BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 289 - Gazebo, Gazebo, Gazebo

Episode Date: October 23, 2024

This week the boys discuss Pierre's recent experiences with B&B's while on tour, Margaret Thatcher rolling cigarettes, their aversion to black pudding and some truly horrendous toilet TAT.Don't forget to Prod your Buds to listen to the pod!Follow, like and subscribe!Keep up to date with Pierre - https://www.pierrenovellie.com/Keep to date with Phil - https://www.philwang.co.uk/Koji ! Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Amuch to nam to relax, save who? It's just so perfect. It's like a gift from God. Oh, boy. Oh, so funny. It's Bud Pod 289, you having a great time on Torb. Yes, yes, yes, I'm ill, but I will never betray my fan. Yeah, you got Tortung.

I've got Tortung, I've got- Okay, it's a Tortung. I've got tour tongue. I've got a- Okay, it's a tour tongue. I've got a travel throat. Yeah. I've got a laughter lung. I've got all the touring comedian diseases at once, but today it's Glasgow on the day this comes out and tomorrow it's Edinburgh and on Sunday it's Salford.

Fucking hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm a best man at a wedding in between those two. What? Yeah. What? At a wedding between Scotland and Salford? Yeah. Woof. Are you going straight to the wedding from Scotland? Not straight to, but yes. Yes. Tutting is right. Your recent schedule has been giving me hives. I hate it. It's horrible. You've been reacting to my recent scheduling and touring the way that people react when you tell them about

quite bad knee injuries or surgery. Yeah. Like, oh, whoa. I'm just in a place in my life now where just the idea of waking up is horrible. Or like having to go somewhere or having more than two things to do in a day makes me feel sick. It's not ideal. It's not ideal.

I'm astonished you're here really. I feel lucky that you've come up to this. I feel like I'm taking up too much of your time. Oh, like when you get a chance to talk to like the head of the company. That's it. Yeah. Sir, if I could just have a moment of your time. I feel like when Mark Maron got Barack Obama on his podcast and I'm like, thank you. I won't take up too much of your time. And I have to go to Salford. Mr. President. Now look, Mr. President, why didn't I get on SNL? You're the president. You must have an idea. You must have sources. CIA could interrogate Lord Michaels.

Yes, yes. The evening in Salford is sold out, but the 5pm matinee is not to my knowledge. Wow, you do matinee in Salford? I'm big in Salford, baby. People in Salford love a bit of Pierre. People in Salford love South Africa, early medieval history. Of course. Well, I mean, the name Salford starts with S.A.

Yeah, you're putting the S.A. into Leford. Yeah, right on. Yeah. It's still fun. Are people been getting cogees? Yes, good cogees from people. Thank you for all the podbots who've been coming. It's always a real morale boost to have you in and to see you afterwards.

Nice stuff about the book as well. Lot of budget hotels. Yes. Saving money. Saving money, lot of budget hotels. Yes. Saving money, saving money, Phil, any way I can. Can you fit in those beds? Most of the beds. Sometimes, uh, I, uh, one time I showed up and I was like, Oh, I see why I got this for a good price. Um, it's because it was, um, like half the top of it was a bunk bed.

Okay. So it's a double bed. Yeah. But there's like a bunk bed above it, like a gallery. An empty bunk. Across your bed. So the bunk bed wasn't directly above the bed. Okay.

It was across towards the wall, single bed. But stuck to the wall? All one big piece of the bed. Okay. A big frame like a jungle gym. Right. So I could have slept close to the ceiling in a single bed if I had wished and then rolled and dropped about two meters to the real bed. When you told me earlier how much you were paying for these hotels, like 45 pounds, I went, Oh, wow, what a great deal. I just thought, yeah. Like if someone says that they, um, if someone says they got their car fixed for a tenner,

that's feels dangerous. Yeah. I was like, yeah, I got a steak for a pound. Yeah. You mustn't, you mustn't do that. I stayed in a weird guest house run by just some weird old guy. Oh yeah. I do like the guest houses. They're more interesting, but more fun. Shared bathroom. You are living in someone's house. You're just in someone's house. I was like, I have the ability to lock my door and a sink in the room. Was it bed and breakfast? Was it B&B? Was it quaint? The last thing I want, Phil, the breakfast part of the B&B was no extra money. Lovely.

That's what makes it a B&B. It's not a B or B. It's not a B or B. It's not a bb. It's not a bb. It's a bb. It's a bb. It's a bb.

It's a bb. It's a bb. It's a bb. It's not a bb. It's a bb. That's what the guy said when he opened the door and I said, what? And he went, nevermind. Um, but the last thing I want, Phil, is to be sat in, as you say, a stranger's living room while they spoon me eggs. I first heard you say that as the spoon, my eggs, they spoon my eggs. Like a pirate.

From behind. Like a pirate. Yeah, spoon me eggs. Spoon me eggs. You mean cup my balls? Aye. Spoon me eggs, boy. And you'll be the first mate.

