BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 243 - Poo Four Dicks Oh Bum

Episode Date: November 29, 2023

The boys have been on a field trip to see the fantastic Luke Kempner in Les Miserables in London's glittering West End. Phil's been on Graham Norton, Pierre has been horrified by the Aquaman trailer, the boys pitch FISHBOY.Correspondence from Shaun and his ads about cellulite and solutions being magic just before bed as opposed to at nightBUDPOD LIVE! SMELLY CRAPMAS! December the 15th at London's Bloomsbury Theatre: https://www.ucl.ac.uk/event-ticketing/app/?ev=22395 Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 243, I think. Um... Yes. Oh. 243. Um... Prisoner 243. That's me.

Those are alternative lyrics to my version of Les Mis. Yeah. Because last night, Pierre and I went to see Les Mis. Les Mis, the play. Les Mis. The song play. We went to see Les Mis Les Mis the play the song play we went to go see the song play the song play of Les Miserables and we certainly weren't

some of them we were Les Heures I was Les Enchanted I was Les Thrilled I was Les Youchanted I was Les Thrilled I was Les You were Les Engaged Les Engaged

Les Engaged is a great name for like a I don't know, it would be the British name for Terminator Why? Oh I said Les Les Engaged It's like a It's sort of futuristic and 1950s at the same time Les Engaged It's like a It's sort of futuristic and 1950s

At the same time Les Engaged We went to see because our friend The comedian The impersonator Impressionist You're thinking of Terminator The comedian, the actor

The impressionist Luke Kempner Is in Les Mis on the West End. He's in Les Miserables. And a bunch of us guys went because men can be supportive friends too. Men helping out men. It's true. Luke is maybe a quadruple threat. Okay, so he's got acting, singing, dancing. And stand-up. And comedying. That's four threats. Quadruple, yeah, he's got acting singing dancing and stand-up it's comedy that's four

threats yeah that's a lot of threats what threatening man terrifying i don't feel safe around him well no one should in theater land but it was great what it was your favorite bit of les miserables there was some very good like it was an excellent production for it was an excellent production in all the obvious ways that production is good like it was an excellent production for it was an excellent production in all the obvious ways that production is excellent but it was also there were also some excellent examples of like musical acting which is always a lot of fun well it obviously been running for a long time but apparently it's sort of been rehashed it was rehashed in 2019 so this is a slightly updated version there's some cool effects.

There's an amazing bit where Jalvaire, spoiler alert, un-Jalvaire's himself. He un-alives. He un-miserables himself. He miserables himself.

I guess he miserables himself into the river. Into the Seine. And the way the effect is done is amazing it's really good it's like die hard yeah yeah he's like proper falling and stuff it's like alan rickman going um the sets i thought were brilliant they're just wheeling so smoothly you don't notice any of the set transitions yeah while you're just sort of clapping and going i like that song just suddenly you're on a fucking you're on a ship and then you're just sort of clapping and going, I like that song. Suddenly you're on a fucking ship and then you're in an alleyway. And then you're in the

poor part of town and the rich part of town and there's basically no blackouts. It just all kind of swishes in and out. Less inventive. It's less inventive, that's for sure. That's definitely for sure. That's Severet. But there's also some great operatic musical, because I guess it's less inventive it's less inventive that's for sure that's definitely for sure that's but there's also some great operatic musical because i guess it's it's about as close to an

opera as a musical gets because they don't speak normally at any point even between the songs are going oh what did you do where are you now i'm coming down the stairs, do they speak at any point? No. Only as they're sort of leaving and going, Oh, I ain't you. Oh, you slut. The bit where a guy goes, You slut. Just while he wanders off the stage. You slut.

They still sort of, You little whore. They still sort of, that kind of thing, isn't it? But as he's leaving, the foreman. Slut. I assume it was part of the play.

Just a little bit of improv. No, yeah. Those two actors just don't get on really hate each other wow these guys are realistic yeah that's true it's all very much like when I saw the movie on a flight which probably

didn't give it the scale it deserved the bit that made me laugh a lot because you know like you have weird reactions to films on flights yes especially if you're drinking yeah and the bit that made me really laugh was that um when marius returns having seen cassette and this guy's seen a lady and fallen in love and he goes back to his sort of gang of um woke lifty students they're so annoying yeah well we'll get onto this. For me, this is the central

problem of Les Mis, but we'll get onto that. He comes in and he's sort of so lovestruck they're all like, whoa, what's up with you, man? And then one of the guys, only lines in the film. In the play, he's got more lines, but in the film, I think all he says is some wine and say, what's

going on? But he has to sing that. Some some wine and say what's going on. But he has to sing that. Some wine and say what's going on. And then he just has to go kill himself. He just has to go jump into the river. Some of those lines, it is like they only realize halfway they're meant to be singing. So some wine and tell me what's going on.

