BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 66 - Get In The Sea, Eddie!

Episode Date: June 10, 2020

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It's bird pod 66 Like um Order 66 from Star Wars That is my only 66 Do you have a 66 Phil? Is order 66 where they have to kill the younglings? They kill all the Jedi's I think it's the

Go get the Jedi's order I think that's the content of the order Okay Go get them 66 is about as close as we're going to get To the devil's number order. I think that's the content of the order. Okay. Go get them. 66 is about as close as we're going to get to the devil's number, unless we really commit to this podcast. Oh,

how old would we be if we had to do... 666 episodes. So it's one a week, 52 years... 12 years? Yeah, over 10 years. So we'd have to do it for another 11 years or so. Oof.

When would that be? That would be 2031's The Devil episode. By which point the devil will have visited the earth by now. By then, I mean, he will have visited the earth. He might as well have, you know. Yeah, he'll be he'll be yeah, by 2031 he'll be well established

If he came to earth I feel like he'd be upset we got the party started without him Do you think, like I when I was really young, I developed a kind of really weird theological idea. Because, like, I used to, as we've discussed on this podcast many times, Phil, I, like you, used to play things like Age of Empires.

Yeah. And I remembered what used to happen sometimes was I would have an Age of Empires game going, and I be like oh i'm gonna go to the kitchen and have a sandwich or whatever and i'd forget to pause it oh no and i'd go and i'd have my sandwich and then i get distracted by a cartoon or a bright light or whatever there's a lot going on in your house a lot going on in my life just like things were happening uh a dog who knows and eventually i'd be like i could completely forget what i was doing and i'd be i remember being sat watching tv and thinking oh no my villagers and i like sprinted like back to my room and the game had just been running by itself for like hours and it was chaos that there were no trees left the villagers had chopped them

all down on like auto zombie wood lumberjack mode and all my guys were dead and everything was on fire right not so different to our world i suppose well that's it i thought god has god has forgotten that he didn't pause the game did you just return with a sandwich in your mouth like, God has forsaken this land! There is no mercy here, the cold universe. Yeah, I was like an 11-year-old. What have we done? Oh, my lord.

But how are you, Phil? oh my lord but how are you Phil? how is your week 12 or 13 of Britain's half-hearted battle with the virus? it has been good

it has been all right I it has been all right. I I've seen today You know what? I think I'm starting to lose faith in our government's reaction to the crisis.

Have you seen they've now reversed the decision on reopening schools? Oh, have they just gone, okay, no diseased children this year? Yeah, they've gone, yeah, maybe we won't create an army of tiny viral bombs.

Oh my god. And so now school won't be coming back in full, primary school won't be coming back in full primary school won't be coming back in full until until the next academic year so essentially what happened was they were like we're gonna we're gonna bring schools back and everyone went what about coronavirus and the government went oh yeah oh that's why they were closed oh yeah that's a good point actually yeah you're right let's scrap that but who knows if the real

you know the science that they have cited seems pretty confident that children pose a very low risk especially to themselves which I believe but even if they've had to reverse this decision

simply because schools have zero faith in the government's decision-making, it still doesn't look good, does it? Oh, it's still... Yeah, it's still a sign of the same incompetence that has led us to have... I mean, that's why there were so many deaths in care homes, because the government was essentially just sending coronavirus so many deaths in care homes because the government

was essentially just sending coronavirus patients who worked in care homes back to work um and not testing and not giving cams any oxygen or i mean that's you remember how like they were saying like oh they're worried about the care homes all being overwhelmed and the nhs being overwhelmed i was like well the nhs can't get overwhelmed if you fucking murder everyone in their care home before they can get to hospital. That's essentially what they've done. It's just a nightmare. But

good news, Phil, that you and I both enjoyed seeing footage of is that the slave trade statue is gone. Yes. The UK is now officially down one statue of a slave trader. Many to go.

