more like they failed as a hotel

if you have to go downstairs in your dressing gown. I should have gone... And you say, every time I have to come back here, I will lose a piece of clothing. Yeah. Like a ransom.

Like sending body parts through the post Yeah yeah yeah Treat it like Bane putting a big bomb under the city People of Ibis Just do a big rally in the middle of the hotel bar For too long You have reveled Without consequence

I am justice made manifest You have reveled without consequence. I am justice made manifest. And just putting a bomb underneath the juddering bed of the techno sex people. Yeah. I banged on the walls with my... You could do a saw thing where you put a bomb or a big old clamp on the bed. They'll squish and crush them. That will go off if they slow down the fucking, like a speed kind of thing.

Like speed, but the bed. It's like, you wanted to have sex? Well, how much sex can you have? Before you fuck yourselves dead to death. I can't believe, maybe that's in Sauternes. i bet you think you're good in bed well just how good are you you like techno well enjoy these songs with lyrics that you know but without lyrics if you try and sing the lyrics you die i'm running out of ideas um saw 10 is coming out yeah it seems to be the first Saw in a while

That people seem to care is coming out I saw one of the Saws In the cinema on the Isle of Man And it was so rushed And badly edited That it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen The first one is awesome The second one I thought was like

This is just like A series of vignettes that don't really exist need to exist next to each other the third I thought was

had a good ending I thought it was kind of fun and then that's the only one I haven't seen one since the one I saw in the cinema was like five or seven or I don't know

but there was like why would you go to the cinema to see saw five or seven but it was a whimsical choice okay on a boring you went on your own no see saw five or seven but it was a whimsical choice okay on a boring you went on your own

no I went with some friends okay it was a sort of haha imagine if we did this kind of activity as opposed to like wow we're so excited

yeah and the boom was in the shot for most of the film no there was points where the boom was almost in the face of the person talking it was insane

wow I have no idea how it happened and they did that thing that film editors do where they pasted a big black band across the top of the person talking it was insane i have no idea how it happened and they did that thing that film editors do where they pasted a big black band across the top of the whole movie for the whole movie because of how much the boom was in shot and it still wasn't enough that's incredible there's a bit where the the heroic survivors of the torture thing are supposed to be like working their way through all the underground chambers you know and you know there's that shot that um it's like the camera is is is the height of of your toe and it's looking up at the heroes yeah as they walk into a room okay like you know

and you see them looking around yeah like wow look at this room like big camera angle from like a shoe yeah that but you could see over the shoulders of the people looking around in horror at the big torture room just where the underground walls ended and it was just in a warehouse. Oh my god. And you could just see like rigging and like lights and like the roof of the warehouse they were filming it in. How did they even get that out?

It was incredible. I was sitting there going you can't do this can you? I don't think you can I think you should leave. I don't think you can. I think you should leave. I don't think you're allowed to do that. Just shouting out at the projectionist. Why were they allowed to do that?

I looked it up and it got rushed out because they ran out of money. There was some illegal dispute from people funding it and the money got taken away or they spent it all on the wrong thing and they just went, well this is what we have. Like a kid at the end of an exam who's run out of time. Movie financing is

surprisingly dodgy. Like big movies are financed by some pretty shadowy people. There was a genre of money laundering and stuff, right? I mean, there's a genre of movies nicknamed german dentist movies okay because they were funded as tax write-offs almost entirely by german dentists pension funds

wow so much art exists for just like insane accounting reasons so how does that work so it works the same way that it benefits trump to go out of business if you have a law like a law in america where the destruction and write-offs and tax expenses of one business can just be carried over to another one. Okay. So you start a stupid business as a part of a limited company

with other people's money. Yep. It spends loads of brackets other people's money. Yep. Loses all that money. Yep. You go, oh no, it's on fire, bye. And you declare bankruptcy bankruptcy end of the

company yeah all those losses which is none of which is your money yeah you carry over to the company that is your money and has made loads of money okay pay no tax on the income oh because those are losses right right right because those losses encounter gainst the income of the actually good company that you do care about. Gosh, wow. So everyone's like, wow, Trump's stupid. He keeps going out of business. And you go, no, he's just stealing money from the taxpayer through an insane loophole that was put in.

