BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 261 - Must Tash

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

The lads discuss berry disappointment, working, Phil's moustache, brain and heart, back waxing and horrible pranksPre-order Pierre's book:https://geni.us/pierrenovelliebookBloomsbury Theatre gig:https://www.ucl.ac.uk/bloomsbury-theatre/events/2024/jun/pierre-novellie-why-are-you-laughing Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's BudPod 261. Is it 261? Yeah. Oh my days. Oh yes. 261. 261. Ooh. Mixed buns.

Mixed buns. You're on a box of all the same bun. No, no. That's true. I want a bun that has toasted oats on the top i want a bun that's full of chinese pork oh that kind of bun of course that well and yeah it can be all kinds that's why you want to get mixed yeah and a classic iced bun with a single glistening red cherry glassy cherry i this is this is a hot um hot take from me what i remember growing up and people would have a cherry and

something and go oh it's a glassy cherry oh it's like a fake cherry well you want it's not as good as a proper cherry and then i had a proper cherry i was like no you guys are wrong actually the fake cherries are amazing sorry this is a horrible fibrous little forest plum i don't like it at all you've had this fucking backwards the whole time the thing that's basically sweet is bad and the like you say, the only cherries I've liked have been like... I have this issue with strawberries. People like strawberries. I've so rarely had a good strawberry in my whole life ever. They're sour.

Strawberry flavor has given strawberry fruit such a leg up that it doesn't deserve. Yeah, strawberry flavor is like the Terminator compared to the natural fleshy human of an actual strawberry. Yeah. It's so much stronger and faster and more dangerous. On the odd occasion, you find a strawberry that's really nice, fine,

but even then you got to cover it in meringue and cream and sugar. Sugar? Add sugar. You're going to put sugar onto the fruit? I thought the fruit was sugar. But no, you've got to put sugar onto the fruit for it to taste like the fruit. No other fruit needs the sugar on top to taste like itself. That's exactly right. The only time I've had cherries where I thought, now this is the stuff,

That's exactly right. The only time I've had cherries where I thought, now this is the stuff, is you could get these quite dark cherries in little cardboard trays from the supermarket. They were very in season. They were never year round. They were from Spain. But they'd be almost black, these cherries.

They'd be so dark. And those were good. They were a little tart, as the Americans love to say. Yeah, right. These berries were a little tart. But they were great. And I love cherry flavor in things. And I love cherry pie.

Yeah, I like cherry flavors. I like the cherry ice cream that they have on the continent. The cherry and what they call the Amarini, Amarani, Mascherino, Amaretto. Amaretto. Yes. Amaretto ice cream. I love that. Yeah.

I would like to give everyone an ice cream of apology for not having a Bud Pod last week. I would like to give everyone an ice cream of apology for not having a Bud Pod last week. I found myself in Glasgow with nary, nary a microphone to hand. I was filming The Weakest Link. That's right. I then realized too late that there was no way to record the podcast. So that was my bad. Bud apologies to everyone. Is it?

Who hosted that? is it Ramesh Ramesh Rankaniathan Yes it is as part of his Is he still in his Phase of being the guy who does everything do you think Or is he gradually being replaced By a new guy who does everything I think he's still pretty

It seems like it's still him I think he still very much has the crown of guy who does everything Him Tom Allen Captain Ryan pretty it seems like it's still i think he still very much has the crown of guy who does everything him tom allen kath and ryan yeah they've kind of got they've kind of got these islands sewn up it does seem that way they're just if you need something presented oh yeah they'll they'll present something they'll present something you won't be able to avoid it they'll be presented to you so well and nice right under your nose they're so busy man i have so much admiration for those guys i get tired if i've sent an email if i send an email i'm like well it's treat time and for them that is the break is i guess send an email yeah and romesh has fucking kids and everything like i don't know

how he i don't think he sleeps well katherine was a single mom when she moved here from a foreign land extraordinary extraordinary tale it is mad yeah how hard-working people can be it's like it's like when i studied engineering and i learned about shannon's law in in like in radio science radio wave science and um systems science and i was like this i still cannot understand this this has all been understood for me and has been told to me in the easiest possible way i still don't understand this and i was like wow people can be so smart and when i see those guys i'm like wow comedians can be so hard working i think i think the thing is if you're a comedian and you're hard working you clean up because comedians for the most part are in comedy because they don't want to work and that includes me do you do you think um is there another job which has such a wide range of wants to do work and

doesn't want to do work oh that's really good um i think uh yeah hospitality hospitality oh like restaurants like Like waiter in restaurant. Like a waiter in a crappy restaurant who's there because they need a temporary job. Under duress, basically. Yeah. They don't care if you live or die. Really nice restaurant with a career waiter. Oh my God, you feel like the Prince of Portugal.

