BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 72 - Charlie Chunks

Episode Date: July 22, 2020

The boys Phil Wang and Pierre Novellie discuss Mark Zuckerberg the surf mime, telephone scams, Jeff Bezos having two names, Pierre's twitch trumpets, the bitcoin twitter hack scam, Shakespeare tat and the Berlin WallCorrespondence: improvised tongue twisters, a Mexican OK Thank You, tricks are lame, meet heads, Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 72. I mislabeled the one last week for 24 hours. For 24 hours last week was 72, but in fact it was 71. Now we're 72. Did you receive abuse for the mislabeling? I received... Because you should have got some. I sent a lot.

I just want to make sure I got through. I got sent the same thing that always happens whenever there's an error which is that generally i catch the error often within an hour or two of the episode going out or at least within a day but generally it's within an hour or two but it takes it like a day for it to all update after i've fixed it yeah so i get the pleasure of having fixed an error and then like a day of intermittent another day tweets just yeah just what just people just going like oh it's this is wrong and i have to be like i know i know it's don't worry you should have like an out of office an automatic out of office reply say sorry i i'm i know what i. I have to wait for it to update.

Please do not contact me until tomorrow. Well, no, it's like I've done everything I can. It's in the hands of Apple now. That's all it is. They need to, I don't know, approve it in their server and other words like that. Speaking of technological monoliths, have you seen this photo of

Mark Zuckerberg that's going around with his white, white face? Mark Zuckerberg has a kind of surfing mime. Yeah. He's a surf mime in our mime versus clown fantasy land. He's a surf mime in our mime versus clown fantasy land.

He's a surf mime. He's the rad surf mime. Yes, that's right. Yes, he's absolutely coated himself with sun cream. And I've seen that before on a beach. I've seen a child, for example, slathered in sun cream to the point where it's sort of ghostly looking but he's done almost exclusively his face like it's it's done like clown makeup like it ends on his jawline it's almost it's it's almost offensive to someone i'm not sure

but it doesn't look politically correct what he done. I'm not sure who it is politically incorrect to, but it doesn't sit right. He looks like he's put a body's worth of sunscreen onto his face. It's a lot. It's a lot. It looks like... Have you ever seen those pictures of... There'll always be the cover of some edition of National Geographic,

and it'll be about the first time someone's contacted a tribe. And they're often people with darker complexions, but with white ritual paint on their face. Yeah, that's exactly what it looks like. He looked like he was part of some kind of incredible ritual, where the distinguished members of the tribe would slather white cream on their face and try and surf a wave.

He is the wave rider. Maybe he thinks it's a disguise? Do you think he's testing facial recognition technology and it's not sun cream? It's like anti-robot paint. Interesting. Yeah, if you zoom in very close it um it's all a lot of tick boxes that say prove you're not a robot i'm not a robot if you zoom in his whole face is one box and it says tick if this is a normal face a normal thing to do

and the robots keep saying it is and it's like nah man that's fucking weird um yeah i it's strange because like him doing it along like his own jawline sort of implies to me that he's doing it as a kind of like well it's very important not to like age your face as opposed to i care this much about sun damage and cancer only on my face, because that's illogical, and he's a very logical man in some ways. He has to maintain the myth of the boy who never grew up. He's got to stay social network young. Yes.

He wants to remain the youngest billionaire in the world forever. Yeah, and I guess it's always like, He wants to remain the youngest billionaire in the world forever. Yeah. And I guess it's always like, oh, a university dropout tech founder. And you don't want to look at them and see, like, just this old dude. Like a pensioner, an old man. Hello! What did he drop out of? Evening class? Yeah.

Did he drop out of scrapbooking at the home to set up Facebook. Is that what you did? Yeah, it's very odd. I think it smacks to me of vanity as opposed to safety. Right, he just really wants to protect the smoothness of his skin. Yeah.

What I don't understand, though, I have this feeling that every unflattering picture on the internet we get to see by the good grace of Mark Zuckerberg himself because surely he has the power to remove

any photo he wants from the internet. He can just start an algorithm that strolls through the internet and just deletes any bad photo of him do you think him having an

embarrassing bad photo of himself is like he kind of has to do it because it's like if you found out the guy who owns a tobacco plantation doesn't smoke he needs to be seen to be as one of us but also endorsing what his

company does right right right it would be bad if he was like I hate having embarrassing photos of me permanently stored in the internet also I run Facebook you know interesting you don't want to be a hypocrite

yes yes yes he's trying to prove that he he's drinking the Kool-Aid too yeah like if you were Jack Daniels you wouldn't want to be like I don't touch this stuff god i could fucking kill you i once watched an interview on the news of is they were interviewing i think it was the brit the british ceo of kfc or the ceo of kfc uk or something yeah and and they were like do you ever eat kfc and he said yeah once a week

and they're like really yeah every once a week i go to a kfc and i have a meal at kfc which i'd love to watch it's kind of like a thousand dollar suit going into a kfc on edgeware road just sitting down and having a full meal but also like he's he's getting gravy on his tie he's going in there uh either he's going in there in disguise or he's going in there like he like standing in front of everyone and putting on white gloves and running his finger along the edges of things you know oh right so he's like gus fring yes exactly he's going it's like gustavo fring saying of course i eat the chicken it is the best chicken in town would you like some like it's just that terrifying

maybe he goes in dressed as the colonel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's terrifying. That's what I would do. Because the colonel should be a terrifying figure. I found out the other day that he was a Kentucky colonel in the sense that in the state of Kentucky, I don't know if they still do it, but you could be

awarded a colonelcy. Right. It's like being knighted or getting an OBE. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice one. Wow, how sort of royal, how sort of European. What was that? How European?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's very un-American to be bestowing titles on people. I guess, but don't, like... I mean, every American cartoon seems to have the freedom of the city. The key to the city. Yeah, that's true. Every time someone in a cartoon does well,

