BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 79 - Prime Pod

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

A lot in this one! The thoughts that stop you sleeping, like Pierre's imaginary arguments to defend his imaginary son. Phil has a deep and dark musical secret that his own mother tried to save him from. We remember how shit Suicide Squad was. Tat attack and child screams. Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, it's Budpod 79. Phil, are you a fan of 79 as numbers go? Uh, not really. It's kind of a jagged kind of number. Is it? Is it prime? Is 79 prime? 79 feeling prime? Surely it's prime. Is 79 prime number? Yes. It's a prime number? Yes. It's a prime? Yes, it's a prime pod. Welcome to Prime Pod, everyone.

It's a true prime podcast. This is all the rage for now. True prime. It's primes that have happened in real life. Not just prime numbers made up by Hollywood. Men getting drunk and solving primes. Just doing roots of equations and things. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Just trying to... Three? I always... There's three? Does it divide by three? That's just a whole podcast. That'd be a funny idea for a podcast.

We just give ourselves a really big number and we just try and divide it divide it by stuff and yeah the rule is that you have to have pencil and paper getting hired by the mi5 by mi5 or whatever yeah um i the one thing i like about 79 is it is they're in order. It's like it's the two odd numbers around 8. So that looks quite nice. That's the best I can say for it. Oh, sorry. How about 79? Yes, yes, yes. They are the bread of the 8 terms.

Yes, indeed. I, Phil, have started double-bagging it. Just wait a sec. As a word of warning, I walked away at that point and I kept talking to you, so there'll be a couple of seconds where I'm

not heard on the phone. I don't know if you'll have to take it out. I was so comfortable just talking to you on my headset. Anyway, sorry. I'm double-bagging it, Phil. That's what I'm doing right now. I don't really think it's that kind of podcast. What do you mean?

Well, the trouble is that I am failing at finding a middle ground between coffee and the feeling it gives me that I'm being pursued by a famished hunter. Well, have you tried not having 16 a day, as you seem to? Well, this is the trouble, is that I do need some.

But even one sort of starts the feeling, as it were. So there's a balance to be struck. Have you ever had one of these, like they're called sometimes the bullet or the

bull or something, like bullet coffee, where it's mixed in with coconut oil and butter or something, and for some reason it releases the caffeine slower. The Joe Rogan fuckboy coffee. Oh, does he espouse the virtues of the slow relief coffee? I went through a phase of scrolling through the Joe Rogan podcasts

and they would be like, you'd have to scroll, scroll, UFC fighter, scroll, scroll, baseball guy I've never heard of, scroll, scroll, scroll, just talk i've never heard of scroll scroll scroll just talk about chimps whatever scroll and then eventually you'd find one where he spoke to like someone from nasa and you'd think oh okay i mean i i'm just happy to listen to someone from nasa but it could be quite funny to listen to a stoned hunter talk to someone from nasa but at least at that time this is a while ago now at least at that time he was going on and on and on about this mega coffee that was full of nobrinos for your brain and you could put special fucking buffalo butter in or whatever hell it's like he sells it all like

he owns like the majority shares of the company that sells a lot of the supplements he pushes oh so he's in the pocket of of big butter they do keep going on about it's got some name like new it's like not like neutrinos or like neurons but it's like neuro blobs like it's just different enough oh yeah and it's like it improves brain function. And you go, what does that mean? The kind of science word they've never heard before and always accompanies a dairy product. Yes. And you go, is that real?

Yeah. It's like taking the attitude of protein powders and applying it to whatever. I mean, I don't know what the example they're using of processing brain power like take this milkshake full of nutrient bombs and you can do all the maths you need to do faster like it's just so unclear it's it's also a bit it's also a bit of a self-own um are you dumb to to assume all your listeners need help with their brains like they need they're not thinking good enough

they need special milkshakes to be able to understand anything more than your podcast my listeners can barely understand the podcast as it is without this cocktail of mecha drugs they can hardly fucking leave the house and navigate their way around town safely without

well I could do with yeah without just walking into the path of a truck I could do with some of that today to be honest i've just got one of those tired days i'm real sleepy last night i got to bed early before midnight because i had an early start this morning and i was tired from a day of doing stuff yesterday and i got into bed and you know that what you know that thing when you go into bed and you're tired and you're looking

forward to sleep all day and you need to sleep because you've got an early start the next morning and you lie down and your brain just goes, ah, okay, here's that sleep. And then you're just lying there. Here it is. Here's our sleep. Your brain's doing jazz hands, but nothing's coming through the curtains.

And here's your sleep. And sleep is just a Von Trapp family that doesn't arrive for the concert. And it was just like that for like an hour, an hour and a half or something, like two hours. I was just there. Yeah.

And you're tired the whole time. Tired the whole time. And instead my brain goes, while we wait for sleep to arrive, here are all the people who you think have taken you for a fool from childhood till now. We've got them all here.

And then there's this parade of slights and grudges and regrets just all on like this long candy cane just doing a dance which which which um night time night time visitation would you say is your most um frequent of those of that cavalcade of freaks and monsters. They're too revealing to say.

If I was comfortable talking about them, I would have said them out loud. Oh, I just mean the genre. I just mean the genre. Oh, genre. Genre is things like... Something like, why did you never learn to skip rope? You're the only person I know

this is my brain talking to me, you're the only person I know can't skip rope. And then I go, but it's really hard. And my brain goes, everyone can do it. People who can't use chopsticks can skip rope. Why can't you? And so it'll get to that point.

