BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 250 - Budski

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

Wang tells us about the cheese and potatoes of skiing and Pierre is on tour with Frank Skinner, Baggs sends us a clickbait Dobby update, Han the diplomat on brunch scamming, CT's frog adventure and a bakery sends us some spam clickbait from a bakery in Michigan Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 250. 250, a quarter of a thousand. Which is about how old I feel, Pierre, because today I am 34. That's right. As we record this, Phil is birthdaying real hard. I'm 34 freaking years old dude it's old man I feel like at some point I jumped

from young into old really quick when was my last young age I guess 32 was kind of young do you think you think it happened quickly why 32 it's like how Hemingway described going bankrupt, little by little, then all at once.

That's how I feel about going old. I don't know. 34 suddenly hit me as quite a big number. Yeah, I guess it's one of the first slightly nothing-y ages. Yes, I think that's it. It's nothing-y. 33 is my jesus year 34 who's fucking famous for being 34 no one no no name one person to 34 you can't do it

yeah well this um yeah so okay so you think that over the last two years you went through your sort of doctor who transformation to into an old bitch um yeah i guess so maybe it was locked down but maybe it's the amount of time i spend at home these days and how much i just love to sit at home and sleep um although i i just got back pierre from my first ever ski trip i learned to ski which made me feel young well this is it i mean the last time we spoke we were recording in advance because you can't do you can't podcast on the slopes no not yet what a first that'll be we've done we've done podcasts in the car can we podcast on the slopes ski pod ski pod yeah i it um i think that's one way to feel young is to learn something new because i i've never skied before i'd take lessons we're up every morning i feel like i'd taken a job in the alps was up every morning to start uh ski school at 9

a.m on the alps yeah on the mountains and it's fucking hard dude it's the was it was it rough well it was beautiful there's so much to know and everyone's so nice the french people outside of paris are so nice it's amazing it's amazing yeah the second you leave paris it's like oh this is france it's just that one fucking town and generally speaking everyone in everyone else in france fucking can't stand parisians either so right yeah yeah yeah now outside of Paris everyone's like bonjour hello oh yeah is it so smiley and nice I was like are you actually French they're so good outside of Paris they're like the French people in uh learning tapes and textbooks I have four apples The food was Fine

Out food is just cheese and ham Yeah Cheese ham and potatoes I swear to god one dinner we had A three course dinner at a restaurant Given to us by the organisers The starter main And dessert Were just cheese and potatoes

on different shaped plates i swear to god it's just all cheese and potatoes raclette dream they have that raclette to there which is a big wheel of cheese that they press against the heat lamp and you scrape it all off with a knife it looks like they cut it with a lightsaber yeah that's really i've always wanted to i've always wanted to watch them do that what's looks like they cut it with a lightsaber yeah that's really i've always wanted to i've always wanted to watch them do that what's it did they do did they bring half the wheel to your table yeah they just bring you half the wheel they plug in the lamp and they just put their hands up and they go no questions asked whatever happens happens however much cheese is left and we come back none of our business you do what you need to do wow yeah it's incredible

and then you just they give you the knife and you just scrape off whatever you want that's nuts you're sick i mean i i don't really give a fuck about cheese i think you give more of a fuck than i do i give to it cheese to me i'm like barney gumbel with cheese. I need to keep a fucking eye on it. I love cheese so much. Yeah, this is one of the... I think there's some things you are lucky not to like diet-wise. I don't really like sugar that much, which is lucky. And also, I don't give that much of a fuck about cheese, which seems lucky.

Yeah, it's two of the most asian opinions you have desserts and cheese you're not that interested that's true actually yeah that is true yeah other asians do put sugar in the in their in their savory food well that's you guys still sneak it in there yeah still sneak it in there i think the the the fatty or unhealthy asian thing to like is oil lover oils yeah chili oils sunflower oil sesame oils um and and fatty pork love love some fatty pork oh that's true isn't it pork belly absolutely everywhere but then not much alcohol so you'd miss out on on the fattening there but yeah a, a lot of cheese and potato and ham, which is fine.

But honestly, one day for lunch, I had a burger without cheese or bacon and I felt like I was having a salad. I felt like I was just eating a cos lettuce. You're having one of those like nourishment bowls. Yeah, I felt like a poke bowl. But yeah, so the first day the the hardest thing about skiing for me is you have to put on the ski boots and they're so hard that i swear my because they put they so they brace against your shins going forward right yes yeah so you end up with something... I got something called shin bang.

