BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 258 - Cut The Mustard!

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

The lads discuss roasts vs progressive mindsets, mustard, Dylan Thomas, who died late??? and Dune!We hear from Chris K the shameful Aussie, we discuss hotel safes, Tomb Raider and Tom sends us pub tat Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod258. 258, who died late? Who died late? Hey, you ever meet a real asshole old person and think, who died late? You're dying late. You're late. Yeah, pointing at an old person who you dislike.

You're late for the grave. I remember once I went to the supermarket and I was checking out and there's this old man who was behind me and he's like, come on, hurry up. He was American. He was very old. Hurry up.

Come on. And I was like, no, I'm just waiting for this to end. I don't care. Hurry up. I don't give a shit. Hurry up. Really? And I thought, yeah, very peculiar.

But afterwards I thought, who died late? He's dying late. Where was this? This is an away trove on Edgeware Road. Oh, that's even weirder. Yeah. What American is living in Edgeware Road? Also, who goes to like a waitrose in Edgeware Road? Also, who goes to, like, a Waitrose in Edgeware Road

and starts busting out their fucking, hey, I'm walking here. I know. It was honestly very peculiar. It felt like I was in the Bronx. But in a Waitrose in Edgeware Road, it was really, really weird. So, wait, hang on.

You did self-checkout or something? Or, like, piling it onto the manned checkout but we had to like wait get a divider maybe i was waiting for a divider to become free so that i could divide up my shopping from the last persons and and he was getting really annoyed but like there was any delay at all but there was nothing that could speed anything up it was going as fast as it was going to go this was my point pierre this was my point i what i up. It was going as fast as it was going to go. This was my point, Pierre. This was my point. What I wanted to say was, sir, you and I are in a bottleneck.

And there is little either of us can do about this. The only thing that could speed up your day is if I didn't exist or have any shopping. Yeah, exactly. But it made me so angry because he was just such a nasty piece of work. And I think him being that old made it worse. I don't know why it made me so angry because he was just such a nasty piece of work and I think him being that old made it worse I don't know why it made it worse maybe because I thought because you know

being unpleasant you can sometimes blame on a naivety or a lack of experience or a lack of compassion that is developed over time but when you're that old you're in the winter years and you're still a piece of shit you just must be a piece of piece of shit through and through

because you're there with his wife i remember she just seemed quite a beleaguered upset woman of course i think he's just a piece of shit well that's it and also because he's so old you can go not only are you a piece of shit you're old so you've been a piece of shit for so long to so many people yeah like um you've you've been this rude probably to 10 people today yeah so like the overall impact of the misery you've created by being a rude asshole is is huge it's like orders of magnitude above your good deeds that's right i mean if you you um integrate over time you know the sum of his his rudeness is astronomical and whenever i you know whenever a young person dies who i knew or i hear of a young person dying you know a kind sweet young person is's so much more to give to compound

my upset i think about that man i think he got to go get go to like his 80s no yeah and i think and it's proof that i guess that there's no god and um and no good deed goes unpunished and it's quite a day at the supermarket to have all this. Yeah. Yeah, it's just a very memorable moment. Looking at your avocados rolling around on the conveyor belt thinking, oh, there's no God. Yeah.

You should have turned to him and said, you are proof to me that there is no God. Yeah. See what he said? Yeah. I wonder what he would have said what he's probably not around anymore i bet he is he's dying late yeah those those those those assholes that can survive nuclear apocalypse i swear it's like they've been like donald trump they just keep ticking on yeah they've been pickled in hate yeah the vinegar of their bitterness keeps them preserved who died late you died i implore anyone whenever you see a powerful older person or just

the whole person you know is just a piece of shit making the world the worst place every day you just think god who died late yeah who died late over here do you know what time it is you're just angrily pointing at them in the face and then pointing at your watch yeah hey hey hey isn't there somewhere you should be and then point at the ground in there in there what the floor no dummy the ground who The ground! Who Died Late is also like just an explanation of a lot of the economic turmoil a lot of developed countries are in.

