BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 67 - The Streak!

Episode Date: June 17, 2020

Episode sexy heaven! The boys hat about the pink football men, paedophilic statues, D&D ISIS and Mick gets in touch Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 67! 67, is that anything to you, Phil? 67, sexy heaven, um, nope, nothing, 67. Yeah, sexy heaven's pretty good, like normal heaven, but sexy. It's a start to the joke, uh, why is six afraid of seven? Yes, that's true. You know this joke? Yeah. Was that maybe the first, uh, one of the first jokes that we all learned I feel like

I learned it quite late I thought it was brilliantly clever Because 7, 8, 9 Of course How many other similar jokes are there In the numbers In the universe Not many

Not that much punnery in numbers. What would you do with that? Why is 68 awkward around 70? Because there's a 69 between them. That's alright. Yeah, that's okay.

You phrased it better. I was going to be deliberately dumb and go, because 68, 69, 70 Because 68, 69, 70 I mean that's alright isn't it Yeah why Why Why does 68's breath stink Is that too gross

I think maybe that's too gross. That is gross. That is very funny and silly. 67. Yeah, I don't think 67 is anything. If we liked sports, Phil, I'm sure 67 would be the number of some fantastic sports person. True. But it would be like, I think Britishish sports the numbers don't go up that high footballer numbers don't go up that high but basketball maybe and like for american football they do go up the high so

it'd be like i remember i remember someone explaining to me why a particular famous footballer had like a really high number on as his number and it was because he wanted to keep his like youth training number yeah i guess i think when you start out you've got a really big you've got a you know a high number because that's how far down the pecking order you are i'd i'd like it if it was like um some kind of secret society um so if you were like it was just ranking so it's like quiet number two you know you just knew how good every footballer was because it was like their name was just 106 right yeah yeah yeah yeah i like that i like that but would you have to update the numbers every

season or like every match that'd be incredibly confusing if every match oh yeah it would have to be yeah it would have it would either have to be every season or they'd have like velcro numbers on their back although i think they already make a football top per match don't they all every time they play a match it's a new top. Because it has the match written onto it, which is incredible. Yeah, and then there's all the different data points, like how many meters covered and all that kind of thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny because the guys in my year at school who loved football the most, it's not always true, but a lot of them were not academic at all. But then they could memorize enormous data banks if it was about David Beckham or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

So their ability to memorize data was never the problem. They just weren't interested. Yes, yeah. There's so much untapped rain man like ability in this country so many exquisite blackjack players who could be millionaires at this point that's it that's it if they like you can see people like after 11 pints reeling off like numerical statistics as long as it's football. Yeah. Yeah.

But then also think that, you know, maths is for dweebs. Yeah, they believe that there is a link between mathematical proficiency and sexuality. And also they're all, you dismissive of the call like comic book and cosplay and nerdy culture even though they they're in cosplay every weekend as a favorite footballer yeah that's the funniest thing as well about when people are really skeptical about say esports yeah like video games yeah it's like, you don't even play the game. You just watch someone who's really good at it. It's like, yes, like every sport.

Yes, you're correct. Yeah, it's just that all the people playing this sport are diabetic. Did you see that news about the top Chinese gamer? No. What happened? He's a top e-gamer, Phil. Yeah.

Top of his class, I don't know. And he was like massive, millions of followers. And he's officially retired at the age of 23. Wow. Or something. It's like early 20s due to health concerns. Because he had to release a whole statement where he was like,

thank you for all your support, but I've got type 2 diabetes and I can't sleep and I've got carpal tunnel. Jeez. Can you get diabetes from just sitting around? You can get it from the kind of stuff

you eat and drink by sitting around. Were his head shots too sweet? Is that how you get video game diabetes are you quoting his uh his hip-hop single i've got diabetes because my headshot's so sweet that kind of thing it's quite a cool burst to be fair it. It is good. From an overweighty gamer. Yeah. Man, yeah, this League of Legends game just got real Def Jam all of a sudden. Who is this guy? I'll be honest with you, Phil.