Yes. Yeah, I mean, it's going to be a real boon for the rope industry. Yes. How many will need to be made now to pull down the various statues around the UK. now to pull down the various statues around the UK. Yeah, astonishing scenes from Bristol as the statue

of Edward Colston was brought down to his knees and his face and his chest all at the same time, because it's a pretty rigid statue. Yes. And thrown into... I mean, it's rare that I watch the news on my own and like involuntary

gasp but seeing that statue come down saddam hussein like yeah in england that was quite you're startling it was astonishing it's a it was amazing and watching like it was very inspiring as well because i was watching the footage of them like rolling him towards the sea um and it was like the like you it was like a good like the people rolling him were like multi like multiple different racial racial groups a university prospectus rolling that statue along the ground exactly perfectly balanced statue rolling classes oh and yeah like you say in england am i there's even representation of bronze people and racist slave traders were there i amazing like the the idea like i i like many people in the uk had never heard of Edward

Colston well I'd heard of Colston Hall because that is the venue in Bristol to get to it's like their Royal Albert Hall right Colston Hall they renamed it didn't they oh did they people still refer to it as Colston Hall I think yeah that's

I don't know but I just saw the lovely Lovely man theatre The lovely Nice people Theatre Who paid for this theatre Yeah Well they should just do

Look South Africa South Africa is where the whole roads must fall thing Started But what will you drive on? What do you think? Pretty good. Pretty good opener for my live in Johannesburg special. You see in this enormous stadium, people just losing their minds.

He knows, he understands. If I ever did a special in Johannesburg, I'd call it Live For Now. What do you think? Live and Armed is what you could call it. Live Rounds. Yeah, Live Rounds would be good. Live Rounds.

That would be a good drag name for me. Live Rounds. I forgot about our drag names yeah yeah um but yes south africa is where the whole statue thing kind of started and it got taken to oxford by you know poetically or ironically a road scholar um from i think university of cape town and now it's a now it's a real thing with the concept from, I think, University of Cape Town. And now it's a real thing. With the concept of tearing down statues? Well, the campaign, Roads Must Fall, started in this African university campus.

And then the whole thing of like, hey, have you noticed how racist these statues are? Basically. Yeah. Because South Africa had some humdingers and still has a couple, I think. I think they're mostly gone. They've certainly renamed everything so africa basically renamed everything in the 90s um with a few exceptions it's it's well

it's like for for me so so the edward colston statue is a quite a good example of like the perfect statue to throw into a into a a dock yeah because it's like it's a it's uh literally just a slave trader who was so rich that his money overflowed um basically and uh so it's like not only is it a statue of a slave trader the only reason you put it up is because he was he was like really good at being a horrifying slave trader that's right and the statue was put up like 150 years after he died by just guys who are like remember that guy no me neither let's put a statue up of him um like there's no reason for it to be up it's just uh it just must come across as an enormous fuck you yes yes

well I guess would the reason be that a lot of money went into Bristol itself oh of course on the plaque of the statue he just read great son of Bristol and philanthropist yeah

which is burying the lead a little bit because like you wouldn't Yeah, which is burying the lead a little bit. Because, like, you wouldn't put up a statue of, like, a German industrialist from the 40s, you know? Who used, like, Jewish slave labor. Right. And donated all the money to the local kindergarten. Yes. You wouldn't put up and go, ah,

Hermann Schnitzel, a great very cunning the way he made all the money, very smart man. Yeah. Yeah, so the Britain's in that awkward position of having a complicit involvement in various atrocities around the world, but they've always been so far abroad that you can kind of cover your ears and eyes over here.

