BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 26 - BravePod! With Iain Stirling!

Episode Date: August 21, 2019

BravePod! With Iain Stirling! Phil Wang and Pierre Novellie discuss inspiring quotes before chatting to comedian, sparkling wit and the voice of Love Island: Iain Stirling. The boys chat about Greyfriars Bobby, Lena Dunham describing Iain’s porn glasses, irony, public appearances, having a panic attack at a corporate and being slandered by weirdos, Iain’s audience of organized oldies and youngies, the unoffendablity of Scottish grannies, fizzy juice – a soft drink for a soft man, toothpaste discipline, Iain being the worst scout ever. We do correspondence with Iain and it’s great: I Fucked A Dog the musical, farts and poops. Get in touch @thebudpod or [e-mail] Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's episode 26. Is 26 anything? 26. And 26 is one of those sort of nothing numbers, isn't it? 26 is a pretty good age. It's alright. Yeah, I think I had a good time in 26. Oh, I had a very good time in 26. I couldn't do it now, of course, but back in the day... That's so gross.

Of course, couldn't get away with it now, but of course, back in the day, a very different time. Do you think people can say that kind of thing now without any sinister implications? Because they used to be able to, until like the 1970s, the Jimmy Savile... Oh, yeah. I mean, the way sort of boring old men say,

well, it's between Y and me in the deep blue sea. What happened in the 80s? And back in the day, that might have sounded charming or mysterious. But now it's like, oh, you did something illegal to someone. Yeah, well, you either... It's one of the few situations where you're talking to someone and you think, I really hope you're just talking about cocaine. Yeah. Best case scenario

is a class A drug. There's not so many scenarios where you think, fingers crossed, cocaine. And not, you know, murder or assault. One of the scenarios is when you're doing cocaine. Fingers crossed, this is cocaine. I don't have my mobile lab with me.

Yeah. God. We're close to the end, Philip, of the fringe. We're near the end. Bum, bum, bum. Of the fringe. This weekend. The end.

Nice. Thanks. I mean, I rhymed end with weekend, which is a bit of a cheat. It counts. It counts. It counts. nice thanks I mean I rhymed end with weekend which is a bit of a cheat it counts it counts it counts but we had we had an evening

recently Pierre that less spoken about the better no we just had a gin party in the flat with a bigger

trolley of gin that we were gifted we had so much gin gifted that's a new verb gifted to us and we were trying to come up with the chinese gin uh puns and someone pointed out i don't know how he missed it see jinping yeah obviously it

was right there the whole time so we had a see jinping party in the flat and it got loose baby it got loose um oh it was really fun then i mean yesterday, which was the day after, I was sad and tired all day long. Yeah. But I had a really great time. Thanks again to Enbridge Inn for giving us all this gin. However, with the gin trolley, they also gave us a little book of inspirational quotes. Yeah.

The title of which is, You Are So Awesome. So it's quite an irritating book. On the back it says, Be a voice, not an echo. Yes. Good advice. This inspirational little book is packed with uplifting and positive quotations to spur you into action and give you a high five.

Also, I must point out, You Are So Awesome on the the front cover awesome is in gold and you are so awesome is in white because awesomeness is golden let nothing stop you and nobody knock you because you're awesome and don't you forget it now the problem with little books like these is that a lot of people are not awesome some Some people are destined for nothingness or even evil. So don't tell people they're awesome when they're not. I've spent most of my life being anything but awesome. Also,

a lot of the kind of people who think that they're awesome, they don't need encouragement. And the people who don't think they're awesome, this is not the way to happiness, is it? It's not going to happen. They won't believe you, for one.

This isn't the path to nirvana, is what I'm saying. Okay, so I'm just opening a random page, and the quote here is, the dreamers are the saviors of the world. What does that mean? It means don't bother building toilets in the third world. As long as you dream you're saving the planet. Just have a big dream.

What have we got, Phil? That's by a guy called James Allen. I'm not sure who James Allen is. James Allen. Oh, we've got one here by Kanye West. Believe in your flyness and conquer your shyness. Thanks, Kanye. Hang out with Donald Trump and don't be down in the dumps.

That's his other quote. A guy called Terry Gilliam says, climb from the depths of your soul to the heights of your future. Doesn't mean anything. Why is there a scale at which the bottom end is my soul and at the top is the future? I guess it's sort of a time-space continuum.

My soul is the past? No, your soul is a space and you can crawl out into time. Okay. I think that was the plot of Interstellar. Yes, yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure that's where Terry Gilliam wrote that. This movie was based on a quote.

That would be the most honest summary of a lot of movies. Dudinsky says, do not doubt the goodness in you. What? Just never doubt that there's good in you. Never doubt there's good in you and overall with the book,

never forget that you're awesome. That you are you. Never doubt there's good in you and overall with the book, never forget that you're awesome. That you are awesome. Never forget. As if you'd be like, right, time to go to bed. Okay, brush my teeth. All right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, set my alarm.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry. I'm incredible. Just right before you go to sleep, I'm incredible. Over and over again to yourself. Like, I imagine Gaddafi would do. Muammar Gaddafi would just lie in bed going, I'm brilliant.

Exactly. Yeah, sure, you murdered all those intellectuals, but remember, you are awesome. You are awesome. Don't let your flyness conquer your shyness or whatever. Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting. Christopher Morley said that. Thanks, Chris. Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting.

Big shots. I think if there's one thing the Edinburgh Fringe has taught us, Phil, If there's one thing the Edinburgh Fringe has taught us, Phil, is that if you keep shooting, it doesn't necessarily... Keeping on trying doesn't always work. No, no. Sometimes things will just go on failing forever. Yeah.

Like alchemy. Looks like you found a good one there. Oh, no, I was laughing at what you said Because you are awesome, Pierre I'm awesome and I'm never going to forget it And I'm not going to let my shyness Conquer my flyness Don't wait for opportunity, create it That's alright

Oh okay, this is the classic This Terry Gilliamit's guy Is a real treasure trove Of absolute wank Getting a lot of mileage out of Terry Gilliamit's wank tank Dreams are free So free your dreams What?

What? I'm gonna look this clown up Who is this man? I mean what else What else is free? I'm going to look this clown up. Who is this man? What? I mean, what else? What else is free? Pissing your pants is free. So free your piss.

Licking your own chin is free, Phil. So free your own wet chin. Here we go. Terry Gillamitz with an I. Terry. Yeah. Yeah. Who is Terry Gillamitz?

