BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 49 - Valentine's Correspondent's Dinner!

Episode Date: February 12, 2020

Correspondent’s Valentine’s Dinner! Pierre Novellie and Phil Wang answer your emails. Phil practices his Bath accent, Pierre talks about shredded miners, they talk about Popeye. Correspondence includes MORE TAT, a fantastic Norway poo, what does BITCH stand for, a hotel poo story that not even HER HUSBAND knows about!  Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's 49, 49. Episode 49. Yeah. Sounds a bit Irish when you say 49. It's 49. 49. 49. I was trying out my Bristol the other day.

Pretty good. Do you think it's alright? You don't get too farmery because... They're not too farmery in the town. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's in order to replace my London Italian Because they're not too far away in the town. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's in order to replace my London Italian,

because I've already mastered that one. So now I'm trying to do West Country. Because I did grow up there for a little while, a couple of years, just to do the A-levels in Bath. That's good. That's good, yeah. You got there perfect, yeah. I'd say that's pretty... That should be on your CV or

whatever. You reckon? Yeah. They won't say retten. You reckon? You reckon? No. There's always some trouble words, isn't there? Yeah, so I'll be doing this podcast in a sort of bad Bristol accent.

Phil is... Phil is auditioning to be the next star of that West Country historical drama. What was it called? Poldark. Poldark, that's right, yeah. Johnny Sixpacks. Yeah. Where it was like, imagine a man who's both Cornish

and has a six-pack but doesn't speak like he's Cornish. That's every woman's dream. He waded in and out of the sea a lot as well. Which is like a Mr. Darcy thing, isn't it? In and out of the pond. I hate seeing six-packs back

in those days because I swear six-packs weren't technically possible back then. Because he has the body of someone who goes to the gym and a modern gym if you had a six pack it would be it would be because like you're strong but also you don't have any body fat like you're skinny yeah it's not like uh hey do you know what they had in the olden days like a real excess of protein like they had so much spare meat lying around um i remember reading some description maybe it was orwell with a road to wigan pier so he's talking about the miners yeah and how the miners are like

as these as as as a group are sort of denigrated as these kind of dirty coal smeared you know working men but they're sort of they have like classical greek musculature he was saying like he was saying like isn't it funny that we don't admire how incredibly... How fit they are. How fit these lads are. Okay, so I guess his bodies did exist. Yeah, but like I say, it wasn't in the way that like... It wasn't in the way that like Schwarzenegger might have a six pack.

The six pack could be there, but the rest of the body would be that kind of lean, rangy muscle that you get on rock climbers. Yes, yes, yes, sure. None of this like bicep your biceps not that useful no we hardly ever do anything with the bicep natural strength like you see those guys who like rock climbers or whatever their biceps are just like they're there but they're not you know cartoon like 1980s i wonder how the bicep became like the go-to show-off muscle why just because it looks just because the action looks yeah and i think it's bodybuilding like it's just the the cultural influence of actual bodybuilding contests.

Because that's one of the main flexes. Because you know they have to do set poses. That's right, yeah. And Popeye as well, probably. There's a lot to blame Popeye for. Do you still do that routine? Yeah, I still close the show. Go see Phil on tour, everyone,

if you want to see Phil's Popeye routine Where can people find your tour dates? On philwang.co.uk of course On philwang.co.uk Because I'm a patriot I've got a.com Well good for you And I think.co.uk redirects to it

Or it should do What was I going to say Yes the Popeye routine do. What was I going to say? Yes, the Popeye routine is I like doing it, but for months I was saying Popeye until I was corrected on it by a friend. To Popeye. What? Popeye.

I was saying Popeye. With an A? Yeah. Did you think it was spelled with an A? No, I knew it was spelled Popeye, but I called it Popeye my entire life. Popeye. Because that's how he says it. I'm Popeye. But I guess he's actually going Popeye.

He's American. But then if he's American, isn't that the correct pronunciation? Aren't you supposed to pronounce things the way the members of the community pronounce it? Oh man, I would love to see a big like very sensitive cultural appropriation argument about popeye yeah and what to do about popeye and how it actually um is yeah it appropriates

maritime culture mid 19th century sailor culture when is he from pre when is he from i'd say like 20s okay sometimes there's maybe a is there sometimes a radio it's not like a gramophone maybe there's a an old radio yeah yeah yeah 20s and 30s maybe yeah um yeah okay sure sure it's interesting how imagery in cartoons is always slightly out of date to make sure that everyone knows what it's supposed to be. What do you mean? Well, you can't have like when you're trying to depict something in a cartoon, it has to be understood by everyone without it being pointed out.

