BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 278 - EDL-vis

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

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Headlines are, I can finally announce that I have a new Netflix special coming out. It's going to be out on the 3rd of September. I'd really love it if you guys could, on your Netflix account, add my special Wang and their Baby to your alert me list or something like that. I would really appreciate it. Pod Buds. But yes, Wang and their Baby out on the 3rd of September on Netflix. It's Bud Pod 278.

278. Ooh, Caledonian Plate. What have you been eating in Scotland? Caledonian Plate, the new Scottish small plates restaurant. Renowned Malaysian chef Phil Wang. Oh man, that place, that place would be sold out. Yeah, yeah, it's a fancy plate of neeps and deconstructed haggis. Yes, which is- So it's like one piece is just the sheep's intestine. One piece is just barley.

It's quite harrowing, actually. The deconstructed haggis should be a lung, some porridge, a heart, and like some black pepper. You go, oh yeah, that's... hmm. When I see it like this... I have been eating haggis i love haggis and i save i save up i save up my chances to eat haggis for the fringe because it makes the it helps make the fringe feel more meaningful if i don't have haggis or iron brew any other time of year i can find them in london of course but want some stuff. It's like, it's like eating turkey.

It's like eating turkey out of Christmas, you know, you're like, yeah, you can get turkey, you can eat figgy pudding all year round. We're grown adults. We can buy Ferrero Rocher in June if we want to, but we won't because there's something wrong about it. And the same goes for haggis outside of the Edinburgh fringe. Yeah. wrong about it. And the same goes for haggis outside of the Edinburgh fringe. Yeah, we have to. We have to create artificial scarcity to give our lives meaning because our lives are too awesome. Because we live in. We live in a fully modern age, modern country with supply lines. Well done us. So we have

to pretend that haggis is somehow seasonal, like the haggis harvest is in July. And I come up to Edinburgh shortly seasonal like the haggis harvest is in July and I come up to Edinburgh Shortly after all the haggis has been harvested from their various trees Yes, exactly. I've been eating a lot of haggis With the fry up is that you're having a full Scottish breakfast is I haven't had a full Scottish breakfast yet But I have a morning roll No, just my sir You know, you have a morning roll. Oh, what's that?

You don't know the morning roll. Oh, roll as in... Now, this has always been a personal point of contention and chagrin. Actually chagrin more than contention. When I said contention, I meant chagrin. I is that when I moved to this country, people talked about rolls. And I thought, oh, rolls like a wrap, like you roll things in a flat bread. And no, a roll here is just a blob of bread. There's nothing roll about it. There's nothing rolly about it. Why is it called a roll? That's true.

It's a blob. Call it a blob. A sort of a bubble of bread, a ball. It's like a dab. It's a bread dab Call it a blob. A sort of a bubble of bread, a ball. It's like a, it's a bread app, isn't it? They come in apps. They come in packs of apps, bread apps, which is ironic because you eat enough bread, you won't have apps, but the bread. Unless you get the bread and just hide under your jumper.

People can sort of go, oh yeah, I think that guy's in really good shape when they see the lumps. They call that the whole washboard when you have abs, where it's actually just bread rolls. Could I have a baguette and maybe an ab of bread? An ab of ro- thank you, yes. Having a barbecue later. Also- I hate roll. I hate roll. Bap. I prefer b prefer back because a back is the same as a roll, right? Oh, let's not start this. Yeah. Yes. This is like this is how there are 1000 words in England for field. Yeah, oh, it is the field. It's a Dale. Oh, it's a meadow. It's a copse. It's a shut up. It's a field. Where the cops is a grouping of trees, isn't it? It is a small grouping of trees.

A clearing. I think. They couldn't have told you buns because you would have thought Malaysian buns. Yes, filled Chinese buns. I would have thought. So they're saying to you, Phil, it's a roll and you're thinking burrito. And then they go, no, not like that, Phil, a bun. And you're thinking this is no bun.

This is no bun at all. This is a blob. Just say bread. I think just say small bread, small bread, medium bread, large bread. That's all it is. Yes, like wine in a restaurant. I'd have a bread please small, medium or large. Oh large. I'd like a whole loaf. Rolls, baps, those are small bread. What would be medium bread? Loaves, tiger bread, farmhouse. Medium bread would be like a garlic bread or a chia butter, like a...

