BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 240 - GlennPod!

Episode Date: November 8, 2023

Glenn Moore subs in for Phil Wang this week and him and Pierre discuss the "silly men" of the 90s, Glenn's astonishing view of the Mask, punk songs, King Theoden and Grima Wormtongue's dynamic, SNL, an alternate version of Mock the Week, Mr Popper's Penguins and US high schools.Listen to Glenn's new show on Radio 4 from the 15th November!Go see Glenn record his stand up special at London's Bloomsbury Theatre on the 5th of April! Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 240! And now I'm joined here by Glenn Moore. Now Glenn, Phil normally says a rhyme for the number. Oh, what a way to fucking dump me in there! Yeah. Well, Phil never prepares one either, so I thought I wanted to capture the same level of pausing. What number episode is it?

240. Oh my god 240 we're feeling pretty haughty that's good but are we are we i mean i don't think we're haughty to any extent do you don't think do you when what makes you feel haughty stop unbuttoning your shirt boy that sort of thing or more like oh dear you know yeah really gross snobbery it's kind of snobbish isn't it haughtiness a snobbish prudishness i think yeah yeah yeah that sounds good do you ever feel haughty no never do i make you do i make you prudish baby yeah you don't think you ever feel haughty i think that's probably right no you're quite down to earth guy yeah and in fact yeah i like if i was haughty i would be shocked by austin powers i

think you know yeah as opposed to admiring him did i ever tell you this there was a rumor when the spy shag me came out in cinemas i think it was that one the second one um so i would have been like i don't know nine years old at school or whatever there's this rumor going around you know at the beginning when he's single so he's like dancing down the street naked and all this like strategically placed baguettes and salamis and stuff like that yes yes there was like this room around my school that there was like an uncensored version where they just showed everything. And everyone at my school tried so hard to find that version. It's like we were nine.

Why? What the hell? Everyone was so desperate to see Mike Myers' dick. As though like if you ever found that it wouldn't just be like the nude man, Mike Myers. Exactly, yeah. Or it'd be like The Ring. Maybe it's like The Ring and you get a phone call being like you'll be horny in seven days well and his penis just comes

through your tv screen sort of it's not long enough to attack you it's just there jutting out of the screen i guess till you wank it off yeah it's It's objectively worse for that to happen from your phone screen at night when it's really close to your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas like living room television, you're quite safe, I suppose. How, so here's something that I often wonder.

So with regards to things like Austin Powers and Ace ventura two very unwell men yeah this is it so what how is it that there was this period from like 1990 to 2000 roughly when when was austin powers number one austin austin powers the first one was like 1997 and then the final one's gold member, was probably like 2001, I think. Fuck me, really? Yeah, yeah. So what was it about the 90s that meant that you could literally do

huge blockbuster films with basically David S. Pumpkins? Yeah, it's really strange. I can't really think of any actor now who'd be able to just do a film that's just a silly man. It just wouldn't happen now. And it was so specific. think of any actor now who'd be able to just do a film that's just a silly man i don't like i don't it just wouldn't happen now and it was so specific and i think people have tried to recreate yeah lightning in a bottle magic with the likes of paul blart mall cop um but it's just you know it hasn't it hasn't it hasn't paid off that's the thing isn't it because paul blart mall cop is sort of like close to that but the thing with ace ventura and austin powers is that they did impossible jobs

that shouldn't have existed in a mad way that doesn't make sense whereas at least paul blart it's a job yeah no you know austin powers still had like a realistic job albeit one that like i can't imagine him torturing hostages austin powers uh being given permission to visit guantanamo bay yeah the americans yeah i've got a rose between my teeth and a cyanide capsule yeah austin powers being gravely informed by michael york that he must take his own life if he's captured tinker taylor soldier shagging yeah yeah a really tense like uh conversation-based drama of trying to figure out who is the the mole yeah and just one of the candidates is austin powers and you just well it's him it's him it's him it's the fancy it's a fancy dress guy it's the guy with the a sort of rough, kind of ruffled bib.

Did anyone dress like that in the 60s? He's dressed up as Sgt Pepper's album cover. Yeah, yeah. It was a sort of flamboyant... I mean, it's probably in the same way that there were way more people into punk in the 70s than actually dressed like those guys who hang around Camden. Yeah. Have you ever done your impression on the pod,

by the way, of punk garden centres? Oh, I'm sure I've done. Oh, what a... My impression of if a British punk band did a song about garden centres. Yeah. You've got to do it now. It's great every time.