Terry Gillamitz is a quotation anthologist. Oh, no. So this person doesn't even come up with them. They just collect them. They just collect them. And clearly she's been so inspired by all the out of context builds that she's cobbled together over the years, that she's come up with her own.

Terry Gilliam is a quotation anthologist from Phoenix, Arizona who's collected quotes since age 13. Oh my God. I don't like that America thing since age 13. Since she was 13 years old. All that says to me is that she still has the mental age of a 13-year-old.

Yes. Her passion, Phil, her passion is sharing literary, inspirational, humorous, and thought-provoking quotations with a worldwide audience via her website, The Quote Garden. With a specialty in reviving abandoned literature from the 1800s.

I wonder why it was abandoned. Yeah. God, it's just... Her whole thing, her whole vibe is collecting the incredible quotes of others. This website is very much... It's charming, but it's very much a kind of GeoCities vibe here.

About me. Who is this? She's on here. About me. Who is this? She's on Instagram. Of course. I mean, these are like Instagram level quotes. This is the kind of thing you'd see written in a cursive over a photo of the stars. I was going to say, you need to learn calligraphy just to write this on the back of an old book you haven't read. That's why you should learn calligraphy.

My God. I'm a word harvester. Oh, no! Oh no pierre stop it she's got her own page on wise old sayings.com imagine this being your life you live in this world i mean surely by all fuck following this that logic yeah she must be the wisest person on earth she should be a billionaire or the happiest person on earth

or live on the moon or something she should have by now led a perfect life but like you say if she's collected it all and she knows it all it's clearly not useful why? because it obviously hasn't elevated her to any more meaningful an existence.

But this is amazing to me because she only exists as a person who collects quotes. And she's famous for some of her own quotes. Like a dragon just lying on a bed of quotes. Yeah, but the dragon also mines gold now i guess like oh okay because normally quotes are like hey do you want to hear what some dipshit said about what it's like to live you not really do you want to hear what nelson mandela said yes that's nelson mandela he's done a lot of stuff whereas she she's just like, I have these quotes. What have you ever achieved?

I've got the largest collection of quotes. Do you know what I mean? Pyramid scheme. Is there any other example of someone who can just... I guess it's kind of like Kim Kardashian, right? Someone who's just famous for being famous. And you go, how did you start? Yes, exactly.

That's what I mean. It's these closed loops. Yes. And you go, but how did you start the loop? Yeah, how did you jump into the, exactly. That's what I mean. It's these closed loops. Yes. And you go, but how did you start the loop? Yeah, how did you jump into the loop? Yeah, just... And now you're just spinning forever into space.

Although, of course, Kim Kardashian is doing better than Terry Gilliam. It's like watching those guys on motorbikes get into the cage, into the circle cage. It's like,

how do you get in the cage? How do you get started? And once they're in, you go, well, you know, fair play, but I wouldn't be do you get in the cage? How do you get started? And once they're in, you go, well, you know, fair play, but I wouldn't be able to get in.

Godspeed getting out. Yes, that's right, yeah. Yeah, if you get out at the wrong speed, you're going to die. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I mean, on one hand, like, I got to respect the hustle, Terry. I respect the hustle.

And if you respect the hustle, the hustle respects you. I got that from Terry Gilliam. I think my favorite quote is, give Terry Gilliam a hundred pounds. And I think it was Terry Gilliam. This is a fun thing. It's just one of her pieces of wisdom.

Put Terry Gilliam in your book and your book will have Terry Gilliamet's That's so wise Terry Gilliamet's It's always wise when you say a sentence And then you flip it around And you say it again So clever

Yeah, clever, so If you save money Money will save you I mean, that kind of makes sense, doesn't it? That's good And I just made it up just then Phil Wang But it doesn't really mean anything

watch your ass Terry Gilliam it's Wang's pumping out bilge at a faster rate I'm just looking around the flat if if you

drink lemonade lemon no that one doesn't work open a window and that window will open you there you go see I mean that's getting somewhere right

yeah yeah yeah put food in the fridge and the fridge will open you. See? I mean, that's getting somewhere, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put food in the fridge and the fridge will put food in you. Yeah? Yeah. It turns out a lot of relationships in this universe are symbiotic. Who knew? Who knew that interdependence was a thing?

That's my favorite thing about that. Have you ever seen those conspiracy theories about how there was like a one world civilization? Oh, okay. There was like one long ago. Yeah. And they go, oh, and it was all one civilization. And then that turns into a thing of like aliens.

Yeah. And basically they're proof that every civilization was linked possibly through alien visitors. Yeah. It's just like pyramids look similar. Oh, yeah. These guys. Yeah. Yeah.

And you just go, go yeah it's almost as though that's the most efficient way of building building huge stone structures without cement that's weird isn't it pyramids where they didn't build it upside down because that's just as easy with the point a big inverted pyramid yeah you're fucking idiots god look out the window now phil it is you know when listeners you know when rain is just genuinely a visible white line from the side? Fucking hell. Yeah.

It just looks like the outside has a new wallpaper. Brutal. It's been very brief, these heavy, heavy showers. It's God slapping Edinburgh around the face, trying to snap it out of the fringe. It's just enough to, if you get caught in the rain, fuck you for the day. You're wet all day. You're wet the rest of the fringe. It's just enough to, if you get caught in the rain, fuck you for the day. You're wet all day. You're wet the rest of the day.

Yeah, absolutely. You're a drowned rat for the whole day. Gross. Anyway, this episode we have Ian Stern. Yeah, we have a wonderful special. This is the second guest we've ever had. This is the second guest. 26 episodes. God. We just have too much of our own hot

content. Yes, we are our own closed loop in a way yes we are we talk we talk shit to be on the podcast and then shit talks us and then the podcast allows us to talk more shit which means there are more podcasts which means and this is forever well it is self-sufficient because we talk about poo and then the poo keeps us talking, right? And then people send us poo to speed the loop up even more. It's poo loop. It's Catherine Wheel of shit. The Cacorin Wheel.

Yep, we've got a Cacorin Wheel going here, spinning up nice and fast and everyone's going, ooh ah. Yes, we have Ian Sterling, who you might know as the voice of Love Island. Voice of Love Island Love Island, previously on Love Island. Exactly

That was alright, didn't we do that? That was pretty good. Tonight Tonight I lived with Ian for a few years in London, so I was hearing all that bullshit before the country did. He'd just sit in the living room and practice. He'd go, tonight. And I'd go, Ian, stop it. You'll never make this work.