It'll get to the point where like, You just spiral. Yeah, and things that I had no, I couldn't possibly have had any control over. My brain's going, oh, if it weren't for this pandemic you've started,

you'd have, you'd have finally realized your potential by now. But because you went and started this pandemic, you stupid little shit. Now you have to do podcasts over the phone. I hope you're happy. I like the ones where I escalate an imaginary situation in my head to the point where I'm trying to think about what I would say

if someone at a fictional restaurant insulted my son i don't have a son yeah i have lots of those well but not nothing that that extreme they're nothing quite that mad baby so is your son in this scenario is your son having dinner with you at the restaurant and the waiters come over and said something to the son well it's like or have you overheard the waiter saying something to the maitre d and they're sniggering at your it's it's something like it so it has to escalate right it can't start there you got to warm up you got to stretch yeah you got to stretch your crazy muscles before you go on a run like that.

So it'll be like, it'll start with something like, oh, I'll get some memory of like being in a cafe with my family when I was a kid and someone like made fun of my sister or me or I don't know. You know, when you're a kid and you have this sort of horrible moments of confrontation with like other humans. Yeah. And you sort of go, oh my God, other humans can be sort of horrible moments of confrontation with like other humans yeah and you sort of go oh my god other humans can be sort of horrible like grown-ups can have arguments and things or or like weird like glimpses into into because because it's like a you're having an argument with another kid in a playground and you go wait we're not at school we're not even at the same school let me know who you are there are no interesting there are no rules out here something like that and then i would go oh but then what would i do if like oh but what did what would i do if that happened and i was like like you've got to have

layers of speculation yeah and so yeah yeah and you start from a position that is quite closely based on something that actually happens yes yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like an altercation you can remember. And then your brain just adds on these tangents and tangents and tangents until you end up in a restaurant with your imaginary son. Defending my imaginary son against accusations of some nefarious and obscure kind. Wait, so Has the waiter accused your son of something to you? Has he said,

I'm not getting a son's salad. Don't you know he poisoned the watering hole? Or something like that. No, it'll be something like, oh, what if I had a son with a lisp? What would I do if I had a son and they had a lisp and someone was probably rude about the lisp? What would I do if I had a son and they had a lisp and someone was probably rude

about the lisp? What must that be like? But I'll be physically annoyed. I'll be annoyed about this complete fictional cake I've baked. And do you win? You must win, at least. It's always a bittersweet victory, Phil, because it had to happen. Obviously, it didn't have to happen.

It didn't happen. Right. But, you know. But sometimes I'll snap myself out of it and I'll be like, I'm lying in bed, furious at nothing. I'm lying in bed furious at nothing. I've kind of got it under control. But for years I used to do it and catch myself and go,

what the fuck are you doing? Go to bed. Yeah, I will start, like, putting myself in question time. Yes, yes. Like, I end up on the myself in question time like I end up on the panel in question time and there's a question that comes up and there's I imagine someone who I disagree with on the other side

saying something stupid and then I say something brilliant and they say something stupid and the thing they say is so typical but it leaves them wide open for the following seven things and even in this version i have to take a few goes at formalizing the perfect sentence yeah like i have to edit like i wouldn't say quite i say yeah that's it yeah and then yeah that's that's

it that's what i say yeah that'll show them oh they wouldn't know what's in them. I always read about these people who are like, oh, you all have arguments in the shower. It's like, I'm busy in the shower. I wish I had them in the shower. Oh, right. I'd rather have them in the shower than when I'm trying to go to fucking bed. That's true.

That's true. I save it all up for beddy times. Yeah. I sometimes... Do they ever sneak out of your mouth, like out loud? Sometimes I will go, well, of course that never occurred to you. And then I have to keep it quiet.

I was like, well, how would you know? You've never had to live. You know, they would just come out of my mouth. Like the sleep talking of a barrister. But awake talking. I'm not even asleep. I do do that, yeah. Sometimes around the house.

Yeah, if you're pootling around the house and it gets bad enough, you might slip out with something like, well, you would say that, wouldn't you? around the house and it gets bad enough you might slip out with something like well you would say that wouldn't you or um that's my son you're talking about customers in this establishment

just like any of the others and we expect to be treated with just the same amount of dignity as someone without a lisp. Yeah, sometimes I do... He might have a lisp, but he's my son and I love him. I just catch myself with these fucking elaborate houses of cards I've built for no one but myself.

A completely internal problem. Oh, boy. Oh, fucking hell, it's hard to go to sleep man it is it is it's easiest when you're not trying but those are the least important nights i i looked up um or stumbled across how um they get air like fighter pilots to go to sleep. Because they fly in these shifts. At weird hours and stuff. And obviously they're full of adrenaline because they've just been hurtling through the fucking sky at 900 kilometers an hour or whatever.

Mach 3, blah, blah, blah. And when Tom Cruise from Top Gun wants to go to bed, then it's an absolute task, and it's very stressful, and there could be bombs and machine guns going off. And so they developed this sequence of techniques to help pilots go to sleep. And they teach it to you if you're a fighter pilot over weeks. It takes six weeks of practice

but then after six weeks of just doing it every day these guys could go to sleep sitting upright in chairs while they were playing machine gun noises around them and stuff. Wow. So it is doable. It just takes bloody forever.

