BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 74 - Nazi Spotter

Episode Date: August 5, 2020

The boys discuss Scrappy Doo, crooning sharks, the Edinburgh Fringe that never was, the new Callous Phil Wang, Halloween vaccines, and Nazi Spotting Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 74. Is 74 anything to you, Phil? Ding, ding, ding! Round 74 in the boxing match between The World and Phil and Pierre. Who'll win this one? Will we finally get that knockout we've been waiting for? Right now it's 74-0 to The World. 74. I mean, yeah, again, a heavenly score.

74. A heavenly score, nice. How have you been, Pierre? I did a gig yesterday, a real-life performance in front of people. Yes. How did it feel? It felt great. At first, you know, when you first get on stage, everyone's wearing their masks.

Everyone looks like Sub-Zero from Mortal Kombat. It's a bit... It's a little unnerving, but... What's funny, actually, is because I haven't been on stage for so long, I've sort of forgotten what to compare it to. So it felt like an almost completely new experience. And it was fine. Interesting.

And everyone had a good time, I think. And I was really grateful that people put it on and put it together and came. It was great. It was good fun. Yeah. Well, I also did my first real life gig in a long time on Saturday. And I think we both did them at the Battersea Arts Centre,

did we not? Yeah. Yep. Shout out to the BAC. So for anyone listening who lives in London, the Battersea Arts Centre is doing socially distanced shows in its courtyard. Yeah. Did you have what I had, which is when i did my first gig after a long time before the gig i sort of thought um because

because comedy comedy is a drug stand-up comedy is an addictive drug um yeah which is why i drive so many people insane and yeah makes them sacrifice like their whole lives on its behalf like uh oh remodeling houses yeah exactly like a long some sort of long-term drug addiction thing uh and so there was a part of me thinking like maybe i'm free i've gone cold turkey for 140 days you know maybe i can just have this pint i'm free and uh maybe I'll be on stage. And while I'm talking, maybe it'll go really badly because now I can't do it anymore. Or maybe it'll go well, but I'll still have this voice in my head saying, No, Pierre, become a doctor.

Save the children. A higher calling. And then I could feel in my soul while I was on stage, Ah, this part of my life is over, and nope, nope, still a drug addict. Well, in the time of global pandemic, I think actually, Pierre, we need comedians more than we need doctors.

Yeah, laughter is the best medicine. It is the best medicine, and where else are you going to get your truth from if not from the noble jester whispering difficult truths into the king's ear. That's what we're for. Oh, man. If someone had only roasted that bat in Wuhan. Well, they did.

That was a problem. You should have cooked it all the way through, damn it. Hey, nice wings. Are you a goth bird that kind of thing but yes so you're still a drug addict as well then you felt the thrill I really did and I'm actually annoyed I don't have a gig again tonight because I just want to get back up there.

Come on, let me at him. Let me at him. I'm like a scrawny guy in an old cartoon just putting up his dukes. Let me at him. Let me at him. Or Scrappy-Doo. Scrappy-Doo, yeah, yeah.

So flicking my nose and waving my fists in front of me. Let me at him. Scrappy-Doo was an annoying little piece of shit wasn't he i when i every time scooby-doo came on and it was a scrappy do episode i'd like i'd go fuck off stop trying to relate to me hannah barbara yeah and also like it's quite funny because it's such a pandering character in so many ways and I cannot think of a single child or

adult who I have talked to about Scrappy-Doo that liked him pandering is the word I think now you say that I realise it was my first conscious experience of being pandered to yeah and by a big faceless corporation at a distance conscious experience of being pandered to. Yeah, and by a big faceless corporation at a distance.

Exactly. The grossest kind. I remember watching Scrappy-Doo and thinking, is this what Hanna-Barbera think of me? This is insulting. This is child face. It is, isn't it?

It's Child Face. That's what Scrappy-Doo is. Yeah, it's Child Face. But also, like, I didn't understand... Child Face. I didn't understand why he is... Shameful. Shameful follows a shameful tradition of child face

that would not be acceptable anymore yes yes well in the Netherlands yeah yeah yeah every Easter they have a big little Pete they call him he's a grown man

Kleiner Peter Kleiner Peter die Kinder full grown man with a child mask on it's really offensive yeah the older the man the better they think outrageous

yeah Scrappy Deal was my first experience of pandering interesting but I never understood his whole thing is he's scrappy and he wants to fight the ghosts right but they never let him he's always going like I'll find the vampire and they go no and they have to run back

and quickly grab him by the scruff of the neck and then rescue him so he's still running away like they are right yeah so in effect what is he adding to the equation So he's still running away like they are. Right, yeah. So in effect, what is he adding to the equation? What's he bringing to the table? And also, the reason they did that is because if in one episode they'd gone, Oh, it's a spooky Dracula! And they'd run away, and Scrappy-Doo had gone,