I'm considering starting doing Twitch streaming and stuff because it doesn't look like your industry and mine, live stand-up comedy is coming back anytime soon No, unless are you doing any of the drive-in gigs? No Drive-in gigs

Like we're in the opening credits of the fucking Flintstones That's life now We're in the opening credits of the fucking Flintstones. That's life now. We're in the Flintstones. Everyone runs to the gig on their little footcars. And orders some big brontosaurus ribs. That looked really good, to be fair.

Those looked delicious, those ribs. Oh, man. And in the cartoon, if they ate a hot dog, they would eat it sideways, from the middle. Well, like a corn cob. Yeah, because when I was a kid, I was upset. If my mom ever made hot dogs, I would insist on eating it like that, because that's how the Flintstones did it. I may have imagined it, but I insisted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, and what is it? People honk their horns when they laugh? Yeah yeah yeah And what is it people honk their horns

When they laugh Yeah so if you go to a driving gig you honk your horn Which is incredibly disruptive What is the deal With coronavirus People just leaning on their horn I It's yeah so yeah I'm considering like maybe the future now Phil is in things like podcasting and mumbling to yourself while you uh shoot noobs in the head that's right I mean I I've sort of

I thought maybe I should because I play some I play video games when I can, and maybe I should Twitch. People might want to watch that. But I play long-form, single-player, narrative-heavy games, and I don't think my followers want to watch me reload a checkpoint because I missed a bit of dialogue. I don't think that's good entertainment, is it? Well, it depends. I mean, maybe they don't want to watch a normal person do that but to to see the precise way that phil wang does it well i think people would lose a lot of respect for me

whatever respect people have you know i think my anxiety would really come out i was playing a game over the weekend and i finished it but it it's a game called control I don't know if you know it The great game of Control Do you know it? No I was just like Oh yeah It's It's It's a very interesting

Really good story But like It's quite hard And I was On my own in my flat Just like Getting up And just

Screaming And like slapping my thigh My thigh was red raw By the end of the day Just At one point I picked up a teddy bear And threw it Into the sofa screaming, and slapping my thigh. My thigh was red raw by the end of the day. Ah! Ah! At one point, I picked up a teddy bear and threw it into the sofa.

And I was like, Jesus, I'm 30 years old. And I don't... I mean, maybe that would... Maybe that would help build a Twitch following. I guess maybe that might become why people watch me, because... The rage guy. The rage... The narrative because the rage guy the rage the narrative

driven rage guy it would be quite funny to hear that like yeah it depends I don't know what the Twitch community considers to be

good form maybe they value sportsmanship somehow but yeah I had that last night I made a massive fuck up in a game of warzone with some old school friends of mine and i genuinely did go god damn it like slap the desk with my hand god damn it if i'd had a a pair of aviators and a peaked cap i would have

held them to the floor yeah yeah you yeah you throw over all the wooden figurines on your map and you've got one of those uh pushing sticks that they make exclusively for moving models around a military map who makes those who makes those sticks i think it must just be like the secret department of hasbro because i mean they have a captive market but surely not a very large one really how many of those sticks can you sell a year i bet i bet you i bet you that all the generals who use those sticks, it's like they're actually for something from Warhammer. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're meant to be for orcs. Yeah, yeah. That's quite funny. It's like, general, what does this orc mage represent here in the north of Iraq? That's the last remnants of isis right right right okay have you got this written down somewhere so we can uh make sure we don't get confused because right now this uh battle is looking even more terrifying than we thought it

was yes yeah yeah we need to make it clear to the press that we don't believe that Northern Iraq contains even a single orc mage. Weapons of magical destruction. Yes, that's right. Weapons of mage, weapons of mage destruction. Weapons of... Weapons of mage and dragons. Wizards of mage and dragons. Yeah.

Wizards, mages, and dragons. That's what WMD stands for. Wizards, mag and Dragon. Yeah. Wizards, Mages and Dragons. That's what WMD stands for. Wizards, Mages and Dragons. What, like Alistair Campbell's just a really out of control LARPer? Did he coin that? Did he coin WMDs? Well, he was the sort of driving force behind it, it seems. But WMD for me is such an

American phrase I suppose it's just the phrase really I mean what was the guy's name Hans Blix He was He was the weapons inspector wasn't he Yeah He was the guy who kept going in and saying

There's nothing there and everyone kept going You're an idiot, Hans. Look again. You're telling me there wasn't a single necromancer there? You're having me on. God damn it. I don't think you even know an eldritch spell when it's staring you in the foot.

you even know an eldritch spell when it's turning you into a fight? Well, I don't think anyone's ever heard a Dungeons and Dragons take on the Iraq War, but now you have. It's true. I don't think any of you have ever heard UN Weapons Inspector Hans Bleck's accused of not understanding

necromancy. But that's Bud Pod. The shops have opened yesterday, Pierre. Did you Romancy. But that's Bud Pod. The shops have opened yesterday. Pierre, did you go down to your favorite local shop? My favorite local non-essential shop? I didn't.