Right. Yeah, so there's all sorts of jiggery-pokery like that. All the money's not actually being spent. It's just actually being spent in theory. This is no longer Donald Trump I'm talking about this is dodgy movie financing so let's say oh wow the catering bill for this dodgy movie was

10 million pounds and it wasn't it was 200,000 pounds but all that money as an expense just loops back to the person who originally paid it so they keep their money but it's been cleaned interesting or just the counting tricks but a lot of art exists I see. So they keep their money, but it's been cleaned. Interesting. Or just accounting tricks. Yeah.

But a lot of art exists because of mad tricks like that. It's true. It's true. So what do you want? You got to ask yourselves. What is it you want? It's like the equivalent of having an incredibly nicely cleaned car through Walter White's car wash and breaking bad. And you're like, look, I know it's to launder crystal metal money, but it's a great car wash.

Yeah. They really buffed this thing to a mirror sheen. Although I do want to see what these eye tubes are in the new saw. Oh, on the poster? Yeah. There's a guy going, aha, and they're like these tubes to his eyes. I think I know what that is. What is it?

Here's my theory about the eye tubes, Phil. Yeah. I reckon they are little tubes that can really suddenly create a vacuum. And they're going to suck the eyes out of his head if he doesn't do something in time. That's probably it, eh? Yeah.

Horrible. Yeah. That would be horrible to happen. I hate that. It's like the thing that the kid from Home Alone would do if he grew up and got a taste for fucking with people with improvised devices. When I was a boy, I was left alone.

That would be his origin story. That's probably it, isn't it? It's such a dumb... It was always stupid, but I thought it got really dumb when they did that thing where they saw two or three where they decided that the traps didn't have lessons. But they didn't need to have lessons.

Well, yeah, because the original one, if you did do what the guy wanted, you'd earn your freedom. Yeah. That was the whole point. Yeah. So it was a tough but fair Old Testament style God. Yeah. But then there's one of the movies where the they the detectives are like it doesn't make sense he cut off his own dick and used it to draw a painting of a beaver but he still killed him anyway and it's because someone else had taken over that's it the lady had taken over

yeah and jigsaw spoiler alert um ends up like turns against her because he's like, there are no lessons here. There's no chance. You have to give them a chance. And she's like, no, I like it. I think it's better this way. She says it in exactly that voice. It really takes you out of it.

It really is not scary at all. Okay, guys, you've got to cut off your arms or I'll kill you and I'll kill you anyway. Okay, bye. When you're watching that saw, did it it completely rend seeing the boom sticking in shot did it completely render the torches unaffected yeah yeah because someone was going like with a boom in their face like here like nuzzling their eye oh no the the the hacksaw is rusty oh no it was just like well this is like a school play now did any of the scenes start with action that long bit where someone had to come on and fix the puppet dressed

in a union teamsters uniform yeah insane um are you gonna watch saw 10 no i haven't seen four through nine yeah how would you understand the plot? I don't think I'll know what's going on. Yeah. That old guy's still not dead? Or he did die? I don't know. He died at the end of 3, didn't he?

Yeah, because the whole point was he was terminally ill. I don't know. I don't even know anymore. I watched the horror film once at the Fringe with Glenn Moore. We watched a really horrible horror movie. One where it really is just like, oh, come on, guys. Jesus Christ. Was it in the flat?

Yeah. I think I saw some of it. It was really cheap. Yeah. Was it very, very cheap and about like a crazy clown? Yeah, but really horrible. Yeah, really horrible.

They definitely spent all the money on the bits that were the most awful. Right, yeah, yeah. And I just got this sensation that I thought, someone somewhere is wanking to this. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I don't know about this now. Yeah. It's not psychological anymore. And I just got this sensation that I thought, someone somewhere is wanking to this. I don't know about this now.