And just punched Dracula in the balls. And Dracula, who's actually an old caretaker had gone, oh Jesus and just doubled over and like vomited they would have all gone oh, it's the cleaner so that is that is the great underlying tragedy of the Scooby-Doo franchise

is that Scrappy-Doo had it right the whole time. And if only they'd let him fight these septuagenarians in bedsheets, they'd have solved every case in a matter

of minutes, seconds. That's the question, isn't it? If you're dressed as a ghoul or a goblin because you're trying to scare people away from a theme park, I mean, what do they do when they catch Shaggy? Are they going to just stab him to death with a knife? They're chasing them

They've got to have a thought of what if I catch them Yeah that's a good point Maybe they just sort of grab them and just slowly push them out of the theme park. There you go. Don't

come back! Yeah, maybe that would be it. Also, how are Scooby and Shaggy still afraid of ghosts? Having more proof than anyone else that ghosts do not exist. They're just high.

It's gotta be why. They're just so high that they forget that the ghosts aren't real. And what's tragic is people always laugh at Scooby-Doo for being dumb and silly, but he's arguably the smartest dog that's ever lived. He can speak a bit of English. He can speak a bit of English. A bit of English. And he understands all English.

He understands all English. Not just sit and roll over and fetch. He understands the concept of existential threat, of corruption, of... Of waiting for future reward. That's a concept some humans don't understand, whereas they can say to him,

we'll give you Scooby Snacks if you fucking calm down or whatever, and he understands. He understands the idea of vested interest he's the einstein of the dog world and we spit he's the he's fake spit on him or we shit on his memory because he has a speech impediment that's the only reason and a bit of a snack problem If you encountered a dog Half as smart as Scooby-Doo

In real life It would cause A global incident He'd be banned from Crufts Because People assumed he was drugging Because he's such a smart dog It would genuinely have to be addressed by, like, the Pope.

People would say, the current doctrine of the Catholic Church and most religions worldwide is that animals do not have souls, but we can chat to this fucking dog. This changes everything. They're capable of higher thought. What happened to this dog that it's like this now?

He has his own brand of snacks. So he's capable of small business ownership. Yeah. He has a small business. On various occasions, he's capable of disguising himself as a human and driving. How many dogs are there? Like this. It would change

human morality. You'd be able to ask a dog if it has memories and what form do they take. He'd get a Nobel Prize. Can he read? I swear he could, like, read signs. Couldn't he just say, sort of,

do not enter, or, like... Yeah. Ghosts afoot, or something. Yeah, the sort of signs you'd get. Yeah, oh, parking between four and ten. The smartest dog that ever lived and we spit on his grave. Yeah, yeah.

It would change everything. It would change all human society if we could figure that out. Yeah, it would be interesting if you could get animals able to talk, if we could figure that out. Yeah, it would be interesting, like, if you could get animals able to talk, if you could teach them to speak, some of them, it would be interesting if some types of animal turned out to just be horrible. Like, every cow.

Huh? Most animals would be horrible. But I mean like... At least with, you know, dogs or cats or... Some of the things that they say would be like, Oh, I love being on your lap or whatever. Like nice things. Mm-hmm.

Or... But then like, what if it's like... Every fox just thinks like... It's not just like animal thoughts. It's like every fox just thinks it's not just animal thoughts it's like malice. I can't wait to tear its head off like mad horrible things. Yeah, like it takes pleasure. It's not just for survival that it kills

things. It takes pleasure from it. Yeah, because I mean if a fox gets into a hen house it kills all the chickens and only eats one. They're horrible. Right, yeah. Gross. No thanks.

Yeah, that's it. You got a shark to talk and it had the nicest thoughts of all. You'd feel horrible. You finally got sharks to speak and they were just going, just really nice idiots. Yeah yeah they're all really good singers yeah sharks sharks thinking crooning somewhere beyond the sea somewhere oh don't harpoon me. No. She's there watching for me. Ah, what is this net here?

Yeah. Even when their eyes roll back and they're shredding a seal or whatever, they're still just doobie-bop-boop. Still really calm. It makes no difference to them yeah them sort of creeping up on a surfer just king of the road

oh the good life. Full of fun. Seems to... Yeah. Crooning sharks. Crooning sharks. Lounge sharks. Today is an auspicious day, Phil,

because today would have been the start of the Edinburgh Fring. Yes, the Edinburgh Gus Fring would have started today. Yeah. I keep forgetting that it would have been today. Because I... I don't know. I see the Edinburgh Fringe as a sort of... kind of a professional requirement and engagement. And so, like...