Otherwise I'll be expunged from the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, could you just pass me some paper towel like just yeah they go right at the end

yeah like if you excuse me I just need to go to there then they see off stage the director like pulling his thumb across his throat and he goes

the bathroom I need to go who are we and the director nodding like mmhmm good wiping it wiping it down to god who are we and the director nodding like good but yeah so for me the central issue with les mis is that the central struggle which is a bit vague it's these kind of annoying student protester types who tellingly have cleaner clothes

than everyone else well they claim to be fighting and fighting for the common man they're visibly rich yeah and um there's a very funny scene where the first thing we see is like the the ensemble cast are all grubby yeah oh they've all got sooty faces and things and they're all wearing like disgusting rags and going oh please sir refuse on teams at the end of the day or another day oh yeah all that but then they these guys come in with their lovely lovely white leggings yeah and smocks and so you go oh they're bad guys and then they're not they're handing out leaflets yeah that was really funny to me i was like that's nothing's changed history is a history is a loop where

it's like a bunch of people going please i, I just need a bit of bread. And then just being handed this pamphlet. About resistance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. About some sort of like... Yeah, yeah. Rise up or whatever. And it's like, well, I'm very hungry. No.

Read this. No, yeah. Same energy as like... We've been to university. Yeah. At university, we learned some things are more important than bread. But it's got very handing out Bibles and Africa energy.

Yes. But then this becomes a sort of central struggle of the film is it's uprising. Yeah. And it's implied you're sympathetic to them. And, you know, you watch them on their improvised barricades and the firing at. And they do a big song about how the future should be nice and the horrible past should be over. Yes, but it's all very vague.

It's like, what are the problems now and how do you intend to fix them? I was saying, it'd be so funny if, like, you'd got to direct a version of it where they go. And very, very controversial. They've added a song song which is the policies just the policies I'd really like to know what the manifesto is

because the problem is when these heroes inevitably die heroically I'm left cold I'm like okay so what what do they want what were their goals how were they going to go about them what were their political influences

what do they actually want to do I don't know and the the the musical never makes it clear it's just vaguely these people are poor and that's not right they must rise up and fight well okay but then what what who are you fighting who are you fighting because you don't see java is really the only sort of authority authority figure you see. Yeah. And he's got his own issues caring about this one guy who sold bread 50 years ago, which is another kind of...

Normally, when a policeman has a case, that haunts him. It's like horrible slaying. It's like he stole the file, you know, so he has the photos of like the ritual killing and yeah Well, it's alvarez rolling about in bed. Like he can't shake the image of a loaf of bread with a single chunk missing. Yeah He's the he's going Bread is like steaming on the windowsill or like steam coming off and he's like, yes. Yes, and then the hand comes in

coming off and he's like ah yes yes and then a hand comes in no no that's how much the french love bread they're so passionate about it that if you steal it they'll chase you for 50 years panacide he committed panacide yeah exactly they're the most gluten tolerant nation um yeah he's obsessed it normally you stole a chunk of bread in 1762 and i'm not over it yet people literally dying around him get out of my way dead bodies are blocking me from arresting this bread thief we were saying that he shows up at a lot of... Like if Jean Valjean just did like one little trick of being like, nope, not me. All his problems would just be over.

Oh, yeah. Because you just can't do it. Was it Mark Smith said, just move. Don't live in Paris. There's other places in France you can live. There's other cities in France that don't have the one guy who wants to arrest you. Who's also got like

a fucking Sherlock memory just for your face. Because of the bread aspect. But yeah, Javert is like a kind of Nazi robot. I like the guy who plays Javert in this current production.

I think you said he's a bit Yu-Gi-Oh-y. A bit Yu-Gi-Oh. He's got long hair. If you've seen the movie... He's the kind of guy my younger sister dated in her teens. Really? Yeah.

That's so funny. He's got long hair. He looked like the guy from the movie equilibrium oh i don't know it do you know it was it was like the cheap version of the matrix sean bean was in it oh remember that it was a movie where everyone took pills to make their emotions go away okay that rings a bell um and it's and it's um it's um christian bale okay Christian Bale. Okay. No. I don't know it. They fight people with, like,

gun kung fu. Gun fu? Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. It's a bit Matrix-y. It's like, I can imagine him wearing,

the actor can imagine him wearing, like, a leather trench coat and saying he's mastered the blade. Yeah. He's that kind of... Yeah, it was very incel javert. Incel javert Incel Javert I liked him

I thought I thought I thought he was a good singer although the singing is all fantastic oh the singing the singing is like astonishing

I was pulling faces in my seat going ooh ooh Jean Valjean is excellent man that was the understudy apparently

really we got an understudy one of them was the understudy I think we got understudy Valjean oh I thought it was excellent I sometimes like it when it's The Understudy Because they really go for it

They really got it This is my chance That's one thing I do enjoy about watching Musicals on the West End Is like You can bet your house Everyone on there Fucking wants to do this. They're not like phoning it in.

