BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 270 - Port Felipe

Episode Date: June 12, 2024

This week the lads dock at the glamourous Port Felipe and welcome 'Producer Felipe' to the BudPod team! P&P also discuss the tories' week from hell, de-colonising the podcast and of course Tat attack! Koji xGo see Pierre at the Bloomsbury! https://www.ucl.ac.uk/event-ticketing/app/?ev=24039Pre-order Pierre's book! https://geni.us/pierrenovelliebook Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian Dairy, it's also refreshingly cheap just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet But part 270 270 who the hell is he? Who is he? Who is he? Who's that guy? We have a third body in the room. We do. And it's not a guest, exactly. It's not a guest. We have a new producer, Felipe.

Not to be confused with Philipe, which is me. Oh, I'm outnumbered by Phillips. It's true. Shit. How about that? I need a Petrov or something on my team. We have a third body in the room, but it is not a problem. It is a boon. It's a boon. Philippe is our new producer because Bud Pod's going pro. We're going pro. And it only took us 270 weeks. We've got 270 week warm up. We've been doing high knees where you get your knees all high and you slap them with your hands.

You've seen that one. Yeah. And then and then that was the first 100 weeks. Yeah. Then we spent the second 100 weeks doing when you kick your heels into your bum cheeks. We did a bit of that. And then we did another 70 weeks doing that sideways running thing. Yeah, yeah.

Run like a crab. Yeah. And while we were doing that, just shaking it out. Just shaking it out. Shaking it out. With our hands, with our wrists, shaking it out. And then now that Felipe is here, there can be a couple of weeks of zip-zap-boing. Then we'll be ready to go pro.

As a team of football and... Football drama students. Footballers playing football. I guess football is improvised. Every game is improvised. They never get credit for that. Yeah. It's all off the top of the dome football. I Would love to watch a really important game at a pub surrounded by football ultras and then just nudge the guy next to me Go, you know, there's making that all up

He's made that up on the spot. This is this is all off the dome. This is he wasn't planning to be there It's unscripted. It's unscripted Like a middle wall fan, the guy had fucking skull tattoo on his head. You know, that's made up. What do you mean? It's made up, isn't it? It's all made up. They haven't planned it. What? Oh no, it's just turned into this huge debate. They've got tactics. No, no, I know. Yeah, when the audience cheers, you're like, are they giving suggestions? I can't hear what suggestions they're making.

Give me a number of goals. Who are you? Two. Okay, two goals. Two goals. We'll work on that. We'll see if we can do something about that. Where are we?

At home! Give me a cheer for an Hawaii fan! Oh, they're so much happier, don't they? No! God. The only thing that could make watching football harder for me. Is if it was also improv. If it was also like cheesy improv. Fucking hell. But yes, Felipe's our producer. We're going pro.

Everything is going to be running a little more smoothly around these parts now that we've fired that last producer, me. Yes, we've outsourced the producing department from inside Pierre. From inside me? Yeah. We used to do it all in house. By house I mean Pierre. By house I mean, I guess my torso.

Inside me there were two wolves. One was a podcaster and one was a podcast producer. And they've been fighting for years. And now the podcaster has won, I guess. Yes. Well, guys, I mean, we should say thank you to producer Pierre for all his years of hard work. Oh, yes, now that he's gone.

There's been, yeah, otherwise it's quite a... Like a drunken captain at the tiller of a ship that has made it into Port Felipe, which sounds like an incredible place to visit. Port Felipe. Oh, this time of year. Forget it. You got to wait till October for it to become affordable. Now it's just filled with the rich Americans. Port Felipe it's somewhere in the Caribbean. Port Felipe. Do you reckon it's expensive? Port Felipe, do you reckon it's expensive port Felipe? I think if you want a winter holiday, but a winter sun, it's pretty good value. It sounds quite Benadorme to me.

No shade on producer Felipe, but it feels a bit Benadorme. I think once you stick port in front of that feels colonial to me because they're having to go, this is a port. And then someone from the mainland of the colony, like Spanish, like in Europe, Spain, would be like, but it's just like some planks off a Caribbean Island. They go, it's a port. This is port for Libia.

You'll see. Oh, I see. Give it a few hundred years and this will be actual. Okay, so your general rule is if something's called port something, it's not a very convincing port. Yeah, yeah, it started out as them having to go, we've decided this is gonna be a fucking port. So let's work on that. Right, because like Rotter very convincing port. Yeah, yeah, it started out as them having to go, we've decided this is going to be a fucking port. So let's work on that.

Right. Because like Rotterdam isn't called Port Rotterdam. You turn up and you're like, this is definitely a port. I'm pretty sure I'm on a port right now. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. The port of Bristol. That's a good point.

That's a good point. I remember the comedian Chris Betts. Canadian comedian. Canadian comedian, very good friend of ours. He had a routine about how some parts of Canada was still so like unpopulated and frontier like that they still had places called Fort. And I, and America has still has some forts as well, which is quite fun. Yeah. So Fort and Port for me are a lot of forts. We're in, we're in colonial territory. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So I reckon Port Philippe.