I don't have the kind of emotional attachment that a lot of people have for it. I think it and I have a... What's what the cost of kind of a symbiotic relationship you know i am i am i'm i'm merely an egret that feeds off the lice and ticks on its buffalo back you know i mean and i don't really miss the buffalo i don't think i mean egret i think it's a smaller bird that does that. But I keep forgetting that it's supposed to be on until I see someone post,

oh, today would have been the day that I would have had an existential crisis on a train on the way up to Scotland. And I don't have, you know, I don't really have... I'm not a nostalgic person anyway, Pierre. You know this. I do. I think the past is the past and I don't really have... I'm not a nostalgic person anyway, Pierre. You know this. I do. I think the past is the past

and I don't really care about it because I've got all I can out of it. It's... I sort of miss it, but then I think it must be different for you because you've had a couple of years off, right? Two? No.

I mean, I was there last year i mean from the fringe oh um gosh yeah maybe it is two yeah yeah i think you took a break from it twice at various points whereas uh this would have been my 11th fringe in a row wow really yeah i've never had a break not since uh first year of university gosh darn it so this is the first time in 11 years you've been outside of scotland in august uh yeah i think mathematically first time in 10 years but 11 fringes yeah huh so yeah for a decade i have been living in scotland for in edinburgh for one month of every year and now it's gone and i mean even then i'm not as nostalgic as some people we know because at the end of the day it was like a enormous month-long harrowing casino

that was also a sort of comedy summer camp where you got to hang out with your friends under the most fraught conditions imaginable yes there was something of the boot camp about it definitely and also um because comedians are inherently always swirling around the country and often when you do a gig at the especially at the level that you and i are at you aren't you you not always true but you're often the only person from like your year as it were on the bill so it's it's for for a lot of my friends it's quite rare for us to be on the same bill and so for a month if you get to hang out in a in a in a bar that's open to performers only and it's open till 5am, then that's the ultimate hanging out, catch up, cool guy, fun time. That's right.

Yeah. But yeah, today would have been the start. Were you going to do this year? No, no, I wasn't. Well, there you go. I was pretty lucky, really. Before the pandemic, I'd already planned not to do any festivals this year really

and so it's worked out in my favour in that sense I've become very callous by the way over the last few weeks, I was callous already and now I'm even more callous so just heads up folks

the new Phil Wang is dreadfully callous and I'm not going to shy away from showing that on stage. No, I wasn't going to do it this year. But two years ago when I didn't do it, I came up for two days and I just watched just as a pure punter. And I had the best time in the world. I loved it so much. So I think from a punter's point of view, I think it's a terrible shame.

And it's a lot of fun just to go on. And it is an extraordinary phenomenon. But from an industry standpoint, from a comedy standpoint, I think it might end up being a good thing. From an industry standpoint, from a comedy standpoint, I think it might end up being a good thing. I think the industry needs to take a break from the festival for a year, gain some perspective. I think we lose our minds going up every year.

I think the industry goes a bit insane. And it's always good to break patterns. That's the thing. When something becomes a bit tired, it's always good to break patterns. And I think the festival becomes a bit tired it's always good to break patterns and i think the festival might come out better i think it might be less bloated uh and um and i think because there's a bit of a i mean now i've really got my callous numbers hat on i think the people of enver there are a lot a lot of people in Edinburgh are really supportive of the fringe and love it but a lot

find it a nuisance and a disruption and distraction and I think the economic hit of not having the Edinburgh fringe will renew a sense of appreciation for it among people there

but whether although that economic hit will probably be buried under the economic hit of the pandemic anyway so people might not notice it well uh edinburgh university is certainly going to be in trouble because they make a huge proportion of their budget from the fringe and they've lost the international 35k a year or whatever it is students yeah i mean it's um it's gonna be difficult for the uh for the enro university certainly but hopefully as you say because i mean as much as it's like a delightful thing like the the city does put its huckster shyster hat on and does punch as much money as it can out of your guts.

It really does. Whether you're a punter or an act. And so maybe when it comes back, although the ultimate sort of joke of it would be if it came back and it was like twice as money-grubbing as before to make up for this year. Well, that's the thing.