Yeah. It's not psychological anymore. It's like, what if I did this to a body? And you're like, hmm. Yeah. This is done in a way that it makes me think the person who did it was horny. Yeah, I think I saw a bit of that. I was like, this has the cadence of porn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. It has the rhythms and cadence syntax of porn is yeah use in use here and you think oh yeah is that good it's not like a thriller i've realized that i used to think like no i like horror movies i don't i like psychological thrillers uh Bone Collector Along Came a Spider The Hannibal Films Like they're not They're not horror Yeah I guess not They're psychological thrillers

Yeah Or like Even though it's much more Definitely in the horror category Insidious I still haven't watch it. Too scary. Terrifying.

Too scary. But the point is not like... Oogly boogly. Oogly boogly. Yeah, exactly. I like oogly boogly. Or I'm afraid and frightened by oogly boogly. But when I'm watching just like...

And then he fucked the lungs. And you're like... Grow up. Come on. Oh, grow up. up grow up i know these are some like i'm supposed to be horrified by like the the sheer audacity of it all but like i'm not because you know yeah you can read about stuff this horrible in like fucking warhammer comics i like stuff that's sort of just like really unsettling i like to be unsettled. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a Midsommar fan. Yeah.

Yes, or Seven. Seven, unsettling. Very unsettling. Disturbing. Although the sound mixing on Seven is so awful. It's impossible to hear what anyone says. Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's really muddy. It looks very muddy, but it also sounds really muddy. I had this where I tried to watch Gangs of New York again the other day. I've never seen that. I remembered liking it. Oh. And the music is... I don't know how it happened.

The music is bad? Yeah. I'm not even sure if it's bad. I don't even know what to say about it, other than that it makes it impossible to watch. What does it sound like? It's like some weird mixture of synths and fake technologically realized instruments

and real instruments. It's just really, really silly. It made the whole opening fight scene, which I saw as a young teenager and remembered thinking, this is fucking sick. It made it seem so incredibly silly was us in that post of moulin rouge ta period of like putting modern music into all these settings yes yeah very much

nuts for that yeah and it just was a bit like too funky at points and i was like this is like funky this is just misjudged well speaking of funk i mentioned this idea um to the comedian ed knight who's been supporting me on tour oh yes yes uh good old ed the boy wonder and um i ran a bit by him which was i was like is this funny and because you're listening to funk and there's the songs are like have you got the funk boy and and i said is funk the only funk is the only genre where every song is about how good funk is is the only genre where every song is about how good the yeah that's good everyone loves the funk yeah gotta get that funk we're going to funk town but it's funky but every song

is about itself is about this won't you take me to funky town yeah exactly please it's just all about how good this music is that we're doing right now it's very insecure genre yeah that's funny man yeah occasionally there's like an i love rock and roll or uh we built this city in rock and roll but yeah but every funk song is about how good funk is a lot of rock and roll. We built this city on rock and roll, but every funk song is about how good funk is. A lot of rock and roll songs are about what a good time you'll have tonight at the rock and roll concert. Everybody have a good time.

Any song where people say that makes me laugh. There's a Queen song. Good time, good time. So funny. It's like something from a children's song now turn around and point at your bum like it's so stupid playtime starts right now playtime forever yeah sometimes funk will list other genres and admit they're quite good but not as good as funk right yeah you know you some people like that rock and roll, and other people like to dance.

And they'll do a whole thing, like, and if you groove down to this, that's fine too. But for me, it's all about the funk. It'll be a whole long list of all the cool popular stuff. But ultimately, when you get down to it... And they were dancing and singing, moving to the groove, and somebody turned around and shouted,

play the funky music, white boy. All the songs are about how good funk is and how we should remove the obstacle. Any obstacle between us and funk should be removed. Even if the obstacle is distance, take me to funky town. I'm too far away from it. I would like to be in funky town. Sometimes the obstacle is you're not in the right town. Down to, you just need someone to hit play.