Especially if the cartoons don't have any audio. Okay. In the 1940s when they're doing cartoons, they're like, well, what kind of radio are we going to draw? It's like, well, let's not draw new radio. Like as new as they could look in the 40s they draw those wooden ones that are shaped like an archway yeah yeah because otherwise half the population who are old or older than that type of radio don't know that that new ones come out that's like a box shape i'm just like well what's that supposed to be you go for like that like like no one uses sticks of

dynamite for fuck's sake yeah but it's just so much more dramatic. A bomb with a big clock on it. Yeah. As opposed to a C4 with a remote. Like in a video game. Yeah. Have you seen the Popeye movie with Robbie Williams? Robin Williams.

Robbie Williams? He sings Millennium. I have not seen it. I have. No one's seen it I watched it as a kid A bunch of times I've seen bits of it

I caught part of it on TV once And I remember finding it amazing That no one had told me That this thing existed Yeah And then I never saw it on TV ever again Because it's surely like a kid's ultimate dream Yeah

Robin Williams playing Popeye Yeah But it's quite disturbing So the His sort of His The The makeup on him...

They made him all lumpy and deformed. Like Dick Tracy. Creepy. I don't know. Yeah? A lot of the cartoon characters in the Dick Tracy comics have like giant lumpy weird shaped heads. And when they made the movie,

they had to do prosthetics that made them all look like that. So these like horrible David Lynch heads. Yeah. It's horrible, yeah. I do remember finding it visually quite disturbing. I think Peter Sellers was supposed to be involved in that. I think they filmed it all in Crete, and there's some anecdote about Peter Sellers going and being a cunt on set.

It's filmed in Malta. Malta, that's right. I was on holiday with my family in Malta, and we took a little boat around the island, and we were taken to the Popeye Village. It's still there. The set they built to popeye's amazing little port town is still there that's how little is going on in malta they built they take over a bit of coast and build a town there we can just leave it we don't need this for anything else whatever just leave it as a popeye as a

popeye village i remember going in we were in tenerife or grand canary or something when i was young and i remember going to a... They'd built a whole fake western town for filming cowboy movies. Oh, yeah? Yeah. And then it had become... They'd turned it into like a sort of mini theme park, I think. Yeah, that's what they'd done.

Yeah. But it was all like a wooden... Like a cowboy street. It was all like wooden decking and... Yeah, crazy. I couldn't believe where the Canary Islands were when I found out last year. So far away. They're so...

They're by Africa. Yeah. Oh, they. So far away. They're by Africa. Yeah. Oh, they're so far away. What are they closest to? Gold Coast, maybe? Guinea? Equatorial Guinea? No, they're just off the west coast of Morocco, which isn't too far south.

They're further south than that, aren't they? Really? I think they're just a bit southwest of Morocco. Oh, wait, am I thinking of That other group of islands What's that other one called? It's not as far south as Cape Verde

The fresh cap That's when you buy a new baseball cap I've got a Cape Verde Or green I was thinking Verde's fresh Verdant Ah, language Enough of this flotsam Or green I was thinking Verde's fresh Verdant Ah language Enough of this flotsam

What about the jetsam I love the jetsams Another great cartoon But a talking piece of driftwood George Jetsam Anyway We're going to have another Correspondence special

We're getting closer, fellas and gals and everything else. We're down in the content mines. Working away like little beavers. So, enjoy. Ring letters. Email. Phone calligraphy.

Talking. Your sister. Keep a straight eye. Keep a straight eye. Ring letters. Correspondence. Would you like to correspond with me? Yes, I would Diddly-dee

Yes, that's nice That's a nice song We're thinking about writing a new Correspondence jingle That's a work in progress That's a work in progress And the part of the audience, you listeners Was played there by Phil, which I thought was pretty good Yeah, also I was playing myself by Phil, which I thought was pretty good. Yeah.

Also, I was playing myself because I do want to hear it. Yeah. Alfie got in touch and sent us what appears to be a wonderful list of tats. But it's just come up as image JPEG, image JPEG, image JPEG on his email, Alfie. This was a while ago now, so you might have lost the images. But he says, but thank you for your attempt And he says, surely the god of all tat

Is the fridge magnet or tea towel or apron That says, I like to cook with wine Sometimes I even put it in the food Yes I love it You'd actually genuinely enjoy that tat I would enjoy that, that'd be good tat That would be good, that's good wang tat

Good wang tat That wang tat that's that does sound like a name wang tat good wang tat good wang tat but i don't know of what particular culture because it's got a hard wang tat it sounds cambodian to me because it's got a hard d at the end of good that you wouldn't find good wang tat good wang good wang it reminds me of ankle wet i think that's why ah yeahodian. And the good bit is like Gurdwara, like the Sikh temple. So that's pulling it more southwest, isn't it? Yeah, Gurdwara killed a lot of intellectuals. If you wore glasses around Gurdwara, he would shoot you in the face.

