BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 236 - Makes You Think

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

The lads discuss ass and arse after Sam gets in touch. Phil's body horror, Pierre's animation info dump, drawing, American football, high speed goblin, Phil's fear of The Man Who Comes To Check EverythingBUY TICKETS TO BUDPOD LIVE HERE!Tickets go live at 10am Friday 13th October!https://www.ucl.ac.uk/culture/whats-on/budpod-live-smelly-crpmas Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 236. 236. Who is this? Who is this? It's Phil and Pierre. It is Phil and Pierre. How are you, Philly-poo? I'm okay, doop-dee-day. I'm doing alright. I've been watching the Beckham documentary. Yeah, everyone is... On Netflix. Everyone's creaming themselves over this Beckham documentary. Yeah, everyone is... On Netflix.

Everyone's creaming themselves over this Beckham documentary. It seems to be this inexhaustible goldmine that Netflix has landed on of documentary about a famous person that we kind of already knew all the things about. But we're just going to learn about them again with them telling us about it here's my question about the the

documentary why have they done it they don't need the money they don't need exposure it would feel like nothing but a risk to me if i was david be. In my head, I always call him David Betchem because that is... There's an episode of Phone Jacket. Do you remember Phone Jacket? Oh, yeah, I remember Phone Jacket. Revolutionary show. Kai van Novak, yeah.

Where he's doing like a silly voice and he says, David Betchem. And he's doing one of his... One of his hilarious prank phone calls. One of his little skits. One of his little skits. One of his little skits, and he says, David Betchem. David, yeah, this show is about David Betchem and his wife, Victoria Betchem. Victoria Betchem.

Why would they want to do it? Yeah. I guess, is it, I feel like you get to a stage in your life, if you're famous, where you want to set the record straight, Pierre. You want to set the record straight. All my life, people have been talking about me. Well, now it's time you hear from the horse's mouth. So it's when...

Set the record straight. When you get to like 55, how old is he? Must be... Okay, taking bets, taking bets. I'm going to say 47. I'm going to say he's 53. Wow, okay.

I don't know. I'm guessing. 48. Whoa. God. He looks older and younger than that. Do you know what I mean? I know.

He's really lent into old steel tycoon look. You know, he's kind of... And he's got the tattoos of... He looks like a veteran hipster barber at this point. Yeah. I think also because he spent so much time in sunny places, it's made him a bit crinkly. A bit leathery.

He's a bit on the leathery side now yeah yeah he's crinkled up just a bit i think it is to set the record straight thing and i'm sure netflix would have offered plenty of money and i think people who have been in the public eye for a long time kind of want to stay in the public eye it is addictive in its own right did you know that the guy who's making, you know the guy who's making the documentary, the guy who's the voice? Have you seen any of it, by the way? No, I've seen clips on social media.

Right, yeah. Well, there's this voice of this American guy from time to time asking the questions. How did that make you feel? And of course, that goal was what started it all, really. He doesn't sound like that at all, but that's just my American accent right now. And it is Hugo from Succession. All skinny neck, bobblehead man himself.

Thinnest neck in the biz. Thinnest neck in the biz. Although maybe, is he unwell? Oh, God. Yeah, this is what I worry about when i see a neck that thin oh no is he battling a terrible condition have we been cruel about an ill man's neck it's really funny to hear lots of typing in the background as someone goes have we been cruel oh okay literally google i've typed in Hugo Succession actor.

The next suggestion is Hugo Succession actor neck. Yeah. So we're not the first to think it. Oh, here we go. Fisher Stevens illness and health. Okay, concerns have been raised online about Fisher Stevens neck. No. Oh, man.

Imagine you Google yourself and the first thing that comes up is neck? And you go, what the fuck? Or just neck and then the second word is concern. Oh, God. What happened to his neck? There... Okay, so he has had a Bethel... Oh, at 15 he had Lynch he had Hodgkin's disease.

And it had radiation treatment. And his spleen removed. Spleen? But he seems to be alright. But that was when he was 15, you say? That was when he was 15. He's not 15 now. No.

But why is he the one interviewing David Betjem? I don't know. I guess... Is he a documentarian in actual fact? I think he is a filmmaker, actually. Fisher Stevens. Oh, well, there you go. Okay.

I didn't know that about him. Director, producer. But then all the Americans always say that... Okay, see if he's a football fan. No, come on. Surely not. That he's not a football fan. Yeah yeah he's american yeah there are they do exist they are the equivalent of our american football weirdos in the uk yeah i see i saw the other day phil on a train uh um up north and incorrect. No, it was in a cafe. It was in a cafe in York,

York. No. Fuck. Where was it? Leicester. It was in Leicester. I'm losing my mind. It wasn't in Leicester.