It doesn't matter the size of the obstacle between you and funk. It has to be removed. And the only way to remove it is by singing about it. I want to get the funk. I want to be in the town where the funk happens. I need someone to press play on the funk. You're like an FBI agent listing what he needs for an investigation we need a headquarters we need telephone lines i want roadblocks out of

every road on this town you're gonna get me to funky town i want to get someone pressing play on that funky music i want someone to get me the funk i've got a bad case of the funk you've got to get down to the funk you have 10 minutes that's really good that's definitely something we've just workshopped into something you should say it although i've just remembered that uh lyrics are expensive to impossible to clear if you ever were to film it is that right but surely parody law covers this i think people underestimate especially in the uk how powerful parody law is oh it's pretty powerful in the uk you can play pretty much anything because i if you if you're talking about my first ever tv spot was me doing my lion king routine ah in 2014 yeah and as i came off stage

this really angry producer was there by the side of the stage next to my agent going well that's great can't he's can't he's fucking any of that oh no and i said what the fuck are you talking about and he went yeah you're making fun of the lyrics so you're apparently and i was like no no because the joke of the whole routine is about how silly the lyrics are in the zulu bit of the lion king song and i went no that is an accurate translation i wasn't joking that is true and he went oh okay great then so you can't misrepresent the lyrics? I don't know, but he was happy with that, and it went out. I think no one actually knows what the rules are.

I think they're talking shit, and I think the second anyone tries to do anything over it, it would go nowhere. To be honest, we'd be lucky to get sued of a routine. We'd get all the headlines. That's true. You're always thinking about the headlines, Pierre. How do I respect this? I'm an all an old time news man what can i say thinking about how do we make this work how do we get this past the the bill i think of the headlines boy there's a great i don't read my

reviews i weigh them yeah that's right man i there's a great Werner Herzog quote, and he's talking about in the context of how Werner Herzog, when he was making a lot of his early movies, would just break into places that had the right-looking building. Just break in. Just do it illegally. Don't bother contacting the city department for a permit to film on the Wednesday. Just do it.

If they come after you, then deal with it. Whatever. They'll never know about it. No one will see your they come after you, then deal with it. Whatever. They'll never know about it. No one will see your film, and if they do, fuck them. The way he sums it up is, let the pigs loose. Which I keep trying to think of more and more in my life.

Let the pigs loose? That's what Werner Herzog says. Yeah, let the pigs loose. Let the pigs loose. Speaking of loose pigs, we should do some correspondence. Oh, yes. Let's listen to them oinks. Ring letters. Keep the coolest emails.

Phone calligraphies. Tweet and text. Your sister. Keep a street art field. Make money by hearing letters. Correspondence Okay, we got some lovely tight From Jayak

Jack, Jack, all on the floor Jack, Jack, give me some more Jack, Jack, till you get sore Jack, Jack, till you get sore Till you get sore What happened to real music, huh? Why can't we make songs like that anymore? We've all felt sore the next day

After some grooving around Yeah But to feel so during You've really Well, it smacked that It's no soreness from smacking It smacks soreness Yeah, but you're smacking it on the floor

Which means you're twerking at such depth That your bum cheeks are kind of thwacking off the actual floor I assume the smack that was A guy smacking a gal's ass Or a gal smacking her own ass Yeah but then he's like give me some more Give me some Is he smacking his ass?

But then that's just her sort of Giving him more ass to smack, isn't it? Oh, like give me some more as in like another slice of ass, please. Yeah, or it's just sort of general... Please, sir, may I slap some more ass? More? Boy! More ass?

Boy for sale. This boy is too greedy for ass to slap. All the Victorians scandalize. He should have been happy with that amount of ass. Anyway, Jackson sends us tat. The subject line is overly aggressive tat. Oh yeah, I love this. So that's a clue

for you. Yep, yep, yep. Is it one of these, my wife is awful. If you are mean to her I remember there was that mug that was just like taco bitch or something that someone sent once maybe that could be some good tat for the Patreon people, just a mug that says

taco bitch impossible to explain sounds like the patent's taken on that one though yeah intellectual properties you don't want to be sued by taco bitch by big taco bitch dear poo butters Intellectual properties You don't want to be sued by Taco Bitch By Big Taco Bitch Dear Pooh Butters

Last week my family went to the sunny Isle of Wight Oh I'll be going to there On tour as well I haven't been to the Isle of Wight since 2014 I looked this up recently The Wangs return At last

You have to stand at the prow of the boat. Like George Washington. Or Rose in Titanic. Or Jack. Anyway, back to Jack. Oh, yeah. On day four. Oh, this is the tent.