Or a naan. Or a naan is a medium bread. That's a medium bread, you're right. Okay, okay, so then large breads is the loaves. Sourdough, it's the tiger bread, it's the farmhouse. You ever get yourself a farmhouse, whole grain farmhouse loaf and you think to yourself, I'm a farmer. You want to do that? I'm going to cut this up with some sort of rustic knife.

Yeah, I've got American GIs hiding in some hay out back. Hans Lander's gonna come and intimidate me later. I'd better slice some bread for him. Some of my farmhouse bread. Yeah, I've got one of those bread knives that's been so used over generations that it's a sickle now. It's got a curve in curve from erosion and sharpening. But a morning roll

fill this is important cultural stuff. Okay. It's a flowery, soft, quite wide roll. Okay. And you only really get them consistently in Scotland, you can sometimes buy them in shops in London, but a morning roll is it's powdery, and it's soft, but it's got a strength to it. It doesn't tear apart like the pathetic, cheap barbecue rolls from a mainstream supermarket. It's got character. And you can have for example, as I do some bacon and some haggis on a morning roll, and ketchup and whatever it's a good way to start your

morning. So I've been doing a lot of that. You've been getting this from the local you've been getting this from the local greasy spoon. Sadly, well, I guess it's local. I mean, it's about many, but just been getting it from the weird diner across from my venue. Oh, nice. With the big plastic statue of Elvis very Scottish. Old, the old Presley clan. Maybe it is. I'm not sure actually where Presley is from. Presley? British? Presley. Yeah. Presley sounds like a place up north that's had some

race riots recently. Yes. Oh, don't go down to Presley at the moment. The National Front in Presley. The National Front's burned down all the Greggs in Presley. Oh, OK. Origin. Oh, Anglo-Saxon. I do sometimes do a racist impression of myself. Anglo-Saxon is a variance on Priestley apparently.

Priestley. Oh, variance forms. Priestley, Presley, Presley. Ooh, Presley. So, Anglo-Saxon. Good English lad, Elvis. Good English lad. Good Anglo-Saxon lad.

Proper English bloke. Made a bit of money. He'd be out there. He'd be out there in Rotherham. Yeah, man. Made a bit of money. He'd be out there. He'd be out there in Rotherham. Yeah, man. We're gonna burn down the Greggs, mama. We're taking our country back, mama. We're gonna take back these streets. Take it back. England for the English. Doesn't look English anymore.

It looks like a foreign country, mama. Every day I day I wake up feel like I'm in a foreign country. Yeah, it's a lot of race, race riots going on in the UK right now. Phil. Oh, in England, I should say specifically. Ed Elvis. Of course. Ed Elvis Presley. ED Elvis Presley. That would be such a good fringe show. Look, we had a vote. We voted leave. Now let's get on with it. Every Elvis song

rewritten to be about kind of farageist politics. Yeah. Yeah, it would sell out or be immediately canceled. One or the other. Ed Elvis is a great idea for an Edinburgh Fringe show. Yeah, I probably won't come back to the Fringe to do a straight standup show again. But if I do, it'll be due to do something like Ed Elvis. I will pay I will pay for you to get a Vegas era Elvis suit made where it's the cross of St. George

and rhinestones over and over again. I will pay for that. That'll be sick. That'll be such a sick outfit. He'd look like a crusader or something. He'd look like a rhinestone crusader. Yes. Oh man, Edie Elvis is such a great character.

I get those songs confused all the time. So in my head, I always think like a rhinestone cowboy touched for the very first time I was in that kind of somehow bleeding into Madonna. Yeah. But yes, there've been lots of horrifying riots. Yes. Race, uh, race riots, uh, white Yes, race riots, white English fellas smashing up non-white buildings, basically with very little research being

done beforehand. Yeah, they smashed up a shoe zone. A shoe zone? Yeah, and a Gregg's. Is shoe zone foreign? I don't think so. What exactly is the shoe, the zone in there. Is shoe zone foreign? I don't think so. What exactly is the shoe, the zone in there? Is it foreign soil?