What's training consist of? Just doing that basically, just sitting playing machine gun sounds and saying go to sleep, go to sleep hey, bedtime reading them like bedtime stories giving them a giving them a glass of warm milk

and then slapping it out of their hands that kind of thing. That just got me thinking. Top Gun got me thinking about, did you know that the American military will sort of loan gear, like ships,

and they'll film these in aircraft carrier or something. u.s military will do it for them we'll do the shot for them we'll let them film it but the american army has to come off really well yes and they have to do well so and there's the clearest example of this i've ever seen is in uh captain phillips have you seen captain phillips no not yet in captain phillips you know the um this is a bit of a spoiler but in captain phillips his ship's taken and then the part of the pirates they they they take captain phillips hostage and they get in a

um a lifeboat but it's one of those ones that's all closed up, you know, it's completely sealed with just a few windows, like small windows, and they drive off with Captain Phillips as a hostage. And they get these Americans, these Navy SEALs to come, they're Navy snipers, orios marine snipers i don't know and they they get down they are they're all very handsome yes yeah they're all very buff lantern jaws and they sit down and they he sets up his rifle and he's very stoic he's not shaken by anything and it's a really hard shot because the pirate is holding Tom Hanks as a human shield behind the plexiglass window. But then they hit a wave, which knocks him

a bit off balance. And the sniper, with his split-second reactions, takes a shot. And he gets up and his friends, other Navy snipers gather around him and they walk off these are characters we haven't met in the movie they've only just arrived we don't know their names we don't know the backstory and they start high-fiving and going yeah like just like just fist bumping and they walk off and they're not seen again and that And that's all you see of the sniper. He turns up just pow. And he gets up and just high fives his friends. With like big old biceps. Like the end of a teen movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be really funny if that was just the end of it. Freeze the frame and text should have come up saying Andy had a fulfilling, long and healthy career in the u.s with fully paid benefits with fully paid pension yeah just a high five yeah and then just a little theme tune you don't even find out what happened to captain phillips that's just the end of the film they forgot um oh this is a fun podcast I'm listening to right now

I think I mentioned it to you Pierre it's called The Wind of Change and it's a story about how the CIA might have written the German

power ballad but it's in English, Winds of Change, to spur on the fall of the Berlin Wall in the late 80s. Yeah. It's a band called the Scorpions. Do you know the song, the Winds of Change? I've heard it once. I know the Scorpions more because

of, here I am! Ba-bum, ba-bum, rock you like a hurricane! That's them. That's the scorpions more because uh here i am broke you like a hurricane that's them all right yeah scorpions winds of change was huge in malaysia so i heard loads growing up so i know winds of change better um the one that starts oh no it's too high for my sling. Oh yes, yeah, I know. It goes... Yes, of course, yeah. And basically, there's a theory that the CIA wrote the song and gave it to the Scorpions to play in Europe.

But it came out in what, like 1990? Well, this is the thing I feel like it came out right after the end of the book but I don't know if it was about I don't know if the idea was to change hearts and minds in the fallout

of the end of the surveyed union or if it did get there just in time before the I don't know it's a good fun podcast anyway and it's full of other just great fun cia stuff i think it's um from the 60s up to the 80s from what i can tell from from you sent me the link and i had a little scroll through the episodes it looks like it's more interesting for the sake of the fact that like the guy is a very serious intelligence and security journalist and he has access to lots of interesting people he can talk

to and so on and it seems like it's more about that than about whether or not the cia can artificially write a number one here to cross multiple nations um because obviously if they could they could have done that in the 80s why were they like well we won't win just yet we won't we won't make loads of money and win the cold war just yet we'll wait till it's already happened and then kind of leap in with a rock ballad out of nowhere but you can say that about any decisive action yeah but i mean i don't know if the people of eastern europe in 1990 needed a song to be like things are changing yeah. I guess you're right.

Well, unless it was about normalizing the idea of change before it happened and trying to make people less afraid of change. Maybe. I don't know. The real thing is, like, whenever they confront the CIA or whoever with this stuff and they're always like, are you smart and powerful enough to do this incredible thing? They're never going to say, oh, no. Well, and when they do say no, the journalists can go, I see. Tight-lipped, are we?

Yeah, exactly. Because they always like... All they ever do is information warfare, so the idea that they turn down the chance to be seen is like ten times as spooky as they really are. Perfect. Yes, yes, yes. It's like the ultimate conspiracy theory is that

all conspiracy theories are planted by otherwise completely lazy and ineffective organizations to spread rumors of their brilliance do you think would you no you go for it I was going to say if you could artificially create a

conspiracy theory about you or an urban myth about you what would it be? An urban myth Or like a conspiracy theory maybe Yeah Well in the vein of the scorpions thing it would be quite funny if it was like do you know that

Pierre writes all the jokes? Just like all of them. Oh, yeah. Bud Pod is fully scripted. That's the conspiracy theory. That would be a funny one. Yeah. That would be funny.

Down to every uh and stumble. It is. Yeah. Tightly, tightly scripted. There's a teleprompter. And also we write all the correspondence too oh no i think we've given birth to a subreddit oh man i think we should be very fortunate if we got enough of those lunatics listening for the advertising figures you know

people seem to be going over your podcasts individually repeatedly you go yeah yeah that's great you're getting a lot of backward plays which is not very common I don't even know why you measure that actually but you are you're getting a lot of people playing your podcast backwards

your podcast also seem to download the original Wizard of Oz movie a lot weird isn't it? I've never done that, you know, to see if it actually does match up. I should give it a go. I've seen the first 15 minutes of it done to it.