No. On day four of their lovely trip to the Isle of Wight. Oh, yes. We went to a delightful little model village oh nice in a pictoresque village itself and my three-year-old son he of the bubble of black poo and magic grape poo stories gosh this is so do you remember that do you remember this story yeah because my No. Because my memory is like... I think in your show you should go back to saying that I'm the one with the amazing memory that you know. I'm saying Peter.

I know, yeah. I'm saying Pete. I think say me again. But if I say Pierre, people are going to go... It's too much of a distraction, I think. Oh, well, people go whoop if they know about Budpod. They might go whoop. People who listen to Budpod will go whoop.

People who know you will go whoop. And everyone else goes... And people who don't know you will go whoop and everyone else goes yeah what friend is this that's true isn't it people who don't know that's true they will be like it's like if you said my friend Genghis or something what that's true

fuck him I'll try it so these stories I do remember them Jack and how quickly they grow up it was the baby that did a single black bubble of poo from the bum. Right. Like from a cartoon. Yeah. And then the baby that rehydrated a raisin into a grape through its shit.

Oh, my lord. Do you remember? Yeah. I remember now. The kid ate a whole raisin. And then because of the amount of... Like, poo is like 90% water or something crazy. I remember now. The kid ate a whole raisin, and then because of the amount of... Like, poo is like 90% water or something crazy. I hate this.

It looked like he'd swallowed a whole grain. I hate that time. Yeah, yeah. You hated it at the time. That's why I forgot it. Yeah. Locked it out. Eventually, my three-year-old son discovered the gift shop and was looking through the various dinosaur-related toys available.

Classic. While he was looking at that, I noticed some tat for sale, so I decided to have a look for Budpod Research Reasons. God bless you. Oh, good on you. Out in the field, getting the data we need. On his holiday as well. Budpod doesn't take a holiday, Phil.

Absolutely. Except maybe like a week or two a year. We take a holiday a lot less than a lot of other podcasts, guys. It's true. We're slaving over a hot microphone, bringing you steaming platters of whatever this is. Steaming hot bowls of this. There was a lot of generic tat, gin o'clock, you don't have to be crazy but it helps, etc. But also the surprisingly aggressive tat in the photo attached, completely out of the

blue compared to the whole village, keen to see if Phil can whisper it or not praise the doctor. So, let's see if you can figure this out. I'll give you a little glance from a distance. It's all little wooden planks. Oh, yeah. I get the shape, yeah. Yep.

Oh, yeah. I get the shape. Yeah. My face tells more people blank, blank, blank than my mouth does. My face tells more people to fuck off than my mouth does. Yeah. Oi, oi, oi. Then you've got to immediately. Is that the whole thing?

Yeah. Bloody hell. A charming wooden sign with a A slightly maritime rope securing it That just says my face tells more people to fuck off Than my mouth does What the hell I don't get these people But then you read that and you're supposed to go

You do have a horrible face That's true Miriam You are thoroughly unpleasant Surely that's for guests to see in the house Yeah Why did I say Miriam Normally I say Mildred You say Mildred a lot Thoroughly unpleasant. Surely that's for guests to see in the house. Yeah. Why did I say Miriam? Normally I say Mildred.

You say Mildred a lot. Yeah. I say Susie. Yeah, we both say Mildred and Susan. Susan. And I always say Andy and Alan and Stephen for the generic man names. I think I said Miriam because I was thinking about... Oh, Miriam Batty. I actually don't know how to pronounce her surname.

I've always said Bat-ye. Bat-ye. Bat-ye. Bat-ye? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Strategic love play. I think it's going on tour at some point.

Yes. We've both seen it now. Incredible. Such a great play. Really good play. So, so good. And bits of it agonizing in the best possible way. Yeah.