Look after me and the baby. And he'd say, no, I'm on to something. I'm on to something. He'd go, all these people will live on an island and I will make jokes about their bums. And I'd say, you're talking crazy.

No one will ever watch such a stupid program. And he'd say, they will. They will. And I'll do the voice over. And there'll be the dumbest people in our country with the strongest accents will all live in

a sort of three star Airbnb and they will fuck each other but you can't see it but you'll get really excited about hearing these people fuck. You can only hear them fuck but the country will be wrapped and I'd go but ian you've

lost your mind you're there with this little paper mache also you're a bit late on the red do you mind if you and i'm amazed that it's worked out for him so we'll be talking to him he's from edinburgh of course he's from edinburgh we're in his hometown home turf yeah in his ends yeah yeah well and there's also some great poo stories from the listeners. Yes. A couple of listeners are sending some great poo stories. After my show the other night at the Pleasant Courtyard, a pod bud came over and said, I've got one hell of a poo story coming. Nice. So we're very excited to hear about that.

We've met a few pod buds. I met a chap in the street who sent a message which we'll deal with at an appropriate time. But it was heart-wrenching. Oh, really? I showed you the guy. He wrote the letter. The letter? He messaged me on Instagram.

I'm such a terrible man. I'm not going to give it away just because you're losing your mind, Philip. I'm losing my mind. But it is great because I get to enjoy the story twice. Yeah. You're like an old guy. You're like when my mom and dad watched Midsommar Murders. You just don't remember how it twice. Yeah. You're like an old guy. You're like when my mum and dad watch Midsommar Murders. They just don't remember how it ends.

Yeah. And there's been some pod buds in my show who spoke to me afterwards, and it was a real pleasure speaking to you. And I'm sorry if I seemed anything less than excited to meet you, what with having no energy or soul left after 20 days of gibbling about on stage like a big sweaty velvet goon. Gibble, gibble. Yeah. like a big sweaty velvet goon. Anyway, enjoy the show.

Enjoy! Tonight on Love Island Jamie discovers a new Higgs boson. Yeah, it's actually a lot easier than you think. Jenny proves

Fermat's last theorem. Yes, I just sort of carried the row and put that over pi to the power of e cubed. And yeah, just the rest, if it follows, the rest is trivial. And Greg from Liverpool invents his first ever perpetual motion machine. Lech, you doch need to puth any moch energy into it. It just keeps going. This should

end the energy problem for the rest of time. I've solved it. Tonight on Love Island. It's Ian Sterling, everyone. Yeah. Thanks so much for coming, man. I like it. I was saying to you guys earlier, I feel a little bit starstruck.

Yeah, do you have any questions for us? Yeah. We thought we'd invite you over. Oh, my God. I'm such a fan of your live at the Comedy Store. Thanks, I put a lot of work into that. This is the same street that Inspector Rebus lived on. Yes, we've just found this out. We're living currently on Arden Street in Edinburgh.

We won't tell you which number, but Ian's pointed out that it's where a fictional character lived. Yeah, it's the Scottish Sherlock Holmes. Yeah, Ian Rankin's creation, Inspector Rebus. Yeah. Well, Sherlock Holmes is also an Edinburgh invention. It was written by Arthur Conan Doyle It was based after his Edinburgh uni lecturer

His medical lecturer Is that true? Is that why they've got that weird Sherlock Holmes statue in Newtown? Oh do they? Yeah Harry Potter Edinburgh George Herriot's school

Oh that's what it's based on Oh is it? And that's where the BBC tent is now. Where the BBC tent is this year. There's a big posh school. And that's what Hogwarts is based on. Yeah, we've got Ian in. He's the country's most popular Edinburgh tour guide.

He's done really well, actually. That's not even my best Edinburgh fact. What is your best Edinburgh fact? There's a statue in Edinburgh called the Greyfriars Bobby. Oh, yes. It's a little dog Edinburgh called the Greyfriars Bobby oh yes it's a little dog and the story goes that his owner

passed away and the little dog waited outside the graveyard staring at the gates for his owner to return but he never did it's ripped off

of Futurama but never mind yeah I think they copied it and then I junkied him I think that's how it ends but

they made a bronze statue in the dog's honour not in the guy's honour in the dog's honour gutting junkie Etting I think is how it ends but the statue they made a bronze statue in the dog's honour not in the guy's honour in the dog's honour gutting I know imagine being that guy

that guy he's like the what was it Robbie from EastEnders he left EastEnders and Wellard his dog stayed on EastEnders that's gutting

so the statue was facing the gates of the graveyard, obviously. Yeah, yeah. But the pub, the Greyfriars Bobby, got the council to spin the dog around so that when you take a photo of the dog, the pub's in the background. Oh, is that why he's facing outwards?

That's why he's facing, that's why his back turns to the cemetery, like his owner's sort of... The final insult. Yeah. I've been waiting for weeks now. That's just how much power Edinburgh pubs have. This is how much weight the drinking lobby in Scotland has to throw around.

Not even the beer industry, just a pub. I still can't believe that there's like late night license in Edinburgh for the whole month of August like

how that got through council let's have all the pubs open till 5am for a month and they're like yeah I think they must have

just like they must have got a set of scales and on one scale they put a big sack of vomit and on the other scale they put a big sack of vomit and on the other scale they put

a big sack of money yeah they went well some of this money will be used to clean up all the vomit it's still a net game there'll be some left over for all of you and they went yeah okay i'm still waiting for the first story of a guy whose dog dies and he goes to his dog's grave and sits there until he dies. Has that happened yet? Not yet. I think those people are sort of taken away to a safe place. Now, Ian, you've done really well the last couple of years. You're wearing successful men glasses right now. Yeah, I feel like we've both upgraded our glasses in the last couple of years.