And it does work? I mean, kind of. It's like abstract music, so you can put whatever you want on it, really. That's right. That's right. It's one of those things that like yeah it's like this uh this this cd of whale song perfectly syncs up with your walk in the park this mongolian throat singing uh album perfectly syncs up with die hard three it's amazing um yeah well this is it's a good album though dark side of the moon very good

album i'm surprised how good it was i'm surprised that it wasn't just like which i thought it would be because it's like rock and stuff and i'm not you know i'm i'm quite rockophobic i'm like quite guitarophobic I don't really like guitar Yeah you are a bit guitarophobic aren't you I don't know why You fear the guitar And it's sexy powers And it's many strings

I fear the lute And it's powers of course Maybe it's because we're from the generation of Landfill Indie so there wasn't just enough guitar music around. Don't wanna be an American idiot. I guess it's because the American idiot epitomized the guitar song.

You can't write a better song than American Idiot. And now that I've heard American Idiot I know there's no point listening to any other guitar music maybe when i was growing up i remember getting really into rock and metal and stuff and then i had sort of like six or seven bands that i listened to a lot and then a couple of them were sort of heavier metal kind of stuff and i thought i should get into that maybe then and then i tried and it just what i the trouble i have with a lot of genres of music is that if you listen to like

the best of the genre like three or four of the best and then after that it's all kind of just it sounds very it's the same as each other that's it and i just i don't like any genre of music enough to ignore the fact that i could go yeah these are kind of the same to me but there's something kind of comforting about that like i like like the jazz and the old standards and the great american songbook yeah and they i mean there are some gems that stick out and are completely distinct and are like works of genius but overall there is a there's a shared sound, obviously. And you can say this about, almost anything you can say about pop and hip hop.

But I think there is also, there is a comfort about the sound and being able to listen to that sound. That's true. But when it comes to, for me, when it comes to like blues and jazz or even classical, it's kind of like,

it's music that you can listen to actively, but also you can kind of go around town with it it's very sort of ambient in some ways like a piano bar vibe or in your head or whatever whereas um there was a very death metal so there's a right yeah you can't spend the whole day without fucking happening to you i find that unpleasant to walk around with and listen to specifically um uh except for the band baby metal who are a japanese band of young japanese women who sing in cute voices but are backed by really heavy metal. For some reason, I don't mind them. And I can't figure out why,

but for some reason I make an exception for baby metal. I think that's what they're called. There was a strange period of my childhood, I was like 12 years, and let me just check, they are called baby metal? Yes, baby metal. Highly recommend baby metal, They're really, really great. Anyway, there was a strange period of my young life

when my mother was trying to get me into Metallica because she was upset at how much Kid Rock I was listening to. Hang on, hang on. Pump the brakes here. I had a friend at school in Malaysia Who got me onto Kid Rock Who I thought Was

A brilliant musician who somehow Managed to marry Authentic hip hop rap With With sort of homespun americana how has this never come and well there's some things that i've suppressed um obviously and my mother heard like an album kid rock and she was so appalled she was so appalled by kid rock that she was she'd like from time to time she'd just come to me with she'd obviously gone off and done

research and trying to get to see what might be tangential to Kid Rock but better that she could wean me off off the teat of Kid Rock and one of her suggestions was Metallica and she said would you like Metallica

and I said no I want to listen to the kid stop trying to control me mother this is exactly what the kid's been warning me about he said my mom would come and the rock said my mom would try and do this

to me trying to control me you don't understand me the kid he speaks the truth do this to me, trying to control me. You don't understand me. The kid, he speaks the truth. He's the only one who combines my angry hip-hop feelings and my chewing on some hay down

by the old watering hole feelings. This is astonishing. Oh my god. This has to be a whole podcast on its own. Phil's retrospective on Kid Rock. Did you like his little hats? Bar with a bar, the bang, the bang.

I couldn't get enough of that song. I couldn't get enough. I choose to live in a world where your mother was secretly just a big old Metallica fan. And she was just there saying, but Phil, yes, a lot of the tracks on Kill Em All

were very aggressive, but a lot of the other, there's a lot of melodic, mastery, really, of the guitar. Yes, there's actually a lot of virtuosity It's hard to pick out of the Melange of Of notes But to the trained ear

These men Epitomise The guitar Playing world If you just listen, Phil, you'll realise that a lot of the guitar sections are so difficult to play, they're almost impossible to play

live, or they were at the time. Oh, please, Phil. Please. Enter Sandman. You have to admit, enter Sandman. I just look... And I just look her dead in the eyes with my chubby cheeks wobbling, and I just say her dead in the eyes with my chubby cheeks wobbling. And I just say,

Ball with the ball, the bang, the bang. Bibbly, bibbly, boo. And she knew what it meant. It meant that she'd failed. What was that kid rock song that came out around when we were at university and he'd rhyme the same word at the end of the line? Oh, yeah. him out like around when we were at university and he'd rhyme the same word at the end of the line oh yeah we were trying different things we were smoking funny things yeah amazing yeah yeah things with things there's we were trying different things we were smoking funny things is he just like what i like about country music is how often because it's a target audience

is like still doing this stuff but they don't want to hear you talk about it openly it's really weird they'll always just be like you have to say we were trying different things and smoking funny things as opposed to we got high and you sucked my dick by the pond you can't just say that

what's so pure about that is not only has he has he rhymed two lines in a row with the same word which is bland in on of itself but the word he has rhymed is the blandest word in english it's thing it's the most unambitious the most unspecific word In the English language And he's rhymed it with itself He's done the equivalent of someone going Something Something

Quite literally he has done that Amazing I can see why you were so entranced as a youth We were smoking Funny things Oh kid you've done it again I can see why you were so entranced as a youth we were smoking funny things oh kid you've done it again there's a scene have you seen

Red Dragon no it's good there's a scene in it is it I thought it's like not good I think it's good I just like watching Popkins being scary is this the one this is not the one with Edward Watson Is it? I thought it's like not good. No, I think it's good. I just like watching Popkins being scary.