That's what's going to happen. That's what's going to happen. It's just going to be even more expensive because they've got so many losses to make up. God. Tatties and neeps for $20 a pound. No way. £10 for tatties,

£10 for neeps. Oh, I'm sorry. Don't you want neeps? Oh, just the tatties today then. Alright. Well, it's a real shame I've got a van full of neeps right here. I'm just going to have to drive it away.

That's the kind of thing I say. They'll put the thumbscrews on us neeps-wise, Phil. You know what I feel about Edinburgh Fringe not being on this year? It's the same way I feel about universities and schools having to close.

It's just how lucky I am to be past the point in my life where I really needed those things. Yes, that's part of it. We're actually so lucky. I feel so sorry for kids who are doing their exams and it's about to start university because this is so disruptive to such a formative few years. And I feel that the same thing is going to happen

to new comedians this year who need the edinburgh fringe to get a foothold on on the the industry's ladder but then i get callous and i go well good because as i've said to you pierre there's nothing asian people are better at than pulling the ladder up and and the pandemic has really pulled the ladder up for me and my and people of my generation for a for a year at least the one the one bunch of students i don't feel sorry for is first year uni students yeah because that's a lifelong excuse that they've got and that's very valuable an excuse to say what because they'll be like no matter what goes wrong they can be like well of course the the pandemic right so like later when they're on their fifth divorce and they're like

well you know exactly i missed freshers week so well they can just be like well because they don't miss the actual like more vital necessary teaching of say the second year or third year especially the third year where it's the actual exams you're missing but then they get to say well you know it all started with such a disruption I could never quite catch up enough to get the top

result you know otherwise I definitely would have yeah that's totally what i would do i'd be like oh pandemic i'd blame it for everything and i will be i will be blaming for everything from now on that will be my uh that would be my strategy um uh yes i'm gonna be that's that's the one group where i think... It's first year, so not too crucial. I guess it's a shame if they're actual doctors or whatever. But even then, it's still first year.

I've got so many years of learning to figure it out. You'll figure it out. But like a first year art student, hey, fill your boots. Enjoy, man. Enjoy. Yeah, you'll have about as much contact time as you would have anyway. Yes, exactly.

Three hours a month, read these 14 books you want. You know. Yeah, just pop out an essay. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Maybe without being able to go and get battered all the time and with the resentment of having to wake up early to go to the lectures, you'll actually be able to do all the reading on the reading list.

Imagine that. This year turns out the most advanced year of academics in centuries because they kind of get wasted. And also they just finally got left alone. So it was just like a filter for everyone who's naturally learning on their own, coming up with their own thoughts their own ideas as opposed to being told what to think

and so it'll be like 15% unleashed geniuses 85% you have to repeat the year right interesting so like for that small group of people who do better with fewer you know top-down inputs

they're gonna flourish and everyone else is gonna be like but what do we believe about this which is good because then the universities are preparing the next generation of work from homers which is what yes that's true economy is going to be now for the rest of the century i will say um i was speaking to friend of the podcast and and uh wonderful comedian daniel muggleton australian comedian oh yeah danny muggs old danny muggs and he's out in australia enjoying their various uh versions of the pandemic. Shout out to people in Melbourne. Stay strong. Hey Melbourne.

We should have met this year but we did not. Hopefully we'll meet next year at the Melbourne Festival. But you know they're now under like super strict lockdown until the middle of September. Yes because it all came back didn't it?

Oh man. Yeah. That's gonna be us soon. until the middle of September. Yes, because it all came back, didn't it? Man, yeah. That's going to be us soon. Second wave, everyone. Strap in. I don't think so. This is going to come back to bite me, but I'm going on record here. No matter how bad it gets,

I don't think the Tory party can survive another full national lockdown It'll be like loads of little ones I think I don't know It depends if the R rate goes really high and people start dying again What are they going to do? Finally just come out and say Will you just go out and eat some fucking Thai food?

Just go out like we told you, eat some Thai food, and shut up about the R number. I think they're probably just hoping that that AstraZeneca are right, and that they're going to have all the vaccines ready in October.

Yeah. And just in time for a Halloween vaccine. Ah, yes. Hmm. And it'll turn us all into zombies in time for Halloween, like in Resident Evil. Ah, fun. That'd be great.

Yeah. Because I never have a costume. Yes. Yeah. Or everyone is going to Halloween this year as pandemic victim, whether they like it or not. I'm going to go to Halloween parties dressed as the coronavirus, but still going around going, guess who I am?