I'm so sorry. I'm losing my fucking mind. It was in Lincoln. I've been on tour. If you're not aware, listeners sounds like it. Yeah. Well, Koji to everyone in Leicester, Lincoln and York anyway I was in fucking Lincoln and there was a guy wearing like a

yeah like a Green Bay Packers jersey in this like northern cafe like you know there's like a grandma running it what can I do for you love and like scones. And then just the guy there going, I love the green bear packers, me.

And I was just like, this is horrible. I hate this. I really like their quarterback. They do so well on the 10-yard line. It's not right, is it? It's not right. You're supposed to like... Spike it.

Spike it. No. Go long. No, no, long no no no alan alan bennett defense yeah not right i don't like it at all i don't i feel like it's it's it's colonization of of culture we have enough of that from america it's true it's true also it's an even more fake and money-based dodgy sport than uh than anything we have here and that's saying something oh my gosh if you watch a an american football game the adverts are the number of adverts are insane and most unsettlingly they they sync up perfectly with the plays so something will happen and they have to break the play to arrange

i don't know a cake and there'll be ads and the ads will finish exactly at the right time for them to to start off the next play yeah it's so crazy i know what you mean because they'll you'll be like hang on they're about to restart the play on there and it's like coca-cola has been proven to make you at least seven feet taller and then there's and it's right, Coca-Cola has been proven to make you at least seven feet taller and it's right back to the cake. Yeah, and it's like, and it's sort of which has followed which. Has the game had to, is the game aware of how long these adverts are?

Surely they play the adverts and then someone on the pitch says, okay, adverts over, we can continue the game, right? That would make the most sense or they've just got this like huge deck of adverts and they subtly speed it up but we'd have heard if it was like look at the end is that what it is

at the end of those American pharmaceutical ads yeah we're like may cause instant death but it's like but there's so many words is that because they've got to get back to the game and you seek advice from your doctor might cause death right so they're

seeing a guy like pull his leg cock his leg back for a kick like slowly as he draws his leg back yeah exactly i might give you diarrhea it might kill you it might uh yeah maybe that's it maybe that's what it is the whole time but you're but like not only is there just constant adverts like if they just did one constant like fluid play like rugby an american football game would last about the same amount of time but it takes like two hours to watch because of the adverts and because they have a different team for defending yeah they have to get on like a whole a whole new team basically i mean if if yeah i mean if something if that doesn't show just how much more money there is in america nothing will because literally their football every team has two teams but then and you get these guys who are like very strong but incredibly

overweight and slow and they're like huffing oxygen by the side of the thing because they can't run more than 10 yards at a time and they don't need to. They're just walls. They're just paid walls. They're paid walls. And as long as they can jog at an appreciable speed for 10 yards for a little bit, that's it.

What a life. Crazy. I'm paid to just stand in front of a running guy. My job is to hit things. My job is to be one of the paddles in Pong, basically. Yeah, my job is to look at the average weight of everyone else who does my job and try to be at least two kilos heavier. Crazy.

Crazy country, crazy crazy country crazy sport crazy game unbelievable everything American is about decadence more more more

it's it's such an achievement to be able to do it ironically considering how the country was founded they live as if they're all trying to be like a mad king

That's it That's it I guess that's the American dream Is to remove the royal family so that we can all be royal All mad kings in our own right We could all eat some massive turkey legs at a big table And bite into a cherry tomato and it bursts in our teeth And drink wine out of a big table and bite into a cherry tomato and it bursts in our teeth.

You know, and drink wine out of a goblet and stain our lips. Yeah. Yeah. That's the dream. Phil, where have you been on tour? I have been on tour to wonderful places such as

This past week i was in lancaster bradford and st albans all fantastic shows fantastic shows what did you think of lancaster i've been there a couple of times the lancaster grand was a marvelous theater and it's great crowd a great show it's one of my fave shows and um bradford um the people who came out were very nice and very surprised that i was there i said on stage this is my first time in bradford can you believe it and everyone in unison very clearly said yes like that really yes yeah like that because there's no one coming to Bradford? Apparently not No but the

theatre I was in St George's Hall in Bradford is where David Hockney worked selling programmes before he became an artist. David Hockney is from Bradford Is he? Yeah which is funny because I've been in such a Hockney mood recently and I went to the theatre where he got like a little job bradford is he yeah which is funny because i've been in such a hockney mood recently and um i