I mean, especially the opening part is such a great observation. So good. I think it's going to go on tour. Oh, okay. We'll keep an ear out and an eye out for it. Listeners to look at it. To look at it? To look at it. Go and listen to it. To look at it and listen to it when you're in the chair watching it.

Fuck's sake. Right. More tat. Caution. Oh, no. That's in big letters. Caution. Oh, sorry. Just quickly on aggressive tat. The other day I was on the tube and there's a lady opposite. Oh no That's in big letters Caution Oh sorry sorry Just quickly on Aggressive tat The other day I was on the tube And there's a lady opposite And she's just a normal lady

Just reading a book Or just looking at her phone And her t-shirt says I'm not shy I just don't like you Jesus Christ What did I do What did I do

She immediately pointed I go Hey Yeah I'm reading a big newspaper And I do double What did I do? You just immediately point it and go, hey. Yeah. I'm reading a big newspaper and I do double take at a T-shirt. I close my paper really aggressively. Hey.

I don't appreciate that. And then it's like, well, I know you don't mind me saying it to you because you're, like you say, not shy. Fucking mad mad shit so this is caution oh i blank blank blank wow that's all you're giving me caution so hard to give you more without giving it away what is the format what is the um? What do you mean? Well, what's it on? Is it on the... It's on the same planks. Oh, these are all...

These are all planks. They're all on the long rest. Caution. I blank, blank, blank, blank. No, no. Three blanks. I blank, blank, blank. Yeah.

I... Caution. I... I don't like twats. It's that kind of a level of aggression. Yeah, it's sweary. A bit sweary. Tea drinker.

I don't like cunts? It's not I don't like. I would have whispered. I would have didgeridooed you that. You would have didgeridooed me. I'd have didgeridooed you. If you'd done that, I'd have didgeridoo me I'd have didgeridun you If you'd done that I'd have didgeridun you Caution

I don't take shit Oh you're so Yeah it's that kind of thing I don't take prisoners Caution I give you a clue Respect myself Caution I blank blank up I fuck shit up Respect myself.

Caution. I blank blank up. I fuck shit up? I fuck things up. Yeah, you're right. Giving one. Yeah. I fuck things up.

Okay. Shouldn't that be caution for themselves? Yeah. Maybe that you hang that on your bedroom door. As you leave your room Every morning Or your front door Inside of the front door Caution

Caution I fuck things up Oh I do yeah I do I'm a fucking idiot yeah Or around your neck Like some medieval shame sign Or like something from during

Scarlet What's it Scarlet letter Or during a cultural revolution Where you had to to stand in the street with a sign around your neck that says, like, I hoarded grain.

I fuck shit up. I fuck shit up. Next one, similar to the first one. If my... If my blank doesn't say it, my blank certainly will. If my face doesn't say it, my blank certainly will. If my face doesn't say it, my fist certainly will. I'd respect that, Tad.

It's mouth and face. If my mouth doesn't say it, my face certainly will. Again? Yeah. And this is to be sold together? This is to be hung up together? Oh, like an insane ladder? Yeah.

No, no, no. It's all just on a rack. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. That would be a great sort of... The ladder of wooden madness. That's a Dungeons & Dragons item. Next one.

We're all blank blank. You'll blank blank in. Oh. We're all mad here. You'll just fit in. You'll fit right in. You'll fit right in. You'll fit right in. Yeah, you got it.

And bizarrely, at the very bottom, together we make a family. If you don't like any of these, maybe try together we make a family. Is the word family capitalized for no reason, like we're speaking German? Yes. Or speaking about the holy family. Yeah, together, or like the mafia. Yeah. So weird.

So, so odd. Thank you, Jack. That is some nice aggressive tat. Lovely aggressive tat. Who wants that? Speaking of more tat, we've got a message from Baz. Baz. Yeah.

Yeah. Baz. Baz. Yeah. But, oh, nothing really. Who, what has Baz brought? What has Baz brought? Some tat.