It's a... You can buy a coffee and a cake, a shed and a rake. At the garden centre. The saying about that voice is so ridiculous every time. Because you were told that when you were a kid, they were like, they were the meanest, nastiest people around. And then you watch them and they're like, the queen is a silly lady. I don't want to go to school, Mr. Prime Minister.

Okay, that's fine. I've heard that sentiment expressed before. I always thought, surely with punk, the coolest thing, the most rebellious, anarchic, most evil thing would be that they should be like warmongers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They should be really into war. Or like serial killers.

Yeah. I don't like rules. And they just drive your car through a bus stop. Yeah. Something mad. Obviously, this happened to Marilyn Manson. In his book, he'd zhuzhed it up and made it like the workings of like an evil dracula um so his autobiography was just these like fictionalized tales about how it's sort of like so we slew the

prostitute sort of thing you know um and when i think about height of the me too movement people were like posting passages of his book going what the fuck is this and he was like no no i was being spooky i've been spooky and then he's yeah he's well yeah he's come a cropper even without the spookiness and it's that oh yeah he's also he's also a criminal let's not like that so it's an annoying thing where you go i didn't want all those midwest christians to be right about marilyn madsen yes yeah yeah to be right i didn't want them Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't want them to be right. I didn't want them to win the argument to go, you see? Yeah.

It was, it did mean something more than just expression. Yeah. It's really annoying. They were stopping their kids from reading J.K. Rowling long before we were.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, damn it. They were right. But this is the thing. Like, I think that's one of the reasons why if you don't know if you're listening and you don't know the david pumpkin sketch it's it's probably the it's up there with one of the best snl sketches ever yeah i at the time it was on i was like i would i would watch snl every week i'd never find it funny but i'd watch it every week just to be like well let's keep on track of what's actually sort of going, you know. I was just trying to ingest as much comedy as I could.

And so it was really, I remember vividly watching that, like, you know, the morning after, so like a few hours after it had been sort of broadcast. And it was just, it was great at the time. It's still really funny now. But it's so rare, yeah. It's rare. I mean, have you seen that viral sketch going around

about George Washington doing the measurements and things? Oh, man, I'm not sure I want my opinions necessarily. I'm not an opinionated person at all. But everyone was like, this is the greatest sketch of all time. And everyone's like, it's football, but you play it with your hands. And it was like, really, we're doing this in 2020? Okay. Yeah, I've seen credible people sharing that going like, this is a masterclass in comedy writing. And it's like, what bit haven't you heard before? And also like, there's all these long pauses in it that don't need to be there.

And the same jokes repeated about four times. Yeah, SNL has the, sometimes the timing of Eurovision host. the um sometimes the timing of eurovision host it's so weird because like they so you look at something like like mitchell and webb like that are we the baddies nazi sketch is like yeah one of the biggest memes in the world now more people know the meme than than the sketch because it's such a good funny idea yeah do you reckon those people think it's from like downfall it's a it's documentary footage yeah colorized um david mitchell gets like abuse on the street from americans being like nazi scum yeah hey i know that guy um um but like that mitchell and webb look had what seven writers yeah seven but that was like their first album that they'd been developing from like a radio show in years and stuff like that you know i just think that snl when they've got like you know 50

writers culled from across the 350 million americans and all these improv geniuses and then they write these like windy seven minute sketches i don't think it's that i just don't think it's their decision i know a few people have written on snl and they're so funny and all this stuff since and before was really really tight and stuff like that i just don't think it's their it's their decision in the same way that like if ever we perform stuff on radio tv sometimes what we say isn't our decision that's true yeah that is very true i often find that um well this is what's good about the week i wanted to be way more racist i know i remember you saying couldn't get yeah you would leave me those rambling voicemails

at three in the morning they cut it out again yeah they say it's not acceptable but it's a truth a lot of that um that's true it was really difficult because on spin the wheel rivers of blood kept going scenes we'd like to see if it weren't for if it weren't for who spin the wheel I think that white nationalist

mock the week would be a big success on YouTube some corners of YouTube but I think that's what all the bring back Frankie YouTube commenters were like thinking that's what Frankie Boyle used to do