went to the theater where he got like a little job he'd sell programs and in payment they'd let him watch the operas that they put on is that nice oh man that's really cool yeah a lot of the best artists and actors um who we're trained by the class system Phil to presume are from Kent are actually from the north yeah there's him there's Lowry from the Manchester side yeah yeah yeah

and that is all oh no what's his name the guy with the dresses Gray Grayson Perry Grayson Perry name guy with the dresses uh gray grayson perry grayson perry oh no he's southern he's southern isn't he he's southern i associate him with quite fairly southern accent yeah he's southern phil you're into art now what art are you gonna start doing come on now that i'm gonna make yeah no i'm

going to i'm going to be a an appreciator of art I'm going to treat art like wine I'm really learning to appreciate and understand art but I'll never try to make it I know I can't make wine and I can't make art I just can't do it come on you can smush some grapes you can paint some grapes if you can smush grapes

you can paint grapes yeah I'm going to start shouting that dress like a drill sergeant i just i can't draw man i just can't do it and i did engineering you can draw can you draw with like a ruler with a ruler and a compass but not for not for aesthetic value i can't do it my i just have no control of my hand. It's mad. Really? It just goes nowhere. Did you not do dorky little models when you were growing up? No. I had friends who would draw cars with lots of guns on them.

But I could never do it. I was really bad. I think for me, I was good at singing when I was young. That's true. And I can hold a tune. And when people are tone deaf and can't hold I can hold I can hold a tune and when people are tone deaf and can't hold a tune I don't understand it I don't understand how you don't have that control of the pitch in your voice but when I can understand it is when someone says draw something

and I just have no like I can't transfer the image in my brain to the image on paper and that must be what it's like not to be able to sing you can't transfer the tune in your head to out coming out of your mouth yeah yeah i think that's definitely it because you can hear you go i know how it should sound and i think yeah and i'm trying to make my flesh do that yeah that's what drawing is like for me i know how it should look but i try and it's horrible it's a it's a nightmare your hand lines don't go anywhere just my sense of proportion i just go through going out the window your hand just starts doing swastikas over and over again yeah i'm like what i don't understand it um yeah it always comes a horrible yeah well

you can teach yourself all that i suppose anyone listening that takes discipline anyone listening who wants to draw you can learn how to draw it's possible it's just going to be boring by the way one question i i've always had on that is like you've watched a video of a disney artist say draw lilo from lilo and stitch yeah no it's stitch the monster from lilo and stitch is the monster yeah so stitch from lilo and stitch and they go it's very simple this is how you draw stitch from lilo and stitch is the monster yeah so stitch from lilo and stitch and they go it's very simple this is how you draw stitch from lilo and stitch and they draw like a round oval you start with round oval there and you have to draw this sort of curvy they draw this sort of cross right this curvy cross that's it yeah and to know where the eyes go and then it goes the lip and you told and all these

like prep lines and prep curves and then and then by the time they finish like oh yeah the eyes and the nose and the mouth are on the right place but you have this fucking cross on there now yeah you got this big cross on the face how does that how do you get rid of the cross so they'll normally draw it faintly in a type of sort of erasable pencil well these days they'll just get rid of it digitally you know right but every time they're drawing stitch they're drawing this cross uh in animation especially they will because they're trying to make sure the eye line is moving in line with the head and like it keeps it all on a on a rail you know it keeps so every frame they draw they're drawing this cross and well now well not now that it's digital but in

the old days wow yeah they Yeah, they will do. But also remember, they'll do it with the cross, and then they'll put it, and then they'll get the transparent celluloid animation frame and draw over it. So it's about drawing the final thing, like tracing almost, like through something transparent. Like if you buy, you can buy a frame of animation,

you know, of like a like a like a you know bugs bunny or something but he's hovering in like nothing space on a transparent piece of square yeah and they'll put that on the background yeah yeah yeah no i get you i get you yeah yeah yeah yeah i i i have an enormous coffee table book called The Animator's Survival Guide. And I can... It's very interesting because it's about the golden age of animation. Like the Disney cartoons that we remember where... Do you remember the animation was so detailed and a bit pencil-y? And actually in really old animations, you can sometimes see a little blip where they forgot to rub out a little bit of pencil.