Well, my hometown, Cota Kinabalu, Kinabalu is the mountain nearby. And Cota, I think it's usually translated as city, but technically it's fort. So I'm from a fort. You're from Fort Kinabalu? I'm from Fort Kinabalu, yeah. Cool.

Also the capital of the Falkland Islands, Port Stanley. Okay. Having to say it's a port. Believe us. Believe you me. There's Port Talbot in Wales. That's true. Yeah. Sorry, Port Talbot. You're an English colony. Yeah. No one really bought that you were port. No. But the English cities have a lot of ports after the Southport, Britport. Port's mouth. Port's mouth. The mouth of the port. Very unimaginative.

Yeah. Where are you from? The mouth of the port. Right, which one? You know which one. The main one. I think Port Philippe is too expensive unless it's in winter because it's filled with very rich people from like Miami. Okay. Yeah. New York. We're going to Port Philippe. Port Philippe is just the most darling place to vacation. Yeah. Yeah. It does sound nice

actually. It sounds so sunny. Yeah. So thank you to, to producer Pierre. He's now retired. Yeah. Lovely holiday home in Port Philippe. He's got a couple of Airbnbs in the town center that he makes a decent living off of. They're flats, they're flats. But if, and as long as you don't mind a 15 minute walk to the ocean, they do very well. Yeah, he says, he says ocean view on the listing. You can just about.

If you poke your head out of the window and look down the street. If you look down the street, just around a bit of... There's a bit of terracotta roof next door that's half obscured. But you can see it. You can see it. I've cleared it. I've cleared it with a website. Yes, so thank you, producer Pierre, for all your hard work. Now on to the glorious future. The glorious future.

What have you been up to, Pierre? Well, last night, I keep having to stop myself from lapsing into Trump voice. I was going to say last night, very sad. I did my last Frank Skinner tour support date. Thank you to any PodBuds who saw me, or to any new fans who are listening, having seen me on tour with Frank. Well, so it's also Frank Tour Support Pierre retirement.

Frank Tour Support Pierre is retiring, maybe in a Rambo sort of way. Okay, he's going into the jungle. He's going into the jungle to chop wood, like Rambo. Because originally he was born in 2019. Ah, yes. And then he has very young really is only five. Yeah. So Frank Skinner to support Pierre has gone into the woods and maybe if Colonel Skinner needs him again, he

might helicopter down into the clearing and yeah, you're a hard man to find and all that. It's a six yearyear-old boy gang I don't do that anymore What do you think you're gonna come out he's gonna sit out here and learn basic maths key stage two for the rest of your life I Would like that as a sketch that's all behind. Child Rambo. Yeah. I'm learning learning long division What a six-year-olds learn they don't learn that I'm learning times tables

Mmm, good stuff. You sit here in the fucking woods learning times tables like some good dead civilian This isn't you. This is the man I trained Yeah, he's gone now. So that was last night. He was in Canterbury and it's been a long old tour. We started in January. So it's just been most of the year. Now I can kick back, relax and desperately focus on selling the my final London show

Bloomsbury 22nd of June. Please come for the love of God. And your book. And my book and write an Edinburgh Friends show. Oh, yes. So I can just kick back and relax. And just do that. I can focus on selling a book, selling out a show on the 22nd of June and writing an entire Friends show.

And then I can relax until I have to take a show on tour. Yes. But then you can relax in the car on the way to the hospital. Hospital. Yeah. After you have a heart attack. A full breakdown. Yes, that's basically been it really. I've been desperately trying to... You and I have a good friend's wedding coming up and I've been trying to get into good shape

for that. Shredding for the wedding. I've been wedding shredding. That's what Finn Taylor described his fitness regime for his own wedding. He said, I'm shredding for the wedding. He did look pretty shredded. You're so really shredded. Yeah. Wedding shredding. That's what I'm doing. Yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm going to be shredding. I today with my, with Philip with an F, go Phillip Phil, Philippine Philip. What a Philippi day. This is getting a bit a fight club.

These are just different Phillips. You're going to wake up one morning and it will be one guy. Yeah, it's all John Malkovich. Philip, Philip, Philip, Philip. But check P.T. Philip. I said casually like, I really need to get in shape for the summer. He said, we can do an intensive program. And I was like, yeah, let's try that.

And then he today said, he basically said there is no try. Either do it or you don't. Which is the harshest he's ever been. He's usually so nice. And he's just like, happy-go-lucky Central European guy. Was like, you have to commit. I was like, okay. But I was doing shoulder presses in the mirror, you know,

and I was looking pretty big, you know. Yeah. I can see you. Because there's no... This is the thing. You and I have got big frames. Big frames, yeah. And if you have a big frame, you can have muscles on that big frame.

Whereas if you have a small frame, you've got to aim for being live. Right. You've got to be like, you've got to be muscly the way that like young Spider-Man is. But strong live guys are always really scary. They're always like the scariest people. The ones that look really skinny and you see them punch a hole in the wall like, ahhhh! Yeah. It's like the Big B strength, you know?