So I've got these sort of 80s serial killer navigator, gold-rimmed navigators, which are sort of in vogue now, but still sort of pretty down-to-earth, really. You've got Hollywood glasses. You've got the thick... I can tell you what they are. They are 70s porn star glasses. Not my words, the words of Lena Dunham. Whoa. You met Lena Dunham dunham no she wrote an article in the guardian about love island oh yeah i saw this she mentioned me yeah i was very excited

huge fan of lena dunham yeah she said he shows up occasionally in a hawaiian shirt and 70s porn star glasses and they're these glasses these are these these are the ones these are the very frames how does it feel to be roasted at a distance by lenaham? It was, I mean, it's a difficult one, isn't it? Because she's aware of me, which is cool. But she sort of, I don't know, I don't, maybe she liked the look. It's hard to tell. Well, she's so, she and her ilk are so steeped in irony. Yeah.

That it's impossible to tell what they are. You never know what's, what's true and what isn't the entire time you speak to someone. Which actually, I think, runs parallel to your narration skills in Love Island. Because I think the genius, and I hate using the word genius with regards to a former flatmate, but the genius of your work, Ian,

is that you've managed to make a show that many people could easily dismiss as trivial you've made it not just presentable enjoyable to those people by with your voice over with the ironic it does he mean this does he not mean this way it gives everyone an excuse to watch the program is he poking fun does he actively despise it yeah nobody knows and they'll never know they'll never know you'll die it'll die with you in your grave just you and me with your dog you and your dog in your grave when you die the entire cast of Love Island will wait for you outside the gates they won't they won't

call it waiting they'll call it a PA. It's a personal appearance at the pub. Are you getting a lot of offers for that? I've never had a PA. Do you know, in the industry, it's called a PA, a public appearance. Right, like being paid to go to a nightclub. So you go to a nightclub, normally you get a table, there's like a bottle of vodka or something, and then you take photos with people for an allotted amount of time,

depending on how well your agent is negotiated the deal yeah and then you go home and they'll do it up some of them do like three four and nights oh man just driving to a nightclub getting photos of those of random people then you go to another one I saw some footage of one of these in Ibiza because Ibiza has a PA. They love it. And it was of Rylan Clark. Is that his name? Yes.

Rylan Clark and Sophie Ellis Baxter. No way. Yeah, but just like in what looked like it's a normal, like partially outdoor terrace bar. That's where they take place. She's singing Murder on the Downs Floor at 3 p.m. in the afternoon to a bunch of fat, ugly tourists.

And I thought, God, maybe some things are not worth being rich, actually. I know. I mean, I just think,

at what point do you think, I'm a big fan of my lifestyle, but I don't know how, I do like my dignity as well. They're both lovely. It's like,

I like, I like an iPhone, but I'm not going to queue outside for two days. Exactly. I like my sunny, rich lifestyle, but I'm not going to sing Murder on the Dance Floor to Pam and Steve from Romford.

I mean, everyone at this table has done a corporate gig that's been unforgivably horrific. I think I've done my last ever. Not my choice. I had two in a row. I told last ever my choice i had two in a row i told pierre last time i had two in the row that was so bad i don't think i'm ever getting booked i am had a panic attack at one once did you yeah you had a full panic attack at a corporate gig i had a full panic attack so what happened was um there was one in london there was two one in London one in Manchester and the guy was being

I was co-hosting it with somebody and the guy was awful I said I don't really want to do it with him again and they said I looked miserable so in Manchester they changed it so that guy presented it on his own and I just ended up

which as we all know sounds better but it's so much worse. Yeah. Because if you host it, you can sort of stealthily do stand up without them knowing. Yeah, throw some jokes in there in between. Yeah, but these are the fire exits. And then do a bit of whatever. Jeff needs out.

Oh, Jeff needs out. Hang on a second, listeners. The dog is being troublesome. The hound Yeah the hound Jeff the dog, it looks like the hound from Game of Thrones He's all burnt on one side

And he hates his brother Very placid dog, I like that in a dog Poor placid Domingo over there I know, anyway, so long story short I got asked to stand up There was these dancing girls who were going to bring me on they had like big feather boas and they were going to sort of you know conceal me and then reveal me. Yeah. Which is you know. Like in the Great Gatsby or something. And the gig looked really it was no one's fault but I didn't like it was going to go great and I got more and more

anxious and the dancing girls went to bring me on and I started having a panic attack. Because you knew you'd be behind some feathers. Yeah. But the dancing girls were really lovely. They knew me as Ian from CBBC,

from Love Island, not from CBBC, they might know me as well, from Love Island. They didn't know that I was also a stand-up so they didn't think I was having a panic attack.

They just thought I was incredibly nervous to do my first gig. So they dragged me on like you'll be fine and then I got to the point I couldn't breathe and then I got a man on stage

to try and tell a joke while I was because I was just trying to like get my breath back yeah and then already recruiting free help oh unbelievable

and then after about three minutes I don't feel well I'm going to give you the money back and then that gig because of that man he was very sexist at that gig the guy that hosted it yeah and the Evening News run an article about it being sexist and they fought with me with the dancing girls and then another newspaper got in touch and went we know Ian didn't host it but the other guy's not well enough known so

we're gonna say that Ian was involved was involved oh no and then your 70s porno glasses these glasses on lena dunham was fuming at least i think you can never tell i don't know tattoo about it yeah and then ended up being discussed on women's hour oh really yeah great oh my god did they name me on i think they did yeah but and i wasn't involved in that gig in any way and i tried to give them out to chat but they never paid me they never paid you for it either no well couldn't you just like i don't know get the dancing girls to be like no he had a freak out and fucking left yeah well then they also said that um because i was got calmed down backstage and got to mcdonald's and went to my room yeah and they said that i was drunk and threw

up in the green room wow it's really mad who said that the people that organised the event oh it's just to just to try and like fucking throw you under the bus

yeah basically they said I was drunk which luckily for me some corporate events sometimes I've had a couple yeah because why else

what else are you going to do but in that situation they offer you drinks they offer you like to have dinner with them before with wine if you want I've never understood that when they go do you want to have dinner with them before with wine if you want. I've never understood that when they go, do you want to have dinner with us before?

I'm like, no. I think I've done it once. Did you do it? I did one for an engineering dinner in Glasgow actually, it was really cool. The Scottish Institute of Civil Engineers. And we sat down, there was a full haggis ceremony and Burns poem and a sword and shit.

And that was fun, that was nice did you get on with the people yeah it's great we i was part of the the top at the high table so i came in behind the bagpipes with the high table oh nice and we paraded through the room and people like had to stand up as i walked past in my blue river island suit that's the sort of status you want before you do a stand-up comedy gig. Yeah, exactly. People forced to stand.