I don't think they smashed it because all those... Can you claim invulnerability, political invulnerability in the shoe zone? The asylum, like Julian Assange is hiding in a big trainer. Julian Assange is trying on different sketches for four years. Footage emerged today of Julian Assange peeking out from behind the tongue of a large trainer. Just there. Little white hair poking out. Yes, we are having, and I hate say it, Pierre, but I'm proven for what right again, extremely orcish riots. England is an

orc country. The UK is an orcish country. And these riots are especially orcish, very orcish behavior. Very orcish look. Very orcish style. Shoes are back on the menu boys, etc. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm always surprised by like, you know, we saw it with when all those hooligans broke into that football match a few years ago. The police do seem to mainly hang back if they think it's going to be too much of an actual scrap.

Yeah, I get, well, they were thinking about what is going to escalate the situation. And sometimes if they engage, that will escalate things and yeah, but they'll kettle students and stuff It does seem to be like the police are saying you better not fuck with peace and quiet in the society Unless you're tougher than us in which case we will hang back and let you burn down shoe zone And then we will very slowly gather enough HD camera evidence and social media. That is the practical reality of it, is that you can kettle students and contain the situation. If you kettle hooligans you won't contain the situation. Here's my authoritarian view. I want riot police who are more up for a scrap than the ones that we

have at the moment. I'd like police who are more up for a scrap than the ones that we have at the moment I'd like to see I'd like to see some real baton action happening. Oh man, and I'm not just saying that because you know, these guys are a Racist thugs all thugs who cause a problem I would like to see smacked on the head with a big wooden stick bring back smack in on the head bring it back big wooden stick. Bring back smacking on the head. Bring it back. What happened? Like 80s was like a boom time for big old smacks on the head. And then smacks on the head went away because of woke probably.

And then now because of 90s work. That's normal smacks on the head. Bring back smacks on the head, bring back horses and smacks on the head. Big old smacks on the head. Do we maybe like they don't have enough horses or something? Well, I don't know. Maybe it's just too expensive to replace a horse that's been eaten by a mob of fascists.

You know, they look so orcish. And if you brought back smacks on the head and horses, it's gonna look like fucking Lord of the Rings or something gonna look like Helm's Deep is gonna look like Gandalf's wackin Ur or a car in the head. Yeah, I we this this podcast is anti murder, but probe smacks on the head is a very nuanced. Yeah, political position our podcast has anti murder pro smacks on the head. Yeah, if you if you're an orcish thug, if you're an orcish thug of any kind,

and you get to the point where you're burning down shoe shops and harassing people, you should get smacked on the head. I believe that. It feels like an uncontroversial thing to say, but there's people out there who don't seem to believe in smacks on the head at all. And I don't understand how they propose to restore order to these lunatics. The current strategy seems to be wait until they're bored of burning down shoe zone, and then use digital evidence to arrest them at home in about two and a half weeks. They get arrested, I guess. But what if you own a ShoeZone? Yes. The turnaround time is not really quick enough if you're on a shoe zone. I was reading an interesting piece in The Times today by, is his name, Assi Roussio, about the riots and about how the UK, the British government for decades now has sort

of been in denial about the existence of basically ethnic tensions in this country. Yes. And I think that denial also plays into occasions like this. We talk about violence on the streets. We talk about they talk about violence in the streets. They talk about thuggishness, you know, and but they never face the reality head on, which is that this is as the the writer sees it, the ethnic British versus everyone else. And until the governments are honest about this, they're never going to face it head on. And so like you say, they wait till the sort of chaos is over and then

quietly prosecute everyone afterwards. But in the meanwhile, people talk about communities getting angry, communities bearing the brunt of violence, because of other communities that have traveled from their communities. So it's all just community tanners. So they just shout, communities, communities. And so when you read the news, you kind of get confused about which community, what community. And then by the end of it, you get kind of bored and confused

and you forget about it, and then they quietly prosecute everyone afterwards. The truth is that really underneath all this is ethnic tensions that have built up over the decades because the UK is a very successful multicultural country. And its success is in part because it doesn't publicly acknowledge the existence of ethnic tension. No, it's just... But when they blow up, they really blow up. And like Brexit, Brexit was kind of a similar phenomenon where people didn't really talk about Europe at all until Farage and co. started to make a big deal out of it in the 20 teens,

maybe a bit earlier. And then people started to go, you know what? Yeah. But the British do need someone to go, you're actually angry about this. And everyone goes, you know what? Yeah. And the British, what the British government does in response is try and revert back to the previous state of affairs where everyone was kind of unaware of their own anger. Yeah. And also, I mean, Britain is the most successful multicultural country on earth. Certainly the most successful big one, you know, not counting like Singapore, say, or Hong Kong. It's kind of like very unusual small scale cases. The most successful multicultural democracy in the world.