Aaron gets in touch. Aaron! It's been ages since I encountered an Aaron. With those two A's. Leave some A's been ages since I encountered an Aaron. With those two A's. Leave some A's for the rest of us, Aarons. Hello, poo-poo pals. Yep, fair enough. I like poo-poo pals.

Yep. I went to Norway a few years ago after wanting to visit for many years. I wouldn't say why, but fair enough. Okay. Due to the high price of staying in a city like Oslo, I had no choice but to go for the cheapest option available to me when booking my accommodation, an eight-man shared dormitory on the outskirts of the city.

Wow. Eight of your finest men. Find me eight strapping men for this dormitory. Despite having to sleep on a top bunk above a man who loved to thrash about in his sleep. Just loved it. Smiling as he does it. He's sighing with relaxation as his

limbs pump wildly around the room at high levels of snoring through the night it wasn't too bad but being a bit of an introvert i'd wake up early shower and head to the local cafe for a coffee and a poo in relative privacy smart Smart man. One day, sticking to the same routine, I headed to the cafe to have a couple of coffees, a ham and cheese panini, and prepare for that first glorious poo of the day. I'd cycled a long way the day before, finding myself in a small town outside of Oslo

with only one supermarket, where the only thing I could afford in any abundance was a very large bag of cooked chicken wings. In one of those, like wings. Just loosen a bag. One of those really thick plastic bags that they have in the hot food section. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where you go, wow, this plastic's thick. And the meat inside is visibly sweaty.

So he ate a bunch of sweaty chicken wings. A very large bag, which I ate throughout the day to keep me going. Like the way an adventurer would eat bird flesh yes and there's a sack very viking flinging it over his shoulder walking down the road grateful hound skittering behind him having not released

having not released my brown valve since the same time since the same time the day before I Since the same time the day before. I knew I would take my time with this one and savor it before another big day in this new city. The toilet in the cafe was large and open at around 8 foot by 8 foot.

Hidden away from the counter and other customers in the corner of the room. The toilet itself was on a raised platform like a king. Like a king's toilet. Oh, he already says that later. Sorry for joke-pooping you there, Aaron. So you'd have to take a step up to sit on the toilet and then be elevated above everything else in the room like a medieval king. Yes.

A truly palatial place to start your day. Once in place, I began reading through my phone and essentially really taking my time. Because of how weird my diet had been in oslo effectively just chicken wings hot dogs supermarket beer and water it was incredibly smelly it's very honest of you this didn't bother me i was after all the toilet king fair enough at this point i've been in the toilet for around 10 minutes and had effectively just zoned out such was my comfort in my throne room no sooner had i let my guard down however the, which was directly in front of me, about six foot away and clearly not locked

properly, began to open. At first it creaked slightly ajar and then began to swing open with more and more speed. Panicked, I had no idea what to do. The door was too far away to block it with my foot, and with my mind muddied by this sudden intrusion, it didn't even cross my mind to try and pull my trousers up,

so I just sat there. When the door was fully open, a pram with a toddler about two or three years old was slid in. With a Norwegian dad behind it. He hadn't seen me, dragging in a large bag behind him with his other hand, and he was clearly exasperated in a way

that only a dad left alone with his offspring can be. The child, however, had locked eyes with me, and was slid in closer and closer, eventually knocking into the step beneath me and now sitting only about a foot away, peering up from between my legs. I just forgot. This had all happened in under 10 seconds

and my levels of anxiety had skyrocketed accordingly, taking fast sharp breaths as a panic attack manifested itself he's an introvert remember of course oh my god the dad had finally wrestled the bag past the door and shut and locked it behind wow this guy hasn't turned around wow that is an incredible commitment to looking behind you yeah this guy does not want to look ahead of himself now that he's pretty sure the toilet's empty. He let out a deep sigh and turned to change his child, but was instead greeted by an Englishman in his late 20s,