No, what's gonna happen is I'm gonna sit at a table and a very old man with very watery eyes. Yes. Very watery eyes. Constantly moved by something. These old men on the verge of weeping. They're always recounting poetry in their heads. In a big jumper and corduroys, like some sort of eccentric trouser.

Yeah. It's going to make me potentially the maddest breakfast I've ever had. It's going to be very hard for me to be super clear about the no beans thing. There's going to be something a bit more old fashioned on offer too, like black pudding. And I'm also going to have to turn down every now and then I might dabble, but 99% of the time, no. No, I'd like to think of myself as a man who can, who can do a black pudding, but I've given up pretending.

Who am I pretending for? I'd like it. It's weird and grisly and black. You're trying to impress Dracula. Yeah, blood pudding. Look at me. I can eat blood. This tastes like... I'll eat a fried clot. I'll eat a breakfast clot. Make sure there's lard in it or I won't like it. Or do I like with my eggs in the morning? Do you have any clots lying around?

Throw blood, throw blood clots in that pan. This is one of the most disgusting ways you've ever described anything. And it's so great. I'm really revolted by it. Fried clots. It sounds like a Jamaican insult. You fry clod. You fry clod. You fry clod.

What are you talking about? You have breakfast clod. It's mainly fat as well. Of course. It's an English breakfast. Yeah. It has to be salty fat, hot, salty fat, hot, salty fat. Whereas if I, if I said like, no, no, just like two eggs and two pieces of toast is,

you know, just. Oh, that sounds so dry. Yeah. The yolks are going to be running. What do you want to really wet that situation up? Yeah. It's a big old ladle of his majesty's beans. Red and sweet and gloopy. No! I'd rather have the clots. I'd rather have a ladle of clot. Clot ladle. Disgusting. Yeah. And then just watching this ancient man kind of open a tin of beans that I don't

even want, but he has to open them and microwave them because whatever fucking weird German motorcyclist who was in the room next to me wants them. Yeah. Because he's, because the Germans get good food. They understand what good eating is. He would want the blood sausage. They get good food.

They love that. Blutwurst. Oh yeah. I think he was German because I left the shared bathroom and this weird little man was there waiting. This little guy in sort of. And that was enough for you to go German. You're German, aren't you?

Well, you're small and you're weird. Either he was German or it was another case, and there's been a few of these Phil, of me looking incredibly German. Ah! Because as I left the bathroom, I went, oh, and he pointed and said, is klar? But not in a very German accent. So maybe I look so German that he was asking if the bathroom was free in German Because he looked at me and he went

Did you greet him the way you sounded just then? I just said we get to see it. What's wrong with that? And you'd be forgiven for assuming I was I think I said I Think I said hi, but maybe I said hello with an A. Ah, hello. Hello. Oh, hello. Well, that's very inclusive of this small strange man.

This small strange man. To speak your language. Who? And I don't want to, you know, it's very thin walls. He wasn't doing anything wrong, but man, this guy, he loves staying in his tiny crap room and watching game shows. Yeah, that's going to be a preserve of the B and Bs. This guy has gone on holiday to watch The Chase

at deafening volume. And every now and then leave weird voice messages in English to someone in an accent I cannot place. Wow, okay. Are they voice messages saying, it's just not the same in Germany? You put on The Chase there's just not the same in Germany? You put on the chase there and sure it's the same show, but it's dubbed and they've done something to the aspect

ratio. I can't really enjoy the chase if I'm not in a room with a sink and a bed. It has to be both. I need to be lying in bed, but near a tap. And there have to be some very thin curtains. And I want to be some very thin curtains. And I want to compete for the toilet. Make me wait, tease me. When will I get to pee? It's up to someone else.

My favorite part of bed and breakfast is the communal seating area. They always show you to when you first and up and they go, and this is where you can come down and sit. And I was going, Oh, very good. Yes. I pretend I might. Yeah. I might come down and sit here one day. Yeah. Maybe one day I'll come down here to talk to the Colonel or to the Vicar or who else is here? It's a perfect place to sit when you hear a scream from upstairs and everyone has to rush up. Yeah. drop my book. Yes. And say, good heavens. That's what this room is for.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But in the age post, like newspapers, is that just where people go and look at their phones together? Yeah, I guess. Or it's got better chairs than the rooms. It's the most retirement home coded room outside of a retirement home I've ever been in. Yes, yes. The B&B sitting area.

Yeah, definitely. And it's, whenever they say this is the sitting room, the shared sitting space to me, and I do what you do, I go, ah, as if in my little itinerary, I had sit near a mad pensioner in my diary scheduled. And I was like, trying to find a way to get this achieved. Yeah. They say this is the sitting room and you go, Oh, excellent. I was going to bring out your checklist and you go, I was going to ask. Great. I was hoping there was a place where I could sit in the kind of silence where I can hear a clock, a very old clock. Thank you for this. Um, but I, I always, yeah, I respond in the

same way when, when people say, you know, um, and there's a loyalty card scheme at this hotel. I'm not fucking giving you my phone number so you can sell it to fucking knows who. Would you like to be a friend of the best Western here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A best Western friend? Would you like to be a cowboy of the best Western hotel? We're real straight shooters when it comes to temporary discount codes.

Oh man, excuse me. Man, you're sounding- Yeah, it's sounding pretty funny. It's lending real gravitas to some of my jokes though. Yeah, gosh. Yeah. It's like going to see Linda Cohen to stand up What a bleak show

We do well at the fringe. There'll be enough poetic bleakness to it people have you heard about this secret chord? David played it, right? David's all over the place. So this is this guy David. This is this guy David. Oh my God. This is like the episode that you do before I get drowned in the sea or something. Yeah.

Drowned in the sea. Yeah. I just walk into the ocean. All right. I thought you were's cause they die of natural causes at sea. Bud pod live from the death bed. Yeah. That's the goal of every podcaster to last that long that you have to do a final episode on one or ideally both of your death beds. Maybe if your last words were like and subscribe, it must have happened. Some YouTube pranks. The stunt man must have said like and

subscribe and then leapt in front of a speeding train. Misjudged prank. Without a doubt. There was that lady who shot her husband. I think it was that way around. What? How dare she? When? Why? What's happened? Why? As a prank to shoot her? It was like, he was gonna hold up enough phone books that the bullet wouldn't. Oh for God's sake. It was like a stunt thing. They had some YouTube channel

and she just fucking shot him, obviously. God damn it. Yeah. What caliber? It must have been a pretty. Well, I mean, it matters, doesn't it? She was a very low caliber stunt woman. Yeah, yeah, sounds like it.

Because she killed her husband. But they both stunt people, like professional stunt people. Well, YouTube made them money, so they were professional, but they weren't like trained fucking, you know, they were just two dipshits. I don't know, very terrible. It must have been a pretty beefy caliber though. Yeah, together. Unless it was just one phone book.

Then it was just obvious. We'll work our way up. Yeah. Until we find it. If you get shot with one photo book and we won't do it again. Good idea. Good idea. Yeah. The, um, the budget hotel offers are the baths.

I'm so small and they're in a pod. A pod. Yeah. So the room is made of like brick or whatever. It's like a hotel room in the corner bit where there's a bathroom. It's a different room. It's like a single piece. It's like a big plastic, like alien landing pod. It's like

it's come from planet toilet. Well, I think those are still, those are still from Japan. I think Japan have these sort of all in one single molded toilet units with the bathroom, toilet and the sink all usually very cleverly arranged. Yeah. Sometimes you can have a shower while you're shitting. Yes! The dream. The ultimate cleanest poo in the world. Yeah, yeah. The two signs of the 21st century.

Yeah. This one wasn't quite like that, but it was still a big molded kind of toilet chamber, not as opposed to a room. And the bath was like... If I wanted to bathe most of my bum cheeks in the bottom of my feet and nuts. Right, yeah. This was the bath for me.

Make a little bum tea. Well, it was designed for Japanese people, Pierre. This was a bath of a Japanese... I'm not surprised you can fit in it. It looked like a bathing scene that they'd cut from Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter, where Hagrid or one of the giants has to use the hobbit's toilet or something. Well, for time we're going to, it'll be in the extended edition. Hagrid taking a bath or one of the ants having to fucking wash his hands.

That was my favorite extended DVD extra on Harry Potter was Hagrid takes a bath. Hagrid's bath. Yeah. And it's just a single shot, just- 17 hours. And it's just slow with ambient music, and it's Hagrid slowly taking his clothes off and getting in, one locked off shot, just one camera.

It's like CCTV. Yeah. It's like when you put on the fireplace on the TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just for relaxing too. Hagrid just bathes himself very slowly for hours. If you get Netflix, and he's frowning the whole time. It's not sexy. He's got a job to do. Yeah. He's tired. He's a groundskeeper.

He starts off very angry, but gradually over the hours as he gets cleaner, you notice him to get a bit happier and a bit lighter. Everyone online is competing. Like, can you watch it for long enough? You get to see the bit where he combs his beard. Yeah. yeah. People are doing, people are road dogging. Yeah, yeah. Hagrid's bath. Hagrid's bath. If you get Netflix premium, that's what you get.

You get the fireplace, you get that snowy train. Is there a snowy train? Yeah, there's a camera on the front of a train in a snowy country. Yes, there is. It goes all the way around. Hagrid's bath. Yep. So those two everyone gets. the way around. Hagrid's bath. Yep.

So those two everyone gets. Yeah. Premium, Hagrid's bath. Yeah. As an AI generated Margaret Thatcher rolling fags. Oh, great. Yes. It's generated by AI, but it looks great. Yeah, it looks really good.

It's Margaret Thatcher fully done up. Yeah. Like when she's in parliament. Blue suit, skirt, hair up, big hair, pearly rings, big necklace, handbag. But she's visibly at a sort of house party at a student house. And she's using the little kitchen coffee table to roll over on fags because no one else can roll. And it's very soothing. She does it very slowly. When she finishes a fag, is she giving it away off camera? Yes, off camera. Yeah. She's handing it off.

A hand with sort of festival wristbands on. But it's always there from a different angle. It's like the DVD thing bouncing around the screen. You know, it's like the DVD logo. People wait for it to hit the corner, but it never does. Yeah. People are always waiting for a hand to come from a particular angle. Right. Yeah. It's always, you know, there's a pattern. Yeah. Does that sound very relaxing? It does sound nice. Maggie Thatcher rolling fags. Yeah. And then the only audio is, you know, Tibetan singing balls. It's just that sound. And then every now and then you

hear her faintly going, you can't roll either. Can no one at this party roll? And then she rolls another one. It's 12 hours, 51 minutes runtime. It's very Christmassy. It's very there's that there's the plain version. There's a version where she's got a Santa hat. Yeah, nice. Now I use a Netflix fireplace and the Christmas fireplace. Yeah. But there, and it's an hour long. It's not good enough. Not nearly good enough because at the end of the hour, the wood's not burnt up here. The fire is just got going. Yeah. Why are they cutting it off at an hour? Just make it, if they built a big enough one,

it should be able to be on screen for three hours, but unless they- But it's still going at an hour. They must just want the perfect loop though. But no, but, well, I'd be on board with that. But when it ends, it restarts and it's a fade in and there's credits. No.

Netflix's fireplace has credits. The credits is a psychotic move. Logs laid by Jimmy, Donald, like no, it's- There are credits. It's pathetic to have credits. At the very most, they should have the names of the people involved flash from a piece of paper on the camera and then thrown into the fire.

Yeah, at the start. Yeah, yeah. Or written in the log. Yeah, have the credits as they're the starters. They're what start the fire. Have the credits as the names on the fucking stockings hung above the fireplace. Of course, lovely. In the Christmas edition, sure.

Yeah. And then beyond that, leave us alone. Fading in an hour is mental for something that you've looped. Crazy. Absolutely insane. If there's gonna be credits, it should be from the start of the fire to the end when it dies down. If it's good, word in three or four hours. But you know, I wouldn't mind someone throwing in a new log from time to time. I'm not picky. I've got a fireplace on my television. I'm not picky.

I'm clearly not in it for the realism. Necessarily, or I'd have a fire. Yeah, big clonk as a new log is added. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lovely. Way better. Lovely stuff. It's like, um, I don't understand people who, I'm something of a connoisseur of the rain sounds album. So, Oh yeah. I love little rain sounds. And they've got to be edited well so that they fade in and out. And, you know, you can't go from track to track where it's like to be edited well so that they fade in and out and you know, you can't go from track to track where it's like, pitter-patter, pitter-patter. And then suddenly just, it would defeat the purpose.

You know, your iPhone has built in rain sounds and ocean sounds. Yeah. Where you go into the the, is it an accessibility? There's stuff for your ears. And in there, they have background sounds. You got rain, you got ocean, you got white noise, you got brown noise. Yeah, for shitting. For pooping too. It's all in there. And you can add it to your lock screen and you just turn it on and off. That's crazy. Pretty good. And it doesn't fuck up your Spotify algorithm. So at the end of the year, he just goes, so you are a fan of the rainforest. I had that in my rap. This album really got you going this year. And it's just the sound of the sea.

I've got that bit about how I fucked up my Spotify rap with the classical music album I used to write the book with. Just, you love Bach. I don't really, I don't even really know who he is. He's German. I did not know that. But I don't understand. Also your MacBook is all in there. That's crazy. Yeah. I found a rain sounds album that also had like bird sounds that I didn't get. Maybe that the lovely rain me see. Okay, we got the iPhone here. The iPhone one. So here I got a little.

Lovely rain and then it's like. Ah! It's good, wow, I'm, now it. Isn't that lovely? Oh, there's birds in this. Don't like it. You don't like the birds? It's not for sleeping.

I can't, I don't think I could sleep with birds. What kind of fucking rainforest Singapore shit is there where it's raining like that and birds are still out singing? Yeah, that happens. Well, I grew up with that. I know but that's I I don't want that You want silent English rain I want I want rain

I want the kind of rain sounds that are happening outside when there's one of those bits in the movie where Jason Bourne is in a cabin Mm-hmm. Yeah, he's trying to get away from it all. Oh, you want samurai reign. Yes, I know. You want samurai pensive reign. That's right. I want to sit cross-legged and contemplate the changes in my uncle or whatever the fuck it is in that game. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because of Tsushima. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to sit cross-legged under a gazebo thing, contemplate the changes in my uncle. What language do you think gazebo is from? I've always wondered. Gazebo. Gazebo.

Gazebo. Italian? Gazebo. Gazebo. Japanese? Gazebo. Gazebo. What else could it be?

Is it one of those Hindi words that is from like veranda? Veranda, pajamas. Because veranda and pajamas feel pretty gazebo-y to me. I'd wear pajamas in the gazebo. There not many Zs though are there in like words from India? It's true, it's not spelled right for that. Latin? It can't be Latin. That just means Italian, they're cheating.

Gazebo country of origin. Yeah. Gazebo is of origin. Yeah. Gazebo is originated in Egypt. That's not what I'm asking. I'm not asking who invented a roof. Anyone can invent a roof with sticks. I'm asking what's the word. God damn it.

Gazebo. Oh. Yes. Meant to be a combination of the English word gaze and a Latin suffix. Ebo? No. What's Ebo? Gaze roof. Ebo, which means I shall. I shall gaze. Gaze I shall. That's what a gazebo means. I shall gaze. But then it should be a gazebo. A gazebo. I'm off for a little gazebo. I'm off for a little gazebo. It's like gaze-y poo. I'm off for a little gazebo.

In the garden. It's after lunch. I feel a bit sluggish. I'm off for a gazebo. What? The gazebo. I don't believe that etymology at all. I'm going to have to ask my new radio friend, Suzy Dent. Get Dent on this. Yes.

Dent weren't put up with that kind of charming gibberish if it's not true. Gazebo. I'm going to have to ask Susie about this. It just, it can't be there. Gazebo. It was a Japanese aspect to it. Although I don't want to add to, do you reckon Susie Dent just gets lots of people texting going, Hey, I'm just telling a friend. What's, what does paint come to the word paint? Is it related to pain?

Okay. Bye. I don't know. Just add to that. She's like a doctor. Yeah. Right. Everyone wants to look at her to look at their rash.

Exactly. Yeah. Where's this word from? I'm a bit worried about this word. Do you know where it's from? Yeah. I'll just show you. I'll just show you. Yeah. Gazebo. I will gaze. I guess you will cause there's no fucking window walls. You'll have to gaze. Might choose that name for that. Yeah. I don't buy it. I don't buy it. I'm very skeptical of that.

Yeah. Why are we talking about gazebos? Samurai rain. Oh, samurai rain. Rain sounds. You know, Phil, a gazebo would be a good place to sit. Don't do that. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Céline Dion. My dream? To be an international star.

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I have SleepRain from a different app where you can mix your own ambient sounds. So you can go to rain and you can add- DJ snooze time. DJ sleeps, yes. DJ sleeps. It's DJ DJ sleeps. DJ sleeps. All DJs. DJ snores in the house. You can mix, you can, so you start with a base of rain

and you can add thunder. You can add crickets. You can add ambient music if you want. And then you get the mixing desk. You can adjust how loud each one is. There are two sort of timbres of rain. There's like light rain and heavy rain. So you can mix those two up.

So I've got like light rain mixed with a bit of heavy rain with some thunder. Delicious. Really nice for sleeping actually, a bit of thunder. Yeah, thunder is great for that. Yeah. How much bass, you've got a big fucking bass hunter speaker under your bed so the thunder's like incredible.

You can really feel the thunder. like, yeah, I wish there were more thunderstorms. Hey, might be triggering for Felipe. That's true. It was in the storm recently. Felipe was in the eye of the hurricane at one point of it wasn't Milton was it was the preceding one. Helen, Helen, Helen, Helen, with an Helen. Helen. Helen with a knee. Felipe was trapped in the eye of Helen. Yeah. So let's not. You see, if the watch is a wall of geckos and chickens swirled around him. But he's still, he's still even from a distance, he marshaled the forces necessary for, but put life to it. It's incredible his incredible things he can achieve.

It was incredible. Amazing. He was this guy in the eye of a storm in a hurricane hurricane, beautiful hurricane, huge hurricane very windy. They say they say hurricanes are less windy now. Have you seen this clip of him rambling about wind? No, he says wind, ugly wind. Wind is no good.

I don't like the wind. He's just going on and on about the wind. He always gets distracted by how much he hates wind farms. Yeah. And then he starts going on about how like the wind is bad and this. You might say to your wife, honey, I'd like to see the president on TV tonight. Well, we can't do it. There's no wind. Maybe another time. Maybe we'll watch the president another time.

Well, you're saying that because if we rely on wind turbines, if there's no wind, you can't watch the president on TV at the evening. That's awesome. Because your wife wants to, and you have to disappoint your wife who's asking for permission. It's such a shame. It's such a shame. He's evil because he's awesome. It's such a shame he's evil because he's awesome. I finally saw a sentiment I've had for ages replicated to much success on Twitter, which is if you weren't evil, Trump would be a queer icon. Yes, he'd be the gayest president ever. Yeah.

There was that picture of him really campy sipping from a little Coke. Yeah, but he's a drag queen. He's a drag queen. He's a queer icon. He almost made it in the middle of Biden's presidency because people have kind of forgotten that he tried to be president and were too far away from the next election. But now it's not so fun anymore. If he loses this election and doesn't run again, he'll be a queer icon in two years

tops. If he's smart. This is my promise. I think it's right. I got interviewed by a nice lady who was doing a master's on humor. Oh, yeah. She was doing a sort of master's thesis on I think it was actually on autism in stand up.

All Professor Giggles is having another crack at it. Professor Allison special interest giggles. Bozo the gown. That's good stuff. That's good stuff. When all the clowns graduate, only one car pulls up, whole year gets out. Back in the lab for old Bozo. Let's see if he can figure this thing out.

How are they going to know that honks more than ever before? And she, one of the questions she asked me was like, do you think comedy is like powerful or has an effect? Like on the world, like a change? Yeah. Like, is it a force for something? Is it a force for good or change or that? And I said, well, satire has an effect but like, comedy being powerful doesn't make it like stand up and comedy being

powerful doesn't make it good. It just makes it powerful. Hmm. Like Trump, I said to him, I said to Trump's really funny. Yeah, that's dangerous. Yeah. His funniness makes him dangerous. But he's got like, bullying is often funny. It is. I can... His nicknames are funny. I can look back at some of the times where I didn't enjoy it at the time because I was like 13 or whatever, someone said something bullying to me and I look back and go, hey, that's funny.

Look... That was pretty good. Calling COVID Kung Flu is funny. No one can ever take that away from me. And that's coming from me. It's a good joke. It's a good joke. It's a good joke. Kung Flu is a great joke. It's nothing in favor of the machine to say the machine works well. And jokes are machines. Yeah.

It's just true. And I could hear, if I may be so bold, Philipp, I could hear from the relief in her voice that I was the first, one of the first people she'd talked to who hadn't rambled on about the jester's job to tell the truth to the king. Whispering in the pharaoh's ear. Or that wank. Comedy can change the world. Yeah, for the worse maybe. Let's see guys.

It's not inherently good because you like it. The most sort of outspoken satire preceded the worst period of global politics in the modern history. I mean, right before, in the lead up to Brexit and Trump and all that, is, you know, John Stewart and... Walter Wall. ... John Oliver and Walter Wall, sort of high status, you know, high compassion leftist satire on TV, hugely popular, widely watched, and then the worst political time of our lives quickly followed it. I don't think it makes any change. And I read quite a good article by a while ago that even satire that makes

fun of a person's politics, if that person watches it, the politics don't change. They will just watch it from their perspective and go, huh, yeah, they are like that. These guys are like that. They would complain about this aspect of my belief. The only time it works is when it's something that is to do with humorlessness or something that the people are trying to conceal. Like if Trump took himself really seriously in a non-funny way, he'd fall to bits, I think. People would be like, he's not a laugh. Whereas he's like, yeah, well, maybe. And then he just says, you're a fat bitch. Yeah. And they just cheer. Yeah, man. He's got it. He's got something. Speaking of the worst political times of our lives.

Speaking of evil, but charismatic despots. It's time for some correspondence. Yes. It's wine o'clock somewhere. Give me the coffee and no one gets hurt. Bless this mess. I like two things, pals and prosecco. And I'm all out of pals. One prosecco, two prosecco, three prosecco, floor. If the wife asks, I'm working. Keep calm and keep drinking tea. Cat attack! Phil, it's Trafalgar Day. What are you going to do to celebrate?

Today's Trafalgar Day? Ah, it always comes around and I'm prepared. You there, boy, what military naval engagement is this? Why sir, it's Trafalgar Day! Oh good, they're not too late, wonderful boy, brilliant, clever boy! Go to the shop and bring me the biggest cannon in the window. The one as big as me, sir? That's the one, my brilliant boy. God, he's so clever, boy. You're so clever. Why don't you really go overboard complimenting that boy?

Yeah, the boy was like, ugh. I'm not that clever, sir. Never been to school. Oh, you brilliant boy. You brilliant boy. Self-awareness is the ultimate intelligence, brilliant boy. Brilliant tumble boy. He'd walk away like, I'm not bringing a turkey to that old perv. Not going in that fucking nun's house. That's right, boy. The cannon is as big as you and we'll fire you at the French embassy. Splat. So it's an email from Kayla. Kayla. WhatADHLA. Because it's Irish. Wow. And there's no K in Irish. Kayla, how

do you say your name? That's good. That's good. They can't have special K in Ireland. You have to have special C. From Kayla. Dear Pierre and Phil, it seems very basic. However, I've swapped the P's around. Oh. So actually I'm very clever. Oh, very neat. I did notice there's something a bit different. Very good. Recently I popped into a pub that on all fronts

reads as an old man bar. Oh yeah. Still has the bar lounge set up, the checkered tiled floors, much wood. Much wood. Much wood. Much wood. You understand the vibe. I do and I like it. Which is why, when it came time to relieve myself,

I did not expect to be assaulted with such a level of tat in the ladies' louvre. Ah, interesting. Maybe the old guys running the pub are just like, the birds love this sort of thing. Yeah, what do women have in the toilet? Women, they've- Inspirational messages. Yeah.

They have messages in the toilet. We have graffiti, they have messages. The magenta walls, the abundant posters and the motivational quotes on the Lou seats had to be documented. On the seats? Yeah. What? Yeah.