Yeah. From train spotting. Well, their arms are just like twisted up built on. Yes, it's all very compact power. Just compact, dense cable. Whereas I'm like, my muscles are like kebab meat. You know, it's like they can take up volume, but it's just sponge. There's a lot of water in there.

They're sort of, they're strong, but they're strong. Yeah, like a kind of stretch Armstrong way. How much? That's it. I got kebab muscles and they have like jerky muscles. They've got like condensed. If you want to, it would take so long to eat Spider-Man. If you go to these guys and kill them, it would take so much chewing. Yeah.

Just to eat him. Even playing the Spider-Man game, I was playing Spider-Man 2, which is fantastic. And the Spider-Man who, um, in it played by Yuri Lowenthal, who I met at BAFTA Games Awards actually. who in it played by Yuri Lowenthal, who I met at BAFTA Games Awards actually. But the Spider-Man, he's dorky, he's got cute little hair and he's very sweet. It's like, God, I guess I better hurry up if I'm going to get the photography job. But then he's that skinny, he's strong, you know, you can pull your head off. And it makes him really scared. He's me. Like, oh, shucks. Oh, guess your head exploded. Sorry, buddy.

Yeah. He punched you once and your fucking skull burst like a melon. He's got the core strength to flip his feet above his head while hanging from a rope. That's insane core strength. Is that rock climbers strength? Have you watched? Yeah, man. Was it free solo? I went, last time I went bouldering. Yeah. I saw a guy and he was just,

he wasn't even trying to climb the rocks. Yeah. That was beneath him. He just left something up there. Left his phone on the top of the rock. It's just been one big jump. Now he was not interested in the rocks. The rocks were for weekend fuckers like me.

He was on a kind of metal railing with like little holes in and he was doing full body pull-ups with his knees, like his feet on his bum cheeks, like his knees fully up to make his, because like the bar wasn't high enough. Knees on the bum cheeks. You know when someone's hanging from something? But their feet are still on the floor. So they flip their knees all the way back.

So he never touches the floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like his ankles are like on his bum cheeks. He's bent his knees all the way back up. But he's got them locked. That takes strength. And he was doing full body pull-ups on the middle two fingers. This is it.

That's all the serious rock climbers have to do. They have just the middle two fingers. Like he was doing the devil sign while fucking doing a full body pull up. I mean, that's cracked. When I do a push up, I'm like, should I be putting this much weight onto my entire palm? My little wrists? My tiny narrow whole palm? My tiny wrists? I have very narrow wrists. Very delicate hands for a hulking man of my bulk. Piers wearing an adorable little Chanel watch. I need bigger wrists, man, to do those push-ups, because the thing that always hurts is the

fucking wrist bone. Yes, absolutely. There's so much weight being powered through this tiny licky bone. This little fucking chicken drumstick bone. But if you watch Free Solo, this documentary about the guy who does the face of, was it Big Sur? One of these enormous... It's one of the Mac update names. Yeah, it really is. It's in Yellowstone Park.

And it's this incredibly difficult climb. He was climbing the sheer face of no backups for 372 days. And he's doing it without any cables, any harness, anything. He's pretty solo. And like, your entire life rests on the strength of your, like, a single finger. You have to hold on to... Like, the ledge of rock he's climbing, he's pulling himself up on is like a centimeter deep or something. It shouldn't work.

Yeah. It shouldn't work. It's horrible. And then he does the whole climb at the end and then he gets back to his campervan and to calm down he does pull-ups in his campervan. Just to get the anxiety out of himself. After breaking like a world record. I better do some pull-ups. I'm so tired breaking like a world record. I better do some pull ups.

I'm so tired from breaking the world record. Fuck you, man. Do you think if that guy ever gives you a thumbs up, it sounds like when they break the sound barrier. Yeah, Sonic Boom. Because his hands are so strong. He does animate thumbs up. Yeah, little dust swirls and blows away.

It's crazy. But we've got to do some wedding shredding this week. Yes. What else I'm going to do? Yeah. What if there's a competition to lift up a big animal? It's a wedding in the countryside. It is in the countryside.

What if we are expected to perform feats of great strength? Yes. Hurling. Hurling? What's the... Caber great strength. Yes, hurling. Hurling? Caber tossing? Caber tossing. What if we have to toss a caber?

Yeah, there's a caber in the way of the buffet. What if the wedding suddenly becomes Jewish and we have to... We have to lift people up on chairs. That's a big surprise. Everyone comes out and goes, but also this as well. Wow, that's a lot of layers Everyone comes out and goes, but also this as well. You know, why us a lot of layers a lot of layers to this wedding. Yeah, what if that clan chieftain appears? It's in Scotland if we haven't made that clear. What if a clan chieftain appears and says that's a free bar

If you can left this peg And it's a bit it's a big one. Most unpopular pig in Scotland. Most unpopular pig in Scotland. There's so many. Do I recognize you? Yeah, most unpopular pig in Scotland. Yeah, I recognize you from somewhere. Yeah, I'm the most unpopular pig in Scotland. Yeah, could just two lattes please.