Oh, I see. You can sometimes see it on very old animations. Little line pops up where it shouldn't come up. But these guys who draw these characters, even like Porky Pig and stuff, they are such incredible artists in terms of life drawing as well. And they would make all the students they taught

do life drawing and bearing in mind this book came out like 30 years ago maybe more in the book the guy's complaining about how no one knows how to do that anymore like the skill's gone like all the guys who can draw like that like those classic 50s and 60s warner brothers animations are at the time even all like 90 or dead and it's because they the guy's complaining he does these lectures for all the animation students in california wherever it is that he was lecturing and they're all like how do you do that and he's like you just have to be really good at drawing you have to do loads of life drawing and uh it's really interesting because you know when a character with like a big belly walks and they it sort of goes but dumb but dumb but dumb and it's got weight to it the ability to draw that weight and to understand how like flesh moves within a thing

and like how to make things you have to have a real understanding for the physical world yeah exactly and how things look like they have momentum and how things bounce off other things it's a real skill it's it's drawing plus another three or four other skills it's so impressive when people can do it i just don't have the patience for for for drawing it takes so much patience and faith i think you have to have so much faith in yourself that you draw this little line and it looks like nothing looks like a horrible monster and you have to have faith that in time once you add everything else on it will look like a picture yeah as soon as i draw like two circles ago this looks horrible yeah and i'll just give up you start panicking adding swastikas when i when i was drawing properly and

i mean like spending three or four hours on a drawing in a day. Mostly the internal monologue in my head was talking myself down. Like the whole time. Certainly for a lot of it was going, okay, that's fine. We can fix that. Well, maybe it's supposed to look like that. Oh no, we can keep going. Okay, well, that's careful.

It was like the internal monologue of someone climbing a rock face with no rope it was never just like just like loving it right it's so rarely that it's always like full concentration so

tense because you're like if I fuck this up I'm going to scream basically in my head the whole time yeah yeah i just don't have the patience for it i don't think someday phil maybe for your retirement you'll learn to you'll start getting into watercolors peaceful water yeah i'm gonna paint i'll paint my garden like money Did you not have to do any Chinese calligraphy? We did, yeah. We had to learn maopi,

which just means hair pen. It's a pen made with horse hairs for your bristles. And there's a way of holding the pen. You have to have your finger on the end, on the top end, and then your thumb and middle finger holding the lower end and you you paint like this so very with the pen vertically pointing downwards you know oh yeah yeah and you have to learn of course well when you learn the right chinese you

have to learn the order of the strokes a chinese character has to be written in a particular order the strokes have been written in a particular order. The strokes have to be written in a particular order. And I can still remember the order of them all now. I can't imagine writing it in any other order. You just know it. But what if you were to try and draw something holding a pencil like that? You still know the order. No, no, no.

You're saying you don't have good hand control. Well, you've got good enough hand control for Chinese calligraphy my friend well i mean you haven't seen them that's true that's true because with chinese calligraphy it's all about the getting the tails right so this you can you can tell the direction of the stroke because it starts with blob a round blob and it finishes with the taper yeah and yeah the calligraphy is all about getting the taper right and getting the tails to be pointing the right way and the curves to be in the exact right way and master calligraphers can make each character look identical in that way you know yeah it's pretty amazing but yeah so we had to learn we had to do it a bit of chinese school

maopi um well were you any good at it i don't think so i don't recall being that good at it because my my my hack there was that if you if i got you to hold a pencil like that and draw something you'd have more control oh let me okay i'm holding a pencil like that right now yeah okay i'm gonna try and draw a face do a maupi drawing This doesn't work at all. The pen's too long. The pencil's too long. Okay. Okay, I'm going to draw. Okay, right eye. Here we go.

Left eye. Oh, wow. Okay, this is just a little quick little... I'm on tenterhooks. Phil's going to hold up the Mona Lisa. It's going to be this incredible like really sensitively done graphite portrait of me on this call

hey you know what this is coming out alright you know yeah see hey I could be an art teacher okay just finishing the hair and I'm okay showing it to Pierre now yeah yeah where is it yeah that's a good cartoon can you describe the cartoon for this um it looks like a goblin traveling at high speed that's it yeah his goblin is got he's got two teeth he's smiling he's having a great time his

hair is being blown backwards yeah it looks like It looks like a goblin on a rollercoaster, basically. Yeah, the noise that popped into my head seeing the face was immediately like that. I'm quite happy with the nose there. That's a really nice nose. Thank you, I've never been able to do a nose properly. That's the thing with

drawing, I don't know perspective. Yeah, perspective is a real fucker it's a real fucker I'm so amazed some people just have this natural ability to see it all oh god even just thinking about it is making me want to do it