Yeah, that's another industry i'm like there's such um a distance between the lower and upper end of care giving a shit about this because it's it's much narrower in say being an accountant because you still like even at the laziest lowest end you still have had to become an accountant yeah and if anything there's something a little suspicious about an accountant who's really into accounting yeah who's like well i'm just gonna do it for another four hours of this i'm just in a good groove guys i'll see you tomorrow morning i'll probably sleep here you'll be like i think he's stealing money i think that's the only reason he would want to do this much work unsupervised. Exactly.

Whereas with a really good waiter, no one's going, I think they're Nick and Silverware. No one. They're just a really good waiter. Yeah, they're just super into it. But yes, you're right. And it's also funny that in comedy, as you've just admitted yourself, you can be one of the comedians who doesn't want to do a lot of work

and be one of the successful comedians. That's it. My career has always been about optimizing the ratio of reward to effort. Yes. And I think I've got it down pretty good. I got into comedy to avoid work. So I guess when I see hardworking comedians, I'm like, guys, you know, this is not,

the whole point is you don't have to do that. But if you are a hardworking comedian, you just clean up. I think so. Well, there's a limit to it. It depends what base you're working from. In the same way that I remember people who you can put a lot of effort into revising.

I could have put a lot of effort into revising. I could have put a lot of effort into revising for a physics exam at uni, which I didn't do. I'm saying it's something I didn't know about. Yeah. But I'd still do badly. Despite that amount of effort. I'd be putting in the effort disproportionately

because I wasn't naturally good at it. So I think, I think mostly you're right. I think above a certain level of skill, you're right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So I think mostly you're right. I think above a certain level of skill, you're right. We should also say for the listener that you might be able to hear that Phil is talking with a mustache. I don't know if you can hear this. If you can hear scraping right now, that is the bristle brush of a new mustache.

Yeah. Phil has grown himself a set of mustaches. Yes. The bristle brush of A new moustache Yeah Phil has grown himself a set of moustaches Yes Finally I've got a pair of moustaches dangling Either side of my Phrelum What's this called the little groove under your nose A plicum

A plenum A phrelum I think he wanted to say phrenulum Philtrum Philtrum plenum? A frenulum? Plectrum? I think he wanted to say frenulum, but I think it's a greech. Filtrum! Filtrum. Phil Wang's Filtrum. Filtrum Wangtrum.

Yeah, you've grown a tash. I have a moustache, and it's gone better than I expected. Because it's... Previous years, I've attempted a moustache, grown it a bit and it looks so horrible, it's so upsetting

that I just have to get rid of it straight away but my girlfriend really wanted me to press on with this one and she's team moustache yeah she is but I'm going to have to whip it off for a job later this week

and the mustache nice so i've only got a couple more days of this mustache but it's gone a lot better than expected what it what it turns out i think the secret is completely giving up on the beard because that is when i try to do both at once that's when it looks horrible but if i just focus on the mustache actually comes out okay yes and i think um because then it looks intentional if you've shaved off everything else and when you don't have to lose it for a job i would be excited to see because this is what like three weeks in yeah there about i would be excited to see five weeks in just because that's when uh because the way mustaches grow for any non-mustachioed people

listening um obviously the hairs that are right above your lip are trimmed shorter than the hairs right under your nose uh right i see not always but like that just generally speaking and they can't be the same because they'd be covering your lip. So there is a kind of optimal stage that I have reached sometimes where I've trimmed my mustache in exactly the right way and I've looked at it and I thought, now that's like a badge. That's like a Lego man's mustache. That's what you want.