trousers around his ankles, panting heavily, and sitting on an elevated toilet throne staring at his child. I looked up at the father, and he looked back at me open mouthed we stayed like this for about five seconds bewildered in complete silence until he said something in norwegian along the lines of oh grusen takum oh thank you very much i think it means grusen talk grusen talk talk is thank you oh okay grusen must be like closer maybe he said okay thank you that's yeah it must be okay, grosse. Maybe he said, okay, thank you. That's, yeah, must be okay, thank you. And rushed himself and his almost certainly scarred child out of the toilet,

leaving me sitting there like some sort of defeated poo king on my throne. I cleaned up, took a long look in the mirror, and went to leave. Thankfully, as I exited, the man was nowhere to be seen. So I thought. As I headed for the exit, I spotted him and his child sitting at a table, still waiting. Our eyes locked, and he looked at me in a way that said he knew that what he'd seen was incredibly funny, but with a cold undertone that only people who've gone through something traumatic together can share. Good work. Keep up the good work, Enkoji.

Aaron, a Norway pooper and founding father. Wow, founding father. Thanks so much, Aaron. That's a great poopin' story. There's the dread of the child being unable to say anything as your own dad blindly pushes you towards a shitting man. Like alien just coming closer and closer to your face. Slobbering. You're on some sort of automated treadmill and you can't, it's just

pushing you towards danger. Imagine from the baby's perspective there's a door opening seeing a throned trouserless man. Yeah. And being pushed slowly and slower and slower towards him.

No! Like James Bond with the laser going up the table. But why didn't Aaron say anything? Couldn't he be like, oh, yeah, that's my go-to. Oh, sorry. Yeah, sorry. Hello. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Oh, sorry. Oh, I just go for, oh, sorry. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It has to be a, oh. That's the noise of, don't look at me sh me. Oh, sorry. Oh, I just go for, oh, sorry. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It has to be a, oh. That's the noise of don't look at me shitting. Oh.

Oh. Some, sometimes if they are, if I decide that they're, they've made the mistake, like, like I've tried to do, oh, I've done all the warnings and they still just try to like come in. Right. They're still like, it's still opening. And then it's it's like well now it's your fault right yeah and i'll just look at them yeah you just get up and turn over and just bear your ass all to them this is what you want come in i'll just look at them with an expression that says what can i do for you hello can i help you uh excuse me i just sit there with my head cocked and an eyebrow raised like The Rock.

That's when they turn up. I don't even look up from my paper. I let them close the door and lock it. Half moon glasses. What can I do for you? Yes, hello, just looking over the glasses. What is it? Yes.

Yes. Yes. With a long S. Yes. Big eyes and a long S. Yeah, widen your Yes. Yes. Yes. With a long S. Yes. Big eyes and long S. Yeah. Widen your eyes. Yes.

What is it? Yes. I'm sorry. I thought this was empty. Well, it isn't. Is there anything else I can do for you? Closh. Oh, God.

Closh. Closh. Closh. Cuss gloss Cuss gloss Mary gets in touch Mary Mary Quite Larry Maybe Larry Mary is quite good Larry Mary is good if she was on a night out

Larry Mary is a good nickname for like a A gruff, tough lady who runs a pub in a Victorian drama. Nice, yeah. Like, you don't want to tangle with Larry Mary. She runs that part of hers with an

iron fist. And then the door opens and she goes, get out! And she throws out a ruffian. Yeah, by holding his collar and his belt. And the main character, the protagonist is like, I guess that's her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we've met Larry Murray. And always red hair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always red hair. Her fierce temper. Anyone in olden days who had any courage at all, if they were a woman, had to have red hair. Yes, always. any courage at all if they were a woman i had to have red hair yes always it's like uh any yeah very timid woman who's a very sort of mousy and shy and a nice wife brown yeah uh scary goth woman in old literature black black black hair or sort of sad as well yeah uh innocent um innocent innocent and naive, kidnapped. Yeah.

Engaged to eight people at once. Yeah. Liable to be kidnapped. Yeah. Very dreamlike. Yeah. Always is too into a hobby. Sits in a field a lot. Yes. Flowers happen. There's poetry. There's weaving. Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