bring back the one who said all the horrible things I feel in my heart I had this at a gig when I was like brand new I went to a gig in like Hemel Hempstead and I was just about to go on and I was maybe like 20 gigs Hempstead and I was just about to go on and I was really I was like maybe like 20 gigs in which is nothing and the guy running it was like um you know I'm looking

forward to your set tonight it was I really want to do you know please do all the stuff last time I saw you do all your you know you're sick in the head stuff and I was like I don't and it became apparent after a while he was like you're I've got you mixed up with someone completely different he was so gutted because also he'd been like teasing the audience because he was hosting the gig and being sort of like this guy. Like he just says the unsayable. And it was like, no. Who was it?

I'm not going to say. Oh, so you do know though? Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember the guy. But it was just like how I've been so horribly misspoke. You're going to be so disappointed. What a specific thing he wanted me to do yeah i i love you're sick in the head stuff sick in the head stuff that makes you horrible

makes it like a tabloid headlight it's something that you would say before walking away from someone who's yeah you're sick in the head like a really damning um but i i think that's what's great about podcasts and and and the internet like the upside of it is that it does remove that that kind of um when there is a bad pipeline between talent and and the and the audience yeah whereas if that's and i'm i'm more than willing to believe it about snl that there's some lunatic producer or script editor or something just because there has to be there must be it doesn't make sense otherwise and bearing in mind that anyone listening from the states we're not doing that thing that americans do where the season of snl they love the most is just the seasons that were on while they were in

college no i trust me i found some episodes of like the dan akroyd era even watching topical comedy from like six years ago is just impenetrable anyway especially when it's from a different country it's like looking at america what whatever american situation they were talking about in like the will ferrell christian wig years is like unwatchable because you can't understand it and all the punchlines are so interwoven with that but the dan akroyd stuff is like i i'm like it's not really clear it's a sketch show i'm like you're all smoking is this a and is this a book are you you were is this show a book yeah and like uh 30 rock did that great joke about it where they've got one of the original writers of of brackets not, not SNL, but really SNL.

And it's just footage of a US mailbox falling over in the wind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like the mailbox was Spiro Agnew or something. Oh, right, right. Yeah, just impossible. Yeah, it has to be. We're looking for a logical reason. We're wondering why there's blood in the urine.

Do you know what I mean? It's got to be something in the pipe. Yeah. It didn't get there some other way. You didn't drink blood, so it must be a problem. Yeah. But yeah. So what is it?

Unless the writer's room is a weird spell cast on it, and it's like a silent spell, and you sort of go, is a weird, like a spell cast on it. And it's like, it's like a silent spell. And you sort of go and you go, I can't cast any spells. I feel so, I must rest my head. I must rest.

If we went into the writer's room of SNL with a glowing amulet, its light would dim and stuff. Or there'd just be like a leaking gas pipe on the wall, just carbon monoxide. Yeah. But like my shows, it just makes us so sleepy. Yeah, people were like, I don't know,

when I stopped going to work in that building, I just was back to being my funny, hilarious self. Have you ever lived anywhere with a gas leak or a carbon monoxide issue no not knowingly um i did i did briefly in a in a student flat yeah it was wild it was like that and a combination of mold but we'd all get home from look we'd all like just graduated we'd all get back from work We'd all sleep for like 14 hours. And feel so unrested. We wouldn't feel,

it would like, it would be such a long and deeply unsatisfying sleep. Because when you hear that length of sleep, you go, my God, that must be incredible. Like, you know, Scott Gibson, the stand-up, he did his first stand-up hour

about the fact that when he was like 28, he had a had a stroke and it made yeah like and he was driving home and just went like blind in one eye but because the stroke had affected him so much he was like i'm fine i'll just go to bed and he went to bed for i think like 24 hours woke up had like a mammoth piss drank like two liters of water and then fell asleep again for like another 20 hours and all i kept asking him about it was you must have felt amazing and he was like no it was like i hadn't been asleep it was like an anesthetic sleep it wasn't it wasn't like a good sleep yeah it's like the sleep of a sort of a tortured uh cursed it's king theoden king theoden yes yeah you're covered in cobwebs when you wake up and yeah i found that so funny that he basically had cobwebs on him in the two towers and he's gonna go all right i understand that like green worm tongs in control here but surely someone's job

is to clean the king why you let why are you letting him i'm not trying to get involved in domestic or foreign policy let me wash him that's i'm not gonna i'm not trying to get involved in domestic or foreign policy. Let me wash him. I'm not going to whisper anything in his ear. Just please let me wash the king. He looks disgusting. Why would you lay this cloth upon an already filthy head? Do you think also like it's in Grima Wormtongue's interests to make it seem as much like that's not what's happening as possible? Yes, yes, yes.

