BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 238 - Talkin' TED

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

The lads discuss Ted talks and their subjects, the indigenous Welsh, horrible beans, RyanAir, Dublin airport and Pierre's complete exhaustion. Flora gets in touch about her tat and her observations on London! Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Part 2-3-8. 2-3-8. You is late. Well, you is almost late, Pierre, because you... This is the second country you've been in today. It's true. This morning I was in Dublin, capital of the ancient Celteltic nation of ireland it was my dublin tour show dates last night i did two two little little shows in wheelands which is a very nice venue um in a pub excuse me oh god uh i did them in Whelans last night.

Thank you. And Koji to the Budbuds who came. They were a bunch, and they were very delightful and nice people. I had a chat to some of them afterwards. And one person, Phil, they didn't come only for this, but one of them came. Some of them came from Cork. Some of them came from Belfast.

But some of them, Phil... A lady came from Kansas, is what I'm saying. Kansas? Kansas, USA! To Ireland? To see you? Well, as I said, not just to see me. Oh, okay.

To see Ireland. But she did move her trip around to accommodate the tour date when it was announced so wow the bar the bar has been raised oh yeah i was very glad i didn't know any of this from any of these people before i went on that's incredible yeah you don't know that there's only a few tour dates left and i cannot emphasize enough how much there are still tickets for sale for the leicester square theater in exactly 30 days i think 23rd of november is what i'm saying 30 days get there get there i've still not seen the show i feel like a loser i feel like a fool i think you've seen this one oh this is the last one i'm touring the old one baby

oh yeah okay i have seen this one this one's excellent this one's good i'm not a fool how are you so is this the one you're doing in leicester square next month yeah yeah old baby okay okay old boy okay nice old baby the old baby old baby um the new one what's old and young at the same time an old baby an old baby the An old baby. The new one will have to be toured around like a prize bull next year sometime. But yes, only a few hours ago, I was in Dublin airport eating a terrible breakfast. Yeah, you're not a fan of Dublin airport, it sounds like. No, it holds so much promise. It holds so much promise it holds so much promise but it's so it's it's inconsistent sometimes it is the busiest airport i've ever gone through like i'm the last time i went through you know sometimes where like it goes oh you make sure you arrive

seven hours before your flight and you think fuck off you're just gonna make me sit in a chair and then go through a checkpoint and then sit in a new chair in a smaller room and then go through a checkpoint again i'm not falling for this i'll arrive not like an hour before it's a domestic precisely what i mean too yeah and then i tried that and i nearly missed my flight because it was so busy in dublin so this time i thought okay you fair enough you've proven yourself to me and i got there so early and i bought i bought fast track phil for 10 euros yeah and i my flight was so early this morning that fast track wasn't open oh no pierre and i need i want, am I the kind of guy, Phil, who's willing to email Ryanair with a photo of the shuttered fast track lane? It's like a big metal grate down over it.

It's very unambiguous. And say, why would you sell me this when you know the flight is too early for this to be open? Oh my God. What a bunch of crooks. Crooks! And I tell you this, knowing that it's going to activate all of your wasted small amount of money zones horrible horrible

10 euros it was for something nice it was a nice thing it's unjust and they know you can't be bothered to chase that up they know you can't yeah exactly um yeah they've calculated what is the most we can charge someone for nothing not to be bothered to chase it up for nothing essentially nothing yeah what's the most amount of money we can teleport out of someone's life for them not to somehow stop us so what time was your flight it was 6 10 6 10 yeah so i got to the airport at 4 10 oh no 4 10 baby i want to die for you i want to die in your name you want to you want to you want to die for my sins of being so tired uh so you've had you've had two hours sleep two hours sleep and like uh well i guess if you add up all the weird little bits of like um

exhausted nodding off in the queue yeah nodding off in the queue having a little sleep as i go through the x-ray machine um just a little snooze there uh that thing where you sleep on the plane but you get woken up by the weight of your own head going forwards or backwards or your your head like i'm i'm too tall for the headrest so when my head goes backwards it goes all the way back like i'm having my neck snapped by jason bourne just like wow like that so a lot of that kind of sleeping in quotes and then a sleep on the train from gatwick for like half an hour and then you know bullshit sleep and i got home and my boiler's broken oh why i know i know it is so you haven't had the shower or like you had a cold shower