And there's other times when I can see little gaps or inconsistencies. And I'm slowly learning my own facial strategy. Gosh, it's been all these years and you're still learning. You never stop learning, I guess. You never stop learning. It's like chess or fucking, I guess. You're just always learning. Always learning and imagining new solutions to problems that are also new um i have some hairs on the corners of my mustache or like they they make my mustache go from a nice

chevron fill into a sort of pointy batman symbol if i'm not careful and so i have to snipe individual hairs somehow. Yeah, I had to do that with some hairs that were growing just below the lip line. Yep, yep. Stray bastards, as I call them. Stray bastards. They have some stray bastards.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah. And you were saying earlier, we were speaking about this before we recorded, that it's incredible how a single hair can ruin the whole thing. A single hair just outside the perimeter of the mustache makes you look disheveled. Facial hair is like a prison, Phil. One prisoner escapes and it fucks the whole system.

Just one. Yeah. It's absolutely right. You lose faith in the system. Yeah, that's right. But this has given me newfound faith in my facial hair but i see i would have bet on it because you had dense enough stubble it created a gray you had a gray upper lip stubble style stubble style stubble style you looked like you had a kind of good gray

barney rubble homer simpson Simpson, Fred Flintstone upper lip stubble where it changes the colour of your skin. It doesn't actually, but it gives the optical illusion of two-day. And it starts to look a bit like you could strike an old-fashioned match off it. I've been considering getting my moustache tattooed. Do you know how some ladies get their eyebrows tattooed? Oh, yeah. So it just fills in the blanks.

Yeah, I might just get my entire upper lip just tattooed you know how some ladies get the eyebrows tattooed oh yeah so that you so it just fills in the blanks yeah i might just get my entire upper lip just tattooed black yeah you could do a magic trick where you shave and it just stays and everyone would be amazed oh oh and gradually you just have a sort of green upper lip have a sort of green upper lip oh does black go do black tattoos go green they they can go a bit green it depends on the age of the tattoo and the sun exposure and the type of ink and other things but uh yeah you have to redo it every now and then yeah yeah i saw a lady with old tattooed eyebrows and they had they had blurred a bit. Oh, yeah. I know the look. Yeah.

But there's something kind of classic about the look, I think. I think because so many eyebrows are drawn on anyway, it's sort of always... You'd have to give it a second look to notice or care about it. I'm saying that as a man who is going to notice these things. A lot less, because I'm never really sure what to look for um and there's certain types of plastic surgery that my girlfriend has had to point out to me where i've sort of looked at someone on tv and gone well i don't know some people have faces like that you know and it's it turns out to be surgery but like there are people with fucking weird faces out there there are and i would rather believe someone then look at someone's weird ass face

and say well they've been chopped to bits and it's like no no they were born like that would you ever get work done pierre maybe another couple of balls added around the back the round back away between the shoulder blades yeah back balls balance myself out yin and yang ballast balls emergency reserve balls

would I ever get would I ever get work done I would worry that I would be opening the door to a sort of avalanche of things I say that as someone who used to do a lot of drawing and painting

and I know that once you start fiddling with a drawing you just keep going until you ruin it ah yeah it's true so you go oh I'll just do this okay well yeah that's better You just keep going until you ruin it. Ah, yeah. It's true. So you go, oh, I'll just do this. Okay, well, yeah, that's better. What if I just do... And then before you know it, you look like that weird guy who tried to look like Barbie or whatever it was.

Ooh, who's that? There's some guy. Someone. Donald Trump. Oh. He looks like his child his hair is weird

there's some guy who was famous for like having he got so addicted to plastic surgery that he just turned into this like monster basically horrible horrible horrible I can't bear this this my this is my mouth sounds is people who've fucked up their bodies like that there's a lot of people

on the on the television shows that my girlfriend watches and therefore by extension that i watch there's a lot of people with bum lips terrible big old bum lips i think the lips are so big they look like bum cheeks on the side they look like side bum cheeks they look there's something quite inflated and plastic looking about them if they are very unlucky they get a bit of the the rubber ring like the lip is the same thickness all the way around in a circle like a wallace and gromit i i weirdly even if the someone if someone has surgery and even if it's like not plastic surgery i'm saying like life-saving surgery or or something super necessary like a uh and removing some benign tumor or a mole or even if it's good like it's for a good purpose i still get like a oh god like pain reaction to imagine i have the same yeah i think i just have like a body horror thing