It's like he should be doing a weekend at bernie's he keeps adding to the normal wearing sunglasses or at the very least he looks like if they did a weekend at bernie sequel where six weeks on they're still trying to keep up the charade yeah and it's like he's got like really like crispy sort of skin like he's like he's looked into the arc yes and like uh they've just painted like two red circles on his cheeks and they're really crude like cheerful i'm awake like makeup yeah yeah yeah if i was grima worm tongue i'd be like is there a version of this curse that doesn't turn his skin grey? Yeah. This feels like a bit of a giveaway.

It was the middle of a subtle curse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so here's a question. Yeah. Would I have kissed Theoden if I was Grima Wormtongue? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Would I have had my way with King Theoden? Was that going to be the question? Yeah, would you have used mind powers to fuck the king of... No, no, no. Here's my question. All right.

We're talking of... Well, we mentioned that people like... Characters like Ace Ventura and Austin Powers are these like out of nowhere characters like David Pumpkins in that sketch. Where it's like they're so boldly put forward that as a member of the public, you think, oh, there must have been a book or a cartoon. It was based on a magazine, yeah. And there just wasn't. It's not an adaption.

It's just a weird, silly man that someone has come up with somehow. Yeah. Okay. How would you, what would you pitch now? We're trying to revive the era of of sui generis out of nowhere silly men okay right so here's professor the clumps maybe was the last one yeah i mean but that was based on like a 1950s film oh well there you go yeah yeah i'd say there's a guy so starts off generic regular guy and his name's like Stan

and he goes by the river and he finds a wooden mask yes and when Stan Lee puts on the mask he becomes really racist he's horrible

he's a really unpleasant guy really far right stuff he's like he's like reinstating Tommy Robinson on Twitter and stuff like that yeah yeah yeah's like reinstating tommy robinson on on twitter and stuff like that yeah yeah but it's just so zany that would be it'd be such a good horror version of something

like the mask where or like the nutty professor where you go well buddy love is really charismatic and stuff like that but every time he wakes up there's like there's a dead person in his room and he's like oh my god well what about a version of the mask where, cause the thing that's unusual about the mask is that when Stanley thingy becomes him, people who he interacts with Stanley Ipkiss, people who he interacts with are also drawn into cartoon physics. Yeah.

And they're also not really weirded out by him now not enough well i'm um uh i'm colorblind and didn't find out until i was about 15 that he's green but his face is green i was aware he obviously had a different shaped head yeah yeah but i just thought and so when i found out oh he's green i was like why didn't anyone else react to the green Why No one mentions it No everyone's fine with it Because you would have seen it as a kind of

Light brown Or No It was just like his Previous skin colour Kind of Genuinely I saw no difference In Jim Carrey's skin tone It's actually very light green

Like a light brown skin tone kind of thing Just like a weird head He must have looked like the guy from Red Dwarf to you Yes exactly that That's exactly what it was like Those two were basically interchangeable That's kind of more horrible Fleshy big head Yeah but when he puts on the mask he loses his skin he just loses his skin

he goes all smooth and that makes him sexy and that makes him funny and interesting that's horrible yeah yeah but but what if a version of the mask but the people around him they aren't drawn into the cartoon physics so when he hits them with a big cartoon uh sledgehammer they are just crushed to death and like bone and bristle instead of becoming an accordion and going and sort of like yeah when he's like a tommy gun and then just riddles these guys with bullets in a back alley and he's like yeah what have i done i'm in manhattan i can't this is there's police everywhere i'm in manhattan and i've murdered a gang of seven youths in in a kind of in a drug in a kind of a an attack that will make people think that 1930s bootlegging wars are coming back yeah yeah yeah it's like a valentine's day massacre sort of thing yeah and then it would be a lot more sympathetic

to the the kind of embattled policeman who's failing to catch the mask. As viewers, we'd be like, fuck, you need to get it. Yeah, before this, I was just tracking a guy's little snippet of pajamas I have. This was fun. It was a fun case. It would be like Silence of the Lambs level horrible. Like, we've got a time limit. Wasn't he a great big green person?

Yeah, basically it's Buffalo Bill tucking his dick and balls in and dancing to jazz. Copa Cabana. It's the same song. From the mask. Would you stop me? I'd stop me.

Would you stop me? I'd stop me. There was a kid in my school who was so gravely influenced by the mask that he would be really unruly at school. And then when the teachers would try and stop him, he'd go, somebody stop me! And he'd move his arms up to the side to sort of give him an extra like speed boost. And he would then burst into tears every time because of the fact that he hadn't sped away because he was still there.

And he was like, I was meant to turn into a tornado. I was meant to. Yes, yes. Or be a perfect shape of me, but of dust that blows away. Yeah, he was was and he would just get so frustrated every time and it this went on for ages this went on for ages and i remember him once saying that i think he was going to see he'd never seen the first ace of insurance they were going to see the second one and me and my friend everyone in my class was

like you can't no you're not another one not another one you can't you can't restart this you can't yeah exactly it's like somebody just goes from one bad relationship to another and you go this is a bad guy man he's not good for you how okay so how did somebody stop him uh he got killed by 20 penguins that he later collected about 15 years ago after watching mr poppers it was um yeah that's how it's done have you seen mr poppers penguins why would i have seen mr poppers penguins it came out where it came out like six years ago or something it's not there's no there's no reason we would have seen it even a long a much longer time ago than that do you reckon no 20 i don't know maybe maybe like 10 years ago i'm gonna guess 2010 what do you reckon aside from we know it's about mr popper

and he's got and there are penguins what do you reckon it's about um i oh fucking hell i remember a shot from the trailer of him and the penguins at an ice rink so i reckon he uh it's like he either wins a competition or it's in like an eccentric relative's will and he has a 20 or 30 penguins forced upon him so it's 101 dalmatians but yes yes yes yes that's what i mean i feel like the villain would be so much more gross. The person who wants to skin and make a coat out of penguins. Yeah. And the coat would just stink. Yeah.

I remember that was probably the same rough era of Jim Carrey's career as like number 23. So in my head, those films are interchangeable. He's surrounded by penguins and the number 23 is scored all over his face. Yeah, he's got 23 penguins. Yeah. And it's made him ill. The idea as well of marketing the number 23 as being this dark psychological thriller

and Jim Carrey in the poster had the number 23 all over his face. He was simply the worst person to cast in that film when he's already known from Liar Liar as being in a hilarious scene where he's written all over his face. Yes's true that's why why did they think that would be a good marketing strategy let's remind everyone of the most hilarious yeah it's it's ridiculous it's like when robin williams was going through sort of like um insomnia and like

one hour photo yes one hour photo. Yes. One hour photo. He had like huge burn stains over where his boobs would be from Mrs. Doubtfire. Oh, Mrs. Doubtfire. Oh, this is the same guy.

Yeah. Yeah. And I go, no, he gets killed because he gets burnt on his nipple. It's the torch. Oh, nevermind.

You strip it driven mad by the pain of the burns on his. Yeah. I'm going to, I've got the Mr. Papa's wiki page up here oh great i'm gonna have a look okay it's 2011 i was one year off wow whoa so do you reckon they used that to mark 10 years since the september 11th attacks or it was to raise money for something to do with that yeah it was to raise money for seal team six with that. Yeah. It was to raise money for SEAL Team 6 to get a new stealth helicopter so that they could kill Bin Laden.

It's got three screenplay writers, so that's more than I'd have thought. I think the worse the film, the more screenwriters, up to a maximum of four. That's true. It's got Angela Lansbury in it which i did not know okay um okay so in in the opening flashback mr popper thomas popper jr oh he's got a first night okay yeah all right little tommy popper uh he his dad travels around the world and he doesn't see him a lot, and they communicate through shortwave radio.

I don't know how that's going to come up. In the present day, Thomas Popper is now a divorced real estate entrepreneur. Yeah, but it sounds like someone who could only communicate with his dad via radio. He's got the lifestyle of someone who had difficult communication issues with their dad he's a divorced real estate entrepreneur father of two kids he gets home from work and learns his dad has died during an antarctic adventure and as per his will oh i got it i fucking knew it has left him with a souvenir from his adventures in Antarctica. The following week, a crate containing a Gentoo or Gentoo penguin named Captain appears at his door.