Yes, yes. Well, yeah, it would be easier to soothe community tensions by disappearing. People in the middle of the night in a van. Yes, the most successful multicultural democracy on Earth. And from a global point of view, these riots happen very rarely. Well, they happen more commonly in other multicultural societies and post-colonial societies. But that's what I mean. Like in the UK, like whenever one of these riots happens, my instinct as a more globally minded person is to go, oh no, but also as long as it's at this current rate

of about once every, what, 10 years, seven years? Yeah, exactly, yes, yes. Fine, like not fine, but you know, compared to the other optional rates available, all the other riot tariffs you can sign up to globally, which is an ethnic riot every fucking month until someone gets lynched for a crime that someone else made up in a WhatsApp group. Yeah, I'll take I'll take once every seven years.

Thank you. It's not ideal, but it's shockingly rare. And it's not even that consistent, because if we're going to talk community language, the community that's doing all the fascist writing at the moment is a member of the larger community who don't agree that they're in the same community. So a community that, you know... This is another interesting point in this piece I read, was that the main source of disagreement. Yeah, the main source of disagreement for the idea of a British ethnicity are other members of that groups,

other white British people, are the main opponents of the idea that there is a white British ethnicity. Funnily enough, non-white British people are more ready to accept the fact that there is a British ethnic group. But white British ethnic people, as it were, a huge proportion of them don't even accept the existence of such a group.

I mean, I remember growing up thinking it was weird that especially white English people seem determined to say that there was no such thing as them. As themselves, yes. As themselves. They were like, no, no, no. England is just a nation of crazy individuals and the rest of the world has identities. You people have got little flavors and things that we find interesting. But we are kind of all individual mannequins roaming this great big superstore called England.

Yeah. Yeah. And we'll only indirectly admit to kind of national characteristics through Peter Kay's stand-up. And Michael McIntyre's stand-up. If you ask us directly, yeah, but you guys love gravy, right? We'll go, well, not all of us. And then Peter Kay will go, gravy! And everyone will go, wow! And make him a millionaire. So there's got to be something going on here.

Yeah, it's a very interesting dynamic. When people call Britain a racist country, I'm like, have you looked like literally across the channel? I mean, with the least racist country in Europe. Yeah, I'd say so. We're less racist than the Scandinavians. Yeah. And whenever people find a country they say is less racist, it's a country that has like 99.9% one ethnicity and there's like one guy there who's from the Middle East. And like we're all very nice to Belize and Sven. He's the nicest and you go yeah it's not an achievement. It's not an achievement. The UK is an achievement. But every now and then it does boil over into this kind of mad Greg's burning

mob. The Scandinavians do get away with a lot of those loop holes, statistical loopholes. Like they go off, Finland is one of the happiest countries on Earth. It's like, oh, it also has a higher suicide rate. So that doesn't count, does it? There's no sad people left. Scandinavian loophole. Another little tricksy little Nordic. Although Finns won't want to see themselves as Nordic,

there's something else. But the like in Sweden, where everyone in the UK is like, Sweden's great. And you go, you do understand that like a quarter or more of their parliament is a party founded by a former member of the SS like It's not subtle There's pictures of him in the uniform. It's not like a controversial theory. Yeah. Yeah Whereas what we have as we've discussed is like a kind of tweed Clown I think even our tweed clown even our tweed clown doesn't officially endorse the riots Even our Tweed clown doesn't officially endorse the riots. No.

He'll dog whistle endorse them by talking about ignored concerns or whatever. You're talking about Farajah. Yeah. And even he doesn't have the guts or the ability in the society that we live in to go, yeah, smash things up. It's the only way they're going to listen to us. Well, he's also probably, well, he worked in the city. He's probably a bit too litigiously experienced to... Oh, sure.

But also... To out himself, to expose himself. Yes, that's true. But he wouldn't even recommend them, I think, because he understands that most British people would be like, well, now you seem unreasonable, so now we won't vote for you. And I don't think that's the case for a lot of other, I guess we'll use the term community leaders. Farage is a community leader.