So Mary, we're assuming you have red hair and you're a tough-but-fair mistress of a Victorian pub Hi, bud boys. Usually I just tag you on Instagram, but I found so much tat on this one shop alone I had to email it. Otherwise my story looks insane or like I actually like this stuff Well, I will say ever since I tweeted about our uh one of our last episodes being um aquarius's yeah uh i'm being suggested astrology shit left right well on the ads on twitter as well but accounts to follow as well oh god like like there's people out there with i didn't even of course like now that i know this it makes sense but there's people out there with twitter accounts that are just for astrology like they they're saying like hi i'm bill i'm the astrologer i put my wisdom of the moon and stars here on

twitter so you can read it which is like the i've got balls but that's real balls just to start a twitter account and go run your life based on this fucking stuff the the the absolute audacity to promote that sort of thing on a technology that would never have been achieved had people believed that people stuck with it stuck with your beliefs you know i mean yeah if you had if you if you'd had it your way we wouldn't have any of this you wouldn't have electricity or the internet yeah and now you're using it to sell what could have destroyed us it's the ultimate ultimate victory of capitalism for shame late stage capitalism late state what do people mean when they talk about late stage capitalism as a now well see i actually looked that up the other day because i was like wow people sure are throwing

this word around in tweets a lot i want to be cool and use it too um and it was even i i found out that like the first time someone started talking about late stage capitalism was i think in the 30s so really yeah it's been way late it's been late for a while now yeah okay but basically everyone was like wow look at the 30s it's all the depression you know chaos it's got to be late stage so uh all right by the 50s it's gonna be a smooth sailing oh is the idea that it'll be over soon yeah of course everyone will just naturally become socialists or whatever that's interesting and that's been said from what i can tell for coming up to a hundred years now so the repetition the re the re-emergence of the term late stage capitalism just goes to show that whenever shit goes funky yeah everyone just goes up

there you go it's going it's going okay next time oh well so one of the bits of tat here Phil is a thing that

says my life colon okay my life little colon there and then it has a loading bar and it says loading

and it's only part loaded oh oh tech tat that's cute tech tat tech tat game tat what is that on and it says loading and it's only part loaded. Tech tat. That's cute. Tech tat. Game tat. What is that on? Is it on a sign or something?

It appears to be on some sort of card. I'm not quite sure. Hang on, this was not loading very easily. Why is this not loading? My life loading. What does that exactly mean? Like, oh, I'm on my way. My life isn't ready yet. But they seem to have just sort of amalgamated two video game terminologies. So, like, life, as in how many lives you have left, and a loading bar.

But they rarely have anything to do with each other. Maybe it's like for birthdays? Is it a birthday card? Okay, okay, okay. I don't quite like that. Only if it's a birthday card. But then isn't the implication there that your life is complete once you're dead? Yes, and also that...

I guess that's true. Your life is complete once you're dead. Though your life is starting with it. You're aiming at it, yeah. Maybe it's a very... It could subtly be a very Christian message, couldn't it? Ah, of course. Christian tat.

Christ tat. Yeah, Christ tat? What would you call that? Theo, Theo... Theo tat. Christ Tat. Christ, yeah, Christ Tat? What would you call that? Theo, Theo, Theo. Theo Tat. Theo Tat. Theo Tatrisian. My email client is being a fucking twat,

so it's not letting me load this stuff. This woman is strong, powerful, confident, fearless, bold, beautiful, inspirational, independent, all of the above, and there's tick boxes next to them. Oh, God. So you just tick. That's a notebook. It looks like it's on a notebook.

It looks like a notebook. And you're supposed to tick all of the above, probably. Imagine you get it and you treat it really seriously and you go down the checklist. There you go. Can I tick strong? And you go, strong, yeah, okay, powerful. That seems very similar to strong.

Confident and fearless and and bold they seem quite similar it'd be really funny her hands of quivering over the confident box yeah and then going oh no i couldn't possibly or maybe oh no no it'd be really depressing to see someone's cover of that notebook with like all of it ticked apart from all of the above and beautiful you'd be like oh come on mate fucking hell that's the most depressing you can't you can't tick all this other shit and not tick that one. You've got to go for the all of the above, don't you? You have no choice but to be empowered.

When it comes to that notebook cover. Yeah. Today's forecast, 100% chance of winning. Oh, no! That's horrible. I hate that one. I think that might be one of the worst. 100% chance of winning. And there's a picture of a rainbow.

What if you have a really bad day? Because you will have a bad day. You look at that card and you go, I defied the odds today to lose. I had 100% chance of winning. And I still fucked it up. God, I'm a piece of shit. Oh God. Yeah, and you just go it looks like now today's got a hundred percent chance of me walking into the sea if i can fuck that up and then the last piece of

tat is uh it says in it sort of embossed big letters boss and underneath it says equals so we're being told what BOSS equals now. What do you think it stands for? Oh, so it's an anagram? Not anagram, acronym. BOSS equals being occasionally sassy. Stupid. It's worse than that.

It's based on self-success. What? It's one of those things where, like, you know how, especially on, like, LinkedIn, people obsessively try to justify where they are in life. Like, they try and justify it based on who they are. Okay. So it's like that. Right.