but weirdly i don't get it when it's something to do with organs because you kind of don't feel your organs they're just sort of in there like if an organ is taken out or if surgery's done on an organ yeah i know what you mean i'm glad they got in there and did that for you that sounds good the scar though the scar from where how they got in yeah that's very that's a that's a good observation it is that's your flesh it well i guess we're just naturally superficial beings and we're that's that's a that's a good observation it is that's your flesh it well i guess we're just naturally superficial beings and we're that's that's the thing maybe that's the thing our minds can sort of process is surface level damage it's also just where your nerves are right really

like if you you sort of go well that must have really hurt your arm i've hurt my arm whereas i can't honestly say i remember when i hurt my pancreas here by the way here's um a sort of i don't know what you call this epistemological um philosophical um quandary i've always felt like i i have this feeling where like i find it weird that we don't understand our organs yeah we don't even know what organs we have. So before medicine, before surgery, before we understood what was in the human body, I've always found it strange that an organism cannot know what's in itself.

Do you know what I mean? Like humans don't know what's... I think it's strange that we don't know what's in us. Like most of us think our hearts in the wrong place like our and our stomachs is actually much higher than we think it is yeah i know is there a name for this kind of for this feeling of by biological self-knowledge self-realization but yeah but auto bio consciousness auto bio yeah yeah yeah yeah there's got this has got to be a philosophical uh because there's all sorts of interesting things about like the change in the

perception of humans of themselves when they realize that their thoughts were happening in their brain not their heart and all our language is still heart focused as in like heart sick um you broke my heart etc if someone breaks your heart as it were you don't say that my brain you know although in in malay you say hati which i think is actually liver so all that stuff is connected to the liver instead yes it's different organs and different cultures and even in british english you you can well i mean it's a bit like something someone would say 120 years ago but you could feel liverish ah feeling a bit liverish yeah it's hard in stomach you can get butterflies in your stomach you can you know you can feel like a heavy

is that it is that pit in your stomach yeah stomach and know you can feel like a heavy is that it is that pit in your stomach yeah stomach and heart they're the real feelers of the body they're the emotional ones yeah well i remember being confused when i think it's queen elizabeth the first she's gonna she puts on a bit of armor and it's gonna meet the spanish armada at the coast and she posts she's supposed to say i have the weak and frail body of a woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a man. Ah, yes. Can you stomach it? Well, that's it.

But as a kid, I remember being like, stomach? She's a hot dog eating champion. She just loves eating man food like chicken wings. Yeah, exactly. I found it very, I didn't understand what they would have understood from the word stomach yeah yeah yeah heart i kind of got but yeah stomach i thought it's very old this heart thing like the heart symbol is very old and no one knows where it's from because it's really popping up yeah it just starts popping up it is weird though I don't think I'd get work done

I'm considering waxing my back, Phil Oof 40 year old virgin style Yeah There's a lot to take off Face down, yeah They're going to have to mow you first, I think Well look, I wouldn't say it's

I wouldn't say it's Greek back there No, no But it's Greek back there. No, no. But it's Italian. It's Italian, yeah, which is, you know, we're at least halfway on to Greek with Italian. Yeah, and I think my problem with the hair on my back and shoulders is that it doesn't have a natural symmetry. Right, okay. It doesn't have a pleasing shaping to it whereas my chest hair does it's right your back is just sort of a landscape it's just like a tundra it's um yeah it's a wispy

it's a procedurally generated map on age of empires just random forests and bushes here and there yeah rivers creeks whereas on the front i front, I've got two square hairy tits and a line of hair down my belly. It's like a shape. Yes, there's a symmetry to it. And it fits with the shape of a torso. Whereas no one's like, ah, the classic back,

center parting comb, half hair. It's nothing. It's chaos. I have a little tuft of hair. I'm completely hairless, except for some very strange places. And I have a little tuft of hair on my tailbone. Is that common?