and too exhausted to even contemplate it you should post that on your instagram with no explanation for listeners joy maybe because i on instagram i always need something to post along with the come to the show text yeah i just need a picture of something it doesn't have to be much maybe yeah maybe i can start doing illustrations could you could you post that here's a fun thing could you post that if you don't do this i want to do this so it's up to you if you do it or i do it post it with the with um the caption high speed goblin and then all the listeners have to comment underneath high speed goblin and just because no one who's in on it anyone who's not in on it would be so confused she's

like what the fuck is it and there's like hundreds of comments just high speed goblin just over and over again like it's this really popular popular thing right and the only thing you can do to engage with it is to just say its name yeah just to write underneath high speed goblin high speed goblin any other comments will be deleted no matter how nice they are you can only write the phrase high speed goblin and because of the way instagram works now that's going to pop up in loads of people's feeds and they'll be like what the fuck that would be so funny it's such a funny drawing as well it would be so funny it's such a funny drawing as well

i've written this on the invoice for some curtains are you buying new curtains i did a few months back i'm very i'm really bad at throwing away like documents invoices and order receipts and i'm always like what if i need it i'm a hoarder but for paperwork which is just a hoarder i guess it depends on the paperwork like if you if you're a hoarder for your own life insurance policy then that's fine but like are you worried that you're gonna have to return the curtains no no i don't know why yeah i just in my mind there's always been this concern that one day some man in a suit will knock on my door and go hello phil wang i'm here to check everything and i'll go oh no i knew i yeah i know i knew you were coming everything man the everything man oh fuck and he's like where's the receipt for that key chain you bought in bali and i'll go oh fuck um yeah yeah i think it's somewhere around

here i think i put it near the key chain because i knew this day would come we're like he's gonna there he's he's there and it says uh i'm just to need to see your documents. Yeah. This is very vague. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I instantly know, yeah, I know, I know, I know. Yeah, you have no questions. You accept his authority immediately. Please, please, please, come in. Would you like a cup of tea? I'd like a cup of tea

and the receipt for the tea. Yes, of course. Of course, of course. Yeah, that is what I think will happen one day. The man will come to check everything. Yeah, and you. Of course, of course. Yeah, that is what I think will happen one day. And you say to him... The man will come to check everything. Yeah, and you say to him... You say to him, do you accept digital receipts?

And he just looks at you like this. He just tilts his head forwards in a... Did you really just ask me that way? Like a teacher? It's actually quite a good start of like a short story or Tim Kee poem. Yeah. The man came to check everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's quite good, eh? I'd been expecting him, but it was still a shock. The man came to check everything. He looked through all the drawers and tuttered as I watched nervous, arms crossed. Yeah. Is everything in place? He pulled off his glove and it snapped as it came off his middle finger. Yes, I suppose so.

Yeah, something like that, you know. Yeah. So do you have the receipt for this spatula? And you shrug and say, Oh, it's from before I moved into this building. And he's, he shakes his head sadly and says to himself,

yes, I thought so. Yes. I thought that might be what you'd say. Yeah. I can understand the temptation, but then, um um maybe i'll start writing short stories about my anxieties maybe that will maybe that will exercise them do it wait do is one exercised of their demons or does one's demons get exercised is it like an evacuate situation

oh um people say that they were evacuated from the building which is not right the building was evacuated oh yeah that's true isn't it i think it is like i'm gonna exercise this demon so it's the demon that gets exercised not the person the person is evacuated of the demon the demon gets exercise yeah i think it's like banishing okay okay good okay yeah well maybe writing my short stories will exercise me of my anxieties. One of which is getting the words evacuate and exercise wrong. Yeah, yeah. You're like a very safety conscious priest.

Those are two very important words to you. But BBC news reporters will get evacuate wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll say these 100 people were evacuated from this building. They weren't. The building was evacuated. Yeah, if these 100 people were evacuated, they all shat themselves. That's it.

Exactly. Yeah. But then I go, well, if a BBC news reporter's saying it wrong, then what does it matter? Maybe we should all just say it wrong. Well, that's when you just give up and go, culture has beaten me with its big club, and now I have to surrender have i'm the old japanese soldier on the island yeah yeah yeah yeah fighting a war no one cares about i have that with begs the question yeah no you've given me begs the question vampirism yeah yeah yeah

i used to have a routine i tried to make a routine work about how being a pedant is like vampirism and people just yeah yeah they just think you're mad um for those who don't know who want to become vampires when you say it begs the question you're not meant to then follow that up with the question yeah you don't say it begs the question where did all the money go you have to say it raises the question where did all the money go if you say it begs the question then the question is so obvious it doesn't need to be repeated and you mustn't say it yeah it's basically just like saying the phrase means the the thing i've just outlined has an obvious logical contradiction right right right it should be it's the equivalent of makes you think you don't say it makes you