This is their dream. So many people want them dead for having these parts. That's true, yeah. And they have them. She's cassette. She made it. She's thrilled. These people are so,

and you can sort can watch it without thinking they're probably a bit annoyed about this. About doing this at this point. No, this is their lives. And if they ever do get a bit bored and complacent, there's a bunch of people looming over their shoulder waiting to... It's like the fucking Tory party being a musical actor.

You know what I mean? Yeah, someone's going to cut your throat the second you look away. To be villager number three. Yeah, just to get in there, just to get a foot in the door. Just to get a taste. Just to get a Les foot in the Les door. Just to get my face warmed by that light.

The one thing we notice is there's a way that the singers pronounce ooh, especially the male singers in Les Mis. Yeah, we asked Luke about this and he didn't seem to think it was a thing. Which is mad to me. It was so noticeable to me. We both noticed it a lot.

So whenever there's the vowel ooh, as in to, through, you, the singers would go, you. through you the singers would go you so from me to you send me to the moon fly to the moon tomorrow

tomorrow I will be to soon and it was like we our theory that we because we talked about in the interval afterwards I think it was afterwards we our theory that we because we talk about in the interval yeah afterwards I think it was afterwards but our theory was

oh maybe like when you're projecting or you're singing it's easier to sort of go you you you like you've got like lip control over it whereas when you go

it's kind of just like it could strain you it might be also be the pitch might be easier to hit the pitch correctly you you oh you you yeah maybe it's a pitch thing yeah but luke had no clue what the fuck we were on about

how odd he just he's too deep into it in it yeah he was trying to hide a secret but anyway yeah that's our um our big underground tip. Yeah, I don't know if you guys have heard. We think it's going to be big. Les Mis is pretty big. Going to be pretty big, we think. It's got a bright future ahead of it. Get in it before it sells out. Yeah, I would love that to be a policy scene.

Yeah, because when they all get killed, I'm like, okay, so what? What, did we miss out on anything? Did we lose out on something? Red, the color of the progressive taxation legislation that we're going to introduce. Okay. Black, the color of the progressive inheritance tax we're going to introduce over a 10-year period. Just like that.

Okay, okay. And what is this replacing? The whole audience going right right right well that's the thing is that everyone including me um initially thought it was french revolution and it's not no it's not and then there's a more famous second revolution 1848 it's not that either oh yeah this is it's a little one that didn't even really happen so is this is a pre-napoleon or post-napoleon? Post-the-Napoleon, the main one. Okay.

Pre-Napoleon III. Oh, okay. He was also emperor. Oh, okay, okay. And this is called, what's it called? The June Uprising. Yeah. Is what Les Mis is about.

Yeah. And you read about it? I was reading the wiki, yeah. And what was it roughly about? They had restored the Bourbon monarchy made of biscuits delicious delicious monarchy

delicious kings but it wasn't enough it wasn't enough for these stupid students that kings had a delicious chocolate centre it wasn't enough so they restored

the Bourbon monarchy and then there was a mini did they execute them by dunking them in big cups of tea until they dissolved their whole head just broke off and they had to get a big spoon monarchy and then there was a mini... Did they execute them by dunking them in big cups of tea until they dissolved?

Their whole head just broke off. And they had to get a big spoon. The king's head! That's why they never took a bath because it was just too dangerous. Well then they got the Bourbons back and then they dunked them. They dunked them away. And then they brought in

a... It wasn't the designated successor of the last bourbon monarch it was but it was a different king is the point so the june uprising was successful no no so the june uprising it turns out was actually against the new liberal king because they were like well what's the point of getting rid of a king and just bringing in another slightly nicer king right we thought this was going to be you know republic o'clock yeah and it's not you've just given us like a slightly nicer less weird king yeah um and so uh the that government was attacked by people who both like were like the students and the workers who were the les mis people because they wanted a republic and by the aristocracy who wanted the Les Mis people, because they wanted a republic, and by the aristocracy,

who wanted the original really fancy king back. Oh, okay. So no one was happy, because it was like a kind of middle-class government. Oh, gosh, okay. It was a constitutional monarchy, and it was all a bit too cushy. Where it just pissed off everybody.

Yeah, it made everyone upset, like all good compromises. Yeah. But it carried on till... Maybe till 1848. That guy was king for quite a while. It really didn't work at all. Gosh, okay.