Is this the one? This is not the one with Edward Norton. Yeah, yeah, this is the Ed Norton one. Well, the point is, the point is, one of the sort of famous crimes that Hannibal Lecter is supposed to have done is that there was a, I think it was a flautist in the Baltimore Philharmonic Orchestra,

who was bad, bad at playing the flute or whatever. And so Hannibal Lecter, being this man of culture, sort of kidnaps him and eats him and serves him to the Philharmonic Board. Right. As a way of purifying the orchestra and removing the irritant, but also of punishing the board for tolerating a bad player, you know. But there's a moment in Red Dragon

where it's Anthony Hopkins and everyone's in like black tie and they're watching the Philharmonic Orchestra play. And every time this guy, the camera will show this one flute player who keeps sort of going like, like the notes just a bit wrong. And you see like the other flute players around him

looking at him a bit like, come on, on man and it zooms in on anthony hopkins and he just has like a very slight like eye twitch when the note goes wrong he just his eye twitches a little bit and he cocks his head and you think oh no um that's me whenever when we're at university and I heard that song by Kid Rock. You know, trying funny things. We were smoking funny things. Just a little eye twitch. Feeling of real violence. And that's why you

ate Kid Rock. I turned Kid Rock into what would it... Grits. I don't know. You invited us all around for a braai, and you said, I'm serving something very special today. Young goat.

Oh, kid. And I'd laugh and go, yes, you could say that. Yes, I suppose you could say that. I suppose you could say that. You could say I've roasted a kid. Yes, I suppose you could say that. You could say I've roasted a kid. Yes, yes. And everyone would go, right, so you've murdered Kid Rock.

He disappeared yesterday. I mean, we're not idiots. And I'd go, uh. I wouldn't want to overdo him. He'd be hard as rock. I'm still talking like that as they handcuff me and lead me away yes we know

none of us even ate any it was obvious you didn't disguise it it was just a kid rock you put him on a barbecue visibly because you're still recognizably kid rock visibly the corpse of a human man you fucking lunatic you still recognizably get wrong. Visibly the corpse of a human man.

You fucking lunatic. My defence would be like, well, I'm insane. What do you expect? I guess I was just trying different things. Drag me into the van do you have any last requests yes play metallica at my funeral i would i i would love to see a fly on the wall documentary following your your your mum as she went around HMV flicking through the racks thinking,

there's got to be something. You know, I want to see the research that went into that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if the internet was quite up and running. No, yeah, it was. It was, yeah, yeah. We were getting there on the old internet. So maybe she got online. I don't know if the internet was quite up and running No yeah it was We were getting there on the old internet

So maybe she got online I don't know But that's how bad my Kid Rock problem was Mums generally do a lot of research In my experience But your mother is also a medical doctor So she's no stranger to Diagnosing a problem and then attacking it with knowledge

So she clearly sort of went like she must have at the bare minimum gone into hmv and found some kid with acne like the kid from the simpsons and been like look my son listens to a lot of kid rock and then the guy would have gone oh my god i'm so sorry and he would have taken your mom into the to the back room and made her some tea and they would have put they would have guy would have gone, oh my god, I'm so sorry. And he would have taken your mom into the back room and made her some tea. And he would have gone up to the door of HMB and flipped the sign to closed. And then the entire staff would have gathered around to talk about. It's a cold rock. Shut her down.

Shutters come down That's astonishing I can't believe that's never come up before All the times that we've talked about Musical preferences Wowee It's because I'm ashamed This is what shame looks like Do you think that's the weirdest thing about your

Musical taste or would you ever listen to a kid rock thing now and think and not necessarily still enjoy it but feel the way you used to enjoy it you know what there were when that smoking different things you know looking funny doing different things smoking funny things when the song came out out, I was like most of me was like this is atrocious. But, you know, he's rhymed things with things. But a small, lingering vestige

of the boy I was deep within me whispered out, I think it's quite good. Your inner child rock. My inner rock. My inner kid rock, yeah. in a child rock my inner rock my inner kid rock yeah this is quite good actually the kid's back doing what he does best you were like uh and then i think he i think he's a full on uh trump trump support yeah sure um i mean, some Trump supporters, when they're outed, don't surprise you.

And this was one of those cases. Yeah. Like when it's Tim Allen, you're like, oh, really? Oh, that's a shame. I liked him in Prove It. With Kid Rock, you're like, well, yeah, obviously, he didn't need to tell us. I think I was less surprised by Tim Allen because I was aware that he briefly got in trouble with the police for smuggling an enormous amount of cocaine, I i think or maybe it was marijuana on an airplane

yeah oh yeah sir is this your bag do you have anything in your bag sir do you do you think that's the the noise of him trying Coke for the first time? If he tried Coke and he just goes, like just gets really, his grunts get really powered up. Do you think, do you think that kid rock thing is the most surprising thing about your music preferences? My, my most surprising thing is my,

my abiding affection for marilyn manson i can see that's not surprising because you like sort of heavy metal and rock anyway that's not surprising i think it's more that i don't seem like i do i think it's because we've known each other a long time um i wouldn't have always thought it was surprising it's a theatricality of it that i'm surprised by you know mar Marilyn Manson's very much towards the sort of theatrical... Performance art, yeah. ...end of the rock spectrum. Yeah, and that I would not normally associate with you.