I've got that. But your whole back is hairy, isn't it? How do you distinguish? Not my whole. That's the problem. I'm not talking about your whole, Pierre. No, not my whole. That's a whole separate matter.

But not my whole. Like a chimpanzee. That's the one bit. Just bright and red and puffy and, like, too shiny. Like, really shiny. Really shiny. It like rudolph's nose um no no like i've got a kind of i know what you mean i've got that bit there as well and i had that i'm yeah i'm yanking on it right now and then immediately above it is suddenly less hair

i don't know what's none above it for me still. And then mid-back. What do you think the evolutionary purpose for this little tuft of hair on the top? I think it's for us... We used to have tufts. Yeah, but I think this tuft of hair is for us to be thrown out of bars when we misbehaved, before we invented clothes.

Yeah, the caveman bouncers had to grab onto something to and stay out yeah and then our cave hat got thrown after us our club stone hat yeah stone hat that was in that weird period of human history where we had a fully functioning uh modern economy bars uh uh coins currency social etiquette and so on but still no clothes still no clothes don't even ask where we kept our money yeah don't ask what we used as wallets in the chest hair sort of the coins would would nestle there um yeah yeah i'm considering waxing my back because it's i don't think it's aesthetic oh by the way that's reminding me did you have this prank as um we had this prank as kids

where if your back was facing someone this is like the boys would do to each other i had it done to me a couple of times someone would get their hand like their four fingers like this to make a sort of um spade i guess and they'd run it up your back your ass crack and go credit cut and you had to do it in a Malaysian accent. Credit card! And it had to be a Malaysian accent. Yeah. Did you have that? Well, imagine if I did.

Imagine the coincidence. If on the Isle of Man we had a Malaysian accent credit card joke. Credit card! What did we have? card joke credit card what did we have we had something which i think is a very northern ireland or northern england or i don't know a thing but like no one i've ever met from south of birmingham has heard of it which was in the changing rooms if someone had their back their bare back you just try and do as flat a palm slap as possible on their inevitably extremely pale pasty back yeah so you just crack like a big smack and it would leave a perfect red handprint if you did it right man pranks here in this country is so violent as you do it though

you're supposed to say shout red hand of ulster oh wow red hand of ulster well yeah because the ulster flag is or symbol or whatever has that red hand on it and this this would happen outside of northern ireland what happened on the isle of man but the isle of man had a lot of northern irish people on it and it's not that far away so it might we might have somehow picked that up from Northern Ireland. It did look great, though, when someone did it right. Could you make out the fingers? Oh, yeah.

Wow. I know. Could you make out the fingerprints? Could you figure out who'd done it from the fingerprints? He signed his work. It's a calling card. He's sick. He wants credit. Calling card! that would be a much more edwardian uh i came and you were out calling card there was a brief phase where some people at my

school would do um this is not in the changing room i think it would have been it would have backfired in the changing room but in the social recreation areas would find it funny to um very suddenly uh and frantically this the best way i could describe this is to very suddenly and frantically try to climb inside someone else's ass hey or like pretend you're climbing in there fingers first what was different about it was it wasn't like some kind of sex crime where they were just trying to finger your bum there was like an aspect of kind of leaping into someone's ass wait wait so this was a prank you do to each other well it's just a real a a thing that about three or four guys I knew would do to each other Suddenly and out of nowhere

I mean, you can't get very far No, well, this is why I think they didn't do it when anyone was nude Because they would have gotten further than they actually wanted to They would have been like a dog that caught a car So how would this prank work? Say the victim-to- be is bent over scribbling something and the perpetrator would then just like do the diving hands and jump in and poke the diving hands into the ass uh yeah or even one-handed kind of just trying to get as much of your own body in there as possible through

like hands that's crazy and it would just be do that to this person until they flail you away I suppose. Man. Childhood was hell. Oh it was hell. Another friend of mine we used to go up to someone when no one was looking and stroke his face very slowly and very softly. And then deny having done that.