He's trying to say it quickly just to get out of the way. He's wearing a baseball cap. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm the most popular pig in Scotland. Could you just two lattes please? There's like a big queue behind him and they're all looking going, oh, is that the most popular pig in Scotland? The pig's got like one trotter up to his face like, I'm fucking... Wait, are you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I've got a train. Can I get a picture? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quick, quick, quick, just quick. Just one. Just one. Just one. Just one. Oh, sorry. My phone. I can't really. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Just give it to me. Give to me. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. And there's like who was like clacking on the, on the screen. So I'm sorry. It doesn't work with it. It doesn't work with hoops. Yeah. No, sorry. I was so take it. Do it. Just press there. So I took a picture of myself. Yeah. It's getting really stressed. really stressed. I was on popular.

I was speaking of unpopular people. Did you see Richie Soonach over the weekend coming back early from D-Day? So funny. The most, I mean, every time you think, okay, they've done all the dumbest things you could possibly do in a general election campaign in a country that is obsessed with World War II. It's a secular religion. Yeah. Or semi-secular.

Yes. I mean, also with the reform breathing down your neck, you're going to come back early from a D-Day celebration. Are you mad? It's incredible. I couldn't believe it. I thought there must have been like a Cobra meeting. We were going to get nuked.

And it was to talk to ITV, which itself went really badly and was only going to be broadcast four days later. Unbelievable, incredible. A completely pointless interview about nothing. He had to spend the whole interview going, I'm not a liar. So I have to leave D-Day early to talk about what a liar I'm not.

It's just so badly. Also like to me. I was listening to talk about what a liar I'm not. It's just so badly. Also, like to me... I was listening to podcasts about this, news podcasts, and they were like, how did it even get to this point? How do you not go into something like that 80th? It's the 80th. It's a round number. Yeah.

How is the whole team around him not going today is a potential fuck up from beginning to end. We have to be so careful about everything. People get annoyed when people lay the wreath in a slightly dorky fucking way and go, oh, it's upside down. And they have to do a little, I'm driving around the corner thing with the wreath

as they lay, that's a problem. Not you fucking off. Also like, it's a photo op. He was like, oh, sorry, I wish I could have all these photos that make me look really prime ministerial with President Biden, the King. Macron. Macron.

Zelensky. Veterans. D-Day veterans. On a day when no one can be rude to me. In a context in which no one can be rude to me. I'm going to go home early to be treated rudely. I'm going to go home early to be called a liar by ITV. So I'm going to leave my own birthday party so that a tram can spit in my face.

I'm going to stop watching Succession to watch a bit of below deck. It's like what? But apparently David Cameron's team were just like, don't do this. Really? Well, because they were like, oh, hey, David Cameron, can you be the prime minister for a bit? He's like, yes, but you must you must do this. And they're like, it's fine.

And then at the same time, Kier Stah team, David Lammy did it. He wangled him like face to face with Zelensky. And when Zelensky released a video of 80th anniversary of D-Day, Kirstama's in it. Rishi Sunak isn't. Yeah, unbelievable. Imagine, imagine handing that to Kirstama. Can you imagine Kirstama watching Rishi Sunak walk away early? Just under his breath going, he's fucking turning, he's fucking turning. There's no fucking going. There's no fucking way. Don't look. Don't look. You might realize how dumb he's being. Yeah. See you mate. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. We'll just people are everyone's leaving. Everyone's leaving pretty soon. I think. No, you know, as incredible. Not many beers left. Yeah. Mind sweeping now. Okay, cheers. Sorry, a bit inappropriate, but... They did do a lot of that. They did have to do a lot of that. Fun fact I learned from reading James Holland's book about Normandy. I picked up the book thinking... Very pient sentence. Yes.

I picked up the book thinking, I don't think you can do any more history about Normandy. Have we not? Oh. Is this well not dry? But there was more history to be done. So much stuff I had never even thought about. The entire channel was mined, but you can't demine the invasion forces path without alerting the Germans to the path. You can't demine all of it either because there's only so many minesweepers. Yes. They did it in the night as they went.

They just went, let's invade France. Do your best to get the mines out of the way while we're on our way to do that. So all the ships set off and in the front were the minesweepers. And all the guys in the Saving Private Ryan boats were behind them. Attached to the bigger boats still. Yeah. Just on the way in. So the minesweepers were like, right, just time to do mine sweeping in the channel as part of the biggest invasion amphibious landing force in human history. You know, in pitch black in the channel as part of the biggest invasion amphibious landing force in human history you know in pitch black in the ocean and just get these massive exploding balls out of the fucking sea in the dark in the dark

you just go horrible what a horrible incredibly important job yeah I get a horrible feeling someone got out of got to the beach and just killed instantly yeah yeah I I get a horrible feeling. And it's someone who got to the beach and just were killed instantly. Yeah, after all that. Yeah. I get a horrible feeling in my stomach whenever I hear about or read about a really horrible, dangerous, difficult job that was completely necessary. Yeah, right. There was no way around it. Yes. Because then sometimes if there was a way around it, you could go,

oh, well, that's a shame they didn't just think you could just go around them or something. Yeah. But when it's completely unavoidable, I just go, oh, no. There's a shame. They didn't just think you could just go around them or something. Yeah. But when it's a completely unavoidable, I just go, Oh no, there's a lot of that in Chernobyl. And if you've seen Chernobyl, Oh yeah. Well, they just go in back into church. Well, we have to go turn that close that door. Yeah. They have to open a valve to know the water, irradiated water. That's it. Yeah. And they just go in and the guy counters just go. So cartoon explode like Bugs Bunny thing. It's so good.