But also, I did that once. I had a dinner thing once where I had to... But it was for a Rotary Club or whatever. Like one of those things. And it was in some village near Nottingham. It was really like mad sort of small-scale stuff. It was the Sheriff of Nottingham's... It was the Sheriff of Nottingham's.

It was the Sheriff of Nottingham's Rotary Club fundraiser for more brutal taxation purposes. And it was a big dinner to celebrate the disemboweling of Robin Hood. They caught him. It's like, get over it. Yeah, we know. They really went for him when they caught him, it turned out. They killed the fuck out of him. It was like I had to agree to the dinner

because the alternative would be to say, I'm going to sit in the hotel room you know I'm in down the corridor alone, eating nothing. See, I've got absolutely no qualms about making that very clear that that's going to happen. I think I'm there now. I'm there now psychologically. It just takes a while, doesn't it?

And sometimes you agree the bit i once done the scottish licensing awards so you can imagine how drunk everyone was because every drunk every drinks company ever

wanted to give samples so bars and clubs oh that licensing shit yeah so like what were you thinking like james bond license to kill

oh okay yeah no i've not done that one yet or like tv licenses imagine the tv that corporate man that gets cheaper in black and white it's free for old people to go yeah pensioners exactly not anymore just kind of your student um but everyone was just must have been fucking hooned and they were so drunk and then I went, Kate Thornton hosted, who used to do the X Factor before Dermot O'Leary. And then I didn't go until about half 11

and there was just a raffle. And then they just announced my name because they were overrunning. So I just walked on after a raffle. And it only lasted three minutes before they told me to stop talking. It was on my contract. I had to speak to the heads of the company

for about an hour afterwards. Obviously, no one wanted to talk to me. I didn't really want to talk to them. So they had to speak to the heads of the company for about an hour afterwards. Obviously no one wanted to talk to me, I didn't really want to talk to them, so they had to get some poor intern who had to sit with me at the gig for an hour afterwards having drinks. Just drunk Scottish people coming up to me going, I hope you don't do that for an actual job. Oh my god. Wait, so part of the contract was you had to sit and chat with someone? I had to mingle afterwards for an hour.

But you just spoke to one intern? Because the were like we don't want to sweat on stage for three minutes and then left we don't want to talk to that guy so then some and then I'm like I'm obviously I should have if I've been again a bit more uh established or like just more used to that world I've gone look I don't want to stink out your night i'll go remember i'm going i want paid and they said i have to be here for an hour so they just had to send somebody it's really sad bloke was dragged away from his mates to talk to me and i was explaining to him why the gig didn't work well you see the acoustics just aren't quite right mate and the front row are too far away from me it was too late at night and also people

who don't know how stand up works don't think that they think that stand up either works or it doesn't like maths two plus two is four

or it's not the thing is like putting on a band you just put it in a corner and the sound will fill the room and everyone will have a decent time yeah

but it doesn't they sort of go I see no reason why the front row shouldn't be a full 30 empty meters of room away from the comedian terrible

amazing it is crazy the amount of times you do gigs like that particularly in the corporate world where like they're just

the money that's involved not necessarily for you but just in the event itself and they've just the stuff they've just given absolutely

no thought to and sometimes I've been at a gig where I've been dying and they've got an amazing string quartet in the hallway and I'm like, they would have smashed this. Put them on the stage. All they're doing is just,

people can hear them for five seconds on their way to take a dump. Hi, I'm Terry Gilliam. You might know me from reading a bunch of dumbass quotes that make you feel good about yourself for two minutes before you stop and think about them and go, wait, what? That didn't mean anything. Well, you're welcome. I'm here at my quote warehouse. It's a warehouse full of the quotes I've been collecting since I was 13. The age of 13 was when I began my lifelong commitment to quotes.

And when I ended any kind of free thought. And I put all the quotes I've found in my life in this warehouse. I wrote them down on a little piece of paper. Whatever piece of paper I had at hand, you know, a napkin, a piece of A4, a cease and desist, I would write it down on that piece of paper and file it away in my quote warehouse. And anytime I feel I need a little inspiration, I just come in here, Terry Gillamit's quote warehouse, and I stick my hand on a shelf and I just pull something out. Let's have a look Oh, here's one. This one says, when life gives you worries, don't worry about your life. I like that one a lot because it means nothing at all. What about this one here? Oh,

this one says, brush your hair or beware or beware death. Brush your hair or beware or beware death brush your hair or beware death not really sure what that one means but it sounds important uh here's another one this is from a big golden box this is where i put my absolute favorite quotes that i find and this one says oh this one says, oh, this one says, whenever, whenever a butterfly flaps its wings, a fairy goes to jail. Ah, isn't that fantastic? A fairy goes to jail. I wonder what for? Um, so I just want you to know that here in my quote warehouse, the quote warehouse is here, um, all year all year long, but it is locked from the inside. You can't get inside. You can't get in. These quotes are for me. I live here alone in the Quote Warehouse, and I eat the quotes.

I eat the quotes! Some of them are written on rice paper, so those keep me going for a while. And so don't come inside. Leave me alone. keep me going for a while uh and so don't come inside leave me alone um i just keep an eye out for the quotes that i deign to share with the world uh here's one to leave you on let me take another quote i have and this oh this one's quite apt this one says whenever you say goodbye make um that whenever you say goodbye that is making your bye good. There's something to think about there. Okay, I'm Terry Gilliam.

Go away. Ian, you're doing some stand-up shows here at Edinburgh. Yeah. But like in a small room, right? Yeah, a little small abandoned barn. How many people? 50. 50?

It's great, right? To see the violence Ian Sterling, amazing. Yeah, and not even 50 show up, really. Come on. It was booked so long ago, it was only like six quid. People just forget. Oh, interesting. Yeah.