they seem to get a big key from a mayor. Yeah, when I watched those cartoons as a kid, I always wanted to see the door. I wanted to see the door that it went into. A huge door to the city. Yeah, I mean, getting the freedom of the city and a key to the city is quite a medieval-y sort of thing. Like the burghers of the town allow you to unlock the gate or something yeah yeah yeah that's it isn't it and i hey i i caught speaking of social media and gates i watched your twitch yesterday i caught your twitch did you did you see it yeah well it's

your most recent medieval mond Mondays, I think. You were playing the Malian Empire or fighting the Malian Empire? Yeah, it's about this guy called Sanjata who was trying to retake the throne. He basically found the Malian Empire. He got forced out. It's very interesting. It's some of the first Twitch I've actually properly watched and at the beginning you were just essentially you spent about 10 minutes just getting barraged by trumpet noises

because every time you get a subscriber Twitch insists on playing a full fanfare like it's right there no I do that I thought that was it looks like you really don't want it to happen and you have no idea how to stop it happening so i very much

thought at the start no i've set something up like i've set up um i've set up a sort of website thing so when i get a subscription so when someone like signs up to to fully subscribe to me, it tootles this little theme tune. But I used a website to set that up, and I realized after the first few minutes, the noise was being played twice slightly out of sync with each other. Because it was the noise coming from the Twitch interface, where it was, as it were, happening. And my PC was playing it on the corresponding website whose window I'd still left open. A rookie error. Yeah.

So it was like an echo. It was like having to hear someone's Skype feed and the delayed Skype feed on the other end beamed back to you, basically. Yeah, yeah. I know the feeling. Yeah, so, but um you know people who people who subscribe for they deserve a fanfare yeah they're giving me giving me a small a little bit a little

bit of money every month to to to get uh privileges privileges and and and special rights and and you know glory wow and maybe uh an honorary honorary colonelship yes yeah yeah yeah keys to your city keys to your keys to your flat maybe they get keys to your flat they get the keys they get the keys to one of my age of empire cities yeah and then the top level subscribers if they pay enough money per month they will get keys to the flat, yes. Lots of... Every stream, people say, where's Phil? You're like a missing parent. Where's Phil? Oh, interesting.

Why doesn't Phil do this? We must do a joint one at some point. Yes, that's been suggested. i think that's a good idea do some twitch stream combo yeah although i don't have any of the kits i'll have to just come around yours and just sit next to you like i like i used to do when i was a kid and someone had a computer game we just sit at yes next to each other and look oh exciting yes. I think that's very much Twitch's sort of... Twitch is very much a descendant of that ancestor.

Absolutely. That's all they're tapping into, isn't it? I think so. And also, like, to be honest, there's some games, like, like, Limmy plays Dead by Daylight and stuff quite a lot on Twitch. And I have no interest in buying or owning or playing that game myself but i enjoy watching him do it is it like a horror game yeah but it's like a multiplayer horror game where

you're playing like the monster you can play as the monster in a sort of horror movie as it were oh that's cool yeah it's multiplayer so you're the monster and there's like four other people playing the kind of horror movie victims the cheerleader the whatever and the monster is like you have to like chase them and murder them while they try and escape and do various tasks and things it's multiplayer yeah that's smart i think it's quite it's quite an old game maybe a few years yeah maybe i mean my definition of an old game is something from the early 2000s still um but in my head dead by daylight is you seem to be doing all right in your in your game of the um playing as the malians you were yeah you found you found some camels who you could inexplicably control once you found them yes just just riding around in the in the in the wild i mean i i mean look we did the

mission but frankly i was playing um in i would say inefficiently i was playing inefficiently but the stream is very helpful it's a very um it's a very smart bunch of people the stream they seem to they know a lot about a lot they're dropping they're dropping hot highbrow references. Is it infuriating though to be playing a computer game and hundreds of people shouting at you, go there, go there, kill that. Use that camel. Yeah, but it's worse because often the stream turns out to be correct, which is

really annoying. Like they kept telling me to do something and I was like, well, hold your horses and then it turned out, yeah, it was like the first thing i was supposed to do so you're doing two a week right you're three a week of the twitching yeah three um so there's yeah medieval mondays age of empires and then i'll expand that to be like crusader kings 2 or maybe civ or other history games. Warzone Wednesdays,

which will be later today, if you're listening on the day this has come out. Warzone Wednesdays, Shooting People in Verdansk. And then Thinking Thursdays, Return of the Obra Dinn puzzle game. And after that, various other puzzle games. Riddles and logic puzzles and clues. Oh, and little codexes and hidden

rooms. Yeah, exactly. It's a lot of fun. Have you done an escape room together, you and I? No, we haven't. I've only ever done one. Interesting. I'm under escape room. Two or three. They're good fun.

We should Twitch us doing an escape room that'd be good oh that would be good yes yes yes with like little gopros or something like people yeah yeah maybe a little bit of a Blair Witch Project vibe maybe we're all we're just always panicked and the camera's too close to our faces. And it's all like night vision. What was that? Yeah, and at some point, I just go and stand in a corner really horribly. Yeah, nice one. Just looming in a corner

while you're trying to slowly approach me to tap me on the shoulder going, Fia, Fia! Excellent stuff. And then it turns out I was just checking Twitter yeah thing is Pierre with our phones these days we all look a bit like zombies

well you know the funny thing is that who needs a virus when the only real virus is the computer virus that's our computers. That said, I don't know if you were on Twitter when the big Twitter lockout happened this week, when Barack Obama and Jeff Bezos' accounts were all hacked

and were tweeting Bitcoin scams. Barack Obama and Jeff Bezos' accounts were all hacked. Yes. And were tweeting Bitcoin scams. And I, because I also have a verified account, Clang, I was locked out of my account, so I couldn't tweet anything for a few hours, which for me is like telling me I can't breathe. And I could only retweet things so people with verified accounts are trying to sort of piece together messages by retweeting other things

i just went back and retweeted the old ed balls tweet but no one understood i saw that i thought that was funny thanks man but also like i'm amazed that people want the blue tick accounts you you you blue ticks um we're just like well i can't i can't be out for two hours i have to laboriously retweet single words in order to spell something out well because it's like it's such a unique okay because what we're thinking is and i'm speaking on behalf of all the the blueix here, as a community. All the Blueys. Yeah, a very proud community.