i had well i had a hot shower at my easy hotel are the rooms orange you bet your sweet bippy they are orange you had a shower this morning before you got on the plane yeah in my dublin hotel that's admirable i would have i would have not had the shower in the morning and planned to have a shower when I got back so I could get 10 minutes more sleep interesting interesting it's two different budgeting approaches

but I think but in the end it's a good thing you did because you had no hot water waiting for you yeah I had that thing where you turn the boiler hot water on and it goes and it doesn't actually go on and you go this okay if i weren't so tired from the gym that i was really already very tired and i'd flip this table over

i'm too tired so yeah live to see another day, table. I was wandering through Dublin Airport and you know when you... It's like a kind of... What would you call it? There's a hot breakfast you can buy but you have a little tray and a sort of dinner lady gives it to you. What?

Like you don't order it. It's not a restaurant. Okay. Cafeteria style? Yeah, cafeteria, canteen. Canteen style, sure. So there was some place called, whatever, Mildred's Breakfasts that had some canteen thing set up.

And this Irish dinner lady was handing out breakfasts with the latongs, you know. She would tong you up your items. And you know when you see a tray of bacon and it's like the bacon around the edges is the the crispiest brown and crimson it's like bacon from a pixar movie it's so perfect and then in the middle it's wet and pink and sweaty like an old man's thighs yeah it's like still raw yeah it looks kind of raw yeah exactly yeah yeah and the fat isn't rendered at all no no no no yeah just raw fat still raw still white and translucent pink yeah horrible wet bacon yeah it's buffet bacon it's buffet bacon it's BB

I've seen a lot of buffet bacon on tour there's been a lot of buffet bacon this is the thing people don't understand it's probably the biggest sacrifice sorry I'm allergic to even the thought of buffet bacon people don't understand it's probably the biggest sacrifice a comedian makes in his career

admitting that for the rest of his life there'll be a hell of a lot more buffet bacon. inevitably plunging into the wet pink mass in the middle and almost perfectly finding me the pinkest wettest slightly gray sheets of floppy wet bacon well a quality i've learned from my father and this is from this is chinese-ness this is from going to food markets and what is um if in that situation he'll smile and he'll point on the plexiglass a nice piece of bacon and he'll go that one that one oh really yes you can and it's from like picking out the fish you wanted from the fish tank at like seafood restaurants in malaysia and so if i see a piece i like, I'll go, that one? That one? That one? I don't know if I'd be allowed to do that. Because then if they say no, it's like, well, why not? What are you trying to do?

Are you trying to lie to people? Are you putting a ring of lye bacon on the edge to entice people to the floppy bacon? Yeah, it's like a green grocer putting the best apples at the front kind of thing yes it's like the supermarket sandwiches where the filling is all at the rim yes well that's one of that's that's one of my routines phil yeah ah that's where it's from when they've smushed it all over the edge and then inside is a desert of bread. Yes. Okay, so you got floppy bacon. You got... I got two floppy bacon flaps.

Yep. I got a hash brown, and I got one of those... It's legally a fried egg, but not in the eyes of God. Brian, is it... The yolk is completely hard in the middle yolk is completely hard in the middle almost completely hard in the middle and it's like a hockey puck shape it's like they've yes yes yes you know the guys i'm perfectly round yeah they've got some sort of egg mold yeah it's like if an egg got a boob job you'd be like this is too round

yeah you go i can tell that this isn't a natural egg you're trying to enhance this egg no no egg has got a perfect uh circumference like this yeah exactly and then by the time you get them in this buffet system it's just all cold and like wet and you have this horrible cold wet breakfast, it's just all cold and wet. Horrible. And you have this cold, wet breakfast. It's a salmonella special. It's one of those breakfasts where you eat and just go,

I'm going to get some kind of wasting disease from this. Yeah. I'm going to get something. Something's going to go wrong with me from this. I'm going to eat this, and then everything I've ever ate in my life is going to come pouring out of me. And as I walked with my tray of cold wet sad,

I walked afterwards through to the till to pay and I walked past the hot steamy omelette station. No! There was an omelette van, shack. The whole time?