I can't think of any non-essential shops that I would like to visit, to be honest. How about you? Well, this is the thing. I mean, people in the news are like, well, I came out to get my first pair of sneakers in three months and lo and behold other people had the same idea like people genuinely surprised that it was busy the first day shops are open again it's amazing like the same people who wouldn't be surprised that it was busy on boxing day when the shops have been closed for like a day. Yeah. Yeah. A three-month hiatus was no cause to reconsider going on the first day back. Give it three days even.

It'll be much quieter. I do like the idea that that's how much I've spent lockdown needing, you know, some trainers or a hat. Yeah. Just sitting there on your own just just frothing from the mouth waiting for you waiting so you can buy a hat again just just staring in the mirror forlornly patting my bare head my bare head and then on the first day like the second someone goes you can go buy a hat now it's like before they've even finished speaking it's like out the window smash why are these other

people you're buying hats like you run to the shops like beast from x-men just like on all fours like leaping over stuff where's my hat beast from x-men um have you been enjoying the disgusting uh not summer summer weather i love it i love it actually because it's my ideal weather because it's nice and sunny for a couple of days and then we get a break of mucky rain and because we still are in need of some weather that helps us to believe we

haven't missed out on too much this yes that's true what i what i'm annoyed by is when in london we get what i call the worst of both worlds when it's like completely overcast and gray and yet still sweaty and hot right that's quite yeah yeah right okay so it's been it was hot and then the clouds covered it up so fast that the hot air couldn't escape. Yeah. And so now we're just in this sort of like an old sauna, like a badly kept sauna. Yeah. A mildewy sauna.

A big wet duvet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's not pleasant. Yeah. But, yeah, it's been all right. Or a sweaty tent. Yeah, that's not pleasant yeah but um yeah it's been all right and yeah that's what it is it's like being in a sweaty tent before you've opened it in the for the morning yeah yeah it's been pretty gross and then of course um you know it's been it's it's been a very dramatic few weeks but the kind of tail end of it appears to have been a load of actual football hooligans

shouting about statues it has and and that made me realize just how important football is it's like it doesn't need to have any cultural significance or importance it's like it's a carbon sink for cunts without it it keeps them busy without it they're free to roam in our atmosphere and make everything horrible we need it like a forest to hold in all the twats

and this isn't to say all football fans are twats I know that's an ignorant opinion to hold but all the twats are football fans it's similar to brexit in that way not everyone who voted brexit is a racist but every racist voted brexit and i that's it's the same thing with twats and football yes yeah um i yeah when i was watching the footage of the I don't know what you call them Statue men A mixture of

Football hooligans, military veterans And neo-Nazis Yes, yes, a conspicuous mix I mean there was that argument Did you see that argument between the All lives matter and white lives matter guy No There was two guys and like One of them was saying all lives matter And the other one matter and white lives matter guy no there was two guys and like one

of them was saying all lives matter and the other one was saying white lives matter and the all lives matter guy was calling the white lives matter guy a racist brilliant yeah amazing and they and people said there's no room for nuance in modern debate look at these two gentlemen And what were their arguments? Well their arguments were mostly Bellowed a foot away from each other's face In the midst of an enormously pink crowd Okay So it was hard to discern the finer points

Of riposte and parry And thrust In the maelstrom. But yeah, and then a bunch of them went to Hyde Park and started spitting on picnickers and things. Yes, I saw that. Like Churchill would have wanted. Well, he may have done.

I reckon if he spotted a picnic without any form of alcohol included, he probably would have. If he'd spotted a picnic attended only by people from Bengal he would have gone, no. He would have gone and stomped on it. No food for you! Yeah.