Go on. Go on, guess who I am? And I'm getting really annoyed when anyone else is dressed as anything regarding coronavirus like what yeah yeah yeah what would be some good halloween costume ideas for this year uh going as the bat the bat the bat yeah but bats are sort of a mainstay of Halloween anyway, aren't they? Yeah, but you go as the coronavirus bat by dressing as a bat and then having like a big thermometer in your mouth with a high temperature on it to kind of...

Yeah, and an ice pack on your head. That'd be funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The way that you can tell someone is sick in a cartoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The way that you can tell someone is sick in a cartoon. Yeah, yeah. Coronavirus bat. The coronavirus itself. Either like bouncy, like space hopper, you know, with all things sticking out, coronavirus,

or put a crown on your head and cover yourself in corona bottles of beer yep yep you bet and then the bits that stick out are actually beers and then you're actually like a kind of walking beer dispenser that's pretty good fun that is advanced yeah yeah that's real good hey i got halloween in my blood boy do you why oh no is that one of the coronavirus symptoms yeah yeah spooky pumpkins in your blood oh no for up to a year i i think i've i grew up thinking even more about halloween than a normal little weirdo nerd because the isle of man of course has its own uh unique halloween tradition hop tune is what we call it on the isle of man ah like the scottish hog money hop tune yes similar but um the isle of man's hop tune a is like uh oh no hog money is a new year yeah but why does it sound so similar to does nay is nay some old word for something well nay nay in manx gaelic in the in hop tune a spelt

n double a uh-huh so it's Gaelic, whereas I think Hogmanay's roots are Germanic. Lowland Scots, I'm not sure. So it's a complete coincidence that they sound similar. I think so. Great. I think so. Well, that's just great. I look like that. A bleeping idiot now.

A bleeping idiot. Carving moots or turnips into horrible faces and singing about Ginny the Witch. Second appearance for turnips already? Yep. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Although, what are neeps?

It is turnips, isn't it? Yes, neeps. Neeps and tatties. Yes, it is turnips. It's not past nips. Or nipples. It's turnips. No. It's not just nips. It's not just ground turnips. It's not parsnips or nipples. It's turnips. No. It's not just nips. It's not just ground nips. Puffier nips are these neeps.

Neeps. That's the sort of accent of Ren from Ren and Stimpy. Nipples. Actually, there's a whole episode of that Where they go on and on about rubber nipples That I'm still astonished looking back Look it up on YouTube listeners And be amazed that it was a children's show

I was always shocked when I listened to it It wasn't in a children's channel I assumed there would have been a mistake Of an inquiry Like the guy in charge of Nickelodeon Or whatever It's like you put what on those tapes never should have seen the light of day they should have stayed in my safe

i guess it's kind of like a precursor to adult swim right those sort of cartoons that's really you know straddled the line between adult and and children yeah i think so i mean the that the 90s was when all that sort of stuff kicked off. I mean, I think Adult Swim even started late 90s, early 2000s, maybe even earlier. But also just MTV. MTV was one of the first channels that was like, we're going to start making cartoons for grown-ups. Interesting. Mike Judge.

Mike Judge, who did, obviously, King of the Hill, Office Space. Silicon Valley, I think, is his as well. Okay. Idiocracy. He is the Beavis and Butthead guy. He did Beavis and Butthead. Uh-huh. And that was an MTV, wasn't it?

Yeah. Yeah, I getcha. I getcha. Oh, speaking of nostalgia, I saw a Nazi on the tube. Yeah. Yes. Yes, you did. My Christ.

I had my first face, like confirmed Nazi spotting on the tube. I knew that going on public transport right now was hazardous, but I had no idea just how hazardous. There was a... He had blonde hair, shaved on the sides

like he was in a Viking film. Because the Vikings all apparently had really good, like, number one razors. Yes, exactly. They had fades. They had sick fades. But yeah, Vikings always have this perfect

perfectly flat shaved sides of their heads. And he had this swastika just tattooed behind his right ear. But he was also wearing a face mask, so i guess he wasn't all bad it's interesting isn't it because often being an actual nazi excuse me move my chair um is tied with believing in a lot of conspiracy theories but clearly he doesn't believe the mask conspiracy theories well he's got to weigh his love for conspiracy theories

with his love for authoritarianism. Yeah. And his idea that a diverse city like London is full of danger and disease. Interesting, yeah. But then on the other side, on the other hand, if he is a member of the ubermensch master race, surely they should be impervious

to a little little respiratory disease well that's one of the um one of the signs of fascism that umberto echo talked about which is that if you are a fascist you have to present your enemy as unbelievably dangerously powerful and also ease incredibly weak and easy to defeat at the same time. So you have to be like, the enemy is so dangerous that we all need to unite under one dictator, but also we'll defeat them immediately. Right. Yes. Interesting. So you always have to have an enemy that is simultaneously, essentially Thanos and Scrappy-Doo.