That's how that happens. But I don't really, I quite like it as well. I quite like a sort of two-thirds full 50 seat room just to mess around. You're doing a whip? Working pro. Yeah. Which is really good fun. I'm gonna do a lot more. Obviously it's really fun doing, showing up with genuinely nothing. Yeah. And over two weeks just watching this sort of thing coming together And I thought I'd be doing a lot more writing during the day, but I'm doing the hour every night I've sort of come up generated so much stuff. Yeah

Yeah, I Try not to you know, just because I feel like It's valuable time that I could be using to do other stuff I do like talking to the crowd is my favorite thing to do What what kind of, because obviously you've done like full shows up here post Love Island success and you're obviously going to get

like the crowds are going to be full of fans of the show and whatever. Whereas a work in progress in a smaller room, is it a different crowd? Well, yeah. Not really

because it's work in progress because it's a small room. I definitely find that it's older people because it's a small room because it's a small room I definitely find that it's older people because it's a small room so it's sold out fairly quickly so it's organised

there's no there's no like group of friends in their late 20s coming along do you know what I mean they have not got their shit together

they tweet me a lot can I get tickets no no your grandmother's tickets your gran Elsa's brought five these seats are

uncomfortable can I have a pillow that's happened that's happened twice really you've had to get a pillow for someone oh son I've been

sat out in that seat out the front this is the celebrity life folks oh it's a poison chalice you have to bring pillows everywhere. But yeah, so definitely it's an older skew.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very young people and very old people because those are the ones that organise shit. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The young mega super fans. Yeah, basically the millennial generation have not come to see this so far.

You've got boomers and Zed. I've got boomers and zed and very little in between I've basically got people that'll be I mean living in the ocean in a few years and the people that caused it yeah so I thought you meant you're gonna like you were going to drown all these old people oh god no my job. They're more than welcome to come. Sometimes, because I think it's just Scottish grannies. Yeah. You cannot offend a Scottish granny. I think that's...

I think they're not very religious and sort of disapproving. Maybe the baby Jesus is maybe off limits, but you can say some of the stuff you can say. My gran was from the Orkneys, and she didn very like, didn't like swearing or whatever. But that was like a preference rather than an offence thing.

I think you're right. They've seen too much. Well, I think they don't like it in their day-to-day life. But when they think, oh, this is actually allowed, it reminds them, oh, it's like back in the day.

You can't say anything that they've not seen. You could talk about like, do you know what I mean? Oh, there was this big massive fight and a guy got chucked in the back of a van and she'd be like, ah my John done that. Good times, good times and it was innocent back then no one got hurt. It was fine. It was just violent. What's it like, because you're from Edinburgh, you grew up here. Yeah. What's it like seeing it turn into the fringe?

I always feel like it's, it must be like, you know, when you're a kid and when your friends come over, your parents suddenly become this alien, like really nice version of themselves. Yeah. That's not dad. Why are you talking like that? Yeah. Is that what it's like? It is a little bit like that

The thing The one thing is I'm from the outskirts Where I grew up we never ventured into town We called it The shops You called town the shops You're going to go into the shops today Why did I find that so funny

You've got to go down the shops It's like how you call Coca-Cola and stuff juice Fizzy juice Fizzy juice? Can of juice Can I have a can of juice? And the guy would go yes That's like the kind of offensive thing an English person would make up

About what the Scottish say My dad still calls it cool drink Cool drink? Yeah The only time my dad ever lost his temper was a very calm man. We were on holiday in Lanzarote and they

were getting drinks and my dad ordered four Coca-Colas and he went, do you not want a beer? And I was like, no, I want a Coca-Cola. Oh, a soft drink for a soft man. And my dad was like, we're leaving he's got so insulted by the guy the waiter said that the guys yeah the waiter went a soft drink for a soft man wow my dad got

us the hell out of there bloody hell do you want a beer no just a coke oh is that a soft drink for a soft man and my dad made us leave the restaurant crying, proving that he was the hard man. Your dad was crying? He wasn't crying. That was a good comment. My dad's never cried. That's why he has a shed. That's where he goes.

Such an effective opponent of toxic masculinity, even before it was cool. Even before it was cool, the Lanzaroteans were all over it. Or was he actually just pissed off that you didn't suck the guy in the face? He was probably annoyed that I didn't defend his honour yeah

you didn't step up I was 13 though well that's old for Scotland it is scary the first time I've sold it is funny the first time

you see your have you ever seen when you see your parents properly lose their temper yeah well I saw my father lose his temper badly when I i saw my father lose his temper badly when i was very young and he's actually mellowed over age yeah so i haven't

seen him like he was very frightening yeah i think my parents have chilled out a lot over time yeah from being quite up they were quite uptight they were they were the most relaxed south african parents oh yeah that's still uptight like that's not a high bar and over time they've been like oh it's okay for your kid to say the word damn yeah like that level people always make fun of asian parents for being strict but i mean it's nothing on some of the african parenting i've seen like oh totally like the night i went to boarding school with a lot of nigerians and we would just never see them on the weekend because they literally were not allowed out of the house. No.

It was insane. That's quite common, yeah. My auntie is Afrikaans. And Afrikaners are even more strict than the sort of white English-speaking South Africans like me. They're generally, not always, but on average more religious and stuff. My auntie drove to my cousin's school

when he was 14 and pulled him out of a maths class without like asking or anything just like found him and came in and pulled him out sniffed him out by like his fucking ear or whatever like come on drove him back this is like the afternoon because she'd realized he hadn't put the cap back on the toothpaste

and you're joking home do it drove him back to school oh my god Because she'd realized he hadn't put the cap back on the toothpaste. And you're joking. No way. Uh-uh. Home. Do it. Watch them do it. No. Drove him back to school. Oh, my God.

That's incredible scenes. And then my cousin would tell me this. And he must be like, the whole way home, he's like, oh, my God. She's found my legal porn collector. What's happening? Yeah. And then you see the toothpaste, and he's probably quite relieved. Yeah, well, he would tell me,

and my mum would be like, you see, I'm too nice to you. Putting your toothpaste all over the place like this. That is incredible. Yeah, that's the real deal. Yeah, I once got thrown out of the Boy Scouts for being awful the whole time. And as punishment, my dad was so embarrassed

that he remained secretary of the Boy Scouts for about five years after I left. Just because he was so ashamed of the fact that I had sort of, like, let them down. Also, he had to pay back this debt. Yeah, of, like, his son's horrific behaviour. Did you stop an old lady from crossing the road? I pelted her with a woggle.

What's a woggle? A woggle's a thing that you put in your... Are you allowed to say that these days? It's the scarf with the... The neckerchief. Oh! The neckie. Oh, right, right, right.

And the woggle's the thing that holds the neckie together. You know know like the kind of almost it's almost like a belt buckle kind of

device it's a butt plug but it's hollow yeah that's what they teach you

a butt plug but it's hollow oh no it's one of those things people have in their ears

oh like a tunnel yeah tunnel things like that just like you get

up yikes oh I see I see I see up the scarf not up the back not like up your like yeah gotcha your gullet Slice it up Yikes Up the scarf

Not like up your Gullet I can't think of that word Embarrassing Fairly basic Picture a scarecrow Who's learned how to snowboard Sliding down Slopes with frost on his straw.