Not here, not anywhere. His famous wartime speech, of course, never, never, never picnic. It's one of his pithiest quotes we won't picnic on the beaches we won't picnic in the landing grounds we won't picnic in the hills and in the streets i'm currently reading a fascinating long article by the late christopher hitchens the late and great christopher hitchens it's from the Atlantic. It was printed in 2002 edition. So sort of just coming off the back of 9-11. And it doesn't put it in that context too heavily, but he references

it a few times. It's a really fascinating read. I recommend it to anyone who wants sort of some weight behind the Churchill was a complex figure argument. And there's some fascinating stuff in there. Like, did you know that, you probably know this, Pierre, but Churchill's radio broadcasts, all his famous radio broadcasts weren't him. It was an actor, wasn't it?

It was an actor, yeah. It was the same actor who was Winnie the Pooh at the time, and he was a regular on the Archers. I didn't realize it was Winnie the Pooh. Yeah, it was Winnie the Pooh at the time, and he was a regular on the Archers. I didn't realize it was Winnie the Pooh. Yeah, it was Winnie the Pooh. Norman, what's the name? Norman something. I'll look it up now.

Oh my God. That's so funny. So we will find him on the beaches. That was, let me just... Norman Shelley. Right, and there was that whole thing about so we shall fight him on the beaches was him uh uh blood toil tears and sweat was him and uh the finest hour speech was him so those those were not Churchill. He was Norman... Norman... I've forgotten his name already.

My fucking memory, man. Oh, my brain's gone. Norman Shelley. There you go. My brain has turned to a kind of thick soup. Yeah, absolutely. Welcome to the club. Yeah, it's something about...

Yeah, this is about... About this time last year was when your brain became soup. And now I've joined the soup brain club. Was that because of security concerns? They were like, oh, well, we're worried that they'll bomb the radio studio when Churchill's in it, kind of thing. Well, and there's no more argument for that than bombing the Houses of Parliament when the new Churchill will be in it.

I suppose so, yeah. Interesting. Well, I mean, here Christopher Hitchens is as suggested half-jokingly that he might have just been too pissed, but who knows. What else is interesting? Well, the first outing of the

British Navy in World War II was to sink French ships. Did you know that? Yes, yeah. To stop them falling into the hands of the Vichy regime. That's right. Although there's evidence that that wouldn't have happened, although that's a pure conjecture. But there was no chance of that happening. They were given the chance to hand over the ships, I believe.

To hand over the ships to Britain? Yeah, the ships to britain or to yeah there was one particular port where they were surrounded the french ships and they were told like well you're coming with us so you're not going fucking anywhere who's saying that the germans or the british the british okay yeah and the french were like no don't be silly i see british were like well okay please leave the ships before we destroy them or you'll die. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was God, yeah, the early stages of the war. There was like, one of the first skirmishes of the war

was in like Madagascar or something. Really? Yeah, because it was a French possession. So there's between like Free French and us and Vichy French and Germans and a Japanese submarine turned up. It was a whole thing.

Wow. But it was still like really small. It was still a phony war. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, the people, the pink football men, they look like all of the most disruptive and abusive audience members that we've ever encountered. The worst. Those are the worst. all of the most disruptive and abusive audience members that we've ever encountered. The worst. Those are the worst. If anyone who looks like that is in the front row of a boozy gig,

back when gigs were a thing, you know you're in for a tussle of some kind. At best, they will fall asleep. That's the best outcome you can hope for. The dream is to watch that enormous dome sink slowly to the chest what is it what is it about being violent and racist that just makes you give up on hair altogether do you love white skin so much that you want to show as much of it as possible to the world? Is that the idea? Maybe being prejudiced is extremely stressful.

He gets back after a long day's racism. And his wife's like, Honey, another difficult day? He's like, Yeah, I don't know how much longer I can do this. Yeah, it's like, My hair's coming out in clumps. Or like you you accidentally

you know you start thinking you start thinking racist thoughts and then it starts coming out in like your comb that's like your body warning you against it oh no right so the racist thoughts have come out of your brain and rotted the roots of your hair. Yeah, they push the hair out.