Yeah. The tweed community. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the fact of the matter is multiculturalism and successful multiculturalism is messy. And rare. UK is messy. And if things aren't messy, then there probably isn't actual multiculturalism there, i.e. Scandinavia, which the British left like to pretend to itself is the place to look up to. Yeah, and it doesn't count as multiculturalism if you go, no, we've got a very diverse society and an unspoken caste system that keeps all the people who we don't like at the bottom, and it's very stable.

That's not the same Because if if someone from the the the minority groups can't become shall we say the leader of the nation Which is something that you know, we've achieved then it's not successfully multicultural. It's just a kind of very stable suppression system Yes. Yes. Have you seen how old? You have this is almost surprised by they're like in the 50s. He's all kind of tubby white guys in the 50s. Have you seen the video of the guy in? I think it was in Southport the day or two after he gets goes up to the police and like taunts them while everyone else is throwing bottles and stuff. And he gets whacked in the head by a brick and turns around another brick whacks him in the groin

Yeah, yeah, it's mall man getting hit in the groin of the football. That's it. Yeah, it's a racist mall man Do you know how old that guy is no Guess guess from the foot. Do you know? I do know. Okay, from the footage, I would say he's 52? He's 39. Shut up. Yeah, the brick guy. Shut up.

The guy who gets hit. Yeah, everyone on Twitter is like, what is he moisturized with bricks? What the fuck? This guy looks terrible. 39? He's five years older than me. Can you believe that? Look at me right now. Look at me. Yeah, in five years. I'm meant to look like that guy. I thought he was Yeah, I would have guessed 55. Jesus Christ. terrible. He's been very stressed about, I guess, foreigners. And that's made him go

that. That's how you can tell he really is prejudiced. He's so stressed about being surrounded by different people. He's just gone. He's aged as quickly as if he'd picked the wrong fucking Holy Grail. He's just this fucking ancient husk of a man. These guys think they need an ethnostate and what they need is Sarivay. That's what they need. Then the problems would go away. God damn. But a lot of the like the have you seen the pictures of like the proper neo-Nazis like 80s neo-Nazis? Like skinheads. They're skinheads but they're like thematically neo-Nazis. They've got red braces on and like Doc Martens with yellow laces like they're doing all the 1980s era national Frank signaling. Yeah, they're doing all the correct signaling. I mean,

they've got swastikas and big flags and whatever else, but they're all like 50, 60, like they're fucking old, old ass guys. And I don't think they're getting replaced in their ranks really. Yeah, we're young guys in the riots too, but they weren't all done up with the fucking official. Yeah, we're young guys in the riots too, but they weren't all done up with the fucking official. I believe in this gear. Um, yeah, well that's just to do with like millennial gen Z comfort wear. Right. Yeah.

They're going out in drawstring trousers, lounge wear, you know, they want to be comfortable when they're throwing a brick at a police. All the writers in pajamas. Writers in pajamas are coming down the stairsers in pajamas. Firing flares. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Setting off their flares. Setting off their flares.

It is weird to see a riot of people entirely in their pajamas. It's like they're all really sleepy. They're really angry that they've been woken up. That's why they're rioting. Keep it down! Maybe it's to make it look like they've just come out of their homes to riot in the local community. Whereas in fact, they like the Southport riots is like, the majority of them were came in from outside. Yeah, they weren't even from there.

Yeah, they've just they've bused they bust themselves in using, I guess the some of the Reichsmarks left in the kitty, they hired a bus and they but they loved they love busing like that. That's again, that's very 80s. Like, you see interviews with those old football hooligans and they'd be like, Yeah, so our team is in Hamburg playing whatever German team. And I booked a bus and like the hooligans wouldn't watch the game, they'd go and meet the German hooligans at a different place to have their own game. Oh, I know I've seen Green Street hooligans beer

the classic film classic film talking about bayonet coconut That guy's voice it's crazy I assumed he was like Australian or something. But he's from Yorkshire. He's English. But I think it's about time Southern English people had a really bad accent of them done in a movie. Yeah, well, there's a fascinating terrible accent being done by Carl Urban and the boys at the moment. That is bad. It is bad. But you can't you can't stop watching it. You can't stop watching it. Hello, you can't. Sometimes it sort of goes okay. And then it becomes Australian. Then it goes a little bit Kiwi again. And then he's like in a movie where