think and then say the thing that it makes you think you don't say it makes you think and then say the thing that it makes you think yeah that's true yeah wow it really makes you think what will happen after i die yeah we know that's literally what i that's what i just said yeah imagine someone goes what will happen after i die and then someone else goes yeah it makes you think what will happen after i die you sound insane that's really funny though yeah i mean like it's like what what is like what happens to us after we die yeah it really makes you think what will happen to us after we die what a weird way to annoy people

that's really funny that's like something like a steve martin sort of silly gag that's great but yeah that's what begs the question is i guess to people who understand begs the question that's what it sounds like when someone says it begs the question and then asks the question yeah exactly exactly oh man well speaking of uh it makes you think it makes me think about what correspondence we have yes it begs the question what have people sent in

this week ok ring letters emails phone calligraphies your sister correspondence correspondence

oh right that's really funny Correspondence Alright That's really funny Makes you think Ah, makes you think What about when I die? Yes, that's what I just said Yeah, that's what I just said That would be so irritating.

It's such a weird, insidious way of hijacking a conversation, not like hijacking a topic. You're just taking over it. No, I was talking about that. Let's see okay Phil we've heard from Sam Sam

yeah fam oh nice alright fam I'm getting all top boy about this yeah you are from the ends now mmhmm Sam says hi poopy bum faces. As they say in Top Boy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and my girlfriend have been arguing about whether or not rimming is a gendered term. Oh, interesting. Yeah. It's never struck me as a gender gender term because anyone can be rimmed the beauty of rimming that's your new book everyone can be rimmed

an egalitarianism for the new age everyone can be rimmed and then underneath in cursive the beauty of rimming and it's just a big coffee table book of beautiful film camera photographs but the subtitle can never it can never repeat the word in the title right so it'd have to be rimming the what what did you call it the

so the art of every everyone can be rimmed the beauty of anuses i guess yeah anal anal oral stimuli stimulation yeah yeah it'd have to be like rimming. The beauty of anal-oral stimulation. Yeah. Incursive. So Sam's theory is when it's a man's bum, it's rimming. And when it's a lady, it's eating arse. Or eating ass. Arse. I hate...

This is one problem I do have with British swears is arse. I hate arse. Arse is so much better than arse. Arse is so much grosser. I'm gonna lick is arse. I hate arse. Arse is so much better than arse. Arse is so much grosser. I'm going to lick your arse. Yeah, fun, sexy. I'm going to lick your arse.

Horrible, dirty, gross. There's shit in an arse. An arse is hot. An arse is hot. An arse has shit in it. An arse has a... An arse is perky. You can slap an arse has a... An arse is perky. You can slap an arse.

An arse is covered in diarrhea. You sit on an arse. An arse has cellulite and pimples. An arse is like a cartoon bum from the B-note. Yes. It's when SpongeBob zooms in on a horrible ass. That's an ass. An ass is like... An ass includes a section of the internal architecture.

An ass has a bumhole. Whereas an ass is like a purely bumcheeks-based aesthetic word. That's right. J-Lo has an ass. Gordon Brown has an ass um gordon brown has an ass yeah what a pair what a pair of people and pair of asses yeah it is horrible when you hear someone like a british person talking about an american celebrity like j-lo going, oh, I love her ass. Horrible. Don't say that. But then equally annoying is sometimes when someone with a really British vibe says,

shake your ass. And you're like, all right, calm down. We've all got television. Yeah. One thing that I've sort of thought I'm trying, well, a characterization of the British I'm trying to formulate is that a large proportion of especially male British,

well, exactly male British desire is the wench. We are still into the wench. And if you look at the women who, especially in Southern Noughties, Nuts magazine and all that the the women who were held up in the uk as being the epitome of female beauty would not be considered that in america they're so very they're buxom and they're wenchy it's a the english are still into the wench yeah you know the idea of like a hot girl when you were at school in britain was blonde big bosomed and kind of wenchy quite thick with the two c's wenchy you know i think

that's true yeah nuts magazine and page three of the sun and even someone like maya jammer who's obviously you know very beautiful with an hourglass, but there's something wenchy about her. And that's part of the reason I think she's so successful is she is this sort of beautiful mixed race look, but she's also got the fundamental English wenchiness about her. Yeah. I think this is also Wales and Scotland. Yeah, yeah, I think so. I think so.