Interesting, interesting, interesting. This is biology, Phil. This is essential biological knowledge. You know, another interesting thing I've noticed about the hooligan racists is that they are obsessed obsessed with pedos obsessed they're obsessed with how bad being a pedo is and i'm not saying that is not bad but it's the it's as far as they're concerned is the only evil thing in the world and i because i was watching a tommy robertson video recently i like to keep up with him and and he was going why are these protesters bringing down the slaver in in bristol and what

about all the the statues in the bbc that were made by a pedo artist which is true there are some sculptures in um the bbc old old broadcasting house that were by a man who was later found guilty of some kind of sexual inappropriateness in that vein. And he's like, what about, he was a pedo. Well, then they bring those statues down. It's like, as far as these people are concerned, the only true evil in the world is pedophilia and i don't know if it's a symptom of being so morally bankrupt yourself that it is the

only transgression you can find worse than your own yeah is that it is it maybe it's also like because they've been pushed so far to the bottom society is the only people they can find to have a moral high ground over well it's the one thing that like maybe they're just so morally bereft that it's like all that's left is stuff that you are found

stuff that you find unacceptable just on instinct but you would include racism on that, wouldn't you? I guess not. I would. I know, I know, I know. But they do seem obsessed with it. It is their main concern, the pedos. Yeah.

And they're late to the party. We could have done with them protesting about Jimmy Savile maybe in the 90s or 80s Yeah It's always very retroactive Their activism on that front But also I like Tommy Robinson's

Argument that you should be so Busy bringing down pedo statues That you just can't find the time To also bring down a statue of a slave trader yeah it's amazing yeah it's real what aboutery yeah it's it's it's amazing what aboutery and what's funny about it is that it it inherently admits that it's correct to bring down the statue right okay yes he sort of strung up his own argument there because he's yeah he is accepting that if if a crime is heinous enough then the statues of the perpetrators should be taken down

yeah he's not he's basically saying here are some more statues we should also take down so it's like all right fine either that or he's saying we should leave up the slave trader statue and also the pedo ones what's um what's smart about the the ones in the bbc is that i think they're structural i think they're like because they're all carved into like the pillars and stuff you can't get rid of them because they're literally the building they're like you know awnings and fucking it's like in the simpsons where when rod and todd tear down that poster from their newly rebuilt house and but it's like oh yeah no that's a load-bearing poster and it starts to break apart sorry that's a load-bearing

pedo sculpture you can't I'm afraid that that pedo sculpture is in the shape of the it's the nuclear button we can't touch it they were very clever yeah it's very yeah I guess

does that obsession just follow the tabloids though because for ages it was just like in all the red top newspapers and tabloids it was just pedo pedo pedo not like you shouldn't cover those stories but in in particular it was like they were they they were even more of a kind of rabble rousing thing than the vague allegations of benefits fraud that they ever talk about that's right have you ever seen um have you ever seen that graph of benefit fraud cost versus the cost of unclaimed benefits benefit fraud cost as in okay okay the cost of unclaimed benefits as in as in the money left over from benefits that haven't

been claimed yeah right is it greater than benefit fraud so so benefit fraud is like one percent the estimate of of all benefits paid out so one in every hundred pounds is a is a naughty pound okay whereas the cost of and that's let's say that's like a hundred million pounds or whatever but the cost of benefits that people don't claim because they don't know they're entitled to it or they can't be bothered or whatever is It's like billions. Really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And people, you know, underpaying minimum wage and things like that.

Like the cost of benefit fraud, even though it obviously definitely exists because of, you know, human nature and error and so on, it's just like nothing. It's the most statistically pointless thing to get obsessed by. Yep. statistically pointless thing to get obsessed by. Yep. Well, I mean, yeah, I mean, the same, exact same argument about the economic contribution of immigrants, which far outweighs anything they take

out of the country. But if you say something enough times, people eventually just believe you. Yeah, you just have to sort of... Well, that's the trouble, isn't it? It gets more difficult to to talk in favor of um economic immigrants um or any kind of immigrants like you or me because then the

following argument is like well the reason that they make so much more money than they cost is because you didn't have to pay for anything to do with them until they were like 18 yeah yeah all the sunk cost is gone all the sunk cost is gone all the same cost is gone yeah the only ones who are arriving are the ones who you're voluntarily letting in for whatever reason and even the ones who come over to have their training here pay three four times the amount you would so even if they are trained yet that's even better for the british economy have you seen like some universities are going to go bust and stuff because they just can't afford like so much of their budget is just extremely wealthy chinese students not the uk yeah paying for like their mba at the university of whatever yeah yeah yeah

oh yeah i mean if you're from a wealthy family in china they would just send you to a british university it doesn't really matter which one just so you can say you have a degree from british university and that makes up a large amount you know a large section of the national income i mean as you say specifically the in the educational industry yeah it's do you think do you think that we're going to, it's going to be 2008 all over again? I mean, you and I broadly graduated into a recession.