What has Baz brought? Dear Paffney and Pelmer. Scooby-poo. Yeah, Scooby-poo. Your glorious podcast has kept me entertained for many an hour. My daily walk to sixth form has been highly improved by your amusing chats. Oh, we're getting the young'uns. They're young, cool kids like us.

They're cool babies. Yes. The tiny. His name's Baz. He's in sixth form. He's got a free period today. He's going to listen to us in his free period. Yeah.

In the sixth form center. Is that a private school thing to have a sixth form center? I don't think so it's a sixth form college thing as well surely as in like we had a sixth form block yeah yeah studies in it yeah it must be a thing outside of private schools yeah because they don't like to mix the ages it's never good is it i'm just i'm worried i i'm worried my privilege is showing yeah but it's like if either of us ever accidentally started talking about tuck shops or something, you can't help it. Oh, my God. I did a gig at, of all places, rugby school.

Whoa, yeah, yeah. Like one of the, I mean, where rugby was invented, one of the great public schools. Oh, my God. The studies were like, it's the kind of thing, like, it's the kind of room they put on YouTube for, like, study music yeah it's the images of like

an idealized studying room with like trees right outside and it's all wooden and you got a bit of space like a gif of a fire yeah in the great and there were big chunky folders that said maths on them and i was like let me study again let me back in there I could do so much learning here let me back, I want to get another A there are now A stars to get I could now get an A star in further maths

there's so much like this is an elitist if you can hear that is that rain or wind? oh fuck it's rain it is fucking it down oh fuck oh fucking hell wow If you can hear that, it is fucking it down. Oh, fuck. Oh, fucking hell.

Wow. Oh, boy. The podcast just got so much cozier. This is literally what we were talking about. This is the study music. Natural rain sounds. Natural rain sounds. Me and Phil listen to natural rain sounds to get work done.

And I've started on the train singing a song to myself oh yeah um it was natural rain it was something like because the album's called like rain sounds for sleep ah i was just singing to myself raining sound uh rain sounds for sleep footstep sounds to creep pervert sounds to peep jumping sounds to leap on a loop anyway completely undoing the relaxing yeah yeah yeah all right okay quickly quickly quickly. Thank you. Thank you, Baz. Kind words. On numerous occasions, you made me laugh out loud to the confusion that passes by. The most memorable time this happened recently was during your impressions of Jim Carrey.

I was going to vaccinate my kids, but somebody stopped me. Oh, yeah. That was fun. I generally had to take my headphones out to compose myself. you I have no poopy tails for you I forgot about that However I can provide some lovely tat Oh great So I'll just tell you What these are because they are just bizarre

Or maybe slightly unguessable This one in Curly whirly writing says stay a while And then underneath in tiny letters But not not too long, dot, dot, dot. Don't make it weird. Oh, no. Yuck. Oh, self-aware sort of whimsical irony humor.

Horrible. It's like the noughties are over, man. Yeah, enough. Get over it. The scrub season finale has been and gone. I was literally about to say we've all seen Scrubs. That's so weird. Yeah, enough. Get over it. The Scrubs season finale has been and gone. I was literally about to say we've all seen Scrubs. Yeah.

That's so weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're the same boy. It's because we're the same boy. You said that like a witch who has done this to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two heads on one Bud Pod body. And the other one is just a sign that says,

Home Crap Home. Okay. It's quite funny. It is, but quite depressing very aggressive home crap home oh that's quite sad it's okay buddy i like your home i'll never put that in even if i had a nice home for the irony or like a bad home for the candor of it i wouldn't want it yeah yeah well thank you thank you, Baz. Thanks, Baz. All the best with A-levels. Various exams, I suppose. Now it's time to go... Where are we going?

To the... To the exclusive six-form block. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of the Patreon. Yes. Thank you very much for coming and seeing us on tour. By the time you're listening to this, we'll probably be goddammit back on the road.

So, yes. So please do check our respective websites for the dates to see where we'll be coming you'll be surprised where we're going i gotta say you're gonna be surprised where you might be there going uh phil phil and pia coming to this part you'll be surprised you would be amazed where comedians go so check it out um but other than that have a good week and patreons we will talk to you on friday at five o'clock yes see you there bye