If I'm the boss, that's because it's based on self-success. I got me here. I climbed that greasy ladder. Based on self-success. That's what self-success means. Self-success is such an ambiguous term. Self-success. Self-success.

It's a very old-fashioned way of talking about masturbating. I had a self-success last night. Only if you masturbate to completion. Success! Eureka! Yeah, that's pretty gross tat, eh? That is gross tat. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much, Mary. Good luck with dealing with those ruffians in your pub we've made up. Yeah. Yeah, and I hope you fix that banister that people keep getting thrown through. Stop buying chandeliers. They only get torn down.

They always land on a game of cards. Startle all the people sat there smoking. Stop doing that. Hannah gets in touch. Hannah, throwing a spanner in the works And she's sending us Some tat from the Nottingham Christmas fair

Oh fantastic And it says Bitch That's the first thing Bitch Underneath It turns out Phil That bitch stands for something oh god we've got another one yeah okay bitch stands for bitch in big letters but uh big ovulating

oh no i'm still on boss my head's still on boss because it's a big big incredible terrific cathartic heroin you've done a thing where the list of words starts with big but then it contains a word as complex as cathartic

I'll have you know Phil that bitch stands for beautiful intelligent talented, charming happy What I like is that beautiful intelligent,, talented, and charming are qualities, and happy is a mood. So if you are not happy, then you're not a bitch.

Unless there's... You're a bitsk. What if there's a comma before the H and a question mark after the H? So it's beautiful, intelligent, talented, charming. Happy? Happy? Huh? Is that enough for you? Actually, yeah. If they put a question mark after the H. So it's beautiful, intelligent, talented, charming. Happy? Happy? Yeah? Is that enough for you?

Actually, yeah, if they put a question mark. Yeah, happy? Happy? You happy with that? Yeah? You happy with this bitch now, are you? PS says, Hannah, I also played Detective Barbie. Spoiler alert, there was definitely a part where you had to bust someone out of a crate

with a crowbar. Wow. According to Hannah. Gosh, because we found out there were three Detective Barbies, were there? I played two. I played Detective Barbie the second. There were three. I don't know if that was the one with the crate in it.

The subject line of Hannah's email was, Bitch tats! Which is very funny. I like that a lot. Someone out of a crate with a crowbar. Does that sound right? That sounds quite extreme. Ken's body. Did she put him in there?

Ken's corpse. It's been boxed up and ready for shipping. Come on, Google. Ken, the original cuck, right? Is he a cuck or is he a sex idiot? What's a sex idiot? It's from... A sex idiot. What's a sex idiot? It's from... A sex idiot.

What's the show? Oh, God. It's set in Rockefeller Plaza. 30 Rock. 30 Rock. Of course. 30 Rock. Liz Lemon gets a sex idiot at some point.

He's like a really fit dude. He's a fucking idiot. Oh, okay. And she calls him a sex idiot? I think so. Or like... What's the blonde character's name again? Lady. The vacuous lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's like, oh, that's a sex idiot. I think she explains the whole idea to her. I need to watch all that again. Yeah, me too. That's one of those shows I absolutely love, but I'm not entirely sure I watched all of. No, where you go like, wow, I love this, and then you sort of wander away, get distracted.

Yeah, and you come back and go, oh, there were 18 more seasons after I stopped watching. Exactly, yeah. I did that, and then you sort of wander away, get distracted. And you come back and go, oh, there were 18 more seasons after I stopped watching it. Exactly, yeah. I did that with... That's American TV, though. It's so much. It's an avalanche. I mean, Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I love it, but... It's up to 17 seasons now.

So many, I will never watch them. It's... Apologies, Hilary, you sent us some Black Friday American tat, but it has not loaded or attached properly. God, I hate using... The trouble with this Gmail app is that it's done that thing where it's like, you know what people like, Phil? Swiping instead of clicking.

And what that means is if I'm just trying to scroll up and down at anything other than a perfect 90-degree vertical angle... Yeah. Oh, yeah, it turns into... Because you want to read this email! vertical angle yeah oh yeah it turns because you want to read this email no i don't oh you want to delete this email i want it to fly away we can archive it for you please leave me alone let's go back archive i've only just turned archive off on my phone man i was like why would i ever want to keep these like tro little trophies oh i don't want to deal with this email now, but oh, I can't bear to get rid of it. I'll put it in my archive of favorite emails. I'll sit by the fire

and read through my favorites. Oh, look at this one. It's from Lululemon. Asking if I can update my privacy settings. Oh, I remember those days. Oh, this is some bad tat, Phil.