But yeah, he just Rishi Sinek was like, yeah, I think this is done. Incredible. But also like so impressive from David Lammy. I've always liked David Lammy. I think he's like very, you know, he's charismatic, he's a good speaker, but I didn't know he had this fucking Machiavellian edge to him

that he could get an invite for the opposition leader to D-Day. I think it helps to basically be able to say, obviously, he's going to be the prime minister soon. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. And everyone was probably like, yeah, fair enough. Incredible, isn't it?

Did you watch any of the debates? No, I couldn't. I couldn't get access to them at the times. I don't watch the head to head Stammer and Sunak. That one looked really boring. But the seven way one done at the BBC, chaired by Michelle Hussein, who's amazing. I don't know how she managed to keep seven people debating relatively coherently. But all the other parties were just saying, Labour's next government, you're voting for

the opposition now. Like all of them were just saying it, Labour's next government. Interesting thing I read, no one interrupted Farage really. He never really got interrupted in the way that they talked over each other. There wasn't too much interrupting overall really. It was only Labour and Tory. But Farage got a bit of a free thing where if you're Labour, that's smart. Cause everything he says that works, fucks the Tories up even more. Yes. Right. Yeah.

It was a surprise that the Tories weren't... Like they're just so tired now. You can see they just want to go home. Just want to go home. They're like, they look like security guards at 3 AM in a nightclub. Yeah. A nightclub where there are no customers. What are we even guarding? I want to go home, man. The Tories have had to suspend social media campaigning because they don't have the money. What? Because all the donors are like, we're donating money to you for one. So you can lose better. No, I'll give you five million quid so you can spaff it on TikToks.

You can do a TikTok dance about how the economy should be managed without a debt base. It's not, it's pointless. Incredible. I cannot wait for the election night. I won't even have to have caffeine to stay up. I'm a little, yeah, I'm thinking there'll be like, I mean, that's not even, without even talking about Scotland,

Scotland can be a completely different political landscape. And then reform, like I was thinking, feeling reform is going to do pretty well. Unless they just ideally just bisect the Tory vote. Lyle McPherson Did you see Jacob Rees-Mogg being nice to Nigel? Paul Bregman Oh, really? Lyle McPherson Rees-Mogg was like, Farah, she's a natural Tory. I think you do very well in the party. Lyle McPherson But he was basically kind of inviting him to become Tory leader. Yeah, I think Svaled Bravmann is saying similar stuff.

So if he wins in Clacton, becomes an MP, he can just defect. So he's a Tory MP. And he probably will win in Clacton. Nigel Farage, Tory MP is like that moment where Isuldur doesn't throw the ring into the fire. Just, oh no, the power was supposed to destroy the Tories. That moment where Isuldur doesn't throw the ring into the fire. Just oh no, the power was supposed to destroy the Tories. Not become them. Not become them.

Nigel, destroy it! No, just, yeah, it'd be so terrible. You know, the metaphor I thought of was when the green Power Ranger joins the Power Rangers after ages of being a dangerous enemy. He joins the Power Rangers, but in the bad, but the opposite bad version. Did he, did he join the Power Rangers? Cause he went, hang on, my name is the green Power Ranger. Why am I not on the same team?

What was he called before? As the other Power Rangers. Evan, did he become the White Power Ranger after that? Yes. Yeah, but Green Power Ranger was a villain for a while. He was really powerful and then he joined the Power Rangers. Yeah. Well, now the Power Rangers are unstoppable, surely. Come on.

But the Power Rangers were already quite powerful. In this case, it would be like the Power Rangers were all emaciated and had been stabbing each other and themselves for five years. Yeah, the power rangers all had norovirus. Now the green one's joining them. So that's quite scary. It's very hard to tell ever how popular Nigel Farage is in the country. It's not easy, but then it's the thing with the UK system is that you can win an amazing majority with 33% of the vote if it's the right 33%. It's such an odd little game. Yeah, Tory Power Rangers Zordon would just be Thatch's head in that big tube.

Power Rangers. She would talk like that. Just the Power Rangers fighting a load of Argentinians and miners. That's so, that's so great. The idea of the Power Rangers doing all that cutesy, joining things and then like enacting massacres. It's like becoming a big robot and just squishing. And just punching a load of miners into the floor, or rocketing straight through an Argentine battleship.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so that's quite scary. Yeah. If they drop below three figures of MPs, the Tories, and if some of the wackier polls are how it turns out, then they could have fewer seats than the Lib Dems. Yeah, and there might not even be opposition. The thing with the British system, so I've become a Labour MP there.