It's just aging populations. It would be a good title for a thesis. Who Died Late? An exploration of the aging population and its effects in the developed West. It could be the slogan of a G7. It could be on the back of the aging population and its effects in the developed west it could be a the slogan of a g7 it could be on the back of the wall whilst whilst fucking the um prime minister of france is talking about yeah farmers behind him just to remind everyone what the general theme of that year is is overaging populations who died late yeah yeah yeah davos

who died late davos yeah yeah yeah yeah well yeah i mean india and china are going that way now yes china is in a real difficult position um china is saying in a real pickle it's in a real chinese pickle what is a chinese pickle? I guess a radish. There's a lot of pickled radish. Mustard plant. They like to pickle that mustard greens. I like the sound of that. I'm a salivating just thinking about pickled mustard.

Those are two powerful flavors in one. This is... Okay. So yesterday... Oh, happy St. Patrick's Day to all who observe. This will now have been a few days ago. Yesterday, so St. Patrick's Day, I went around Peckham with my girlfriend and we got a Guinness at Skiens,

possibly the best Guinness in London. But I was rammed. And it's a very Irish pub. So there was river dancing in the pub. Like these gals wearing green were like river dancing. And the place was rammed. People were just cheering them on. So then we went to a quieter pub and got another Guinness.

And we had like a Sunday roast. And I got a lamb Sunday roast. And the guy asked, do you have any sauce with it? And I said, yeah, I'll have some mustard. And he brought me some mustard. And I had mustard with my lamb roast. And when he left afterwards, my girlfriend said,

yeah, the couple next to us, after you got mustard, they were whispering to each other. And one said, who gets mustard with a roast? And the other, then the lady said, I know it's mad.

And I was like, what? First of all, i was astonished this couple were able thought they could slag me off next to me and not i would notice i mean i did notice but my girlfriend noticed i was too i was i wasn't noticing anything i was so enthralled with the joy of my mustard lamb roast yeah you were just there going mustard on lamb just but i didn't know there was a uh a pre-ordained accepted selection of sauces to go with roasts to me a sunday roast is so english and mustard is the most english sauce well phil welcome to an entirely new subcategory of social tedium which is people who take their roasts so seriously that they follow the secret rules

yeah yeah i only found out last year that you shouldn't have a yorkshire pudding with every type of roast well they'll hate this place because it offers a yorkshire pudding on top of whatever roast you order well they should have already stormed out then before they could hear about mustard on lamb ah so i should have said oh really you're not happy with mustard on lamb well look at this and i'm just flopping the yorkshire pudding in their faces we shouldn't have any problem with this you should have flopped flop their yorkshire puddings up you should have grabbed both the yorkshire puddings what am i squeezing what am i squeezing on your plate what is this not bread it's something else oh i hope you ordered and now

i'm trying to remember which one is the correct one. I think it's beef only. That feels the most likely. It's beef, yeah. Beef is the most English roast. Oh, you've both got chicken, but what's this? Oh, what am I squeezing? Just with your full hand in both plates.

As they both, like, don't look at you. Because they're so ashamed. Because they know they've been caught. They ashamed because they know they've been caught they're not looking at their plates but they're not looking at each other they're looking at a midpoint between their two play settings yeah sort of looking at each other's um what's that bit in your chest the bone they're the middle of the clavicle yeah like the decolletage yeah the collarbone yeah they're just staring at each other's they're just staring at each other's collarbones and you're going what am i squeezing what am i squeezing and you're alternating and they can tell from the peripheral vision they know what i'm doing yeah yeah oh they're guilty as hell and you're like swinging your head from one to the other nose to nose what am i squeezing

what am i squeezing what am i squeezing yeah man it's um there's a whole bunch of rules i guess what you should have asked for they're the kind of people who probably would only have let you have mint i suppose but i i felt insane asking for mint sauce at the at the pub and also i didn't want mint sauce i wanted mustard yeah i mean why I didn't want mint sauce. I wanted mustard. Yeah. I mean, why wouldn't you have... I mean, like these people, why would you have mustard with a roast? But what about beef?

Beef and mustard is the most English possible combo. And I know that's what... I know this horseradish. I know this horseradish. I know it's Bernie as well. But come on. Look, we all know it's beef, horseradish, lamb, mint, pork, apple.

Right? Yes. Chicken. I don't know what sauce is meant to go with chicken. We all know it's beef, horseradish, lamb, mint, pork, apple, right? Yes. Chicken. I don't know what sauce is meant to go with chicken. Stuffing and just general gravy, I suppose, isn't it? Stuffing, I guess. Although if you call stuffing a sauce, I think it should be sectioned. Bread sauce?

Where's bread sauce come into all this? Isn't that Christmas sauce, bread sauce? Yeah, it's definitely Christmmasy but roasts are already in christmastown aren't they the most english idea of a sauce by the way bread sauce i mean when i was growing up and i heard someone say do you want any bread sauce i just thought i've imagined seven versions of what you could mean and i hate all of them what what what could this possibly be do you mean mushed bread yeah and it kind of is that juice it's the juice of the bread do you boil a loaf of bread until the stock comes out

it's only after you you know how when you toast bread and make toast there's all that runoff that delicious yes the crumbs the crumbs save the crumbs and boil them in a big pot and you'll get bread stock. What if bread was gloop? Gloop, gloop, gloop. I should add bread sauce to my wet food routine. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's an obvious addition. I can't believe there were a couple of mustard mutterers sat behind you.

Mustard mutterers. Also, this pub, Pierre, is very queer, very LGBT, very inclusive. Yeah. I looked on the activity board. On Tuesday, there's queer choir rehearsal. I think on Fridays, or I guess on Monday, there's drag quiz night. And the guy was a gay guy and he had tattoos and the gal had colorfully dyed hair. They were the muttress.

They were the muttress. What? So, yeah, my life was too alternative for them. My lifestyle was too alternative for them. My lifestyle was too alternative for them. They are the most accepting of all lifestyles, but have mustard with a roast, and they're fucking 1940s housewives, these two. Just lubing up a fucking strap on and going mustard.

What a weirdo. What a fucking lunatic. As the guy unhooks himself from the ceiling. I know. Just complaining to their thruple about this man having mustard with his lamb yeah just wait till everyone else at the polyamorous warehouse hears about this freak when we have our queer vegan nut roast nights. You're not welcome. You disgust me.

That's really funny. It's really funny to hear something that is like, that's the kind of overheard muttering that you should be hearing in a pub that is just like nothing but either chinos or like the most aggressively norm core people that that kind of opinion is such a fucking water cooler normal opinion oh yeah although i wonder if it is maybe they are actually just before the crest maybe they've just about reached the crest into universe brain which is knowing that any

sauce goes with anything if you wanted to yeah i feel like water cooler chino's wearing all bar one going doofus has ketchup with his roast and thinks nothing of it and then you move up the scale of sophistication cultural awareness and then you hit you're into lamb mint pork apple beef horseradish so we're past even that pierre we are universe brain we know it goes yeah universe brain or like that graph where it's like the the the dumb end of the graph and the smart end of the graph agree the bell curve yes exactly it agree. The bell curve. Yes, exactly. It is bell curve. Yes, it is bell curve.

They're in the middle bell curve where they're like, oh, you can't have red wine with fish no matter what. Yes. And we've punched through to the alternate reality where us and the doofuses are just having chilled red Romanian wine with fish whenever we want. It just needs to be low tannin and you're golden. That's us on that's

us on the right hand of the bell curve you should have and then on the left hand of the bell curve so is someone in um someone in clapham having malbec with cod yes so you know yeah so we are we have the same conclusion but uh different reasoning a different journey yeah yeah maybe you're right because otherwise like that's such a like i thought that was the kind of opinion that you got a nose ring to escape hearing i over the mustard you can't have mustard with a roast exactly oh yeah yeah that's such a fucking grandma opinion or or like you say 1950s i would have thought that like if i had a cool piercing and someone was like oh you know you're not supposed to have red wine with fish i would go and i'd point at

the piercing on my face and they'd go oh sorry yeah i mean yeah i thought the whole sort of lgbt emancipation movement was basically assassin's Creed. Everything is allowed, nothing's prohibited. Well, I think it's not. For me, though, I think that it's less LGBT, it's more that they were so alt-y looking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's plenty of

incredibly high-tory gays. They definitely weren't, though. They were definitely No, no, I know. That's what I mean. I think it's weird, because That's what I think is weird Because they had fucking rainbow hair And it's like Hang on your hair is a rainbow

You can't have rainbow hair And be the source police If you're the source police Someone should come up and say Hang on a minute And go yeah And then like It's just like a wig

No rainbow hair It was a Mrs was a mrs trunchbull style bun the whole time yeah right normal brown boring color i knew it you know like you should have them taken away like your gun and your badge you're not alternative anymore no please i'm. I'm only 32. Too bad. You just had an opinion about someone else's roast. You get out.

You get out of here. You're dying that hair brown tomorrow, Susan. Yeah, very, very, very peculiar. That was my... But anyway, that was my St. Patrick's Day

experience. Yeah. I can't believe you got so shamed on St. Patty's Day. I know, I know. But it's always a difficult holiday, I find, St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's a time of ups, a time of downs. Not everyone has a fun one, you know.

Well, it's, yeah. Did you do anything? Yeah, yeah. And then you can, I didn't even get the chance to be sort of smug about knowing more, slightly more about St. Patrick than the average person, which isn't normally my only pleasure. Ah, yeah. I don't know anything about St. Patrick. Yeah, well, he wasn't Irish. Well, they rarely are actually from the place.

Yeah, but no, but he was a Briton. And he was enslaved in Ireland and escaped and then went back to convert them. He liked it so much. He was like, you know what? Those guys need... I have a feeling those guys are going to be pretty into this whole Catholicism thing.

I think this is... Also, the Guinness is just better there it's just better that's what he was the first guy to say that yeah exactly yeah he was saying i missed the crack even when i was a slave it was good crack it was fun they just were more chilled out than these romano british over here um so he was a briton as in like a native briton yes so he may not have been uh from where we now call wales he could have been from what we now call england but he wouldn't have been anglo-saxon he was he was a briton so the language he spoke is is his closest modern relative would be welsh okay but he could have been from cumbria or england somewhere because

that's they all spoke some version of that back then so the britons are more native than the anglo-saxons yes the anglo-saxons are like half native and the britons are fully native yeah i suppose so yeah the the britons were the people who were there when the romans arrived and they were the ones left behind when the Romans left, if they really left like the legions left but obviously the people were still there yeah, yeah, okay yeah, and I didn't even get to

say that to someone who wasn't interested in a pub the St. Patrick's Day ah damn, were you busy? well I've been on tour were you busy driving snakes out of a different place? he did that right, he drove the snakes out of ireland yeah and the isle of man oh we we such a big snake problem yeah well we say oh he and he popped over here and did some hoovering

as well okay thank you we want to be involved thank you um no i've been on tour supporting mr frank skinner and of course there's been some bud pod fans uh in some of the crowds which is very nice i got a koji at one gig which was um a delight and excuse me speaking of who died late i'll tell you who didn't die late phil the poet dylan thomas oh yes i saw you stayed in his house yeah i posted on instagram about it we stayed at dylan thomas's childhood his his he was born in the front room um his birthplace and he lived there till he was in his early 20s and he wrote over two-thirds of his work in that or while living in that house he's the one phil who wrote uh do not go gently into that good night rage rage against the dying of the light which is from

what's the sci-fi film they say that in yeah matthew mcconaughey space oh um quantum daddy quantum daddy yes interstellar yes interstellar quantum daddy the the guy who the old the old scientist who sends them on the mission, he keeps quoting Dylan Thomas, Quantum Daddy. Right, yes, yes, yes. He keeps saying, rage, rage against the dying of the light and all that. It's a bit of a theme.

The Americans are big fans. What is the meaning of do not go softly into that good night? Like don't give up the fight. Keep going. It's worth fighting for. I think he wrote it when his father was passing away. Yeah.

I mean, a lot of his amazing poems, which are, like, tattooed on people all over the world, especially in America. Like, he wrote so many of them when he was under 20. Like, he was a real prodigy. Wow. Was he Welsh? He was very Welsh.

Dallin Thomas. He was from Swansea. Did he do daisies? Tulips? What's the one? Walked as softly as a cloud? Is that it? No, no, that's Wordsworth Now Dylan Thomas did Death Shall Have No Dominion

That's another famous poem of his He drank himself to death in New York City At the age of 39 Wow The 39 Club The 39 Club and it's crazy to think but he he was one of the first poets to release lots of like spoken word albums of his poems and they sold really well in america recordings yeah yeah recordings and he was on bbc radio reading out poems all the time and he had a very sort of sonorous very posh but also a bit welsh voice

and yeah he did like a lecture like a reading tour of the u.s and he was really popular over there and he was drinking and shagging and like a real celebrity and this is what he looked like this is like he did not look like how i'm making him sound he looked like a little nerdy guy have a look at him. So did... Who was that other great poet who was... Philip Larkin was a librarian, right? And he looks like a librarian.

Yeah, he's a bald guy with glasses. He looks a lot like a librarian. Dylan Thomas. Yeah. No, he's... He's a bit rakish. There's some photos where he looks a bit rakish. There's some photos where he looks not rakish, I would say.

Yeah, there's a photo here where he just looks like the president of a Cambridge wine club. At best, yeah, at best. But it's amazing to think that you could be like... He looks... It's like an audio celebrity in those days, you know. Yeah, yeah. In his youth, I think he had bulgy eyes, big eyes.

Big old eyes. Big old eyes. Big old peepers. All the better to see into people's souls, of course. And Phil, when you stay in his birthplace house cottage thing, there is a special, in what used to be the dad's study, it's all been lovingly restored by one man called Jeff. He's gone out of his way to do it all himself, all the research, a very impressive project. In what was the father's study They have a little projector And if you turn it on

Projected onto the wall is a personal message From Someone Someone very famous I'm gonna Well actually how much can I get you to guess Someone famous is too vague A former president of the united states okay recorded a personal

message for this little house in swansea wow which one do you think it is i'm going to say it's bill clinton you're close you're close He's from a southern state and he was a Democrat. Oh, how much does Phil know? How much does Phil know? Was Carter? Yes. Yes. It was Jimmy Carter, the peanut farmer himself.

Yeah. Nice one. But like personal, like, I hope you enjoy our tour around Dylan Thomas's old house. Like he's really. Was he? Wow. Was he just a big fan? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, he's big in America, Dylan Thomas. They care about him probably more than we do, I think. Interesting. Why is that? Well, he was. He broke America. Well, his album sold well over there with all the most like intellectual powerhouse places in the 40s and 50s. We're talking Harvard and New York and New England, all these places.

He was a big, big deal. And he died then. He was a celebrity and he was friends with all the most famous people at the time, both in poetry, literature. Richard Burton did a lot of the readings. He wrote Under Milk milkwood a play like he's a big deal big deal so it turns out it's very funny though because to me the idea of being like well i write these i write these uh poems and they're like songs and i perform them and i i fuck around and i drink and i'm gonna die really young and it's really tragic he got that's such a

modern idea to me so to see a bunch of pictures of like a guy with slightly boggly eyes in a tweed suit with like eight waistcoats on looking really uptight yeah you just think oh right okay well it's surprising you hear about a lot of these luminaries of of that time of the early to mid 20th century were like these fucking playboys as well. John Maynard Keynes fucked around. He had big dick energy, Keynes. He really was. He was like a rock star. I assumed he was a nerdy economics guy, but no, he was a fucking rock star, man. Even Oppenheimer.

Yeah, he fucked... Hey, Oppenheimer fucked. Oppie fucked. Sexy old Oppenheimer. They called him Soppy Oppie. Because he fucked so much. Sloppy Oppie. Sloppenheimer.

Fucking hell. Yeah. Oh, no. Sloppenheimer. Speaking of films films the man shagging project anyway yes the man slacking project um yesterday me i forced me and my girlfriend to watch dune because i want to go see dune yeah because i want to go see Dune 2 at cinema so you watch Dune 1 in home cinema and

she was like no and I said I know but we have to do it to be part of the culture and she's like no and I was like I know it hurts me too but then we really liked it it was really good

yeah i really liked it i thought it was just sci-fi enough i like sci-fi that's kind of brooding like that and kind of dusty and and it's like futuristic but it's not like um going into hyper hyper warp speed there's no like there's no pew pews yeah i like that there's no pew pew i like that there's all still blades and kind of like dusty and um i love stellan skarsgård as as the baron yeah who just kind of floats around really creepily it's so horrible the way he moves but so good it's um how funny is it where they go into his chamber and he's up in the high corner like a bug yeah just like trying to um resuscitate himself he's just like because he's been hurt and he's

like yeah just tucked into a corner he's tucked but it's like the upper right hand corner like where a spider would be exactly yeah it's very it's actually it's exactly like a scene in babadook that's the last time i saw a figure like huddled in the corner of the ceiling and it's so horrible to see like a man's figure huddled in the corner of the ceiling it's really horrible yeah it's really gross yeah i liked how creepy and gross the the movie was um and i like that i liked how creepy and gross the movie was. And I liked how he was kind of big and fat. And I thought, yeah, I guess if you could just float everywhere and never needed to walk, you would be fat. You just never need to exercise.

Just float all over. And you're like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. You're like, well, I float and I have my bath of spooky oil. And, you know. Yeah. My girlfriend does a really good impression of the wailing uh uh um lamenting singing that they always have whenever there's like it's desert yeah because it's desert she goes like the second there's anything to do with the fremen people who are endlessly wise because they

live in the desert ah honestly it's and once you notice it like it gets so funny because they never stop playing it in the movie just it's constant yeah constant yeah i get it man i get it it's the desert i get it i get it they're supposed to be vaguely arabic i understand they're space bedouins space bedouins they're space bedouins with little sort of cocaine pipes attached to their faces yes yes yeah that like kind of general ah tunes music it's like sand sandstorm music yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a good impression um look speaking of uh digital bedou, we should do some correspondence. Bleep bloop, let's do it. Ring letters, emails, phone calligraphy, tweets, your sister, your best friend, your friends, your friends, ring letters, correspondence.

Let's see what we got. Please forgive my snot. It's not a lot of snot. So something. What else rhymes with that? My brain's dead. So cool your tarty tots. I don't know.

Cool your tarty tots. Cool your hot tots. Cool your hot tots. I had to explain to someone what a tater tot was the other day. I thought we all knew that by now I only have an inkling It is like mashed potatoes But roasted into

A crispy package A cylinder A crispy potato cylinder It's just like a potato smiley but better In a cylinder Ah so a potato smiley Yeah Shaped into a cylinder I never got into the potato smiley yeah shaped into a cylinder

I never got into the potato smileys I think you have to go to school here do you know potato smileys yes that's true or hash brown you know what a hash brown is hash brown is a little different though hash brown is a little less mashed up

it is less mashed up but it gives you the principle of like lump of potato with brown outside, white inside. So, did you say imagine hash brown, but mashed potato inside? Yes. Yes, okay. Yes. And then they said, that's great. Please get out of our house. And I went, okay.

I was just trying to explain what I was leaving under your Christmas tree. I was just trying to explain what I was leaving under your Christmas tree. Right. Okay. We have heard from Chris K. He signs off. Wow. Chris K.

Chris. Hey. Oh, hey. Who's being all secretive about the surname? Chris K. It's quite a cool surname, too, Chris. Well, hey. Who's being all secretive about the surname, Chris K? It's quite a cool surname too, Chris. Well done, you. Wait, as in you can see the surname? Oh, I can see it.

Oh, I see. Okay, okay. I always try and read people's, like we've heard from so-and-so, as they choose to sign off. Okay, yes, I see. I don't want to yes i see i don't want to dob anyone in in case it's about crimes i just heard shamefully being an australian that cavalcade of crassness and bigotry of australian tat stick is sent in by kiara oh yes do you remember kiara i think yes yes i remember i remember the austral, the harsh Australia tat, yeah.

The regional Victorian listener. It made me cringe to the point where my asshole puckered up enough to vacuum in about 30% of my underpants. A self-wedgie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Self-cringe wedgie. A vacuum wedgie. A cringey. A cringey?

Yeah, a cringe wedgie. A cringey. Oh,gie. A cringey. A cringey? Yeah, a cringe wedgie. A cringey. Oh, yeah. A cringey. Doctors do not recommend. To point out one thing, the... To point out one thing

regarding the fuck-off we're full bumper sticker. Ooh, yeah. Yeah, classic. Australia will never be full. Yeah. It's impossible to fill Australia. It's the size of china it's not as the population of shanghai less than shanghai yeah i mean that's insane yeah what must chinese people from shanghai even think about like

even like birmingham where it's like a million people they're just like oh this is like a kind of birmingham where it's like a million people they're just like oh this is like a kind of remote village yeah this would be one neighborhood in china yeah yeah yeah i live in the birmingham neighborhood of london yeah um the one i saw last week in the wild in the shape of a map of australia on the back of a van could not differentiate between the past tense denoter, were, and the contraction of we are, we're. So he basically saw a map of Australia on the back of a van that said, fuck off, we're full.

Fuck off, we're full. Maybe that's the first half of quite an inclusive welcoming slogan. Fuck off, we're full. Fuck off. I'd be saying fuck off, we're Australia full. full yeah yeah yeah but as it is not continues the the phrase please come in or fuck off were full not now ah

but who's who they think fuck off to you in that in that case they're saying uh fuck off to the people who think that we're still full who i used to agree with but i don't now yeah and this is why grandma matters yeah yeah it's just someone going no no no i think i would have agreed that we were full about 10 years ago i think the death rate and the birth rate now i've shifted to the point where i've changed my mind completely and this is how you find out that it was always about maths with me and never about race. You go, oh, wow, weird. Weird.

The worst one I have seen took across the whole top part of a front windscreen of an old Commodore, the most Bogan car ever, not produced anymore, and therefore subject to many remember when style nostalgia posts. Yeah, now Bogan is the Australian equivalent of chav, isn't it? Yeah, I think because it's a hot country with wide open spaces, the closest thing would be more like US white trash, where it's like... Or like hillbilly.

But there is no... It's not considered pejorative, Bogan. You couldn't go on Radio radio one in the uk and call something chavvy no but you could go on abc radio in australia and call something a bit bogan yes i think it's partially because the bogans tend to be quite wealthy on average there's there's no sense there's not much of a sense of punching down well especially in perth that's so you get the phrase cashed up bogans because like you can get paid like a fucking english lawyer's salary for driving a truck because the mining industry is booming you know at least that was the case very recently

i've seen lots of jokes about that online i see so anyway and so so this australian this tat is over across the foot the top half of a windscreen. The entire top part of the front windscreen of an old Commodore. So it's like a very Bogan-y nostalgia car. Yeah, I'm going to look up Commodore. Is that like a hatchback? It must be like a hatchback, right?

Or maybe it's a truck. Maybe it's a sick rig. Oh yeah, it's like a station wagon. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, yeah. So someone will probably yeah it's like a station wagon yeah there you go yeah yeah so someone someone will probably post that onto like a facebook group and be like remember when we used to just drive these into the outback with a goon bag and just fucking go wild what's a goon bag um like uh box wine you know it comes in that silver sack box wine you know it comes in that silver sack yeah that's a fucking goon bag mate yum um so that's the car and uh i saw

uh the so the big bumper sticker across the front of the windscreen of that car just said womb raider in the same i have a lot i actually have respect for that i think because it takes up that person has substantially decreased their visibility to the detriment of their own safety and the safety of others for people to know that they're a womb raider i i think i have to respect that there's commitment to it he says it's in the same font as the uh laura crofter yeah womb raider also that's odd because it's not vagina raider womb womb yeah they're really getting in deep there yeah so what does that imply they want to be a dad they want to start a family

they're not just about the sex i'm gonna raid the young from your womb. Isn't that nice? Isn't that nice? Maybe they were an obstetrician. I was going to say, maybe they were a doctor who specialized in the caesareans. Well, I'm a womb raider. Safely and effectively. The kid's in there.

I get out my stuff, I raid the womb, the kid's out. I replace it with a bag of sand like Indiana Jones. So the mother wouldn't notice. So the mother's alarms don't go off. So the mother's alarms don't go off and a big boulder doesn't chase me out of her fanny. When I was a kid

and when Tomb Raider came out as a kid and when Tomb Raider came out as a kid and we got games in Malaysia but none of us had good enough English to know how to pronounce the word tomb that has a B in it or razor

oh yeah that's not instinctively how you say AI when you're a kid in a not always english-speaking country so everyone called it tom rider no did they call the tom right tom rider tom rider tom rider was the name of tomb raider that's what we call tomb raider tom rider and i was i think the first person in my year to learn that was tomb raider but i thought no one's going to go along with this tomb Raider thing.

That doesn't look anything like the word tomb. You were like someone who discovered that we do live in a simulation and you're like, you know what? It's actually better for me not to tell people about this. Yeah, they cannot know.

We have to hold on to this ourselves. We need to be strong enough to hold on to this secret. We need Tom need to be strong enough To hold on to this secret We need Tom Rider We don't need a Tomb Raider We need a Tom Rider Yeah yeah yeah Oh yeah it's the end of Dark Knight isn't it

Yeah yeah yeah Tom Rider It's quite Scandinavian Tom Rider I am a big fan of Lara Croft in Tomb Raider. She rides the toms. Thank you, Chris. Chris says, how is he supposed to deal with the shame of being surrounded by this?

Just don't take part in the shame. You haven't done anything. Yeah, there's plenty to be shameful around here. What I find helps is a sort of ongoing base level of contempt for my fellow man yes yes that does that really gets me through shame is like a big pie and you don't have to have a slice how about that that's my philosophy yeah that's how you could be like completely confident and unashamed if you like lock yourself out of a hotel room nude. And it's like, well, I haven't done anything shameful.

I've been careless and stupid. Yeah, I've been naked in the place you're allowed to be naked in. It's not my fault I was tricked by a wily cleaner. Yeah. Who's now trying on all my clothes because she's trying on all my clothes doing impressions of me and hiding my shoes yeah because it's how she gets her kicks yeah putting my shoes in the safe do you ever use a safe in a hotel room i left my passport in there once and ever since i i don't use it because just it's

just a great way to forget something it's a really good way to forget something and just go like oh could you come up with a a a random number combination that you only need to remember for about seven hours for all of your most precious possible objects if you remember they're in here at all no no also what what is the hotel saying about his level of security the room that's meant to be secure it says if you care about something I'm gonna keep it in here actually we don't

back ourselves yeah we we hire anyone we don't give a shit we don't even know these people we've been sent some pub tat from Tom oh great love a some pub tat from Tom. Oh, great. Love a little pub tat. Hello, bud. Tom Ryder?

Is it Tom Ryder? It could be Tom Ryder. At last. What an honor to finally meet you, sir. Yeah. Hello, bud. Hello, pod. Please enjoy some tat that was emblazoned

upon the wall of the local micro pub, which is only frequented by old, ale drinking grumpy men the pub also bans being on your phone groups of more than four and talking too loudly this pub sounds fantastic and i think that yeah i think that that's just another way of me saying i'm in my mid-30s okay so i'm gonna uh uh uh yes so some of this isn't tat so much it's just very plain sentiments so there's one it just says drink good beer with good friends yeah i can't fault that it's good advice yeah it's decent advice drink drink less drink better and less would be my good pub tat yeah

that's not good for the business model that's bad for the business model unless there's a beer called less that goes for 10 or a pint that's it yeah maybe if i sell premium beers yeah um here see if you can whisper this one i used to think drinking was bad so i blank blank oh great i love this i used to think drinking was bad so i blankety blank i used to think drinking was bad so i killed someone to sort of recalibrate how bad things could be yeah no that's a bit out there no it's very standard this i used to think drinking was bad so i got drunk no no no okay i'll give you a clue i used to think drinking was bad so i quit so I quit thinking

yeah of course that's a good one that's a good one beer doesn't have many blank that's why you need to drink lots of it beer doesn't have a lot of nutrients vitamins I'll give you that

vitamins that's why I have to drink a lot of it so some oh husband and dog missing vitamins I'll give you that vitamins that's why I have to drink a lot of it says some oh husband and dog missing blank blank blank I love this husband and dog missing

please search pub husband and dog missing is this the woman's having a good time no it's it's um it's it's it's it's husband is bad tat and dogs are good the usual message okay husband and dog missing please find dog i'll give you that reward for dog. Okay, okay. Very good. Why did you get married? Get a divorce!

Get a divorce! Don't put it on the wall. Don't air your dirty laundry. And then there's just a poster that is lots of different ways of asking for beer. So, you know, un cerveza, por favor. I've lost you. In beer, as you please.

Hello? Oh, Phil's going all crumbly now I lost you for a few seconds oh hello what why is mine on data Phil's internet sucks yeah well I told you you were on data

no I wasn't. It's just my internet is great. Apparently not, mate. Why do you look like you're covered in pixels? Don't badmouth my data. Well, listen, we're at the end of the episode anyway. Okay, now I'm back on Wi-Fi. Okay, now we've got to go to the We've got to go to the The VIP internet router

Okay What the hell is that going to be Yes I have to do that People go to see Pierre Yes so her theatre it starts Next week Next week people

Come see Come see I don't have anything to tell you right now but I will soon bye that's me searching

for something to tell you next time through the desert bye bye