someone gets possessed, but he's possessed by basically the same guy, but from three countries, like there's not different personalities. It's the same guy. Maybe yeah. Maybe that's the law of the character in the comics. Maybe you don't know the comics enough. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. The character in the character in the comics is born in the sound of the bow bells and they lived in a Christ church for a bit. And then he lived in Sydney and they moved back to East London for when it was 13. That's a show where they do a flashback to his childhood and his childhood bedroom, as

opposed to Aston Villa and West Ham in the same bedroom. It's so confusing. And like him and all the other kids in his flashback to his childhood are dressed like evacuees. And also they have that American thing where they go, Oh, just pop on the kettle for a cup of tea. And it's like a metal kettle on the hob. Because Americans don't have, they don't have plastic, instant, you know, electric kettles. Yeah, they don't have kettles. Crazy, crazy. Yeah. But then like, just don't, you know, tell the props department. How's Aston Villa doing then?

Oh no, no, no, no. It's ridiculous. Maybe that's what the riots are about. That's the Britain the riots want to bring back. That's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dingy. Everyone's wearing a kind of poo colored jumper.

And a flat cap. Flat caps. Every wall in the house is heavily wallpapered with very conflicting designs. Yes, thick wallpaper. Beers still served in mugs and you go out into the yally for a rumble. You have a rumble over a pack of sherbets and a penny. Anyway, speaking of a rumble, let's read some correspondence. Oh yes. We interrupt this episode for a special announcement that isn't an advert. Hello PodBuds! Bud Pod Live is happening on September the 25th at the Leicester Square Theatre.

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It's a good old time. So book your tickets now. Go on the Leicester Square Theatre website to do that. Link in the episode description. Also we are giving away two tickets to Bud Pod Live. All you have to do to enter is to follow Bud Pod Official on Instagram and comment under our most recent reel the phrase I'm going to Bud Pod Live because and then just give us a reason why you're going to Bud Pod Live. We will pick our favorite and we will give you two free tickets to Bud Pod Live on September 25th at Alessa Square Theatre. Just give us a reason. Just give us a reason.

See you there. Letters, emails, emails, phone numbers, 20-decking, your sister will now keep us figured out. Correspondence. We have got some pretty great tat in from Tom. Tom yum soup. Tom's yummy. Tom, I'll just slurp up a bit of Tom. Tom Yum. Oh. So see if you can guess what he's done here just from me trying to pronounce it. Okay? Okay.

Hello, Gnau Llep and Elvoneer Ape. Our name's backwards? Yeah, that's right. It's Hello Pianovelli and Phil Wang backwards. Yes. Well, yeah, Wang backwards is no. Yeah, no, no lip. No lip.

All right, you're no lips and I'm in planes a lot. And I'm an elephant. Eric, which is nothing. Elephant, elephant is kind of elevate, Elevon. I've seen, I swear I've seen the word Elevon somewhere. The kingdom of Elevon. Ah, Elevon Financial Services Company. There you go, Pierre.

That's who I am. Okay. So Tom says, hello, Njaglip and Elevonirip. I've been listening to Bud Pod since day one. Thank you. Wow. A founding father. But I've never written in before.

Just a quick email to say how much I enjoyed Pierre's book. Thank you. I was diagnosed with autism 13 years ago, but I still learn new things about autism from this book. Thank you very much. That's high praise. And I've been recommending it to all the other autistic people I know. Thank you. Thank you. As a special treat, I've attached some images of baffling autism tat. I'm not sure how to react to any of these. So hopefully you can help. Okay,

thank you, Tom. Thank you very much, Tom. This is God. It's one of t-shirts that's sort of trying to scare everyone else. Should I make you whisper this or shall I just describe it? It's Autism Tat. Is it Autism Tat? It's Autism Tat. It's an Autism Tat t-shirt. Yes. Okay.

So the, the, it's a black t-shirt. There's a big hand print on the t-shirt, which is in the sort of rainbow puzzle colors of the nominal autism logo. There's an autism logo? We know there's a gay flag and there's a fucking you know, then they've tried to do that with autism and it's basically a load of rainbow colored puzzle pieces all intersecting and of course it's a puzzle.