I still laugh at the fact, because I'd never quite put it together, but when you pointed out how many Labour MPs have speech impediments, it's such an incredible observation. It's probably crazy. I hate it. But have speech impediments, it's such an incredible observation. It drives me crazy. I hate it. But how does that happen? It's such a strange... Because they're all bullied at school. They're in Labour because they were bullied. And they were bullied because they had fucking lists that they'd never sorted out. And instead of fixing the problem, they complain about it, which makes them natural for the Labour left.

It's not fair. It's not fair. Stop bullying, stop hitting me. I'm going to be an MP one day. And then they were. It worked. They were right. Whereas Tories were brought up being taught elocution. Even Starmer, I like Kier Starmer, but even he's got, he's got, I would call it a half-Miller band. Yes, that's it. He's still got that sort of...

Yeah. Blow your nose, Kier, blow your nose! Kier, do you want antihistamine? He's a snotty kid in class. Absolutely ridiculous. He talks a bit like Josh Whitacombe. He does, yeah. That would be a good combo double act. Stahmer and Whitacombe.

Stahmer and Whitacombe. But the... Yes, so if they go below three figure seats and the Lib Dems become the opposition, because in the system we have, there's so little point in voting for like there's so much weight attached to being one of the likely parties to take power. All of that weight could switch from Tories to liberals. Sorry, say that again. So if you're anti-labor, and let's be honest,

half the Tory party could be Lib Dems and half the Lib Dems could be Tories. It's the David Cameron, Nick Clegg love-in. Yes. Because they believe in liberal economics and free movement of goods and people and all the rest of it. So you could get a situation where because the Lib Dems are more powerful, more of the

public are like, there's no point voting for the Tories. I want Labour out of power, so I'm going to switch to the Lib Dem. That's what happened to the Liberal Party. The Liberal Party was last in power 100 years ago, but it was one of the main parties. And because it dropped below, it got wiped out once. It was just dead until the 80s, 90s. And who did they join again? Because the Democrats' party is from another party that...

It was the SDP, I think. Social Democratic Party. I'm not sure. Yeah, they became a liberal Democrats. But then Patty Ashtown was the one who built them up to like get 55 seats. When Blair got the landslide, Lib Dems got 55. Okay, I see. I see. So if that happens again, we could end up in a country where it's like everyone's like,

oh, there's no point voting for anyone other than Labour or Lib Dem. Hmm. Incredible. And then the entire part of the Tory party that likes free movement of goods and people, e.g. the remain bit. Just join Lib Dems. Just become Lib Dems. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Because they don't really like...

And then the right joins reform. The right joins reform and then all the hippies from the Lib Dems that get up sent join the Greens. Right. Yes, yes. Because they go, no, I like the Lib Dems. I wear sandals, legalize weed. And then they all go, no.

And they go join the Greens. And then all of the people from the Lib Dems who want to legalize weed and never let anyone build anything join the Green Party. Yes. Who want to legalize weed and never let anyone build anything, join the Green Party. Yes. Who want to legalize weed and never let anyone build anything. Wow. Gosh. It could reorder the whole thing. It'd be amazing. Oh, man. This is my football. Yeah, it's amazing. This is what I am interested in. I just can't wait. I can't wait for all the data, Phil. There's going to be so much data, all the percentages. It's going to be fucking great. I can't wait for all the tweets that say,

this means that bladidy blue. This number hasn't been around since bladidy blob. And this means that we could, in a way, have three dogs as opposition ministers. We haven't seen a result like this in Upper Crompton since the 67 by-election. When Jeremy Hitler came this close to winning a majority for the Nazi Democrats or whatever. So some mad shit. That's exactly it. I want those mad facts.

Oh, I'm so excited. Okay, listen, as part of becoming more professional, we're not going to completely delete it, but we're going to turn the volume down on the poo. It was not. Yeah, it was kind of... Peace and love. Peace and love. There will be no more shit stories anymore.

Yeah, and... Any shit stories you send in will be trashed. Peace and love. And listen, I know it's part of the soul of the show and... We're still going to have a little dabble. There'll be a peppering. There'll be a shart's worth of... But correspondence wise, you know, we've heard, it feels like we've heard all the Vonnegut

shape stories involving Pooh at this point. You know, we've gone through all the various genres and we've built up a beautiful detailed picture of the world's scatological experiences. To the point where we thank everyone for it. We thank you, but yes, but you're right, to the point where we've started seeing patterns. In the pool of tea leaves. We've all gone almost statistical amount of... In the poo.

In the poo leaves, yeah. Reading the bowl. Yes, yes, yes. Reading skid marks. No. That must exist in some cultures. There must exist some culture. Look at that. You're in trouble. But that's because the skid marks are just like full of blood and metal. And they're just like, you're going to die.

Well, because of the pattern. No, look at it. How did you do that? You're ill, man. So this is your warning guys. I mean, we're always happy to hear from you about pretty much anything you think is interesting that you want us to talk about. But as a guide, things like Tad, coolest, uncool, most authoritarian, thought of the week is how we called it. It's most authoritarian, least authoritarian. Yes. Coolest, uncool, most authoritarian, thought of the week, is that what we called it? It's most authoritarian, least authoritarian, coolest, uncool. Or maybe additions to our opinions we've given on films or politics or culture. Society.