Ring letters, emails, phone calligrapher, to be jacking up your sister's chemistry. Ring letters, correspondence. So, we don't know how much of a fan you are of Bud Pod or if you've heard Phil's I fucked a dog story. I've not heard I fucked a dog story. It's not what it sounds like. Phil was on the tube. I thought that guy was very chill. Jeff, you keep your mouth shut.

Phil, you were on the tube. I was on the tube in London, where the tube is and I was sat just talking to someone I bumped into on the tube and suddenly a guy on the carriage started going excuse me ladies and gentlemen sorry this is really embarrassing

and we're all like, oh here we go and he continues, this is really embarrassing ladies and gentlemen but I fucked a dog! I fucked a dog! I fucked a dog. And people are like, what the hell? That is embarrassing. They're like, oh my God, I fucked a dog.

I fucked when I was a child. I fucked a dog. And people are just like, what? People are like looking at each other, looking at the floor. You should see Ian's face. And he said, I fucked a dog, but I didn't come. I didn't come. He never said I didn't come. He said, like, that would make dog, but I didn't come. I didn't come. He never said I didn't come.

He said, like, that would make it better. I didn't come. And the dog didn't come. The dog didn't come in me. This is the worst, like, I need a bit of spirit. Anyway, the point is, have you got any change? Well, that's the thing. He went, I didn't come.

I fucked a dog. And he ran down the carriage looking at the last people in the carriage. I fucked a dog. I fucked a dog. And then he took a couple of beats the last people in the carriage. I fucked her dog. I fucked her dog. And then he took a couple of beats and he went, so yeah, if anyone has any change,

I really need the help. What? I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. Did anyone give him money? No. Of course not. People were traumatized.

What did he look? Did he look like normal-ish? No. He was tall, like baggy, like, baggy, tracksuit bottoms. He was a mess, but no one would have guessed this much of a mess. You thought he might have come. He might have come.

I mean, there's a lot of space in those baggy trousers. That is the best. How have I not heard that story from you before? I don't listen. You never call me anymore. So this has become something of a meme now on the podcast uh tom gets in touch and says hello friends uh firstly are complimenting us on the correspondence jingle very nice thank you we have a little jingly and can you sing it um it's very echoey it's loads of voices

a lot like news jingle like um correspondence bond and spawn it sounds better i like news jingle, like... It's very overproduced. Correspondence. Spondence. It sounds better. I like it. I like that. Secondly, I wanted you to... It's no Love Island.

It's no TNA. But it's something. I'm getting a bone already. Pavlov's dick. Tom says... Pavlov a dick. Secondly, I want you to know about a lovely day... Guys, I'm going down a slightly different route this year.

Yeah. It's going to be psychologically interesting. I want to let you know about a lovely day I spent recently doing some housework and singing along in my head to Icona Pop's 2012 smash, I Love It. Why so lovely, you ask? Because my mind automatically switched the last few words of each line with, I fucked a dog. So, I got this feeling on a summer's day and fucked a dog.

I crashed my car into the bridge and then I fucked a dog. I threw your shit into a bag and then i fucked a dog i threw your shit into a bag and then i fucked a dog i crashed my car into the bridge i don't care i love it i didn't come i promise i promise then i would have given that guy money Yeah of course A little boom box on his shoulder

He says it worked so well And the hours absolutely flew by Jack on fellas Tom Thank you very much for that Tom That's a very good song I don't care I loved it I crashed my car into a bridge Is this that song I don't care. I loved it.

I crashed my car into a bridge. Is this that song? Then I'm coming out of the wreckage. Hey, come over here, little buddy. Come over here. I think it's funny. The lesser stuff. What was the first bit she did when she threw your clothes out

and then fucked your dog I don't need to know about the clothes I've forgotten about the

clothes almost immediately I'll buy out more clothes give me my dog back okay let's

see what else so Holly Holly gets in touch hi Holly Holly Holly Holly Holly Holly chameleon yes very nice Okay, let's see. What else? So Holly gets in touch. Hi, Holly. Holly, Holly, Holly, Holly, Holly Chameleon. Yes, very nice.

Thank you. Very nice. She says, I just committed the perfect flatulence-based crime, and I knew the Bud Pod would be the place to confess. Correct. It's very poopy, farty, jizzy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jackie Offy. Yes.

While helping my mother do the washing up, I accidentally let loose a silent fart Knowing what I'd done, I left the room to exit the scene of the crime, naturally As I walked back into the kitchen, I saw my mother opening a plethora of empty Tupperware and sniffing each box before washing them in turn announcing that something in the kitchen

must be rotten Little did she know, it was my insides In the words of Pierre insides. In the words of Pierre, I was crying. We were making fun of that whole meme talk, I think. Everyone's crying and screaming. It's always funny. It's exhausting. It's the replacement for, like,

Lamau and Rothel. Oh oh I'm screaming yeah what what picture of Spongebob with something written underneath it

fuck off how sensitive are you to humour that like you're when are they you're frightened by it Francis get off Twitter

you can't handle it it's something people have never seen jokes before And are just confused Like cavemen seeing fire Punchline Punchline Steve has got in touch with Also a fart story

What a bumper crop it is. Christmas Steve, not a sound in the house. He says, I'm a recent convert to your pod, and after hearing your chat about poo-poos and stinky smells on airplanes, I thought I'd get in touch. Because one time I was the cause of an airplane stench, and I thought you'd like to know about it. Correct, Stephen.

You were right. Stinky Steve. Stinky Steve. A few years ago, I was due to like to know about it. Correct, Stephen. You were right. Stinky Steve! Stinky Steve! A few years ago, I was due to go to America for work. The day before, I was at a friend's wedding and became rather festive. Became festive. I became festive.

As I met my colleague at the airport, it was immediately apparent that I had taken ale. I was deeply unhappy and pale and suffering all kinds of tummy trouble. We boarded the plane and we were delighted to find there was hardly anyone on it. Taken ale as in hungover? Yes. Okay.

I like that taken ale. Taken ale. I like that. I've never heard that. It's good, isn't it? Taking ale. I had taken ale. I claimed a three-seat row to myself.