Do you think it's now that like, it's just going to come back and punch us in the other bollock now? No. Cause I mean, I don't think the recovery would be like, as we've mentioned before, exact V shape, but you know,

the, the, the, the amount, the money that the government has had to spend has gone back into the community it has gone back into people's pockets so it's not all been lost on on on imaginary loans that will never be paid back so the money hasn't been lost in that sense i guess i mean this is all pure armchair economics for myself but i it i think it feels like a far less long-term recession than the last one because we're still recovering from

the last one now yeah we're partially because our decision on how to deal with the last one was to deliberately get even more poor. Yeah. And this time, banks haven't needed the same bailing out because of rules put in last time. That's true. Because banks have to have reserve cash now. That's true. Maybe it'll all be okay.

Maybe gigs will come back, Phil. Maybe. It might. AstraZeneca is very... Who have the Oxford vaccine their ceo is like yeah i'll be ready in september we'll be distributing in september he just like can you imagine can you imagine can you imagine the stress of being a vaccine guy now yeah well the the researchers i mean i think if you're ceo of astrazeneca you can say whatever

the hell you want who's's going to touch you? Yeah, I mean, like the scientists, like the scientists go home to their partner and their partner's like, was it good today? Yeah. Did you do it? Was it a good day? Yeah, I wonder if they'll become like

super celebrities. No, they won't. No one one cares no one cares about scientists no they care about them for like just long enough do you think they'll get a nobel prize surely the team will get the nobel prize if they get their first yeah for what though chemistry for for medicine is there a medicine one there's got to be there has got to be a medicine one doesn't it there's got to this one for everything there's some there's no one? There's got to be a medicine one, doesn't there? There's got to be one for everything. There's not one for comedy, although there should be. So I can finally add a trophy to my cabinet.

Nobel. Nobel Prize for podcasting? Yes, of course. It's time those dinosaurs woke up. That's right. Old Alfred Nobel, the dynamite whore. He would have loved podcasts. Physiology or medicine.

Oh, yeah, you're right. There is a Nobel Prize in physiology or medicine. Yeah, it looks like. Yeah. What is physiology when it's at home? It's people who are really good at physio. Right. It's for the best physiotherapist of the year.

The Nobel Prize for Physiology last year was famously won by Jim Hans van der Plank. Yeah, a lot of good whispers about Joe Wicks for this year. He's the frontrunner for the physio Nobel Prize. Oh, my Lord. Well, the sun's come out again now, Phil, so our hated summer has returned. Yeah, horrible. Horrible.

It's not so bad, I guess. It's not so bad right now. I don't mind. I've actually come to appreciate it. It took a global pandemic for me to finally appreciate the feeling of sunshine on my skin. Yes, yeah, like one of the pirates from Pirates of the Caribbean. The ghost ones. Is that Barbarossa?

Yeah, too long since I felt the sun on my skin, or whatever it is he says. Is he a ghost or not, the barbarous? I couldn't tell. He's like a skeleton zombie, but only in the moonlight, isn't that it? That's right, that's right. Magic moon pirate skeletons? Yeah.

That's what the movie title translates to in various foreign language releases. I'm pretty sure I saw that guy by a hotel swimming pool once jeffrey rush in dressed in those clothes in malaysia yeah with a parrot and i people he kept getting bothered it's quite unreasonable really people come up saying are you sorry barbarossa and you go please i'm not at work and it's just a bit it's like come on man they must have been filming out there, right?

That's a piratey place Maybe, maybe But it looked like he was on holiday Anyway, this isn't where you come for your showbiz goss No, it's not And rightly so Shall we do some correspondence For the first time in a while?

Yes, let's give it a bloody go Great, let's do the jingle now correspondence correspondence correspondence it's good to say that word again Yes, nice Julia gets in touch Julia Nice to meet you, Leah Yes, nice She says, hello, I'm late to the party So that's

Well, I hope we brought something nice She says I've just moved into a new flat And also it's the lockdown So I've started listening to Budpod quite intensively And I love it, that's very nice, thank you Julia Nice one Anyway, she says

Nothing like a bit of Stockholm Syndrome To finally get us the listeners we deserve Well that's right, it's just to make everyone Sit still and listen So she says In her Stockholm state She says, anyway anyway i have a coolest uncool thing or uncoolest cool thing great um exotic animals as pets ah yes that's excellent that's definitely the uncoolest that's uncoolest cool thing it's hard she says i can't decide which it is but

it's definitely one of the other maybe both both. Thanks. It's uncoolest cool thing. Definitely. Definitely. Because when you, because like growing up as a kid, oh, it'd be cool to have a tiger. That's cool. But now, now it's very uncool because you've seen, you know, how badly treated they are and you understand animal rights and that sort of thing. To be fair. Yeah. sort of thing to be fair yeah let's so like if it's a zero to a hundred scale it's it's like yeah

51 because the reason it's that high is because of the inherent coolness of the beast itself nothing to do with its treatment of the morality of it yeah yeah it's exactly exactly because even if you were in like a dictator's mansion and he was showing you around in a sinister way like a sinister mtv cribs yeah and he opened a a door and there was a sort of bejeweled you know falcon in a cage or whatever you'd still be like oh wow oh that's a shame cool yeah what an awful cool thing yeah that's i think that's a good yeah that's a bloody good one that's very good that's very good i um i mean that she's very much just watched tiger king because it sounds like this was from near the beginning of the lockdown maybe when that's what everyone was doing yeah the fever dream mixture of bud pod and tiger king what a weird time of our lives that was it's i was talking to former guest on on this show adam hess yes and he did a very funny tweet which was

he tweeted it like two months ago and he said in two months someone someone will do a tweet which basically just says god tiger king lockdown feels like a long ago, and he said, in two months, someone will do a tweet which basically just says, God, Tiger King lockdown feels like a long time ago, and it will get more retweets than your best piece of art. Yeah. And then like a week ago, he put it on his Instagram. It is a screenshot of that exact tweet getting like 48,000 retweets. Yeah, I saw that.

Very impressive prescience from Adam. Adam knows how the internet works, like the precogs in uh uh god what is it tom cruise you predict crimes future crime oh minority report yeah yeah yeah adam spends his time immersed in a load of horrible twitter goo he his his understanding of twitter is so powerful that he knows what will be an instant vile success but still chooses not to do it because he knows that would change the tapestry of time yes yes um all right uh let's do another one uh it is a correspondence. I picked this because it's from our old friend, Mick. Mick.

Mick. Mick. From university, I mean, our old friend. Oh, okay. Hi, Mick. Our actual old friend, Mick, from university, who is a very talented actor and playwright and whose play became a BBC Three series. Yes, extraordinary.

It's called My Left Nut. My Left Nut. My Left Nut So he says The subject line is Turtles all the way down Oh yes We were confused about this The origin of this phrase Yes, and so he says

Hello Tweedlecum and Tweedlepee Wow Now that I hear that I don't know if we're actually quite ready yet to return to correspondence. We can delete this if you want. Yeah, it's a delicate balance. It is. Jesus. Okay, well, let's see how this letter goes.

So. Okay, yeah. He says. jesus okay well let's let's see how this letter goes so okay yeah he says hello tweedle come and truth be you don't have to say it again i i know the turtles all the way down thing is a reference to the problem of infinite regress uh okay e.g a is true because B is true B is true because of C C is true because of D Where does it end? It is often used to talk specifically about the infinite nature of the universe

Has the universe existed for an infinite amount of time? Is it turtles all the way down? Or is there a beginning to everything? Or a floor for the turtle to stand on? Hmm The Terry Pratchett thing was a subversion of this Everyone knows turtles swim So there's no reason There's no need for it to stand on anything.