Yep It was there the whole time? But it's after all the other types of breakfast So it's like the final You can't put it back You can't put Yeah, you can't put your silicon eggs back I can't walk over to the omelette station and say

Could you cook this cold wet sad breakfast into an omelette for me, please? Oh no Because I would much prefer that. They wouldn't do that, would they? So you had a cold plate of sad. No beans? No beans? No.

Did they have beans? Oh, they had them. Yum, yum, yum. No, no, no. I've been having beans on tour without you, without guilt, without being guilt-tripped over my beans it's been great disgusting foods are they always no are they always the same in every hotel exactly the same they taste exactly the same they look exactly the same the texture is exactly the

same you can count on them every time to be the same i swear they're the same beans each time like individual same beans they just reappear they're recasting the same roles every time like hello again phil like a time loop it's just such a nice accompaniment to the to the to the hot this is salty bacon to have that sweet bean ithy bean. Wrong. It's true. It's true. Everything you're saying that's good has a role that could be fulfilled by ketchup. No, but then you can have ketchup and the beans, and then the beans mixes up a little bit of ketchup, and you have two different textures and intensity of tomato sauce, Pierre, rubbing together.

No. Two different shades of red. No. Mingling with each other. That's what the fried tomato is for. But you can have fried tomato, ketchup and baked beans. Then you have three tomatoes. There is no such thing as a breakfast

vegetable. Interesting. This is a good point. Mushroom, I would say. I'd say that's a fungus, fungi. It's on its own. vegetable interesting this is a good point mushroom i would wage i would i would i would say mushroom i'd say that's a fun fungus fungi it's on its own it's still a vegetable i don't know if it is it's a fun it's on its own mushrooms they're they're weird yeah mr internet are mushrooms vegetables p.s says that they are not are mushrooms vegetables although considered a vegetable mushrooms are neither a plant nor animal

oh yeah they're all fucked up and creepy and not like of this earth but mushrooms are classified as vegetables so I am also right they're considered you're culturally right but not scientifically right. But there's no scientific

definition of a vegetable. Yeah, that's a category, isn't it? It's like a fish. Yes, that's true, isn't it? I hate to get all QI here, but... Yeah, not to become a little elf. I didn't say that mushrooms are a plant. I said they are a vegetable.

And a vegetable is an idea. I can't say that mushrooms are a plant. I said they are a vegetable. And a vegetable is an idea. You can't kill an idea. They can kill us, but they can't kill an idea. The idea that mushrooms are veggies. A vegetable is an idea. It's a very funny, like,

TED Talk opening sentence. TED Talks are so annoying. They were such a thing for a while. Are they still a big? No, I think they've started to parody themselves. I don't know how many TED Talks there are.

They changed it now to TEDx. Have a look, because eventually you run out of people, right? You just run out of Bill Gates. Oh my god. Okay. Since the program launched in 2009,

how many talks do you think have been given at TED Talks? This is including TEDx, this is including all the talks. How many talks do you think? Since 2009. Okay, so if it's including TEDx, it's going to be a lot, because that's like a lot easier to get a tedx online than a serious a proper official ted talk uh since 2009 what is that that's 14 years ago uh that's

yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna say I'm gonna say 9000 close to 50,000 talks have been given at 10,000 events since the program launched in 2009 shut up Ted on the website available are 3,500

available on the website oh my god how many how many new ways of looking at the world can there be there can't be 50 000 there can't be 50 000 ways to hack your breakfast or whatever it can't be 50 000 ways to revolutionize commuting 50 000 come on it got silly towards the end like like you say every every i think andy warhol said in the in the future everyone will have done 15 minutes of a ted talk yeah yeah yeah but you run out you run out you you start big you start off with like you know a dying steve jobs kind of talking about how he had the vision to you know and then yeah 10 15

years later it's this like minor bulgarian social scientist explaining how swimming with dolphins actually makes it worse or what you know just you know why this is too niche it's not interesting what's the most recent can you see any really dog shit ones also here's a question phil is anyone going back and fact checking the old ones that are out of date oh yeah surely at this point we have ted talks that contradict each other yeah surely there are ted talks from 2009 where it's like fiber internet isn't possible and gay marriage will destroy the moon like really out of date stuff okay now some of these looks decent let's reframe cancel culture i'm gonna watch that support people at work focus on needs not identity that sounds good how interesting though this seems this is very much a response to i would say

the mid-teens of ted talks yeah um what's what's a funny one the the tech we need to fight workplace ageism the tech we need to fight workplace ageism okay old robots old robots old robots made of baker light they don't have a keypad. They've got a little spinny dial. Old robots. They use words you can't use anymore. They say slurs. Make you feel more comfortable. Okay, here we go.