I looked it up. It's a thing. Because my shins kept banging against the hard front of the boot that I swear there's an indentation in the bone of my right shin. Ugh. It does...

Shin bang? Shin bang. It just means that your shin keeps banging into the hard front of the boot and you end up with a real sore shin. Yeah, but it's only the right one you did it to.

The right one is worse. I did it to both and the right one seems bent out of shape, literally. Like it's bowed now. Oh, God. But the boots... It's now the shape of, in the Parmpics the you know the blade uh the blade runners yeah yeah yeah yeah well they've got the fake legs yeah and it bends backwards like that so yeah i'm not actually supported a bit better than they used to be but um

yeah one leg's good at sprinting now the um the boots i know what you mean i from from memory i remember thinking like these are like space marine boots these are fucking warhammer shoes yeah so heavy and you feel like a baby giraffe because you're lifted up with a weirdly high yeah yeah you're more stable than you expect because they're so heavily weighted but you expect to start falling over but you're actually quite you're quite secure yeah and they're made of that kind of hard plastic that's like stormtrooper armour. Yeah. Yeah.

Everything's made of this like carbon indestructible carbon fibre like the skis themselves you have to click the clack you've got to smack the snow off the bottom of your boot on these skis and it's like I don't know scratch the skis but they don't get scratched at all

because they're made out of fucking carbon fiber, the old fucking NASA shit, man. Yeah. But I fell down a lot. It was very counterintuitive, yes. I fell down in front of the kids. And it's so... What's the word?

It's so undignified falling down on skis because you can't get up. It's so hard to get up because you've got these fucking poles sticking out of your feet. And you can't get your feet under your body. You can't get your center of gravity over your feet. And you're just wriggling your back.

There's one bit where i crashed into like a barrier like a netting and i was just like my my feet from behind me my legs akimbo and my like my shoulders between my feet if you if you can imagine that oh well you so like you were like curled backwards because of the skis it's like it's like i was a rock star and i just did a slide forward slide you know and i was yeah yeah yeah and i was like i just couldn't move and i looked like i looked dead i just couldn't move and as i crashed this lady this older lady was just hammering in the poles of the net yeah the fence post yeah and i just and she's still hammering and she's getting closer to me. And she's like, oh. And she takes her mallet and she just whacks the back of my ski.

The button. Basically the latch that ejects your boot. She used the same hammer that she was hitting the fence post with. And she just whacked my ski to pop me out of it. You just feel so helpless and stupid and like a child. Like a big insect uh yeah yeah like a praying mantis or something yeah well i mean i guess um yeah you you it's sometimes did you did you jam the backs of your skis in the snow that kept happening um yeah my the front bits of the my skis kept like overlapping over each other and

that completely fucks you up and they stick and you can't i couldn't separate them and then you you're done for i just kept doing things that made me done for my my i kept like scooping the snow with my skis and i was done for i kept bending my knees in the wrong direction, and I was done for, for a bit. My girlfriend, though, was a natural. She was really nervous. She was so much more nervous than I was to get started learning. And then she just really took to it. At one point, our ski instructor, Florian,

Florian, Florian, he said to her, he said to her, I have nothing to say you are skiing and then he'd say to me okay I'll come with you Phil

at any point did he say you are done for you are done for yeah one instructor we had a different instructor for the first day and he just said your left leg is like a broken and he didn't mean like i'd broken my leg he meant like it wasn't working like it's malfunctioning oh oh right he's like your left leg is broken it doesn't

work terrifying prophecy did his eyes roll into the back of his skull when he said it? Yeah, and he floated off the ground for a little bit. His ski is dangling in the air. Your left leg is broken. I see it. I think skiing is just like an excuse to look at pretty mountains. Because I think you can't just say, I want to go look at the pretty mountains.