You're more of a real politic kind of fellow. I think it's surprising to people who are getting to know me because I just don't... I think I dress very normcore. Yes, that's true Exactly And with something as niche as Marilyn Manson Not niche but as you say A little bit more than long hair and a leather bracelet

You'd expect at least A single Nightmare Before Christmas tattoo But you're also that kind of normcore Where there is something There's something he's hiding You're that kind of normcore where there there is something you know you're there's something he's hiding you're the kind of normcore ted bundy kind of normcore where he goes home and yeah there's a there's a corner of his garage that's lit by a single lamp that he's welding something at that's that's what you dress like like Like that Tom Waite song. What's he building in there? That's about me.

What's he building in there? They say he spent some time in Indonesia. That's one of the lines. What about all those packages he sends? There's something weirder about sending loads of packages than receiving them. That's right, that's right, that's right, that's right. That's such a fun...

I should listen to that again. It's actually a spoken word song about the early days of Jeff Bezos in Amazon. He was building a business empire, Tom. Actually. Leave the man alone. He was building He was building the largest retail body in the world, actually.

What kind of taxes is he paying in there? His employees leave a lot of bottles of piss around. What are the working conditions in there? And there's no hint of a union inside I'd like that I'd like Council Health and Safety Inspector Tom Waits as a good character You boys ever find the time

to fix that leak? He's apparently who Heath Ledger based his Joker on Tom Waits, yeah, early Tom Waits And there's a clip of him on some talk show or something Early Tom Waits And he's, yeah, he's kind of talking like the Joker Kind of like that, yeah Before all the cigarette and cigar smoke really gets to his throat

Yeah, he sounds like Heath Ledger's Joker The new Joker, I think, is just based off My Chemical Romance, generally speaking Which new Joker is this? The Joaquin Phoenix one or the Jared Leto one? I was thinking of the Jared Leto one In my head, the most recent one is the most offensive one And theoenix one or um the jared leto one oh i was thinking of the jared leto one in my head the most recent one is the most offensive one and the jared leto one is the worst one yeah the one with with the the word damaged tattoo on his forehead i mean if i if i actually met someone with the word damaged tattoo on their forehead i'd be like oh what kind of um what kind of juggling do you do at festivals?

There was a period there in the, um, in the early 2010s where the average DC fan, the average Batman fan was to be honest, starting to get a little embarrassed because marvel were undertaking this unprecedented domination and takeover of not just the comic book world but the movie world in general and the world culture in the mainstream and us batman fanboys are going well dc still has the best villains oh marvel can't top dc villains and then like the final nail in the dc

coffin was released a photo of jared leto with the word damaged tattooed on his forehead and those everyone except the most manic of us dc fans put up our hands and we left the trenches and we said, fair play the war is over and he's got damaged tattoo on his forehead and his teeth are like bullets always scary

so bad do you know what I think the hardest thing about selling the joker worst movie i've ever seen in my life i think suicide squad i think is the worst movie i've ever seen did we see it together and that's not pejorative no i think i watched it on my own on a plane because i was like okay this is perfect for a plane because i do want to have seen it but i don't want to pay for it and i don't i don't want to spend time that i could have spent doing something else watching it so it's a perfect plane movie and i watched suicide squad on the plane and i thought at the end what a waste of a

plane what a waste of two hours on a plane i could have done so much on this plane. That would have been better than watching Suicide Squad. I could have farted. I could have tried and failed to sleep. I just remember watching it. It's so awful. I just remember watching it and enjoying the fact that like... Each character needs like a three minute introduction for who they are and why they're all spooky, right? So it would be like Jimmy Longfingers

who uses his long fingers to steal things and poke out children's eyes, oogly boogly. And then every time you met one of them, it would be like this montage to a T-Rex song or a hip hop song. And you'd have to like, like oh and they're really cool and it would be them like being led between jail cells or doing a grenade at someone whatever but then by the 14th or 15th time that that's happening as a montage you start to lose track literally lose track yeah you know what characters and

and there's there's literally a point after they do this like not exaggerating six seven times in a row to give you the backstory of six seven characters there's another that turns up on the day in a car like an uber literally like he steps out of an uber and someone in a voice off camera so you know they had to just record this after they finished filming someone off camera the voice goes oh there's grapple hook he climbs buildings really fast and then they start the movie and then they go on the mission that's literally yeah that was when i burst out laughing in the cinema i think oh do you remember that bit where he's like they literally say something like

wow there's grapple hook he is really good at scaling walls it's literally introduced all the characters who are played by famous people in real life and then it's like grapple hook australia man and sandpaper face and they all arrive in the same uber and they go oh these guys are here that's good, on with the briefing. That's right. I think you're right. I think it's three of them. There's a crocodile man.

There's a boomerang man. And there's a climbing man. Gosh. It's something like that. That's right. It's laugh out loud. It's also unclear why they aren't just like, well, why don't we just give all the ones we already have grappling hooks? I mean, they seem pretty good at every other kind of acrobatic.