Pikey first class. That's right. Yes. That's the official term for that. Yeah. Love it. Poor man's business. I call it.

Yeah. I lay down and hope to sleep's the official term for that. Yeah. Love it. Poor man's business. I call it. Yeah. I lay down and hope to sleep off the worst of a banging hangover. My colleague lay on the row behind me and also went to sleep. After a while, I was awoken by my buddy. He'd claimed, sorry, he claimed that I had been releasing a lot of, quote, spiced whispers. That's so great. Spiced whispers. That's a George Michael song isn't it Spicy whispers

On this airplane So Spicy whispers All around I was woken up by my friend Children playing On this airplane. So. Spicy whispers. All around. I was woken up by my friend. Children playing. Who said, he said, he claimed I'd been releasing a lot of spiced whispers. And it stank so much, he thought I was going to S myself.

I did have some issues bubbling up, so I went to the toilet. I sat in the stall and destroyed it. With the power of my poo. It was horrible. It took ages. It felt like it would never end. At least the plane was quiet, so no one was likely to come in straight afterwards and endure my shame. Then, a knock at the door

the knocking became more urgent almost frenzied edgar allen pooh edgar allen pooh anyone oh my god that's the brand isn't it highbrow and pathetically lowbrow together uh so then the knocking became more urgent almost frenzied, I summoned the energy to leave muttering fuck's sake to myself I closed the door behind me and was confronted by two air hostesses

what were you doing in there? one asked well ahem, I stammered, looking guilty and hoping no one had heard my grief from outside have you been smoking in there? asked one, getting up in my grill. No, sorry, I don't smoke. Well, we can smell cigarette smoke and want to know where it's coming from.

A silence. The hostesses looked at each other and tacitly came up with a plan. I watched on horrified as one opened the toilet door. Oh no! Leaned her head right in. Oh my god! And inhaled a huge lungful of my vile, beefy emissions.

She emerges crestfallen, looking sick. He's been smoking shits in there. Big old turd cigars. He's been rolling up the shits. Oh my God. So she huffs a big fucking lungful of poo gas. Pooping cigars.

So she huffs a big fucking lung full of poo gas. Poo and cigars. By now, she's convinced I wasn't smoking. I slink off back to my seat without saying anything. A mixture of the deepest shame and huge amusement welling up inside me. I often wonder what would have been appropriate to say in that moment. After listening to your part, I now know I should simply have said, okay, thank you.

I hope you like my story sincerely keep jacking it steve stinky steve that's a good story the greatest that the the the references for the toilet uh based humor were very good i liked it yeah yes yes spiced whispers did they say did you say taken a net did you say did you shorten an s you don't want to swear or is that what no you. He said, I thought I was going to S myself. S myself. I love that. I think. That's the best. I've been at the Fringe Festival for two weeks and that's the best thing I've heard.

I think. I said S myself. Oh, I'm going to absolutely S myself. I think that guy might be a podcast devotee, as it were, of John Robbins and Ellis James because they can't swear. Right. be a podcast devotee as it were of john robbins and ellis james because they can't swear right and so they often abbreviate it to like uh like i remember i laughed a lot at once because i think robbins was talking about going for a dump or putting on underwear or something or something about like you have to watch out for the old c and b's which as a way of referring to cock and balls is so funny it is yeah you know how they always say the unseen horror is always scarier than the seen horror?

Yeah. I think like the unseen or unheard grossness is always funnier than the seen grossness. Like back when the Bugle podcast was John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman,

they would bleep the swearing because it used to be run by the Times back when newspapers paid for podcasts to exist. Extraordinary. And then they moved to become independent

and they said to the listeners, we can stop bleeping now but everyone wrote in and said please keep the bleeping because it was funnier it is funnier

it's funnier like and like pixelated dick and balls yeah it's so funny yeah it's so much

funnier than just a bear dick and balls and then you might think if I want the pixelation to go and then it

does and you're like ah yeah it's awful yeah I think that in my stand-up I'm trying you'll know especially when we live together every other word was an f an f-er sure it's like that thinking thing I used to it's a rhythmic thing isn't it yeah fucking

went to the fucking and you said whenever you're you're finding a gig a bit tricky you swim yeah that's my uh do my thinking uh i put it on like oh fuck fuck fuck fuck so i was fucking uh fucking inspector rebus that's it i was fucking inspector rebus but i didn't come but i didn't come and he didn't come in me can i have a quid uh let's see we should probably let Ian go soon yeah that's true we've gotten some good correspondence out of it sorry we can't

listeners sorry we can't go through all of your correspondence there's some more crest action in the email inbox I've just seen as well although we've had some great crest action on Twitter yes thank you for all our crests I'm enjoying the crests. It's really good work.

Via you putting the stuff up. It's great. Yeah, good work. Yeah, there's some real talent. And also, like, how well-written the Pooh stories are. Oh, yeah. The pacing, the language.

The standard of listening to this is high. And I think every Pooh story you get subsequently is going to be greatly improved by the phrase, I was about to S myself. Very, very funny.

I was going to S my peas. Thanks a lot for coming on, Ian. Thanks for having me, guys. Is there anything you want to plug? Love Island? Love Island is on. Love Island is on. 9 p.m. on ITV2.

Every day for the rest of a terrorist. Are you doing the South African one? I think so. is on Love Island is on 9pm on ITV2 every day for the rest of the territory I think are you doing the South African one I think so no way

there's a South African one but then like they were saying it's an island and they said it's going to be in the Cape and the only island

is like Robin Island no we're not doing Robin Island I'm afraid just hearing Nelson Mandela sell

if you don't pair up successfully you get a life sentence. That'd be an interesting series of Love Island. I mean, you know, we're just going to do it in a land mass. Okay, I see. But it's still going to be called Love Island.

It's still going to be really fun. Now it becomes an abstract philosophical island. It's always been that. Yeah. That's what we've always aimed for. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, that's back. Yeah.

We've always, that's what we've always aimed for. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, that's back. Let's go to my website. www.ian,

I-A-I-N, doesjokes.com. And thank you so much for actually, I, careful now, Jeff's not a fan of the website. He's not ideal timing, is it?

Come on, Jeff. Thank you so much for legitimizing our podcast with genuine information about how to get in touch with you you're very welcome for the exposure you owe me okay a blood debt thanks man have a great rest of the fringe you too as well and listeners

have a lovely time keep jacking it bye