Society, language. Language. History. Social phenomena. Yes, yes. All these sort of things. We've been very interested because when you know, every time y'all do write in on that, it's always absolutely fascinating. It's crazy stories. It is. Yeah. And you all have such cool jobs and life experiences. Yeah, you do. And we want to tap into that rich seam. Yes. That we know is in there. We're going

to slightly wipe the bum of the podcast. We're going to depoo ourselves a little bit. Decolonize. We're decolonizing the podcast. I can't tell you how glad I am that you made that joke. But not me. We're decolonizing. It's really important.

Oh man. Yes, exactly. I'm proud of that one. We're decolonizing the podcast, everybody. Get on board or get left behind. Yeah, do the readings. Do the reading about how, I don't know, not everything has to be about feces. Yeah. I don't know. But we've done good work in our Poo campaign. We've had high single figures, emails from women saying they like toilet human now.

Yes, and it's been argued that is a feminist. But we got an email where is Bud Pod is a feminist text. That's just very funny. That was the subject line. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I quite like those emails because it's like a whole avenue of humor is now open to someone.

They don't have to drive down the Poo Humor highway, but they can take that highway. We have high quality, high class listeners. Speaking of which, the other day in town, I was walking around and I got a Koji from a lady on a jog in central London. No. Yeah. A jogger?

Yeah, we have, our listeners are healthy and they run in city centers. We've got good listeners. They're like an elite Roman legion. Doesn't matter that they're... The Praetorians. Yeah, that's it. They may be outnumbered by barbarians, but they will prevail.

Exactly. That's what I think of them as. God bless you all. I think maybe to mark the beginning of the decolonization of the podcast, maybe our first tatatak for a while. Ooh, love that jingle. Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy.

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I like two things, pals and Prosecco. And I'm all out of pals. One Prosecco, two Prosecco, three Prosecco, floor. If the wife asks, I'm working. Keep calm and keep drinking tea. Tat attack! We've got some tat from Tom. Tom, let's hear about some tat. Nice. Thank you.

That's good. Mes chers frères en meurte. My dear brothers in shit. Okay. The name will stick for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like poo. Like poo. We'll hang around for a bit.

Yeah. But decolonizing takes a lot of work guys. It takes a lot of time, okay? It's about constant vigilance. It's exhausting. I'm literally exhausted. I'm exhausted from having to explain decolonizing. It's not my job to explain decolonizing.

It's not my job to educate you about decolonizing. It's not my job to educate you. It's one of such an offensive kind. Even if it would win me an argument, I would never say it. Never in a million years. It just makes you seem so terrible because up till that point in the conversation, you are trying to tell someone something. So it's your fault that it's got to that point.

And it's saying, that's not the right way to drive that car. Oh, well, how should I do it then? Oh, fuck you actually for asking me that. You interrupted me. I was driving in the way I see you fit. You've explained to me it's not sufficient. Well, I've naturally come to you for some help.

If anything, I'm clearly open to criticism. It's the activist equivalent of if you don't know. If you don't know that I could do nothing for you. Yeah. Right. Okay. Great. Great. Very helpful. Christianity tops out at 14 members. That's not the right God, actually. Who should I be praying to? Oh, really? It's my job. Wow. To preach. Wow. It's not my job to tell you how to find God. Okay.

So anyway, tap from Tom. I recently spotted this interesting example of modern style tat. Oh, I wonder, can it be whispered? Oh, so I probably can whisper post modernist tat. It's not a style. Well, it's a genre of tat we're familiar with. It's the I'm a ferocious girl boss. Okay. Sort of vibe. Watch out for me. Yeah.

At some point I really want to do a deep dive on how much Facebook tat is or Facebook digital tat is to do with being underestimated. And don't underestimate me. We've discussed it, but I've just seen a bunch of it lately. It's just people who are obsessed with the idea they're being underestimated. Yeah. Anyway, that's not this. This is more like, watch out, I'm fierce, you know?

Okay. So I'll describe the image to you. Yep. It is the bottom half of a lady's head. Okay. Yeah. So it's up to like the brow of the nose. Okay.

And like there's just a bit of neck. The bridge of the nose. Yeah. to like the brow of the nose. Okay. And like there's just a bit of neck. The bridge of the nose. Yeah, yeah. The bridge of the nose. And then above that, it's a sort of big scrawbly cloud. Okay. It looks like they're in a cloud from a cartoon. Oh yeah, yeah.

This lady. Yeah. And it's all in black and white and gray. Yep. Except the lips are really big and red. This sounds very ugly. It's pretty ugly stuff. In the half of the image, that's the big cloud. Yep. Is written. Yep. In sort of smudgy letters.

Yep. I'm not a girl. Okay. I'm a blank with blank. The second blank. Yeah. Refers to something about the lady's appearance. Yeah. The first blank refers to something about the lady's appearance. The first blank refers to something about what's going on visually. Wow, okay. I'm not a girl. I'm a goddess with a job. No but that's the right vibe. So the reason I described the image is that both words are vaguely visual.