And so it's just one penguin. Oh, no, then there's some kind of miscommunication and then he gets five more penguins. Okay. So many kids' films deal with the death of a relative. Not the death of a relative, because you understand that the lion king teaching kids about that but the will the will and testament of a relative yeah in a way that wouldn't make sense to a child or just loads of legal stuff i found liar liar so funny as a kid but looking back it's not in any the plot is impossible to i didn't know a lawyer was yeah and also and also, I never picked up

until I watched it with some... with an awkwardly younger sibling of an ex-girlfriend. How much fucking and talking about fucking there was in it. Yeah, it was about an affair. Wasn't the case about an affair? Yeah, and at one point they play a tape recording

of, like, really sexual fuck noises in the courtroom and it's got crucial evidence i hate the idea of non-sexual fuck noises yes yes just documentary narrative but yeah i felt like i anytime i revisit by purely by accident like a kid's for myself enjoyed when i was a kid it my entire perception has changed yeah to the extent that i'm like i no longer i'm on i'm on tim allen's side in the santa claus i'm on jim carrey's side and i liar when they're sort of like you didn't go to the kids violin recital and you go because he had he's at work he's busy do you want do you do you want it's two in the afternoon on a weekday.

Do you want to keep going to this school or not? I have no sympathy for the child who's like, Dad didn't come to my play in the afternoon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, okay. Where's the twist?

Why is the school organizing it for this time? Yeah. Why are there hundreds of... This looks like a really posh school. Why are there hundreds of other parents in the audience what the fucking jobs yeah the school has a full theatrical rig oh man school plays in films are the highest budget things i've ever seen it they're like astonishing even the one in even when they try and do a low-key version like in love actually for the british audience yeah yeah i've never seen a west end production harry potter and the cursed child has nothing on the fucking nativity scene they do have you ever looked up how big some american high schools are because

that's the only way it makes sense is that they just go okay this high school has as many pupils as a british university yeah my my idea of american schools is taken purely from die hard with a vengeance where there's that bomb threat on that school and the images they show that school it is the biggest building i've ever seen in my life it's like the british library three times it's like no windows just this huge granite slab where you'd imagine in like a dystopian novel to be sort of like the department of information or something like that. Yes, exactly.

Yes. The learning zone. Exactly. The enlightenment center. It also only ever makes sense to you when you learn that. Like when you're a kid, I would watch,

I mean, my school was tiny, even by UK standards, but because it is a countryside private school fancy little pants country middle of nowhere school and when i watched those movies i was like what do you mean you don't know who the other kid is wow okay i was like they're and i like the idea of there being kids in your year that you didn't actually at least know the name of is still alien to me i had that yeah i. That's the thing. I'm even more removed from that shit.

Wow. Yeah. We had like 150 people in our year or so at school. Yeah. It didn't matter. I can't think of 150 names. But was it nice in the sense of like you could sort of swim a bit anonymously through that stream?

Yeah. Yeah. You'd have to work to stand out to be negatively seen. You would have to shit yourself at every party you went to, to be known as that. And even then you'd be competing against someone who's like really hot on your, hot on your heels.

I think that I would have preferred that in the sense that because I was in this tiny, tiny environment. Everyone. In my head, you were your height now so you were like so like you were like robert wadlow the tallest guy ever when you see him sort of like holding on to the top of lampposts as he's walking past oh i just overlook them yeah it was like impossible for you to keep quiet you were but you were billy madison yeah exactly a hand and can I go to the bathroom? Like giant child.

But yeah, I think that would have been better because I think you find your own crowd in that big, it's easier to be a big fish in a small pond, but it's easier to be a big fish in a small pond in a bad way when it's a small pond. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. One fuck up and that's it forever.

You don't, yeah haven't you haven't have a nickname i my god at school a teacher accidentally just slip of the tongue called me blen and for a year i was then called blen and it was like i what could i have done differently there nothing that was there was nothing i could that was forced upon me because of someone else's fuck it's so infuriating blen is an insane error to make there's no name it was like uh blen glenn and you go blah like blenum blenum is it all i can think of yeah i mean and also when the teacher goes yeah uh blen oh sorry glenn you can feel the magic like through the brains of everyone in the class i felt my life change in that moment yeah it was it was just like what have you fucking done what have you done

yeah um is i can't think of any. Yeah. Blenheim Palace. Paul Blart. Maybe they were thinking of Paul Blart Mall Cop. That's the only other name I could think of. He didn't even exist back then. I'd love to know what the character of Paul Blart is, apart from his job.

