BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 61 - Bath Laughers

Episode Date: May 6, 2020

Good Old Fashioned Podcast! Happy slapping and woke pranks, monkey’s stealing kids and eating babies, wild animals are NOT nice, free oil for everyone, Saudi Arabia and the Mad Max polyamory economy, living in a simulation VS videogames, CORRESPONDENCE: Pierre’s accent popping up, TAT: why we love our kitchen and HAVING A BATH TO LAUGH. Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's 61. We're all 61 today. 61 episode sexy fun. Oh, nice. Yes. Will you still be podcasting when you're 61? Possibly, if this pandemic keeps going the way it's going, sure. Yeah, I imagine it'll be the only industry left for us baby Zoomers. industry left for us uh baby zoomers do you think um do you think uh in the future people will be like what's what's wrong with a good old-fashioned podcast yeah when i was young we just listened to podcasts and there weren't none of these uh mind there was no mind reading there were there was no alien insect porn it was just

poo and vomit stories and loads of unresolved murders and it was enough and and and and the kids would listen to podcasts and there was no laser crime there were no laser crimes, you know, think about that maybe, maybe there's a link there. It kept kids off the space. They weren't out just going out in space making trouble.

None of this hollow happy slapping. Do you remember? We didn't have to go down the local wormhole. Do you remember happy slapping? That's just when guys would hit the shit out of each other, right? It was always like an ambush, though. It was always like, oh, someone would start filming someone and someone would run up and slap them across the face or something.

I seem to remember there was an ambush element to it but has happy slapping happy slapping is like meow meow it's like one of those newspaper only young people are scary trends that never really existed but has happy slapping gone away or is that just what youtube prank shows are now i have a feeling that the online prank has lost favor in in this in our generation and the generation below which are sort of a generation of course of compassion and shaming i think yeah you know it's it's not really acceptable anymore desirable to to watch people beat the shit out of strangers. But is there, here's an interesting question, is there such a thing as a woke prank? Yeah, it'd be like tricking a Tory into investing into an inner city community project or something.

Tricking a neo-Nazi into recycling. Yeah, something along those lines. I think that'd be a work prank. Because pranks always require an element of both deceit and at least sort of, I suppose, partial humiliation. Yeah, exactly. So those aren't very nice, and therefore the points are deducted immediately for that dynamic, I suppose. Yeah, that's probably why the only pranks now that go viral that people always like are on a dog or a baby.

now that go viral that people always like are on a dog or a baby? Well, I mean, did you see the video yesterday that did very well on the internet of a monkey trying to steal a child? The monkey that arrived on a motorbike?

A little wooden motorbike and grabbed a child. I think it's in Indonesia. Yes yes i think it looks like indonesia and yeah monkey just grabs a child and runs off with them though it's not great for citizens of the third world who who want to be taken seriously as um developed countries it's like we're not so different from you here oh here's a video of a monkey stealing a child in what appears to be an urban

setting but also like from the point of view of any developing nation that wants to be taken seriously it's not just that a monkey tried to drag a baby away and looked like it was gonna yeah I mean I didn't realize a monkey that size had that kind of

strength so strong they're nothing but muscle ask joe rogan it's his favorite topic how strong primates how strong primates are that guy can't get enough of it and and yeah he's not wrong but um it's not just the fact that as you say a monkey smaller than a toddler was dragging a toddler relatively easily away down an alleyway. But it's the fact that the monkey arrived to do this on a bicycle. It's just like... Like Jigsaw.

Yes. Just turned up out of nowhere. The monkey arrived on a bike and also was like, right, well, obviously I'm abandoning the bike in favor of this baby I'm stealing. A friend sent me a sort of article

about, she looked up why the monkey did that. Let me see, let me see. I think Uncle Fatty would have been in better shape if he'd known how to ride a bike. Oh, Uncle Fatty. Why do monkeys kidnap babies?

If an infant dies, the mother will not reproduce again until the next year. Thus, kidnapping may be a way for high-ranking females to decrease the reproductive success of low-ranking females in the group. I don't really understand that so if they can oh oh wait so they think that this human baby is a monkey baby and yeah they're going to damage the reproductive abilities of this toddler's mother yeah like fuck you i'm stealing your baby right interesting okay okay well so they're not so clever then people go on about how clever these primates are they're confusing people with them they're not so clever are they it's because the monkeys are all like uh bond villains they

always think we're not so different you and i i have a baby you have a baby to be fair if i had my baby kidnapped by a monkey i would not be in the mood to fuck for at least a year really a year i think you'd get over it wouldn't you oh i don't know maybe no more baby around messing up your mojo one of the grossest things I've ever laughed at is I'm sure we've discussed this before Phil but our mutual amusement at how

people who don't grow up near wild animals think that they're as you say like geniuses like oh they're so smart and empathetic and it's like well kind of but he's still eating mud i mean let's not you know let's not go crazy here and uh i always get annoyed have you ever seen that picture of like um some baby leopard cubs playing with a gazelle no it's like two photo yeah it's like it's like two photos and it's like two baby leopard cubs and a gazelle kind of fucking about together a very baby gazelle a calf and uh it's always