So the first word, so I'm not a girl, I'm a blank with blank. I'm blank with blank. Yeah, the first word does relate to sort of what's going on in the image. And the second word relates to something about the woman's appearance. It's not cloud, the first word.

It's not cloud. Spirit? No. I'm a Ephemera I'm a mist. I'm a spell. I'm mist cloud Power what fogs not powerful. What's a powerful cloud? It's a good question. What the hell's a powerful cloud? What is a powerful cloud an explosion Loud though it could be thunder cloud

Storm I'm not a girl with boobs Storm with tits. Yeah, is that it? That would be funnier to have than this. You're actually close. It's just less crude than that. Okay, I'm a storm. Remember what I said about how she looks? With lips.

Big red lips. Yeah, yeah. With the mouth. I'm storm with the mouth. lips yeah yeah with the mouth i'm storm with the mouth i'm storm with storm with a mouth i'm a storm with kisses no i'm a kissy storm no i'm a storm with a voice kissy storm was a great uh backup singer i'm storm with words. No, no, no. It's all physical. Gosh. I'm a storm with a tongue. There's no air, is there?

I'm a storm with... Think back to lady things. Lady things? Mouth, lips? Yes. Lipstick? I'm a storm with lipstick? Oh my god. I'm not a girl. I'm a storm with lipstick look that's the image It's very close to what I pictured. Yeah, I'm gonna go girl. I'm a storm with lipstick What does that mean that she's very angry and not loud? Yeah, I guess so and you

You're not safe to have her around a golf course Yeah, yeah, yeah, if if she is, if she's near you, you should not shelter under a tree. You should not be carrying anything metal. Get in the car. Get in the car. If she's near you, get in the car. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yes, I'm not a girl. I'm a storm with lipstick. Hey girl, I'm not a girl. Oh, sorry. You're a woman. No, I'm a storm with lipstick. No, we're the... What? No, it was weird actually. I'm a storm with lipstick. Right.

Okay. So you have some awareness of your... So you're like a lady storm. Why do you feel the need to do that? How do you put lipstick on a cloud? I like your version though. How do you put, that's from Sound of Music, I think. How do you put some lipstick on a cloud? Who would put lipstick upon a cloud? Who would do such a thing? I like your version though. I'm not a girl. I'm a mist with tits. I think that's for someone who you don't really notice. It's for someone who's very shy, very atmospheric. If you're a lady at like a singles night and you're not getting enough attention. What am I, a mist with tits?

People are just not, there's just no one's eyeing you up at all. You're not being approached. Speed dating, no one's even sitting. What am I, a mistletoe? Yeah, that's good. I can imagine Elaine saying that on a sign. Yes, yeah. Yeah, that'd be good.

So and quickly from, this is some more tat from Courtney. Courtney, courting us with your tat. Yeah. Dear PMP, as someone from Texas. My lady. Everything's bigger in Texas. Mayim. Mayim. Thank you for your tat, Mayim. Thank you for sending us this. That's not Texas, That's just Clarice.

As someone from the great state of Texas, I'm used to a constant onslaught of tat. But this piece of work from recent travels to Utah has to be the most aggressive and blunt. I wonder what the world's first anti-murder podcast would think of it. So it's, it's, it'll be a gun related one. Is it? No, not directly. No, I think it's just a cloth or maybe a tote. Okay. I'm really sure what it is. Yeah. Tote bag. Um, it's just two sentences on white, white background. So if one over here, one on the left hand side, one on the right hand side, quite extreme. So one just says, I'm afraid if I give up wine on the left side, yeah. On the right-hand side, quite extreme. So one just says, I'm afraid if I give up wine. Yeah, on the left side, yeah.

On the right-hand side, then it says, I'll have to replace it with blank. God. Turpentine? No. Moonshine? No, it's aggressive. Oh, if I give up wine, I'll have to replace it with murder.

Yeah. Bit of a clue there in the description from Courtney, but that's okay, because we're running out of time. I have to replace it with murder. Also weird for there to be wine based tat in Utah, because Mormons can't drink. Oh, interesting. That's a good point. Not that all of Utah's Mormon, but a lot of it is, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.

That tat just plays into the Mormon's hands. They look at that and say, see? This is what drives you to. This is what people drink. People who drink, this is how they think. They kill. It savages these people. Wow. Well, thank you very much, Courtney and Tom. Thank you. Yeah, thank you both. Really good tat. And thank you all for being pod buds.

And thank you, Felipe, for our first Felipe produced podcast. Welcome to the Dirty, the Church of Dirty Boys and Girls. Deacon Felipe. Deacon Felipe. Padre Felipe. And please guys remember to decolonize the pod. Decolonize the pod. And educate yourselves. Educate yourself, do the reading.

It's not our job to make you blah blah blah. And bring on election day. Bring on election day. For the love of God, come see me on the 22nd of this month at Bloomsbury, please. Oh yes, of course. If you live in London, it's your last chance. Yeah. It's the room we did Bud Pod Live in.

Beautiful room. We did Christmas Bud Pod Live there. Beautiful room. One of the best rooms. One of the best. More and more and more people are saying is people saying this Yes See pretty trance on Friday and the rest of y'all next week. Bye Wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy.

It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet.