BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 309 - Everything's Computer (PATREON AD-FREE)

Episode Date: March 19, 2025

This week Phil & Pierre discuss Trump's most recently memed moment, romanticising being East Berliners, and of course some lovely correspondence!Patreons your PRE-SALE and DISCOUNTED tickets to BUDPOD LIVE are up now on your Patreon feed!Catch Pierre's show 'Must We?' at the Soho Theatre in March 2025! Tickets available now hereWatch Phil's brand new Netflix special 'Wang In There Baby' now!We have brand new BudPod MERCH!!Patreons get 20% discount on all merch!https://visualanticsapparel.com/collections/budpod-podcast Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Don't forget that Bud Pod Live is on as part of the Cheerful Eeriful podcast festival in October on the 12th. The pre-sale tickets are running out. There are only maybe a quarter of them left. So if you want some delicious pre-sale tickets at a lovely Bud Pod discount, you better get on it, because they're running out. Otherwise, we will see you in October at the Clapham Grand. it because they're running out. Otherwise we will see you in October at the Clapham Grand. It's Bud Pod 309. 309. Pierre's full of wine. That's right. Pierre is hung over today because he doesn't respect you. You specifically. Yeah. You the, no, not everyone. You. Not all the listeners. Don't look around.

No, no, no. Don't look behind you. Don't point at yourself in the chest and go, me. Don't imagine someone else listening. I mean you. Yes. And if you're listening to this in the car with someone else, both or all of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or in an oil rig or in an educational institution or any of the other DVD privacy warning places. All right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or in an oil rig, or in an educational institution, or any of the other DVD privacy warning places. Oh, right, yeah. There where you can't screen them. Oh yeah, you couldn't watch DVDs on oil rigs. No, you couldn't, as a, on mass, no. As if they didn't have it hard enough. Imagine, you're walking on oil rig, you're covered in crude oil. You've been up since 4 a.m. You're being sprayed by the sea.

You fell on some metal and then you sit down, you pop in a DVD. Ah, time to watch Step Brothers. You better be alone in that bunk, boy. If there's 10 of you in that little bunk or having a fun sleepover to watch Step Brothers. Oh, then it's technically commercial screening. And it's a screening. Wow. God damn it. You fuckers. Yes. Pierre had a lot of booze last night.

Yeah. He went to comedy industry, awards show and party. I went to the chordle awards. Yes. I didn't go because I want I wanted to watch White Lotus On the day I think I'm I have an interesting experience because obviously I'm doing my soho run at the moment Koji to everyone who's come and and Koji'd me. Thank you very much. But for the pod buds who have come see me at soho so I had to The awards kind of started like 815

Right, and that's when my show ends. Oh! So I had to like, you know, beetle across town to get there. And I got there like half an hour in. And as I arrived someone was like, oh, your book didn't win. I was like, oh no. It's annoying. I kind of, I missed it.

And like on arrival it was like, the reason you've come here is past Who's book one? fucking Bob Mortimer Yeah, I mean that would have been quite the upset much as your book deserved The win part of the quiet to the upset part of the problem With the way that it's done Okay Okay

Part of the problem with these votes. Part of the problem. Yeah. A lot of people who shouldn't be voting. Um, you fill in this Google form and I'm guilty of this. So I'm a hypocrite, but I'm scrolling through it. And if I saw four people's names with some books they'd written, I'll probably just tick Bob Mortimer because I like him. Right. Yeah. I haven't fucking read any Mortimer because I like him. Right, yes. I haven't fucking read any of them. Not a single respondent to that form had read all the books nominated. No.

Not a single one. No, and I think most of the people who voted for Bob Mortimer wouldn't have read his either. Because people don't read fiction, much less zany fiction from a famous comedian. Yes. So... I think public vote awards are fucking nonsense. Can I say that? Maybe I should be saving this for my spicy take in the bonus part.

But I think public votes, it's bad enough we have to choose our governments. Can't we have awards? To make our creative industry and cultural judgments by popular decree? Yeah, forcing them through the mind of the mob. It's stupid. It's really dumb. It's mob rule. Or should I say mob injustice?

Has anyone ever said that? Because we've heard the phrase mob justice, but this time it's unjust. I suppose the mob justice, which is really good, is always just. That's why it's called justice. Ah, finally some mob justice. Yeah, that's true. It's positive. It's a positive word. It's confusing. It should be mob injustice. They'd, they, I get, what's it, what's a mob injustice? They hanged the wrong guy. It wasn't a pedophile. Right. Yeah. Yeah. They thought he was a pedophile and he wasn't, but they still, they still threw him in the Thames.

And on the news, a terrible case today of mob injustice. Mob injustice. When a man was wrongfully hanging for pedophilia. Yeah. Whereas when mob justice, when they get the right guy, the news has to go, yeah, mob justice. You can like it or dislike it, but it was the justice of the mob. There's no denying that. It's interesting that they do give the mob that credit, that the mob has this kind of spectrum of right and wrong.

Yes. Yeah, oh, they were crazy, but they were right. He was a nonce. Yeah, so Mob Injustice won out, unfortunately, at the Trottle Awards, but what else is new? Mm-hmm, yeah, annoying, but paperback coming out soon, guys. Pre-order the paperback for the love of God. Don't let Mortimer win again.

Give me my paperback, paperback, paperback. Paperback books. Yeah. It's bendy. But you had a good time. You drank with the comedians. With the comedians. I mean lots of Guinness.

Yeah. Lots of Guinness. St. Patrick's Day. Happy St. Patrick's Day to all who celebrate. Well, that was my logic. I thought, well, it's the special day when drinking Guinness is even more unique and fun. I didn't drink Guinness yesterday, but I did have a Guinness cake. Did you? Yeah. I subscribed to a little pastry delivery service and for

St. Patrick's Day they sent a Guinness cake. Hang on. Let me take... We don't have to get into that. Hang on, hang on. I knew you wouldn't let that go. You subscribed to a pastry? Yes. There. I said it. What's wrong with that? I don't subscribe to a pastry. Every Saturday to kick off the weekend, a little bundle of oven-ready pastries. Oven-ready? Well, I guess all pastries are oven-ready. I mean, they're made.

Oven-ready to warm up in the oven. Okay, but they're not like the kind of half-baked thing that sometimes shops do with baguettes? No, no, no. Okay. But they're not like the kind of half baked thing that the sometimes shops do with baguettes. No, no, no. Okay. All right. They are complete pastries that just require a little warming up. He's a complete pastry. That guy. He's a complete fucking pastry. I'd be devastated if someone called me. If you're very flaky, maybe if you're a flaky person.

That's good. Fucking pastry. That guy's. That guy's a fucking, he's a fucking pastry. That's why he's late all the time. Old croissant Chris, yeah. There's a reason we call him that. Cancers on the last minute every time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A thousand layers to his excuses.

Ah, nice. Yeah, yeah. How did this happen? How did, oh, the pastries? Yeah, you went to like a baker with big hat on and said, like and subscribe. What it was? After he fed you a little cake. I was after some sourdough and it is fantastically hard to find good sourdough in the UK.

Look, I know this is my voice of the people opinion of the week. I think it's very hard. You go to supermarket They sell you something they call sourdough disgusting and And I thought well, maybe I'll find a scissors sir I think maybe got like a little leaflet or something yeah, and is the service that sends that delivers our dough plus pastries if you want and

I try this our dough bread. I did not like it so much. But I stopped on the sourdough, I keep up the pastries and the pastries are nice. Okay, so that's just what I suspected. I thought that this would have happened gradually by accident. Yes, exactly. Yeah. It's like, I think I'm not the kind of man who would on a whim go what pastry delivery services? I want a pan a raisin delivered to my front door. I want Saturday morning delivered to my fucking mouth. Yeah, by one of the king's postman. I it does feel very luxurious. It's so fun. It's like it's like Christmas day. You open

the door and there's a little bag on the stool. And is it a random selection? Yes, it changes every time. Well, that's okay. I understand that more. Cause if it was the same every time, I think it would just become this absolute grinding obligation. Millstone around your neck.

What do you got to do today? Well, I've got to eat a fucking custard tart. It does get a bit like that. We have to throw away at least a bun and a half. A bun and a half? Or maybe a half, maybe two halves. Maybe try a bit of one and we have to throw and a half. A bun and a half? Or maybe a half, maybe two halves. Maybe try a bit of one and we have to throw away the other. Which is good because I'm so fat.

Yeah, I've been letting myself down over the last week. Really bad. Yeah, yeah, not good. But they are nice over the weekend, for sure. Yeah, I would just start seeing it as a job. Like your beef curse. The beef's gift, very very nice gift is now over But it was a lot of beef to cook

This is more manageable. I would say than the beef the beef gift is over And other poems the beef gift is kind of like you said American say an Indian gift Don't be an Indian an Indian giver right which is when you give someone a gift and expect something in return or expect it back Yeah, I think it's expected back. Yeah. Well, yeah. It's some kind of like- A beef gift has the same ring to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. This new car is actually turning out to be a real beef gift. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the fucking audacity of Americans to say Indian giver when it's like, yeah,

constantly breaking treaties and just going, remember when we said that, you know, the Apache could have half of it. It's you can't, you have to get fucking get out now. Yeah. I think Lewis, he can add a routine about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. About the phrase Indian giver. It is mad. Yeah. Yeah. Beef gift's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of meat today, I had a, I had a great experience. One of those regular, you ever try like a hack you see on Instagram and it actually works. I have one that I, my goal is to try at some point in my life. So this one was the chicken breast one. Have you seen this one? Instagram is it how to like bake them? And it's how to pull out that weird little white tendon that goes along a chicken breast.

Yes. That is horrible and gross. Yes, I hate that line. And if I saw the video that said if you put your fork, you use a fork and you sort of, you push the tendon, the end of the tendon through the prongs of the fork. Yeah. And then use that fork as, use the fork to push the breast away from the tendon, or you pull the tendon out of the breast using that fork as a bolster. I don't know what you call it. Like a...

Yes. Okay. So the fork kind of holds the breast in place while you pull the tendon out. And you sort of pull that end bit off. And it comes right out. Yeah. It comes, it comes right out. Straight you pull the tendon. And it comes right out. It comes, it comes right out straight away. The tendon is beautiful. It comes right out of the breast. They say, they say perfect filet, Philip filet. They call him, they call him Philip filet. We love

breast. We love breast. Have you, did you see him getting the Tesla? Oh God. What's he done now? Well, there was an afternoon where because Tesla sales aren't doing very well right now. Elon Musk and Donald Trump basically did a QVC presentation of a Tesla on the White House lawn to the assembled presses. And sure. That and so and and trump just went despite making fun of electric vehicles on the campaign trail went full into salesman mode and said wow look it's beautiful absolutely and he gets in the car he's like this incredible and he goes everything's computer is that where that's from that's where that that's from. Everything's computer. I'm having to like try and reverse engineer memes from the news. Like I'll just see the phrase everything's computer all over my feed.

I'll be like, what's happened? You're talking about the dashboard. This dashboard is amazing. Everything's computer. And it's beautiful. Everything's computer. That's up there with all your base I belong to us. Everything's computer.

For accidental poetry. Everything's computer. Everything's computer. That's up there with all your bass I belong to us. Everything's computer. For accidental poetry. Everything's computer. Everything's computer. And people have done like Radiohead album covers. Like everything's computer. Which is really good. I think it's so strange for someone who, you know, definitely has English as a first language you know, definitely has English as a first language to speak like a POW from like a foreign country who's being interrogated. What's the nature of the air defense system? Everything's computer. Okay, this guy's English is not good enough. We need a translator. Yeah. Yeah. But there's a, there's a, there's a beauty to it. It's, it's, it's everything's computer. Everything's computer. If he was like an academic or, or there was a movement for a while, I think president Roosevelt, Theodore Roosevelt was really into it. I think of like aggressively simplifying English spelling.

Ah, this is like this is what Chairman Mao did with Mandarin. Yeah. He made the push for simplified characters. See, okay. Yeah. So this is what Roosevelt wanted was like everything should just be spelled phonetically. Ah, right. Yeah. If it's phonetic, then that's it. There's none of this messing around with the court, you know, the A U G H or this nonsense. Oh, wow. Really? Yeah. C-O-R-T. C-O-R-T.

He caught it. Donald Trump does something like that with the way he talks. There's a kind of direct... Because you understand what he's saying. I know exactly what he means. The keywords are all there. But it's like he's almost sort of going, I hungry. Stomach empty. Okay. You go, all right, it's food time.

Like it's something, if he was an academic, there'd be a name for like this type of language. It would be like, I think people studied like, oh, that's interesting. Or it feels like he's being directly translated from a language where so much more is context than in English. Yeah. Yeah. And then the accidental genius of it is that his way of speaking is a Goldilocks point between comprehensibility and novelty.

It's sort of wrong enough that your mind is forced to pay attention to try and figure it out, but it always makes enough sense that you do understand what he's saying. It's quite hard. It either, you know, a nudge in either direction and it's not as effective. And because it's so comprehensible and simple, like the phrase, everything's computer is so much more comprehensible than in, if you think about it, than saying the dashboard is a computerized. Right. Okay. Yeah. People have to think so much more about what that means. Whereas he's doing such a big gist. Everything's computer. You go, okay. Yeah. I mean, I can just imagine

what that means. Yeah. I don't have to think about what you actually mean. I could just kind of paint a mad picture in a couple of seconds from the baby language you just used. He speaks in the machine code of the brain. You know, machine code in computers is the most base language, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I feel like if you were to imagine the control center or like the Starship enterprise, your brain's machine code goes, everything's computer. And then you have to work to formulate a sentence out of that. But he goes straight into the machine code of the brain and just says everything's computer.

And so instantly he's gone straight into your brain and programmed right into your, linked right into your machine code. And instantly your brain, without you putting any work in, knows what to picture. That's true. He does talk like that. And when he's talking about a dictator, and if you go, not nice, bad man. And you go, yeah, that's like reading out what like brainwave level responses from seeing a photo of a dictator. Yeah. From the public.

Oh, these brainwaves indicate not nice and bad man. He talks like, um, chimps use sign language. I was going to say everything's computer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The words, the words they're able to put together. Not nice, bad nice bad man. He's like, he's trying to talk to a keeper signal for things. Yes. You know, they've got the gorilla ship. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly it. But you know what he means like, or like in, in, in arrival, when they figure out a crude translation device, someone Photoshopped Donald Trump in that fog, you know, on the other side of the big wall at arrival, just like looming out of the fog.

Everything's computer. And they go, my God. They've nailed it, it's exactly right. Everything in the ship is computer. It's something, yeah, there's a directness to it. Like if you were talking about a barbecue restaurant and you went, it's all the meat. You go, great.

That sounds good. Everywhere meat. Everywhere meat. Everywhere meat hot. So juicy. Sizzle, sizzle smell. Crunchy chew, bone. Burn crisp.

Burn nice. So tender. Yeah, yeah, bone. Burn crisp. Burn nice. So tender. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm building a beautiful picture in my head. Yeah. Delicious. Yeah, it's perfect advertising. Less is more.

And also, because everyone's having to interpret it, no one's upset because no one's making it up. Yes. Yes, exactly. Because we can all imagine the best version of what everything being computer means. Where you said, oh, there's a big computer screen in the middle of the steering wheel. You go, oh, I fucking want that. Whereas everything's computer you in your mind place a computer where you would want it. Oh, exactly. Clever. Yeah. Very clever. It's like an ape.

But apparently at one point he was reading out the pricing structure of Tesla's. Yeah, Trump was going through the price options. What sort of muttering about how brilliant they were? They just sort of detailing how much they were each. And he bought one on the spot even though he doesn't drive anymore. What is the equivalent to this if Obama had just advertised fucking cigarettes? He just came out to the White House alone and went, I smoked Marlboro's. Doing a whole conference about how delicious the tobacco of Marlboro was.

Everyone just went, I guess this is happening. This is fucking mad. Also, they look ugly, man. You think Tesla is ugly? Well, was it a Tesla or was it a Cybertruck? Tesla. I think some of the Tesla's are ugly. Cybertruck is mad. Horrible. Mad decision. Cybertruck looks like Homer's car. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just, oh my God. So that's okay. Well, thank you for solving

the mystery for me of where everything's computer has come from all of a sudden. Yeah, it's such a lesson for sort of politicians and how to communicate and even for standups like just this directness. Yes. It's so useful. Yeah, I'm bad for being overly verbose in my standup. And yeah, I think you and I come from from, well have a mindset and come from an academic tradition where the better the word you can choose, the better the effect. Yeah, the better the effect, the stronger your argument. Whereas it's not true in spoken word or...

Maybe we'd be like really accessible... Public speaking. Really accessible sort of man of the people comedians if we just talked like that. Yeah, I now actively, if I'm writing material, I'll say that word is too... Nice. Too nice. It's too fruity. Yeah.

It takes you out of the moment actually and it takes, makes you spend energy trying to figure out what I actually mean other than just engaging with the machine code of the joke. My plan is to go the other way. Increasingly obscure, like Will Self level, forcing a thesaurus onto the fucking crowd. Well that's what I'm currently going through. I'm watching the 1960 BBC series Civilization, presented by Sir Kenneth Clark, who's an art historian. And in 1960 or thereabouts, David Attenborough became controller of BBC Two

and decided to make the most out of the newly invented colour televisions and commissioned a bunch of shows that would show off colour TV. And one show would be about art and the history of Western civilization through its art and this is civilization by Kenneth Clark and it's It's wonderful. It's so beautiful and so informative, but so dense

Yeah, television did not pander in 1960 you have the he talks like a fucking admiral and he's so posh he's so so posh and he knows he's such a classical education he assumes you know he back he'll say things assuming you know things yeah assuming you know about the sack of Rome assuming you know who fucking Erasmus is. And so I have to watch it with subtitles on like with a wire. And I'm just watching and taking it all in after pause sometimes after look something up and I get back to it. So it's like, but it's like having 20, like I don't even know how many, 20 free lectures

on the iPlayer. Completely free, really good lectures about art history and the history of Western civilization. I'm going through that right now. It's so good. The first thing I do, I wake up, get some cereal, have my coffee and I put on civilization. That sounds nice. You have a fucking bun from the postman when you pop on civilization. That's nice, man. I- Highly recommend it. I do think that the period from 1955, 60, when television ownership was really widespread till 2010, 1990, we're gonna realize the effect on society,

the positive effect of there only being about three channels and everyone having to watch something on it. Because you know, so many people whose parents would not have chosen to show them civilization, or even chosen to watch it themselves necessarily, did watch it and learned things and maybe were inspired. Yes. And that's all gone now. Everyone only sees what they think they'll like or what a robot will think they're like based on the least charitable interpretation of their data.

So you've got all your own biases and then on your shoulders a little robot who's constantly motivating you to be the biggest fucking cunt. Like, lazy, stupid. This is constantly going, we're never going to just have a hamburger. Just constantly whispering things like that. Well, this goes back to what we're saying about the total awards, the over democratisation of culture. Yeah. It's not actually good for you. We shouldn't have this much choice. We shouldn't have this much say in what is made. I sometimes I feel like a fucking East German man. We're like, apparently when the wall came down and the Germany's United, East Germans

would go to West German supermarkets and be like traumatized by like how many mustards there were. Yes. So why are there 11 mustards? I just want one. What's the good one? They're all, they're all different. This is so exhausting. You think it is exhausting. You're right.

Yeah. It is exhausting. Sometimes it's sometimes you just want to live in East Berlin for a minute. Sometimes you just want to go across the proverbial Berlin wall of choice. Yeah. He's picked up for you. You see you see a lot, you know, I think one of the rare moments where that happened on mass Was the rise of the Apple Mac the MacBook? The whole the whole Apple system because we went from using Windows We could do anything to anything you could you customize it any way you wanted. You move your icons all over the place.

You could have the menu pop out different areas. You can have it formatted however you wanted. And then the MacBook came along and it's like, no, you can have it like this and only in this. You cannot access any of the internal folders. Yeah, you can't see it. We won't let you. And we went, thank you. Thank you, Mr. Jobs. Thank

you. It was too much for us. It was too much. You're right. Freedom was its own slavery. And eventually they even they buckled. Now you can do all kinds of fucking shit to your iPhone. You can change the font of the clock. Which is ridiculous. Oh, please write an article called the font of the clock. Yes. Yeah. The font of the clock.

The evils of choice or something like that. The folly of choice. Clock font, colon, the folly of choice. Oh, that's, you're getting a sub stack subscription from me, son. I want to read what this guy has to say once a week. Clock font, the folly of choice. Beef gifts, colon, better than nothing? Question mark.

London sourdough famine. These are all hot shit phrases, man. I'm in. I'm in I'm in oh Money I do yeah, I yeah the the I did It is the problem that I used to be so much more of the view that like oh, you know If you give everyone freedom of choice, then then you know enough people will naturally choose things that are good for them

But that's only like I think that's such a it's before the internet everyone freedom of choice, then enough people will naturally choose things that are good for them. But that's only like, I think that's such a, it's before the internet. Because before, if you were to go and say to someone, let's imagine a world in which a man could have several cardamom buns teleported to his mouth. Would he still choose to eat healthily? That used to be a theory. Now you're doing it. It's an option. A guy on a moped will just bring you things. Almost instantly. It's just like a kind of moped guy delivery version of the magical machine from Star Trek.

They just press buttons and say lasagna and it kind of beams a lasagna into existence. Yeah. We're not built for it. No, the human mind is built for scarcity. Yes. Hence our fat. Yeah, hence our fat. Hence me eating a whole Guinness cake of my own and I don't even know what it is. It's another good article. Hence our fat. Lack of scarcity in modern Britain. That would be the subheading of the dissertation. The scarcity of scarcity. Scarcity, scarcity, yeah. Hence our fat, colon, scarcity, scarcity.

Oh, oh. Put him on loose ends and interview him. Yes. A wonderful show. I should say I'm part of my art binge is to do with the fact that I, I can now announce, one of this year's judges for the Art Funds Museum of the Year award. I will be one of the select few judges deciding who is the best museum in the UK for this year. Finally, I can enact my revenge on all the museums that bullied

me growing up. Now I have a say. Now I'm supposed to slowly read every caption on every exhibit. Yeah, now it's my job. It's my job. Take's my job to stay after hours. Yeah. To fiddle with the mummies. But yeah, I'm very excited. I get to go around and look at museums and touch stuff and you have to physically go to every single one. Um, yeah. All of the shortlist. Yeah. Fucking hell. Yeah. Because it's the whole country in it.

Yeah. It'll only be, I think it's only five in the shortlist, but they're, they're all over the place. Could be Scotland, could be Northern Ireland, could be Wales. Could even be Norfolk. Could be anywhere. Oh, okay. But yeah, it's sick. It's real fun, but I'm trying to, the other judges are a lot more qualified than I am.

Oh yeah? Yeah. Bunch of nerds? Bunch of museum professionals. Oh. I am in there like I won a competition, but I will study. If you had to have a museum, what would you have it off?

Oh, your head. That's a great question. What would you enjoy curating and exhibiting the most? I would enjoy creating a museum. I'd love a museum of food and drink packaging. Oh, I like that. Just like rows of like how a particular can has developed over time. I like it. Like you ever watch something when it's like in the 60s or something and they've got a

Coke can but the tab is on the other end. Yeah. Or like an old coffee cup and like you have to peel off a slice of plastic with your finger. Toby So In a stuff set in the 70s, they've got like ring pull beer tins. Rob Yes. And you peel it from the inside out. Toby Yeah. Rob Right. That kind of thing. And

Toby Mad looking. Rob And the top of it is just flat. And you just drink out of this. Toby This flat blank thing. Or like in the forties when cigarettes were like fatter. That's bigger in diameter. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Like you have to get prop cigarettes for something set during World War II.

Oh really? Because they are different. They also have no filter at the end. No. Which is mad. It's just, fuck me up. Just leaf the whole way through. Just fuck me up.

It's, oh God. Yeah. A museum of food and drink packaging. That's nice. What would you do? Gardens, gardens. Um, I love almost. But doesn't exist. Is that the Imperial war museum? I've not actually been to the Imperial war museum. I still need to go. It's like, it's a maddest thing that I haven't done. Let's go. I've never been to, Oh no. No I have been there. I have not been to Churchill's war rooms. I've been there. Okay. Well, we'll have to do a swap then. I did do an Imperial War Museum, but I had to kind of hurry through

because I was doing a podcast for it. So yeah, let's definitely do the Imperial War Museums. I would also do an exhibit of, there's some really interesting and fun military badges. Okay. I like the badges. Yeah, right. Nice. It's such interesting designs. Like you get really modernist ones, like the new Rangers Regiment logo looks very modern. And then you get the ones where it is like, you know, a lion and a unicorn and a shield and all that. Yeah. I'd like to see all the Empire ones too.

All the Empire ones and then like new ones, like with a lot of the South African designs, like South Africa's new crest is this kind of like modernist interpretation of like traditional African imagery and funny angles and stuff like it's a bit modernist looking and you go okay right there's the old and the new again. Yeah that's not good. Fusion of the futuristic and the traditional. Yeah speaking of the fusion of the futuristic and the traditional, we should do some correspondence. Yes. Ring letters, emails, phone numbers, tweets, your sister will match with our feelings.

Correspondence. A rare read from me now. Boo. But this is, this is from Chrysantha. No. Chrysantha. Not Chrysantha's mum. No, but last we finally met the daughter. Yeah. Chrysantha. Hi Chrysantha.

Wow. Dear Philodendron and Pieriwinkle. Nice. Which are plants. Yeah, words about my Winkle. In brackets and Felupine. Felupine. So that's Felipe. I'm not sure what plant that is. Anyway, I'm reading this because Chris Sanford goes on to say, I just learned that Phil will be hosting the game BAFTAs, which is true. It's awards year for me, Pierre. I'm hosting again this

year's BAFTA Games Awards. If someone's going to be handed a statuette or a plexiglass cube, it's going to be something to do with Phil. I'd better be involved! And Chris Hunter says, I'm now thrilled that I might rub shoulders with him, for you see, my husband's history-steeped comedy game called Vampire Therapist is nominated.

That sounds good. Vampire Therapist is nominated for an award at the Bafta Games Awards. I cannot express how remarkable it feels for this shoestring budget game to have one such recognition. So congratulations, Chrysantha's husband and Chrysantha. Chrysantha, she gives us a couple of nice words and gifts in the email. We've all got a download key for vampire therapists. Oh, fucking sick.

Thank you very much, Chrisantha and Chrisantha's husband. That's great. Thank you very much. Can't wait to potentially witness how surprisingly tall Phil is. Yes, yes. If you get close enough, you will see. Until then, I hope the game pleases and I thank you for the buckets of entertainment you've provided me and others excitedly and cogely. Yours, Chrysantha. Thank you, Chrysantha. And congratulations, Mr. Chrysantha. Yes. Yes. Well done. Very cool. Very cool. We've got a pod bud is going to be at the BAFTA Games Awards. And Godspeed, please shout Koji out so that Phil has to explain what that is.

Please don't. They will not. It'll take me so long to explain. Scream it. And I've got so little time up there. Scream it. And they won't, everyone's in tuxes. They won't want to hear about booze and bees and wheeze and jerking it and spunk. They won't. I've tried to convince them. They are there for video games.

They know plenty about jerking it. Okay. Come on. We've also heard from, well, he has sent in like a very nice sort of praise redacted bit about enjoying my Soho show and about the podcast and things, but which I'll show you in a second. But the main bit, dear Philoctetes and Pierocles. Ah, Philoctetes. He's the guy who trains Hercules in the Disney movies. Yes. Mm. Philotetes. Is Philotetes. He's in. He's the guy who trains Hercules in the Disney movies, isn't he?

Yes. Yes. Yes, and Pericles is Pericles. Pericles. Pericles fights Medusa, I think. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's who it is. Uh, hello chaps.

It's Matt who had leukemia again. Ah, hello Matt. Um, hope all's well in Budport Towers and that Felipe has been fully house trained by now. We're getting there. Almost. He's in the litter box right now. So he's got his laptop in the litter box with him. Yes, yeah.

But that's just in case at this point. That's just in case. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eventually we'll move the laptop in the litter box onto the sort of seat of the loo and then we'll kind of swap it out and you know, it'll be fine. And then it's my turn. A quick thank you to the listener from Anthony Nolan, who wrote in explaining genetic matches for stem cell transplants after I explained my donor was from Germany. My donor actually

came through Anthony Nolan, making it even more fitting. Wow. Excitingly in May, it'll be two years since my transplant, at which point I'll be allowed to write to my donor thanking him for the stem cells that saved my life. Holy shit. Oh, that's fucking cool. Wunderbar. Wunderbar. Glückwunsch.

That's so nice. Having been taught from a young age to write thank you cards to senders of gifts. Very classy. Yeah. Very nice. Good parenting. I feel this one might have slightly more emotional heft behind it than some previous half-hearted missives to distant relatives expressing feigned gratitude for a box of obviously re-gifted

ancient Turkish delight. Yeah, a lot of pressure on this thank you note. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't just write, cheers mate. That'll be funny though. Cheers mate, next'd be funny though. Yeah. Cheers, mate. Next round's on me. That's so funny. If I donated life-saving stem cells to someone and I just got back a cheers, mate, I'd have a lot of fun. Yeah. That would be really funny. Cheers, mate. And then a photo of you having a pint. Just thumbs up. Yeah. Thumbs up in a party like in a beer garden. Cheers mate. Cheers mate. Got any more?

Can my friend have some? Cheers mate, can I have a fag? I'll keep you posted. At the very least, I hope my incredibly poor German doesn't result in me offending my donor and him requesting I return the gift, which would be awkward for all parties. Give some back. If that is your attitude, I am taking them back. Anyway, in happier news, I recently married the same long suffering partner who was woken up by my gastroenteritis phasmin blasted into her face by an electric fan in Dubai a few years back.

Wonderful. Episode 59, Glen Morpod. Thank you. God bless you, Matt, for doing what I literally just failed to do, which is remember when things happened. Gosh, that would only have been a few into COVID. COVID, I remember COVID is around the nadir. Yeah, right. Yeah. And about a year in. Yes, I remember these big farts going straight into an electric fan and being sort of beamed across the room like satellite television right into her face. We had a fabulous honeymoon in Greece where we spent a few days of her patiently letting me be an insufferable nerd at various ancient Greek sites before hopping on a ferry and merrily tottering around

some islands for a few days, loaded up on mythos beer and souvlaki. I like mythos. Mythos is so refreshing. I love mythos beer. Nice. So nice. After two weeks of veritable paradise, our honeymoon was sadly ruined on the flight home

by a severe reaction to a bag of nuts. Not through any allergies, but from the unremitting tweeness of the wackaging. Oh, even more dangerous, I would say. Even worse. When sometimes when I see particularly wacky packaging, my whole body swells up and I have to be hospitalized and I can't breathe. I need to know if the food was made in the same factory as wacky packaging. Something wacky. Yeah. We can't guarantee nothing wacky happened in the same factory as wacky. Something wacky. Yeah. And we can't guarantee nothing wacky happened in the kitchen. So maybe it's best if we.