Yeah, and that's because autism used to be a real puzzling condition to look into or whatever. So the hand is like made of the puzzle pieces, right? And it's like a big like watch out kind of hey, talk to the hand kind of don't talk to me. Gof talk to the hand. Talk, don't talk to me. I'm autistic. My hand is not talk to my hand, my hand will put up with your boring story. So

there's a big hand and the t shirt says warning. Okay. Warning in big letters. And it's all written in like, you know, military stencil font. Oh, mash. Yes. Mash font. Warning. This autism mom. Wow. Okay. And the word autism is in the rainbow colors of the puzzle. Okay. This autism mom uses her blank on her children. She doesn't have much left for anyone else.

The answer is not pseudocrem. Is autism mom, is that a mother with autism or the mother of autistic children? No, so this is a phenomenon of moms who have autistic kids kind of making it their identity and being very sort of strident online about what that means and about. There's a lot of, you know, people in the autistic community. Where's our riot? Maybe we'll riot if there's a big shoe zone filled with noisy chewers Well, you already know all the bus schedules, so oh

We'll be there on time Individually This autism mom like it'll be like people online be like, I'm an autism mom, which is why I'm recommending these methods for getting your kids ready for school or... Are there autism mom influences? Yes, yes, yes, certainly. And some of them are nice autism moms and some of them are sinister as are all parental influences, either very, very nice or a little unsettling. Yes.

Depending on how you operate. So what do you think it is? This autism mom uses her blank on her children. She doesn't have much left for anyone else. Uses her patience on her children? It's right, it's patience. Ooh, wow. You got it. Yes. So it's a big hand and it says, It's very spacious. Oh, wow.

You got it. Yes. So it's a big hand and it says, warning, this autism mom uses her patience on her children. She doesn't have much left for anyone else. Okay. All right. Autism mom. All right.

Okay. Noted. Um, I'm, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I guess I won't give you this check for a million pounds. It would be too impatient of me to expect you to. I don't think it's a very nice T-shirt. No, none of these T-shirts are nice T-shirts.

No, but like nominally, if you're the autism mom, it's like. It doesn't, isn't this T-shirt just like, I'm going to be rude to you because my children make my life hard because they're disabled. Yeah, all the t-shirts of this genre of this ilk are aimed at the imagined viewer who is always the worst person they've ever encountered with regards to what they're dealing with.

I'm wearing this t-shirt for my enemy. Yeah, I assume my enemy is out there. Yeah, I'm wearing a special t-shirt today so my enemy can read it, who I presume I'll meet. I'll meet my enemy and I want them to read my clothes. So they treat me better even though they're my enemy? I guess that's my plan here. Yes, I don't know if you would ever get a t-shirt with a big hand on it saying, warning, this wheelchair mum uses her patience on her children.

She doesn't have much left for anyone else. You're like, eugh. Okay. Yuck. Yeah, I'm not sure if that's a helpful t-shirt, but thank you, Tom. It has made me laugh a lot. Also, it's not ideal for the children to read that t-shirt, is it? No. No, no, no. Hang on, kids. I'm just going to put on my... the bane of my fucking life t-shirt before we go out to the supermarket.

Just in case my enemies there. Are you going to put on the t-shirt that reminds you, my children, that because of you, my public life is over? Publicly, I'm quite rude and angry, kids, and it's your fault. Read the fucking t-shirt. We're going out to the shops in case my enemy's there. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Coolest Uncool from Fergus. Fergus, service, Your Coolest Uncool. Very nice.

And we've got to read some Scottish correspondence, given that it is the French. Oh, great, yes. From Fergus, who I assume is Scottish. My dearest buds of part. I like that. Very, very noble. Like darling buds of May.

Ah, very beautiful. I write to you with my submission for the coolest uncool thing, beatboxing. Oh, yeah. Every time I see a really good, really like the best beatboxer in the world, I only ever think I'd half like to be able to do that. It's like magic tricks. Yeah. Yeah. What a cool card trick. I don't want to be able to do that. It's like magic tricks. Yeah. Yeah. What a cool card trick.

I don't want to learn how to do that. I admire you, but I don't envy you. That would be a good t-shirt to wear. I admire you, but I don't envy you. Warning. I admire you, but I don't envy you. People in the supermarket would read it and go, oh, thank you. Me.