I don't know if we need a guy for this yeah yeah there's a real imbalance with those some of them like one of them is like i never miss a shot every shot i take with a gun kills and then there's also one of them who's like who can open doors a bit faster like he's quite fast at opening doors and you think okay is he bringing us much to the table who can open doors a bit faster. Yeah. Like he's quite fast at opening doors. And you think, okay, is he bringing as much to the table as Deadshot? There'll be a guy whose power is that he doesn't have to lift with his knees, he can lift with his back. Yeah.

And you're like, well, I assume you're going to engineer a wildly unrealistic situation where that's the only thing that can help. I assume you're going to engineer a wildly unrealistic situation where that's the only thing that can help. Also, that movie has the most incongruous soundtrack I've ever heard. You've touched on this. But it, at one point, goes from The House of the Rising Sun by The Animals to Black Skinhead by Kanye West. House of the Rising Sun to Black Skinhead.

So that's there is uh how to what you you don't get to shift gears like that 11 times in a row at the start i i just oh god i i'm so sick of seeing dramas like like that movie and also like gotham as well the tv show but also like 19 other tv shows where they either play um a particular song by the black angels uh which is a metal band and like you'd know the song if you heard it that's how fucking overused it is it's even in the ozark or they yeah they play um the the um the johnny cash song where it's like uh the man comes around oh yeah yeah yeah oh i don't i feel like i've not heard that one so oh man if they ever just go oh we need to signal that this character has finally got

a shit together and he's gonna come back and get the other guy. Coin flip. That fucking song comes on. It's been ruined by these. That's a good song. I need to listen to that. It's an amazing song, but they go like, should we make this feeling come from the words the characters say? And they just go, no. Oh, man. Man, oh, man.

One second. Someone's having a fucking luggage convention outside my flat ha ha ha um lug con is lug con in town we're the venue for lug con are the

are the luggies there the luggies yeah god love them god love the luggies shall we Shall we read A Correspondence? I think we have time for A Correspondence Yeah, I think we have time for A1, let's find one The trouble with my building, Phil, is that it just seems to continuously host a never-ending stream of It just seems to continuously host a never-ending stream of young people from the Far East and the Indian subcontinent who have 14 wheelie bags each. And they arrive and leave after three or four days each. I think they're visiting universities or they're using an Airbnb.

I don't know. But they are universally East or South Asian. And that is based on living in the same building for many years. That's Asian. There's an old saying in Asia, why travel light when you could not? Is it a thing? Oh, yeah.

Asian people with a million bags. Yeah, all over Asia. We've got a lot of stuff. It's all food. It's all food. It's all food. It's literally all food. Like you, you,

it's just full of bags of rice and frozen prawns and jars of, of, of pastes. That, yeah, it's just packed, packed with that stuff. But see,

my school had some kids from Hong Kong and they would always have like an entire second suitcase full of just rice and noodles and things, like foods. Yeah, exactly. God, maybe that is it. Because their parents just are terrified that they can't find any of that stuff here.

That they'll have to eat disgusting Western food, like cheesecake. For some reason, that seems like the most western food to me cheesecake yeah yes yes yes it's it's a dessert it's dairy it involves cheese yeah be like if there was a an asian dish called noodle rice like you just cut noodles into tiny little bits And you call it noodle rice That's what cheesecake is The equivalent of cheesecake Yeah noodle rice

So A quick little bit of tat here We'll do some tat Oh great yes I love my tat It's wine o'clock somewhere. Give me the coffee and no one gets hurt. Bless this mess. I like two things. Pals and Prosecco. And I'm all out of pals.

One Prosecco, two Prosecco, three Prosecco, floor. If the wife asks, I'm working. Keep calm and keep drinking tea. Tat attack! So, Chris gets in touch. Chris, what's this? That's good

He says dear Bud boys Thank you But the boys has a Z So I feel cooler That is much cooler Yeah He says here's some tat to get you through the end times These are small signs to hang up in the house

sold in a high end shop in Clifton Bristol that inexplicably sells tat and soft core lingerie wow okay what soft core lingerie do you think it's do you think it's just like particularly

elaborate normal underwear like it's not like there just jumpers? Do you think it's just like particularly elaborate normal underwear? Like it's not like there's a hole in any of them or something. That's just normal. I don't think the default lingerie is like gaping holes in the crotch and like nipple windows. I think that's the specialist stuff. But then I guess... I don't think you have to go into a shop and say, can I have some hard... Yeah, you have to say, I want hardcore lingerie.

Not softcore. Not softcore crotchless pants. Yeah, the emphasis there. Maybe it's really softcore in the sense that it's not even particularly see-through. Or maybe like tasteful or something. Yeah. It's nice underwear.

Yeah, it's not like suggestive or even that lacy it's just like nice yeah like underwear that looks like it's a made of made by someone who makes wedding cakes that's it that's it um so here's the tat in quick succession uh these are all like little wooden signs. I would say they are the size, visually speaking, of like a sort of half a keyboard lengthways. Like they're quite wide and thin. That's a great reference point there. Thank you. Yeah, great, nice one.

Thank you. A modern reference point from a modern man for a modern audience this this bit of tat says in in slightly larger letters and it's a very sober font for tat which i appreciate um it says of course size matters comma oh we've been here before we've been here very recently it's a little bit of our old friend indirect reference to cocks tat yeah so large letters of course size matters comma what do you think the second glass says phil is that second glass second um line oh have you given it away yeah because i was i think to be fair to me i was going to guess i'll have the larger little glass of wine yeah i mean yeah you're the tat whisperer.

You were always going to get this. It says, of course size matters. No one wants a small glass of wine. Yes, love it. Love it. I love being the tat whisperer. I love it, even though that one did have a bit of accidental help. I would have got there, I promise. You would have got there. Your record is flawless.

No one can question you on precedent. So, here we go. Here's the next one. Top line, big letters. I'm a hybrid... Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm a hybrid. I like chocolate and

Prosecco I'm gonna give you that I'm gonna give you that what is it I'm a hybrid dot dot dot I run on chocolate and wine oh yes I'm the best

you cannot you cannot out tat whisper me I just you merely trained in the tat I am the best. You cannot out-tat whisper me. I just... You merely trained in the tat. I was born in it. Yeah, you're there saying, I didn't live love, love, until I was already a man. So this one.

I'm always amazed by... Do you know what? I wish I enjoyed any like little treat as much as tat people seem to like I like chocolate and wine but Jesus that's right it's sort of a tragic window into a

life of dreadful self repression and self denial and like like these things shouldn't be that cheeky I have a bit of chocolate once in a while it's not a big deal well this is it

I just wish I enjoyed things as much as they're just like no fucking for me please a little bit of chocolate the inescapable conclusion Phil is that they're having very bad sex or they've got access to a chocolate supply I can't even

imagine I mean if these signs are pointing to anything they're pointing to that aren't they so here's a good one for you so the top line says exercise question mark oh, exclamation mark. Okay, okay, exercise, oh no.

Is it like a mishearing? So exercise, oh no, I thought you said, is that it? Yeah. Okay, so exercise, oh no, I thought you said, oh no, extra size. Oh, you're so exercise. Oh, no. I thought you said... Oh, no. Extra size. Oh, you're so close. Oh, exercise. I thought you said super size. Oh, no.

Extra, extra. Oh, no. Exercise. I thought you meant extra fries. Yes! Yes, yes. Yes. Yes.

I'm the tan whisperer. Exercise. I'm the tan whisperer. Exercise? I'm the tan whisperer. Oh, no. I thought you said extra fries. What, here at the gym? What, in your... This is either in your house or at the gym.

Yeah, who's saying... Who's offering you exercise? What's the context for this? Yeah, if it's at the gym and you seriously thought for a second your personal trainer was offering you extra fries, you need to get your head examined. If you say that to your personal trainer, they're like the HMV people with your mum.

It's worse than we thought. You thought we said extra fries. So this one is quite complicated. I don't know if you'll get this one. The second sentence kind of isn't as easily relatable to the first one. So the top line says the top line says I dusted once, full stop. It came back, full stop.

Okay, I dusted once. Which itself is already a pretty good tat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. That's enough tat really. You can finish. Anything from this point, to be frank, is showing off from the tat maker um i dusted once it came back oh i don't think i'll get this one you know um it it adds nothing new to the to the sentiments

already expressed i'll say that okay okay, I dusted once it came back I've learned to live with it close, yeah, that's the kind of general, I've made my peace with it so it's, I dusted once, it came back and I'll give you one more go but remember it's about being a bit sassy and a bit funny I dusted once

it came back and now I use the duster I dusted once it came back and now I use the duster to make cakes chocolate and Prosecco I'm not sure I'm gonna have to give up on this one

so to be fair to you you had the sentiment to begin with I dusted once it came back I'm not falling for that again oh you know what I don't mind that one i quite like that one yeah i think that one's fair enough and it should be it should be accompanied by a cough from someone who lives in a very dusty house i'm not falling for that again that's a good call that's a good dust cough i can do them on command it's a good comedy noise isn't it

oh no i can't do it you get like a bit of you get a bit of treble in there i can't you've got it it's got sounds like i'm going okay it's got to be really really high up in your throat and and the the sort of almost p sound at the start comes from your lips we go there you go that was alright you got it now you're coughing like a king now you're coughing with the best of now you're coughing with the best of them

exactly so this is the last piece of ten last bit of ten okay so this is one run on sentence so the top line bottom line thing I'll abandon that for now and I'll go with warning blank blank

has nothing to do with shoe shopping. Warning. Blank blank has nothing to do with shoe shopping. Those bills. We're on a similar theme to the anti-exercise. Oh, okay.

Blank, blank. It's nothing to do with shoe shopping. Oof, God. It's a military term. Oh! nothing to do with shoe shopping God It's a military term Oh It's a military term Blank blank has nothing to do

with Oh Oh Okay Okay Okay Foot soldiers Oh

You're so close We're anti-exercise foot shoe shoe shopping it's got nothing to do with shoe shopping foot men shoe shoe shoe oh no I can't do it

Boot camp Of course You're staring me right in the face You're staring me right in the face Warning Boot camp's got nothing to do with shoe shopping I'm sure a lot of people were screaming the answer. At their radios.

Yeah, at their wirelesses. As they tuned into this week's Bud Pod. Oh, gosh. Phew. Okay, okay. Well. Well. A child is screaming in the courtyard of my building,

and that means it's time for us to end. screaming in the courtyard of my building and that means it's time for us to end. The screaming child means this episode is over. Is it child scream already? Ding dong. For who the child screams. Who could that be? A child scream of all hours.

all hours you get like a phone call late at night oh you answer it oh god do you have an idea what child is screaming the oldest one the one that can stay up the latest. Well, thank you, children, for screaming with us this week. Yes. Scream well. Scream well. Keep on screaming it.

Co-see. Keep screaming it. Keep screaming it, guys. Keep screaming it. Bye-bye. Bye.