But then the game became... Gaslighting. Yeah, basically gaslighting. Yeah. But then the game became everyone else had to deny that they thought it was happening, even though sometimes we did see it happening. But it was funnier to say,

I don't know why you keep saying he does this to you. He would never stroke your face slowly. Then all witnesses would have to play along as if this hadn't happened yes and it happened organically which it does when you're a boy and you're 15 is that ways of torturing people you you you have a kind of rat's instinct for it i think rat's instinct yeah right you have the same instinct as rats and another vermin which is go, ah, I immediately understand how much funnier it would be to pretend not to have seen this.

Yeah, man. Those teenage pranks were horrible. The boys' pranks were horrible. They were mainly just imagine if I was suddenly violent. Yeah. In a sort of vaguely homoerotic way it was always it was always homoerotic it's always about sack taps and it's always about yeah getting sack taps were the worst yeah horrible horrible

nipple cripples yeah i think i don't think i think i've got i don't think i've got too many nipple cripples i've got a couple of sack types i would just you just want to vomit you just kind of crazy you just want to curl up and vomit there was one guy in my year who was like a nipple cripple sniper he could just tell where they were it was crazy it was like does he work for the MOD now he just there there

the terrorists are there just the right cave in the mountains of Afghanistan every time yeah he's just got that instinct the nipple cripple strikes again. That would be a good origin story for, like, Jack Reacher. I learned everything I needed to know at my weird school.

Speaking of weird schools and nipples let's listen to some correspondence Let's do it The weirdest nipples in podcasts The Podbuds Correspondence Would you ever get work done, Phil? I don't think so.

I don't think so. I'm so like, I have a real anxiety about keeping things as they are and keeping things in their original state. Like a natural collector exactly exactly for me like getting work done on myself would be like taking me out of the box you know like it's not that you lose all the value you wouldn't be in mint condition anymore is that what you're saying yeah which is counterintuitive because the whole point of work is to keep you in mint conditions as it were but I just can't do it

I think that's fair I think it's more of like an anxiety thing it's an obsessive compulsive thing of everything needs to be natural as it was well we've heard from Tom, Phil.

Tom! The bomb. Yeah, the bomb, Tom. Mi hombre. Tom opens with, Hi, boys. Hi, Tom. I like hi, boys. Hi, boys. I don't think we've had it before.

It's very you who... Have we never had hi, boys, after all these years? I don't think so've had it before. It's very you who... Have we never had iBoys after all these years? I don't think so. Wow. Yeah. Excuse me. He says, I've never had reason to write into the podcast

as I've generally always kept my shit together regarding toilet time. However, after listening to your wonderful pod this morning, I took a lunchtime stroll down the canal. And as soon as I stepped onto the towpath, I saw a canal boat with this name and artwork. So I'm going to show you this on the camera, Phil. Okay. Whoa! Okay, so on the side of a canal boat, the artwork is a caterpillar with its face up and its hand over its eyes as if it's looking for something.

It's holding a cooking spatula in its other hand and the word on the top says, Chongololo. It's a Chongololo. The Chongololo, the huge African centipede, millipede. Yeah, the big African centipede, millipede. Yeah, the big African millipede. Fabulous. And this is in the UK somewhere, this riverboat? I presume so, yes. They've gone for a C-H.

I would always have spelled it with an S, but I've never seen it written down. So maybe it is Jongololo like that. Jongololo. That's a good name for a riverboat. I like that. It's good. Why has he got a spatula?

Well, I think, well, Tom says, this is so peculiar as before listening to Budpod that morning, I hadn't heard of a Chongalolo. Whoa, one of the odds. Yeah, how fucked is that? That's mad. That's crazy. I would have some quite paranoid thoughts

if that happened to me. That you are in the video game? I am in the video game. That you are Truman Show? I hadn't heard of a Chongalolo before Budpod this morning, and there I was staring at a boat named after one. It's stuff like this that makes you think

we're in a simulation, and I am probably the main character yeah i did wonder if the owners were south african but judging by the burger flipper in the cheery insect's hand i assume that either way they are keen on a braai yeah i think that's exactly what it is tom anyway keep on jacking it it's good for your prostate tom yes so i hear thanks tom yeah having a little barbecue on a boat must be lovely it must be nice yeah and you're not gonna burn well i guess you could burn the boat down but it'll be harder yeah whenever i see like ships on fire in like a movie or something i'm like come on guys the water's right there yeah it's funny isn't it

because before pump technology you just have to think like oh right if there's a fire everyone is at best got a bucket on a rope and at worst they're just like i've only got my hand sir like he's oh we have to wait till we sink and then the fire goes out that's fucked i'll then have to get straws out and suck up a bit of water then turn around and blow it up and suck up a bit more water nightmare who's got time for that not me

and they didn't even have bubble tea then so they didn't even have the thick straws yet they'd have to use thin straws we've heard from James, Katie and Rosie James, wow a triple A thruple We've got a thruple