Yeah. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, should I say the tat first? Yeah. Okay. So. Why am I going to guess? Do I guess how it ends?

Maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe not. So Rosie just says, this is some amazingly lame tat from Instagram. She says, I've been listening to the back catalog as well as more recent ones, so I'm not sure when you discuss

the poor literacy of food advertising, like eat delicious. We do food. But this is a sort of combination of that and tat. In this house, right? It starts and it's in the disney font this is a sign yeah in this house stuff is always like but but wait you strap in okay it's crucial for you to realize it's in the disney font okay okay in this house we let it go because hakuna matata

and the bare necessities no will always be our guide to infinity and beyond. All you need is faith and trust and a little bit of pixie dust. While we just keep swimming and we whistle while we work, we believe in happy endings because in this house, we do Disney. Oh, my God. Isn't that disgusting? And every film quote is in the font of that film release Oh my days

And the Disney at the bottom is in the Disney corporate font Yes What's happy endings from? Happy endings Did Disney do a film set in a massage parlor? Yeah I think it was Pixar Yeah it was 3D The animation on the jizz was astonishing

It was amazing It took took 800 Koreans They animated each individual sperm If you buy the Blu-ray You can zoom in It's one of the bonus features on the Blu-ray of Happy Endings Bonus feature also another thing to call Happy Endings The poster for Happy Endings

By Pixar Is Someone wanking off an elderly white guy but they've got their eyebrow raised. You know that kind of sassy 3D character way? Beautiful soundtrack by Randy Newman.

Incredible, yeah. I got my dick in your hand. Bloop de bloop bloop. I'm gonna come in your chest and bloop on your hand. Bloop de bloop bloop. I'm gonna come in your chest. Bloop de bloop bloop. I've got my dick in your hand, open brackets, and my heart. Yeah, yeah.

In your hands. Beautiful. They played it at the opening of the Grammys, I think. Amazing that he's not dead yet I just started listening to his back catalogue His first album Is 1967 or something? 1968

Craziness That's his first professional album He's so old He's so old He's very good though Yes he is Have you listened to his album, Good Old Boys? No.

He's in character the whole album as a redneck hick who is racist and regressive and sexist. Oh, right. But he still sings in the Randy Newman voice, and the songs are all beautiful. But it's all from the perspective of this hick. Oh, that's great. It's really good. Okay, I'll check that out. It's really good. Okay, I'll check that out. It's really interesting.

We have a long and anonymous email. Ooh. I've skipped ahead and it says it ends with anonymous for obvious reasons. Okay. Well, let's see what these reasons are. And just how obvious they are. Yeah. Hi, PodBuds.

I heard about your podcast, I think, while listening to Phil on Richard Osman's Birthday Game podcast. Oh, nice. And I had just had rave reviews about Pierre's supporting slot in the Frank Skinner Tour. Yeah. I had to give away my tickets as I was recovering from an op. Sorry to hear that. Oh, that's a shame. So I decided to give the podcast a go, and I'm listening to the early episodes as well as the recent ones.

Pretty wise not to have gone following an op, because they would have split your sides and on. They would have split them back open again. I had no idea how much of it would be about poo but it's always been a subject close to my heart and my bum bum great so i enjoyed close to your heart that's not good yeah don't let that that's a misdirection so i enjoyed hearing fern's poo story and also enjoyed the info from the person with the colostomy bag yes it was good i have several embarrassing poo stories but one so excruciating that only two people in the world know about it. And that's only because they were there at the time.

About nine years ago, nine years ago now, my friend, my sister, and I went for a weekend away. Nine years. Staying in a nice hotel with a swanky rooftop bar. Swanky. My sister and I were sharing a double room At the time there was a bug going around my workplace The reported symptoms being a terrible upset stomach

Open brackets, poo-poos Poo-poos Close brackets But thankfully I hadn't been affected We went away on the Saturday and had a fabulous night in the swanky rooftop bar And I admit that I enjoyed it so much I can barely remember the last hour or two of the evening. Although I can't recall it, my sister and I returned to our room and went to bed.

I awoke in the middle of the night with terrible stomach cramps. I believed it to be the onset of the work-sick bug. The work-sick bug, rather. I got up to go to the loo, but because I was drunk, I thought I was still at home. So I took the route from the bed to where the bathroom would be at home. Regrettably, this took me outside the hotel room

and into the corridor. It's like a broken sim. Yeah. Wabba dooba. And the door slammed shut behind me. I stood in the corridor in my pants and t-shirt and then the bug really kicked in. And unfortunately, I soiled myself. Just in the corridor in my pants and t-shirt, and then the bug really kicked in. And unfortunately, I soiled myself. Just in the corridor? Yep.