So all those students just got their fucking heads blown off for nothing. Yeah, right, right. Which is why, especially once you know that and then watch Les Mis, you're like, oh, they really are leafleting those beggars for like no, not no reason, but. But to no end. Or just so that they can die, I guess. Like I don't, you know, nothing's gonna,

you're fighting the army. Yeah. The entire army. And obviously that's worked to the past in France. So I can understand why they thought it would work again. But it didn't. I said to Pierre that one of the main reasons I could not sympathize with the rebels was that I just know they'd be the most annoying people on Instagram.

If they were on today, they'd just be the most... Oh, yeah. They'd be telling me silence is violence. That fucking Marius would be telling me silence is violence. They'd be singing it to you as well, which is even more annoying. Yeah, what would he sing um he would be singing feel you can change your facebook profile picture it's easy to do add a filter with a flag of the country affected by by whatever it is that's just happened. Yeah, something like that. Yes, I think

Marius now would have he'd be as posh and rich and educated and fancy but he would be dressed deliberately like the beggars. Yeah, and he'd live in Dalston. Yeah, a warehouse. Yeah. the beggars yeah and he'd live in um in uh dalston yeah warehouse yeah the cast of maiden chelsea try

and start a revolution the cast of maiden chelsea or skins yes try and build a barricade and take on the National Guard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. But it was a great, excellent musical. Couldn't really care about the students, but they get killed anyway, so that's fine. Yeah, excellent.

I highly recommend it. Also, speaking of the glitz and glamour, Pierre, tonight I'm going to my first ever movie premiere. Philip's first ever movie premiere. That's not technically true.

I've been to movie premieres before, but this is the first one of a movie I'm actually in. Phil is in one. And this movie is wonka. Can you believe it? You heard it here second, folks. First it was on Graham Norton, but Bud Pod got the scoop right out of that guy's hands. That's right.

Yes, I was on Graham Norton last week. Thank you if you watched. If you didn't watch, watch on iPlayer. Have a little clip. My first ever Grey Nort. Grey Nort. My first ever Grey Nort. That's a Game of Thrones character.

Grey Nort. Grey Nort. I was a bit nervous because i was on with michael fassbender yeah right after our episode came out in which and you said i didn't really like the killer i didn't think it was great and i i like i had this panic uh i sort of imagine like imagine at the end of the recording of graham norton everyone was like and then as we're filing out of the studio, Michael Fassbender just leans into me and goes,

Koji. Yeah. Imagine. Imagine. I'd be like, I didn't mean it. I just thought that it could have been a little bit. No, no. I heard what you said.

I heard what you said. He's got a slight Irish accent, Michael Fassbender. Irish and German. Yeah. He sounds a lot more Irish than I expected. I heard what you said. I heard what you said. I heard what you said. Well, he learned all his English

from an Irish person. I found the word about the hardest word to do in any accent. Ow, ow. The ow word sound as well. Oh, yeah? I never know. Yeah. About. About. About. About. I heard about what you said about the killer. I about what you said about the killer.

I heard what you said about the killer. No. I know you don't like it. Cougy. Cougy. Keep on jacking it. You wee ballocks. And then he just lamps you.

But that was quite, yeah, that was quite an experience doing Gremlone. That's like, I mean, that's pretty A-list stuff. That's fancy shit, man. It's fancy stuff. And I was on with him, Daisy Haggard, and Jennifer Saunders. Yeah. Jennifer Saunders, I met a couple of times, but I'm always kind of astonished by her

because she's one of the reasons I do comedy, really. Frenchie Saunders, we got in Malaysia. I just loved it. And Jennifer Saunders has we've got Malaysia, I just loved it. And Jennifer Saunders has always been like, wow. And then take that, of course,

who, you know, without them, I wouldn't be here today. But then the week after, this coming week, the episode, they've got

Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Timothee Chalamet, and the musical guest is Cher fuck off can you imagine on that bench on that sofa anyone want to listen to my story people email me

about their poo poo the only other movie premieres I've been to Have been movies About Asian people And I've been invited Because I'm Asian By me So you're Asian

I'm going to need some help With understanding this I've been to Past Lives About the Koreans Yeah And The Marvel

The Chinese Marvel one Oh Shin Fuck What was that called I was going to say Shin Chiang and the Chinese Marvel one. Oh. Fuck, what was that called? I was going to say Xinjiang. I was like, that's not Xinjiang. That would be a very controversial movie. I thought Liu Shang. He's from Mulan.

What the fuck's he called? Is it something in the 12 somethings? Yeah. Simu Liu is the actor. Marvel Simu Liu. some things yes um simu liu is the actor marvel simu liu i i uh i was in the cinema the other day and i saw the trailer for the aquaman movie oh does it look good no no i decided making another really yeah why i don Why? I don't know, man. I can't...

I don't really have... Well, I'm sure Aquaman's fan will be thrilled. I don't have the... Easily have the vocabulary to describe the type of tiredness I felt seeing that trailer. It was fatigue on a level that was both physical and abstract spiritual fatigue yeah yeah it was like i was being told it was like humanity was feeling tired through you in that moment yeah it was like it was like we'd brought back alchemy right okay and like people were just going like we're just going to do it again yeah we're

gonna keep trying until this coal becomes gold yeah until this lead and mud it becomes gold we're actually bringing this back now yeah and i'd be sitting there going but i know it doesn't work and i know it's a waste of time and it's stupid and it's bad and everyone's like no if we say the incantation look it's happening and gather the right number of people. It could work. And all stand around in a pentagram. And look at Jason Momoa. Maybe it would be a good film. But the thing is that you can sense that everyone in the cinema is just completely eyes glazed over.

He's got the trident of Grabnor. Who's going to that anymore? I don't care. Because all the superheroes are not... It doesn't make sense because they're not equal. So it's like, I can't care as much about this as Superman. Yes. Because the solution to this movie is to bring Superman in.

Because he's more powerful than everyone. Yeah. So whenever you're like, the trident of Grabnor will turn the sea into the dark magic of and she'd go just call superman i know he's around yeah he's got the time he's fast enough this is this is nothing i don't care about this i don't care about the water kingdom i don't care about the fucking dolphins or whatever it also always looks so bad these underwater underwater movies that are, you know... It looks like a screensaver in the trailer.

Yeah. I mean, I caught a glimpse of... You know when you're on the plane and someone in the chair a couple of rows from you has a movie on? You end up watching their movie more than yours. Yeah. And someone had... Like this dumb cow just... Light moving colors.

What are they looking at? And some of the people playing the live action Little Mermaid. Haunting. Nightmarish. Horrible. Dark. Like no lighting. No lighting.

Yeah, no lighting because it's underwater. And it turns out that a cartoonish talking crab is quite delightful. An animatonically accurate crab that talks is horrible. It's vile. It's got sideways in the mouth. It has little mandibles. It's not meant to be talking. It should just be bubbling.

It's haunting. Really horrible. And watching animals do human things while still looking at animals turns out is really upsetting yeah it's like someone they just made a film for the uncanny valley yeah i mean it's like they didn't learn from lion king which no one cared about no one watched because it was gross and creepy like okay well maybe if it's underwater people will like it i don't understand why they keep trying to make stuff look realistic when all the most successful 3d films are like cartoon 3D.

Yes. So not realistic. Yes. But they're just like, no, we've really managed to nail down the dead blank eyes of a doll on this like loads of hairs, individual hairs. That looks good. That's not what anyone wants to see.

I know. Because people love Toy Story. They didn't love Final Fantasy. Do you remember that? Oh. The movie Final Fantasy that had nothing to do with the game. Awful and a sci-fi called final fantasy is like photorealistic 3d and everyone went wow look it looks like a real person why don't we just get real people to do this yeah how can this possibly be cheaper yeah um but yeah i encourage i almost want you to watch the Aquaman trailer. No! I don't want to!

The villain is someone called Manta. No! Does he look like a ray? Is he like a Manta? He's got like a big evil helmet that makes him look like a ray. Which is clearly a helmet designed to be like... No, no, no. The old cartoon character doesn't actually have a mad Manta Ray head.

That was a helmet. Ah, yeah, yeah. So they're trying to make it kind of believable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How they're like, the old cartoon character doesn't actually have a mad manta ray head that was a helmet oh yeah so they're trying to make it kind of believable yeah yeah yeah how they're like no no batman wasn't just wearing like cloth leggings they were like armor yeah somehow and you go okay you just said the word kevlar a lot so i guess that's good in the arkham games which i really love the the penguin i think it's i think this is in the arkham game the penguin's monocle is stuffed into his eye um and like it's it's jammed into his his right right eye and the story is that he got bottled one because he's like a proper cockney gangster

yeah and he got bottled one day so hard that the base of the bottle got lodged into his eye. And that's his monocle now. Oh, you're what? And I kind of love that. It's kind of slay. I love it. But yeah, the 21st century comic book adaptations always have to

like, actually it's because the bully put a boo-boo. Actually it's cool. Yeah, he had an injury that meant that he got gills or yeah yeah yeah he got his dick sucked too much so now he's uh dressing the original comics just like i'm fish boy i have gills because i like fishy fishy wish i grew up in the sea yeah my my and if you don't stop me i'm going to take all the candy apples from the fair that's always for some reason that's my that's my initiative um for that's my priority is to

kill steal candy apples there's nothing to do with the sea but it's what i want to do when i'm up here yeah and then batman stops him by like putting fish food in under a big box yeah and it pulls on a stick and yeah and then now it's like a stick and it catches him. And now it's like the trailer for that would be a fish guy just like you only see the back and he's like at a work table and he's fixing like a scuba diving thing.

And then it would cut back to a wild stormy sea. And a fishing vessel like the one they pulled when they find Jason Bourne. You know? And they think they're fishing and they go oh and like a language that you'd you know finish and then you just see like this like little boy's body like and they like they pull him in and they pull him up with the big like

fishing equipment and it's like storm and there's like 50 feet high waves and as the as you and it cuts in between that and the guy this is building with his back to you and as they pull the kid aboard the fisherman the captain of the little fishing boat grabs the boy and as he grabs the boy he he realizes he's put his hands in like some gills on the boy's back and recoils in horror lightning and then it cuts back to the the back of the guy at the work desk yeah but he's topless and he's all muscly yeah and then he shrugs and you see all flaps open on his back and it's gills and then he goes fish boy i like this that's good it's good it's good fish boy fish boy and then it's like his plot is like he's going to blow up the fucking Suez Canal, Panama Canal.

Yeah, right. Or something like that. To ruin international trade. Speaking of fish boys who want to ruin international trade, let's do some correspondence. Ring letters. Keep emails.

Phone calligraphies. Your sister. Keep a street art field. Ring letters, emails, phone calligraphies, your sister, your husband, correspondence. So, let's see, what have we got in our Christmas sack? It is a message from Sean. Sean, I'm glad you were born. That's very nice. You should say that to people on the tube.

I'm glad you were born. And then just walk off the tube backwards, still staring at them. Nodding. Yeah. Uh-huh. Like that. And the door closes and you can still hear me muffled.

Uh-huh. As the tube goes away, they can still see that your head silently going like miming aha and they're just terrible like no and because it's the tube no one else reacts yeah so they're not even sure if anyone else saw it all for them sean says dearest piedra and philipiedra. Deirdre and Felicity. Deirdre. Is that like an agony on thing?

Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear. Maybe. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. I'm an avid pod bird from all the way up on the Isle of Skye. Oh, wow.

I really want to go to the Isle of Skye. Isle of Skye. What a guy. It's such a cool. I mean, it's like an even more wild and woolly version of the Isle of sky what a guy it's such a cool i mean it's it's it's like an even more wild and woolly version of the isle of man of course yes they have those crazy accents out there yeah these accents yes yes well we we are friend and comedy producer writer etc multiple talent person zoe tomalin oh yeah from the Isle of Mull. Is she? Which is not quite Hebrides,

but it's, you know. Oh. It's an island. I didn't know that. Poo-poo-la-la. Your fantastic weekly content makes me happy as the world I love

is quickly heading to hell. Yeah, we do what we can. Mm. Anypoo. Anypoo. I saw these click-baity advertsity adverts oh great on an article for popular scottish news site the national oh yeah um and immediately thought of you enjoy i also have a poo story but i think i'll send it separately koji sean great national let's see what the National has got going on Apart from of course Nationalism

Okay so These are the adverts on the National This one just seems to be text It says unsolved jackets are now almost being given away Unsolved jackets Unsolved Unsolved jackets Unsolved

I don't understand this jacket. Unsold jackets. All these words are capitalized for no reason. Yeah. Unsold jackets are now almost being given away. Look at their value. Ye mighty in

despair. Oh my god, look at the value. Look at their value. Imagine someone handing you a jacket and going, look at this value. Look at the value look at look at their value imagine imagine someone handing you a jacket look at this value look at the value look at its value look at its value because it's possessive yeah yeah tense which is so weird and you have to go oh what what which value walking into a shop and going my god look at all their value look at their value look at every piece value in here look at all the value that belongs to that jacket. And then the actual clickbaity ad is a photo of... How would you describe that?

It's just a sort of a pretty anonymous photo of maybe a middle-aged lady's legs and bum on a beach in shorts. Yeah, just normal ladies. You're just getting her waist down to her knees and she's wearing shorts at the beach. But we mean shorts that you could wear to watch TV on the couch in. They're not sexy shorts.

They're not holiday shorts even, particularly. They're just very normal shorts. Very normal shorts. And a t-shirt on top as well. It's not even that beachy. Yeah. And then the legs coming out of the shorts are sort of...

One of them is a bit old looking. Oh, yeah. The one on the left is a bit more cellulite-y I guess a bit more saggy. But it's very subtle. Yeah, yeah. And the caption is cellulite after 50. Colon. So you and me we're going, oh yeah, what about it?

Please, please, please. I'm scared. Do this tonight before bed brackets, takes one minute. I'm scared. Do this tonight before bed. Brackets. Takes one minute. This is my favorite genre of the clickbait. It's like, do this, like, drink this one thing before bed. It's like, it pretty much has a similar vibe of putting your tooth under the pillow for the tooth. It's always before bed because, like, when you're unconscious, that's when magic happens. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

Like Father Christmas, he comes at night. That's the implication, isn't it? We're taught as kids that if you do something right before you go to bed, when you wake up, there'll be no cellulite. They'll be taken away. It's also the ultimate ease, right? You literally are unconscious when all the work is being done. Don't worry.

The progress will happen when you're literally resting. Yeah, yeah. That's true, isn't it? It would be like, take this right after you wake up and then do loads of stuff. Yeah, yeah. No thanks. Yeah.

Do this before you go to work. Can you imagine? The clickbait says, do this one thing before you go to work. Oh, another thing. No, no, no. Absolutely not. I'm already on my way to do things.

I've already got so many things to do before work. I've got a lot of things to do before work, and then my whole day at work is doing things. Do this one weird trick when you're at your busiest. Imagine doing this. Fit this one weird trick into your meal time. Do this one weird health trick at the pub with your mates in front of everyone oh no no yeah you're right it's before bed is ideal you're on your own

maybe uh yeah you're about to rest it's private yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's and it's kind of dawdling time anyway it's time that you're not really doing anything people pootle yeah you pootle you'd read a little bit of this you look at your phone a bit of that you drink a bit of that you fiddle about you put some clothes away exactly maybe you eat this weird cucumber pickle thing maybe you drink a glass of what appears to be just red paint in some of these ads um so this is the next one we've seen this caption before i think but not with this image this image is baffling and horrifying okay the caption is our old friend urologist begs brits to shrink prostate with this tip every morning

so now this is okay now this is in the morning already Already I'm like, I don't want to do this. I want to do the bed one. Can I shrink my prostate at night? Please. I've got things to do in the morning. For once. I'm drinking coffee in the morning. So it's, yeah,

urologist begs Brits. Please. He's on his knees. But shrink is in quotes. So am I shrinking my prostate or not? Wait, so the shrink, right, shrink prostate. With this tip. normally when there's

a tip in the prostate it makes it bigger i'm talking about bumming talk about sex phil yeah i gotcha okay every morning in brackets every morning every morning urologist begs brits to shrink prostate with this tip every morning he's begging he's on his knees on the street, reaching out at people as they walk past. Please, you need to do this to shrink the prostate. Please. Weirdo. The walking person. Please, Brits, please, I need you to shrink the prostate.

Get away from me. Why would anyone? Please. And he's got this stack of scientific papers that are blowing away. He's trying to catch them. No, no. That's the conclusion! How would you describe this image? I would say

it looks like a human muscle blown up like a snake's hood. Oh gosh. With like a wishbone in the middle. It's really gross. Oh! It's like an anatomical drawing of something. It's like a drawing of, it's also a bit like an orchid. It's a bit flower-like. It's very Georgia O'K drawing of something. It's like a drawing of... It's also a bit like an orchid.

Yeah. It's a bit flower-like. It's very Georgia O'Keeffe. Yeah, Georgia O'Keeffe. But it's a fleshy orchid. It's absolutely ghastly. But it's gaping. It's not Georgia O'Keeffe like a little flower with some petals.

It's like a proper hood. It is like a proper Assassin's Creed hood, but if the hood was made out of meat. Flesh of a womb. Yeah. Quite unsettling. Horrible. Also, you look at that thing,

you're like, what could that possibly be? There's no way that has anything to do with the actual tip. No. That isn't a body part. You just go, that's not a prostate. It is. And if it is, it's not shrunk it's enormous bigger than ever yeah you could it's like you could hit it like the side of a barn please please brits please please your prostates are too big and it's like a bunch of people walking past just constantly pissing is that what a big prostate

does makes you pee a lot i think in prostate. Because they get larger as you get older. Oh, no. And that's why old men are getting up in the night to pee. Oh, fuck. I hate that shit. Well, you better shrink it. Oh, I should have listened to the urologist. I should have listened to that street urologist. He begged me.

He begged me. No, he begged me. I ignored him. And I ignored him. What was I doing? So this one is a photograph of a classic... I can't imagine a more perfectly cast, generically British, middle-class, nice man

who's about 55 to 60. Okay. And he's in a sort of lovely garden, sort of garden of the year kind of garden. He's been photoshopped in front of it. If you have young eyes, you can see that it's not real. Yeah, if you see the matrix.

There's a photoshopped layer that's the lovely garden. Then there's a photoshopped layer of an enormous solar panel in the garden. All like different resolutions. Yeah, exactly. Which just definitely isn't there. The light doesn't make any sense. And then in front of the solar panel, this guy's been Photoshopped in.

Looking concerned and holding up a sort of little white box. It looks like a little thermostat. Right, okay. And the caption is, no joke, colon. So that's good. We know already it's not supposed to be a joke. Already we know this is serious. Hang on, this is serious.

No, no, be serious about this, please. No, no, stop laughing. Stop laughing. This is not a joke. We've looked at his face. We've looked at the sheer quality of the pruning of the flowers in his garden. And look how he's holding that white box. This is not a joke, okay?

No joke, colon. The actual cost of solar panels brackets finally close brackets revealed this does seem to be a theme on these clickbait articles a lot of solar panels and the cost a lot about the cost of solar panels i can't tell if they're outraged that the cost of solar panels is higher or lower than people thought yeah my my inkling is that it's lower than people think it's going to be. Well, they cut the subsidies. Also, because what would they be selling if it was expensive?

If the story's like, turns out solar panels are really expensive, so don't waste your time. All right, bye. Yeah. You know what I mean? What would be the point? But also, I can't imagine a solar panel company

is using clickbait articles to sell solar panels. Also, they cut the subsidies for solar panels, which was a big mistake, in my opinion, and it did make them more expensive. But then why would there be an advert for that? It's very odd. Finally.

Finally! People have been fucking me around on this for so long now. I'm sick of people lying to me about the price of solar panels. At last! Someone dares to be honest about it. Someone's got their fucking balls to bloody... Oh, that's a Patreon message.

I shouldn't read that out. That's for the VIPs. That's special. What would a good clickbait ad for Budpod be? Maybe we can pay these guys to spam Budpod. No joke. No joke. These poo stories will have you with our one quick before bed way to laugh.

Yeah. No joke. These two have degrees. These two men talking about poo have degrees. These two men have degrees. These two men talking about these two men have degrees. And it's us pointing at a toilet

and giggling. A toilet that we're clearly we're not in the bathroom. We've been pasted in really crudely. The lighting's wrong. Yeah, the point we're pointing at

is just a bit off to the right of the toilet. It looks like we're pointing kind of at the base of the toilet this is not quite right also the the bathroom we're photoshopped into is like a brilliant white catalog bathroom yeah and we're like tangibly it's outside yeah it's like outdoor lighting we've got outdoor lighting and like heavy shadow under under our chins and stuff it's really horrible yeah yeah i think that would be good what would

we be holding up oh or frowning at like a banana or something yeah yeah yeah yeah these two have degrees these these two fully empty their bowels onto this podcast with this one weird fruit. With this one weird, yeah. It's always just, not banana, what's the Caribbean? Plantain? Yeah. It's always just like slices of plantain being fried. Yeah, yeah. And somehow people look at that and go,

oh, what the fuck? That's going to empty my bowels? Yeah, it always has to be something a bit long and seedy. Yeah, like, oh, that's gonna empty my bowels yeah it always has to be something a bit long and seedy yeah like oh that's medicine yeah yeah that's a mysterious sort of tropical fruit with properties we don't know about yeah that's it yeah some of the rainforest berry is gonna solve all my problems my cellulite's gonna fly up my ass because I ate a berry from the woods it's very medieval apothecary it really

is because these instincts never leave us that's what that's what the internet showed us like no amount of technology will expunge us of our peasant our need for berries we have lizard peasant brains magic berries and burning witches yes it's literally all done through the internet now yeah amazing all fucking pilgrims want to eat berries and burn witches no matter how you want to dress it up yeah exactly oh man well um the apothecary of the vip oh okay yeah we're off to the the the special apothecary the vip apothecary yeah the vip apothecary of the VIP apothecary. Yeah, the VIP apothecary of the Patreon. It's where we'll see the Patreons.

For everyone else, there are still a handful of tickets left for Bud Pod Christmas live on 15th of December at the Bloomsbury Theatre in London. Yeah.

Smelly Kratmas. Smelly Kratmas. So do come see us in person. We're going to have a wonderful, jingly, festive time. Yeah. It's going to be great. And make sure to see Wonka coming out this Christmas Yeah. so do come see us in person we're gonna have a wonderful jingly festive time yeah it's gonna be

great and and make sure to see wonka coming out this christmas yeah with uh starring not really starring then there's a moment of me there's a moment of your your bud pod pal for a while at some point in the movie check it out yeah i'm gonna find out tonight just how much of it i'm actually in oh and koji and thank you to all the pod buds who showed up for um leicester square theater yeah final edition on the 23rd of november thank you very much guys it was a lovely way to end the tour um other than that we will see you next week or if you're a patron we will see you on friday five o'clock for that fry yay feeling yum yum yum uh for some vip content bye love everybody bye