Because it's not like, oh, here's finally a break that I can have from tweeting. It's like, here's a once in a decade opportunity. This is one, an event, a social media event. And I have to do something now to mark that event. What can I do? I can retweet something. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm still sat there thinking, how do I do something funny here? So not even in the case of a lockout can I find peace. So even though someone said to you, you can't do Twitter or tweeting for a bit, you still spent your enforced time off thinking, well, what will I do when I can tweet again? Yeah, what's the great first tweet back? So you were like a guy in prison who just spends every night just saying to their cellmate,

I'm going to buy a cheeseburger and a new tie. And I'll go to the baseball game and no one will tell me I can't. Just fantasizing. Oh, man. That was tragic. That was a tragic scene. The jail of the mind. I just thought the whole thing was amazing.

That they were actually... Because what was it? They estimate that they got like 110 120 grand this this bitcoin account because you can like see it they could see it people people actually sent them bitcoin this is a thing you know when when you get like a call from a robot and it goes i understand you were in an accident and you go shut the fuck up and it goes oh i'm sorry to hear that that must have been painful you're a fucking robot you're not real of course i can help you if you just and you think who is falling for these and obviously lots lots of people because they wouldn't exist

if they didn't work well that's this is it and apparently like the amount of people who do fall for the nigerian prince thing is high enough that it, like, the amount of people who do fall for the Nigerian prince thing is high enough that it's worth sending the email. Yeah. Yeah, of course. And they're sneaky as well, because sometimes the robot lady says, Hello? Yeah.

Hello? And then once you've repeated, then they start talking. Very clever. It's how evil can a person be? Well, this is it. It's like, it's so clearly a scam and like an elaborate scam. It's not like you're going, hey, you know, for all I knew, the shoes were high quality. It's not even like that.

It's like, no, no, I want to steal money. I'm going to steal money and I'm going to put all this effort in. I'm very interested to find out about the voice actor. That's what I was just about to say. Is she the scammer? interested to find out about the voice actor that's i was just about to say is she the scammer is it like written by directed by produced by this sort of donald glover-esque scam scam genius or or do they have to put out a casting call you know on spotlight yeah and yeah and how do you explain that brief to someone

it's an avant-garde radio production we so even though we're having this meeting in a van and I'm visibly a criminal I run an insurance firm for cars or something anyway

could you please read this into this microphone and it's all just hello, just send us your bank details. But yeah, they must have paid someone to do it because it's always like a very professional sounding robot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very convincing. The first time I heard it, I was just so confused for like a minute. Because obviously I'd never heard of anything like it

and it never happened to me before. So it's like, what is going... What's wrong with this lady? She speaks weird. This lady's an idiot. And it's always a lady. It's always a lady. Yeah.

I nearly... Yeah, well well that's it i nearly got tricked the other day because you know when you check your emails like in a rush oh yeah yeah you're checking them on your phone and you're tired and you're like changing trains oh no i didn't mean to delete that oh come on come on refresh yeah that's how i do it yeah yeah and it was just an email saying like oh your your netflix thing is overdue and it all looked like perfect and it even sent you to a website and whatever and i was about to be like wait and i was about to like try and log in and i thought wait a minute because i've set

my life up so that everything just renews in January, basically. This was in summer, so I was like, ooh! And then I checked the URL, and it was like, scam.zzz. X4.Albania. Every subscription these days is opt-out. There isn't a single subscription that's going to risk you for getting to renew.

So, like, yeah, if someone asks, yeah, I think I got one from like, I suppose an email from like apple.us or whatever. And I think it was something like your iMessage, your WhatsApp subscription is about to run out. Oh yeah, WhatsApp, we here at WhatsApp are introducing a subscription fee it's one dollar for a year click on this link to i mean and for like as you as you say because i was in

between this is in the before times i was actually i had things to do i was if you can imagine it between tasks and and i was like what oh for god's sake God's sake, this too? All right. And then it took, yeah, like you, it took me like six seconds to go, wait, what? Wait, WhatsApp? Yeah, like, oh, you know, your water license has expired. Like just absolute nonsense. It's funny, isn't it?

That it's always a woman and she's always a well-spoken English woman. Yeah. It's never like, Hello, I hear you've been in an accident. It's never like an evil cockney. Yeah, or someone from Mystic Lands. Good day.

Good day. The ravens tell me that you were involved in a malady that was not of your creating yeah I scry in my crystal bowl

ye hath tripped and fallen tripped and fallen. Tripped and fallen. You have tripped and fallen upon lands that weren't thine own. Backs transfer me some silver. Oh man, that's funny. Yeah. oh man that's funny yeah we should try setting up a scam where it's like

an angry working class sounding man just yelling trying to get it done will you actually or not come on really unsympathetic what I found really funny about the twitter scam in particular jeff bezos's example was that it was written to say something like i want to give back to the community

send me any bitcoin you send me i will double and send back it's like what has jeff bezos ever wanted to give anything to anyone? Why would he do it now? He won't give toilet breaks to his staff. He's not going to give Bitcoin to strangers. And also, like, it's Jeff Bezos or whatever is interesting because it's like Bezos and Bill Gates, you can almost go like, right, sort of, okay, computer men. Computer men.