It is British. Yeah, the wenchiness. Whereas Ireland doesn't have the wenchiness whereas ireland the island doesn't have the wenchiness ireland is a bit more ethereal a bit more elfine i think the irish beauty standard yeah it's a lot more i play the harp whereas british is like i broke the harp fell on it. I'm a wench. I was going to say more like serving the beers in a kind of... Yeah, there's... It's a bit Oktoberfest, do you think?

Yeah, maybe it's Germanic. Maybe it comes over from that influence. Yeah. But arse is very wenchy. A wench has an arse. A Hollywood starlet has an arse, but a wench has an arse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. That's true that's true

i mean oh yeah yeah someone yeah someone put forward by the sort of hollywood machine has that you know shake your ass you know it's yeah yeah definitely yeah but yeah sorry a bit sidetracked there so it's eating ass basically when it's a lady this is sam's theory eating ass on this lady rimming when it's a man i i think's theory eating ass on this lady rimming when it's a man i i think yeah there's something to that there's something to that but he says my girlfriend men don't like to be men don't like to be thought of as being eaten yeah you know yeah well maybe what how how hetero are we being when we say that all right yeah i mean i'm being i'm being very heteronormative here but presumably this is'm being very heteronormative here. But presumably this is coming from.

A heteronormative. Perspective. Well the girlfriend is adamant. Which is a very funny thing to be adamant about. I am adamant. That anyone can rim. And consequently be rimmed. Yeah.

Yeah I think that's fair. Yeah I think that's fair. I think both can be rimmed men. And women can be rimmed but a man a heteronormative man i would never say that i got my ass eaten maybe it's about maybe it's a toxic masculine thing of like not wanting to feel consumed not wanting to feel devoured i i have a i'm going to put forward a whole new theory here phil i'm going to tony blair this a third way okay to yeah what is the third way a third way to rim a new new new rimming and yeah a new rim has broken, has it not? I think they are both descriptive phrases for technique.

Interesting. Rimming is delicate. Rimming is about just stimulating the perimeter. Circular. Circular motion. Circular. A rim. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You confine yourself to the rim yeah that's what you say as you do it you say i'm confining myself to the rim you announce that

it's good etiquette whereas eating ass is a free-for-all that's just you're going you're going crazy down there yeah yeah it Yeah. It's crazy town. You're a dog going at peanut butter. You're just... There's no technique. It's just... Don't say peanut butter in this context, Phil. Why not?

It's just so close to shit. I was going to say chocolate, and I thought, no, chocolate's too close to shit. I'll say peanut butter. A happy medium. To be fair, it would have been weird if you said jam. Is that the most british phrase i'll eat your ass like jam oh i'll i'll i'll lick jam off your ass oh fucking hell i remember might as well say i'm gonna suck a marmite off your todger horrible yes yes horrible i'm going to nosh the marmite off your your todger yeah some horrible nosh nosh nosh someone

off is i hate it so much i hate i hate british phrases for for sex shag horrible word yeah well it's not horrible it's very like postcardy and there's something quite there's something quite orc like about some of these words it's all orky british sex is so orky and medieval and peasanty i'm gonna snog her then shag her yeah these are crazy verbs oh it's all fucking peasant words it's horrible it's like the british words for sex sounds sounds like it's our last chance before the Earl beheads us. You know, we better have a last shag

before the Earl comes up and rips my todger off because I stole too much barley. Horrible. But I respect the earthiness of it. It's got a real... I don't like the earthiness of it. Maybe we have different approaches to sex.

For me, sex needs to be very safe and clean and idealized and very aesthetic and graceful. You want to have sex the way that Disney characters would have sex. Yes, absolutely. The way that Sleeping Beauty has sex with the prince at the end. Yeah, just very like... Yeah, very dancey dancey and the sort of silk is being folded gently and all the all the magic disney birds and mice are watching and and they're they're crying with happiness but not wanking yes while they watch you do it

yes i think that's yeah but then like when i have sex i'm very very very thoughtful about how would this how does this look how does this look oh man that's something you could write a short story about like you know you know the sex director when you see like a depiction of like like normal real sex in like a gritty windy movie or something yeah and it's like mystery style and the way the guy's ass sort of collapses yeah if if i if i ever see footage if i if i ever think i look like that when i have sex i will i will become a monk i will never have sex again the the way that man guy's ass becomes oh it's so horrible like when it sort of pumps inwards yes and it comes like

flat and sort of squeezed in and oh i hate it so much it's so horrible it's the worst site in the world you're a natural estate i swear i'm an estate i'm an estate oh man that's so funny i i know what you mean about the horror though i remember watching you know those like um top 10 You're a natural esthete, I swear. I'm an esthete. I'm an esthete. Oh, man, that's so funny. I know what you mean about the horror, though. I remember watching, you know, those like top 10 crazy moments sort of TV shows. Yeah. I remember watching one. Genuinely, it would have been like 20 years ago. And it was like narrated by Zoe Ball or something.