Correspondence piece Correspondence a toi Hmm How modern Dear Redacted and TBC Oh Hi James says this is a lot harder after that guy did that mega list

Yes Mega list of names Things to address us by yeah Yeah a lot of ground cover there quite brutal really I'm in the pub with Rozzy smith the person who brought you together we joy oh fabulous yeah the april the april ad together disgusting horrible horrible horrible she's in prison oh yeah together we joy i saw a really bad one the other day which was something like breakfast future like it's not even trying is that to invest in breakfast these are breakfast

futures yeah yeah yeah people are gonna keep having breakfast in the future i've got a lot of money in breakfast futures right now we think breakfast is going to be pretty big next year actually um she has spotted yet another prime example Of utter tat, see attached Quote Okay so I'll have a look at it It's in the category of tat fill Where it's a long bit of driftwood with loads of writing on it Ah yes

So Here's the format It's the phrase I believe Over and over again Followed by something obviously mad Okay love it So the first line I believe in blank

I believe in Well it's either God or science Neither We're very much in sparkly Hindu brain I believe in love I believe in love. I believe in pink.

Jesus. I was never going to get that. No, no. I believe in pink. I believe in pink. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I do as well.

I think you'd be mad not to. Yeah. I would seem a lot more mentally unwell If I said that I don't believe in pink I've seen it with my own eyes I've seen it Yeah I believe in pink I believe that blank is the best blank burner

What? Blank burner? Blank burner? I believe that rudeness is the best bridge burner that might actually be good that's good advice that's good advice we're in very stereotypical women's territory here

remember this is it's not bra burner, is it? No, no, no. It's an allusion to feminism. No, it's not. When I say stereotypical, I mean like the very worst image of what women should be thinking about. I just...

What do Huns like to burn? Well, they go to a certain type of class to burn it. Oh! Um, chatting, shopping is the best fat burner. Ah, you're so close. I believe that laughter is the best

calorie burner. Ah! I believe that laughter is the best calorie burner. I don't think so. Yeah, not in terms of efficiency. It does burn... Everything burns some calories.

It's probably still interval training. Yeah, it's a good core exercise, I guess, laughing. If you're a big laugher. Imagine having a dessert. Your willpower breaks and you have a dessert and you think, oh God, I'm going to have to be in hysterics for hours tomorrow. After that death by chocolate pudding,

tomorrow I'm just going to spend all day just desperately. Second on the hip. Second on the lips. Forever on the Netflix. Just watching the lips forever on the Netflix just watching just watching stand-up specials

just trying to laugh enough to work off the truth greasy on the knuckles hours of the chuckles a horrible suggestion of how they eat greasy on the knuckles yeah just tacos oozing That's a horrible suggestion of how they eat.

Greasy on the knuckles. Yeah, just tacos oozing. Just fisting food into their mouths. Like they've got hooves. Yeah, all your flesh is wiggling. You better to be giggling. You better get to giggling. What are some other laughter words? If your

seat is buckling, better start chuckling. Seat is buckling is good. That's good. What else is there? Laughing, chuckling. If food ye are scoffing, you must be laughing Like one of those Motters that tells you the difference

Between like an oak and a beech tree or whatever If you're getting Flobbity Better watch some comedy Yeah These are all better If you're a little biggle Yeah. Yeah, these are all better. If you're a little piggle, you need to giggle.

That's good. That's good. Thank you. This next I believe sentence is quite horrible. I believe in blank comma. Blank a lot. I believe in blank comma. Blank a lot. I believe... I'll say it's a verb. I believe in blanking.