Yeah. Because obviously Ace Ventura is a pet detective, but outside of the detective side of it, he's got a very fully filmed personality do you reckon he has a qualification as a regular detective yeah has he dealt with crime scenes before should we do an origin story where it's ace ventura but he's dresses like normal and he's just dealing with harrowing murders yeah it's like seven yeah and in walks john devian pet detective pet detective pet detective the box has got like a dead cat in it or something yeah that's what changes him

he just goes i can't work with humans anymore it's too fucked up it's insane yeah morgan freeman's like really like grizzled old pet detective who's just seen, obviously, countless dogs die over the decades that he's worked. This job changes you. And he's wearing, like, he's got the level of gravitas that Morgan Freeman has in Seven, but he's wearing exactly the clothes we know Ace Ventura to wear now. Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. Big, high-waisted stripy pants, Hawaiian shirt, white shirt, t-shirt. Do you reckon they made that character with fancy dress parties in mind?

I just don't know where that came from. It's so weird. I would pay a lot of money to have access to just the notebook that they used to conceive of this. Because it would be like inventing a new musical instrument now but yeah he wasn't it was it can't have been made in one meeting in the set like i firmly believe well i'd love to be in the room where they pitched mr blobby for the first time because i know that mr blobby was not the work of one pitch it wasn't the work of what it can't have been no because peter would have been too much of a risk there's no collective responsibility there it would drive me insane it would drive me insane if we went back in time and the person was like so his name's ace venturi's a pet detector

and they just list it all in one go it would be frustrating you know my absolute frustration i have with like i i hate riddles i hate yeah i firmly believe that oh your least favorite one you cannot get a riddle you can only have a riddle you can only ever have the answer told to you and then you then become the person who tells the riddle no one's ever guessed a riddle correctly I don't think because especially those lateral thinking ones where they're sort of like ah the you know um where it's it's sort of like a man dies on an airplane but he wasn't actually got in the airplane how is this possible you go oh he was able to change his height whenever you go no no no no but if i i i have this hateful person in my head that i invented that i think i've told you about before they they live in my brain and it's that

stupid riddle that you got like smugly told as a kid of like there's a person in a room there there's a circular room there's nothing there's nothing in the room the person escapes how do they escape and it's like well you know they rub their oh you know they shout until their horse yeah they rub their hands until their hands are sore and they use the saw to cut the table in half they use the two but the idea that you pitch this riddle to someone who's never heard the riddle before, and you go, how do they get out? And the person's like, if it was me, I guess I'd rub my hands together until they were sore. And I'd use the saw to saw the table in half.

And then I'd use the two halves to make a hole. And I'd use the hole to climb out the window. I guess I'd do that. If someone guessed it, you'd send them to the hospital immediately. You go, why is your brain working like that? I shout until my voice was ho i fucked the horse i stay in prison fucking and eating the horse until i get released but what's weird is if whenever someone told you that riddle when i go how did he get out you go oh he um he can walk through

walls and i go yeah no he can't you go why is your one more realistic okay so uh this this friday so if you're listening on friday it will be there um i'm doing a show in april at the bloomsbury it was my last tour show which the tour finished earlier on this year but i'm going to be filming it uh and it'd be the last time i perform it so that goes on sale this friday so it'd be lovely to have you there listening um and then on the 15th so middle of next week on wednesday my radio 4 stand-up series starts so that's on every wednesday for four weeks from 6 30 p.m that's great okay so 15th of november start that's radio 4 series that's radio 4 so listen to that and then what when in April is this filming uh this is April the 5th I believe and it's at the Bloomsbury in London lovely so go and see Glenn at the Bloomsbury Theatre uh uh in April in London next year and you'll know the Bloomsbury Theatre because it's where Bud Pod Live Smelly Crapmas is happening

that is on the 15th of December so So go see all of those wonderful things. Thanks very much, Glenn. I'll quote unquote, see you next week. See you next week. Thank you so much for having me. Honestly, it's been a pleasure. Pleasure, man. Bye bye.