Good. Good. Yes. Beatboxing like Magic Tricks is one of those things where it's like, wow, you must have practiced loads on your own. Yes. You spent a lot of your time in your bedroom. Yeah, fiddling.

You've watched a lot of YouTube videos as well. Oh, yes. As with many cool, uncool things, it requires a lot of practice and skill and while I appreciate the talent, I find the potential for dribbling and spitting drags it down into uncool territory. Yes. There's also something inherently uncool about anything acapella. No matter how impressive it is, acapella percussion, which is what beatboxing is, acapella singing. I've been in a barbershop quartet.

Beautiful. We were fantastic. Beautiful sound. Wonderful harmonies. These harmonies are amazing. People are saying the best harmonies. They were wonderful harmonies. But there will always be something lame about a bunch of guys singing at their mouths with no guitar.

Yeah. Wearing blazers, gesturing openly with their hands a lot. Starting every song with a... Goodbye, my Coney Island, baby. Farewell, my own true love. Beautiful, beautiful songs, Peter. Yeah, yeah, and singing songs that are never from now. Never. They don't make the songs anymore. I don't know what happened. People don't write barbershop quartet songs anymore. No, maybe that's something we could look into. We can become the only source of modern barbershop quartets.

to. We can become the only source of modern barbershop quartets. But like, four guys going burning down burning burning down a Greg's like all down a line of call harmonizing at the end. Songs about topical affairs, the riots. I would also like to commend you for the new energy that the decolonization has brought to the pod. But I do miss the heady days of, but I do miss the heady days of Phil recoiling at the more poo heavy correspondence. Yes, I do miss your horror, Phil, it was fun. Yeah.

Maybe for live show only, we'll bring back a small amount of colon. As a treat. The audience can have a little poo as a treat. Keep up the good work and for the love of God keep jacking it. Fergus. Thank you, Fergus. Very good of you. Yes, decolonization has given us a new lease of life, a new project to work towards.

It's about, if you're an artist, it's about challenging yourself. It is it's about taking away your tools and seeing what you can build. Yes, yes, yes. We've taken away our bums and our anuses. And we've locked them up and built. Yeah, we've taken off our anuses and penises and we've hidden them under some floorboards in the basement. And when the day comes, perhaps we'll have to go back down there and break open those floorboards. And we pull out a sort of roll of blanket, black blanket, and we lay it down. And someone who we've only just met looks down and goes, what's that?

And we go, old friends. Old friends we never thought we'd see again. And we grab one end of the blanket and we open it and we open the other end and the new acquaintance goes, oh, they're holding their cheeks and it's just bums and penises and balls and bows and jars of whey. And they go, Oh my God, it's you. They say, I've, I've, it's you. I've heard of you. I've heard of the Bud Pod boys. Yeah. And we say, it used to be me as we flick through a passport and stacks of very exotic currency. We hoped we would not need these again. We pick up a bum and we click, we click our bums in place.

And we go click our bums in place and kind of jiggle a bit and they, yep, it still works. Yep, it still works. And also you have to screw the dick on like a silencer. There we go, we're done. God, they're going to be riots because of this now. They're going to be riots because of this podcast. I'm going to burn down a toilet. Anyway, headlines are, Ghostly at the Edinburgh Fringe and buy tickets to Bud Pod

Live 25th September at the Leicester Square Theatre in London. And I can finally announce that I have a new Netflix special coming out. It's going to be out on the 3rd of September called Wang and Their Babies, my second Netflix special coming out. It's gonna be out on the 3rd of September called Wang and Their Babies, my second Netflix special. I'm very excited to be able to announce it. And I'd love for you guys to watch it when it comes out. And also I'd really love it if you guys could, on your Netflix account, I think you can like save it

or add it or like before it comes out, you can add it to a to watch list or something. And it really helps with the old numbers to get to get me up the old Netflix charts there the mysterious Netflix charts so please go on to Netflix if you have Netflix and add my special Wang and their baby to your alert me list or something like that I would really appreciate it. PodBuds. But yes, Wang and the Baby out on the 3rd of September on Netflix. See you everyone. Next time, see you on page Johnson Friday. Bye-bye. Love you. Bye. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet.

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