The problem that I've certainly had with whenever I talk to British people about the empire is that the empire was so big. I mean, it's the biggest empire in history, a quarter of the world's landmass and a fifth of the world's people, that there were so many atrocities that it seems like too much of a job for them to learn about it. Or even the ones who do try and learn about the atrocities the kind of uh liberal metropolitan elites that we hang out with phil um even they don't know the ones that i know or they don't know about the boer war and the concentration camps or they don't know about this or that or like the amount of atrocities is so high um that it's like it would it would be it would be a gcse and then an a level on its own own. Maybe more, a degree. I have a book called, I'm looking at it now, it's called Britain's Empire by a man called Richard Gott.

And it's about all the various rebellions and atrocities of the British Empire. And it's so big, I've not started reading it. i can't start reading it it's just so big i've had one glimpse of the first page and it's like that really small font and small margins and it's a huge book it's like i don't have three years to read this book well that's it you feel like you have to have three years to read it book. Well, that's it. You feel like you have to have three years to read it, and you know it will be a horrifying journey. It's not like, oh, it'll make me so cheerful and motivated. Yeah.

The reward is sorrow and knowledge of sorrow, which is a pretty wrinkly old carrot compared to the stick of of of doing it yeah instead i'll just watch michael portillo's empire on channel five have although in all earnestness it is it is i watched i watched a couple episodes and you know what it's pretty good well it's surprisingly good I'm sure it's high quality. No, no, no. He's a really balanced guide.

He asks all the important questions. They look at every side of the Empire's involvement in India and Jamaica and stuff. It's good. It's surprisingly good. The main thing for me with the statue thing is that like, so they pulled down the statue

and then I saw loads of people saying on the media, loads of people saying like, oh, they should, you know, they should go through like the channels, the proper channels to remove it, you know? And I thought, oh, that's true. And then I looked it up and it's like, there just aren't any.

Also, they've been trying to, people have been trying to for decades. Yeah, like 20 years and there's no official, like, there's no fucking statue hotline. You could just ring up and go, Hi, I've just noticed at the end of my street there's a statue of a mass murderer.

Is there anything we could do about this? Very quiet. It's very quiet on the other end of that hotline, the statue hotline. Hello? Hello? Very quiet. It's very quiet on the other end of that hotline, the statue hotline. Yeah. Hello. Hello. Just a statue of a guy holding a phone. Our hot statues are waiting for your call.

Are you stiff? We are. But, yeah, so, i thought initially i thought okay maybe there's a reasonable channel but it's literally just all they've been able to do for 20 years is write a letter to the council saying could you get rid of the racist statue now and they've gone oh it's very late when i'm reading this letter sorry bye yeah after 20 years of that fair enough terror pull a full-on saddam hussein and throw the fucking thing in the in the sea absolutely good on you i mean the the alternative is is like you say like okay maybe you can edit the statue or and they tried to edit the plaque that was the thing they tried to do is put put up a plaque that

said a wonderful son of bristol of great philanthropists by the way he murdered 30 000 people but then they blocked that as well um but the for me like you were saying about the like who gets removed next or whatever and lots of important figures have got very controversial pasts and have said terrible things for me it's not so much about tearing it down it's about what it gets replaced with right yeah i don't i really i was thinking about this a lot yesterday and i think i don't mind the removal so much as if it's going to be replaced by something else that helps the nation become cohesive the national myth is important you know right wait so you can't you you can't if you if you're going to say the statue is too divisive you can't replace it with a statue that's too divisive the other way

you can't just put a you know a giant karl marx head on a stick um which some people we know would like to be fair which i think some prominent online communists have actually like suggested which is fucking mad oh yeah they but basically that's like anytime you ask them Which I think some prominent online communists have actually suggested, which is fucking mad. Oh, yeah. But basically, anytime you ask them any question, their answer is just Statue of Lenin. But the slippery slope is an oft-disregarded argument in things like this. And I understand that impulse to disregard the slippery slope argument.

But there is a question here. If you tear down the statue of, say, Winston Churchill, who did some terrible things, but also some pretty vital things. I mean, Gandhi's in the same square. Do you take him down for considering Kenyans lowlier humans?

Or black South Africans, yeah. him down for considering kenyans lowlier humans or black black black south africans yeah yeah or or beating his wife or sleeping with his little niece you know i mean where where where where does moral purity how far does it extend does it extend to and you know i i think there are cases where the answer is clear but there are cases where the answer is not, but there are cases where the answer is not. Well, that's what Sadiq Khan has said. I missed this. What did he say? Sadiq Khan said today, basically, they're going to... Basically, Sadiq Khan's argument's pretty good.

He said exactly the same thing. He said, yeah, Winston Churchill, but also, like you say, Gandhi and Malcolm X. Did he say Gandhi? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Gandhi's anti-black thoughts are pretty well documented, plus the whole thing about his relationships with various women and letting his wife die of an illness without letting her have medicine and then getting the same illness and then having medicine.

Oh, really? Gosh, I didn't know that. I here used to have a whole bit about how like absolutely horrible kandhi was in his private life certainly um anyway sadiq khan was saying like yeah yeah the that that's the kind of like complex person kind of thing but when it comes to slave traders it's pretty pretty clear-cut we don't need to sure have statues of them like if you're going to have anything have statues of slaves or have statues commemorating the slave trade in a way that is horrible but not like a nice guy in his wig with his little coat on no absolutely you could do some

good like um there's lots of very moving yeah moving statues about horrible things without it being the perpetrator. Yeah. I wonder. That is true, because you have... Yeah, instead of having a statue of the perpetrator, you should have a memorial to the people that affected. Yeah. Yeah, you have memorials to the Holocaust.

You don't have statues of Hitler around to remind us of the Holocaust. Yeah, you don't have a big statue of Hitlerler and then the plaque has to be changed to say oh he he's the he's bad by the way he did the bad thing yeah yeah you can't you can't have sort of aspiring artists and pioneering vegetarian also uh but but just keep anti-smoking campaigner oh what's he a big against smoking huge he banned smoking in public places i think in germany well well well he was he was obsessed with like yeah smoking and health and not eating meat and he had this whole yeah he was very obsessed with that kind of thing good health so when in the early 2000s people accused the smoking ban campaigners of being nazis they would have been correct technically uh they historically yeah in the same way like uh anyone who loves uh german shepherds

what what german chap are the german shepherds nazis well no no, the Nazis love German Shepherds. Hitler had a pet German Shepherd who he loved very much. Oh, I just thought they were an inherently racist dog. Well, they do look it. They do look it! They're an angry-looking dog. They're scary. And I had one as a kid.

And even I think that. Wow. It's because they're always the most scary police dog. That's true. That's true. Yeah, they're the dog of the oppressor, aren't they? The German Shepherd. By no fault of their own, really.

Yeah. Well, they're the dog of the oppressor. And also, like, they're the dog of, like, the scary dog in... Aren't they in Goldeneye? There's a video game where German Shepherds come and try and get you. Oh, I think they're in Red Alert They're terrifying in Red Alert Yes Red Alert That's what I'm thinking of

Oh my word But yes I enjoyed seeing the statue Rolled into the docks That was funny Dramatic and Overdue even without the 20-year battle with the fucking council or whatever it is it's some kind of guild that owns the land they were like it's like medieval times they were trying to battle a guild an evil guild oh really

like a statue guild there's some kind of guild based like based on the it's like a merchant guild and they they have like property rights or final say over what happens to loads of the land around there apparently so they're the ones who blocked the changing of the plaque so it's not even democratic interesting shadowy

it's those weird like British things where it's like and the third merchants of the golden hand have the rights to feed pigeons on this skyscraper yeah just like 1700s leftovers I wonder what the city will do now with the statue, will it take it out of

the bay or will it have to leave it there it would be quite good in a museum posed upside down so you can see where it was torn from right that'd be quite good in a museum posed upside down so you can see where it was torn from. Right. That'd be quite cool. With the graffiti on it and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a good monument to social history. But will even the act of retrieving, be an affront. Maybe it would. You'd have to publicise the retrieval well in advance. Did you see that those guys tried to get it back out? Which guys? A bunch of, like, white dudes with dodgy tattoos and shaved heads.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. God. Play to typo, don't you? Yeah. A bunch of dodgy looking white dudes came and tried to rescue the statue and they couldn't

how? ropes or something they're like diving in there I'm sure it's heavy I mean it took like 11 people to roll it never mind lift it up with a rope I mean that thing must weigh an absolute ton yeah yeah to roll it, never mind lift it up with a rope. I mean, that thing must weigh an absolute ton. Yeah.

Yeah. Statues are, like, is there anyone, who is there even a statue of who's, like, more modern than even, like, so when was the last time people got made statues? They're usually, like, no, it's, like,

Eric Morecambe, isn't it? Oh, yeah. But they had to crowdfund that for years to get the bloody clown statue. The only people they've made statues of since the war have been footballers and comedians.

Yeah. And then that short-lived one of Michael Jackson. Oh, yeah. Gosh, oh yeah gosh where was that terrifying looking one where was that um that was outside fulham football club wasn't it because he was like on the board of it michael jackson was on the board of fulham what really yeah that's a very lucrative thing for rich Americans to invest in. Gosh, I had no idea. Let me check this. Michael Jackson.

I mean, it's not the most surprising thing Michael Jackson's done in his career, Phil, I'll be honest. That's true. That's true. I mean, of all the things, I shouldn't be most shocked at that. But it is weirdly, by this point in his legend the most surprising element oh no that's what it was you know

Mohamed Al-Fayed yes I remember the name I don't remember quite what he did Mohamed Al-Fayed is the father of Dodi Fayed who Princess Diana died with Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah

And he used to own and run Harrods Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I did know this So Mohammed Al-Fayed was the one on the board of Fulham Football Club Yes, he was the chairman, that's right, that's the word I don't know about ball games And Michael Jackson was his mate Oh And following Jackson's death in 2009 Al-Fayed commissioned a statue word i don't know about ball games um and michael jackson was was his mate oh um and following

jackson's death in 2009 alfired commissioned a statue with a plan of sighting it inside harrods um after harrods sale the new qatari owners didn't want the michael jackson statue surprise surprise and he arranged for it to be placed outside craven Cottage. Oh my word. And it was removed in 2014, 2013. Imagine if the main concourse of Harrods just had a huge Michael Jackson statue. Harrods? Harrowed, more like.

Well, yeah. Oh, that was what I was meant to remember, because in terms of getting rid of old, horrible slave trade names and things like that, obviously Bristol pulled down the statue and then there has been statue pulling and destruction and removal in the US.

Various former confederate cities. And that's all good and proper. But I only realized this the other day because yesterday when the US Army released a statement, two of the biggest

US Army bases in the United States are named after Confederate generals. Really? Fort Lee and Fort Bragg. Like, that's their enemy. Oh, Lee as in General Lee? Robert E lee robert e lee yeah robert e lee yes but like the u.s army was it like an olive branch to the defeated south

well it's probably like just a bunch of people from the south who have to be reabsorbed who are like i've got an idea for a name and everyone else they were from the south so they went oh yeah good idea i mean like that's insane because it's just like that that is the enemy that is who the u.s army had to fight against there's not fort bin laden it's it's not like you're going to be going for basic training in fort hussein fort saddam hussein which we've named after our former enemy because for some reason that's the thing we do it's not no it's just two confederate generals i couldn't believe it i never made the connection but it's peculiar and they've only just released a statement saying yeah we're going to take a

look at it because for years they've been like no no, no, we're not going to change it. We think it's brilliant. Imagine being like a black American soldier and being stationed in Fort Lee. That's true. Where is it? Where is Fort Lee? Where is Fort Lee? Fort Lee is... Fort Lee... Oh no, that's the city Fort Lee

Fort Lee military base yeah it's in Virginia Virginia mountain mama and Fort Bragg is North Carolina dear me the largest military installation in the world Fort Bragg

that's quite the brag The largest military installation in the world, Fort Bragg. That's quite the brag. It's a true to his name there. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I mean, I hope Sadiq Khan does rename the London slave trade streets, but with good new names. Yeah. Yeah. Like, names of interesting... Like, don't just rename everything fucking Smith Street. Yeah, or like...

Daniel Bedingfield Lane. Pick someone good, yeah. lane or you know pick someone good yeah oh my god imagine the that's like the perfect way to make everyone angry just Greg Wallace Avenue

it's like what's the logic behind these names it's just people I think are good I just kinda like them I don't know I just like him that would be the deal to make sure that everyone in the country wasn't was angry to differing degrees you were going to rename all the streets and take down all the controversial statues but we're going to replace them with D-list television personality statues. Yeah.

It's like, this is what the country deserves. This is who Britain is now. Britain is an enormous bronze statue of Greg Wallace doing a thumbs up. That's who we are as a nation. Have you seen the photos of him trying his hand at a fitness video? Is that those weird photos of him in little shorts in his own garden? Yeah, just doing a crouch and grinning horribly at the camera. Because he got in the news for losing weight.

Right, yeah. Which is more rare for a dude. To get in the news for losing weight than for a woman in the news for losing weight. Yeah, it's rarer. It does happen. It's happening more and more. Soon we will all be shamed. Equally.

Equally shamed. For equal shame for equal people. Yeah. That's my theory about where, like, there's a version of gender equality where we get the worst of both worlds, and I hope we don't go there. But it's like, right, now enough men have anorexia, and women don't talk about their feelings, so there we go. Right. Everyone's learned from each other now everyone's ashamed and no one's talking about it yeah

whereas what would be nice is if no one had eating disorders and everyone talked about their feelings no well I can agree with the first half of that sentence Pierre but I honestly don't want to live in a world where everyone talks about their feelings.

I feel like we're close enough to that point already, and it's intolerable. Well, that's the trouble is that we're in the arts, and so we're surrounded by feelings talk pretty much 24-7. I think there are plenty of industries where you know the fewer feelings shared the better but I mean this is maybe this is my Asian-ness coming through

my Chinese-ness coming through well you're entitled to your cultural I sound a lot like my dad right now at least I sound a lot like how I presume my dad would sound if he shared his feelings. Yeah, you've already failed your dad's test. Yeah.

I'm so angry about all these feelings. Oh, man. Yeah, well, I mean, that's the thing is that we're in the arts field, so we're on the cutting edge of the old feelings train. That's true. Feelings are our bread and butter, I suppose. Have you ever tried to talk about social issues at the level that we do in the arts with people who don't work in the arts? It's like you're talking to them from a different planet.

Yes. We're so deep into it. Most people are busy. It's true. People with jobs don't have time to troll Twitter for the hottest takes. We're so deep into it. Most people are busy. It's true. People with jobs don't have time to troll Twitter for the hottest takes and come up with positions of their own that are so detached from the original argument

that they're basically about a different subject entirely now. Here's an interesting question. Have you done any explaining in the last week or two of of of uh protests and black lives matter and so on to who to confuse white people has anyone got in touch with you and said phil you're not white no no i've not really been going out um because of the pandemic and no I've not offered no one sent you a little DM no not really

I mean the Chinese the East Asian experience is quite unique really I don't think I'm seen that way this is the problem with the terminology of people of colour because technically it includes East Asian people but our lives are very very different with the terminology of people of color because that technically it includes um east asian people

but our lives are very very very different okay that's interesting because i've done some explaining have you yeah oh yeah phil to whom uh some confused white people i know uh-huh they've messaged me about about uh stuff to do with south africa that they've seen in the news or um in one case it was just uh someone i know who was like what do you think about such and such an issue here and then like just and so i've i've had a i've had an interesting uh week or two of of taking someone who works an actual job and so can't afford to sit and do all this reading through the issues as best i can which feels weird okay but that's it felt it felt good you know yeah that's a that's a real vote of confidence from those people yeah that was a real compliment

but it also felt good to be able to um in in one case they were they were they they showed me in this there was a there was a different person but then another person sent me a thing which happens from time to time because um the right wing in the west are a bit obsessed with south africa and they use it as a lot of as an example for various things and evidence for various things and someone sent me a screenshot of some you know mad claim about south africa And they were like, is this true? And that happens quite a lot. Right.

Like, is this, does this happen? Is this true? And it's like, well, no, basically no. I guess maybe in that, in your case, people are not so much asking for your lived experience, but you are like an in-depth reporter. You're an investigative reporter for the south african experience well i'm just the only south african they know is probably more likely yeah the least scary one um but yeah my lord what a week another week of another week of demos and and and reading and

donating for us all yeah i got the demonstrations got pretty pretty uh intense in london did you see the the footage of uh the riderless horse the riderless police horse galloping through a smoking city like when the fucking Dark Knight returns. Yeah, it was very cinematic, the whole thing. Yeah. Very cinematic. I have to question the idea that, like, a load of screaming

horses will calm down a crowd. Yes, I've never quite understood the logic behind police horses. It's not like a petting zoo where it's like, oh, well, if we let the protesters feed the horse a sugar cube, you know, it will calm them down. It's nice. Is it just about getting...

Is it just about gaining height for the police? I think it's just that, like... It's just quite intimidating? Yeah, people just fear animals. It's like a tall, really strong animal that you don't know if it's gonna smash you in the face with a hoof? I don know it's really i mean i i i i'm i fear them already i don't like horses um anyway yeah i'm not a fan because my my name is greek for lover

of horses and it couldn't be further from the truth you've been you were named ironically it was like little john from robin hood yes you came out and your parents were like god this baby already we can tell hates fucking horses let's troll him yeah exactly um yes that they they got uh there was the horse thing what was the other thing do you see the the australian news reporters that were running away as well no they got they got like uh surrounded by a mob in london and had to like flee oh i thought in australia yeah no no no they're in london no a lot a lot of the reports from the london protest you know you hear the the reporter going oh sorry let me just get let me just

get out of the way here sorry um let me just get to safety a very british like version of a riot which is like gives everyone enough time to go oh excuse me no just can i have a bit of a bit of a barney here oh no no problem we'll just move over here what if I I reckon right here's my position you're allowed to charge a lot of horses through a crowd like that as long as two weeks ago

you charged all those horses through everyone on the beach ignoring the rules that's interesting I don't think hooves do well in sand I think you'd have to horses running along the beach that's interesting I don't think hooves do well in sand I think you'd have to come on, horses running along the beach that's a motivational poster

of course it is, it's also like Lloyd's bank the TSB advert isn't it no you're right that weird advert where they're like we're a horse and a bank the sea's nice, have a loan in my mind a horse standing on a sandy beach would just sink into it and you'd have to pull it out like a croquet hoop no i i think you're allowed to charge

groups of rule breakers with horses as long as you do it equally i mean they charged all the like lovely young diverse people but like all the ved like the ve day celebrations were the most shallow excuse for breaking lockdown i've ever fucking seen whereas a bunch of bored fucking village white people who never even heard of ve day yeah suddenly like let's let's let's touch each other's faces it's what the troops would want and then on all the lovely sunny bank holidays the beaches were like more busy than they would even have been normally charge a horse through there yeah

no you're right that'll be fun to watch just watch a a village conga line get plowed into by a phalanx a phalanx of stallions just just seeing a cavalry charge break up a brawl of burnt bald english guys on a beach

just a black mare hind kicking a barbecue yes yeah yeah yeah did you see that i mean there even was a brawl on the beach yeah i saw that fucking hell i mean like they said we're supposed to be able to go back to pubs in a couple of weeks it's gonna be like it's gonna be like fucking game of thrones but it is hot it is it is heartening to see that even when they aren't allowed to travel abroad the british tourist can start meaningless brawls here at home can start meaningless brawls here at home. Mallorca's loss is our gain this year.

It's true. It's something about... Do you think it's like a uniquely British symptom of heat stroke? It's like, I've been in the sun for so long, come here, and they just immediately start fighting. Because the British body is so not used to getting hot that it presumes it must be angry. Yes, I'm red, I'm uncomfortable,

my skin hurts like someone's hitting me. Hulk smash! It's like when little kids get too much sugar, if you get too much vitamin D, it just triggers the rage zombie virus. Vitamin destruction. That's right.

That's what it's... Yeah. But yeah, I thought that the horses thing was dumb. I don't know why that was deemed to be a helpful activity. Yeah. Yeah. I've never been in a situation where I thought, you know what would really calm me down? Being clattered to pieces by

a cavalry. It was dramatic, though. Well, it's like when they charged the student fees protests with a lot of horses as well. In like 2011 or whenever it was, years ago i don't

even remember when it is yeah it's just loads of people with like hats they knitted themselves being hit with cavalry what's because the british police don't have guns they need something otherwise they're just people otherwise there's other people telling you to stop doing that otherwise there's other people telling you to stop doing that yeah our police do look like office workers wearing stab vests maybe to american police maybe the compromise is just to keep the height but lose the horses and just give all the mat stilts maybe just stilts like uh they're all street performers now. That's right. And if you think a policeman is particularly good at their stilt work, you can put a little money in his hat.

Oh, yes. We meant to say that when we talked about the FBI guy being falsely arrested, that's not what it is. What was it again, Phil? Yeah, last week's episode, we told the story of this viral clip of a of a black american man being apprehended by some police who mistook him for a suspect they were looking for and it turned out he was an fbi agent that's not strictly true um after some digging and fact finding he wasn't an fbi agent his id simply showed, he wasn't an FBI agent. His ID simply showed that he wasn't the person they were looking for.

And also, I think it was filmed last year. But not to say that it wasn't still embarrassing for the police, but we didn't want to be spreading misinformation on our podcast. Yes, it was still profiling, but it was not this year and of an FBI agent. It was last year and of a guy. Because the truth matters. The truth matters. Yes, indeed.

Yes, indeedy-do. I'll say keep an eye out for... I just checked, Phil, to see if there was some kind of like... Because the police are going after the statue guys. I just checked to see if there was some kind of like because the police are going after the statue guys i just checked to see if there was some kind of like legal thing i saw a lawyer on twitter say oh i'll happily represent these guys for free uh which is good and but no charges have been laid yet but keep your eyes out guys as i will for any kind of like funding go fund me or whatever for if the police actually bother to fucking arrest anyone for that yeah it would be

well it would be the optics wouldn't be great they ignore enough other crimes why can't they just ignore this one that's true so keep your eyes out for that and stay

safe yep stay safe. Yep. Stay safe. Try and be happy. And do things that make you feel whole. I don't know if you want to keep that in. Yeah, that's good. It's nice to...

That's like the most wholesome thing you've ever said, Phil. Do you think? Okay. Maybe that's why it made me squirm a little. I've been meditating. I just meditated and I've gotten into scented candles. So this might be the new... The new emotionally vulnerable Phil.

Oh, I've always been emotionally vulnerable just never emotionally expressive that's the real vulnerability if you're going to do one you have to do the other one that's the new rule for new Phil yeah yeah yeah well thanks for listening well I wonder where we'll be next week

when we talk to you again. Hopefully somewhere less horrifying. That would be a boon. Until then, have a lovely week. Have a good week, guys. And bye! Bye!