Those are the two versions of your enemy. I was just amazed that this guy was just so willing to... And he'd shaved the side of his head almost to make it look... Well, to reveal the tattoo more. But then also to have had it tattooed in a slightly concealed place behind the ear.

Like he couldn't decide how much he wanted people to know he was a Nazi. It's a bit flirty, isn't it? Yeah, very flirty, very coy. Maybe I am. But otherwise he's just like a dude. He's just like a guy just

sort of waiting on the tube for his stop to come. How big was the swastika oh um a bit bigger than a 50 pence piece really yeah it's like significant like i was two seats away and i could make it out pretty clearly okay so maybe like because, because I remember you said it was inside a circle, like a lot of swastikas are. Like all good swastikas. And it was at the Nazi angle. So the swastika itself was angled.

It's not like the Buddhist one, which is so straight, but the Nazis were tilted one. But then it was in a circle so that the legs of the swastikas were were sort of curled to fit into the circle if you know what i mean yeah sort of aerodynamic looking yeah yeah yeah yeah so it was like sort of two inches in diameter say let me have a measure yes yes i'm like that maybe yeah yeah it's pretty big man maybe a bit maybe a bit less maybe one and a half inches. That's like barely covered by the kind of shadow of your ear. Yeah, yeah.

It was quite extraordinary. What do you think would have happened? I had a real double take, like, huh? I couldn't believe it really for a while. I give him the benefit of the doubt for ages. Like, maybe it's just like a Celtic thing because it's kind of got that sort of Viking Celtic-y kind of curliness that they sometimes have, you know.

But maybe that's been imposed by these sort of... Maybe he's like a Scandi Nazi. Well, the oldest swastikas in Europe, we say swastika, but swastika is the Hindi word. They're not actually called swastikas anywhere other than us, and that's because we colonized India. In German, it's called, I think, in German, it's called a Hagenkreuz. Okay. Sounds delicious.

Ein bisschen Hagenkreuz mit der Ice Cream, ja? Nothing like an ice-cold Hagenkreuz. Hagenkreuz, just a flagon of Hagenkreuz. Three Hagenkreuz, please. The lads are thirsty. A pint of refreshing. Yes, exactly. A pint of refreshing Yes exactly Hagenkreuz has been brewed In this city for centuries

Only the best wheat Only the whitest wheat It's all white beer Obviously White or blonde beer It's all white beer. Obviously. White or blonde beer, yeah. White beer or blonde beer. Those are the two best beers at the Hagenkreuz brewery.

But yeah, the oldest swastikas are like Bronze Age symbols of the sun that you get on weird carvings and spooky rocks and things like runes that's where they got it from right i was making fun yesterday of that whole thing where people go and the swastika um in india and in buddhism is a symbol of peace and that is why when it is a nazi one it is the other way around and they swapped it to make it it was bad as if when hitler was in prison writing mein kampf he thought he just found a dictionary of Indian religious symbolism somehow and was flicking through it. And underneath the big swastika, it said symbol of peace.

And he went, well, we'll see about that. I'll flip it so it's pointing the other way. Because I'm evil. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah and imagine Hitler having to explain that to like an audience of drunk Nazis in Munich in the 30s and they go this will be the symbol and they all go what is that and they go well so in India

there is this thing it is called swastika and it's like um so it looks like this but so it's the other way around, right? You're like, just hang on, you're like this. Obviously, we're all very interested in Hindi history and culture. So you know how much we like Buddhism. Okay, here is the joke. It is a switcheroo.

It is reversed. Yeah, because we like the war and killing because we're evil. That's right, isn't it? We think of ourselves as evil. Yeah. Very, very silly. Not true. It's a weird old German symbol that has been turned into this thing.

But then that's the dodgy thing is that you sometimes get these people going like, oh, I'm not going to let the nazis win and take the lovely swastika away so i'm just going to have a full chest tattoo of the swastika and you're like right but do you think these racist things and they go oh yeah right like they're always still right but that's pure coincidence i i believe slightly different racist things of my own yeah i believe that it shouldn't involve open warfare. Ah, so I'm nice. I'm a nice one.

Yeah. Get in the bin. Get in the bin. What do you think would have happened if you were, like, so you're on the tube. You're near this fucking actual Nazi, which in a way must have been, like, as shocking as a cold plunge pool, because we've become used in this country to so many people just being called Nazis generally. Like it's a sort of thing you say, isn't it?