shared on facebook by someone's like welsh auntie with some kind of some kind of welsh auntie yeah some welsh auntie sharing it and it's always shared with the caption of like in nature even wild animals don't eat more than they need or something like that right it's fucking nonsense it's nonsense kill for fun though it's nonsense because there's two more photos in that series and the actual photographer who took them is like I don't know why they don't share all my photos it's so weird and the next two are those two animals eating the fuck out of that gazelle they're like playing with it playing with it playing with it and then suddenly it doesn't have a neck anymore because that's how they like when like the mum brings them a baby gazelle being like okay you're too small and shit to kill a big one so just fuck around with this thing until you

figure out how to open it yeah of course i course. I want to look these photos up, actually. What do you think I have to search? Oh, leopard gazelle play cub. Leopard gazelle play. I mean, that definitely sounds like a porn. Leopard gazelle play. That sounds like

a type of sexual activity you can only engage in in a manor house. Can I interest you in some leopard gazelle play? there's a room for it in the east wing so basically in that vein Phil I'm very

sceptical whenever I read any of these things about like did you know that dolphins actually have a version of book clubs? Or whatever the fuck. And I saw... Oh, I've seen them. I'm looking at the photos now. Yeah, I mean, literally, one of them is like... This is in the Daily Mail.

Pictured three cheetahs spare tiny gazelle. And the next picture is just one of them holding it by the neck. Yeah, they don't spare it. Now here we go. Truth behind fake viral stories. Yeah, exactly. Anytime you see a viral story about wild animals being nice to each other, it's horseshit.

Anyway, so I saw this claim of it was about chimps right which are I think the closest to us so I saw this story saying oh chimps are like us not just genetically and blah blah blah but did you know they have like funerals and the mums grieve for their

babies when they die and I thought do they grieve? Grieving, the chimps? Are they grieving? So I looked it up. And the evidence for this, right, was that, and it did seem like it.

It did originally come from an academic source. A chimp mum, a mum chimp, a mum chimp will have a baby and it will die. And they thought it was grieving because it would keep carrying the the baby around yeah so even though it was dead it was it would still like carry it around with it and like uh uh sort of groom it or you know whatever it would it would behave in a sort of oh i wish this baby was still alive kind of way. And they thought, oh, it's like an emotional thing and that's almost like a funeral or whatever.

And then they went and studied it some more. This thing took a hit, this theory, when the chimp mums were observed carrying the dead baby chimp around and being nice to it. And then every now and then, just having a little bite. the dead baby chimp around and being nice to it and then every now and then

just having a little bite every now and then having a little nibble on the old baby chimp there and sort of in the end just dropping it or forgetting about it or throwing it around or whatever so just going

I'm fucking sick of this. This snack has gone off or whatever the fuck they were thinking. I hate the presumption of the wisdom of animals. If they were so wise, they'd be up here enslaving us, wouldn't they?

So they've chosen to be nice. They've not chosen to live in the wild i just i just love the idea that someone was watching this mum chimp with a that's dead baby thing and and like oh my god look wow like through a telescope and it's like wow it's almost the connection that hands pressed against the glass that divides us oh Oh, we are animals, aren't we? And then they just quickly, nom, nom, just a little bite. And then just going, ooh! Rearing back from the fucking binoculars.

Ugh! Oh, God. What would you say is the most over-credited animal For being smart Well dolphins People always go about how smart dolphins are Yeah dolphins are They're still stuck in the sea though aren't they

Still stuck in the sea I've not read any books by Mr. Dolphin Horses I would, are a strong candidate. Yeah. Do people go on about how smart they are? They go on about how emotionally smart they are, if not problem-solving smart. Right.

They're like, oh, the horse, very noble. They go, it's a very noble animal. Nobility is not you know is it noble or is it just tall is it noble or is it just tall and expensive you're getting confused between the people on the horse and the horse

isn't it funny how some animals you'll pay to have in your house and then some animals you pay to get out of your house. I don't know why I think that's funny. If they're very small animals, you pay to get them out. But the bigger they get, the more you have to pay to get them in.

The more welcome they are. Yeah. The bigger an animal is... If they're termites or rats, you have to pay to get those small freaks out of there. They're fucking huge, like a Doberman or a Stallion. You've got to pay people to get them in.

Yeah, not just anyone can have one of those big fuckers in their house. Because that's what you want. You want a big animal, not a little animal you lose sight of. That would be like a really good new Se seinfeld bit you should do a bit on that it is a bit seinfeld-y the animals are small so you pay a large sum of money to get them out but when the animals are big you pay an even bigger amount of money to get them in

is that good that's good yeah i think that would be a hell of a bit i think that's good observational stuff man um yes because oil is now worth negative money yes uh especially i I think it was like Alberta or somewhere in Canada was the lowest. Minus $37 a barrel in oil futures. So they were literally paying people $37 a barrel to take their oil away.

Incredible. Amazing. Did you take any? I don't know. How does one get in on that deal? Will they post post it after postage and packaging do i still get 35 dollars really really greasy envelopes no they're gonna have to use those jiffy bags at least yeah yeah it'll look like a uh it'll look like a cocaine shipment in a movie but wobbly like a waterbed big waterbed and uh one of the detectives will cut it with a stiletto knife and they'll just all get washed away in a flood of cheap oil it's good it's the real deal as it splashes them out the door um yeah it's apparently like uh

i was talking to someone who knows about this sort of thing, and he was saying like, yeah, you can get in on it, but you do need just like a spare oil tanker, loads of tanks underground that you can store this stuff in. Yeah. And you sort of think, well, who has those that isn't already filling them up with oil? Well, presumably, I mean, it's in America, surely they're all these crazy millionaires with just loads of empty land that's true it's harder to imagine in the uk but somewhere as empty as the duchy of cornwall so just give over a couple of fields imagine if prince charles was like prince charles had spent so long hanging around with like emiratis and saudis he was like, well I want my own oil, fuck this.

You could turn the corn oil into a man-made oil field by just pumping this oil into the ground and then discovering it later on. But mummy, all the other princes have oil.

Just really begging for it. Begging for a go on the oil. Oh man. I've just got slightly better carrots. Yes, the biscuits are nice, but I'm not a billionaire tyrant. What the fuck would happen to the Middle East? What would happen with the way we even engage with the Middle East if no one needed any oil?

Oh, can you imagine? It'd be wonderful. Imagine what would happen with Dubai. Dubai would just be like, we have all this oil, and we go, fuck off and build another weird skyscraper. We don't care. Yeah. Well, I mean, places like Dubai and Saudi Arabia might finally have to catch up with the 21st century in every other aspect.

I like the idea that there's this, do you see that Saudi Arabian headline where it was like, Saudi Arabia will no longer automatically give the death penalty to children. No longer automatically fill. They're not stopping it. But now they've got to fill in a form.'ve got to you know they're going to have a real think yeah before they apply the death penalty to a a 10 year old who bought a richard dawkins t-shirt or whatever the fuck it is do you think like if if no one needed saudi Saudi Arabia's oil It would be like in a movie where The rich bully friend Loses all their power and all the minions

Get to tell them how they really feel Oh you mean So Saudi Arabia essentially turns into Biff from Back to the Future Yeah Yes Exactly Yeah and everyone's like you're a fucking asshole.

We always thought your laws were weird. Stop chopping the heads off wizards, you fucking lunatics. And then Saudi Arabia, I had no idea you felt this way. You were so nice when you needed my oil. You were so nice when you needed my oil. Man, I... We shouldn't know about oil prices and the R number. Our generation shouldn't know so much about the EU and oil prices and the basic reproduction number of viruses.

Yeah, we've been given a lot of very data-heavy disasters in our short lives. Is it only because we now have the means to access and consume all that data? Like, if the internet was around during the Second World War, would we all just be at home tweeting about the latest figures from omaha beach um in the war definitely but like imagine if you were from the generation where it was like you were born at the end of rationing right so like 59 so you never experienced rationing in the uk and then the first 30 years of your life the worst thing that happens to you is the 1970s where it was like oh everyone went on strike and things were shit for

sometimes the electricity ran out for a bit yeah that's it there's no war there's no Vietnam there's no like like the IRA pop up here and there but not really oh the constant threat of nuclear war yeah well we still have that. That hasn't gone away. It's just yours was formalized and less likely to happen. I always get sick of those Cold War kids going like, well, we had nuclear war, as if in 1991, all the nukes were just given to the moon. Yeah, I mean, try telling that to Japan.

Have a nuclear warhead fly fly over like a shooting star every fortnight yeah well well what do we have i mean we've got like uh it was basically just like 9 11 iraq afghanistan 2008 crash donald trump and brexit and then now this and now the next Great Depression Yeah, although hopefully we have what's been called V-shaped recovery

Ah yes, the fabled V-shaped recovery where everyone just goes right immediately back to normal God, I wonder It will be a V-shaped but like a very stylized recovery where everyone just goes right immediately back to normal god i wonder i mean that hey it will it will be a v-shape but like a very stylized v where the right hand um line is um very long and flat like a signature v yeah like a v that comes at the end of us like at the end of pavlov's signature pavlov at the end. That's the V-shaped comeback we'll have.

Or if someone, like you know when the right hand side of a letter is lower because it's going into an E in cursive. Oh, okay. So it's like someone in really fancy cursive italics is writing vending machine.

Yeah, that's what it's going to look like. It's going to look like the word vending machine written in italics, I bet. All spirals and curling in on itself and exploding. It'd be great. There's a real boom at D, then a terrible crash. There's a real boom at D than a terrible crash. D is when we discover perfectly efficient

hydrogen engines, and the crash is when we discover that anyone can make them in their garden. So there's no way of making money off them, everyone just has free energy now. Oh lord. What do you think, what would your most valuable skill be in a mad max style apocalypse

i think about this all the time i think every comedian tortures himself with this thought because they would have no applicable skills at all really yeah i mean unless you're kind of comedian who's of revels in rhetoric if you i think if you're good at rhetoric you can gather people around a cause, you can convince them not to sell you to the petrol master.

You can talk your way out of things maybe. But I don't know. I mean I have some mathematical skill some you've got some engineering instincts i guess but nowhere near anyone who's continued to be an engineer beyond university that's true yeah that'd be their little minions i could like ride on their on their back in a pouch yeah most comedians would end up as a kind of colourful man on

a chain attached to the throne of the Petrel Master. Or they wouldn't be Petrel, would it? I guess, no, that would be good news for Texas at least. I think fuel prices would rise in Mad Max situation. Yeah. As opposed to now. Yeah, I think there would be good news for Texas, at least. I think fuel prices would rise in Mad Max situation.