Blanking a lot. I believe in kissing. Kissing a lot. Yes! You got it, baby! Yes. Yeah, kissing a lot is threatening. It's horrible because the comma and kissing a lot is

a bit smaller so you go you're reading it and you go oh i believe in kissing kissing a lot oh i believe in, smiling a lot. Oh. Oh. Yeah. I'm trying to imagine why that's upset me, but it has upset me. Yeah, exactly. I believe in laughing.

Laughing a lot. Okay. Okay. At what? It's just a bit too much. Yeah. Yeah. Something a bit off-putting about it.

I believe in being blank when everything seems to be going blank. Woof. I believe in being... In being positive when everything seems to be going downhill. Basically, I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. Oh, okay, okay. Are they rhymes? Are they all rhymes?

No. No, just that one for some reason. Very disconcerting. This is the one that is in the email. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. Very disconcerting. This is the one that is in the email. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. Awful. I believe that tomorrow is another day.

And I believe in miracles. That's the final sentence. Oh, and I believe in miracles. I believe that tomorrow is another day. I not gonna argue with them on that yeah they've so far what they've said is um pink exists um tomorrow is another day people look nice when they look happy yep yep yep fine laughter burns at least some calories yeah hard to hard to disagree with a lot of those planks but they've snuck in an insane medieval belief in the middle there at the end there rather e.g miracles i believe in miracles oh i believe in miracles yeah yeah yeah it's like you've gone into a room and you're going

sandra what sorry what was it again that you believe sandra oh um i believe in the color pink uh tomorrow's another day i like laughing it's good when people are happy yeah that's what i thought great thanks sandra uh just see you tomorrow oh so i believe in miracles huh oh at the end of a really good first date you've been getting on great got a lot in common and just as they're leaving you turn they turn and go, oh, by the way, I believe in miracles. Yeah. I think miracles can happen. He's going, oh, okay.

That's nice. Do you mean... Literally, I believe that things that confound science can happen. I believe in... When I say I believe in miracles, they touch your hand across the dinner table as they say this. Just to clarify, I believe in miracles, they touch your hand across the dinner table as they say this. Just to clarify, I believe in the miraculous.

And they just slowly close their eyes. They close their eyes. And they hold your hand and they say, I believe in things that defy science. And then they suddenly open their eyes. The miraculous. If you will. If you will. I'm not being metaphorical.

And their hand gets really tight. And you just go, ah, ah. Well, here's a miracle, Pierre. I've been on dates like that. Here's a miracle. We've done an episode of Bud Pod. Yeah, that is a miracle. James, Katie been on dates like that here's a miracle we've we've done an episode of bud pod yeah that is a miracle um james katie and rosie sign off by saying quote i believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls imagine someone saying this selection of phrases to

you in a breathless stream of consciousness over a kitchen over a kitchen island at 4 a.m i believe that happy girls are the pretty girls I believe in pink I believe in pink Thank you James, Katie and Rozzy Thank you guys A triplet email Is so nice to receive And it's so nice to get the gang together And workshop an email to us

Oh I should say As opposed to all these terrifying lone wolves we get sending in their manifestos. Individual one person cells. I should say, guys, thank you very much and Koji to all of the pod buds who

came to see my Soho Theatre run over the last two weeks. Over Easter, it was a lot of fun. I enjoyed the Kojis that I got, and I saw some people afterwards, got some photos with some of you guys. It was a real pleasure.

If you've missed my show, if you're based in or near London, and you missed the Soho Theatre run, and you'd like to Koji me in person, which I don't mean wank me off. I mean shouting Koji. I am on at the Bloomsbury Theatre on the 22nd of June. The link is on my website.

It's in my bio, blah, blah, blah. But I would love to see you guys on the 22nd of June. And as I said last week, my book is available to pre-order now. So I would love it if you could do those two things for me. Yes, absolutely. Pierre's got a book out. Well, soon, yes. But now it's time to go to the VIP, what?

Miracle store? What? Kitchen Island? What are we talking about here? The VIP driftwood shop yes of the patreon so we'll see you on friday uh koji and thank you for listening guys bye bye as women our life stages come with unique risk factors, like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke.

Know your risks.