Okay. Whereas then it was like Biden and Obama. And it's like, well, I don't think either of them are on the record as being particularly interested in Bitcoin. Or anything, really. Computery. These are politicians. Well, people always forget that the real historical element of President Obama's victory was he was the first crypto president. element of President Obama's victory was he was the first crypto president.

He was the first crypto president, yes. He sort of increased in value exponentially for the first few years and then crashed. And crashed suddenly when everyone needed him the most, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny with Bezos because even when he's like, I'm giving $500 million to this Californian homelessness charity, you do the maths and it's like, right, so that's less than if someone with $1,000 gave away a dollar.

Yeah. Like proportionately. He's just like money he would find, like in The Simpsons when Mr. Burns funds a charity with money, he found his tuxedo pants. Yeah. It's basically that. It's just tuxedo pants money over and over again. What does Jeff Bezos think? If you handed him a $50 note, to him, is that like just being handed a leaf or something?

How do you think he looks at that? Is there any value in that piece of paper he's just been handed? He thinks that coins are like shards of metal from an explosion. Or like maybe batteries, like flat lithium-ion batteries. It's insane. Because he started Amazon, they were like selling books out of a garage weren't they do you think he'd like his own memories of that like he he sort of goes oh like he's just thinking about oh when i was starting out and he can like remember sitting on like a folding lawn chair in a garage somewhere just like sellotaping packets of books together

that must seem like someone else's memory it must seem like a dream yeah but i mean i have i have those kinds of memories of of my own pathetic life you know i have memories of just shitting myself at school or you're crying over not getting a toy i want and i look back and i go is that the was that the same life or even like shit i did like seven years ago places i went i go wasn't this life and that feeling must just be magnified a hundredfold for someone like jeff bezos right hugely yeah hugely i mean his life like his being him would be easier if you believed in like gods in a kind of roman ancient roman way because then you could look back and think well the only explanation for how that that weird little garage dwelling bookseller became a golden titan

is the favor of zeus like it would at least make sense of it in your head i don't know if i've said it before but we don't appreciate often enough that the richest person on earth is called jeff think about that. Jeff. Hey Jeff. You know. He's richer than most countries. It's Jeff. You could personally fund huge swathes of world governments from his own pocket. It's Jeff.

He owns the world and has just started dating your mum it's jeff he comes into your room and you're playing computer games and says are you winning it's jeff he calls you a champ and you don't like it it It's Jeff. Yeah, I mean, this could go on for a while. Whereas if you said, he is the richest man in the world. With the money he has only in his pocket, he could fund governments. It is Bezos.

Yes, Bezos is good. That's more like it. That sounds like Balthazar. It sounds like a Mesopotamian king, which all rich people should have names like. Yeah. Bezos the Destroyer. Yeah.

If you're that rich, your name should sound like a size of champagne bottle. Yeah. Bezos. If someone's called a Bezos, sounds like someone who has to wear a mask with rivets on. Yeah. Or they die. Or he's got like a glove of power. Which he bought on Amazon

probably. On Amazon Prime. He gets it straight away. Ah, and of course if you have Amazon Prime and you want to stick it to Jeff you can use your Amazon Prime to subscribe to my Twitch for free it won't cost you anything but I will get money from Jeff oh interesting

see this is how he gets you even the greatest among us like Pierre are in the pocket of big Jeff Jeff is all of our stepdads and Bezos is all of our stepdads. And Bezos is all of our gods. Maybe it's like the two-faced god from Game of Thrones.

It's like the day and the night. It's Jeff and Bezos. Right, interesting. So you want the favor of Jeff, but you fear the wrath of Bezos. Bezos. Bezos.

Man. Oh, vaccine. The vaccine's ready. Oh, yes. Ding, ding, ding. Stick a fork in me. I need a vaccine. I'm done. From the other place. The other place. Beat us to it. We didn't... Yes, Cambridge have done terribly in the vaccine varsity. in the vaccine varsity.

Yes. Cambridge's only hope now is to artificially engineer a new version of COVID-19 that's even worse and then vaccinate against that. Yeah. That's a good... I think that's another good movie idea, you know. That's a good movie idea.

Or like the good starting to zombie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we really could. So, it's an Or like the good starting to zombie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we really could. So it's an angry university research team and they're annoyed they haven't come up with the COVID vaccine. So they design a new pandemic, which they already have the vaccine for, but it spirals out of hand

and mutates faster than they thought. And what does it go from here? From this point, it's either a zombie movie, and this is just the origin of all the zombies, or a plucky renegade bioengineer sort of working from his garage, Bezos style, figures out the vaccine. Or he finds proof that it was engineered to be worse

and then the government are after him like Jason Bourne. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's lots of like a text message appearing on a phone saying, Get out. Right. But all the soldiers that are sent after him... have got a cold, so...

They're all under the weather! Okay, yeah, it's got legs, it's got legs. We probably need to brainstorm it. It would be quite cool to have a detective mystery set during a time when everyone has to wear masks and stay indoors. Hmm. It certainly makes identification harder. Yeah, exactly.

Everyone's all hidden and cityscapes are all abandoned and weird looking. So it would look cool. It would look very cool. We need to just get ourselves flown out to LA and they can just sit us in a room with coffee and takeaways

and we'll just pitch all day. We'll pitch up a storm. We will come up with the next five years of Hollywood hits in one afternoon. Yeah, and the next 30 of almost hits that have

amazing casts but you've never heard of them and they pop up on Amazon Prime and you're like, what? They did that? Yeah. You're like, Robert Downey Jr. was in a not Avengers film last year? What? He plays a what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or it'd be like, Chris Hemsworth plays Austrian,

controversial Austrian artist Egon Schiele in this biopic. What? Yeah, it's always a biopic or historical fiction. Yeah. And you watch it like, Kevin Spacey as King Arthur? What? When did they make this well like um literally like this year or last year it's like mel gibson is the man who wrote the dictionary i fucking hate biopics man and i fucking hate historical fiction i i just i hate them i hate them because anything interesting anything

good isn't true yeah and and they all sound wrong and they look ridiculous and it's a it's a lot of actors looking for an excuse to grow mutton chops and it's always just an excuse to glorify whoever is the central character it's never interesting like i mean we've talked about darkest hour but darkest hour still makes me annoyed to this day for its depiction as a bumbly wumbly whiston churchill it could have been so good it could be so interesting they could have had a scene where he's really inspiring and then afterwards he's like bloody indians or something like they could have mixed it in yeah yeah it could have been thought-provoking and nuanced but no it was just blah blah blah we will fight the baddies because

we are the goodies yes yes yeah and i dare say there'll be plenty of time for tea and bickies after the war embarrassing bits of it were absolutely embarrassing bits of it were wonderful bits of it were embarrassing yeah and and as you say it's never interesting it's always just like overdoing it because the person who wrote the script wrote a movie about the historical character because there's there's a pattern that some people fall into which is um they become obsessed with the pivotal nature of a historical figure and they project a load of other changes onto them so let's say you know they're very interested in uh the the navy the foundation of the royal navy so

they get obsessed with samuel peeps and then there's a one little bit of samuel peeps's diary where and i'm making this up but like he says something like oh me thinks towards to be most pleasant to have an evening of dance in a in a large hall and they, not only that, Samuel Pepys invented the disco. It's always this massive fucking reach. Because, yeah, one thing is never really enough, is it? No, they've decided that, like, the person that they're obsessed with, who they've spent presumably seven years

trying to get a film made about, so they really do have an obsession with how brilliant and interesting this person is they've decided like well there must be evidence of them being even more enlightened and brilliant this is a problem I have when people are like

oh Shakespeare invented such and such a word and if you ever look at one of those posters where it's like it's a form of tat it's actually a form of tat we should investigate. That's true. Shakespeare tat. Yeah, yeah.

Like exit, exit pursued by a bear or any of the sex jokes or like. Yeah. Yeah, that's all Shakespeare tat. But then there's a type of Shakespeare poster which says something like if you've ever rested your elbow on your eyeball and spoken to a swordsman with your mouth lips then you wouldn't be able to say any of what you were doing without because shakespeare invented all those words and i had a teacher at school who was obsessed with the idea that shakespeare invented this list of words and if you actually are tedious and a very very very boring person like me, and you look up some of the words, they have like Anglo-Saxon origins.

It's so not the case that he just invented them. Some of them he invented. Because you're starting from nothing. You can't just put the word flibble in your play. And then everyone goes, oh, okay, the word flibble in your play, and then everyone goes, oh, okay, I guess flibble means desk now. Yeah. And just pick up from context what flibble is.

And you don't have to have some rooting elsewhere. If there was like a big drunk Jacobean crowd, Elizabethan crowd, you can't just wander out onto the stage In a rough and go Ah good crimble to thee mine fine blimblies I crippledy crop my poopity poo Like they just start throwing eggs at you Boo this is gibberish

Boo I crippledy crop my poopity poo I'm willing to believe He invented eyeball Yes yes Because I mean that the first time I heard the word eyeball I knew what it meant I'm willing to believe he invented eyeball. Yes, yes. Because, I mean, the first time I heard the word eyeball, I knew what it meant. Yeah.

Because then you can go, ah, he tore out his eyeball. And people would go, oh, right, like the whole ball of it. Bubble, I can believe, because it's onomatopoeic. I think that's a sound effect, right? That's basically like, we all know the word wham from batman right so we know bubble from shakespeare yeah and i mean there's modern examples like have you ever heard someone being sick referred to as lurgy that's it was invented in the 50s by spike milligan oh really lurgy Yeah, so Lurgy is the name of a fictional disease from an episode of The Goon Show

he did with Peter Sellers, Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers, and Harry Seacombe. Ah. It was one of the joke storylines revolved around these two scammers convincing the government there was a new disease called Lurgy that they had to buy medicine for and that only they sold.

Man, oh, to have the cultural impact of something making TV when there were three TV shows. Oh, man. Well, this was even on the radio, on the Goon Show. Oh, yeah. Yeah, even then.

Even then. Oh, well, the comedian Rich Hall, you know, Rich Hall? Yeah. He invented the word spork. No. Yeah, spork is his word. I beg your pardon?

He came up with the word spork. How did this? Either he was a joke on something, maybe like on snl or something he was on he was in snl for a while or or he maybe even worked in marketing for a bit that might be it but yeah he he he put he just put the two words spoon and fork together came out with spork i mean that's quite a legacy to have isn't? Sporks as a legacy is pretty great. Yeah, that is not bad. Margaret Thatcher, when she was a chemistry researcher or something like that, was on the team of scientists that invented the Whippy ice cream.

That's right. Yeah, soft serve ice cream. Soft serve ice cream. And I think she helped Margaret to the Solero or something like that wow this yeah that's why

that's why people say that's why people say Thatcher Thatcher milk snatcher because she was snatching the milk to make ice cream out of it this

this lady's not for serving. That doesn't quite work. That's what Argentina was all about. They had all the best cones. She's trying to get the cones from Argentina. That's why Argentina invaded the Falklands, is to steal the recipe for soft serve ice cream. Because it's so hot.

It's so hot over here in Argentina. She thought, I'll keep the recipe where no one will ever look for it. I mean, that is the closest to, you know, Mom in Futurama, the head of Slurman. Is it Slurman's face? Yes. That's Monica Thatcher. Yeah, quiet, you idiot.

Yeah, exactly. They must have modeled her after Thatcher a bit, surely. What other inventions are they by i mean people always talk about the nazis and the volkswagen and the highway and the fucking all that stuff well volkswagen had to be um restarted by a british army major oh it was obviously a you know it was a nazi thing it was the people's car but then when the volkswagen factories were in the british sector of west germany and in an attempt to like rebuild germany and get society going again i think it was a british army major who sort of commandeered the the factory and was like right you're all going to start making cars again come

on you know no harm no foul we need cars yeah well yeah We need you to have a working economy Or we're going to be back in another 20 years Basically And also the East Germans They seem to be carrying a lot of fence building materials And we don't like the look of that Yeah, yeah Their wall industry seems to have picked up a lot recently

I don't know what's going on there I've overheard I don't speak Russian Yeah, yeah, their wall industry seems to have picked up a lot recently. I don't know what's going on there. I've overheard, I don't speak Russian, but I've overheard the word brick and surprise a lot. It came up in like a night, didn't it, the Berlin Wall? Yes, the temporary fencing came up overnight and then the wall was constructed proper over over the next two weeks yeah but it was it just it was fencing checkpoints overnight it went through it just went through some houses so some people woke up and found that because of the bedroom they were in they were in east germany and like fucking crazy stuff like that yeah and there was like

there was a small gap where it was like you could walk over bits or it was a bit casual as they were filling it in. But other than that, yeah, it was very much designed to suddenly stop people. Because it had already started. Loads of people in East Germany were just like going to West Germany to actually buy things or live or study and leave. They were all just flowing over, as well you might. I mean, you would think that was a sign that your system of government was the less preferable one, if you have to go.

Our way is far superior, and because of that, we're going to put a wall around it so you can't leave, because we don't want you getting embroiled in all the rubbish governments around the world. We want to make sure you stay here in the perfect country. The best place to live is prison. That's why we have all these walls

and guards. It's to stop people coming in and living in the prison. Because it's too lovely Correspondence It's It's Let me see It's a utensil jig In a popular British soap opera

It's a Corrie Spoon dance Thank you Victoria gets in touch Victoria Slick euphoria Is what I experience when we read one of Victoria's letters Dear Phil Wang Lee and Pierre Novelli-Golding

What? Oh, Ang Lee Ang Lee is the director Yes And what's the... Pierre Novelli-Golding Ellie Goulding, isn't it? Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes

Very good, very good, yes What a team-up that would be. Yes. She says, an uncool cool came to me today. Apologies if you've had this one before. Bartender tricks. Mm.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I mean, it's almost, it's any tricks, really. It's pretty much any tricks, except maybe extreme sports tricks. Those, for some reason, they've dodged all uncoolness. But yeah, bar tricks. Any tricks that you would do in a bar

are inherently creepy. Yes. I think that's what it is. So magic tricks, bar tricks, chat-up lines, you know, these are all creepy tricks. This one weird trick, which is why dentists hate her. Yeah. Things like that.

Yes, I think that's true. She says, impressive and incredibly dweeby at the same time. Yeah. I think that's true. And she says, Phil, that she really enjoyed your instagram live cook along with ed gamble oh yes i taught ed gamble how to make an ed fried rice yeah but she says i now can't walk past the condiments train my kitchen without muttering kick a man when he's down to myself upon seeing the soy sauce well welcome to my hell because that's all i can ever

see when i look at the soy sauce now. Is it like those terrible sort of compulsive jokes that you have to tell yourself again and again? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lewis gets in touch. Lewis. We've had Lewis before, right? And I'm sure I did Poo-us or something Lewis good to see

you Lewis Lewis you outgrew us yeah I like that well he hasn't though because he's still writing us it's true it's true PNP he says some thoughts from inside the quarantine here I've been thinking about video conferencing

etiquette. During the pod last week, you were both riffing on a subject and spoke at the same time, leading to a polite struggle where Pierre stood aside to let Phil's chat pass by. Yes, yeah. Yeah, my chat was trying to get to the toilet. We did a little left and right sidestepping until Pierre let me through, yeah.

I have an awkward memory of on a night out once at university I had that on a pavement with someone and you sort of go around each other a bit and it was a northern guy it was a guy from Lancashire and as we

finally figured it out and walked past each other he went, oh, thanks for the dance and I remember And as we finally figured it out and walked past each other, he went, oh, thanks for the dance. And I remember thinking, that's great. That's good stuff. That's good. I like that. I like thanks for the dance.

That is nice. Truly, I am learning every day here at university. Yeah. And then within a week, I said it to someone in the daytime. And they were just like, you could see on their faces what? Yeah, that's fucking laugh that's a lame thing to say in the day Yeah, if you're both drunk at night it's kind of like, oh this is a fun

like, drunken communal feeling and also it's a good way of determining that we're not going to have a fight over this Yeah, but like just in the library when everyone's hung over and pissed off. Everyone's like, what, what? So Lewis is wondering, he says,

what happens in the chat meetings of cocaine-fueled CEOs or angry meatheads? Do they just talk all over each other and say nothing? Or have they been forced into a merry dance of manners? That's interesting. That's funny. How often do meatheads congregate for a chat on Zoom? Yes, that's true. It's like, guys, we can't have a meathead meeting in person. It's not safe.

I mean, what people don't realize is that meat and meathead can also be interpreted as M-e-e-t and that we're actually very a social community and we have to meet up regularly in order to be full meat heads we're called meat heads because we're fans of meeting yes that's that's it just groups of people who just love meeting up yeah when uh that's why i call anyone who has lots of friends like are you meathead yeah what are you some kind of meathead or like um people say it in uh interviews and things like retrospectives like yeah before i was in the band i spent my my my formative years i was a real meathead you know i just uh hanging out took up my time. I dropped out of high school to hang out more, meet up with people.

Anyway, I'd meet up with anyone. I'd meet up with anyone. Hey, if you wanted to meet up, I'd meet up. You know, those days, those crazy days. Talking about it like a drug problem, pretty soon I was meeting up with people I didn't even know. you know your phone starts starts ringing at 3 a.m and you're getting a call to go meet up and hang out with people you you haven't actually met yet people you you know you don't get along with and you have nothing in common with but it doesn't matter at that point you just you have to meet up spending all your money on coffee and 24-hour arcade games, just meeting up at the mall again and again.

It does sound like it could be quite addictive. Yeah, it sounds fun. Yes, yeah, meatheads. Like Deadheads from The Grateful Dead. I don't know what that is. The Grateful Dead, the band. It's fans. The fans are called Deadheads. Called Dead are called Deadheads But we're particularly dedicated

We just follow the band around in a hippie van Is that why they're called Deadheads? Is that short for dedicated? Yeah Dead Deadheads So Oh so oh we've got a lovely piece of spam

oh yeah go on who's it from it's from Rocky Rocky hi Rocky and the subject line is low cost service sounds good what kind of service

it does sound good. And it ends with a double hello. It says, hi, comma, greetings! Exclamation mark. Hi, greetings! It sounds like... That opening sounds like the email noticed your presence

was polite to you and then realised they actually knew you very well yeah yes oh greetings oh my king like when it turns out the king has been under the hood the whole time.

Yeah. And basically it's just this. I'm sending you this email to say that we're doing lots of web design at a very competitive price. If you're interested, please get back to me. Respectfully, Racky, open brackets, business development executive, close brackets. Wow, that's very humble

of the business development executive to be emailing people personally person to person that's right i mean that's the kind of low-cost service you don't get from robots these days no absolutely not that's the kind of door knocking dedication you only get from with racky that's right that's right um so that's thank you for that spam that's very nice thanks Racky

keep listening John John gets in touch our Mexico correspondent oh uh please John fill us in on what's been

going out going on down under I refer to Mexico as down under this is something listeners should be aware of that is very funny dear podcast pipers

he says that's nice kind of sinister that we're leading pod buds into the woods away from the barons your favourite John Payne John Payne here john payne john payne

yeah man good to hear from you john it's been a while john lent me a loop pedal once yeah i remember those days if anyone watches my um i've got a show on YouTube called Mellow Yellow and in it I use a loop pedal that is John's loop pedal so if you want to see a real life Pod Buds property on YouTube do check out Mellow Yellow

it's from a few years ago, it's not perfect not a perfect show but I am proud enough of it to have left it up I haven't deleted it he says But I am proud enough of it to have left it up. I haven't deleted it. He says, praise redacted. To begin, your very own tongue twister.

I have substituted Pip for Phil, which I hope is an acceptable shortening. And it is based on a classic English language tongue twister. So here's the tongue twister, Phil. I'm going to do it as best i can pip and pierre prepped their pipes for perfect podcasts their pipes for perfect podcasts pip and pierre prepped if pip and pierre prepped their pipes for perfect podcasts where's the perfect podcast that pip and pierre prepped that's very good well and well well done to john for writing it well done done to Pierre for saying it. Shall I see how fast I can say it?

I think that's the logical next step, yes. Okay. Pip and Pierre prep their pipes for perfect podcasts. Their pipes for perfect podcasts, Pip and Pierre prep. If Pip and Pierre prep their pipes for perfect podcasts, where's the perfect podcast? Damn it! Well,

there it is, ladies and gents. The end of Pierre's work as a broadcaster. This is the... The end of my tongue twister reputation. Yeah. Your reputation lies in tatters. In tiny tatters, Pierre's reputation lies. If Pierre's reputation lies in tatters,

then whose reputation tattered ties? So good. I'm trying to come up with a tongue twister. Improvised tongue twisters are quite difficult. Pierre, let me try and improvise a tongue twister. Pierre, if you give me... Tongue twisters need sort of a name, maybe a profession, and an object.

Yes, okay. uh let's say uh charlie um charlie chunks the object is just chunks okay it is non-descripted chunks okay just chunks you know Just Chunks, you know. Charlie Chunks. He's a chap. That's his profession. Oh, I'm sorry. In this case, it's not profession.

I think it's action, isn't it? So something that you would do with Chunks. I made a little mistake there. Choose. Okay, choose chunks, Charlie. Charlie chooses chunks, but with chunks... I failed already.

Okay. Okay, Charlie... Charlie is a chunk choosing chap if the chunk choosing chap charlie chose enough chunks to choose a chap then which chap chunked charlie i think that's pretty i think i'm pretty good i find this pretty easy char Charlie's Chunks Chunked a Chap. If the chap chunked Charlie back, which chap chunked Charlie back? You sound like someone in the back of a cab leaving a rave.

Sorry, he's alright. He won't throw up. I need to get charlie's chunks where's charlie's chunks i left charlie's chunks in in the club where's charlie's chunks i left it with a chat your friend's having to go your friend's having to go he's fine he's fine he's fine no i need the chunks i need charlie's chunks you have charlie's chunks they're like you have Charlie's chunks no Charlie needs the chunks you ate them no no I need the chunks I need to give Charlie's chunks to a chap well those chaps chose Charlie's chunks so where's chunks

do Charlie's chaps choose if they chose those chunks then it was good improvised it was like a rap battle for four year olds yeah Charlie chose some chunks but which chunks did Charlie choose improvised

tongue twister it's a new game it's never been done till today so he says It's a new game. Nice. It's never been done till today. So he says... He says, Two short stories from me today, both in support of OK Thank You as a weapon of mass destruction.

A weapon... So OK Thank You should be a weapon of mass destruction? Well, let's find out. I think so. All right. Or just using it as a weapon, maybe. Okay. He says,

I was hoping to send a series of pictures from the artisan market in... Coyoacan. Oh, nice. It's one of those cool sort of... What's it? Central American languages. Yeah. With X's and O's Central American languages. Yeah.

Where I live. With X's and O's and A's. Yes. He says, in which can be found beautiful alebrijes, colourful representations of animals from the Mayan zodiac, beautifully made leather goods and vibrant scarves, rugs and decorative tablecloths.

Lovely. Lovely. Lovely. And one stand of pure tat. Signs that hang, signs that stand, signs that are screwed on, all emblazoned with the most awful tat and all inexplicably in English. Mayan tat. Mayan tat. Don't even talk to me until I've beheaded my first virgin on the steps of this pyramid.

Don't talk to me till I've had my bitter, heavily overbrewed chocolate. As part of that ritual, yes. So he says, alas, Corona has caused a block to this contribution. So anyway, he says in a replacement of that okay thank you used as a weapon as you know i'm a teacher and as you must surely assume i deal with my share of often well-meaning japes and larks from the students i'm sure there's plenty japes and larks well in there in mexico is pronounced jap Yeah, japes and larcos. Japes, yeah.

Japes and the larcos. From this estudiantes. Often in the form of facetious interruptions during class. The sort of thing which you two were no doubt responsible for but got away with because of your good grades. Fecal interruptions in my case. Often shut myself. And people would go oh in my case, often shat myself.

And people would go, oh, he's alright, he gets A's. I always find quite a swift and simple, okay, thank you, is the perfect weapon for disarming these disruptions. That's good. We're educating the world, Pierre. We're helping to educate the world.

Very educational. So So this is interesting He says more recently I found myself surprised To receive a phone call From an ex-girlfriend with whom I endured A six month relationship which was incredibly Toxic and unpleasant Wow I wonder why he left for Mexico

You can imagine how taken aback I was To receive the call after almost a year with no contact whatsoever terrifying can you imagine that name coming up on your phone while you're in mexico terrifying blood blood turns to ice absolutely chilling um uh you can imagine how taken aback i was to receive the call after a year of no contact although it suddenly made sense as she told me about a stressful time she was having. Of course she phoned because she needed something. I was, I'm pleased to say, very magnanimous, and I offered her my sagest wisdom, although it did include, you have lots of friends who love you very much,

but I am not one of them, so why are you calling me? Wow, wow. I like that a lot a little yeah a bit the old one two that's great you have a lot of friends who love you very much so why don't you fuck off that is diplomacy. That is great. You have lots of friends and family who love you very much. I, however, am not one of them. So you are

talking to the wrong person. Very good. By the end of the conversation, she was gushing with praise and thanks, closing with... Oh, I think she must be a Mexican person as well, because she closes with, Te mando un abrazo, which means I'm sending you a hug. Oh, okay, so it wasn't someone he escaped the UK from. It was someone...

No, so he says, Te mando un abrazo? The call was coming from inside the country. The call was coming from inside the country. The call was coming from inside the Mexico. Inside the casa. El teléfono originale de... I can't remember enough Jesus in Spanish to figure that out. Del interior de la casa. Del casa?

Della? Della? Yeah. So, te mando un abrazo, or in the Spanish pronunciation, I guess it would be te mando un abrazo, with a flip.

Not in Mexico, though, right? In Spain, there's... Yeah, no, not in Mexico. It would be abrazo, I think. So, she's saying, I'm sending you a hug, to which I responded with a cool, OK, gracias. Boomshot wow cold lovely cold as ice cold as ice they call him the

ice man that's why they call him del ice john pain john uh oh god what's cold what's cold in Spanish free free something isn't it frijol or was that just beans have I just said beans bean it's frio

it is nice one I think frijol is, but frio is cold. Do you reckon that's related to fridge, like refrigerate? Definitely. And freezing and frigid. Of course, of course! You can call someone a frijo

frio, cold bean. He is one. That guy's one cold bean, let me tell you. That guy's one cold bean. Before you meet this man, let me just tell you, he's one that guy's one cold bean let me tell you that guy's one cold bean before you meet this man let me just tell you he's one

cold bean I just I just thought I just I just realized that Mr. Bean in Spanish is Señor Frijo you know what

let's go watch Señor Frijo Señor Frijo es un idiota. Pienso que Señor Frijo es malo en el What's head? Bon sia. En el chef. what's head boncia in el

chef jefe oh nice no that's not it how do you say in Spanish I think Mr Bean is mentally ill well crazy is a famous word isn't it loco

loco there we go I like the idea of someone saying that while they're in the cinema watching Mr Bean just laughing señor frijo es loco dios mio that's funny ay maria

senor frijo es loco no? si muy loco es una una problema so

he says i've never hung up a call so smugly in all my life thank you for continuing with the pod. It is very good company to me, alone in my flat all day. Koji, founding farter and unofficial Budpod Mexico correspondent, John Payne. Well, we make that official today.

John is the official Mexico correspondent. If only because we have no others, but also because John is very good at it. Yes, here's your gun and your badge. I think that's very well handled there, John. You were firm, but you were not unkind. You told this person what they needed to hear, but you reassured them as well. I think you can chalk that one up as a moral win.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. You were the Otto von Bismarck of that diplomatic interaction. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Smashed it. An Otto of the heart. An Otto von Bismarck of the heart. I think that's all the time we have.

That's all the time we have stuff for. Yeah. Next week we're going to do another Correspondents special just because they are so fun and so good. we have stuff for next week we're going to do another correspondent special just because they are so fun and so good yes and we're going to record it in advance because you're off on holly bobs Philly

I'm on me holly bobs yeah Phil's going on holiday to Wuhan to figure this whole thing out yes I've booked all my accommodation on the interwebs to go into my olive obs. Yeah, off to Wuhan to

put the pieces of this puzzle together. What the bloody hell is going on? That's what I'll be asking. Second step off the plane. Guys, what is going on? What's the story? What are you all playing at? So I look forward to

returning and regaling you all with what I found. Nice. See you guys next week on Twitter or on my Twitch. If you don't have Twitch, just sign up. I did and I'm loving it yeah check it out check up here

on Twitch and me on Twitter okay keep checking it bye everybody