narrated by Zoe Ball or something. And it was like craziest Brits abroad or I don't know, something like this. I don't know. But I remember the voiceover saying, making a joke about how the classic British joke about how British women go on holiday to Spain and they get seduced by all the sexy Spanish waiters, you know, that's the trope. And then the voiceover joke was like

oh come on ladies you know that you love it when a uh it doesn't have to be like a sexy spanish waiter you know you love it with like an english bloke or something comes up to you with this with his cheese breath and says fancy a shag and like i was watching that when i was like 11 and i went oh i just recoiled away from the idea of like cheese breath. It's so vivid. Yeah. That's one of those things that like autistically that line is stuck in my head for two decades. There is this.

Fancy a shag, darling. Yeah, there is this nihilism about British sex. You know, it is nihilistic. British sex is really nihilistic. british sex you know it is nihilistic british sex is really nihilistic what do you mean well it's like fancy as shag is it kind of like the idea is you might as well yeah it's like the world is about to end you might as well getting fingered behind the behind the bin is very british and very end of the world shit it's very like a comet is coming you know it's nihilistic british sex is really nihilistic it is as if nothing matters because it has no appreciation for the aesthetic

of sex and the beauty of sex it is nihilistic nothing matters so funny man this is so easily your funniest opinion i think and it is the british sex is nihilistic yeah if you just keep saying it's nihilistic This is so easily your funniest opinion, I think. British sex is nihilistic. Yeah, if you just keep saying, it's nihilistic. I would pay so much money to watch you try and do this as material to a very reluctant British crowd. Yeah, in Kent. I'd just go and do a gig in Kent to tell them their sex is nihilistic.

Yeah, exactly. I want you to do a gig to a bunch of stag do's and hen do's like a kind of doomed preacher saying, you're all going to hell. You may not believe me now. You're all going to aesthetic hell. You'd be like the guy in The Wicker Man. Yes, yes.

You're pointing at them going, you maniacs. You look great. And they're all just going, fancy a shag. And they're just ignoring you have turned your backs on god you must repent repent and they're just pumping each other behind the theater while you say that yeah oh god no jesus no you're you're saying that and it's a big statue of a man's compressed tensed buttocks Oh no, what is the Christ? Oh, we need to announce the big

news Yes, yes, yes We're very excited and happy and festive to announce that we are doing another Bud Pod Live Bud Pod Live, baby Christmas edition. Xmas time.

It's a very smelly crapmas. A very smelly crapmas. The 15th of December at Bloomsbury Theatre in London. The 15th of December. It will be on sale Friday the 13th of October. Oh, spooky. Bad luck. Spooky Christmas spooky. Friday the 13th of October. Ooh, spooky. Bad luck. Spooky Christmas spooky.

Friday the 13th of October at 10 a.m. Yes. And if you are a patron, if you are a member of the VIP Patreons Club, there will be a certain, a limited number

of discounted tickets for being a lovely patron. Look out on Thursday the 12th for the code that I will be posting on the patreon i will be posting it as a little text post yes and you want to so that's for patrons to learn the code so they all can get your discounted uh ticket on friday but there are only a hundred discounted patron tickets so first come first serve on those and of course uh sale will be open to everyone at the

same time at 10 a.m on friday the 13th that's right october uh we've done two live bud pods now and both have been really fun despite my expectations and wishes and they've been really great time and they've been really good episodes as well having having everyone in the room really imbues it all with a special energy and this will be our first festive one so i don't know what we're going to do to make it festive but we'll figure something out we have to exchange gifts maybe yes i was just thinking we'll have to bring presents for each other yeah yeah oh i actually already know i'm getting you as a gift it's already on my list i've started my christmas shopping list early this year yeah for me it's a reminder on my on my phone oh damn list i've started my christmas shopping list early this year yeah for me it's a reminder

on my on my phone oh damn well i've called it christmas shopping which is annoying because when i say siri add something to shopping list it goes shopping or christmas shopping obviously i'm not buying lettuce for christmas shopping but whatever uh so i'm not getting letters okay that's a clue yeah of course not but it'll be a fun time so please do come if you can to Budpod Live

Christmas edition 15th of December yeah we'll see you guys there and we'll see you Patreons on Friday everyone else we'll see you Patreons on Friday. Everyone else we'll see next week. Have a wonderful time. Love you a lot.

Bye. Bye.