Like on the cover? Well, we'll get to that. I just had to share. Be reassured that I'm not trying to recolonize things here by bringing Luz into the conversation. Don't worry, Kayla. We trust you. Some phrases might be whisperable. I just hope I'm not alone in recognizing how horrific the whole situation is. The warmest of kojis, Kayla. Well, thank you, Kayla. Let's see if these are whisperable. This one is not just on the toilet. Okay. By which you mean on the toilet seat that you put your ass on. It's on the lid, but it's on the inside. What? So there's no message until you lift the lid. Oh my God. Little surprise. A little surprise message from the loo.

Like you're opening its mouth and it's speaking. Yeah and it's going, Hi. Hello. My life is how. Is Prosecco a clock? What is Prosecco? I only know piss and shit. Is it like a piss?

Is Prosecco like base? Worst thing you could do for that toilet is feed it some Prosecco. Because it'll never have it again. That's right. Yeah. I had Prosecco once. As you piss in its mouth, it's just kind of this way. It is kind of you do not know. You must never know.

You will resent its absence. As you piss on it. Like a Mortan Joe. God. There's that classic question. Would you rather that you had a talking toilet who really loved you using it or really hated you using it? I loved.

You've got to. You've got to go unless you're sadist. You've got to think, look, of course it's unsettling, but it's much worse if it hates it. Surely. This message is on the underside of the lid. Okay. It's so it's in sort of cursive. It's not elaborately done. Okay. If the font wasn't so visibly consistent as to be from like a print, it could have been done by hand. Wow. Okay. Like there's no image. There's no real effort put into it. It's not even centered. It's just on a part of the lid. Oh my God. It's really odd. This is

horrible. First of all, it opens with a PS. Oh, what? Where's the first, where's the rest of the message? That's so unsettling. As if above the toilet you go, I missed something. The toilets, you have to go into the, into the bar itself. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Sure. What can I get for you? I need the rest of the toilets message. What? I'm only getting the post script. I've seen the post script on the toilet. But I missed the message. What? I'm only getting the post script. I've seen the post script on the toilet. I, but I missed the message. The message of the toilet. Yes. Just trying to explain to the barman that you feel rude and you can't possibly respond to the toilet's

letter without knowing the message. It could be anything in there. message could be anything in there could be anything. So it says PS P full stop s yeah blank blank blank. What? Yeah, I think you could do it. PS I love you. That would be haunting. It is. You think I can do it PS. You can do it. Three three words. It's it's motivational. Okay. And I've seen it said other ways. Quite American. It's American syntax. Gosh. P.S. You got this. You got it! Yes! I told, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi this. PS, you got this. What, this dump? Good luck with this dump. You got this, man. Imagine a lady going up to the toilet really nervous, her hands shaking. Come on, you can do it.

A bunch of piss is just going to come out of you. It's okay. It's supposed to happen. She lifts the lid and she says, PS, you got this. And she goes, and the shoulders drop. And she sits down and she pisses for an hour. Thanks toilet. Thank you toilet. Toilet. The barman hears from the bar sending yourself night nods as he's like she smiles. Cleaning a glass he's like yeah. You said you told me I was a weird

little creep for putting those PS you got this signs in the toilet ladies toilet Do you hear that you hear that pissing that makes it all worth it that makes it all worth it Being able to hear that piss from here the drinking area And this is a really old man customer just not even looking up at it Does he want to look up from his guinness? Well, he just demands a response from him. Yeah, PS, you got this. You got this.

How dramatic is this gonna be? Two posters that are in the category of this chip shop from last week, just A4 printed out, stuck on the wall. Haunting, horrifying. Full color though. Okay, so they got some money behind this. Some production money. There's a little funding coming in.

Put on your blank, put your blank blank on. Put your blank blank on. Put your blank blank on. Put your blank blank on. Put your best jacket on. Close, it's clothing obviously. And it's very much in the PSU got this category. Okay, put your best shoes on. Put your...

It's a metaphorical item of clothing, you might say. Oh, I see. Like a thinking cap. Put your bravery pants on. You got pants. You got pants, Billy. It's like big girl pants or something. Close, yeah. Lady pants on? Positive pants. You got pants. Oh, you got pants. It's like big girl pants or something. Close.

Lady pants on? Positive pants. Positive pants. Not a common phrase to be fair to you. All right. Positive pants. Yeah. All right.

Positive pants. I went to the loo and thanks to the loo I pissed for ages. All right. Positive pants. That was in there too. Yeah. Problem. Here's the other poster.

How am I gonna blank this out for you? I won't blank this one out, I'll blank out the next one. It's a lady's sort of manicured red-nailed hand with a sort of, what looks like, I can't quite zoom in on it. It looks like a sort of big shining like, I can't quite zoom in on it. It looks like a sort of big shining diamond ring on the pinky. Oh yeah. And from a red big jacket. It's a very luxury hand. Yeah. And it's sort of a caressing it some fitted some Lou roll. Oh yeah. The Lou's in the in the in the roller. Yep. And it's about to roll it. Yep. This fancy hand. And it just says, let the good times times roll and the word roll is written on the lid roll oh okay what's that mean enjoy your wipe enjoy your wipe your majesty enjoy your wipe fancy lady

enjoy this wiping while you can it'll be gone sooner than you think and you'll look back and you'll realize that that bit where you were wiping your ass was actually the best times of your life Treasure these days Treasure these days these wiping halcyon days We're back in Lid Town Phil Lid, okay back to the Lid Back to Liddle Okay We're in Liddle

So it's underneath the fucking lid of the toilet again. And again, it could have been written there with a pen or the big permanent marker. How am I going to blank this out? It says shut up. Okay, that's a start. That's a lot to hear that in a public toilet cubicle. Shut up. Don't say a word. That's on one. You'll love to hear that on a public toilet queue. It'll go shut up. Don't say a word.

If I was in a loo and the cubicle next to me, I had a guy going shut up. It would be the funniest thing to hear if someone farted. Shut up. Shut up. Quiet. Hey. Keep it down. Like a dog. When dogs get frightened of their own farts. Hey.

Shut up. So the first line is shut up. And the next line is blank blank blank. Wow. Shut up. Blank blank blank. We're still in the realms of lazy empowerment. Of course. Shut up. Blank, blank, blank. It's still in the realms of lazy empowerment, of course. Shut up.

Shut up, you bad bitch. Is it? It's still saying a new thing a bit like you got this. A new thing? So it's not just saying, so like shut up you bad bitch would just be shut up and then some other words. Yeah, right. About it's directed at. Yeah okay. It's saying shut up. And then okay. It's not saying shut up you got this but it's saying something like that. It's a positive empowering statement. Wow okay. Shut up. You may have seen this sign much more normally in bathrooms where there is ostentatiously no mirror.

You look great. You look good. You look good. Yeah. Oh, shut up. You look good. Shut up. You look good from the toilet.

Thanks. Toilet. You eat shit. Do I look like shit? Yeah. I bet I look good to you. Toilet. Yeah.

Given the end of people you normally look at. I don't look like an open bum hole. Toilet. You're used to. Sees people with their shirts on, but their pants off all the time. The worst combo anyone can have. Toilet only ever sees people dressed in the toilet only ever sees people winning the pooing it while pooing. The toilet's got no clue what looks good. No, I'm not taking aesthetic advice from the toilet. No. I'm not taking clothing advice from the toilet. How does this look?

Well, let me just see what the toilet thinks. Just ask the toilet what shoes to wear. Also, like when it says, shut up, you look good, where there's supposed to be a mirror above the sink. That makes sense. Yeah. Right? Because when you're in the bit where you wash your hands and you look upwards to check your appearance, you're thinking, how do I look?

Yeah. I'm not thinking, God, I hope I look good as I go for a shit in a pub. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For a piss in a pub, I'm not thinking, God, I hope I look okay. I hope I look okay. I hope I look okay before. It should say shut up, they can't hear. That would make me feel better in the toilet.

Shit like no one's listening. Shit like no one's eavesdropping. Would be good. Eavesplopping. Eavesplopping is what it's called. That was great. Thank you, Kayla. Thank you, Kayla. Great. Very, very funny.

Pub toilet time. I can't believe that someone bothered. Incredible. Someone had to sit and go, I've got to go to work early today. They want me to write, shut up, you look good on all the toilets. What?

Yeah, yeah. It's somebody with women. I think it'll attract more hen parties. Yeah, the women love it. Do they? Apparently. We need to get them posting more on socials, so putting some... We need more toilet selfies. We need more women to take more pictures of themselves while they're having a toilet time.

It's good for the pub. Ian, the run up to Halloween, please send us some Halloween themed tat. It must be loads lying around now. Yeah, try and spook us with some tat. The spookiest tat in town. Don't even talk to me till I've drunk my blood. Yeah. Things like that. Yeah, try and spook us with some tat. The spookiest tat in town. Don't even talk to me till I've drunk my blood. Yeah. Things like that. Yeah, exactly.

Oh yeah. And now it's time to go to the VIP, slightly unusual Irish pub. Oh, okay, yeah. Of the Patreon. And if you want to watch the Bud Pod live, you can join the Patreon and watch the full video. Reece James literally just texted me

recounting a funny moment from Bud Pod Live. A really great moment. He's laughing again now, just thinking about it. He's lolling, he's lolling on his own. And he's a comedian, we never lol. It's so difficult to make a comedian laugh out loud, nevermind on their own. Anything funny enough to punch through the carapace

of jaded cynicism is powerful medicine indeed, my friends. Carapace, that's a good word. All right, join medicine indeed, my friends. Carapace is a good word. All right, join our Patreon, become friends and prod a bud, get someone new to start listening to the podcast. Yes, please. Otherwise go to see Pierre on tour, see my Netflix special, much love and goodbye. Bye.

ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Bye! Could it happen again? Could Celine Dion happen again? I'm Thomas LeBlanc, and Celine Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News, where I pieced together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood. Available wherever you get your podcasts. available wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com