Yeah. But now there's an actual one. An actual one is there. What do you think would have happened if you'd just sort of gone, hey, excuse me, and he'd looked and you'd pointed on yourself where it is behind the ear and gone what what the hell man i know i mean i that's what i was thinking at the time like what what would happen if someone oh i what i pictured was you sat next

to me on my right and me nudging you and then going hey look at that guy and then me tapping on the back of my ear and then him catching me doing that and what would happen then that's what i was thinking specifically yeah would you would you be embarrassed would he be like like cover his face or just look away or change cars or would he be like yeah that's right what are you gonna do about? Or would he just like stay staring forward or at us maybe? Yeah, exactly. Just try to stare us down. I'm not really sure of the Nazi position on East Asian people either

because surely they must have a bit of a soft spot for the Japanese for helping them out in that. Yeah. I mean, you'd think so, but i think that they always just sort of go oh like they always find a way you know that's what they say nazis will always find a way to be racist yeah i it would have been funny if you'd caught you tapping the you're behind your ear and then you'd pointed and gone like where can i get me one of those giving a big thumbs up if anything the nazis should hate the chinese most of all because if they really are if they really are obsessed with one race holding all the world's money

they're kind of looking in the wrong direction do you think um Yeah, God. In a way, it's kind of like... That guy on the tube with his tattoo is the ideal person to get into a physical fight with. Well, in what way? Hello? Oh, you cut out there

I just heard you say well oh sorry you said he's the ideal person to have a fight with and then I said in what way oh you cut out again yeah well unless I'm losing you too just wait the ideal person to have a fight with and then you Oh, you cut out again. Yeah, well, unless I'm losing you too. Just wait.

The ideal person to have a fight with, and then you said in what way? Is that what you said? Yeah, in what way? Well, because, okay, first of all, you get into a fight with a Nazi, right? And you don't need to feel bad about hurting the Nazi. Okay.

If I've ever been in a fight, like when I was young or whatever, then later you think back and you go, oh, I really like that was a needless escalation that happened between me and whatever guy in a pub or at school. And we didn't need to have a fight in the schoolyard. And we could have solved it otherwise. Whereas with a Nazi, you can be like, yeah, i'd punched him more he's a nazi and then also you will never ever be looked down on or probably even get into trouble for doing it right you can say for the rest of your life and he's unlikely to go to the police and admit to being

hurt by a minority I mean I'm really But also for the rest of your life You're really what sorry? I'm really over egging my fighting abilities here probably No you're black belt Yeah That was a long time ago my fighting abilities here, probably. No, you're Black Belt.

Yeah, that was a long time ago. But for the rest of your life, you could say, I saw a Nazi and I fought a Nazi. I defeated one. I could say I fought the Nazis. What did you do? Yeah, we could finally talk on an equal footing to the generation that the boomers pretend to be

yeah it skips a generation of course fighting the nazis yes yes yes yes it goes it goes fighting uh passively indulging fighting passively indulging, fighting, passively indulging. That's how it works. Yeah, you fight the Nazis, then you fight high cholesterol mainly, and then you fight the Nazis again. That's how generations go. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I mean, God, and if you could just, oh God,

you could just always say, I saw a Nazi and I fucking beat one up. That would be glorious. I mean, and even if you lost, you could still be like, well, I stood up for what was right when it mattered or whatever. Yeah. God.

It's what getting my ass handed to me represented that really matters. Where were you? When I was being kicked to pieces by a Nazi. When I was pleading for mercy. When I promised to become a Nazi as well, if only they'd stop. Where were you? When I was trying to pretend that I was pointing at him as a compliment.

to pretend that i was pointing at him as a compliment when i was attempting to seek heil if but i couldn't get past their swinging legs where were you yeah i mean like i i guess the the worst feeling in the world would be Yeah, I mean, I guess the worst feeling in the world would be if you did all that and then you found out later that, like, yeah, he used to be, but he's reformed, but he can't afford the money to get it lasered off, so he's just... But then he'd grow his hair out. That's the thing. He'd grow his... Yeah, or he'd buy some fucking foundation, right? Yeah, yeah. You could put some little makeup on there, something like that. But, um, amazing to have seen a Nazi in the wild.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a real, um, it's a real moment. What do you think that guy was even on his way to do? Some racism? Um, skateboarding by the looks of his outfit, to be honest. He's radical. From his outfit, he was either going skateboarding or to tech a theatre show.

And seeing as theatres aren't currently open, I guess he would have to meet skateboarding. Watch out for the tech. they're a real Nazi. Yeah, maybe he was off to police someone's grammar. Maybe that's what he was going to do. Or he was going to go to Parliament and clap for them. Yeah? Yeah. Maybe he's off to join the

Conservative Party. How annoyed must racists be that there are like the Conservative Party is sort of the most successful party in European electoral history and it's in power in the UK almost all the time isn't it the most successful political party

in the history of the world I am it gets harder once you go outside of Europe I think but certainly in Europe they are because the metrics change yeah the metrics change in the West they are oh yeah in the West, they are.

Oh, yeah, yeah. In the West, by far. And it depends on if you use percentages or over time. I mean, the ANC in South Africa have never lost an election, nationally speaking. So there's that. So it's like 100% as a rate. Right, right, right.

If you're like a proper racist hard rightist you must be annoyed that like people who are less right-wing than you i.e the conservatives are always in power and also they have like rishi sunak is the chancellor like a minority uh is a is the second highest power second most powerful office in the land right and that's what you're getting from the conservatives and right and that's the party people are calling right wing yeah they must be like that's not right wing at all

are you kidding to them the Tory party must look like momentum you know what I mean exactly yeah that's what I mean from their point of view the Tory party must just be like, I had a gang of fucking hippies. Oh, free money for takeaway food.

Free money for takeaway food. They must be furious. Well, I mean, we already know they're furious, but like double furious. I never even thought of that before. They're furious, but like double furious. I never even thought of that before. They're furious. Yeah. You sort of feel like they should be... If you see someone with a swastika tattoo, you feel like they should be like... You know when they tag a rare bird?

Right, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you've got to be like, we really need to keep track of this thing yeah like if you encounter the rare blue feathered stork or whatever the fuck please try and tag it so we can figure out where they are breeding and

that's right yeah you're right because I felt like am I supposed to report this to someone surely someone's trying to keep track of this sort of thing yeah well exactly yeah you sort of That's right. Yeah, you're right, because I felt like, am I supposed to report this to someone? Surely someone's trying to keep track of this sort of thing. Well, exactly, yeah. You sort of think, is there a button I press somewhere on the wall? Nazi on the tube? Is that a category? Yeah, does he count as a suspicious activity surely yes but he's surely counts as a suspicious activity there are signs on the underground saying if you see anything suspicious report it well i've got a an agent of the third reich here is that count

in fact you know those posters where it's like if you see something suspicious reported and it's always like a spooky man in silhouette slipping into a train control center door and in the background is the civilian seeing it and you can their hands on their chin like maybe i should report that that he wasn't dressed like a member of staff. Whereas, that works because it's a bit subtle. And it means that people are like, oh, that's the level. That's the base level I should be looking out for. People slipping into doors subtly, like from a Jason Bourne film. Ah.

Whereas, if you had a poster where it was someone sat next to someone on the tube, and on the left was a concerned-looking civilian with their hand on their chin going, Hmm. And the person they were looking at next to them wasn't a full on neo-Nazi covenant swastikas with a fucking knife and big boots on. Yeah, exactly. Oh,

right. So that's the level of suspicious you mean? Well, I mean, it's like in, in, in the States where that, where that, that sort of city hall was taken by all these white guys

holding literal assault rifles. And the authorities just kind of step back and let them storm city hall. Well, the authorities didn't just let them storm it. They let them stay there and get care packages of like food and supplies from their families really that's fucking unbelievable that whole group was do you think if you're heavily armed enough obviously and white enough but also if you're heavily armed enough they're just like well they could actually give the SWAT team a run for their fucking money here it's not just one pistol between 50 of them.

To be honest, they look better trained than our police. So we're going to leave them on this one. Yeah. Yeah. Our police have to do traffic enforcement sometimes. All these guys do is practice shooting machine guns at other people. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, that's it. Maybe they just go, we'll lose. Fuck it. yeah yeah yeah well that's it maybe they just go we'll lose fuck it let me know if you spot any uh nazis on public transport with you i'll know i'll do my best prevalent it is yeah anyone anyone listening do do write in if you've seen anyone else wearing a fucking swastika tattoo and we'll read your email out in a thousand years i guess guess but yeah listeners let us know if you see any Nazis that's been that's the advice of episode 74 Nazi

Phil Wang Nazi spotter yeah I don't do much else I don't bring any kind of justice I just spot them it's recon yeah I'm a scout but yes that was 74 I think we're going to make next week another correspondence special we might

alternate listeners so we can get up to date and get some hot fresh correspondence every week like freshly baked bread ooh delish okay have a good week guys see you next week bye