Ha ha ha. Right, okay. Quite a typical Pratchettism, he says. And it is typical. And then he says, anyway, this is probably not poo or pee based enough for an email to Budpod, so I'll briefly type this story. So he says uh a number of years ago i was doing my morning ablutions whilst playing lumines on my psp okay remember psps yes yes i never i never bought into it and um i think history's proved me right it's true i bought oh no that said no that said i think i did have one um i was playing lumines on my psp a puzzle game similar to tetris and despite the story

worth checking out i was sat on the bog gaming device held in my hands my forearms resting on my legs i sat this way for around 45 minutes it's a very addictive game. Whereupon, the game ended. I tossed the PSP into the little cradle of my lowered boxer shorts. Oh, no. So he put the PSP there in the little hammock. Okay. While I got on with the business of wiping my pooey bum. Yep.

Yep. Alas, there was no paper in the holder Oh no So he used his PSP Alas there was no paper in the holder He says No matter there is a spare roll in the cupboard Across the room I just need to waddle over and get it Oh that's a treacherous walk

A task I had completed Many's a time before However, as I made to stand up It became apparent to me that Due to my seating position, I had two dead legs I immediately crumbled to the floor And whacked my head against the bath Jeez

That's actually very dangerous God, that sounds terrible I crumbled to the floor and whacked my head against the bath. Jeez! That's actually very dangerous. God, that sounds terrible. I crumbled to the floor and whacked my head against the bath. So now I'm lying in the middle of my bathroom. How is Mick sitting that he can deaden his legs to that degree? I've done that. I've done that. Blimey.

So now I'm lying in the middle of my bathroom, trousers and boxes around my ankles, arse caked up with dried shit, and nursing a splitting headache. Okay. But that's not the worst of it. As the feeling slowly came back to my ineffectual legs, I started developing pins and needles,

which we've all felt. Mm-hmm. The terrible return of blood. Yep, yep, yep. I quite like that feeling, actually. He says, now I'm a very ticklish man. A very ticklish man indeed. So this made me laugh.

Laugh very hard, in fact. Which means I'm now lying... The sensation of blood flowing back into his legs made him laugh alone on the floor. Covered in shit. Which means I'm now... Now I'm lying in the middle of my bathroom on a damp shower mat

with no trousers on, a big pooey bum, a splitting headache, and I'm laughing like an absolute madman. Oh, how? It felt like the origin story for a really bad supervillain. I can just see the crane shot slowly zooming out over this bare-legged madman cackling to himself in his filthy hovel of a bathroom.

What would he be called? The Wadler. Yeah, the Piddler. The Wadler. The Streak. The Streak's good. Yep. The Streak The Streak's good Yep The Streak Yep Leaving his mark on Gotham

He says thanks for the good content during lockdown And I'm sad the Fringe was cancelled I would have been back there with my left nut again Oh wow I saw it when it was at the Fringe before and it was excellent Someday we'll get you on here Mick Oh, wow. Yeah, and I saw it when it was at the Fringe before, and it was excellent. Someday we'll get you on here, Mick, and we can share the story of how when I came to see your play,

a man you didn't know was going to do this came on stage at the end and gave you an award that was made from a skull. Oh, gosh. It wasn't official, but Mick's face betrayed the fact that he had not been told that an elderly man In a Caribbean suit Was going to hand him a skull Like a sort of

What's a Caribbean suit? Like a linen suit, you know Oh yeah A flappy white suit Like he's avoiding tax in the Bahamas Yeah, he looked like an evil colonialist With a big beard And was this like a heavy metal award?

What was the skull? No it was just like the Rumpelstiltskin award For best play in the whole I don't know in the venue But it was like made from a small deer's skull Wow That's dramatic It was super weird

And there had been no warning of it But it was very dramatic And it was the last and it was the last maybe it was the last one of the run I don't know, anyway see you at some point in the future hopefully Koji Mick Thanks Mick, great story

Thank you Mick, yeah Lovely imagery It is a shame about the fringe, but that's the apocalypse for you And that was BudPod67 Thanks so much for listening. Get out to the shops. Support your high street. I won't, but you do it.

Yeah, we won't. You go for it, though. I'm going to order stuff online because it's more convenient and often cheaper. But you, go out to the high street. Yeah, cough on a pair of jeans for us. See you again next week Have a lovely time Love you lots

Bye bye