As the door shuts behind you. Click. Straight away. No mercy. A symphony of disaster. Terrible business. I soiled myself. I began knocking on the hotel room door for my sister to let me in, but she sleeps like the dead. And didn't awake. she sleeps like the dead. And didn't awake.

She sleeps like the dead. The dead. By this point, the bug was out of control. And I was unsuccessfully trying to somehow contain everything, but it was all over my legs, my hands, the carpet, the hotel door, the food door.

Just going, hold it in. Oh no! I'm trying to get the hotel door. Oh no, he's just smearing it all over. Just going, ah! Oh God, hold it in. Oh no! I'm trying to get the door open. To an unsympathetic observer, it would have looked like someone just leaking water and poo and desperately trying to get it on as many things

as possible before it runs out. Like a harvest. The hotel door, and despite my knocking waking other guests up, my sister continued to sleep. What were other guests poking their heads at? What's going on? Keep that shitting down!

Oh my god. The poo fairy is here. The next thing I knew, hotel officials were approaching me as I stood half undressed and both covered in and surrounded by liquid poo. Oh my god. They began poo. Oh, my God. They began knocking. Hotel officials as well. Officials.

Yeah, the little hats and badges. And little earpieces. Yeah. We've got a corridor pooer. We've got a visual. We've got a 734. They began knocking, and eventually my bewildered sister came to the door. She had no idea that I'd even got out of bed, so she was astonished to open the door to a shit-covered sister,

a shit-smeared hallway And two members of hotel security I scurried straight into the room I scurried straight into the room And got in the shower While my sister was frog-marched To the front desk in her pyjamas And threatened that she had to pay £100 on checkout to cover the cost

of cleaning the carpet and walls. I woke up the next day feeling physically well, but terribly ashamed. The only further thing to add is that upon checking out later in the morning, the fine had increased from £100 to £200. And although I lamely objected, I think they were taking advantage of

my obvious embarrassment, knowing that I was unlikely to engage In a prolonged discussion As I wanted to leave as quickly as possible Just loudly in the lobby Look, I didn't shit that much in the corridor There was liquid poo there, but not there And I refused to Shouting at the person who has to do it

You don't deserve more Than a hundred pounds for cleaning my shit up Look, who knows more about where I pooed? You or me? The person that pooed everywhere last night. Do you want me to tell other people about this? In the hallway. And I'm pointing at a guest who stuck his head out the door.

He can tell you. He was there. He knows. I want to write this in my review of the place. But I'll tell the whole story. Yeah, I guess that's not going to happen. No. Anyhow, we did tell our other friend, who had a room on a different floor, as we knew she'd witness us paying

the fine when we checked out. But nobody else has ever heard this story until now. Not even our husbands. We're in plus husband territory here, Phil. Oh, so there's a Mr. Corridor Poole. I didn't even tell one of my Mr. Is there a Mr. Corridor Poole? Yes. Oh, so there's a Mr. Corridor Poo. I didn't even tell one of my... Is there a Mr. Corridor Poo?

Yes. Oh, okay. Okay, fair enough. Have a good evening, madam. Have a good evening, madam. Enjoy the poo. I didn't even tell one of my best friends who once shit herself in Lidl

while taking her mum shopping. That's how embarrassed I was. That is embarrassed. I have many bowel issues and have had incidents before, but this remains the worst due to the public humiliation of not just me, the poop-herp, but also my sister, an innocent bystander. Keep up the good work and none for obvious reasons sent from my iPhone.

So we know she's got an iPhone and a husband. Lucky lady. Wow. Some women can have it all. What a lucky lady. That's all we have time for. can have it all. What a lucky lady. That's all we have time for. I have to go. For once, I'm the going boy now. Pierre's going. I'm just going to build myself a little nest in his home.

Yes, Phil's going to roost in here like a rare species of fruit bat. Yes. And I'm going to feed him. Flosses of watermelon, apricots, peaches. You have to turn the heat up. I will have to turn him Flosses of watermelon Apricots, peaches You have to turn the heat up I will have to turn the heat up Yes Which will ironically

Will make the fruit It'll spoil faster But you don't mind No, no, no I'll eat a bit of spoiled fruit I'm not picky No We're still

We're still behind But by God We're getting there Oh gosh Alright Thank you very much listeners Keep sending in your fine stories And the tat

Have a good week Have a good time Bye