I attached the photo below for your displeasure. To add to the situation, there were about eight kernels in the bag, each of them blander than a rich tea dipped in pond water and harder than granite and travesty of an in-flight snack. Peace and love, boys. And remember, parakalos inekisthena avnaniseste. Keep on jacking it in Greek. We can only know and pray. As Zeus would have said it himself.

Yes. Continue to jack it, mortals. So, the product is called Love Corn. Oh, I've had love corn. Yeah. But it's a, what a disgusting name. Yeah. Love corn sounds like what medieval people would call genital warts. Oh, you're right. Love corn. Love. I've got some love corn. Brother. What's that? Love corn. Love corns on your fucking balls. That's terrible. Hello. Just so you know, we're deliciously crunchy corn. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't like that at all. That genuinely sounds like a different guy. It's quite unsettling. A window into what your voice could be like. Yeah, I think my voice is capable of a lot, actually.

And an unwelcome one. Just so you know, hello, just so you know. And it always says just so you know, I just go, what is it? Why, why, why? Just say it, don't preface it. Hello, just so you know, we're deliciously crunchy corn. Love, comma, corn. P.S.

Find love in the simple things. That's a big P.S. And then sea salt. Oh, is that meant to be the ingredients? We're love, simple things, corn. Find love in the simple things. Love? That's a big ask. It's a big ask, isn't it? We found love in a bag of corn. Found love in a bag of corn. No more will we scorn, cause we found in a bag of corn.

No need to keep downloading porn. I found love in a bag of corn. Find love in the simple things. Love? In your little corn bag? I've never found love until I had a pack of puffed corn. It's as offensive to me as a, if someone at McDonald's said,

here's your cheeseburger, I love you. Don't fucking talk to me like that. Give me the food. And I don't want to be the guy who cites the movie, Idiocracy, but it is a thing in the movie, Idiocracy in the future when everyone's stupid. I don't know, I've never who cites the movie, Idiocracy, but it is a thing in the movie, Idiocracy, in the future when everyone's stupid. Oh, I don't know. I've never heard of this movie. Really?

No. Wow. It's Mike. Wow. Wow. It's Mike Judge. I'm so shocked I was Christopher Walken. It's Mike Judge who wrote Beavis and Butthead and King of the Hill. Oh, right. And he wrote a sort of flawed but interesting film

about the fact that like, you know, these, like, like some idiot in like a trailer park is having like eight kids and the two Harvard graduates are like, we were going to have our first child, but the stock market didn't look quite right. So we have like one. And so it's a bit, you know, this, it's a bit distastefully eugenicist in some ways, cause it that like, oh, there's too much breeding of thickos and not enough breeding of smart people. Yeah. But if we accept that premise, which is explained in the first minute of the film, maybe people

will just get stupider. Right? Right. And so it's set in the future. A guy from our time who is perfectly average, the army's like tested his IQ and he's like exactly a hundred, like he's perfectly average. Yeah. He's like cryogenically frozen and wakes up in the future where he's like a genius.

Oh, I see. Because everyone else is just like a complete idiot. Okay. And in this idiot society, like all anyone drinks is Gatorade. Like a WWE wrestler called Camacho is the president. And it's like, so when Donald Trump got elected, people were sharing the clip of Donald Trump and WWE going, we live in a bureaucracy now. Yeah, right, right, right. And in this movie, in the future, you got a Walmart and you know, they have greeters in America. As you go in, the guy, the greeted go, welcome to

Walmart. I love you. They all just say, greeted go, welcome to Walmart, I love you. They all just say, I love you all the time, I love you. Welcome to Walmart, I love you. Just to everyone who goes past, but it's happening. It is happening. Find love in my corn. It's too much pressure for corn. In the 60s, it would be like, I like corn.

You have overstepped, sir. But that's too much to ask from corn. I hate it, I hate it. Find love in not a bag of fucking corn. You have overstepped, sir. But that's too much to ask from corn. I hate it. I hate it. Find love in not a bag of fucking corn. Also, Matt, I like in the photo, you are giving the bag the finger. Oh, good. That is funny.

Give it one for us. Finger that bag. Thank you all for listening to us this week. I will see you guys in Melbourne. Obviously because I'm going to be in Melbourne, I'm going to be doing some podcasting either on my own or with any of the many cool people who are going to be in Melbourne and then, and you're off to Malaysia. Yeah, that's right.

Then I'll be off to Malaysia. So we're still going to feed you. Yeah, we're still going to feed you just slightly different flavor of Bud Pod. Everything's Bud Pod. But find love in the simple things. different flavor of Bud Pod. Everything's Bud Pod. But find love in the simple things. Find love in Bud Pod. Everything's Bud Pod. Just so you know, we're delicious corn. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye.