BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 294 -

Episode Date: November 27, 2024

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294. Don't get gored. Don't get gored, Felipe. Felipe is currently in South Africa. Yes. And I don't want him to get Gord by Rhino. We don't even get Gord by Rhino. We don't even get Gord by a Rhino.

We're very worried about Rhino. They do say Rhino. Do you know that? Oh, as a plural? No, but do you know that American political term? They use it as an insult. Oh Republican in name only. Yes We had we don't like rain. We had Brino here. Didn't we Brexit in name only or by Bino? By no, yeah, some stupid shit. It's just people copying America, right?

The left and the right just yeah uncle america did it now we'll do it embarrassing our cool cousin america who wears his cap backwards yeah you wouldn't know him but i saw him in my holidays shut up yeah we don't want philippe to get hit by rhino don't get hit by rhino Don't get hit by Rhino. Felipe is on holiday in South Africa. And Toby, who is here producing in picking up Felipe's slack, his shameful slack. His breathable linen Caribbean slacks. Yes. And Felipe posted this morning on social media that a monkey stole his toast. Yeah. Which is if his code for us to evacuate him from South Africa,

the monkey has stolen the salt. But I was just thinking if if Felipe said I'm going to South Africa and I went, Oh careful, monkey doesn't steal your toast. You'd be like, hey, come on, Phil. You'd be like, come on, man. Yeah, yeah, anyone overhearing that would be like, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey. And then like his first morning, a monkey steals his toast.

They're naughty, those monkeys. They're dangerous. They're really naughty, those monkeys. You can't, I was saying, you can't leave food in your car because they would just smash the windows with rocks to get the food. Really? They're crazy. Someone got in trouble for shooting one of them. I think because you can't do it. You can't hurt them because they sort of protect it in some way. But they are like a tremendous shoot the monkeys. They come. They don't want you to shoot. They don't want... Obama doesn't want you to shoot them.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they've got some big problem with them, but you can't do anything about it. It's like you can't shoot a seagull. What? I know, they're everywhere. Why? Why can't you? Because... I don't know.

What can we shoot? What can we even shoot in this... Goddamn country. ...this goddamn... If you're a farmer, you can shoot like crows and rooks and things. Rooks. Jackdaw playing chess out here. I'm a killer fucking girl. So girls are protected. So they have a powerful union or something. Yeah, they paid off by the people who make chips.

So the more chips they steal, the more chips they sell. Of course. It's the oldest trick in the book. The Sea Girls are massaging the chip market. That's it, yeah. But they're basically destroying stock. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And after it's been purchased, it's the ultimate scam. Oh my God, how have I ever spotted this?

The girls are in hock with the chip vendors. They're in the wrapper of Big Chip. Oh my god, how have I ever spotted this? The gulls are in hawk with the chip vendors. They're in the wrapper of Big Chip. Oh my god. Big Chip is under the wing of Big Gull. Either way. Imagine you went into a chip shop in like, I don't know, Bournemouth and you're like, could I just get a fish supper and the guy hears something behind you. Also just a second, man, and he goes behind the door and he's there for so long, you peer through the door and he's just like talking to a girl he's like

yeah i got it i'm good i'm good for it you know i'm good for it he's lighting it he's lighting a cigarette in a girl's beak like for the bird and it both look at you like makes that noise as they as they turn their head. I didn't see nothing. Then they find you the next morning on the on the pier battered, literally battered or crunchy. Yeah, well, your family said the police said that when they tried to lift him, he just snapped. A seagull poo all over you battered. Yeah. Like a statue. Yeah, that's what happens to people, man.

Well, good luck, Felipe. Yes. Good luck. Tot ziens, Felipe. O'Handet, Toby, who is now- What did you say there? Goodbye, Felipe. How's it going Toby okay okay um the king is dead god um god save the king yeah um uh you've just you were saying oh you were saying this fact about the the average man oh it's some like mean thing i saw it's like the average man um is has a chinese name yeah but is Muslim. Yeah, has congee for breakfast. Yeah, Chinese

price, sort of rice gruel, rice gruel, rice porridge. Yeah. He's like 31 or something like that. And it works as a market stall trader. Yeah. And then there was a reply going so he's Indonesian. I thought it was really funny. I was like, Oh, yeah, I was trying to think how could you possibly because the tweet was obviously trying to do that thing where it's like, here's how useful averages are. Imagine this fictional person or you know, I think that was the tone of it. Oh, right. I see the reply was going no, no, that's that's the place where that could happen. Yeah, I think if you convert it to Islam, you'd have to get an Islamic name like Muhammad Ali.

Yeah, you probably would. And I was saying, I think surely the only place where you are Muslim and with a Chinese name would be Xinjiang. Yes. You'd be a Uighur. A Uighur, but yeah, Indonesians, Chinese, are the Chinese named Muslim Indonesians?

I don't know. I did think Malaysia would be a more accurate thing, but I enjoyed the little puncturing of the balloon. Malaysia, oh gosh, yeah. I think it's possible, but incredibly rare. Yeah, because you'd have to change your name. So you'd have to have like two alternate names. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What was Muhammad Ali's name? Cassius Clay? That's it. Yeah. What a name, Cassius Clay. That's a fun name. I imagine having to give up the name Cassius Clay. It's a rough decision. Yeah. He must have really had faith in the one God to lose a sick ass name

like that. Wow. I mean, that's a name out of a detective novel. That's an incredible. If you encounter that name in a book, you'd be like, Oh, is this a big tough person? He's Cassius clay, a big tough, like Golem made of clay. You just imagine a boxer, even if you never heard of Muhammad Ali, or Cassius Clay, someone said the name Cassius Clay. Yeah. Oh yeah. I guess he's a boxer. You could get someone who's lived in like, you know, like, uh, you could get

one of those oracles who's been sealed up in a cave since they were like born. And they're like blind from having no light. And like, you can say draw, draw were like born and they're like blind from having no light and like Kairou! You can say draw what Cassius can and they just draw boxing Yeah, yeah That's how absolute it is. An alien would know Speaking of boxing, do you see this big fight between

Mike Tyson and the YouTuber Jake Paul? Yeah, the guy who looks like he's cav- He's gone into a barber's and he said I'd like every haircut Yeah, he's got every haircut at once somehow. I can't quite my eyes can't quite keep track He looks like the main character in Assassin's Creed Valhalla now You know, he's got that. Yeah, he's got a Nordic shaved sides haircut. I thought that was a bitch Chewge I thought that was more like a millennial cool guy haircut. It's persisted longer than I thought that was a bit, um, Chewy, I thought that was more like a millennial cool guy haircut. It's persisted longer than I thought the sides shaved sides long hair on top

Yeah, yeah, it's been around since like 2014 that kind of Viking haircut with a big beard it morphed into the new Fade thing into the mullet, which is now. Oh, that's true Right, they extended it out the back like a lot. What our generation had was the mullet without the mullet It was just a shave side. That's true. They extended it out the back like an old house. What our generation had was the mullet. Without the mullet, it was just a shaved side. That's true. That's jugy. Okay, so as long as you have a long mullet-y bit. Yeah, as long as there's some ironic element to the haircut,

then that's alright. Yeah, he looks like every haircut at once. But I guess if you're a career fighter, you don't want long hair so that people can tug on. Imagine loosening because someone pulls on your pig toes. You probably don't want long hairs that people can tug on. Imagine loosening because someone pulls on your pigtails. You probably don't want that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He got me in a pigtail lock.

Yeah. I don't think you can grab in boxing very much. They sort of, they do that with hugging. They do the hugging thing where then the referee has to go, okay, break it up, break it up. Punching each other in the face really hard is one thing, but no hugging, no hugging, no learning. It's like Seinfeld, no hugging, no learning. What's that? That's the motto of the TV show Seinfeld.

No hugging, no learning. Yeah. And they were writing it to make it not a Schmaltzy sitcom. Oh, nice. No hugging, no learning. It's a good motto. That is a good motto. I bet money on that fight. Did you? Yeah. Cause I knew what would happen. You bet that Jake Paul would win. I bet that he would win on points. Specifically. Wow. Because it seemed obvious to me. Right. Yeah. Because neither of them is knocking each other out. Yeah. Right. Because out. Yeah, right. Because Jake Paul's used his YouTube money to train really hard in a natural way and become a sort of monster man. Yeah. And actually do lots of boxing.

Yeah. So he's good at boxing now. We've seen that. Mike Tyson's Mike Tyson. Yeah. I don't think a steel beam could knock him out, even if he is slow and suffering the effects of his 40 year kilogram a day cocaine addiction. Like no one's getting knocked out. And so Jay Paul isn't getting knocked out because Mike Tyson is 60. Yeah. And cause he's a good boxer. Okay. Right. Okay. Okay. And Mike Tyson is basically made out of metal. So no one's getting knocked out. It's going to be a points victory. What were the odds on that? I mean, it's pretty good. Like I think just because the further into how they're going to win or lose you get you're spreading the odds out. So the odds improve, not improve, but

like get higher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Cause there's like victory by points, victory by KO, victory by TKO, victory by whatever in the round of the, so it can only be victory by points if they do all eight rounds and they did. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Nice one. I never think to bet on anything. I only did it because I still had my, my betting window open after the election where my bets did not go very well. I did not do very well. I did badly on the betting. Um, yes, that was a shame. I should have, I should have bet on Trump winning because then at least I would, it would have been like a grief hedge, as our friend Keighley calls it.

A grief hedge. Should have done that, didn't do it. Got all optimistic at 1am. Terrible. I hate gambling. Nate Silver? I hate gambling, but maybe I should gamble. This is, this will be the moment in the, in the, in the Phil Wang documentary where they'll get the footage from this episode and go and it'll crash zoom on you in black and white. I just explain the ruination of your life. I hate gambling, but maybe I should gamble. It's a Homer Simpson thing to say. gambling, but maybe I should gamble. It's a fucking Homer Simpson thing to say. I just find the idea of the prospect of losing money for nothing is just so humiliating to me that I'm so immune to the draw of gambling. For a birthday gift once, a friend sort of ironically got me a scratch card and I'm a scratch it and I

want 20 pounds. My first ever scratch card on 20 pounds. And I just and I've never gone I should get a scratch card. No. From my experiences 100% of scratch cards give you 20 20 pounds. They're still like no, they're bleeding money. I mean, you climbed onto a rocky beach to try and rescue a two pound parking. I did. You're not going to be a good gambler. This is on the way back from Alex's wedding.

Yes. I bought a parking ticket at the seaside parking lot and the gust of wind blew it out of the machine. This is a design flaw considering the location out of the machine and plopped onto the beach right below which had no way of getting down there. And I ran around the town basically to get down there and pick it up because that ticket cost me three pounds.

It was, it's classic. It's classic stuff. Locals are watching me on the beach. But that's your weakness in poker. Oh yeah. Because you hate losing so much. But that's your weakness in poker. Oh yeah. Because you hate losing so much. I hate losing money. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, but also small amounts of money. Yes, yes, yeah, yeah. It's a very particular condition that means that you'd be a terrible... I presume you don't play the lottery. No. Yeah. Absolutely not.

Yeah, exactly, see? No, no, no. Do you? Yeah. Do you? You play the lottery? Yeah. I can set it up to be automatic. Yeah, yeah. I just say, yeah, random numbers. I can count me in. How much money a month do you bet on the lottery? What is it like? £10 a month or less? Ticket? But that's a streaming service. Not anymore. Netflix is like 19 per month. That's an SD streaming service. Not anymore. Netflix is like 19th-credits-money. That's an SD streaming service with ads. You're right!

Why wouldn't you want that? Yeah, I get it. I get it. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just I'm just I'm just not a I'm just not a gambling man. I just remember our friend Emerald going into a casino and cheerfully asking the roulette dealer, what tactic do you recommend? What strategy? What strategy do you recommend? And he goes, don't play.

And I just wondered how many ruined lives has this man seen? That guy's watched, that guy's seen a look in people's eyes that humans aren't really supposed to see outside of like war or tragedies of like just the blankness of realizing that they no longer own their car. Yeah, well, they fucking wedding ring, whatever they've chucked on there like in a cowboy movie. Yeah, it's tough. I'm just extremely risk averse and it's sort of worked out pretty well for me. So I'm loathe to change my ways now, but I should take some more risks really. I think I just did it, yeah, cause I still had the window open and I thought, it seems pretty obvious to me what's gonna happen here.

That's pretty good. Must have been very satisfying. Yeah, pretty much. Did you watch the fight? No, it was like 4.30 in the morning. I don't care who wins. I was like, I'm not getting up at 4.30 in the morning to watch it. Boxing seems very boring to me. I remember- But the fight was very boring. Everyone on Twitter was very upset about how dull the

fight was. Yeah. And their theories that Mike Tyson threw it or something, which- There's a bunch of conspiracies floating around as well. Yeah. He doesn't seem like the type to throw a match although there's this amazing clip of an interview he did with a little girl highly recommend watching this it's so funny and she's like what do you think she's very sweet and she's talking to Mike Tyson and she's like what 11 is it what do you think your your legacy What do you think this means for your legacy? Yeah.

And he goes, there's no such thing as legacy. Maybe he's Bolton, but legacy is nothing. When we die, there's nothing. It's an absolute void. Who cares after you're gone, there's nothing. And you can see she's such a pro actually. I love it. She's like, you can see her mind trying to figure out how to steer this.

She's nodding. And he's doing this like genuinely like three minute speech about how like, there is no legacy and it all shall become dust. Negatives is just another word for arrogance or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And something like everything's dust in the end. It was like a speech from the end of a video game when you've lost. It's like something from fucking from fucking a mass effect. Yeah. It's like something from fucking from fucking Mass Effect. Yeah, it was crazy from the Avengers movie where they all become dust. It was Thanos. Yeah, he's Thanos. And then he just says fucking like that in front of

this girl and you see her eyes go like that and he says it to her as well. It's really funny. It's like it's just fucking which like look if they were both Glaswegian, it wouldn't even be worth remarking upon. But the fact that this is happening in America and she's like 11 is astonishing. And it's clear that he doesn't he just, he doesn't like code shift for anyone. Clearly. No, he doesn't have a child voice. He just. He just speaks to everyone as if. But then have you seen that clip with him and has Buller?

I was thinking about that. He treated him like a kid, even though he was like 24. He was like giggling. And yeah, but he thought he was a baby, like literally a baby. So maybe Mike Tyson only has two modes of operation. Yeah. Baby and person. Baby and full person. Full adult who deserves to hear the truth. Okay. Yeah. Cute little baby. Here's how the universe works. But when I saw that interview and he's like talking about how legacy is nothing and we're all just

dust, I thought maybe he did throw the fight because I mean, this sounds like a suicide note, this interview. That's true. Like if you're at that level and remember he declared bankruptcy. Oh, like he's not like been carefully shepherding all his investments into property in the Midwest or something. You know, he's just doing blow constantly and bought two tigers and went mental. So it's conceivable that because like a combination of YouTube money and Netflix money. I mean, what is the purse for him in that fight? 100 million? 50 million?

Right, right, right. I'd let Jake Paul pretend to beat me up for fucking 50 million dollars. Would you? Yeah, I'd be like, ah, his arms are so strong from all that YouTube. Well, that clicking on YouTube he's done in his life. It's given his hands as extra power. Would you let James Corden beat the shit out of you in a match and people think it's real for 50 million?

Yeah. Would you let... 50 million's a lot of money, Phil. 50 million is a lot. It's so much. Is there... is there, if you, if you, will you, will you, will you accept being publicly beaten up by anyone at 50 million? What about, and people think is real, people think you really have been bested.

Yeah. Joe Biden. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's pretty awesome. That's sick. That's sick. Yeah. Forget it. Here you go, yeah. I mean, that's pretty awesome. That's sick. That's sick. Yeah, forget it. Here you go, Jack.

As he sort of swings so slowly for your head and you have to go, rawr, you have to do like a WWF stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to stomp your foot as his gloved hand bumps your nose to make an impact sound. Yeah, no, that would be sick. Stage fighting. Stage fighting Joe Biden. And then I could make another 50 million just for selling the rights to the fucking movie of it or whatever, you know. Right. Okay.

$50 million if you do the right stuff with it is is grandkids don't need jobs money. Not not grandkids live in mansions. If you have lots of grandkids, but if you invest it right, like that's so that's so much money. Sure. I can't think of very many people who I wouldn't let pretend beat me up. Also, yeah, people shout like, I'd be you off and I'd be like, yeah, ha ha from inside my big gold car. Fine. They can't talk to me. I'm in my big gold car. Yeah, I'm hooting around town.

And oh, you were saying you were saying you saw Gladiator 2. Yes, I'm very intrigued. Glad to glad to glad to very intrigued glad to glad to glad to a to glad to a to glad to a to glad to a to this time. This we are entertained this. To thumbs up. To thumbs up gladiator to thumbs up. That's what it's called.

Nice. Now, I'm intrigued because I have a stunningly low desire to watch this movie. And I love the first Gladiator, but this one has not been all that well received. This one has not been all that well received. I don't know. I've heard a mixture. I've heard no one... I haven't heard anyone say what I'm going to say. Oh, interesting. Just that it was fine.

Okay, yeah, right. It wasn't great. It wasn't bad. It was fine. I'd say that for me, the thing that unsettled me most about it was the fact that the movie washed over me like perfectly surface of your skin temperature water. I almost couldn't perceive it. Right. Okay. It was like eating an invisible meal. I sort of, I felt like I was, you weren't hungry

afterwards where you weren't like sad. I wasn't full either. I was just so like, oh, the movie's done now. Yeah. It's like eating popcorn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ironically. Yeah. Or poetically. Yes. Yeah, it was very just like, yeah, the plots pretty much the same. Denzel Washington's was be great in it. But there is the exact same character as him in it. So it's basically I don't know why they called it gladiator two thumbs up instead of just a remake. Cause it's kind of a fucking remake. Right. But Paul Muskell plays Maximus Aurelius' son. Yeah. Right. And who sort of kind of somehow

magically knows he's, there's a lot of weird genetic stuff going on where they're like, yes, he has the spirit of the, and you go, that's not how things work, but okay, fine. All right, fine. Yeah. And there's also a lot of capital a acting going on. Oh, yeah. There's a lot of me thinks you know her loins quite well me Lord. There's a lot of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Denzel's doing some, some big old face pulling a lot of the Roman senators are doing a lot of big old face pulling the two emperors who run Rome who are very pale and camp are basically the McPoyle brothers from always sunny in Philadelphia. So for anyone listening who's seen that,

Rome is being run by the McPoyles and Denzel Washington is doing an impression of a Shakespearean actor from England in the 80s. Sanyam Bhutani Isn't the only indication that those two Caesars running Rome are evil is that they're a bit effeminate? They're very, very pale. Okay. They're so they're very, they both look very sick and they have like creepy little like little smiles.

They're a bit gay seeming. They were a little makeup. Yeah. And they sort of prance around giggling and stuff. Oh, right. So yeah. The, the, the, the, the height of decadent, the wall, like they've lost the way that it's, it's yeah, it's a medieval view on decadence. Yes. And they sort of constantly surrounded

by like catamites and things. What's a catamite? A male concubine. Oh, okay. Yeah. There's, there's sort of like twinks on sort of ropes and things kind of loitering. They haven't quite gone full Xerxes Behold my tent of freaks. Yeah, didn't you like to Bum some freaks and the hunchback man is like yes. Yes He just loves the idea of being in this kind of let's do the time warper It was That's what the Xerxes in 300 was basically was right? It was Xerxes horror picture show.

Yeah. And you step to the left. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that Xerxes. Yeah. It's fun. Well, he's wandering through the tent and there's all sorts of like, Oh, a little bit of people who are like amputees and stuff as well. They're trying to really make it seem like this guy's bored of almost every type of banging. He's got this kind of fetish tent that he takes with him on military campaigns.

My question is, do the people in the fetish tent just have to queue up for stew like all the soldiers? Are they all in the same queue? Just like chains all on their nipples and things. It's like, all right, just getting a slot in the column. All right. Yeah. How's the old fetish tent? Oh yeah. Same old same old same shit different day. You're all healing me. Yeah. They're all joking about it. Did like all the soldiers resent the fetish tent people? They're getting an easy ride. They just have to bang at night and have gruel in the morning. Well, they complain and then the sergeant is like, you want to

get in there? You want to get in there and be fisted? Yeah. Peserxes? You want that? Or do you want to keep operating the big cool crossbow? And he goes like, yeah, yeah, okay. Fair enough.

Yeah. It's like, yeah, you respect them. They do a hard job They got to constantly be just sucking each other off and stuff in the tent for ambience As many water they're all bang and they're not playing cards Yeah, and then they're not there are they haven't just started banging for the benefit that would be funny Okay, we're gonna have a traitor coming today. Okay, maybe so big show everyone big show tits and teeth Everyone start banging

Now quick quick quick start roiling start roiling rubbing get the oils one has to seem they're always banging Can't this constant they just wake up hung over from the previous, you know wine and banging And then uh straight into it. Yeah. Yeah constant god.. A great movie. Like a big 10 of snakes. Such a good movie. Glad you too. There are some historical inaccuracies. Yeah. Doesn't sound isn't someone reading a newspaper. Historical inaccuracy. Notice has logged on. That's me. This is someone reading a newspaper at some point. It looks like he's reading a newspaper. It's very dumb. Yes.

It could just be like a pamphlet or something. I mean, maybe it's kind of you go, all right. Is there a crossword on the back when he opens it up? He's just smoking. He's smoking. He's on his phone. There's sharks in the Coliseum. Doesn't make any sense.

No, they did flood the Coliseum. They did flood the Coliseum and Presumably they probably had like crocodiles and stuff, right? They'd get like one or two, but like you've got to capture them and transport them alive from Egypt. Impossible. I feel like sharks impossible. Uh, not just for transport reasons, but also like they look like great whites and it's like, no, they're not in the Mediterranean. Right. Um, they didn't need the sharks as well. Because they're like, oh, people fall overboard and the sharks go like, ah, and you go, well, none of them would have been able to swim.

Oh, just make that clear. Right. And they're covered in extremely heavy armor, presumably. Yeah, they just drowned immediately. It'd be horrifying. Just show that. That's quite frightening. There's a lot of that.

There's a lot of, there's a bit where like, it's literally sometimes at various points, it's just like a remake of the original, like shot for shot. You know, the, the, the bit of the kind of mini gladiator school that Maximus sort of graduates from to the Coliseum. There's all like red cloth stretched over frames everywhere. And it's like a little mini shitty Coliseum. Yeah. He just go to that again.

And it's like Denzel Washington playing the same role sitting on the same big chair watching. Like he's replaced the guy from the last film. So they do that. But then they caption it. It's like Appetiem or something. It's like the outskirts of Rome. And I said this to my girlfriend. I was like, what do they, how far on the outskirts? Because everyone in the crowds were like turbans. And they go past all these like shepherds with goats and things. And they all dress like they're in like rural Afghanistan. And it's like, what is it? Is this the idea that everyone who's not in Rome is like basically

an Afro and the Taliban or something, or like a rural, like Iraqi goat herd. And then in Rome, everyone is like the most blonde, blue-eyed fucking Aryan. And there's a lot, there's quite a few moments of, you know, you know, there's a few bits of that floating around. There's a music still the because that lady made up the language. Yeah, that sounds about right. She wanted it to be traceable to no particular thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was very effective. La da da, da da da. Si hai ho, it's just scat singing, basically, is what she's doing. It's a really awesome. La da da, da da da. Colosseum going down.

Red beans and rice. Very nice. It's all about what they eat at the Coliseum. Yeah, they're on the outskirts of Rome. Maximus is there. It's like listing all the cool people who are still there. Oh, the shark has ready teeth here. Yeah, they sample that quite a lot. so the soundtrack keeps reminding you of a better film called Gladiator. Oh man, that's just movie going in the 21st century.

It's just seeing reboots of films where they play a snippet of the original music and you go, I wish I was watching that movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a not nice version of a Peter Kay routine. Ah, Jemember. Jemember Gladiator. Who here remembers Gladiator? Jemember Original IP. Jemember. a not nice version of a Peter Kay routine. Ah, I do remember gladiator. Who here remembers gladiator?

Do you remember original IP? Do you remember new IP? Do you remember a single original idea? You'd go down to the cinema and there'd be a new film, a new film, a new idea, a new story with new characters. Or even even in the West End. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The musical of like wicked or whatever. I know everyone sucks wicked off, but it's like, it's all based on something

else. Yeah. And there's a large proportion of Western musicals now are movie. Hercules. Oh yeah. That's another movie Hercules. This is doubt fire. This is doubt fire. Back to the future. This is Doubtfire, Back to the Future. Fuck off! Even, even... Only Fools and Horses. But even, even... Steve Coogan. Doctor Strange Love. I like, I love that movie.

Why am I watching it on stage? I'm intrigued by that one. I wanna see it. But I'm like, only because I'd want to see any adaption of something I already like. I don't wanna see it. That's why Operation I already like. I don't want to see it. That's why Operation Mincemeat's been such a smash hit. Because it's actually a new idea.

Because it's actually new. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, god. Yeah. It was, it's, yeah. But it was fine. Like, it's just lots of acting.

Paul, uh, thingy. He's doing it. Missed Cal. Old tequila. Old, uh, old tequila. The old tequila worm himself. He's doing a sort of tequila the old tequila worm himself he's doing a sort of posh voice oh yeah he's doing a bit of an impression of of russell crow okay yeah

strength and honor who's talking a bit like this we echo in eternity fine fighting today there's a lot of that right okay there's a lot of that voice yeah right is he not the the sort of unsure uh new guy is he not a bit no no he's come straight in like he's comes he's pretty head of a roman right he's straight in on that um they have a duvet wife ah do they flashback wife yeah they have. Ah, duvet flashback wife? Yeah, they have. There's another duvet flashback wife. There's only medieval duvet wife.

Yeah. So he has a duvet wife. He starts the film with an ethnically ambiguous duvet wife. His dad had a Bali wife. Yes. His dad had Bali. So yes, his dad had a wheat wife. Wheat wife.

Now, okay, so technically it's not a duvet wife. This is a river wife. Okay. She's constantly about to cross the river of death. She keeps popping up. Right. Okay. Like that. Okay. He's been raised in Numidia, which is sort of a North African city state, I think.

And it gets attacked by the Romans. Okay. He's in exile. They sent him away so he didn't get murdered for being the son of... Right? It's one of those. So he doesn't think of for being the son of. Right? It's one of those. So he doesn't think of himself as Roman at this point. And she's his kind of ambiguously ethnically North African, but pre the Arabian conquests are more like ethnically Phoenician or Carthaginian. Yeah, there's a lot of confusion because they're trying to show the viewer that they're in North

Africa, but it's pre the Arab conquest of North Africa so no one knows what they would have looked like. Oh right really we don't know what they look like. They would either have just looked exactly the same as all the other Greeks because they were like Phoenicians. Yeah but they're like they would have just been the same whereas in the movie it's very much like all the Romans look like they're from fucking the Netherlands and all the North Africans look like they are Arabic. Yeah, sure. Which is not accurate.

On either end, they should all look the same, like they are Italian. Yes. At most like Syrian, like sort of they're quite pale, but with dark hair, I guess. If they're Phoenician, if they're Carthaginian. But only I care about this. Yes. And his wife is a sort of ethnically ambiguous lady with a kind of ritualized forehead tattoo thing happening.

Oh, I love that little dune treatment. Yeah, well, they've just gone, maybe they were like this. You don't know. Which is true. Yeah. And they make up some sort of God that they reference. Okay. And then she gets killed.

Like, my girlfriend was like, she's going to die in the next five minutes. And I was like, oh, yeah. And she did. Spoilers, but it doesn't she's going to die in the next five minutes. And I was like, oh, yeah. And she did. Spoilers, but it doesn't matter because nothing in the film feels like it matters. Right, yeah. She gets an arrow comically through her chest. Comically how?

Just like insanely through. Like all the way through. Well, just like really in there. You're just like, really? Fuck. Not just like in you where you're like, like, I'll die of an infection within four hours Just like like insane and you just go right? Okay, we're gonna have to you see your fucking face with a voiceover for the next two hours Right. Yeah, she was do they wifed pretty hard

Dubeyed in the chair Boy in hell. When we're dead. They all talk about that as if it's really reassuring. And I think, I guess so. I guess they really did believe it back then. Well, they had versions of it. There were very few ideologies that had any kind of heaven before Christianity.

Yeah, but the Greeks and I had sort of the afterlife, right? They had Hades and they'd come. Hades would be fucked up and... But there were always people going down to Hades to save their loved ones. But they're always free men, not slaves. Oh, OK. Like it wasn't equal. Wasn't everyone gets a turn drinking from the big cup when you're dead,

which is what Christianity is. That's why it had different marketing appeal. That's why it was special. Cause you'd be like, you'd be a slave and a woman and you're still in heaven, you're all the same and get a lovely big gold cup and hat or whatever. Berries forever, grape juice, enjoy. And commies.

Yeah, that's what it was. Vikings. Whereas even the Vikings were like, and you'll feast in Valhalla if you're a free man who dies in battle What if I'm a free man, but I don't my bitch. Yeah, what if I'm a free man who and I die in bed? Well, you don't get to go there then That's okay, but not as good. Yeah Bye like they didn't give a fuck. What if I'm a lady or a slave?

Oh, no, you you either a slave in the afterlife forever as well, or you just kind of wander around some like cold rocks Cuz you know, you're a worm anyway sleep well they didn't give a fuck anyway yeah i i medium recommend going or not going that's my review well speaking of things i medium recommend was the season of chaos and all through the house, not one person was stressing. Holla differently this year with DoorDash. Don't want to holla do the most? Holla don't. More festive, less frantic.

Get deals for every occasion with DoorDash. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture, but when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills After Show.

I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no, that's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Krukshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Let's read some correspondence. This is from Andy. Andy. I'm feeling randy for Andy's correspondence. Very good. High filter out the poo jokes and no longer pee air through the toilet keyhole. Nice. This is to do with decolonization, which I must say is going wonderfully.

Yes. I'm enjoying the post-poo format or the age of non-enshitenment. If you will, and I will. Here are some pathetic things that annoy me. Disgusting. Some water spilled out of my mouth onto the floor. Yeah, it was terrible to see. Why? It's just water.

Terrible to see the people you know aging like that. It was a very Biden-esque thing. Yeah, it was very high. Get Kamala in here. I have to do the Bud Pod with Kamala Harris now. Pathetic things that annoy Andy. Number one, zip flaps. The long thin piece of material on jackets behind the zip to stop the zip catching on your clothes.

Ah. My clothes are fine, yes, but now the zip catches on the zip flap. Oh, that's true, yeah. And utter pain in the hoop. I agree with that. I also hate the little, there's button flaps as well. You know, behind the button line on your shirt,

there's a little flap that has to be ironed out. It just kind of bends. Yes. And folds its way across. Yeah, gap. I don't like that. What is that for? That's an old story. Why is that for then? Yeah. So I have to turn it over. And I've got to iron my buttons. I and my buttons. Is it to like stop wind getting through your shirt flaps? So it's always like a solid surface externally facing. But it's annoying.

Number two, R-A-N. R-A-N. This stands for random ambient noise. You'd hate this. This is when I'm listening to a podcast or the radio. And just as someone is about to pay off a gag or anecdote or mention some key info, etc a Weird noise not even that loud occurs and you miss the choice word or words

Things like a plane flying overhead or a car can cause this but even a fucking gurgling toilet system or freezers Have this extraordinary power then after fumble with my phone attempting to hit the rewind 15 seconds button Usually opening an advert or a different app or whatever clumsy shit that I do Yeah, I hate that. I yeah and stand up you have to instead of you have to work with the Arians a lot Yeah, yeah, that's true. You like on to my last tour show You do like a punchline thing and you go and what's the this and you hear someone go? Um, you do like a punchline thing and you go, and what's the list? And you hear someone go, rise. You say the punchline word or knock a fucking glass of, uh, people's,

people's fucking confidence where they go, my glass empty. Can't hold me. No one told put by feet, put by feet near ledge, but by dangling dangling wiggly feet yeah I'll put it near the strangers feet they don't know it's there but they'll sense it you think you fucking piece of shit just hold your fucking glass for half an hour on the floor grow up and it smashes and it knocks and they go oh and you can see they go I'm embarrassed don't make fun of me and you can see they go, I'm embarrassed. Hope the community doesn't make fun of me. And you go, we should have thought of that before you set up a home alone star trap for yourself.

God, you're coughing on during the punchline and you can hear the joke gets less of a laugh. Oh yeah, absolutely. Cause people go, sorry, there was a massive cough in my ear. Yeah, yeah. Cause I think the human mind just goes, new sound danger. Yeah. Oh, safe. Yeah. Anyway, what was that? What was it? I hate it. You just want to say you everyone,

you have to give everyone a quid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You've knocked about a quid off their ticket price there by ruining that whole bit. You have to do like, yeah, you have to do a reverse church donation sweep where you walk around and hand everyone a pound. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From a little basket. The jingling bag. The other thing is devices hooked up to fucking gig sound systems and someone, the techs will forget that a fucking iPhone or iPad is connected to the sound system.

I was doing a charity gig. A very nice charity gig in the London Palladium on Sunday, halfway through a joke, through the London Palladium. Through the speakers? Yeah. What the fuck? Fucking boom! The building has an email.

Honestly, that's what it sounded like. That is incredibly embarrassing. I riffed it out reasonably successfully, but it's like, come on, man. It's a palladium. You can't be having update notifications pinging through the London palladium. What annoys me about that as well is like the guy who made that error. Yeah. His only job is to be the tech of the London palladium. He's the sound man. He's not an ambulance driver. They've drafted in. Yeah. He doesn't need to be out to date at all times. You go fair enough. He made that mistake, you know, cause he was a tube train driver and then there was an

emergency and now he has to take the London palladium. It's like, no, no. Every day you wake up and have breakfast. And the first thing you think is time to do more tech at the London palladium. Cause that's all I do. And they still fuck it up. It's amazing. Yeah. But on the way through down, you know, the stage left, just off stage, there's so many fucking devices everywhere. Just things hooked up and wired in and charging and fucking lights going bleep-blorp. And like, yeah, something's gonna get plugged

into the sound system that's gonna go bloink. Yeah, don't do it. Think about it. Yeah. It's your only thing to think about. It's all you had need to do. Like when microphone remote microphones ran out of battery. Oh my God. And he says finally typing THNAX and regrads instead of thanks and regards. This has happened a lot. I turned a spell check off on my phone. Oh, as auto correct. You're off the grid. I'm

off the grid. Toby's doing it for years. I'm the only fucking new been here. I turned it off. I turned it off because it also keeps auto correcting things to like American words that I don't use. Right. So I'll type it. I'll type in like, I don't know, type in Guy Fawkes day and I'll say, did you mean baseball? No. Like it has no sense of context. I think on balance, I still benefit from it. I think I now need it because I'll just, I'll misspell a word and then my brain in 0.1 second goes, autocorrect got it and I'll just space and keep going and it will just go. But the trouble is like half the time when I'm typing it'll be like, I'll say I'll try and write the word like and then instead I'll write Mike and it'll just leave it.

So you go, well, what are you for then? What are you even for? Yeah, because the autocorrect has no sense of context. That's like, oh, you're definitely meant to write the sentence. That's Mike. If I. Mm hmm. That's my favorite. Come on. My favorite genre of satire jokes.

It's that's Mike. If that's my case, that's my gift. Me and Keira were discussing that's like if again the other day. Oh, yeah. Devastate. Just change the chemistry. My most hated formal joke. That's like F. Oh, man. Anyway, thank you, Andy. That's very, very good of you to send in. Those are pathetic.

And also we agree with them because we are pathetic. Regrats, the battle of regret of very brutal, the brutal, brutal Russian battle in the second world war, the siege of regret. Hey, listen, I'm wearing some bud pod merch here. I've got a lucky Kentucky t-shirt on. It's comfortable. It's stylish. People have been giving me compliments out on the street.

That's what someone hands you money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's had me a ward of American dollar bills. Yeah, yeah, yeah, green bills. And I said, what's this for? And he just, he just sort of knuckled at the t-shirt. He didn't jab me in the chest with the fingers. He jabbed me with a knuckle at it. And I knew what it meant. Yeah. And he didn't say anything. Yeah. Just the knuckle.

The Bud Pod merch, new Bud Pod merch is available now online. We have a link on the Instagram. Yes. In the description of this episode and on the a link on the Instagram. Yes. In the description of this episode and on the website and on the picture and everywhere. And remember, Patreons get 20% off with a special code that is on the Patreon website on on the subject of patrons. We have just hit 1000 patrons. A Legion. A Legion. You are Legion. PodBud is Legion. Thank you so much. Thank you for getting us to four digits and join this four digit army. Please, if you haven't yet, for all kinds of wonderful perks. Yes. Including extra 30 minute episode every week, discount on merch. You get advanced warning, advanced warning on Bud Pod news and Bud Pod lives.

Discounts on Bud Pod live tickets. It's a lot of stuff and we would love to see that. Aside from that, we will see Patreons on Friday in the secret in the exclusive Coliseum. And we'll see everyone else next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Kirkschenk and on my podcast, Phone a Friend,

I break down the biggest stories in pop culture, but when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I found my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no.

That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Krookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.