Here's a TEDx. Here's a classic. Here's a TEDx talk title for the ages. Why I gave my teenage daughter a vibrator. Oh. Yes. This is teenage daughter a vibrator. Oh. Yes. This is what we're here for. Who's it by?

A lady called Robin Buckley. Wow. It's very much that... Who was that lady who was foreign secretary who kept doing tweets to her daughter about her fucking sex life? Amanda... Amber Rud life? Amanda. Amber Rudd?

Yeah. Yeah, Amber Rudd and her daughter did a podcast, didn't they? Yeah, but they kept doing tweets where her daughter would tweet something explicitly sexual to do with getting ridden by someone. And her own mother, the former Home Secretary, and not a good Home Secretary, in my opinion, like a nasty one, but like quote tweet it and be like,

gosh, not exactly Sunday dinner conversation. Gross. Gross, gross, gross. It's gross to acknowledge this. I hate it. I hate it. This is one thing that

me and my sisters just really could not abide by when we moved to the UK was the number of English families or British families who speak openly about sex or like in a kind of about their children.

I'm like, yuck. Horrible. Yuck. Have some respect for yourselves and each other. This is part of your nihilistic orcishness that you hate. Yeah This is part of your nihilistic orcishness that you hate. Yeah, British sex is a nihilistic orcishness.

It's orcish nihilism. It's orc nihilism. This is your TED Talk. British sex is orc nihilism. That's my TED Talk. Yeah, the idea that like... I remember seeing someone do a stand-up routine ages ago. I opened Pierre's just me on stage stage and everyone's like hushed quiet

and I've got a Britney mic on and I look around and I just go, shag, boff, snog. Are these words that sound nice to you? But it's filmed in the UK, so it's really a confrontational, like it's really accusatory. Yeah, yeah. It's a bit like saving a witch trial. Everyone in the audience has to be held back.

They're trying to get at me. They're trying to beat me up. Yeah. You're disgusting, I say. Because they're not mic'd up. You can't hear what they're shouting, but you can see from their face that they're shouting As they're getting let out

They're like really Like their teeth are bad And you're just there on stage going Yes well Get him out Get him out I have the TED talk with the most people removed Take him out of I have the TED Talk with the most people removed.

Take him out of here. Lock the doors. Lock the doors and take him out somehow. Yeah, take him out, then lock the doors behind you. Everyone else, you have to stay and listen to this. You need to hear this. You can't make jokey references to your own son getting noshed off. It's horrible.

And stop saying noshed. Noshed off. That's another one that's going on the list. I just add it in i just point backwards to a projection and nosh it just it just gets added to a list on the back it the letters all land one by one really rapidly with a really heavy sound yeah n-o-s-h nosh why are TED Talks so annoying why do you think they're so annoying I think they come with that sort of tone

of like so this tone is it's smug the tone is always annoying but the tone is more annoying because you know that they're not just going to tell you why you're wrong they're going to gradually seductively reveal your idiocy to you over 20 minutes right to an hour so they're not just going to go oh it's actually less efficient to use the escalator like that and you go okay they're going to go standing on the right of the

escalator is one of lond London's most vaunted folk traditions. But is it the best way? Just say the conclusion. Yeah. You are opening it with a sort of a challenge to the audience. Like going, I'm ugly, wouldn't you say? Sir, wouldn't you say I'm ugly? And then, you know, I take my glasses off and then I'm actually wouldn't you say sir wouldn't you say I'm ugly and then you know I take my glasses off

and then I'm actually very beautiful and everyone goes oh yeah well what do you say about this maybe ugly things are actually beautiful if you take off the glasses off their face off the face