I need to build a whole lift system to get me up the pretty mountain that invent like yeah sport around it yeah i want to sit in a cabin and eat cheese from a liquid cheese from a bowl and look at mountains and they go well you better earn it somehow yeah you can better you're gonna have to fill yourself with melted cheese and potato and ham and then instantly take a lift up a mountain and play chicken with gravity. Otherwise, you don't get any of the fun stuff. Yeah, everything comes at a price. And the price here is you need to

rent an insane jumpsuit from a surly man. Well, I bought the kit now. I bought like a ski outfit now. Did you? Yeah, it's like... I basically bought a wedding dress for the amount of use I bought a ski outfit now. Did you? You're investing. I basically bought a wedding dress for the amount of use I'm going to get out of it. You know what I mean?

It's so expensive as well. It's really like going to a wedding. It's a one-off, basically. And they make you pay extra for it. I don't think a jacket normally costs this much. But you call it a ski jacket, and you can charge £500. I don't think a jacket does normally cost this much but you call it a ski jacket and you can charge 500 pounds

did you at any point think that like was it worth it or were you at some points like whenever I've I very rarely buy nice things like like things like a nice jacket and when I do

I'm so warm already in a t-shirt that when I wear a nice jacket it's like well I feel I'm so hot I feel sick t-shirt that when I wear a nice jacket it's like well I feel I'm so hot I feel sick now like this jacket's too nice

oh my god I mean my first day skiing was the hottest day of my life I was I was surrounded by snow on a mountain in the French Alps

and I was boiling because there's the physical activity of moving around but also everyone's just like you gotta wear thermals. You've got to wear a thick jumper.

You've got to get a special ski jacket. And then you get your helmet. And then your ski trousers. And the thermals under the puffy ski trousers. I was so hot. I can't remember the last time I sweated that much. And I was surrounded by snow. It's fucking bullshit, man.

I think the people saying that are always people with like fucking two percent body fat from some ski catalog yeah like sexy shredded people and it's like well of course you're cold like there's a one millimeter skin barrier between your muscles and the snow yeah like i'm boiling hot all the time i i could i think i could ski in a fucking t-shirt i honestly think i could have done that yeah i finally found my ambient temperature by the way and it's the french alps in winter it's so nice it's so nice yeah maybe you could become a mountain person i got recognized a couple of times um did you yeah. I got a message from a pod bud who ran a brewery in a nearby

alpine town. Didn't make it to the town, I'm afraid. But there's one bit where I saw skiing on the baby slope, like the flattest slopes

on the mountain. Yeah. And I heard someone go, Phil! And I looked to the side where all the serious skiers are skiing down

the mountain. And I just sort of i didn't couldn't tell who it was i'm just blindly waving at the people passing by and then i realized that it had come from someone in one of the lifts passing up overhead so all it looked like was i just turned around like royalty and just decided to wave the oncoming the oncoming skiers. Yes, welcome back to the bottom. Welcome. Like a dictator. Yeah. Well done. So someone on the left had just shouted.

Yeah. Did you ever see who? No, because everyone's wearing fucking goggles and helmets and shit. Yeah, it's disguise central, isn't it? Yeah, it's like being recognized on the Death Star. It's like, which stormtrooper fucking i can say that which oh man the social anxiety on board of that fucking craft yeah can you imagine two stormtroopers like going oh once we were saying to the other oh

we've met before can you imagine oh yeah exactly uh it was only a week ago yeah i don't know i i hate this death star i should have known from the name i would have hated it here um did you get any like angry ski people because on the one occasion really that i've done it we had our like training instructor was the probably the angriest italian man i've ever seen in my life really it was like he'd been sent to teach people how to ski as a punishment no it was like they'd caught him cheating in the olympics and they were like we will give you the most painful torture known to the ital skiing fraternity. Helping English speakers learn how to ski.

That does sound like a nightmare for them. So angry about people skiing. He was so easily upset. Everyone was incredibly patient. Everyone's very nice. I mean, everyone was mainly just

whizzing past me on the slopes, like little children who are so good at skiing, they're already wearing novelty ski outfits. Like one kid was just dressed in a banana costume, just whizzing past me while I was on the ground. Like fucking Mario Kart. You've crashed in this fucking cartoon. Yeah, they're wearing unlocked skins.

They've already completed the game of skiing. That's why when you went into the ski shop, you could only choose from one or two items from a big long range of completely blacked out items. Yeah. Yeah, and the stats bars of my gear only didn't even get to halfway like it's still in yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly oh man it's so uh annoying in a game where you start like

that and you go i've got i've got so far to go yeah i've got so far to go in this game but that's always my favorite like i think i've I've said before, I love tutorials. I love playing tutorials in games. And I like learning things from a beginner. I like learning the basics. So in skiing, you learn something called the pizza. Pizza. Pizza slice.

Pizza. Where you've got to stop, to slow down. You angle your skis inwards in front of you, as it were, to make a soft pizza slice shape. And then you go parallel with your skis.wards in front of you, as it were, to make a soft pizza slice shape. And then you go parallel with your skis, and that's French fries. So it's pizza and French fries. Have you ever seen that South Park clip? Even instructions include melted cheese, Pierre, when you're skiing.

Even the instructions include melted cheese and potatoes. I should have done that joke. I was doing that during gigs. I should have done that joke why don't i was doing that doing gigs i should have done that joke oh that would have been perfect now you need to now that's the joke equivalent of your skiing equipment one use you know you've got to fucking try and get as much out of that as possible um have you ever seen that um south park clip pizza slice french fries no the south park kids learn how to ski all right um the instructors a bit of a meme uh he just keeps saying if you don't pizza slice when you're going

too fast you're gonna have a bad time like all of his advice about like what to avoid ends with you're gonna have a bad time like if if this if that and um yeah then you're going to have a bad time is a sort of meme. Then you're going to have a bad time. Then you're going to have a bad time. I think that's what he says. Do you think that you burned off all the calories from the cheese? Do you think that's possible? It feels like there's an impossible amount of calories to burn off i

didn't i didn't need too much and and skiing is harder work than it than it looks because it's a lot of just like core work it's all just like tensing like staying upright and staying upright yeah yeah and positioning yourself and and walking in the skis is a lot of hard work because it's so inefficient when you're walking yeah and you're like just staying put basically and your skis are just slipping along the snow like that or sometimes even going backwards because it's like it's like slightly angled downwards and you just start sliding backwards and just like yeah it's pretty undignified although i i think i got the hang of it i like like two days in i was like was like skating on the skis and shit you know

and you start moving skating on the skis and I learned to turn it's interesting I did one joke right Pierre and I'll never be able to use it again so the thing you learn when you're skiing is to turn right

you apply pressure to the left ski and that turns you right and to turn right, you apply pressure to the left ski, and that turns you right. And to turn left, you apply pressure to the right ski, and that turns you left. It's a bit counterintuitive. And I said, skiing is very counterintuitive. Keep in mind, we're in France. We're in the French Alps.

And skiing is very counterintuitive. For example, if you lean gently left for long enough you will suddenly swing right which is actually the story of french politics over the last few years nice thank you did they did they all go oh well they were all english the people are all english so like people they're either there for the season or they're for holiday and so i think actually it's more like performing in a sort of regional art center in england yeah it was i mean i did a fucking hs2 joke and it went down all right in i was in france so it was like cultured expats yeah it was, skiing expats Some of them are there for the whole season

i.e. until the end of March How though? Yeah, this is what I want to know Because they're not working there You sort of want to say to them like, well, what did you do? What did you do? How did you end up like this? How have you done this? How have you done this

where you've gone, I'm gonna Was this your plan? Did you where you've gone i'm gonna was this your plan did you think okay i'm gonna i'll be like a i don't know a banker or something and i'll make enough money that i can afford somehow to to just ski for like months i mean it was people who take conference calls from the slopes it was people who worked in finance and shit so it might be possible or maybe it's one of those things you know how like it's actually cheaper to for old people to just book endless cruises than to be in a retirement home yes that's right isn't it oh right so they go okay well i don't have a house or a mortgage or rent i just eat cheese and potatoes and ski up and down yeah and my i do all my office work when I'm on the ski lift.

When I'm sat on the ski lift, I get my pocket laptop out and my special typing gloves and I send my little emails. My little emails. Maybe they come over from Switzerland. Ah, maybe. Well, we were on the Swiss border, so you could actually ski into Switzerland

and back into France where we were. Oh. So you could have escaped into neutral territory at any time. I could have. But yeah, I think I might go again next year. We should go Budpod on the slopes next year. Yeah, Budski. SkiPod. Budski! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's new with you? How's your week? SkiPod. BudSki. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's new with you? How's your week? Busy week. I have begun my watch, my shift, as the tour support for Mr. Frank Skinner.

That has begun. We were in Swindon last night. The jewel of Wiltshire. Yes, beautiful Swindon town. City of dreams. City of lights. Swindon. Yeah, Swindon last night. Tonight we're going to Chelmsford.

Tomorrow we're going to Bridport. Bridport. Yes, is that... It's in Devon. It's near Weymouth. I'm always getting fucking confused with the ports, man. Bridport, Southport, Newport.

What's the one... Is the oneport, Southport Newport what's the one is the one near Liverpool Southport which is confusing because it's in the north but it's south of Liverpool yeah it's any of these ports

there's so many yeah I know what you mean it's the land of ports also because I was I always thought somewhere that sounded like Bridport would be in Wales to me that's Welsh sounding

yeah it sounds very Welsh isn't it yeah I'm not sure why yeah and then Salisbury the day after that Salisbury is a good one I did one of my favourite tour shows the last tour in Salisbury it was brilliant

brilliant it's brilliant what's the name the last tour in Salisbury, is brilliant. Oh, yeah. Brilliant. It's brilliant. Did you see Stonehenge? What's the name of the theater in Salisbury? Playhouse, is it? Yeah. Yeah, I think that's it.

Awesome. One of my favorite shows. Oh, sick. Okay, great. West Country is good like that, man. West Country... They lean a bit hippie, I guess, West Country,

but they're fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah well it's your it's your adopted area yeah it is my adopted area i think yeah i think if i'm retired i might live somewhere in west country you know yeah yeah yeah i guess that's open open uh the crystal warehouse jungfoo's crystal warehouse yeah you make an absolute mint um and then so we're doing these and then we're doing a western run and then we're doing more national and dates and then some irish ones as well so it's uh it's busy busy busy and then phil uh there's a frank breaks from touring for easter and in that break i'm doing doing my Soho Theatre run in London. Whoa. Start of April.

Pierre's addicted to the stage. No rest for the wicked, so I must be the worst little boy in the country. No rest. Yeah, man, you're working hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lots of travel. Me and Frank and this guyny in the car is the tour

manager and then it's going to be omar who it's quite um nostalgic for me it's quite nostalgic for me because me frank and omar were on tour just before covid 20 late 2019 and early 2020 so the the old posse's back together the gang's back together for one more heist. Well, this is it. Yeah, exactly. And I think it would be quite a good heist movie combo of characters. Me, Frank Skinner, and Omar is a very, very stylish man. He dresses in these fabulous suits at all times,

but with pink Doc Martens on. Wow. Yeah, he'd be the suave kind of face man. Face man? The face man, the face of the scam, of the grift. Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes. He's the one going to the meetings, opening a big suitcase,

showing it to people, you know, in in heist films he's sliding briefcases over tables it's saying there's a lot more of that came from yeah yeah yeah he's wearing he's wearing a carefully chosen jewelry for the for the people you're trying to scam to look at and think this guy's the real deal yes yes i actually am imagining him with him wearing golden bracelets and stuff yeah yeah yeah just a single ruby in it but it's fine enough quality to imply all that needs to be implied great well

Pierre's on at the Soho Theatre I'm gearing up for my big Apollo show on the 23rd of February guys it's one month away it's the big boy selling pretty well. And there are a few tickets left.

But they won't be hanging around for too much longer, I don't think. So get on that Eventim Apollo website and get yourself some tickets. If you've not seen my show yet, it'll be the last outing of this show. Last outing of Wang and their baby. The Apollo on the 23rd of February. Also, I'm in Northampton a bit randomly on the 20th of February because we had to move the date

because of crumbling concrete, which I am assured is now fine. I had to move my Northampton date because of crumbling concrete as well. Yeah, I think we're in the same building. Yeah, I'm going to be up there randomly within the next couple of weeks as well. Well, you tell me if it crumbles. If Pierre survives, then all is good for my show.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I get decapitated by a piece of falling ceiling, then that is a warning sign. Pierre is the canary in the concrete mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. mine yeah yeah yeah it's it's it's amazing that like uh things have gone so badly now that like metaphors no longer necessary in the country is literally falling apart you don't even need to be like god imagine it's almost as though metaphorically all of the theaters schools hospitals have bits falling off you go no no that's happening don't worry that is happening yeah That is literally happening.

It's like if London Bridge was falling down. It's that level of insane. You just go, what's the point in imagery if it's going to be this obvious? We should do some correspondence, Philippe. Yes. Hmm. Oui, oui, correspondence for me correspondence for you correspondence duty oui oui correspondence from our fans and pod buds yeah

the alpine air has been good for your singing I was yodeling all week yeah yeah I got sent from I got sent a online ad thing from Bags. Bags?

Yeah. Nice one, Bags. I know of Bags but I can't be the same Bags. Who's the Bags you know? Huh? Who's the Bags you know? He runs rap battles. Oh, well unless

my friend Bags has drastically changed his life, I'd think these are different guys. I just didn't know the name Bags was so common. Was that Christian? Christian name? Huh? Christian name, Bags? I think it's just a nickname.

But then who knows? Maybe it's like sometimes in celebrities, or sometimes you meet someone and they're christened their actual name is is just tom you know yes my dad's christened name is benny but that's because of being malaysian yes and choosing his own name yes yes well yeah um the the old-fashioned names that people choose i mean there was a kid from hong kong at my school called albert yeah no i i knew a few alberts well we had an edbert we had a bathsheba what yeah bathsheba i went to school with bathsheba that's amazing also edbert is like a name from literally the 9th century. I know, it's wild.

I don't know where they got these names from. What book they found them on. It's like if your name was just like Cromwell Chan or something. But yeah, the names of like Anglo-Saxon kings. Yeah, yeah. Like the final English kings. Yeah, Ethelberger. Things like that. Aethel kings. Yeah, Ethelberger. Things like that.

Aethelran. Aethelran Chu. They really were like that. Aethelred Wang. That's a great name. If you have a kid, whatever gender, just call them Aethelred. I think I might name... Is there a way of me naming my child something like them ethelred i actually do i think i think i might call i might name is there a way of me naming my child something like ethelred and not looking like a fucking edl member

well yeah i mean because i don't think people would accuse you of white supremacy if you did if you did it like i think you if anything you should make the most of this chance that's true you could call your kid enoch powell w Wang and people would still be like, that's fine. I don't think so. I think you overestimate my person of color currency. Maybe, maybe. What's your name? Enoch Powell.

Wait. First name, Enoch hyphen Powell. Enoch hyphen Powell. Enoch Powell. You can call Enoch-Powell. Enoch-Powell. You can call me E.P. Actually, I'd rather you called me E.P. Yeah, or like Knocky. Little Knocky.

Little Knocky Peas. That would be so funny to have some really young, far-right person greeting an elderly Enoch Powell. Knocky Pea p kind of high fiving him so bag sent me this saying this was genuinely just shown to me and it's one of those mad clickbait things and so it's um i'll tell you the caption first harry potter actress stuns fans with grown-up pics oh god i hate these creepy fucking remember what she was like as a child well she's an adult now they're all grown up they it turns out that when you saw a photo or a movie of a child 10 years ago,

in that time, that child has aged 10 years. Because that's how time works. Oh, no. And Harry Potter actress. Wait, have they gone with a picture for this? Oh, yeah. Is it of Emma Watson? I actually cannot tell who it's supposed to be because

um on the right hand side is a picture of what I would say is something you could probably buy on Getty Images it's like generic red carpet lady oh yeah so I'm gonna show you that on the camera you see oh yeah it's a lady in the sort of sparkly dress sparkly dress she's blondish she looks a bit like uh miley cyrus crossed with any famous blonde actress exactly yeah exactly um her name is amy famous blonde actress um and then that's the after picture so that's obviously a picture of an adult i've just shown Her name is Amy, famous blonde actress. And then that's the after picture. So that's obviously a picture of an adult I've just shown you, Phil. Yes.

And so that's the right-hand side. So that's the after. Now, I'm going to give you three guesses as to what you think the before picture could possibly be. Given that it says Harry Potter actress. Is it Dobby? You've absolutely got it. What? It's fucking Dobby you've absolutely got it what it's fucking Dobby no oh my god I've clickbait whispered

I've clickbait whispered that's no okay pictures on the left Dobby on the right a sexy blonde actress lady what so Dobby was played by a little girl well this is what we're supposed to think we're supposed to go wait hang on

i can't believe you got it right i just went to the most insane possible version of this clickbait. You could get a job writing this stuff, maybe. So, okay, so we're supposed to either look at this and go, okay, hang on. Hang on a fucking second. Either the logical, the more logical one of going, okay, so Dobby was played by a little girl.

Or we look at it and go, Dobby was supposed to be a child? Dobby's grown up to be a hot blonde actress? What? Dobby, what? It's such a kind of... Also, I zoomed in on the picture and it's sponsored by a website called Lawyer's Favorite. What?

What? What does the legal profession have to do with this? Yeah, I mean what would you do if you had your personal lawyer, you had a lawyer that you hired and they were like, oh by the way, you know Dobby?

What? I'm on trial for murder. Yeah, yeah, I know that but you know Dobby from the harry potter series yeah yeah yeah dobby yeah right do you want to see what she looks like now okay my first question is she yeah yeah yeah it turns out how does this pertain to my defense? Well, your third question should be, how could a 3D object grow up? Your defense should be, we should say, look, it might seem unlikely that Mr. Wang is innocent,

but doesn't it also seem unlikely that Dobby could grow up to be this hot and obviously and they and dobby has obviously we live in a world where unlikely things can happen ladies and gentlemen of the jury if this 3d elf could become so fuckable doesn't it seem like mr wang might have changed his ways oh god yeah the urls that are on the bottom right hand of all those images clickbait images are absolutely baffling and i bet the story will, this girl was like an extra in the background of a spell class. And she's now an actress doing okay.

Also, in Harry Potter, you remember there were characters like Dobby. Yeah, they've just gone... We've decided to represent the entire franchise of harry potter with a picture of dobby but also look this this lady yeah this lady who has so grown up that you couldn't possibly know or care that she was a child actress before because like you say she was in the background yeah exactly yeah bizarre really really bizarre um that's great. That's brilliant. Thanks, Banks. I got sent an interesting story by Han. Han!

You, the woman. Han, because I'm guessing Han stands for Hannah? Or Han with a H. It's a... It's an instagram name i can't quite tell i don't know i don't know maybe it just it just says han han anyway uh it's responding to our chat about brunch. Brunch? Yeah, and you were saying a bottomless brunch should be illegal

because we can't handle it. Oh, yes, it should be illegal in the UK. Han says, great bud pot today. So here's a story about the British and brunches. Oof. I think Han is a lady. Yes, Han is a lady. Yes, I don't know.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. The point is, British and brunches. My husband I don't know. Anyway, it doesn't matter. The point is... British and brunches. My husband and I were in New Delhi for three years as I worked for the British High Commission there. Cool! I love jobs like that, like foreign office kind of high commission ambassador jobs.

It's just so cool. It's fucking old school, man. Yeah, man. So there was a local bar, I suppose that did saturday brunches that were really cheap so it got really popular you used to go and there was loads of food and loads of booze very much the prosecco and egg stomach scramble yeah why don't we add a lot of spices and chili to that mix yeah yeah yeah yeah i wish someone someone could chop green chilies into this egg booze foam that's in my fucking torso now. So we always paid at the end after the brunch.

And then all of a sudden, everyone who came there from the British High Commission had to pay at the beginning of the brunch, while everyone else got to pay at the end. Oh, interesting. That's hilarious and devastating it turns out that a group of people bearing in mind we were diplomats representing the uk a group of people from the british high commission had at some point left without paying so like you're the hooligans now we don't trust you so i suppose in a way they really did represent the uk in all its get fucked on a weekend and behave appallingly glory oh man what a humiliation we used to be we used to be respected on the world stage pierre we used to be considered the reliable ones we used to pay our debts pierre yeah reliable if not respected then at least feared or every now and then phil a country like

iran or or or sometimes like yemen sometimes saudi arabia sometimes russia not really china will say something that is such a compliment to the uk they'll be like you know what america might be powerful but the real sneaky plan i bet this was done by the british this is the they were their spies probably set this up and i always see that and i think god bless you keeping the brand alive such a compliment such a compliment for someone to be paranoid about you if you're a country absolutely we can't keep the fucking lights on yeah can't even pay for brunch we can't pay for brunch james bond had to run as well han had said started this thing it was a cheap brunch

said it was cheap yeah yeah disgraceful uh we got a message from uh they don't really have a name so much as a kind of email address thing so ct let's say ct ct what why am i thinking what's a ct scan oh like uh yeah like a medical thing. Yeah, that's what I can think. CT of broken dreams. Nice. We built this CT on Rock and Roll. Yeah, we built this CT. CT says, regarding our listener who thought he had a cane rat on his face. Oh, yeah, the humongous rat, yeah.

CT says, once I was staying at a friend's house and i worked to a strange sensation with a moist thing on my neck it was my tongue no it wasn't um hanging out like homer simpson yeah uh i woke up to a strange sensation with a moist thing on my neck i screamed and i threw it across the room and scuttled backwards in fear. I know exactly the scuttling they mean. Sitting up in bed, bum inching towards the wall. Yes. Knees to the chest.

Yeah. My friend woke with a start and went to see what had induced such a reaction. It was a frog. Nighttime frog. It was a night frog. No one had any clue where it had come from. My friend took the traumatized creature to the garden and we all went back to sleep.

Ugh. I thought of a girlfriend's house once. Yeah? Where I was in the shower and I looked down in the sort of grooves of the the base of the shower and there was like a little black like a little black um blob yeah and it's like where did the little black blob come from and then behind it was another little black blob and huh and i towed it and it was squidgy i was like what what and because i don't have my glasses on the shower i had to get out and oh yeah close and there were slugs there were slugs in the shower no can we

have the drain i think they climbed up through the drain pipe or something yeah yeah yeah yeah when there's an outside thing inside it's horrible i hate it when an outside thing is inside. Yeah, you say, this is not your domain. No, no, no, this is not right. I had a slug on. I hate slugs. There are always fucking slugs around here. There's a slug on my front door one day. And I had to open the door to get inside the house.

And so the slug sort of swung with the door. And it was briefly past the threshold of my home. Yes. And I was like, no! And I had to close the door to get it out. Like Dracula. Yes. You are not invited! Oh, no.

Yeah, in the shower as well. The shower plays off clean. Yes, exactly. That was it too. One last bit of mad online ad things. We have been sent this from Sunday Bake Day, which appears to be some sort of baking business into Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Oh, nice one. All right. And it's one of those fitness things where it's like um have you ever seen these these there's like no sugar challenge according to age and it's loads of fitness pictures oh yeah i have seen that yeah then and then each age is represented by each age range is represented by a different drawing of the ideal body for that age so the caption is no sugar challenge according to the age and for some reason the picture that represents these things is um 18 to 25 it's a shredded guy with a man bun hugging and kissing a panther

oh don't know what that means 25 33, it's two shredded men hugging. Oh, no, I've just left that group. Yeah, you... I'm no longer two shredded men hugging. Well, actually, to be fair, 33 to 44 is still another two shredded men hugging, but they're not blonde now. Oh, phew.

Okay, that's really... So your era of being shredded and hugging another blonde man is over. Now you've got the right hair color for your age. Okay, that's good... So your era of being shredded and hugging another blonde man is over. Now you've got the right hair colour for your age. Okay, that's good. For your No Sugar Challenge age. 45 to 55 is an incredibly shredded kind of God of War looking dude hugging a lady. Okay, so it gets better. That's something to look forward to when you turn 45.

Yeah, and you're no longer hugging large cats. Well, bad news, because once you turn 55 55 it's a lion again oh no what why is there a lady in between all the large cats what yeah you start with a large cat and you end up with large cat why you start with a panther and then from 25 to 44 it's just other dudes and then um 45 to 55 you get 10 years with a lady. Then it's a lion. Oh, man. Life sucks. Life sucks. A real life suck.

Choose life. Choose hugging a shredded lion. Choose spending your 10 years or the best years of your life hugging another shredded man. The whole monologue from Trains train spotting but based on whatever the fuck this no sugar challenge thinks life is no sugar challenge and it sort of has recipes also some of the some of the food they're suggesting for the no sugar challenge is banana i don't mean to i don't mean to shock you guy guy hugging a lion, but those three bananas you just ate before you went back to hugging that lion

had quite a lot of fucking sugar in, man. What? And the lion just kills him immediately. You know that? That's life. They never said it was an easy challenge, Pierre. The most challenging part is that part of the diet has sugar in it, and you're meant to avoid sugar.

Well, now everyone has to try the No Bud Pod Challenge, I'm afraid, because we've come to the end of this episode. If you want more this Friday, we have a Patreon episode coming out, so join our Patreon for bonus pod. Yeah, boy. Otherwise, we'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.