Yeah. As opposed to now. Yeah, I think there would be a premium on it. Or even if you just kept it as something for free, but you just had to pledge allegiance to the Petrol Master. Yeah. I'm really liking the idea of Petrol Master, by the way, Phil. That's a good name.

The Petrol Master. Yeah, that's nice. I really like it. I just need to watch Mad Max Fury Road again.. That's a good name. The Petrol Master. Yeah, that's nice. I really like it. I just need to watch Mad Max Fury Road again. It's such a good movie. And you've got to go old school. You've got to watch Thunderdome, Beyond Thunderdome, all the weird shit. I've never seen any other Mad Max. Are they any good?

They are. They're like cult classics. That's why they made Fury Road. It's definitely worth a watch, just to watch Mel Gibson being weird with a bunch of punks in the desert dressed in bondage gear. Nice. Yeah, it's good, man. I don't know at what point in the apocalypse you decide to start putting spikes on your shoulders, but I think it's pretty soon in.

Yeah, what is that defending you from exactly? In the future, are there going to be a lot of very strong people patting you on the shoulder to try and weaken your joints? They just don't want to be reassured. Was there an epidemic of rogue parrots who would sit on your shoulder and bother you all day? Nuclear parrots.

They were the most radioactive animal that flourished. If they land on your shoulder like a pirate, you're going to get sick, man. You're going to have spiky shoulders. Was it the only way they could stop annoying girls at music festivals? From blocking everyone's view?

Yeah, that's the only way to stop people being selfish like that. You've just got to dress like Mad Max people. They're always wearing goggles. Yeah, like you're going to stoop outside a high street bank. Yeah. Yeah, I guess the goggles are for the sand. Yeah, they always have these cool welding goggles or whatever. Whereas if the actual apocalypse happened and you saw people dressed like that,

you'd be like, wow, a lot of steampunk dweebs are forming gangs. I guess all the people who are in open relationships have really made the most out of this nuclear wasteland. It was

They were so good at adapting Sexually that they just transferred Those adapting skills to The apocalypse That's not a gang, that's one relationship Oh fuck Where did they get blue hair dye In the desert oh my god

I'd love for there to be Mad Max Fury Road and then Mad Max Polyamory that's the next episode where it's Mad Max it's Tom Hardy and all those supermodels he rescues in the first one all just trying to live in the same shack

yeah gosh, yuck, gross yuck, gross but also it would be a very compelling adult film with those, if you could get those celebrities I don't want to watch anyone have sex with that much sand nearby i i wouldn't be able to

relax uh have you watched anything that you like recently i'm i'm just i i i completely lost track with better call saul so i'm just catching up with it after we discussed it it's so good it's very good Bob Odenkirk I recommend looking up his stand-up it's so weird to watch him doing stand-up yeah oh shit I've been meaning to watch that you told me last time

I'm catching up with that Ozark is is good is back how many series is ozark on now three now yeah the new one is is third uh also also also sort of cartel based like uh better call saw yeah well i i resisted it at first because it it just when it first came out it looked like a sort of breaking bad clone yeah it's it's not it's not a clone it's got similar themes but it's not a clone yeah um okay it's good though jason i've just finished yeah yeah no go on i was saying jason bateman's like if you watch arrested development the same qualities that make jason bateman sympathetic in arrested development make him unsympathetic in Ozark. It's quite interesting.

Oh, that is interesting. Hmm. What are you saying? You just finished what? Oh, with Devs on BBC iPlayer. Oh, is it good? Have you seen Devs? It's got Nick Offerman from Parks and Rec playing a sort of psychopathic

tech bro in Silicon Valley. I've heard of this. I've heard it's good. It's really good. It's really, really good. Oh man. Okay, I'm going to get into that. I think you'll like it. What did I watch last? Oh, I re-watched

Speaking of people dressed like punks with explosions happening I re-watched Smokin' Aces. You ever seen that no it's a very sort of mindless action film um it's kind of like someone's tried to make an american guy richie film where you know they introduce a character and the character every character has this like astonishingly distinct flavor and then it goes like and their name appears below them yeah sure and it's like uh wild bill hoolahan whatever the fuck it's like

written under there with big big font it's in uh in the West, the Wild West, is it? No, no, it's set in kind of Nevada, kind of Las Vegas, Lake Tahoe kind of thing. It's modern. Oh, okay. But it's that thing where multiple different gangs of wildly specific

and contrasting flavours all try and fight over a valuable thing or person. Okay. Every assassin in town is going to be after the Grunkalunk Diamond after this new story breaks. Grunkalunk. Yeah, you know that shit where it's like

one of the gangs is like, it's only Greek grandmas, and another of the gangs, it's some Maasai guys from Kenya who've flown in to try and get it in a burglary. And also the Yakuza are there. Yeah, I like that kind of movie. I like that kind of movie. It's good, man.

Speaking of Greek, I've been spending a lot of my time recently playing Assassin's Creed Odyssey. Yes. Set in ancient Greece. And I think I'm falling in love with my protagonist. I think... I don't know if you can experience transference for a video game character, but I'm spending so much time with her, and she's so utterly charming.

And so beautiful. I think I'm developing her-esque feelings, like Joaquin Phoenix for this ancient Greek mess of polygons. You don't want to become like an East Asian stereotype and start sleeping with a big pillow with her face on. A big ancient Greek pillow.

So what is... I didn't get Assassin's Creed Odyssey a big ancient greek pillow oh god so what um I didn't get Assassin's Creed Odyssey because I heard that you actually do it's like it's not sort of realistic in the sense that there are actual monsters and goblins and things uh I've not come across any monsters goblins I think there's some DLC where you like go to Atlantis and

and like fight some mythical creatures oh okay there's nothing mythical yet Atlantis and fight some mythical creatures. Oh, okay. But there's nothing mythical yet. It's set during the Peloponnesian War, and so the Athenians and the Spartans are at each other, and you sort of flip between them both and help each side out,

but you're looking for your family. You're looking for your family! But the size is astonishing they've basically built greece in in in totality that's fucking nuts get in your boat and sail to mykonos from athens with no loading screens it's unbelievable jesus god that's madness yeah yeah it's it's very good i'm uh i was um i was watching a video of elon musk everyone's favorite self-sabotaging psychopath um and he was talking about this theory that we are living in a simulation he's one of he's he's sort of the most famous one the more famous proponents of this simulation theory right that our universe as we know it

is actually a computer simulation and we're all living in a simulation yeah and one of his and i i'm not convinced by it i don't think it's a good i'm not convinced by this argument one of his uh arguments is that um look at how realistic video games have become in a relatively short amount of time. They are already becoming indistinguishable from reality. So, and he says that as time progresses, and video games get more realistic, the chances that we are not ourselves in a simulation tends down to zero. tends down to zero which I kind of can see

the logic of but it's still it doesn't make sense to me I don't think it's true either because the rebuttal I've heard is that the definition of a simulation is too variable

so for example if a universe The definition of a simulation is too variable. So, for example, if a universe existed inside another universe, the one inside the other universe isn't a simulation. It's just a different universe. Right, okay. So, in terms of our universe, if you keep investigating stuff, so you go like, okay, and we go deeper and we find atoms and we go deeper and we find protons and neutrons and electrons, and then we go deeper and we find quarks. There's a certain point where if the simulation never ends, then it's not a simulation. It's a universe.

Of course. Okay. I see. I see. And for it to be a simulation, it would have to be sort of controlled. And then you're just making the argument that it's an infinitely detailed simulation in theory controlled by a mind so complex that we cannot conceive of it in which case you're just saying god is real and it's if it's controlled in a way that we can't understand and we still have sort of versions of free will then is it really controlled and it sort of falls to bits i mean the the video games thing is is true but you that they won't ever be a um a very realistic video game until you have full ai in which case at what point is ai just i yeah yeah why why is our brain so special just because it's made of pink goo well exactly yeah

horrible pink jelly i mean and also it's that kind of thing as as like uh he he's saying that about how realistic video games are because he's like in his late 40s or whatever and from his point of view they're indistinguishable from reality but people were saying that in 2003 he's just got cataracts this is how we find out elon musk has catar Look, the game looks just like when I look at everyone I know. It's blurry. Well, that's exactly it. Technologies advance really rapidly

near the beginning of their conception, right? Yes. We're still pretty near the beginning of video games' conception so it's going to look like it's come a long way in a short period of time same with computing yeah have you ever seen that thing of um how many polygons make up a a shape i think it's like a bust of mozart or something and they go like okay here's a bust of mozart made out of 60 polygons like triangle shapes and then 600 and then 6 000 and then 60 000 um the difference up from like 6,000 to 60,000 to 600,000

is like nothing. It's like you can barely even see the difference. To say it's diminishing returns doesn't even cover it. It just, the difference it makes just nosedive. So it's looking like we are approaching a ceiling on how realistic they can get. Exactly. There is a ceiling.

This, yeah. His argument assumes there is no ceiling on on realism on this on in video games but there obviously is there has to be yeah and also like no one no one's gonna buy a shooting game so realistic that if you get shot in the head once you die forever and you can never play the game again uh yeah it's like well I bought Call of Duty But I broke my leg in training And now they won't let me deploy I got trench foot

I got our guest From last time Glenn Moore I got him into Warzone And I played a game with him last night This is the very Everyone's playing this multiplayer game right now oh all the old people i know who play multiplayer games they seem to be really into this i love it for me thanks there's this there's all

sorts of tactics and we were talking over like voice chat you know you can talk to each other with voices um and it's great because glenn is a newser, so it's like playing a shooting game with the news. I think there are enemies in the house to our right. More at 11. This just in. Fuck your mum. More as we have it. All right. Shall we do some correspondence? Yay Letters, emails, phone calls Your sister will never forget

Letters, correspondence Correspondence Correspondence Nice Nice So Just an email we got in From Renette

Renette Wow Renette Bavette Like steak bavette Nice So Renette is sort of flat and quickly fried Yes

With a side of chips. Little chippies. She says, hey, P&P, pick and pay if you know your South African supermarkets. Oh, is this a South African reference? It is. Pick and pay is like... Is that when you have to choose which of your enemies to reap vengeance upon. You pick, they pay.

Something like that? Yes, and also they sell fresh fruit. Oh, okay. It's those two business models, yeah. And then, so in her email, basically there's some praise redacted, and she says don't try and catch up with Bud Pod backwards because it's like watching something backwards. It's full of spoilers, even though it's not.

Right, okay. So that's a fair point. Don't do that. Start from the beginning if you want to. Anyway, she says, in other news, my new obsession is listening out for words that give away Pierre's South African accent. Ah, yes, this is a fun game. It's much easier to play if Pierre's had a few.

Yes, if I've had some beers. It is shooting fish in a barrel, I'd say. And she says, I would be eternally grateful if you could read these out. Which is, of course, a South African pastime. You get that very Sunday? Yeah. So she says, I would be eternally grateful if you could read these out. So far, I have ya instead of yeah.

Yeah, but that's a Malaysian thing as well. Yeah, exactly. Maybe it's a colonial thing. Well, as she says, it can be perceived as a sort of posh London accent thing. Well, yeah. Which is annoying because it means that you get tarred with a sort of gapyard tarquin brush by the kind of people who hold that sort of thing against people. by the kind of people who hold that sort of thing against people.

I know the guy who did Gap Year, who did the Gap Year video. I think you and I see he's bumping to him from time to time. Yeah, he bumps up here and there. He's not getting on with his life and stuff, but I always think, what must it be like when... Because people must reference it to him without knowing who he is all the time. Like he's changed the language.

I mean, not drastically, but he's created a reference that everyone uses. Yeah. It's quite extraordinary, really. And he's like, he was like one of the first people, now that I'm thinking about it, he was one of the first people to think, oh, I'll film myself doing a silly character and just tweet it and it'll be like

observational about a sort of a new phenomenon that no one's quite pinned down like this yet yeah because when that must be what 2008 2009 something like that maybe even earlier yeah yeah but it's just yeah because he must hear people say it all the time Just in the cafe, two people chatting You know, I went on my gap year Oh, sorry, my gap year He must hear that all the time He must be like

When people do that It must be like at the end of Batman Where it's Alfred and Bruce Wayne in an Italian cafe A little nod. Yeah. He didn't give us the meme we deserved. He gave us the meme we needed. Yes. If I was him, I'd

go up and demand a quid from everyone. Stop using my joke. Give me a quid. Fuck. Anyway. So, yeah instead of yeah. Sure. Sure. Yeah. anyway so yeah instead of yeah uh sure sure yeah is that south african saying sure we're gonna yeah sure sure is that people say sure don't they the english people say everyone says everyone says sure right we're saying sure or sure or like it's she means the

accent not the word oh i see i see i see okay i got you it's like it's like every culture on earth has a word for yes but they don't all say y'all yeah sure okay so like sure saying sure sure sure uh any word that contains more any word that contains more than one t more than one t say spaghetti uh that's one t sound uh tortellini why am i only sticking to pasta tortellini phil hasn't had lunch that's the problem he's thinking about food i think what but see now i'm thinking about it so i think what she means is oh now i'm in my own head about it so the example she's given is totally or maybe water torture if i was speaking if i was two things you say the most totally it was totally water torture

that's what you say when you hit a really gnarly wave out on the surf yeah yeah yeah you see that wave it was water torture oh man yeah i think oh yeah totally totally man yeah sure it becomes like a d it's weird yeah that's right that's right. Water torture. As opposed to water torture. What I taught you. Don't forget water torture.

And off, as in rounded off. Yes, that's always been one. That's the one I find hardest to disguise if I'm trying to do a sort of completely English voice or British voice. Orf. Orf. I turn the light. Orf.

But then, again, similar to yarr, orf is incredibly posh English as well. Yeah. So it's orf. Orf. Well, that was the problem. Like, when we moved to the UK, we were basically up north where people say, like, castle and grass, you know. And we were there going, yarr Yeah it's in the grass near the castle And they were like oh a duke has moved

To the provinces Very tedious How would someone from How would someone from Newcastle Say water torture Water torture What a torture Yeah

What a torture What a torture I'd like a glass of water What a torture We've got to get a Geordie on Yes If only we knew any If only we knew any If only we knew any Geordies

Or as I know now If you're from The bit just south You're not a Geordie you're a sand dancer Wow That sounds very racist A sand dancer I think it's if you're from south shields maybe sand dancer

sand like sand like they dance on the sand i think so i think technically sarah millican and chris ramsey are sand dancers interesting well there's a beach there because it's a port you know newcastle and something yeah but i, in England, beach is a very loose term. There could be a beach somewhere with not a grain of sand involved. What is a big cold rock if not a big grain of sand, Phil? It's true, though. A lot of people in the UK say beach when they mean obstacle. Yeah, when they mean the sort of security measure yeah it looks like it's been put there specifically to stop invading vikings

it's not somewhere to lounge that's that's why um the british were you know so ahead of the game when it came to planning like d-day and stuff where it was just like well you know these are these beaches are made of sand for god's sake it just seems so welcoming compared to any sort of beach aside from what cornwall seems to have nice ones i guess yeah yeah and like the scotland have nice sort of black ones. The kind of beach that a necromancer relaxes on. Yes, yes. For an evil holiday. Now, Phil, you got sent some big tat or something.

Oh, yeah. I got tweeted a long tat. This is from Katie on Twitter. And she says, Hi, Budpod. I see you're doing tat again, which reminded me of this relic from the before times in capitals. Ah, the before times.

The before times. A particular saccharine tea towel I was given by Ocado. Now, Ocado is that online supermarket, isn't it? And so this must have just come with a shop. And it starts off with, in big letters, some of which are green, why we love our kitchen. It's presumably for the reader, Why the reader loves their kitchen. Not Ocado's kitchen.

Right. And that it's like a reminder that they can look at. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you ever run your kitchen and you just go why do I love this fucking thing? You can look up this tea towel and it'll tell you. It's got a cute drawing of a teapot on the top but the body of the teapot was replaced with a 2D

cross-section of an orange, for some reason. What? It's a drawing of a teapot, but instead of the middle bit, the middle round bit, it's a cross-section of an orange. Like sliced, with all angles in it. That's right, yeah, concentric.

What about the spout? Does the spout have orange in it? No, the spout is just the drawing sticking out the right side of this photo of an orange. Weird. What's that about? Yeah, because you're drinking orange tea now. Get a grip. Get a life of cardo. Okay, so it goes

why we love our kitchen. And then in very protected prose, it smells of toast, marmalade, and freshly brewed tea. It smells of toast, marmalade, and freshly brewed tea. It's the busiest room in the house. In fact, it's almost never empty. It's where we learn to cook,

flip pancakes, make gravy from passed down recipes, and invent our own creations that'll never be passed down. It's where you keep the family treats and hide the ones that are just for you. It makes you smile on a Saturday morning and gives you a hug at Sunday lunch.

It's where onions make you cry and friends make you laugh. It's where secrets are shared, lessons are learned, and all the best chats start with you wash, i'll dry and katie goes on to say i can't think of a single conversation that starts with you wash i'll dry that she likes uh which is absolutely all the best chats start with you wash i'll dry i think you'll find that all the biggest fights start with you wash i'll dry also like that's like living in a sort of northern kitchen sink drama play

we only share our feelings when we're doing washing up yeah exactly it sounds like um a short on b3 Called The Kitchen Where the camera never leaves the kitchen And all these mini-dramas play out Yeah, and it's Trying so hard to be Kind of Hugely emotionally resonant

In about three and a half minutes Because a couple Is having difficulties yeah exactly someone looks at their plate without looking up during dinner speaking of which have you been watching normal people

have you been watching the show no I've seen loads of tweets about it but I'm not sure even what it is have you not read Normal People? No, no, no Oh, it was a book, wasn't it? Yeah, it's a book written by Irish writer Sally Rooney about a young couple in Ireland

and they have a lot of difficulties relationship difficulties, none of which can't be solved by a quick chat. And the book is beautifully written. It's a really wonderful read, but the story is frustrating because it's just two dumb kids who are too dumb not to fix their own shit. And you do lose patience with them, but Sally Rooney's quality of writing is of such a high quality that you stick with it i've not seen um i've not seen

the show yet but there's a lot of banging by the sounds of it and yeah from the from the tweets it just seems to be like two attractive people banging and then having arguments that seems to be all it is yeah which is something i've never been able to get behind It seems a particularly British obsession the capital D, difficult capital R relationship People love the difficult relationship and I've

I don't understand its appeal It's I find it very like tiring by proxy It makes me it makes me tired it's like we'll just stop going out then fucking hell stop it it's not important the difficulties of someone's romantic escapades are really not important but i i i hate that quick chat thing where it's like uh you're watching something like like not not breaking bad because

breaking bad is good but something like that where it's just like god if only there hadn't been this huge misunderstanding because i deliberately used really ambiguous language in a fucking emergency whereas like well don't go in but sorry to return to this tat yeah yes I think my favourite part of it is that the kitchen is where onions make you cry and friends make you laugh

and I like to think that the friends are trying to make you feel better after the onions hurt your feelings oh no what happened did you feel better after the onions hurt your feelings. Oh, no, what happened? Did the onions say, yeah, the onions. Oh, hey, well, look at this. And they start juggling apples.

And you're like, and your friends are like, oh, I think I see a smile. And you go. Or they start juggling the onions and then they start crying and this terrible loop begins. I don't know. they start juggling the onions and then they start crying and this terrible loop begins. I also like make gravy from passed down recipes and invent own creations that'll never be passed down. This recipe dies with me! I've only just got the

insinuation that you've created something poisonous that's killed you invent your own creations that'll never be passed down or you're such a massive fucking control freak that's like mum what's your secret recipe for sweet and sour pork or whatever.

And it's like, that recipe dies with me. No one will know. Well, okay, fine. I didn't really care. Jesus. You'll miss something about me when I'm gone, if nothing else. Jesus, you wash, I'll dry.

Okay. That kind of tea towel seems like what i what i find kind of slightly creepy about um those that tea towel is that it paints a very sort of like like such an artificially 100 wholesome picture that it's so like Ned Flanders it just makes me think, well one of you is a killer someone in this house is a killer yeah, yeah it's too nice, the only bad thing in that whole tea towel was

you tried a new recipe and it failed in a way that's only amusing sorry, say that again so the only negative in that whole tea towel right yeah yeah is oh recipes that will never be passed down like I tried I tried putting a square of dark chocolate in the bolognese to

thicken it up and give it some depth and we're not doing that again like that's the worst thing that's happening in that tea towel even the only reason you're crying is because of fucking onions not because of something sad that's true that's the worst thing that's happening in that tea towel even the only reason you're crying is because of fucking onions not because of something sad that's true that's creepy

we're always laughing here it's horrible that family is definitely covering something up they're definitely using that tea towel to wipe up a certain amount of blood you can only realistically read out that tea towel through

gritted teeth and a rictus grin. All the best conversations start with I'll wash you dry. And some that will never be passed down. No, if anything, that tea towel is, in its own way, it's as chilling as an Edgar Allan Poe poem

Yeah, yeah, it really has a vibe about it It's got a real lingering threat to it, which is don't you disturb this idyll This paradise I've made here in the kitchen, the busiest room in the house Do you want to read another quick message? Do you have another one?

Yes, we've actually just got a bit more tat here from Sophie. Oh, nice! Sophie, here we go-fee. Nice. She says, Dear Philip and Pierip. Nice. That is the full version of Pierre. It is. I've been searching online for

a room to rent. There have been many pictures of cringy wall stickers, but this is the worst I have seen yet. And I'll just have a little peek at this here. Oh, well. Okay, so this is an enormous bit of writing that is embossed onto the wall above the bath in gold into the wall onto the wall okay like the writing's gone straight onto the wall yes it's straight onto the wall in shiny gold letters okay gosh yeah uh and in enormous uh sort of capital letters

uh with um kind of uh you know you, when they're sort of like old timey lettering, but it's done with kind of, it's not trying to be 3D, but there's almost a kind of extra line around the letter. Like it's not trying to create a 3D effect, but there's like some bits of the letter have, it almost looks like there's an inner part to the O. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And in those really big sort of embossed letters in gold it says soap right so that's the top line soap

and then in curly whirly font very curly whirly phil i don't need to tell you that so underneath the second line so it goes first line soap Now curly whirly second line Is to the body capitalised for no reason Big swirly whirly bee Enormous Soap is to the body what And again in capital Embossed letters

Laughter Third line Laughter So see if you can finish this off Phil So we go So is to the body what Laughter is to the Soul

It is soul Thank you I know my tat I'm so disappointed in you At last my and tat's rhetoric abilities have aligned yeah you you have become tat do not stare into tat less tat's stare back so soap is to the body what laughter is to the soul. Interesting theory there. Yes, yes. And Sophie says

it's perhaps not so much the content that is shudder-inducing, although that is a problem, as the obnoxious colour and font of the writing. Yes. The room was a good price in a good area, but I thought, fuck this as soon as I saw that. I'll be homeless and then bathe under that. Because you can't get it off. I'll be homeless, then bathe under that.

You come out feeling dirtier. You would come out feeling dirtier. She says, I couldn't bathe every day with the knowledge that if I looked directly up, it would be there, shouting soap at me in metallic cursive. What is that? Soap is to the body what laughter is to the soul. It's the wrong way round there Because the soap is to the body

Is the more obvious half of that statement So it should be in reference to laughter Laughter is to the soul what soap is to the body Yeah, that would be more profound And then you go, oh yes, I suppose laughter does cleanse the soul But so you go soap is to the body and you're right you're like hmm what is soap to the body i've always put it on me but i don't really don't know what it does and then it goes what laughter is to the soul and

you go oh well i implicitly know what that is and always have done so now i understand what soap does i suppose that they they must have done it that way around That makes more sense And then changed it because someone went Yeah but you don't get in the bath to laugh Much as I enjoy that image Just in a full wedding suit Lying in a dry bath Just pissing yourself

I think I'm just going to go have a laugh in the bath Scrolling on the walls Soap is to the body Yeah, writing all over the walls Soap is to Laughter makes me clean Laughter makes me clean You just hear someone absolutely guffawing from the loo and it's like, oh, he's run himself a bath.

Imagine if every time you turned on the tap in your bath, the sound that came out was laughter. It's kink, kink, kink. As you slowly turn it yeah the hotter the water gets the higher the laughter gets oh and uh when you flush the toilet it's just people going boo a huge crowd booing oh um in reference to last week when uh glenn was on and we were talking about we had the correspondence about when you flush the loo yeah just, I was just about to say, we've had a whole bunch of submissions.

Yeah, the catchphrase from your job. Yeah. So Katie, who's Glenn's... She's Glenn's partner, which is how she's relevant, but she wrote a lot of angry letters to you and me, Phil, demanding that we recognize her as a comedy writer and producer

in her own right, of course. Which I still refuse to do, if you're listening to me. Yes, it's like... You're Phil's Taiwan, Katie. He refuses to admit that you're separate. I'd like to listen to know that

Katie and I are friends and this is some friendly ribbing. Yes. A long-running joke. And she had a good suggestion for comedians, which is that's all from me. Good night. That is good.

Which is good. My suggestion was keep supporting live comedy. And then flush. And the other suggestion was, you've got a hell of a night ahead of you. That's good. That's good. I really like that. All right. Well, that's a good pod, man. That's nice.

Yes. Lovely stuff. Lovely stuff. Thank you for listening, listeners. And keep spreading the word around that the boys are back in town and they're doing a podcast called Budpod. The boys never left town, but they are also back in it. Yes. They're back but they're also responsibly isolated within the town. That's true.

Much love, much luck. Speak to y'all soon. Have a nice week. Ta-ta. Bye.