and everyone there's that scattered applause and you're nodding during the scattered applause and then like yeah yeah i show i show i wheel on the michelangelo's david but he's wearing glasses and then i say ugly isn't it everyone's like yeah it is ugly and i climb up and i pull off the glasses everyone goes but um when you climb up it takes you so long yeah and they haven't cut it out they haven't cut it down they did you keep slipping down and the because the mics are right on your face it's picking up all the like and then eventually someone has to come out with one of those long poles they used to open windows that are high up and you have to knock the glasses off

ugly isn't it you get really frustrated now it's nice isn't it yeah i think that's what it is it's it's long smugness who was a great jazz musician long smug long smugness yeah you're lucky if you got to see long long smugness play because it's a bit like if you know you shat yourself and someone going huh i see that your trousers are full of shit but are they supposed to be is this a good way for trousers to smell and you're like no i know i've shit myself like i don't you know if you if you had to give a ted talk tomorrow yeah and it was going online it's one of the filmed ones what what's it going to be about well and it's like supposed to be proper or like a stupid one whatever yeah okay proper

proper my I've tried to get this onto Radio 4 a few times I really want to do a thing about how being Scottish doesn't exist and I have good reasons to say that kind of this podcast is anti is it's of

antagonistic to at least half of scotland enough as it is yeah yeah yeah well my well my gran was scottish but she was orcadian so she was more norwegian flavored scottish right like basically the the reason i say that is because um original inhabitants of Scotland, the Picts, were Brittonic, so they were related to the Welsh, right? The entire island of Great Britain was Brittonic. Okay. Then, enough essentially sort of proto-Gaelic speakers or Gaelic speakers came over from Ireland, that the left-hand side of Scotland became Gaelic speaking. That's the Highlands and Islands.

So that sort of slightly sort of upper left-hand side, that's Gaelic speaking. Where Glasgow is all the way down to Cumbria, that was the kingdom of Strathclyde, that spoke a kind of Welsh. On the right-hand side, all the way up even just past Edinburgh, that was Anglo-Saxon. So they spoke a Germanic dialect, which is the ancestor of Scots, like Robert Burns. And then above them was a big, crazy mixture

of Picts getting wiped out by Vikings and Norse in the Shetlands and the Orkneys. So it's all this big, crazy mixture. But unless you're claiming that you're scottish because you're kind of welsh eg are picked well then you know like and robert burns speaks scots but scots is a germanic language it's not celtic right okay you see what i mean same yeah but can you equally say there's no such thing as English people? Yeah, yeah.

And that would be episode two of the smugness. Oh, right. But like that's been done because everyone goes, oh, right, all right, all right. And they go, oh, well, the Normans and the Huguenots and the blah, blah, blah. Like that's been done to death.

Whereas I don't think anyone's quite revealed thoroughly enough to Scotland that it is. And you can make it a positive thing. You can be like, oh, it's the original multicultural blah, blah, blah. But it is why it kind of weirds me out when I'm somewhere like in Edinburgh and they've got like a street sign with Gaelic on it. Right. They never spoke Gaelic in that part of the country in history.

I see. It's as weird as if there was a sign in Scots Gaelic in that part of the country in history i see it's it's as weird as if there was a sign in scott's gaelic in york or like newcastle or berwick or somewhere like it's like yeah it's nearby but it's not that's not where that's from it's a very nice gesture and i'm sure the people who speak gaelic who come to visit edin it. And that's very nice. But don't pretend it's the origin of the place. It's not. Well, I mean, Glasgow considers Edinburgh England anyway. Oh, yeah, yeah. A lot of the time. So are the Welsh then the only really strictly contiguous group of people in the UK?

Yes, basically. Yeah. They're the indigenous people of of the uk which is why i find it so funny when people who've adopted american progressive language talk about bipoc people in the uk yeah the i the i of which stands for indigenous and can only refer to the welsh the i stands for the welsh um okay we should get to some correspondence yes my ted talk will be about how we have to do some correspondence right now as women our life stages come with unique risk factors like when our

estrogen levels drop during menopause causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca Letters, emails, phone calls, your sister, your best friend, to Google, letters, correspondence. Every episode, we don't do enough correspondence we chat and chat and talk shit until we realize there's not enough time and we squeeze in a tiny bit well this has to

stop welcome to my TED talk it's good it's true imagine if you got a response like that for a show every time you did a joke you just got a well of applause or just that sound yeah applause applause i would feel i would feel like i wasn't quite doing my job as a comedian. But people are clearly appreciating it. Yeah, they obviously think I'm saying something important,

but I would worry that I wasn't expecting that. I'd be like, uh-oh, have I said something important by mistake? Yeah. Uh-oh. I had that a bit in Sweden. I was performing in Sweden. They just went... Really?

No, they did laugh too. They laughed. But they like to clap. They did a little efficient Swedish laugh yeah they're just oh well there you go

we have heard from Flora who is Scottish Flora don't ignore her don't ignore her Flora yes the thing that I figured out the reason i initially knew about the whole scots being a germanic thing was because you know how like they refer to the

church in scotland as the kirk oh yeah dunk dunkirk and that sort of thing is yeah well so kirk kirk is church in afrikaans ah so when we moved here my parents were like wait we thought scotland was celtic why do they use the afrikaans word for church what the fuck is happening here it's because it's germanic it's scots it's um it's an offshoot it's an offshoot like english from wait it's a kirk and Oh yeah, so the name Dunkirk derives from West Flemish, where Kirk is also church. Yes, yeah, yeah. Germanic baby. Flora says

the subject line is Tat-Chak found by a visiting Scot in London's many markets and some first impressions. Which I like. Tat-Chak all on the floor. I like that because the subject line of that email is like the description of um an educational pamphlet from 1704 tachak found by a visiting scott in london's many markets and some first impressions published in the year of our lord 1702

it's like an it's also like an old scientific paper. You know, observations on the durability of iron alloys. Yeah. Thoughts upon the most mysterious circulations of the planet known as Mercury. Spell with an E at the end of Mercury. Anyway. Yeah, it's an I, Mercury an I Mercury So Flora says hello Leapgeno

And Leap11 That's our names backwards Oh So Phil Wang backwards is Leapgeno Yep And I'm Leap11 Well my name back was just is just nor, as in to nor on something.

Yeah. Lipnor. Lipnor. I'm not sure if the status as a founding father pertains since I found you around episode 25. Is that too late to be a founding father or too early to be a Pistorian? Who knows?

I think you are technically a Pistorian. I think even if you come in like episode 2, you be a Pistorian who knows I think I think you are technically a Pistorian I think even if you come in like episode two you're a Pistorian yeah it's quite a harsh maybe there does need to be a gradation but then where will it end where will it end but you know she's an early historian like Bede yeah right near

the beginning yeah yeah Flora is like Bede too early to be a Pistorian who knows at the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. Flora is like bead. Too early to be a historian. Who knows? Even my recent philosophy degree from Edinburgh Uni has not equipped me to answer such questions.

Oh, yes. Well, philosophy degree will only teach you that there might not be an answer. Yeah. I'm emailing in some tat I found when visiting the Big Schmoke to see the house DJ Fortet. Oh, great. I love Fortet.

He's very good. Is it good? He's great. Is he a good man? I think he's a physicist. I think he studied physics and became a house DJ. He studied the physics of beats. That's it.

The physics of rhythm. That's it. The physics of rhythm. She went to go see him at Alley Pally. As a Glaswegian, I have always been wary of London and Londoners due to its loudness, largeness, and general smell of Theatre Kid. Yeah, especially if you go to Alley Pally. Yeah, if you're in Alley Pally, you're in Theatre Kid territory, Flora. There are plenty of places in London where the aroma

will change from Theatre Kid to one of fear or poshness oh yeah there are parts of the city that'll make you

yearn for the smell of Theatre Kid yeah or like eerie bits like Pimlico where no one lives and there's just empty mansions

owned by Qatar however during my quick four day tour I found that my prejudices were unfounded and everyone was actually pretty friendly and normal. Some other first impressions were London has yassified the street market.

Right, okay. Yassified means sort of gentrified, basically? Yeah, but in like a sort of beautiful glow-up sort of way. Okay, yeah. I think this is true purely because i've lived in london long enough now that i'm used to what flora correctly describes as a street market and when i go to other british cities and i see their street markets i remember how grim they normally are yeah they are grim they'll just be like a waterproof tent stall where it's just a guy selling like

unarranged pants yeah it's the unarranged nature of those markets that are really upsetting or just like bundled cables yeah like empty cd cases and it's people pirated things it looks like a market shortly after the Blitz. Yeah. Some of them are markets from Southeast Asia. There's knock-off stuff and broom handles and like, what? Whereas in London, it's so always

a kind of rare Mongolian delicacy. Momos. Momos. Momos and Nepalese. London, so these are the first impressions. London has yassified the street market, I agree.

There are so many smells, it's impossible to concentrate while walking around the centre. The centre of London, or the centre of the market? Just says in the centre, I guess the centre of London. I hadn't thought of the smells. Maybe she's right. Maybe I'll block them out. Maybe our noses are so clogged up with smog at this point, we can't smell anything.

Yeah, well, sometimes there's the roasting nuts. That's always a powerful smell. And you get to watch them literally let pigeons land on the hot nuts and have to kind of scare them oh no i've seen that all the time no the pigeons full-on land and walk around the hot nuts and the guys like seize the pigeon but he's busy like getting more nuts out of a big bag so he's just like and gives it a minute before shooing them oh well that's me never buying hot nuts again sorry to de-hot nut you oh man i love the hot nuts yeah i've actually never i don't think i've ever got any no i haven't

seen any pigeons landing on the the suspicious hot dog man one but you know it's because they're in the hot dogs isn't it mate grand theft auto 4 made me think I'd buy hot dogs on the street a lot more often than I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do feel like, oh, when I move to the city, I'm going to always be asking for extra mustard on things. No, it's very rare. I watched when Harry met Sally recently, and he gets like a hot dog from a street store. Yeah. I'm like, really?

People actually do that? Yeah, it's strange, isn't it? Because you sort of go, I'm sure there are some that are like artisanal or very trustworthy, but do you know them? How do you get to know them? I don't know.

So the smells, she adds also, Soho is weird for a reason I can't quite place. Yeah, I know what she means. It doesn't feel quite real. The whole place feels like it's putting on a show of what you think Soho should be like. I think Soho is weird these days as well because it is slightly more between two worlds than it has been before. as well because it is slightly more between two worlds than it has been before you well because i guess it came up as an um alternative um red light district like mafia district mafia owned strip

clubs you know brothels and and nightclubs and dodgy stuff and then it became quite a mainstream entertainment and restaurant district quite quickly and so it it exists it exists still between the two you're right but now there's a third layer because phil the other day in soho i saw a knockoff wizard shop a knockoff like with a harry potter font yeah it was it was called, you know, Disfigured Magic Orphan or whatever it wasn't. It didn't say Harry Potter. It said Disfigured Magic Orphan. Henry Porter. It said Enchanted Under the Stairs Boy.

And it was selling, you know, like cocktails and sweets and like gribbledy-grobbledies and had like all potion flasks in the window. And I thought that that's not good. That's not good for Soho. That's not good for the vibe. Because it's getting a bit Leicester Square. Yeah, exactly. Leicester Square is leaking.

Yuck. Leicester Square is vile. and now file but i did think like parents are gonna regret walking their kid to that shop to get a knockoff red and yellow colored scarf with no mention of gryffindor on because they're gonna have to walk their kids past those shops where there's like a massive window display of like rubber pup costumes for like gay bondage sex and sort of dildo masks and gas masks and stuff and the kids are going to be like is that a magic shop? I'd honestly, I'd be less

embarrassed if my kid was walking around with a massive dildo than with a knock off Harry Potter gear fucking pig pimple scarf your kid at least had a Slytherin branded face dildo rather than just a green and silver one yeah i agree and then uh final observation from flora and the people who bathe in the ponds in hamstead heath are truly baffling

oh yeah that's such a thing going swimming in the ponds the pond bathing went viral and on american twitter for a bit because american twitter didn't understand that it wasn't stagnant water in a tennessee swamp it does look like it kind of but it's like it's quite clear looking like it's not got like green scum on the top or anything how did the americans find out about it oh eventually some uh you know what happens enough british journalists talk about wild swimming and then one person at the new york times misunderstands it and then it spreads to the uh the rest of america um right and they were just going like wow these people are disgusting like they must all stink like oh they were so wrong about what it was. It was irritating.

But it was just another day on the hell site. Anyway. I'm enjoying Flora's tour of London. This is like Orwellian. This is like down and out or something. I do like it. So she says, anyway, here's a photo of what I found in one of the markets. I can't remember if it was Spitalfields or Camden or Borough or blah blah blah

but a tat shack materialised before me as I turned a corner, giving me a nasty surprise. Oh god! No, I was trying to do like a Scottish shock. Oh no! Not tat!

Oh! Just Prosecco right in the face. I wasn't expecting tart in a corner. Oh, no. The one that really stood out to me among the sheer quantity of cheaply made plastic signs designed to look like wood. Oh, wow. So it's not even wood. You don't even deserve wood.

Horrible. Oh, wow, so it's not even wood. Not even... You don't even deserve wood. Ugh. Horrible. The one that stood out is, quote, We're in the garden drinking gin. Wait, so is this sign... Okay, so this sign is meant to be indoors, I guess. Yeah, so it's a sign the top bit just says we're in the garden and then underneath capitalized and in italics drinking

gin just neat gin straight out of the bottle that's why like from the garden you can hear people going oh my god jesus like that oh my god we're in the garden drinking gin and she likes it because the fabricators obviously gave up even trying to be funny uh we're look we're in the uh yeah this at the end of the day they're really tired they've been coming up with kooky tat phrases all day um we're in the garden he just put we're in the. We'll fix something else later. And then drinking gin. Just put on drinking gin. And we'll decide later what that means. And then they just went, you know what?

Just put that out. Just put that out. We're in the garden drinking gin. People were like rubbing their eyes with their thumb and forefinger and going, we're watering the plants, but we're the plants and the water is gin or something. The hose, our hose is full of Prosecco. I'm jealous of my...

Watering can? Turnips because I water them. We're in the garden drinking gin. Just put it in. Yeah, we're in the garden drinking gin. Okay, okay, okay. So Floyd says, Anyway, big thanks to you for getting me through some serious long-haul flights to Mexico last year to see family.

11 hours of flying time is a lot of poo stories. It is a lot. Wow. It's a lot. Well done on getting through it. Yeah, well, muchas gracias for listening on the way to Mexico. And felicidades on your philosophy degree so she sent us a picture of this terrible tat stall um i'll just i'll just read you some because we're kind of out of time

and it would yeah these would be quite hard to guess okay this is all you know when it's like loads of different bits of fake wood and loads of different fonts uh-huhhuh. Yep. So I'm going to try and pronounce when the sign changes. Welcome to our comfortable, happy, sometimes loud, usually messy, full of love, home. Ugh. Comfortable, happy.

Ugh. We're comfortable and happy. We're comfortable and happy. Why? What have you heard? I just sunk into a beanbag smiling like a lunatic. Ugh. Com comfortable and happy why what have you heard just sunk into a beanbag smiling like a lunatic this this one's controversial it's got a little clip art of a mustache on and it says abolish shavery oh wow that's pretty strong it's pretty spicy abolish shavery abolish chivalry abolish chivalry oh my goodness we're in the garden drinking gin talking about how to abolish chivalry this one's quite

maybe you'll like this one this one's maybe on the right side of funny remember to kiss the dog and feed the husband oh god cutesy fucking. Home County's fucking. Garden and front garden fucking. Twee bastards.

This one is quite American, I think. Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female oh jesus come on they've capitalized pissed and female for some reason a pissed off female i hate this online thing of everyone going on about males and females it's so creepy it's weird. You get these guys tweeting advice from their psychotic little accounts, being like, here's the thing about females. Sorry, are you an alien? Are you a scientist?

Female? What are you talking about? It's such a grotesque... It's like if someone always goes on and on about their phallus, and it's like, don't don't use that word use a better use a less you know that meme of you know the meme of ralph ralph wiggum sitting on a bus saying i'm in danger yeah i saw one which was when when a man refers to me as a female

i'm in danger yeah i think that's true I think it's a huge red flag oh man speaking of red flags we have to we have to wind this one down we have to wave our red flag and say no more no more for this episode we have to salute our red flag we must go to the Patreon the exclusive

there's definitely a location we mentioned earlier on that was good the garden I guess exclusive garden drinking gin remember to go see Pierre on tour see me on tour and come to Budpod live

the Christmas edition December 15th smelly crapmas smelly crapmas until then bye bye